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| Saint_Braeburn #1418280 1 month ago |
I liked this.
The owner wasn't a complete sadist, yet he still had a spine and values he was willing to get violent for. 8.5/10. I hope you write more stories in the future. |
| sigh #1418350 1 month ago |
Pretty good, although I feel the killing scene dragged on for a bit, I kind of got bored halfway through. |
| Anonymous #1418381 1 month ago |
Fluffy pony suffering, death, and subjugation.
Most excellent. |
| Ferrotter #1418390 1 month ago |
Probably should've been broken into chapters. |
| lordanubis #1418434 1 month ago |
First, well written story. No problems there.
This is my major problem with the whole runt rejection thing. And again, this isn't anything you did wrong. It's just an issue I have with the way people respond to the rejection of runts. It's indicated time and time again that the rejection of fluffy runts isn't so much a conscious, willful act so much as an instinctual desire to conserve resources for the foals most likely to survive. This isn't cruelty or neglect, it's nature. Animals do this all the time. Brutalizing an animal mother for following her instinct as a mother, and trying to make sure the most babies survive, is not a justified form of abuse. It's like an abusive dad punishing his son because he tries to block his father's angry punches. Fluffies aren't smart enough to be aware of when their actions are driven by instinct. In their mind, what they're doing is simply the right thing to do. A domestic fluffy, with all the food and care it can hope for, doesn't need to worry about conserving its milk, but it doesn't know that. And considering how relatively easy it is to override most fluffy instinct, considering how hard this one sticks, it hardly seems fair to punish a dam for it. But this was a good story that ended on a happy note, so good on you. If you plan on writing more, get an account. And one minor criticism, please use a larger font next time. It's kinda hard to read. |
| Yorec #1418441 1 month ago |
It was okay, but his methods seemed excessive. And runts die are physically weaker and die all the time, that's just a fact of life. Its very rare that a runt will survive even if the mother feeds them.
The fluffy pony was just following instinct and trying to make sure that her healthier foals survived, like any animal would. Add the fact that Broccoli almost killed her two other foal in a desperate attempt to feed the runt to keep him from killing her and the story becomes rather meaningless, even if everything worked did work out in the end. |
| Yorec #1418450 1 month ago |
Ah, lordanubis beat me to the punch and explained it better than I did. |
| NightJack #1418453 1 month ago |
It felt like your dragged on with the death of the feral fluffy, but it was good, better then all the other ones with a runt. |
| FeralSocks018 #1418467 1 month ago |
I liked it. |
| Anonymous #1418524 1 month ago |
Impressive |
| Anonymous #1418694 1 month ago |
Took me awhile to read it. Totally worth it.
I just wish fluffies weren't portrayed as being so much instinct-driven, but hey, I can't complain much Happy ending does it for me. OP is NOT a faggot this time |
| Anonymous #1418747 1 month ago |
This is definitely one of the better stories I've read.
Fine work, indeed. |
| Anonymous #1418762 1 month ago |
If it was me, I would have made the mother accept the runt by spraying the runt with a perfume or deodorant to mask the "runt smell" (like in that one fluffy research story), or take away all her children, to raise them separately from their mother. If the other foals reject their sibling, I could amputate them and put them in a cramp jar or tiny glasses, from which they will be cared for.
(If I am really malicious, I would keep only the runt and throw the rest of the foals in the trash, watch the mother try desperately to get them out, beat her way too severely if she succeeds, and hear her sob on trash collection day. I could also just toss the litter out onto the streets all alone. But alas, I am too much of a loving cigarette) I think it's wrong to brutally kill newborn foals just teach the mother a lesson. If Broccoli's owner was so benige, why would he slaughter and punish the innocent foals just to make the mother accept any unwanted baby? |
| Anonymous #1418827 1 month ago |
Not really a fan of psychological torture, but hey. Good story, mostly |
| deathproofpony #1418868 1 month ago |
Very good. A little long, but an intriguing delve into the fluffy psyche. |
| Anonymous #1418916 1 month ago |
This is written pretty well but I'm swiftly coming to the realization that people don't understand how litters work or the concept of a "runt". "Runt" is just a term used to describe a member of a litter that is smaller or weaker relative to the other members of that litter. Runts aren't necessarily born smaller and members of a little that are born smaller won't necessarily stay that way. Furthermore the term is applied relative to the other members of that specific litter, therefore the runt in one litter may be the same size as average members of another litter. Finally it is just a term based on empirical observation, two different people might call two different animals runts or not.
