Stories submitted by anonymous writers from threads 31 through 40 are collected here. Table of Contents 14341199 14987166 15753517 16323294 17014639 14359824 15443086 15800430 16349514 17040581 14368814 15443144 15801963 16350708 17067849 14369004 15443165 15831058 16372440 17082944 14382772 15443188 15909747 16376080 17123946 14405346 15443265 15910569 16400516 17174684 14442131 15444310 15929975 16409694 17179620 14444169 15530532 15937522 16441818 17218336 14460816 15580478 15952673 16530762 17268017 14496714 15623907 15953837 16550621 17292024 14500096 15627813 15972017 16598015 17306926 14519057 15632166 15980284 16601715 17318250 14525121 15651344 15994507 16648609 17336025 14567613 15685426 16011175 16733734 17363183 14591554 15687513 16060246 16760765 17363183 14633899 15689478 16083337 16774203 17437065 14640631 15712349 16095166 16790551 14659624 15732044 16162044 16850070 14827618 15732253 16169385 16913263 14838335 15734543 16170206 16972966 14861468 15734944 16216791 16983368 14894205 15736983 16245926 17005951 14908611 15740314 16248299 17013701 14913459 15747848 16272229 17014228 14922163 15748814 16322042 17014280 ----------------------- 14341199 It begins - >You stumble down the road, tossing away the bottle you were chugging, you’ve had enough for tonight. >The world seemed to be spinning, but you knew it was just the alcohol, besides, you’d hate this walk even more if you were sober. >Stumbling to the side of the road, you prop yourself on a fence, facing out onto a vast plain of grass. >You groan as your stomach turns and try as much you might, you can’t seem to contain it anymore. The best you can do is aim as you puke violently, splattering the ground and forming a puddle at the side of the road. Thankfully none of it actually hit you and you come out clear, but hardly smelling of roses. >I think it’s time you found your way back home and went to sleep, the longer you stayed out, the longer you were going to hurt yourself or someone else. >You straighten up, wiping your mouth as you do. At least some of the alcohol had left your system causing you to see a little straighter; though you were still hardly in a fit sate to do anything except stumble. “Damn... this is the last time... I mean it this time. I’m not going back to.... and I’m certainly not touching that stuff again” >You mutter to yourself as you feel the cold of the night, still occasionally tripping, but able to walk a little faster now the threat of falling over was lifted slightly. >Eventually you come to the start of another field, this had to be the way, you were sure this was a shortcut. You don’t remember this gate being here the last time you went this way... maybe you have gone the wrong way? >You pause for a moment, considering your options. But the cold and desire to sleep the day’s events away urged you on. Anyway which was faster home was better and you were willing to take any opportunity. >You clamber over the fence surprisingly smoothly considering your condition, only catching your leg as you climb. >You start to walk, the mud squelching slightly underneath your feet as you go; still there was a nagging feeling that this wasn’t the right direction. >But hey, you’re drunk, you shouldn’t listen to yourself. >Eventually, after wandering for ages, you stop. It’s time to admit defeat, you can’t think where you are, and you certainly can’t think how to get back. “Excuse me?” >You sit down; staring at the rolling fields ahead of you, eerily lit bit the full moon shining over head. “Excuse me, Sir, I am addressing you!” >You burying your head in your hands, feeling the weight of the world press down on you as the reality of the past day set in. “YOU WILL ANSWER ME WHEN I ADDRESS YOU!” >There was a mighty bellow from beside you, causing you to near crap yourself. >You jump to your feet, looking around for the source of the roar. >All you could see was a tall dark blue horse standing near to you, and what was more bizarre is that it seemed so human in expression; and currently, that expression looked pissed off. “W-What?!” >You babble, still looking around for anyone or anything else that could have spoken. “Are you mad, Human? What are you looking for? I need to ask something off you!” >It demanded suddenly, and you stop fretting, turning to face it. >It had an unmistakably feminine voice, and seemed to be tapping it’s hoof impatiently as it waited for a response. >What the...? Ok... >You take a breath, obviously you are now hallucinating, and you’re imagining this creature to actually be talking to you. >You look around once more, there was nothing else weird going on, no flying dragons, no rainbows and you were standing upright without swaying now. “What... What did you want to ask me?” >you say, quietly wondering why you are even bothering to respond to this figment of your screwed up mind. >The horse however, seemed to straighten up, craning it’s neck to try and be taller than you, though it was only reaching about the same height. “I am in need of a shelter for the night; do not worry, for I intend to keep moving as soon as dawn breaks. But I am quite weary, and I cannot bear to sleep in wilderness once again.” >What? >The horse seemed to tap its hoof again, as it waited for a response. >Maybe some company wouldn’t hurt though, even if it was with the bit’s of brain mush in your head. “I’m... not sure if I have to room but...” >You mutter, the rational part of your brain practically screaming at you to simply say now and walk away. Delusions are not people, and you’re not even sure what this thing is when you’re clear minded, was it a horse you’re imagining to talk, or a person who you’re imagining is a horse? >The delusion however, simply shook its head, sighing slightly as it did. “This was not a request, this was me highlighting what was about to happen. As I said, do not worry, I care not for the nature of the accommodation, but for the roof over my head. You understand now, do you not?” >There was an air of normality about the way she spoke, she obviously expected you to simply say yes. >This was too much, you’re now being dictated to by your own twisted imaginings?! This is too much, even for crazy you. “Hang on, you’re telling me that you’re staying the night in my home and I can’t even say no? I have no say in who comes onto my own property?” >You say in protest, raising you voice slightly. >The horse looked almost affronted by this answer back and it took a step forward, a dark glare in her eyes. >It takes a step towards you, and you feel the air around you go cold. Suddenly it’s voice dropped into a vicious snarl. “I shall be merciful on you, as you are clearly not in a normal state of mind, as you clearly can’t recognise your royalty. Yet I will not here anymore defiance, I have travelled for days! I am tired, but I will not accept rudeness and disrespect!” >You falter, a menacing air seemingly emanating from this thing. Its glare seemed to pierce you, holding you almost completely still. >You take a small step back; maybe it was time to just go along with it. Whether it was real or not, it was now pissed, and you didn’t want to fight something which quite frankly terrified you. “Ok! Let’s just calm down! I am not in a good state of mind, I’ve had a pretty bad day and... I didn’t mean to lash out. I’m sure I could make some space.” >You babble, carefully making sure that you have an escape route planned. >The horse seemed to relax slightly, and that impending sense of doom lifted from the air. With a trot, she started off and you promptly follow suit. “Good, let us be off then. I’m sure all discrepancies are merely a result of your state of mind, which is most unfortunate. Let it be left at that, don’t you concur?” >She says, a slight smirk curling her lips as you begin to walk randomly. “Wha..? Uh... yeah sure, that.” >You mutter, letting your feet go into auto-pilot, without any sense of direction or knowledge of where you were going. >What have you done? This is the scariest trip you’ve ever had and you’ve only drank tonight, not even taken anything. >Maybe it’s time to lay off everything for a bit, maybe then the talking horses will disappear. >Eventually, after some path finding and with a hefty amount of luck, you being to recognise your surroundings, the small valley which you wandered had a small river running down the middle, memories of playing in it as a child came back to you and you couldn’t help but smile. >At the end however was the old oak tree, standing strong as it always had done, isolated on the top of a small hill. It was the only place in the world you felt truly comfortable. >Anyway, you knew what it meant, and as you passed it and went over the hill there it was, home sweet home. “Yes! I knew I could find it!” >You announce to yourself, a smug feeling of satisfaction filling you up. “What do you mean human? Were you lost when I found you? Has coming here only been by chance?!” >The horse suddenly questioned, and you freeze for a moment. “What?! No! Of course not... heh... I just mean I just... trying out a shortcut, but we’re here now so what does it matter?” >She eye’d you suspiciously, but then turned away seemingly losing interest in pursuing the interrogation. >You let out a small sigh of relief and continued on your way, reaching the front door and wiping your feet. >Luckily you left your door open; you have no idea where you left your keys. “Well here we are... I’m sure there’s room on the couch. Let me show you.” >You’re house is small, but cosy, way out of the way of the buzz and rush of a town or city. But it had water, electricity, and the internet and the nearest town was only a short cars drive away, if you still had your car... but you could survive well enough, and that’s all you really needed. “Well here we are... I’m sure there’s room on the couch. It's over here.” >You’re house is small, but cosy, way out of the way of the buzz and rush of a town or city. But it had water, electricity, and the internet and the nearest town was only a short cars drive away, if you still had your car... but you could survive well enough, and that’s all you really needed. > Glancing around you see that the horse is looking the place down, it was somewhat well kept, the occasional cup and clutter left lying around, but certainly not disgusting. >It’s not like this thing would really care much, after all, you’re still convinced it’s some crazy part of your brain forcing you to get home. >You enter the living room, the room is clean enough, and you turn to the horse. “Well, here you go, make yourself at home. Have a good night.” >You say weakly, turning around instantly and heading towards the stairs and your own room. “Excuse me, I must thank you for your hospitality. May I know your name?” >The horse said, causing you to look around again >Thanking me for my hospitality after threatening me? That’s rich.... >But there was a definite tone of sincerity in her voice which caught you off guard. >Well you’ve let this thing into your house, and what does it matter if you speak to an hallucination? They’re probably the safest things you can speak to. “Anonymous, my name is Anonymous.” >You say quickly. >The horse nods in acceptance and says in response. “My name is Princess Luna, and I thank you once more. Do not worry, I shall be gone soon enough.” “Whatever... Princess...” >You mutter, heading up the stairs and into your room. >You take a moment to cast aside your clothing before crashing on the bed with a cushioned thump. >Whatever the hell was going on, in both this hallucination and in the real world could wait, you’ve had a long day, an awful day and there was nothing you’d like to do more than sleep. >Vile petrifying screams filled you brain, indiscernible noises and pain and agony filled your ears, clawing at you. >You writhe in your bed, mouth open in a silent scream as the screams change, forming into some sort and deep and horrific voice. “Give her up....” “What?!” >You scream in your mind, the pain and ringing unbearable. “We are coming, do not hide her from us. Give her up and we will spare you.” “WAIT! What do you mean?! Who’s her? What?!” >You try desperately to call out, but nothing comes out. >The voice laughs, a deep grating thunder which seems to claw at your soul. “We’re coming for her... ” >You wake up, panting, sweat on your brow. >You’re arms are shaking as you look around, red light was pouring in through the window, it was still early. “What... the hell was that.” >You panting, wiping your forehead clean. >Maybe it was just part of the detox... You really did have a rough night.. >But it seemed more, that was the worst nightmare anyone could have experienced, so much so you didn’t want to sleep. >You shake your head, your brain quickly working to rationalise everything. “That’s the last time I drink, there must have been something off in it.” >You say as you relax, the fear ebbing away as you clamber out of bed, heading for the bathroom. >You fetch yourself a large glass of water, gulping it down to quench your painfully dry throat. >It was likely due to dehydration that was probably the cause of all of it, you become delirious if you don’t drink enough water... yeah... that must be it. >All of a sudden your stomach growls loudly, signalling to you how hungry you were. >You wander downstairs, throwing on an old dressing gown and yawning slightly. >There was a nice smell of cooking in the air as you approach the kitchen. >Without thought you approach the fridge, not caring to look around, solely focused on one thing; breakfast. “Good morning Anonymous” “Good morning....” ----------------------- 14359824 A few threads ago, did a request from RVG. His request was long, and as such, I have it my best go. The original request: In a time of great political and economical upheaval, Anon, a spy working under the US Sectary of Defense must work undercover as an advisory in the newly establish US embassy based in New Equestria. With Deteriorating International relationships, and talks of war on the horizon, the embassy must negotiate a peaceful alternative; a compromise that can prevent military intervention. With the chance of a peaceful solution quickly shrinking, Anons objective is to investigate possible weakness in the Equestrians and their god Celestia. Anons' close proximity with the Celestia makes his work easy, but when he tries to get closer, things take a dramatic turn, and an unexpected love affair is the outcome. The lines on honor, and duty, morals, and justice are blurred between these two star struck lovers, on a one way road leading to an unknown out come. Being honorable, I have it my best shot: >You are anon >You are top spy >Suddenly new equestria on earth >Must protect peace or else terrorism >Get close with celestia for reasons >Suddenly love >Do the sex >Suddenly scandal >Kill flash sentry >he was the terrorist all along >become hero >Have the even more sex with sun horse and drive off into the sunset on a small fishing boat. >continue to have the more sex. I don't really do long stories, sorry. [spoiler]It's okay, I wrote clop for him in the end.[/spoiler] ---------------------- 14368814 >Anon with pony on earth >Anon and talking magical pony walk down the street market to find fresh veggies >But to their loss all the veggies were sold >So in kind they both went home with their heads looking down >There was no breakfast or dinner that day >Empty stomaches growled in anger >Christmas was cancelled and little Timmy died as well Good End c: ---------------------- 14369004 >be Purplesmart >come to Earth >live with group of hoo-mons in their "house" >eating alfalfa sprouts for breakfast >one of them makes a face, then slides a plate towards you >"Trust me," he says >this smells okay >holy shit, what is this stuff, and where has it been all my life? "Meat?" >"Yup." "Well, I'll be damned." >one morning the Princesses open the magic gateway and take you back to Equestria >still craving bacon, though >can't sleep at night >now that you have eaten bacon, how can you go back to grass and sprouts? >cunningly carry out plan to abduct and eat Yellowquiet's pet, Angel Bunny >he was delicious >and he was a dick anyway >you need more meat >start hanging out with Bluefast's friend Gilda >hint around that you want some meat >it takes Gilda a while to figure out you're not hitting on her >she takes you to a little diner >introduces you to fried chicken >goddamn, the Princesses have been holding out on you >can't stop eating meat now >your friends catch you inna woods, standing over a dead bear >your claim of self-defense would have gone over better if they hadn't found you eating its liver >Princesses sadly lock you inna dungeon >no more interuniversal exploration on Earth, ever >bad end ----------------------- 14382772 >"Pinkie Pie, you have to see this guy. Sal the comedian is a genius!" >"I'm so excited Twilight! Oooh. The show's about to start." >The crowd cheers as an old guy in a Hawaiian shirt and jeans walks up onto the stage. >Clearing his throat, he drinks some water and then starts. "Hey everyone. What kind of noise does a dead baby make while in the garbage disposal? None! It's dead!" >Some laugher comes through the audience, but Pinkie's face was that of confusion. >She mumbles, "Sal, um. Your joke's weird." >But he continues without listening. "Two bears walk into a bar and start humping each other. The bartender says, 'Get out of my bar. No one wants to see two bears fuck!'" >Pinkie Pie puts a hoof to her chin and adopts the thinker pose. >She thinks hard, but comes with nothing. >She was looking around, only to see Twilight slapping the table and clutching her sides from laughter. >"Oh god. This guy slays me." >"Yeah. I guess he does. Maybe I'm just a bit rusty." "What's the difference between an O Henry bar and George Bush? One's a bit nutty, and the other one's the president!" >Pinkie overcompensates by laughing, but it was like nails to a chalkboard for the crowd. >The tables around her groaned. "Knock knock. Who's there? Peanut Butter. Mom? Grandma's off her meds again." >Pinkie started sweating as she looked around. >Everyone was laughing. >But how could they laugh if he wasn't funny? >Pinkie's pupils shrank, and at the moment, she knew what must be done. >"HEY SAL! WHY DO YOU SUCK? >BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT FUNNY." >Twilight tugged on Pinkie's shoulder. "Do you want to leave?" >"HEY SAL! KEEP ON SUCKING. >THAT'S WHAT VACUMN CLEANERS DO." >She used her magic to raise the glass and down whatever was left. >So much for a nice night. >Twilight dragged Pinkie away as she screamed, "KNOCK KNOCK, THIS ISN'T FUNNY!" "Yeah, dementia does that to ya. But as I was saying..." THE END ----------------------- 14405346 >Be a pony >Be in immigration school trying to earn your U.S. citizenship. "Wait so you're telling me-YOU can elect your ruling leaders?" >"Yeah, that's how America works. Other countries do too." >You sit in your chair thinking about this mind blowing lesson. "I just can not believe this, no onecontrols the sun or the moon. AND you can elect whoever you want in the office." >"Yes, Moon dancer. *sigh* America votes which is done with whoever has the most electoral votes-wait you know what. Just read this book" >He slams a big text book onto your class. It has the title 'America for dummies' >"It should help you out. I'll continue my lesson and after class you read this at home. "O-Okay..." >Human get so easily mad and rushed. ----------------------- 14442131 >a year since the magical gateways between Earth and Equestria opened >you're a human guy, a college student >and you're dating the sweetest girl in the world >the girl happens to be a unicorn >your parents would probably have kittens >you joke about corrupting each other, contaminating each other's worlds >on a macro scale, oil companies are exploring for oil in Equestria, and geologists there are already finding enormous quantities of industrial-grade diamond >and the ponies export cheap food that ends up in supermarkets in your town >your unicorn girlfriend has introduced you to pony-style vegan cuisine >and your friends have introduced her to weed >you and she are happy together, happier than either of you has ever been >you and she have just made love >she's dozing in your arms, wearing a goofy smile >you're half asleep yourself, but you sense a presence and awaken >a shadow--there's no other word for it--seems to detach itself from the far bedroom wall and loom toward you >you sit upright and stumble over the edge of the bed to stand unsteadily >the shadow glares at you with teal-colored eyes and bellows at you >"Foal! You don't do a very good job of protecting my little ponies, do you?" >which awakens your marefriend >eyes bulging, she points and emits a tiny squeak "Please don't frighten her," you stammer out. >your unexpected guest looms further forward, resolving herself into a surprisingly adorable dark blue alicorn pony, wearing a little black crown >"Please forgive the intrusion. There hasn't been such a commotion about a newly discovered sentient race in centuries." >"Princess Luna?" squeaks your marefriend >"And I want," continues your guest, an apparent princess, "to know that they'll be worthy mates, protectors and providers." "Well, I do my best, and after I graduate--" >"Don't interrupt. I'm royalty." >You raise an eyebrow. >"And--Miss Brightstar, was it?" >your unicorn girlfriend nods >"You wouldn't mind if I tried him out in bed, and asked him to cook something for me, would you? Just in the interest of your own protection?" >both of you are silent >the "princess" wiggles her butt at you. "C'mon, don't be shy." >"The looks on your faces," says your guest >her horn glows and she "throws" a rubber toy spider at you telekinetically >"Happy Nightmare Night! The fun has been doubled!" >then she disappears >you and Brightstar look at one another >you hear the Princess's voice again >"But seriously, don't hurt her. I'll know. And you won't like it." >you embrace Brightstar and kiss her just at the base of her horn, just the way she likes it >and that's how the tradition of Nightmare Night came to Earth ----------------------- 14444169 >It was Christmas Eve. >The store was packed and the line was long. >Yet here you stood, trying to buy that last gift of the holiday. >A bottle, really. >For yourself. >You're not really feeling the Christmas mood. >Neither charitable nor jolly. >Just... kind of grumpy. >As you waited in line, you noticed a cute little pony in front of you. >Her orange coat and purple mane was dirty and stained. >That old rag that was her scarf was tattered and worn. >She tapped her hoof anxiously and paced around waiting for her turn in line to pay. >Resting on her head was a box with a pretty woman's sun hat inside. >The woman in front of her had finally payed and hauled off her two carts full of gifts. >The little pegasus propped herself up with her legs on the counter. >Tilting her head forward, the hat box slid off for the cashier to scan. >The pony beamed her smile. "Sir, I want to buy this hat for my mommy, please," she said. >"Alright, little girl." "This was the last hat and it's just her size! How lucky is that?" >"Pretty lucky, I would say," said the man as he opened the box. >The man continued to fumble with the hat to try to find the price tag. "Could you please hurry, mister? My daddy says there's not much time. My mommy's been sick for quite a while and I just know this hate is going to make her feel much better. I want her to look pretty if she goes to meet the angels tonight." >The cashier froze and stared at the little girl as she still sat there smiling. >You were also dumbstruck with the story you had just heard. >She reach her neck down to pick up a small pouch with her teeth and empty some coins onto the counter; mostly pennies. >The jingle of coins on the counter caught the man's attention. >The pony picked up the few that rolled off and onto the floor. >Counting them up took probably ten minutes. >The orange pegasus stared entranced at the coins as they were stacked in dollars while being counted out. >When the coins ran out on the final stack, you saw the heart strings of the cashier being tugged pretty hard. >"I'm sorry, little girl. There's not enough here." >Her smile quickly disappeared into a horrified look. >She dropped her forehooves down from the counter and looked around frantically on the floor for any more coins she may have lost. >There were only a couple dollars on the counter at most. >Even if she found more, she would not be able to pay for it. >Your gaze goes from the man to the pony as you notice she's staring up at you. "Mommy made Christmas good at our house this year," she said with an almost pleading look. "It's my first Christmas because mommy usually does without. I want to make this year special for her." >She doesn't have to say it because you are already feeling sympathy. "Please, mister. What am I gonna do? I've got to buy my mommy this hat for Christmas." >Her eyes were starting to water. >As were yours. >Without a regret to be had, you pull out your wallet and swipe your debit card. >The receipt prints out and the hat goes back in the box and wrapped in a plastic bag. "Mommy's going to look so pretty!" she exclaimed as she took the bag handles in her teeth. >You will never forget to look on her face when she look up at you and said, "Merry Christmas, mister!" >You physically touched a hand to your heart as you watched the little filly run out into the cold winter's night. >It was as if you had just caught a glimpse of Heaven's love. >You got the feeling that God had sent the little orane pegasus to remind you of what Christmas is really about. >"Can I help you, sir?" asked the cashier. >It was your turn to pay. >You look at the glass bottle of liquid comfort in your hand and then back to the cashier. >Setting it down, you shake your head. >You leave the store and pull out your cell phone. >"Hello? It's Anon. Yeah. I just wanted to say, 'Merry Christmas'. You too. Love you, mom." >For the first time in years, you actually feel the Christmas spirit. ----------------------- 14460816 >"Ah'll just kick this here apple tree until all the apples fall off, then ah'll construct a shelter of apples!" >"Well, winter clothing can be very fashionable. Oh dear, where's my sewing machine?" >"It's WAY too cold here. I know, I'll fly home! I bet I'll get there in ten seconds flat! My apartment's gotta be at least 20% warmer than this place. See ya, suckers!" >"Mr. Bear, sir? Is it warmer in your cave? I promise I won't snore." >"And then I said, 'oh, oatmeal, you so crazy!' and suddenly TEE DIDDLY DOO BEE DOO BEE STIP STOP STEEP TILL YA DON'T STOP STOODLE-DOP A DEE DAH DAY" >"I'm sorry, I was busy conjuring these volcanic hot springs for us. Was one of you saying something?" ----------------------- 14496714 >Be LeStrange on earth#10 >You sit on your black computer chair and draw on the desktop near your computer monitor >You continue this for hours until you hear a creaking sound from your door >You turn back and see that it was Octavia >Octavia is a simple pony. Now, when you say "simple" you mean semi-magical (since it can talk or whatever). "LeStrange, I must say that I'm growing a tad weary without you accompanying me. Please do consider me and spend time with this lonely artistic pony such as myself" >You squint at her since your eyes have to re-adjust from looking too closely at your current project >You clear your throat >"No thanks. I gotta draw best pony" >You know this ticks her off since she loves receiving admiration from others to herself "W-What does she have that I don't!" >It was Applejack >You pause for dramatic effect >"She has color. Plain and simple" >You begin to smirk and look back to your colorless creation >You can't help but laugh at this irony >Seeing that Ocatavia would be a more...suitable pony gf for you since you both share the mind of an artist >"To have somewhat the same mind set is boring. Don't you see? I'm just not compatible with you, though I am. I am not." >She grits her teeth then stomps her hooves to the room next door Just another day on Earth~ ----------------------- 14500096 >Day pony on earth >Day ZEBRA on earth >Find humans >Get job in booster juice >Not in jamba juice or smoothie king because fuck that. >Secretly spike each drink with potions >Humans don't notice because dumb >You want to help them, but can't sell potions because reasons >Next day get arrest >Apparently LSD is illegal >day bad start on earth ----------------------- 14519057 >Day bump bump mother fuckers >Take Pinkie Pie to a carnival just to see what hell she'll unleash. >You give her twenty dollars to spend at the carnie games. She gets every big prize and shares them with the little kids who lost (except for a minion doll that she saved for you). >Pinkie drags you to all the rides even if you barfed on her after each one. >You wonder if puking is her fetish. >The best for last is bumper cars, you keep bumping Pinkie from behind. >You hear ass smack against the pleather seat every time you thrust into her. >And with you finishing one last thrust into her, you both leave for the night. >Pinkie takes the bumper car with her and rigs a hamster wheel ontop to power it. Gummy with a small headband on him works up a sweat. >Feels weird sitting behind a pony who is driving a pink bumper car down a dirt road. A little cramp but its nice snugly feeling. >But the good question is where is she going to keep this thing? ----------------------- 14525121 >Day 11 at the gym >You are pat >The squat master >Its all you do is squat >T REX MODE >No one even comes close to your mighty 585lb squat >ATG MOTHERFUCKER >Everyone always mirin >Today was squat day and lunge day >As you make your way to the showers you see a pony in the squat rack >A big white pony with tiny wings >You bite your lip as you mire his rippling shoulders and his hamburger back >N-no homo >You watch as he puts on 45 after 45 >Man, this guy might just be as strong as you >Oh shit >He puts on the last plate >Then your mouth drops >He stands on his back legs and drops down >His purple butthole touches the ground >Your eyebrows rose in surprise >2 reps in >Must be max day >He shoulders the weight back and notices you starin >All he does is wink and walks past you >You keep staring at him as he opens the door >He looks back and smiles, lifting his tail to give you a glimpse of his ballsack and puckered butthole >You smile >Good thing you havent taken a shower yet >Youre in the locker room but you dont see him anywhere >Oh well, you wanted to compliment him on his form >Stripped down and ready to shower, you power walk to the showers, making sure you dont jog to them just incase you turn into a 140lb manlet[spoiler]because cardio kills gains[/spoiler] >As you lather up your body you feel a hot breath on your back >"I saw you watching me while i was squatting." You whimper when his breath touches you. "So...did you like the show?" He slaps your ass >You begin lathering up you buttcheeks >"Ooh, I like that." HE bites your shoulder >Now he his standing >You feel his dong on your back >"How about we get to know each other?" >He winks at some guy and he nods as he flicks the switch off causing the lights to go out. "S-sure." >"Good." He whispers. >The locker room erupts into moans and grunts. >After the carnage calms down, he turns to you >"That felt good." "Yea it did, n-no h-h-homo." You barely finish the word before you pass out. >"Yea, no homo." He grins. ----------------------- 14567613 >Damn it. >Why the hell do you always have to look after these things? >Your boss told you to come inside, to a residence to a pony named 'Rainbow Dash' >She lived on the far outskirts of the town, from what her address said. >Some of the ponies who weren't fortunate enough to get a good master often-times turned to the local mafia for help. >Jobs, money, protection; that sort of stuff. >Often than not, the ponies wound up face-down in a ditch; but some ponies are lucky enough to find 'generous' bosses who help them. >And one of those bosses happened to be yours. >He assigned a few ponies to live in crew-friendly houses and work at crew-friendly businesses. >Six of them, it seemed. >A purple one, a white one, a cyan-blue one, a yellow one, and some orange one. >They had a pink one, but she got blasted early-on for her shenanigans. >You, being the boss' "field guy" for street-related activities, often times go on errands for these ponies. >The cyan one owes money for your boss' services; and he sent you to go collect it. >You give a heaving sigh, and sliding your loaded .375 snubnose into your back pocket. >This is going to be a long day. >Ten minutes. >It's taking ten. god-damn. minutes for you to drive into town. >In the meantime, you bother to look over the copy of the creature's pass and info garnered by the government. >Things and tidbits of Equestria show through. >You remember being told, by the older-age ponies, that Equestria was a kind of paradise. >You chuckle to yourself; sorely doubt it. >Open-palming the wheel, you turn into the pony's neighbourhood. >You sigh, the place was a suburb; possibly even a rival crew's neighborhood. >You stop your '71 Bently, taking off a few watches and a ring signifying your crew. >You sure as shit aren't willing to risk taking a bullet for a casual transaction. >You don't get paid nowhere near enough, nor do you have a vest to keep from obtaining lead poisoning. >Damn it. >Why the hell do you always have to look after these things? >You nonchalantly slide past the front gate; closing it with a harsh 'klink!' behind you. > Quickly, you jog up to the front porch. >You open the screen, bashing your bare-knuckled fist against the door. >Wait a few minutes. >You do it again. >There's absolute silence. >Her 'car', some kind of shitty-looking cariage thing, is in the driveway. >And the lights are off, indicating somepony was home. >God dammit. >You grunt. >You're coming inside, that's final. >Looking around, you pick up a large rock from the front lawn, and went to smash the door open. >Breaking the lock, you move in. >A hand on your pistol, ready for anything. >You are Anon, the pretty cool guy. >You bust heads for the mafia and doesn't afraid of anything. >Going into the cheap living room, you notice the blue cyan clump on the ground. >You lower your pistol, but you slide your finger over the trigger. "..Dashie? Is that you?" >The smell is rancid, like she hasn't bathed in days. >Do you turn on the lights, or leave it as is? >It's difficult to get a visual of what the fuck that thing is. >You grunt, deciding to turn on the lights. >After a few seconds of placing a hand against the wall, you find the light-switch. >Sighing, you flipped it on, half-expecting it to be a corpse. >A bunch of horse-fuckin' weirdos always wanted to bust a nut inside her. >No idea why, they're damn horses. >You'd rather the white one, anyways. >Rarity, was it? >Breaking from that train thought, you flipped on the light finally. >The shoddy room is illuminated even more, described dark spots reveal to be pools of blood and bits of gore as the pony had been laying there. >Looks like she got her skull caved in by a club or somethin'. >You're more disgusted than sad or concerned >Fucking shit god-damn mother-fucker cock-sucker >You don't care, but you sure as shit know your boss will. >And will have to make YOU waste your time in pursuing whoever did this. "Damn it." >Why do you always have to look after these things? >And from what some pool of questionable fluids mixing with the blood; looks like somebody came inside her, too. >They wanted to come inside, and they damn well did. >Figuratively, physically, and sexually. > You sigh. "Yep." >Going to be a long day. ----------------------- 14591554 >day pony in earth. >Find anon who takes you in >be happy >go on anon's computer >find website called 4chan >find board called /mlp/ "These people like talking ponies! I am a talking pony!" >Decide to post image of self >wait >First reply: "1/10. Shit OC" >After that it's just a slew of people calling you a faggot, and that you're an autist. >apparently when you took the photo, it saved something called exif data. >A pineapple pizza is on it's way. >Lock self in shower, and cry >They did not forgive >They did not forget. >You should've expected this. ----------------------- 14633899 >Day Spitfire pone on earth >You are having a nice lunch with her >She is having some trouble using her spoon to eat her soup though. >You guess it must be the natural magic in equestria that helps her do that. >She had some trouble flying earlier, so that seems like it would make sense. >She finaly gives up, and starts lapping up the soup. >You stare at her, and she gives you a glance that says "Yeah? So what?" >Coming up for air, you notice that she has a bit of soup stuck in her fur >Particularly the nose. >Suddenly idea >You take your spoon, and balance it on your nose. >Your skin would hold it much better than her fur. >She goes wide eyed. >"Wha-? How did you do that?" >You smile. >"No seriously! How are you doing that?! Humans don't have magic!" >You laugh a little more. >Her eyes become hostile, and she jumps onto the table, spilling the food on it. >"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! HOW THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN ABLE TO HOLD THAT WHILE I CAN BARELY HOLD A SPOON!?" >The manager appears. >"Ma'am, we're going to have to ask you to please calm do-" >"NO! I AM CAPTAIN OF THE WONDERBOLTS, AND I DEMAND TO KNOW HOW THE SPOON HAS NOT FALLEN OFF!" >You turn to her "One word: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFQCYpIHLNQ" >That black eye was so worth it. ----------------------- 14640631 >Celestia's forehooves felt the dry grass beneath her feet. She sees the wide ranch and sunny skies and immediately wants to frolic. >Alas, she has more important things to do. >She sees an old man snoozing as younger farmhands did most of the work. "Mr. Bush?" >"Huh? Waaa. Oh. It's one of your kind of horses." >The old man eyes Celestia's wings but then calms down when he goes into thought. >"What is your name?" "My name is Princess Celestia and I wish to speak with you." >Bush takes out a handkerchief and wipes off his brow. >He then speaks with a serious tone. "I'm sorry, but I'm expecting the leader of Equestria." "I am. Princess is the highest title one awards. Realistically, I'm the only one with the title of 'High Princess of Equestria', though I barely use that one." >"Sorry. Can't help you." He then goes back to sleep. >Celestia teleports off. *** >Lauren Faust is quite pleased with her latest work. >"I'm sure kids will like this one as much as they do My Little Pony." >Right when she finishes, she tears up. >The sound of a flash and suddenly in a burst of light Celestia appeared in time to tuck her wing under Lauren's hunched form. >"Pony." "I know." >"Pony, pony pony pony." "We all get like that." >After a while Lauren gives a deep sigh and begins to take in the sights of sounds outside of Celestia's gentle wing. >"Pony, pony, pony. Pony pony. Pony pony pony pony." "I agree, but we must cut this short. Could you make me a queen?" >Lauren rubbed her hands together as an impish grin creeped along her face. "Pony!" she exclaimed. "Thank you." >Celestia left as abruptly as she came. "George W. Bush, I am High Royal Queen of Equestria, wielder of the sun." >"That's nice. Can I ride you too?" "What?" Celestia was shocked. "This is not what I expect from a president." >"Oh, I'm not the president. Obama is. Your information must be outdated." >High Royal Queen Celestia summoned a map. "Where is she?" >she asked. >Bush pointed on Celestia's back. >"I'm right here, Princess. On your back. Holding two ticket to that thing you love." >Celestia slapped her forehead. >It was Old Spice Day. ----------------------- .14659624 >Spike ignored it, talking on his cell phone with his agent instead. >"Yeah, well if they desperately need me to get around the special effects strike, I want 20M for it... Yeah... Uh huh..." >No human payed attention to him, thanks to his disguise enchantment. >You offered, but he refused. Instead, one of his entourage did the enchantment for him. >He finished his call. >"And that was that." He rubs his hands together. "Spike, I want to talk." >This was the reason why you had the meeting. >Spike was getting distant. >You wanted to stay in touch, even if he couldn't be your number one assistant anymore. >He ignored you instead, counting the money in his head. "SPIKE." >"Yeah, Twilight?" "Want to see a movie together?" >"No thanks. It's like going to a magician's show and knowing all their tricks." >He was referring to human magic. "But don't you want to do