>So, how do you tell when you're officially a total loser?
>Is it when you spend your Friday nights alone in your bedroom, munching chips 'n salsa in the dark while staring at your laptop?
>Or is it when you awkwardly keep your nose pointed at the ground when you walk from class to class, hoping nobody bumps into you while you shuffle around?
>Actually, it's probably when the teacher asks you to all pick lab partners, and the fear that spikes your chest is about on par with how you'd feel if the North Koreans started dropping H-bombs
>You are Femanon, a sophomore at CHS, and right now you're considering just taking a nosedive out of the Chem Lab's window instead of trying to find yourself a partner
>A hot, prickle feeling builds up on your scalp as you scan the room, hoping desperately that you'll see some other loser sitting alone, hugging her backpack to her chest
>Yeah, fat chance
>All around you, everyone chatting excitedly as they split into pairs, and the screeching of chairs on tile sounds around the room as everyone pairs off
>You drop your head onto your book, wondering if you could just pretend to be sick
>"Hiya!"
>Someone pats your right shoulder
>You raise your head, looking somewhat bewilderedly at the girl now sitting next to you
>She's vaguely familiar, one of those people that seems to know everyone, with bubblegum-pink hair and a cheery, exuberant affect 
"Um... h-hey?"
>Your voice cracks right on cue
>"You got a partner yet? Nobody wants to work with me after the Skittles™ incident."
>She glances sideways, as if mugging for some invisible sitcom camera
>"They still won't let me back the Bio lab..."
"Oh, no. I don't. Do you want to, um..."
>"Totally~! Now scooch aside, sister. We got some solutions to titrate!"
>You fold your hands in your lap, trying not to pass out as waves of relief wash over you
>You're not a total loser!
>Someone actually wants to spend time with you!
>Granted, it's school-sanctioned time required for a grade, but still!
>You hastily scoot your chair to make room for this girl, who plops down next to you
>"The name's Pinkie Pie, by the way. What's yours?"
"Oh, um. F-Feman--"
>"Femmy! I like it! The is gonna be the best group evaaah!"
>Pinkie's voice jumps up an octaves on the word "ever," making her sound vaguely like she's doing an Axl Rose impression
"H-heh. Thanks. So, um, what step should we--"
>"We gotta think up a group name first, silly! What do you think? I'm kinda partial to Pinkstein and the Funky Bunch, but that might be a bit too high-brow."
"I think just our names w-works fine."
>You twiddle your thumbs, trying to look confident in your answer
>"Hmmmm..."
>Pinkie stares at you, her eyes narrowing in scrutiny
"Is that n-not okay?"
>Worry grips you almost immediately; what if she leaves your group because she doesn't like your name ideas?
>"It... it works! Femmy and the Pinks! I love it!"
"I meant more just like-- okay."
>You smile at her, giving her a shaky thumbs-up
>"Woo! It's official! Now let's geeeeeeeet started!"

>So, as it turns out, Pinkie isn't the best at chemistry
>Well, no, that's not quite it
>It's more that she's just way, *way* to good at mixing the experiment's solutions in just the right way to make them change colors, explode, or fizzle
>"Oh! Oh! Check this one out!"
>She nudges you're shoulder while you're trying to calculate how baking soda you need
"O-okay."
>You watch as she splashes two beakers full of murky solution into a glass decanter
>Immediately, bright-red foam shoots everywhere, covering the desk, your notes, and your clothes
>Pinkie wipes a little out of her face, glancing red-faced over at you
>"Heh heh... oops."
>She reaches out and dabs a little on your nose

>It's four PM, and you and Pinkie have finally finished cleaning the Chem Lab
>The foam smells strongly of cherries, and you don't think you're ever going to be able to eat them after this
>Pinkie, unlike earlier, doesn't talk much
>A lot of her earlier excitement is drained, and she looks really, really guilty
>When you put the cleaning supplies away, Ms. Harshwhinny informs you that you're both to redo the entire report next week, since what you had got ruined in the explosion
"Y-yes ma'am," you reply
>Together, you and Pinkie walk back outside, knees aching from cleaning all day
>"Hey, Femmy?"
"Yeah?"
>Pinke steps in front of you
>"I'm really, really sorry about that. I kinda ruined everything, didn't I?"
"A little bit."
>You try to scoot past her to get to your locker, but Pinkie stops you
>"I really messed up. But I wanna make it up to you!"
"You don't have to."
>You hang your head, unable to look at her
"I'm j-just glad someone actually wanted to work with me..."
>"What do you mean? Why wouldn't anyone want to work with you? You're awesome!"
"Huh?"
>"Yeah, totally! You have all those awesome drawings in your notebook!"
>Your face immediately goes red
>Most of those "awesome drawings" are terrible sketches of anime girls making out
"How d-do you know about those?"
>"Well, you kinda draw them during class. Not too hard to see, silly."
"Oh... oh no..."
>You feel like you might need to set yourself on fire
>"Don't freak out! They're adorable! And anybody who wears Spiderman undies is a total BAMF in my book~!"
>Pinkie Pie winks at you
"Wait, y-you know about that too!?"
>"Uh, yeah? We have PE together, remember? And those changing rooms aren't exactly roomy."
"Y-yeah, but... wait, you were looking?"
>"Heh. Maybe a little."
>Pinkie giggles, then leans against the lockers, locking eyes with you
>"Anyhoo, I still need to make this up to you. And I won't take no for an answer!"
"You really don't..."
>"Not taking no! So, how about... a party!"
>Pinkie jumps up and throws confetti into the air; you have zero idea where she got it from
"Oh, no, I d-don't really do well with parties."
>"It doesn't have to be a big party. Just a special [I'm sorry for blowing up the Chem Lab and ruining all your hard work] party!"
"That's a k-kind of party?"
>"Yep! One of my favorite kinds, too!"
"I dunno... I just don't like being around a lot of other people..."
>"You don't have to! An [I'm sorry for blowing up the Chem Lab and ruining all your hard work] party is just for two!"
"Just the t-two of us?"
>"Yep! Well, my sisters might join in too. They're kinda alway around, you know."
>You gulp
>This is the last thing you expected to do today
>A tiny, excited part of yourself starts wondering if this is a date
>But the more rational part of you tells that tiny part to shut up
>No, this isn't a date, you're just hanging out
>But still, hanging out!
>You haven't done that since, well, ever!
>"So? Femmy? You in?"
"Y-yeah! Yeah, definitely in!"
>You're out of breath, and your thoughts are racing so quickly that you feel a little lightheaded
>"Yay! Oh man, this day just got *so* much better!"
>She slaps you on the back
>"You're not gonna be disappointed. I'm sure you know I throw one *mean* party."
"I've h-heard the rumors."
>"Awwww yeah! So, when're you gonna be over?"
"Oh, um... I don't really have anything else to do, so..."
>"Whenever you want, then! Perfect!"
>Again, from seemingly nowhere, Pinkie pulls out a slip of paper, pressing it into your hand
>"There's my number, just in case you need it! And now, if you'll excuse me, your girl's gotta get her place ready."
>Pinkie snaps finger guns at you, retreating down the hall
>"Looking forward to seeing you, Femmy!"
"Y-you too..." you mutter, still feeling like your head is floating up somewhere next to the hallway's neon lights
>The daze doesn't abate, even as you walk back to your car and start your drive home
>You got a girl's number!
>And you got invited to a party!
>If this is one of those "good things happen to you, then you wake up" dreams, you hope you don't wake up for a nice long time

//They're going to tow you
If they think you're abandoned
You got to act like you're not abandoned//

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lx9O2yfRJOE [Embed]

>You can't help but sing to yourself as you lather yourself in off-brand lavender bodywash, letting the shower's warm water splash over your face
>You're going to a party!
>When you step out, you dry yourself off and check yourself in the mirror
>Your hair is a tangled mess, but some aggressive brushing finally gets into a straightened, if still messy state
>It's hard to even remember the last time you had this stuff cut; it hangs down awkwardly in your face and gets in the way any time you move your head
>You guess you could always tie it back, but would that make you look lame?
>Pinkie doesn't seem like the kind of girl who would care, but still...
>You shake your head, trying to push the doubts away
>After all, you're going to a party!

