****

This is an erotic Gravity Falls fapfiction I wrote when I probably should have been working on other things. I've done fanfic a few times before but I don't intend to make a habit of it... it's just sometimes I'm watching something and a particular idea strikes me and won't let go.

This is way longer than it should be, and took way longer than it should have, and was probably ill-considered from the start. Outright comedy isn't my strength, nor is accurately portraying somebody else's characters. But I wanted to stretch and try a few different things, and in the end, it also took too long to just throw away, so, I'm posting it.

Continuity note: This takes place after "Carpet Diem" and ignores anything from "Boyz Crazy" on.

***

### Gravity Falls fapfic: Virgin On The Edge of Extinction (bg, Mf, bf, best, mast, inc, 1st, parody)

***

Dipper Pines tugged on his cap to adjust the visor, so it would keep the sun out of his eyes while he once again checked the sheet of paper he held. On it was a drawing of a mushroom, brown with black diamond-shaped spots. Written underneath was "Do not eat", underlined three times, and then, in parentheses, "(it's for pest control!)"

He'd seen a lot of mushrooms in the woods since he and his twin sister came to stay in Gravity Falls, Oregon for the summer, but none that looked anything like this one. And they'd been searching for hours, following a map their Grunkle Stan drew on the other side of the mushroom picture. It was incredibly frustrating... he'd been sure he was in the right place several times, only to find nothing except the possibility that one of the signposts on the map was actually something else. Now Dipper was starting to lose hope that there even was a right place. "Do you ever get the impression Grunkle Stan just wants to get rid of us for a while?" He looked up and caught the eye of Mabel, his twin, seated beside him in the Mystery Shack's golf cart.

Mabel, was at that moment, eating cheese snacks from two open bags. "Oh, Dipper," she said with an amused sigh in her voice. "Why would he want to do that? We're great company."

"I don't know, maybe it's to avoid the Orange Plague," Dipper joked, as he pointed at her orange-stained fingers. Mabel was wearing her usual outfit... purple skirt, a headband, and a thick sweater. He never understood why she wore sweaters in the summer... it had to be warm, even in the cool Oregon climate, but he knew she loved them. This time around, the sweater was pink, with a had a collection of birds on it and the words "Dance" for some reason. And, of course, there were scattered orange smudges, from where Mabel had unthinkingly wiped her fingers. "He's probably just afraid of getting stains all over the Mystery Shack," he continued. He teased his twin, and she just as often teased him, but they both knew there wasn't any malice in it.

Mabel reacted appropriately, with a laugh, a kind of excited bark, that showed off her braces and currently orangey teeth, and then held out her cheesy hands at her brother, each holding one bag of cheese snacks. "Join me Dipper... I can make you orange too!"

Dipper reeled away in mock disgust. "Eww, no!" Though the snack was tempting. He looked over and thought again of the question he'd wondered idly about, but hadn't asked. Often, with Mabel, asking just got a weird answer. He loved her weirdness, but occasionally, it got exasperating. "Why did you have to open up two different bags at once?"

"So I can go back and forth."

The answer may have been simple, but it made no sense. "But they're the exact same snack."

"No they're not. See, I eat these," she began, shaking the bag labeled "Cheezus Christs". A picture of an angel holding cross-shaped cheese twists was on the front, along with a little circle proclaiming it "Sacrilicious." Mabel continued, "...when I'm feeling pure and innocent. And when I want to get a little wild, pow! I switch to these babies." The other bag was labeled "Cheesy Sluts," and promised "a gangbang of real cheddar flavor in your mouth!" The snacks from this bag had a variety of shapes, some looking a lot like dicks, others sort of like Vs. Dipper frankly couldn't understand how either of them got produced, but their time in Oregon had seen a lot of strange stuff, with snack foods being no exception.

"But it's just different shapes... they taste exactly the same." He'd tasted them all, although he'd skipped the ones that look like penises... eating those made him too uncomfortable. Watching Mabel eat them was almost as bad.

She did just that, a cheesy long rod with two balls attached to one end, sliding over her lips until it broke apart in her mouth. "They taste different to me," she said, the sound a little mangled by the food particles spilling around her mouth.

He sighed a little and got out of the golf cart. "If you say so, Mabel. Can we just find these stupid mushrooms so we can get back to the Shack? Which tree do you think might be the 'Big Tree' Stan wrote about? That one, or that one?" He pointed at two trees in slightly different directions. Both towered over the rest of the nearby trees, but he couldn't tell which was bigger... they seemed close to the same size, and either might have just been on a hill.

"I don't know," she said. "Why don't we each take one?"

Dipper rubbed the back of his neck. "We should probably stick together, there's a lot of crazy stuff in these woods."

"Wow, Dipper, I'm really impressed at you, that you're willing to take twice the time to do it safely, especially considering Wendy might be getting naked back at the Shack at annny time now."

That got his attention. "Say what?"

"Don't you remember? She's going on a date with Robbie right after work, so she asked if she could use our bathroom to shower? You were right there." She snickered at his suddenly intense interest.

"To be honest, I kind of tuned out when she said she was going out with Robbie."

"It's probably just as well, what with the lock still broken, you might accidentally walk in on her all soapy and get embarrassed..."

Picturing that, Dipper started to feel light-headed, and a warm stiffening in his crotch that warned of an oncoming boner. He turned his back swiftly on Mabel so she wouldn't see, and then, with forced cheerfulness, said, "You know what, those trees really aren't that far apart. Maybe we could split up and handle them."

Mabel had already slid out of the golf cart and soon walked up behind him, close enough to whisper in his ear, although she spoke at a normal volume in her slightly spittley voice. "Are you sure? I don't mind coming with you."

"No, no," Dipper insisted. "It's a good idea, we cover more ground this way. Just, if you get into any trouble, or you find the mushrooms, yell." He started walking into the woods, not daring to turn his front to his sister knowing that his little grey shorts had a visible bulge in them.

Mabel didn't seem to notice. "You're the boss," she said, and took one bag of cheese snacks while she skipped off in the direction of the other big tree.

There were no mushrooms at Dipper's big tree. Worse, the erection wasn't going away, the images that his twin sister had planted in his mind started to snowball into outright fantasies.

He could almost see Wendy, the leggy redhead of his dreams, stepping out of the shower, completely naked, letting him see everything, from the freckles he imagined were on her pert breasts, to the little bit of hair above her pussy. Of course, the details were somewhat vague... in his fantasies, she usually seemed to be strangely blurry. Chalk it up to the mysteries of the human brain... his older memories occasionally seemed to be slightly washed out of color, or even black and white, but it wasn't consistent. Fantasies were much better than memories anyway.

In fact... Dipper glanced around. No mushrooms, and nobody else around either. Why not enjoy the fantasy a little and play with himself? He couldn't do it much, sharing a room with his sister, but out in the woods...

Dipper took another look around, in all directions, even up the tree. He had to make sure there were no gnomes, Manotaurs, giant vampire bats, disembodied eyeballs, or, most embarrassing at all, nosy twin sisters. But he seemed to be alone, so he pulled his shorts over the hard piece of wood in his pants and started rubbing it, surrendering to the blurry fantasy...

