>The wind whistles, blowing gusts of air into the train car.
>Welcoming the breeze, you look out the slightly ajar door.
>Finally, you got out of Canterlot.
>It wasn't a bad place, but you could barely find any work.
>And the guards weren't exactly fond of you.
>You were a 'corruptive influence' after all.
>Apparently having male guards was abnormal, but Canterlot was full of them.
>The mare guards at least didn't harass you at every turn just to 'make a point'.
>You sigh, leaning back on the luggage pillow you've made and look to the other side of the train car with a smile.
>A small town slowly comes into focus as the train makes it's way to the station.
>Ponyville.
>You don't know all that much about it, but any thing's worth a shot at this point.
>You literally have nothing to lose.
>Oh, right.
>You're also homeless.
>Did you think you would have some sort of government assistance?
>Maybe a meeting with the princesses because you're an alien?
>Of course you didn't have any of those things.
>This isn't a dream, Anon, this is reality.
>Nothing gets handed to you on a silver platter.
>The guards sure made sure of that.
>You could have sworn that anytime you were about to secure a stable source of income the guards would be there to spread their lies about you.
>But of course, how could you refute it?
>You're the only human here so of course ponies would listen to the nice handsome stallion in literal shining armor.
>And just like that, even the kind ponies you met would turn you away from jobs in the future.
>You hope the ponies weren't lying when they said that male guards were the exception to the rule.
>As the train rolls into the station, you take care to jump out of the baggage car as it slows down before completely stopping.
>No need to start off on the wrong foot with the local authorities, after all.
>Brushing yourself off and grabbing your bag with the few belongings you have in this world, you head out towards town.

>Ignoring the blatant stares of ponies as you pass by, you make your way towards a large fountain in the middle of town.
>Taking a seat at one of the benches, you pull out a small bag from your pack and guide the cashews hidden inside to your waiting maw.
>You smile as a few foals peak out from behind their parent's legs at you.
>Cute little rascals.
>Ah.
>Better not stare.
>Ponies will think you're gonna gobble them up or some nonsense.
>You turn your attention to the market.
>There sure are a lot of earth-ponies here.
>A decent amount of pegasi and unicorns, but earth-ponies definitely dominate.
>Quite the stark contrast to Canterlot, with it's unicorns everywhere.
>You swear you couldn't walk two steps without seeing one of those spell-casters.
>You frown as your hand returns empty from the sack.
>You're gonna have to get a new source of income soon.
>You have a few things left from your meager 'savings', but not nearly enough to get by.
>You should scout out a place to sleep before it gets dark, too.
>Sighing, you get up and head towards a gray pegasus mare trying to balance a pile of packages on her back while wobbling down the street.
"Excuse me, ma'am. Do you need any help?"
>The pegasus mare turns to you with wide eyes.
>One eye looks directly at you while the other chases an imaginary laser pointer on the ground.
>"Oh, uh. It's alright. I'm used to it." She says, grinning shyly.
>No wonder she was having trouble, you'd be stumbling around like a drunken man in the middle of the dark all the time with eyes like that.
>You shake your head with a chuckle.
>Mares.
>Always gotta try and act macho in front of the males. Even when it's not a stallion.
"Well, would you be willing to show me around, then? I'm new here and I don't know anyone really."
>"Oh!" The mare perks up, her grin widening. "Sure!"
"I'm Anon." You say, stretching out your hand.
>"Derpy!" She says, shaking your hand enthusiastically, causing the packages to tumble to the ground.
>Derpy frowns as she looks down at the disarray.
>"Sorry, I just have to drop these off at my work really quick and then I'll be on lunch so I can show you around a bit." She says, picking up the packages with her teeth and putting them carefully on her back.
>You pick up a few packages to help lighten the load and smile back at her raised eyebrow.
"Consider it a thank-you."
>Derpy scrunches her muzzle at that, her eyes crossing.
>Cute.
>Exhaling, she rolls her good eye and says, "Fiine."
>Chuckling, you follow the mare to the post office.

>"And here's SugarCube Corner! They have the *best* baked goods. I *really* like their muffins." Derpy exclaims enthusiastically.
>"Did somepony say, muffins?"
>A pink pony with pink poofy hair sticks her head out of the doorway with a big grin.
>Her gaze shifts to you and she gasps with her eyes widening.
>You swear you see her eyes literally sparkle.
>In no time at all, she's directly in front of you, her grin stretching from ear to ear.
>You didn't know that ponies could smile that wide.
>It's a bit creepy to be honest.
>"Hi there! I'm Pinkie Pie!" She says stretching her hoof out to you.