>You sprint past your mom, wearing only a towel
>She chuckles when she sees you
>"Someone's in a good mood."
"Yep! I got invited to a party!"
>You run into your room, flinging the towel off and starting to root through your closet
>What are you supposed to wear to a party anyway?
>You don't really own anything other than jeans, t-shirts, and hoodies...
>Regardless, you try to pick the nicest assortment of the above that you can find, piling a Bleach hoodie, your best-fitting pair of jeans (even though they're marked 'slim,' they're still kinda baggy on your scrawny legs), and a plain purple t-shirt on your bed
>And then, for the hell of it, you grab the pair of Spiderman panties that Pinkie mentioned liking earlier
>Because, well, why not?

>As it turns out, Pinkie lives kinda out of the way
>The drive to her house takes nearly an hour, and you have to text her for directions like three separate times
>Each of her replies comes almost immediately, complete with firework and cake emojis
>So you find yourself traveling down rocky country-roads as the sun sinks behind you, and it's finally night when you arrive at the Igneous Rock Farm
>Ignoring the obvious question of how the hell you farm rocks, you park on a stretch of gravel at the property's edge
>The farm itself is flat, mostly, with massive boulders and bare-rock mountains in the distance
>The only structures nearby are a barn and a single farmhouse, with golden light streaming from the windows
>You guess that's Pinkie's place
>Stepping out of the car, you grab the bottle of sparkling grape juice (yeah, it's kinda lame, but you're not old enough to buy real wine yet) and head towards the door
>As you walk, you start to this freaky prickling sensation at the back of your scalp
>You can't help but feel like someone is watching you...
>Glancing around, you see nothing but lonely rock and dark countryside
>Must be your imagina--
>"Freeze!"
>You nearly jump a foot in the air, whirling around to see a girl with silver, angular hair dressed in muddy army fatigues
>She's holding a rifle, and the barrel's pointed directly at your face
>"Who the hell're you? Answer me!"
"I... j-j-just... I t-thought..."
>You stammer helplessly, terrified out of your mind
"P-please don't s-s-shoot me..."
>"Ha! Big words for an intruder! Get on your knees!"
>You obey, sinking to the ground
>"Now talk! What're you doing here!? You better not be trying to fuck with holder's boulder!"
>The girl's eyes burn with a golden intensity, and you're pretty sure you're going to die here
"I... g-guh... t-thought... looking for P-P-Pinkie..."
>You gulp, turning your face skyward as you wait for the end
>Your last thought is despair at the fact that you're going to die wearing Spiderman undies
>"Limey!"
>Your eyes fly open, and you see Pinkie Pie standing in front of you like some cotton-candy scented angel
>"How many times do I have to tell you! Quit freaking out our guests!"
>Pinkie jabs a finger into the crazy girl's face, scolding her
>"I'm patrolling! Someone needs to keep this place safe, or anyone could just waltz in here! Not my fault they lose their shit the second they see a rifle!"
>"You know that's a toy, right Limestone?"
>"Shut up! She doesn't know that!"
>Limestone glares at you
>"I've got my eyes on you, runt! Both eyes!"
>She bares her teeth, snarling at you
>Pinkie grabs her sister by the shoulders, shoving her back towards the house
>"Yeah, yeah, everyone's super scared of you, Limey. Go check to make sure there's nobody trying to sneak up through the latrine."
>"That's the first thing they'd use, I'm telling you!"
>Limestone gives you one final glare, then runs off
>Pinkie offers you a hand, and helps you to your feet
>She has that same guilty look from earlier
>"Heh, sorry about her. Limestone can be a little, um..."
"C-c-completely insane?"
>"Nah, that's just her special way of saying hello!"
"I don't think I w-want to know how she says goodbye..."
>"She's harmless! Just has a little bit of youngest-child syndrome, you know how it is. She's really a little angel when you get to know her."
"Angel of d-death, I guess."
>"Hee hee! You should tell her that! I bet it'd make her blush like crazy. Anyhoosies, c'mon inside! Ma just finished making rock soup!"
"Oh, c-cool."
>Pinkie wraps an arm around you, leading you towards her house

>So, it turns out that "Rock Soup" is actually, well, soup made of rocks
>Apparently they infuse the broth with plenty of flavor
>You think it kinda just looks like sewage, and it doesn't smell much better
>Pinkie's mom seems like a nice enough lady, if a little stiff
>She greats you when you enter with a formal bow
>"We art most glad to see you. Pinkie has told us much about you."
>Huh, so Pinkie's Amish
>Just gonna chalk that up on the "things you'd never have guessed in a million years" scoreboard
>The two of you grab bowls of soup and head into the living room, where another girl is sitting
>She looks a little older than Pinkie and you, maybe somewhere around college age, with straight purple hair cropped in a bob around her face
>When you enter, she looks over at you, her face expressionless
"Um... hi."
>You mentally brace yourself, preparing for another psych case
>"Hello. You're one of Pinkie's friends."
>That wasn't a question
"Y-yeah. My name's Fem."
>"I know."
"Oh."
>You feel like you just wandered into the universe's most intense staring contest
>The Pie sister watches you with half-lidded eyes and seemingly doesn't need to blink
"W-what's yours?"
>You can feel sweat rolling down the back of your neck, and get the sense that you're absolute failing as a conversationalist right now
>"Maud."
"C-cool."
>"I'm glad you think so."
>Maud goes back to staring out the window, seeming halfway between pensive and catatonic
>Pinkie plops down on the floor by Maud's feet, affectionately patting her leg
>"That's Maud for ya! Isn't she mysterious?"
>"Accurate label," Maud agrees
"It's n-nice to meet you..." you squeak out, shuffling over next to Pinkie
>Maud looks over at you, and you freeze in place, feeling like her gaze could disassemble your soul into constituent, labeled parts
>"I'm glad you think that. It's nice to see my sister has such polite friends."
>Pinkie squeals
>"You two are getting along! Ah!"
>She claps, looking delighted
>You, meanwhile, try to eat some of your soup
>It's nasty, of course
>Still, you don't want to be rude, so you force a few more bites down
>But your displeasure must show on your face, because Pinkie taps your shoulder
>"It's okay, Femmy, you don't have to eat it. We've got Pizza Rolls in the freezer."
"They're not, l-like, gravel-flavored or something are they?"
>Pinkie throws her head back, hollering in laughter
>Maud nods, the tiniest hint of a smile on her face
>"Good one."
>Maud turns to stare out the window again, looking wistful
>"That would be amazing."
>"You made Maud laugh! You are just, like, the best guest ever!"
>Pinkie jumps up
>"I'm gonna run into the kitchen! You two keep bonding!"
>She pushes you towards Maud, then runs out of the room
>Maud lies down on the couch, rolling onto her side so she faces you
>"Hey."
"H-hey."
>You scooch around, feeling a little awkward
"I, um... I r-really like your dress," you say, pointing to her gray frock
>Maud blinks
>"Thank you. I'm really into expressing myself."
"Y-yeah? Me too."
>Maud nods
>"You seem cool. I always like meeting Pinkie's friends."
"Thanks. I w-was really glad to meet you too. You seem a lot, um... nicer, than Limestone."
>"Limeestone is violent and delusional."
"Kinda, yeah."
>"I suspect it might be a hormonal imbalance. Or residual trauma."
"T-trauma from what?"
>"From when Boulder attacked her. She was a baby, and she tried to put him in her mouth. He didn't like that."
"Oh, w-wow. That must have been really scary."
>You assume Boulder is the name of the Pie family's dog, or something
>"It was. Boulder is really friendly, but he can be vicious when he gets angry."
"Jeez. Poor Lime."
>Maud nods
>You hear the sound of footsteps behind you as Pinkie bustles back into the room, a tray of steaming Pizza Rolls™ held in her hands
>"So, how's the bonding going? You two best friends yet?"
>"You can't force friendship, Pinkie."
>Maud looks over at you
>"But yes, it's going well. She's very nice. I might even let her pet Boulder."
>Pinkie's eyes light up
>"Oh. Em. Gee! You hear that, Femmy? That's, like, Maud's highest honor!"
"Oh. C-cool!"
>You smile as you take a bit of a Pizza Roll™, feeling a little self-conscious from all the praise
>Is making friends really this easy?
>How'd you fuck it up this hard for so long?
>Pinkie sits down next to the two of you, rocking back and forth in excitement
>"So, what do you two party-gals wanna do first, huh? We got all night, so don't hold back!"

