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| Anonymous #1432295 1 month ago |
For those of you who can't (but yet care) to read, here it is:
> You are Hayley Hipsterson, like, the...well, hipster. > A damn rich hipster at too, since, y’know, you’ve got a really good sixth sense on which parts of the stock markets will soar. > In other words: you know what to invest in before its cool, dude. > This wealth has allowed you to start up and maintain a profitable small business selling fluffy pony waste fertilzer, using an old formerly sh*tty-standard fluffy pony amputee orphange you bought as a base of operations. > Like, who takes the legs of these things and leaves them someplace to rot? I mean, srsly? > But you don’t work the same way as those corporate industrialist bigwigs, keeping the fluffies for waste harvesting in mass in plain ol’ crappy conditions, dude. > No sale, dude, you keep fluffies for waste harvesting humanely in style. > Cause you’re a life lover, not and abuse lover, yo! > Instead of cold cages you house them in homely cushioned living spaces, each about the same size as animal carriers yet big enough for them to reside in comfortably. > Instead of using painful intravenous tubing for sustenance and latrine purposes, you provide good food and fresh water for them naturally and use a special sensor-equipped trapdoor-like litterbox to collect the essential solid waste and nonusuable urine and keep them separate them from it. > Instead of keeping them in constant fear and negative emotions, you keep them happy and content with special miniature TVs and cameras in each living space that allow them to watch their favorite shows or communicate with each other. > And, of course, instead of denying them of any physical contact or presence of human love, you personally go their living spaces on a frequent basis everyday to give them their food dishes, fill their water bottles, and give them individual attention and human interaction if they need it. > How are you able to do all of this efficiently and provide a good product? > Elementary school, dude! > All the fluffies you use are amputees, with their numbers made of the remaining residents of the orphanage and others you got or bought from stores or streets, meaning they have no legs they need to be exercised. > They’re, like, so pleased with the good quality sustenance and TVs you’ve got, that they don’t even care about not having legs anymore. > And in the case they do want to have some outside time or need a bath, you take them out as they please and provide them with paid or volunteer workers to satisfy their playtime and sanitary needs, before putting them back in. > Hell , you’ll even make arrangements with trusted organizations to tend to the very few fluffies who want a new owner, y’know? > Overall, living condition wise, there’s not a single bit of fluffy abuse or distress used in the collection process, aside from occasional positive reinforced discpline when one of the fluffies gets bratty or unpleasant enough to require it. > After all, they’re all, like, fluffy preschoolers in nature, y’know? > And as for the effectiveness and popularity of the product? > Aside from, like, the humanely-produced fertilzer’s appeal to animal lovers, you use a super secret compound you apply to the fertilizer along with the other standard components. > This compound, which you exclusively obtained many years ago from a totally wizard scientist named Reed, is 100% environmentally safe and makes your product many times more effective than most usual brands. > However, to keep the non-humane competitors from stealing your formula and using it in their own horrifically-collected products you’ve made the compound’s existence top-secret to everyone but yourself and Reed. > Consequently,this also means you have to rely mostly on curiousity and animal love for purchases, instead of pumped-up advertising about the effectiveness of your product compared to others, y’know? > But for every purchase that does come your way, also comes a new regular customer and possibly even more in the form of their friends and family. > All in all, you’ve got one good hell of a thing going on where everybody involved wins. > Wicked pizzah, dudes! |
| The_Mungoman #1432296 1 month ago |
I think the image is broken. |
| JoyKillR-II #1432303 1 month ago |
@ The_Mungoman - Many of the most recent images are broken for some reason. I checked. |
| Ferrotter #1432308 1 month ago |
Should've gotten it from a scientist named Dale. It'd be many times more potent, if not safe. |
| Penis_Wiggle #1432312 1 month ago |
The tubing system does seam faster, which would mean more money. |
| Anonymous #1432314 1 month ago |
I'm sorry, I keep looking for a plot or conflict in this story, but I keep getting Error 404. |
| Anonymous #1432327 1 month ago |
Nice story, JoyKiller! Not sure what's with "yo!", but still nice! |
| Anonymous #1432368 1 month ago |
Why would there be abandoned legless fluffy ponies? They're the most sought-after sort, since they can't get themselves killed, and can't move around the house and get poop on stuff.
