
The Groping Grotto
-Chapter One-
It's Happening

Anon was a long way out of town, indulging in his newfound hobby: deep cave exploration, and nothing else.

He was dressed in thick leather boots; Kevlar pants containing many pockets; a shirt and harness that held his tools and rope; a small torch on his shoulder, pointing forward; and finally, a pair of Kevlar gloves and goggles to protect his hands and eyes.

Anon was prepared for anything, he though as he peered down at the entrance to the large and foreboding cave with a grin and adjustment of his goggles. "Challenge accepted." He said to no one in particular.

The human started to slowly descend and climb down into the cave. He though back on the events that lead up to this moment. It was a series of poorly made choices and questionable purchases. It was a foolhardy clumsiness triggered disaster just waiting to happen. While what he was doing wasn't unlawful. If he died out there, they would never find his body.

"Fuck 'em. Fuck safety. I do what I want." Anon said, with a blatant disregard for safety. He payed more than he should have for equipment he didn't really want, regardless, he was going to go thrill-seeking.

Now peering over what looked to be a bottomless pit. He took out a marble from one of his pockets and droped it down the hole. Listening as he waited. 2...3...4..Dink! "Ah..five seconds, quite deep." He said as he looked to his rope. "It should be enough." He said.

The human drove a metal stake into the wall with a rope tied to it and starting to scale the vertical wall of the pit. He also threw down a glowing green tube to provide some lighting. He didn't know what it was. He didn't bother to read any of the documents that came with the equipment or the instructions on safe cave exploration. (Isn't that right Anon?)
What he didn't realise was that the light source he threw down had hit something. Something that wasn't quite solid rock. Not that he could see it from here. Not that he could hear it swear under its breath.

When he had finally reached the substructure of the cave, he began to take a few pictures with a small digital cam. He was planning to post his exploits online. At least, that was the plan. But as the camera flashed, there was a shriek nearby, of something startled by the flashing of his camera.

"FUCK!" He thought. "Well, I'm fucked." He said. Then the rope he tugged on as he tried climbing back up finally gave way, as if it too had came to agree, that Anon was truly and unquestionably fucked.

Deep within the depths of the mountain, there laid unmentionable things that stirred prematurely in the sleep that grew restless as night fell. For within the cave walls, there dwelled in those kooks and crannies, strange things that nestled and nested there.

Some of those things had already been awake, awaiting the approach of dusk. Some of those things got a face full of flashing photographic equipment. Some of those things felt rather irritated with the intrusion into their homes. Some of those things were is a lewd mood.
Deeper in the cave, the unmistakable sound of intrusion by an unwelcomed guest was carried over, echoed, through the halls covered with elegantly made carving, the forking and branching paths ill-suited for creatures without the capacity for flight, along the gargantuan chambers filled with subterranean rivers, the private studies, public venues, storefronts, mycologically purposed chambers, and even a bathhouse.

Buttercup, Daisy Petals and Morning Dew awoke to the sound of Dour Dismal shrieking in distress. The ultrasound signals emitted by their comrade under assault was: "FUCK THAT'S BRIGHT!"

Compelled to avenge and assist their assailed brother, they flew off swiftly, navigating the extensive expanse of tunnels towards the site of the commotion. Albeit, Dour decided to straggle behind, to take with him a pouch filled with dried berries. It was breakfast times after all.

Anon was in a state of utter panic. He flashed the camera at whatever it was that shrieked in the cave, hoping to ward it off long enough to afford himself some time to think of a way to escape. Not that he was given much time. Something flew past and knocked the camera out of his hand. Then something knocked him to the floor.

As Anon began to lose consciousness, he saw something in the dark depths of the cave. There was an almost imperceivable glint of teeth grinning. Smiles. They weren't very nice smiles. There were too many teeth for that.
"Alright, what happened here? Dour report!" The senior sentinel addressed the border patrol officer worryingly.