>Maud pulls out a stack of paper from... somewhere?
>Apparently just storing objects in nega-space is a family trait amongst the Pies
>"I could read her my poetry."
>Pinkie scoffs at that
>"Maud! It's a party! We gotta do something fun!"
>"It's fun for me."
"I w-wouldn't mind listening to her poetry," you interrupt
>Both girls look at you; Pinkie's surprised, while Maud is more, well, Maud-ish
>"You sure about that, Femmy?" Pinkie asks. "Maud's poetry is really, really great! But she can sometimes, um... heh..."
>Pinkie awkwardly tugs at her collar
>"I can sometimes what?" Maud asks, her voice so flat that you can't tell if she's insulted or not
>"Nothing! Go ahead and read!"
>Pinkie busies herself with the Pizza Rolls™, avoiding her sister's eye
>She glances over at you, and you get the sense she's looking for reassurance
>Is Pinkie... is she worried about you?
>Like, that you're not having enough fun?
>That thought causes a warm feeling to spread through your chest, and you give her a calm smile
>Pinkie relaxes, and Maud starts to read in a voice so monotone and sedated that you feel almost as if you're being hypnotized
/Tiny pebbles sleep
at the bottom of a stream,
a cluster of cold,
cloudy-gray eggs.
The water's whisper
is a lullaby.
Sweet dreams./
>You blink twice, feeling like you just surfaced from a very warm swimming pool
"Whoa. That was r-really cool!"
>Maud blinks at you, taking a half-second longer to respond than usual
>"Do you mean that, or are you trying not to be rude?"
"No, n-no no! It felt peaceful and kind of, I dunno, lonely. I kinda know what that's like, I guess. Never thought I'd empathize with rocks in that way."
>Maud stares at you
>She's impossible to read, so you really have no idea if you just said something stupid, touching, or just nonsensical
"So, I dunno, sorry if that doesn't make any sense, but um, heh... yeah, that was really relatable and sweet, so..."
>You trail off, kinda feeling like a dork
>Maud adjusts herself on the couch, scooting closer until her face and yours are just inches apart
>Up close, you can feel the heat of her breath washing over your face, and her eyes 
>"You are the best person Pinkie has ever brought here. Please come over more."
"Ah, heh... okay..."
>She's so close that her nose is almost touching yours
>You shrink down, trembling slightly
>As far as you can remember, you've never had anyone get this close to you
>Maud, of course, seems thoroughly nonplussed about the whole thing
>When you finally muster up the nerve to speak, you're out of breath
"I wouldn't m-mind hearing more... maybe sometime."
>Maud looks over at Pinkie
>"I think I'm in love. Would it be weird if I kissed her?"
"W-whoa, what?"
>Pinkie throws her head back, hollering in laughter
>"You're so sweet, Maud!" she cheers
>Maud frowns, sort of
>"I was being serious."
>She turns to look at you
>"You're an incredibly appealing person. Are you single?"
>You sputter for a moment before you can respond
"I, um... are you serious?"
>"Yes."
>Your mouth flops open, unable to formulate a response
>Is she seriously asking this?
"I w-well, y-yeah, I mean... I've n-never actually had a, um..."
>Pinkie almost throws herself in front of you to interrupt
>"Whoa, whoa! Let's just take a time out, okay? You don't even know if Femmy's into that sort of thing!"
"Well, I mean, I--"
>Pinkie doesn't let you finish
>She throws an arm around you, pulling you against your side
>Holy shit, she's *so* soft
>Are all girls supposed to be this soft?
>Does that mean you're just some sort of defective model?
>"Don't go scaring our guests away, Maudie!"
>Maud sits back up, her face still neutral
>But she seems unable to look directly at her sister and you, and you get the vague sense she's hurt
>"I understand. I'm sorry, Fem. I appreciate the nice things you said about me. But I got ahead of myself."
"I... I..."
>You let out a timid squeak, not sure what to say
>Pinkie gives you a squeeze
>"So, what next, girl? What're you in the mood for?"
>The three of you are so enwrapped in the heat of the moment that you don't notice the timid girl standing at the living room's edge, hiding her face in her hair and waiting for a chance to speak
>Both Pinkie and Maud are watching you expectantly, waiting for you to say something
"I don't really know. Don't have a lot of experience w-with parties, you know..."
>"Ah, of course! I keep forgetting I'm popping your party cherry!"
"Please don't say it like that."
>"Why not? I mean it literally!"
>Pinkie leans in close, her warm breath caressing your ear as she whispers to you
>"Because I'm totally gonna make the *best* ice-cream sundaes ever after mom n' dad go to sleep!"
"Oh! H-haha, right."
>Maud shakes her head
>"You shouldn't pressure her like that, Pinkie. She clearly wants a more low-key party than you're used to throwing."
>Pinkie gets weirdly offended by that
>"I can throw very low-key parties when I want to! I just don't want to very often."
>Pinkie flashes her sister a smug grin
>In the background, a tiny voice squeaks out, trying to get people to pay attention to her, but there's too much noise
>So the poor girl just shrinks back into the corner, hoping someone will offer her some food eventually
"I wouldn't mind low-key!" you interrupt. "Could we just, um, all c-calm down a bit? Sorry."
>Both sisters look at each other, than at you
>"No, I'm sorry," Maud says. "I got too excited."
>You find that hard to believe
>"Maudie's right. Let's just relax and enjoy each other's company!"
>Pinkie still hasn't taken her arm off your shoulders, and she uses it to give you an encouraging squeeze
>"So c'mon, Femmy. Tell us about yourself!"
"Oh, okay. I, um..."
>You look over your shoulder, suddenly feeling the eyes on the back of your neck
>When you turn, you see another girl, somewhere around Pinkie's age, and clearly another of her sisters
>She's taller than the others, and almost skeletally thin, giving her the vague impression of being some sort of wan, ghostly figure
>This new Pie sister has her face hidden in a curtain of granite-colored hair, and flinches back the minute you look at her, letting out a terrified squeak
"Ah! I'm sorry!"
>The new Pie sister tries to run out of the room, but Pinkie darts over to her like a bolt of cotton-candy lightning, grabbing her sister by the wrist
>"Don't go, Marble! You gotta meet our new friend!"
>Marble mumbles something unintelligible, shaking her head
>She looks over at you with frightened, rabbit-in-front-of-a-fox eyes
>"She won't hurt you!" Pinkie reassures her. "She's super friendly! C'mon!"
>Marble shakes her head, trying to scrabble back out of the living room, but Pinkie literally drags her over to the table, wrestling her scrawny sister to the ground
>"This... is my... sister... Marble!" Pinkie says, grunting with exertion as she tries to keep her sister pinned
>You have no clue how the hell you're supposed to respond to this
>The poor girl looks like a terrified puppy
>To be honest, though, you kinda know what that feels like; you felt the same way when your mom would drag you downstairs and make you say hi to her book-club members
"I, um... I don't think you should force her to be out here, Pinkie."
>"Huh? Why not? I want her to make friends."
"She doesn't look comfortable with this. You're just gonna freak her out m-more."
>"You think so?"
>Pinkie looks down at Marble
>Marble vigorously nods, squeaking her agreement
"Y-yeah. I actually know how she feels. It k-kinda sucks."
>You look over at Marble and give her a timid smile
>She stops wrestling with Pinkie and mumbles something
>Pinkie rolls off Marble, letting her sister get to her feet and scramble out of the room
>Well, almost out of the room; she pauses at the doorway, turning around to glance at you again
>It's not with fear this time, though
>You honestly can't tell what she's feeling; she's even harder to read than Maud, and that's saying something
>Marble gives you a small nod, then disappears
>You sigh, flopping onto the floor
"You g-guys have an interesting family, huh?"
>Pinkie beams with pride
>"Sure do! I have the best sisters in the world!"
>Maud nods, agreeing
>"It's an unusual environment. But you learn to appreciate it eventually."
"H-hah, yeah. I'm just really glad you two are so cool."
>"The coolest around!" Pinkie cheers, grinning. "Now, who's ready for a nice, normal, relaxing--"
>The front door flies open with a bang, and Limestone charges in
>Her hair's even messier than before, and rips and stains dot her fatigues
>The "rifle" is slung over her back, and in her arms she's carrying the plastic shopping bag with the sparkling grape juice you bought earlier
>After you dropped it, you must have forgotten to pick it back up
>"You idiots! Stop playing grab-ass and get on alert! I found enemy munitions!"
>She rips the bag open, showing the purple glass bottle to her sisters
>"It looks like some kinda bio weapon! Someone must be trying to poison us!"
"Actually, um..."
>"Who gave you permission to speak, runt!?"
>You let out a very Marble-esque squeak of terror, shrinking back from Limestone
"It's just, uh, j-just grape juice..."
>"A likely story! She's totally a double agent! Lemme take her out back!"
>Maud stands up from the couch, and smacks Limestone over the head
>And goddamn, that girl must work out a lot, because her palm meets Limestone's head with a *smack* that makes the whole house shake
>Limestone goes down hard, looking dazed
>She hits the ground in her heap, and her head ends up in your lap
"Ah! Is s-she gonna be okay?"
>"She'll be fine," Maud replies. "Just a little dazed."
>Limestone looks up at you, her eyes slightly crossed
>"Whoa... are you an angel?"
"Uh... what?"
>Limestone reaches up to touch your face, a pink flush rising on her cheeks
>"Did I die gloriously, merciful one?"
"This is g-getting really weird..."
>You glance around the room, hoping the other Pie sisters will help you out
>But Maud is just passively watching this, looking slightly bemused
>Pinkie, of course, looks like she's trying really, really hard not to laugh
>"It's an honor..." Limestone whispers, "to be rescued by someone so beautiful... please, take me to my warrior's rest..."
>And with that, she passes out with her head on your thighs
"Uh... is this a normal thing?"
>You look at the other Pie sisters
>Pinkie can't finally handle it anymore; she bursts out laughing, rolling around on the floor and generally just losing all control of herself
>Maud sits back down, crossing her legs
>"I'm sorry, Fem. But you're going to be stuck like that for approximately the next two hours."
"W-what?" 
>"Moving a sleeping Limestone isn't a good idea."
"W-why not?"
>You try to nudge Limestone off your legs
>She growls at you
>Like, full-on "dog about to chomp your fingers off" growls at you
"Gah! Okay, okay, point taken. So, what, I just stay like this?"
>"Yep!" Pinkie chimes in
>She sits up, wiping tears from her eyes
>"Oh man, Femmy, you're in for it now! Lime *totally* drools in her sleep too."
"Oh. Great."
>Limestone nuzzles her face into your lap, starting to snore