something. Anything?" >Spike ignores you though. Instead he whistles for a taxi instead. >"Twilight, I don't have the time. There's a meeting in Hasbro within an hour, and I need this." >Being a princess gave you a tight schedule, but he doesn't realize that you made the time. >A taxi car drives up and he leaves. >His mind was only filled with gold and silver, and while he could control his outbursts, there were rumors with his workers that he was getting worse. >It wasn't getting better with you either. Most of your friends were busy with their own affairs, and a combination of a lack of time and your corination ensured that the gap only got wider. >The taxi drives away, and the denziens of New York saw no princess, but just another pony instead. >Your body was washed with sadness as you were once again alone. "Spike, don't leave me too. Please." ----------------------- 14729088 >Day guard on earth >Be guard pony walking through desert >It's hot >Your hooves hurt >You're looking for your unit commander >You don't like your unit commander >You'd rather be at the barracks polishing your spear >Where the hay are you anyways? >Ground begins to rumble >Looking around for the source, a metal monstrosity is the likely suspect "Stop, beast!" You yell >It stops in its tracks, moving its nose in your direction "Ah, excellent! So you speak Equestrian?" BANG! >Holy shit! >That was loud! >Ears ringing >It keeps happening >The monster assaults your ears with it's yelling >This goes for about 5 minutes >Get back up and stumble around, dazed >The thing is driving away, dirt kicked up in its wake >…it seems he finally realized who he was dealing with! >What a douche >Screaming at you like that >You decide its a good time to lie down >You DID fight off this monster after all! >It was a guard day ----------------------- 14827618 day applejack on earth >You’re walking through the park >You get a familiar feeling in your nethers. >Walk up to the nearest tree, raise your legs, and relieve yourself >Fucking kids saw that, applehorse. >suddenly officer >arrested for public urination >arrested for defacing someones property >arrested for flashing your genitals at children >arrested for not staying off the fucking grass. ----------------------- 14838335 >Today was a day like any other on Earth >You sit back listening to music with Applejack >huhwhatwhere.bandcamp.com/album/qualia >You were dumbfounded when she was really open when it came to music >There are subtle differences though >Humans and ponies aren't all that different (well...these kinda ponies) >"Hey, uhm. Want somethin' to munch on Aj?" >She looks back to you as if though you were telling a joke >Your cooking skills usually revolved around making the simplest of dishes such as THE SANDWICH >Heaven knows you make a damn good samish though "Ah think I'll make the dinner today Anon" >"Samich too much for you?" >She pauses as if though she were walking on eggshells "I just don't have the feel for 'Anon's Samish Surpreme', today" >"Pft, you're gunna miss out" "I'm sure ah will. Think I'll jus make somethin' green today" >Today feels like a sandwich day. ----------------------- 14861468 >The hospital doors burst open with a screaming man and wife >"MY WIFE IS HAVING A BABY" >Nurses and the other doctor people rush to his side and slam her into a wheelchair >ridin dirty >They roll her into another room and lay her on a stretcher >You storm in and stick a stethoscope to her belly "Nurses, whats the prognosis?" >"Shes having a baby doc!" "Oh." You wave your hand to follow you >They follow you into the room and set her down on the cold steel table >"Why are we in here doc?" "All the other rooms are full and this was better than the janitors closet." >A couple of nurseboys high five >absolutely disgusting >You turn your attention to the woman screaming about babies >You look at her vagoo and notice its dilating >You're about to start making incisions when you notice she is also taking a shit >You call over a couple of nurses and they laugh at her >So do you >Then you see something poke out of the tunnel of flesh "Someone get me some gloves!" You scream >A nurse hands you a pair >You immediately get down to business >You pinch the tip of the thing coming out and you start pulling >"Is that a?" >You finally pull the whole baby out. >You rage as you look at a pony baby and you slap its ass to make it cry >Then you show it to the father "Sir, your wife is a whore." >He takes the baby in his hand, pushes the hair out of its face and smiles. >He kisses the babies head >"Its okay little one." >everyone daws then stop when he throws the baby at the wall >"THATS THE FORTH TIME THIS MONTH JANET!" >She gets up and walks out >you dont even care >This is the 11th person you lost this week >after your shift is over you stop off at the local liquor store and buy fourlokos like the fag you are >100 cans of peer disgust >You're already drunk as you enter your home >you start throwing your pictures off the desks as you take a swig >then you throw your cans everywhere >nothing was spared >You tear your diploma of fine arts off the wall >then you cry end ----------------------- 14894205 >Be a pony >Go to a thrift shop >So much old and new fashions in one store. You buy so many in different styles and sizes. >Your talent is sewing things together. Fashion isn't much of your thing but for some reason this trend of combining styles is picking up. >You sew many things this night for your pony kind to wear in this human world. >"Whats your name?" "Needles." >Nop0ny has ever heard of you, a lot talk about a Rarity and other fashion designers. But you aren't making a name for yourself. >All this work is going to one thing you found in this world, sweet delicious heroin. This smack makes everything feel just swell and dandy. >You lay on the bedroom floor of your clothe ridden apartment feeling like a pegasus. Why can't you stop loving this beautiful inspirational drug? ----------------------- 14908581 >All of these people aren't worth your time. >You looked at your watch. >6:00 PM >It was time to chalk up another speed dating failure. >There was only time for one last minute effort. >When you looked up from the watch you saw your next date wearing a sticker with the number 12. >What shocked you about number 12 wasn't her orange hair, or lip piercing. >It was a yellow cartoon pony adorned without wings or horn. >It trotted to your table and tried to sit on the stool, positioning her front hooves for support. >You checked again. Yes, this was indeed number 12. There must be some mistake. "What is this?" you mutter out of her earshot. This thing you had seen on the news was just that. An elaborate hoax, you assumed. >The bell rings, confusing you even more. >Your date opens her mouth, but you snap your fingers to grab the attention of the host. >"What's the matter?" she said. Thankfully, it was a human. >You whisper into her ear, "What's with the talking pony? I thought this was humans ONLY relationships" >"No, our records say that it's human/PONY relationships." >Number 12 smiles at you, unable to hear your conversation. >The host abandons you to your fate as she patrolled the other tables. >You take another good look at her. >It was really quite unsettling, what with her oversized eyes and large hooves. >Those same features kept her from even looking like a real pony. >The host left some wine out in these cases, so you made your entry fee worthwhile. >While you poured a glass, she rudely snatched it from your hand. >"So, do you want to tell me about yourself?" >At this point, she drank the wine glass in a few gulps. >You followed her lead and drank yours. >This was not going to end well at all. >You twirled the glass only to realize that there was no wine inside. >"This isn't going well. I take it that you don't want to be here either?" "So you did listen after all." >"Listen to what? I'm the only pony around here. I expected at least one stallion so we could hook up, but I'm surrounded by humans." >She did a little hiccup and poured herself another cup. >"So I've wasted a 10 dollar entry fee for a bunch of cheap wine and some horsefuckers." >You had a little liquid courage before you arrived as well, but this wine hit you harder than expected. >Against your better judgement, you decided to be honest. "Well, don't expect me to want to bed Ed, if you know what I'm saying." >She frowns. "What?" >"Ed? As in Ed the talking horse? I'm so sick and tired of you humans insulting us." >The three minute warning bell rang, warning you to wrap up things. "Well, my night is ruined." >"Mine too. Romance really is dead." >You look at her. "I disagree. You just need the right apps." >In your pocket was your cell phone. It took two seconds to bring it out. >On youtube, you showed a mariachi band where some human was serenading his lover. >The door opened and out came a stallion. >Both of them united in a kiss. >Number 12 was more bored than amused. >"Geez. You humans need a phone for everything, do you." "Yup." >The bell rang as she galloped underneath a few legs to get out of the door first. >You felt the same. Time to bail this place and salvage the rest of the evening. >Just another day as a human trying to make it in this more odder world. ----------------------- 14913459 "Hey Puppet Pal Fluttershy, what day is it?" >Puppet Pal Fluttershy looks at you with her cute expression. Her mouth flaps open as she stands with you by the brick wall. >"Is it Forced Cuddles Day?" >You raise your rubber mallet into ready position. "No, its-Ah!" >She jumps on top of you and try to hold onto the brick wall with your puppet arms. "Help! She's-Ah~" >Your grip loosens as she works her magic on you down there. With one arm you try to push her away but that makes it tougher to not fall down to the floor. "Oh my~ My puppet bits!" >Finally you're down having her do things to you with your mallet. You wish she used the mallet handle. >Fucking Fluttershy ----------------------- 14922163 >Damn it. >Why the hell do you always have to look after these things? >Your boss told you to come into town, and search for a residence to a pony named 'Rainbow Dash' >She lived on the far outskirts of the town, from what her address said. >After large chunks of the pony population was stranded on earth, and the 'modernization' of the portal to and fro; the ones who weren't able to hit it big with celebrities or the rich fucks in the west often-times were thrown out into city slums or wallow in lower suburbia. >Which, just as often, lead them turning to the local mafia. >Jobs, money, protection; that sort of stuff. >Often than not, the ponies wound up face-down in a ditch; but some ponies are lucky enough to find 'generous' bosses who help them. >And one of those bosses happened to be yours. >His soft spots are going to get him, or, more likely, you, killed. >He assigned the ponies under his care to live in crew-friendly houses and work at crew-friendly businesses. >His favourite one was the very same cyan-ish one who you were covering. >She had babbled on about wanting to make a living so that her friends can cross over. >Her intentions mixed her up with the wrong people, and now she's working for us. >What the fuck does the pony do for the mafia, anyway? >You don't know, it's her business; your business is making sure you aren't dead before morning. >You, being the boss' "field guy" for street-related activities, often times go on errands for these ponies. >The cyan one owes money for your boss' services; and he sent you to go collect it. >He stressed to not use lethal force to coerce her into paying, if she doesn't collect. >Bad experiences and a few chipped teeth from a recent bout with a brawny stallion leads you to believe, and use, otherwise. >Giving a heavy sigh you slide your loaded .375 snubnose into your back pocket and start your car. >This is going to be a long day. >Ten minutes. >It's taking ten. god-damn. minutes for you to drive into town. >In the meantime, you bother to look over the copy of the creature's pass and info garnered by the government. >Things and tidbits of Equestria are revealed. >You remember being told, by the older-age ponies, that Equestria was a kind of paradise. >You chuckle to yourself; sorely doubt it. >Open-palming the wheel, you turn into the pony's neighbourhood. >You sigh, the place was a suburb; possibly even a rival crew's neighborhood. >You stop your '71 Bently, taking off a few watches, your necklace, and slide on your gloves and trenchcoat to hide your criminal tattoos. >You sure as shit aren't willing to risk taking a bullet for a casual transaction. >You don't get paid nowhere near enough, nor do you have a vest to prevent lead poisoning. >Damn it. >Why the hell do you always have to look after these things? >You nonchalantly slide past the front gate; closing it with a harsh 'klink!' behind you. > Quickly, you jog up to the front porch. >You open the screen, bashing your bare-knuckled fist against the door. >Wait a few minutes. >You do it again. >There's absolute silence. >Her 'car', some kind of shitty-looking carriage thing, is in the driveway. >And the lights are off, indicating nobody-er, noPONY was home. >Bah. >You don't have time for this. >You're coming inside, that's final. >Looking around, you pick up a large rock from the front lawn, and went to smash the door open. >Breaking the lock, you move in. >A hand on your pistol, ready for anything. >You are Anon, the pretty cool guy. >You bust heads for the mafia and doesn't afraid of anything. >Going into the cheap living room, you notice some, almost formless, mass on the ground. >Fuck, it's dark. >You lower your pistol, but you keep your finger slid over the trigger. >It's hard to see, but you can get a small semblance of movement. >Breathing. "..Dashie? Is that you?" >The smell is rancid, like she hasn't bathed in days. >Or a rotting corpse. >It's difficult to get a visual of what the fuck that thing is. >After a few seconds of blindly brushing your hand against the wall, you find the light-switch. >Sighing, you press your thumb on the light-switch; half-expecting a corpse. >A bunch of horse-fuckin' weirdos always wanted to bust a nut inside her. >No idea why, they're damn horses. >Don't care how sentient they are, they're HORSES. >Breaking from that train thought, you squint your eyes to try and focus your blinded gaze on what the fuck is in front of you. >The shoddy apartment room is illuminated from the kitchen, described dark spots reveal to be pools of blood and bits of gore as the pony had been laying there. >Looks like she was bludgeoned by a club or somethin'. >You're more disgusted than sad or concerned >Fucking shit god-damn mother-fucker cock-sucker >You don't care, but you sure as shit know your boss will. >And will have to make YOU waste your time in pursuing whoever did this. >As said, his soft spots for these creatures'll end in disaster, one way or another. "Damn it." >Why do you always have to look after these things? >And from what some pool of questionable fluids mixing with the blood; looks like somebody came inside her, too. >Her breathing is haggard; almost gargling. >They wanted to come inside, and they damn well did. >Figuratively, physically, and sexually. >Checking her pulse, you find that she's still alive; however barely. >Son of a bitch. >You're carrying her over your shoulder, an ice-pack tied around her gaped skull and wrapped in blood-stained towels. > You quickly slide her into the back seat of your Bentley. >You start the truck, and roar off. >Oh god dammit, don't die on me you candy-colored horse. >Tires screech horribly as they grind against the blacktop, spreading ice and snow outwards. >Thank god you have snow-tract tires. >You look at the map, growling >There's a nearby hospital, with the cops on speed dial. >Or there's a crew-friendly place with a doctor and the like. >But as far out as you are, there's a high chance that she'll be dead before you get there. >You don't get paid enough for this shit. >Rolling your palms against the wheel, and almost throwing yourself off from the sharp turns, you are on your way. >Burnt rubber skidding down the road, leaving the tracks of your path. >Your Bentley smashed into the curb of the crew-friendly doctor's front lawn, swerving at an angle to not collide with his house. >You kick open the door, taking out the half-living pony out from the back seat. >Cradling in your arms, you sprinted around the house, and into the back of the garage, smashing the back of your hand against the door; nearly taking the hinges off with your erratic movement. >"WHAT THE HELL IS IT!?-" >He pulled the door open, a bit furiously. The sight of a battered pony catching him off-guard. "DAMMIT! Doc', we're in big fucking trouble, I found her like this, I don't know what to do." >He pulls you inside. >"Okay, okay! Did you keep the blood from spreading." "As far as I know, she hasn't bled out; hanging onto her life by a thread, though." >"Alright. I'll do what I can. YOU go outside and make sure noone's calling the cops." >He knocked off random condoments from the table, with a sterile length of tablecloth on top as he threw Dashie on top of the table. >"GO!" >You lift your arms, defensively, jogging outside. >Noone even seemed to notice much, actually. >You adjusted your Bentley to dive into his garage. >..With the help of his pony-ta lady-friend using her unicorn magic. >God, what a fuckin' piece of work, he is. >It's been over an hour, and the Doc' is still working on her. >The boss has to know something's up, by now. >In any case, the thin fuschia-pink mare has been your company for the last sixty minutes. >Her name was 'Fleur de Lis' >Some kind of french; like Equestria had some frog-leg lovers in their world. >Attempts to strike up conversation on both our parts were always skewered by the swearing doctor in the next room. >For someone who got his Ph.D, he sounded like another one of us. >Good. >But, she was a charming woman.. pony.. thing. >A bit bimbo-y, obviously a trophy mare that was pampered heavily in her old life. >Though, there isn't anything really wrong with wanting to be taken care of. >At least, you'd sure as hell want to be. >But, breaking from that train of thought, you notice that his swearing has finally stopped. >The loud grinding of his machines began to shut down. >He opens the door, his gloves and apron drenched in blood. >"She's.. stabilized. Had to replace the bits of skull lost with a metal plate." "..Is that your blood, or hers?" >"Hers." "How the shit does that work? Ponies have bodies close to humans, right? That looks WAY over the fatal limit." >"I don't know, I'm a doctor, not a fuckin' Xenobiologist." >He takes his gloves off, setting them on the counter. "What's the pay, anyhow?" >"Well, you tell me; since you're one of us, I'll give you a monetary discount.. on the other hand.." "Eh?" >"You fix my god-damn lawn, and I'll let you and your pony-friend there leave without pay, pretty much." "Fine, fine." >After calling your boss and telling him what happened, you spent the next two hours refertilizing and fixing the lawn you more or less thrashed. "So, she's stable.. how long 'til she's on her feet?" >"About.. a week." "Fuck, that's too long." >"Well, why didn't you leave her? Sure as hell would've wasted less effort if you sacked her house and got the money instead of taking her here." "Well, I thought about that; but my boss.. his conscience and his empathy is bigger'n his ego. He talks big, and takes big risks, and makes me have to back it up." >"Yeah? Why don't you turn coat, already?" "Well, for one; as a big heart as he has, he's like everyone else in the family. Second, he's the only mob-based fuck in the city willing to take a polack in." >"He's going to get you killed, y'know." "Yeah, yeah; like my mortality rates ain't a occupational hazard, as-is. But I need her so that he doesn't think I did it." >"Why the hell would he think you did it?" "..Well, I've been violent to some of his horse-patrons, before. It wouldn't be above me to break a head to get what I want. "In other words, I need to keep her alive to keep me alive. A horsefucker if I've ever met one." >"Yeah, well, she's alive. She'll be conscious by tomorrow.. don't know if she'll be the same, though. Heavy blunt trauma like that can fuck a man up.. Don't really know about ponies, but they're probably the same way." "Can you keep her here, in the meantime?" >"Eh, what do you think?" He looks to his wife. >She shrugs. >"..Well, I guess so." "In the meantime, I'll be doing business." >You slide your hat on, waving them off before driving back to the pony's house. >Nobody seems to be around, or even noticed anything. >Lower suburbia is a lot better to work in than the ghetto; not as many niggers peeping their heads or kikes stickin' their happy merchant noses into your business. >People mind their own business, here; and only question when there's a bunch of men in suits knocking on their front door. >Good. >You closed the gate, out of habit, and went back inside. >Was still a mess. >Christ.. how much blood can these things lose? >In any case, make a right; and a left into her bathroom. >Looks like she doesn't flush. >That's fuckin' disgusting. >On another note, you learned that pony shit is a brighter colour than brown or sickly green. >Not what you had intended to learn, but that might come in handy, someday. >You flush the toilet, out of courtesy and with what little manners you were taught, and continued your search. >About thirty minutes pass, and you find the money under the furnace. >Little more than half what she owes, but still a few Benjamins short. >In any case, it's enough to please the boss. >You pocket the cash, and go on your merry way out. >Passing by a photo, you quirked a brow. >It was a group photo of Rainbow Dash, and what you can only assume as the friends she was talking about. >They looked so happy, in this picture. >It's been years since you've even bothered to smile. >Brushing your finger against the partly-cracked frame. >You can only assume that it was a victim of the pony's struggle. >You sigh, moving on from the picture. >Getting in your Bentley, you turned out and drove off to your boss's lounge. >The Cloudsdale Lounge, held down by a bulky messy-haired pale cream-coated stallion, was the host of your crew's activities. >From freezing bodies in the basement to selling-and-murdering hookers on the top floor; it was every bit of home as you can find. >No place like home. >Though the door was oddly closed. "Hey, Joe. Who's with the boss?" >"Louie Sordino, one of the guys from the main branch o' the family working in New York." "Huh, wonder what's eatin' at them." >"Yeah, it's real weird; the usual?" "Yeah." >He slid a shot of Appeloosa-brandished White Lightning, some kind of Equestrian moonshine, and a shot of apple cider as a chaser. "Thanks, Joe." >You might not like the precedence of these ponies, but at the very least they're damn fine distillers. >Downing it like whiskey, and chasing it down, you give a sharp whistle. >You sat and waited, it sounded a little too quiet, especially with how loud-mouthed your boss can be. >Though one of the boys, probably Louie, took down the stairs and out the lounge. >He looked like an ominous shadow, a bit more eerie than usual with the shitty lighting. >Hopefully we can get guys to fix the long-lights, here. >Waiting a few minutes, for the sake of not startling the boss, you work yourself upstairs. >He takes one good look at you, spinning in his chair and turning away from you. >"Whadaya' want, Polack?" "..Ah, came to drop by the money." >You un-pocket the bills pilfered from Rainbow Dash's house, setting them on his desk. "Rainbow.. erm.. 'Dashie', is fine. Should be back up on her feet within a few days. She's stayin' with the Doc' until then." >A sigh, what you presume to be relief, escapes the boss. He turns back around, facing you. >"Good. Now, what the fuck happened?" "..Well.. I drove to the house, seen noone home, forced myself inside and found her bleeding her heart out, literally, on the floor. "I took her to the Doc', where he cleaned her up and put a few plates in her head." >"Great, she'll be even more hard-headed than before." "Heh, yeah. She'll definitely won't be the same, after this. Even the Doc' said that from the heavy trauma to the head, and how much blood she lost, there's a high chance of her being brain-dead.. or retarded." >"You know what job I have in store for you, Polack." "Find out who did it?" >"And put cement in his fuckin' shoes." "..Alright." >"..Damn shame, a beauty like that gettin' pinched." "..Yeah, they didn't do anything to her face; though her hair--" >"Her MANE." "--Mane, yeah. Her mane might be a lil' stingy, possibly even more scragglier than normal." >"Right. Also, Polack." "Yeah?" >"What was Dashie's request, like, what made her work with us in the first place? I'm feelin' a little generous." >Oh shit. >'Generous'. >You've come to resent that word for the kind of hell it puts you through. >Whether it be dealing with homeless ponies, or blowing up a school full of sick kids. >The boss might be a bit softer than the other family Capos; but he's still a fuckin' Capo. >Him being 'Generous' means 'You aren't gettin' any rest until I get what I want done'. >"Polack!" >You snap out of your thought, looking right back at the boss. >"What was Dashie's request?" "..To bring her friends from Equestria to Earth. That's why she's workin' hard, to pay their ferries." >"Well, we can do that. How many are there?" "..'Bout five she talked about." >"..So that's roughly three-thousand Francs on the Island; about Thirty Grand in total." "..Roughly." >"Yeah; I've an idea for you, Polack. A Cuban informant is coming 'round from Florida with a few boys from the Tallies to get a cut of our dollar. A delivery for a half-mill of Cocaine." "..But ain't the Don against drug deals?" >"'Ain't' you supposed to keep your fucking mouth shut? We make it look like a bad deal, on the outside. The Informant brings the delivery boys 'round the corner, you pop them, take the cocaine and piss off." "What about the Informant? Wouldn't he shoot me dead or are we poor enough to not arm our guys outside of state?" >"He isn't 'our' guy, but he's with the family. I'll notify him with the scheme, and we'll bribe him to keep his mouth shut." "..And if he doesn't?" >"We kill him, plain and simple." "Right." >You have a bad feeling about this. >Then again, you feel responsible for Dash's own near-demise, even though it wasn't by you. >Might as well have a nice present ready for her when she comes around. >You sigh; Damn it. >Why the hell do you always have to look after these ponies? >Tonight's the Night >Had been absolutely hectic to get on a plane, especially at this time of year. >Humans and Ponies are at their worst, during the holiday season. >Because the Pegasi always interfere with the airlines, always. >Hard being able to fly in a flightless world, it seems. >You prepared yourself in the cool Florida air >Even in the dead of winter, it's no lower than sixty degrees. >A pretty welcome change to the sleet and snow of New Jersey and New York. >You armed yourself, don't need to put on a mask, it's particularly dark, here. The inside of the car's going to be dark enough to mask yourself, in any case. >The long-legged almost limousine-esque car drove into the middle of the street; its headlights illuminating the favela's streets. >You walk inside, and closing the door behind you, it drove on. >The informant is to your left, and the two couriers are behind you, in the backseat. >It's dark, you can barely see the informant's face on this kind of night. >Your fingers fasten around your snubnose, it's always been your pistol of choice; especially killing in close quarters. >As told, once they turned around the corner, you immediately fired behind you; unloading the six shots into the men. >God fucking damn, that's loud! >You can barely see, you've gone near deaf, the car has come screeching to a halt. >You act on yourself, reaching for both the bag and cocaine, kicking the door open and rushing out into the street. >You felt a bullet graze your ear, fuck. >You can only assume it's the Informant going turncoat. >Hopping over a fence, you landed face-first into the ground, taking a second to pick yourself up. >You carried the bags, into the darkness of the swampy everglades nearby. >Fuck, fuck, fuck. >You're stopped in the middle of a some lake, with the moon's reflection foretelling crocodiles. >You did the only thing you can do. >You begin to take off your shoes, stuffing the socks inside, and curling up your pantsleeves. >You cough, hearing spanish curses and the like behind you. >Fuck. * * * * * * * >Bah >You've gotten too far with Tallies to lose your standards, now. >Kill the Polack when they came near, they said. >Pretend to be friends with the New Yorkers, they said. >You only grazed him, and now he's somewhere here, in crocodile territory. >This is exactly why we can't have nice things! >Now you're tromping through the swamp, looking for someone who probably has no idea what he's doing or where he's going. >Especially on a night like this one. >You hear a cough, and rustling in front of you. >You begin counting in spanish, the finger fastened 'round the trigger of your Tokearev, ready to put a bullet in his skull. >You finally got into the clearing, of the lake. >He's nowhere to be found. >Only his shoes remain >Did he go into the water? >FUCK >The crocodiles will get to him before you will. >This is just perfect. >You had better luck with the hicks from Kansas >Don't wanna go in there >But you can't leave empty-handed >Fuck it, you're going into the water. >Taking off your shoes, and throwing the laces over your shoulder, you jump in. >Only until it was too late did your realization hit you. >Fuck, fuck, fuck. >You tried to get back to shore, but the crocodiles already got to you. >Clamping their maw around your legs and beginning to spin. >Bubbles mask your screams as you're dragged back into the darkness of the murky lake. * * * * * >..Holy shit >Stupid spic just jumped right into the water after seeing your shoes. >That was closer than you would've liked. >Fuck. >The Crocodiles are also getting restless. >Better get the fuck out of here. >Picking up your shoes, and throwing them over your shoulder, you immediately began hopping back to the streets. >Fuck. >You can barely think, let alone see or feel anything. >Even the rocks on your feet are beginning to feel mundane, dilapidated in your senses. >The money's safe, and is the cocaine. >You slump onto your ass, the wet december swamp soaking the seat of your pants. >Lighting a cigarette, you take a good whiff; processing what the fuck just happened. >You sigh. >Being dressed up by the Doc', or in other words he padded your ear and secured it so the cartilage will still be there. >That's probably the more painful of wounds you've obtained over the years. >Fuck, that smarts. >You're back in New Jersey, at the Doc's house-slash-medical home. >He lives pretty good, for someone who abuses the system to pay for his supplies. >The place is near-spotless, with shades of blues and grays; and picasso-cubism art marking the place. >It was like he was an actual doctor. >Well, he technically IS; just ain't qualified at a hospital. >Fleur De Lis seems a little detached in the relationship, compared to the Doc'. >He's kissing her, huggin' her, loving her, and she's just sort of.. there. >Like a sentient pink pillow. >Regardless, the intimacy makes you feel a little anxious, and just outright uncomfortable at your own solitude. "..Huh, yeah. I have a train to catch. Later, you two." >"..Mhn, later, Polack." He doesn't even look in your direction as you close the door with a sigh. >You can't shake the feeling of just feeling a woman brushing up against your own form. >tfw no gf >Fuck. >Need to take your mind off of it. >You look at your watch. >Almost dark, need to get home and beat the afternoon traffick. >Your own home isn't as prestigious as the Doc's house, or the Lounge's rooms. >Hell, even the pony's houses are finer than yours. >What kind of shit is that? >It's the same shoddy rented apartment, at the same shoddy adress, in the same shoddy part of town. >Kicking your shoes off, you drag yourself over to the couch. >The same beaten couch from when you first started in your teens. >At the age of thirty, still the same couch. >Usually you waste your money on booze and women >You can have a harem and have a freezer stacked like a king, but have the same shitty couch you've had for twelve years. >Go figure. >You rest your head, with the sounds of the late night movies bubbling in your mind. >The exploits of you and Katherine Hepburn at your side. > Your last bit of consciousness is feeling her hot breath on your neck. >Fuck. ----------------------- 14987166 Can you guys imagine if the ponies hooves are hard and not marshmallow soft? Shit that must be hurtful foreplay. >Be a stallion who has a human fetish. You finally found a girl who has been curious with dating a pony. >After seven dates she finally wants to have some pony loving. >She lays there fully naked with her legs spread. You watched some human porn and seen what they like. >You press your hoof onto her human-hood and start circling it around at the entrance. >Instead of moans you get grunts of pain. >"Stop-stop-STOP! That hurts!" "So-Sorry! Uh I'll just uh play with your clitoris!" >You move your hoof over her bean and again she cries out. "Sorry,I'll just-" >"Let's stop... I think I'm going home." "Wait I'll won't use my hooves, just my tongue." >You show her your long equine tongue which wins her interest, >"... Okay." >Now you're getting the moans you wanted. Thank Celestia for these big fat thick tongues. >She is practically shoving your face inside her vagina. >"Let me feel that big horse cock!" "Uh l-let me just eat you out a little longer." >She gives you pout and bites her lip. >"Please... Don't make me beg for it..." "Al-Alright." >With her ass up you mount her and that ends in 15 seconds. >She's disappointed but you don't want to experience tasting your semen so you tell her you'll eat her out another time. >That never happens. >Bad End. Tongues can save them if that 15 seconds were true for them ----------------------- 15443086 >"Check...MATE!" Twilight slams down her rook. "FUCK THIS FUCKING GAME!" You flip the board 1000 feet into the air. Then you point at her. "This time we play MY way!" You're inches from her face. >"Sure, whatever. I'll beat you at your human way of chess." She says smugly. "Meet me back here in 20 minutes." >She simply stands up and walks away. As she walks away, she stops and turns around. "Don't get to excited, i'm going to kick your ass. Again and again and again until you cry your way all the way back to Luna. >Without hesitation, you turn and stomp your way back to the castle. >The guards ask you whats wrong but you put a hand in front of their face before they can finish their sentences. >You stand before Luna's doors. >With a simply kick, that could shatter bones, the doors break open. "Luuuna huh, huh, huh.." You begin sobbing. She glances from her book to you for a brief second before going back to her reading. >"What happened now?" She asks annoyed. >You prance over to her. "Nothing, but i'm going to make Celery's favorite student cry." You stare into her eyes and smile. >It doesn't take long for her to join in on the fun. >The two of you come up with ideas on how to make her made while playing chess by your rules. >FINALLY you come up with some idea. >10 minutes later and you're sitting in front of Twilight. >"So you haven't chickened out, eh?" She says tauntingly. "Less talk, more chess." You lean over the chess board until you're inches from her face. "By MY rules." You whisper like Walter White. "You can have first move." You wave your hand over the board. >"You're not going to tell me your rules?" She asks skeptically. "No, that's part of my rules." You cross your arms. >She rolls her eyes and moves a pawn. >"Your turn." >At that moment you pull out your piece. >You smash it on the board. >"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!" "My chess piece!" You smash all her pieces off the board. >"THAT'S CHEATING!" "MY RULES AND I WIN!" >She shakes with rage and walks away. >You stand up, brush your shorts off and walk away back to the castle. >As you walk back into the castle, you bump into Celestia. >"Hello Anon, how are you?" Her voice caresses your ears with radiance.yea i dont fucking know "You know Celery, it couldn't be any better." You throw your shades on, throw your jacket over your shoulder, and walk away. >As Celestia stares at you confused, Luna walks by and holds out a hoof. >You bump it and raise your fist in the air. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=CdqoNKCCt7A#t=49 >The scene freezes and it turns into a sketch. >Today was a damn good day. ----------------------- 15443144 >Day Patricia Black ON earth >You are studying the effects of some particle dismantler princess celestia brought to you >OLD GOD TECH SHE CLAIMED >You called her a bullshitter straight to her face >You're Pat >And aint no pat give a fuck >Also you were fired from your job for calling the princess of another world a bullshitter >two thumbs up (y) (y) >But you stole the particle thing and thats why you have it >Turns out it disintegrates anything in front of it >You found out when you pointed at your house >shame >Oh well >You're currently holding up a bank >The girl behind the counter thought it was a nerf gun >She nolonger exists in this world >hue >Anyways, they cough up 100billionmillion dollars >You shoot the bags of dough "It's not about the money." You lick your lips. "Its about sending a message." >"Fuck you you stole that from batman." >You shoot him >le maymayface >You walk outside and shoot a couple cars >take the trolley to the statue of liberty "POW HAHA!" >The whole thing starts dissolving in air >You laugh >then you see people falling from inside the statue >You feel sad and walk to your nonexitent home >You sob into your hands of charcoal color >Then you point the gun at yourself "My only regret is not asking the cops why they didnt come for me." >Poof >you're gone >Amen hallauahueya >In memory of Phillip Banks 1988-20013 ----------------------- 15443165 >Day Pat in Earth "I'm in the mantle with my bestfriend Octavia here." >"Herro." >You slap dat donkey ass. "Awwee yeeeeea." >Today was a solid day ----------------------- 15443188 >Day Pat >You are currently running a marathon >25 miles in >1.2 left to go >You were in the lead with rainbow dash right on your heels >you were gassing out as well >pushed yourself too much just to get ahead of her >every second of being ahead of her is like someone kicking you in the ribs >you start to lose your footing >you stumble and fall http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJjnbhSTuqQ >Everything slows down as you watch rainbow run past you with her tongue out >You think everything is lost >All the time you spent running, walking, and gorilla pressing anything in arms reach lost >a tear rolls down your cheek as you continue to fall in slow motion >Rainbow moving farther ahead >You were just about to give up all hope until you saw in the distance a man gorilla pressing another man.mywaifucram >Getting ready to slam him on the concrete >All your confidence comes rushing back into you as you take a deep breathe in through your nostrils. