>You are ANON
>Yes, sometimes that deserves ALL CAPS
>And you're in Equestria
>You got here through teiwfksnals asdlkasnff af sadklafdf 
>Sorry
>had a bit of a seizure there going through the same fucking backstory as every other greentext
>So to the important bits:
>You're friends with the mane 6
>You live in ponyville - where you currently are, like I said
>There are some FINE MILFS walkin' about
>And there is one pony that you cannot fucking stand
>Like, if they didn't have bullshit magic you'd figure out some way to kill this horrible bastard for taking your waif-
>aah
>I'd tell you more, but then I'd be a horrible internal narrator
>You're on your way to the park to hang out with Ponks, RD and AJ
>You weren't the most physical person back on earth, but being forced to walk everywhere and eat healthy shit has kind of... changed your outlook
>stockholm syndrome's a bitch, yo
>And with the lack of the internets, you can't go back to your NEET ways - so all your entertainment is reading, or physical
>Welcome to country life
>Cresting the hill you see the three of them busy tossing a frisbee about
>You wave, and Pinkie sees you first, energetically waving back at you
"Yo Ponks!"
>"Nonarama!"
>" 'ey, Nonny!"
>"Howdy! Took yer sweet time, ah see!"
"Hah, yeah. Did you miss mee~"
>"Tch, shoot no. I just didn't want to beat these mares singlehoofedly-"
>And so it begins
>The shit-talking
>"There's only one thing you beat singlehoofedl-"
>"Oh we're THAT kinda greentext now, Dashie?"
>"Better n' you munchin' cloud all day-"
>Ha ha glorious
>After a few more minutes of this shit - and warming up, of course - you begin your game of ultimate 
>uh
>....diskbonk.
>It's not ultimate frisbee it's better I made it up by myself shutup you're not a doctor you don't know
>You leap up to catch the frisbee out of Dash's trajectory, and as you land you pivot, throwing it hard to Applejack
>"Ah got it ah got i-"
>"No ya don't." a male voice yells
>What

>A douchey orange blur flies dangerously close to you
>Like you have to hit the dirt, hard, to not get hit
>And banks into your throw, kicking the frisbee right into a tree
>Shattering it
"OH COME ON"
>"What the fuck?!"
>"Hey! That's not how you pla-"
>"Tarnation, I borrowed that from Applebloom, you gotta be ki-"
>"Now now, ponies!"
>With a winning smile, Flash fucking Sentry lands on the grass
>"No need to be so angry! I'm helping you!"
"I can help you find the bottom of a lake, you smug as-"
>"Ah ah ah! Princes don't take kindly to death threats, yanno."
>You close your mouth
>Ever since Twilight went to "your world" to study your people in their native habitat
>And brought home this jackass
>Everything went to shit
>Give a high school jock absolute power, zero consequences and a woman who'd apologize on his behalf and marvel that he's a shitlord
>"Anyway." He smiles widely. "This park's been commandeered by the Royal Guard for this afternoon-"
>"What?! Since when?!"
>Dash swoops down, glaring angrily at the new crown prince
>"Why, since Twilight asked me to take her here this morning. And since I don't like YOU-"
>He points to you, and you grin
>"-and anyone who associates with this trash, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. Now. Royal orders and all that."
>He smiles a winning smile and Dash begins her tantrum
>But there's no winning
>He couldn't be the special snowflake only human in equestria - you took that from him 
>So, yanno. As teenagers do, they ignore the silver platter infront of them and focus on what they don't have
>This means.... constant harassment on your part. Harassment that was borderline illegal, but...
>You sigh as you stand up
>What can you do?
>He's royalty.
"Come on, everyone. Let's just go."
>Dash is pulled along by Ponks and AJ as Flash Waves goodbye to you three
>With that same fucking grin on his face
>You taste bile

>As you walk away from the park, you notice a perky purple princess pone practically prancing down the road
>Fuck you I ran out of p's
>You sigh internally and put on your happy face, waving at the mare
>She did vouch for you when they found you
>And helped you settle in
>So
>It's not like you hated HER
>Quite the opposite, really
>...you gave yourself another sad
>"Hey girls! And Anon! How's it going?"
>"Goin'?! It aint' Goin' no-" Applejack begins, but a pink hoof covers her mouth
>"It's peachy-keen! We're just on our way to SCC to grab some nummies! Wanna join?"
>Twilight smiles and shakes her head. "No, sorry - Flash came up to me and suggested we go out to the park to eat - apparently it's been empty all day!"
>That cunt
"Well that's really.....something of him to do."
>Giggling, she nods. "I know! It's so sweet. Anyway, he's probably waiting for me - I don't mean to rush, but-"
"No, no, that's... fine. That's fine."
>You step to your side to let her pass, a basket floating in her magic being pulled behind her
>Hm. Cooked him lunch, too
>Ah well. You can either laugh or cry, Anon. Laugh or cry.
>Pinkie chirps something in a sing-song tone, and you smile, rubbing her head gently
>You're not paying attention right now, but... it'll pass
>it always does
>You soon find yourself in SCC, sitting down at your dedicated spot
>It was nice of them to basically make one half of a pony booth REALLY TALL to fit you
>But then, all these pones are really nice
>"And here you go, dearie. Cupcakes, on the house!"
"But you're not on the roof."
>Cup Cake giggles, rolling her eyes. "That's a bad one, Anon. Next time I'm going to charge double."
>Everyone laughs, and she walks away
>And you admire her, in her own way
>Maybe you just like larger mares? More cushion?
>As you bite into the cupcake, thinking about mare ass 
>I mean, who doesn't?
>The conversation turns to how the gang can replace Applebloom's frisbee
>Where we can do our next round of diskbonk
>Normal things