>Smirking at her overly enthusiastic nature, you grab her hoof and shake it.
"Anon. Nice to meet you."
>You didn't think it was possible.
>Her grin grew wider.
>You're lost in a haze as she all but yanks your arm off as she pulls you inside, sitting you and Derpy at a table.
>Derpy takes it in stride and happily digs into the muffin that appears before her.
>You blink.
>There's a cupcake with pink and blue swirled frosting in front of you.
>Looking up reveals the perky pink pony herself.
>"So, what kind of sweets do you like best, Anon?" She asks. "Oh, I hope you like cupcakes. I made that one just this morning and it's *super* yummy!"
>You chuckle at her seemingly boundless energy and nod.
"I do. Thanks."
>You take a bite of the cupcake, a low moan escaping from your lips.
>Oh god.
>How long has it been?
>How long since you've tasted sugar?
>You'd have thought it would be more plentiful, but living on the streets really takes it's toll on you in various ways.
>You hear an audible gulp.
>Snapping back to reality, you see Pinkie Pie wiping her muzzle as she stares at you.
>Shit.
>Blushing at your complete and utter loss of composure, you cough into your fist and take a deep breath.
>Let's try again.
>Right.
>She asked a question, idiot.
>Answer the nice mare who gave you this delicious treat.
"I guess if I had to say, my favorite kind of sweet is... well..." You chuckle and look down at the offending item. "Cupcakes. Specifically, dark chocolate cupcakes with vanilla swirls baked into them."
>You always did love the swirls.
>Added a bit of variety and lightness to the otherwise heavy treat.
>"Great!" Pinkie Pie says with a grin. "I'll be sure to make some for your welcome to Ponyville party later!"
>You raise an eyebrow at her.
"I'm sorry?"
>Pinkie rolls her eyes and blows a raspberry at you.
>"You're welcome to Ponyville party, silly! *Everypony* gets one!" She says, stretching her forelegs out to her sides. "And *everypony* in Ponyville's gonna be there! For you! Isn't that exciting!?"
>You tilt your head.
>You are a very confused Anon.
>Didn't you just get here?
"Why would everypony go to a party for someone they don't even know?"
>Pinkie waves her hoof at you, rolling her eyes.
>"Easy smeazy. You leave the details to me. They don't call me Ponyville's resident party pony for nothing!" Pinkie boasts, puffing her chest out.
>"Pinkie's parties are the best, Anon. Don't worry, it'll be fun!" Derpy says with a dopey grin.
>Well, at the very least it'll give you a chance to mingle and get in good with the locals.
>Hopefully make sure there won't be any repeats of last time...
>Free food is also good.
>You sure as hell aren't going to turn down those divine cupcakes that Pinkie made.
>Speaking of which...
>Taking another bite of your cupcake, you smile.
>You might not get this often, but you're going to enjoy it while it lasts.
>Tomorrow will be another day of struggling to survive so taking a break while you can is important.
>"Well, I got some party planning to do, so I'll see you later! Don't forget to come by tonight at 8!" Pinkie says, bouncing out the door.
>Why did she just bounce?
>Is she part rabbit?
>It would explain the puffy tail...
>"I should be going too. My lunch break is almost up." Derpy says shyly.
>You smile and nod.
"Thanks for showing me around, Derpy. I appreciate it."
>"No problem, Anon. See you around!" She says, smiling brightly.
>As you exit SugarCube Corner, gray pegasus flying off towards the post office, you sigh.
>Time to look for some work.

>You sigh as you sit on the bench in the nearby park.
>At least the sunset was nice.
>You'd have thought that getting work as a stallion would be easy.
>Hell, you'd even settle for being some eye-candy cashier or waiter for the mares.
>You're not sure if ponies find you ugly or the perception of males not being fit for work really runs that deep.
>You open your eyes to a sea of pink.
>Blinking, you find yourself immersed in two sapphire-blue orbs.
>"Ready for your party?" Pinkie asks with a smile.
"How?"
>"You're not exactly hard to find." Pinkie says with a giggle.
>You roll your eyes and chuckle.
"Fair enough." You stretch and stand up. "Shall we?"
>Pinkie grins and leads the way.
>You fall into step beside her.
"Why did you come to get me anyways?"
>"That's easy! I figured that you might need some help since you don't have a watch and the town clock is broken, silly!"
>You look to the town clock.
>Sure enough, it's stuck on half past twelve.
>Huh.
>Observant mare.
>You look to Pinkie who's hopping up and down beside you with a big grin on her muzzle.
>"Oh, you're just going to *love* it, Anon! I know you will! I made sure everypony is there and there's cupcakes and pie and..."