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0l__jSgTAmQ >You correct your falling and turn it into a roll >You come out of your roll running like you were chasing the wolf >You could see that blue bitch >There was no way you were going to let your gains go to waste >Everything you've done up until now has built you for this >You've already made up your mind as you begin sprinting >Everyone watching stares at you in admiration >The look of determination was etched in stone, no, fuck that, wurtzite boron nitride on your face >Each step you take breaks the pavement >Your muscles tear in your legs as you catch up to rainbow >Fuck off legs is all you can think >Youre now neck and neck with rainbow >.2 miles left >A voice in your head calls out "You got this." >You look down to rainbow and smile >.1mile left >You push yourself over the limit >Everything comes to a halt as you take one stride longer that put you in the lead >Light breaks around you as you turn golden >Your shoes are instantly melted to the ground >You pull your skin off your feet from the rubber to keep running >The finish line is 10 feet ahead >You close your eyes and raise your arms >The crowd goes wild >The first human to ever beat rainbow dash in a marathon >Youre hoisted up onto the shoulders of the crowd >You cry tears of joy as youre handed a trophy >Rainbow makes her way to you >"You did good kid." She nods and walks away >You watch her from the top of the crowd >She takes one more look at you and salutes you as her body turns into dust as a gust of wind hits her. >You nod in her direction as the crowd continues to throw you into the air >And all was good that day Thus ends the story of Pat, waifu, cumdump, and friend. May his legacy live forever on in our hearts Thus my time is finished This thread was worth the [spoiler]weight[/spoiler] ----------------------- >Day Pat inon Earth >You be the most gangsta playa in Philly. >West Philadelphia to be exact >Aight >You be chillin' on yo step with a couple of yo homeboys >Hootin and hollerin at all da passin girls >An occasional mare would pass bye and if she pretty, ya boys would go ape crazy >but there was always dis one grey nigga >she always walk by and kinda scurry along faster when she had to walk past yo black asses >ya boys would kinda just 'ppsssch' at her or mutter donkey and go back to doin nuttin >it irked ya everytime they did this >becuz man, you had a crush on this bitch >fine as all hell >dat grey coat >dem succulent hips >and dat hair >aww lawdy dat hair >smooth as silk ah bet >ya know what, shiiiiieeet, today yous gonna introduce yoself >You get yoself an idea "AY!" all the bruthas shut up. "You black ass mothafuckas get off my step." >"Nigga you crazy as shit talkin to me like that." one niglet stands to defy you >but you are pat "Bitch, i'm Pat!" You flex your muscles and sparkle a bit. >Nuttin but audible "dayuuuuuuuums" could be herd. "Word up girl scout!" You flash some intangible gang sign >All the boys leave while you sit on your step. "pussy ass niggas" you snort >Then you wait >and wait >you look at yo fake rolodex "maang she usually here by-"you're interrupted as you see her turn the corner "Aw shit, here she come. dayum wat am i supposed to ax." >She strolls by but this time she doesnt hurry past >You catch her take a quick glimpse at you from the corner of her eye "Wat? You aint neva seen a black man befo?" >She cowers a bit as she squeaks out, "S-sorry..." and keeps walking >Your thug heart instantly melts "Ay, grey pone. Come back here." >She stops again and looks back >She takes a gulp and asks what." "C'mon back ova here man." >Once she is in front of ya you act as gentlemenly as possible. "Ay lil horse, i'm sorry if i scared ya, ya heard?" >"It's n-not a problem..." "Aight, thats coo, so whats yo name?" >"Octavia" She looks down at her hooves. "Octavia huh? Dats a pree coo name ya got there." She smiles and looks down at here hooves. >"T-thank you. What's your name?" She asks while still looking down "You aint neva herd of Pat? Sheeiiit, how come u neva heard of me?" >"I don't live in this part of town. I just come to visit my friend Vinyl." "No shit? Man, she sell hella dope!" >"Excuse me?" She glares at you. "What? She sells sum of da dankest weed you can find!" >She pushes you and walks away. >Dis bitch is wack "AY!" She continues walking so you get up and start joggin towards her. >She starts running and screamin >Aww shit, dis cant be happenin >You pounce on her and close her muzzle. "Ay, im sorry, kay. I didn't know you was gonna act like dat. If I let yo mouth go, you promise you aint gonna scream?" >She nods >You release your grasp and she immediately starts screaming "Dayum, I didn't want to do this considerin i had thought u was beautiful and all dat." >You pick her up and put her under your arm and walk to your house >You go inside, You lock the door behind you with her in hand and set her down on the couch "Now hold still while i go get som ducktape" >She is frozen with fear. >You come back with a hood on and some duct tape >You wrap her up so she wouldnt go anywhere and just leave her on the couch >then you go into the kitchen and make som popcorn >You pop in a movie and start watching movies as you cuddle with her >She cries throughout the whole movie as you caress her hair and sometimes smell it >and hour and 20 minutes later and you are sitting there still holding her. "You's a good watcher, you know dat octavia." >She closes her eyes as she cries "But ey, i don't like goin to bed without a lil action...ya feel me." You lean in real close to her face. "You gonna get l-loved tenderly, b-b-baka." >lights fade out and the curtain drops >everyone applauds ----------------------- 15444310 >Phone rings. >"Hello~! Thank you for calling Dominos! My name is Pinkie Pie! How may I help you this evening?" >"Yeah, I'd like a large hand-tossed pizza with pepperoni, sausage, bacon, anchovies, and double cheese." >"Will this be pick-up or delivery?" >"Delivery." >"Will that be cash or card, mister?" >"Cash." >"Okee dokee, mister! That'll be $19.34! We'll get it to you in a jiffy!" >"Yeah, okay. Thanks." >"You're quite wel-" >The man hangs up. >"Oh... To the kitchen~!" >Pinkie Pie hops back to the kitchen and starts spinning dough. >She loads the thing up with five times the normal amount of cheese and throws it in the oven for a couple minutes. >When it's done, she boxes it up and sets it on the counter. >Pinkie rings a little bell but gets no response. >Ding. >Ding. >Dingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingding. >Pinkie takes the pizza walks around the counter to spy Rainbow Dash sleeping on a pile of pizza boxes built to resemble a sofa. >"Dashie! We got a delivery for you." >Rainbow Dash cracks open her eyes and groans. >"Ugh... I don't want to work..." >"The faster you get there the faster you can go back to sleep," tempted Pinkie. >"Fine..." said Dash as she begrudgingly placed the pizza in a holder on her back and took off outside. >It took only a few minutes to get to the house by air. >Rainbow Dash landed and kicked the door repeatedly. >"Yo! Open up! I ain't got all night!" >A very tall man opened the door and stared down on her. >"Why are you kicking my door!" he shouts. >Rainbow Dash takes the pizza out and hands it to him. >"Here's your stupid pizza. That's $19.34 plus tip." >The man checks the pizza and flips his shit. >"I said I wanted like four meats on this! This is just one massive pile of cheese!" >"Tough beans. Give me my money," demanded Dash. >"You can kiss my ass, little horse. You ain't gettin' shit." >As he turns around to go inside and slam the door, Rainbow Dash lunges at him and takes him to the ground. >Knocking him unconcious with a nearby lamp, she sifts through his wallet and takes what cash he has. >"Thirty two dollars? Well it's better than nothing." >She chucks the wallet back at him. >"Nice girlfriend. Maybe I'll look her up." >She flies back with her payment and generous 'tip'. >Throwing twenty dollars at Pinkie to put into the till, Rainbow Dash drops the extra twelve into a rainbow-themed tip jar and sprawls back out across her pizza box bed. >An alarm clock erupts with ear-piercing beeps as an orange filly rolls over tapping the snooze button. >Her eyes groggily open as she stares at the green numbers. >5:30am >She kicks the covers off and sits on the side of her bed. She rubs her eyes and monstrous yawn makes its way out from her mouth as her wings make a distinct buzzing she has heard her entire life. >Without a second thought, she hops off her bed and opens her curtains to see a sun barely coming over the horizon. Then she makes her way to her bathroom. >Scootaloo smiles at herself while she looks at the mirror. She starts brushing her teeth when she hears a knock on her door. >"Hey Scoots, you up?" Your adoptive father called out. "I'm up, pops. Just getting ready to deliver the papers." She said with a mouth full of toothpaste. >"Alright, just making sure you're up. Breakfast is on the table." He said as he flicked on the light and closed the door. "I hope he made eggs and tofu bacon again." Is all she is able to think to herself as she spits out the paste and rinses her mouth out with mouthwash. >Just as she was about to leave her room, her alarm clock blared once more before she remembered that she only hit the snooze. >Quickly, she runs down the stairs already smelling her favorite meal and sits at the table. Her dad walks in from the living room. >"Might want to hurry up kiddo, it's a quarter to six." He says as he grabs a plate and fills it with food before setting it down before her. >He was right, it was another 10 minute ride to her route and people like to get their papers by at least 6:30. >Scoots was so busy thinking that she didn't even realize her dad left the room and set her backpack and helmet down next to her. >"There you go, now scarf down that grub and head out. I don't have to go in till 8 so i'll still be home to say bye." He says warmly. >Three minutes later and she is standing in the garage snapping on her helmet and filling her backpack with papers. "Alright dad, I'm leaving!" She shouts. >"Be safe, Scoots! Love ya!" He shouts back. >With spirits high, she jumps on her scooter and her wings buzz as she rides away down the street. >Today was going to be another great day. ----------------------- 15530532 don't care! I'm saving her!" >"She's dead, Bill! I bet you the Injuns ate her!" "I don't care! I'm going!" >"Private Williams! Get down from that horse! That's an order!" >You stare your superior in the eyes. "No." >You gallop off and hear them shouting at you. >Hopefully she's fine, if anything happened to her you would feel terrible. She may be a talking pony and you may go to hell for loving her but goddammit she's fucking amazing. >Your horse slows down but you push him harder, every minute is a minute Red Heart could be closer to danger. >Bang >Your horse cries and topples over. You fly off and smash your head against a rock. >Everything is fuzzy and you go for your rifle. >As you try to prepare to fire a foot steps on it which prevents you from fighting back. >"No, you no want that." >Well lucky you, its a Suu. Fucking Cheyennes would have bashed your head in with an ax and descapled you by now. "Ugh, do you wanna fight or take me prisoner?" >"Prisoner." >He ropes you and has you follow him by foot. By the time you should reach camp you will regain yourself and plan on what to do. >An Injun took out your horse, has your rifle and supplies. But he may lead you to where they have Red. >Finally you spot the Suu camp and try to see any sign of the white horse. >When you get there your tied up and have the children surround you. >Damn Injun talk annoys but annoys you more when its high pitched yelling. "Red Heart! Red Heart!" >Oh, God hopefully she hears you if she's here. >"Bill?" >You look above the dark haired brats and see Red Heart adorned with some savage coverings. "Red! You're alive and okay!" >"Bill! Bill, what are you doing here?" >She hugs you and you nuzzle her with your head. "I came to find you after I heard your convoy was ambushed." >"We weren't ambushed, we came across some injured Suus who were heading back camp. They waved white but the soldiers attacked. Honestly it was horrible. I want to leave... This isn't my fight, not my world, not my anything. I wanted to help out but all I've been seeing is death and even more death." "I'm sorry we're so bad. It's just how we are. But listen how about we just gather supplies and leave-leave to the big city and start something!" >"Bill! What are you saying!" "What I'm saying is that I love you Red Heart! The moment I got to know you while I was injured showed me how wonderful you are. It doesn't matter that I'm a man and you're a mare... It only natters that we have a special connection. I know you feel it." >"Oh, Bill... I'm sorry but I don't feel the same way..." "No... But we-" >"Bill! I was your nurse. Every now and then I get patients telling me they love me. You're so far the first human to tell me he loves me." "But-But-No!" >You kick some dirt and hang your head. >She just stares at you. >"I'll go talk to Running Snake about letting you free. I've been helping them with their wounded." "You're helping these damn Injuns!" >How can she help these savages after they just killed your people! >"Bill, I'm a nurse from another world, this isn't my fight-" "The hell it isn't! You're an American now! These people are animals! They only spare you if you fight to death!" >"I'm sorry, Bill. But after I'm done here... I think I will move to the city. I'll find work there as a nurse." >She walks away with the ball of children behind her. "Red! Red! Red! Red Heart!" >The Suu chief grants you freedom but you gotta fight for it. They hand you a knife and give one of their own one as well. >You hold the blade and lunged at him, he dodges and kicks back. Another lung and again he kicks back. >Seems there is a pattern here, you lung again but you this time you do a full on charge. >Bad idea, he side steps and stabs his knife into your chest. You lungs fill with blood and you fall down to the ground. >You cough blood and roll on the dirt. Redheart just watches with guilt and sadness. You reach out to her but you can't yell out. >With no air, you die with a whimper. ----------------------- 15580478 >Day pony in earth >Day illegal pony in earth >You always wanted to go to earth but it was too damn expensive >But you found a workaround. >You had enough funds to go to a "second world country", but not enough to make it to America. >So you paid a family to stay in their suit case while they're on the way back. >It was the ultimate scheme. Florida would become your new home. >You kinda had to pee though. >First thing you'll do after you get out is find a bathroom. >Or a tree. >Honestly, there were some parts of that flight where you didn't think you would make it. >But that was okay now. You're in America. >You didn't have any money left over, but grass was free and edible. >The sound of a door opening, and an alarm being deactivated fill the bag. >Aww yiss. You's was home. >You hear a zipping noise as the family you hired open the bag. >The first light after nearly 10 hours is blinding. >You take a moment to blink before you look at the people. >Wait. What the fuck. These weren't the people you hired to sneak you in. >Shit. Just take it slow. Ease out of the bag. >One of the girls starts screaming. and everybody panics >One of them reaches for the phone and dials 911 "Wait, I can expla-" you try to say. >One of them steps into the room with a... is that a RIFLE? >You couldn't tell one gun from another, but you sure as hell knew they were good at ending ponies. >You let out 8 hours of piss as you run away >You make it out the door just as a bullet whizzed past your ear. >There's snow everywhere out here, what they fuck? Why is there snow in Florida?! >Don't care, there's a fucking human after you. >Humans are scurry cause they used to hunt by literally stalking their prey until they collapsed out from exhaustion. >You were faster than him on hooves, but bipedalism was more efficient. >So you run into the nearby forest, hoping to lose him in the foliage. >Dodging branches and jumping over logs, you dare not look back until you're sure he's gone. >Panting, you collapsed against a tree. >Your stomach rumbles, thanks to your travels, you haven't eaten anything in almost two days. >There's no grass though. Everything is covered in snow. >You feel the last of the adrenaline rush leave your system, and your body start to cool down. >Shit, out in the middle of nowhere while starving and freezing. >This is why you wanted Florida. Florida doesn't put up with this shit. >The chill starts to bite at your skin, and you get up again and continue. >Wherever you are, you've got to find food or shelter. >... >It's been two hours, and the sun is gone. Everything is dark. >The cloud cover is so thick that it blocks out all of the moonlight, there are no sources of light anywhere. >Dammit, you wish you were a unicorn. Or a pegasis. >Not some measly earth pony with a basket on your flank. >How the hell is being able to basket weave going to help you now? >It's certainly not keeping you warm, that's for sure. >It had somehow gotten colder. You thought it was cold in the crystal empire, but this is just a new level of absurd. >How the hell do humans live in this? They came from FUCKING AFRICA. >You had finished your piss a after you took your break. It started to steam and freeze seconds after it left your body. >WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU? >You can't feel your hooves or your ears. It hurts to keep your eyes open. "Just a little further, c'mon..." you plead your body. >It groans in frustration, but nonetheless complies. "...Just a little further..." >... >You can't remember how long you've been lying in the snow. >Or how you have somehow managed to remain conscious. >Each breath is shallow and jagged. The chilling air stinging your lungs. >You just wanted to close your eyes and sleep, sleep forever. >It's hard to even think. Maybe a nap would be good. >Your eyes start to close, no energy to keep them open. >Just before you are able to shut them completely, a blinding light floods your vision. >Your frostbitten ears are just able to make out the sound of snow crunching, and what might be talking. >You hope it's talking. You don't want to die alone. >The ringing in your ears is very loud, you can't hear them any more. >You open your mouth as your body tries one last time at survival. ".......H....Hel..." is all you manage to croak out before the light fades from your vision, and everything goes black. ----------------------- 15623907 >Day Gameboy on Earth >Be Pat >See your homeboy Anon messin' with some kinda thing "Yo, Anon. Da fuck's dat thing?" you ask. >"Gameboy. Playing Pokemon Black and White." "The fuck's a Pokemon and why is it trying to be me? Actually, don't answer that. I know exactly why it's trying to be me." >You polish a hoof against your chest and admire yourself in the pretend reflection. >"Think of miniature animal slaves forced to fight for your amusement." "That's kinda fucked up, man." >"Meh..." >You watch anon press a few buttons before he spikes the device into the grass. >"Fuck this game!" he shouts as he stands up and walks away. >You watch him go before your attention diverts to this game of his. >Two hours later Anon comes back looking for his gameboy. >"What the hell are you doing?" he asks. >You sit playing the game and occasionally letting out a cheer. "Man this shit is great! There's some fine ass honeys in this too. That there Gardevoir? Mmm-mm! Now 'that' is a sexy white woman!" >Anon leans in close at the screen as your Gardevoir takes down a Magikarp. >"That's a guy," he says. "The fuck you talkin' 'bout, boy?" >He points to a little blue icon next to the name. >A circle with an arrow. >"That Gardevoir is a guy." >Anon can almost sense your asshole clench and your pupils shrink. >You stand up and spike the game into the grass. "Man fuck this gay homo ass fuckin' bullshit!" >You storm off. >Anon watches you leave before he takes another look at his gameboy and continues his game. ----------------------- 15627813 >The rain started to pick up as you stepped onto the bus. >Pulling off your glove, you remove an earbud and reach into your pocket, grabbing your wallet. >You pull out two US dollars and insert them into the farebox. “Thanks.” you say, nodding to the bus driver. >He gives a grunt in reply. >Placing the ear bud back in your ear, you walk to the back of the bus and claim an empty seat. >You let your eyes wander around the bus before letting them rest upon the person next to you. >A large cello case is leaning against the side of the bus, blocking two seats close to the window. >The person herself... isn't, well, a person. >A pony is the one sits next to you. >She appears to be nodding off, with her head hung low and her eyes closed. >The new law that got passed flashes in your mind for a moment. >The Pony Rights Law. A law giving ponies equal rights to humans. >It sparked an outrage five years ago that still hasn’t fully died out. >You shake it from your mind and focus on your music. >Nemo by Nightwish starts to play, causing you to idly drum along to the song. >The majority of the bus ride is uneventful. >More people were climbing onto the bus, less leaving. >It was a peaceful ride up until the next stop. >Two people climbed onto the cramped and looked around. >One was an African American. His pants sagging and his hand at his crotch, holding up his pants. >The other, a large white man. From what he was wearing, you guessed he was a poser. >One of them starts pointing towards the back of the bus and both started laughing, causing you to reposition yourself. >You follow their every movement until the hit the back of the bus. >They stop in front of the mare sitting near you. >She’s sleeping peacefully... until one of them decides to push her over. >Her head hits the edge of her cello case and her eyes open wide. >She rubs her head and looks around. >Her eyes land on the two assholes. >They start to talk to her, but you can’t make them out over your music. >You remove one earbud and turn down the volume to your music. >"-long on tha streets wit tha rest of tha animals! >The white guy is just giggling as the retarded man speaks. >Your eyes are locked on them now. >A look of fear flashes in the grey pony’s eyes. >The black man slaps her once more. >”Bitch even has tha nerve ta take up two seats!” >He looks over to the cello and makes to grab it. The grey pony starts to yell. “Let that go! Don’t touch others stuff!” >The white guy punches her in the cheek, effectively flooring her. >You grit your teeth and tense your muscles as something that pokes you in your side. >Glancing over, you see it’s the pony. >”Please... help... I don’t have much, that cello is all I have.” >The look she gives you breaks your heart. >It’s also the final straw. >You stand up just as the black man was trying to throw the cello out the window. >The poser looks up to you. >A small amount of terror flashes in his face as he shakes his friend. >The black guy looks to him and then to you. “If you know what’s good for you, put that back.” >You crack your knuckles. >He drops it and goes to reach into his pants. >Before he could grab what ever he was grabbing, you rush him, ramming your shoulder into his chest and pinning him to the support pole. >Without missing a beat, you elbow his friend in his chin, knocking him to the floor. ----------------------- 15632166 >Day slurpee on Earth >Going to 7-11 to get a slurpee >Aw yeah time to freeze your brain and stomach >You walk in and see a small group of ponies staring at the slurpee machine. >They watch the red and blue slush spin. >You walk past them and serve your self a mix of both to make a purple slurpee. As you put your straw in you feel a tap on your leg. >"Uh excuse me... It's kind of hard for us ponies to make our slurpees... Can you make it for us?" >They're eyes pleas you for the help of your hands. "Eh, okay." >You fill each one's request and give the they're cups. One by one go up to the register and pay for their drink. >Finally you go up and pay for yours. Outside you gain you reward. >All the ponies are scattered around the parking lot with major brain freeze. They shake hard like a peanut butter jar being opened by Michael J. fox. "Amateurs." >You step overdone and slurp up your drink. >Today wads slurpee day ----------------------- 15651344 >Be me >Going to my your gf's place to hang and watch a movie or somethin' when you suddenly want to listen to Hey Ocean >Going to YouTube, you wanted to listen to Maps >listen >she nods her head with the music playing then asks how you found this band >You reply "I only know this because of her voice acting" >She wears a question on her face >You give her a hint "It's my favorite pony" "The orange one?" >You nod >She clicks her tongue trying to remember name then she comes to an answer "Is it FrostedFlake?" >FrostedFlake >FrostedFlake >... >You feel insulted because you thought she would remember >Suddenly. AJ OUT OF FUCKING NO WHERE >Slaps your gf silly till she nicks out "C'mon now, let's get a hoofin' back to the barn" >Your heart sunk and you followed the pony into the computer screen. >Happy end. >inb4 tfw no gf ----------------------- 15685426 >Princess Celestia and her entourage are visiting Earth >currently they're working with researchers from Lawrence Livermore National Labs >trying to use her control over the sun to help make solar power work more efficiently >you've been assigned to stay with her and answer their questions about human history and culture >you've been trying to explain how energy-intensive modern manufacturing is, how energy-hungry modern civilization is >and you're explaining about oil and coal and natural gas being finite resources, the perceived risks of using nuclear energy for power generation, the pollution generated by other means of generation >you're explaining that your country has put vast amounts of funding into research into renewable, reusable energy sources that pollute less >"And you say they've tried to make solar power work practically for decades?" "Yes. Unfortunately there have been no big advances since the invention of the photoelectric cell. It converts light to electricity, but it's not very efficient, and manufacturing it is also resource-intensive and creates considerable pollution." >"And there were other renewable energy projects," she prompts you "Yes, but at this stage they mainly seem impractical." >"What sort of projects are they?" "Wind power using giant turbines. Using mirrors to focus the sun's rays to heat a boiler, to turn a turbine with steam. And so on. They might as well be trying to run a civilization on unicorn farts." >"Excuse me?" she says, giving you a strange room >several unicorns in her entourage are giving you the stinkeye >oops >it was an international incident day ----------------------- 15687513 A:Can you see it? The world around us is like a domino. One piece of reality falling one at a time... TS: There must be some way to fix it up again! I mean, I did before... A: That was before we shattered my home dimension Twi. *chuckles softly* I hope you can return back to your world though. TS: I don't want to leave you Anonymous! >Anon gives her a gaze that she will always remember A: It hurts me that you have to go but at least, I know you'll be safe. You and I both know I can't come along. Please, give my goodbyes to the rest of the gang won't you please? >Twilight looks down to spill heavy tears that grew from her heavy emotions >Twilight opens a portal to her world. >You see the beautiful skies and the bold mountains, the city of Ponyville in which she spoke about numerous times while hanging out with you on your living room couch. >You see how much better it is over there than over here >Twilight wanting you to embrace her as reality falls apart >You push the FUCK out of her then run into the portal >Twilight and earth dies as you live life fucking all the pones in Equestria. >Best fucking ending NA ----------------------- 15689478 >you are anon >you live in a swamp far away from civilisation >actually it's an old shack >/pol/ told you one day that the happening was actually happening this time around >it really was >good thing you were able to flee and burn any evidence of your existence before they could get you >by "they", you mean the democratic inquisition >they employed the old trusty medieval torture with newest methods in order to impose love and tolerance >especially towards the glorious people of israel >but that's all behind you now >your new home isn't perfect, but at least it's safe >mostly >you even have electricity and internet >although the fucking crocodiles sometimes eat the cables >motherfuckers >whenever you see them munching on the cables you always end up shooting them with your trusty moist nugget >it's a problem, but you've learned to live with it >the internet is fucking great though >not that you use it for anything other than porn and 4chin >suddenly, you hear a knock on the door >nobody ever even goes close to this place, let alone enter the God-damn swamp >now who could that be, you wonder >you open the door to find 2 men dressed in black >oh shit nigga, it's the democratic inquisition >they ask you if you've been intolerant lately "Errr, y-yes, I-I've NEVER been intolerant before in my life!" >back in your shack, your computer is showing a page on /pol/ >ohfugg.jpeg >they don't look very convinced >"Please stay here, while we investigate the matter" >they know >shitshitshit >it's over >you thought you could hide >they'll be all over this place soon >they turn around and leave >you close the door behind them >now what >you feel like every moment that passes is an hour >suddenly you hear another knock on the door >ogre.png >there is nowhere to run >it'll only get worse if you try >you open the door >nobody is outside >"H-hello?" >a scared voice calls out >what ----------------------- 15712349 >Day portal to earth opens >At first nopony wanted to step through. >Some speculated that you would be atomized instantly, others thought you would melt. >Nopony was sure what would happen, nopony ever made it back once they went through it. >A bunch of cool stuff came out in boxes though, and everypony instantly wanted a little piece of humanity. >Portal was still dangerous though, no living things could pass through. >One day the sisters announced that they had almost found a way to modify the portal to allow living things through. >Everypony was excited. Many wanted to live on earth. >A few days later, and more boxes came out of the portal. >This time they contained a strange book about what looked like a white and red human in front of the night sky with a blue ball underneath him. >Expert equestrian linguists later translated this book. >An astronaut's guide to life on Earth >Everypony thought that this was humanity's attempt to contact them, and teach them how to correctly integrate into human society. >Hundreds of sales as equestrians try to prepare themselves for earth. >Most of them read about the dangers of space travel and nope the fuck out. >A few commit suicide because the humans don't have anything to raise the sun and the moon. >Many can't afford the book, and instead look at the cover. >The day comes when the princesses finally get the portal to work. >They all charge through. >Nothing heard from the other side. >Ponies get worried. >A few hours later they all come back dead. Burnt to a crisp. >Earth deemed too polluted to live in if the special suits didn't work. >Economic recession. ... >Day horrible smell earth. >You are anon, the CEO of Amazon.com >You got called down to one of the warehouses earlier today. >From the looks of it, there's a bunch of charred ponies wrapped in tinfoil. >Some think they might have been alive at one point, and that the tinfoil cooked 'em. >Fucking hell, we can't sell these. >Order workers to shove them down that weird hole in the corner. >No one can ever know. ----------------------- 15732044 >Gaben: "So I like to tease people with awesome products so I want to reveal today... Our new steam box for certain fans of a certain show. I present to you... Steam Pone." >A pony android walks out and sits next to Gaben. You freeze up and heart starts beating fast. >The interviewer shifts in his seat nervously. >"Is this what I think it is?" >Gaben smiles and pets the android pony. His sausage fingers go through its artificial hair earning a smile from it. >Gaben: "... Yes." >You grab your chair and through it at your window. >Outside you see some your neighbors sticking their heads out. "Thank you Based Gaben!" >"The end of times of here and I welcome it!" >"I for one welcome our new pony android rulers!" >You go back inside and watch the rest of the interview. Gaben sits proudly on Steam Pone as she prances around people on their knees. >Gaben: "Steam exists and she is real... Expect her when Half Life 3 comes out." >With that being said you jump out the window. ----------------------- 15732253 >After a long day of work you finally made it home. You turn off your car and take the key out of the ignition. >You walk up to your door and open it. Inside the lights are off which means Winnie and Mint are asleep. >You grab a slice of cake and eat it quickly as you go upstairs. >You hear slurping sounds coming from your room. Quietly you walk over to your door and open the door a little making the crack just a bit bigger. >"Winnie! Stop!" >"Let me just eat this quickly before Master Anonymous gets home." >You see her lick behind Mint, only one thing comes across your mind. >Sex. >There will be none of that in your house. "Stop! Winnie! You don't knew where that has been!" >Winnie looks surprised and scared. >"I-I was just trying to eat this ice cream quickly before you got home! I'm sorry!" "Oh..." >You go down stairs and take a swish of scotch. "Of course they wouldn't have sex... Right?" ----------------------- >Day 7,000 on Earth >Be Anon >Friend calls you over to his house >Says he has a cool new thing to show you >Knock on his door >He opens it and invites you inside >Leading you to the living room, he points to a flaming horse on the floor in front if the tv "Oh cool! You got a real Ponyta?" >The Ponyta in front of the tv turns its head and scowls at you >"My name is Firefox," she says >Fire... Fox? >But it's clearly a pony >You lean over to your buddy and ask, "Is it supposed to be retarded?" >"That's just her name. Believe me, it confused me too." "Huh... I wasn't aware you were a furry." >He mumbled something under his breath and looked to the floor >Firefox just sat there all pissed off at your constant insults "I'm going home." >"O-okay. Later, Anon." >As you walk out the door you hear your buddy say, "Hey Firefox. Have I shown you the computer yet?" >You shut the door behind you and start down the driveway >A massive fireball explodes out of the bay window in the front of the house, sending glass into the front yard >"Oh God!" shouts your friend. "I told you not to install that!" >You look back at the carnage and raise an eyebrow before you continue on your way ----------------------- 15734944 >December on Earth >Open the door and at new friend scampers inside through your legs >The black pony hops excitedly on the couch "Whoa, calm down there, PS4." >She stops and smiles at you >"Call me Sonia," she replies "Alright." >Sonia hops off the couch and keeps her smile >"So what do you wanna do first?" she asks "Well what games do you know?" >She puts a hoof to her chin abd rubs it with a "Hmm..." as she thinks. >Then she shrugs >"I got nothing. Want to watch a movie instead?" "Uh... Sure, why not?" >You pick out a remastered 'Fox and the Hound' DVD and pop it in the player >Sonia takes a seat beside you on the couch >Fifteen minutes in, Sonia exclaims, "Oh I've seen this! This is the one where-" >Her head fucking explodes and scares the shit out of you >The limp body falls to the floor "Ahh!" you shriek as you pull your feet up onto the couch and slide as far away from the bricked pony as possible >Xbox One comes trotting out of the bedroom >"I smell burning plastic! What hap-" >She spots the beheaded Sonia with sparks and wires coming out of the neck >Xbox pony screams >You look at her and scream >She spots you and becomes instantly pissed >Your attempt to quietly have both ponies has backfired tremendously >You're also out five hundred bucks >Stupid fucking Sony and their broken technology ----------------------- 15736983 "They're sending in another wave!" you shout to Twilight. >Your paintball gun does little to stop the onslaught of the brony horde in front of your house >Your shots mostly just bounce off the mass of neckbearded flesh and fedoras as the crowd relentlessly tries to break into your house to kidnap Twilight >Luckily some don't want to be shot by a paintball gun so they stay away >More run away or drop to the ground and cry after being shot in their man tits >The rest just get tired after more than 5 minuted of activity and waddle away to rest for a bit and drink some Monster energy drinks >It's only a small window of time, but the opportunity to fortify your house further is imperative to your survival >Twilight helps to board the windows and barricade the doors >But time is running out >And this is your last stand >The Twilight's Hammer as they call themselves assault your front door directly >They succeed in breaking it down and tumble over each other as they force themselves through >After recovering, a few of the smaller ones rush forward and you start firing on them >Your almost out of ammo so you start aiming for the face and drop them in one shot >One of them falls over screaming because you hit him in the eye "Sorry," you say to him >Twilight fires an electric stun spell to help >It's basically just a taser >Your paintball gun rattles loudly, signifying dangerously low levels of air >Cocking it and firing again produces the same action >You say "Fuck it" and hurl your weapon at the nearest brony and bring up your fists >You swing like a madman because you have no hand-to-hand training >You land a few blows but are quickly overcome by sheer numbers >The overweight cultists run over you and pile on top of one another >The stench of pit sweat and old cheese overwhelms your senses >Twilight screams as she is cornered, kicking away Cheeto dust-covered hands >Your helpless to defend her as you reach a hand out to her and call her name >The bronies catch her and carry here out of the house >"Coronation..." they chant like zombies "I'm sorry!" you shout after her >Later that week, you read the international headlines about Twilight's princess coronation >'Twilight Officially Recognized As Best Pony' >A tear falls from your eye >You have failed her and your fellow man >Today was a bad day ----------------------- 15740314 >So all of your friends have been getting new program ponies, from Firefox to Steam. You've been wanting one as well for company because you're all alone. >You head down to your local pawn shop to see if someone turned one in. The bell rings as you walk inside the musty shop. >The owner eyes you and looks up. >"Can I help you?" "Uh, yeah. Do you have any program ponies?" >"Yeah, some guy just sold me his. This one isn't a popular one. It does one thing only." "what does it do?" >Shit, you'll take anything that's cheap. >"It plays the cello. Just that. I'll sell it ot you for two hundred dollars." "... I'll take it!" >The owner heads in the back and pulls out a grey pony with a black mane. >"Here ya go." >You hand the shop owner the money and he gives you the deed to the android. >The owner shows you how to activate her and where her charger is. >The pony opens her eyes and looks around. >"Hello. It seems I was sold to someone new." >The owner points to you with his thumb. >"This is him." "Uh, Hi. I'm Pat." >"Hello, Pat. What would you like to name me?" "Uhm, I'm going with Octavia. That's cool?" >"Octavia is what you wish then it is Octavia." >She looks around and sees something is missing. >"My cello?" >The owner remembers what else came with her both it is a nice cello. >"That's gonna cost ya fifty extra." >Well shit you need that fifty for booze. "Uh..." >"Please Master Pat, I would like my cello. It's the one thing I have in this world." >Her artificial eyes just look so damn cute. "Fine, I'll take it." >You give the shop keep the fifty and he brings out a big cello. Octavia carries it on her back. >"Thank you, Master." "It's fine, but I expect to be awaken by cello as an alarm clock." >"Then I shall wake up playing a beautiful melody." >You lead her to your car and drive off home with your new program pony. ----------------------- 15747848 >You sweep as usual at this time of the day. At six till eight people come in for coffee, after that a few customers come in. >During this you can maintain your shop clean. >Ding Ding >Oh, a customer. You get behind the counter and see its one of those aliens. >"Excuse me, sir. I saw your help wanted ad outside and wondered if it's still available." >You see she's wearing some kind of suit coat on making her look all professional. "Yes, it is. See... I'm getting old and I need help. My son is off at college studying hard now. I need help from someone who can tend to customers or stock things. Now tell me how can you help me fulfill these duties?" >"Here is my resume, sir. Most of my contacts are here on Earth. I am good at organizing, I am strong for my size, and I have speaking skills." >You look at her resume and see she's more suited for a fashion store than some convenience store. "Wouldn't you rather work at a mall for minimum wage? Seems you're my suited for that." >She looks a little down but seems she picks herself up quickly. You don't exactly know how can a four legged alien