>Fortunately, things finally start to settle down a little after that
>Well, as much as they can, under the circumstances; Limestone snoozes away in your lap, her legs occasionally twitching like a puppy's 
>Only, unlike a puppy, you're pretty sure she's not dreaming of chasing rabbits
>Mostly because she keeps mumbling something about landmines, in between snores
>Eventually, you and Pinkie decide to let Maud choose what the three of you do
>"Well," she says, looking pensive, "I've always been into board games."
>And so now you're playing a game she invented herself, which she says she's considering calling GeoLogic (sic)
>It's... it's a nightmare
>Each person has a team of pebbles on a chessboard, and they're trying to maneuver them to capture the opponent's back row
>Except the moves of each rock are determined on its type of sediment, and only Maud can distinguish between them
>She wins three times in a row before Pinkie stops her
>"Maudiiiiiie! This game is boring!"
>Maud glances over at her, blinking
>You're already well-versed enough in Maud-expressions to tell that she's slightly insulted, but trying not to show it
>It's actually not too hard to read her, if you really try
>Maybe being a fellow Awkward-As-Fuck Girl™ helps; the two of you are speaking the same language, in a way
>"I'm enjoying myself," Maud replies
>"Yeah, but we're not! Look at Femmy, she's bored out of her mind!"
>Pinkie gestures towards you, and your face goes red
"N-no I'm not!"
>A tiny smile touches Maud's lips
>"You don't have to play if you don't want to, Pinkie. Femanon and I can have fun by ourselves."
>"That's... that's not what I meant!"
>Pinkie scoots towards you, looking unusually flustered
>Maud does the same, but on your other side
>With Limestone in your lap, you end up awkwardly sandwiched between three Pie sisters, feeling quite tiny and vaguely helpless
>"I love your games, Maudie!" Pinkie says. "But I'm feeling some party classics!"
>"What qualifies a game as a party classic?"
>"It's gotta be craaaaaaaazy!"
>"I don't know. I find GeoLogic to be fairly wild."
>Pinkie shakes her head
>"You don't get it, Maudie! Femmy, what's your favorite party game?"
"Me? Oh, uh... uh..."
>What do people even play at parties?
>You wrack your brain, trying to recall what kids would do on the Disney Channel specials you used to watch
"Uh..."
>Both sisters are staring at you now, waiting for your response
>You can feel a little bit of sweat rolling down the back of your neck
>C'mon, think of something
"Uh... T-Truth or Dare?"
>Maud's eye twitches slightly in surprise, and Pinkie's eyes light up
>"That's a great suggestion! Femmy coming in clutch!"
>Pinkie slaps you on the back
>Maud cocks her head
>"That game seems somewhat juvenile. I'm worried about its outcomes.
>"Aww, don't be a stick in the *Maud*!" Pinkie says, chortling. "It'll be fun! The best party games appeal to the kid in all of us, that's what I always say!"
>"You've never said that in your life."
>"Well, I'm starting now!" Pinkie says
>Limestone grumbles in her sleep, mumbling something that sounds vaguely like a threat of decapitation
>Pinkie jumps up, running towards the kitchen
>"I've got some homemade Truth or Dare cards around here! Lemme go find them!"
>She runs out of the room, leaving you with Maud and Lime
>Maud bites her lip
>"My sister can be a bit of a handful sometimes."
"Y-yeah, heh. I like her, though. I don't think I've ever been around someone with so much energy."
>Maud blinks
>"I see. I apologize if my demeanor is slightly less fun."
>Maud's voice goes even more deadpan than usual
>Is... is she jealous?
"W-what?"
>Oh jeez, what are you supposed to say
"No! No not at all! I like you a lot! Pinkie's a lot of fun, but you're, I dunno, really chill. I feel safe around you, I guess."
>"Safe from what?"
"Uh..."
>You look down at the sleeping Limestone, who's grinding her teeth
"H-her, for one. And just, in general. You have a very c-calming presence."
>Maud blinks
>"And you like that?"
"Y-yeah. Plus, I think your game is pretty cool. I'm just, y-you know, kinda terrible at it..."
>"I understand. And I would be willing to teach you. If you would want that."
"Y-yeah! Definitely!"
>Maud gives you a tiny smile
>"That makes me very happy, Femanon. I'm glad that you're here."
"S-same! You and your sisters are really c-cool. Oh! Speaking of, Marble never got any food. Should I bring her some?"
>"She usually comes out when she's ready."
"Y-yeah, but it'll be cold by then. I'll be right back."
>You grab the same plate you were using, and load up some Pizza Rolls on it
>Maud watches you, blank-faced
>"Her room is on the left, just when you reach the top of the stairs. But don't be disappointed if she doesn't open the door. She's probably still terrified of you."
"I still wanna try..."
>Maud nods, giving you a thumbs-up
>You walk upstairs, the floorboards creaking beneath your feet, and several splinters tugging at the bottoms of your socks
>When you reach the second floor, you turn to the left, seeing what must be Marble's room
>It's barely larger than a broom closet
>In fact, it might have *been* a broom closet at some point; you guess that, when you have four kids and only a small farm cottage, you make do
>You knock on Marble's door, and don't get any response
>Figures; you leave the plate in front of the door for her, and turn to head back down the stairs
>However, just as you're about to descend, you hear her closet-room's door creak open
>Behind you, from a darkened bedroom, Marble Pie pokes her head out, staring at you with wide eyes
>You freeze, locking eyes with her
>She reaches out, slowly sliding the plate into her room
>You feel like you're in one of those movies where a kid befriends some strange animal, and there's a tense moment where you're not sure if the animal's going to bolt or not
>Behind Marble, you can vaguely make out the outline of a cramped little room, with strange, abstract shapes piled on shelves along the walls
"Hey. Sorry if I scared you off earlier."
>Marble shakes her head, mumbling something you don't quite catch
"Do you want to come h-hang out with us?"
>She pauses for a moment, then motions for you to come closer
>You do, approaching Marble like you'd approach a frightened deer
>When you're close enough, she raises up on her tip toes and speaks into your ear, her voice barely louder than a fragile, squeaky whisper
>"Can I stay close to you?"
"Close to m-me? Why?"
>"You don't scare me," she squeaks out
"Your sisters do?"
>Marble pauses for a moment, then nods
"Huh. Can't say I blame you, honestly. They scare me a little sometimes, and I barely even know them."
>"They're nice. But loud. They talk a lot, and sometimes they fight. I don't like it when they fight."
"I can imagine. You w-want to stay behind me?"
>Marble nods
>Holding the plate in one hand, she slips out of her bedroom and presses herself against you, clinging to you like a child
>"Is it okay if I stay like this?" she squeaks out
"Go ahead."
>You can feel Marble's slender little body trembling slightly
>As you start back down the stairs, she buries her face against your back, mumbling something
"What's that?"
>"I said thank you."
>She squeezes tighter to you

