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Comments
| Giant_Neckbeard #1362037 2 months ago |
Op here, going to be some more humans in the next part. Specifically, a boozy red-neck hunter and his equally gutter-trash buddies, a Scientist monitoring Wild Herds of Fluffies to study their primitive societies and adaptations, and of course, More Feral Fluffy Herds.
And, as always, Tags: Apple_Acres_Fluffy_Story fluffy_pony fluffy_pony_dies fluffy_pony_lives fluffy_text |
| Anonymous #1362042 2 months ago |
FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU
Please read this, I beg you. http://fictionwriting.about.com/od/writingexercises/qt/punctuation.htm |
| The_Mungoman #1362054 2 months ago |
This was heartbreaking.
I can't believe I got so emotionally invested in this farmers guilt. Really, really sad stuff. Giant_Neckbeard, this is awesome. Kudos. |
| Anonymous #1362061 2 months ago |
When Soot started asking Grape to wake up or whatever, I honestly cried for a split-second. |
| Anonymous #1362097 2 months ago |
Mr. Neckbeard, sir.
You are credit to team. Much applause is offered. Keep up the good work. |
| Anonymous #1362133 2 months ago |
Seriously, your writing is good. You're engaging the reader and letting him feel for the characters. You were able to capture the essence of trying to explain death to your own child, and of building a fort for your children out of whatever's lying around. (Book fort, anyone?)
Because you're sticking to the rules of style so well most of the time, the parts where you break a rule over and over are glaring. We can excuse the spurious caps, like "The Purple mare", "Green Fluffies" and "Hay-Bale Cave" since those are kind of written from the Fluffy's perspective. The one mistake you keep making, over and over, is you seem to want to have the quoted bits of dialogue to be separate sentences from the parts that tell who is speaking the dialogue. They're not separate sentences. You can think of quoted dialogue as the object of a sentence where the verb is one of "says", "whispers", "begs", etc. it wouldnt be a big deal if you werent so consistent with putting all the other bits in the right places Read that link again, please. In fact, you only need to read the very first rule. I'll even paste it here for you. Use a comma between the dialogue and the tag line (the words used to identify the speaker: "he said/she said"): "I would like to go to the beach this weekend," she told him as they left the apartment. |
| Anonymous #1362151 2 months ago |
More examples.
>"P-p-pwease ... come back," he sobs, rubbing his face in the dirt, his legs dirty and raw from digging in the cold earth. >"Smell dusty," he complains, trotting around the hay-bales before ducking inside. >"Because I'm a nice 'Hooman'," you reply, kneeling down and petting the unicorn on the head. >"Tummeh makin' Owies! Wan miwk, Cwoud, man miwk naow!" the Grey whines loudly. >[...], and the happy shouts of "T'ank you, Hooman!" from Soot, Cloud, and Rose, [...] (That last one really made my eye twitch.) |
| lordanubis #1362173 2 months ago |
You are really really good at writing about fluffy herds. Watch a lot of nature documentaries? |
| Giant_Neckbeard #1362217 2 months ago |
David Attenbourough (spelling?) was one of my all-time favourite people to watch on the television as a child.
I try to channel him when writing these things. |
| Anonymous #1362246 2 months ago |
whyboner.jpg
This is a boring story. It was so mindblowingly boring that my brain processed it as erotic material. Because something this boring couldn't possibly ever exist. AND YET IT DOES. It was so boring I came. That's not even possible. The dullness of your story defies reality itself. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! |
| Anonymous #1363198 2 months ago |
Let's give Giant_Neckbeard some credit. He did warn in his last story that the follow-up was going to be a boring hugbox-story. |
| Anonymous #1363244 2 months ago |
I must praise you, OP.
While I prefer original shorts and abuse (short), your stories are great reading. Great complain: Fucking looooooooong, even more then from my house to Yokohama. It defies logic of fluff stories. |
| Bronyboy #1364048 2 months ago |
Cute series. I look forward to future installments. |
| Anonymous #1366981 2 months ago |
WRITE MOAR BED FICS! |
| Giant_Neckbeard #1367733 2 months ago |
@Anon 6981: FOR THE LAST TIME, YOU MONGOLOID, NO! I wrote it once, but no, I will not do more 'Bed' Fics.
There will be more massive Fluffy Deaths in the Grimdark_Fluffies series, but not here, nor in the Owner_is_destined_to_suffer series. Stop asking. |
| Anonymous #1372517 2 months ago |
Like this story. This one has more of a degree of separation between human and fluffy in it compared to the owner-series, interesting.
Creative and grim use of the fluff on the barbed wire btw |