>He can’t be serious.
>Shaking your head, a quick, humorless snort leaves your nostrils.
>You never really worked with Anonymous, but...
>Really?
>While you were looking for Anonymous, you heard the sound of rattling armor.
>Thanking Luna for your good luck, you stalked off towards what you hoped was your target and prize.
>However, sneaking around that last corner, you came across something that made you freeze in place.
>A box wiggling slightly in the middle of the hallway with a ray of moonlight illuminating the bold printed ‘ORANGES’ along the side.
>Bewildered, you cautiously approach, confusion overwriting any sense of danger.
>Anonymous couldn’t possibly be hiding under that box.
>No way in Tartarus.
>Reaching out slowly, you shuffle to the box cautiously, unsure on how to proceed.
“Uhm... Anonymous?...”
>No response.
>You rap on the box lightly, as if knocking on a door.
>Still nothing.
>You let out a sigh of annoyance.
>It is not your fault Anonymous hid under a box!
>Maybe that’s just how it worked with humans back in his old world. How are you supposed to know how aliens think?
>Never in a thousand years did you think he’d be this sore of a loser, though!
>Having enough stalling, you hook a hoof under the box and pull it up, jutting your head in.
“Alright, Anonymous! Enough... is...”
>It’s just a pile of his armor with a little note resting on top.
>Unable to stop yourself, you lean forward to read the note.
>Right as you get close enough, however, you feel a sudden shove, launching you into the box. The force sends you tumbling over and you flip the box, the armor scattering on top of you as you dazedly stare at the ceiling.
>You see Anonymous dart over the box, an apologetic grin on his face as he begins to hurriedly close the box with you in it.
>Before you can regain your senses, you feel yourself picked up and moved, before being shoved against a wall, the armor tumbling back over you and eliciting an “Oomph”.
>Once the ring of metal leaves your ears, you manage to hear the slight ‘click’ of a locking door.
>Buck
>Gathering your wits, you burst from the top of your cardboard prison.
>Into pitch darkness.
>After a small search, you manage to find the dangling cord for the light placed in the ceiling and with a quick tug, a gentle light floods the room.
>Checking the door, your fears are confirmed. It’s locked.
>With a sigh, you settle in for a long, boring night.
>However, you finally remember the note.
>Begrudgingly this time, you lift the note and begin to read it.
>”To whom it may concern: Due to recent circumstances, I thought it would be best to abandon my armor. If someone finds it before I come back for it, please take good care of it. -Anonymous the human.”
>With a groan, you bump your head against the door.
>You turn and start to place his armor lightly back into the box.
>At least he asked nicely.
>Besides, he was sure to let you out eventually.

>Locking the door, you sigh in relief and feel a grin come to your face.
>It was kind of mean to lock your co-worker in a closet like that, but you couldn’t afford to be caught.
>Besides, who the hell hides in a box, anyway?
>Rubbing your hands together, you let out a breath and remove the grin from your face.
>This isn’t the time to be playing around.
>Even if this whole situation is completely insane.
>Rolling your shoulders, you begin to make the rest of the journey towards the garden.
>In all honesty, getting out of that loud, heavy armor was one of the best choices you’ve made all night.
>While you could outlast the guards in a sprint, they could fly. In these halls, they could easily surround you, too.
>Crouching down and sticking to the walls, you begin your long creep through the halls.
>Stealth is going to be your best friend.
>Keeping low and away from the windows, you quietly make your way towards your goal.
>It was simple, at this point.
>All you had to do was keep quiet, something you could do quite well, and out of sight.
>Half of your training was based around it, after all.
>You perform a quick roll across a hallway and press yourself against the wall, melding with the shadows and sliding down the corridor like a ghost.
>Risking a quick glance around a corner, you start on the next leg of your journey, listening for the sound of rattling armor or hard hoof-falls on stone.
>Now to reach the garden. At this rate, it should be easy!