***

This one was became more elaborate very quickly... he could see Wendy in the shower, rubbing the soap over her breasts, and then using the same washcloth Dipper used on his penis between her legs, and then she stepped out of the tub. At that moment, Dipper walked through the door, 'accidentally' not realizing it was occupied. Wendy gasped and turned towards him, not even bothering to cover up, and Dipper stared, completely frozen. Even in his fantasies he was an awkward loser. "I'm sorry!" he mumbled. "The lock was broken, I didn't mean to see your glistening breasts... I mean, I didn't see anything."

She stared at him for a moment, her eyes narrowing in the way that they sometimes did when he was acting suspiciously weird, but then, her freckled-face broke into a smile. "Oh, hey, man," she said. "It's okay. This is YOUR bathroom, after all."

"That's right... that's right, it is," Dipper said, even though it was really Grunkle Stan's.

"I don't mind if you look," Wendy said. "I've noticed you looking at me for a long time... I just didn't realize you liked me that much."

She pointed, down at his crotch, where he had a bulge longer than his legs. He tried to cover it. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," she said. "If I knew you were packing this much, I never would have gotten with Robbie. He's so small..." She knelt down in front of him... at her height, this made them pretty much eye to eye, only her boobs dangled down, almost bumping up against his bulge. "Can I see it?"

He showed her then, pulling it out, and her eyes widened to complete circles. "Oh, man, I've got to try this. You don't mind, do you?" Before he could say either yes or no, she took it in her hand and then put the head of it in her mouth.

Dipper had to imagine how that felt. The closest he'd been come to replicate that sensation was the damp shower cloth, but he expected it would feel way more incredible. Then, this was a new twist to the fantasy, Mabel's voice was calling him, cheering him on, almost... "Dipper! Dipper, come quick!"

***

Wait, that was real. The fantasy popped like a balloon, and Dipper was back in the woods, and Mabel was still calling, distantly, at the edge of earshot, and it sounded urgent. That killed his erection... not the voice itself, but the worry that it might mean something had happened. It was stupid of him to let her go off alone. He pulled his shorts back up and ran towards the other big tree.

His sister kept calling, and he became convinced that it probably wasn't danger... she sounded excited and that she really wanted him there, but not like she was scared. But he couldn't be 100% sure, her voice had a naturally squeaky quality that made her sound adorable even when she was scared or sad. So he ran as fast as his little noodley legs could carry him, and, in the excitement, missed a tree root that stuck out from the ground. His foot snagged underneath it, and it sent him tumbling through some branches and into the clearing. He landed on his elbow and belly and his hat flew off.

There was Mabel, right in front of him. She seemed okay, better than he was... he was sure he'd cut himself a few times and skinned his knee when tumbling, and probably bruised the elbow there at the end. But Mabel distractedly helped him up and then pointed towards the big tree. "Look!"

That was when he saw them... the mushrooms. The exact mushrooms Stan drew, at the base of the tree. "Hey, you found the mushrooms!" he said, cheering up. He could survive a bruise, and this meant he could go home and have a chance of making that fantasy real. But then he noticed that the mushrooms weren't quite where Mabel was pointing... she was pointing at the long-faced white head bending down, a horse's head, but with a difference... it had a single ivory horn growing out of it. "Hey," Dipper said indignantly. "That unicorn's going to eat all the mushrooms!"

"Dipper," Mabel said with a wonder-filled sigh. "Think back on what you just said."

That was when it fell into place. "Hey, that's a unicorn!"

***

This would be a good place for a visual recap of our setting and characters, all set to a jaunty tune that sounds somewhat like it's being whistled. It would suggest, without actually saying, how these two twins were sent off to Gravity Falls, Oregon, to live and work at the Mystery Shack with their old great uncle (Grunkle) Stan for the summer, and probably give you a feel for the fact that there is a lot of mysterious phenomenon surrounding the town, secret codes, supernatural beings, things like that. But, seeing as this is prose, we'll just have to skip that, and take the opportunity to say, THIS IS GRAVITY FALLS FANFICTION, NOT ENDORSED BY ALEX HIRSCH WHO CREATED THE SHOW, OR DISNEY, WHO PRODUCES IT. It contains a lot of depraved sex and probably shouldn't be read by most of the show's audience, unless most of the show's audience turns out to be perverts over 18, in which case, this will be right up their alley. For the rest of the story, let's just pretend we're watching a specially commissioned "dirty" episode on a secret channel few people know exists. .sesu wohs eht epyt emas eht s'ti tub ,rehpyc a eb lliw erehT

*-*
DISPLAY: The logo for the Club 33 Channel, which looks like the number 33 made out of two pairs of cartoon mouse ears...
VOICE-OVER: You're watching The Club 33 Channel, Disney's exclusive members only channel! Your exclusive adults-only "Gravity Falls" episode will be right back!

*-*

CUT TO: Tinkerbell is recieving a huge cumshot from a giant dick.
VOICE-OVER: This weekend, it's a mega-blast from the past, as we air a marathon of Club 33's favorite exclusive full length animated features.

CUT TO: Scenes of Shego holding Kim Possible down as she's being penetrated by Drago. "You'll look so good with a swollen belly, Kimmie..." Shego says.
VOICE-OVER: It starts Saturday at 8, with fan-favorite "Kim-Pregnable!"

CUT TO: Blonde, blue-dressed Alice bends over to look at a talking flower in the woods, while the arm-like leaf of another plant lifts up her dress behind her to look at her dress.
VOICE-OVER: Followed by the classic that started it all, "Alice in Pervertland!"

CUT TO: Alice is now naked, although still wearing her bowtie, while a Dodo-bird grabs her head and aims it towards his strange, outstretched penis, which is glistening with fluids. "How would you know unless you've tried it?" the Dodo asks. "I have tried a lot of it so far, and none of them have tasted good yet," Alice protests. "But you've never tried mine. You can't say all cum tastes bad until you've tried everybody's cum, right?" Alice thinks about this, and then nods, "I suppose you're right."

CUT TO: Peter Pan flying through the woods, Tinkerbell close behind. He parts some trees and gasps as he encounters an assorted group of scantily clad and naked young girls engaged in oral sex. One girl in pig-tails says, "We're the Lost Girls, and we don't need any boys around here... unless they've got money!"
VOICE-OVER: Then it's, adventure, fairy dust, and child prostitutes in "Peter Pan and the Lost Girls!"

CUT TO: Tinkerbell being spit-roasted by two male pixies.
VOICE-OVER: After that, continue along with Tinkerbell in "A Gangbang in Pixie Hollow!"

CUT TO: A schedule of the times the movies air appears.
VOICE-OVER: It all starts Saturday, and it's all only on the Club 33 Channel.

*-*

DISPLAY: Club 33 logo
VOICE-OVER: Now, back to a Club 33 exclusive episode of "Gravity Falls!"

*-*

"Can you believe it, Dipper? A real live unicorn! It's like somebody's been reading my secret wishbook! I mean, the clean half." Mabel was so excited she was practically vibrating and her eyes got super-dilated that way they did when they saw something cute.

"It's not the weirdest thing we've seen. It is smaller than I would have expected, though." It looked a lot like a horse, with a horn of course, but not a full-sized one. It was more like the size of a really big dog. Dipper figured he and Mabel could probably ride it like a horse, but an adult would look silly on it. The animal bent down to nibble on another mushroom. "Hey, didn't Grunkle Stan say those mushrooms were for pest control?"