Nobody wants a fluffy pony with legs, they're a dime a dozen. If people wanted them, they'd just pick 'em off the street. A legless one, though, those have to be made. And it takes skill to do it right. Any hack can lop off a leg with a gardening implement, but that runs the risk of complications, and lingering chronic pain. It takes surgical skill to perform a proper amputation that will leave the fluffy pony functional. |
| Anonymous #1432373 1 month ago |
>profitable
Sure, just 600 years until selling literal shit pays off all those tiny TVs! Honestly I can't tell what's worse, joykillr's happy stories or abuse stories. |
| Anonymous #1432428 1 month ago |
@373
>implying abuse stories are anything other than delightfully hilarious >implying that joykiller's boring shitty hugboxing is in any way on par with the creative gags and comedy in abuse stories >implying joykiller's story's are even worth comparing to abuse stories, let alone other hugboxing Joykiller's stories suffer from the same thing other hugboxing does. It requires too much stretching of disbelief due to the numerous deus ex machinas needed to keep it all shits and giggles. Abuse stories just play off basic human nature, making them completely believable so that the reader may focus more on actually enjoying the stories. There's a reason capitalism sucks. It's because without DELICIOUS SOCIALISM and subsidies, industry revolves around corner cutting and working condition degeneration so as to maximize profit and stay in business. Businesses that don't normally aren't around very long, unless the industry caters to the upper class who can afford to pay the extra cost for ethically run operations. First off, the government wouldn't subsidize fluffy shit factories. Second, the cost of ethical treatment wouldn't matter to the farmers. Farmers are more concerned with profit than treating animals well. They're not going to subsidize the OP jerking his ego when the competition would not only provide a product for a drastically lower price but also be capable of producing far more of it to meet any sort of demand. As for the "compound," it's not only a blatant deus ex machina that could be reverse engineered by simply analyzing the chemical makeup of the guy's product, but making fluffy shit even more effective would actually cause problems. The grass and plants would grow too much, becoming a hindrance. The ethical farms wouldn't even want it. Not that there'd be any, as the hugboxer's entire customer base would quickly be driven out of business by the larger factory and profit focused farms being able to cut their prices due to not having to worry about the cost of ethics thanks to a lack of government oversight and regulation. And then the luvfag's normal customers wouldn't have any need for his shit anymore, putting him out of business, too. Not that it matters, since he'd just get more money from his rich parents (stock market sixth sense my ass) and start up another doomed hugbox business. Ironically, the lack of socialism that puts his businesses out of business is the same lack of socialism that allows his parents to get rich from perpetrating economy destroying financial voodo and fund his schemes in the first place without him having to actually, you know, make the hard decisions that running a business entails. One of those decisions would be deciding whether to go out of business, or just start treating fluffies like a means of production rather than the valued, skilled and limited work force that they aren't. |
| Mayclore #1432547 1 month ago |
"A damn rich hipster at too, since, y’know, you’ve got a really good sixth sense on which parts of the stock markets will soar."
Aaaaaaaand you've lost me. |
| JoyKillR-II #1433150 1 month ago |
@#1432428 - Can't tell if you're trying to give me constructive criticism or a hard time, but whatever, dude. |
| Anonymous #1433200 1 month ago |
Not bad. Kinda used to the abuse present in most stories talking about raising centers like this, so it's interesting to see a different non-abuse take on the idea. |
| Anonymous #1433205 1 month ago |
Was hoping to read about Rico hating on another fluffy again, but I'll admit you did a decent job with this, though many of the anons had their points. |
| Anonymous #1435322 1 month ago |
428: Right! Because there's no Fun in just Petting a Dog or Playing Fetch with it! A Dog's life is only interesting once someone starts beating on it! Life would be so Pointless and Dull without Violence and Abuse, wouldn't it? I'm sure glad I don't live in a World like that. Ugh, Fucking Gay . . . |
| JoyKillR-II #1435435 1 month ago |
@#1435322 - Wow...You anons are talking about abusing REAL animals now? Just WOW... |
| Anonymous #1435464 1 month ago |
435: My Satire wasn't recognized as such? That says something. |