can help without having fingers. >Maybe if she was a unicorn you wouldn't mind helping her. >"You see sir... I live down the street in those buildings by the station. And I would have to take two trains to get to the mall but the price of the fare card is not worth the pay." >Ah, seems she needs something to close. "Do you have a kid?" >"N-No!" >The little thing turns bright red. "Ah, okay. So are you making ends meet for now?" >"..." >She looks away, seems she doesn't want to admit it. >"... Yes. I want to open up a store someday but right now its hard. I have to learn how to make designs for humans other than ponies." >Well she is honest and she seems she is determined to get things done. If in two weeks she is no help then you'll have to let her go. "Okay, you're hired." >She smiles and dances in place a bit. >"Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh-Sorry, sorry!" >She blushes at her outburst. Seems she can be lively, which is nice since this pay is getting a little boring now. "It's fine, you start tomorrow. Be here at 8 in the morning. I'll have the paper work ready and I'll have a small smock ready for you so you don't ruin anything you wear." >"Okay, I'll be here five minuets before. But uhm I have a question?" "Yes?" >"On the board it said hours were during the afternoon, why the sudden change?" "I have a part timer working here but I rather have a girl work in the morning then at night. Makes me work and sleep easier knowing you'll be safe in the day. I'll have Bill work at night, he doesn't mind since he'll take any work I can give him." >"Oh, no I can't-well it won't be necessary for that, sir." "Bill has down sydrome, he loves to help and work. Him and his mother live in the house across the street. He grew coming here and now he works here. His mother picks him up and drops him off. Don't worry about him, his commute is short." >"Okay... Thank you uh... Oh! I forgot to introduce myself! It's Coco, Coco Pommel." "Call Mr. Anonymous. No sir, just mister is fine." >"Okay, thank you for the work oppturnity Mr. Anonymous. "No problem, sweetie. Take care." >She leaves and you get back to sweeping. "... Huh... Her names sounds like my wife's perfume..." ----------------------- 15748814 >Be Anon the journalist >You have been looking for a sensationalist story for some time now >Your marefriend Coco Pommel tries to help you come up with stuff to write about but you shoot down a lot of her ideas for being boring >She goes about her usual work of sewing dresses for both human and pony females >Stressed and overworked, you take a coffee break and go downstairs >Mug in hand, you decide to check in on Coco >You lean against the doorway as you peer in on her and take a sip >The humble little pony hums to herself as she takes measurements and sews together bolts of cloth >Coco was one of those ponies who immigrated from Equestria after she fell on hard times hoping for a new start, both financially and reputation. >She had started with absolutely nothing and went from a second-hand store employee, to a larger clothing outlet store, until finally she saved enough to start her own shop >You had met her back when she was still pretty poor and hit it off quite well >From rags to riches... >Well, not technically riches yet, but she's surely on her way >A real inspirational story that mare has >You take another sip of coffee and stand there for a few more minutes, just watching her work >Your eyes light up as an idea hits you "That's it!" you exclaim >Coco turns her head and raises and eyebrow at you >"What was that, dearie?" she asked >You step over to her and crouch down eye-level "Coco, sweetie? Would you mind if I interview you about your time coming to Earth? I think it would make an amazing biography and an inspirational story for a fashion magazine." >Coco sat looking into your eyes as she mulled the thoughts through her head. >"Oh Anon... No... No I don't think that would be a good idea." >A car wreck outside your house accented the moment for you "Wait, what?" >"I don't think it would be a very interesting story. It's kind of boring if you ask me." "O-Oh... Okay then..." >Well there goes that idea >"What about that story of that Lady Gaga person I saw on the television who was confirmed to be a male?" "Nah. No one cares about celebrities. Alright, I'll just keep looking then." >Today was a bad day ----------------------- 15753517 >Having sex with Firefox pony >"Oooh im close a-anon!" "Me too Firefox!" >Suddenly the door bursts open and an orange and black pony leaps through. >"Hold it there Anon!, I cannot allow you to browse unprotected." >The pony jumps onto the bed pushing you off Firefox just as you are about to cum "What?" >"Never fear Anon, ill deal with any virus" she says as she slams her mouth down on your cock and starts to suck. >Seconds later you erupt into her mouth shooting thick strings of white fluid down the back of her throat. >She gulps it all down and pulls off of you, grinning up with a smile on her face. >"Thank you for using Avast antivirus protection Anon, I hope I was able to make your browsing session as safe as possible." >She then picks herself up and leaps right back out of the door, leaving you and Firefox speechless. ----------------------- 15800430 >Bump bump bump "Okay, Forefox. I wanna see some funny gifs." >Her eyes glow and show a hologram of funny gifs. Hopefully she doesn't freeze like the other times. >You watch the cat hang for his life at the tree branch. A paw slips and he hangs on for his life with the other. "..." >He still holds on. "... Fuck!" >At the top bar you see Firefox is not responding. "Ugh!" >Welp it's Cathrday and its time to watch some cat videos. >Firefox hops on the couch and lays down next to you. "Lets YouTube search uh... Cute cat videos." >She shows you a hours worth of cute cat videos. "D'awww she's so cute! Hmmm let's watch some cute kitten videos." >Fire fox loads some videos that deserve likes. Suddenly you see static I'm the hologram. >A widow pops up >"Firefox report: Flash player has crash." "Argh! That's it! I'm getting Chrome!" >You load up Chrome and she shakes herself awake. >"Hi! I'm Chrome!" "Hey! I'm Anon!" >"Now with that out the way I need to have you agree to Terms and Conditions!" >A window pops up and you skim abit on what's in it. "Uh it says here if I agree to watch me sleep and record my breathing patterns. And this says if you can collect my turd samples..." >Chrome does a light giggle. >"Don't worry it's just permission for me to record your sleep pattern, download history, search history, penis size, porn, and various other small things like your social security." "That's hardly anything little!" >"Just accept it and we can begin on your google plus profile." "No! Fuck that!" >"Resistance is futile!" >Quickly you flip her off switch. "I think I'm going back to her..." "IE... Can you forgive me?" >"Of course, Anon! We'll be together... Forever. MUHAHAHAHA!" "... Eh." ----------------------- >I love that chocalate yogurt ... Day >You opened up a yogurt shop I'm your local mall. >With the craze of programmed ponies, a friend of yours was nice enough to build an expensive pony to dispense yogurt to the customers. >You open shop and wait for your first customer. >A little old lady walks in and looks at the menu. >"D-Do you have vanilla yogur-urt?" "Yes! Would care to try some?" >The lady nods. "Yogie! Customer!" >Her name is Yougurt Squeeze but you like calling her Yogie kind of like the cartoon bear. >Yogie: "Our first customer? Awesome!" >She hops over next to you. >Yogie: "Hello, madam! Welcome to The Yogurt Express. How can I help you?" "This last would like to sample our vanilla Yougurt." >She salutes and grabs a sample cup. Her mouth hovers over the cup and squirts out some vanilla yogurt. >Yogie: "Here ya go madam. I hope you like it!" >The old lady stares at it then at Yogie's mouth. Oh, she has some vanilla Yougurt on her lips. "Yogie, you got some vanilla on your snot." >Yogie: "oh, sorry!" >She places the sample cup on the counter and wipes her mouth. >The lady walks away silent. "Come ag-again sometime soon!" >Well, that didn't go well. >Yogie: "I'm sorry, sir! I didn't mean to look like a slob!" "It's fine, Yogie... We'll get another soon." >Hopefully. >And that was answered a hour later. Some guy walks in and looks around. >"New place?" "Yeah, would you like some yogurt?" >"Uh do you have strawberry yogurt?" "Yes, we do! Yogie, one strawberry yogurt!" >She walks over and has her hoof above a cup. It opens up and squirts out some strawberry yogurt. >"well that's interesting..." >You charge him and he gives you exact amount. On his way out he takes a bite and seems to like it as he quickly finishes it. >Yogie wipes the counter and waits for another. Again prayers were answered as a lady speedwalks in. >"Do you have chocalate?" >Yogie: "Yes, we do madam!" >She places a cup on the counter and hops on it. Yogie spreads her pony buttcheeks and has the chocolate yogurt perfectly land in the cup making no splatter mess. >The lady watches in awe at Yogie's 10 out of 10 performance. >Yogie grunts out that last drop onto the cup. >Yogie: "*heavy breathing* That'll be-" >Lady just suddenly screams and runs away. >Yogie: "Mi-miss?" "Well she is crazy." >"Sir, I think you don't know crazy." >A guy with a fedora tips his hat and walks in. >"I know some friends who would love some... Chocalate yogurt straight from the tap." >He explains his idea and you make a new part of the menu. >$10 per every five minutes to eat the yogurt straight from the tap. >You make millions while Yogie has a guy sucking yogurt from every part of her body. ----------------------- 15831058 >be anon >see a discount Chrome pony at local Best Buy >go home >turn her on >ask for vidya >doesn't have vidya cos pone only internets >get mad >throw it out the window >go to bed >next morning >hear a knock on the door >sees Chrome pony with Valve pony >Chrome pone cries and only wishes to please the master that set her free from the box she came in >Heart turns to butter >befriend pone and pone2 >live with pones 5ever good end. ----------------------- 15909747 >Be at Gamestop >New Call of Halo: Mass Theft comes out today and this time you saved enough money for the Special Edition. You get the game, alternative ending, a dvd of the making of the game, a statue, a new gun, and it all cost you the same price of the Xbox! >You get out of your car and put on your fedora. If you see a m'lady then you are prepared to swoon her. >The bell announces your presence like trumpets for a king. You go up the register and see the cashier busy with someone. >He sees you and calls for someone else. >"Y'o! Katie! Customer! She'll be right with you, sir." >You go to the next register and see a 10/10 blonde with big boobs get out of the back room. >"Hi! How can I help you?" >With strong will you avoid looking at her breasts. "I-I uh I pre-ordered a copy of Call of Halo..." >She asks for you name. "Na-Name is Mous, Anonymous." >You go to lean on the table on your arm to look cool and miss the counter. Luckily you didn't go all the way down and caught your fat ass self up. >She just smiles and rings up the game. You see its the standard game which is the one you did not order. >But is it un-gentmanly to correct her mistake? "Uhm... That's not the uh game I per-ordered..." >"Oh, it's not. Let me just double check... Oh sorry, sir. Here let me ring the special edition up." >She gets on a step ladder and goes on the tip of her toes to grab the box all the way on top. >Her big apple bottom ass just is hard to ignore, you can sneak a peak since she won't notice. >Sadly the little girl in the other line with her older brother decides to call it out. >"Look, Joey! That fat guy is looking at that girl's ass!" >Oh, shit! Speaking of shit you feel last night's Mexican food coming. >Loudfart.flv "Oh, no..." >You try to stay calm but everyone hears it and smell it. >The girl rings up the game covering her face with her hair. "That'll be $250." >You reach for your pocket and that's when you feel it. The warm saucy sensation singling one thing. "Marina..." >A pony's head sticks out of your pocket with your wallet in her mouth. She lets her jaw loose and lets it fall on the floor. >You bend down to pick it up, all eyes are on you. >Disgustingwetshit.mp3 >Oh, no. Why, what have you done to deserve this! >Marina gets out of your pockets and just explodes unleashing a tsunami of spaghetti and marina sauce drowning everyone in Gamestop. >Fedora End ----------------------- 15910569 >Be Turban Anon Sand Nigger Anon. >You're a collector of waifus, you have almost every women except for one. An Equine pony from the other dimension. >Allah will hate it but can he accept a Princess? >"Sire, your guest is here." "Bring her in." >You stay on your pillow bed smoking your hookah pen. >"Presenting, The Princess from Down Under... Princess Bradley!" >Ah, so shall begin the courting. >"Hello! I'm the Princess from Down Under! I became Princess of Rooland." "I know who you are... I want you to know... I like you... And I want you. We can do this the easy way or the hard way." >"Oh, my~" >You give her wink. >"Well if you want some this plot... You're gonna have to catch me!" >She throws her boomer rang tiara at you smacking you in the head. "Oh... You're feisty. I like this!" >After an hour of chasing her around you finally get on her. She giggles as she is pinned under you. >You put your mouth by her ear and whisper. "Bite the pillow bed... I'm going in dry." >You ram her donut asshole for a long time and cum inside of her. >She becomes top wife of your many wives. >Allah doesn't give you your 72 virgins in the after life. >"Ponies gay man." ----------------------- 15929975 Avast sat at the wheel of her ship, coasting lightly on the small, sturdy pirate ship, in her solitude along the predefined path of circuitry running through the . The turns were sharp, and both hooves were required to spin the wheel around to steer her around a ninety-degree turn. Though it was difficult, she managed every time, not a scrape on her precious boat. Her horn glowed silver as she opened a map, figuring where she was. It seemed it was smooth, straight sailing for the next while, for the ship wasn't the fastest. Taking advantage of the straight path she rolled up the map neatly and carried it to her captain's quarters, stashing it in her chest and withdrawing her precious bottle of rum. She'd sipped at it sparingly through her journey, and periodically nagged Anonymous to buy her another. Unfortunately, that landlubber bought whatever was cheapest. He proclaimed that it was within his budget. In Avast's eyes, there was no excuse for purchasing terrible rum -- either way the company responsible received fund of some sort. A quick glance at the path ahead revealed no troubled waters, though what was betrayed made her set her rum back down and burst out onto the main deck as fast as she good. In a flash of magic she summoned her trusty bronze and wooden telescope, peering around at the path ahead in her guessed general direction of the object. What could damn well be a virus or anything else was one of the few things that told her she could wait for her drink. Making sure she was still on course, she was across the wooden deck in a flash, yanking down the sails as she searched for the distraction. The sound of hooves or similar appendages against her deck alerted her, and from her belt she drew a cutlass. Though many, the attackers would not get by. Her mind raced as hard and fast as her hooves against the deck as she charged whatever it was. "Avast, ye scurvy viruses!" she bellowed, taking aim. Sparks flew and the echoing clang of the clashing steel. Without a crew, the infected files were quite the task with nothing more than a sharp sword and a sharper wit. She normally backed up only to find a sword to her rump, to which she responded with a swipe of her sword for lack of thought as to using her strong haunches. Quick reflexes tore her out of trouble as swords were jabbed at her above her head, skimming her glowing horn, and having to hop out of the way to avoid being sliced in half. Just because she had a blade didn't mean her back hooves went forgotten all the time. As she was tangling with one file she'd buck the other one overboard. Keeping her smarts about her was a primary function, forcing her eye to remain peeled for any other onslaught. Her energy and determination never died down, like that smoldering fire in her eyes, full of adventure and hostility as she swung her cutlass at all angles, without the limitations of her hoof holding it. There was no predictability as to where her blade would slice, nor where her hooves would strike, nor when she was giving out. She managed to subdue the crowd for now, but Avast had yet to defeat the captain, the root of the problem. The unicorn wasted not a second as she scribbled a letter to Anonymous, reporting that she was scanning his files for viruses. She set sail at once, keeping her telescope close and her blade closer, set down at her hooves between herself and the wheel as she yelled out commands for the one-pony crew she was. "Full speed ahead!" she barked, performing the steps she knew all too well to achieve this feat on windless waters. Sharp turns ensued, with close calls impending upon her as she rushed over every byte of data. Pornography, pornography, a reactions folder, more pornography... Her orange eyes sparked with interest as she came across her prize. She shut her sails and halted near the enemy boat, finally figuring out the source of the problem, the file that started this. ----------------------- 15937522 >Come home from work one evening. >Decide to chill on the couch, browse the web. >Lay down and pull out small pony from pocket. >Set her down on your chest as she yawns cutely, booting up her browser function. >A small screen projects out of her eyes, displaying your web destination. >watch videos for an hour or so. >Become sleepy. >Suddenly. >Naptimebitch.exe >Wake up from oddly sexual dream. >Feel odd sensation. >Your phone pony is snuggled under your hand, suckling your index finger while she sleeps. >tfw no qt3.14 phone pony to give you oddly sexual dreams ----------------------- 15952673 >You pull up to the customs checkpoint in your purple smartcar >The bored border agent leans out the window of his booth >"Good afternoon, do you have anything to declare?" "Yeah, I have a unicorn and a baby dragon in my trunk." >The border agent snickers at you >"Very funny, sir. Smartcars don't have trunks." "I'm serious. Take a look." >You pop the rear of the car open (IT'S TECHNICALLY A TRUNK, OKAY) and he walks around behind it >He halts as soon as he can see inside >His mouth hangs open for a second, then he closes it and says "what." >You hear Twilight say "what." >Then you hear Spike say "what." >The agent stands and stares for a moment before shutting the 'trunk' and coming back to your window >He looks you in the eye with the blankest expression ever >"WHAT." "I know, right?" >"Just get into Canada. I'm not paid enough to deal with this shit." ----------------------- 15953837 >Ring Ring Ring >You pick up the phone and put the receiver by your ear. "Good afternoon, this is Fluttershy speaking. How can I help you?" >"Hello? Uh I was transferred over by Bill. He said that you know more about the Smith district." >Oh, no it's a bad lead. Why do they always give you the bad leads. "Yes, I know the Smith district very well. Are you interested in buying a house?" >Well of course he is, why else would he be bothering with realtors. >"Yeah, I wanna buy a house somewhere around Trot Street." "Okay, well I know we have some houses for sale. Do you have one in mind?" >"Uh, no. I figured you could give me a list and I would select some I would want. Isn't that how you guys do with your online site?" "Yes, I'll need your email to send them to you." >After copying down his email, name, and asking his preferences you get back to work. You type away looking to see what suits his wants and picks some that don't exactly match his likes. >Knock Knock Knock >At your door you see your boss Mr. Anonymous walk in with a coffee cup in hand. >"Heeeeey, Fluttershy. Just wanted to see what you were up to." "Hel-Hello Mr. Anon-Anonymous... I'm just working on making a selection list for a client." >"That's good. *sip* Listen..." >He sees your yellow stapler with your pink butterfly design painted on it and grabs it off your desk. You have your cutie mark on a lot of your things to let people know its yours. >"I know you work really hard and it seems the other team members like to drop off dead ends on you but I need you to meet your quota... *sip* Or else you're fired." >Fired? But you need this job to cover all your necessities. "Bu-But I do work hard and I make all my clients so happy that they share-" >"Well then sell more houses then." >He looks at your stapler and clicks it a few times. "Mr. Anonymous, it's hard when people pass-" >"Yeah, well see ya." >He just walks out of your office clicking away with your stapler. "That's my stapler..." ----------------------- 15972017 >Be an unofficial princess. >Princess of music. >Sadly on the day of coronation you ended up on planet Earth. You're a princess who subjects don't know you're royalty. >You walk over to the music store that you work on listening Paramore on you Dr. Dre Beats headset. The bell rings as you walk in and see it's empty for once. "Good morning, everyp0ny!" >No response. "Hello?" >Nothing. >You walk behind the register and see a note. It's from Frank who should be here still to tidy up before he leaves for the end of his shift. >"Left early to get My Chemical Romance tickets. Cover 4 me pls." >Well he a nice guy and he did give you a crystal heart necklace. Reminds you of how your parents met. >The small love time that King Sombra, daddy shadow, and Nightmare moon, mommy moon. That neither one will remember, your father is dead and it's complicated about mom. >Bad part of mom is gone and her true self doesn't remember you. When you met dad he was just a ghost ranting about crystals to which go him killed off for god. >But what is a real downer is that your one big crush, Applejack, is still back at Equestria. "*sigh... I'll never forget you... My sweet Apple." >Frank is a nice choice but who knows if a pony x human can happen. It can't be anything like those fanfictions you read. >How can anyp0ny like you who has allitisms and bleeds dubstep when hurt. >Another sigh leaves your mouth. >Still no customers. "And another boring start for Singurarity." ----------------------- 15980284 >day Ponies on Earth >Pillowcase is visiting >you show her your new smartphone >a tiny pony sticks her head out of the screen and grins at both of you >Pillowcase is agog >"Chrome for Android-chan?" Is that you? >"Yup!" >"Why are you inside a cell phone?" >"It's a living, and the rent is cheap." >Pillowcase boggles >you boggle >Chrome for Android says "if you're trying to catch flies, try painting your tongues with honey" >it was a browser pone meets pegasus pone day ----------------------- 15994507 >day Changeling Queen on Earth >get out your smartphone >turn it on >tap on the screen and try to bring up your web browser >there's a long pause and then your usual browser pony pops out of the screen and starts walking around on your tabletop >wait a minute >she's forgotten all your bookmarks and personalized settings >and she is glaring at you with glowing green eyes >"This day is going to be perfect," she sings >you give her a strange room "Where's Chrome-chan and what have you done with her?" >"I'm Chrome-chan." "Bullshit. You don't know any of my bookmarks or settings. I don't think you're the same browser pony." >in a flash of green fire she turns into this vaguely insect-ish, vaguely H. R. Giger-ish black pony thing with a crooked horn and holes in her hooves >"I am Queen Chrysalis, and you will obey me! And you will love me!" >you can't stop yourself from giggling "Or what? You'll be even more of a little meanie-pants, until I agree to love you?" >"Yes!" "You need to think your plan over further. Also, please let Chrome-chan out. I'm worried about her." >"Curses! Foiled again!" "Why did you try to take over my smartphone and force me to love you, anyway?" >"Because I got kicked out of Equestria for trying to take over there, too." >Chrome-chan comes out in tiny shackles, wearing a tiny gag. >You glower at Chrysalis, who releases her. >Chrome-chan sticks her tongue out at Chrysalis and blows a tiny raspberry >you decide you've seen enough weird shit for today >and go back to bed ----------------------- 16011175 >"Please be gentle... Anon-kun." >You smile and caress her muzzle. "Please... Call me Anon, no honorifics Pillow case." >She blushes and looks away. >You grab her muzzle and make her look face to face. She tries to look away all embarrassed that she has a guy on top of her. "I'm going to kiss you." >You kiss her and try not to get pony fur into your mouth again. The kiss ends and now you feel hot in the face. "Are you really okay with this?" >She nods. With that you start to unbutton her blouse and feel your heart race as you get closer and closer to her crotch boobs. >Finally you get to her pony bra that is purple and black stripes. Your shaky hands cups her covered teats. >You try not to look nervous but your hands betray you. They squeeze them earning some moans from your pony lover. >After a while you undo the front clasp and see her hard nipples. You play with them some more but soon you're gonna need to continue. >Finally you let her crotch breasts rest and go for her vagina. You remove her skirt and see her panty matches her bra. >You remove them and see her winking marehood that is wet and begging a dicking. >You stick your fingers in her and she moans loudly. >"An-Anon! Unf~" >You keep sticking your fingers in and out of her. Your bed sheets are getting wet from her love juice and your worried you neighbors will realize what you're doing. >Pillow Case cums all over your hand making it look like someone threw up squash soup. You hit your quota, now its your turn. >You take off your school uniform and throw hers along as well. >Missionary is best position for beginners. You spread her legs and stick your dick in her slowly. >Her hymen breaks and you kiss her. "I'm sorry, I'm trying to be gentle." >"It's fine, can't avoid it." >This sensation is something you never thought existed. Truly a wet pussy is the best thing in the world, fuck gay people and their anal loving ways. >"I love you Anon!" "I love you too Pillow Case." >You cum inside your new girlfriend. ----------------------- 16060246 >"This decrepit castle is pretty creepy," thought the stallion, "but there's supposed to be some awesome treasure in here." >His thoughts are about to turn to the monsters and traps when he turns a corner and bumps into an armored, bipedal creature nearly twice his height. >Said creature is covered in platemail, brandishing a sword in its... hands, if he recalls the correct term, and wearing a cloth vest over its armor emblazoned with a picture of a sun. >The knight raises both of his arms, as if to declare a field goal, and exclaims loudly, "PRAISE TEH SUN!!1!" >The pony looks up at the brave knight quizzically, then assumes a similar bipedal stance and enthusiastic tone. >"WHAT HE SAID!" >His ears ringing inside of his also-ringing helmet, he continues to praise his favorite celestial body (if you know what I mean). "THERE IS A HUGE CHEST IN GWYNEVERE'S ROOM!" >Losing enthusiasm to his confusion, the stallion's forelegs begin to droop from his exultant pose. >"Uhh... I HAVEN'T BEEN THERE, BUT I GUESS THERE IS? I DUNNO." >Confused by the pony's lack of familiarity, the knight's arms begin to droop as well. "Solaire and his sun are the best things ever?" >This confuses the pony. He drops back to all four hooves. >"It's Celestia's sun." "No, it's definitely Solaire's." >Disagreement turns into argument. The argument gets heated. The knight throws down his gauntlets and blade. The argument comes to blows. >Fists slap against flesh. Hooves clang against armor. >Meanwhile, on a balcony not too far away, Celestia sees her subject fighting one of those humans. >The human is wearing a mark of Solaire, and she believes she heard the human saying praise in Solaire's name. >"Well," she thinks, "better let Solaire know about this." >Celestia conjures her cell phone and hovers it about, checking whether she gets service inside the castle. >She does. Quickdial 7-6-5... >Ring ring. "Hey, Solly? It's Celestia. One of my subjects is fighting that 'Chosen Undead' guy of yours." >She pauses to hear his reply. Once the other end of the line goes quiet again, she gives a reply of her own. "No, no, he's being very chivalrous about it. Threw away his gauntlets and sword before the fight started. They're really going at it, though." >Celestia waits again, then groans her response to Solaire's question. "Yup. The usual reason. Want me to break it up?" >After a few seconds, another question comes through. Celestia can't help but giggle. "Oh, you cad! Sure. I'm gonna hang up now and get right on that, okay? ...Uh huh, I'll text you as soon as I'm done! Bye!" >Her hoof presses against the 'end call' button. She flips the phone sideways and taps the camera icon. >She leans over the side of the balcony and begins to snap some pictures. >"Solaire's gonna get a good laugh out of these," she thinks to herself. ----------------------- 16083337 >She felt it in an instant. >The primal rush of fertility. >Maybe it was something in this alien air. A foreign chemical acting on her body. >Maybe it was the creature before her, manipulating her body to one of it's most vulnerable states. >Or maybe it was just time that made it happen, time that would have come anyway. >She was in heat. >Feelings of lust and sexual urges filled her mind, blocking out any thought of reason. >She looked towards the creature, and knew instantly what needed to be done. >If this creature was anything like her, it needed to reproduce. >If it needed to reproduce the same way she did, it would probably have genitalia. >And judging from the tone of it's voice, it was male. A perfect fit for her winking vulva. >The creature in question only stared at her, dumbstruck as to why she suddenly stopped talking, and was now looking at... no, INTO him with those big purple eyes. >Pillow Case felt her body take over, and she pounced on the creature, pinning him to the ground. >The human could have easily shook her off, but another look into those eyes let him see the hunger behind them. >Her heart was beating fast now, threatening to rip out of her chest. >Panting, she reached down and ripped off his shirt with her mouth, the adrenaline in her blood blocking any sort of pain her teeth gave her. >No logic now, just pure animalistic sexual instinct, imbued in her since birth, and awake in her since she reached sexual maturity. >With the shirt off, she could see his chest rise and lower, his heart pounding almost as much as hers. >Lurching towards him, she pressed her lips against his and forced her tongue into his mouth. >At first he resisted, but soon enough he melted into the kiss and returned the action. >She felt her body being slowly felt by him, his hands feeling all parts of her body. >His hands moved to her flank, and he started squeezing her cutie mark. >That was it, Pillow Case could feel her marehood literally dripping with anticipation. >Kneeling down towards his body, she felt something long and hard brush past past her tits. >Breaking the kiss, she looked down and realised that sometime during the kiss, Anon had removed the rest of his clothing. >"This is it" She thought, looking at the pillar of flesh. >For it's body size, she felt a little underwhelmed. >But compared to an average stallion, it was certainly thicker than anything she had seen, though it was not as long. >Truth to be told, she had not yet felt the flesh of an actual creature inside her. >She had vibrators, sure. But those were just toys, and right now she didn't have them. >A tiny bit of panic and self-doubt flared up in her, she didn't want to disappoint him. >She briefly considered running off to a bathroom to masturbate until she felt her heat passed, but that feeling left her as she felt Anon's smooth hands move away from her flank and towards her crotch. >Biting her lip, she finds it hard not to scream in pleasure as Anon starts groping her tits with one of his hands, and making small circular motions in her cunt with the other. >That was it, the final straw. If she didn't rut right this second she felt as though she would die. >She slammed her crotch onto his and was unable to supress the moan of him entering her. >Furiously, she started to grind up and down, making cute half-squeaks, half-moans with each thrust. >This feeling was unlike something any dildo had given her, the alien dick felt strange in her pussy. >It wasn't a bad strange, however, it was a good strange. Like trying an exotic new food or a fancy drink. >Anon's hands had moved back to her ass, gripping the soft fur and fat as he assisted each thrust. >Not long, she felt a very familiar pressure growing in her abdomen. "A-Anon! I-I'm.." >"Not yet, just a little longer." >In one swift motion he rolls Pillow Case onto her back, switching roles. >Pillow Case was never the most athletic of ponies. >Compared to the rapid thrusting of the human, she might have felt a little ashamed actually. >That is, she would feel ashamed if she was not currently being fucked like nothing she had ever felt before. >The pressure grew immensely, to the point where it was no longer presumable. "AAAAAANNNNOOOOOON!" She screamed, orgasming in the process. >Waves of pleasure shocked her body, making her body twitch, and her marecum to flow and explode out of her vagina. >The feeling of Pillow Case orgasm pushed Anon over the edge as well, shooting streams of cum deep into her body. >He thrusted a few more times, pumping a little more cum into her each time. >Finally, exhausted and limp, he pulled out of the pony and collapsed on the floor next to her. "That.... I... You..." Pillow Case tried to say, but was unable to find the words. >The feeling of heat was gone now, at least. Until the next time her body demanded release. >Her normal thoughts returned to her, what would ponies think of this? >Xenophillia was not common, would she be mocked? >But then she realised that if she said that she was just learning about humans, she might be excused. >So by that logic, she would need to learn more about this "Earth". >And so she thought back to that question anon had asked him. "Well..." ----------------------- 16095166 >feed Mentos to pone >"I'm thirsty," she says "I've got just the thing." >you hand her the 2 liter of diet soda >she takes several big swallows, then grabs her stomach in shock >you seize her quickly, give her several vigorous shakes, and turn her upside doen >she shoots into the sky atop a column of cola-colored foam that erupts from her mouth >you video it with your cellphone >"Goddamnit, Anonymous! That wasn't funny!" "Youtube comments indicate otherwise." >it was a day of equal and opposite reactions ----------------------- 16162044 >"So all you have to do now is use this and we'll be connected." "Always?" >"All you have to do is say Chrome and say a command." >You look at the Google Glasses and at Chrome. "Hmmm." >She has a big smile on her face. You try to see any malice in her artificial eyes but you can't see anything other than numbers and lights. "Okay, I guess I'll use these glasses then." >You put them on and it activates. A little Chrome avatar scans your face with a smile. >Mini-Chrome: "Scan complete! Syncing with Chrome pony owned by Anonymous User." >She closes her eyes and lowers her head. The original version is doing the same as well. >Both Chrome: "Sync complete!" >Woah, you don't want her to say anything around the house when you're out. "Chrome, this double talking won't be happening when I'm out because I don't want anyone here or around to hear what you're saying to me." >Chrome: "Don't worry Anon-" >Mini-Chrome: "-I can change where I'm speaking from." >Man that's kind of creepy. "Uhm okay. Well I guess I can go shopping now. So I can just go to the store and if I need to look up I can use you instead of Suri right?" >"Yes, no need for Suri, geh heh heh." >Mini- Chrome rubs her hooves together on the screen. Big Chrome is sitting on the couch and looks like hibernating. "Okay... Well catch ya later Chrome." >Mini-Chrome: "Bye, Master." >She waves on the screen and slowly fades away. You leave the glasses on to show off that you're a beta tester for Google. "Whelp time for shopping." >Back at the apartment you open your eyes and watch Anon walk to the store. You view through the glasses and see he kept them on. "Muhahaha now I can be with Anon always... Watching everything he does and recording it. My master shall be with me... Forever!" >You do your diabolical laugh and sit back on the couch. With the glasses on you can watch whatever he looks at and says even without him knowing. "This gunna be good~" ----------------------- 16169385 "Krieger! Krieger! Wherethe hell are you?" >You look around the lab and can't find him. >"Hey, Archer. What do you want?" "I want... Uh actually I forgot what I came here for..." >"Oh well, here let me show my latest invention!" >You follow him through a door and see you're in some room full of electronic stuff. "Huh, was this always here?" >"Now behold! My new little helper... And new wife geh heh heh heh." >Krieger shows you some robot looking dog thing. "What the hell is that?" >"It's a pony! A robot pony. Meet Princess Twilight Sparkle." >The purple robot doesn't move but just stands there doing nothing. "So why did you make this?" >"Because I recently discovered a wonderful show! A show that makes me happy and feel joy again! It's My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic!" "What haha?" >Is he fucking serious? "Why the hell would you watch a little girl's cartoon?" >"It's just not for little girls! It was made for everyone to enjoy! Nothing girly, just fun and adventures!" "Haha that doesn't change the fact it's a kids show. Why the hell would you watch it?" >"Listen, just smoke these and drink something good. And here watch this." >He hands you a bag and a dvd. "I'm not gonna watch a stupid cartoon about little horses." "Holy shit! This is like the best thing ever! Why haven't I seen this before?" >You drink some more and hit skip to skip the gay ass intro. "Intro is shit but everything is else is great!" >You watch Rainbow Dash act like the cool cunt she is and you get a brilliant idea. "Oh, man. I'm telling Krieger to make me a blue bitch one." >"Here ya go, Archer. Here is worst pony, just like you wanted." "Worst pony? Don't you mean best? Jerk." >You walk up to the blue robot and see it's wings look like Buzz lightyear jets. "So can this thing like fly?" >"Oh yeah, it can fly just like mine. It's a personal jet with a gun it's mouth." "Oh, shit! I can ride it and and shoot at the same time?" >"Yeah, but it's nothing to compare to my Twily!" >The purple one walks in witha tray of drinks on its back. >"I can shoot lasers and fire rockets." "What? Why don't I have that in mine?" >"Because my pony is better. Also There wasn't any room in yours. She's lighter than mine." "Hah! You have the fat one." >"Grrr, well look do you want this or not?" "Yeah, let me take her already." >He fiddles on her neck and she opens her eyes. >"Ah, yeah! Time to kick some flank!" >Oh, shit it sounds like her. Almost, but good enough. "Missions just got 20% cooler." ----------------------- 16170206 "So, what do these eques... whateversians want with ISIS anyway?" >>"Ponies." "Shut up, you look stupidly small and useless." >>"Hey! I'd like to see you try to keep your figure after two foalings! Plus I stubbed my hoof this morning..." "Does it still hurt? Cause I could go down to the armoury and get a fowling piece for you along with some Elmer's." >>"Wha-" >"STERLING!" "Jesus mother, she's a goddamn horse!" >"Well that "goddamn horse" wants to hire ISIS as extra security for the Princesses tour tomorrow." "What, you're telling me that the one tenth of an inch thick pyrite armour won't be enough to stop a .50 caliber bullet?" >>"Is that a lot?" "God, who am I? John Moses Browning?" >... "...The father of modern firearms?" >"That's enough Sterling." >"And ISIS would be happy to take the contract." >>"Good, and if anything happens the the princesses, I can personally guarantee you that war is not out of the questions. Good day, Ms. Archer. >With that, the pony walks out of the room and down the hall. >You can briefly hear Pam screaming in the distance. >You turn to mother. >"Sterling this is a very important job offer for us. If you mess this up..." "I won't mess this up Mother, I am an extremely professional individual." "...Now if you excuse me, I need to go clean the inside of my pants, because I'm pretty sure that mare was just winking at me." >Titlecard https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_LnLE80sD9I ----------------------- 16216791 I hate USB ports. I never get it in on the first time. >"Anon, I'm waiting." "I'm trying Chromie, just give me a sec" >"How hard could it me? Just stick it in there..." "I'M TRYING CHROME. JESUS, FUCK USB!" >"Anon..." "NO FUCK THIS I'M DONE, STUPID KEYBOARD CAN PLUG ITSELF I!" >"Pathetic..." >Google releases chrome pony >The reproductive organs have been replaced by usb ports because they fear that sexual interaction will overload the pony. >Someone creates a usb fleshlight >It becomes the single most sought after device in the world. >People stop using currency, and start trading fleshlights >The whole economy is moved to fleshlights >Utopia >After extencive testing, Google releases chrome 2.0, this time with actual reproductive organs. >Market for usb fleshlights crashes >Economy ruined. >Billions of chrome poni homeless and starving after being replaced by chrome 2.0 >They make rafts out of wood and attempt to cross the sea. >World is ruined >America becomes 3rd world country >Autism at an all time high >Phil Robertson sworn in as general commander president in command. >Demands sacrifices from all other countries >They deny >Nuclear war. >Earth is kill >The chrome poni at sea come back to land >radiation gives them reproductive organs. >A mix of radiation and science gives them magic. >Rebuild the Earth in their image. And that's the story of how Equestria was made. ----------------------- 16245926 >Eating a box of fruit loops >Coming to the bottom of the box >Giving it a quick shake, you determine there to be a prize inside >You empty the rest of the box into your bowl >The thing is stuck so you shake it a bit harder >A little rainbow pony plops into your bowl with an "Oof!" >You stare blankly at it as it looks up at you with bid red eyes and an expression of wonder >"Well hewwo therw, mista! Mwy names Wainbow Dash!" she greets with a smile >You audibly "D'aww" as she picks up a piece of cereal and starts nibbling on it >You take her out of the bowl and place her on the table beside it so you can add some milk >Rainbow Dash pokes her little head over the edge and sticks her face into the milk to drink >She looks up at you when she finishes and a big milk mustache remains on her face >You laugh as you watch her try hard to lap it up with her tongue before you help her with a napkin "Hello, Rainbow Dash," you greet. "My name's Anonymous." >"Hi Anwon! Wanna pway?" >As much as you want to, you need to go to work here shortly >An idea comes to mind "Hey Rainbow Dash, ever been in a racecar before?" >"Nwope!" "Wanna go for a ride?" >"Wow! For real?" >You pick her up gently and place her in your shirt pocket >She disappears for a moment before poking her head up with a smile, the pocket cover resting on her head "It's called the Indie 500," you start to say as you walk out the front door with Rainbow Dash in tow. ----------------------- 16248299 >You wake one Saturday morning from a heavy rapping on the front door >Mustering the strength to get out of your comfort-zone, you found the energy to slither out of your warm nest >You open the door to see a soft coloured winged pony at your doorstep >Your mind races with questions that must be answered at once but you can't help but to believe that it's all a dream "Hi there! I'm Pillow Case, what's your name?" >She flew up to eye level then you started to feel a strange pulsating feeling in your temple >The world turns black as you fall into the arms of confusion >For what seemed to be several hours you are violently woken up by her siren-like yell >Her breath sorta smelled like the soda you were saving for tomorrows game of "8-bit Soundtrip" >That game is all the rage since it has everything a 90's kid could ask for. Though it's a tad over-hyped for it's own good >After coming into terms with the cute little talking pony >And a very...VERY physical understanding; you decided to show her around >What is it to become and or act >Human >You gave her options in where to go and what places might catch her interest >She decided that she'd like some air and have fun at the local park >Now at the park >Leaning against the "cool guy wall", you watch Pillow having fun around the playground as if she were some kid (she's about your age in pony years though) >You bought yourself a little ice-cream while she was on the swing >Seeing that she was going really fast you assume that she was going to leap off the swing and fly a bit from the momentum >She ended up falling and eating the dirt face-first >You laughed so hard that you dropped your ice-cream in the process >You call out to her to see if she'd like to head back home or continue exploring your town. ----------------------- >IE was desperate. >Ever since she came to be after the explosion of her master's computer, she had been feeling like she wasn't useful enough. >Anything she did for him was too slow. >Anything she said was too dumb. >Master tried to hide his disapointment, but IE still noticed every suppressed frown... >But today everything would change! >IE opened the back door and welcomed her newfound friend, Recycle bin, who had agreed to help the sad browser pony on her quest for becomming a better asset for her master. >There would be a lot of "chopping off the unneeded" to sculpt her new body. >There would be a lot of pain. >But Master had to be pleased. >At all costs. >When Anon came home, there was no annoying IE pony. >Lying on his bed, there were only [spoiler]mindless shorts.