>A small grin paints your face. Finally! Something’s going right.
>Reaching the end of the hall, you creep towards a pair of old oaken doors, gently pushing them open and peeking between the breach.
>You were right!
>Stepping into the room, you stop yourself from letting out a laugh.
>With all the chaos going on tonight, you knew they wouldn’t bother having any guards in one of the old meeting halls.
>They were too open for an ambush, just a few pillars here and there and a vaulted ceiling.
>Stepping confidently through the room , you feel your stomach clench as the sound of wings reaches your ear.
>You stop dead in your tracks, crouching low and scanning all around you for where it came from.
>These rooms were too tall! They make the sound bounce and echo off the walls and ceilings.
>Feeling paranoia start to set in, you finish your scan, not spotting a single guard.
>Slowly, you grind to a stop, your stomach dropping out as a realization hits you.
>The guards are all out looking for you, of course some would stop to rest...
>Slowly, you feel your gaze drift upwards.
>They all loved to nap and rest in one particular fashion, a holdover from their namesake...
>A chill shoots down your spine as your fears are confirmed.
>Your eyes looking up into the dark above, all you can see are slowly opening glittering eyes, the ruffling of waking wings the only sound to disturb the silence.
“Fuck!”
>Whipping around on your heel, you dart for the nearest exit, opening the door and running as fast as your legs can take you.
>Well, so much for stealth.
>A plan. You needed a plan now.
>The sound of hooves and wings makes it hard to think, however.
>Biting your lip, you try to think of something to at least get some of these guards off you...
>Snapping your fingers you change your route, finally having a goal in mind, the pounding of hooves behind you driving you forward..
>Risking a glance behind you, an actual feeling of relief washes over you.
>Not too many are behind you, despite the sound of it.
>Feeling some confidence flood in, you round the last corner, sliding and nearly slipping before pushing forward.
>A grin growing on your face, you reach the double doors ahead of you and push them open as you enter, taking a deep breath and raising your arms.
>You’re in the galley, housing gifts and artifacts from across the lands and through time. Ancient vases depicting ancient civilization and paintings as old as the royal pony sisters themselves.
>Gentle white light crawls up the stands that they rest on, illuminating the beautiful creations around you. Bay windows let in silver rays of light, casting the murals on the walls in a haunting light.
>Turning, you face the entrance, a grin on your face as you stand among all this wonderful artwork.
>You hope these guards are as fast as they seem.
>The glittering eyes of your coworkers and friends turned-enemies show in the hallway as they approach. 
>However, they begin to slow and trot forward, their eyes gazing over the room before settling on you, standing in the middle of the room, arms raised and the lights of the room throwing you into a dramatic light.
>”Anonymous... what are you planning?”
>Taking a deep breath, you let it out, a calm settling into you.
>You have to follow through now.
“I can’t afford to get caught. I promised Gloom Wing after all.”
>A few of the guards smile, slowly spreading out, hoping to surround you.
>”Yes, I imagine you don’t want to be caught. However, we have our orders and our own wants.”
>You offer a friendly nods toward the guard and bring a hand to the vase beside you, running your hand along its cool surface.
“I don’t plan on breaking a promise to Gloomie. I made her cry once. Broke my heart, you know?”
>A few of the guards glance nervously between each other, either because you’re touching the vase or feeling bad for Gloom Wing.
>The lead guard licks his lips nervously, clearing his throat.
>”I’m sure she won’t cry or be hurt, Anonymous... Let’s just go find her, nice and quiet. We’ve been making far too much noise, as is.”
>You’re shaking your head before he even finishes.
>Tilting your hand, you scoop up the vase, rolling it between your hands, inspecting the ancient piece of pottery.
>You can practically hear the breath catch on the guards.
>Perfect.
“Well, I can’t stay and admire this art for much longer, you know? Here, catch.”