"Hold up."
>You stop, placing a hand on Pinkie's shoulder, forcing her to stop and turn to you.
>The pink earth pony turns her head to the side, pivoting her ears in your direction.
>You stare into her blue eyes with the intensity of a thousand suns.
"Did you say pie?"
>Pinkie grins.
>"Yup!" She beams.
>Your grip tightens as you grasp her firmly with both hands.
"What kind of... pie?"
>Pinkie's grin widens.
>"All *kinds* of pie! We have pumpkin pie, apple pie, peach pie, strawberry pie, chocolate cream pie..."
>You don't even let her finish.
>You can't.
>There's pie to be had!
>Grabbing the mare and tucking her under your arm, you make a mad dash to SugarCube Corner.
"No time to waste! Must. Eat. Pie."
>Pinkie giggles and waves her legs in mid-air, shouting "Wee!".
>You burst through the doors, eyes scanning the room in an instant, and head straight to the snack table.
>Picking up a precut piece of pie, you stuff it into your mouth.
>A loud moan escapes your lips as the godly baked good makes it's way down your throat.
>This texture.
>The soft breading.
>The sweet raspberries inside.
>Everything comes together to give you a moment of pure bliss.
>A single tear flows down your face.
>There really are miracles in Equestria.
>A loud coughing sound to your right brings you out of your state of bliss and snaps you back to reality.
>A white unicorn with purple hair stands there with a hoof to her mouth, blushing slightly.
>"You must be Anon, darling. I'm Rarity."
>Blinking you nod, sadly placing your pie down on the table and shaking her outstretched hoof.
"Nice to meet you. Pinkie invited me..." 
>The bundle of pony in your arms shifts.
>Your eyes go wide.
>A sensation of dread spreads through you as you slowly lower the pink pony to the ground amidst the stares of the gathered crowd.
>All eyes on you.
>You tear your gaze away from the crowd to face Pinkie Pie, who-
>"That was fun!" Pinkie exclaims, jumping up with a smile. "We should *totally* do that again sometime!"
>What?
>"I didn't know you liked pie that much! All I had to do was mention-"
>The ponies in the crowd seem to be chuckling and smiling.
>Doesn't seem like you committed the faux paux that you thought you did.
>Your body relaxes as you breath a sigh of relief.
>"-and then you were like *whoosh*!" Pinkie exclaims, gesturing with her hooves.
>You chuckle and take a breath to steady yourself.
"Yeah... I uh... I'm sorry about that. Shouldn't have just grabbed you like that."
>"Pfft. Don't worry about it. It was fun! Oh, oh! Lemme introduce you to some ponies!" Pinkie exclaims, taking your hand and leading you through the crowd.
>Rarity, amused, follows along.
>"I must say, I've never seen *anypony* so excited to be at a Pinkie party other than Pinkie herself on their first time in town."
>You rub the back of your neck with your free hand and chuckle.
"Yeah..."
>Then you realize it.
>The pie!
>You left it back at the table.
>You turn your head and mourn the loss of the piece of pie that brought you to nirvana.
>We shall be together again my friend.
>Soon.
>Pinkie brings you to a blue pegasus mare with a rainbow mane, who looks up from a mug and waves at you.
>"Hey, Pinkie! So this is the new guy, huh?" She says.
>"Yup! Rainbow, this is Anon. Anon, Rainbow." Pinkie says, swinging her forelegs back and forth between you.
>You smirk at the cliche' greeting, stretching out your hand to shake her hoof.
>Something tells you you're going to be doing a lot of that tonight...

>The party is in full swing and you're leaning back on your chair, rubbing your stuffed gut and drinking a mug of cider with a group of mares.
>What did you do to deserve this?
>Moving to Ponyville was worth it, even if just for this night.
>"So then, I *finally* got to the stall and they were SOLD OUT! Can you believe it!? I had been waiting *all year* for that cider and it sold out right in *front* of me!" Rainbow Dash exclaims, throwing her forelegs up in the air.
>You raise an eyebrow at her.
"Aren't you drinking cider now?"
>Rainbow rolls her eyes and pokes your chest.
>"You listen here, mister. That cider is *the best* cider in all of Equestria. I know! I've looked!"
>"Rainbow Dash! What do you think you're doing, poking a stallion like that? Didn't your father teach you better than that?" Rarity calls out, glaring at Rainbow.
>You chuckle as Rainbow puffs up her chest.
>"Oh, it's *fine* Rarity. Besides! Anon's cool with it, right?" She says, turning to you with a cocky grin.