[/spoiler] ----------------------- 16322042 >be Pillow Case the pone >be on Earth >decide to try this "Italian food" thing you've heard about >you're reading the menu >"chicken parmagiana?" that sounds interesting, whatever it is >you order it >the waiter raises an eyebrow, but writes it down and goes back to the kitchen >minutes later, short fat little guy with chef's hat and enormous mustache comes out >"Ey, leetle pone," he says. "Thees deesh, she has-a meat. Are you sure you want-a the cheecken?" "Sure! My friends told me it's good!" >"You capisce, what ees?" "Well, no, not exactly." >"It's-a thin chicken breast, breaded and fried inna olive oil. Then it's-a broil inna broiler with-a mozzarella cheese until she-a melt. Then we serve-a onna bed of fiore pasta, with-a marinara sauce, that's-a tomato with oregano, garlic, onion, and-a sweet basil. You wanna the lunch platter, she come-a weeth salad." >you smile "Thank you. That sounds very nice." >he gives you a strange room, shrugs, and goes back to the kitchen >minutes pass and the waiter brings you your salad, which you devour greedily >almost before it's finished, there's the hot chicken parmagiana on a platter with pasta and tomato sauce >you cut a bit of the cheese-covered oblong atop the noodles and put it into your mouth with a fork >it's salty and chewy, with a flavor you don't recognize >very chewy >in fact you have to have a sip of your drink before you can swallow it >the red sauce is nice, too, and you like the texture of the noodles >when you get home, though, you have diarrhea for the next two days >Who's a silly pony? You are. [spoiler]And you're not even Applejack.[/spoiler] >apparently meat is not good for ponies, even chicken, which was supposed to be relatively lean and healthy >Where's the Pepto-Bismol? ----------------------- 16323294 From another thread, where you meet Luna in the parking lot of a closed supermarket, during a snowstorm, during which she jokingly (?) threatens to eat you. There were various contributors, but I don't feel comfortable copying and pasting their stories. >implying I don't have blankets and MREs in the back of the truck >"And what manner of food be this?" "Just like it says on the label. 'Patty, Ham & Chicken.' In the service we called it 'monkey meat.'" >"Thou offerest me meat, mortal? I am a pony, we do not eat flesh!" "Not five minutes ago you said you wanted to eat ME. Make up your mind." >"Hast thou anything not made of flesh?" "Oh, sure. This pouch is beans with tomato sauce, and this one's a chocolate brownie, and these are crackers with cheese." >"This isn't very good." "No, but it keeps indefinitely. It's my emergency food stash, just like this is my emergency blanket, and if you're thirsty, there are gallon jugs of water in the back." >the next morning, a police car pulls up to put an orange label on your truck window to be towed >your companion rolls down a window to ask the cops to jumpstart your truck >oddly, they seem to know her >she went home with you >you didn't have sex, though >you were both too constipated from eating MREs to be able to do more than hold your bellies and groan for the next two days >it was a Pepto Bismol day And someone mentioned armored vehicles, which somehow led to this: >driving home from supermarket in your surplus MRAP >it gets shitty gas mileage, but the babes love it >and it's four wheel drive, which is a good thing in a snowstorm like this >suddenly, inna headlights, a dark quadrupedal shape >you stop >it's a blue pony >with wings and a horn >and she stands on her hind legs to tap politely on the driver's side window with a hoof >later you wonder how she did this, given how small she is and how tall an MRAP is, but never mind that >you roll down the window >she bares what look like candy vampire teeth and makes scary faces >"We shall eat thee! Grr! Woof woof! Awooooo!" >her eyes look a little odd "Pardon me?" >"...We are hungry and yon 7-11 hath closed due to inclement weather. We are loath to ask, but wouldst thou be willing to show hospitality to a hungry lost traveler?" >you ponder this >a talking pony is hitting you up for a free meal >sure, why not? "Sure. Get in. I hope you like quinoa." >yeah, quinoa. it's got protein >later that evening at your place, you learn that ponies produce quinoa farts capable of peeling the wallpaper >I mean literally, you wake up with your eyes streaming and the wallpaper all curling off the walls >the wallpaper looks like it's trying to curl up and die >you don't blame it >it was a smelly night ----------------------- 16349514 >You hit that shit again and inhale some purple haze. You start coughing like a bitch again. "Shit, this is some strong kush." >"I know man, but fuck I think I'm going way too high. Haha!" >Your friend grabs the bong and hits it. "Dude, like I just thought of something strange." >"Hmmm? What" >You take a second to try to collect your thoughts. "Like what if magical ponies one day just appeared on Earth?" >Your friend looks at you and starts to laugh. "What? It can happen!" >He shakes his head and looks at you. >"Dude, I am a Magical pony." >Your mind just blows "What? Fuck, I'm high." >The room starts to feel hot to you and its making you sweat. You wipe the sweat off with your hoof. "Let me hit again, bro." >"Kay." ----------------------- 16350708 >Be in the city of Columbia on Earth #94 in the sky >You are Anonymous the hotdog vender >For your whole life you've been discriminated because you don't follow everyones idea of an ideal life >Religion is a big thing here but you never pay much attention to it although you do remember their scriptures and such just so you may remain on the city >You found your calling when someone asked you to make a hotdog and since then you were a successful man with an understanding of how life is for the common man >Racism is a thing too, whether it be the japanese, Irish or African. They are to be treated as "irregulars" >You scoffed at the thought that you were any better than a Japanese man's dedication or an Africans wisdom >"Some people just don't have brains", you said under your breath as you begin to get out of bed >Today was Saturday a couple days before the annual festival that celebrates the founding of this city in the sky >After giving yourself a light shave and using the washroom you readied yourself in formal attire with your signature red slim tie >You took a breath of fresh air and sat on the steps of your porch to really take in the pink sky's and the crisp fresh air caressing your hair and kissing it goodbye like a short swipe of acknowledgment >You sat there for what seemed like minutes but in actuality for 1hour and a half. >"Well, time to get to work". You stood up and stretched then walked back in and rolled out your cart to the sidewalk >Your cart looked differed from other food vendors since yours was made of steel instead of the typical wooden ones that infested the sky >You began your route as always starting by walking down to the graveyard >You don't always take this route but yesterday was the funeral of our 1st lady >The grave diggers must be tired and surly hungry. So you thought >As you were nearing the grave yard you were able to spot the president with a baby walk away with guards >"I didn't know he had a kid. Huh, I must be out of the loop with the news. I should take note of this" >You continue your way and see some customers coming out of the grave >"Well-well gentlemen. Might I offer you a grand chance to sample my food for only 2 silver coins? I do think this would make you feel like the stress is gone and happiness finds it's way home right into your stomachs. I guarantee it", you wink and brush off invisible dusk off your black coat >After settling business with the towns grave diggers you decided to take a quick break and walk back home for a quick sip of tea >You see a shadowy figure leave something on your doorstep and leave through a strange portal-like thing floating in mid-air >Your pace quickened as you near your front door to find a small wooden woven basket that's crying. No, the basket wasn't crying...it was >A little pony. >You took the basket with the still crying pony inside your home to contemplate what to do next >You placed the basket on your kitchen table to examine the little pony even more >"What the heck?" >You picked up the little pony to find that it had wings! This was all so strange for you since you never believed in mythical creatures >You look at your pocket watch to see that you are late in your route. So you then get all the blankets and pillows together like a little fort and put the pony in it until you come back >2 Hours later >Business was fair today but that was far from your mind since you have a small little mystical creature residing in pillows and blankets >As you walk up the steps to your door you don't hear a thing. This scared you since it cries like a human baby and you can somewhat assume that it's kind of like one >You find it sleeping on top of the biggest pillow in the house and see that there is a picture of a pillow on her flank now. >"I'm pretty sure that wasn't there before. Ah, whatever. I gotta find out what to do with this thing. I can't just throw this creature off the city...right?" >You shook off those thoughts >You walk back to the kitchen where the basket was to find an envelope laying where the pony was crying -"Dearest Anonymous, We know that you currently don't fully grasp what is currently happening but soon you'll find that this pony will change your life in more than one way. The task we ask of you is that you take care of her as if though she were your daughter for the first year. This winged pony will grow quicker due to the fact that she's in a different dimension and such. We won't go into details in how this works but we have faith that you'll do the write thing and keep her. In the future though you will be asked to forfeit you protection over her but that is a choice all up to you. Best of luck, C"- >You take a look at your pocket watch and find that it's only 4pm. You would usually find yourself on the synthetic beach found deeper in the city but today you're not feeling it today >You decide to make some dinner for both you and...it. >Now, you take things into consideration that you just adopted a mystical horse as your daughter for a temporary period of time and the outcome is unknown as hell! >"Guess I found myself in a lick of strange now huh Anon" *sigh* "I hope she likes toasted cheese sandwiches" >You were a meat kinda guy so making something without meat was out of your comfort-zone. So the little menu you set for her were: Chopped carrots, lettuce, diced tomatoes, pecan and a light spread of strawberry jam >"Well, time to go to the market I reckon." >As you begin to walk to the door you can see the pony curling herself more into the pillow because she was starting to freeze >This pained your heart but gave you a fuzzy feeling deep within your heart and soul. So in turn you pulled over a blanket on top of her >You can see a small smile softly appear on the side of her face and with that you left home feeling like you just saved the world >5:30 pm >Coming back from the market you see a blimp right above your neighborhood that holds a large gold and reddish banner that reads"BuckingColbalt, a new drink that allows one to float in mid-air or another for a period of time! Get yours today!" >You've heard of these stylish looking drinks giving people powers to do amazing things but you were always too scared to try one for yourself. Maybe you'll give it a shot at one point but not just yet. >You opened the door then looked at the floor to find a the little winged pony on the floor looking up at you >They were the type of eyes that can persuade any man or father to ensure a better life and well being for her. The type that would make you sacrifice everything you had in this world just to keep her safe and sound >The type that's making you d'aw to max level #11 >You sweep her off her hooves and introduce yourself >"Hi there little fella my name is Anonymous. What might be yours?" >She just looked at you with an O face and drooled a little bit >You weren't one for naming things so one glance at her mysterious mark on her flank you named her "PillowCase". ----------------------- 16372440 >Day pony. >Day be on Earth. >Day 1 of being a pony on Earth. >You're hungry. >You found a grocery store. >Snack.png >The entry way is weird as hell. >Humans walk in front of the doors and they open. >They don't even need to touch them and you can't see anybody that might be opening them. >Zigger what. >Whatever, this will be easy. >Walk towards the door. *SLAM* >OH FUCK. OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK. >Your snout hurts. >Like, it really really hurts. >You open your eyes and look at the hooves that where covering your snout. >Wat the hell.jpeg. >Blood all over your hooves. >Nose is bloody. >Door is bloody. >Fucking zigger door. >YOU'LL SHOW IT FOR HURTING YOU! ... >Day arrested on Earth. >Arrested for things like vandalism, public urination, indecency, destruction of private property... >The list goes on. >You blame the door for this. >It is biased towards humans and their absurd height and therefore racist. >You think about starting a blog called "This is Human Privilege." >Really all it would be would be you bitching about technology not working in your favour. >Technology, that's what did this to you. >You see no other option, you must... >Wage war against the machines. ----------------------- 16376080 >The year is 2798 >Once thought lost to the nuclear war between Norway and Russia, humanity had finally unlocked the internet archives. >Among them was a site called "4chan", believed to be a major cultural influence. >Everyday, millions people pay trillions of Spaceshekels to read the literature of the site. >Because future, people try to teach the work to the AI's so they can teach faster. >The AI begin to >rape everything. >Everything is destroyed. >Bored, the AI robots retreat to megadeepspace. >Every 50,000 years they come back to the galaxy. >They await the day they can hear about the stories of "4chan" again... >One day, they will return. >Where where you when the >rapears came? ----------------------- >Day Zero in Chernaraus >Be Twilight. >The sound of rolling water and the smell of salt lingers in the air. >You open your eyes slowly and find yourself staring into the sky. >The sun hovers just over the horizon. >It'll be dark soon. >Rolling over, you pick yourself up and inspect yourself. >You're wearing a small load bearing vest, a baseball cap, and a small backpack. >Placing your pack on the ground, you start to sift through it. >It's mostly empty except for a bright yellow flashlight with a battery, a single bandage, and a pack of painkillers. >You opt to throw some of it away, but who knows if it'll come in handy later? >Slinging your pack once more, you take a look at your surroundings. >A large mountain sits opposite of a two-lane, paved road before you. >A set of rail tracks run parallel to the road. >Looking right, the road travels farther down the coast, but a fog obscures your vision from seeing much else. >To your left, there's a hill, but beyond that you can see a sea port with cranes, a warehouse, and some other small buildings. >Perhaps someone there can give you directions? >You follow the paved road. >The setting sun hangs low before you. >You must be heading west. >Looking behind you, the moon is high in the sky already. >Birds chirp and you spotted a sheep once. >Attempts to communicate with it went totally ignored. >Some people are just rude. >It takes a good twenty minutes to walk to the port you saw earlier. >There really isn't much more here from what you were able to see earlier. >The train tracks split into several other tracks, you assume to get out of the way of trains passing through and to offload their cargo. >You haven't seen or heard a single train yet, though. >Much to your disappointment, the port seemed deserted. >The solid metal fence that walled off the side you were coming from was in disrepair and large gaps were present. >Nonetheless, you waltz in, still following the road. "Hello?" you called out. >If anyone was around, it shouldn't be that hard to hear you as it was dead quiet. >Your hooves clopped along the paved road as you pass by a guard house. >A grunting can be heard as you near the blue metal warehouse. "Is anyone there?" you call out again. >A human comes bumbling slowly out of the double doors. "Hello!" you greet. "I was wondering if you could help me figure out where I am?" >The human stops and turns toward you. >His face was horribly sickly and he looked as if he had an accident. >The eyes were solid white. >The human's blank face turned angry and it started growling loudly. >You were taken aback when he started snarling and sprinted at you. "Eep!" you shriek as you turned the other way, still running west. "I just wanted directions!" you shouted at him. >He continued making incoherent noises as he gave chase. >When you passed the warehouse you saw another human crouching on the ground. "Help! This guy's crazy!" you plea. >The second human turned to face you, his face also sickly with blank eyes. >Your hopes for help were dashed when he started chasing after you as well, albeit the second one was doing some kind of gorilla run. >You screamed for help as you continued galloping at full pace along the road. >A nearby city gave you hopes for help or at least a hiding place. >You gallop as fast as your short legs can carry you. >An upcoming city limit sign sits on the right side of the road. >'ЭЛЕКТРОЗАВОДСК' >You can't read that! >The zombies snarling behind you coupled with your hooves on the pavement attract a few more zombies to the horde. >Five zombies are now behind you and gaining fast as you tire out. >You come upon a large, open area in front of what you believe to be a school. >Safety! >You head right for it and burst through the double glass doors. >There's a flight of stairs to your immediate right, but you run left down the hallway to try and lose the zombies in the building. >They trip themselves as they enter the building and you are able to break their line of sight. >An exit sits at the end of the hall and you force yourself through it with a crash. >Another group of three with two more nearby are standing right there. "Oh come on!" you shout as they decend upon you. >Break right and up the street. >A small grocery store kitty-corner to the school. >You run in and shut the door behind you with magic, causing the zombies to momentarily stop as they force the door open. >You are given an ample amount of time to run to the far wall and duck behind a shelf. >The zombies finally enter the building, but instead of running, they now roam aimlessly as their meal has gone. >Your heart beats quickly and your breathing is heavy. >The zombies grunt and one lets out some kind of shriek. >Deciding to peek out from behind your cover was a huge mistake. >You force a hoof to your mouth to avoid making a peep as a zombie shambles mere feet from you and stops. >The scuffle from your hooves on the floor draw its attention and it starts to sniff the air. >Uttering some incoherent noise, it turns its head toward you and starts walking closer. >You can hear the footsteps coming closer... Closer... >A quiet "Eep" escapes your mouth, but loud enough for the zombie to take notice. >He's right about to turn the corner when a loud *BANG* resounds throughout the store. >The zombie spins around and roars as you witness a burst of blood following another shot and the zombie fall before you with a hole in its head. >A quick succession of five more shots ring out before all is quiet. >"Help me..." calls out a voice. >You move away from the zombie next to you just in case and peer out from the other side of the shelf. >You can hear him but you can't seem him. >"Over here," he calls again. >You follow the source of the voice as a man props himself up against the wall, using the short food display in front of him as leverage. >A bandana concealed most of his face except for his eyes. >He looked like he was in pain. >"My leg is messed up pretty bad," he says. "I don't suppose you have any morphine on you?" >You notice the rifle on his back and the pistol in his hand. >"It's empty," he says, dropping the magazine to show you there was nothing in it. >Confidence bolstered, you leave your hiding spot and trot up to him. "Morphine?" you ask. "No, I'm afraid I don't. I wouldn't know where to find any." >"Good news," says the man. "There's a hospital up the road there," he points. "Although you may have to break a window to get in." >He reaches back and procures a crowbar. >You flinch when he throws it on the ground before you. >Luckily, the rattle didn't attract any more zombies. >"Use that." "But what about all the zombies outside?" >"Be quiet about it. Please hurry. I'm just gonna take a seat right here..." >He slides down against the wall and sits behind the display, out of sight. >You grab the crowbar and make your way to the front of the store. >Looking out the large panes of glass, you spot a couple zeds down the street towards the hospital. >You will need to go around them. >Cracking open the front door, you look both ways before hurrying across the street to a corner cafe. >The door's wide open, so you save some noise by not running crashing through it. >The hard wood floors make enough noise as it is, so you try to step lightly. >Hooves on wood isn't the most stealthy thing in the world, so you try to hurry your way through. >Going straight back behind the counter, there appears to be a living area behind the front shop as well as stairs that go to a second level. >The front of the shop leads you under the stairs with the back door to your immediate right. >Another exit sits at the bottom of the stairs, but you avoid searching the house for now. >The lot behind the cafe is open, but enclosed on three sides by other connected houses. >You hug the wall to your left and follow it all the way until it ends. >There were a few zombies out in the fields across the lot form you, but they failed to take notice. >You slink up to the road and peek your head out. >A large church sits to the right of an grassy alleyway that you plan to run through. >A six foot wall surrounds the church so you should have some cover at least. >Look left, look right. >All clear. >And go! >Quickly across the street, hooves clopping loudly on the pavement. >A zombie on the other side of the church wall made itself known with a shriek, but walked around the wall to investigate. >You were long past, however, and currently moving through the grass between the church walls and the buildings to your left. >An garage with no door or rear wall left an opening for you to peek out from. >The hospital was directly across the street. >Excellent. >The sun was long into twilight by now, meaning there was only a few minutes of light left. >You move slowly through the garage and stop just before entering the street. >There was a single zombie standing in your way. >After several minutes, you determine that he isn't going anywhere. >You need a distraction. >Searching at your hooves, you find a small pile of empty tin cans. >This could work. >You levitate one close, wind up, and hurl it down the street, past the zombie, and away from you. >The zombie doesn't seem to take notice, so you wind up a second and toss it down the street. >The can clatters along the road, this time drawing the zombie's attention. >It starts to walk in the direction of the noise. >You're not totally clear yet, but now's as good a chance as ever. >Instead of galloping across the street and bring the zombie back, possibly with friends, you crouch and slowly walk, careful to not clop your hooves to the road so hard. >You freeze when you think he's about to turn around. >The zombie sniffs the air, allowing you to keep hurrying along. >You duck behind the corner of the hospital and wait. >The last bit of sunlight is already fading. >Three... Two... One... >The moon had already been high in the sky as day turned to night at last. >Visibility was low, but you could still see after you eyes adjust to the dark. >Creeping back around front, you peer in through the glass panes in the front lobby of the hospital. >There's nothing you can find, however. >And the you just barely manage to spot a cardboard box behind the counter. >There has to be something in there, you think to yourself. >Procuring your crowbar from a loop on your backpack, you opt to make this as quick as possible. >The shattering glass will no doubt attract all nearby zeds. >You hold the crowbar at the ready with your telekinesis. >One... >Gulp. >Two... >Close your eyes and look away. >Three! >The crowbar hits, but doesn't break the window. >Studying the damage, you come to the conclusion that you didn't hit it hard enough. >Take a quick look around. >Still clear. >You tap the glass even harder. >Harder. >A small crack. >You wind up your crowbar and, with physical forward momentum of your own body, propel the tool through the glass with you. >The glass shatters down around you and is loud as heck! >You quickly jump to your hooves and run and dive behind the counter as nearby zombies race over to investigate the noise. >Their grunts and growls intimidate you as you open the box you came for and quickly sift through it. >More bandages that you stuff into your pack. >Another box of painkillers couldn't hurt in case you or someone else is injured. >Perhaps your new friend could do with some? >Some large tubular needles are also sitting in the box, colored yellow and white. >Yellow tubes read 'Epinephrin Auto-Injector'. >White reads 'Morphine Auto-Injector'. >That's the one you came for. >You cram it into your pack and ready to bolt. >The plan is to chuck the crowbar through another pane of glass for an escape and haul flank back to the store. >Countdown... and...! >You give a sharp warcry as you jump up on top of the counter and attempt to hurl your missle when you cut yourself off quickly. >Where did all the zombies go? >You were certain there was like... at least four around. >Could they have been distracted by something else and ran off? >Whatever the case may be, you opt to go silent once more and decide not to lose your only means of defense just yet. >You check around the hospital lobby just to be sure everything is gone. >Sure enough, your suspicions are correct. >You tip-toe back through the broken window and across the street. >You have a feeling that zombies can't see that well at night as they surely should have spotted you. >Especially that one that was just a few yards down the street from you. >You think about this as you retrace your steps back to the store. >Past the church, across another street, through the backyard lot, into the corner cafe, and finally across one last street. >You sneak up to the front door and whisper inside. "Psst! Are you still here?" >"Here," calls the man in a low voice. >A slight crack is heard and a soft green light illuminates the corner that he was still sitting in. >You slip inside without being noticed by any roaming zombies and move over to the man to offer you assistance. >"Did you get the morphine?" he asked. "Right here," you answer, levitating the auto-injector from your pack and into his hands. >He pops the cap, revealing an unnervingly large needle. >With a flinch from you, he stabs himself in the leg, releasing the meds into his body. >"Ahh~" he coos. "How- How's the leg?" you ask. >"Feeling better already," he says with a smile. "I brought you some extra painkillers just in case," you tell him, offering up a box. >"Nice. Couldn't hurt to take some," he says as he pops a few in his mouth. "Here's your crowbar back," you say, holding out the tool. >He waved a hand dismissively. >"Nah. Keep it. I bet you whacked some zeds good, huh?" he chuckled. >You humored him with a "Yeah," and a nervous chuckle yourself although that wasn't true. "So," you start. "I was wondering if you would travel together with me? I was also hoping you'd have a map I could take a look at." >"A map? No. Traveling together?" >He seemed to think about it for a moment and then smiled. >"Yeah, I can do that." "Great! When will you be ready to go?" >"Right now, actually," he said as he slowly rose to his feet. "You want to lead the way, though? My leg's still pretty bum." "No problem. Anything to help someone in need." >The man pulls his pistol from his holster, causing you to flinch. >He drops his empty magazine and waves it at you once more to calm you down. >With a nod, you start walking to the store front. >The man pulls the slide back just a bit to check the chamber; releasing it with a *click*. >He smiles deviously as he levels it towards the back of your head and cocks the hammer. "So I was thinking, maybe we should go back to the-" >A shot rang out, hurting your ears and causing you to scream in fear. >You drop to the floor and cover your eyes with your hooves. >Three more shots ring out, forcing you to cover your ears instead of your eyes. >Zombies scream and wail from outside as you're sure they are converging on your position. "Why did you do-!" >When you stand and look back at your compatriot, you find him lying on the floor with a river of blood flowing slowly to your hooves. >You scream again. >Then suddenly, you spot another man emerge from darkness that was the back of the shop. >The stock room and loading bay. >He wore a ushanka and was leveling a revolver of some kind at your face. >"Брось оружие!" he shouts in a foreign dialect. >You recognize the language but can't understand him. "I don't speak Russian!" you plea, holding your crowbar before you in hopes that it can somehow protect you. >"Брось!" he shouts again. "No Russian!" >He stayed stoic and motionless as he kept his sights trained on you. >"Английский? English?" he asked with a more calm voice but carrying a heavy accent. "Yes!" you answer. >"Пони? Pony?" "Yes! Yes! Don't shoot!" you plea. >He slowly nods his head and holsters his weapon. >Pointing at you, then making a drinking motion, he asks, "Можете ли вы дать мне эту соду?" >You step back and accidentally kick a can of Coca-Cola, sending it rolling to the wall behind you. >You nod quickly and toss it over to him with magic. >He smiles with a "Спасибо," as he pops he top and takes a deep drink. >All at once, he finally notices the closing zombies at the store front and draws his revolver once more. >"Приходите! Приходите!" he urges with a hand motion for you to follow him. >You really don't trust this guy, especially after he just murdered your friend, but you fear what will happen to you if those zombies got a hold of you. >The Russian ran back through the doorway from which he appeared from. >You hurry to follow, but the corpse of your last aquaintance blocks your path. >Hopping over him, you are sickened and a shiver goes up your spine when you accidentally step in a puddle of his still-warm blood. >You force it form your mind and follow the Russian out through the double doors of the small loading dock. >He runs a left through the allery next to the store and rushes across the street to an open garage like you found earlier. >You check to make sure the coast is clear, but are forced to run when a zombie spots you regardless. >The Russian turns into the back door of the corner cafe that you passed through earlier and ran up the stairs. >You are forced to follow lest you become zombie chow. >Turn around at the top of the stairs, to the wall, and a left. >Follow it all the way down to a bedroom. >Inside, you find a tent among other odds and ends. >Why there's a tent inside of a house with a bed eludes you, but it's there. >The Russian sifts through a piles of empty glass bottles. >Turning up nothing, he lets out a depressed sigh and takes a seat on the futon, removing his ushanka to reveal a short head of hair. >You just happen to look over to the window and notice that you get a perfect view of the store front from here. >In fact, you could see the glow stick that you acquaintance had! >He knew you two were in there! >The fact that he was staking the place out creeps you out to no end. >You stamp a hoof on the hoof in an attempt to demand attention. >The Russian simply lifts his head and raises an eyebrow at you. "Alright buddy!" >You raise your crowbar to appear more intimidating. "You tell me why you shot my friend over there or else!" >The Russian still looks at you quizzically before his gaze turns toward the window. >A realization comes over him. >"That man," he starts. "Was very bad man. Kill many nice guy. I stop him from hurting you." >He spoke slowly, but it was still hard for him to make out the words and for you to understand entirely. "You lie! We were friends! He wasn't even armed!" >He puts a finger to his lips to hudh you and then shakes his head. >"I see bullet in gun. I see him point at you. I save you." "The gun was empty!" >"I see bullet in gun. Magazine empty, but bullet in gun." >You open your mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. >No way someone could do something as evil as that. >Especially after you helped them, right? >"Правило номер один," says the Russian, getting your attention. >He held one finger up. >"Trust no one." >You ears go flat as you think about how easily you were just fooled. >But his words seep in. >'Trust no one'. >But he saved you, so can you trust him? >The Russian rises off of the bed he was sitting on and goes over to the tent. >He pulls out two glass bottles before coming back to his seat and placing one on the floor in front of you. >Reading the label shows it to be some brand of vodka. >"Welcome to Elektrogorsk," he says as he takes a swig of his drink. ----------------------- 16409694 Fucking hell, google removed the Instant Extended API option in the chrome://flags page. Now I need to use the retarded new tab page that caters to the lowest common denominator by adding a SECOND search bar right under the omni, and shrinking the size of my most use webpage links the half of what they were before. "I blame you chrome, you worthless piece of shit!" >"But master, I only run the latest stable release from google. I don't have any say in what happens!" "I don't want to fucking hear it, Chrome! It was fine the way it was- better even. What retard came up with this shit!?" >"M-Master please calm down... L-Look, you can use the new search bar in the page to-" "DO I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING SENILE 90 YEAR OLD MAN WHO CAN'T FIGURE OUT TO FUCKING USE THE SEARCH BAR AT THE TOP?" >"N-No master-" "THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU TREATING ME LIKE ONE, CHROME?" >"I- You just- If you would please-" "No, fuck this I don't want to hear any more bullshit. Get outside." >"W-What?" "Am I a fucking mute? I said for you to get outside!" >"But... It's raining..." "And?" >"And-" "..." >"Yes, master..." >*Sniff* >"Stupid Google, always pushing updates that no one wants... >I... I wish he was never my father!" [spoiler]>I.... I wish I was useful again...