>"Aaah, whoo-boy. But, that's why they're called Uni-Corns and not Uni-Cobbs!"
>After a particularly off-color joke by Applejack
>I mean really, who else?
>The four of you are laughing again
>Itfeelsgoodtolaughagain.wav
"Ah, man, this is good.... hey, so - wanna come over to my place sometime? We can do a cookout, get some cider flowin-"
>"Cider?! I'm in - straight up in."
"Yeah, but bring something other than fucking cups, ok-"
>"Nonny, are you humping the furniture again? Do we need to get you fixed?"
"Cheeky horse"
>Another round of chuckles, and plans begin to take shape
>Suddenly Ponka vibrates - she looks down, scrunching her nose slightly
"Yo, Panno - sup?"
>"I unno...."
>The chime of the door opening is ignored, until you hear a light gasp and a familiar "Yoooo~"
>You turn and wave to the poshest pone you've ever known
"Oh. Sup, Rara?"
>"Rare-i-ty. Come on, Anon, you can do this, unless these ruffians have beaten all sense out of your brain."
"Ararararara"
>"That sounds right" Dash adds, and the table erupts into giggles once more
>She rolls her eyes. "Yes, well. You might not be giggling once you see this."
>She slides what looks like a carbon copy of something on the table
"Ok? Look, if you need me to post your bail again-"
>"Aga- Anonymous! This is serious!"
"What's so serious... about..."
>Your eyes start to scan the paper
>Posted by the guard, blah blah... citizen not home
>Building not up to code, scheduled for demolition and complimentary rebuilding, estimated transient time 6 months
>Effective immediately of posting, building not suitable for habitation
>Citizen will have to find other lodging outside of the government...
"Oh, wow... Rarity, I'm sorry. What's this going to do to your business?"
>You look up to Rarity, resting a hand on her withers
>She blushes softly, looking away. 
>"Ahnon...partner?"
>You look back up to AJ
>"This address at th' bottom..."
>You start breathing deeply as your stomach sinks
>"...it's yours."

"NO."
>"Anon, please! Please, calm do-"
"NO THAT ORANGE FUCK HAS GONE TOO FAR-"
>"Ahnon, ya'll gotta - look, jus' relax! You're still here, he can't stop you from stay-"
"SIX MONTHS, AJ. I'M NOT ALLOWED TO GO BACK AND GET ANY OF MY THINGS FOR SIX MONTHS. EVERYTHING IS GONE."
>"W-well we can always make you some new things, darling - just pleas-"
"THEY ARE GOING TO DEMOLISH EVERYTHING. NO RECOVERY - SEE?! IT'S CHECKED. EVERYTHING IS GONE."
>You paced back and forth behind SCC, your hands balled up into fists
>You'd rip out your hair if you had the mind to
>and rip out his throat
>He delivered the notice to your door about 5 minutes after you left for the park
>Flash wants you gone, badly
"I'M GOING TO KILL HIM."
>"N-no, no you're not, Anon. Come on, big guy, it's ok... it's ok..."
>Dash lands on your chest, hugging you tightly
>Taking it as a cue, Ponka hops on your back, with Rarity and AJ taking a leg
>Your breathing begins to slow down
>When you strike at the king, you must kill him
>But you can't - that's idiocy. You'll be killed
>Flash will be proven "right", even if as a martyr
>And you can't get back at him at all - even a perceived slight can get you in the slammer
>It's always been run and avoid. Run and avoid.
>But now there's nowhere for you to run to. You can't live at Rarity's - or AJ's, unless it's in the barn....
>Oh God you're going to have to live in the barn!?
>You fall to your knees, and they hug you still, whispering soft words of encouragement
>You hear none of them
>No
>No. You can't get to Flash directly
"I-it's ok. Yeah. It'll be ok."
>But you CAN get to Twilight
>A black mote of vengeance grows in your heart, and your mind begins to race
>Kill her? No. You love her
>Date one of the other princesses? You barely know them - and they'd sniff out a power play miles away
>Damn millenia of experience
>Kill their love for each other? Yes.
>Yes, this you can do.
"Yeah... yeah. I can do this."
>But how?