>You bring the mug up to hide the smug grin growing on your face.
>Oh, this is going to be fun.
"I don't know, Rainbow. You were rather... *forceful*. What's a delicate stallion like me to do in the face of such an intimidating mare?"
>"Wha-?" Rainbow's eyes go wide as she backs up a bit.
>Derpy frowns, slamming her mug on the table.
>"Don't be mean to Anon! He's a nice stallion who helps ponies!" She says, staring intently at Rainbow.
>Holy shit.
>Are both her eyes aligned?
>Aaand there it goes.
>They were for a second there, though.
>"Oh, c'mon girls... you know I didn't mean to be mean! I was just playing around!" Rainbow says, waiving her forelegs erratically.
>You take another sip of cider to keep yourself from bursting into laughter at the sight of the light blue pegasus mare in full damage control mode.
>"Oh, don't worry, Dashie! I'm sure Anon will forgive you if you ask!" Pinkie says, putting her foreleg around Rainbow and winking to you.
>You barely contain your grin.
>In the past few hours this pony caught on faster than any of the others when you would have a little 'fun' with them.
>Rarity was quick on the up-take with a giggle.
>"Yes, Rainbow. I do think you owe this nice stallion an apology."
>Rainbow's mouth is agape, switching her gaze between Rarity and Pinkie.
>"You're serious?"
>Both mares nod with knowing grins.
>Derpy is nodding her head in agreement while crossing her hooves and leaning back in her chair.
>Too far back.
>She falls off the chair, letting out a dull thunk.
>"I'm ok!" She says, waiving her hoof.
>Maybe she's had enough to drink...
>You stealthily take away her cider and place it on the next table over.
>An orange mare smiles happily as she takes the magically appearing cider.
>"Ugh, *fiine*!" Rainbow says, relenting to the power of the two mares beside her.
>She turns to you with splayed back ears and looks up at you.
>You get up and step around behind Rainbow as her eyes follow you.
>You lean in close to her ear, holding the back of her chair for support, and whisper.
"I'll forgive you if you promise to be a good mare and play nice from now on..."
>Rainbow's eyes go wide as she nods, gulping.
>You chuckle, ruffling her mane as you return to your seat.
"Relax, Rainbow. I was just messing with you anyways." 
>You take a sip of cider, relishing her growing frustration as she puffs out her cheeks and stares at you.
>Pinkie literally rolls on the floor laughing.
>"Oh. Oh, your face! It was too much! Too much!"
>Rainbow rolls her eyes at Pinkie.
>"Yeah, yeah. I fell for the stallion's trick. Can we move on now?"
>Rarity snickers behind a hoof.
>"Oh come now, Rainbow. It was just a bit of fun."
>"Heh, I guess you're right." She says, taking a sip of her cider.
>"Besides..." She says, a grin forming on her face. "That makes you free game."
>"Oooh! You're right!" Pinkie says happily.
>You can guess at what she means here.
>Probably that she's not going to treat you like a 'delicate stallion' anytime soon.
>You smile.
>Perfect.
>You'd go crazy if every mare walked on eggshells around you.
>Though, those are easier to deal with than the fedora-tippers.
>You shudder.
>Thank the gods that you never ran into *that* mare again.
>You bring the cider in your hands up to your mouth to sip on it, but find it empty.
>You frown.
>That's not right.
>You should get some more.
>You stand up.
>Huh.
>The ground is tilted slightly.
"When did the ground become crooked?"
>Pinkie stands next to you with her head to the side.
>"You're right!" She gasps, "The ground *is* crooked!"
>"P-pinkie, you're head is the thing that's crooked!" Rainbow laughs, pushing her lightly.
>Pinkie rights herself and grins.
>"You were right! Thanks, Dashie!"
>You shake your head at the adorable scene.
>Oh.
>Bad move.
>You squint your eyes and groan.
>Alright.
>Time to get out of here before you become unable to.
"Well, it's been fun, ladies. But I think I should be going now."
>"Okie dokie! Don't forget to visit again soon, Anon!" Pinkie says with a bright smile.
>"See you around." Rainbow says.
>"I suppose I should be off as well. I have a large order to finish tomorrow. Would you like a bit of company on the way out?" Rarity asks with a smile.
>You shrug.
"Sure."
>You wave good-bye to the ponies, making your way around Derpy who's passed out on the floor, and exit with Rarity in tow.
>Or does she have you in tow?
>You're not really sure.
>But you don't really want to explain you're homeless right now so...
>"So where are we headed?" Rarity asks, looking up at you.
>Right on the money.
"I'm just down this way." You say, pointing off towards a random direction. "You can accompany me to the streetlight over there if you want. I think I can make it from there."