"Oh you know, the usual. I was just minding my own business—"

"Slacking on the job?" Daisy Petals suggested.

"I was taking a break. Just chilling. Then some human came down here and started attacking me with a stun weapon, disorientating me, and leaving me unable to act in accordance with prescribed procedure. So I sort of just yelled, hoping at least one of you fucks were awake and might come over to help me."

"Do you recall the prescribed procedure, Jr. Border Patrol Officer Dour Dismal?"

"Yeah, of course I do. In the event of human activity, remain at a cautious distance and observe keenly without detection."

"And what in Solaris' name did you do?"

"Well I—why would you say Solaris? I thought we worked for Artemis?" Dour Dismal replied, taking on an incredulous tone and hoping he could turn the topic away from his professional misconduct.

"That is an outspoken blaspheme! But nonetheless true. Solaris is the superior prince when compared to the abysmal Artemis. But it was the moon that our ancestors worshiped, it was Artemis who raised the moon, the one who was banished to the moon, and then returned from the moon, in a bad mood.

It was also Artemis who presented us as the good ponies our kin were when the others reviled us for looking so outwardly different. Regardless, Artemis is a whiny, angst riddled bitch with self-esteem issues. Solaris is brotier, laid back and easy going." Affirmed Daisy Petals."

"Hey Dour, did you kill him? Because if you killed him, then we'd have to hide his body. We'd have to go out into the forest at night, hide him in a crevice between some hard to reach rocks, or inside a convenient log. And then, during the next night, we can strip the bones clean." Morning Dew suggested in earnest.
The other three looked back at him. One had a stern expression about them, the other two were slowly shaking their heads from side-to-side, in the universal gesture of unspoken disapproval. They even slowly mouthed the word "No." In unison. That harsh gesticulation of discouragement.

"I can't be the only one who's sick of eating rats." He retorted accusingly, but not before shoving a few more berries into his gaping, sharp toothed maw.

"Solaris dammit, he's still alive!" Called out Buttercup, who was seated atop the still breathing and clearly living human. He began to tug at the goggles that concealed the human's face. When he finally pulled them away, he cried out: "It's gorgeous!"

"What, the human?" asked Morning Dew with renewed interest.

"Oh yeah, a happy stock-photo-handsome human, a cheerful bright faced youth of a man. Downright gorgeous. No you idiot, I was talking about these nifty goggles." He said, giving the lenses a light tap. "This guy must have spent a whole lot of dosh on this stuff. I say that we should riffle through his things, rob him, and then leave him outside. He probably won't recall what happened, or just chalk it up to being a bad dream."

"No one is that stupid. He'll remember. I doubt he'll just rationalise the encounter as memories from the collective recesses of human fear of the dark and what might dwell there. Unless he was really drunk. Was he drunk? Is that the unmistakable stench of hard liquor on him?" Daisy Petals asked.

"No... that would be me." Morning Dew confessed hesitantly. His ears already folding back in anticipation of the scolding he was going to get for getting drunk so early in their wake cycle.

"Right. Is everyone else sober? Also, Buttercup. Get off the human. I'm not the least bit comfortable with how eager you are to touch him."
"Oh c'mon, are you afraid I might try something inappropriate. You know, you should learn to relax more. You should try it with an Earthpony sometime. There is no greater thrill then just swooping down onto an unsuspecting Earthpony, and then spending the rest of the night atop a pile of hay together. The tears that were shed on those nights. The love we shared."

"Buttercup. You are a registered sex offender. That wasn't love. You hurt those stallions. This isn't an adventure, this is a penal colony. A failed extraplanar colonisation attempt staffed by convicts. Our job is to observe the humans from afar and await their inevitable demise by their own hand. When the humans finally wipe themselves out, we use the portal to contact Equestria and carry out the formal colonisation project.

But since we've been discovered, thanks to Dour Dismal over here. We'll have to pack our things, and evacuate back to Equestria, to less comfortable accommodations. But not before rigging the tunnels to collapse, so as to destroy all apparent evidence of our activities here. I can't let that happen. I can't go back there. It's nice here. I won't let that happen."

