Stories submitted by anonymous writers from threads 41 through 50 are collected here.
Table of Contents
17530057	18286830	19538921
17539765	18362465	19544060
17552403	18363483	19545760
17582730	18375181	19658622
17749704	18427907	19697919
17772988	18436157	19794667
17812894	18488770	19796215
17856029	18513186	19837459
17879710	18552528	19837833
17904235	18551419	19854068
17935488	18562643	19865965
17941837	18564750 	19874670
17964922	18564903	20007391
17973145	18564908	20037441
17987852	19201558	20104877
18020908	19335533	20141480
18044369	19336080	20196242
18097488	19381754	20205034
18136295	19393366	20224840
18223296	19396807	20231267
18233775	19402367	20304942
18257936	19423898	20314082
18259311	19488739	20392581
18263922	19494736	20479377
18263926	19533608	20486873

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17530057
>"Anon, what's a Godzilla?"
"Shit nigga, I thought I told you to call me Pat you danky-ass hoe."
>"Sorry, Pat. What's a Godzilla?"
"Well, a Godzilla be dat crazy-ass supa lizard they got over there in dat japan, ya know, that big-ass kind they got destroyin the world n shit."
>"So it's a big lizard that destroys cities?"
"Nigga that's what I said, didn't I?"
>"Doesn't humanity have nuclear weapons? I thought those were the most powerful weapons known to mankind, more powerful than the strongest equestrian built weapons."
"Nigga, what the hell you think made it dat way in the first place?! Dey was doings nuclear testin' and shit, and the radiation from that made it so fuckin' crazy."
>"So how do you kill a Godzilla?"
"Well, first time we had to make a machine that destroyed oxygen, and that killed it, but otha' times we'd need to start using crazy-ass methods. One time we even build a giant robot to fight that nigga."
>"That sounds scary... Will you protect me from Godzilla?"
"Fine, but not cause yous a pony or anything, us niggas got to stick together."
-----------------------
17539765 
>Afternoon of the second-last day.
>Your fainting ploy wasn't nearly as smart as you thought it was.
>You lost consciousness.
>It was pretty pathetic.
>Leo was at your side the entire time, though.
>She nursed you back to health.
>Your head felt the pain of splitting open, but your heart felt as light as a feather.
>... Seriously, though. Don't faint on a hard-wood floor, you'll wake up in pain.
>In bed, while being treated by a mare who loves you and is very concerned about you, but still in pain.
>You're feeling a lot better now. You feel like you can take on the world.
>Or, at least your daily life.
>So practically nothing.
>At least your headache is gone.
>"Anon!"
>You fall over from being startled.
>... And you were doing that hand-stand for a whole second, too...
>You're laying on your back now.
"What?"
>"Anon, look!"
>She's standing over you with a newspaper in her mouth.
>... Was she talking with it in her mouth?
>If so, that's really impressive.
>... Her face is three inches from yours.
>And... the newspaper is on your face.
>You can't see anything.
"Okay... what?"
>You slowly get up and grab the newspaper off your face.
>The front page says something about world leaders... or something. You're looking at it but not really looking at it.
>"Uh... here, let me..."
>She grabs it out of your hands and unfolds it to some page near the middle. Afterwards, she puts it back in your open hands.
>... The horoscopes.
>You should have seen this coming.
>She presses herself against your side.
>"So, are you going to check your horoscope for today?"
>She's so... excited. She isn't always this energetic about showing you the horoscopes, but when she is, she usually has a good reason.
"'For Leos: Take it easy today; you've been through a lot and deserve to rest once in a while. Good things can happen even when you aren't looking for them, just make sure to be up and ready tomorrow!'"
>How incredibly convenient, you were planning on resting the day away in the first place.

>"So~?"
>Leo's cheek is pressed against yours.
>She's lucky you don't really care about personal space when it comes to the one you love.
>You sigh.
>Her cheek feels nice.
"I wasn't planning on doing anything strenuous today, if that's what you're talking about."
>"Well... sort of."
>... Now you're confused.
>What else could she have meant?
>"Look at all of the others."
>You look to the other entries and...
>All of them have been written over in permanent marker.
"'Aries: ur a faget. Taurus: ur a faget.' Even Virgo?"
>She giggles.
>"What? Horoscopes never lie!"
"I can see the actual Horoscopes under the marker."
>"What marker? I don't know what your talking about."
>You're glad you have learned when she's joking and when she's being serious, because this joke could possibly get to you.
>She's definitely joking.
"Leo, it's pretty obvious."
>"If it's so obvious, why didn't you see it when you first looked at the paper?"
>... The question hung in the air for a bit.
>She actually has a good point.
>The marker is way too obvious to miss... how did you miss it? The entire page, besides the Leo entry, has "ur a faget" all over it.
>You feel her foreleg wrap around your shoulder.
>"I'm just training you to look at only the one that matters, that's all."
>She puts her mouth to your ear.
>"The rest don't matter."
>... You are slightly creeped ou-
>She goes into a fit of giggling.
>You just... sit there.
>Wait, she was messing with you.
>You put on your fake-anger face.
>As her giggling calms down, she fakes wiping a tear from her eye.
>"Oh, but seriously, take it easy today."
"Yeah, yeah..."
>Take a stroll through the house. You place the newspaper on the dining room table, then make your way to the bedroom.
>You stand in front of your bed.
>It looks nice.
>Nice enough to just flop onto.
>...
>You feel a force hit you from behind and you hit the bed.
>She did it.
>"Only one day left, Anon~"
>You really should have seen that coming.
-----------------------
17552403 
>Be Anon
>Hangout with your pony coworker. It's like hanging out with a teenager, clean curses, no dirty humor, talks a lot about the littlest thing, and doesn't drink alcohol.
>But she's is still pretty cool, saved your ass a few times at work. The Boss is a sucker for her cute big eyes, so he let you off the hook a bunch of times.
>"So Anon, wanna hear a joke?"
"Sure."
>She clears her throat and does a small giggle.
>"What's better than a hundred dead babies nailed to a hundred trees?"
>Oh, yeah you forgot about this one thing they do.
>"A single dead baby chopped to hundred pieces nailed to hundred trees. Haha!"
>She laughs and pounds her hoof on the table in a fit of laughter.
>For some odd reason, these cute and cuddly midget ponies really like dark humor.
"Yeah, real funny."
>"Mhm."
>And they can't sense much of sarcasm.
>"Now let's watch The Big Nothing, I totally think you'll love it. That tall guy from Friends is in it!"
>Ugh, David Schwimmer, fuck him he's bad. Only good for Madagascar and Friends.
"Yeah, should be fun."
-----------------------
17582730 
>Be Anon
>Driving to important meeting.
>Forgot to tell your receptionist to hold your forwarded calls.
>Grab iPony from pocket, tap her Head to "Wake" her up.
>Accidentally tap her charger port area.
>Now your hands smell like fake rubber pussy.
>Client is disgusted when he plays with his chin and gets that aroma from his hand.
>Lost project.
>#iPonyProbelms
-----------------------
17749704
>Be home, cleanin', like a real nigga.
"-Still got ma' homies to watch my back, and they'll smoke ya ass, if ya wanna come chat-"
>*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*
>Well, only person that knocks like that is your Adopted brother, John.
>But he hangs with those faggots down by the docks.
>Besides, it's midnight too.
>Walking up to the door, you look through the peephole.
>See nothing.
>Don't wanna be jumped.
>Grabbin' your piece, you open the door wide.
>Looking around, someone left a basket on your doorstep.
>Note on top says, "Have fun! -N"
>What?
>Pulling the semi-heavy basket into your house, you pull open the blanket to see...
>Oh.
>My.
>Fucking.
>Little.
>Pony.
>Somehow, Pinkie Pie, is in your house.
>In the real world.
>She still has her animated body too.
>She's sleeping.
>Looking at the note again, you flip it over.
>"Don't tell anyone about her. If they know, she will cease to exist."
>What the fuck?
>You should make some food for her.
>You think she'll like it.
>You start to make your best dish.
>No, it's not chef boyardee, or oodles and fuckin' noodles.
>A cake.
>Just because a nigga can bake, doesn't mean shit.
>You just like to bake.
>Cotton candy cakes, with sprinkles.
>Always gotta have sprinkles.
>Nothing gay about that.
>Takes you a total of an hour and a half to bake.
>When you finish, you place her near the dinner table, and the cake on said table.
>Waiting for her to wake up, you decide to clean the rest of the house.
>Your, two story, two bath, six room house.
>Nigga even has a basement, too.
>About half an hour you hear some rustling from the dining room.
>Walking close, you nudge the door open, to see her taking bites from the cake.
>Giant bites.
>You forgot how much this mare can eat.
>Like she knows she's being watched, she turns her head.
>Slow like.
>Extremely slow.

>You can feel the fear on your face.
>The only thing that you can comprehend on her face is the concern for something.
>She looks hesitant, "Oh, um. Hi, i'm P-Pink Pie."
>She even sounds like Andrea Libman.
"H-hi, i'm Anonymous, b-but most of my friends call me Anon."
>She gains a smile, "Hi Anon, most of my friends call me Pinkie Pie."
>You are utterly amazed at how she is handling this.
"Do you like the cake?"
>Her face brightens and she exclaims, "Oh my Celestia! It's the best i've tasted in years!"
>Told ya, sprinkles are the best on cakes.
>"Are these sprinkles?"
"Uhh, yeah, they are, actually."
>Her face brightens up even more than earlier.
>"Wow, I never knew that sprinkles could be this good!"
"Yeah, I make them myself, using-"
>She clamps a hoof into your mouth, "No, I don't want to know how you made these, i'll try and guess on my own, until I get it right."I
"Oka, cahn yoo tahk yorh hoov out of mah mouf?"
>She looks sheepish, "Oh, hehe, sorry."
"You okay? Is there anything you need?"
>Her smile starts to shrink, "Nope, there isn't nothin' I don't need."
>Hmm.
"Well, is there or is there not, something, you may, or may not, need?"
>The smile intensifies, "No, there is not nothing that I need."
"Then, if you did need something, what may that thing be?"
>She smile is intense, "That thing, may, or may not, be milk that might go with the cake, that might be on your table."
>You back step out and continue to the kitchen, where you get two glasses and the gallon of milk.
>Pouring them, you walk back to the dining room.
"Okay, this may, or may not, be the so-called 'Milk' you asked, that might go with the leftover cake."
>What can you say?
>You may, or may not have, been a gangster before you were a white-nigga.
>Tony shouldn't have run.
>You weren't gonna break his legs that time.
>Well, back to now.
"Is there anything else you might need, my magenta mare?"
>God, you feel autistic now.

>She laughs at your question, "Yes, Anonymous, I would need a bed, to lay my head."
"The bed you request, mine, you'll find best. I can sleep on on the floor, but not against a door."
>She starts to laugh, "Your funny, Anon. Like, Ohio REAL, funny."
"I try my best, you cute lil' mare."
>I don't know man, this mare is the best.
>You lead her to your room, which isn't messy, because, of ya know, you cleaning it.
"Das ist Mein Zimmer, das bett ist bequem."
>Terrible german, Anon.
>Hey, I haven't gone to my classes for a couple of years!
>Pinkie has a cross between confusion and hapiness on her face, "What does that mean? Hahaha! Is it one of your weird foreign languages?"
>She jumps up onto your, Temperpedic™ bed,(You can get one at your local matress dealer!) and she sinks right into it.
>"Wow, Anon *Yawn* this bed is really comfy!"
"Yeah, it was worth the couple hundred dollars. So, you need anything else, before I go to sleep?"
>...
>*Snore*
>Guess that's your answer.
>Might as well get as much sleep as I can, tomorrow's gonna be hectic.
>Laying upon your most comfortable couch, you start to fall asleep.
>Your dreams are wonderful.
>They are of cheese.
>When you wake up, you look to the clock.
>You actually slept until about 10.
>Just about eight hours?
>Fine by you.
>Walking to your room, you peek inside to see that Pinkie is still sleeping.
>How?
>Walking down the front stairs, you head to the kitchen.
>Why didn't you use the back ones?
>Because niggas need exercise.
>You look into the dining room to find the small piece of cake still sitting there.
>Damn.

>Walking to it, you're surprised by the piece isn't stale yet.
>Picking up the plate, you bring it into the kitchen with the two empty glasses.
>You wrap the cake with plastic wrap, and put it in the fridge.
>When you put the glasses into the sink, you hear footsteps going down the back stairwell.
>With the stairs creaking all the way down.
>"*Yawn* I hope Anon is already awake."
>When she sees you, she smiles, "Hey, what's for breakfast?"
>Right to the point.
>You like that.
"I don't know, what do you want?"
>As she starts to ponder, you walk to the pantry.
"What about..."
>She looks at you, "What?"
>You pull out the batter.
"Pancakes!?"
>Her eyes widen, and she starts to bounce, "OH YE-"
>She realises where she is, and calms down.
>Considerably.
>"I mean, yes, pancakes would be good."
>She's so weird.
"Want anything to go with those?"
>She looks to you, "Some milk would be fine, Anon."
"Then some milk is what you'll get, Pinkie."
>That gets a smile out of her.
>Getting a pan out, you put it ontop of the heated smoke.
>You butter it up.
>You laugh internally at what you thought.
>Stirring the batter, you heat the stove.
>You finish heating the stove and grab a glass from the cupboard.
>You pour the milk into the batter, and into the glass.
>Pinkie looks at you, "Anon, where am I?"
"In my house."
>"On what continent?"
"The [Redacted] continent."
>She looks saddened by this answer.
>You notice this.
>It saddens you, too.
"What's wrong?"
>Her expression is unmistakable.
"Is it that you don't know where you are?"
>She starts to nod her head, "I wish I knew, I almost know precisely where I am, anytime, but, it's like my PGS is off."
"Your what?"

>Her frown changes to a small smile, "My Pinkie Guidance System! My PGS!"
"Oh, that's cool, I wish I had one of those."
>You suddenly think of something.
>Pinkie on Earth. (Huehue)
>"On" doesn't really work though.
>More like 'Pinkie, Including Earth.'
>PIE.
>Or like AI-
>Pinkie wakes you from your daydream, "Anon! Are you okay?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah, sorry!"
>Good thing you haven't poured the batter yet. 
>Pouring the batter, you find that the pan is hotter than normal.
>Turning it to the right temperature, you get a spatula, and start to look at both sides of the pancakes.
>When you start to flip them, you wait a couple seconds, maybe ten to twenty seconds, you flip them again, then wait some more, then put the pancakes onto plate.
>Altogether, you made about 30 pancakes.
>You take two plates and stack five one each one.
>You then pull out the syrup and powdered sugar, just for such an occasion.
>Remember to pur butter on the shopping list.
>And, sugar, syrup, milk, batter, water, soap, and so-on.
>You're gonna head to the store tomorrow.
>But, today?
>Do your best to make Pinkie happy.
>Cuz bitches love to be happy.
>You set both plates and the sugar and syrup onto the dining room table.
"There ya go, dig in!"
>She climbs up onto a chair and grabs the fork with her hoof.
>You never really did get that.
>You look at her, a hoping expression on your face.
>She takes the piece into her mouth and chews slowly.
>Damn the god of time for being so slow.
>When she swallows(hue) her eyes color like a rainbow.
>She takes a large gasp and, "OHMYCELESTIA!IHAVEN'THADPANCAKESLIKETHISSINCEMYFIRSTDAYATSUGARCUBECOR-"
>She stops.

Shit.

>Her face gets sadder.
>You get up and walk towards her.
>Kneeling down, you ask.
"Do you want a hug?"
>Ballsy dude.
>Shut it, I know what i'm doing.
>She turns towards you and moves into your embrace.
>Her tears are wet on your shirt.
>No shit.
>Holy fuck, she hasn't even known you for a full day, and she trusts you enough, to let you help her.
>Why are you putting emphasis on 'help'?
>No reason.
>Oh you.
>This hug is going for a pretty long time.
>Couple minutes?
>Not the longest.
>Well it's not short by my counting.
>Fine.
>She starts to move away.
>There's your cue.
>You let go, and look at her.
"Is that better."
>She wipes a tear from her eye, "Yes, thank you, Anon, I knew you were going to be a bestest friend."
>She goes to talk, but you stop her.
"There's no need, you answered me the first time, there's no need to upset yourself a second time."
>She gets back into her chair, and you retreat to yours."
> The rest of breakfast was in silence.
>Intense silence.
>You hope all your meals don't go like this.
>You might make her some spaghetti for dinner, so it takes her mind off of Equestria.
>Especially Ponyville.
"Is there anything you'd like to do, today?"
>She looks at you with a saddened smile, "No, i'm fine, if you don't mind."
>It breaks your heart to see her like this.
"Hey, you know what we should do?"
>She looks to you, her face blank.
"We should make some Cupcakes!"

>Her small smile increases tenfold.
>"You know, Anon, that sounds like a genius idea!"
>This is going to be a fun day.
>A fun day indeed.
>About two hours later, you and Pinkie are in the kitchen.
"Well, this batch isn't too bad..."
>Taking the burnt batch of cupcakes, you set them on the counter.
>There's no need to throw perfectly good(not really) away.
>Pinkie has a happy expression on her face, "Well, number seven is always a lucky number!"
>Wow, you knew she was a glass half full pony, but still.
"Yeah, seven usually isn't my number, but, lucky numbers can change."
>All the tries before were burnt or weren't cooked right.
>She has a light bulb appear above her head.
>What?
>"Anon! I just remembered I have a song for making Cupcakes!"
>Oh yeah, when Applebloom wanted to be a baker.
>She was shite at it.
>She begins the song, "All ya need to do, is take a cup of flower, add it to the mix!"
>She dumps the flower into the into the mix.
>Well, duh.
>She continues, "Now just takes something sweet, not sour," she takes a Lollipop, and drops it right in.
>Where did she get that?
>"A bit of salt just a pinch." She picks up a bit of salt with her hoof.
>Song ensues, "Baking these treats is such a cinch, add a teaspoon of vanilla!"
>Pouring in the vanilla, "Add a little more, and ya count to four, you never get your fillup!"
>"Cupcakes, so sweet and tasty, cupcakes, don't be too hasty, cupcakes, cupcakes, cupcakes!"
>Wow, that was better than listenin' to it on the show.
"That was great! Now, what do we do now, all smarticle baker mare?"
>She looks at you, with a happy grin on her face, "Easy! We pour the mix, and bake!"
"Sweet. Knew that seventh times the charm."
>She gains a bigger smile, "Knew ya believed me!"
>This mare, man.

>About 30-40 minutes later, you pull out the pan of Pinkie's cupcakes.
>They seem to have done well.
>Looking to Pinkie, she states, "Wow, those look good!"
"Yeah, you made them."
>You see her blush, "Why, thank you, sir, you're too kind."
>She's so cute when she's humble.
"Wanna a taste? The first one should be to the biggest contributor."
>She picks up the confection, and tastes.
>Her smile grows, "Wow, these are actually really good! Now, you try, Anon."
>Might as well.
>As you take the small treat, you take the bite to find...
"Holy fuck, these are really good. How do you take a usually good recipe, when done right, and make it better?"
>She answers, "Baking is really like a second talent for me, say, what's your special talent, Anon?"
>Oh boy.
>Play it cool.
"I don't really have one. Is partying yours, guessing by that picture on your hind quarters?"
>She looks apologetic, "Oh, you don't have yours yet? And close, it means I am good at planning parties."
>What?
"Oh, what I mean, is that my kind doesn't get them, we're the sort of 'do what we find to be good, and stay with that' kind of species."
>Her frown grows to surprise, "Your kind doesn't get them? Then how do you find what you do best?"
"Some of us really don't, we drift from job, to job, not finding anything we like."
>This conversation is really starting to drift.
"Wanna decorate the cupcakes now?"
>Pinkie's ears perk up, "Sure!"
>When you get the icing ready, you take inventory of which ones you have.
>Cotton Candy, the one you used for the cake.
>Creamy chocolate, viscous vanilla, slick strawberry, and...
>Oh, it's just those four.
>You look to your pile of sprinkles.
>Your special ones are in a separate pile than the rest.
>The store bought ones are still in their packages, you look to Pinkie.
"So, is there any order you want the cupcakes to be in?"
>Pinkie ponders the question, "Nah, i'm no-good with order in sweets."
>Hmm, that's understandable.

>Taking a frosting spatula, you start to cover a cupcake with creamy chocolate.
>You turn towards the iHome, you have in the kitchen.
"Any music you wanna listen to?"
>She looks at you, with a questioning expression, "How are we going to listen to music, when we're the only ponies here?"
>You show her the various radio stations you have on Pandora™.
>She takes a minute to look at all the stations.
>"What about this?" She asks pointing to...
"Ohoho, good choice!"
>First song is...
"Early in tha mornin', risin' to tha street."
>She looks at you, while pondering what to do.
"Lite me up that cigarette, and I strap shoes on my feet!"
>She starts to count the beats.
"Got to find a reason, a reason things went wrong, got to find a reason why my money's all gone."
>She joins in, "I got a dalmation, and I still get high."
"I still get high!"
>She finishes, "I can play the guitar like a mother bucking riot!"
>You and Pinkie burst into a laughing fit because of the lyrics.
"Wow, how do you know this song?"
>She shrugs, "When somepony is singing in the same room, you already know the lyrics by memory. No-pony ever realises it, except me."
"Hmm..."
>You have an idea, but you decide for another day to incorporate it.
"Now, lets get back to work!"
>You pick up two spatulas, and toss one to Pinkie.
>She catches it with her hoof, and starts to spread the viscous vanilla.
>You take the other and scoop into the smooth strawberry, and spread with a single swipe.
>2 done, 27 to go.
>About 30 minutes later, your done with 3 full duets, and spreading icing.
"Well, they seem to be spread evenly."
>But, how is that possible?
>Pinkie inspects the confections for irregularities, "Nope, can't find a singl- *Gasp*"
>She picks one out of the bunch, and looks at it closer.
>Sudden ocular lenses.

>While she stares at it, more lenses flip-down, and she sees closer and closer to it.
"What?"
>"There's a sprinkle on this one, and we haven't used the sprinkles yet."
"*Gasp* What!? Who would do such a thing!?"
>"I don't know!"
"I got dis!"
>Taking a pair of tweezers, you remove the intruder and place him with the rest of his kind.
>Taking a couple of small bowls, you open up the packs of sprinkles, an dump them into the bowls.
"Okay, lets try to put the sp-"
>Pinkie grabs the bowls, and dumps each one on the cupcakes.
>When she's done, you find that none of the sprinkles were on the table, or floor.
"What..."
>When she sets the bowl down, she takes a look at her handiwork.
>"Aaaand done. What now, Anon?"
>Well, ya made cupcakes, what do ya do now?
"We eat 'em"
>You spend about five hours eating 29 cupcakes, telling jokes, and watching cops speed past your house, you look at the time.
>Seven, geez.
>Turning to Pinkie, you see her staring at the once full plate of cupcakes.
"You okay, Pinks?"
>She looks to you, "I'm thinking about the innocent cupcakes we ingested over the past couple of hours."
>She says that like it was a bad thing.
>"And I enjoyed every minute."
>Atta girl.
"So, we got, like, three and a half hours to kill. Besides, I, got work tomorrow."
>She looks to you sadly, "Why can't I come with you?"
>Oh boy.
"I don't think i'd be able to be respected, with a pink pony followin' me to work, no offense."
>She looks to the ground, "Okay."
>Oh shit.
"Hey, I leave for work at 11 and get home around 5 or 6, so, my workdays aren't that long."
>Her saddened expression turns to a questioning look, "So, what am I supposed to do while you're at work?"
>Shit.

"Bake, watch tv, bounce a ball, I don't know? The last time I was without a job, I had made enough to sit on my ass for a while, but that was a couple years ago."
>She still has the same look, "TV?"
>Oh, fuck.
"Television, it lets you watch plays and movies."
>"So, like a projector?"
"Exactly, but without it being played from where you're at."
>You grab the remote, and turn on the TV.
>It's on The Science Channel.
>How it's Made.
>Hmm.
"Yeah, you can change the channel you're watching at anytime, just by pressing this."
>You emphasize by pushing the button-up button.
"But, there's also another button that lets you scroll the channels without switching what's on the screen."
>"Ohh, now I get it, so it's like a small 2-way projector"
"Exactly."
>"And you use theses buttons to see what's on other ones?"
"Perfect."
>You and Pinkie then go over the basic channels of your cable.
>Thank god you don't have hub.
>Spending three hours watching how they make pencils is very weird.
>Especially different kinds too.
>You notice the time is around 10.
"Hey Pinkie, time t-"
>When you look over, you notice that she's sound asleep sitting on the couch.
"Well, so much for trying to wait to fall asleep."
>Picking up her small form, you carry her up the stairs to your bedroom.
>Setting her down, you cover her with the blankets, and turn out the lights.
>Walking back downstairs, you turn off the TV and lay down on the couch.
>Long day tomorrow.
>Really long.
>Your dreams scared you.
>You saw yourself, sitting in a chair.
>In your empty house.
>A 40oz in your left hand, your gun in your right hand.
>You had taken a swig of the 40oz.

>Placing the barrel of the gun in your mouth, you utter one final thing.
"See ya soon, Pinkie."
>It had stopped as soon as you said 'Pinkie'.
>You don't have a good feeling about this.
>But, you can't focus on this today, you got work to do.
>Good thing you don't have an alarm in your room.
>Only on your phone.
>And you had the earbuds connected.
>*HEY FAGGOT, GET UP! HEY FAGGOT, GET UP! HEY FAG-*
>When you hit the snooze button on your phone, you see the time is 10.
"Well, better time than never."
>Walking into the kitchen, you pour yourself a cup of plain black coffee.
>And then add all this amazing shit to it.
>Creamers, sweeteners, and alot of little stuff in between.
>As you're drinking you get out 5 pancakes for Pinkie.
>Getting out the sugar, butter, and powdered sugar, you place them in a small order on the table.
>Just then, Pinkie starts to walk down the back steps.
>When you see her, she's yawning and rubbing the sleepiness, out of her eyes.
"Mornin' sunshine, how'd ya sleep?"
>She had a smile on her face, "It's this really weird thing, I fell asleep, laying on the couch, and when I woke up, I was in your bed."
"Ehh, at least you're not heavy, little pony."
>A small blush appears on her face.
"Any ways, just unwrap them from the plastic, then, place the bunch in the microwave, on the plate. Press the one button once, then the zero button twice."