>They stay with you for a little while longer
>To truly make sure you're ok
>Word will get around - not to Twilight, mind you - but to your other friends. You'll be offered a place to stay, work....
>Everything will be ok
>[spoiler]If you stayed a fucking pleb[/spoiler]
>You remain on the back step of SCC
>You asked if... the first month you could stay with Pinkie
>Cause she "keeps you cheerful"
>But that's not the real reason
>There's a dark art that your people developed
>In hushed tones it whispered into your mind
>Not the real recipe, no - that was blasphemous. But a bastard child of this blueprint of the damned
>Maybe - if you could plan it right - if you could make it close enough - it would work
>These horses are hundreds of years behind Humanity, they won't know what hit 'em
>"Nonny?"
>A quiet, worried voice calls to you, and you turn
>Ponka stands in the doorway, the afternoon sunlight causing her to glow
"I'm fine, Ponana."
>"No. No you're not... see?"
>She lifts a hoof, and you see it's trembling - shaking like a leaf
>But the rest of her is fine
>"This is a bad doozy. Why... why?"
>She sniffles at you, and for a moment your will wavers
>for a moment
"Pinkie... I have to."
>"B-but you can forgive and we can all laugh an-"
"And what if he comes in and decides to hate your food? What if he decides to pull this same shit with your home? With your other friends?"
>You turn fully to her, crouching
"What happens when I do leave, and he gets his way, and finds that nobody will stop him - who will be safe then?"
>Spreading your arms, you wait for an answer
>She lowers her head
"It's...you don't have to know. Just tell no one."
>She shakes her head and looks up, tears in her eyes
>But a smile on her face
>"What kind of friend would I be if I wasn't in jail with you, Non?"
>You laugh
"You beautiful pink bitch."
>You pull her into a deep bear hug, and she returns it, sniffling softly

>"P-pinkie promise that nopony else gets hurt?"
>She looks up at you with big, innocent blue eyes
"Pinkie. I promise when this is done not only will Flash be gone, but everything will be as right as rain."
>She nods
"Now, I need a few things - let me know if you can get them.... also, is Twilight allergic to peanuts?"
>Pinkie tilts her head, eyebrows quirking. "Uh... not to my knowledge.."
"Excellent. First..."
>You begin to explain what you need and Pinkie stops asking questions
>The less she knows, the better
>That night, you're able to gather your ingredients - she calls in a few favors 
>and as the Cakes sleep, with Pinkie standing watch outside the kitchen
>you work
* * *
>"But Anon, is this really... it?"
>You spin on your heels, spreading your body wide across your creation
"PINKIE. GET OUT"
>Her ears flatten to her head. "I j-just want to kn-know, Nonny!"
"No. NO. This... no. If this works, it must never happen again - let this darkness be lost to history."
>"But it doesn't look evil - it looks bright and-"
>You cover your weapon with paper towels, hoping it doesn't suck up too much moisture
"No. Don't... don't even touch them. They're not... Pinkie."
>You sigh
"Remember how Poison Joke is pretty?"
>She nods
"And how it's bad for you?"
>She nods again
"This is exactly like that. A thousand times prettier, a thousand times worse."
>She slowly backs away. "D-do I need to burn the place down? This won't infect anything else, ri-"
"No no. Enough water will dilute everything. Now, you have that cooler, right?"
>You hear a hoof connect with something, and an ice box is slid over to you
"Good. Please, leave. You'll know it's safe to come back once you hear the door close."
>"N-nonny, you promised...."
"I did. That's why I'm carrying it in a cooler - nopony will accidentally get any."
>She backs out, her innocent eyes searching you
>Searching a man pushed past his limits for a semblance of reason
>of hope

