>You are Axis
>The most beta bat pony who ever lived
>Would that make you a. . . Bata pony?
>Fuck it, never mind, that was horrid
>Anyway, you are not beta--bata?--because of looks (although you aren't really a stunner in that department either)
>No, you're beta because you can't screech
>It's not your fault, you were just born with poor vocal cords
>So while all the other alpha batponies are screeching their heads off getting all the chicks, all you're emitting is a pathetic rasp
>Like a dying old man
>Really, it's sad
>You're in the prime of you're life and you've never gotten laid, and unfortunately, it doesn't look like that's gonna change

>You're walking through the woods one moonlit night, thinking about that delicious unattainable bat poon(y, lel get it)
>When suddenly a chorus of screeching breaks out deeper in the forest
>Someone who didn't know any better would think there was a battalion of obnoxious cats brutally slaughtering each other out there
>But you're not that someone, and you know those to be the screeches of lusty batponies
>Why must they torture you like this? Always flaunting their superior, non-deformed vocal chords
>You heave a brooding sigh
>You reach the origin of the screeches, and see a dozen males competing in a clearing
>That's more than usual, there must be an orgy imminent
>From where you are, you'd guess there are about thirty females hanging back in the trees, evaluating the competitors
>One comes up to you, a really cute one

>"Why aren't you out there?" she asks. "Who knows, you might get some." She winks
"N-no, I can't screech," you respond, head lowered, avoiding eye contact
>"Oh." She sounds disappointed.
>You bet she'd do you, if only you had stronger pipes
>She turns and retreats back into the trees
>You look at her as she goes away
>Damn that's a nice ass
>If only your parent's hadn't passed inferior genes onto you
>They always had regretted it as well, preferring your siblings over you, up until the day you left
>Descending more and more into depression, you look out at the clearing. 
>And then it happens

>A circle of flame bursts up at random in the center of the clearing, and in the center of the circle, a star
>All the males cease screeching and leap back from it
>And then a lump rises from the ground in the middle of the star, slowly
>It rises higher, and it is revealed that the lump is a head, though smaller than a ponies
>The head rises, and a neck is revealed, and then shoulders
>It is now obvious this figure is much different from a pony
>Its forelegs, if they can be called that, are placed directly at it's side, and its posture is straight
>It keeps on ascending, it is very tall
>When it stops, it stands at over six feet on two legs
>The flames dim--though the symbol remains burned onto the ground--and the creatures features become apparent
>It wears clothes, strangely
>It has long, thick hair, coming down over two piercing green eyes
>And a full, glorious beard that goes down past its chest
>A deathly silence falls over the wood

>The thing raises its arms to the sky, opens its mouth and. . .
>Let's out the loudest, most powerful, most terrific growl ever heard in Equestria
>The leaves rustle audibly at the might of it, and the ground seems to shake
>And the roar keeps pouring forth, only becoming louder, more powerful
>It is obvious that this creature has vocal cords, diaphragm and lungs made of some sort of flexible steel
>There is no other explanation for this oh so BRUTAL growl
>And just when you think it's reached its peak, it gets even louder
>The male batponies' ears start to bleed, they writhe on the ground in pain
>The ones that manage to gather their bearings fly away, the rest slink back into woods with hooves pressed against their ears
>And it has a much different effect on the females
>Their genitals are soaked, dripping in juices
>They lick their lips, pupils dilated at the sight of this strange being, that screeches (technically growls) like no other

>The effect on you isn't the same as that on the other males, and certainly not on the females
>You are terrified, but don't fly away
>You are paralyzed with fear
>So you open your mouth
>And scream
>Not a normal scream. Your vocal chords have not magically repaired themselves
>No, the rasp is still there, just with more volume
>You cannot scream as loud as the creature, but you're fearful yell comes very close
>The result is something that is similar to the growl, but is at a much higher pitch
>And so the thing's growl and your rasp echo throughout the forest in harmony
>Shit was SO brutal, yo
>It continues for what seems like minutes, and then you run out of breath
>The creature stops not long after you

>It stares at you for a while
>And then steps out of the circle towards you
>It walks right up to you and kneels down
>And now you're gazing into those cold green eyes, they're just inches away
"W-What are you?" you squeak
>The thing emits a series of short growls, much quieter this time
>They vary in pitch and are broken by interruptions of the tongue, which you figure to be consenants
>Those are words! It is trying to communicate with you!
"I-I'm sorry, I can't understand."
>The thing looks away for a moment and coughs several times. When it speaks again, it is clearly
>"My name is Johan Hegg," it says in a deep baritone
>There is silence, until it speaks again
>"Those are quite the pipes you got their. Very impressive. You could be a metal vocalist. Maybe not death metal, it's not deep enough. But black-metal for sure."
>You nod and say thank you, though you have no idea what he is talking about

>You hear a slight rustling. You look towards the source, and see the girl who came up to you before walking timidly out into the clearing
>She's looking right at you
>"I-I really liked your screech," she says. "Maybe you could come back to my place? O-Or I could go to yours, whatever you want."
>And then another female bursts from the trees
>"Hey back off, he's mine!" she yells
>"No way whore!" yet another screams
>And then one screeches, and the shit hits the fan
>Suddenly there's three dozen female batponies in the clearing screeching their heads off hoping to impress you
>Johan Hegg stands up and laughs a laugh that can somehow be heard over all the screeching
>His eye twinkles, he smiles warmly
>The fire rises again, but this time none of the competitors notice
>Johan moves towards it
>Before stepping into the flames, he turns towards you and winks
>He enters the circle, and descends back to whence he came
>Leaving all these chicks fighting over you
>Fucking Johan

Le fin.