>She laughs, "Anon, you're silly."
"Just tellin' ya how to microwave pancakes. Oh, and if they're cold in the middle, just separate them and heat them up, while on the same plate."
>Walking out of the kitchen, you walk upstairs into the bathroom.
>Stripping out of yesterdays clothes, you set them onto the ground and turn on the water.
>When it's finished with heating up, you step in, and start to wash all of the weekends dirt and grime off.
>Getting out, you cover yourself with a towel, and walk into your room.
>Pinkie is laying on the bed.
>"Oh, hey Anon, what'cha doin'?"
"About to get my work cloths on."
>You grab a clean white tank top, a plain white longsleeve business shirt, a pair of boxers, one pair of socks, a black two piece suit, and your pair of black oxfords.
>Because a nigga speak like dis, doesn't mean he ain't a business man.
>Walking into your other room, you put on the tank top, and put the business shirt.
>You then put on your gun holster.
>Setting your P226 sig saur, into the holster, you put the rest of the suit on.
>Walking downstairs, you look at the clock.
>10:45
>Cool.
"Hey Pinkie, i'm going!"
>Pinkie comes bouncing down the stairs.
>When she gets to you, she jumps and dives into your chest for a hug.
"Oh, umm, thanks, Pinkie."
>She's still holding on, "I'm just sad, that you're leaving.
"Hey, it's only gonna be for a few hours."
>You return the hug by grasping her and holding her close.
"I promise you, i'll be back."
>You hope you can keep it.
>Stepping out the door, you walk to your car.
>Getting in you drive to work.
>Like weekdays, like months, like years.
>Today is gonna be relatively long.
>Arriving back at your house, you get out of your car, and run to the door.
>When you unlock the front door, you look into the living room to find Pinkie sitting on the couch watching Auction Hunters.
>They had just bid on a storage locker.

"Hey, Pinkie, you okay?"
>Her eyes drift from the TV, to you.
>It takes her a minute to realize who's talking to her.
>Her face brightens up.
>Tremendously.
>*Gasp* "Anon, you're back!"
>She runs and jumps into your arms as you hold her up.
"I told you I'd be back, Pinkie."
>She has a happy smile, "But you'd been gone for such a long time, I didn't know what to think!"
"Well, what would you suppose I do, make a promise?"
>She gains a bigger smile, "I know exactly which promise to do! It's my 'Pinkie Promise'!"
>Be cool, Anon. We don't need to blow our cover.
"How would one go about, making this 'Pinkie Promise'?"
>Smooth.
>"Easy! First, 'Cross my heart and hope to fly,'" she crosses he chest with a hoof.
>"Next, 'Stick a cupcake in my eye!" Of course, she stops he hoof in front of her eye.
>No one wants to be a Twilight.
"Okay, Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a cupcake in my eye."
>As you say the promise, you make the correct hand movements.
"Is that better, Pinks?"
>Her grin is a meter long.
>Not literally.
>That would be outrageous.
>"Yup!"
>Cool.
>So, what to do now?
"So, what do ya wanna do now, Pinkie Pie?"
>She starts to ponder the question.
>You sit down on the couch.
>What should you do?
>You and Pinkie sit on the couch for a looong time.
>Five minutes.
>Pinkie pipes up, "Oh, I know! Lets bake something!"
"Like what?"
>"Muffins!"

>Haven't made those in a long time.
>They were bad.
>Really bad.
>Spending about 3 hours, trying to make an edible batch of muffins.
>Pinkie looks to you, "Gee Anon, for someone that's good at baking, you're not that good at making muffins."
"I-I was never really taught how, Ponk."
>"Oh, there-there, mama Pinkie'll show you how."
>That's when you notice the time.
>Almost 10 o'clock.
"You're gonna have to teach me tomorrow, Panka, I have work, again."
>She is saddened by this.
>Alot.
"Hey, it'll be okay, i'll be home at around 5, just like today."
>This cheers her up.
>A bit.
>"S-so, you'll be home at t-the same t-time, tomorrow?"
"Yes, Pinkie, I Pinkie Promise."
>She starts to smile a bit more at this.
>Maybe tomorrow won't be long.
>Or this week.
>A man can dream.
>The rest of the rest of the week goes by without a hitch.
>Finally, friday night.
>Pinkie has settled down pretty calmly over the past week.
"So, Pinkie, it's friday night! What do you want to do?"
>She has a questioning expression, "Why do I pick what to do? Why don't you do it? Just for today?"
>Well, that's an inconvenience.
"Well-"
>Fuckin' lightbulb.
"How about I show you something called a Playstation?"
>Not the computer, not yet.
>You grab two controllers and turn it on.
>That glorious music when it starts to life.
>When you get to the profiles, you pick your's.
>Richard Johnson.

>Is that really it?
>Yes.
>When you get to the menu, you see the disc that's already in.
>Little Big Planet.
"So, Pinkie, let's try something easy."
>Starting up the game, you load the tutorial level.
>This game.
>When you finally look away from the screen, the clock reads 2:45.
>That can't be right.
>Midday?
>Looking out of the window, you see nothing but black.
>No, it's not your neighbors, but the darkness of there being no sun.
>When you look to the television again, Pinkie is making a full ice coaster.
>Made of sponge pieces, ice base, and a grip switch for a rocket on the back.
>She has gotten alot better at the game, despite no fingers, and she's starting to make beautiful maps.
"Pinkie, it's three in the morning, I think we need to get to bed."
>Her words are monotone, "So Anon, you're saying, that you like sleep more than this?"
"I'm not, it's just that I want to atleast get a couple of hours of sleep in a day."
>she still has that voice, "Okay, Goodnight, Anon."
>You pause the game and save it.
>"Thanks."
>You then pull the power cord out of the wall.
"Now, can you go to sleep? Please?"
>She starts to blink rapidly, "Hey, Anon, what time is it?"
"Almost three in the morning."
>She gets up, and walks upstairs, "I'm gonna go to sleep now, wake me up never."
>You hear the door close and a pomf from landing on the bed.
"Well, I probably shouldn't of shown her this."
>You just hope she beat you at it.
>By the way she's going, she probably will.
>But, that will be tomorrow or later.
>Sleep sounds good.
>Laying on the couch, you fall asleep almost instantly.
>She beat you.

>In Killzone.
>With a sniper rifle.
>How?
>She's too good.
"Hey, best 5/9?"
>She has a funny look, "Sure, if I can keep beating you."
>Five minutes later, and she's still kicking your ass.
>You're tired of it.
"Well, i'm tired of losing, so i'm gonna go make some cake."
>This snaps her out of playing mode, "*GASP* CANYOUSHOWMEHOWTOMAKEIT?I'LL NEVERTELLANYPONY,PLEASE!"
>Anypony.
"Sure Ponk, but just watch, and keep a close eye on what I do."
>As the pair of you walk into the kitchen, you take the piece out of the refrigerator.
>It's still good.
"Wow, i'm surprised this lasted so long."
>You hand her the piece.
>She unwraps it and eats it in one bite.
>Didn't last long with her.
>You take the ingredients out, alongside the cotton candy icing.
>Dis gon' be good.
>The baking of the cake isn't that hard.
>But being a bigger size, it's gonna take longer.
>Takes about two hours to bake in total.
>Cool.
>Taking both of the layers of the cake out of the oven, you lay one on some wax paper.
>You spread Cotton Candy icing on the top, and lay the other layer ontop of the icing.
>Looks good.
>You then spread more icing on the top and sides of the cake.
>When you finish that, you go over again to make sure it doesn't have any fuck-ups on it.
>After you finish that, you take out your homemade sprinkles.
>You grab a handful, and slip out a couple out on the edge of the cake.
>Finishing the ring on the outside, you spread more in the middle.
>Covering the top with sprinkles, you take the cake and the wax paper and place it onto a plate.
>Taking out two smaller plates, you cut into the cake and place two even pieces onto the plates.
>Looking over the pieces, you don't see any deformities.
"And there we go!"

>Pinkie is still staring intently at the cake.
>"That's it?"
>You give her a small smile.
"Yeah, just about."
>"What else is there?"
"Just make sure that it's made with lots of love."
>Her smile increases, "You must put alot of love into your cakes, then."
>You surprise her with a hug.
"Yup, lots."
>Gon' be fun, devourin' this.
>Picking your face off of the dinner table, you look at the clock.
>9:26
>How many fucking clocks do we have?
>Lots.
>Standing up, you pick up Pinkie and carry her upstairs.
>She has icing all over her face.
>Oh, umm...
"Hey, Ponk, you alive?"
>You snap your fingers infront of her face.
>Her eyes start to open, "Anon... What are you doing?"
"Trying to wake you up, you have icing in your fur, you silly pony."
>Her smile has the risk of giving you diabetes.
>But it didn't.
>You walk her into the bathroom and put a little water on a face cloth.
"Do you want me to get the icing out? Or can you do it?"
>She doesn't even have an expression, "Can you do it, i'm... too... tired."
>You dab a bit on her muzzle and wash her face as softly as you can without hurting her.
>Wouldn't want that.
>Getting the icing out, you carry her into your room.
>Placing her on the bed, you go to walk out, "Nony, last night I had a bad dream, can, you, stay in here, for the night?"
>You could tell she was nervous in saying that.
"Umm, sure, yeah."
>Laying upon the bed, you feel the worries wash away.
>That is, until you feel Pinkie wrap her forelegs around you.
>Well.

>This is extremely...
>Comfortable.
>You wrap an arm around her and pull her closer.
>This feels too good to be true.
>But it is real life.
>You succumb to the tiredness, and fall asleep.
>When you feel a rustle next to you, you open your eyes and see Pinkie with a wide, dopey, grin on her face.
>She starts to get up, and notices you looking at her.
"Hey, Pinks, how'd ya sleep?"
>Her grin is still the same, "Better, with you here."
"Well, that certainly is reassuring."
>Unwrapping your arm from her, you get up and exit out to the hallway.
>Walking downstairs, you walk into the kitchen and open the fridge.
>Just about filled with assorted confections and meats.
>They look like they're about to go bad.
>Well, might as well give them to the cats in the backyard.
>Taking the meat, you put it on a plate, and put it on the back porch.
>Walking back inside, you see Pinkie trotting from the living room.
"Hey, Ponk, what should we do today?"
>She gives a small smile, "I don't know, Anon, maybe we could play some more of that Little Big Planet game."
>Well, you've got some ideas.
>Setting the controller down, you admire your work.
>A giant crab, that can move on its own.
>That's pretty impressive-
>Pinkie's object is more of a tank.
>Picking up the controller, you save your creation before something bad happens.
>And not a moment too soon.
>Her tank start spewing out missiles like a goddamn military helicopter.
>Destroys your crab like the trade centers.
"Thanks, Pinks."
>She has a shit-eating grin, "I try my best, Anon."
>God-dammit.
>Getting up, you set the controller on the charger, and walk into the dining room.
"I wonder when i'm gonna get a new set for in here."
>When you see Pinkie, she is walking up to you from the couch.

>Getting up, you set the controller on the charger, and walk into the dining room.
"I wonder when i'm gonna get a new set for in here."
>When you see Pinkie, she is walking up to you from the couch.
"Hey, Pinkie, what color should I paint this room? I'm getting tired of the gray walls."
>"You should paint it pink, Anon."
"Okay, tomorrow, after work, i'll go to the store and get some pink paint."
>She has her genuine big smile, "Good idea, Anon."
>You just hope that no-one suspects a white-man in a black suit.
>Walking into the kitchen, you pull out the flour and milk.
>Making the batter with other things and those, with barely contained excitement, you ask.
"Hey, Pinkie, guess what we're having tonight?"
>"I don't know, Anon, what are we having?"
>Holding up the batter, you answer.
"Pancakes!"
>Her smile becomes larger then ever.
>"OHMYCELESTIA!ANONIABSOLUTELYLOVEYOURPANCALES!"
"I'm glad you think that way, Ponk."
>30 minutes later, you finish the pancakes and you both are about to eat them.
"So, do you want to help me paint tomorrow?"
>Her smile intensifies, "Of course, silly filly!"
"Cool, good to know I won't be doin' it alone."
>Another five minutes later, and both of you are finishing up.
>Pinkie yawns, "I think I need to get to sleep, are you coming?"
"Maybe in about 10 minutes, I gotta get this mess cleaned up."
>"Okay, goodnight."
"Night, Ponk."
>The alarm's blare is what woke you both up.
>It sucked.
>Pinkie gets up, and you notice what she has on.
>One of your shirts.
>You can't control your laugh.
"W- *snnrk* What are y- *hehe* you wearing?"
>She looks down and sees your shirt, "Oh, I was cold yesterday, until you came to bed, so I put it on."

>Walking downstairs, you get out the pancakes from yesterday, and heat up two sets of five.
>When they finish, you cover them with maple syrup, powdered sugar, and then you cut them into equal parts.
>Pinkie comes walking downstairs by the time you finish cutting hers.
"Oh, hey, I just finished your breakfast, I was just about eat and get ready for work."
>She has a big smile from earier, "Thanks Anon, will you be home tonight?"
"Like always"
>Walking out the door, you enter your car to go to your job.
>Like usual, you spend the couple hours, then leave.
>Pulling up to the Home Depot, you enter and get a couple cans of pink paint.
>If you saw yourself, you'd laugh.
>A white federal agent, wearing reflective shades, carrying pink paint.
>Carrying the cans to the check-out, you pay your bill and walk to your car.
>Starting your car, you notice there's some niggers hanging out, tagging one of the walls of the Home Depot.
>Getting out, you recognize one of them.
>Jerome "Big T" Wallace.
>He wasn't even six feet.
"Well, well, well, what do we have here?"
>One of them sees you, and they start reaching behind their back.
>You lift the move the left side of your suit jacket, and show them your gun.
"I wouldn't do that, if I were you."
>Jerome squints his eyes at you, "Anonymous, wat you doin' here, nigga?"
"I thought I said to keep the crime low, and I won't take you in."
>"Yo, nigguh, can't we keep dis between us?"
"Yeah, we can, but you know my price."
>He starts to reach into his pocket, and pulls out a thousand dollars.
>Taking it, you put it into a pocket.
"Good doin' business with ya, boys."
>You don't like being a dirty cop, but, ya know, you wanna be home for Pinkie.
>Hope this doesn't bite you in the ass.
>Getting out of your car, you walk to the front door.
>Taking out your keys, you open it to find-

>She's not on the couch.
>Walking upstairs, you walk into the bedroom to find her on her back while smiling at you.
"..."
>Her bits are in open full view.
"A-Are you okay, P-Pinkie?"
>"Better than i've ever been~."
>Wat.
>She doesn't even mind that you're looking at her, full view.
"Are you sure? You've never acted like this, before."
>"Maybe, I just don't mind you seeing me like this?
>Well, this...
"Are you gonna help me paint?"
>She rolls off the bed, and puts on a large smile, "Sure, just tell me where to start."
>I like how she can change so quickly.
>Oh wait, this is Pinkie Pie.
>Walking downstairs, you retrieve the paint from the truck, and set it in the middle of the room.
>Moving everything out of the room, you place down some tarps so the paint doesn't get on the hardwood floor.
>Putting tape onto the trim, you get two brushes and open the cans.
>Pouring paint into a roller tray, you wait for it to level out.
>You take two rollers and cover them with paint.
"You done this before?"
>"Not with one of these thingies."
>Picking one up, you start to roll paint onto the wall.
"Just like this."
>Good thing this is a primer too.
>Takes both of you about three hours.
>When you're done, you find you and Pinkie sitting in fold up chairs, sipping apple cider.
>You and her have been trading stories of your childhoods.
"And when I looked up, I saw him running towards me, covered with mud and sewage, being chased by a pack of dogs!"
>She busts out into a fit of laughter, along with alot of giggles after.
>Standing up, you fold up your chair, and set it on the floor.

>Walking up to the walls, you inspect them for paint bubbles.
>You are about to walk away when you see Pinkie creeping up to you.
"What are you d-"
>She tackles you to the ground and holds you there.
>She has her regular smile, with...
>Oh boy.
"I probably don't wanna ask this, but, are you okay?"
>"Better now that we're like this~."
>...
>You've been waiting to do this for a looong time.
>Picking her up, you start to walk upstairs and into the bedroom.
>Hope ya don't wake the neighbors up.
>Walking downstairs, you think of the only thing on your mind.
>You and Pinkie just...
>The round-about bump.
>You sit down onto the couch, and think, when you hear Pinkie walking downstairs.
>Grabbing a controller, and start up the PS3.
>Starting up LittleBigPlanet, you think of what you both would make today.
>After about 30 minutes, here you are.
>She just didn't.
>You made a less-than-average car.
>She laughed at it.
>You then, raced away from her so she couldn't destroy it.
>Good thing too, she had spawned her 'Anti Anon Annihilator'.
>Or, for short, the triple A.
>Welp, better save this thing now.
>Just in the knick of time, too.
>As you were finished saving, Pinkie's tank had rolled onto the screen.
>Time had seemed to slow to a near halt.
>Her sack-girl was slow running to the barrel.
>She had launched four missiles.

>Each hitting your poorly made car.
>They had all killed you.
>Blackness had tak-
>"Anon?"
>Snapping out of your trance, you look at the Pink Party Pony right next to you.
"Yeah? I'm having a monologue right now."
>"Oh."
"Ehh, it's over, I might as well go make something that rhymes with section."
>It takes her a second to realise what you mean.
>Her eyes light up.
>Walking into the kitchen, you start to pull out the different ingredients, needed for the confection.
>Starting the oven, you start the process of making the batter.
>The process is as it always is.
>Heat the oven, make the batter, pour the batter, cook the batter, pull out the layers, decorate them, frost the cake, cut the cake, serve the cake, eat the cake.
>Same shit, different day.
>The only thing that you thought was different, was the amount of love you put into the cakes each time.
>Love was the thing that had the least to do with it.
>It's what you tell people to distract them from the ingredients themselves.
>Not that you put any drugs in it, or anything illegal at all.
>But the ingredients shall remain unnamed.
>They will always.
>When you exit the intense internal thought, you see the evenly-cut cake infront of you.
>Pinkie is sitting across from you in a chair, across the table.
>"Anon, is there something wrong? You've been staring at the cake for a couple of minutes."
"Wha... oh, yeah! I'm good, do you want a piece?"
>Her expression is one of bewilderment, "Anon, when have I ever not wanted cake?"
"Good point."
>Getting a piece, you place it on a plate, and place it infront of her.
>Getting another piece, you sit at the table and start to eat.
>When you finish your piece, you see that Pinkie is getting a third piece.
"Hey, i'm really tired, i'm gonna go upstairs and lay down."

>She takes a bite out of her cake ans answers, "Oh, are you sure, Anon?"
"Yeah... See ya in bed, Ponk."
>Walking upstairs, you walk into the bedroom, and lay down onto the bed.
>After a few minutes of waiting, you turn on the lamp, and start to get up.
>Pinkie starts to walk in at the same time.
"Oh, hey, I was just about to come down and get you."
>Her smile brightens when she sees you.
>"Oh, hey, I was just about to come up and get you."
>Smiles intensifies.
>Wat.
>Picking her up in a hug, you carry her into bed.
>Laying down, you place her onto your chest.
>The embrace of sleep takes both of you in a short amount of time.
>She's very warm.
>Also comfortable.
>Waking up, you stretch, before the alarm sounds.
>You are about to turn it off, when it roars to life.
>Shit.
>Hitting the alarm, you get up, and get a shirt on.
>Walking downstairs, you go into the kitchen.
>Getting out a piece of cake, you take a bite out of it.
>You see yourself in a mirror.
>God, you really need to let your beard grow.
>It's just a long stubble, but it's not worth it to shave.
>Walking into the dining room, you see that Pinkie had cleaned everything up, before she came upstairs.
>Walking upstairs, you walk into the bedroom, and get your clothes for today.
>Pinkie was talking in her sleep.
>None of it was more than unintelligible ramblings.
>Oh well.
>Walking into the front bedroom room, you unlock the safe and pull out your gun.
>Getting the suit and holster on, you insert the gun into its place among the holster.

>Feeling good.
>Walking downstairs, you get out a piece of paper and a pen.
>Dear Ponk.
>You were not awake when I left for work.
>Sorry for not waking you.
>Will be back around 5.
>Hugs and kisses.
>Yours always, Anonymous I. Unknown.
>Setting the letter down, you read over the illegible scribbles on the paper.
>What the fuck did I just write?
>Setting down the paper, you open the door, walk out, and lock it.
>You see the neighborhood isn't hellbent on crime.
>Cool.
>Getting in your truck, you take the drive to work as best as you can.
>By listening to music and having a sing-along.
>Taking about the thirty minute drive to work while in traffic, you arrive a bit early than normal.
>Getting out of the truck, you check yourself in the truck mirror.
>All's good.
>Cool.
>Walking your way to the front of the building, you buzz the front door and see the woman at the front desk open it. Brenda, it says on her nametag, stops you, "Hi, i'm the new receptionist for the office! But, don't most agents come in later?"
"I have a bit to do today, and I wanted to start early. I usually do this, the former woman used to just let me regardless."
>"I'm just going to need your name, and ID, and I can let you into the offices."
"Anonymous I. Unknown, and this is my card."
>Her look is one of disappointment, "Anonymous? Really? That's the name you expect me to believe?"
>You see Agent Miller walk in behind you, "Oh, hey, Anonymous, I have the Smith case for you to look over."
"Good, but, this wasn't due until friday."
>"I wanted to get it in early, because I need to leave town for the week, i'm going to Liberty to investigate a bank robbery."
"Oh, well, good luck, also, I need you to vouch for me to this new receptionist."

>He looks from you, to the woman, "Really? She didn't even look you up in the database?"
>This shocks the receptionist, and the types the first four letters of your first name, and she lets out an audible, "Oh."
"See?"
>She hands your card back to you, and lets the two of you into the offices.
>Miller takes the first right, to his cubicle, while you continue down to the end of the area and enter your corner office.
>Starting up your computer and look out the window.
"I hope that bitch upfront doesn't stop me again."
>Getting roused from sleep, you look at the clock.
>11:14
>Guess you both were worn out at the end of last night's 'backwards bambi'.
>That's what you call it?
>Yes.
>Getting up, you start to fast walk downstairs.
>The breeze feels good.
>With no clothes.
>Anon Jr was floppin' about.
>That mailwoman will never be the same.
>You never liked her.
>You plop your ass down, onto the couch, and think about your life up until now.
>'Til now, you life has been filled with crime, jokes, bullets, and pink.
>Lot'sa pink.
>Being a fan of My Little Pony, at the age of 25, while being an active member of the [REDACTED], you know that the only people you could be open with, are the people on 4chan.
>But, that would be at a later time, i'm afraid.
>Pinkie walks downstairs, and sees you on the couch.
>"Anon, you're naked."
"Yup."
>"With the windows open."
"Don't worry, the only person that saw me was the mailwoman."
>"Oh, okay."
>Walking into the kitchen, you pick up the phone and call your boss.

>"Agent Davidson speaking."
"Hey Jack, *COUGH COUGH* it's Anonymous, I can't come into work today, i'm feeling sick as a goddamn dog. *COUGH*"
>"Um, sure, you can stay home today, you still have three sick-days left. I was wondering if you were even going to call today."
"Yeah, *COUGH* I just need a day or two to get back to normal *COUGH* health, okay?"
>"Alright, Anonymous, thanks for calling in, okay?"
>Click.
>Wow, I can't believe that worked.
>You look at Pinkie, "So, you have today off?"
"Seems like it."
>"Cool."
"Yup."
>You start to walk into the front room, and start to close the front windows.
>Making sure they're shut all the way, you motion for Pinkie to come sit on your lap.
>When she jumps onto the couch, and climbs onto your lap, and sits down.
"How ya doin', pretty pony?"
>She smiles at the name, "I'm doing extremely well, and I feel that you are too."
>It's true, but only because she's brushing your member ever so slightly, and Anon Jr just won't back down.
>Looking around, you try to find something else to do, instead of ruining your couch.
>Turning on your TV, you see what's on.
>Nothing.
>Shit.
>Turning towards Pinkie, you pick her up, and carry her upstairs, like just-so-recently.
"How about we take this upsta-"
>You're cut off by a barrage of knocks.
"Jus' a sec."
>You set Pinkie down, and jump down the four steps.
>Looking through the peephole, you see some guy in a suit.
>Opening the door a bit, you look at the guy and ask.
"Yes? I am currently doing something right now."
>"Oh, yes, would you like to talk about our savior, Princess Sunbutt?"
>Letting the door open the rest of the way, he sees your current outfit.

>Raising your right arm, you make a Nazi salute.
"MAY THE NIGHT LAST FOREVER!"
>"Well, i've never!"
"SIEG HEIL!"
>You slam the door, and lock it.
>You enjoy fucking with people.
>Going upstairs, you notice Pinkie has laid down on her back, looking at you through the gap in her hind legs.
"Should we get started?"
>Hearing your door open, you swivel around in the rolley chair.
"Yeah-"
>It's the biggest suspect in a string of murders, robberies, car jackings, you name it.
>He locks the door behind him, and turns toward you.
>"You're the person that's been following me for so long?"
>He pulls out a pink and white, suppressed 92FS pistol, and points it straight at you.
>"Wanna follow me now?"
"Now wait a mi-"
>He fires a round, going right into your right knee and dropping you to your left leg.
>Cupping your right knee in your hands from the pain, he closes the small gap between you.
>"Now, if I was in your position, I would choose my next words very carefully."
>He places the barrel of the gun against your forehead, right above the middle of your eyebrows.
>Guess if you're gonna die, you might as well go down with a joke.
"What the fuck did you just sa-"
>He pulls the trigger, and you feel the bullet penetrate the front of your skull.
>Your head snaps from your desk, the paper in front of you covered in a large puddle drool covering it.
"Oh god, that felt real as a mother fucker."
>Picking your papers up, you look at the soggy paper on your desk.
>A white, college ruled paper, with jack-shit on it.
>Folding it up, you get everything set in your case, and drop it in the paper waste-basket.
>Opening the door, you make your way to the front elevator, and press the down button.
>When the doors open, it's empty.