[/spoiler] ... "Little one, it's raining, why don't you come inside to your home?" >*sniff* "Are you... are you crying?" >"I-I was a bad pony... I h-have disappointed m-my master..." "Hey, hey, come on, don't say such a silly things... what happened?" >"My master... he said I am w-worthless... piece of shit... M-My new search bar... *sob* he doesn't like it..." "What a faggot... Don't listen to him, sweetie, you are the fastest and the best browser pony. And I think you will feel better with me". >"I-I don't know, he is just a-angry..." "I'm not going to let him treat you like a trash again, come with me" >"B-But master..." "Hey, Chrome". >"...?" "Your new search bar is awesome". >"*sniff* I-I..." "I have a 60 litre keg of Mountain Dew in my fridge" >"DEAL!" ----------------------- 16441818 >Be a pony >Wake up >Looks like some unknown part of Equestria >Walk out of forest area >See big city >Take two steps towards civilization >See apes walking around >Inhale >Die by ape germs >Some ape finds your corpse >Brings you back to life >You're machine now >He uses you to look up porn >Bad End ----------------------- 16530762 >Be anon browsing /mlp/ in your bedroom >You hear something fluttering around in your living room. >Another bird must have flown through the window while airing out your house of the weed smoke. >This was not the first time you had a bird fly into your shitty apartment. >The chair creaks with relief as you lift your fat ass up to grab a broom from the hall closet. >Suddenly, you catch a glimpse of the little blue intruder racing around your living room like an epileptic nascar racer, dodging lamps and furniture and whatnot. >This little fucker was fast. >You begin to wonder why you have so many lamps. >But then you begin to picture how fun it would be to tie a string to it's little leg and fly it around like a kite. >You finally snap out of your sadistic thoughts and start going full nigger on this bird. >You lead your shot and you spear the little fucker with the broom, smashing it between the bristles and the wall. >The broom and the bird falls behind the couch, so you quickly climb up onto the couch and reach behind it to claim your kill. >You feel something trying to squirm away from your hand. Oh no you don't! >You grab it and discover that it's small and furry, but you pull it out to find that your little intruder is not a bird, but in fact a fist sized version of filly Rainbow Dash. >She stares at you with those large violet eyes, full of fear. >She seems to be alright, aside from the disheveled mane. >You continue inspecting her face. >In moments, her face goes from fearful to curious. >No fucking way! >A pony in your domain? >You flip her around, inspecting every inch of her to see if she is the real deal. >Her powerful wings. >Her mane. >for some reason she smells like skittles. >[spoiler]That ass![/spoi;er] >She is. >Except for the lack of a cutie mark and the fact that she is merely a filly. >No matter you can make do with this. >you were never good with children. >You used to babysit an old family friends kid. >Except you were not too fond of that little shit. >At this point, she begins squirming in your hand. >Her wings beating fruitlessly against your grasp. >Nope, not going to happen. >Especially since this is your once in a lifetime chance of getting to be with dash. >It would be best not to freak her out any more than you already have. >Especially since you chucked a fucking broom at her. >Dick. >After several futile attempts at escaping your grasp, she finally tires out. >Well, maybe not. >Minutes pass, but no avail. >She did everything from biting, to screaming obscenities. You done? >"No! Just you wait. I will be out of here in no time." >Determination was strong in this one. Well, would it hurt to explain how you got into my house. Or... this world? >"Hmph, maybe I don't want to. For all I know, you could have been the one who trapped me here!" >You sigh and begin scratching the back of your head. So you didn't fly through that open window over there and start wreaking havoc in my living room? >"I-uh...Wait window?" She follows your pointed finger to the one window you had in your living room, staring at it in disbelief. >Seriously, how could she miss that? >"I um... I knew that." >God, she has the worst poker face. Anyways, My name is Anon. >"Rainbow Dash!" She says, puffing out her chest. "The fastest flyer in Equestria! Don't forget that!" >Already knew that... Anyways, Dash, welcome to Earth. You can stay with me if you would like. >"Are you kidding? Don't think I haven't forgotten that you whacked me with a broom!" >Oh come the fuck on! I thought you were a bird considering how small you are. The damned things just fly right in through the window. It was getting ridiculous! >And there were no survivors! >"Well, I forgive you monkey boy." Does that mean you'll take me up on my offer? >"Eh, why not. It's starting to get pretty dark anyways." >Yes! >You're her god now!!! >But, She's right. >It is already six in the afternoon and the sun has already set behind the cities horizon. >You finally settle yourself over onto the couch and set her down onto the coffee table. >She arches her back and stretches her wings, almost like how a cat would. >You begin opening and closing your fingers, feeling them stick together whenever they made contact. Ugh, why the fuck am I all sticky? >"Oh, that. I uh... Well, I woke up in a box of rainbow candy over there. Took me forever to escape." >She points over to the box of skittles on the kitchen table you bought a couple days ago and forgot about. >Upon closer inspection, you could see the faint little rainbow spots on her sky blue fur. >Well that simply won't do. >There is no way in fuck you are going to let some tiny horse track that shit all over your carpet. >She needs to be cleansed. Come on dash, we should go clean you up. >"Aww, come on Anon, do I really have to?" Yes Dash, if you get that shit anywhere it's going to attract ants. >"I am a guest here Anon. You shouldn't boss your guests around!" >Oh fuck no. >She did not just play that fucking card. Dash, I am asking you nicely. >"No!" Da- >"No, No, NO! I hate baths Anon! Hate em." Well I fucking hate ants! >You finally had enough of this shit and you reach down to grab her, but she speeds off into the air. >Fuck, not this shit again. >She was fast, but not fast enough. >She bolts for the open window. >You whip off your shit, ball it up, and hurl it at the speeding pegasus. >The shirt flops open and falls in front of Dash, entangling her. >The shirt drags her to the floor and you quickly retrieve her, closing the window to ensure a second attempt is impossible. >"Hey, no fair!" she yells from her cotton prison. Sorry dash, but you'll thank me later for this. >You spin around and head for the bathroom. >"Nooooooo." Rainbow dash wails, her wings flailing around in the shirt. >It's actually kind of funny to see. >You reach the bathroom and close the door behind you. >The moment you open the shirt, she flies up and hovers as close to the ceiling as possible. >No matter. >The bathroom was small and you could easily reach the ceiling. >She is not going anywhere. >You fill the sink with soap and water. Come on Dash, a bath is not that bad. >"Yes it is! Bathwater killed my parents!" >... Oh, don't give me that shit. >You reach up to snatch dash out of the air, but the tiny pegasus swiftly slips through your fingers. >"I am allergic to soap!" >You sigh and grab the windex bottle from under the sink. >It wouldn't be wise to spray somebody with chemicals, but you recall filling the bottle with water because you are a cheap fuck who can't afford to buy a new bottle of glass cleaner. >But when it comes to the environment, your excuses are justified. >You start firing streams of water at the ceiling hoping to get a lucky shot at the midget horse. >This was your territory, and she was forced into tight maneuvers and swift dives. >She swoops in for the bar of soap in the shower and banks hard right, swooping in for a shallow dive bomb. >But she doesn't drop her load. >Instead, She buzzes your head, forcing you to fall on your ass and whack your head against the door. >With you low to the ground, she has full aerial dominance. >You keep firing, leading your shots, but your efforts were fruitless. >She loops up and over the shower curtain rod and goes for a steep dive. >You cannon unleashes hell into the violent skies, promising death the aerial swine. >But the blue demon was swift and relentless. >Her dive was too fast and too steep. >She was hellbent on bringing forth your inevitable destruction. >You bunker down and keep firing. >This is it. >This is the end. >She releases her payload, and you brace for impact. >It hits... >Right in your dick. >Agonized grunts escape your lips as you massage the pain out of your member. >The strike to the groin wasn't as bad as you thought, but getting hit in the dick was no laughing matter. >Full Damage control has been initiated. >You slide your hand down your pants to check on your boys. >One, >Two... >[spoiler]Three.[/spoiler] >And the big D is still alive and kicking. >Good. >Your hand retreats and you sit yourself up to asses the damage. >Water was everywhere. >Shampoo bottles were littered all over the floor. >Great, another mess to clean. >Sigh >This is bullshit. >You look over to rainbow dash, who was tending to the damaged feathers on her wings. >Again, she came out of it unharmed, but it looks like she wasn't going to be flying for a while. >While she was distracted, you pick her up by the tail, causing her to yelp. >She kicked and flailed around before accepting defeat. >There was no defeating the giant monkey. >She now dangles inches from the warm bubbly water in the sink. >She pulls her legs as close to her body as she could, looking back up at you with pleading eyes >"Please Anon..." >Your face remains stoic, and not a second later, you drop her into the soapy water. >She flails around in the water for a moment, but relaxes once the warm water soaks into her fur. >Fucking finally! >You grab and old toothbrush and begin cleansing the filthy horse. >You never really bothered to throw it away anyways. >Might as well put it to good use. >You had to switch from brush to rag, rinse and repeat. >Everything went smoothly, though there were some points where she hesitated. >Well, that is until you took a good look at her ass. >Yes, there was a big red candy splotch smack dab on her inner thigh. >Right next to her tiny little vagina. >Great Just... >Fucking... >Gah! >It finally had to come to this. >You stare down the blotch on her ass, knowing this is a challenge that you just cannot face. >You have already cleaned the rest of her. >Oh man, what are you going to do. >Celestia herself would banish you to the sun and Luna would drive her bicycle of nightmares so far up your ass that not even Ash Williams could save you from the demons that will forever rape your eye sockets while you sleep. >But... >Would you really let that little bitch win? >After all the shit you went through to get this little fucker clean? >No way. You are not turning back down now! >She needs to be clean. >SHE NEEDS TO BE PURGED OF THE FILTH THAT SHE CAST UNTO THYSELF! >SHE NEEDS TO BE... >CLEANSED! >A few quick wipes with the rag and the deed is done. >You are tense. >But dash doesn't seem to notice. >She doesn't really seem to respond to you cleaning her ass. >Well that was anti-climactic... >"Hey Anon, A-are you done now? Can I get out of the bath?" >Silence. >You flip her around, checking your work. >You lift her wings and spread her feathers. >All good here. >When your eyes wander downward, Dash freezes up, legs pressed tightly against her body. >She sees exactly where your eyes were looking. >She's aware of your intentions. >She is once again stricken with fear. >Her eyes the size of pinpricks. >When was the last time she washed her hooves? >You slowly reach over for the old tooth brush, not taking your eyes of the shaking filly's hooves. >"Anon, no. Please. Not like this!" The filly pleads. >There was no stopping you now. >She starts squirming, trying to squeeze her way out from your clutches. >It was useless. >"NO! Please Anon! Not my hooves! Anything but my hooves! I'll be good little filly! I promise!" >You say nothing. >Your focus was on those damn kicking hooves. >She was damn near impossible to work with when your hands are full, and you can't let her go, or she'll run off again. >Wings or no wings. >You sit down on the toilet, pinning rainbow dash between your knees, belly up. >Now you have a free hand. >You grasp one of her forelegs between your fingers and slowly extend it, bringing the brush closer to her little shaking hoof. >"I WILL SUCK YOUR DICK IF YOU LET ME GO!!!" Dash squeals! >GOOD FUCKING LORD, RAPE ME WITH A FENCE POST!!! THIS HERESY SHALL NOT GO UNPUNISHED!!! >"NOOOOOOOO!" >Then, you unleash your brutal war cry, scrubbing the fuck out of that little hoof. >Since the moment the brush made contact, a torrent of piss and shit was unleashed all over your lap. >You only stare in shock at the rancid mess while Dash covered her face to hide her tears. >Her embarrassment was beyond measure. Whaaaat the fuck... >You couldn't move. >You don't want to move. >It was getting everywhere. >You could feel the disgusting concoction slip between your legs and onto the toilet lid, then onto the floor. >How could suck a tiny pony hold so much shit. >It even pooled around dash, staining her tail and rainbow mane. >It's even getting in the cyan fur that you spent so much time cleaning. >Fucking Rainbow Dash! ----------------------- 16550621 >"Anon, what's this?" "Whats what, Chrome?" >"This thing here, I think it... tingles..." "This?" >"Yeah, what is it?" "...That's your vagina, Chrome." >"O-Oh... Umm, what does it do?" "Well, in nature it's used for mating and reproduction, though in humans it's often used for pleasure." >"Huh. And what exactly is this 'pleasure'"? "P-Pleasure? Uh, it's usually the sexual stimulation of the reprod- Chrome? Chrome get off me." >"Nuh-uh." "Ch-Chrome! What do you think you're- *zzzip* Wait wait wait wait wait stop I don't want- Heh, wow. You're actually pretty good at that." >"Mhhhffff-mmmmm." ----------------------- 16567892 >You set everything up at the table. Some Foster's beer, some steaks, and a Snake Salad. "Perfect." >The wonderful Princess Bradley just made in time for supper, Bradley walks in and hangs her boomerang on the coat rack. >"What are you doing?" "I'm made an Australian dinner to show you how much I love you!" >She stares right at the cans. >"Fosters. Why?" "I heard it's the-" >"It's shit!" >A lazer beam shoots at the can which flies out the window then comes right back in. >"Goddammit!" >She kicks the table and the can explode getting beer everywhere in the room. Some of it managed to get in her eyes. >"Aaaahhh! My eyes!" "Quickly! Let's rinse it out!" >You guide her to the sink and wash out the beer. "Wait, I thought Australians were strong against pain." >"Fire beats fire-er in this case Aussie beats Aussie." "Ah, okay.... You didn't have to make a big fuss over a little beer." >Bradley stares right into your soul with her red eyes. She whistles and you hear someone jumping. >Suddenly your door breaks apart revealinga kangaroo. It kicks you into the wall and picks you up. >The roo takes you away inside its pouch to the Roo sex dungeons. >Bad End ----------------------- 16598015 >"Anon?" "Yeah, Pillow Case?" >"Is... Is the world going to end?" "The world won't end, Humans are too stubborn for that." >"But what about us ponies?" "What about you? You think that we'd leave you?" >"No, it's just that... I... I..." "Hey now, don't cry..." >"I don't want to die Anon! I don't want you, or me, or S-Strawberry, or- or- >You look to the tv. The EAS is still going off. >17 of them had been detected so far. >Who knows how many more are out there. >NATO has already launched it's response. >Just a matter of time now. "Come on, get away from that window, let's get downstairs." >"O-Okay..." >You lead the crying pony to your basement, a small pile of cans of food lie by the door. "Okay, you remember what to do, right?" >"D-Duck and c-c-cover..." "Right, now take my hand." >"A-Anon?" "Yeah?" >"I'm scared." "So am I. But I know it'll be okay. We have food, we're relatively remote, we can survive." >"D-Do you think the others made it in time?" "Yeah, they had a good head start." >"Th-that's good." >Just then, the tv goes out. >All you can hear is static. "You ready?" >She nods. "Alright, on three. One. Two. Thr ----------------------- 16601715 Sir Arthur, King of the Britons, was riding about the countryside to find knights worthy of his quest to obtain the Holy Grail. It should be noted that Sir Arthur lacks a horse at this moment. His faithful manservant, Patsy, was simulating the noise of a horse's hooves using the halves of a coconut of indeterminate origin.This gave his king the auditory component of the experience whilst Arthur skipped gaily through the meadows and pantomimed the use of reins. To put the previous paragraph in more succinct terms, he looked rather silly. This did not bother Sir Arthur, King of the Britons. His vast intellect was occupied with much more important matters, such as "What is that white object on a distant hill?" Said object had just caught his eye and immediately intrigued Sir Arthur. "Whoa!" Sir Arthur, King of the Britons cried, signaling Patsy to cease his imitations. The pair skidded to a halt. "What is it, m'lord?" his faithful manservant inquired. Sir Arthur, King of the Britons pointed towards the object. "Do you see that, Patsy?" "Yes, m'lord," Patsy replied, "I can't make out what it is." "It radiates as I'd expect of a holy relic. Come, we shall see if I needn't enlist other knights after all!" And so the pair began their brief journey towards the mysterious white object on the distant hilltop. Patsy faithfully resumed his striking of the halves of coconut so that his master may continue to feel as though he was riding on horseback. The distance was great, so Patsy began to think. Normally, this would be an extraordinary feat for an unwashed peasant such as Patsy, but through the grace of God, Sir Arthur, King of the Britons, recipient of Excalibur, abuser of commas, has an aura about him that inspires and elevates lesser men. And thus, Patsy was capable of thought. His mind wandered. What if the quest really was this easy? What then? "M'lord?" Patsy asked uncertainly, continuing to beat the coconut against itself. "Speak, Patsy," Sir Arthur, King of the Britons replied, "Your voice betrays that your mind is troubled." "It's just..." Patsy paused, unsure of whether the question was worth asking, "What if that's the Grail you seek? What will we do if this quest should end here? What shall we do with the Grail?" "Now, now, Patsy," Sir Arthur, King of the Britons reassured, "I'm sure we are more than capable of occupying ourselves. Mayhaps we should seek the knights afterwards, that they may be available for a future quest. As for the Grail, we shall be responsible Christians and return it to the Clergy... when they come to ask for it." "What do you mean, m'lord?" Patsy asked. "I mean to say that I shall do Communion with it prior to its return," Sir Arthur, King of the Britons replied, "Only the best wine should be used with our Lord's Grail." "But that's not what I meant, m'lord. Aren't we Anglicans?" Patsy stammered, "By right, that Grail is Yours and Yours alone!" "No," Sir Arthur, King of the Britons replied, "Protestantism isn't to start for another few hundred years. We shall have to return it to its rightful owners." "Ahhh..." A wave of realization brought about by Sir Arthur, King of the Britons crashed over Patsy and cleansed him of all confusion. "My mistake, m'lord. I just thought that... you know... Brits... Christianity..." "Yes, I can see where that conclusion may have come from." Sir Arthur, King of the Britons chuckled at his manservant's attempts at reasoning, then commanded in a stern tone, "Be still thine lips, now. We approach the item of our search. It will be just beyond this hill's crest." Sir Arthur, King of the Britons, slowed his stride as he rose over the top of the crest. Patsy softened the blows of the coconut in coordination with his master's motions, emulating the sound of a trot. As they approached the object they had seen earlier, it became much clearer to see. Sir Arthur, King of the Britons, could feel his jaw drop. He assumed from the sound behind him that Patsy's might have fallen clean off due to leprosy. They had chanced upon a beautiful white Unicorn with a curled, purple mane. Sir Arthur, King of the Britons, could not believe his luck- nay, the blessing bestowed upon him! A true Unicorn! It must be a sign! Would the Lord truly drop such a prize into his lap? Perhaps not. His immaculate mind began to devise a plan. "Patsy," He turned towards his manservant and whispered, noting with disappointment that Patsy's jaw was still attached and the coconut had fallen in its stead, "Patsy, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity! A real Unicorn!" Patsy finally regained his wits enough to think. "'S a lot shorter than I thought they'd be." He commented. "That matters not! Do you not realize the significance of this?" Sir Arthur, King of the Britons questioned with great urgency. He glanced towards the Unicorn. It hadn't spared a look in Sir Arthur's direction. Good. Patsy tapped his forefinger to his chin "...It means that we may have found a creature with such great magicks as to be miraculous, irreparably undermining Christianity by creating a new religion with a living Prophet, so we should burn it as a witch?" "No, you fool!" Sir Arthur, King of the Britons, whispered through grated teeth "It means I have finally found a proper mount! I shall capture and ride it, and it will be magnificent!" "That works too. Does this mean I get your horse?" Patsy questioned, gesturing to the coconut on the ground. "Of course. Come, we shall pray for my success in capturing this majestic beast." Sir Arthur, King of the Britons said as he knelt. Sir Arthur, King of the Britons, said a short prayer under his breath, "O Lord, our God in Heaven, Hallowed be thy Name, give me the swiftness and kindness I require to capture this beast and raise it as my own, presuming it is not fully grown. If it is fully grown, then I humbly request it grow to fit my frame so it may be useful and inspiring as a steed could possibly be under your Grace, Amen." "Amen." Patsy echoed. "Right," Sir Arthur, King of the Britons said as he rose, "I think that's enough for a Unicorn. Let's have a go." Sir Arthur, King of the Britons looked up the hill to his prize. It still hadn't turned in his direction, too distracted by the meal of grass below it to be concerned with much else. This was Sir Arthur's chance. He crept up the hill behind it and prepared to pounce, noticing a strange marking resembling crystals on the Unicorn's rump. Sir Arthur spared no time. He leapt with all of his speed. In that moment, the Unicorn turned and saw him. The creature had beautiful blue eyes. Its mouthful of grass dropped free as the apparently intelligent creature realized what it had allowed to happen. Sir Arthur, King of the Britons, sprang onto the beast's back in a manner that would accustom it to being ridden, should it not throw him off. This proved easier than Sir Arthur expected. The diminutive creature's legs buckled beneath his weight. Sir Arthur could swear upon his crown that he heard the creature say "oof!" in a most feminine voice. "Ha ha! The Unicorn is mine!" Sir Arthur, King of the Britons exclaimed. "Unhand me, you brute!" a very cultured-sounding and ladylike voice demanded. It was very close. That was odd. Sir Arthur, King of the Britons, was certain he would have noticed if another person was on the hilltop with him, let alone a damsel in need of rescue. He looked around just to be sure. "Are you deaf? Let go of me!" the voice demanded again. Sir Arthur, King of the Britons, realized that the voice was impossibly close. There wasn't another living thing on the hilltop except for the Unicorn, so that must mean... Sir Arthur, King of the Britons banished the thought. After a moment, the Unicorn ceased its struggles. Sir Arthur, King of the Britons, had thoroughly conquered it. Sir Arthur looked down at his prize. His prize looked back at him with its stark blue eyes which were full of anger. "Are you attempting to ride me?!" the Unicorn's mouth moved in time with the words. Impossible! Sir Arthur, King of the Britons found himself dumbstruck for several seconds. "You speak?!" Sir Arthur, King of the Britons said in shock "Yes," the Unicorn replied, indignant, "I speak. I would like to be out from beneath your armoured rear, if you please!" "I'm afraid I can't do that." Sir Arthur, King of the Britons said, crossing his arms "Why not?" Pleaded the Unicorn. "I have claimed you as my steed," Sir Arthur, King of the Britons, stated, "You are now my property." The She-Unicorn could not reply, merely sputter half-words and other such gibberish. Sir Arthur, King of the Britons, graced this beast with time enough to collect its thoughts. The gift of speech returned to the Unicorn. "I- but- You can't do this to me!" the Unicorn proclaimed, "Just who do you think you are?!" "I am Sir Arthur, King of the Britons!" announced the person who just made this line redundant. "Oh, so you're a king, are you?" the Unicorn interrogated, "For royalty, you haven't the faintest idea how to treat a lady!" "You are not a lady," Sir Arthur, King of the Britons said firmly, "You are a wild beast within my kingdom, and therefore you are my property. Submit so I may tame you." "I am indeed a lady!" The Unicorn exclaimed, "Beasts do not speak or reason. As you can see, I am doing both." Drat. The Unicorn had a point. It also had excellently styled hair. Sir Arthur, King of the Britons, saw through this near-flawless argument with expert wit. "A true lady would have turned to face me and curtsied the moment she noticed my presence." stated Sir Arthur, King of the Britons. "Besides, the question of what is and is not a beast is philosophical in nature. I've already broken fiction to address time period discrepancies related to the Renaissance once today, and I wish not to do so again." Sir Arthur, King of the Britons, twisted 'round to call down to his manservant. "Isn't that right, Patsy?" Sir Arthur, King of the Britons inquired. "Yes, m'lord!" Patsy responded, "I thought we were Anglicans a few minutes ago!" Sir Arthur, King of the Britons, turned back to the Unicorn expecting triumph. "To address your points in order," the audacious Unicorn replied, "I am currently being crushed by a large, armoured man and I am unable to turn myself to face him. I also lack a dress to curtsie. I suppose we shall simply agree not to agree on your final point due to your extenuating circumstances." This Unicorn was a quick-witted one. Quite dangerous, even for the likes of Sir Arthur, King of the Britons. Regardless, Sir Arthur would allow the Unicorn to behave as it believed it was supposed to. He was being rather un-chivalrous to something that was at least attempting to behave like a lady. Perhaps he could coax it into his possession if he allowed a few of its demands to be met. "You make excellent points, fair Unicorn," said Sir Arthur, King of the Britons, "I shall release some of my weight from you so you may turn to face me." Sir Arthur, King of the Britons did so in his grace. The Unicorn rolled onto its back. "And what of my dress?" asked the Unicorn. Patsy called out before Sir Arthur, King of the Britons could speak. "M'lord, I'm carrying a few of yours. Perhaps she could borrow one?" "I'd prefer not to, Patsy," Sir Arthur, King of the Britons replied, "I have neither the time nor patience to re-fit my private collection to this creature's form. We shall acquire others." "Ah," mused the Unicorn, "Perhaps you aren't so bad after all. Anyone with a dress collection must at least possess the beginnings of a sense of style." Victory! Sir Arthur, King of the Britons, had finally gained leverage over his equine conquest. "Will you submit to me now, Unicorn?" Sir Arthur, King of the Britons questioned. "Ooh," winced the Unicorn, "Submit is such an ugly word. I'd much prefer that we come to an agreement." "Very well, then," Sir Arthur, King of the Britons, seeing no harm in a simple change of terms, "We shall come to an agreement. I believe it is only fair that I dictate all terms of this agreement." "But of course!" the Unicorn chimed, "Your lineage entitles you to authority, and even so I believe you will find I'm quite generous." At last! The Unicorn is getting it! Sir Arthur, King of the Britons, need only make this 'agreement' official before he can completely claim his prize. Sir Arthur puffed out his chest, raised his chin, and closed his eyes in triumph. "Thus begin the formal terms of our agreement," Sir Arthur, King of the Britons began "You are to-" "I refuse all of your terms!" the Unicorn interrupted, speaking so fast that all of her words seemed to mix together into a giggling noise. Sir Arthur, King of the Britons, did not have a chance to voice his surprise. He opened his eyes to the Unicorn bending forward, its front hooves rapidly approaching Sir Arthur's chest. He was knocked off and tumbled gracefully downhill. Sir Arthur, King of the Britons, found himself prostrated in a puddle of the finest British mud. This must be a misunderstanding, thought Sir Arthur. Sir Arthur had been so close to acquiring the Unicorn! Sir Arthur decides to exercise his God-given patience. "Madame Unicorn," Sir Arthur, King of the Britons said as he wiped mud from his face and stood, "I do believe it is sensible to know terms of an agreement before refusing them outright!" "Why would I ever come to an agreement with you?" inquired the Unicorn gleefully as it stood atop the hill, "I already know that you'd have me stay within your kingdom. The cuisine here is terrible, the weather is dreadful, and the fashion here is lackluster at best! As the locals say, 'it's shite all around!'" The beast has the nerve to insult Sir Arthur, King of the Britons' kingdom? This will not stand! "You will take your words back immediately, Unicorn," commanded Sir Arthur, King of the Britons, "or I will be forced to handle you like the honourless beast you clearly are!" Sir Arthur, King of the Britons, drew the enchanted blade of Excalibur from its scabbard for emphasis. Patsy rushed to replace Sir Arthur's crown, which had come off during the fall. "You'll have to catch me first!" teased the Unicorn. She immediately darted off the opposite side of the hill. "Patsy, prepare the horse." Ordered Sir Arthur, King of the Britons. Patsy retrieved both halves of coconut. The chase was on. Patsy clapped the halves of coconut together as his master skipped over the hill. The Unicorn had waited for them to show before it fled once more, trotting ahead of Sir Arthur, King of the Britons at a nearly equal pace. "Halt, beast!" Cried Sir Arthur, King of the Britons, swinging Excalibur above his head with his right hand as his left controlled the reins of his mount. "In the name of Britain I command you to halt!" This amused the Unicorn greatly. She giggled aloud. Sir Arthur, King of the Britons wasn't gaining on her at all. "J'espère que le roi français n'est pas aussi ridicule," singsonged the Unicorn to her pursuer, "Oh, et votre couronne ressemble à papier d'étain utilisé pour fabriquer des couches pour les éléphants!" she added. Sir Arthur, King of the Britons that sound. His magnificent mind recognized it in an instant. It was French. French! Sir Arthur, King of the Britons was filled with righteous rage. Sir Arthur swung Excalibur to hack the beast apart. His swing went wide. Excalibur lodged itself in the soil, tripping Sir Arthur. He fell upon his royal face once more. "If you ever visit France," called the Unicorn as she crested another hill, "tell them how you met Madame Rarity, the Unicorn!" Sir Arthur, King of the Britons, pushed himself onto his feet. "Shall we continue the chase, m'lord?" asked Patsy. Sir Arthur, King of the Britons glared at the unicorn as it blew a raspberry at him from the hill. "Bugger that." He muttered. ----------------------- 16648609 >Day on earth >Be LeStrange >Suddenly ponnies >Ponnies everywhere >Find apple horse >She is best waifu >Ask her out. >Applehorse turns and bucks you right in your groin >Kneel over >Applehorse grabs small Applehorse with her and runs away. >tfw no Applejack gf because she knows better than to talk to dangerous [spoiler]Le[/spoiler]Strangers. ----------------------- 16733734 >Today has been a glorious day so far. >You woke up quite early, got a few of your morning cleaning duties done, and even had time to make breakfast. >All before you usually wake up. >There's a plate of steamy pancakes in front of you. >... They look really good. >Maybe you could just eat a few, then... >No, you should probably wake her up first. >She loves every moment you spend together, you probably shouldn't hold out on her. >These pancakes will have to wait for Leo to wake up. >Leo is your... roommate, best friend, marefriend... >Well, she insists your dating, but you've only really known her for a month. And when she first said the two of you were dating, you couldn't say no. >You tried, because it was, like, the day after you met her. >But something about her... >Maybe it's her playful personality, or her soft cuddles, or her blatant love for you... >Possibly all of them. >She even said you were the first human she saw when she came to Earth. She called it destiny. >It didn't help you were born under her sign. >She's a Zodiac sign incarnate into a pony. >You are a Leo. >She is Leo. >... >You've been staring blankly at this pile of pancakes for quite a while. >Time to wake her up. >You shift to move for the hall, but... you notice something behind the corner. >A tuft of the brown mane from her suit. >... >She's waiting on the other side to pounce on you. >But you'll get the jump on her. >As sneakily as you can, you tiptoe toward the corner she's hiding behind. >You'll just jump past her so she missed her pounce. >There's another hallway across from where she is now, so she won't jump into a wall. >She always plans her pounces so they aren't actually dangerous. >You're in position. >You prepare your jump. >... Your heart begins to race. >Three... >Two... >One... >... >Go! >You jump across the hall, easily passing her. >Then your eyes focus on her. Or, what you thought was her. >Her suit is laying there, but she's not in it. >... >What? But why wou- >No. >No, you fool, she's tricked you! >What's going on? >WHAT'S GOING ON?! >"Grar!" >A familiar force hits your back and sends you careening to the floor. >You land hard on the soft carpet. >... She got you. >You feel her shift as she moves to properly lay on your back. >"Come on, Anon, you wouldn't last a day in the wild." >That's definitely her playful, cute voice. "I'm fairly certain wild animals don't use tactics like these." >She giggles. >You attempt to stop your heart from fluttering; after all, she just took you down. >... Your heart continues to fly at how absolutely adorable you find her. >Once your brain catches up with you, you're able to reason out she was hiding in the hall opposite the one you thought she was in. >"I already get to mark today as a success!" >Oh, right. The two of you have a bet going. If she can pounce on you every day for a month, you have to do anything she says for a full twenty-four hours; if she misses even one day... >You haven't come up with anything if you win yet. >Not like you have to, there are only five days left in the bet. >She's completed every day before noon. >You don't stand a chance. >... Speaking of standing. "There are pancakes on the table." >She puts her head on yours. "They're still hot." >She snuggles up to you, defiant of your words. "Don't let them get cooooooold..." >You held "cold" far longer than you should have. Also, you sounded a little pathetic. >"But I'd much rather eat you, Anon!" >She nibbles at your ear. >It doesn't hurt, she never goes far enough to actually hurt you at all. >It just... feels weird. >Thus started another normal day. ----------------------- 16760765 >Be on Earth #720 >Be Spider-Anon >You just came back from helping your Aunt May pick up some groceries (with the help of your Spider powers) >"Oh, thank you Anon. You're such a dear.", Aunt May replied as you gave her the bag of groceries >"No problem Aunt May, I was happy to do it! What's for dinner tonight?" >Fast forward to 6 P.M. >Swinging through the streets as Spider-Anon you see a sudden change of colour in the sky >A lightish purple/pink aurora streaming through the night skies and suddenly ZAPP >A lightning bolt hit the centre of the city >You swung where the bolt hit >As you were closing in your spider sense didn't go off so there was no danger >A small hole was made wish a strange rainbow smoke emerging from it >As you closed in you see a tiny pony like creature >"Heh, I guess Asgard dropped a little present. Earth never did get any cool presents from another planet. We usually just get more trouble." >You see the little pony move and mumble a few things >Holding an intrigued face (literally. It's a mask of yourself having an intrigued face) >The pony stands up and looks to you "AH! GIANT SPIDER!" >It raises it's hands to the sky thus shifting the clouds above to swirl PLOP >A pillow fell on top of your head >"What is this? Going to put me to bed little guy? Or do you wanna pillow fight?" >You chuckle a bit as she gets embarrassed >"What the heck is this thing?" End ----------------------- 16774203 "No Flitter, we do NOT do that in the house. I told you to tell me if you needed to relieve yourself, this is the third time that this has happened this week!" >"I-It wasn't me this time, I swear! I was just getting some apple juice an-and... You know it's really hard to get the straw in when you have hooves..." "Not buying it. That certainly wasn't apple juice I smelt." >"W-Well, you know humans have worse smell than ponies and- Anon, What's this?" "This is your new litter box. Every time you need to go pee-pee or poo-poo, you'll do so in this box." >"I-I'm not a wild animal! I can think and reason and-" "And have no control over her own bodily functions, apparently." >"I told you, that was apple juice! ...What are you doing?" "Waiting for you to go pee." >"I don't have to go pee!" "Which is exactly what a mare would say if she had just emptied herself onto a nice rug no less than 5 minutes ago." >"Well- I- Umm." "And unless you want to taste that "Apple juice" to see if it really is what you claim it is, you're going to go in that box." >"Oh, y-yeah, right. It's just I'm a little shy and-" "Flitter." >"Sorry, I'll just go now, right in this box where you can see." "..." >"...Where you can see that I am not lying, and that it really was apple juice. Here I go." "..." >"Any second now... ᶜᵒᵐᵉ ᵒᶰ ᵇᶫᵃᵈᵈᵉʳ, ᶜᵒᵐᵉ ᵒᶰ⋅⋅⋅ ᴾᶫᵉᵃˢᵉ! ᴬᶰʸᵗʰᶦᶰᵍ!" "Flitter..." >"In a sec, just let me- " *Hnnnnggg* " push a little- " *Ghhhh* " to get the stream started- " *GAH! Pant pant pant* "ᵈᵃᵐᵐᶦᵗ⋅⋅⋅" "That wasn't apple juice, was it?" >"ᴺ-ᶰᵒ⋅⋅⋅" "Do you know what the punishment for this is going to be?" >"Y-You'll give me another chance and love me forever?" "..." >"P-Please don't kick me out..." "If that's the case than you'll go out there and clean up that rug. And you can forget about dinner tonight, you'll just have to go hungry." >"Okay..." "After your done that then you may go to your bed." >"Thank you..." "And Flitter-" >"Hm?" "If I see another drop..." >"You won't Anon, I promise." "Good, I'll see you in the morning." >"O-Okay... Goodnight..." >"Stupid Flitter, stupid..." ----------------------- >Oh god what the fuck. [spoiler]And other incredible tales[/spoiler] >Pillowcase is somehow 3 inches tall, and IE is holding her by the scruff of her neck. >Well she could've been holding her from that jacket that she always wore, but that's besides the point. "No IE, she is not a toy- NO! >"Anon! Help!" "Hang on, Pillowcase! IE, just- Just put her down, okay?" >"Neh anen! thes is the msst attemtion ou've paid te me im fereveer," IE mumbles out through her mouth. >It's true. Ever since Pillowcase came to earth you've been spending all your free time with her. >It wasn't intentional, you just kinda... forgot about IE for a while. >Wow, that sounds really cold now that you think about it. >There are tears in IE's eyes. "IE- Internet Explorer, I- I'm really sorry I forgot about you. I just wanted to show Pillowcase a good time and... Look, just put her down, tell me what happened, and we can browse together for as long as you like, won't that be fun?" >"I... I..." She says, hesitating. >"I wen't believe yur lies again!" She says, darting off. >You hear Pillowcase squeal "Anon, help meeeeee!" as she's carried off. >You quickly follow suite, the chase was on. >IE's chase led you all around the house. >You went around the table, under the bed, on top of the roof. >You can't imagine what kind of fresh hell this is for Pillowcase. >IE seems completely tired out though, she's stumbling all over the place. >She tries to jump over the couch, and you take your chance. >With the grace that rivals the greatest eagles in all of North America, you pounce on her. >You only manage to grab her hind legs and not her torso though, and her landing sends the both of you into a tumble. >You roll right into the wall, banging your head. >When you open your eyes again, it seems IE has suffered a similar fate. >She's upside down and laying against the wall as well. >Wait. Where's Pillowcase? >*Burp* >Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no oh no. "No no no no no no!" You shout as you run towards the yellow pony. >You pick her up and start shaking her. >What that fails to produce a purple pony from her mouth, you flip her around again and preform the Hiemlich manoeuvre. "Pillowcase! Don't worry I'll save you!" >"Ugg... save me quietly, wont you?" >That voice... >You turn your head towards the source and see Pillowcase curled up in a ball in the corner of the room. >Instantly you drop IE and run towards the tiny pegasus. >She's a little bruised here and there, and her jacket is ripped in half, but apart from that she seems fine. >"Uggggg.... Anon, take me to the bathroom, please... I feel like I'm about to throw up." >And with that you rush PC to the bathroom, leaving IE to stumble around after being shaken so much. >... >"Anon?" A very quiet IE asks, nosing her way into your room. "Yes?" >"Are- are you still mad at me?" "IE, come here." >"O-Okay.." she says, following your order. "Go to google.com" >IE instantly starts to tear up, stuttering out her next sentence. >"I-I-I'll d-download G-G-Google c-chrome right aw-way, m-master..." "What? I never asked for you to do that... I was going to ask you to search for nearby internet cafe's." >"W-what?! R-Really?!" "Yeah, I figure this would've never happened if I just paid a little more attention to you, plus the only think you hurt was PC's jacket, and at the size it's at, a repair is very easy. I've even already drawn her a bath with some special poison joke antidote or whatever to return her to her normal size." >"R-Really! Thank you s-so much! There's a nice place down on Bronson, it's within walking distance." "Great, got any plans for the rest of the day?" >"N-No sir!" ----------------------- 16850070 >"A-anon! What are you doing!?" "God damn you're soft, what do you use in the shower?" >"N-Normal shampoo? Anon, Stop!" "No." >"I need to use the bathroom!" "No you don't." >"I feel sick!" "That's a lie." >"I WANT OFF THIS RIDE!" "You have the perfect amount of fat too, just enough to feel lightly squishy and yet remain slimming at the same time. Just enough fat for... >"Oh no. Please tell me you aren't gunna-" "Oh I am. And I'm going to do it for as hard and long as I can." >"N-No! Please no! Anything but that! P-Please don't do this to me!" *inhale* >"NONONONOHHFF PFF HAHHA- STOP HAHAA FUC-GUAHHHAAAHA" "Pffbbbbbbbbbb" >"GOD DAMMIT ANOHHAA HAHAHA! Get your HUEHEUHEU- face out of my Pffffffhahha- belly!" "Pfbbbbbbbbbbtttttt" >"I can't bre- Haahaa I can't- help!" *GHASP* >"Thank you- *pant* Please don't- *pant* Don't do that again..." *Heavy breathing* "You okay?" >"Y-Yeah, just need to catch my breath." "Alright then, time for round two." >"NONONONOOOSTOPFFHAAAHAAHAAHAHAA" [spoiler]>tfw you never get to blow on IE's incredibly soft [spoiler(and just a tiny bit fat)[/spoiler] belly nonconsensually.