>"Of course!" Rarity beams. "Wouldn't want a stallion on his own in the dark, after all."
>You chuckle and shake your head.
>Despite the fact that you're pretty sure she knows you're not some delicate flower by now, she still treats you like one.
>Always the gentle-mare, eh?
>You part ways at the streetlight, promising to visit her at her shop sometime soon.
>Now.
>Where was that spot you scouted out before?
>Your vision swims as you make your way through the dark town.
>Left. Right. Left. Left. Right.
>Or was it Right. Left. Right?
>You blink.
>Where did all these trees come from?
>You take a seat and look around.
>You must be more gone than you thought.
>Deciding you don't want to wander off an actual cliff, you lean back against the tree and close your eyes.

>*Thunk*
>You furrow your brow as something falls on your head, brining you to a partially waking state.
>*Thunk*
>No.
>Sleep more.
>You roll over to your right and wrap your arms around yourself.
>*Thwap!*
>Groaning, you open your eyes.
>Pain!
>You cover your eyes as you open them this time, a slight headache rising.
>Eventually, you manage to focus your eyes on the perpetrator.
>A small brown squirrel stands in front of you squeaking and waving it's little arms around.
"What the fuck?"
>The squirrel simply jumps up and down in response, pointing to you and then to the tree.
>Is the squirrel trying to communicate with you?
>You haven't encountered many animals in your time in Equestria so far, since they all seem to run away.
>Then again, rats tend to do that everywhere.
>Are animals intelligent here?
>Would that make you a murder hobo for eating them?
>You shake your head and sit up.
"I don't have time to lose my mind any further, thank you..."
>With one final grunt you stand up, using the tree as support.
>Indignant squeaking sounds from below you.
>The squirrel shakes it's paw at you for a few seconds before disappearing down the burrow at the tree trunk where you slept.
>Well, fuck you too buddy.
>You stretch your body awake, taking stock of the situation.
>It's not the first time you've woken up in a strange place, after all.
>Light streams through the canopy as a light breeze passes by.
>It's actually quite refreshing.
>A quick look around reveals nothing besides you, the forest, and the small critters scurrying about.
>As long as you can keep the damn squirrels from waking you up again, this might be a good spot to come back to...
>Way better than that bridge you were thinking of sleeping under.
>Though, the bridge at least had some protection against the rain.
>You'll have to get the weather schedule and plan accordingly.
>Maybe you can score enough bits to buy a tent?
>Well, you won't score any bits standing around here, as nice as it is.
>You start to head to what you think is the direction of town when you hear rushing water to your left.
>You could probably use a quick bath...

>Freshly cleaned, you make your way to the market.
>Yesterday was a bit of a bust, but Pinkie introduced you to plenty of ponies last night.
>Surely one of them will need some help.
>Right?

>"I'm sorry, Anon. I just can't afford to hire anymore workers right now."

>"You look like a nice stallion, but..."

>"Do you have any qualifications?"

>You heave a heavy sigh, slumping down on the park bench.
>It doesn't seem to be much different work-wise here than in Canterlot.
>Your stomach announces it's displeasure with the lack of food.
"Don't be like that. I fed you plenty yesterday. Don't get comfortable. We haven't even managed to get a job yet..."
>A loud grumbling emits from your stomach in response.
>You wonder if those berries in the woods are poisonous?
>They probably are.
>Let's try not to resort to that.
>You don't want to be a sick or dead Anon.
>You've tried applying for most of the manual labor jobs you could think of here.
>You even offered to pull carts for a mare.
>The mare just stared at you like you had two heads.
>What are you missing here?
>A frisbee bounces off your head, snapping you back to reality.
>"It's over there!" A young foal calls out, running towards you.
>The small pegasus filly is followed by a smiling stallion.
>You pick up the frisbee and offer it to the young pegasus foal.
"This yours?" You ask with a smile.
>"Thanks mister!" She beams, grabbing hold of it and running off.
>The stallion catches her tail with his mouth, stopping her.
>"Where do you think you're going?" He says, staring down at the young filly. "You hit that poor stallion on the head. Appologize."
>The filly's eyes widen.
>She turns to you with her ears splayed back.
>"Sorry mister. I didn't mean to..." She says.
>You chuckle.
"Don't worry about it. It'll take more than a frisbee to take me down." You say with a wink.
>The filly smiles and turns towards the stallion.
>The stallion nods and the filly takes the frisbee towards a larger gathering of foals.
>"Sorry about that." The stallion says. "Fillies will be fillies. Am I right?"