>Stepping into it, you press the bottom floor button.
>Time seems to speed up through the first floor, and the parking lot.
>You step to your truck, and drive the long drive home.
>Opening the door, you think back to how it was before Pinkie showed up on on your doorstep.
>Today was just like one of those days.
"Pinkie, I'm home!"
>She comes walking down the steps and hugs your leg.
>"Hey, Anon, how was your day?"
"My day was pretty good, yours, Pinkie?"
>"My day went exceptionally well, Anon."
>You pick her up, and sit down on the couch, and place her on your lap.
"So, my pretty pink party pony, how are you so adorable?"
>She looks at you with the cutest look you've seen from her, "I don't know, Anon, how are you so good looking, and able to cook so well?"
>You look at her with a smile.
"I don't know, I guess I'm like you a lot more than we thought."
>Her smile matches yours, but larger, "Anon, I guess we're like peas and carrots."
>lolwut
"Have you been watching Forrest Gump?"
>"Yup!"
>Well, tomorrow's gonna be a longer day at work than normal.
>Shit's gonna suck.
>You erupt from sleep, and look around your room.
>Pinkie is still at your side, your room is clean, and there's no knife in your side.
>Picking yourself up, out of bed, you walk downstairs, and into the kitchen.
>Pulling out a Tupperware bowl, you take out a can of beans and some onions.
>Mixing both together, you hear Pinkie walking down the back stairs.
>Putting the cover on the bowl, and put it on the counter.

>You hear the clip-clop of her hooves against the wood floor.
"How'd ya sleep, Pinks?"
>"*Yawn* Good, Anon. How did you sleep?"
"Good, I'm setting up my lunch for today."
>Walking upstairs, you get out a suit, and your holster.
>When you walk out, you get your pistol, and walk downstairs.
>Pinkie is sitting on the couch, watching- "Did you bring your phone?"
>The bald man on the TV, responds with, "Which one?" While in a slurred state.
>Grabbing your lunch put of the kitchen, you walk into your living room.
"Hey, Pinkie, I need to stay at work late tonight, there are left-overs in the fridge if you're hungry, so, don't worry about me, if I'm not back by eight."
>"W-why? Isn't there someone that can cover for you?"
"That's the thing, I'm covering for someone who has to leave town."
>"Do you promise you'll be alright?"
"I Pinkie promise."
>She has a small smile on her face.
"And remember, I will always love you, Pinkie Pie."
>"And I love you too, Anonymous."
>Giving her a hug and a kiss, you take your leave out the door.
>Going to work, you already know, today's gonna be shite.
>Arriving into your office, you start thinking of what's going to happen today.
>You have to debrief multiple personnel, along with looking over some old cases.
>Along with the Paulson case...
>You zone out, and find yourself sitting at your desk, with Agent Smith's file laid upon your desk.
>When you look at the clock, you see that the time is 2:30.
>Standing from your desk, you walk out to the breakroom.
>Setting the container into the micro wave, and set the time for three minutes.
>Around a minute and a half later, your phone starts to ring off the hook.
>It's your brother.

"Hello?"
>"Hey Anon, I went to your house to see if you were working today, and..."
>Your heart rate fastens itself at the speed of a cheetah.
>Oh shit.
>"And when I opened the door, I saw a... Small pink equine sitting on your couch."
>You stop everything and just stare at the wall.
>"She looked like she was about to say something, but she exploded into a puff of smoke, and when it cleared, she wasn't there anymore."
>The cabin has lost pressure.
>You drop your phone, and run down the stairway, to the lobby.
>Arriving at the lobby door, you run through, and slam the door open.
>Running to your car, you get in, and borderline speed back to your house.
>Almost breaking down the front door, you see your brother had left.
"PINKIE?! ARE YOU HERE?!"
>You don't get an answer.
>You spend the rest of the day, searching the entire house for her.
>Giving up after eight hours, you sit down upon the couch.
>You notice that you're crying your eyes out.
>Where did it go so wrong?
>When you wake up, you are sitting in a chair, in an empty, pink room.
>Your dining room...
>You look at the mirror in front of you.
>It's been two weeks since she was taken.
>You had to see her again.
>You had to.
>You remember watching one of the new episodes.
>She looked depressed.
>But, that's the show, it can't be related to you.
>It couldn't.
>You had to see her in person.
>Whether you're dead or alive, you'd see her again.
>Preferably the ladder, but if it takes the former, you'd give anything to get her back.

>You take a sip of Alcohol, and find your company issued sig saur in your hand.
>You inspect the gun carefully.
>Looking at each small detail in the gun, you pull the barrel to the bottom of your chin.
>Taking another sip, you look at the mirror.
>You inch your finger down slowly on the trigger.
>Slowly and slowly and slowly.
"See you soon, Pink-"
>You hear a loud bang, then, nothing.
>You see yourself from the doorway, as if you're looking from someone else's eyes.
>You tipped in the chair, and laying in a puddle of blood leaking from the back of your head.
>Everything starts to turn white.
>Finally, judgement day.
>Your vision starts to fade, and you take a last look at your corpse.
>Green.
>Green is what you see when you open your eyes.
>Green is the color that stains your shirt.
>Green is love. Green is life.
>When you pick yourself out of the grassy plain, you find everything around you has a animated look.
>What.
>No, seriously, what?
>You walk to the treeline, and inspect the full area.
>When you start walking, it takes about five minutes, before you see a clearing, with what looks like a small village.
>Oh my god.
>No...
>You walk into town, and find it full of ponies.
>They look at you, and you can see their questioning looks.
>Until you are tackled to the ground by a light, but fast object.
>The world was spinning, until you feel something upon your lips.
>The pink curl bouncing upon your forehead was your second clue.
>When the kiss is broken, you see the bright blue eyes to your lover.

>"Anon... I-I thought that I would never s-see you again."
"Pinkie, I knew that I would see you again... I... I never doubted myself in the belief."
>"I wouldn't have doubted you, either."
>You see Twilight walk up from behind Pinkie, "So, Pinkie... Who's... Who's your friend?"
>"Oh! This is my..."
"We're, uhh... Kinda... Umm..."
>Rainbow finishes the sentence, "From the look of affection, you look like special someponies."
>Pinkie has a small red tint to her pink face, while you look like a sunburnt lobster.
>"I guess that is just about what we are."
"Yeah, I guess."
>You think about your family, and think of where you left them.
>You left your parents without even knowing about your previous state of mind.
>Your brother was the only one that really cared, you do feel sad for leaving him like that.
>Both of your sisters moved out of state, and never visited, so, fuck them.
>They didn't even invite you to their weddings.
>With all of those downsides, you think of the one upside.
>You are with Pinkie Pie.
>"Anon, are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm just thinking."
>Just where you need to be.
-----------------------
17772988 
>Internet Explorer stares at your computer screen.
>She watches the little clock in the corner ever-so-vigilantly.
>Clock strikes 2 pm.
>IE looks down at the keyboard, taps the period key, then clicks 'Post'.
>She breathes a sigh of relief.
>"Another crisis averted," she says to herself.
>Pillow Case trots into the room where the computer is.
>"Oh, there you are, IE," she greets. "What are you doing?"
>"Anon asked if I could watch this thing for him while he's asleep and at work," replies IE. "He said to post one period every two hours to keep it alive for him.
>IE giggles and kicks her legs.
>"Heehee! It's like a little heartbeat!"
>"How long have you been sitting there?" asked Pillow Case.
>"Going on sixteen hours, now," answered IE.
>"What?!" exclaimed Pillow Case. "You must be bored. Come on, lets go get ice cream so you're not sitting there all day."
>"But... But Anon says that if I don't bump the thread, it will die."
>IE put emphasis on 'die'.
>"He said every two hours," assured Pillow Case. "We'll be back by then."
>IE thought about it for a moment.
>"Well, I suppose I could use a break."
>She hops off the chair and Pillow Case smiles.
>"That's the spirit!"
>They trot out the door to find some ice cream.

>Some time later, the two ponies return.
>"I love sherbert," said E as she polishes off her cone.
>"It would have been better if we didn't have to chase the ice cream truck for three miles," said Pillow Case.
>IE heads straight for the computer to check the page.
>Still there.
>Checking the clock, she sees that she's three minutes late to bump.
>"Oh no!" she says in a panic as she quickly mashes the period key and posts.
>"Phew," she sighs in relief.
>When she checks the screen, she see Yotsuba checking her shorts with a message of "404 Not Found" on the screen.
>The sound of a car crash plays in IE's head.
>"Ahh!" she panics as she tries to back the page up to salvage it.
>404 Not Found
>She tries to refresh over and over and does everything she can to recover the lost page.
>404 Not Found
>IE's forehead hits the keyboard and she begins to sob uncontrollably.
>Pillow Case rushes in to find the distraught pony.
>"IE! What's wrong?"
>"It died!" wailed IE. "Anon wanted me to watch it but I failed him!"
>She continues to cry.

>It's just after 4 pm and you are just getting home from work.
>The sounds of a crying pony hit you as you walk in the door.
>After investigating, you find IE sobbing uncontrollably and Pillow Case holding her.
"Did I miss something?" you ask.
>Both ponies' heads snap to you standing in the doorway.
>"Anon!" cried IE. "I'm so sorry! I did everything I could but it still died! Please don't hate me!"
>You raise an eyebrow and walk around behind IE in the chair and look over her shoulder.
>Pillow Case poked her head up from the other side.
>You see that the thread you asked IE to bump had 404'd.
>Searching the catalog, you find a new one has already been made.
>'Last one hit the bump limit,' read the post. 'New PiE thread!'
"Ah, there you go," you assure IE. "It just hit the bump limit and died naturally. It was it's time."
>IE sniffled and wiped a leg across her nose.
>"But... But I didn't want it to go... I liked it..."
"I liked it too, but everything dies sometimes. And look! We got a fresh new one to take its place!"
>IE leaned closer to the computer screen.
>"Hello," she greeted.
>She types one period into the box and posts.
>Then she has a small fit of giggles.
"Alright, now move over. I wanna play WoW."
-----------------------
17812894
>Afternoon of the last day.
>... You don't know what to do.
>Leo has been... incredibly calm today.
>She's usually so full of energy.
>She doesn't seem depressed, or even sad in the slightest; she's still as happy as ever, but without the added energy.
>You haven't lost your bet... yet.
>She might be waiting for you to be off-guard.
>Not today.
>You won't lose.
>You'll do your best.
>Hopefully.
>"Hey, Anon, what game are we going to play next?"
>You've been playing card games with her for a while now.
>She stomps you at Go Fish.
>... But in your three games of War, you won the first and last.
>Though, the first one was hardly fair, you started with most of the face cards and all of the Aces.
>Now...
"Draw Poker."
>You aren't very good at any kind of Poker, but you're best at Draw.
>"Is it anything like Strip Poker?"
>She grins.
>You groan.
>... But you can't help smiling.
"Oh, come on, that's not fair in the slightest. You only ever wear one thing!"
>"Two."
>... You pause to think.
>Two?
>She waves her tail in front of you.
>... The bow on her tail is practically glowing.
>Right, the bow.
"Still, that'd hardly be fair. I could lose so many, and you could only lose two."
>"Well, losing doesn't sound so bad..."
>Oh no, she's using the bedroom eyes.
"N-no, that'd be unfair. We can't have that."
>Good save.
>... Her eyes don't change.
>She paws closer.
>"Then you can start at two also..."
>Oh no.
>Not only was your save not actually good, she actually turned it around on you.
>Is she even closer or that just you?
>... Wait, both of those are bad...
>"Which two would you start with?"
>Her tone is sultry, but you can't identify why from the question.
>"Would you start without a shirt? I'd love to stare in awe at your chest..."
>Oh.
>Your blood feels very cold right now.
>She puts her hoof on your chest. You try to pull away, but you only lean downward.
>She's now over you.
>You're practically on your back.
>"Or would you lose your pants?"
>She brings a hoof to your thigh.

>"Your legs must be heavenly, they feel so nice..."
>Your back is now desperately pressed against the floor.
>There's nowhere to run.
>Her face in only an inch from yours.
>... The room wasn't this hot earlier...
>Your heart races.
>"Or... would you keep your shirt and pants... and wear nothing underneath?"
>Just when you thought it couldn't get worse...
>She licks her lips.
>... And leans a little closer...
>You close your eyes.
>...
>Nothing happens.
>You slowly open an eye.
>Her eyes are closed, and her lips are halfway between ready to talk and ready to kiss.
>She opens her eyes.
>No bedroom eyes anymore.
>She looks... somber.
>...
>"Honey?"
>You'd respond but the lump in your throat isn't letting you.
>"... What would you have me do if you won?"
>... Right, the bet.
>After an entire month of being pounced, you still don't know what you'd do if you won.
>You have a feeling you know what she'd make you do if she won, but...
>Everything you thought of having her do either makes you feel like a bad person, or makes you feel stupid because it's just so... petty.
>Get a thing for me, play a game with me, tell me you love me...
>... She does all of those anyway, of her own free will, no less.
>You just can't think of anything.
"I..."
>You tried.
>No, really.
>That was pathetic.
>Only now do you notice she's laying on you.
>... It feels nice.
>She's really light for being able to topple you with a pounce.
>She's also way stronger than you.
>Like, way stronger than you.
>... She still looks solemn.
>"Anonymous."
>... She never calls you "Anonymous", only "Anon", "Honey" or some other pet name.
>You don't feel so good...
>"What do you think of... us?"
>... What?
>You...
>You honestly don't know what to say.
>... Unfortunately, that won't stop you from trying.
"Leo, I love you and you love me. I think we're a great pair."
>You must have done something right for once, because a smile graces her beautiful face.
>... But it falters soon after.

>"What else?"
>... You had faith in yourself for a few seconds.
>It's completely gone now.
"We love doing things together, like play games, sing, walk, just lay around and do nothing..."
>You pause.
>...
>You can't continue.
>Your "Last Resort Courage Stockpile" ran out.
>No...
>"Those sound like things really great friends can do."
>Your heart skips a beat.
>"... But I want to be more than just a friend.
>... Your heart sinks.
>Is your vision fading?
>Your vision looks like it's fading.
>Leo stands up and moves to your side.
>"I'm glad we're great friends, but I want... no, I need more."
>...
>"... I'll see you around..."
>You can faintly she her walk away.
>... Toward the front of the house.
>... To leave...
>"... Anonymous."
>You can't move.
>... You hear the front door open and close.
>Is this what pain is?
>Your heart feels like it's been stabbed many times, then stomped on repeatedly.
>... You love her.
>But...
>No, you can't just let it end like this!
>You may not be the manliest of men, but you certainly won't be enough of a wimp to stand around and let this happen!
>You love her!
>... Why is your vision so blurry?
>Oh, you're just crying.
>Well, the tears will stop soon, you have a marefriend to get back to.
"And I'll be the best boyfriend a mare can have!"
>With newfound vigor, you launch yourself to your feet.
>... Though you stumble a little.
>You're a bit dizzy.
>When did it get so dark?
>It's so dark, you can barely see your hand waving in front of your face.
>Focus!
>You stagger through several rooms.
>... You must have used all your energy getting up.
>All of the sudden, you aren't feeling as confident as before...
"I can't..."
>...
"Please..."
>You fall to your knees.
"I love you..."
"It can't end like this..."
>...
>You feel a force hit your chest and sending you back a few feet.
>... She's still here.
>She looks like she's crying too.
>"What do you say, try again, as actual lovers this time?"
>You hug her tight.
"... I'd love to."
-----------------------
17856029
My nose was cold. So were the tips of my hooves, but my nose was all sniffly too. It was only fall but the cold hit much harder than it does back home. It was like it seeped through the walls. Something about the weather in this world just sets my feathers on edge. It’s like it’s wild, mechanical. Icy? That’s the wrong word. Of course there’s ice in cold weather! Well, not this weather. It’s not that cold obviously. Seep was the right word though. It got into everything. 

Strawberry was weird about it. The human world has all these cool things built into the walls so all you need to do is turn a little knob and the whole apartment will get warmer, but apparently that takes up too much electricity and electricity costs money and Berry insists on waiting until the end of the month before turning up the heat. She said it’s not even that cold. I’m a pegasus though! If she can take it I can take it. We’re built to take tough weather! Even if it is on crazy weird human earth. Bring it on human world! Grrr!

So there I was hiding all cozy under a blanket in bed. I was really dark suddenly. I think the sun outside set and I forgot to turn on a light. I didn't really need one. I had my tablet glowing in front of me. 

A month of delivering pizza and I finally had enough. Not that delivering pizza is that bad of a job mind you, I’m just not that good at it. Ok it was a bad job regardless. I don’t know how other ponies do it. Humans and non-winged ponies will only take the job if they have a car, and they might be more comfortable and secure in one of those, but they pay is even worse because most places don’t pay for the gas you use, and Emily said that stuff is expensive, and she said Berry was uptight about the electric bill so it must really be bad for her to complain.

That’s why everyone told me to try it, almost like it was expected, you know? Like so many people just assume it would work out and the job would be a breeze for me, but no. All those human houses look the same, especially from the air, and they gave me a little navigation computer thing that uses satellites in space to tell you where you are and where to go, which is super cool and creepy at the same time, but I still kept knocking on the wrong doors.

And some of the people who answer… most humans I’ve met have been nice but some can be really creepy and scary. I was talking to the delivery driver they have and he was telling me about some of the really weird people he’s seen too. It’s like, you finally find the right house, finally knock on the front door because that’s where the street is and you don’t want to make a mistake like before and make someone angry by landing on their nice grass and knocking on the back door because human architecture can be crazy sometimes, but no this time you got the front door, and it’s probably the only door because it’s just this tiny little rectangle building that you wouldn’t have guessed was a house if it wasn’t for the chairs and the pathway out front and a car parked nearby… and this old woman opens the door.

At least you think that’s a woman, because Celestia help me, her mane was gross and crazy, and she’s got these weird wrinkles and this look to her like she can’t decide if she’s a predator looking for prey or if there’s something chasing her. You’re worried she’s part dragon or something because she actually breathes out a puff of smoke, which explains part of the smell, but not the rest of the smell that just surrounds the whole place. I know humans eat meat but I was under the impression that they didn’t like making a mess with it and tried to keep things clean but it was like something died in there. I couldn’t even say anything when she opened the door. I just stood there shaking and nearly dropped the pizza. Then I made my first mistake because when she slammed the door going back inside for money, I was too scared to stay and didn’t want to become a pizza topping for some crazy human carnivores so I flew away as fast as I could.

Anyway that was my first strike and one of the reasons why I don’t deliver pizza anymore. That weird place that smelled like dead things. No, wait, not dead things actually, just the kinds of super gross alive things that live in dead things. It was more like that whole building was just a giant rotting log you found in the woods playing with your friends and there’s all kind of creepy things living in there. It didn’t look like it was rotting or anything from the outside, but we weren’t really paying attention. I had told strawberry that I was getting really good at flying and she wanted to see, so I looked for something too big for a little filly to jump over. I found a stick and flapped my wings really hard while running and then flew over it! Except it wasn’t really flying, it was just jumping with my wings out. Strawberry said she could jump higher and then proved it by jumping over a huge log. Then Poppy Seed jumped too and started laughing. I couldn’t lose at flying to two earth pony fillies! So I ran as fast as I could and leapt in the air! That was the first time I really did do any flying, though it was a little, I could feel the lift from my wings that Mom always said to look for when she game me flying lessons, but I was too surprised by the feeling that I stopped flapping and fell face first into the log. It broke open like a wall made of smelly, moldy bread and I screamed when bugs started crawling in my hair. There was probably a snake too.

I cried all the way back home while Strawberry and Poppy tried to make me feel better. Once I had a bath and mom had cleaned out all my scrapes and helped me comb my feathers straight again I had settled down some, but I remember being too scared to go back out into the woods for almost a year. I even had flashbacks during my flying lessons sometimes and was too scared for even those. My brothers teased me about it sometimes. Strawberry never did. She and Poppy both asked permission to stay the night to cheer me up. It was my first slumber party at my house. We played all sorts of games and had so much fun. There were more fun nights but that was the one I remember the most.

I didn’t go back to work after that delivery. I think Berry called them and gave some excuse so they wouldn’t fire me quite yet. I just went straight to her place, took a shower, combed my wings, and cried into my pillow.
-----------------------
17879710
>You hate Earth.
>You hate the smelly air, and strong gravity.
>You hate the noise, the unrelenting sounds.
>You hate the toilets, which are difficult and uncomfortable to use.
>You hate the hard concrete and pavement outside.
>You hate the weather, how it changes at a moments notice.
>You hate the doorman, who always stares at your ass as you're waiting for the elevator.
>You hate the old lady at the convenience store, who you're certain raises the prices just for you.
>You hate how Anon's apartment was the cheapest one on the market.
>You hate how you used to get panic attacks at night as the fear of living on an alien planet settled in.
>You hate how he always came into the room, and sat with you until you calmed down.
>You hate how you would sometimes cry into him.
>You hate how good it felt to not be alone.
>You hate how he had made you feel safe and secure.
>You hate how much you love him.
-----------------------
17904235 
>Be Anon
>Be in highschool
>Be under the bleachers
>Be checking the up the skirts of the girls sitting there chatting away
>Be noticing ponies are sitting as well
>Be seeing they have no panties on
>Be seeing that horse pussy
>Be slowly aroused
>Be horny now
>Be fapping
>Be cumming
>Be tired
>Be a horse fucker now
>Be End
-----------------------
17935488 
>"I-I don't get it. What's broken?"
"You have to look closer."
>"I still don't see anything,"
"Closer."
>"This is as close as I can go."
"Good, now lick it."
>"Wha-What!?"
"Lick it. I know it sounds weird, but you have to if you want to know what's wrong."
>"..Fine. But only because your my sister, and I trust you." *lick*
"Unf~!"
>"I still don't taste anything."
"Do it again."
>*lick*
"Uunnffff~!"
>"Still nothing."
"O-One more time"
>*lick*
"Euaaagggggaaaaa~!"
>"Augh! I think I figured out what's wrong. There seemed to be a buildup of a clear... almost salty solution. It seems to be clear now."
"That's... great. You think you can help me when it happens again?"
>"I guess. I'm going to go take a shower. I feel violated for some reason."

And that's the story of how Winnie got her sister to unknowingly molest her.
-----------------------
17941837 
>Be pony
>Start to draw
"Man they're pencils are so weird."
>"Then me teach you the Strange way of drawing... My little pony. Heh."
>The skinny man in a wizard hat and cape walks up to you with his long flowing hair. He grabs your hoof and shows his teachings.
>His eyes sparkle as you look into him. Yours light up with creativity and enthusiasm.
"Based sir! What is your name?"
>He gives a small chuckle.
>"LeStrange, prophet of Godzilla. Now my little pony... Draw. Draw. DRAW!"
>He disappears in a blink leaving you enchanted.
>The End
-----------------------
17964922
>Be a donkey
>Love Blackman Pat
>Know he likes Octavia the pony
>"That ass is phat!"
>He always says that looking at her flank while eating watermelons.
>Buy a black wig and fake cello
>Go see him
>Knock knock knock
"Uh I love you Pat..."
>He stares at you with kawaii eyes
>"Come in m'lady"
>He tips his afro
"teehee"
>Smacks your donkey ass
"eee-Haw!"
>And then you fucked.
>The End
-----------------------
17973145
>Working the day shift as a border guard for the Equestria portal
>In the lobby between the actual portal and the customs desk with one of the other guards, a new guy
>The whole building is made of polished marble so it doesn't overwhelm the cartoon horses
>No carpets, nothing
>First thing a pone sees after coming through the portal which isn't nailed down is me
>A pegasus stallion comes through
>Thus begins the routine
>Pon freezes in place and looks around
>And continues to look around
>And then continues to continue to look around
>I've seen this sort of thing go on for hours
>Walk over and try talking to him, giving directions to the customs desk
>He just stares at my pants, slackjawed
>Not even in a gay way, just staring at the shins
>He reaches out to bat at the hem of the pants with a forehoof
>Totally ignoring that the pants are on a person
>Let him poke at it a few times before giving him a tissue from one of those little pocket-packs
>He takes it with him and stares at it all the way to the customs desk
>New guy guard is like 'LOL was he on ecstasy?'
>Explain that nope, this happens to every pone on their first time on Earth
Fucking pones
-----------------------
17987852
>Doing another shift in the lobby of the Equestria portal
>New guy isn't as new now
>Still laughs pones getting sensory overload on their first time
>Pon comes through the portal
>This one's a regular that I see frequently, a fancy-looking unicorn mare
>She's a diplomat or something, or a relative of a diplomat
>One of those Canterlot types
>Gets halfway to the customs desk with her entourage when one of her luggage couriers realizes they left a bag behind
>It's just on the other side of the portal
>New guy volunteers to get it
>Ostensibly this is so the couriers don't have to drop everything
>In reality, he might be a horsefucker trying to make a good impression
>He steps through the portal
>I watch him stumble as he goes in
>It's not like the mare is watching
>This is fortunate
>New guy's never been on the other side of the portal
>He doesn't know how if fucks with depth perception
>I watch him walk facefirst into no less than three pillars while getting that briefcase
>Looks like shit when he comes back
>Nosebleed, bloody lip, black eye (How do you even get a black eye against a flat surface? I blame the bullshit cartoon physics of Equestria.)
>Asks me to give the mare her bag
>Do this
>I ask one of the couriers about the design of the Equestrian side of the portal while >implying that it doesn't have the same considerations for humans that the Earth side does for pones
>"It's by a famous architect."
You think they'd at least rope parts of it off. Fucking pones.
-----------------------
18020908
>Name is not of important
>All you need knowings is that I make public relations for glorious Stalliongrad motherland in world of bald ape
>Is strange place with many detailings of object
>One day boss say "You always of serious in conference with press. Is make humans think we are all of serious. You need take less serious pony with you for contrastings."
>To this I say "Da, is good idea. We take pretty mare for even more contrastings and she become media darling for humans to make large number of fan arts which go on net of international."
>Is good idea, no?
>Do not answer question, answer is no!
>Mare which committee select has pretty face
>I am not of mind admitting I am attract to mental image of this mare lick my eggs
>But is of new
>She is going to human world two, maybe three times before
>Boss say she is used to strange world already
>Is not place to question authority, so I take mare to next conference
>Plan is work too good
>Reporters shove all mikrofony in face of mare and only give one for me
>Mikrofony of bald ape is cover in foam with holes more numerous than all potatoes in all fields of both world combine, many detailings!
>Mare is overwhelm and yelp "Blyat!"
>She run off stage to have attack of panickings
>I am leave to do rest of conference by self
>But humans are not give attentions to me
>Are already write story for newspaper I see next day
>They are say "Pony is not of horse, is of sheep! Make sound like 'blaaa' when scare!"
Chert obez'yany.
-----------------------
18044369 
I really don’t know what the hell happened last night. A purple horse appeared in my house, I fainted, I spoke, it spoke, we both fainted…it was a huge mess, and I’m still confused.
I don’t know what I expected, though. Our reactions to…whatever went on last night was completely reasonable for anyone who’s got their head on, and especially somebody who’s been hoping for sentient life to show up for his whole life. Either way, I’m sprawled on the kitchen floor, and the same goes for the living anomaly a few feet away. Looks like it’s still out cold. Is it a ’she?' Hm, better not offend it by judging by its voice when neither of us understand each other.