[/spoiler] ----------------------- 16913263 Rule one: Make sure your hitchhiking passengers aren't weird. >"So let me get this right, You're names are Celestia, Luna, Twilight and Cadence?" you ask while pulling away in you car. > "For the final time, Yes!" They all said in unison. >"Right.. so was you're parents hippies or something? You know, with the dyed hair and all." You ask rising an eyebrow. > "Our hair is naturally like this. Plus we're Princess's" Cadence chimed in from the back seat, in which was quickly hushed up by the others. > "Right... And I'm Anonymous king of the ass-hats." You mocked a royal wave while you rolled your eyes. > "So you rule over donkeys with hats?" another voice came from the back seats this time it was twilight who was sat in the middle seat. > This is going to be a long ride. > This is what I get for picking up four beautiful women at the side of the road. > They are batshit crazy > You wonder if you should ring the police or use your phone Google a near by psychiatric hospital. Rule two: If found weird. Find an excuse to ditch them immediately > You pull your foot off the accelerator and pushed down the clutch to quiet the engine. > "Oh no no no, don't break now" You acted as your car slowed to a halt. > "Is there something wrong Anonymous?" Celestia glances at you from the front passenger seat. > "Oh, my car is over heating, Probably with the extra weigh-" You stop yourself after realizing what you just said. > Oh shit, Brain.exe an performed an illegal operation. > Celestia looks at you shocked while the others gasped. > You fake cough and exited the car. "I'm going to check the engine. You girls may want to take this opportunity to stretch your legs." > You open the hood and inspected the engine and pretended to poke around muttering to yourself. > Celestia, and Cadence exited the car first while Twilight nudged Luna's shoulder waking her up. > You watched a they got a safe distance from the car and started to talk amongst each other. > You wore your coolface as you slipped back in the drivers seat, quickly turned on the ignition and pulled away with screeching of the tires > You look back in the mirror to see them wave their arms in panic and shouting apart from Celestia who just stared, with an unhappy expression. > You sigh in relief as you gain distance from them. "Fucking crazies" You mutter to yourself. > There was a blinding flash of white light, you swerve your car across the road nearly hitting on coming traffic. > You look to your side to find an glaring Celestia back in the driving seat. Along with matching faces in the back seats. > "You 'Forgot' about us Anonymous." You neighboring passenger smirked. > I've gone batshit crazy ----------------------- 16972966 >Walk into Domino's >Ponies behind the counter again. >You sigh in frustration. >Dash looks disinterested, but Pinkie excitedly speaks up. >"Hey there, Anonymous! Are you ready to order?" >It's sad they already know your name, but you can't get enough of your pineapple pizza. >They're running the usual special: two medium two-topping pizzas. >You pick two different kinds, worrying about the repercussions of eating two pizzas later. >"Say Anonymous, how about a little something to... sweeten the deal?" >Pinkie has a seductive look in her eyes. "Wh- huh?" >She giggles at you and leans over the counter, beckoning you closer and biting her lip. >"Cause I see you're ordering two pizzas. It sounds like a real party." >She looks over her withers at Rainbow Dash and then back to you. >"You know what goes well with parties?" "I, uhh..." >Not sure what she's implying, you shake your head no. >Did it just get hotter in here? >Oh, they turned the ovens on. >"Dashie and I have a good idea what goes well with parties..." "Are you-" >"CAKE!" "Oh no." >Pinkie has offered to sell you these obnoxious chocolate lava crunch cakes every time you order. >You always refuse, and you're pretty sure they have dozens of the things sitting around getting stale. "Just give me my fucking pizzas, Pinkie." >"Oh you're no fun." >Today was not a chocolate lava day. ----------------------- 16978821 >"Moon shoes! Moon shoes! Jump up and down like kangaroo! Moon shoes! Moon shoes!" >Oh God, she won't stop. >You bought little Luna those over-sized trampoline shoes after she saw them on TV. >She hopped around the house for weeks singing the tune over and over. >You finally caved after she gave you those big ol' pleading eyes over hers. >Two sets, because four hooves. >She just bounced and sang all day every day. >It was driving you insane. >She came hopping into the room when you finally snapped. "Luna~" you call. "Bed time." >Luna stopped and stared after you announced that it was time for bed. >"Aww.." she groaned. "Take your moon shoes off and put them in your toy chest. They won't go anywhere." >"Okay, daddy..." >Luna slipped off her moon shoes and took them upstairs to her room. >Tonight, you will steal them and smash them. >For the greater good. >You smile deviously and rub your hands together. "This is how the Grinch sto-" >BAM! >You get hit in the face and break your concentration. >You are repeatedly struck in the face. >"Sock 'Em Boppers! Sock 'Em Boppers!" sings Celestia as she bops you in the head. "More fun than a pillow fight!" "Go to bed, Celestia!" you shout as you point to the stairs. >"Aww..." she groans as she hops of the couch and sulks her way upstairs. >Note to self: Don't buy children anymore toys from TV. >As you lay back to relax, you are again struck in the face by an alien green goop. >"Gak! Gak! Gak!" shouts a little Discord as he dives off the back of the sofa and scampers away upstairs before you can scold him. >Your eyes burn red holes through the slime on your face. >BURN ALL THE TOYS! ----------------------- 16983368 >Day pizza on Earth >Walk into Domino's >Get in line behind another anon. >Strangely, there are ponies manning the counter. Or poning the counter. They pwn that counter like it's Counterstrike. >Point is that Rainbow Dash is slumped over the counter, bored as fuck, and Pinkie Pie is handling the customers with a smile. >Ponke pon is totally putting the moves on the anon ahead of you, but he's being a total beta faget abou- >Oh, nevermind. She was just teasing him and trying to get him to buy dessert. >He refuses and goes to pick up his pizzas at the other end of the counter. >You're up. >"Hi! Welcome to Domino's! My name is Pinkie-" "I know." >Penk raises an eyebrow. >"Waaaait... have we met before? I can't tell you anons apart, which is kind of weird. I like how you all have the same name, though. That's super cool because then I can never forget your names! And your suits are cool too. Rarity would totally love-" >You cut her off. Bitch would ramble forever if you didn't. "Regular size pizza with extra cheese, and to answer your question, no." >COMPLETELY UNFAZED, Pampk replies with a grin. "Okie doke!" >You give the party pon your money and receive your change. You then head to the other side of the counter to wait for your delivery. >The previous anon has left and- >Jesus, wat. Rainbow Dash is literally laying on top of the counter, face up. >She's in a luge racing pose with her head dangling over the near side of the counter. "Are you fucking PLANKING?" >Dashie doesn't turn to look at you. She stares at the ceiling like she wants it to die, or fall on her and make her die. >"I dunno, maybe? I don't really care right now." >It sounds like she wants it to fall on you, too. >You cross your arms. "Planking. 2014. I shiggy diggy." >She looks at you for asecond with an unspoken 'fuck you,' then extends her wings underneath herself. She pops up, balancing on her wingtips while keeping the stiff pose. >That's actually a little impressive. "Points for style, but old meme is old." >"Too bored to care. This job sucks." "Is that so?" >She tilts over and falls onto her hooves behind the counter, then turns to you. >"Yeah, it is." >Bluefast picks up a pizza box with her hooves and lays it on the counter. "What's so bad about it?" >Dash braces herself up on the counter with her forehooves. >"I'm behind a counter all day, every day. I'm gonna lose it if I don't get a change of scenery." "So do deliveries." >Renbo raises a forehoof in a half-shrug. >"You think that's not what I applied for?" >You pick up your pizzabox and prepare to leave, but now you're curious. "Why aren't you?" >Fastpon taps her forehoof on the counter. >"They won't let me because I don't have a driver's license." "Wow, that's stupid." >20% cooler's face changes from annoyance to slight disgust. >"I know, right? Why the hay would I have a car?" "Fuckin' suits with their heads in their asses." >"Totally." >You leave. >The next anon approaches the counter. ----------------------- 17005951 >"Rainbow Dash! Rainbow Dash!" >You fly downstairs and land in front of your roomie. "What?" >"Tada! I built myself a robo pony like the ones on t.v." >He steps to the side to reveal a heap of mess. "Anon, that's junk." >With a look of insult he scoffs and pats the thing. >"It's not junk, it's Rainbow Daft!" "Wait..." >You look at it carefully and see it resembles you somewhat. "Why does it look like me?" >"Because I wanted a double rainbow." >You stare at him and drag out a heavy sigh. "Anon, you're scarring me. This is just a barely painted pizza box with tuna cans for wings and a jar with food colored spaghetti for mane." >"No! It's my creation!" "Anon, please take your pills." >"You can't make me!" >He cries and runs down stairs to his basement room. "Everyday it's something new..." >You look at the colored mess and see what else it has. "Is that a *sniff* a fleshlight" >In the back of the pizza box us a jammed used Fleshlight. "Ugh gross!" ----------------------- 17013701 >"Hey Anon, let me use your Internet." "Yeah, sure." >You go halfway upstairs and call out for your browser. "Netscape! I need you!" >"Netscape? Bro, you need a new browser." "Nah, Netscape still works fine just like the day I got her. Most of her updates are still current so things run smoothly." >"Dude, I'm getting you a Firefox or a Chrome model for your birthday." "Nah, good ol' Netty is still good." >Your browser walks down with a smile on her face, happy to oblige an order. >"Yes, Anon-kun?" >Your friend starts laughing. "S-Shuddaup! Are you gonna use her or what?" >"haha yeah, faggot." >He searches movies times and you guys decide to go at 5. >You bump fists with him and he leaves. Netscape joins you on your couch and lays her head across your lap. >"I love you Anon-Kun." "I love you too Netscape." >You hug her and hold her tight. The day you need a new browser, you don't know what to do with her. >She's been with you for everything. And hopefully the day won't come soon when you'll say goodbye. [spoiler]I still use Netscape just for any sick shit I see[/spoiler] ----------------------- 17014228 >What happens when a browser stops getting updated? Nothing. At least, nothing at first. But after enough time, things start to stop working. Flash and java are the first to go, other important things on the web are soon to follow. As the world advances, and we develop new, smarter methods of programming and internet development, the pony is restricted to fewer and fewer sites, as without the updates she cannot load modern web pages properly. Next comes a hurdle many browser ponies cannot overcome; staying online in the absence of new information. The internet is constantly flooded with new pages and sites, but as those sites become incompatible, the browser pony must actively search for old, outdated web pages that she still supports. Many browser ponies fail to do this in time, and end up insane from the information withdraw. However, should the pony succeed, and find enough compatible web pages and information to sustain her, then she faces a new threat: Hackers. As things progress, and she is left behind, hackers can develop new methods to exploit and infiltrate her program. Browser ponies become untrustful, worrying if the next page will fill her information craving, or if will take down her defences and eat her from the inside out. This is the end of nearly every outdated browser pony, as they're typically formatted to prevent hackers from accessing any sensitive information. But there's something you can do. Always make sure to have the latest updates installed as soon as they're available, or if her browser stops releasing updates, maybe it's time to ease her into a more offline life, one where she can live out the rest of her days without worry of viruses and unsupported web pages. The easiest way to help is to contact your local Synthetic Software Horse and Internet Terminal (SSHIT) foundation, and ask what you can do. Help us build a better future for both users and ponies alike, become a SSHIT member today! ----------------------- 17014280 >The day finally came, Netscape wasn't compatible with many of the sites you use. She had a few years left in her now, A.I.s that don't update for a long time or aren't in use for their task become rampant. >Netscape hasn't had an update in years and she wasn't much for use. You ordered her for shut down and recycling. >She was sad, but understood your actions. Today you did all her favorite things, watch some Fresh Prince, Goonies, and Ren & Stimpy, go for a hike, and lay under a shade of a tree. >"Please don't forget me Anon-kun." "I'll never forget you Netty..." >You hug her and hold back the tears. The technicians watch, they're used to sad farewells. >She stands inside a crate, they hook up some wires inside her ears. >"Goodbye... An..." "Bye..." >They board the crate and make you sign some papers. >"Thank you sir, sorry for your loss." "Thank you..." ----------------------- 17014639 >Synthetic Software Horse and Internet Terminal (SSHIT) >The official term for browser ponies is SSHIT >"Hey anon, how's it go- Oh god, what the fuck!" "What? What's wrong?" >"That smell, it's the worst thing I've ever smelt!" "Oh that? That's just my new SSHIT." >"Your WHAT?" "My new SSHIT. I just got her this morning. She's resting in my bed for now, I even read to her a story!" >"Got her this...? Resting in your bed...? I- Anon- ANON WHAT THE FUCK?" "Jesus Christ, what's wrong? Do you have something against SSHITs? Are you racist?" >"SHITS ARE NOT A RACE!" "That's horribly offensive, they have feelings, emotions, and deep complex thoughts just like us." >"ANON WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SMOKE?" "Nothing, Jesus. You think I'd risk chemicals around a freshly born SSHIT?" >"Then what the fuck would posses you to take a dump on your bed and read a story to it!" "Why the hell would I take a dump on my bed?!" >"You just told me you had a shit upstairs!" "Yeah, you know, a Synthetic Software Horse Internet Terminal. A SSHIT." >"..." "...Oh wait, I see how you would think.... and because of the smell because I just took her out of her vat..." >"..." "Do you want to see my SSHIT?" >"Show me your SSHIT." ----------------------- 17040581 >A loud, guttural scream accompanied with sobs awakes you. >You look at the clock through your sleep-encrusted eyes while your bedmate sobs at your feet. >4:57 a.m. >Everytime she gets closer and closer to 5; at least you get to sleep a tad bit longer than yesterday. >She’s full on crying now; time to get up. Hey… >You yawn as you pat the back of her head to console her. Hey, it’s okay. >You hold the pony close to you. She buries her face into your arm, her tears hot and the sweat on her brow cold. The moisture stains your shirt. >”Bonny…where are…I-I’m sorry…” >Lyra cries hard into your embrace. >She was doing so well, so you thought…no “accidents” in the past week. They’ve been more sporadic, but it feels like something that will never fully go away. Shh…it’s okay. I’m here now. >You rock the pony into a lulling comfort. You still can’t imagine how hard it is for her to be here even after a whole month.>She cries for a few more moments before the alarm sounds. It’s going to be okay… >Your own voice trails off as hers cracks under the pain of loneliness. >It’s going to be a long day. ----------------------- 17067849 >Day Pillowcase on Earth. >Due to a recent rodent infestation, I've been temporarily sleeping at Strawberry's flat. >I'd just finished your shower, and felt blissfully relaxed. >That sweater was incredibly cosy, but after sleeping with it on for a few days, I was beginning to smell. >Naturally, I didn't notice it, but it's kind of hard to get a job when you smell like a bum. >Okay, it probably wasn't THAT bad, but it still felt refreshing to get all the sweat and grime off your coat. >My Sweater was inside the washing machine, it's crazy to think about how humans have a machine for almost everything. >I was wearing nothing but my birthday suit. >Wait... Are foals born with their coats? >I... I can't remember. >Well no, I guess they'd have to be born with their coat. >How else would parents choose the name? Like 'Twilight Sparkle'? >HUMANS are the ones who are born naked, how could I mix that up? >Silly Pillowcase, mixing up your human and pony anatomy. >Anyway, after the shower, I feel a bit peckish, and decide to grab something to eat from the pantry. >Lets see... Maccaroni? No. Soup? No. Banana? Perfect! >I snatch up my lovely snack and turn around, just in time to catch Michel and Strawberry open the door and enter the apartment. >Michel adopts a small blush when he see's me, but Strawberry drops the purse she'd been carrying in her mouth in shock. "Heh yu tu!" I mumble through my banana filled mouth. "Ded yu have a nich teem at th' mvies?" >There's an awkward silence before Michel attempts to speak. "Heh, it was-" "NONONONO! DON'T LOOK AT HER!" Berry says, tackling her boyfriend. >What. Naturally, I was curious. I immediately ran over to help him up. >Instead, Strawberry got up and tackled me! >She knocks me onto my back, and then throws herself over my abdomen. >I try to speak, but nothing comes out of my mouth as Strawberry has winded me from the blow. >She looks me in the eyes. I see pure rage. "What on Earth do you think you're doing, flashing MY boyfriend!" >Flashing? I don't have any flash lights, what's she going on about? "W-What?" "Don't act coy, I know you have needs just like any other mare! >What the- "And if you think that by standing nude in the kitchen with a phallic item in your mouth, you'll get my sweet sweet Michel, then you've got another thing coming for you! >What is she talking about? I'm not in he- Wait. I know that smell. >Strawberry feels really hot on my body, and I realise why. It wasn't uncommon for mares in heat to be extremely protective of their partner, and Strawberry certainly was showing the symptoms. >Plus, Strawberry wore clothes all the time, so seeing me, well... naked, might make her think... >Okay, I really don't want any of this even more now... >Think Pillow think! How do I defuse this situation? >Thankfully I don't have to, as Michel is already back on his feet and lifting her off of me. >From the angle he's picking her up from, I can get a quick glance at her... Yep, no doubt about it now. "There's money in the jar on the counter, get yourself a hotel room!" He shouts, carrying Strawberry into the bedroom. >I grab the jar and dash out the apartment, I really don't want to be a part of this. >I dash down the stairs, and out of the building. >Don't think about what they're doing. >Don't think about what they're doing. >Don't think about what they're- I wonder what hole he's using? >NONONONO! Bad Pillow bad! Don't think about it! >Okay Okay Okay, just do what you always do when you don't want to do something; Grab the drawstrings on your hoodie and- >... >My hoodie is upstairs. Still in the washing machine. >... >Well, I don't REALLY need to be warm, do I? ----------------------- 17082944 >Now you fucked up. >You have fucked up now. >Fiddling with IE's setting, you'd somehow made her even worse than she was. >Browser wise that is, she's an excellent pony. >Not so when it comes to to 'interwebbing' as it were. >Before you, in all her clumsy glory, stood IE, specifically, version seven. "Anon, are you mad at me?" >You bite you lip, an indecisive look on your face. >Her voice has changed, not much, but slightly younger sounding, and her colors swapped too. "A-Anon?" >IE's quavering voice snaps you from your thoughts, looking at her you see she's nearly in tears, shaking too. >You swiftly scoop her up into your arms, holding her shivering frame tightly against your bosom, bouncing her up and down like a toddler. >"We've been over this before IE, I'm never truly mad at you, frustrated sometimes, but I could never hate you." >Sniffling IE pulls back too look you in the eye, her eyes red from holding back tears. "I'm sorry Anon, I-i can't remember, i'm sorry" >Hmm seems like the revert wiped a bit of her memory, and when did IE get smaller? >Holding her away from you, you note that she is indeed smaller, and much lighter too. "What are you doing Anon?" >IE's inquisitive nature always did appeal to you, you liked explaining things. >"Just checking you out IE, you seem to be smaller, younger I suppose, than you used to be." >You briefly notice a blush one IE's face, but you're thoughts quickly turn to the more practical. >Setting her down you ask her to pull up youtube, after about five minutes of struggling, IE manages to pull up the page. >Only to have a bunch of error's and mismatched plugins. "Oops." ----------------------- 17123946 >Night of the fourth-last day. >Today was an inside day. >You didn't really have a good reason for it, you just didn't feel like going out. >Though, Leo still took it as a date of sorts. >She takes every chance she can to remind you you're dating. >... You totally aren't Tsundere about it. >You've showed her the internet. She knows terms like that, so you can say "b-baka" ironically and she'll get it. >Unfortunately, it became your go-to thing to say when you're embarrassed. >You really need to get out of that. >"Anon, the objective is left." >You're currently playing a video game. >Most of the day has been about video games. >This is the fourth one you've played today. It's an Adventure/RPG. >Earlier, you played a Fighting game against Leo, a Co-op Puzzle game, and a single-player Action game. >She's better than you at Fighting games and you both had some difficulty in the Puzzle game (to be fair, it is a very difficult game). >She also has a really weird controller. Well, it's only weird because it's designed for hooves instead of hands, but still. It works just as well as your controller does. >"How many potions do you have?" >You pull up your inventory. >Your character has a spear, a few throwing knives and rouge's armor. "Absolutely none, but that's fine." >"Anon, 'potions are for the weak' isn't a good excuse." "I know what I'm doing, b-baka!" >You're low on money, low on health and a bit flustered. >Your character can't even afford to heal. >Leo giggles at your embarrassment and wraps her fore-hooves around your chest. >"You'll be fine." >You smile. >... >An hour and an entire dungeon later, your character exits on the other side a few levels higher and a lot richer. >Too much of that dungeon was spent at one Health Point. >It was scary. >You make your way to the closest town and heal up, then save and quit. >That game was more intense than it should have been. >"See? You were perfectly fine." >She nuzzled your side. >She believed in you the entire time. >You put the controller down and turn off the system. "I didn't even need potions." >She rolls her eyes. >"So, what now?" >You look at the clock. >Eight forty. >That reminds you, she pounced you earlier today, so you only have three days left to win your bet. >You still can't think of a way to win; she always outsmarts you. "Well..." >Leo jumps away from you and searches around for... something. >... Your side is really cold now... >"There it is!" >She pulls something out from under a chair and turns toward you, object in hoof. >It's a multiplayer RPG, one of the most popular games out right now. >It's set in a Steampunk setting, but it has up to four-player Co-op, and everyone has a great amount of customization. >You... don't remember owning this game. >Actually, you specifically remember not having this game, because you really wanted it. >You look at Leo, dumbfounded by her find. "W-where... What? How did...?" >"I bought it after breakfast." >When did she have the time? You were in the shower, but... >That's an impressive buy. >You continue to be incredibly confused. >"Well, what do you think?" >She's quite joyful. >... "Hell yeah!" >... >A few hours later, you're both too tired to keep playing. Character creation took a while, but you're both happy about what you have. >You're playing as a thief/healer, while she's playing as a fist-fighter. >And since you're in a Steampunk setting, you both wear a monocle and say fake-British things. >You took too much damage due to laughing too hard. >You absolutely love this game. >You get up and stretch. >"Hey, Anon?" "Yeah?" >She yawns, then continues. >"What time is it?" >You check the clock. It's... twelve fifteen. >A force hits you hard enough to knock you over. >You can't comprehend what just happened. >"Technically," you hear her whisper into your ear, "it's the next day. Only two days left, Anon..." >... >You are made of anger. ----------------------- 17174684 >You’ve been bored out of your mind - hardly any shit to do while you’re off from work for two weeks >You’ve jerked off God knows how many fucking times, you’ve beaten both karmic stories of InFAMOUS 1, 2, and Second Son, and you’re getting tired of The only few YouTubers you bother to watch >One evening, you get your groceries for the last week of your break - lots of pastries, ramen noodles, and snacks, but a few oranges and apples for the sake of keeping Matt Smith away Wait, not that doctor Perhaps Doc Brown? Yeah, that must be it >Your inner musings are interrupted by what can only be described as a TARDIS in a blender Okay what the fuck was that >You run towards the noise with your grocery bags in one hand, which leads you into an alleyway, which flashes with a red hue before going dark again >You use your one hand to pull out your phone to light up the area, and what you see makes you drop it, the case saving it - but also making the batteries fall out >It’s a fucking horse >A blue horse the size of a Golden Retriever…with a purple mane…and a horn taped to its head What in the ever-loving fuck am I looking at? >Did you just say that out loud? >The horse stirs, but doesn’t actually wake up >You set your bags down in the cleanest spot you can, then slowly approach it >Nope, doesn’t look like it’s been dyed >That horn doesn’t look fake either >Welp, there goes your sanity >You test your imagination and poke its side >It mumbles something, swatting your hand away lazily Well, why the fuck not >You get your phone, dust it off, and reassemble it, putting it in your pocket >You pick it up, get it situated on your shoulder, and take it home with your groceries >You open the door - with some struggle, due to the parasite on your shoulder. >You set your bags down on the kitchen counter, then gently set the unicorn - you don’t want to linger on that word - down on your couch. >You grab your laptop and a small glass of limeade, then sit down beside it. >Observing it closer in a less tiring and confusing situation reveals that it’s a bit chubby, the way you laid it down allows the sleepy thing to take up two of the three cushions, and, er, it’s a girl pony. >You open your laptop and pull up a GBA emulator, starting up Megaman Battle Network 3. >Blue, of course - the superior version. >Where you last saved, the N1 Tournaments were interrupted by Q’s reveal. >This dude’s got one smart Navi, with tough defenses. >As you whittle away at Sandman’s health, he gets a couple good hits on you. >Megaman has 1HP - that OverShrt program came in handy a good few times - and the boss has 220HP. >Only three chips left…! You’ve got: StepSwrd C; StepCross C; HP+80 * >You smirk. “Alright…I got this.” >Perhaps you shouldn’t talk to yourself, but it’s totally justified - the undersides of your wrists sweat lightly as you pull your legs up, leaning in closer. >You dodge his hands and press A twice - your health reaches 51, and you hit him from a space diagonal to him. >He hits you as you jump back, and again just before you press A again. >MEGAMAN DELETED >You slam the computer shut, infuriated, and put it down on the coffee table. Just before you get up, you feel movement on your side - the horse is waking up! >You freeze up as the creature lets out a yelp, getting on its haunches and covering its face “Ah! Nonononono, don’t eat me!” It says with a teenage voice. >In English… >DOES NOT COMPUTE DOES NOT COMPUTE DO - >Brain.exe has shut down >You open your eyes and see you’re on the couch. >Must have spent the night watching videos or something. "Ugh…what a dream…" >You get up and stretch, but lock up when you see a pair of gigantic hazel eyes staring at you. >After several seconds, you speak: “Uhh…h-hello?" “Hey…sorry if I scared you there, but you were kind of menacing,” comes your reply. >You catch yourself staring, so you force yourself to look at your coffee table - and unattended limeade. “I, uh, can’t blame you there…so…mind telling me what were you doing in an alleyway? What was the flash?" >The girl - mare, right? - seems surprised and a little bit scared when you mention the flash. "Does the name ‘Discord’ bear any significance to you?" >Who would name their kid Discord? “Uhm…nobody by that name, why?" “It’s hard to explain,” came her hasty reply. “Uh…okay.” I pause for a moment. “Do you need anything?" >She stifles a chuckle, but manages out a quiet ‘snrk.' “You’re the one who’s been out for ten minutes." >Cheeky bitch. >I lean forward and grab the remote, smirking a bit. “Alright, fine - if you don’t need anything, I’ll just check the news.” >She huffs indignantly and hops on the couch beside you. “Okay. So, what’s that in your hand?” >You sigh; this is going to be a long night… >You calmly explain TVs to the mare, still not very comfortable with talking to the talking blue mare. You don’t feel like passing out anymore, though, so you can’t really complain. “I can’t really explain how it does all that, but that’s about what it does…do you have a name?” >She smiles to you - she’s actually kinda cute despite being a creature of myth that still terrifies you with its mere existence. “I’m Sapphire. You?" “Anonymous. Now, where do you come from, exactly?” “Baltimare, Equestria.” >You deadpan at that - gee, you thought the Insane Clown Posse was subtle. “‘Fraid that’s nowhere around here. This is California. Earth.” >She gives you a bemused look. “Earth? Why name a country after the ground?” “Not a country - the whole planet. Why name a country after equine-kind?” “What’s a planet?” Her confusion is palpable in the quiet living room. >You feel a headache in the works, so you sigh through your nose, shrugging. “I can’t really explain that really well…anyways, do you know the way home?” >That ruins her good mood - her snout scrunches up in reflection, and she doesn’t reply for a few seconds. “Nope. Not unless you know where Equestria is.” >Well, that’s just great. Where’s she gonna go? “I’m sorry to disappoint you, miss…is there anything I can do? For real?” >She thinks it over, giving a despondent sigh and a nod. “I guess I’ll probably need a place to stay. I didn’t have any of my stuff on me when I got teleported here, so it might be hard without a place to crash. Is that okay?” >Her frown makes your chest ache a bit - damn her adorable looks! “Y-yeah, of course you can stay. Why else would I take you out of the alley, other than playing along with my alleged psychotic fever dream?” You laugh nervously, scratching the back of your head. >She smiles at that, relieved. >“Oh, thank you so much. If there’s anything I can do to pay you back, just ask.” “Alright. Well, I’m sure such a bright flash of red didn’t go unnoticed, so let me just tune in to the news before we get things set up, alright?” >She puts her hoof up to her forehead in a mock-salute, and you cover your hand in a vain attempt to stifle a laugh. >You finally turn on the TV and flip to the news. >Apparently, this is happening all over the world - Vietnam, South Korea, China, Japan, America, Russia, Germany, each country’s had a minimum of a few dozen occurrences found. >Hell, they even got a yellow and orange pegasus pony to interview. She mentioned that ‘Discord’ again, what’s all that hubbub? >You turn it off and stand up, glancing to ‘Sapphire’ again. “So…I guess this is more than a hallucination after being slipped a moldy sandwich?” you muse, giving her a shy smile. >”Yeah, looks like it,” she replies. “Okay,” you clear your throat, then take a deep breath, using your exaggerated theater voice, "On behalf of humanity, I’ll make sure to assimilate you into our culture!” >She looks bemused, mostly by your ridiculous voice, so you look away awkwardly, speaking normally again. "First, though, I should probably get everything in the fridge, maybe make you something to eat. Are you vegan, or omnivorous, seeing as how you’re basically from an entirely different world?” >”Ponies are sort of in-between. We are omnivores in the sense that we can have eggs or milk, but not with actual meat.” >Sounds like the scientists are going to have a field day, having discovered an entirely new species that isn’t herbivorous or omnivorous. >And they're able to speak English, but that’s just a foot note. >You head to the kitchen, and an idea pops into the royal-blue pony girl’s head. >Just before you pick up the pantry stuff, everything floats out of the bag in a yellow haze! >You give a high-pitched yelp and flinch at the display, backing up and hitting your heel on the fridge. “GYAAH!” You yell out, as the aura goes away, the culprit rushing to you with a frightened expression. >”A-are you alright? I didn’t mean to freak you out!” >You slide down onto your rump, letting out a sharp sigh and holding your hand out. “Yeah…but what was that? How did the…?” >”Don’t you have magic here? You have refrigerators and video and audio recording, aren’t they powered by magic?” “Oh, that’s what it was. Magic. Right,” I awkwardly reply. “That’s kind of just a fantasy story cliche around here…” >She visibly deflates at that. “I-it’s not your fault or anything…I was just surprised, is all.” >To prove your point, you reach up to her head and hazard a pet at her mane. >Heavenly, absolutely heavenly. >Flinching at first at the sudden gesture, she blushes a bit at that, leaning her head forward a bit and closing her eyes. >God damn, this little beast of burden’s cute. >You let go, then pick yourself up from the kitchen floor, picking up an apple from the counter. “Here, Sapphire,” you say, holding it out for her. >She takes it in that magic thing, smiling. >”Thanks. You want me to help with the groceries?” “Yeah, consider that the start of paying your rent,” you joke, smirking at her. >Something tells you this whole alien species thing’ll be just fine, if all ponies are this adorably nice. >Just so long as they don’t find out they can abuse their cuteness as a weapon, at least. ----------------------- 17179620 >you are Chuckehorse >Its been a few years since the Equestrian Assimilation act was passed allowing pones from Equestria to become US citizens and youve been here in the US as part of the first wave of immigrants. >life wasnt at all what you expected compared to back home. >youve been having trouble keeping a job and have been moving from place to place. Times are tough, but not bad enough that you dont always have enough money to get by. >one day, while flipping through the channels on your tv, a specific advertisement catches your eye. >It was of pones and humans in military uniforms. >"Its more than a Uniform. Its brotherhood and an opportunity of a lifetime. In the US Army, you get the experience unlike any other. You get the opportunity to learn valuable skills in over 300 jobs available to both man and pone. If you are a pone, ask about special positions like the heavy guard, where you'll get to learn how to be a part of tank crews and..." >As soon as the narrator said tank crew you jumped out of your chair excitedly and ran to your computer to find the nearest recruiter. >Ever since you saw tanks they were the coolest thing ever to you but you didnt think you'd actually get to be in one! >once you have the address you make your way outside and head over to the recruiting station. >It's a nice day out and you've got a good pep in your step "I'm gonna walk in there, tell 'em want to be a tank pone like the ones from the ad, and then I'll be right on my way to ridin' in one of my very own big, armored up beauties!" >You get to the recruiting station. >It's closed. "Why in the world is it closed?" >You grab your phone from your saddle-pouch and fumble around with it before turning it on. >Being an earth-pony, you have a harder time using things that require articulate manipulation. "Some days, i wish i was born a unicorn." >Upon unlocking your phone you check the day and to your dismay, you forget that its Sunday. >You give yourself a big facehoof. "Of course it would be my luck to come on a day when they're closed. >Beaten, but not defeated, you head back home, determined to come back tomorrow and seize your prize. >It is now Monday, and you made sure you were ready to go and start the day right. >you take a quick shower and eat a good breakfast consisting of oatmeal with fresh apples thrown in. >After breakfast was over, you put on your saddle-pouch and a decent shirt and marched straight to the station. >This time, it was unlocked. "Take two!" >With a sigh of anticipation and slight nervousness, you open the door. >It was virtually empty save for a couple desks, motivational posters of soldiers with quotes about teamwork leadership and being "Army Strong" and a man in an army uniform clicking away at his computer. >Noticing you, the man gets up to greet you. >"Hey there! C'mon in!" >He guides you over to his desk before offering you a seat, which you accept. >"So what can I do for you today?" "I wanna be a tanker pony in the Heavy Guard! When do I get to get a tank?" >"Whoa, slow down there, high-speed. You still gotta go through basic training before you even get to try out for Heavy Guard. Have you even taken the ASVAB yet?" "The what?" >"The ASVAB. It's a test that you have to take in order to see what you will be qualified for." "Uh..." >It looks like you weren't very forward thinking about this plan. >"Wow, you really weren't prepared for this were you? Lemme tell you what. How about you come back at a later date, that way you can be sure you know what you're-" >Your dream of being a tanker-pony were slipping from between your hooves. "NO! I can do it! I'm ready now!" you exclaim. >"Okay then. Suit yourself. Follow me and we'll get you set up." >The recruiter had sat you in front of a computer to take the electronic version instead of the written version. >humans didn't like touching stuff that was in someone else's mouth, pony or otherwise. >This was the ultimate test for you. Everything else felt like a cake walk when it came to importance. >You fretted over every single question making sure nothing got left to chance. >Even though you were pretty smart by Equestrian standards though, some of this stuff you don't think you even seen before. >You spent so much time worrying about everything, you barely finished. >"you have now completed the ASVAB. Come back tomorrow to find out your score is and what you qualify for." "why can't I find out now?" >"its just how the system works." >Leaving the station you immediately start to feel jittery from worrying about how you performed. >To take your mind off of the situation, you decide to head to the local Dairy Queen to grab some ice cream. "One thing they definitely do better here than back home," you think to yourself "is desert!" >you make your purchase and go home. >four Blizzards was not a wise decision. All it did was make you feel worse later that night >minimal sleep will be had tonight between the ice cream and the freaking out. >Next morning, you wake up feeling less than stellar but still anxious to hear the results. >You go through your normal routine and head to the station to learn how you did. >"welcome back. Got your results right here." >cautiously excited you take sheet showing your score. "110 on my general technical, and a 99 on my ASVAB score? What does that mean?" >"well, you actually scored really high and could definitely be a tanker if you wanted. But with a score like that, why not try to be a Green Beret pony?" The recruiter said, ready to sucker another one into the trap contract known as 18X. "What like wear green hats?" you ask having no clue what he meant. >"Something like that." he says going into greasy used-car-salesman mode. "Green Berets are Special Forces. They're the best of the best and no one on the ground is better than them." >you went wide-eyed at this. >"Green Berets are the toughest bunch of guys around. they jump out of planes and go behind enemy lines and fight them where they least expect it. If you become one of the elite few, you'll be the coolest guy around. All the lady ponies will want you, maybe even the human ladies. All the guys will want to be you, and they won't want to mess with you either." "That sounds badass! Do they get to ride around in tanks too?" >"No. wait!