>You nod with a chuckle.
"I guess you're right..."
>Wait a second...
>Fillies will be fillies...
>Your palm quickly meets your face.
>Of course you weren't able to get any jobs.
>This is crazy pony-land.
>You were trying to apply for 'mare' jobs.
>How did you forget that?
>You guess that the city was a bit more accommodating than you thought.
>Ponies didn't worry too much about it when it was a minotaur since they're much stronger than a regular pony.
>Maybe that's what they thought you were?
>But in a small town like this...
>It all makes sense now.
>"Well, it's been fun, but I gotta get back. Have a good day!" The stallion says, waving as he trots back to the group of foals.
>Well, now that you know what your problem was, this should be easier, right?

>Wrong.
>You tried applying for all the 'pink-collar' jobs you could think of.
>Secretary, receptionist, hair stylist, waiter...
>Still nothing.
>Is it you?
>You bet it is.
>Those ponies *clearly* had 'help wanted' signs on the front.
>Was it because you're a male or a human?
>You're not sure.
>What you are sure of, is that you went a whole day without food and you are now *very* hungry.
>You sigh, walking down the street. 
>Maybe you'll try your luck with those berries in the woods...
>Hopefully you won't die.
>If you're lucky, you won't even get sick!
>...
>With your luck, you'll definitely get sick.
>Hanging your head in resignation, you decide to stick it out one more day.
>You make your way towards the forest before it gets too dark, passing by various ponies along the way.
>A gray pegasus with her head down catches your attention.
"Hey, Derpy. What's up?"
>Derpy lifts her head to you and blinks.
>"Oh. Hey, Anon..." She says, giving you a forced smile.
>You frown.
"What's wrong?"
>"Oh, nothing. Just had a... bad day is all." She says.
>Well, that's no good.
>You kneel down on one knee in front of her, putting your eyes level with hers.
>She looks at you with increasing interest, tilting her head to the side.
"Want a hug?"
>Derpy blinks.
>"A hug?"
"Yeah, a hug." You say, shrugging your shoulders. "You look like you could use one."
>Softly smiling Derpy nods.
>You stretch your arms out.
"Well, what are you waiting for?"
>Derpy wastes no more time and rushes you in the middle of the street.
>You wrap your arms around the gray pegasus mare and hold her tight as he squeezes you back.
>She sighs softly as she nuzzles into your grasp on her soft fur.
>After a few moments, Derpy sighs and lets go, dropping back on all four hooves with a slightly more genuine smile than before.
>"Thanks, Anon." She says.
"Anytime. Don't be afraid to come and get me if you need anything. We're friends after all... right?"
>Derpy's smile grows brighter as she nods.
>"Uh-huh!" She says, fluttering her wings.
>"You're uh, really nice Anon. I'm glad I let you help me carry the packages."
>You chuckle, giving her a pat on the shoulder.
"Don't worry about it."
>Derpy nods and trots off after saying goodbye.
>Your stomach grumbles.
>Maybe you will try those berries...

>The berries were a mistake.
>You've spent the better part of the morning puking your guts out.
>Finally, it has subsided, leaving you enough time to desperately wash your mouth out of the filth.
>You may be a hobo, but you're not a dirty hobo.
>Satisfied with your moderate level of cleanliness, you decide to brave Ponyville again today.
>Maybe you can ask one of your new friends.
>Well, you think they're your friends.
>They were at least friendly at the party.
>Either way, you're off to check in with Pinkie Pie.
>She seems to be the best-connected of anypony you've seen so far.
>If anyone knows of someone who'll hire you, it'll likely be her.
>Worst case scenario, you'll have to move on to try your luck elsewhere.
>As you make your way into SugarCube Corner, the smell of confectionery sweets reaches your nostrils.
>"Hey, Anon!" Pinkie Pie says, waving at your from behind the counter.
"Hey, Pinkie." You say, walking up to her.
>"So, what can I get you today? Maybe some more... pie?" She asks, waggling her eyebrows.
>You roll your eyes and chuckle.
"Sorry Pinkie, but I'm kinda low on funds. Though, it is tempting..." 
>You shake your head and wipe your mouth.
>Did you... drool?
>Pinkie giggles behind her hoof, looking at you with sparkling eyes.
>She saw that, didn't she?
>Doesn't matter.
>Get it back on track, Anon!
"Anyways, I was hoping you might be able to help find me some work. I seem to be having a bit of trouble with it."
>"Work?" Pinkie asks, tilting her head to the side. "Don't you have a mare or a herd to take care of you?"
>You sigh and roll your eyes.
"No. And believe it or not, I prefer to make it on my own."