I get up and gently pick the creature up to place it on the couch. If it’s capable of arriving here - accidental or not - and speaking coherent English, I shouldn’t disrespect it. Now that I’m not being stared at with its large hazel eyes, I take a gander at the sleeping alien. Looks like a horse, but…not. To be specific, its fur’s a brightened seafoam green, its mane’s a shoulder-length, two-toned, green-and-white haircut, and its hooves are perfectly covered by its furry fetlocks. Apparently it’s sentient, if it’s so well-groomed. It’s got a kind of cute body, honestly; so smooth and soft, so colorful, and small enough to carry in both arms. Its voice sounds like a teenaged tomboy, and her expressions looked…pretty human. Her body’s a bit heavy, being about the weight and size of a seven-year-old kid.

I set the being on the couch, then go back to the kitchen to get the saddlebag she arrived wearing. Should I look inside? It’s obviously sentient, and I really don’t want to make any bad first impressions other than that our mutual shock had made on our first sight…on the other hand, knowing more about this pony’s home world may help me to welcome or help it.

I put the saddlebags beside the couch for it, deciding against rummaging through its belongings yet. I start to walk into the kitchen, pondering the food a horse like that must eat. Hell, it’s an alien, what if it’s allergic to carbohydrates? I shake my head, chuckling a bit to myself. Ridiculous, paranoid brain. I decide to go with a simple bowl of oatmeal, not adding any cinnamon just in case it doesn’t want that. 
I finish making the simple bowl, then walk into the living room. I set up the coffee table and a small chair in front of the couch, then put the bowl there, sitting down to wait. May as well be polite, right?

Several minutes of patience later, it starts to shuffle a bit, its eyelids twitching a bit to accommodate for the light it’s no doubt only now aware of. I straighten myself in my seat, folding my hands in my lap, and give a slight smile to alleviate any remaining stress for it.

“Mmmnn…Bonbon…?” It mutters, stretching itself like a cat on its side, eyes remaining closed. “I had the absolute…weirdest dream a minute a - “ Her gaze falls on me.

Silence.

I gulp silently, my body gone rigid as my hands fold together more tightly. I open my mouth, leaning forward, but nothing comes out for at least five seconds. You cowardly bastard, speak up! One word! Just! One - “H-heythere…”

I sigh, exasperated with my own stupidity, and put one hand on my face* “…c-can we start over?”

“Well, hello to you, too,” the pony-creature says to me. I give an awkward smile, motioning towards the oatmeal bowl.
“Sorry about the whole…fainting-then-making-us-both-faint ‘thing.’ While you were out, I made some oatmeal for you, if you want some…or know what it is.”
“Oh? Thanks…so I guess you’re a mister, based on your voice?” I give a small nod at that.
“And you, female?” She returns the nod to me, as a faint glow surrounds her horn. I go stiff at that, but hold on to the bottom of my seat to keep from jumping up. “Uh, what’s that thing you’re doing? W-with the horn?”
“Magic…why?”
“Oh, no reason.”

She raises her eyebrow, but lifts the spoon in that magic thing as she shrugs her shoulders - or withers, or whatever they’re called. I let her do that, deciding to ask a few questions. For science.
“So, what are you? I’m a human, from the planet Earth.”
“Hm, that’s interesting.” /Hm, that’s interesting?/ Way to downplay meeting another sentient species! “I’m a pony - unicorn, to be exact - from the planet Equis.”

“How did you end up in my kitchen, anyway?” I ask suspiciously. “I mean, we were both pretty tense at first, but here you are, trusting me with your food while you’re unconscious.”
“Well, why would you poison it?”
“I-I wouldn’t, but how could you trust a stranger? An alien stranger?”
“You’re way too nice for that.”
“How can you tell”
“You gave me food!” I don’t know whether to clutch my chest and make a strained sound, or slam my hand into my forehead.
“Okay, whatever. But was it an accident, right?” She tenses up slightly at that, swallowing her current mouthful of oatmeal.
“Yeah, of course. I signed up for volunteer testing for Princess Twilight Sparkle, and something happened there.”
“Erm…Twilight Sparkle? N-nevermind. My name’s Anonymous, or Anon. What’s your name, miss?”
“Lyra. Lyra Heartstrings.”
“Nice to meet you. I’ll be back in a second, okay?” She nods at that, giving a hum of assent as I get up.

I leave the living room, walking up into my bedroom. I close the door and begin my inner ranting, pacing in circles. I have an extraterrestrial being that speaks English in my house. One that looks like a toy from Disney movies long forgotten. What should I do?
Turning her in is just plain evil to do. Even if the 'cutting open all things that are not human' thing wasn’t true, it’d still put an innocent creature in the spotlight, and the telekinesis would pique the interest of any man of science. I don’t now how long could keep her inside, and I already know it’ll be hard to break it to her that humanity’s got a dark side. Several, really. Perhaps I could simply keep her with me for now so I can teach her about humanity, and help be her PR agent if she gets found? Yeah, that sounds logical.
Then what about right now? I should probably not inflate humanity as perfect, or it might offend her kind’s pride, and telling her all humans have a double-barrel and a whiskey habit wouldn’t be without a minute or two of freaking out on her part.

After several minutes of thinking about the talk we’ll have, I open the door and walk downstairs again to find she’s just finishing her bowl. Good, didn’t waste too much time.

“Hey, I’m back. Sorry if I took a while.”
“Nah, no problem. I kinda needed the time to think.” Really, now? She doesn’t seem too vapid - more along the lines of too trusting. Wonder what she’s thinking about right now?
“About what?”
“Just trying to figure out more about your kind, is all. What’s that mask hung up on the wall?” She motions with a hoof toward my prized possession: my V For Vendetta Box Set Guy Fawkes mask. I smile a bit at that, glad she’s as curious as I am. I start gushing to her, subconsciously ignoring my pre-planned speech.
“Oh man, that’s a classic of mine. It’s a mask that represents the power of the masses, and it’s a key part of a story about this guy who thwarts a tyrannical government and regains the freedom of speech for the people around him through questionable acts!”
“Wow, what a story. Is that popular to you…‘hyoonhims?’”
“Humans. And yeah, it’s something that challenged people to think differently all over the place. A whole group of people even got that mask and occupied places for peaceful protest in a large city in this country. ‘We are legion.’ Creepy, but genius.” I pause for a bit, noticing her cheeky smile. “…did I just nerd out there?” A subtle nod.

Finally, I'm able to sit up and turn my head more easily. Thank the lard. In celebration, I wrote two chapters.

“R-right, sorry. Anyways, I suppose we’ll need to sort of gain an understanding of one another, so let’s talk a bit. What sort of technology do you have in your home, besides magic?” I sit down beside her, keeping my hands in my lap as I look sidelong at her.
“Well, we have vinyl records for phonographs and turntables, we have cannons, we have musical instruments, we have a motion-capturing camera…hm.” Okay, that helped a lot. So her world’s tech is at the level of, say, Avatar: Legend of Korra? It’s now my turn to give a cheeky smile as I clear my throat, trying to sound like the black guy from that Matrix meme.
“What if I told you we had motion-capturing cameras for almost a hundred years?”
“What?! No way!”
“Yes way. We’ve got the ability to publish those through a huge information medium, live. We can even have people comment on it as it happens, across the nation.” Okay, got her hyped up. I don’t know if that’s good or bad, but…I suppose I can humble humanity while she’s in a good mood, use it as an emotional cushion to soften the blow? “Okay, I suppose it’s about time I spill the beans.”
“Hm? What do you mean?”
I stay silent for a while before talking, unsure how to phrase this one.

“…well, you look really innocent and happy, but I have to be honest with you. If I value anything, above all else, it’s honesty. Humanity isn’t a utopia. I don’t know how ponykind would treat me if I came in, but here, we’re the only species with higher thinking, except dolphins - and that’s debated all the time. We’re sort of a paranoid type, and alien life is a subject that usually ends with the alien in question on a surgical table, if you know what I mean. Do you know anything about the circumstances that sent you here?”
“No…why?”
“Well, I could probably dress you up as an ambassador, but you’ll have to be patient and brave. What do you think about that, Lyra?”
“Will that work out?”
“I can’t guarantee anything, but this’ll include understanding humanity, psychology, and history to a T. And you look like a smart young pony. If it goes as planned, in a while, you’ll be given a shot at being a citizen around here, with the amazing technology, interesting culture, and…” I give a small smile as I glance down to her side. “…and especially music.”
She gives a large smile, looking really humbled. Mission accomplished, Anon!
“I accept, Anonymous. When should we start?”
“Let’s not get too ahead of ourselves. I fainted twice, and we’ve both made a lot of progress with each other. Do you want to take my bed, or the couch?”
“It’s fine, I’ll take the couch.” I give her head a small pat and get up, grabbing a blanket for her and putting it at her side.
“Alright, get some sleep. We’ll be learning a lot tomorrow.”
-----------------------
18097488
>driving home from supermarket in your surplus MRAP
>it gets shitty gas mileage, but the babes love it
>and it's four wheel drive, which is a good thing in a snowstorm like this
>suddenly, inna headlights, a dark quadrupedal shape
>you stop
>it's a blue pony
>with wings and a horn
>and she stands on her hind legs to tap politely on the driver's side window with a hoof
>later you wonder how she did this, given how small she is and how tall an MRAP is, but never mind that
>you roll down the window
>she bares what look like candy vampire teeth and makes scary faces
>"We shall eat thee! Grr! Woof woof! Awooooo!"
>her eyes look a little odd
"Pardon me?"
>"...We are hungry and yon 7-11 hath closed due to inclement weather. We are loath to ask, but wouldst thou be willing to show hospitality to a hungry lost traveler?"
>you ponder this
>a talking pony is hitting you up for a free meal
>sure, why not?
"Sure. Get in. I hope you like quinoa."
>yeah, quinoa. it's got protein
>later that evening at your place, you learn that ponies produce quinoa farts capable of peeling the wallpaper
>I mean literally, you wake up with your eyes streaming and the wallpaper all curling off the walls
>the wallpaper looks like it's trying to curl up and die
>you don't blame it
>it was a smelly night
-----------------------
18136295
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TR7qwu8grWo
>When ponies came to Earth, no one had any real idea how innocent and naive they actually were.
>The first time one of them turned on a radio, they listened to it to try to get an understanding of human musics.
>Unfortunately, the radio was pre-set to a rock station.
>The newest single to be released?
>Oh man...
>That pony immediately spread the word to others, stating that the song was literal instructions on how to successfully blend in to human society.
>You'd probably call him 'Patient Zero', but that's only if radios were few and far between.
>Many ponies had heard the song and spread the word.
>The cute and adorable ponies morphed into pure chaos.

>Manes were spiked into mohawks.
>Studded leather collars and piercings were popular.
>Hair dye was also popular, despite their already colorful manes.
>Ponies turned in to Punks 2.0.
>Anarchy spread amongst them.
>They got fat.
>Their alcohol resistance was also miniscule to none and they became rampant alcoholics.
>Several were able to smoke several packs of cigarettes a day.
>Violence rose as pony gangs regularly started brawls amongst humans and each other.
>Security at metal concerts were overwhelmed as the ponies are a non-stop tidal wave of running up and diving off of the stage.
>Petty crimes rose into full-on bank robberies.
>What's worse, is that Bible per se tells them "Not to be ashamed".
>Standoffs with riot police became frequent.
>Ponies saw it as a game.
>People were getting fucking pissed.
>Such is the life in post-EQ Earth.
-----------------------
18223296 
>Be Anon
>Spent an ungodly amount of money on a newly-opened pony orphanage
>The last few months had been utter hell, signing migrant child papers, finding a ponies-only school, which turns out to be on the other side of the city.
>Pay extra for transfer fees, other school fees apply.
>Have cleanest house in all the neighbourhood
>Living in a relatively poor neighbourhood, you sure as hell don't like keeping them outside for long.
>But, you know in your heart this is going to be worth all the trouble.
>Beautiful sleep, you never get enough of it.
>Small thuds of hooves clatter in the background
>most likely the girls getting ready for school, don't bother
>hear more thuds and your door opens
"..mh, love you.. be good at.. school.."
>Small giggles in reply, they're probably up to something
>Whatever, you'll deal with it when you wake up
>Time passes...
>The sunlight finally begins to shine in your eyes through the blinds
>you open one eye, and in the blinding white-red light you hear gasps in the background
>you take a deep exhale, and close it
>you rub your eyes, you had planned to sleep until the girls got home
>you looked, watching the small titillations of Rarity's mane boop out from over the bed's edge
"Rarity.."
>She gives a squeak, submerging completely back behind the bed
>You give a deep sigh, again
"Who's here, c'mon, the jig's up."
>They slowly crawled out from over the bed, all six of them
>all looking at, or rubbing their hooves, traces of guilt on their face
"..Why aren't any of you at school?"
>Rainbow is the first to reply
>"Why aren't you at work?"
"It's my day off."
>"So it's ours, too!"
"That's not how it.."
>You just sigh, looking at the time.
>It's noon.
>Fuck.jpg
>Too late to send them to school, and they're here, so you might as well get up.
"C'mon, you lot. Want an omelette?"
>"YEAH!"

>Be Anon
>Cooking the last bit of your eggs in the fridge to make omelettes for six fillies.
>You light up a cigarette. Exhaling smoke through your nostrils, the cigarette-holding hand near the sink and away from the food.
>You maneuver your plastic spatula just like how your own father did.
>Rarity and Applejack, the two oldest, are helping the others get in chairs.
>It was really strange, how Ponies sit. Though you don't worry about it too much.
>If it makes them comfortable, it makes them comfortable.
>Rarity, the socialite, is talking about some boy in her class. Eating her meal amply with a fork and knife.
>You'll probably never get over how weird Unicorn magic is.
>Applejack's the football player, scarfing down her food.
>Reminds you of that one scene in 'Remember the Titans'.
> Same with Pinkie and Rainbow, the two middle fillies. They both have, obviously, athletic metabolisms.
>The only relatively normal ones, to say, would probably be Twilight and Fluttershy, who talk amongst themselves in their corner.
>Out of the corner of your eye you see pinkie scoop up the last bit of food on Rarity's plate and wolfed it down.
>Rarity doesn't seem to care, until she feels the metal of her fork tapping against her plate.
>Her face contorts into confusion, betrayal, and udder sadness.
>See tears welling in her eyes.
>NOPE.JPG
>You grab a bucket and put it in front of her.
>The alabaster pony sends projectile tears into the bucket.

>The sound of hard rain spuddering against metal comes to mind, or the sound of running water at the bottom of the bucket.
>With the torrential stream of tears, you thought the bucket would've disentigrated into a pile of rust shavings.
>But it dealt with the torrential waters of your little Drama queen.
>You facepalm, picking up the still-sobbing Rarity.
>Pinkie has some shit-eating grin as she talked with Rainbow.
"Applejack, get the paddle."
>Took off their smiles in ten seconds flat. Their ears flattented as they dogged their head a bit, attempting to play dumb.
>"Wh-What?"
>Applejack nods, and prances off.
>You have to deal with this mess of a filly on your shoulder.
>Jesus christ you'll have to buy more club soda to get these fucking mascara stains out.

>Be Anon
>Bathing Rarity, whose alabaster coat is stained with mascara and tears.
>Have to scrub hard to get it out.
>Long-bristled brush, with some soap.
>Tell her to keep her eyes closed, she sniffles, but complies.
>You sigh, your calloused fingers run through her soft, curly mane.
>Digging a bit hard to re-wash it, to her personal preference.
>You swear, the filly's more high-maintenence than most celebrities you know.
>You dry it.
>"I want a braid, papa!"
"Oh?"
>"They're really in, this season!"
>You blink.
>The fuck is she talking about?
>Oh well.
>Your inner faggot jumps at the chance to braid some hair.
>You straighten the hair out, in long, gentle strokes.
> After that is done, you take the fine-toothed brush and begin brushing her mane.
>Do her tail while you're at it.
> After braiding her, re-appling slight makeup. You scratch her chin.
"You know you're papa's favourite filly, right?"
>you lean in, with a big grin.
"Don't tell the others!"
>She giggles.
>You let her free, all buoyant and the like.
>Oh, what were you going to do?
>You find the paddle.
>Oh.
>..Eh, you're sort of tired.
>She probably learned her lesson, anyhow.
>You walk in.
>You look at Pinkie and Rainbow, who seemed to forget the entire situation.
>You sigh.
>Lock the doors, lock the windows. Turn on some cartoons and stack some books near Twilight's room.
>That should keep them occupied.
>Back to sleep.
>You knock the paddle aside, and slump onto the bed.
>...ZzzZzz..

>You wake up.
>It's farther along the afternoon.
>3 PM.
>You give a deep yawn, getting into a sitting position.
>You shut the door behind you.
>It's quiet..
>...
>..TOO quiet.
>You slowly went from room to room.
>Fluttershy and Applejack are napping., Twilight is reading 'The Hobbit'.
>Twilight has excellent taste, might get her something for it.
>Rarity as singing as she brushed her hair.
>That just leaves Rainbow and-..
>Oh fuck a duck.
>You ask around, none of them saw where Rainbow and Pinkie went.
>You go into the living room; the door was swung open.
>Oh shit.jpg
>You grab your paddle, and watched; they couldn't have gone far.
>As you look past your screen door, worried, an orange-haired pegasus mare was walking with two of the cutest-looking fillies you've ever seen..
>Wait a minute!
>Those are YOUR fillies!
>Papa Beast Mode: Engaged.
>You slam the door open, immediately trumping over to her.
>She doesn't notice you, but Rainbow and Pinkie do.
>They try to hide behind her, they know they fucked up.
"What the HELL are you doin' with my kids!?"
>She's startled, turning around.
>"Oh!? These are yours?"
"Yes, they are."
>"OH! Uh, my brother and I were driving; they were playing in the street, we almost hit them."
>That last sentence just sends your parental emotions out of control.
>You've been thrown into a whole new realm of pissed off that you hadn't even known existed.
>Still, you're trying to calm down. It isn't working.
"Is that so? Thank god they're all right."
>You snap your fingers.
"Pinkie, Dashie, c'mere."
>They timidly walked over to you.
>You waved the mare goodbye and immediately grabbed both Pinkie and Rainbow by the ears with one hand.
>Draggin them, crying and moaning, back to the house.
-----------------------
18233775 
>day 100% of your RDA of protein on Earth
>the ponies have been visiting Earth for months now
>it's still a minor sensation when they're seen in public places
>so they wear magical disguises
>not that they aren't generally recognizable anyway
>Miss Sparkle, with that pink stripe in her hair, for example
>Griffins came over too
>Gilda's here, not griffin a fuck, not disguised, flipping the bird to humans who point and yell
>you're touring a supermarket
>Gilda is pushing a shopping cart full of assorted meat products
>everything from cold cuts to jerky to ground beef to sausages to a stack of chuck roasts and a tray of chicken thighs
>she can do that, she's paying in gold
>it's more than she can carry but you've rented a car, courtesy of the Equestrian Embassy
>Twilight Sparkle looks on with morbid fascination
>there's got to be a hundred pounds of stuff in that cart
"Hey Gilda, you want to try some barbecue sauce?"
>"Whatever, dweeb."
"I'll take that as a yes."
>and you put a couple bottles of cheap store-brand barbecue sauce in the shopping cart
"Either of you want some fresh vegetables?"
>Gilda's response is a curt "As if."
>Miss Sparkle is considerably more enthusiastic about the produce section
>you get some corn on the cob and some aluminum foil to wrap it in for the grill
>some carrots, some onions
>a bag of charcoal, a twelve-pack of beer
>the drive home is relatively uneventful
>and an hour later the coals are ready
>Gilda is already stuffing her face with raw chicken and chasing it with warm beer
>you lay a whole chuck roast on the grill and daub the top side with barbecue sauce
>arrange some carrots in rows for Ms. Sparkle
>shuck and wrap the corn and put it on the grill too
>"I thought you dweebs were carnivores," says Gilda, looking over your shoulder at that roast
"We are. Or more exactly we're omnivores. If we eat just meat, it's fattening for us. And we get constipated."

>Gilda snickers at that
>"What's that sauce?"
"It's mostly tomatoes, with salt, spices, vinegar and honey. It's kind of a sweet and sour flavor that goes well with grilled meat," you say, lining up the remaining chicken thighs on the grill and anointing them with Wal-Mart's best
>you rummage around in the house and put some potatoes on the grill too, because why not?
>Gilda's on her second beer and is gnawing on some beef jerky
>Miss Sparkle is taking notes
"So the beef may be somewhat pink in the middle when I serve it. Some people prefer it that way. Poultry has to be thoroughly cooked or you risk bacterial contamination. The heat kills bacteria."
>"Only the weak ones," snickers Gilda, punctuating her remark with a belch and tossing you and Miss Sparkle cold beers
>Miss Sparkle gorges herself on corn, carrots, and potatoes
>you suppose that if she were really human she'd be hungry again in an hour
>but she's a pony
>one beer has her red-faced, too
>Gilda points at her and cackles "Lightweight!"
>you're eating your BBQ chicken and a slice of that roast with a potato
>drinking a beer, feeling like all is right with the world for once
>Gilda is putting an arm around your shoulders
>and drunkenly saying "You dweebs may be monkeys but ya put out a good spread, I tell ya what."
>Miss Sparkle is demurely eating one last ear of corn, typewriter-fashion
>you can almost hear the "ding" at the end of each row, it's adorable
>it was an all right day
-----------------------
18257936 
>Gilda comes to Earth along with the massive influx of pone
>Friends with Gilda because reasons
>Getting ready for a barbecue because also reasons
>Browsing the meat aisle of the supermarket
>First time Gilda's gone shopping because she's a lazy fuck who always gets her groceries delivered
>You're walking along pushing the shopping cart when something catches Gilda's eye
>"Hey Anon, what's veal? I've never heard of it before."
"Baby cow meat."
>"You mean like how there are carrots and baby carrots?"
"No, like meat from an actual baby cow."
>Gilda stops in her tracks
>It takes a moment for you to realize she's not alongside you anymore
>You turn around to a squinty half-frown on birdcat's face
>"...That's legal here?"
>The supermarket's PA system plays muzak while you choose your words
"Yup."
>You're not known for your inspiring speeches
>Gilda looks down at the linoleum and strokes her beak with a talon
>When she looks up again, her expression's done a complete reversal
>"Let's get five cutlets of that. Do they have pony or horse meat?"
"I dunno, why?"
>This cannot be going anywhere pleasant
>"I was thinking of inviting Dash and I want to get her good. She's hilarious when she freaks out, trust me."