>So, returning to the rest of the Pies with their sister hugging your back like a baby koala is, well, a little weird
>Pinkie and Maud both turn to stare; Maud's impassive as ever, but Pinkie's face brightens in surprise and confusion
>"Femmy! You got Marble out of her room!"
"Uh, yeah. Guess so."
>Marble shrinks behind you
>"That's awesome! Hi, Marble! You wanna hang out with us?"
>She pokes her head out to nod at her sisters, clenching her fists around the fabric of your sweatshirt as she does so
>"Aww, she likes you!" Pinkie says
>Next to her, Maud shifts her weight around
>You try to meet her eye, but she looks away, focusing her attention on putting away GeoLogic instead
>In her arms, Pinkie has a huge stack of notecards, some of which are spilling onto Limestone's face
>Limestone's eyes flutter open, and she glances around the room
>"Hey! Who started a meeting while I was asleep!" she barks, jumping up to her feet. "And where's my gun!?"
>"I put it away, silly! And it's not a meeting, it's a party!"
>"Ugh, you and your stupid parties!" Limestone snarls. "It's just a distraction! Someone could sneak in at any moment!"
>"Well, you're welcome to leave then, grumpy-pants."
>"Hell no!"
>Limestone whirls towards you, glaring
>"I'm not taking my eyes off her!"
>Pinkie giggles
>She scoots up next to you
>"I think Limey has a bit of a crush!" she stage-whispers, making sure her sister can here
>Limestone goes *red*
>Literally tomato-colored, all in the span of a few seconds
>"I do not! Don't you dare accuse me of liking her! She's an enemy plant, I'm sure of it!"
>Pinkie hollers with laughter, which makes Marble flinch
>You can feel her shaking like a leaf, and reach behind you to pat her head
>Her hair is strangely silky, the kind of stuff you could pet for hours
>Your touch calms her, at least
>"This is awesome!" Pinkie cheers. "The whole family's here, plus my new bestest friend!"
>"She's my friend just as much as yours, Pinkie" Maud reminds her
>"Not mine!" Limestone says. "I want her to leave!"
>She makes the "I'm watching you" gesture at you
>Pinkie steps between you and Limestone, rolling her eyes
>"Yeah, yeah, I know. But what matters is that everyone's here! Best party ever!"
>She kicks the living room table out of the way, leaving an open circle of carpet for the five of you to sit on
>"Now let's tell some dares and do some truths!"
>Pinkie plops down, and the five of you form a circle around her
>Marble stays close to you, sitting practically in your lap
>Limestone is directly across the circle from you, glaring at you with such intense hatred that you're slightly surprised your hoodie hasn't caught fire
>Maud is on the other side of you
>And you're pretty sure she's giving you the cold shoulder now; she hasn't looked in your direction, nor spoken to you, since you showed back up with Marble
>She's jealous, you're certain of it now
>But... why?
>Literally why would anyone want to deal with you more than they already have to?
>You hope it's not something you did...
>As caught up as you are in your thoughts, you don't notice when Pinkie asks you to draw the first card
"Huh?"
>"Your our guest, so you play first! You draw a card, and it'll either give you a question or a dare, and you can give that question/dare to anyone in the room!"
"A-anyone?"
>"Yep! Just be careful you don't make any enemies! Because they might get ya back!" Pinkie says with a wink
"Okay..."
>Pinkie hands out a splayed deck of cards, and you draw one
>On the reverse side, printed in red ink, is a single line of text
[TICKLE ANY PLAYER'S BELLY]
>A tiny bit of relief washes through you
>Looks like these dares aren't going to be too intense, at least
>You look over at Maud, hoping a little attention will help her
"I d-dare Maud!" you say, and hand her the card
>She glances down at it, then looks up at you
>And she holds that stare for a long, long time
>Then she turns towards her perpetually pissed-off sister
>"I choose Limestone."
>"Like hell you do!"
>"I do. Show me your stomach."
>"No way! Back off!"
>Limestone swings a punch at Maud, but Maud catches her sister's fist without even flinching, like something out of an old Kung-Fu movie
>Limestone goes pale
>"Roll over."
>"Fine! This game sucks anyway! Not like I actually care."'
>She lays on her back, pulling up her shirt to reveal a few inches of bare, bluish-gray stomach
>Maud gingerly pokes a finger into her sister's tummy
>And the reaction on Limestone's face is, well, kind of hard to describe, because her eyes twist in fury while her mouth cracks in this doofy grin
>The whole expression is kind of terrifying
>A single, tiny giggle escapes her lips as blotches of pink appear on her dirt-smudged cheeks
>Then she sits up, shoving Maud away
>"There, you got me! Now back off! Gah!"
>She folds her arms over her tummy, fuming
>Maud sits back in her spot, looking vaguely pleased with herself
>Pinkie hands her the stack next
>"Alright, Maudie! Your turn!"
>Maud pulls out a card, then immediately hands it to you
[HOLD HANDS WITH THE PLAYER ON YOUR LEFT UNTIL THE START OF YOUR NEXT TURN]
>Of course, Maud's the player on your left
>You look up at her, but face remains unreadable, even to you
>She holds out her hand, fingers splayed
>"I choose Femanon, obviously."
"Oh. O-okay."
>You reach out and lace your fingers with Maud's
>Her hand closes around yours, gripping it tightly
>Despite her cold demeanor, Maud's hands are warm enough to make your palms sweat
>You get a little self-conscious about that, and try to pull away in order to wipe them on your pants
>Maud, however, doesn't let you pull away
>Instead, she just squeezes your hand harder, giving you a sad look
"S-sorry, I didn't mean..."
>She squeezes your hand again, cutting you off
>"I think it's your turn, Pinkie" Maud says
>"Sure is!" Pinkie replies
>She whips a card out of the stack, and as she does so, you swear you see something slip out of her sleeve and into her palm
>You can't be sure, though
>Pinkie holds the card up to her face, beaming
>"Aha! This is a doozie! Check it out, Femmy!"
>Pinkie flips the card to you
[KISS A PILLOW FOR ONE MINUTE. YOU MUST ACT LIKE YOU'RE IN LOVE!]
>"I have the perfect pillow, too!" she says with a wink
"W-wha... are you sure that's not, you know, kinda gross?"
>"Not at all! And besides, it's too late now! The dare's been dared!"
>Pinkie jumps up, her bare feet slapping on the floorboards as she runs upstairs
>"Be right baaaaack," she calls, her voice sing-song