>With that, you toss the vase towards the guard who was talking. His eyes go wide as he scrambles to catch it, sliding along the floor and wrapping it up with his forelegs, refusing to let it get scuffed by his metal hoof guards.
>Walking backwards, you grab another piece of priceless artwork, a delicate jade statue of the sun and moon circling each other, and casually toss it to the side.
>Like clockwork, another guard rushes to catch and guard the artifact.
“I’m really sorry about this, but you left me no choice.”
>A few of the guards take to the air, frantically looking down as you unhinge paintings and toss statues and jewelry about the room.
>You didn’t discriminate; if it is within arm’s reach, it is getting tossed.
>Reaching the other side of the room and your exit, you toss one more piece of art before turning and darting down the hall, not waiting to see how many of them are able to chase you.
>Turning a corner, you continue your flight through the castle, the sound of hooves still behind you, but not nearly as many.
>Nodding to yourself, you start to head upwards to the ramparts of the castle.
>You had another idea and you hoped it will work.
>Finding a staircase, you begin to climb it as quickly as possible, the winding steps continuing up to your goal and hope.
>The sound of wings makes your stomach drop as you climb.
>This had better work.
>Making the last few steps of the climb, you spend the last of your energy to dash across the ramparts to your goal.
>One extra large flood light.
>You hope their eyes were as sensitive to light as you were led to believe.
>Grabbing the light, you whip around, spotting the few guards who are still hot on your trail.
>Two guards in the back, however, skid to a halt, their eyes going wide before turning and launching themselves into the night air.
>Well, looks like you’ll have to lose them the old fashioned way. Still...
>Turning the light towards your pursuers, you feel a tinge of regret pierce through you.
>You quickly squash it and flick the switch, shooting a beam of bright searing pain directly into their eyes.
>The guards all seem to stop dead in their tracks before snapping their eyes shut and screeching, falling over and covering their eyes.
>Maybe you shouldn’t have done that...
>”LUNA’S TWIN MOONS THAT BUCKING HURTS!”
>Cringing, you step away from the light, before reaching back and at least turning it off.
>You owe them at least that much. After all, they’re still your coworkers and friends.
>Taking another breath, you run past their writhing forms, whispering, “Sorry,” under your breath the whole way until you descend back into the castle.
>Grabbing the rail, you hop up onto it and begin to slide down, excitement bubbling inside you.
>You’ve always wanted to do this
 >Picking up speed, you begin to rocket down the spiral staircase, going fast enough to become dizzy as you bite back a yell and your stomach’s contents before being launched off onto your side, having reached the bottom.
>You’d talk with the staff about using less polish...
>Groaning, you push yourself up, and dust yourself off, trying to regain your senses and breath.
>The sound of wings speeds up the process.
>Feeling your energy starting to run out, you begin to run once more. At this point you’ll try to get to the garden and just lose them in all the foliage and smells.
>Hopefully Gloom Wing will have something up her sleeve.
>Deep ragged breaths seem to be the best you can manage as you cruise through the halls, heading towards the kitchen.
>With ponies eating flowers and plants, kitchens and gardens are always connected. This is your last chance to get out and lose them; you couldn’t afford any more detours.
>Taking a deep breath, you push yourself. This would be the last leg of the race, one way or another.

>Tired.
>So very, very tired.
>Trudging through the halls, all you wanted to do was go back to bed.
>However, you had to get a snack for Cadence.
>She had been constantly ravenous lately.
>Heaving a sigh, you place one hoof in front of the other, marching towards the kitchen.
“A pickle, peanut butter, and jam sandwich with lettuce? Really?”
>Grumbling, you come to your destination and feel your mood lift slightly.
>A small smile coming to your face, you push open the doors and step inside.
>All you had to do was make that ridiculous sandwich and then get back to bed.
>Trudging among the shelves and tables, you snatch up the proper ingredients as you travel, your horn giving off a faint purple light through the kitchen.
>The opening and shutting of cupboards and drawers make a horrible cacophony for your tired ears and half-asleep brain.