"You didn't complain about what happeneds last night." Said Butter cup with a wink. His smile beamed as brightly as Daisy Petals' glare glowed. Dour Dismal was just glad the attention was no longer on him, and Morning Dew was contented to be munching on berries. As the intense exchange of expressions took place, Mr. Dew noticed something off about the scene.

"Wait a minute. If the four of us are over here. Then which of us is messing around with the human?" Queried Morning Dew. The other three turned around to see that there was a fifth batpony on the scene, entirely unannounced. "Oh Solaris dammit, that better not be you Aux."

Auxtism turned around and raised his ears upon hearing his name. "Who me?"
"I really did hope we could keep this a secret, just between the four of us. I can't have us all going back to the old prison, it's nice here. You understand that Aux?

I hope you've heard everything else that was spoken of here. Because if we have to go back home, back to abject squalor. I will find you, and I will kill you.

Son of the warden or not. I swear to Solaris, I will end you." Irreverent to the monarchy or not, he was going to carry out the threat if he had to.

"Oh c'mon fellas. I just want to be your friend." The awkward little batpony replied before he resumed nuzzling the human's hand.

The growing anger simply dispersed as Daisy Petals tilted his head, giving a perturbed glance. "What are you doing?"

"I'm befriending the human. When he wakes up, I'll be the first thing he sees. And then he'll be endeared to me and shall be my friend, and then I will have someone to play with because everypony else hates me." He replied as he began to gently nip at the human's fingers affectionately.

"Auxy, you've got us all wrong. We don't hate you. We just look down at you with contempt, because you're so embarrassing. You make us cringe in discomfort whenever you say or do anything. We don't hate you. We just can't abide your presence. The way you keep following us is also really annoying ."

"I watch you guys while you sleep." Aux replied absent mindedly as he snuggled up close to the still unconscious human.

"Dude... That's kinda creepy." Dour Dismal said with a noticeable shudder.

"There! Right there is a perfect example of the creepy stuff you say that makes us really uncomfortable and hesitant to be with you." Daisy Petals yelled back.

"Says the pony that gets tussles nightly with a convicted sex offender." Morning Dew mentioned nonchalantly.

"Orientation is disregarded for sexual practicality... It gets awfully lonely at night." Daisy Petals
" Daisy Petals spoke dejectedly.

"Hush now. Butter is here to make it all better." He said in a hushed tone, while putting a forelimb around Daisy Petals, in a mock gesture of tender comfort.

Daisy Petals kicked the comedian in the chest, leaving the bastard winded. Buttercup was left on the cold stone earth, gasping for air and screaming obscenities in a stifled, breathless whisper of a voice.

"Now Aux. Since the human is alive, we have to take him in for interrogation and internment. Because if the other humans find out. There will be problems. But we can't let the other ponies know that we found him. That will also cause problems. Do you understand what I am saying?" Mr. Petals asked slowly, in a calm and non-confrontational voice.

The entire future of the colony hinged on one very, painfully imprudent pony, to keep a dire secret, as just that: a secret. Killing Auxtism wouldn't solve any of his current problems, if anything, they would only cause more complications.

"Well..." The pony considered, looking around as if unsure. "Can I keep the human and befriend him?" He asked, with the sort of urgency that only the chronically lonely could posses.
"Sure thing!" Capitulation was what he was after. He was willing to do almost anything if it assured compliance.

Buttercup, now having gotten over the assault, was uncharacteristically not angry. He recommenced smiling at a particular thought. A talkative human would help him with his smuggling operation for luxury human items. Sure, the others did not approve of him compromising the safety of the colony with unreported ventures into the outside world. But that was just an occupational hazard.
"Alright. Auxy, you go and take the human to your little 'play pen,' while the rest of us just do our jobs as normal and we rondevu back at first light, alright? We sort this mess out latter. I just need some time to think about what we do next to avoid any more screw ups."