>When she returns, she tosses a pillow into your lap, grinning
>"Remember, one whole minute! And you have to act like you're really in love!"
"R-right."
>Pinkie stage-whispers to you:
>"That means use tongue, Femmy."
"On... on your pillow? You sure?"
>"I insist! And your timer starts... now!"
"Ah! O-okay!"
>You grab the pillow, holding it up in front of your face
>It's almost as big as you, and there's full-body art of Fili-Second, from Power Ponies, printed along its cover
>Does Pinkie seriously own one of these?
>You've seen them on the internet before (and secretly always kinda wanted one, except with Sailor Mercury), but never actually knew they were a thing people really *bought*, especially cool, normal girls like Pinkie--
>"Hurry up, Femmy!" Pinkie calls out
"R-right!"
>Without thinking, you mash your face against the pillow, right around where Fili-Second's mouth is
>The pillow tastes, well, like a pillow
>You awkwardly cradle the thing, planting little pecks along the drawing of Fili-Second's face
>Remembering Pinkie specifically demanded tongue, you lick the pillow a little, trying to make it look like a convincing kiss
>Which is a little difficult to do, since you're not exactly experienced

>When the awkward kissing session finally finishes, you look up from the pillow, your tongue dry and tasting vaguely of Pinkie's hair
>You find all four Pie sisters staring at you
>Pinkie's grinning, Limestone looks like she's going to kill you, Marble is wide-eyed with awe, and Maud is Maud
>All four are blushing furiously
>Pinkie is the first to regain her composure
>She pats you on the back
>"That's my girl! You're a natural!"
"H-heh. For real?"
>"You bet!"
>She takes the pillow from your hands, admiring it
"You, um, might wanna wash that."
>"Nah. Little spit never hurt anyone. And besides, now I can have a little indirect kiss whenever I want."
>She winks at you, and you feel a hot flush creep into your face
"Oh, r-right... wait, for real?"
>She just giggles, sitting back down with the Fili-Second pillow clutched in her lap
>Limestone growls
>"I can't believe you. You're fraternizing with the enemy!"
>"It's okay, Limey. Maybe you'll get a good card."
>Limestone just grumbles as she pulls one out of the deck
>She glances at it
>"It's a stupid truth card! This game sucks!"
>Pinkie pats her shoulder
>"Truth cards are still fun, Limey! Now you can ask anyone a question!"
>"I know what the damn card means! It's just pointless!"
>She hurls it at you, then jabs a finger in your direction
>"You!"
"W-wait, why do I keep getting all of these..."
>"I don't care! I'm questioning you because you're an outsider! I have a duty to protect this team!"
>Behind Limestone, Pinkie is imitating her sister's furious facial expressions, except with her tongue hanging out and drool dribbling down her chin
>It's really, really hard not to laugh
>"Do you think I'm funny!?" Limestone almost screams
"N-no..." you sputter, trying not to giggle
>"Agh! Don't get funny with me! I know you're up to something!"
>Limestone continues to ramble incoherently, veins bulging out on her forehead
>Maud grabs ahold of your hand again, squeezing it protectively
>You look over at her, and she meets your eye as if to say "don't worry, I got this"
>You really aren't that worried, though
>Now that you've realized she's harmless, Limestone is actually pretty amusing
>She's kinda cute, in a weird, psychopathic way
>You wait until she wears herself out and sits back down, then she finally asks her question
>"You! The question says: Where was your first kiss?"
"My first?"
>"That's what it says, idiot!"
>All around you, the Pie sisters perk up
"I mean, I've never really had one b-before. Except with that pillow, heh."
>Silence falls over the room
"Is... is that weird?"
>Pinkie laughs, curling into a ball and rocking on the floor
>"Not weird at all, Femmy! None of us have ever been kissed before either!"
"For real?"
>"Real as real gets!"
>You look at the other sisters for confirmation
>Marble hangs her head; not hard to believe someone as shy as her hasn't been kissed
>Maud registers only the smallest amount of embarrassment, visible only in a slight downtick of her eyes
>You don't suppose the sort of girl who's super concerned with kissing, though
>And Limestone, well
>"Of course I haven't kissed anyone! I don't have any time for that girly crap!"
>She hocks, like she's about to spit, but Maud stops her with a death-glare
"Oh. Heh."
>You pat the back of your head, laughing awkwardly 
"That actually k-kinda makes me feel a little better. I thought I was a total weirdo."
>"There's nothing wrong with being a late bloomer! Just means your kisses must be extra special!" Pinkie says. "Oh, I know! You should trade first kisses with one of us?"
"W-what?"
>If you'd been drinking something, you'd have done a magnificent spit-take
"Are you... are you serious?"
>"Sure thing! I know how you swing, you sly girl."
"Yeah, but, t-this seems so sudden."
>"What's sudden about it? Everyone here likes you a ton! Just take your pic!"
>Limestone huffs, crossing her arms over her chest
>"Hmph, not me. Leave me out of this froo-froo garbage."
>You notice that she can't quite stop looking at you, though
>Pinkie shrugs
>"Still got three to pick from! So c'mon, Femmy, who's it gonna be?"
"I... I really..."
>You take a glance at each of the sisters again, feeling like you just stumbled into some completely batshit dream
>All four of them lean in, and the room falls silent as they wait for your answer
>"You don't have to be nervous," Maud tells you, her voice neutral as ever, though with a slight quaver that betrays her anticipation. "And if you don't want to kiss one of us, we'll understand. But I think *all of us* would be open to the idea."
>You can't help but notice that Maud scoots several inches towards you when she says "all of us"
>She's still holding your hand too, and her grip is like a vice around you now
>"I wouldn't!" Limestone snarls
>"Yes she would," Maud reassures you. "But don't pick her. She probably hasn't brushed her teeth in a week."
>"There's no sinks out in the field!" Limestone barks back
>Maud gives you a "case in point" kind of look
>You feel tugging at your hoodie sleeve, and look down to see Marble looking up at you
>She leans in close enough to whisper in your ear
>"You don't have to pick me. But if you do... can we please kiss somewhere else? I don't want my sisters to laugh at me if I mess up..."
"I mean... I really don't know if I can pick..."
>You tug at your collar, feeling yourself starting to sweat as four pairs of eyes follow every little cue on your face
>"Sure you can, Femmy! And don't forget you organized this whole sweet party, eh?"
"Yeah, but... but..."
>Your tongue feels thick in your mouth, so thick that you feel almost in danger of swallowing it

>So, if you'd been told that four girls were all going to be asking for your first kiss tonight, you'd probably have imagined yourself handling it like some sort of lesbian Cassanova, calmly turning them away and working out an arrangement in which you stole kisses from all of them
>But yeah, that's not what happens
>Because you panic
"Ah! I just forgot, um, I w-was making a lasagna... and the oven is on, or something, so... I r-really gotta... gotta go!"
>Your hand is so sweaty that it slips out of Maud's iron grip, and you sprint for the door
>But when you pull it open, the first thing you get hit by is a wave of cold air, followed by several icy flakes
>It's snowing outside, hard
>Like, there's already several inches piled up at least, with a solid layer of slick black ice on the road
"Oh. It's barely even November, how..."
>All four Pie sisters appear behind you: Pinkie's excitedly beaming, Marble clings to you, Maud stands nearby, watching over you, and Limestone's in the perfect backstabbing position
"How am I gonna get home?"
>You feel Pinkie's hand on your shoulder
>"Femmy? I think this calls for a..."
>She inhales
>"SLUMBER PARTY!"