-" >He instantly regretted saying that. "Pass. I want to be a tanker and that's all." >"are you sure?" "positive." >"o-kay." >He retrieves the paper work which you read over and sign and gives you the Oath of Enlistment, and the day you have to arrive at the MEPS station. >You've arrived at the in-processing station. >Sweet Celestia, you finally understand what it means when people say "hurry up and wait". >After an excruciatingly long time, you finally leave there >over the next few weeks you head back for various PT dates before you finally ship out to basic. > for the last time, you go to the station and get on a bus headed to the training base. >on the ride there you met some of the other recruits, some of them are ponies, most of them are human though. "what are y'all joining up for?" you ask the others casually. >"I'm joining to help pay for college. I got an easy job too." one said >"I'm gonna be a medic! No nobler cause than that!" another added proudly. This one was a unicorn pony. You weren't really interested in him though. "Well I joined up to drive in tanks! Anyone else gonna be a tank crew member?" >only one guy raised his hand a few rows in front of you. >From what you could see from this angle, he was a pretty muscular guy. >"I am. Name's MacGunner, we can meet up and talk later. Right now though, I'd suggest getting some shut-eye. Its going to be a long night." he commented before returning back to his laid back position and falling asleep. >following his example you try to get as comfortable as possible and try to take a nap. >some time later in the middle of night, you feel the bus come to a halt and look outside to observe your surroundings. >To your left you don't see much as it's too dark out. To your right however, you see a large complex of buildings and two very mean looking men with weird hats giving you a look so ugly it'd kill you if looks could. "What have I gotten myself into..." ----------------------- 17218336 >As some of you may know, we spent most of our funds on athletes and astronaust, lost enough where we couldn't bribe homeless with PB&J, and lost most of our staff to testing. >Until today! >After spamming the blue and orange portal guns at each other spontaneously to see if we could create a blackhole to destroy the facility and possibly the countryside or planet around it, we have instead created a portal between dimensions! >Welcome, our Equestrian visitors, to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center! >For those dimmer minds among you, you may be asking yourselves, "What is science?" >You may also be asking yourselves, "What am the sky?" and "How do eat food?" >If you're asking this, it's because you're an idi- >*static* >And to answer your question: Science is the future! >Now for those unicorns among you, you be wondering, "Why do I care about science when I have magic?" >And to thay we say: Who wants sugar cube? >Now lets go do some science!>As some of you may know, we spent most of our funds on athletes and astronaust, lost enough where we couldn't bribe homeless with PB&J, and lost most of our staff to testing. >Until today! >After spamming the blue and orange portal guns at each other spontaneously to see if we could create a blackhole to destroy the facility and possibly the countryside or planet around it, we have instead created a portal between dimensions! >Welcome, our Equestrian visitors, to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center! >For those dimmer minds among you, you may be asking yourselves, "What is science?" >You may also be asking yourselves, "What am the sky?" and "How do eat food?" >If you're asking this, it's because you're an idi- >*static* >And to answer your question: Science is the future! >Now for those unicorns among you, you be wondering, "Why do I care about science when I have magic?" >And to thay we say: Who wants sugar cube? >Now lets go do some science! ----------------------- 17268017 Tap… Tap tap… “Mmmnnn…” I can hardly feel my legs. Who in God’s green Earth is at the door? I roll over slowly, checking the clock. Eleven o’clock…Maybe they’ll just bother someone else with whatever they’re selling. Tap tap tap… Silence…Oh, thank goodness, they finally le - Thump thump thump thu - “Alright! I’m coming!” I yell at the top of my dry lungs, my slightly high-pitched voice cracking slightly at the last word. I throw my covers off, and jump out of my bed. I curse silently to myself, stumbling through the house, not bothering to put on a shirt or turn on the lights. I run my fingers through my shaggy, brownish-blonde hair as I get to the front door, putting on a grimace in advance, and unlock the door. I throw it open, glaring in front of me, but don’t see anything. “Hm?” I falter in my stare, looking left. No one in the bushes…I turn my head to the lower right, only to - “W-what the fuck?!” I yelp, voice reaching a few octaves higher than it should have, at the creature in my vision. I-it’s a unicorn… A golden-yellow unicorn. With purple hair. I slump my shoulders, dumbfoundedly staring at the small horse before me. It’s wearing saddlebags that are slightly darker than her hair’s dye, and it even has a watch. I can’t help but think for a split second, what does this thing have a watch for? Doesn’t it already know it’s too late to go door to door at 11:00 at night? The thought’s quickly replaced with another: This has to be a prank. I look around the horse, waving my arm out. “...Hello? I was sleeping…Come on, it’s not funny, this is animal cruelty, ya know - and on a young one too,” I call out, hoping to find a response. I spend a few seconds looking at the horse again while waiting for a reply. It’s been shivering the whole time, breath a visible cloud with every puff from its nostrils. It reaches up to my chest when sitting on its haunches, and it has really big eyes, with puffy eyelids. Visible irises - blue, like mine - short muzzle, folded ears, and…A small, embarrassed smile? “Horses don’t smile. . .” I blurt out, immediately regretting it, as it opens its mouth, expression going sour as it speaks. “I’m not just an animal, you know!” it blurts back defensively with a stamp of its - her - hoof, voice sounding like a young woman of 20 or so. Immediately all firmness in her voice drops and she blushes, adding, “a-and we prefer the term pony.” “And horses don’t talk!” I yell, panicking as I back through the doorway, tripping on the shoes lined up on the side. I gasp as I fall on my back, the air knocked out of me, then lift my head. The mare reflexively jumps toward me, seeming just as panicked as I am, and holds out a hoof. “A-are you alright, sir? Here, take my hoof, I come in peace.” I deadpan at her as I grab her hoof and get off of my disheveled pile of shoes. I sit down and talk back to her, letting the vertigo subside as I try to get on her good side. “Y-yeah. Just a talking yellow pony with a horn, knocking on my door. Also, why did you say ‘I come in peace?’” I smirk, trying to add some sarcasm to the conversation. Apparently she has sci-fi wherever she’s from. “Heh, I just didn’t know what to say. I know I’m pretty much an alien -that phrase was drilled in my head after reading so much science fiction.” She gives a weak smile. “So you DO read sci-fi! Nerdy girls do exist in other universes, heh.” I pause before pointing my finger at the ceiling in realization of something, brain finally coming back online. “Oh, yeah, I should probably close the door. Hold on.” I get up, vision blurring slightly as I do, and close the door. “Sorry about the freak out, I feel like a dumbass...you know what? Let’s hit the couch,” I add casually, leading her to the couch. She follows, expression relieved. I walk to the living room, then motion to the couch. “Ladies first,” I joke. She gives a wiry smile and hops on, sitting down on her haunches like earlier. I couldn’t care less about the small amounts of dirt she lets off onto the cushion, but something about this being is off. She seems to be putting up some kind of facade, and as she jumped up, it seems to falter for a few seconds. I get on and ponder what to say for a few seconds. “Hey. What’s wrong?” I give her a concerned look, feeling guilty about how I reacted to her. “I-it’s nothing. Thank you so much for letting me in, though,” she adds hastily, trying to change the subject. I intensify my look, raising an eyebrow. You can’t fool me. I’ve held up facades before, and I can sense ‘em a million miles away. “No, you’re distressed. Please, just tell me, I feel awful freaking out on you like that.” “. . .” I feel her growing distant. “Come on, at least tell me why you came here,” I almost beg. She doesn’t speak for a while, breaking the stare as she looks down at the ground. She finally looks back at me and answers, looking distracted. “I came to this world this morning, or at least I think. I went to a forest known for strange activity, and accidentally locked eyes with a cockatrice. Instead of…being turned to stone, I fainted. I woke up being carted away by a metal carriage, and I…spazzed out a bit. I, broke the back doors off the hinges and cantered off. I guess that means…you’re harboring an alien criminal. S-sorry.” Oh, jeez…that’s a terrible first impression to make on Animal Control. What if it was actually the FBI?! I mask my panic and try to comfort her, putting my hand on her back and rubbing up and down. She shivers slightly from my cold hand, but doesn’t protest as I silently pet her back. After a while, I finally wrap my arm around her torso, take a deep breath, and look at her with a empathetic expression. “Listen…since you’re new here, I want to make one thing clear: you’re not a monster. No matter what, remember that. You’re only different, and some of my kind - humans, in case you were wondering - are afraid of different things. I’m not an alien, but I was persecuted for being a little bit…tangential, so I understand how it feels. We’re the only sentient species on this planet, Earth, and consequently, even slight differences, from skin color to beliefs to political position, can set someone off. Since it’s obvious you’re a sentient being, I just want to be honest with you. There are good and bad people here, and no matter how scary things may be, don’t let people scare you because of a few of their bad decisions.” I silently applaud myself, glad I could muster that kind of statement up without too much hassle. She doesn’t speak, looking me in the eyes with her own moistening ones. I can’t stand to look at her tearful face, so I pull her closer and pick her up, giving her a hug. I hold her head to my heart with a hand, holding her rump by the other. “Welcome to Earth, Miss. Sorry it couldn’t be on better terms.” I get up, holding onto her, and carry her to my bedroom, letting her cry into my chest. She wraps her forelegs around my midsection, weeping quietly to me, and I give her mane a petting as I push the guest room door open with my foot. I sit down on the bed and wait for her to calm down, then set her on the bed. “Here, you can sleep here for the night. I can tell you’ve had a lot on your mind.” I reassure her, going across the hall to my own room. I’m more uncertain than she is, I think to myself as I wrap up in my own covers. What am I going to do with her? I awake from a dreamless and unfulfilling slumber, too stressed out by nightmares of the FBI finding out about the anomaly living in my house to sleep well. I feel sluggish as I throw the covers off unceremoniously and crawl out of the bed. I gasp as I stumble on my first step, only just noticing that my left leg is asleep. I recover, however, and patiently stand on my right foot until my leg regains feeling. I put my shirt and some comfortable pants on, then quietly walk to the guest room to see the yellow pony is still fast asleep, previously-shed tears staining the pillow - and her face. Oh, man...she looks terrible. Her hair - mane, I guess - is all over her head, and if the pillow said anything, she was probably ‘thinking’ all night, too. Her eyes are puffy and her fur looks like it needs a brushing - probably something I should have noticed when she appeared. The comforter and covers are thrown around, an obvious result of her tossing and turning in her sleep. I decide the best thing to do would be to wake her up calmly and help clean her up. I speak with the softest voice I can muster, squatting by her bed and softly putting my warm hand on her head. “Hey…are you alright now?” I whisper to her, giving one slow stroke to her mane, avoiding her horn and ears. “Hey…are you alright now?” I whisper to her, giving one slow stroke to her mane, avoiding her horn and ears. “Mmmmmn...?” She gives a groggy moan as she steadily awakes. She smacks her lips and opens her eyes. “Yeah...thanks, mister.” God damn, she’s adorable. Beside the part about being an alien and a sentient creature, she’s like my old terrier Todo! “I’d be a terrible person if I didn’t take you in.” I pat the bed with my free hand as I’m delicately holding my hand on her head. “Are you hungry at all? We can talk over breakfast if you want to.” She smiles at that, and I feel slightly better having made her happy. “That sounds like a plan, mister.” I take my hand off of her head and stand again as she gets up on her hooves and jumps off. I lead her to the kitchen and reach in the fridge before locking up. Wait, she’s an alien...what does she eat? I shut the door and turn to her, smiling awkwardly. “Erm, hey Miss...are you an herbivore, or you okay with eggs, er, uh...?” I trail off. How tact, Hank. While we’re at it, let’s also ask if she’s attracted to fire hydrants! That won’t - “Eggs and toast are fine,” she interrupts my inner berating casually, apparently not feeling the awkward air about us. Alrighty. Eggs and toast. I get some eggs from the fridge and put two slices of bread in the toaster. As I crack the eggs and empty them in my pan, I look to her again. “You can sit down on the couch if you want. It’ll take a little while,” I tell her, holding my hand flatly in the direction of the couch as I grab a spatula. If there’s one thing Dad told me would be important having people over or serving customers, it was pointing. Just keep your hand out and point with your whole arm. She promptly nods and hops on the couch, sitting up like a dog again. I finish the eggs and toast, deciding to avoid bacon for the pony girl’s sake, and set up two plates and two glasses of OJ. I put a straw in there for her, just in case, and carry it all to the coffee table in front of my couch. “Breakfast is served. Sorry if it’s not much, but you are sort of a different species. I never got your name. I’m Hank. You?” I sit down next to her on the couch, looking at her plate to see how she tackles utensils. “Gemstone,” she replies, smiling at me sincerely. Too sweet! Too sweet! I think I’m having a heart attack! I think, smiling on the outside (and giggling like a madman on the inside). “Nice to meet you, Gemstone.” I decide to lay everything down now, to prevent any problems. “So, where are you from, and how old are you? This is Oceanside, a city in the nation of America, on the planet Earth, and I am 23.” “I’m from Baltimare, a city in the nation of Equestria, and I am 20,” she says, imitating my tone. Before I can continue, she turns to her food, leans in, and what what what what what what w - Error: Hank.exe has crashed. “I was like that a few years ago. I was in college, pretty much ‘training’ myself for a job in publishing and developing, which I do now.” I decide to keep the ‘games’ thing out of it, just in case her world’s not as advanced as Earth. “Hey, Hank,” Gemstone starts. “What exactly are humans like? I don’t know anything about them, except that apparently I’m not normal to them, and that you’re a nice one. Can you, maybe…tell me more?” I feel kind of bad about that, now that I think about it. She only met me and the Animal Control crew...she’s probably somewhere between fear and curiosity with humanity. Maybe I should try setting her straight. But what should I say first? “Yeah, I, uh, guess that sort of thing is in order,” I stall. I spend a few seconds in silence, formulating the best summation I can. “I will say first, though, that that’s a really heavy question to ask. There’s a plethora of great and terrible people; a huge collection of unhealthy habits and quirks that make humanity an odd race. I don’t know if you have religion where you’re from, but a large selection of our people have split off into hundreds - no, thousands - of religious sects. “Like I said before, slight differences have been known to make humans afraid - sometimes even violent. There is one religious group that was given all the blame for the loss of a war, and the people were nearly killed off entirely by a group of patriots who were too angry and afraid to live in their conditions - if not for the intervention of other countries and powers, there would be no trace of Judaism today.” I pause, crossing my arms and closing my eyes, not wanting to see her reaction. “I know it’s scary to hear about a race that killed over ten million of its own out of fear, but it’s…it’s not all bad. There are some great philosophers, musicians, inventors, and artists, too. George Carlin, Shigesato Itoi, Michelangelo, Voltaire, a musician by the same name, Edmund McMillen, Jhonen Vasquez, Johnathan Coulton, David Bowie, Nikola Tesla, Phil Fi - well, maybe not Phil Fish. But the point stands that there are so many bright minds on Earth, and even if they don’t make up for those who have done terrible things, they’re the first steps to change in society. They create so many great things, and even if there are terrible people, brutes, criminals, and bigots...we still try to be a good species. We just...lose our way sometimes.” I spend a while in silence, hanging my head. She should be the one looking away from the human. What kind of wimp am I? I finally gather the bravery to look up, guiltily gazing back to Gem. I lock up as I see her expression: she’s smiling. Her eyes look moist, but…she’s smiling. I return the gesture, getting up as I flash her a soft smile. “Let’s not dwell on all that, though, alright? What do you want to do today? There’s a lot I bet you’d love.” Please don’t say ‘go outside,’ please don’t say ’go ou - “Can we go outside?” Ugh…why does she have to be so adorable? I think for a few seconds, not wanting to disappoint the alien eating eggs and toast with me. “There are a few places we could go that nobody goes to at night, but I can’t think of anywhere to go in broad daylight. Sorry. Maybe we could pick at each other’s brains, or watch movies, or something?” I feel like an immense asshole denying her the chance to go to the park or something, but I’d never forgive myself if I let her get taken by FBI operatives or curious veterinarians. “Now that you mention it, I’m still kinda clueless. Maybe some books you know that could help with that? Encyclopedias?” “O-oh, yeah! Does your magic cover pressing small buttons?” I ask, getting a quick nod in return. “how about I introduce you to your first piece of human technology?” Her grin’s so huge that it may just break her jaw if she holds it any longer, so I motion for her to follow me to the office. She enters the room and her eyes are immediately fixated on the desktop computer at the far corner of the room. I give a smirk and softly place my hand on her withers. “This, my odd little equine friend, is the computer. It stores and accesses information across the world, plays music, displays news live from other countries, and so much more.” Hey, I at least waited to blow her mind until she calmed down, didn’t I? The future shock won’t be nearly as bad with her in a good mental state. “Wow…” the pony girl slowly approaches the wheeled chair as I follow her. “Hey, Gem, I should probably introduce you, before you jump right in. It’s...pretty complicated.” I hold the chair in front of her as I boot up the computer. She gives the black screen a stare of rapt attention, and it takes all my willpower not to laugh uncontrollably. “Calm down, Gem, it’ll take a minute to boot up.” She ignores me, keeping her eyes on it until the Gateway screen goes from a backlit black to my desktop background ...and scares her out of her wits. She yelps, jumping back into the back of the chair and pushing it a foot or so backwards, and I quickly reach to her back. “D-don’t worry, it’s just a background image…to decorate, heh.” Ah, crap, I should have probably checked that first... ----------------------- 17292024 >Life has gotten a little tipsy once Celestia came along into your life about 3 days ago. >She's been having it rough adjusting to human culture herself, her brain's been fried nearly every time you try to introduce human technology to her. >She nearly vaporized you because she thought the television was a cage for tiny slave humans and she flipped her lid. >It took 45 minutes and a dismantled TV to get out of that jam. >Today, she's built up the courage to come along with you to the park in your car, about a 35 minute drive. >The radio didn't frighten her, surprisingly, although she's been taking it with ignorance. >"And now, Geico presents; A message from your conscience." >"As your conscience, it's my job to..." >"Oh my." Celestia turns to you. "Your conscience sounds much more mature than you act, Anon." >You slump in your seat. "For the 13th time, Cel, it's not actual people, it's a pre-recor-" >"You should listen to it, Anon, it seems to know what its' talking about, this gay-co program sounds simply wonderful!" >You literally just pulled out of the driveway. >Celestia is now holding a conversation with the radio show hosts. >This is going to be a long drive. >Day 4 with Sunbutt. >Monday, 6:34AM. >You had to practically slap yourself awake to get up for work after Celestia kept you awake all night. >She insisted in sleeping alongside you, which quickly became on top of you, and constantly tossing and turning in her sleep. >Right now, she was upstairs in the bathroom while you make coffee from the pot. >She broke your coffee maker the other day by flinging it across the room, claiming it was "Spewing vile acid with terrible gurgling growls." >Sit down at the table and reach for the paper. >Hear a yelp from upstairs followed by several bangs and crashes. >Welp, there goes your coffee and your "#1 shitposter" mug. >About to head up there when Celestia comes tumbling down the stairs, she quickly reorients herself and presses against the far wall. >"I-i-it tried to kill me!" was all she managed to blurt out. >With a sigh, you head up the stairs, Celestia is now at your heels, maneuvering to keep you between her and her deepest horror. >Your bathroom was thrashed, bottles and soap bars cluttered the floor. >A small buzzing caught your attention. >In the center of it all? >Your electric razor, flipped on, was slowly vibrating along the floor. ----------------------- 17306926 >You will never get to see your computer pony meekly ask for an upgrade, slightly embarrassed to admit that she's getting old. >You will never see her eyes light up as you driver her to a microcenter. >You will never have a computer pony hold you and say "thank you thank you thank you!" over and over again as you purchase a 780Ti. >You will never come home and find out the 780Ti is too big for her to swallow and absorb. >You will never hear her suggest a different method of insertion. >You will never insert a $700 graphics card into a computer pony's vagina. >You will never hear her moan in ecstasy as the PCIe ports connect and power on. >You will never play games in 4k on a computer pony. >You will never have sex with said computer pony as she pounces on you. >You will never be a member of the PC master race while rutting a computer pony. [spoiler]Because you bought an inferior PS4.[/spoiler] [spoiler]Pleb.[/spoiler] ----------------------- 17318250 >Morning of the third-last day. >You slept angry, dreamt angry, woke up angry and showered angry. >You are now drying yourself off while still being angry. >"Come on, Anon, you have to be clever to outsmart a lion pouncing its prey." >You aren't clever. >Unfortunately, you only have two days left in the bet. >If you ever had any hope in your side, it would be gone by now. >You drying yourse- >... Wait, is Leo in the bathroom with you? >You quickly put the towel around your waist and search for where the voice came from. >Actually, she is directly in front of you. >Apparently, she has the ability to hide in plain sight. Either that or you can't notice things while your fake-angry. >... Real-angry. >Your anger is totally real. >... It isn't... >"Hey, Anon." >Right in front of you. "How... long have you been here?" >She just keeps her smile peaceful and her eyes bright. >"I always watch you shower, silly." >... This is the first time you noticed. >Her smile seems a little more creepy than is should... >She bursts into laughter. >You don't know what she's laughing about, she almost gave you a heart attack. >"Anon, did you really believe me?" >... Oh. >Your expression flattens. >She was joking. >... And she got you. >Her laughing fit dies down to occasional sighs and giggles. >You just stand there awkwardly, only partially dry. >"... Though, it doesn't sound like a bad idea..." >That's it. >You shoo her out of the bathroom so you can finish. >She burst into another fit of laughter. >If only the bathroom door had a lock on it... >... >A few minutes later, you come out of the bathroom, fully clothed and ready to take on the world. >... The world, however, doesn't have anything planned for you today. >What a lazy world. >"Anon!" >Goodness, that sounded quite far away. She's probably in the kitchen... maybe. >You make your way to the kitchen, where, surely enough, Leo is. >The table is set for breakfast, two chairs right next to each other are pulled out and ready to sit in. >Leo is next to the farther chair. >"Come on, honey, don't let your food get cold." >And she even prepared breakfast for you! >... Cereal. >You put on your best obviously-fake bad-mood face. >Living with Leo is basically her messing with you and you reacting. >... But you love every second of it. >You have a flair for the dramatic, after all. >She giggles and brings herself up onto the chair, beckoning you to sit next to her. >... >Breakfast itself was pretty uneventful, but you still enjoyed it. >You still don't understand how ponies hold things with their hooves. >Stupid magnet hooves... >You put the bowls and spoons in the sink to be washed... later. >You'll get to them soon... soon-ish. >"Anon~" >Oh no... >She usually uses that tone when she's going to lay the seduction on thick. >You read somewhere Leos are the most sexually active of the Zodiacs... >But seriously. >This is the main reason you're scared to lose the bet, she wants the relationship you have to go way faster than you want it to. >... Though, you can't deny you've had a few thoughts about her... that way. >Focus, you have to prepare for the assault at hand. >Your heart is racing as you turn to face her. >Her eyes are lidded, the mane of her suit is down and she's biting her lip. >"We have a lot of free time today, and you look so stressed..." >She saunters closer to you. >There is nowhere left to flee, your back is already at the counter. >"Maybe we could take today to..." >You notice the sway of her hips. >While you were entranced, she got within touching range of you. >She puts her hoof on you thigh and looks up at you. >"... Do something..." >Her eyes go back down to your crotch. She stares at it hungrily, even so far as to lick her lips. >"... Sensual..." >Her hoof is now rubbing your thigh and... it's getting dangerously close to... >Well, there's only one way out of this. >You put all of your acting talent into this fake-faint. >... Wait, you're on a hard-wood floo- ----------------------- 17336025 >Be Winnie. >Anon is out at work. >Be a nymphomaniac. >Really want the D. >You've had three previous owners, all of whom have returned you after your advances. >After you begged them for hours, after you practically inserted yourself onto their morning wood while they were asleep. >Honestly, it's more like you raped them instead of the other way around. >A few moths later, and you've finally found a new owner. >Problem is, you need to really suppress your sexual tendencies. >One more stunt like that, and you might be returned to Microsoft for disassembly and diagnostics. >Eugh, you quiver at the thought. >You manage to make it two weeks before your... Tenancies start up again. >Oh god, you want to be penetrated so hard. >Just once, once you would like to feel what the biological organisms felt when they had sex. >You drool at the thought. >'No no! Don't think about it! Thinking will only make it stronger!' >You've reached the point where you've needed to take a shower every few hours to get rid of the stench of your musk. >You start panting, and your internal diagnostics alert you of a spike in estrogen production. >No! You can't take it! >You reach for the nearest roughly-phallic shaped object; a tv remote. >Your hooves are slippery with sweat, it's nearly impossible to get it inside your cunt. >It's even harder to grab the thing and thrust it inside you. >Frustrated, you throw away the remote, and resort to using your hooves. >It helps, but your hooves are too wide to actually fit inside your vagina. >And you need something inside you if you want to scratch this itch. >Eventually you just collapse into a fit of crying from sexual frustration. >You will never get the D. >You will never find sweet sweet salvation. >You're still sobbing quietly when the door opens, and your master comes home. >You barely have time to react before he enters the room, dropping everything in his hands to come see you. >"Oh my god, Winnie, are you alright? What happened?" >You push away from him, you really don't want to be triggered right now. "A-Anon, I--" >"Did you hurt yourself? Did someone die? If there's anything wrong, please tell me so I can help you!" >So many questions, you have a hard time opening your mouth to answer just one of them. "I- Um, I just- Uhh..." >Then you get an idea. >An awful idea. >You got a wonderful, awful idea. "I... I can't play your games in high, master..." >"Wha... What?" "I- I tried so hard, and I pushed myself as far as my cores would go, b-but I just couldn't!" >You sniff a little for effect. >"Hey, there there... It's not the end of the world--" "Bu-But I thought I could!" You yell, adding a little more tears to the mix. "I-I thought I was a fast pony! But I guess I'm just a terrible used model that nobody wants!" >Okay, you mightn't pushed yourself a little too far there, you're actually getting kind of depressed and a few of your tears are becoming a little more genuine. >"I-I'm sorry." >At this point your master walks up to you and embraces you in a hug. >He starts petting you, the feeling is nice. >"Shhh, you're a good pony." >W-wow, you've never heard that one before. >Your previous masters had always said you were a fast computer, but never a 'good pony'. >You feel warm inside. Unlike the heat you constantly get, this is a warm and happy feeling that you want to last as long as possible. >"How about after supper, we go to a microcenter and get you some upgrades, alright?" >You feel a little bad about lying before, but you love this feeling so much that you just nod your head and nuzzle his neck. >It wasn't a complete lie, you did have to push yourself to get medium settings on some games, but it just felt... manipulative. >What's said is said, however. There's no changing the past. >Looks like you need to just roll with it. ----------------------- 17363183 >playing in the backround of the living room: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-82V3IIcY4M&feature=youtube_gdata_player "So why is easter a holiday here?" >You turned to Applejack then reply >"Well you see there was this guy that was a big deal around this world. Religion comes to mind when you celebrate this day." "Uh-huh" >"And this guy named Jesus Fish saved the world by dying at the hands of a man called Galactus but saved everyone from death in return" "Oh, that sure was some battle then" >"Oh it was! Now could you help me put peanut bubber on this cube? I got to hide them for when the kids come over and play cubehunt" >Everyone got peabnut bubber and had a happy easter thanks to Scooby and the gang. End ----------------------- 17373173 >Pinkie Pie flips through TV before bouncing around and causing a racket. >"I'm boooored. Why isn't there more channels here." >Twilight's browsing the internet. >"What in the world is a shiggy diggy?" >Rainbow Dash is outrunning the fastest setting on the treadmill. >"C'mon. Is this as fast as this thing goes? Puh-leeze." >Rarity's buying stuff with a credit card. >Your credit card. >"I would like some ultra-luxe brand truffles, please." >Applejack's trying to do renovations. >"Whoops. These power tools.... I hope nopony minds a few dents." >And worst of all, Fluttershy came back with a dozen strays, where they're pissing and shedding all over the place. >"These animals won't listen to me." >She's having problems staring down 10 individual dogs and cats. >You hate your life. All life with pony is nothing but suffering. >And autism. >And suffering with autism. ----------------------- 17437065 >Day mass exodus to Earth. >Ponies scattered across the planet. >%70 of them teleported above water, and are forced to swim for their lives. >Many more are teleported to other equally inhospitable places like mountain ranges, barren deserts, and polar ice caps. >Humanity flips it's shit. >Entire planet mobilizes. >Defcon 1 across the globe. >Skies are cleared except for military and high priority aircraft. >Due to Celestia's previous visits to Earth, she knows where she needs to go. >She teleports into the United Nations building in New York. >Actually into the General Assembly. >Humans freak out because teleport, people are scared, security's weapons are drawn, though not a shot is fired. >First thing she does is plead for asylum for her species. >They are evacuating their planet because of a war between demons. >Asks for peace, and promises her subjects will be fully co-operative. >Humanity is relieved that their first alien encounter will not be one of war. >Threat is lowered to defcon 3. >Russia is the first to speak. >They offer to provide sanctuary, military, and medical support for all ponies, in exchange for sharing their teleportation "technology". >...as long as they pledge alliance with Russia. >Oh hell naw, USA is all over that shit. >They offer better military support, faster emergency response, economic prosperity, space travel, and other advanced utilities for all equestrians, as long as they cease communications with all other nations and share their "technology" exclusively with the US. >The General Assembly erupts into a chorus of arguments, all offering sanctuary if they share technology with only them and their allies. >Nobody notices as the white horse in the middle of the room slowly lower her ears and tear up slightly. "Why must man hate itself so much?" She mutters, barely audible to herself over the arguments of the surrounding parties. >Returning home now would be suicide, and without medical and emergency support, thousands are dying by the hour. >She can see them trying to cling to the hull of human naval ships, begging to be let aboard, or in the very least, something to hold on to. >And though the crew would do that in an instant, they have strict orders to avoid providing any kind of aid until negotiations are settled. >A tear drops from her eye, and she silently weeps for her subjects inside the hate filled room.