Mabel gasped. "Oh, no, you're right!" She shouted. "Hey, unicorn! Don't eat those! It'll make you puke!" It didn't respond... it didn't even look up at her. "I think it's deaf. It didn't look up when I called you, either." She boldly ran up towards it.

"Mabel, don't... it might hurt you!" Dipper raced to follow his sister and pull her back, but by the time he was close enough, she was already straining to drag the beast back from the mushrooms. It didn't fight so much as jostle a little, but that was enough to send her bag of cheese snacks (turned out it was the Cheesy Sluts), flying everywhere, and Dipper gave up on stopping Mabel and tried to help push the unicorn away from the poison. Between the two of them, they managed to maneuver it away from the patch of mushrooms, but it kept trying to walk around them to get at them again, so they had to keep darting in front of it.

This dance lasted until the unicorn's eyes fell on one of the fallen cheese cocks. It bent its head down and munched, and then perked up immediately, ears twisting as it looked for another. "I guess it likes them," Mabel said. "Here, boy, you want another one?" She retrieved the bag from the mushrooms and dangled it out of reach. "Dipper, gather them up and I'll keep him busy."

He gave her a thumbs up, and started pulling the fungi out of the ground. There was cheese dust all over them, but he didn't think Stan would mind, it would probably attract the pests even more. Once he had put them all into the zip-lock bags their Grunkle provided, he got a V-shaped cheese bit off the ground and went to inspect the unicorn. It really was a magnificent beast, white fur, a long mane, and of course, the horn, like a piece of polished stone jutting out from its head and gleaming. He held out the cheesy vagina in his hand and said, "You want it? You want the cheesy girlparts? Come and get it!"

The unicorn turned his way eagerly to snatch up the snack, and then licked his hand. "You sure are a friendly little guy..." Dipper said. "Are we sure it's a guy?" Mabel nodded firmly, like she had seen something that had removed all doubt. He decided he'd take her word on that.

At that moment, the unicorn bowed its head and, ever so gently, touched it's horn to Dipper's knee, the one that he skinned in the fall. Immediately, a warmth filled him and a light surrounded his body. When it passed, the wound was gone, as was the growing bruise on his elbow. In fact, Dipper felt no pain, anywhere. He patted himself all over just to be sure.

"What happened?" Mabel was now fending off the unicorn's tongue, searching for more cheese snacks.

"I think it fixed my bruises." There was a page in his book '3', which catalogued some mysterious person's experiences with the supernatural mysteries of Gravity Falls, that mentioned unicorns, but he hadn't read that part in detail yet. But he did remember one fact from even before he got the book. "There've always been legends saying unicorn horns had healing properties."

"Well," Mabel said, laughing softly as the tongue licked her fingers. "It's certainly curing my Orange Plague!" She pulled another cheese thing from the bag. "Dipper, we've got to take him back to the Shack!"

"I don't know if that's a good idea. And you already have a pig. Not to mention a cat back home. And do we still have that lobster?"

"But it's a unicorn! It's every girl's dream!"

Every girl... like Wendy, maybe? He did like the idea of using it to impress her. What other guy would show her a unicorn? But no, he still thought it was a bad idea. "It's still a wild animal, Mabel. It lives in the forest."

"But what if it follows us home?"

"If it follows us home, that's different."

***

Mabel was leaning over the back of the golf cart, dropping cheese snacks, but braced herself as Dipper pulled up against the cut log that marked off the little rut where they usually parked and they stopped suddenly. "This wasn't quite what I had in mind, you know," he said.

She could hear the exasperation in his voice, but she also knew that most of it was for show. Dipper always liked to pretend to be so grown up, and that he was above her silliness, but he could be just as bad at times. Sometimes she thought he liked her to be extra goofy so that he'd have an excuse to play along... whether it was true or not, she often tried just that. "He followed us, didn't he?" She grinned widely. "Okay, Randy!" That was what Mabel had named the unicorn on the way home, even though it didn't seem like he could hear it. But for all his pretend misgivings, Mabel figured Dipper was glad she got the beast to come along. He was always trying to prove to people about the magical stuff in the woods and about town, and this was a sure way to do it.

As they circled around to the front entrance, they saw Wendy... and Mabel practically felt her brother's attention completely flee her and focus on the tall, lanky teenager, wearing her usual green flannel shirt, jeans, and hat over her long red hair... hair that Mabel realized was wet only after Dipper deflated in disappointment. It was obvious what had brought him down... he'd missed the shower, and probably a chance to peek at Wendy in a towel. Boys were so predictable. "Oh, hey guys," Wendy said when she spotted them. "Where have you been all day?"

Before Dipper could answer, Mabel shouted out, "Look Wendy, come check out my unicorn!"

Wendy looked around, in all directions, and, in a surprisingly hopeful tone, asked, "What, where?"

"Here," Mabel said. Wendy looked at her, squinting in confusion, but her gaze didn't seem to fall on Randy himself.

"Can't you see it?" Dipper asked, concerned. He put his hand on Randy's head and stroked it. "It's right here."

Wendy let out an exaggerated, "Ohhhh," and then said, insincerity dripping from every word, "Sure, I totally see it now. It's really beautiful." She then winked conspiratorially in the direction of twins, but mostly Dipper... like Mabel was just being silly again and Wendy and Dipper were playing along.

A distant honk got Wendy's attention, and she jerked her head. There was Robbie's purple van, with the letter "V" spray-painted on the side. "Later dudes!" she said, and then called in towards the Mystery Shack. "Mr. Pines, I'm out!"

Without waiting for a reply from either front, she got into the side of the car. Her boyfriend Robbie, a pimply-faced teen with greasy black hair, leaned out his window and glared at Dipper, but then his face turned into a picture of confusion as he looked directly at the unicorn and kept looking even while he started to drive the van away.

Their Grunkle Stan came out of the Mystery Shack, then, wearing his business wear... a black suit and red-purple Fez, and an eye patch, although he currently wore it flipped up... he could see out of both of his eyes anyway, so it was all for show. Following Stan was Soos, the overweight handymanchild, with a friendly smile on his face. He was happier than usual, practically beaming, in fact. "Was that Wendy? I didn't say she could go yet," Stan grumbled.

"I think that ship has sailed," Soos said.

Grunkle Stan grunted. "Stupid cunt..." At that moment, he spotted Mabel and Dipper, and finished, with an exaggerated laugh, "Country Bumpkin. Stupid country bumpkin. Hey, there you kids are. Did you get my mushrooms?"

Neither of the two men seemed to be at all surprised by the unicorn cowering behind the twins. Or even to notice. The twins eyed each other for a moment, and then Dipper said, "Yeah, here." He handed the bag over, and then couldn't resist asking, "Do you... notice anything unusual?"

Stan squinted into the baggie, and then said, "Yeah, what's this orange stuff?"

Mabel piped up. "It's cheese dust!" Weird... they couldn't see the unicorn either for some reason. Or maybe they'd seen thousands of unicorns. Maybe unicorns were like cockroaches here.