>Finally reaching a suitable surface, you plop down all the ingredients and begin looking for the last tool you need: a knife.
>Unable to find a butter knife, you bring a carving knife down from a nearby rack.
>The chefs would be furious that you used a carving knife like this, but you were too tired to care. You’d take the flak for it later.
>Slowly, a smile cracks your mask of agitation. Soon you’d be back to bed, where reasonable ponies belonged at this hour.
>With a feeling of peace settling in, you finally set to making that sandwich.
>Unfortunately, that peace shatters as the sound of galloping hooves reaches your folded ears.
>Turning your head towards the doors, you feel a pit form in your stomach.
“No. I’m off duty, this isn’t my problem. I’m just going to make my sandwich...”
>A feeling of dread overtaking you, you watch the doors and listen as the sound of galloping draws near.
“Why do I have to deal with it...?”
>With a resounding crash, the doors burst open as a trio of night guards burst through.
>You feel your mood sour.
>Anonymous, who seems to attract trouble, and two more night guard chasing him.
>Nope.
>Turning around, you fold your ears and try to ignore the whole thing.
>This is Sunshine’s mess, let him clean it up.
>However, morbid curiosity turns your head and you watch the chase.
>Anonymous puts one of his hands down on the counter and leaps over, knocking pots and pans to the floor as he slides over, the crashing sounds making the guards wince as they jump over themselves.
>With a quick glance, the guards split, taking to either side of Anonymous, who turns and runs to the left, toward one of the guards.
>The guard spreads his wings and charges at Anonymous, cutting off any way around him.
>With a quick turn on his heel, Anonymous grabs a faucet to turn and launching himself on top of a counter, unfortunately taking the faucet with him as water spurts out in a fountain behind him.
>Tossing the extra weight to the side, he takes off running, jumping between counters and tossing whatever he can get his hands on to distract the guards.
>In all honesty, you’re impressed with their ability to dodge and weave through all the projectiles being thrown at them and strewn across the floor.
>You’re also horrified at the destruction.
>One of the guards lowers his heads and sprints ahead of Anonymous before turning and sliding along his hooves to the exit, stopping in front of it with a triumphant grin.
>Scrambling off the counter, Anonymous turns and dashes, being able to take corners faster than them.
>This, unfortunately, has him running straight towards you and your precious sandwich supplies.
>Anonymous seems to mouth ‘I’m sorry’ as he’s running at you.
>You stiffen yourself and stand up straight and proud.
>If you were going to be trampled by three idiots, you were going to do it in the most dignified way possible.
>Anonymous is little more than ten paces from you before he turns and haunches down, crouched like a griffin about to pounce.
>Able to see over him, you see the two guards closing in behind him and realize what he’s planning to do.
>Eyes wide, you frantically turn to your ingredients and move to push them aside where they’ll be safe, but it’s too late.
>With a leap, Anonymous jumps straight up and over the two guards, putting his hands on their back as he leapfrogs over them.
>With Anonymous out of the way, the two guards spot you and begin screeching and flapping their wings weekly, trying to stop themselves before they collide into you.
>Not fast enough to cast a barrier, you feel time slow down as the two fully grown ponies come crashing into you.
>They knock all the ingredients out of your hooves, the jam and peanut butter go flying wildly away from you,with globs shooting everywhere.
>It finally stops with them dropping to the ground,the sound of shattering glass marking their passage..
>Time suddenly catches up in a rushing motion, leaving you on the ground and groaning With the other two as you hear the sound of a door closing.
>Tilting your head, you spot the shattered remains of the peanut butter and jam jars.
>Oh no, you are not taking the blame for this one.
>Heaving yourself to your hooves, you manage to push the two guards off you and stand, fire burning in your stomach.
>No way are you going to explain to your wife what happened.
>Wrapping the two in a magical field, you hoist them up and separate their entangled limbs. Shooting each other a quick glance, they offer giant, sorry smiles to you.
