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Comments
| PonyRIG #855043 6 months ago |
hmmmm, Cteno is becoming very popular, why she isn't listed in the TV tropes MLP esemble darkhorse then? |
| PynkyPy #855044 6 months ago |
This started out as a crappy dirty pony confession I was going to post, but as I wrote it, it became a great idea for a clopfic.
Reader beware! for kinkiness is there! |
| PonyRIG #855046 6 months ago |
*Ensemble Darkhorse page |
| Harlequin_Jester #855057 6 months ago |
 |
| PynkyPy #855077 6 months ago |
So how's my first clopfic? Any suggestions or responses. No, not all my fic's will be like this. I just felt extra dirty today. |
| Karadros #855095 6 months ago |
Needs more Cteno and more... more. |
| PynkyPy #855108 6 months ago |
I already stated, I think I did at least, that all my fics/limes would be short and just about sex with a bit of romance mixed in. It will never get "more" in length. But will get more detailed overtime as I get used to writing stories. |
| BILL_POOTIS #855121 6 months ago |
 |
| Anonymous #855136 6 months ago |
How should I describe this fic? It's... emetic. Yes. Let's go with emetic. |
| PonyRIG #855142 6 months ago |
and what "emetic" means? |
| Harlequin_Jester #855143 6 months ago |
To induce vomiting. |
| PonyRIG #855144 6 months ago |
*after some google* oh |
| PonyRIG #855147 6 months ago |
ninja'd... |
| Anonymous #855163 6 months ago |
Can't tell if purposefully bad or not... |
| Bongo #855286 6 months ago |
Well, it's nice to see you again Pynky... |
| ZePassionateOne #855568 6 months ago |
I..I...I don't know how to react to this...
 |
| MaroonBunyip #855579 6 months ago |
needs more lolz
come on pynky, be a satirical clopfic writer. |
| Draconequus #855586 6 months ago |
 |
| PynkyPy #855598 6 months ago |
Glad to see everyone giving great reviews on a serious clopfic. (That comment was of massive sarcasm) |
| ZePassionateOne #855601 6 months ago |
I was totally honest when I said I don't know what to think about it, Pynky. |
| MaroonBunyip #855604 6 months ago |
come oooooon
satire! |
| DPV111 #855613 6 months ago |
mmm... Consensual tentacle/fluidic lesbian sex with a (polymorph? ectomorph? arcanamorph?) sentient amoebic partner.
If only written well... |
| Draconequus #855614 6 months ago |
Sorry about that Pynky.
I'm going to try again because it overwhelmed me. Overall, quite good. You have a knack for attention to detail. You're imaginative I'll say that. Kinda missing out some punctuation, but if you were going without quotation marks, then ignore me. |
| PynkyPy #855618 6 months ago |
I know Passionate. It was a quick on the draw idea. Less than an hour to compose and a whimsy of my mind. |
| PynkyPy #855623 6 months ago |
Thank you everypony! I like you advice, I seriously do! :D |
| MaroonBunyip #855635 6 months ago |
soo... you're gonna make funny now? |
| PynkyPy #855652 6 months ago |
@Maroon
I'm not Surprise. Yes, I ADORE satire but only in the proper spots. Yes, I can write funny stories, but my Clopfics wil be dramas, romance and sexual ecstasy. I may write a clean fic one day, but not now. |
| MaroonBunyip #855659 6 months ago |
well... ok... but...
i mean... come oooooooooooon... |
| DPV111 #855683 6 months ago |
For an honest review:
Over all, the subject and interactions are very good, the clop is kinky without being squicky, and the level of detail is OK. There are problems though: First, keep the setting consistent, are you actually doing this or are you thinking about wanting to do this. If the latter you need to keep the statements like "I did this" as "I would do this". Right now it's about 50% each Second: You use quite a few unnecessary descriptors "Again she enjoys it, asking for more, panting she is" the "she is" is unnecessary. Also "I'm already wet from watching her" the "from watching her" is unnecessary, the reader has been there with you the whole time. Third: Dialogue is mixed in with narration, this makes the story hard to follow. If you want to do it this way you have to change things like: "I say want me to make it better" to "I asked her if she wanted me to make it better". Fourth, there are very many spelling, punctuation, grammatical and syntax errors. The syntax makes me think English is not your first language, so that would be understandable. Fifth, I'd say you should add a bit more descriptive detail in certain areas, draw out the better scenes a bit. Sixth: and this is just a personal suggestion: I don't know id Cteno has an anus, but if she does it might be nice to be included, yours as well. After all, in tentacle/shapeshifter sex, no hole must go unviolated. |
| PynkyPy #855723 6 months ago |
Thank you DVP111 for your advice.
As I said, I composed it rather quickly and did a basic proof read. First. I intended that, blurring the lines between fantasy and reality. Have it be as real as it is fancy. Second. Yes, a few errors. But I like to add stuff like that adds to the story. Third. That really depends on the person. I really prefer the way I wrote it. Part of the blending process. Fourth. English is my native language. I have a college grade reading and writing level. I've actually stunned teachers with intricate essays. I have a funny syntax writing style. Fifth. Where's the fun if I provide all the details. It's quality over quantity. Provide enough for the reader to get an intimate look at the scene while leaving enough room for the imagination. |
| Anonymous #855740 6 months ago |
^seventh: i dont like reading first person, its just so vague feeling and limited. |
| PynkyPy #855798 6 months ago |
Sigh.. I'll make sure the next one is better written. It's just I like writing in a poetic style. A style that is like a Twilight Zone episode. |
| Zincy #855804 6 months ago |
Makes me wish i still wrote adult works...pray i never decided to start up again. |
| DPV111 #855891 6 months ago |
@PynkyPy
You're welcome. I enjoy helping others. While my 5th and 6th points were more opinion based, my first 4 were not. If you are writing for yourself and just sharing for fun, then it doesn't matter. If you are trying to write acceptably good stories, you need to adjust to make them more accessible to the reader. As the fic stands now I would not rate it above 4/10. With proper editing and more standardized formatting (Yes that means some originality of style goes away) I would be comfortable rating it around 7/10. |
| slugbox #856013 6 months ago |
whut. |
| NecromanseR_RuS #856063 6 months ago |
spiderses is much better -.-
After all, make it more serious Try to found beta and after many changes it will become perfect Also you are welcome ^^ i can become beta after repairing of computer. If i wanna do it |
| NecromanseR_RuS #856085 6 months ago |
forget it i dont have much time for helping sorry :< |
| RepentantAnon #856096 6 months ago |
well it was ok, but read more as a script than as a story. may have been the tense. though it was still enjiyable ^^ |
| Dashy #863466 6 months ago |
Doesn't matter, had clop. |
| Psyentific #866348 6 months ago |
Don't write first person clop. Or sex. It's weird. Instead, write second person, or better, third person. |