>There is no hope in your eyes but the wild hope of the desperate and the mad
>She senses this, and sighs
>"What else do I need to do?"
"Just... make sure Twilight's alone. Get everyone away from her-"
>She lets out a single laugh. "That's easy. Just say you're there to get studied."
"Oh."
>You hadn't thought of that
>Hopefully you're not rubbing off on her...
"Ok. Just... go?"
>You wave a gloved hand at her, and she backs out
>Turning to your creation, you begin wrapping them in thin tinfoil, placing each package in the cooler
"....Fuck I hope this works."
* * *
"Here to see the Princess."
>"Sorry sir. Not allowed to let you in under any circumstances."
>Of fucking course
"I have... come to get studied."
>The guards look at each other
>"Look, buddy, if that's an innuendo-"
"What?! Fuck no. I've got a cooler of excrement and blood - you really want to see?"
>You place the cooler down and begin to crack it open
>"Oh sweet Luna no - jus - no. Rookie, let the Princess know that the ape wants to be looked at."
>Hm.
>Nice. His mood is infecting his troops
>"Me? YOU let her know! I'm not going to-"
>Well. Might as well try your weapon out now. You did make more than enough
>You crack open the cooler and grin
"Gentlemen?"
>They stop their bickering and look at you, then at the shiny object in your hand
"So tell me....what would you do...."
* * *
>You left the guards outside
>beating each other to death
>Literally. With their hooves
>This worked too perfectly
>You made your way through the halls, knowing your route by memory - left... right... dining hall... two doors down should be
>*knock knock*
>"Come in! Mind the scrolls!"
>Private Study
"Hello, Twilight?"
>You smile as you crack open the door, sticking your head in
>"Anon?! Oh Anon, it's been so long! Are you doing well?"
>You force your smile to remain
"Just fine. Say, I know we haven't really had our study sessions in a long time-"
>She giggles. "No, sorry - been very busy recently-"
>Bet you have

>That orange cunt won't be keeping you busy anymore
"And so, well. I figured we could get back into it!"
>"Oh, wonderful! Yes, I - yes, it's been so long since we spent time together. And, you're sure you don't mind me taking measurements...?"
>She smiles sheepishly, and you chuckle
"Not at all. In fact, I had something I wanted to show you from my home, and I brought it here-"
>You tap the cooler, and she squees. "An artifact?! A trinket using electric - IS IT A NEW BOOK?"
>You laugh
"No on all counts! But first, let's make sure we're not disturbed, eh?"
>You motion to the door, and she nods
>You hear the lock click, and the sound of a spell going off
>"Ok! Sound dampening spell and the lock's engaged. You know I take your privacy seriously, Anon."
"I do, I do."
>You place the cooler down, and motion for her to sit
"Now, before we truly begin, I had a question for you."
>You pop open the cooler and pick up the first package you see
"What would you do...."
* * *
>Two hours
>She's been on your cock for two hours, like a champ
>Turns out months of pent-up sexual frustration and hate-fucking makes you last like a sex god
>After the first 45 minutes you made sure to fuck her against the door, and you're pretty sure the spell popped
>"Ooooohhh Celestia FUCK~"
>Just like she did
"Twi, I'm gonna-"
>"A-again?! But - hah- oh yes - just -"
"NNN-"
>You hilt yourself in her as you cum, her walls milking you for all they're worth
>"Ooooohhhhh Fuuuuuuccckkk~"
>You lean forward and kiss her deeply, not caring that your dark creation still stains her muzzle, her fur
>You taste it in her kiss, and it tastes like victory
>Immediately, you begin thrusting into her again, giving neither of you any pause
>She squeals into your mouth, her hooves gripping your chest and beating against it
>That's right
>You're going to be ruined for any other stallion
>You hear the door bang in the back of your mind, but pay it no attention
>*Bang* "What's going on in th-"

>"Fla-aa-aaaann-Aaannooon~" She whines, riding out yet another orgasm
>*BANG*
>"Anon?! ANON IF YOU'RE IN THERE WITH MY TWILIGHT-"
>Yeeeessssss
>Oh man you just feel so GOOD
>You speed up your thrusts, trying to fuck this mare into the castle floor
>*BANG BANG*
>Victory
>*BANG CRACK*
>We have total victory
>*CRACK SLAM*
>Flash Sentry stands there, wings out, face twisted in rage
>You stare at him, making eye contact as his girlfriend
>Sorry
>ex-marefriend
>milks your dick for all it's worth
>"H-HOW C-I'M - TWILIGHT!? J-HOW?"
>"Fla-AAH! Mmn, So-I-Ah!"
"Oh, hah, sorry bro - hoo... fuck, you want me to stop-"
>"YES I WANT YOU TO STOP"
>He can't beat you
>Not physically, not now - that would be assault
>And since he's the prince consort, prince apparent - he has too much to lose
>You grunt as you get off of Twilight, and she moans, stretching out in the warmpth of afterglow
>"You'll be back, right?"
"Yeah babe, just give me a moment."
>You get up, your dick still at half-mast, and walk over to Flash
"Hey buddy what's goi-"
>"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN, WHAT'S GOING ON?! I'M GOING TO KILL YO-"
>He reaches behind him, pulling out a stiletto
>Well then. That saves you some time
"Yeah ok Imma let you finish, but... well here."
>You walk over to your cooler and pop it open, pulling out one of your packages
>You turn around, facing him.
"Flash...what would you do [spoiler]for a klondike bar?[/spoiler]"
>He stares at your creation
>And begins to sweat profusely