Grunkle Stan stared at her for a moment, and then shrugged resignedly and put the mushrooms in his pocket. "I can work with that. Good job, kids. Now you can sweep the floors. Soos and I have to go out for a while, so you kids are on your own. Don't let any strangers in... at least not without paying." He and Soos made their way over to Soos' pickup truck, Stan riding in the passenger seat.

***

A little later, Dipper ran outside with the book "3" in his hands. Mabel was feeding Randy with more cheese snacks. She had put one of her pet pig Waddles' collars around his neck and tied the unicorn to a post, but he didn't seem like he was even trying to get away. "Here's the book," Dipper said, waving the book. "Let's see what it says about unicorns." He sat down beside her. "Maybe we can find out why only we can see him." Mabel peeked over his shoulder while Dipper flipped through the pages, searching back and forth a few times until he found it. "Here it is. 'I still have never seen a unicorn, but I've met and touched one. The reliable children that first told me they existed around Gravity Falls have finally introduced me to one, and it's clear that all my earlier hunting was for nothing. The Ancient legends say that unicorns were creatures of purity and grace, and they could only be captured by a virgin." He stumbled over the word... it felt vaguely dirty... but then continued, "Those legends are only partly true... I've now confirmed my earlier theory... only virgins catch unicorns because only virgins can see the creatures. Unicorns will often attach themselves to friendly maidens, becoming their companions as long as they keep their cherry. The creature didn't like me at first, they dislike even being around non-virgins, but with someone they trust around they can overcome those instincts. As much as I liked the animal, I decided it was best to convince the girl to let me help her scare him off, so that the vast magical power of the unicorns would continue to be kept out of the hands of the corrupt."

Mabel's mouth hung open. "So I guess that means Wendy's..."

Dipper's mouth made a curly frown as his heart sank. "Yeah, that's discouraging."

"I think Robbie saw it." Dipper nodded... he'd noticed that too. It was something. "He probably won't see it for, though."

"What, what do you mean?"

"She's gone out with him before right after work... but THIS time she wanted to be sure to take a shower right before she left. I bet they're going to do it tonight. Boom-chicka-wow-wow."

That got Dipper's thoughts racing. It didn't necessarily mean that... what did Mabel know, anyway? She was just guessing. Probably. Maybe Wendy just worked up quite a sweat... from sitting around at the cash register all day. But then maybe Mabel did know something, maybe Wendy said something. He was about to ask, but when he looked over at Mabel, she was smiling widely, so wide you could see her braces. It distracted him for a moment. "What?"

"I just realized... I guess that means you're a virgin."

He blushed and looked away. "What, you had some doubt?"

She shrugged. "I thought you might be, but I also know... you could have almost any girl you wanted if you didn't keep going after the impossible ones." The smile faded. "You're cuter for a boy than I am for a girl."

His heart broke a little as he sensed, more than saw, that Mabel was feeling bad about herself again. All thoughts of Wendy fled, temporarily. "Don't say that, Mabel," he said, putting an arm around her shoulder and hugging her close to him. "You're very beautiful." He wasn't lying, either... sure, her face still had a little baby fat on it, and her cheeks had a perpetual rosy glow, like she was constantly blushing, but he thought she looked good. And he wasn't the only one who'd been attracted to her. "Gideon thought so."

She made a face. "Ugh, don't mention that little creep."

"Then I guess I probably shouldn't mention the gnomes, either. They wanted to make you their queen."

"Great, so only weirdoes like me."

"And Mermando."

"Who can't even be with me." She'd told him a while back that, although they'd considered a long-distance relationship, they decided to just be friends and penpals. "I've only ever had one kiss." Mabel sighed a little, and kicked at the ground absently. "Because I'm such a dork. Sometimes I think everybody's had sex but me."

"You're just being paranoid, Mabel. You're not alone, either, there's me, and I bet there are plenty of others our age, too." He grinned, pointed at the unicorn, and added, "And look, now you've got an easy way to find out."

Her eyes widened, and the grin returned. "I do, don't I?"

***

Gideon Gleeful strolled confidently along the sidewalk like he was king of the town... which, he practically was. Everywhere he walked in his blue suit, people noticed him, and even if he wasn't a celebrity faith healer, they would have thought he was an adorable little boy. Every few feet he'd stop to say hello to somebody in his southern accent. Oh, he hated most of them, but he'd still turn on the charm, look cute, and smile. Who knew when he'd need something from them?

Right up ahead, stopping for a meal at a hot dog stand, was the rotund sheriff and his mentally-challenged deputy/boytoy, a perfect example. He loathed talking to them, but when his plans came to fruition he might need them, so he smiled widely and said, "Why, hello there, officers! And how are you this fine afternoon?"

"Just fine, Gideon," said Sherriff Blubs. "Justice never sleeps, but it sure does get hungry now and then!" he let loose a hearty chuckle.

"I can imagine," Gideon said, joining in with a laugh of his own. "Keeping the town safe from the criminal element must work up quite a powerful appetite!"
"Nothing satisfies my appetite like a thick, juicy sausage," Deputy Durland said, holding up his meal. "Gets me salivating just thinking of it."

"I prefer the little wieners, myself," Blubs said. "Leaves you more room to play around in the buns and add lots of goo." He squirted some more mustard into his already overloaded bun.

"You gentlemen are making me crave some hot meat," Gideon said. "I don't know whether I'm more interested in chowing down on a thick sausage or gobbling up a gooey wiener. I suppose either would do when you want it as bad as I do. Do you think either of you big strong men might be able to help me out?" He turned on the charm, buffing up his cheeks and making his eyes go wide. He could afford the food on his own, that wasn't the point, the point was getting people to do things.

"I don't know," Sherriff Blubs said. "I'm sure you'll be expected home for dinner any time now, and your father might be angry if we filled you up..."

"I'm sure my father wouldn't mind at all." Because Gideon's father knew what side his bread was buttered on, and did whatever he was told. "And nobody else has to know... I can keep a secret. Why, my lips form a tight seal when I put my mind to..." he trailed off mid-sentence as something quite remarkable caught his eye.

It was his ex-girlfriend, Mabel... lately he'd taken to ignoring her, like when she was at the pool flirting with that illegal immigrant boy... pretending he couldn't be bothered with her, that she meant less to him than a gnat, drove her crazy, he knew... that's why she acted like a brazen hussy with the other boy, to make Gideon jealous. He refused to play that game. But what he saw now, he couldn't ignore. Mabel wasn't walking down the street, she was floating, bobbing up and down, just a foot and a half at most in the air, but still, quite impossible... unless you had an amulet like Gideon himself had recently lost, at her hands.

"Would you look at that!" Blubs said, finally noticing it himself. "She must have one of those new invisible scooters."

"She has an amulet. It must be that..."

"Really? I need to get me one of those Am-u-let scooters for my nephew," Deputy Durland said.

Invisible scooters. The stupidity of the townspeople never ceased to amaze him. "Officers, could you do me the teensiest favor and arrest that girl and bring her to me?"

"On what charge?" Blubs asked.

Gideon put on his cute look again. "Why, stealing my heart, of course..."

"Awww," the two men said together, and then Blubs continued, "We'll go have a talk with her and see if she wants to go on a little date."