"I'll stay behind and help Aux here with the human. Wouldn't want him to botch up such an easy task. Not like Dour over there." Buttercup offered.

"Hey! I resent that!" Defended Dour with his disproportionally sized ego to competence quotient.

"Dammit Dour, you're already so much of a fuck-up, why even bother defending yourself over it." Daisy Petals said with a dismissive wave of a hoof. "Wait, why would you even offer to help? That sounds suspiciously generous of you."

"Again. This is Aux we're talking about. Just let that sink in." Said Morning Dew, who had finally finished eating his satchel of dried berries, and was still craving some more.

"...Fine, but you better not be plotting anything." He began, but then gave a shoulder shrug. "No. No. It's too early in the morning to be dealing with this. I will not let this effect my blood pressure. You two, go do what you have to do. The rest of you, report in and get signed on for today's work. We were never here, got it?"

The rest nodded and then they parted ways. Leaving Aux and Buttercup alone with the human. After some quick planning, they picked the human up by the shoulders, maintained a stead hover in the air, and then proceeded to drag the human back to Aux's hideaway.

It wasn't a secret place, but nopony else would ever want to go there. It was the perfect place to hide a human intruder without ruffling the rest of the colony into a state of panic. Much drama would be averted this way, and will certainly not backfire in any conceivable way.
They carried the human in near silence. The only audible sounds were the gentle beating of wings and the scraping of boots across stone. Aux was wondering about what would be the best way to appear before the human, when it would eventually awaken. Buttercup was wondering who he could sell the goggles to. He was already working on a lie to address the human with, should he ever be asked about what happened to its goggles.

"So, Aux. Why did you want to befriend a human in the first place? You know you can't make friends, and maintain a meaningful relationship, right?"

"I know. I just thought that with a human, it might be different. And then I'd finally experience the magic of friendship." He said, forlorn with what has been denied to him for so long.

"But Aux. The magic of friendship is some scam dreamt up by some Canterlot propaganda minister, to instil a sense of obligation in everpony to perform and maintain our harmonious, Egalitarian society. They then brand ponies like me as deviants, forcing us to act out on our secret yearnings in secrecy, for fear of being found out." He said, as he began to spin his rhetoric.

"Buttercup. You're a convicted sex offender, a serial-rapist, and a suspected murder. How could you think anything you did was at all right? Especially with that, no offence, delusion you're got that they somehow wanted your 'loving, tender touch.' As you called it."

"The operative word there is suspected. They couldn't prove anything. As for delusions, my naive and entirely trusting colleague with misplaced priorities. That was just a shameless sympathy ploy before the courts, so that I could receive a less harsher sentence. The simple truth is that I do what I want, when I want it, and don't want anypony else telling me otherwise. You understand?"

"That sounds to be very conflicting with the scriptures as penned by Solaris. To treat others as we would like to be treated."

"Well Aux. The official mandate on such things is always changing. Remember when Artemis tried to outlaw fun, and then last Nightmare Night, he tried passing in parliament, the law to make fun mandatory. You cannot trust authority figures to dispense worldly wisdom on how your life should be lived.

Even if they are nigh god-like beings with phenomenal cosmic power over celestial objects and command the day and night on a whim. Divine providence is a sham. I only believe in what I feel. I do what my heart and loins tells me what it right and what is wrong."

"I feel that I get what you're saying. But you're an awful, awful pony and should feel bad about that."

"For somepony who claims to want to experience the magic of friendship. You sure are rather quick to judge. Whatever happened to love, tolerance and acceptance?"

"The last time you tried teaching me about what you called 'friendship', you tried to touch me inappropriately. I don't think you're the right pony to talk to about this."

"Did I not stop? Did I not see you were uncomfortable and desisted before causing you grief?"

"No. You only stoped after a came, several times. And even then you wouldn't stop unless I told you how much I liked it."