>What are they, telepathic?
>Shaking your head, you silently turn and march out of the kitchen, both of them in tow.
>”Uhm... Excuse me, sir? Where are we going, exactly...?”
>You slowly turn your head, giving them an evil glare.
“You’re explaining to my wife, Princess Cadence, why she can’t have a midnight snack.”
>The rest of the way back, the two struggle frantically.

>Looking back and forth between Luna and Gloom Wing, you begin to scratch the back of your head.
“I told you I didn’t want to talk about it...”
>Gloom Wing casually flicks her eyes towards Luna, who’s sitting in the dirt with a dumbfounded look on her face.
>”You... You just whipped all those artifacts through the room?... Just like that?”
>Shuffling your feet awkwardly, you offer a toothy smile to Luna, a cold sweat forming on the palm of your hands.
>You don’t think you could run much further tonight.
>Thankfully, Luna shakes her head and takes a deep breath, seemingly coming back to her senses.
>”Neigh, what you did was necessary for your escape.”
>Luna clears her throat and nods, then turns to you.
>”Never do it again.”
>You nod so quickly it hurts your neck.
>Taking one last breath of the cool night air, Luna turns and begins walking towards the castle, motioning for you both to follow.
>”Let’s just get to my chambers and wait out the rest of this debacle.”
>Putting yourself back in motion, you realize just how tired you are.
>Dragging your feet, you follow Luna and try to catch your breath and regain some energy.
>You’re going to sleep like a rock tonight.
>Gloom Wing steps back besides you and leans against you as you walk, closing her eyes and letting a dreamy smile come to her face.
>She really is cute with her wild hair and silly little smile.
>Reaching down, you run a hand through her mane and scratch at her ear before resting your hand on the side of her neck, pulling her gently against your side as you both tiredly march on.
>You look back just in time to see Luna turn away, the edge of her mouth turned up in a smile.
>Smiling yourself, you trudge along behind her, heading towards one of the entrances to the castle.
>Luna slows her pace and walks beside the two of you, a soft smile on her face.
>Silently your little party approaches one of the garden’s exit. The running water of the nearby fountains is the only accompaniment to your sojourn.
>Tilting your head, you stop and take a look around.
>You’re in the open with bright moonlight shining down on you.
>The last fifteen minutes you were standing still and talking normally.
>Last but not least, despite the supposed serenity of the garden, not a single cricket or frog is making noise...
>Gloom Wing and Luna both stop to look at you as panic begins to set it, the hairs on your neck standing up.
“Isn’t this a bit weird?”
>Gloom Wing pops open her eyes and gives you a confused look, blowing a strand of hair out of her eyes.
>”What do you mean, Anon?”
>Slowly circling in place, eyes peeled for anything out of the ordinary, you look back at Gloom Wing and Luna.
“No crickets? No guards? Where is everyone? I doubt they all just gave up and went home. Why are they gone? No way they would stop hounding us already. We should have been found.”
>Gloom Wing’s eyes slowly widen before she presses against your side, watching your back as she circles with you.
>Princess Luna, however, simply bites her lip and looks nervous.
>The last few gears click into place in your head.
>Snapping your attention to Luna you raise your hand and sullenly point a finger at her.
“You know why no one’s here, don’t you?”
>Luna offers you a nervous smile and raises a forehoof.
>”We know not what you speak of.”
>Horror settles into your soul.
>She knows.
>With a quick glance down, you see Gloom Wing looking back and forth between you too.
“Okay, fine. Just... How bad is it?”
>Luna shuffles on her hooves nervously, offering you and Gloom Wing an apologetic smile while trying to look as small as possible.
>”All the running, while fun, was quite loud-”
>Closing the distance between you and Luna in the blink of an eye, you grab at the base of her neck like you would someone’s shoulders, causing your princess to let out a surprisingly meek “eep”.
>In response, you squeak out in barely a whisper.