Gideon raised a hand to stop them. "No, on second thought... I should handle this myself." They would only alert Mabel that he was coming. He needed to be fast and snatch the amulet when she wasn't looking... and then, power would be his once again. But that didn't mean he couldn't use a little extra help. "But thank you so much for the stimulating conversation!" With that, he threw his arms around first the Sherriff. The man was taken a little aback, but nobody resists a hug from a kid, and when that kid is Lil' Gideon, it's positively a pleasure. "Let me just give you both a goodbye hug," he said, and then turned and embraced the deputy.

His own pleasure came from when, hugging the deputy, he reached around and felt for a lump in his pants. Yes, that would do nicely. And he managed to get it off without either of the officers noticing.

Gideon waved as he started backing away, and, when they finally turned, examined the tazer for a moment and pressed the button. A blue-white arc of electricity danced between the two prongs and he grinned, imagining the effect on another human being, as he put it in the inside pocket of his vest, and then started running down the street in the direction Mabel had flown.

***

"You wouldn't believe how worried I was that I wasn't going to win Employee of the Month this time. I mean, now that we've got the twins working there. They do a lot you know."

"Uh-huh," Stan said, staring out in the window and not really listening to his employee babbling on. He liked Soos, but man, could it be annoying listening to the kid for a long period of time.

"And they're your family! But still you decided to give Employee of the Month to me. I guess I just wanted to say that I'm really honored, Mr. Pines." He sniffled and seemed to wipe away a little tear.

The whole spectacle made Stan uncomfortable. He slid his eyes away. "Yeah, yeah, you earned it. Now we just need those fucking kids to show up and we can go celebrate."

Soos was blissfully quiet for a while, and then finally burst out. "Okay, I've just got to say. What we're doing? It's weird is all, okay? It doesn't compute. Listen, if you've gone crazy or something...I mean, if you've...if you've gone crazy or depressed, I'm just saying...that's something I need to know about. Okay? I mean, that affects me."

He raised an eyebrow, so high it rode up onto his Fez, and looked back at Soos. "What the hell are you talking about? Is this about the mushrooms? I told you, if cops don't know about it, it can't be an illegal drug. I've done it before, I just never brought you along."

"That's my point, you never bring me along for stuff like this. And to the club, later? It just blows my mind. I've been Employee of the Month plenty of times, and all I've ever gotten is my picture on the wall and an extra 10% off one item in the gift shop. You've never taken me out to celebrate, much less to your private place. So, I gotta know. Are you... dying, Mr. P? Is that why you're... breaking nice?"

"I'm not dying, Soos. No more than anybody else. I just... really appreciate your help, even if I don't always show it." Saying that made his tongue want to jump out of his mouth, and gave him the urge to insult him to make up for it. But, stanfully, he held back. He needed Soos, at least tonight.

"Thank you, Mr. Pines. I really appreciate you too."

Thank god, he didn't have to deal with answering that, or even an uncomfortable silence, because just then, a blue van pulled into the lot. He recognized it, and climbed out of Soos' truck, putting on his angry face and tapping his feet. The car came to a stop right in front of him. "You kids are fucking late."

The driver, the chubby white kid they called Thompson stayed in the car, but the other three got out. There was Lee, tall, blonde, with long limbs and face, Nate, with darker skin and tattoos, and the girl, Tambry, also with dark skin and purple hair, who rarely looked up from her phone. Lee spoke, "Why, you got somewhere to be, old man?"

"As a matter of fact, yes. I promised Soos here I'd take him to the Moe Bius Strip Club. I was going to get him a lap dance. But thanks to you, by the time we get there, all the best strippers will be taken."

"It's your own fault, dude, we could have just done this at your place."

He grabbed the little pipsqueak by the shirt and pulled him close to growl in his face. "I told you, not while the kids are visiting." They were family, and Stanford Pines might break every moral rule in the book, but he tried to look out for family. He didn't want them seeing him sell drugs. Gathering drugs for him, that was different, kids were stupid, they bought his story about pest control. He let go of the shirt and pushed the kid away. "Besides, last time you bought some at the shack, Wendy was trippin' balls for her whole shift."

Soos chortled. "Balls."

"Whatever, man... just hand over the 'shrooms."

"Money first." Lee handed over some cash, and Stan counted it. He always counted it before handing over anything. As he did, he spotted the brown-skinned girl, she'd turned away from him and was composing a text, bent over the hood of the car slightly. Her ass swayed pleasingly from side to side in her dark purple skirt which left her legs bare. "Not good enough."

Lee was outraged. "What?"

"That's total bullshit, man."

He put the money in his pocket and waved the baggie in the white kid's face. "This isn't just shitake this time."

"This time?"

"I mean it's not the usual shit... you... take. This is new premium product. These orange bits are high-grade gavina crystals. Much more expensive for a much smoother high. You gotta pay extra."

Lee rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "How much extra?"

"Double."

He put his hands up, palms towards Stan and frowned. "No way, dude."

"Then walk away, and I'll just take this for my time." He patted his pocket. No way was he giving that up, it would pay for drinks and bribes and, as a last resort, Soos' lap dance.

The girl finally spoke up. "But I already texted everybody and said we got it..."

Stan grinned. "Well, we could reach an... arrangement."

"What kind of arrangement?" Nate asked.

"I'll give it to you for what you paid. But, the girl's gotta satisfy me and my friend here. I've always had a weakness for brown meat."

"You don't have to do that Tambry," the fat kid driving said. "Come on, we can just go. We don't need drugs to have a good time."

"Yeah, right," Stan said and barked out a laugh. "Good one, kid." Maybe he was one of those rare genuinely good kids, who liked to read in their rooms and shut up and not annoy him, but he was hanging out with the rest of these kids who could have fun unless they were breaking the rules. And what was 'not selling yourself for drugs' besides just another rule.

Stan could see the girl considering it and he sidled up beside her so she could smell his musky old-man scent. She let loose a little sigh of disgust... pretend disgust, he assumed. Girls always pretended they didn't want it, but often he turned them around. "You're going to a strip club, can't you just get your rocks off there?" she asked.

"Why spend money when you don't have to? Besides, Moe Bius' Strip Club has one rule. There's no action on the backside." He grabbed her rear end and squeezed. Yes, she didn't look like it, but she had a nice fat ass. "And my philosophy is, the best brown meat is in the cans." He squeezed again.

"It's up to you Tambry," Lee said.

"But I really want to see what the gravina crystals are like," Nate pointed out.

"Don't do it Tambry," Thompson urged. "Have some self-respect."

"I had self-respect once, believe me, you'll never miss it. Besides, who needs dignity when you can escape reality?" He waggled his eyebrows and held up the baggie again. "Right?"

Tambry sighed again. "Well I've done worse for less," she admitted. "Just the ass though?"

"And Soos gets the mouth." He hit the hood of the truck. "Come on out here, Soos."

As Soos nervously slid out from the front seat, Stan walked the girl behind the truck. She was still typing something into her phone, like there was nothing unusual going on. It was almost like she was a living doll that he could place where-ever he wanted. But he didn't need her to be anything more than that. Most girls talked too much anyway.

"I don't know, Mr. Pines. Isn't she's kind of underage?"