"Your tears were delicious." He said, sticking his tongue out and making obscene licking motions in the air.

"I hope Solaris himself sends you to Tartarus to burn for that."

"You just keep telling yourself that. Everypony knows that Solaris just loves stroking stallions. But the law can't touch him. And of the law cannot touch him, then why should it hold sway over me?"

"We're just arguing in circles now."

"No you idiot! We've been going in circles. I'm not just imagining it. We've been down this tunnel a third time now!"

After a few quick glances at the maps they kept folded beneath their shoulder pads, then finally reworked their route to reach their intended destination.
"I still think it might turn out differently with a human."

"But Auxy. You forget the simple undeniable truth. Humans don't have magic."

"Sure they do. Like Santa Claws, the blizzard wizard, who keeps that breed of diminutive, pointy eared humans as slaves, working his workshops in the cold north. The one that the humans fear always and celebrate annually."

"I guess you might be right about that. I mean, something has to be raising and lowering the sun each night on this world. So it only makes sense that this Santa bloke must be doing that. After all, he is on our list of most threatening creatures found on this world.

Imagine it, a being that believes he does justice by gifting coal to the wicked. It's like he is trying to make pyromaniacs. To feed his insatiable hunger for ruin and bloodshed. He does dress in crimson after all. He paints the snow red with the blood of the innocent, and to impress his wife, Marry. Talk about my kind of guy. He seems to know how to have a good time."

"I don't believe in Santa. I refuse to believe something that horrible could possibly exist. And anyway, who is to say I can or cannot befriend the human unless I try. I shall snuggle up close to him, and then we'll cuddle. He will make me swoon when he tells me how handsome I am with my big, gorgeous green eyes."

"That sounds rather gay. What, are you falling for the human?"

"... I do not deny that this cheerful, bright faced youth of a man is a happy looking, stock-photo-handsome human, who makes me feel warm inside, just looking at him. I guess it's just infatuation and innocuous curiosity."

"G'ahayeeeeeee!" Shrieked Buttercup.

"Are you done teasing yet?" He finally responded with a raised brow.

"Maybe. Who is to say? But I'll stop for now. I'm not making any promises though. But how will you seduce the human?"

"Well, I wouldn't seduce him per say. But I will endear him to me with my culinary hobby put into practice."
"I don't think a human would be the least bit impressed with being offered rats to eat. If anything, that would only put him off his meal."

Aux slowly titled his head towards Buttercup, furrowing his brow, and then delivering the mother of all glares. "Why would you think I'd try to feed him rats. We also eat berries, legumes, fungi, tubers, root vegetables, and various other vegetation. As well as small lizards, insects, and a variety rodents other than rats. I have enough good sense to know not offer him rats for a meal."

"Alright, so you serve him a bowl of things you dug out of the ground, still covered in dirt. Then tell him to eat up. That doesn't sound like much of a meal."

"Oh ye of so little faith. I would make him a meal fit for human consumption. I shall make him savoury snacks: dried, smoked and salted meats. What did you think I do all day with those boxes of spices, barrels of brine and stacks of salt blocks. Did you ever wonder why we have storerooms filled with essential supplies for the purpose of water purification and preparation of imperishable food items. One day, we might have a famine, and we shall be prepared for it, with rations."

"So you are going to fed him rats."

"He doesn't have to know where the meat came from. I shall let my skills as a chief give me deserved merit. But for serious, don't you dare tell him. Don't you dare! I don't want his instinctive revulsion telling him that the meal is foul."

"Alright... I'll just tell him it's fowl." Buttercup said with a wide toothy grin.

"You know. When you're not being awful. You're almost tolerable." Auxtism said, giving Buttercup a friendly tap on the shoulder.

"Yeah, I guess I am... Did you really mean what you said earlier, when you said that you watch us sleep at night?"

