>Breath?
>Minty, as if you performed oral on a tube of toothpaste.
>You smell your underarms.
>Essence du Mangette. Bitches love Mango scent.
>Suit is pressed, and clean, and you look like you were cooked in butter.
>With Tulips in hand, you rummage for a scrap paper in your pocket.
"This looks like the address. Phooo.."
>According to her private message on "Batdate" this is her apartment. You've never been so nervous in your life.
>With a shaky fist you rap your knuckles on her door, and await a response, straigtening your stature.
>You still remember those sexy pictures, she put up on her profile. That slick mane, and unicorn horn...unf. You've never wanted to get your hands on a Bat-unicorn so bad.
>"One moment!"
"Okay...showtime."
>The sounds of cans,assorted crumples,trashcans and a few cat shrieks muffle out from behind the door, giving you a creeping bad feeling.
>Does Catfishing exist in Equestria?
>"Hrnnngh! HNNNRGH!"
>The door stutters open, as articles of garbage manage to roll out.
"What the hell...?"
>A gray, glasses pony struggling to stick her head out through the small opening she created, smiles at you awkwardly.
>You internally shrug. Must be her sister or roommate.
>"Howdy!"
"U-uh..howdy...is "R053W00D" here? We were supposed to go on a date? From the "Batdate" website?"
>Her face suddenly brightens up.
>"Are you L0ngNHerd"?! You're even more handsome up close!"
>You can't help but blush, and--
"Wait. Are you...?"
>"Yeah! I'm R053!"
>...
>CATFISSSSSSSSHED
>"Hold on a moment! I'll let you in!"
>More grunts and groans, as she strains to open the door, while you consider bailing.
>The door finally opens almost all the way, like a stone slab, where a moutain of trash awaits you, and even that is an understatement.
"What the hell is this?!"
>"Welcome to Casa de Rose, otherwise known as "The love Jungle"~"
>She winks, making you both wretch and scowl in disgust.
"Eh..Your picture is a little..."
>You look around her apartment on where to step, noticing piles of dirty clothes.(Ponies wear clothes?) Ramen Noodle Cup Towers, random stains, and what you hope aren't piles of shit laying around the "love Jungle".
>"I know right? That's a picture of my favorite TV actor from that awesome show,"Trotham"! She's so pretty..."
>Rose, or whoever the fuck this is, looks away with a dreamy expression.
>You're paying half attention to her through the smell.
>It's like Vinegar mixed with fetid butthole, and a spoonful of the inside of Applejack's hat mixed in.
>"Take a seat anywhere! I'll get us some refreshments~"
"Uhhhhhhh...."
>Sit where? Trash pile A, or B? Maybe the filled hefty bag with the rats, humping each other in the corner?
"Say uh...Rose..."
>"Mosina. My name is Mosina! What's yours?"
>She looks at you from what you assume is the kitchen. It's hard to tell through the mountains of dirty dishes, and what you think is a fucking Garbador sitting where a stove would be.
>Should you really tell her your name? She's obviously thirsty as fuck. What if she follows you home? You want this dirty, catfishing ass nerdy slob knowing your personals?
>"Refreshments are here~"
>She floats towards you carrying a tray of some unknown liquid in dirty glasses.
>Are you being punked right now?
>"Oh! You brought me Flowers also! Thoughtful~!"
>She rudely chomps down onto them, leaving you only with a fistful of stems.
>Staring at you with cheeks full of flora, she awaits your answer, but deciding to divert it, you focus on something else.
"S-so what is this..."drink"?"
>"Oh this? It's just a little something I had chillaxing in the back of the icebox. A little "dranky-drank" to lighten the moooood~ You know...see where the night takes us."
>Petals, and saliva spew out onto you, as she attempts bedroom eyes.
"Uh..hahah-yeah, because I totally plan to stay here for that long..."
>Her snout touches your nose. Way in the bubble right now.
>Leaning back, you fight a grimace.
"Look uhm...Messyna, was it?"
>"Mosina."
"Right. Mosina.Before we head out, I need to go...uh...get my..car keys from my oven...?"
>That's the best excuse you can think up.
>A combo of half-chewed petals, and gigglesnorts bombard your face.
>"You were always so funny! Even during our ERP chats!"
>You facepalm.
>That's right. You did Scrollsex with her. Fuck.
>She "seductively" rubs her tummy.
>"So rather than go out, I was thinking you could hang out here, maybe get a home-cooked meal from yours truly, and...hehehehe..."
>She licks her lips like that guy from Phoenix Wright who talks in l33t speak.
"You want me to stay here-"
>"Mhmm."
"In this apartment?"
>"Oh yeah~"
"And you want to cook something for us."
>She nods slowly, inching closer.
>Your breathing speeds up, fight or flight starting to kick in.
"B-bu-but, I'd hate to intrude..."
>"Oh pshaw! My house, is your house~"
>A big ass centipede crawls up your pant leg.