Stan pulled up the girl's skirt. She wasn't wearing the tights or stockings she sometimes did, her legs were beautifully bare... for a second he thought she wasn't wearing any panties, either, but no, she just had a thong. He pulled it aside, spread her cheeks, and took a look at her pussy and asshole. "You know what they say, if there's grass on the field, play ball." Except, it turned out, she was completely shaved down there. Stan leaned forward, rubbing his huge, bumpy red nose in between her buttocks, and inhaled deeply. He couldn't smell much of anything, that's what being old does to you, but it felt good nonetheless. "And if not, you can always play in the mud." He rubbed a finger there at the asshole and watched it spread open, like a tiny little mouth hungry for him, so looked up at his employee. "Come on Soos, don't be such a baby, it'll be a team-building experience." Soos still stared, but didn't get any closer. He just shook his head rapidly. The guy was like a little kid in some ways. "Suit yourself, but I'm doing this with or without you." He undid his belt and dropped his pants , revealing the green striped boxers he had beneath. There was a little flap in them and he worked his dick out through it, rather than pulling them down.

He didn't have anything to be ashamed of in the cock department, at least with respect to size. He was well-above average. Hardness... well, that wasn't easy these days, but there were wonderful pills, and he'd taken one knowing he was going to the club today, so he didn't have to stuff it in loose like an old sock in a hole and hope it got hard and unwound on the inside. With the action of the pills, combined with the flap in his boxers, which worked a little like a cock ring, helping keep it inflated, he had about the firmness of a good polish sausage. But that was all he needed to get in, and once in, he hoped her tight tukhus would keep him rigid. The deep red bulbous head nudged up on Tambry's hole, and then went in.

***

Candy Chiu normally avoided certain parts of Gravity Falls, at least when she was alone. This was because she was bullied, a lot, by other kids. Whether it was because of her Korean accent, her glasses, or her height, many of the popular girls saw her as an easy target. With her deep-voiced friend Grenda around, she had no fear, but Grenda couldn't be there all the time.

This was one of those times. She didn't want anybody to know that she spied on the crazy old man who lived at the dump and created strange inventions. She started it after briefly inhabiting his body, but then saw him working on something and kept coming back to peek at it. Since then, she had learned so much, just watching. But she wasn't technically allowed to go to the junkyard, and Grenda had the unfortunate tendency of blabbing, so she made the visits all alone, imagining herself like a secret agent spying on an enemy project.

Today, she'd promised to meet Grenda at the library, but spent too much time watching the old man, and consequently she was late. Of course, Grenda would forgive her, but that wasn't the point... Candy hated to be late. An improved human being would have an internal clock and never be late. She had once tried taping a clock display to her glasses to approximate this improvement, but the stupid Sherriff's deputy thought it looked like a bomb, kept her detained for three hours, and then confiscated it. She was still angry at the memory of it... when she built her bomb, it would run on something far more powerful than a calculator battery, and it would not even look suspicious!

But a bomb would not help her current problem, needing to make up time. So, instead of taking detours through the woods or less populated streets, Candy decided to risk it and cut through Circle Park. There were a few kids there, but she managed to run through relatively unnoticed... until she got to the other end of the park, where, when circling a large slide, she didn't look where she was going, bumped into somebody and fell down on her butt. Her glasses flew off her face and onto the ground, but she could hear roughly where they landed, and she groped around in that direction.

Her fingers froze when she heard somebody the person she'd hit saying, "What the...?" She knew that voice, all too well. It was Pacifica Northwest, the rich bitch of her age group. "Oh, it's you. I guess you couldn't see me with your little Chinese eyes."

"I am Korean," Candy said. She'd said that dozens of times, and Pacifica never remembered, but that didn't stop her from making the point. She wasn't ashamed of her culture. She was a little ashamed of her accent... she could never quite manage to sound like other people did... she knew a lot of English words, and her grammar was pretty good, but her speaking pace was off and she kept putting stresses on the wrong places, always marking her out as an outsider. Candy's fingers finally closed on her glasses and she put them on, then looked up at Pacifica, who was still standing and now towering over her. The blonde was made up like a twelve-year-old version of a cheap American whore, puffy long blonde hair, purple eye shadow, huge lavender hoop earrings and a matching dress over black leggings with a purple jacket on top. Perhaps whore was unfair, but it was more stylish than the striped shirt Candy had chosen as her default outfit.

Behind Pacifica was her two friends, the black girl wearing red and the white girl with magenta hair in a blue dress. She realized instantly what they were doing at the park, the black girl had a cigarette in her hand. Smoking, what shame they must bring their families.

She was going to bring this up, but Pacifica spoke first. "Where's your lesbian friend? Did you two break up?"

"Grenda is not lesbian," Candy said, not that it would matter to her. A better human being would not care about gender, they would fall in love with the people. But kids could be cruel about such things, so she felt the need to defend Grenda from that. She was teased enough as it is for being large and having such a deep voice.

"Oh, then it's just you?"

"No it is not!" Candy said.

"So it's not just you it must be both of you."

"No!"

Pacifica sighed theatrically. "You're being contradictory. It's probably the language barrier. Let me ask you this simple question then... yes or no, have you stopped licking each other's cunts?"

Candy had to think a second to answer that. English was so tricky sometimes. "No never!" Because they had never started, but her tongue was tied trying to figure out how to phrase that. If they were having the argument in Korean she'd run rings around them.

"Right, so you guys are lesbians. Or you're bi, is that it? Are you bi? There's no shame in being bi, it's probably the closest you're going to come to being trendy."

Was she bi? She wasn't really sure. She knew she liked boys... sometimes she touched herself in bed while reading Cool Dudes magazine, and Mabel's brother Dipper made her stomach flutter. But then, sometimes she got strange feelings around Mabel herself. She didn't want to answer that question yet, and certainly not to Pacifica. "I will go now." She tried to push past them.

Pacifica put one hand on her shoulder and pushed her back a few steps, then snapped her fingers. Instantly, her two drones moved to Candy's side and held her by the arms. "Not so fast." She pointed down. "When you bumped into me, you got dirt on my boots. These are worth than your whole outfit. So get on your knees and clean them off."

She didn't have any choice about getting on her knees. Pacifica's friends pushed down hard on her shoulders and forced her there. She stared at the boots, brown with a furry rim. She didn't even see any dirt on them. Maybe if she just brushed them. "What's taking so long, girl?" said Pacifica's black friend. "Didn't you hear her?"

"I know what it is," said the other friend. "She's all excited being this close to Pacifica's pussy."

Pacifica's eyes practically lit up for a moment, and then she narrowed them at her with an evil grin. "Oh, is that it? Am I tempting you? Girls, does it make me bi if I let her lick me like a lesbian does?"

Both responded with a "No." The white one seemed a little to put a little more feeling in it.

Pacifica pulled her skirt up... she wasn't being indecent, the black tights she wore still covered everything. "My parents do always say I should do more charity work. But I don't know if I should. Maybe I'll just let you lick my tights, right here..." She pointed right where her legs met, and pulled the fabric back with two fingers... making it clear to Candy she wasn't wearing anything underneath. Pacifica then eyed her friends. "Make sure nobody sees, I don't want people thinking she's cool."