“Celestia knows we’re here, doesn’t she?”
>Luna gives you a curt nod and bows out of your frozen grip, retreating a few steps and offering a comforting smile the entire way.
>With a feeling of doom sinking its claws into your soul, you dart your eyes back to Gloom Wing to see how she’s handling it.
>Hyperventilating. Better than you expected, honestly. Bless her little heart.
>Bringing your hands together, you wring them, trying to think of a solution.
>A feather taps on your shoulder.
>Slowly, you turn and feel relief flood your system as the feather is Luna’s. A beautiful, wonderful blue.
>Until you see the white banshee glaring at you from behind her and the sheepish grin on Luna’s face.
>Out of the corner of your eye, you see her mouth, “Sorry”.
>You go to open your mouth but Celestia quickly raises a hoof, silencing you.
>Risking a look behind you, Gloom Wing is still there with you, just completely unmoving.
>You really hope she’s still breathing...
>Begrudgingly turning your eyes back to the face of death in pony form, you look into Celestia’s eyes and clear your throat.
“Good evening, Princess Celestia. How may we help you?”
>Celestia for her part, doesn’t even blink as she continues to stare you down with her mane billowing its ‘setting’ colors behind her.
>Slowly you feel a sweat break out on your face as she takes a deep breath, letting it out through her nostrils.
>”You’ve been with the guard for a good amount of time now, if I recall?”
>Mutely, you nod, a pit growing in your stomach.
>You were going to be fired.
>”Well, that explains how you were able to run through the castle and stir up such trouble.”
>Tilting her head, she looks behind you to spot Gloom Wing, before turning her eyes back to you.
>Her eyes seem dead as she stares at you, giant black bags hanging under them.
>”Gloom Wing, in her bid to escape, ran through our diplomatic housing, waking up all of our guests.”
>Gloom wing can only manage a little hiccup in response.
>”I also happened to overhear your story, Anonymous...”
>Celestia brings a hoof to her head and idly rubs what you assume must be the pony equivalent of a temple.
>”Abandoning your armor, tossing priceless artifacts and paintings like common trinkets, misusing an emergency floodlight, and finally destroying one of the royal kitchens.”
>Celestia sighs and puts her hoof down giving both you and Gloom Wing a level stare.
>”What I should do is discharge you both from the guard. However, since you two did manage to escape all of the others and no permanent harm was done, I’m going to do something... different.”
>A grin slowly spreads across her face, a malicious tinkle hidden in her purple eyes.
>”I’m going to be re assigning you instead. Some place where you won’t be causing such an uproar when others are trying to sleep.”
>Wait! This wasn’t just yours and Gloom Wing’s fault! Captain Sunshine is the one who started this whole stupid event!
>Celestia seems to grin wider, her teeth starting to show as she raises a hoof and closes her eyes, silencing you before you can argue.
>”Also, Captain Sunshine will be going through extensive punishment for his extreme lapse in judgement. Why the three of you never decided to talk this through, or even get a mediator, is beyond me.”
>Swallowing your argument with an audible gulp, you feel a stupid grin come to your face, You just might have an out!
“We were just following orders!”
>Celestia gives you a deadpan look.
>”If all the fillies and colts jumped off a bridge...”
>You can’t stop yourself from facepalming.
>”So, about your reassignment...”
>Celestia turns around and trots to the steps leading back into the castle.
>”Both Anonymous and Gloom Wing are both officially decreed as the body guards and escorts of Ambrosia and Umbrage Wing, diplomats currently working in the Griffin lands.”
>You hear the thump of Gloom Wing fainting behind you, the weight tumbling out in front of her.
>Celestia turns back to you a shit eating grin plastered on her face.
>”Say “Hello” for the in-laws for me, Anonymous. I’m finally going to get some rest.”
>With that,Celestia trots up the few steps and into the castle, a pleased humming echoing back to you as her mane regains some luster.
“Fuck!”