>So here you are, now
>Officially spending the night with the Pies, in a house full of girls desperate to steal your first kiss
>You really thought you'd be more excited about this, but instead you feel terrified
>How are the Pies who don't get the kiss going to react?
>And who really deserves your first?
>You're so lost in your thoughts that you don't notice Pinkie calling your name
>"Fem! Femmy! Listen up, you!"
"Huh?"
>"It's your slumber party, now! What do you wanna do?"
"Oh, uh, I don't really know..."
>"You gotta think of something! We got all night!"
>All four Pie sisters press around you, waiting with baited breath for your answer
"Well, um, we could always, uh..."
>You look over at the bottle of sparkling grape-juice you brought, which Limestone was kind enough to return after you dropped it
>It's just been sitting there all night, like some sort of Chekov's Gun
>Pinkie follows your gaze
>"Ah! Femmy, you're a genius!"
>She grabs up the juice, holding it above her head
>"It's Spin-the-Bottle time, girls!"
>All the Pie sisters lock eyes, tiny sparks flying between them
>"You're going to leave our first kisses to chance?" Maud asks
>"Better than chance! To a super fun game!"
>"This game is stupid! There's no strategy at all!" Limestone grumbles
>"You don't have to play then, grumpy pants," Pinkie says, her face smug
>"Tch. I mean, I'll play, but only to see how stupid it is," Limestone responds
>"Eep..." Marble squeaks
"Do I get a say in this?" you mumble, but you're pretty sure none of the sisters heard you