"We all have our vices Butter. We all have our little indulgences."
Anon slowly began to rouse from sleep. He pulled the blanket further over himself. Wait a minute... a blanket? In that brief moment of lucidity, he recalled being stranded in the cave, and fending off something that shrieked at him in the dark. He gave a small pained flinch and groan, as he felt the bruising on his chest. Something had knocked into him, or perhaps, in that state of shock, he might have sprinted into a stone.

He opened his eyes and was greeted by the sight of a large charmer. Walls, floor and ceiling of smoothly cut and polished black granite. Anon pressed a hand absent the surface, leaving finger prints along the translucent cut of stone. He saw his reflection hazily in the vitreous lustre of that impeccable stonework. The light was neither strong nor close enough to permit him to inspect himself further.

He failed to recall the densities of common rocks and ore minerals, and where they are most likely to be found. So he had no idea how deep under the earth he might have been. The lights shone from further back in the room, from small ceramic oil lamps that were set into spaces in the walls.

Judging by the bedspread he had, and the mattress he was on. The room was probably a decorative bit of work for someone's garden. He was sure that if he had stood up and walked down the tunnel entrence, he would be greeted by hedges set along the rocky outcrop of someone 's private property.

He groaned in pain again. Getting up would have taken a bit more effort than he had anticipated. Looking around, he saw a small wooden bowl filled with what he presumed was food, set for him no doubt. Inside it, he saw what looked at first to be bits of gelatine, coloured with red dye. Reaching in, he felt the firm fragments of dried meat, coated in a thin film of residue with a glossy texture to it, with bits of visible spice clinging to it.
Seasoned in spices and glazed in honey, it was entirely delicious. There was a bit of an odd aftertaste to it though: it was a bit chewier then he had expected. But aside from that, entirely edible. In about eight minutes, he had finished his meal and only thought on how he might go about asking for a second helping.

After licking his fingers clean, he used the individually packaged sanitising towelettes he had taken from his bag to wipe his hands spotless. He would have been far more welcoming of a sink and a bar of hand soap. Unfortunately, braving the outdoors to eat snacks did come with a few complications of its own: the lack of running water for instance. He was also a bit irritated with finding out that someone had riffled though his things and taken some of his belongings.

"What a coincidence. I also licked your fingers." His pillow stated, entirely unexpectedly.

Anon let his eyes wander over to the chatty cushion on the bedspread, as his eye began to adjust to the sight of it, his lips began to tremble. And then he screamed. "Whatthefuckareyou?!"

Whatever it was, it had quickly sprinted over to the safety of the shadows, and presumably laid there in waiting. Anon remained shocked and asked again, more coherently and civilly. "Who are you?"

"Oh, now that's an easy question. I'm Auxtism. But you can call be Aux for short, or Auxy, when you're in a cheerful mood. Please don't yell so loudly. It hurts my ears." Replied the cordial and curious little creature.

"Loud noises hurt it. Got it." Thought Anon as he spied the exit and though about whether it was worth gambling his life in a last ditch effort to escape. He tried to move. It hurt to do so.

"You should rest more. You did get knocked out pretty badly." The creature called out in concern.

"Duly noted" Anon followed up with a grimace. When the pain subsided, he began to think over his predicament. "Wait a minute. Did you just say that you licked my fingers?" He asked, as he turned to his hand with an expression of sheer disgust.

"Details details. The main thing is to focus on the present moment and not dwell on the past." The conniving creature said with a dismissive wave of a forelimb.

"That's not a thing you just idly mention and then expect will be entirely glossed over. That's not exactly sanitary, and I was eating—" Anon started just before being interrupted.

"Did you like it? I made it myself." It said in the self-assured tone of someone eager to impress and thinking quite highly of themselves for doing so.

Anon was not one to spur hospitality, or to insult his host. Especially not in such dire circumstances. "Oh yeah. Absolutely delicious. A taste sensation like no other. The spice was as subtle as it was satisfying. And... stuff." Anon said hurriedly, trying to come up with ways to compliment the crouching creature.