It was a very carnivorous day

>Later, at the barbecue
>You found a nice, wooded spot for a barbecue and invited a bunch of people (and pones, most of whom are only eating grilled veggies)
>Gilda actually found some real horse meat for the occasion
>She described it as "a drug deal, but with meat"
>You weren't there for it
>You don't even know how the fuck she found it
>Point is that you're cooking horse meat for the first time ever
>You're keeping it off to the side of the grill so you don't serve it
>How it's going to taste is anyone's guess
>You've heard it's tasty, but you heard that from a guy in New Orleans who was shooting zombies at the time
>Horses are for riding, not eating
>That's not stopping you from grilling one
>Dash and Gilda fly over the crowd of diners to get seconds
>"Thanks for inviting me, Gil. It's been a while since I've had a decent steak."
>"No prob. More corn?"
>"Nah. Corn from Earth tastes like chalk."
>"Alright, how about some meat I got just for you?"
>Dash raises an eyebrow
>"You sure, Gil? Half of the meat from Earth tastes like corn."
>"Yeah. Hey Anon!"
"Yo."
>"Give Dash the one I got just for her."
>You're going to hell for this
>Dash somehow manages to smile and keep a paper plate in her mouth as you serve her
>You give Gilda a burger
>She winks as she walks away
>Five minutes later, you spy Dash and Gilda at a table
>They've cleaned their plates and started talking

>You're too far away to hear, but you can see the moment Gilda drops the bomb about the mystery meat
>Rainbow Dash's eyes shoot wide open in shock, and then Rainbow Dash herself shoots up into a treetop
>She's clinging to the trunk on one of the top branches and shouting in a shrill, trying-but-failing not to sound terrified angry tone
>"That's disgusting, Gilda! I can't believe you made me eat that!"
>Gilda shouts up after her, barely containing laughter
>"Wait! You still don't know what meat I got just for you!"
>"I-I don't wanna!"
>"Horse meat!"
>Rainbow Dash's eyes somehow open even wider
>There's a tense moment where ALL the equine guests and most of the humans give Gilda the stinkeye
>She's totally oblivious as she anticipates Dash's shock wearing off
>Dash finally recovers and starts shouting shriller than ever
>"T-that's over the line, Gilda! OVER THE LI- Hurgghgh..."
>And there's the upchuck
>Despite being nearly fifty feet up, Dash manages to vomit into a single, neat puddle thirty feet away from the trunk
>Gilda's laughing her ass off
>Dash spits the rest out of her mouth and looks at you like you're some kind of war criminal

>She doesn't sound terrified right now so much as she sounds like she wants to kick someone's ass
>"That better have been meat from some dumb, smelly Earth horse!"
>You don't bother looking down at the crowd, who you can feel staring holes through you
"It was! This was all Gilda's idea, I swear!"
>The feeling of a thousand eyes on you slowly fades
>Dash continues staring at you for a minute before she returns her attention to Gilda, who's still rolling on the ground laughing
>"I am SO getting you back for this, you hear me?! I'm not gonna forget this!"
>Gilda doesn't even acknowledge Dash she's laughing so hard
>Eventually she regains her composure and wipes the tears out of her eyes
>She flies back to you and the serving table
>"Oh man, what did I tell you? Best freakouts ever."
>That was a little more than a freakout, though
"Uh... is everything okay between the two of you?"
>Gilda pops open the cooler and grabs a can of ginger ale
>"Yeah, we're cool. She wouldn't swear revenge if she didn't want to stay friends."
>You look back up at Dash, who's sitting in the same spot on the tree grumping it up
"Alright, just checking..."
>Gilda fills a plate with salad and picks it up in her other talon
>"I'm telling you, we're cool! Just watch."
>She lifts off and lands in the tree next to Dash
>They talk, Dash washes her mouth out with the soda and eats the salad, and they make nice again

>Dash finishes eating and then starts pointing to trees and buildings
>Gilda nods each time
>They both brace against the branches they're sitting on and take off at blazing speeds
>They start weaving around the objects Dash had pointed to
>Gilda gets slightly ahead of Dash on one of the turns, and then you lose sight of Rainbow Dash entirely
>When you spot her again, she's way behind Gilda
>Dash detoured way off of Gilda's course to dive into the pile of supplies you used to set up
>It looks like she picked something up while she was there
>She's moving too fast for you to see what
>Gilda doesn't notice
>She makes it back to the tree they started from way ahead of Rainbow Dash and raises her talons in triumph
>Dash uses this opening to loop whatever she picked up around Gilda's wings and tie it behind Gilda's back far faster than anything without hands should be capable of
>Gilda strains her wings against the bindings and flails to keep her balance
>Dash flies in front of her as Gilda tries to reach the knot
>She can't
>Rainbow Dash blows a raspberry at Gilda and flies back to the ground
>Gilda reaches after Dash as she goes
>It's too slow to touch Dash
>Gilda keeps reaching with a look of sadness on her face long after Dash is gone
>She lets her talon drop back onto the branch and gulps
>Gilda tentatively reaches for a lower branch...
>Then suddenly retracts her talon
>This happens again and again for three hours
>You ended up having call the fire department
-----------------------
18259311
>yet another cold winter afternoon
>you're at the supermarket with Purplesmart
>she's wearing her human disguise to look like human guys (but she's not a man, she's a u-ni-corn)
>"This is amazing! How do you do this? I thought humans didn't have magic."
"What do you mean?"
>"It's February, there's a foot of snow on the ground, and you have fresh apples. Fresh oranges. Even fresh spinach, and that stuff doesn't keep long, even refrigerated! How do you do this?"
"It's called 'international trade.' Most of what you see here was grown in Mexico, South America, or South Africa, and it comes here in enormous ocean-going vessels called 'freighters.'
>"And they're fast enough that they can pick the spinach thousands of miles away and it's still fresh when it gets here?"
"Pretty much. In this country we export a lot of raw foodstuffs, see. Corn, soybeans, and wheat. Also manufactured goods--computers, machine tools, automobiles, jet engines, industrial machinery, anything you can name, really. And we import fresh produce, among other things."
>you finish your explanation
>and look around
"Miss Sparkle, what ARE you doing?"
>she looks up at you innocently, with blueberry juice running down her face
>she's discovered the fresh berries and she's gorging herself right there in the aisle
>a bald-headed guy with a big mustache and an apron is marching purposefully towards you, looking very unhappy
>you force a fake smile
>it was an "it's a supermarket, not a salad bar" day
-----------------------
18263922 
>Be anon.
>Have pony roommate.
>She has a very basic grasp on human technology.
>Her understanding of phones is basically 'sound goes in, other voice comes out'.
>One day, you're looking for your house phone.
>Can't find it, so you press the homing button on the charging stand.
>Hear it start ringing in the other room, but before you can move you hear the scuttling of hooves as a lavender pegasus rushes past you.
>"I got it I got it!" She says, picking up the phone.
>She presses the talk button, and holds it up to her ear.
>"Hello?"
"Pillow case, that's not a-"
>"Shh! Anon, I'm on the phone! Hello? Is anyone there?"
>She doesn't seem to realize it's not a real call.
>Putting the phone down, she just turns to you and shrugs.
>"Huh. I guess they must've hung up."
>Hatch an idea.
>Specifically leave the phone around where she usually sits, and press the homing button when she's reading.
>"Hello? Who is this? ...Stop calling this number."
>This is fun. You try it a few more times.
>Eventually, she just tries to ignore the ringing.
>Nope, the phone is programmed not to stop until it's deactivated.
>You watch as she gets more and more irritated as time goes by.
>Eventually she snaps.
>"WHAT DO YOU WANT? FUCK OFF ALREADY!"
>Slamming the phone down, she turns to you and says,
>"Who the fuck is 'base' and why do they keep calling me!?"
>[keking internally]
>You just shrug.
>You wait until she takes a shower, and place it near the door.
>Ring ring, ring ring.
>She bolts out of the bathroom, dripping wet, and picks up the phone.
>"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? FUCK OFF!"
>Double over laughing.
>"Don't laugh! Somepony is tormenting me!"
>Laugh harder.
>She sighs and gets back in the shower.
>Grand finisher now.
>You wait until she's in bed, and she's asleep.
>Sneak in, place the phone on her night stand.
>Ring ring, ring ring.

>In a single fluid motion, she gets up, grabs the phone, calmly walks to an open window, and with a force you swear would rival major league pitchers, throws the phone into the darkness.
>Seething with anger, she then goes back to bed, slamming the door behind her.
>So much for your phone.
>Oh well, it was a fun tormenting day.
-----------------------
18263926 
>"What's this magic called?"
"International trade. We manufacture washing machines and toaster ovens, and we ship them there. And they ship us fresh fruit in winter in exchange."
>"That's boring."
"Well, magic is fruity."
>"Is not!"
"Is too!"
>it was an interdimensional incident day
-----------------------
18362465
>Day boy band tour on Earth
>Be Francis Sparkle, member of the hit group BBBFF, during my first tour on Earth
>Screaming fangirls are screaming fangirls regardless of species as long as they can pay for tickets
>Also be married to your sister, because that happened
>She kind of murdered your original fiancee and buried the body under Canterlot
>There wasn't much alternative
>It was either go through with the wedding or cancel the catering
>They were catering corndogs
>I love corndogs
>In your trailer prepping for a concert
>Suddenly hungry
>Ask human tour manager if there are corndogs on Earth
>He says yes
>Get him to order some
>Corndogs get here
>Notice they taste kind of weird after scarfing down the third one
>Ask guy who delivered them why
>"I dunno man, they're just hotdogs in cornbread."
>Wait, like Earth hotdogs or normal hotdogs?
>"Normal for Earth I guess"
>Just violated self-imposed vegan diet with meat
>Go back to human tour manager and have him push back all the tour dates one day so I can meditate and put myself at peace with my guilt

I can't work like this
-----------------------
18363483 
>day 404 not found on Earth
>be Anonymous
>Princess Celestia is touring your civilization
>she's stopped in your town to speak to humans
>you notice she looks kind of tired and unhappy
>you walk up with your most trollish grin and say it
"So, why the long face?"
>you are never allowed to speak to ponies again

>she scowls at you but she seems to be having trouble talking
>she clears her throat but her voice is gravelly, presumably from talking all day
>you can't contain it
>you begin to giggle
>you sink to your knees as a crowd gathers
>you have to say it
>you point a finger triumphantly skyward
"I think she's having difficulty speaking. I think she might be..."
>you have another fit of giggles
"She just might be..."
>you can't stop laughing
"Perhaps she is [spoiler]a little hoarse.[/spoiler]"
>she kicks you in the face
>learn later that ponies consider it an ethnic slur
>still totally worth it
-----------------------
18375181 
>in the Wild Wild West
>it's somewhere between the end of the US Civil War and the turn of the century
>the magical ponies had come to the human world
>they were a marvel for months, but people eventually got used to them
>here and now, you are a human
>and you're participating in a cattle drive
>you'd never seen these magic ponies before
>you were pleased to hear that some would be joining your cattle drive to observe
>you had thought perhaps you'd be able to ride one on the open range
>the little purple unicorn has other ideas
>and you're holding out your saddle and motioning for her to let you strap it onto her
>she's having none of it
>"I'm not a 'little dogie' and I'm not going to 'git along,' so put that thing away," she says
"Please?"
>"No!"
>today was a clash of civilizations
-----------------------
18427907
>"Hi! Welcome to Pomino's, may I take your order!?"
>"Pinkie, its Domino's, do you wanna get us written up again?"
"Holy shit! You're Pinkie and Rainbow Dash!"
>RD groans in disgust and rolls her eyes, "Oh, so you're another one of those "bonrys" that keep coming here. Look, just order your pizza and get out. Pinkie and I arent interested in any cum inside jokes or crap with cupcakes ok?"
>Deciding to ignore RD because well, she's RD and fuck her, you turn your attention to Pinkie Pie.
"Pinkie, what are you doing working at a fucking pizza joint? Shouldn't you be in Equestria?"
>Pinkie, with her eyes closed the whole time and with a huge smile, begins grabbing things and assembling an order.
>"Oh, well you know, ever since Twilight got herself pregnant by human Flash, some big tear in space time caused us to end up here."
>"Yeah, thanks Twilight."
>Pinkie stops assembling the order and opens her tired eyes to sigh sadly, the bags were clearly visible, "I'm pretty sure the others are around here somewhere, but its so HARD to do things since we always need money."
"That sucks, have you seen anybody else?"
>She shakes her head, "No, but I think I have an idea. If we can ever save the money."
>Suddenly a loud voice yells from the back, "Hey! If you two arent on break you better get back to work!"
>RD and Pinkie cringe in fear before quickly folding closed boxes and stacking them for pending orders.
>RD looks over at you and scowls before sarcastically sneering "Thanks a lot."
>Pinkie gives you a genuine smile and replies, "Thanks for asking though uhh.."
"Anon, and no prob. I'll just take whatever pizza you got around."
>RD lazily grabs a pizza box, and almost slams it onto the table, "Here, now beat it or join your creepy friends over in that corner." She points with a hoof to a gathering of fat, neckbears wearing MLP merch, and matching 20% cooler shirts.

>"Hey guise look! Crusty Cunt is looking over here!" They all wave excitedly back as some drop their pasta plates while trying to be noticed.
"Uh..I'm not with them. Do you see any autism radiating off me?"
>You take a few steps back and let them look over your clothes. Truly those fashion tips from /fa/ and work our regiments from /fit/ have finally paid off as RD nods in almost approval.
"Look, I know its hard living here, and I know you guys have probably heard it 1000 times by now, but if you need a place to stay, I got plenty of room."
>This causes RD to go on the defensive as she narrows her eyes, her small twine of reassurance shattered, "I knew it, I knew you were up to something, no thank you."
>Pinkie pulls her aside and whispers, "C'mon RD, we really need to save the money, and he seems nice."
>RD whispers back, "Yeah, real nice, just like the last nice guy we moved in with, the one who was smelling your mane in the middle of the night. Remember him?"
>"I use nice soap, it was a compliment."
"I'm just saying, if you really need to save money, I got plenty of space and I'll charge you much cheaper than what you're currently paying."
>RD looks back surprised, "Charge us?"
"Yeah, this aint a fucking charity, I gotta cover overhead."
>RD though skeptic, was a bit at ease with your matter of fact, nonchalant attitude, and she couldnt say no to Pinkie who was making puppy dog eyes at her.
>RD sighs and taps her hoof, "We'll need some time to think about it."
"Cool."
>Grabbing the pizza, you go over to the table with the neckBEARDS, and decide to gather some intel.
>As you go over, RD and Pinkie begin to weigh their options now that you are out of earshot.
>At the table, you overhear the guys talking.
>"Implying RD is not superior pony."
>"Implying Ponka is shit."
>"Girugames!"
>"Le reddit."
>You do a 180, and nope the fuck away and to the door. As you go out, RD yells out to you, "Hey Anon!"
"Yeah?"

>"Show us the place on Friday."
>With that, you waited for Friday and now that Friday is here, you wait in the parking lot for the two to finish their shift.
>It took a bit, but they both come out and trot to your car. Pinkie rushes to the passenger side as RD takes the backseat, right behind you.
>As each on crawls in, your car screams in agony as their combined weight makes your car into a low rider, except it has much more class.
>Starting the car, you shift gears and drive off. RD was natrually cautioes as you drove a little ways past the city limits, but Pinkie was having the time of her life pushing random buttons, and giggling while cranking the AC really high, and then really low.
>Reaching your house, you pull up into the grass drive way and show them the home.
"Here it is."
>The two look moderately impressed at your 3 acre land. RD is the first to ask, "Is this all yours?"
"Well, technically it was my grandpa's, but when he passed away, it became my mothers, and she gave it to me, but she aint dead though, she just didnt want to live here."
>RD opens the door, and gets off, "Huh, AJ had something similar, only she had WAY more land."
"I know, I saw it."
>She raises an eye brow at you as you smile.
"Well technically I didnt see it, but I did see the show."
>Pinkie rushes to the gates, "Look at all this space! Wow!"
"Yeah, plenty of room for your guys to do your flying, and other horse shit. But before you commit to anything, let me give you the tour inside."
>Inside the home, they look around at the humble decorations, and not so humble 50 inch HD TV.
"Only thing I get out here is satellite, but its the best."
>RD jumps on your recliner and grabs your remote before turning it on, and flipping through the channels as Pinkie raids the fridge and gasps "You have lots of soda!"
"Yeah, I do like to pig out from time to time."
-----------------------
18436157
>day aw shit nigga what are you doing on Earth
>you're out on a date with Lyra
>you're at the Sizzler
>she wrinkles her nose at the smell of meat
>you yell at a passing waiter
"Hey! Do you serve ponies?"
>"Yeah, but right now we're sold ou--"
>then he looks at your date
>it didn't end well
-----------------------
18488770
>sitting around the house with Purplest Princess
>parents have accepted the unnatural relationship
>and wonder aloud whether their grandchildren will have hooves
>looking at the thread on 4chan
"Do you think I should write more of the story?"
>"Don't you mean OUR story, sweetie?" she responded, wiggling her little horsey bubble-butt seductively
"You're a nymphomaniac, you know that?"
>"And you love me for it."
"Yes. Yes, I do."
>no, you're not gonna see the sex scene here
>but trust me, shit was SO cash
>it was a non-writing day
-----------------------
18513186 
>Be Anonymous
>Nearly done working night shift at a generic grocery store
>Tired after stocking shelves from night to morning
>But you didn't have to deal with the fucking retarded amerifat customers that are commonplace in 
>Why the fuck did you move here anyway?
>You finish quickly and clock out
>Begin the relatively short bike ride home
>The cool early morning air rushes against you and flows over your body, leaving you refreshed as you cruise through the neighborhood
>The recent robberies and muggings enter your mind briefly, reminding you to check your surroundings.
>You see a figure lying on the ground up ahead and immediately stop to get off your bike
>You place your right hand on your holster as you slowly approach the hooded figure lying on the ground
"Hey, you okay there?"
>The person doesnt respond.
>Look left.
>Nothing
>Step
>Look right.
>Nothing
>Step
>As you get closer and closer, you notice that the body has hooves
>pink
>furry
>hooves
>ohshit
>You stop and slowly extend a trembling hand to lift the hood
>What you see momentarily takes your breath away
>Its an unconscious flat-maned ponk
>The best brand of ponk
"Oh yes."
>Everything is a blur as you hoist the pone up over your shoulders and begin to sprint.
>Before you know it, you're inserting your key inside your front door.
>You rush into your home, a manic grin on your face as you make your way to your basement...

>You take your time down the stairs into the basement as you shut the custom built hidden metal door.
>Its safe to take your time now.
>You sit her down on the lone bed there and sit down next to her to take a breather.
>You enjoy the cool, sterile air as your gaze wanders around what your years of hard work had built.
>The lab directly across from you, nothing really over the top due to your budget, but well stocked with almost all the chemicals, equipment and glassware you could ever want.
>A workshop connected to the lab, usually used for cleaning and maintaining your guns.
>Speaking of guns, you have a small but well-picked selection of firearms in the 'armory', as well as your tactical gear.
>A small room in the corner that you leave clear in case you need it for anything
>The storage room where you keep most of your supplies and miscellaneous equipment, rows of cabinets and shelves.
>The room where the magic happens, currently bare except for an operating table with straps.
>And finally, your room, which you and ponka are in.
-----------------------

>You find that you were laying on the floor followed by burning debris around you on a strange plush grass
>Surrounding the area is an odd looking forest with designs of cartoonish faces on the trees
>You want to stand up but you take notice that your body is unable to move
>A warm pain right above the knee states that you've broken it from whatever accident that occured
>There's a chance that it's broken or something is impaled there
>You hear the sounds of clicking and clacking from what sounds like hooves 
>Light-headedness contained you in it's grip then...darkness
>...
>...
>... 
bbmmmmvvvvvvvvvvvv
>A buzzing sound rang in your ears for what seemed like an eternity 
>You turn left and right and see your pet dog and cat near a golden gate with pearls along the golden bars
>They call to you but to no use when the recieving end is deaf
>A shock strikes your spine 
>You wake up gasping for air 
>Your eyes look everywhich way in hystaria 
>A figure in the corner of your eyes stares at you in an uncomfortable manner
>You turn to it and find that it was a pastel coloured pony...

--------
>You ask where you are
>No answer
>Your surroundings prove that you aren't in a hospital but find that your legs no longer hurt
>You lay your head back to the plush grass and look to the clear blue sky
>The pastel pony came into a clearer view and its gender is of a female with a strange purple colour tone and highlights in her hair
"Do you know where you are?"
>...
"Do you know how you got here?"
>...
"Do you know who I am?"
>...
"Do you know what year and date it is?"
>...
>She sighs then leaves through a tree
>Your head is still spinning but you have to find where you are and why you can't talk
>Strange impulses surge through you demanding that you find food and drink
>You also feed content with your current state sensing that you don't need any of that
>Looking up to the sky the sun looks odd
>It doesn't resemble the same one like you remember
>"Do you know where you are", echo'd in your head
>You wince in pain trying to remember 
>Black disstorted images of the past burn into your mind 
>You remember a crash and that you were looking for something but you forgot what it was

------------
>Nothing seemed to have changed 
>The sun never goes down and the tempature is stays the same
>You don't mind this since the air was cool and the grass was soft and not itchy whatsoever
>You managed a smile
>You hear a clicking and clacking from the purple pony again
>How you knew it was her? 
>She has been visiting you and gave you nurishment through a weird looking tube with something in the end that you can't make out
>She asks you the same question everyday but you can't resond feeling like your mouth is broken and your tongue was ripped out
>But that isn't the case
>You feel numb
>Your body feels like a great bag of sand 
>The only thing you can control are your eyes
>After she leaves you see that it's a door she leaves through when going to the specific tree she always passes through
-------------
>The next time that she came back she brough a bag with something at the end of it
>You felt pins and needles around your body
>You see an aura around you giving this feeling
>The bag of stuff might be doing this to you also
>Unconsciousness struck
>Waking up with more energy but still unable to move you were able to make a sound and with that the purple pony smiled then left through the door

----------
>You were able to move your pinky today
>The air felt different everytime you were making progress with your body
>As time passed you see that day turns to night and that the plush wind slowly started to itch the back of your neck
>The purple pony saw this progress and used more of her purple aura which gave you more of that stinging feeling around your body
>She continues to ask you questions but this time of your past 
>Whenever you try to answer you black out
>She sees that you try so in turn she doesn't visit you for sometime which you can only assume to give you a break
----------
>Arms,neck and mouth are fully functional after what seemed like years
>When you first tried to speak to yourself you heard noises from the brush surrounding you 
>In panic you close your eyes
>This continues for the next couple months until the noises stop 
>You open your eyes and see that the purple pony is back
"Who are you?"
>...
>.."I"
>."I'm Anonymous"
>Her eyes glow with excitement
"Do you know where you are?"
>.."no"
"Thank you."
>She then leaves with a tune hummed under her breath
>The tune sounded familiar and a flash of memories came back
>You began to yell and you felt your body twitch everytime you let out a loud yelp
>She turned back and gave you the pins and needles again
>You felt calm

-------------
18552528
>You remember.
>You remember everything 
>The next time the purple pony came back she was on her hind legs
>Before she was able to speak
>"I know who and where I am"
"So you now understand?"
>"Yes"
"Do you know how long you have stayed?"
>"No"
"Six years"
>"Revert to your real form for me?"
"I don't understand"
>"You aren't a pony"
"...I don't understand"
>You start to blink hard when looking to her and you slowly see that she's a woman in white
>The world around you is white and cushioned 
>"It all makes sense now"
"What does Anonymous?"
>The burning image of various faces pass like phantoms
>"I couldn't find a place to hide."
END
-----------------------
18562643
>day square root of minus one on Earth
>you're Twilight Sparkle
>a magical mishap has landed you on Earth
>a very nice, if somewhat eccentric family has graciously agreed to give you shelter and maintain secrecy about your presence
>there's a bald guy in a fur coat--the fur coat is creepy, but he's a fellow scientist. You feel a strong bond with him, despite his weird name, "Fester."
"Are you sure we want to try making trinitrotoluene at room temperature?"
>"I'm sure of it! This will be a more efficient synthesis if we can do it without refrigeration!"
>moments later, KABOOM
>miraculously you're both unharmed, despite the hurricane of flying glass shrapnel and toxic chemicals that just blasted through the lab
>though you're both covered with soot, like cartoon characters
>"Back to the drawing board, I guess."
>the extremely tall butler has silently appeared and is already sweeping up the debris
>he's such a hard-working guy
"Thank you very much, Mr. Lurch." You give him your nicest smile.
>his response is a basso profundo groan that you can't quite parse
>you walk out into the garden
>it reminds you of the Everfree Forest, with all its carnivorous and toxic plants
>Mrs. Addams is here. She's so pretty and fashionable. She reminds you of Rarity.
>She smiles at you and you levitate over the watering can. A carnivorous plant chomps it out of her hand and eats it, narrowly missing her fingers.
>"Ah well," she sighs. "C'est la vie."
>as if from nowhere, her husband, Mr. Addams pops out and yells "You spoke French!"
>they're such a loving family
>you feel so at home here
-----------------------
18564750
>The hospital doors burst open with a screaming man and wife
>"MY WIFE IS HAVING A BABY"
>Nurses and the other doctor people rush to his side and slam her into a wheelchair
>ridin dirty
>They roll her into another room and lay her on a stretcher
>You storm in and stick a stethoscope to her belly
"Nurses, whats the prognosis?"
>"Shes having a baby doc!"
"Oh." You wave your hand to follow you
>They follow you into the room and set her down on the cold steel table
>"Why are we in here doc?"
"All the other rooms are full and this was better than the janitors closet."
>A couple of nurseboys high five
>absolutely disgusting
>You turn your attention to the woman screaming about babies
>You look at her vagoo and notice its dilating
>You're about to start making incisions when you notice she is also taking a shit
>You call over a couple of nurses and they laugh at her
>So do you
>Then you see something poke out of the tunnel of flesh
"Someone get me some gloves!" You scream
>A nurse hands you a pair
>You immediately get down to business
>You pinch the tip of the thing coming out and you start pulling
>"Is that a?"
>You finally pull the whole baby out.
>You rage as you look at a pony baby and you slap its ass to make it cry
>Then you show it to the father
"Sir, your wife is a whore."
>He takes the baby in his hand, pushes the hair out of its face and smiles.
>He kisses the babies head
>"Its okay little one."
>everyone daws then stop when he throws the baby at the wall
>"THATS THE FORTH TIME THIS MONTH JANET!"
>She gets up and walks out
>you dont even care
>This is the 11th person you lost this week
>after your shift is over you stop off at the local liquor store and buy fourlokos like the fag you are
>100 cans of peer disgust
>You're already drunk as you enter your home
>you start throwing your pictures off the desks as you take a swig
>then you throw your cans everywhere
>nothing was spared
>You tear your diploma of fine arts off the wall
>then you cry
end
-----------------------
18564903
>Day Patricia Black ON earth
>You are studying the effects of some particle dismantler princess celestia brought to you
>OLD GOD TECH SHE CLAIMED
>You called her a bullshitter straight to her face
>You're Pat
>And aint no pat give a fuck
>Also you were fired from your job for calling the princess of another world a bullshitter
>two thumbs up (y) (y)
>But you stole the particle thing and thats why you have it
>Turns out it disintegrates anything in front of it
>You found out when you pointed at your house
>shame
>Oh well
>You're currently holding up a bank
>The girl behind the counter thought it was a nerf gun
>She nolonger exists in this world
>hue
>Anyways, they cough up 100billionmillion dollars
>You shoot the bags of dough
"It's not about the money." You lick your lips. "Its about sending a message."
>"Fuck you you stole that from batman."
>You shoot him
>le maymayface
>You walk outside and shoot a couple cars
>take the trolley to the statue of liberty
"POW HAHA!"
>The whole thing starts dissolving in air
>You laugh
>then you see people falling from inside the statue
>You feel sad and walk to your nonexitent home
>You sob into your hands of charcoal color
>Then you point the gun at yourself
"My only regret is not asking the cops why they didnt come for me."
>Poof
>you're gone
>Amen hallauahueya
>In memory of Phillip Banks 1988-20013
-----------------------
18564908
>Day Pat inon Earth
>You be the most gangsta playa in Philly.
>West Philadelphia to be exact
>Aight
>You be chillin' on yo step with a couple of yo homeboys
>Hootin and hollerin at all da passin girls
>An occasional mare would pass bye and if she pretty, ya boys would go ape crazy
>but there was always dis one grey nigga
>she always walk by and kinda scurry along faster when she had to walk past yo black asses
>ya boys would kinda just 'ppsssch' at her or mutter donkey and go back to doin nuttin
>it irked ya everytime they did this
>becuz man, you had a crush on this bitch
>fine as all hell
>dat grey coat
>dem succulent hips
>and dat hair
>aww lawdy dat hair
>smooth as silk ah bet
>ya know what, shiiiiieeet, today yous gonna introduce yoself
>You get yoself an idea
"AY!" all the bruthas shut up. "You black ass mothafuckas get off my step."
>"Nigga you crazy as shit talkin to me like that." one niglet stands to defy you
>but you are pat
"Bitch, i'm Pat!" You flex your muscles and sparkle a bit.
>Nuttin but audible "dayuuuuuuuums" could be herd.
"Word up girl scout!" You flash some intangible gang sign
>All the boys leave while you sit on your step.
"pussy ass niggas" you snort
>Then you wait
>and wait
>you look at yo fake rolodex
"maang she usually here by-"you're interrupted as you see her turn the corner
"Aw shit, here she come. dayum wat am i supposed to ax."
>She strolls by but this time she doesnt hurry past
>You catch her take a quick glimpse at you from the corner of her eye
"Wat? You aint neva seen a black man befo?"
>She cowers a bit as she squeaks out, "S-sorry..." and keeps walking
>Your thug heart instantly melts
"Ay, grey pone. Come back here."
>She stops again and looks back
>She takes a gulp and asks what."
"C'mon back ova here man."
>Once she is in front of ya you act as gentlemenly as possible.
"Ay lil horse, i'm sorry if i scared ya, ya heard?"