>SWEET LORD NO.
>You reflexively kick it off.
"I don't have my toothbrush! I-I like to floss after dinner!"
>"Oh I think you'll be using your mouth for other things than flossing big boy~"
"URP-uh...duhh."
>Cold sweat starts to pour down your neck.
>"Let's start with a toast. To us! To a looooong night of "Exploration"."
>She takes one of the glasses, her eyes waiting for you to take yours.
>You gulp and take the glass. Ungloved. IT'S STICKY. FUCK.
>"Bottoms up!"
>Mosina knocks back the odd black liquid, missing you pour it out over your shoulder.
>It hits the floor, and shapes into a blob that hisses at you.
>"Ahh! That was some good mango juice!"
"WHAT DA FUUUUH?! That was Mango Juice?!"
>She wipes her mouth with a hoof.
>"Good huh? So-"
>Making Bed eyes again, she clears a row of Potato chip bags ,and Trotess snack cake wrappers to reveal a nasty ass sofa that is legit breathing.
>"Why don't you sit down, and let the juice lead us from here....uh...what's your name again?"
"My name? It's- uh....."
>Fake name, fake name fake name-
>You quickly look around her nasty den of bacteria, and spot a Raggedy Ann doll laying in the corner.
"An-"
>You see a lightswitch in the "on" position.
"-On..."
>A pornographic magazine for those with an Emu fetish pokes out from under the demon sofa, that Mosina kicks under with her hoof.
"-Emus. Anonymous."
>...Shit.
>"Anonymous? That's such a strong, and smart name~ I'll never forget it!"
"Yeah. Real smart of me. Smart af."
>"Ay-eff?"
>You pinch the bridge of your nose, and walk to the sofa, wading through the sea of trash.
"It's nothing. Just...something stupid."
>Before sitting down, you inspect the couch, looking for a spot that isn't wriggling, as Mosina continues to stare at you, like a hawk.
>"Is there something wrong sweetie? You're not shy are you?"
>Shy? Mire like terrified as shit.
>There's areas in Fallout games that look better than this place!
"Y-yeah. I-I don't know how to handle having you here in front of m-me?"
>Mosina licks her lips.
>"Then hurry up and sit down!"
>She pulls your hand towards her much to your surprise, dragging you to the sofa in slow motion. The horrid fabric comes in contact with your clean suit, some parts of it wet and mushy, and others crusty and dry.
>R.I.P
>Your cheek lands on her belly, but she makes no effort to push you off.
>"Oh Anonymous~ Just like our Celestia and Discord ERP! Please, don't stop on my account~"
>A hoof on your head subtly pushes you towards her winking-
"NYAHHH..FUCK THIS-"
>You fucking kip up off the growling furniture, wiping yourself down, shaking whatever was in that goddamn thing that brought it to life.
>"Is something the matter? You don't want to "eat"?"
>Mosina exposes herself to you with "bedroom eyes" again.
"NO. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! URRAAAGHHH!"
>You jump around still feeling legs crawl on you.
>Mosina's face lowers into a more questioning look.
>"Ohhh. Did I forget the Horse Dil-"
"JUST STOP!"
>Feeling heat flow off your body in rage, you glare a Mosina.
"You know, I really tried to give this a shot! I seriously did, despite the false pics I saw of "you".
>Well, you didn't try super hard, considering the keys and stove thing.
"-But this nasty, messy, filthy, disgusting...HOLE of an apartment, is just too much!"
>Mosina silently listens to your rant.
"How can any pony live like this? You have vermin, and bugs and a sentient sofa! It's just...just wrong! You're disgusting! You sicken me!"
>Her mouth slightly curls.
"What part of your infantile brain thought it would be okay to present yourself like this to someone you've been intimate with?! To lie, and then invite him to a literal waste pile?! Are you stupid?!"
>Mosina looks at you for a long while, before looking down at the garbage laden floor.
>Now that you got that out, you start to think that maybe you went too far...?
>Mosina looks back up at you, with tears streaming down her cheeks.
"Uh..."
>"I know how I look, okay? I'm not the mare you thought I was through the pictures. If I used my real face, what Stallion would want to meet me, besides those who think I'm perfect for their equally low standards?"
"Wait, I wasn't saying you're ug-"
>"You think you're the first? This place is usually spotless! All this is recent! Everytime I invite somepony over, they get so uncomfortable from all the cleanliness, they don't even come through the front door! They get all fidgety and take off before we can even introduce one another..."
>She sniffles.
>"Then I met you. You seemed to genuinely like me, and the things we did, and said to each other...I wanted to keep you around..."
>If this was a cartoon, you'd turn in a donkey.
"So the apartment is gross because-"
>"What do you think?!"
>Stupid question.
>Little sobs come from Mosina, filling the awkward silence of the room.
"I'm sorry. I didn't realize that you were just trying to impr-"
>"Just stop. It's painful enough. I'm sorry for lying. Go."