In other words this repetitious idea that every litter has a runt which is instantaneously identifiable is patently ridiculous. And I don't necessarily intend to be accusatory towards this story in particular since again this is repetitious and appears in any different stories. This idea has such a tenuous connection to reality it seems like the kind of thing someone vaguely aware of biology wrote once and then everyone copied that person. If the author doesn't mind me asking, where did they first see this idea? Now something this stories does well in a couple of places is the short sentence expressions of the fluffies. The exclamation point emphasizes their excitability and it portrays their child-like personalities well enough. However it loses this in several places wherein the fluffies speak in complex sentences and even entire paragraphs. Although since fluffies are fantastical there's not necessarily any canonical portrayal of them that must be adhered to, it is important to be consistent with your characters within a story otherwise it breaks immersion and can lose all sense of coherency. Another thing I want to compliment the author on is the length, this is actually a short story with a plot arc and not just a paragraph masquerading as one. However the downside of this is the repetition within the story itself. Mostly in the dialog is seems like there's a lot of redundancy to pad out the story's length. It would be better to have a shorter story than to try and stretch one out beyond its means. Finally I assume the "moral" here is just tacked on to justify an abuse fic but in case people are interested for there own actually legitimate writing if the author genuinely intended the overt message it was seriously mishandled in its execution. Specifically the story undercuts itself at least twice. The most obvious one of course being killing a fluffy and her foals (including a "runt," albeit using the dubious understanding given here) in order to teach not to do so. I'm assuming everyone reading at least caught that so I'm going to focus on the second one since it's more subtle. Near the end of the story the fluffy mama kicks the other two babies away in order to feed the runt (which actually is a nice touch of fluffy misunderstanding) and the owner tells her to share with the caveat "There's enough milk for all of them if they share." If anyone hasn't already figured it out Ill leave a couple lines for people to think. ... How does he know that? Given that the entire concept of a "runt" as it is portrayed here and in most of stories on this site hasn't it already been established that is NOT the case? This is a contradiction of the very premise upon which the story is founded. Moreover it breaks the story even further because this concept of a "runt" is loosely based on the real-life term and all of the readers should have experienced at some point in their lives that we live in a universe of scarcity where there is not always enough to go around. Due to this the ending is hollow since it only happens because the author wants it to happen - I feel the term "deus ex machina" is overused but this is an example of exactly that. In any case despite my criticisms this story is certainly better written than some others uploaded to this site so it would be good to see more from the author in the future. From a technical standpoint try not to abuse the Royal Canterlot Voice as much and from a story standpoint the most important thing is to keep your characters and your thesis consistent. |
| Yorec #1418942 1 month ago |
Dang Anon916, you analyzed it in a well thought out way. Kudos. |
| PandaSennin #1418987 1 month ago |
Well written but the abuse was way too much. Abusing the mother is one thing (which was still wat too much) but the other foals were innocent. If this was a sadistic human then I would understand but the main character is shown as being kind. Next is the runt thing. This is nature taking it's course and abusing a fluffy for following her instinct (which all animals do) is just plain wrong and crappy writting. Again, nice concept and it was well written for the most part but work on the other part. |
| Anonymous #1419044 1 month ago |
"Ah, that's pretty swee-wait a minute. Did he jerk off his fluffy?" |
| Anonymous #1419073 1 month ago |
>1418916
Nice essay, you did awesome. I really think owner should have been less bloodlusty >"There's enough milk for all of them if they share." >How does he know that? She has enough food to be able to produce milk at constant basis. Even if one "dosage" is not enough to fully satisfy all of them, new milk will be available soon enough |
| Anonymous #1419376 1 month ago |
fluffies seem able to think, if only to think simply so they should be able to be taught to resist instinct.
I think a good alternative would be once the runt is rejected to take the healthy babies and tell the fluffy momma that they asked to be taken away because they're afraid she'll decide they're also bad babies, and only give them back after she feeds the runt saying they trust her again |
| Anonymous #1419535 1 month ago |
>fluffy runt is rejected by its mother
>black knight comes to its rescue >fluffy runt is killed by its mother >black knight returns the favor to its already doomed mother and siblings to teach his fluffy a valuable life lesson >so many feels >for once not in my pants ... Story idea. Also, loved the part where the guy fingered his fluffy to orgasm. All of my boner. @987 Fluffy luvfag writers post stories about white knight mary sues abusing fluffies for following their instincts when it comes to rape, incest or a combination of the two, Or murdering other fluffies just to get some. Even though the desire to mate is THE. MOST. NATURAL. THING. for every animal, and fluffies finding creative ways to accomplish it is actually a credit to great darwinism. When it comes to runts, though, their misfortune isn't natural. They got screwed by DESTINY ITSELF. Even more so than by simply being born fluffies. Even if it is instinctual, a mother killing her babies is just crossing a line. Natural or not, it's one of THE. MOST. HORRIFIC. THINGS. that could ever happen. Not to mention them culling their own population is a stupidity that warrants abuse. |
| Anonymous #1419886 1 month ago |
Hand-rearing the runt would have solved everything... |
| PhilSrobeighn #1419974 1 month ago |
Really great story. Good blend of abuse and love.
And I always like a good crossover. |
| Anonymous #1420185 1 month ago |
>Fluffy luvfag writers post stories about white knight mary sues abusing fluffies for following their instincts when it comes to rape, incest or a combination of the two
WUT? Only faggots post such stories |
| Danuis #1421121 1 month ago |
> 1420185
I think that rape is not an instinct anymore. Incest maybe, but it's rape - Fluffies who get raped don't like it, and other fluffies see rapers as bad fluffies. Incest, never seen it. Rape? More than anything, it's seen as bad by Humans, the raped fluffy, and other fluffies. But hey, theres no set rules, yet, go ahead and make them suffer in a way I won't even touch. |
| Anonymous #1421521 1 month ago |
for the people talking about nature and instincts, I'd like to point out there's this thing people do where they train animals to go against their instincts. It's called domestication |
| Tabula_Rojo #1423740 1 month ago |
I liked the Avengers reference |
| CyrusNola #1425955 1 month ago |
@1421121: wait, why are you referencing me? I love fluffies. And stories with Mary Sue abusing fluffies while justifying it with something are usually written by abusefags |