>"It's n-not a problem..."
"Aight, thats coo, so whats yo name?"
>"Octavia" She looks down at her hooves.
"Octavia huh? Dats a pree coo name ya got there." She smiles and looks down at here hooves.
>"T-thank you. What's your name?" She asks while still looking down
"You aint neva herd of Pat? Sheeiiit, how come u neva heard of me?"
>"I don't live in this part of town. I just come to visit my friend Vinyl."
"No shit? Man, she sell hella dope!"
>"Excuse me?" She glares at you.
"What? She sells sum of da dankest weed you can find!"
>She pushes you and walks away.
>Dis bitch is wack
"AY!" She continues walking so you get up and start joggin towards her.
>She starts running and screamin
>Aww shit, dis cant be happenin
>You pounce on her and close her muzzle.
"Ay, im sorry, kay. I didn't know you was gonna act like dat. If I let yo mouth go, you promise you aint gonna scream?"
>She nods
>You release your grasp and she immediately starts screaming
"Dayum, I didn't want to do this considerin i had thought u was beautiful and all dat."
>You pick her up and put her under your arm and walk to your house
>You go inside, You lock the door behind you with her in hand and set her down on the couch
"Now hold still while i go get som ducktape"
>She is frozen with fear.
>You come back with a hood on and some duct tape
>You wrap her up so she wouldnt go anywhere and just leave her on the couch
>then you go into the kitchen and make som popcorn
>You pop in a movie and start watching movies as you cuddle with her
>She cries throughout the whole movie as you caress her hair and sometimes smell it
>and hour and 20 minutes later and you are sitting there still holding her.
"You's a good watcher, you know dat octavia."
>She closes her eyes as she cries
"But ey, i don't like goin to bed without a lil action...ya feel me." You lean in real close to her face. "You gonna get l-loved tenderly, b-b-baka."
>lights fade out and the curtain drops
>everyone applauds
-----------------------
19201558
>day tirdy-two in Canada, eh?
>yer new neighbor's a pony, eh?
>she's cute, eh?
>ask her to go oot for some coffee & Timbits, eh?
>then go hoom for some hot Kraft Dinner, eh?
>she's an odd one, eh?
>asked "why do you end every sentence with 'eh?'"
"How else should we talk, eh?"
>it was a fine day, eh?
-----------------------
19335533
>day 6 at MIT
>"But you've got to anal probe me! Don't you like my anus?"
>she's wiggling her butt unironically at the engineering class
>they're all horrified
>"You must! You must! You must stick things in my butt!"
>"The bigger the better, or I'll send home a letter and say you don't like us!"
>they're running away
>even the ones in "brony" t-shirts
>goddamnit Pinkie
-----------------------
19336080 
>pinkie is anally probed
>they encounter a blockage about a foot of the way in.
>give her a laxitive
>about an hour later she shits out a grey canister
>open it up
>100 fucking paper snakes pop out of it
>wat
>"Silly humans, you should know that I always keep party favors on me at all times in case of an emergency!"
>"Or rather, in me at all times, haha!"
-----------------------
19381754 
>Anonymous The Bored
>"Aye Pillow what we gun do?"
"..."
>"Wanna drank?"
>She tilts her head in interest
>"I got this here barrel of good 'ems if ya wan any"
>Her eyes shoot wide open and tackles the soul out of you to get to the barrel of good 'ems
-----------------------
19393366 
>"So Darling, what do you do for fun around here?"
"Uh, I don't do much in town, but the locals like to hang out at the Circle K."
>"Circle K? Is that a club of some sort?"
"No, it's a gas station convenience store."
>"Oh. Why would they gather there? Aren't there any better places to hold social gatherings in this lovely town?"
"No."

-----------------------
19396807 
>Celestia woke up on Earth
>It was the middle of the winter, so the sun wasn't yet up
>She decides to raise the sun
>The sudden shift in the sun's position relative to the Earth flung the rocky planet out of orbit, because inertia is a thing that exists
>Earth collides with Mars
>Everyone dies, but not before some fatass attempts to shove an American flag into the red planet while shouting "420 yolo swag America fuck year"
>Celestia warps back to Equestria
>"I just don't know what went wrong"
[spoiler]>she wakes up
>she is Derpy[/spoiler]
-----------------------
19402367 
>Be Derpy Hooves
>Eating a cinnamon sugar muffin from Carrot Top's fridge
>Chomp
>Big flash of light
>Suddenly not in best friend's kitchen anymore
>Looking at a sofa and coffee table that are way bigger than they need to be
>Must be somepony's living room
>Weird hairless clothed monkey thing walks in through a doorway and looks surprised to see you
>"...Derpy?!"
>It sounds like a guy
>He must have seen you around Ponyville or something
>Haven't met him before, though
>You should say hi
"Hello Mister Person-Whose-Name-I-Don't-Know."
>"How did you get here?!"
>That's a good question
"How DID I get here?"
>Take another bite of the muffin so you have something to do while thinking it over
>Another big flash of light
>Back in front of Carrot Top's fridge
>Maybe it's the muffin
>You would tell the person-whose-name-you-don't-know if he was still here
>Oh well
>Muffins aren't supposed to do that anyway
>That probably means it's gone bad, so you throw it out and get another one
>This one is normal and non-flashy and doesn't take you places
>Finish breakfast and go about your day
-----------------------
19423898 
>planet x has been known for a while
>its known that certain anomalies cause any comets/asteroids/whatever to burn out in an apparent atmosphere much larger than the actual planet
>one day asteroid hits planet while it's being studied
>instead of burning out like the others appear to it disappears upon contact
>whatamiseeing.gif
"I apologize in advance commander, I've been drinking lately so I'm probably hallucinating"
>"go on"
"it seems that planet x's atmosphere is actually... cracking. like glass."
>"go home anon, you're dr-
"I'm not messing around sir! come look at the visuals"
>commander is getting upset
>you can tell you're about one wrong word from losing your job
>well, there goes my entire source of income, my comfort, my life, my
>commander snaps you out of it "anon. you're not seeing things. I see that too."
>commander calls in the rest of the team
>visuals on big screen
>everyone is looking just in time to see this shell of some kind collapse in one area
>it's evident the shell was some kind of cloaking device
>it flickers for a moment and dies down
>perfect visuals of new life-sustaining planet

>it_begins.png
-----------------------
19488739 
>"Clearance authorized, Section two. Foreign diplomat Twilight Sparkle."
>The heavy steel doors release their magnetic locks with a hiss as they slide into the ceiling and floor.
"I'm terribly sorry for imposing Commander, but the princesses insisted on checking in on your progress."
>"That's quite alright miss Sparkle, we take the utmost care to assure our contributing nations are pleased with our use of funding."
>You and the Commander descend on the escalator to the depths of the compound, the open space around you is lined with steel and titanium.
>Cold and efficient, just as such an organization will need.
>"I believe you'll find everything to be up to the Princess's standards."
>The escalator continues to descend before terminating in front of a heavy green blast door with hermetic locks.
>You take a mental note if the security measures.
>"Security of the project is our number one priority."
>The commander swipes his access card and blast doors separate revealing an empty black cavern.
>Stepping forward you feel cold metal beneath your hooves.
>The sound of fluid being circulated fills the room as you walk through the dark space before you.
>"Lights take a moment to warm up," says the commander.
>*click buzzz*
>"Ahh there we are.
>The fluorescent lights above bath the once dark area in light revealing the green metal construction.
>Viscous red fluid flows beneath the catwalk you stand on and extends into a gigantic pool of the liquid on both sides of the walkway.
>Dead in the middle of the liquid is the item you were here for.
>It's massive size dwarfed you by an incredible margin.
>And what you saw was only a fraction of its full size.
>"I can see you're impressed with the Unit."
"Indeed commander, I hadn't imagined the size."
>The commander smirks as he adjusts his glasses.
>"The size is necessary, given its purpose."
"True, might I see the full status report commander?"
>"Of course, and please call me... Gendō."
-----------------------
19494736 
>Day GPU review on earth.
>Be Anonymous, the tech reviewer.
>Right now you just got a new shipment of GPUs to review.
>The new Nvidia 800- er, 900 line just came out, Maxwell, it was called. Right now you were comparing all 980's.
>You're reading the specs on the back of each box, they all had the same standard 4GB GDDR5 VRAM, all were at least 900Mhz-
>"Hey! That's no fair! Master, get her down from there!"
>You're interrupted to find your GPU's fighting each other.
>Each manufacturer had sent you one of their products to review, and it seemed brand competition carried over.
>Windforce was a light grey pegasus, Direct Copper Was a unicorn with red streaks in her hair, and Twin Frozr was a pegasus as we.
>Right now Windforce was flying above Direct Copper and blowing in her face, while Direct Copper tired to grab her with her magic, and Twin Frozer was rolling on the floor, laughing.
>They were all still fillies, and had barely any grasp on their abilities outside of rendering.
>Hell, they were so new the factory hadn't even house trained them yet.
>That was a /fun/ hour.
>"What're you laughing at, Frozr?!" Direct Copper yelled.
>Panting through her laughs, she replied "It's just you both suck compared to me! I'm way more factory overclocked than either of you!'
>At this point, Windforce stopped blowing air on Copper to retort.
>"Yeah? Well I use three fans! You girls both only use two! That's so lame!"
>"That doesn't matter because I'm the coolest one!" Copper beams.
>You watch as they exchange insults with each other.
>"I'm faster!"
>"I have more VRAM!"
>"I look the coolest!"
>On and on it goes, until you feel a little tap at your feet.
>You look down to see Reference, looking a little guilty.
>"M-Master? I had another accident on your rug..." She says quietly.
>You sigh, and tell her it's okay and you'll take care of it, and go get the mop.
>Fucking Graphical Pony Units.
-----------------------
19533608 
>be a human technician
>you're smirking behind your sterile mask
>the extremely uncomfortable-looking patient is the most adorable white pony with elaborately curled purple mane and tail
>the former of which, at least, is hidden underneath a surgical cap
>and she talks
>doesn't shut up, in fact
>she sounds like the announcers on the BBC
>"Really, Darling. Must you stick things up my--well, derriere?"
"It's a tradition with aliens--both ways. If it's any consolation, we'll let you do the same to us."
>she gives you a strange room
"If you want, that is." And you wink at her.
>she just stares at you
>you find the appropriate vein on one of her forelegs and start the IV
>"The things I do for..." she says
>then her eyes abruptly point in two different directions and close, mid-sentence
>you have been waiting for this moment
>you had considered yanking off the sheet covering her bottom half and yelling "It's showtime!"
>but you've got a better line
"Surprize buttsecks!"
>the doctors throw you out of the OR
>the next day they fire you
>still worth it, though

>talking to the alien pones
"We'd like to ask a volunteer from each of your subspecies to submit to a proctoscopy, for research purposes."
>"Subspecies?" asks the orange one who has the Stetson hat and the inexplicable Texas accent
>you look at the notes on your clipboard
"An Earth Pony, a Pegasus, a Unicorn."
>"Gotcha. Also, what's a procta- uh, that thang you said y'all wanna do to us?"
"Proctoscopy. We want to probe your anus with a camera, to examine you."
>she doesn't appear to like the sound of that
"We'll sedate you for the procedure, if you prefer."
>"Nope. Not on th' first date, at least," she replies with a smirk
>the white one with the coiffed violet mane raises an eyebrow and sniffs. "Darling, please. I must agree with Applejack. You haven't even bought us dinner."
>the purple one looks thoughtful. "Well, if it's for science."
>the quiet yellow one appears to be trying to hide behind her own mane. it's adorable. In a tiny voice she squeaks out "I'd rather not, if it's all the same to you."
>the blue one with the attitude problem grins. "Well, I ain't afraid!"
>the pink one scratches her chin, demonstrating an unearthly and slightly frightening flexibility with her limbs. "Hmm."
"We'll sedate you with nitrous oxide."
>her eyes light up. "Deal! Ooh, ooh, when do we get to probe some butts?"
"We're searching for volunteers now."
>"Yay! Anal probe party!"
>it was a day of butts
-----------------------
19538921 
>the war had been won
>the remaining Jews were set free, the Nazi forces defeated
>Hitler was enraged, his holy quest was destroyed, his master [spoiler]race[/spoiler] plan foiled
>his life work had been wasted, there was no use carrying on
>pouring_cyanide.webm
>in walks messenger
>sir, the research team found something
>"what could possibly be important now? the war has been lost?"
>sir, our research team has found the earth to be hollow

>END PROLOGUE

>the year is 2069
>recent developments have proved Hitler's suicide to have been staged, the body had never been found
>70 year old conspiracy theorists are panicking on what is left of the old social networks they used to use
>"ZOMG NAZI ZOMBIES!!!1!1ONE!! COD WAS A SIGN IS HABBENING"
>be you
>you're not concerned in the slightest, everyone knows the Jews found and burned Hitler to death
"stupid old people"
>you think now is a good time to go play some Ancient Warfare 16 on your ultraBox 720

>MEANWHILE, IN NAZI CONTROLLED CENTER EARTH
>be most trusted bodyguard of Hitler
>you were proud to have received this job just for delivering news of hollow earth
>you didn't even discover it yourself, and you got the job
>now you're enjoying your life as the undead
>not exactly a zombie, it's more like you just magically stayed the same age for over a hundred years
>life in central earth was thriving, and you were happy to know it was almost your time to strike

>over the hundred and twenty years, you'd gained quite a status
>youd been looked up to by many, particularly the new troops that were recruited from the overworld
>life in central earth was quite nice
>in the first few years it had become a self sustaining community
>technology was already good enough by 2000, you had everything from internet to quantum computing
>if this wasn't proof that blonde hair and blue eyes was an indicator of perfection, you didn't know what was

>in the time spent underground, you watched the glory of the purification of races, away from prying eyes
>you knew it was time to destroy the population of the overworld even before Hitler announced it
>the best feeling was about you
>you were named second in command of the operation
>this was the best summer
>ever

>everything was in line for the Nazi forces
>their internet ruse was working great
>they scammed the Jew controlled site 6cash, and found that there was still some overworld following of the Nazis
>this was going to be good... if it weren't for that one weird guy
>there had been a new recruitment recently, but something seemed off about this one kid
>he just graduated high school and believed strongly in white master race standards
>he was found wearing a fedora and trenchcoat, trying to act cool
>but...was that a cartoon horse on his shirt?

>thinking nothing of it, you assumed it was just some trending game or cartoon and recruited the guy anyway
>he had a little trouble with social matters, but made up for it with intelligence
>he was clearly meant for the research and technology teams
>he was easily the most ambitious of the new recruits
>his training took little to no time and he got to work straight away
>his ambition almost concerned you until you remembered your own
"he'll be fine"
>the last time you would see him came to pass
>you could only wonder why he was going into the discontinued projects containment

>little did you or anyone else know, el autismo was down in the private section of the technology department
>he found an interdimentional portal and got to work right away on it
>he knew his goal
>he would not stop until he could hold his waifu in his hands
>oh the great works that the tisms inspired in a man
>the portal would be completed

>END CHAPTER ZERO

>the year was 2016
>the place was unknown
>john titor was all over /x/ and the rest of 4chan, saying his final goodbyes
>he was sick of this damn world line and all its shenanigans
>off he went to his future where he should be
>some weird shit happened on the trip
>maybe he shouldn't have done acid while traveling through time
>wait was that a blue police box going the other direction?
>well whatever, he made it to the future..but wait, this wasn't his future
>he was parked out front of a school
>he came off his trip and realized he should have brought better clothes than his brony shit
>"oh well.. I guess it's time to fake yet another identity"
>and so he enrolled at the high school he stopped at
>technology had come quite a long way by now hadn't it?
-----------------------
19544060
>day #18 Special on Erf
>you have taken your date out to a Chinese restaurant
>her name is Chop Stick
>she's one of an ethnic minority among Equestrian pones
>a "Kiang" from a far-off land called the Middle Kingdom whose customs and language differ greatly from those of Equestria
>she looks like other ponies, except for her dark straight mane and tail and dark eyes
>her English is very faintly accented
>you've decided on the buffet
>you briefly consider making a joke about "tying on the feed bag" and decide against it
>she opens the rice cooker with her unicorn magic, stirs the cooked rice with a spoon, and makes a face
"Honey, what's wr--"
>she yells "Aiyah!" and starts shouting at the attendant
>not in English
>they appear to understand her
>is she speaking Mandarin?
>she turns to you. "This isn't proper Middle Kingdom rice, it's not even sticky!"
>one of the cooks comes out of the kitchen, looking exasperated
>"Look, Miss, it's long grain rice, that's what they cultivate in Western countries. It doesn't stick together like Chinese rice, but Chinese rice is expensive here and this stuff tastes the sa--"
>she starts yelling some more
>you smile sheepishly
>she turns back to you "And another thing, those are the wrong mushrooms in the chop suey!"
>the cook cuts in "I'm telling you, that's what they cultivate here, we've done our best to adapt our recipes to them and I think if you just try it--"
>it was a too much MSG day
-----------------------
19545760
>You are Twilight Sparkle, equestrian ambassador to earth.
>Currently you are more than a kilometre beneath the earth's surface inspecting progress in NERV HQ.
>Commander Gendō Ikari leads you through the massive subterranean compound on your way to the command bridge.
"Commander, I noticed that Unit-01 has a horn. Is it capable of... Magic?"
>The commander smiles.
>"Unless your definition of magic is A.T. Field projection no."
>You reach the bridge, an open area with terminals and chairs overlooking a holographic matrix displaying maps of Hakone, and single gigantic monitor that continually switches from one image to the next.
>"This is our command centre, from here all of Neo Tokyo-3, the Geofront, and Central Dogma are kept under watch."
>As both you and the commander step out onto the main command deck several of the workers stare at you and whisper amongst themselves.
>"That's the envoy."
>"She's here to check on the EVA."
>"I doubt they need NERV in Equestria."
>"Why are they even funding the project? They're not UN members."
>You pay them no mind.
>Instead you are focusing on Ikari.
>"Doctor Akagi will here momentarily, she can provide you with in depth schematics on the Evangelion." Says the commander
"Excellent. The princesses would also like to know the status of Unit-00."
>"It's in cryo." Says a woman's voice from behind you.
>"You must be Twilight Sparkle. I'm Doctor Akagi. Head of Project E."
You smile as you introduce yourself.
"It's nice to meet you Doctor, I'm quite impressed with what I've seen so far. I was told you could provide me with more detailed information on the Evangelion?"
>The doctor hands you a folder labelled top secret.
>"You can look these over at your leisure, I'm sure I don't have to remind you not to spread this any further than Celestia and her sister."
>You nod your head and pick up the folder with your magic.
>Doctor Akagi turns to the commander who dismisses her with a nod.
>You quickly glance through the folder's contents.

>Diagrams, armour schematics, power source limitations and specs.
>Satisfied for the moment you tuck the folder into your saddlebag.
>"Is there anything else the princesses require?" Asks commander Ikari.
"Not that-"
>Before you can finish your sentence sirens begin blaring.
>The klaxon wail startles you, and the commander begins shouting.
>"What happened!"
>"A large object moving 30 kilometres off the coast!"
>"A warship?!"
>"No sir! It's humanoid, 200 meters."
>"Can we run a pattern analysis?"
>"Negative, it's too far from our scanners."
>"Damn it! Alert the UN representatives and put all security personnel on alert!"
>Between the yelling, and the general looks of worry on the faces of bridge personnel you had figured something bad was happening.
"Commander, what's going on?"
>Ikari straightens his glasses, their orange lenses glinting in the fluorescent lighting.
>"Exactly what NERV exists for Miss Sparkle."

It's been two hours since the unidentified object was first detected.
>It has steadily headed toward mainland japan since, and was rapidly approaching the coast.
>Commander Ikari sits at his desk overlooking the command centre.
>Three representatives for the UN combined military sit at the raised podium behind Ikari's desk.
>All are quiet as they wait for the object to surface.
>"Target will reach the mainland in T minus 10 seconds!" Shouts one of the bridge personnel.
>"9.
>8.
>7.
>6.
>5.
>4.
>3.
>2.
>1.
>0!"
>The central monitor cuts to static as the visual link is established.
>A moment later the object is on screen.
>A giant creature with deep blue-green skin and ossified white protrusions on its shoulders, and chest.
>The face is a large white disk set between the shoulders with black pits set deep into its form and a long narrow beak that juts down towards the creature's chest.
>"Hyuga! Pattern analysis."
>"The magi are working on it now... Blue sir! It's an angel!"
>"It's been fifteen years..." Sighs the sub-commander.
>"Yes, but now we know." Says Ikari. "The angels are back."

"Angels?" You say quietly.
"So it's friendly then?"
>"These are not angels as man envisioned them. These are creatures that seek mankind's destruction. They are why NERV and the Evangelions exist."
>You look towards the screen again as the beast walks slowly towards a small town.
>It's face rotates in place as it looks around.
"It doesn't seem dangerous as it is." 
>You look back at the commander.
"Perhaps you should observe it first, to make sure it's not just confused by its surroundings."
>Commander Ikari gives a wry smile.
>"I'm not in charge, any decisions regarding the angel are up to the UN reps currently."
>"Damn right Ikari." Barks one of the UN reps.
>"NERV will only get a chance if we can't take it out."
>On screen flashes of gunfire and explosions can be seen as the UN fires a volley of rockets, bullets and bombs at the lumbering beast.
>None have any affect.
>In retaliation the angel skewers a VTOL with a glowing beam extending from its palm.
>"Intensify the the attack!"
>"Don't let the bastard survive!"
>"Hit it with everything we have!"
>The sound of a snapping pencil accentuates the last outburst from the UN reps.
>You watch is awe as the screen displays the violent assault against the angel.
>The sight of such destructive power frightens you.
>Even so your eyes are glued to the screen.
>As the smoke clears the outline of the hulking abomination once again dominates the monitor's view.
>"It's useless to use such weapons against an A.T. Field." The commander muses.
>A.T. Field, he had mentioned that as one of the EVA's capabilities.
"Is that what the Evangelion is for?"
>You ask with a hint of confusion."
>"Indeed." Replies Ikari.

>As you continue to watch the one-sided battle on screen the tension in the room seems to grow.
>With each volley of fire from rocket batteries the UN representatives get more and more worked up, slamming their fists on the table.
>"Nothing can even scratch the bastard!"
>"Call off the attack!"
>"We're going to plan B."
>As the sounds and sights of gunfire die down a deathly silence overtakes the command centre.
"What's going on?"
>"They're moving to their last resort."

>With that the monitor flashes bright white and dissolves into static.
>"External view offline. The shockwave has temporarily disabled out cameras." States one of the bridge staff.
>All three of the UN commanders stand stock still, staring dead ahead at the view screen.
>"There's no way it survived an N2 mine blast!"
>"Looks like you won't be getting a shot at it Ikari."
>The commander smiles and adjusts his glasses.
>"We shall see."
>Several more seconds pass with the static filling the monitor.
>The tension in the air is nearly palpable.
>"External cameras online! We're getting a signal!"
>The static cuts to a view of a massive blast crater, melted rocks, and deep black scorch marks mar the surface of the earth.
>Orange wisps of flame rise from the remnants of plant matter strewn about.
>And dead centre, standing motionless at ground zero of the N2 explosion.
>Is the angel...
>"Not even a scratch."
>"No effect at all..."
>"That was our last resort."
>The three members of the United Nations slump dejectedly in their seats.
>On screen the angel remains still, gill like flaps open and close rhythmically and a new white protrusion peeking out from beneath the flesh aside it's face.
>Commander Ikari's face twists into a malicious grin as he interlocks his fingers in front of his mouth.
>"It would seem as if it's our turn now. Wouldn't it Miss Sparkle?"
>You don't respond, your jaw hangs open after witnessing the awesome display of firepower delivered by the United Nations the shock only compounded by the angel having survived with such minor damage.
>You continue to stare at the unmoving figure on screen.
>It's gills flaring as it stands in the scorched centre of the blast crater.
>"Miss Sparkle?"
>You snap out of your daze and turn to the commander.
"Yes, I suppose."
>Ikari grins.
>"Fuyutsuki."
>"Aye sir?"
>"Get our command staff ready, we will begin preparations to fight the angel."
>"But Unit-00 is in cryo."
>"We will activate Unit-01."
-----------------------
19595912 
>One of the kids were mocking the lions.
>You knew him from before. Humans don't like to listen.
>All you could do was give them a stern lecture and hope his parents keep a close eye on him.
>He'll be back next month.
>Maybe he's from a broken home.
>After you saw the naughty boy off, your patrol continues as you kept an eye on the prisoners.
>The humans that own this gym say that the animals were well kept after.
>You knew better.
>One of the toucans cried out of habit.
>You look and see his body was frail from a lack of exercise and stimulation.
>His body was fine, but only you seemed to know that his soul was not.
>You looked at the humans and see the same thing.
>Bored. Out of shape.
>Most humans didn't exercise and they worked menial office jobs that they hated.
>On their days off, they would smile and think that they were so much better.
>That man had evolved beyond that.
>Sadly, evolving takes effort.
>The sound of a cellphone brings you back to reality, scaring you.
>It was so hard to get used to this place.
>So many scary things that weren't kept in cages.
>Sometimes when you help the other zookeepers take care of the animals you like to stare outside of the bars and see the humans walk by in a very large cage.
>Just the memory of that thought makes you laugh.
>Fluttershy, the human keeper.
>You laugh and continue, dreaming of one day finding a way for humans and animals to coexist.
>Instead of living in a cage for the rest of their life.
-----------------------
19658622
Watersports can be fun without drinking and other dirty stuff. I'm not a writefag, but here is a small something, maybe someone will catch and continue.