The black girl looked away, the other girl watched, and both kept holding her in place as Pacifica bowleggedly closed the gap between them. "No," Candy tried to say. "I don't want to," but before she got halfway through, the fabric was in her mouth, and beyond it, she could feel the soft, yielding flesh between her legs. The whole sensation reminded her strongly of sweat, like when Candy would sometimes pull off her own sock and smell it, only she was also smelling it on her tongue. That was more unpleasant than the shame and humiliation of the act itself, or the hand firmly on the back of her head forcing her there.

Yet, even with the smell, there was something powerful there, intoxicating. So Candy decided to follow the old saying, "떡 본 김에 제사 지낸다." Or, "If you see the rice cake, you might as well perform the ancestral rites." So, she started moving her tongue around, and rubbing her tiny upturned nose, which felt like it fit right in the little gap in the middle of the slit, up and down and side to side. She had never played lesbian before, but she understood the theory... why not take it as an opportunity to learn by practical example?

And she was learning. At first Pacifica was laughing cruelly at what she was forcing Candy to do, but when Candy starting licking, even through the fabric, she got quiet, except for her breathing, which got louder, more intense. She could feel Candy's tongue and nose, even through the fabric, and Candy, in turn, could feel the thighs quivering against her.

"I'm going to give you a treat," Pacifica finally said, her voice shaking almost as much as her legs. "Let you taste a real high class pussy. Not like Grenda's stank." And just like that, Pacifica pulled down the tights and revealed her most private of places, her boji. With no tights in the way, Candy could see the boji was red and puffy, no hair, but with dark specks that suggested she shaved, and that she was not a natural blonde. "Go on, lick." And her head was forced towards it again.

But Candy understood... they thought they were humiliating her, forcing her to lower herself before them, but Pacifica had not intended to do this... Candy has made her. She was the one with the real power, to make Pacifica forget herself and reveal her true nature. Next to that, what they did to her was nothing. Any thug could use force to control somebody. A genius used pleasure.

So, she dove right in, sending her tongue inside Pacifica's hole as far as she could, like it was a piece of food she wanted to extract all the flavor out of. And the flavor was much improved, better than the tights, the sweat flavor was less intense and instead there was something reminiscent of fish, but not unpleasantly so. She heard a whimper of pleasure from Pacifica and smiled inwardly to herself. One day she could use this, bring Pacifica to the brink, and then suddenly withdraw, deny her the ultimate pleasure, or force her to beg for it. "Get out your phone," Pacifica said. "We're going to throw this little lesbian a little coming out party, and I can think of the perfect picture for the invitations..." Uh-oh, that presented a problem. It could shift the power back in their favor. "Of course, maybe we'll keep he picture to ourselves, as long as she's willing to show her appreciation whenever we want..."

"I like how you think, Pacifica!" said her white friend.

That wasn't in Candy's plans... blackmail would mean being forever under their power. She stopped licking and tried to pull back, but her head was held fast. She couldn't see it, but she knew any second the picture would be there on the phone, showing her mouth glued to a boji and only her face in the shot.

"What the..."

"Go, Randy, go!" The excited voice was familiar, but it was only when the hands holding her loosened that she was able to scramble away and stand up and see what they were staring at it. It was Mabel, and she was riding a tiny horse... no, the horse had a single horn on the front of its head. Together, they were prancing around the park excitedly. Pacifica's friends had their cameras out, but now it was pointed towards Mabel.

"It must be some kind of loser magic trick," Pacifica said.

Candy took the opportunity to run out to the center of the park, where she couldn't be grabbed and forced to do unspeakable acts, but mostly, so she could see the fabulous beast. It had to be a unicorn... not quite as amazing as the Korean haetae, which had a lion's head, but still quite beautiful.

Mabel slowed by pulling the unicorn's mane back, then stopped, and climbed off the creature. "Hi, Candy... notice anything... unusual?"

"You have a... unicorn?"

"Oh, this old thing?" Mabel said, rolling her eyes like it was no big deal. "This is just Randy, my new friend." There was a small crowd of kids around, even a few teenagers. "Everybody who sees a unicorn, raise your hands!"

Candy couldn't help but look around, and most of the kids in the park had one hand up. Mabel also looked around, but she seemed to be taking special note of who did and who did not raise their hand, and seemed very satisfied with herself.

Pacifica and her friends pushed past a few kids. She was angry, so angry her eyebrows were like thick black lines. "What are you morons talking about! There's no unicorn." Her black friend also seemed to be looking around, as though expecting to find one. Her white friend had her eyes locked on Randy. She thought earlier that only some people were admitting to it, but now Candy wondered... did some people really not see it?

"Oh, Pacifica," Mabel said. "You are such a total slut."

Pacifica's eyes opened as far as they could possibly go. "What?"

"I'm sorry, have you been shoving penises up your ears, too? I guess they are probably the tightest part of you. Every other hole's probably like throwing a hot dog down a hallway, am I right? Wop!"

Candy saw then one of those things that might be almost as rare as a unicorn... Pacifica totally speechless. She was just standing there, shaking in rage. Of course she also knew that when she finally did lash out, it would be bad for anybody nearby. "We should go, now?" she asked Mabel hopefully, leaning in close.

"Sure." Mabel climbed back on Randy, and, to Candy's surprise and delight, offered her a hand to hop on too.

"Thank you."

Mabel giggled a little. "Your breath smells like fish. So, where's Grenda?"

Candy wrapped her arms around Mabel's waist, for support more than anything else, as she was unused to riding a horse, and then buried her face in her sweater to hide her blush at the comment about her breath. "I was going to meet her. She is at library."

Mabel pointed and shouted. "To the library, Randy!"

The beast didn't move. Mabel coughed, and dug her knees into its side, and it managed a slow trot, and then leaned forward and stretched out one arm to dangle some kind of bright orange snack in front of it, and that got the creature running.

Candy stuck her tongue out in Pacifica's direction as they passed.

After they were passed the crowd must have been mumbling about unicorns, because at the edge of the park, Pacifica's voice rang out, "THERE WAS NO FUCKING UNICORN!"

***

Stan had penetrated the brown girl slowly at first, and she didn't react except for a slight shift in position and a very faint grunt. It made a pretty tight fit, especially going in raw with no lube, but Tambry didn't seem to complain. He looked over at Soos who was still watching mutely, and then pushed down on Tambry's back. She started to lean on the truck, at least with one hand... the other and was still on her phone, typing out a message to somebody.

They'd been at it for a few minutes, and now she seemed absolutely bored. Bored! While he was fucking her ass. Kids today. "You better not be texting about me," he grumbled, and tried to pick up his pace to impress her.

After nearly a minute of intense thrusting that made his knees ache, he wiped his brow and had to slow down a bit. "Aren't you done yet?" She sighed and typed in something else.

Stan could just imagine the dispatcher, dressed in a tweed blazer, on the other end reading it, printed off a machine like one of those old paper stock tickers. "Internet Telegram from Tambry here," he'd shout, then clear his throat while waiting for everybody else to be quiet and listen as he relayed the message: "This old man fucking my ass is so slow. Stop. I wish he'd cum already. Stop. Doesn't he even know how to Tumblr my hashtag like all the kids today are doing? Stop." And then the entire room would retransmit the message to all her friends. And then they'd all be laughing at him.