>"Oooh! So you're one of those 'independent stallions' that I read about! I can't believe it! I haven't met any stallion like that before! At least, not in Ponyville! The closest we have are stallions who work with their mares to help out around the business." Pinkie says, jumping up and down in excitement.
>You chuckle at her antics.
"Yeah, I guess it's a bit abnormal here... So, do you know anyone who might need some help? I'm up for anything I can get, really."
>"Hmmm..." Pinkie says, stroking her chin. "What do you know how to do?"
"Well, I had an admin job before I came to Equestria, but..." You look off to the side and sigh. "I haven't had any luck in that department here."
>"Really? Where did you apply?" Pinkie asks, pivoting her ears towards you.
"I tried the mayor's office, who were looking for a secretary. I tried applying as a receptionist at the hospital. I even tried applying as a waiter and a hair stylist."
>You sigh.
>You knew it wouldn't be 'easy', since ponies tend to want to hire ponies over other creatures, but at least you had a few takers in Canterlot.
>Until the male guards came by of course.
>"Well, I think I *might* know of something." Pinkie says, tapping the counter with a hoof. "How are you with rambunctious foals?"
>You shrug.
"I can handle them as well as any other guy I guess. Wouldn't be my first time dealing with the little heathens."
>"Great!" Pinkie says. "Wait right here."
>Pinkie turns and goes through the doors behind the counter.
>You can hear her talking to someone and then she returns with a pudgy blue earth-pony.
>Mrs. Cake, if you remember right.
>"Alright, dear. Go ahead and take a quick break. I'll watch things here for a bit while you're gone." The pudgy blue mare says to Pinkie.
>"Thanks, Mrs. Cake. I'll be back in a jiffy!" Pinkie says, bouncing around the counter towards the door.
>"C'mon, Anon!" She says, leading you out of SugarCube Corner into Ponyville.
>Pinkie brings you to a building in the market district with a large sign that says 'Bon-Bon's Candy Shoppe'.
>Leave it to Pinkie to take you to a candy shop.
>She seems the type to be hyped up on sugar pretty often...
>Maybe that's why she's always so energetic?
>As Pinkie opens the door, a bell rings announcing your entry.
>A cream-colored mare with a pink and dark blue curled mane greets you with a smile.
>"Hi there, Pinkie. Anon." She nods to each of you in turn. "What can I get for you?"
>"Heya, Bon-Bon!" Pinkie says, hopping up to the counter. "How're things going?"
>"Well, they're going." She says with a chuckle. "Since summer started, things have been pretty busy."
>Sure enough, a quick glance around the store reveals a few foals with their parents running around the store, staring with wide eyes at the various types of candies.
>"Still looking for somepony to help out?" Pinkie asks, a grin forming on her muzzle.
>Bon-Bon sighs.
>"Yeah, I can't seem to find anypony who's willing to only work a summer part-time job. Ponyville's small enough that most ponies have a job already and the ads I sent out to Canterlot haven't been very fruitful."
>"Well, I *may* be able to help. Anon here was just telling me that he was looking for some work, and you know how good stallions are with foals..." Pinkie says, winking at Bon-Bon.
>Bon-Bon hums to herself, looking you over.
>"Well, Anon. Have you had any experience behind a register before?" She asks.
>You struggle to hold back your grimace and put on your best winning smile.
"While I haven't worked the register before, I have had various types of experience with handling cash. I had a part-time job in Canterlot as a 'transport specialist'."
>"Transport specialist?" She asks.
"It's like a courier."
>"Oh, alright." Bon-Bon says, nodding to herself.
>You certainly did *not* take money for drugs.
>That you were aware of...
>Ponies would pay you to take packages to other ponies and you would return with the money.
>And it so happened that these ponies were not under a recognized corporation and paid you under the table...
>Definitely nothing suspicious about that.
>"And how about foals? Have you had to deal with them in your previous jobs?"
"Not directly. But, I've been told I'm good with dealing with ponies."
>That was until the guards would come and spread all that gossip about you.
>You never did find out exactly what they would say. Just that you were somehow 'bad for business'.
>"Hmmm..." Bon-Bon muses, tapping the counter lightly as she stares at you.
>A sudden wave of nervousness runs through you.
>Do your clothes look ok?
>You're pretty sure you repaired those holes in your shirt a while ago. Did they tear open again?
>They were on the back, right?
>Is this the real reason you're not getting any jobs?
>Or maybe your 'winning smile' is actually very strange?
>You haven't seen a mirror in quite some time. You brush your teeth (one of the few things you made sure to do even as a hobo), but reflection from water only shows so much...