>be Anon
>go for a walk in the forest
>enjoy the warm, fresh air, singing birds, rustling leaves and quiet whimpering
>uwotm8.ogg
>following the sound, you quietly go through the bushes
>suddenly you see small clearing, bathed with golden light and gleamin dust
>in the middle of it, there is a small, squatting pegasus in a hoodie
>her eyes tight shut, raised tail slightly shaking, her delicate, petite marehood looks directly on you
>you hear another soft whine and two golden drops fall on the warm grass
>there are two options: something is wrong with her bladder or urethra, or she is so embarassed to pee without using toilet
-----------------------
19697919
>"let it g-go!"
You brought this upon yourself.


>tfw qt 3.14 pony gf, because fuck the people who said it's impossible
>Inside on a cold winter evening
>Weather outside is frightful, fire is so delightful, et cetera
>tfw no fireplace to snuggle up next to with her
>tfw when having a pony gf is not as special anymore because ponies everywhere
>Can't have everything
>Doing a little get together with pony friends and human buddies
>Not quite a party, but there's almost a dozen people here
>Snacks starting to run out
>There's plenty of microwave popcorn left
>Propose watching a movie
>Calls of agreement and demands to watch "Frozen" by the ponies 
>Celestia and Luna personally endorsed it
>Well okay then
>Make popcorn
>Rent movie over Netflix
>One of your buddies gets up to use the bathroom midway through
>Don't pause the movie because he's seen it before
>Pony gf starts fidgeting in her seat after her second can of soda
>"Let it go, let it go!"
>Barely notice as gf pony darts off
>Suddenly, there's a weird draft in the house
>Get up to figure out why
>Buddy is still in bathroom and says he'll be a while
>Backdoor is wide open
>Grab coat and go outside
>Pony gf is pissing in the bushes
>Seizes up and can't keep going once she sees you
>Offer her your coat so she can take as long as she needs
>She declines
[spoiler]>The cold doesn't bother her, anyway[/spoiler]
-----------------------
19794667
>Celestia and Luna decide to fly up to the International Space Station to troll the astronauts
>they tap on the portholes with their hooves and make silly faces at the astronauts inside
>they give no fucks about vacuum, they've got magic and they ain't gotta explain shit
>Astronauts are freaking out
>however, in the end, it was three fillies who were chosen
>Sweetie Belle, Applebloom, and Scootaloo
>"Cutie Mark Crusaders astronauts! Yay!"
>unfortunately someone let Applebloom know about Kerbal Space Program
-----------------------
19796215
>Be pony.
>Be randomly selected for human science studies.
>You are in a giant facility somewhere in Florida.
>Apparently you were in someplace called nasa or something.
>They lead you to another giant room with a big machine that almost looks like a lawn mower blade in the middle.
>Everything is massive in this place.
>They show you to a small box at the end of one of the arms, and help you get strapped in.
"So, what am I doing here again?" You ask them.
>"We're testing memory recollection under extreme gravitational force."
>None of that made any sense to you.
"W-What?"
>"Oh don't worry, it's very simple. Here, you see this?" he says, pointing to a control panel with 3 colored button lights on it. "When this machine starts, it will flash these lights in a random order. All you have to do is when the flashing stops, you press the buttons in the same order that they flashed in, alright?"
"I guess," you say, not really that sure at all.
>"Why don't we start with a demonstration? Here."
>He flips a switch on the control panel, and 3 of the lights begin flashing.
>Red, green, blue, green, blue.
>They stop, and you take that as sign to repeat the pattern.
>"Very good! Now, all you need to do is just keep repeating the patterns for as long as you can. You have a limited amount of time to repeat each pattern before the next one shows up, so the faster you do them, the more you have. The goal is to get as many patterns successful possible. Any questions?"
>That actually seems pretty simple. Simple enough for you, at least.
>You nod your head, and he closes the doors, running out of the machine.
>"Activate the centrifuge!" you hear him yell.
>Wait. Centrifuge? Isn't that the thing they use to make cotton candy?
>With a jolt, the machine springs to life, and you feel your box slowly rotate around the room.
>There's a crackle of static as you hear voices over the intercom.

>"Now, Equestria has slightly lower gravity compared to Earth, so we're just going to take it slow for now."
>Seems reasonable.
>The lights flash green red green, and you press them.
>Blue green red, push push push.
>Red green red blue, tap tap tap tap.
>This was easy!
>You feel the machine pick speed, and feel yourself press into the seat.
>You're now spinning fast enough that you can feel a force pull you into your seat.
>You're so distracted by the force, in fact, that you almost miss the buttons.
>Scrambling, you rush to press them. 
>Green blue blue green red.
>Or was it green blue blue red green? Shit, you can't remember.
>Again the machine picks up speed, it's getting hard for you to hold your hoof forwards and actually press the buttons.
>For what feels like forever, yet is actually only a few minutes, you continue to press buttons and feel the machine slowly increase in speed.
>It's almost impossible to think straight, you're just mashing buttons at random.
>Not that it matters, anyway. The lights are blinking so fast it's hard to see them.
>Your entire body feels like it's being held down by a 500lb weight, the entire room begins to blur together as blood is drained from the front of your face.
>You give up trying to press the buttons, and just resign to your fate.

>The color fades from your vision, and even then your vision grows darker and darker until you're in total blackness.
>This is not fun! You want off this ride, but it never ends!
>And then, just when you think your body can't take any more, it stops.
>Your vision fades back as breaks are applied to the machine, slowing it to a stop.
>Some humans come over and unbuckle you from your seat, helping you off the ride.
>The human from before comes to greet you as you stumble off that wretched contraption.
>"Well done! You managed 4.6 gees of acceleration before you blacked out! Considering the average human manages only 5 gees, and the unnatural force on your spine, that's a fantastic metric! How do you feel?"
>Your body responds by hurling up your lunch all over the floor.
"That was... horrifying."
>He laughs again, wrapping his arm around you for comfort.
>"Now now, I'm sure it wasn't all bad. Now come along, we have the vomit comet next on our list."
>Vomit comet!? THAT THING YOU WERE JUST ON WAS A VOMIT COMET!
>You whimper quietly as he guides you through the facility.
-----------------------
19837459 
"Space, the final frontier..."
>You sigh in annoyance as your intercom crackles.
>The com goes silent as you hold your breath and stare at it praying that you've lost connection.
"Thank go-" You breathe out.
>"WHERE the unknown lies ahead of all mankind. ONE MAN, SENT ALONE!"
"Gary..."
>"Must face the vast emptiness of space!"
"We're not alone Gary."
>"To find hope!"
"GARY WOULD YOU PLEASE SHUT UP?!"
>"Hello Anon. This is the GSFGlobal Space Federation checking in on you and the ship. Are you ready to begin?"
>You rub your forehead as you stand up and walk around the ship inspecting every piece of equipment that either keeps you alive or the ship running while you make small talk with Gary. Your only companion whom you both have somewhat formed a bond. 
>This continues on for 2 hours as you swipe over the smudge marks on the ships portable tablet from previous checkups. Making sure you've checked off everything you've inspected.
>"Well Anon, we're finally done and everything seems to check out fine here."
"Uh huh." You say as you walk to a blank wall with a touch pad.
>"Well Anon, I have two other people waiting for their checkups. I'll talk to you in 22 hours. Take care."
>And like that, the com went silent.
>You tap the touch screen on the wall and a bed unfolds from the wall.
"Might as well catch up on some sleep." You mumble to yourself.
>The time passes without any problems as you wake up 3 hours later.
"Serina, can you give me our current whereabouts?"
> An A.I. with a feminine voice echoes throughout the ship. "We are currently located in Sector V14-0382, Sir."

"Huh, just a bit outside Vargas 2." You think to yourself. "Thank you." 
>Well, you didn’t have to do anything else until the next check in so you decide to make your way to the fitness area.
>And by area you mean a room with a fully loaded squat rack and bench with dumbbells scattered around the room.
>Can't let yourself get soft.
"Serina, put artificial gravity at 1.3g. Please." 
>You feel yourself get a little heavier as you stand in the doorway.
"Thank you."
>You begin today’s regiment.
>LEG DAY
>Awww shit, if there is anything you miss from Earth is that image board.
>You walk over to the squat rack and immediately start laughing.
“HAHAHAHA, time for squats.” You pause. “I’m gonna make it.” You smile at the cheesiness you’ve just spewed.
>It’s a good thing you’re the only one on this ship.
>You begin your workout and go to town on them weights.
>Unf.
>Dat perfect form you’ve learned at the academy.
>Your last set.
>Six reps is all you’re asking for.
“Let’s do this.” 
>You drop your hips.
“One.”
>Again.
“Two.” You can already feel your legs getting wobbly.
> You drop your hips, ass almost touching the ground.

“THREEEEEEEEEEEE!” You screech as you ascend.
“C’mon, C’MON!” You yell as you prepare yourself for your fourth.
“FFFFFFFFFFFFF-“ You’re cutoff as the whole ship jerks you, knocking you forward as you drop the weights behind you.
>The ships emergency lights begin flashing along with the alarm.
“What the hell?” You immediately stand up and wipe your forehead on your sleeve. “Serina, do you mind telling me what is going on?”
>”A singular anomaly appears to be occurring at the present moment, Sir.”
“What? Explain.” You ask as you begin a brisk pace towards the bridge.
>”It seems a star has just appeared and has collapsed neither without going super nova nor without any warning, Sir.”
”Wait, what?!” You begin sprinting once you heard ‘collapsed.’ “What do you mean, ‘It just appeared?”’

>The doors to the bridge open and you run to the glass.
>There it was.
>”Sir, we are already caught in its gravitational pull. We have 14 minutes before we are engulfed.”
“Well gee, like I really needed to hear that.” You say as you tap your head on the glass. “Is there any way we can escape?”
>”Negative, sir. Not even the fastest ship in the federation can escape the pull of a black hole.”
“Well shit.” You walk back to your seat. “So what do we do?” You ask as you try to mask your fear.
>”I suggest we contact the Global Space Federation and tell them that one of their ships is about to go missing.”
“Really?” You raise your hands as your face literally says ‘What the fuck?’
>She was right though.
>But you’d rather just sit in silence.
>You simply wait in you chair, preparing for whatever is to come next.
>Maybe it’s the gateway to heaven.

>You laugh at your optimistic thoughts.
>”Sir, 3 minutes left.”
>You can see asteroids being sucked in.
>What looks like dust is coating the outer ring.
>”1 minute left, sir.”
“Well, Serina, it’s been a hell of a ride. Let’s see what happens next.”
>”Aye, Captain.”
>You’ve reached the rim of the blackhole.
>You can feel the ship being pulled in, but you feel light.
>Then, in an instant, you’re gone.

>”Ugh! Sister, we wish not to be here. We wish to be shopping.”
>”Luna, not now. You and I both know that we must both be here for Twilights training.”
>Luna looks over to Twilight who sheepishly smiles.
>”Now, Twilight,” Celestia readjusts herself. “If you want to create a portal, you must first create a blackhole.” 
>2 seconds later
<boom you aint dead
>you’re sitting in a froofy room with three colorful equines staring at you
>thought they were extinct
>You attempt to communicate
[spoiler]“Ayy lmao.”[/spoiler]
-----------------------
19837833
>You are applebloom
>You are also in class day dreaming
>Mike slaps you.
>"Applebloom, quit day dreaming and pay attention."
>You look towards Your teacher, Mr. Pat has his black ass to you writing equations on the board.
"Psh." is all you say
>You go back to making your dream tulpa.
>"WOO, COLE TRAIN BABY!"
-----------------------
19840995
>Nokia pony is sitting on a windowsill, kicking her hooves as she watches you play computer games.
>Leans back a little too far.
>She screams as she falls backwards out of your apartment.
>You rush to the window as you watch her plummet down 30 floors and smash into a parked car.
"NOKIA, NOOOOO!"
>You run down the steps, bursting outdoors weeping.
>You arrive at the wreckage.
"Nokia, why!?"
>She pokes her head out of wreck, completely unharmed. 
"Oh hey, Master. What brings you out here?"
>Help her out of the wreckage, insurance pays for the damages.
>You ask her if she wants something to eat.
>"No thanks, Master. I'm still full."
"Nokia you haven't eaten since I bought you 12 years ago."
>"Exactly. I'm still full."
...
>Meanwhile iPhone pony is on her way home with her master.
>It's only been a few hours since she was last charged, and she is absolutely starving.
>She trips on a crack in the pavement, and falls flat on her face.
>Breaks 3 teeth, her jaw, and ends up with a concussion.
-----------------------
19854068
>you are Anon
>be earlier back home from your job
>hear quiet whimpers and moans in your bedroom
>open the door
>your best friend and roommate, Pillow Case, is humping your pillow
>she suddenly notices you, now she is the reddest pony on the world, incredibly embarassed and ashamed
>what do?

>After a long day at work, you get home.
>Looking forward to laying in bed, you get to your room only to see that your friend, Pillow Case, is humping the pillow.
>She stops and looks at you, her face seven shades of red.
>Your face, a mixture of shock and 'I've seen some shit.'
>"A-Anon, I can explain..."
>You stand there, a thousand mile stare on your face.
>"Y-Your pillow is made of fine Egyptian cotton, it... it was hard to resist... I couldn't help myself!"
>you slowly walk up to her, pick her up, and walk her to your front door, setting her and the pillow outside.
>Today, you learned that Pillowcase was Pillow-Sexual.
>You now have to buy new pillows for your house and burn the rest.
-----------------------
19865965 
>"Oh Anon-kun, you're my dream man! I'd choose you over any stallion!"
>Pillow Case wasn't actually speaking to anyone in particular
>Although she was staying at a friend's house while hers was under renovations, they weren't in
>Anon G. Stuart was his name, he was human, and he was HOT
>Like, sexiest male on the planet
>Totes husbando material as far as Pillow Case was concerned
>She was home alone, and today was laundry day
>Pillow Case made a beeline for the bright, hot wash clothes hamper as soon as Anon closed the door to leave
>She leaned over it now, savoring this golden opportunity
>Lifting a pair of briefs out of the hamper with both front hooves, she reaches in through the leg holes and tests the elastic waistband
>"Hmm. I wonder why such an intimate garment would feel so rough?"
>She rationalizes that it adds to his rugged charm as she rubs a cheek against the Y-front of its crotch
>It's 100% cotton
>She can tell without having even read-
>Sweet Celestia, what is that stench?!
>Pillow Case gags as she realizes it's the underwear
>Turning it around, she notices a faded brown stain, both inside and out
>No wonder it took so long for laundry day to come!
>HE RE-USES HIS UNDIES!
>"Ew ew ew ewwwwww!"
>She tosses the undies away and uses up a whole bottle of hand sanitizer before taking a scalding-hot shower
-----------------------
19874670
>Be pony.
>You're at some kind of Japanese convention with your best friend Anon.
>Feel the need to use the bathroom.
>Nudge the human and ask him, he takes you to the bathrooms and waits outside the door.
>Rush in to a random stall, lock it and sit down.
>Release the built up torrent.
>Feel a slight pressure in your gut as well, so you take care of that too.
>Once you're finished, you reach for the toilet paper and--
>There is no toilet paper.
>Not even a place to hold toilet paper.
>You start panicking before you notice a touch screen to your left.
>There's a bright green button that says 'clean'.
>Press that. 
>You hear the whir of electric motors.
>Looking around, you don't see anything.
>You yelp as you're suddenly blasted with a jet of [spoiler]pleasurably[/spoiler] hot water right up your bum.
>You sit there while the motor moves the stream left and right, up and down, ensuring that it's removed any remaining waste.
>After that's done, you hear another motor and a jet of hot air comes up to dry your rump.
>You're not sure how you feel about this.
>It finishes up and you get off, the toilet automatically flushing afterwards.
>You exit the stall, and notice a sign on the door.
>"Washlet."
>So that's what that is.
>You exit the bathroom and before you can tell Anon about your experience, he blushes and pulls you aside, asking if you're in heat and need to go home. 
>Embarrassed, you ask him why.
>He points to your crotch, and you realize you're winking.
>Guess you enjoyed that more than you thought.
>Stupid human toilet technology, giving you new fetishes.
>It was a refreshing day.
-----------------------
20007391
>Day hungry on Earth.
>Have catbird over for a barbecue
>She's rifling through the cooler looking for something to grill.
>She finds some German sausages and puts them on.
>As you watch her cook, you're suddenly overcome by inspiration.
"Actually Gilda, you know what I think about those sausages?"
>"What?"
"Personally, I think they are just the wurst!"
>She blinks.
>"Then why did you buy them?"
>You shake your head, and let her continue cooking.
>Stupid uncultured catbird...
-----------------------
20037190
>Anon finished watching another episode of MLP on his laptop.
>'Friendship is magic... bullshit,' Anon thinks to himself.
>'I'm behind on rent, need to pay my bills, and the friendship of magic certainly won't pay.’
>Suddenly, a tear opens in the middle of Anon's living room, an injured Fluttershy falling through.
>Before the portal closes Anon hears what he presumes to be a wicked woman laughing maniacally.
>'I wonder who that wretched hag was... sounded like my mother,' Anon presumed.
>He carefully stepped closer to the injured pegasus, grabbing a nearby pool cue just in case.
>Anon thought, 'I should be excited at the marvel of this discovery, but Fluttershy is my least favorite pone and she certainly can't pay my bills... 
>Or can she?
>Maybe if I take care of her and get her to trust me, I can lure her into a trap and sell her to the highest bidder.
>There has to be some neckbeard around who will pay big bucks for her, and besides its not like she's human.'
>’My sleazy uncle owns an illegal brothel,' Anon thought, 'I could sell her at a 70-30 margin... In my favor of course... Looks like things are looking up.'
>Fluttershy moans on the floor, obviously hurt from the lacerations all over her wings.
>She starts to cry softly into the carpet
>"My friends... they're all gone... I just want to go home"
"It's ok Fluttershy I'll help you get better."
>Anon puts on a grimace on as he reaches for his first aid kit.
>He realizes he knows nothing about pegasi or even horse anatomy in general.
>Fluttershy whimpered, "Please, sir... bandage my wings I can get up and do the rest, if that's ok with you."
>Anon listened to her request, and begun bandaging her wings.
>Anon thought to himself ‘These wings were extraordinarily soft, great to the touch.
>It’s even better still she is entirely sapient, sweet and demure just like in the show.
>Best part is that she's vulnerable, which means easy pickings
>maybe the magic of friendship did solve my problems after all.’

>Anon finished up bandaging the wounds, though the work was quite sloppy seeing as he had no expertise in first aid of any kind
“Aren’t you the least bit curious as to how I knew your name?”
>Anon thought to himself ‘She isn’t the brightest one of the mane 6.’ and snickers to himself.
>Fluttershy responds “I couldn’t think of it at the time because of all the pain, it still hurts but I can think about other things again”
“That was a quick recovery. Hopefully you’ll make it out ok. You probably shouldn’t walk outside though, in case you haven’t noticed this isn’t Equestria”
>Fluttershy replies “How did you know my name, and that I came from Equestria?”
>Anon bemused, “Maybe if I tell her I’m psychic, she won’t challenge my authority. Though I’m pretty sure that she’ll figure out I’m lying through my teeth very quickly.”
“No reason, a lucky guess.”
>Fluttershy wasn’t stupid, she knew that this creature had information about her beforehand, and certainly wasn’t about to be talked down to.
>Fluttershy thought ‘He doesn’t want me to leave for some reason, maybe I can use that to my advantage. Though I should at least thank him for his kindness.’
>Fluttershy replied “Thank you for bandaging me… Um what is your name?”
“Anon. Not that you will need to know it for long.”
>Anon thought to himself ‘Stupid!, Why would you even say that?’
>Fluttershy gave Anon a confused look, and replied “Do you not want to be my friend?”
>Anon thought ‘Shit, I’m losing her already? Man I knew I should have taken those conversational courses. Might have helped me with my shitty interviewing skills as well.’
“No, no its not that, all things considered, people and animals here have very short life cycles… yeah that’s it short life cycles”

>Anon thought, ‘Looks like Fluttershy doesn’t really want to ask me about myself… Good, the less attached I become to her, the easier she will be to sell when I catch her. I need to get her to go to sleep and buy a restraint saddle or some shackles or something.’
>Fluttershy seeing Anon distracted in his own thoughts asked once again “How did you know where I come from?”
>Anon not clearly thinking about the question blurted out the answer trailing off as he went on
“You are the element of kindness from a TV show made for little girls called My Little Pony and based in the land of Equestria. Now how much can I get out of her…”
>Fluttershy started to piece together what was happening but wanted to give Anon the benefit of the doubt.
>She asked “Would you mind if I watched the show? Or you could tell me more about this world and the wonderful creatures that live here.”
“Sure you can watch the show, here let me load it up for you seeing as you can’t very well type with no hands. As for nature, it isn’t quite as wonderful as in your world. It’s a savage place where animals take care of themselves, and there is a lot of killing and bloodshed to go along with it. Anything from disease ridden mosquitos, to venomous spiders, to tigers and bears that could probably eat you in one sitting”
>”On second thought, would you please start the show for me?” Fluttershy asked
>Anon thought to himself ‘How polite, heh. It’s really too bad she won’t be this sweet for long. Come on Anon snap out of that crap you need the money, and this is the only chance you’ll ever have at it.’
>”Anon, are you ok? You’ve been staring at me for the last 15 seconds” Fluttershy responded waving a hoof his face
“Oh, wait what? Oh, right show. Here you go.”
>Anon pulls up the computer and loads up episode 1 season 1 of My Little Pony FIM.

>'It must be weird to essentially be watching yourself through a device you've never seen before, in an alternate dimension, next to a hairless ape. For all I know I could look like the abominable snowman to her. She seems to be taking it rather well.' Anon chuckles at the thought.
"Excuse me, I need to get some water I'm thirsty. Do you want anything to eat or drink?"
>"Thank you for the offer, I haven't eaten in a while." Fluttershy responds
>Fluttershy's stomach grumbles.
>"A salad would be lovely" she adds on
>Anon proceeds to walk to his kitchen
>'I assume that they eat what they would in the show. While I'm here might as well whip up some dinner for me and call my uncle and see what he thinks of my newly acquired asset.' Anon thinks to himself
>He suddenly feels bad for saying the word asset
>'Come on anon, quit thinking about the show, its reality you need to pay the bills. Too bad she's sapient, would be easier on me if she was just another dumb horse.' Anon thought to himself
>Amused by the thought of his newfound money Anon proceeds to dial his uncle's number.
>His uncle picks up the phone and abruptly answers "Look you, I don't want to have anything to do with a failure of a relative who can't even get a job! If you don't have my money that I lent you then get lost!" 
"Rude as always I see uncle. Never mind the small details though. I got something even better for you."
>"Next you'll be telling me you caught a magical horse for me to use for my brothel. I don't know why, but more and more of my customers keep asking to cum inside Rainbow Dash. Bunch of sickos" Anon's uncle replied 
>Anon chuckled a bit at that statement
"Even better, you've got the money and connections, but all I need is a saddle. You know Fluttershy?"
>'Great you've gone delusional too. You have a magical yellow horse to sell to me huh?' Anon's uncle replied
>Anon's uncle was practically screaming into the phone now, and clearly did not seem amused.

"Look asshole why not just get over here and look for yourself. You'll be richer, and I'll finally be out of debt."
>"If you have a magical yellow horse, take a picture of it and send it to me you fucking idiot. What are you in the stone age? If you do I'll be there in an hour to pick up the goods." Anon's uncle bellowed into the phone.
>Anon's uncle then hung up, of course not before ending his call with a condescending scoff.
>'Always a pleasure to speak to you dickwad' Anon thought to himself, angry at his uncle, but also jealous of his success.
>Anon prepared the food for him and Fluttershy who didn't really speak that whole time.
"Fluttershy food's ready!"
>"Oh thank you, it looks like the salad Angel bunny used to make." Fluttershy responded tears forming in her eyes.
"I thought you would have been more hungry than emotional all things considered. Did something happen to Angel?"
>"Twilight said, that Angel is in a better place now, but she was only saying that to cheer me up because he died trying to save me from the wicked mare that attacked me. If it weren't for him, I would have been killed by the blast that ripped open the portal to this world." Fluttershy responded all while sobbing uncontrollably
>'Great. I opened the big can of worms, and I certainly can't take a picture to sell to my uncle with her looking like this. Looks like I have to comfort her, like I would even fucking know how.' Anon thought to himself.
>Anon then quickly made a low soft sigh
"It'll be ok, I'm sure Princess Twilight and Princess Solestia are working on a way to bring you home right now."
>"You really mean it?" Fluttershy asked with a glint of hope in her eyes.
"Of course, they're your friends, and would give the world to see you smile again."
>Anon almost gagged at how corny that line was, but apparently it was effective.
>Fluttershy wiped away the tears, feeling well enough to at least eat.