>Five minutes later, you're all seated in a ring again, with the empty bottle in the center
>Each of you has a cup of the juice to sip now, and the Pie sisters all drink theirs while staring each other down
>"So, Femmy! It's your slumber party! You should spin first!"
"Oh, um... n-no, that's okay! You spin first, Maud."
>A tiny smile touches Maud's face
>"Thank you, Femanon. Let me see..."
>She glances over at you, then down at the bottle, placing her hand gingerly atop it
>You can almost see the equations whirring through her head as she tries to figure out the physics of getting it to land on you
>With a flick of her wrist, Maud sends the bottle spinning
>On the rough floor, it isn't long before it begins to slow down, looping around the circle, slowing as it begins to point towards you...
>It overshoots just slightly, and ends up pointing to Marble
>Maud locks eyes with her little sister, a single bead of sweat rolling down her forehead
>"This was not something I expected. I may have made a mistake."
>Marble lets out an embarrassed squeal next to you, hiding her face in her hair
>Even Maud fidgets a little, tracing little circles on the floorboards with her finger
>"Do I have to kiss Marble?" she asks Pinkie
>"Well... I think so. That's the rules of the game," Pinkie says
>"And does it have to be on the mouth?" Maud asks
>"That's how you do it"!
>"Oh. What if I don't?" Maud asks
>A devious grin crosses Pinkie's face
>"Then you're out, of course."
>Maud's face sets in its usual blank stare
>"I see. Does a first kiss count if it's with your sister?" she asks
>"Of course not, silly!" Pinkie replies. "Otherwise, me and Limestone would have lost ours years ago!"
>Limestone looks like she's about to strangle Pinkie
>"I told you not to tell anyone about that!" Limestone hissed
>"Alright," Maud says. "Come here, Marble."
>Marble buries her face in her hands
>"I promise, I'll be gentle. You can trust me," Maud says, her voice soft
>Marble looks up at Maud, then at you
>She drags herself across the floor, over to her sister, and closes her eyes
>Maud closes hers as well, leans in, and places a gentle pick on her sister's mouth
>Despite the blizzard outside, you swear the temperature in the room just jumped ten degrees
>Both sisters return to their places in the circle, unable to look each other in the eye
>Pinkie whistles
>"So, how was it, eh?" she asks Maud
>"Quiet," Maud says
>You're not quite sure if that's a command for Pinkie to shut up, or Maud's comment on the kiss, or both
>Pinkie grabs the bottle, giving it a spin with no regard for where it lands
>Somewhere in the back of your mind, your inner shipper starts to wonder which sister you want it to land on most...
>But you don't get much time to wonder; the bottle comes to a rest with its nozzle pointing at Limestone
>Pinkie looks disappointed for a moment, but quickly recovers
>"Hah! Just like old times, eh Limey?"
>"I said to stop talking about that!" Limestone barks
>She grabs Pinkie by the collar
>"I told you this game was stupid!" Limestone snarls
>"So you give up?"
>"Hell no!"
>And with that, she masses her mouth against her sister's, placing a hot, wet *smack* of a kiss on Pinkie's lips
>The second the kiss breaks, she shoves Pinkie away
>"There. Big whoop. My turn."
>She puts her hand on the bottle, then picks it up and smashes it on the floor
>"Ah, forget this! I've got better things to do then sit around and make out with my sisters! You!"
>She jabs a finger at you
>"These idiots aren't going to let me get any patrolling done until you kiss one of them! So choose!"
"Ah! B-but... but I..."
>"I said to choose!"
"I know but..."
>All the sisters turn to stare at you now
"I like all of you! You're all really cool, and fun to be around, and... I just..."
>You fidget with the strings of your hoodie, feeling like a sweaty, embarrassed mess
"I couldn't pick just one of you!"
>Silence falls over the room
>Pinkie is the first to speak, throwing her arms around her sisters
>"Well, why didn't you say so! You can just smooch all of us!"
"A-all of you!?"
>Far from cracking, your voice just straight-up shatters
"Are you... you mean... really?"
>"Of course I mean really!" Pinkie says. "Unless anyone here has a problem with that?"
>Maud shrugs
>"That sounds acceptable to me," she says
>Marble squeaks, scooting a little closer to you, and nods
>The four of you look at Limestone, who crosses her arms over her chest
>"Absolutely not! I don't want your nasty mouth anywhere near mine!"
>Pinkie laughs
>"Guess Limey doesn't get a kiss, then!"
>"Good thing I don't want one! I'm going back outside!"
>"In the snow?" Pinkie asks
>Limestone freezes, halfway to the door, muttering curses under her breath
>"Ugh! I'll be upstairs! Enjoy your shitty gay kiss-fest," Limestone snarls as she stomps up the stairs
>"Oh, don't worry! We sure will!" Pinkie calls after her
>Limestone pauses halfway up the stairs, then sprints back down
>"Back so soon?" Pinkie asks
>"Shut up! I still need to keep my eye on her!" Limestone says, pointing to you
>"I don't think that's all you want to put on her," Maud says
>Limestone grinds her teeth, her face crimson with anger
>"I'm gonna murder all of you in your sleep..."
>"Your toy gun will make that easy, I'm sure," Maud replies
>Limestone's so angry she can't even speak, and just goes back to sputtering incoherently
>Pinkie snickers, then you feel her grab you by the arm, pulling you closer towards her and Maud
>Marble continues to cling to you, and all four Pie sisters press in on all sides, enclosing you in a circle of blushing, panting sisters
"Oh, j-jeez... I..."
>Maud circles her arms around your waist, holding you in place
"I didn't realize you meant... a-all at once..."
>"Of course, silly! It's the only way that's fair!" Pinkie says. "Now pucker up!"
>Your brain is firing on all cylinders now, trying to process just what's going on
>Nobody's ever wanted to kiss you before!
>Nobody's even wanted to sit next to you at lunch
>Now four at once?
>This is clearly some sort of dream, but you really hope it doesn't turn into one of those terrifying ones where you're kissing a girl, then she turns into a face-chewing alien
>Or one of the really, really bad dreams, the ones where you're kissing this gorgeous girl who you love with all your heart, then you wake up
>Pinkie's hand goes to the side of your face, warmth radiating from her palm as she cups your cheek
"I, um... you're sure I'm r-really the girl you want to... to lose your first kiss to?"
>"Absolutely!" Pinkie says
>"I'm more than sure," Maud adds
>"Eep," says Marble
>Pinkie, Marble, and Maud close around you, while Limestone turns away from them, her arms crossed and her nose up in the air
>"Fuckin' gay," she mumbles
>Maud and Marble both hold you from the sides, while Pinkie gets you from the front, enclosing you in a three-way Pie-sister hug
>"Don't be so nervous, Femmy! This is gonna be fu-u-u-un!"
>"I concur with Pinkie," Maud adds in
>Marble squeaks
>"Now c'mere, Maudy."
>Pinkie throws her arm around her sister's shoulders, pulling Maud's face towards hers
>The two sisters press their cheeks against each other, their lips barely touching
>Marble has to hold her hands over her eyes, her face pink with embarrassment, but she takes Pinkie's other cheek, and all three sisters angle their heads to make sure their mouths are touching, leaving just enough room for yours to join in
>With her hand still cupping your cheek, Pinkie slowly brings you in the kiss
>You're shaking so hard you can barely get your lips to make contact
>You kiss Pinkie first, technically, and Maud and Marble's lips press in from either side, kissing both their sister and you at the same time
>Your first impression of the kiss is just how incredibly different the sisters' lips are
>Even with your eyes closed, you can easily tells whose mouth is whose, just by feel
>Maud's lips are stone-still and pleasantly cool; like her, her kiss is dignified and calm
>Pinkie's are the exact opposite; her lips are warm and taste vaguely sweet, like she applied some kind of candy lip-gloss beforehand
>Wait, was she... was she expecting this kiss to happen?
>You feel mildly terrified of that thought
>Marble's lips, as you'd expect, are beyond delicate; their soft, flowery little things that tremble at your touch
>A loud, wet *smack* reaches your ears as Pinkie opens her mouth, letting her tongue flick across your and her sisters' lips
>Marble pulls away for a moment, surprised, but Maud seems unphased
>She opens her mouth as well, letting her tongue wrestle with her sister's, both of them leaving trails of saliva over your lips which the other then licks up
>Marble is too nervous to use any tongue; she just keeps making these little pecks against your lips, not seeming to care if she occasionally gets a bit of the lick treatment from Maud and Pinkie as well
>All four of your hearts are hammering now, and the sisters hug you tighter as the kiss continues
>Gingerly, and beyond nervous, you open your mouth
>Sensing the opening, Maud and Pinkie push deeper into the kiss, both their tongues pushing into your mouth
>Your own slender muscle intertwines with theirs, finding itself sandwiched between Maud's strong, gentle tongue and Pinkie's exuberant one
>Little dribbles of mixed spit are running down your chin now, as both sisters try to taste as much of the inside of your mouth as they can
>You're so focused on playing goalie in this two-on-one tonsil hockey match that you barely notice the tiny, delicate Marble-tongue poking curiously at the corners of your mouth
>You wrap an arm around her waist and give her a friendly squeeze
>She lets out a tiny coo of delight, and goes back to placing innocent little kisses on your cheek
>That seems to make her happier than the three-way makeout was, at least
>When the kiss ends, you and the three sisters sit back, staring at each other
"W-wow..."
>"I know, right!? Best first-kiss ever!"
>Maud wipes her hand along her mouth
>"That was enjoyable."
>Marble nods
>She buries her face in the crook of your neck, nuzzling you with her face
>You're breathing too heavily to respond
"That was... that was amazing... my Japanese comic books never said it'd be like this..."
>"Your what?" Maud asks
"N-nothing! I um, w-wow..."
>You slump into the sister's triple hug
"Thank you three..."
>"Thank us? No, thank *you*, Femmy! This party is awesome!"
>She pats you on the back of the head
>"So? What next?"
"Well..."
>You glance over at Limestone, who's still stewing by herself in the corner
>She catches you watching her and looks away
>"H-ha! You call that kissing? That was amateur hour!" she says
>"I don't remember you being that great either, Limey," Pinkie reminds her
>"Yeah? Says you! Watch!"
>Before you have a chance to react, Limestone grabs you by the throat and viciously mashes her mouth to yours, in a kiss that feels way too similar to the "dream where an alien eats your face" variety
>The kiss finishes as quickly as it started, and Limestone tossed you back into the embrace of her sisters
>She's staring at you now, her face blushing so hard it's practically glowing
>"T-that..."
>Her voice cracks, making her sound nervous and girlish
>"I mean, *that's* how you kiss someone! Fucking amateur hour! I'm going back upstairs."
>She runs back upstairs, muttering angrily under her breath
>When she's gone, the other sisters close in around you, surrounding you in a cocoon of warm bodies
"Whoa..."
>"I think she likes you," Marble whispers in your ear
"That's not the impression I'm getting..."
>"Of course she likes you! We all do!"
>Pink throws her arms around her sisters, squeezing all three of you against her chest
>All of you fall backwards against the couch, wrapped up in a giant cuddle-pile
>"So, femmy! You just got three new girlfriends! How's it feel?"
"W-whoa, girlfriends? We're going that f-far already?"
>"My sister has a bad tendency of jumping ahead of herself," Maud assured you. "However, I wouldn't be against the idea."
>Marble nods, resting her head on your shoulder
>"I would like that too, if it means I can be around you more..." she whispers
"Are you... are you all serious? Me? Why would you want m-me?"
>"Because you're super duper fun, and crazy-cute!" Pinkie says
>"I share my sister's sentiments, but I'd put it another way. You're stimulating to talk to and I find you attractive."
>"You make me feel safe..." Marble mumbles
"Oh... oh my God..."
>You really don't know how to process this
>A person like you isn't built to handle so much love, you think
"So, like... we're a thing, then? All four of us?"
>"Five!" Pinkie says. "Limestone's totally gonna want in."
"A-are you serious? She hates me."
>"Almost as much as she hates us! It's just her special way of liking things."
"Her special way isn't gonna get me killed, is it?"
>"Limestone is harmless," Maud assures you. "If she gets to be too much to handle, poke her in the stomach. She can't handle that."
"Okay..."
>"If this isn't an acceptable arrangement, we won't hold it against you if you back out," Maud says
"No! No, it's totally acceptable! It's awesome! I'm just, you know, having a little trouble believing it's real. I never thought I'd get a girlfriend at all... especially not four..."
>"I think I speak for the rest of my sisters when I say we're happy to have proven you wrong," Maud says
>"So?" Pinkie asks. "What're we gonna do now, bae?"
>Maud glares at her
>"Don't start calling her that, or we're all voting you out of this cuddle-pile."
>"Fine, fine. So, Femmy? What now?"
>Once again returning to that aforementioned "Dyke Casanova" fantasy, you'd probably have imagined yourself saying something insanely smooth, and turning this new relationship into you losing your virginity
>But you panic, because of course you do
>You can barely handle this happening at all, never mind twist it into losing your V-card
>So you, as always, say something stupid
"Uh... C-Crunchyroll and chill?"