>You close your mouth, hoping that you can do whatever damage control possible by not displaying what very well might be horrible dental care any further.
>"C'mon, Bon-Bon! Give 'im a chance!" Pinkie urges, nudging her with a fore-hoof.
>"Besides, I hear stallions increase sales when they're on the counter." Pinkie whispers to Bon-Bon, barely audible enough for you to hear.
>You crack a close-lipped smile.
>If that's what you have to do to get some bits, you're more than willing to put yourself on display.
>It's not like you'll be doing anything 'dirty' in a candy shop anyways.
>Bon-Bon rolls her eyes with a sigh.
>"Alright. I'll give you a chance, Anon. But it's a part-time gig. Mornings only. I just need somepony to help out while I'm in the back making the day's batch of candy." She says.
>You nod.
"I can do that."
>Even if it's just a part-time job, it should get you enough bits to feed yourself.
>Maybe even a spare set of clothes if you're lucky.
>That'll have to be down the line...
>There isn't exactly mass-produced clothing here in Equestria.
>"Great!" Pinkie beams. "Well, I should be getting back to work. I'll see you two later!"
>Pinkie bounds out of the candy shop, emanating joy.
>Seems she really does enjoy helping people.
>You'll have to thank her later.
>"Well, let's work out the details then..." Bon-Bon says, a small smile on her face.

>After the two of you work out the pay and schedule, you left.
>Your first day is tomorrow, and you're going to need to wake up early somehow.
>Without a way to tell time out in the woods, this is going to get pretty interesting.
>You sold your watch a while ago, so you don't exactly have an alarm.
>You're going to have to hope for the best.
>Your stomach reminds you of it's needs and you sigh, pulling out the one bit you saved.
>Looks like it's time to put this to use.
>The very last of your 'savings'.
>You'll be getting a few bits at least tomorrow anyways, so it should be fine.
>You make your way to the market in search of anything that's in your price-range.
>A few unsuccessful attempts at haggling with the fruit vendors later and you've come out of your shopping adventure with a couple of carrots.
>Not what you had in mind, but for one bit, you couldn't really complain.
>A light brown earth-pony stallion and a blue pegasus stallion approach you while you munch on your carrots on a bench.
>The two stallions are giggling to each-other, looking at you like some fresh new exotic display.
>"Well, well, well. What do we have here?" The light brown stallions says, a smirk on his muzzle.
>"Looks like the new pony in town. Anon, right?" The blue pegasus replies.
"Yeah... that's me." You say, raising an eyebrow at them.
>"Well, Thunderlane. What do you think of our new addition here?" The earth-pony stallion says as they come to a halt, eying you up while covering his muzzle with a fore-hoof daintily.
>"I think his wardrobe is absolutely *horrid*, Caramel." The blue pegasus says, shaking his head at you.
>"Indeed." Caramel says. "He could do with a bit of a makeover."
>"Oh, but of course! A makeover! That's a wonderful idea!" Thunderlane says, up and down with joy while clapping his hooves together.
>"Well, Anon. How about it? Want to join us for a wonderful afternoon of makeovers?" Caramel asks, grinning widely as he brings his muzzle close to your face.
>You recoil, pushing his muzzle away.
"Yeaaah, no."
>"Oh come now, don't be difficult." Thunderlane says, grabbing your wrist with a hoof. "You're not one of those jane-fillies, are you?"
>Is that supposed to be an insult?
>Are these ponies retarded or are they fucking with you?
>You stand up and remove your hand from his grasp, taking a few steps back from them.
"No, really. I'm good. In fact I should be going..."
>"Oh come now, don't be shy." Caramel continues, taking a step every time you take a step back. "We'll have a *ball* together."
>The eerie smiles on their muzzles and the strange look they're giving you send chills down your spine.
>"Anon?" A slightly raspy voice calls out from above.
>You turn around and spot Rainbow Dash hovering a few feet away.
"Rainbow Dash! I was *just* looking for you!"
>You smile and quickly make your way over to her.
>"You were?" She asks, raising her eyebrow at you as she lowers herself to eye level with you.
>Your smile strains as you put your arm around her shoulders, giving her a tight squeeze.
"Of course I was! We had plans, after all! You were going to show me some of those *awesome* moves of yours in the park, *remember*!?" You say, desperation pouring out of your body.
>Rainbow glances between you and the stallions for a moment before her eyes widen.
>"Oh riiight! I totally forgot! Well, uh, should we uh, get going then?" She asks you, tapping her fore-hooves together lightly.
"YES!" You all but scream, walking briskly away from the two very confused stallions behind you.