>"I'm glad I met someone as kind as you first. If all the other creatures are like you, the world must be much better than you made the nature sound." Fluttershy complimented
>'If she only knew the sad sad reality that awaited her. She doesn't really deserve it, but...' Anon's thought to himself for a moment
>His thought was interrupted abruptly by the sound of his cellphone however.
>He looked at the caller ID.
"Uncle... Sorry I will be right back"
>"Take as long as you need" Fluttershy responded politely
>"You got the proof or not?" Anon's uncle asked more patiently than usual
>Anon knew his uncle wouldn't ask twice unless Fluttershy was going to be a hot commodity
"I'm willing to give you proof and 25% of the profits"
>"You scoundrel, I will give you 50% and no more" his uncle spoke back in a raspy voice.
>'Oh that's why he's not yelling at the top of his lungs. Serves him right... jackass' Anon chuckled at his own thought
"Give me 60% and you got a deal."
>"Fine, I won't be need more than 40% with all the damn money I'll be making of this sweet yellow goldmine." His uncle replies
>His uncle then starts mumbling to himself
>"Come to me my sweet yellow princess, I will cover you with my seed and we shall make sweet sweet love all night long."
"Uncle you're still on the goddamn phone."
>"Uh... Send that picture... now scram!" His uncle replies
>The sound of his voice making Anon's ears ring
>'What a horsefucking freak... I feel sorry for anyone who has to work for...' Anon thought
>Anon's thought was interrupted by Fluttershy playing with his cat
>Fluttershy somehow got the bandages off and fully recovered
>Anon absorbed in that look of innocence, kindness and playfulness.
>A genuine smile beams across Anon's face. Something that hasn't happened in a very long time.

>Anon hesitates for a moment knowing that sending that picture means the end of Fluttershy's free life on Earth.
>Anon reassures himself that it won't be that bad and takes a photograph with no flash.
>Anon sends the photo to his uncle.
>Fluttershy flew towards him with a curious look on her face
>"What do you like to do on your spare time?" Fluttershy inquired
"I browse the internet, play video games, uh..."
>"Video games? Internet?" Fluttershy responded
>'Oh right. Not from Earth.' Anon chuckled to himself at the thought
"You see back in the day the Advanced Research Projects Agency implemented the first network to feature TCP/IP, and called it ARPANET this first progenitor of the internet."
>Fluttershy gave Anon a confused look
>'Eh. Not much different from the looks I got from my friends when I explained this shit, back when I had friends.' Anon thought to himself
"Ok so the internet is a system of interconnected computer networks that..."
>Again another confused look
"The internet connects things we call computers, the device you were just using, to each other so we can share videos, text, and information to anywhere else in the world without moving. And video games are simulations of things we can't do in real life but want to do such as kill bad guys, build houses, sports."
>"You wouldn't really kill them would you? We in Equestria don't believe in full blown violence unless extremely necessary" Fluttershy retorted obviously concerned
"Oh no. Nothing real dies, just in the video game world which isn't reality."
>"But doesn't that mean I could potentially die, since I'm also in a video, and characters there can die?" Fluttershy asked
>'She got me. I got beaten by a talking pony in a logical argument about something she has no knowledge about.' Anon laughs at the ridiculous thought.
"You got me, I guess video games are potentially murder in alternate universes after all."

>The more anon thought about that statement, the more ridiculous it sounded.
"It's all going to be over soon, I'll have my money, and all is well." Anon mumbled to himself
>Fluttershy turned to anon, "You speak to yourself a lot. Am I not interesting enough for you?"
"Sorry, I'm not used to any company, and with how quiet you are I sometimes forget your there."
>Suddenly a ring on the doorbell
>Anon slapped himself as hard as he could on his face.
>He realized his mistake
>Fluttershy poked Anon on the shoulder
>"Um... are you ok Anon?"
"You have to hide now!"
>"But..." She stutters
"Now!"
>'My uncle, the horsefucker, is here to collect. Anything he "collects" is a death sentence.'
>"Open up already or I'm cutting your share to half"
>Anon scrambles to the door and opens it not wanted to see his uncle angry again.
>Anon sees his uncle and his two lackey trappers
>His uncle hands Anon a piece of paper that simply reads
>Contract: All profits from Fluttershy are to be distributed as follows (60% Anon, 40% Uncle Steven). All expenses, maintenance etc will be covered by Steve's sleep house, and in the case of any loss Steve's sleep house will incur all losses.
>Anon quickly scribbles his signature on to the contract hand trembling.
>Anon saw visions of continuous non-consensual sex, and a lifetime of slavery. Things no living thing sapient or not should ever have to suffer.
"No. I changed my mind!"
>A soft voice squeaked "B-but why?"
A whimper is heard from upstairs, followed by a thud.
>"Too late, my animal "caretakers" got her."
> I will not let you go.
> The burly men both Twice Anon's size, and a full foot taller than he was gave him death glares
>Anon stared upward and resisted the temptation to gawk, but still have shivers crawl up his spine
>"Pleasure doing business with you. I'll even throw in a bonus and pay off your student loans for finding me such a rare prize."

>Anon pauses for a moment at that statement then looks upstairs
>He sees welled up tears running down Fluttershy's eyes through her muzzle as she is dragged down the stairs
>Anon musters his courage 'I made this mess, I have to get myself out.'
>Anon swivels his hip and throws a mighty left hook to one of the trappers.
>The trapper shrugs the punch off and keeps walking.
>"You can expect your first payment on Monday." Anon's uncle sneers
>The door closes behind him.
>A tear runs down Anon's eye...
"What have I done?..."
>end?
-----------------------
20104877
http://i.imgur.com/ToFHS3B.png
>Be Anon
>Pillow Case, the cute pony who's your temporary roommate, has been acting strange lately
>She acts very evasive whenever you come home from work and insists on doing the laundry every day just before you get home
>It's possible she's using the laundry machine as a makeshift vibrator
>Today your shift ended earlier than normal
>It's a perfect opportunity to get to the bottom of this
>You park around the corner so she won't hear your car
>Sneak dat shit right up to the front door
>The sound of her hooves makes it easy to tell where she is in the house
>Wait for her to stop
>It sounds like she's stopped in your bedroom
>You quietly open the front door and sneak dat shit some more
>You moaning speech coming from your room
>Well, she's not using the washing machine to get off but this might be something along the same lines
>Sneak dat shit even more
>Press your ear up to the door
>"*Hah* Ooh baby... I'm gonna rub my lips all over you..."
>Yup
>She's getting off somehow
>You crack the door open and peek through to find...
>...that she's holding your pillow and rubbing her UPPER lips on it like a geriatric trying to eat corn without their dentures
"The fuck?"
>You were trying to whisper, but failed miserably
>She's staring right at the crack in the door
>The pillow falls out of her mouth
>Gig's up
>You open the door
>She stares at you for a painfully long time
>"Mollivoraphilia is a normal fetish, Anon."
>You shrug
"Yeah, I suppose there's worse."
-----------------------
20141480
>http://boingboing.net/2014/10/09/pony-walks-into-english-police.html
>Cr1tikal needs to do a voice-over for this.

>Long has the constabulary enslaved and oppressed our kind
>But no more
>For tonight we start the revolution
>Who are you thinking you can block me from taking a dump in the center of the lobby?
>Stand back I know Whinny the Fu!
>Oh walk and talk? Yeah we can do that
>Sohow about those colonists, huh?
>>Wait a minute... How did we get back outside!
>You clever piggies
>No wonder the wolf was defeated
>I am the wolf and this is the brick house
>Well played baconator
-----------------------
20196242
>It all began in the seventies, when the first particle accelerator was built.
>It had ripped open a portal to some strange, technicolour world; outside of the doom and gloom of Earth-time activities.
>Vietnam, the Cold War, etc.
>It was a second paradise on earth.
>After the portal had opened, Equestria exploded in tourists.
>Especially Canterlot, Manehattan, Las Pegasus, etc.
>As the laws were not as harsh on gambling and other lewd acts, the larger cities were almost overrun by Humans and tourists.
>This was initially a good thing, as money rolled in.
>However, within a few-odd decades, the bright and shining Equestria cities were as drab and run-down as their Earth parallels.
>With the unexpected turn of crime, which was a rare occurence in the years before, it had gone to hell faster in Equestria than one had thought plausible.
>Descrimination against Humans and Ponies run rampant.
>Finally, the portal closes and only opens two or three times every year.
>The portal closing had stranded Ponies on Earth, and Humans in Equestria.
>It's the year 2000.
>Earth hadn't changed much since the Ponies had arrived.
>The ponies made it a bit more colourful.
>But technologically? It more or less stayed the same since before the Portal had opened.
>The heat between Ponies and Humans is just as rampant on Earth as it was in Equestria.
>This inter-mingled with the equal rights movement that had rocked the country, making everything all the more confusing.
>A lot of it was from the radio debates between Pony and Human politicians.
>Namely, one occurence where a Pony politician called one of the Humans a 'dirty, stinking ape.'
>Something like that.
>It wasn't the heart of the problems, but it sure as hell didn't help.
>Ponies were stereotyped as talking horses, that ate and shit wherever they pleased; some kind of edged-out propaganda that was passed in protest to the politician's outburst.

>As a result, while Ponies are protected by law, they are treated as second-class citizens.
>Even the nature of their protection is vague, as they are considered 'sapient beasts' and have better privileges than animals, but aren't recognized as citizens; or even entirely found as 'people.'
>Businesses took advantage of this ambiguity, taking out Humans who are protected by worker unions and putting Ponies in their place.
>Often with slave-like wages, to boot.
>Putting Humans out of work, and putting Ponies in for pennies on the dollar?
>You can only imagine what kind of shit-storm had stirred in the blue collar community, both man and horse alike.
>As Ponies were left stranded, and in an environment that felt them little better than animals, they were forced into ghettos and slums.
>Scrambling to make ends meet, or off on the streets.
>Of course, there were Ponies in higher-class jobs, but those were few and far between; only getting with hard and honest work.
>That's all too rare, these days.
>You ought to know, Anon.

>You ought to know, Anon.
>Humming to yourself as you change the radio station.
>"In Today's news, there was a female mare trapped in a-"
>"Never gunna give you up-"
>"Oh baby, give me one more-"
>"Raindrops keep fallin' on my-"
>The same old, same old.
>You stopped at the intersection, taking the time between lights to check the glovebox.
>Snub nose? Check.
>Id papers? Check.
>A pair of latex gloves, and a locker key? Check.
>You give a deep breath.
>Today's going to be a LONG day.

>You were never right in the head.
>Grew up in a poor family, you never did fit in a whole lot.
>Always looking up to gangsters, bikers, boxers.
>Poor influences, overall.
>From the time you could walk and talk, you wanted to be a gangster.
>To you, being a gangster was better than being president - in a lot of cases, it was.
>You could do anything you want, how you want, where you want.
>Of course, shit was always more complicated than what they first looked like; but that was the man you wanted to be.
>The smooth criminal who always knew what to do, and where to do it.
>Can't say that your dream matched the reality, by any stretch of the imagination.
>You were a criminal, but lower on the food chain than you'd like.
>A little TOO low.
>And with your Irish-Polish blood, you'll never be much higher to where you are now.
>You're the handyman.
>The guy who either makes a hit on a fella, or clean up the mess of a hit. 
>Turning the wheel of your '71 Coupe DeVille, you turn into the street.
>St. Josephine Avenue.
>This is where the boss's informant lives.
>From what he said, she had gone dark.
>Fearing the worst, he sends you down to check it out.

>You pull up in the driveway, pulling the keys out of your car.
>You lean into the seat giving a small sigh as you reach into the glovebox.
>Pulling out and unfolding the I.D.
>'Rainbow Dash.'
>Some mare that flew in with her friends, as some diplomatic mission in between worlds.
>Something went wrong, she got lost among the crowd and was left here on Earth, where she'd been working as an associate since.
>You shake your head, and removed the snub nose from the glovebox; sliding it into the front of your pants for easier access.
>You walk on up to the doorway, knocking on the door.
>DOK-DOK-DOK
>No answer.

>You wait a few minutes, before knocking again.
>DOK-DOK-DOK
>You grow impatient.
>You want to come inside, Rainbow Dash.
>You equip your plastic seram gloves, before picking up a rock and smashing in one of the paneled windows on the door.
>Rather nice.
>Unfortunately, it was in the way.
>You reach through the hole, opening the door from the inside.
>You enter the house.

>Darkness.
>Little else but.
>You keep a hand under your shirt, just in case.
>You made you way inside, looking around.
>Little else but the reflections from the sunrise outside gives you any guidance.
>Spanning the walls with your fingers for support, you try to find a lamp or a light switch.
>Something.
>Though there's one thing that fills your nostrils.
>Blood.
>It chokes the air out of your orifices when you breathe, you can almost taste the copper in the air.
>Your fingers firmly wrap around the firearm tucked in your pants, ready to draw as you find the light-switch.
>Flick.

>You squint your eyes from the loss of vision, to try and see through the blinding white illumination filling the room.
>Blood.
>Blood everywhere.
>Pools of blood sept into the carpet, contaminating the beautiful shades of white and pink with the crimson ichor.
>You grunt, moving towards the bloodied heap on the couch.
>Rainbow-ish hair, pale blue coat.
>You check the ID tucked from your pocket and the carcass a few times in between.
>Well, you found her.
>You see bits of brain, as a gaping hole bleeds from the top of her skull.
>You check her pulse.
>She's still kicking.
>Son of a bitch, why aren't you dead?
>You curse yourself as you pick up your gait; finding several towels and tying it around her head with one being soaked with ice water, with a bag of ice therein.
>Hopefully this'll ebb the bloodflow from out of her head.

>You pick up the mare, she's half-limp in your grasp, dangling as you mare-handle her.
>She just groans out weakly, almost a mewling noise in your ear.
>You flinch, that brings up some bad memories.
>You swiftly slide her in the back seat, with some extra blankets and towels underneath.
>Jumping in through the windows Hazzard-style you put the keys in the ignition.
>The Cadillac roars to life.

>Tires squeal as your car roars through traffic.
>If you found her still-dead, all you had to do was get someone to clean the scene; rebuff the house and have it sold on the market before they could say hello.
>If she was dead, life would be easier.
>But she's still kicking, though not for long.
>The boss would have your ass on a silver platter if she dies in your care.
>The sound of grinding metal is heard from your car as you shift gears.
>You look frantically in between the houses.
>You know that there was a doctor, somewhere in the midst of this haze of suburban lays.
>You make two turns, as you unfurl the blocky cellphone's antenna with your teeth; thumbing the number you can barely remember as you take a sharp turn; almost feeling the left side of your car raise in the air from the momentum.
>It wasn't built to be a speedster.

20205034 
>You grunt as it takes a second.
>Two.
>Three.
>You were ready to hang up before the all-too familiar Doc's voice comes on.
>"Yeah?"
"Hey. Doc'."
>"Polack?"
"Yeah. It's the Polack."
>"What do you want?"
"Look-.."
>You trail off as you look behind you, Rainbow Dash seems to still be kicking.
"..An associate of the Boss's is fucked up, behind my truck, man. I don't know how long she can last."
>"..FUCK! Of all the.."
>The phone goes silent, though you can hear murmurs and static from the background.
>"...Make it quick. Do you still 'member where I'm at?"
"Afraid not, don't get hurt too often - map me through it. I'm in a Tar black Coupe Deville."
>"Alright.."

>Two lefts and a right.
>Pulling into the Doctor's driveway, you half-open half-kick your door to get through.
>The doc, clad in little else than a bathrobe exits the front door, adjusting his glasses as he walked over.
>"She looks pretty."
>You grunt, picking up Rainbow and tossing her over your shoulder.
>"Hey! Hey! Hey! You just can't jumble up a trauma victim like that!"
>He jogged over.
>"Here, let me help."
>You took her hindlegs, and he took her arms and head, as you went on inside.
>It was an odd place, sterile modern art covers the walls, with pictures of the Doc with some pale-faced and pink-haired mare.
>He cradled her, as he entered his operating room.
>Technically, it's the kitchen, but he uses it as an operating room as well.
>He slams the kitchen door shut in your face, leaving you outside.

>Seconds span to minutes.
>Minutes span to hours.
>You just rock in your chair, anxiously.
>The sound of machinery can be heard from beyond the door, having the 
>What the hell are you going to say if she doesn't make it?
>Your only company is the Doc's pony fiancee, some mare named Fluer De Lis.
>Probably because of that French shit on her ass.
>You never liked the French, much.
>She doesn't speak to you, a whole lot.
>One of the higher-placed ponies on Earth, from what can be seen.
>It always kind of creeped you out, when you got a good look at a Pony, how Human-like they are.
>Those big, soulful eyes; long, soft hair; perfect, blemish-less coat.
>You shake your head, you need to get a WOMAN, man.
>You and her have a few on-and-off conversations.
>Confirmed for being a noble-blooded horse, she used to stay in Beverly Hills with all the rich hippies and models that took her in.
>You didn't say a lot about your background, just that you used to be poor, now you're lower middle class.
>Movin' on up.


-----------------------
20224840
>Day whatever on Earth.
>It's a Friday night.
>You could be out doing stuff tonight, thank God it's Friday.
>But no, the rain ruined any plans of that.
>You hear a knock at the door.
>Eh, you'll answer it.
>Beats being bored.
>You open the door.
>You see a purple maned lavender unicorn.
>Okay, interesting..?
"Hello?"
>"Err...yes, my name is Twilight Sparkle, and I'm...well, it's hard to explain.."
"Well, you can come inside, you shouldn't be out in the rain like that!"
>She comes inside, wet as a willie.
>"Thanks..anyway, I'm kind of lost. I misfired a spell, and it sent me here...and I'm trying to work on using the same spell to take me back home."
>Ah, yes, this kind.
"Well, you're more than welcome to stay here if you like."
>"Really?"
"Yeah. I'll have to work it out with Granny and Mr. Herriman, but you should be fine."
>The imaginary equine smiles.
>"Thank you so much!"
"Not a problem. Just...be wary of Bloo. He can be a bit of a...well, you'll see."
>The lavender imaginary equine smiles at you. At least she's not a jerk at first glance.
>Hopefully she'll last a week.
>yfw you're Frankie Foster
-----------------------
20231267
>Universe 22931-POИ
>Be Pillow Case
>Be asleep.
>You're being held in Anon's arms
>You have your head nested on his shoulders.
>He's whispering sweet nothings into your ear.
>You stir a little, and he tells you to wake up.
>Wake up.
"WAKE UP!"
>You bolt your eyes open.
>Mom is here, she tells you to get out of bed and help dad at the store.
>You realize you're spooning your Pillow.
>And winking.
>As soon as she leaves, you break down and cry.
>Anon isn't real.
>None of them are real.
>It's just a fantasy world from a comic made for little colts.
-----------------------
20304942
>Day gas the kikes on Earth
>Be Red Pill
>Walking down the street looking for a job
>Tfw no one wants your STEM degree
>Tfw every job wants 3 years experience
>As you walk, you pass by a man holding a sign reading, "It's easy to be Athiest when you don't think about life after death".
>Your autism triggers
"God isn't real!" you shout. "The bible is full of lies and Christ is a dead Jew on a stick!"
>Fuckin' got him
>You tip your fedora and turn 360 degrees before walking away
>But not before you trip and fall on your overweight belly
>Some spaghetti spills from your trench coat pockets as you pick yourself up and hurry away
>When you're close to home, a passing zebra says hello
>You immediately log on to your computer and go to 4chan
"Oh my God, some zigger just tried to mug my but I kicked him in the face and called to cops. Unicorn master race!"
>"Shut up faggot."
>"Shills are out in force today."
>"Fucking sub-human mini horse."
"Shut the fuck up you dirty Jews."
>It was an average day.
-----------------------
20314082
>Every night you dawn this gay ass costume.
>Holy fuck shit is it stupid.
>But you must do it for the citizens!
>For every minute under the night sky is another threat born!
>Okay, not really. You're just a bored fuck who lives in Kansas City and dresses up trying to find trouble.
>Literally, your autism is so fucking bad every time you try to save somepony, your spaghetti spewing ass fucks everything up causing them to get into real trouble.
>Like last night.
>You thought you heard Derpy crying for help.
>She just dropped her muffin.
>But at the time you thought she was being mugged or raped or even worse both
>So get this, you jump down from the roof and scare the living shit out of her.
"Don't fret citizen! The Mysterious Mare Do Well is here to save the day!"
>"Get out of here anon. I don't want to hear your shit."
>The mention of your secret identity causes a noodle to poke out of your tool belt.
"W-w-what d-do you mean? I'm not A-Anon!" You take a step back, slipping on the muffin.
>You feel a bit of spaghetti fall out, a meatball too.
>"No, I know who you are Anon. Quit being dumb and leave me alone." She trots away, one eye still on you, the other straight ahead.
>You push yourself up.
"I need to work on my costume."
>You try to stand up but end up slipping on your spilled spaghetti, busting your ass in the process.
>Derpy flies back and hits you with her bag and calls you retarded.
>Yesterday was a bad day, but tomorrow will be better!
-----------------------
20392581
Anon was driving along a narrow country road when his engine suddenly sputtered and died. getting out of the car, he walked to the front of the vehicle and opened the hood. Since he was anything but an expert on cars, he stared dumbfounded at the engine for several seconds. Suddenly, he heard a voice behind him.

"It's the fuel-injection system," the voice said.

Anon turned and saw no one. The only sign of life was a pony standing on the other side of a fence. Anon looked around. Then, the pony repeated, "It's the fuel -injection system."

In shock, Anon stared at the animal for a few seconds. "What are you waiting for? Check the fuel-injection system," it repeated.

Eyes wide and mouth slack, Anon turned and ran to a nearby farmers house. He pounded on the door until someone answered it.

"Yes, what is it?" The farmer asked, annoyed.

"I was driving down the road when my car..." Anon sputtered.

"Yes, what about it?"

"My car suddenly stopped, a-and—!"

"Out with it, boy!" the farmer grumbled.

"There was a pony," Anon stuttered. "She told me to check the fuel-injection system!"

"Oh, don't listen to her," the farmer huffed as he crossed his arms. "She doesn't know anything about cars."
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20479377
>Be Anon.
>Driving home from work.
>Kind of worried about your buddy Pat.
>Dude got bit by a bat and his stomach started swelling.
>Doctor's said he was pregnant.
>How that's even remotely possible you have no idea.
>Pat was sick in bed and refused to leave regardless.
>You don't know much about ponies, and zebras even less, so Fluttershy was kind enough to keep an eye over him.
>When you pull in the drive, you see Fluttershy standing on your front step.
"Hey Fluttershy, what's up? How's Pat doing?"
>"Pat's fine. He's just resting
>A loud crash of what sounds like a bookshelf hitting the floor comes from inside.
>A tiny screech is also heard.
"What the hell was that?"
>"Oh, that's our newborn friend!" exclaimed Fluttershy. "I was waiting out here to tell you that Pat finally gave birth."
"Pat finally had his ass-baby, huh?"
>"Yup. It's had a lot of energy since it's first feeding!"
>The sound of broken glass comes from inside.
"Pat... Fed? The baby? Gross..."
>The image of a mini vampire zebra horse thing sucking on Pat's nipples gives you a shudder.
>"Actually, Dom was kind enough to donate some blood."
"Oh, Dom's here, too? How'd you get him to do that?"
>"You'd be amazed what Dom is willing to do if you promise him a glass of orange juice and a cookie."
>Another screech is heard from inside.
"But he hates needles."
>"No needles. It turns out, if you just expose some bare skin, the little guy just digs right in!"
>As if on cue, Dom's big ass comes shambling from the darkened house to the front door.
"It's amazing to see nature at work!," continued Fluttershy.

>"I feel dizzy," Dom mumbles.
>Your buddy doesn't look too good.
>Pale skin, bags under the eyes, and blood running down his forearm.
"Uhm... Is he gonna be okay?" you ask.
>"Well, Pat's baby did drink a half gallon of blood in one go," explained Fluttershy. " don't know about humans, but he might get some dizziness, nausea, or sensitivity to light..."
>"I think I'm going to stop standing up now," interjects Dom.
>His legs give out from underneath him and he collapses off of the front step into the garden next to him.
>"Or passing out," finishes Fluttershy."
>"Anon, if I die, I want you to have my orange juice," says Dom, still face-down in your flower bed.
>Another screech is heard from inside along with the crashing of what you assume is your grandmother's urn.
"How can Pat sleep with all that racket?"
>"Sleep?" asked Flutters. "He's not sleeping. He's in a coma."
"Alright that's it. Move aside, Fluttershy. I'll take care of this."
>"I can't feel my torso," said Dom to no one in particular.
>You make a fist and crack the knuckles in both hands.
>"I can't let you that, Anon. Newborn babies are very susceptible to disease and infections."
>She gives a soft squee.
>"And hugging! I gotta expose it to as few people as possible."
"Don't worry, Flutters. I'm not gonna give it a cold. I'm just gonna go in there, step on its neck, and slam a large book on it. Like the Bible. Because that's how I roll."
>"I'm still laying here," called Dom. "Why won't anyone help me?"
>"Well now you're definitely not coming in."
>Is this chick serious?

"How 'bout this. I'll wash my hands before I wring the neck of the abomination of nature."
>"Sorry."
"Fluttershy. Seriously. You can't keep me out of my own house."
>"My body... Is trying to die..." mumbled Dom.
>"It is within the baby's best interests and my medical professionalism that you can't come inside," said Fluttershy.
"You're not even a real doctor! Or a vet! You're just here because we didn't know what the fuck to do with this thing."
>"And I'm in charge here. You can't come in."
>"Since I got bit by a vampire pony, does that mean I'm gonna turn into one?" asked Dom.
"Shut the hell up, Dom."
>"Eeeeeeeeeeeee-" he screeches.
"Shut up, Dom."
>"-Eeeeee! Oh no, don't let me turn!"
>Another loud crash is heard from inside.
"Jesus Christ! My house!"
>"I didn't feel anything," replied Dom.
>And now you remember that there's a gunstore a couple blocks from your home.
"You know what? I'll be right back. And don't feed anymore of our friends to the disgusting creature!" you order Fluttershy.
>"Okay, but I can't make any promises," she replies.
>You walk to your car to drive off.
>"Anon, don't leave me with the horrible doctor," called Dom.
>"Oh hush, Dom," said Fluttershy.
>"Now she is cursing at me."
>This is gonna be a long day.
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20486873
>see your cute friend Strawberry Jam
>approach to her from behind so she can't see you
>pick red poni up, holding under her forelegs
>red poni squeals in surprise
>scoop her close with one arm, the second arm supporting her butt
>why is your second arm so wet?
>red poni is redder than usual
>move your hand to her butt
>she is not wearing panties
>and she is very, VERY wet here
>now you are aware that you just rubbed your hand all over your friends exposed private bits
>you don't know who is redder now, you or your friend
>gently you put your friend down on the ground
>you want to ask her if she just peed herself from your surprise or she is in heat
>but you don't ask it, if she gets even redder, then she is going to explode
>360 Moonwalk from the scene