"I'm so glad you think so. And to think that Buttercup had doubts about you enjoying my cooking."

"First off, who is Buttercup and secondly, why would I not like your cooking? Did you think I would be worried about what it would be made from?"

Auxtism was silent for far too long, drawing uncomfortable emphasis onto the unanswered question. "Oh my god. You made me eat human flesh, didn't you? You monster! You've made a cannibal out of me! You sick fuck!" Anon grew ill and uneasy. He recoiled in horror as he threw the bowl aside.

"No no! Of course not, I mean. It would never be made out of people. Don't be silly. What a silly suggestion. I can get you more if you like."

"What is it made from then?!"

"If I said chicken, would you believe me?"

"No."

"Beef?"

"Augh-no."

"Well it certainly isn't made from rats. I mean, that's a thing I would certainly not do."

"It's made from rats, isn't it?"
"Well yes, but, it was adequately bled, and kept cool and hanging for over a week in a dry, temperature regulated room. The scent glands were removed and decay did not set in. The meat wasn't malodorous from diet or exercise. They were picked at a decent age. They weren't full of adrenaline or other hormones that would encourage bacterial growth. You really are getting worked up over nothing."

"You fed me rats. I think I'm going to be sick."

"No more than three. Don't worry. I'll take good care of you." The creature said, as if that was supposed to reassure Anon. It then got up and flew around, landing directly behind the human. Anon did not dare to turn or make any sudden movements.

"What do you want from me?" The human asked.

The creature crept on closer and whispered. "I just want to be your friend."

The pretence of abject horror was dropped at that remark. "Well, we only just met. I mean. We'd have to get to know each other a little better first."

"If you won't be my friend. Then I won't have any further use for you." The creature responded dispassionately. That comment got Anon's overactive imagination asking about what might happen afterwards.

"But now would be a great time to start! Anon and Auxy, the best of friends, forever and ever. Auxy and Anon, together forever and ever!"

"Forever and ever?" Auxtism inquired with much excitement.

"Sure..." At least until Anon had a chance to ditch it and find a means of escape.

Anon was startled when it came up beside him and began to nuzzle his shoulder. "We'll be the best of friends. We'll play together and cuddle, and have great times, always! I'll keep you safely hidden from the others."

"Oh yeah, great times for sure... wait. What did you mean by others?" Anon asked, having now come across a newfound dread that the tunnels had other monsters infesting them.
In the dark of the night, two ponies were hard at work.

"Hey."

"Yeah? "

"Why are we here?"

"It's one of life's great mysteries, isn't it. Why are we here?" Blue Blitzer answered pensively as he looked out along the clusters of bushes they trotted around.

"No. I mean, why were we picked for this job?" Replied Cherry Cordial.

"Well somepony has to pick the berries."

"But why us? Why me?"

"Because you and Morning Dew keep eating them, making us fall far behind quota. We'll not have enough preserves by winter at this rate."

"So why are you here?"

"To make sure the berries you pick end up in the basket, as was intended."

"Why is that such a problem? You're taking this far more seriously then you have to."

"Well Cherry. Berries for us batponies are a staple food, with which we use to make cakes, muffins, jam, juice, fruit preserves, and pies. Now my airheaded friend. What happens to cherries in winter?"

"How does that cause problems? Rats use caves to shelter from the cold during the winter months. So I don't see how famine would be an issue, nor why you keep bringing it up."

"Wait, were you here five years ago?"

"I only arrived three years ago."

"Well Cherry. Five years ago, there was a food shortage. Some of us resorted to more... desperate measures."

"You mean cannibalism?"

"No. Don't be stupid. We broke into a human's home and raided the pantry. One of us found hard liquor and everpony got really dunk and had the worst collective hangover. We need berries for our time-honoured hangover cure. How else do you think we manage with the yearly vodka binge?"

"... By not getting smashed through excessively decadent displays of overconsumption?"

"You just don't know how to have a good time."