"That's it. Time to pull out my special move." He pulled out of her entirely, and then, instead of fucking her through the hole in his boxer shorts, pushed his dick back through that gap and swung it back out over the top of the waistband. His ball sack dangled down like two oranges in a hairy, flesh-colored sock. He eased himself back into her asshole and began humping her again, much like he had when he'd started... a little slower, but at least he'd caught his breath again.

This time, though, there was a significant difference. Each inward thrust was accompanied, milliseconds later, the whiplash action of his ball sack. The scrotum rode up around the whole length of her crack, and his balls adding a little extra force right around her clit. Some girls complained it hurt, but then, the ones who did always came back for more, too.

"Uh, guys?" he heard, and looked up, thinking it was Soos, but it turned out it was just the fat kid in the driver's seat. "Guys, do you see that?"

But nobody else was looking, they were all watching Stan, except Tambry who had her eyes still glued on her phone... he was sure the bitch was playing a game with him now, that she was determined not to show any sign of pleasure, but he didn't need moans and groans or even a ecstatic expression, he knew the subtler signs, the change in breathing, the twitch in her fingers, and the reflexive clenching of her ass. She must have hit the wrong letter on her phone, or maybe she just used that as an excuse, because she grimaced and made some rapid corrections.

He laid one palm on her butt with force. "Come on, move that ass a little more, it'll get me off faster." But he only said it because he knew she needed the excuse, the way her legs were trembling, and the way his nut sack was getting progressively slicker from banging up against her wet pussy. She wanted to buck back against him, to surrender to the pleasure.

Now she did, but only after an exaggerated sigh, culminating in a puff of exhaled air that blew the pink-streaked lock out of her eyes. By the time it had resettled, she was bouncing back... and her butthole soon began to practically spasm. "Come on, girl, who's your daddy?" Her legs were getting weaker and she was leaning more and more on the truck, using both hands, including the one with the phone... she hadn't typed anything in it for a few seconds.

"Did anybody see that?" the fat kid asked again.

Yeah, Stan did, and he also saw the gasp as her composure broke, just for a second. That was enough to get his balls in gear, and the cum started its long journey up and out... it was always a slow build these days, not like when he was young, a gradually growing pressure followed by a sudden pop over the top as he began squirting into her ass. He didn't have the volume he used to have, and it was a lot waterier, like runny mayonnaise, but he knew he made an awful mess in there.

He pulled out and then grinned at Tambry expectantly, looking for some kind of validation, but she just stood up, rolled her eyes, and said, "Is that it?" Her eyes went back to the phone.

"Hey, I'd give you another ride right now, except... I'm not as young as I used to be..."

"Have you met anybody who was?" Soos interjected, breaking himself out of his funk. "I mean, think about it."

Stan shot a glare his way, and then finished, "But I still get the job done, right?" He slapped Tambry's ass, and she looked up from her phone for a moment and shrugged, and then pulled her skirt down and held her hand out. "Oh, right." He handed her the bag of mushrooms, and she walked away on unsteady legs. She might be pretending otherwise, but he was sure he got her off. "Stupid bitch," he muttered to himself, although it might as well have been to Soos who was nearby. "I'm glad she's not wearing those stockings, I hope my cum's running down her legs the rest of the day."

Soos looked a little embarrassed, like he didn't know exactly what he was supposed to say after watching his boss fuck a teenage girl in exchange for drugs. "So, are we going to the club now?"

"Sure thing." He pointed at the kids, who were piling back into the van, put on a big smile, and say, "Remember, if you've got money, your old pal Stan's door is always open." His smile faded in a flash. "Otherwise, stay the fuck out of the Mystery Shack."

They glared at him, except Thompson, who he could have sworn he heard saying, "I'm telling you guys, I totally saw two girls riding a tiny unicorn!" just before the door slammed shut, but he didn't care. He had a club to go to.

***

Pacifica was still quaking with rage. She was hurt, too, underneath that, but anger drove away hurt... or at least buried it beneath tons of a more empowering emotion. Hurt made you weak, but anger made you strong. So she nurtured her anger, complaining about the "sweater-wearing bitch" as she stalked out of the park and towards where her driver was waiting.

"Pacifica... an... unexpected... pleasure, to be... sure." Her anger faltered for a second as a shiver of disgust ran through her when she recognized the voice. It was Gideon Gleeful, the fat little white-haired boy who ran the Tent of Telepathy. Now, he was puffing, out of breath, and with sweat stains on his suit.

But she had to play nice... at least outwardly nice, although she was an expert at being subtly dismissive and insulting. "Oh, hello, Gideon," she said mildly. "I see you've taken up jogging. Good for you. The fight for childhood obesity begins at home."

His little pig nose twitched as he formed a snarl, but he kept his composure. "Charming, as always. You wouldn't happen to have seen Mabel Pines around, have you?"

Now it was Pacifica's turn to wrinkle her nose. "I thought you were over that girl... but then I never understood what you saw in her. The stupid bitch wears something different every day, when everybody knows the in-thing this summer is putting together one spectacular outfit that showcases your taste, and wearing it as often as possible." It was also a nice divider of class... rich girls like Pacifica's circle just bought duplicates, while the poorer girls had to wash the same outfit every day. Except Mabel had to be a special snowflake and wear a different home-made sweater every day, not realizing that it just made her look silly and insecure. She wanted to go on an even bigger rant on all of Mabel's flaws, but Pacifica realized she should probably be encouraging Gideon to pursue a relationship with her again... when the two were last dating, even though she didn't know Mabel at the time, at least he gave Pacifica a rest.

"Yes, once upon a time her maverick fashion sense was one of the things that attracted me to her," Gideon said, and it seemed he had a trace of wistfulness in his voice. That suited Pacifica. She still shuddered at the memory of having to babysit Gideon while their two sets of parents went to another of their "key parties". At least Gideon himself had finally got bored of that, and soon began insisting to his parents that he was now too old to need a babysitter. As long as the spoiled little kid didn't want her, their parents wouldn't push them together. "But today I have more material needs. She has something that I want..."

Pacifica's eyebrows drew together. "If you say the word 'unicorn', I swear to God I'm going to scream."

"No, it's something..." he paused, and tilted his head slightly to look at her. "Whyever would you say that?"

She inspected her fingernails, pretending to be far less bothered than she was. "She was playing some stupid let's pretend game and somehow got half the kids in the park thinking she really had a unicorn."

His eyes narrowed. "But you didn't see one?"

"Of course not. There was nothing there. She was just pretending to ride and the simpletons ate it up." She tossed her long blonde hair back and forth dismissively. "But nobody will be spreading those lies around now." Or the completely unfair accusation of being a "slut". Anybody who said that was in for a severe punishment.

"I see. And do you know where Mabel is now?"

"She and her loser friend were going to meet their other loser friend at the library." She finally reached her parents car, the driver waiting patiently for her.

"Thank you, Pacifica... you've been... most helpful."

She exhaled and got inside. "Whatever." She started to close the door, but then thought better of it and opened it again. "And Gideon... whatever you want from her... don't take 'no' for an answer."

He smiled. "I never do, Pacifica. I never do." He pulled out the tazer from his inner suit pocket and showed it to her.

Pacifica nodded, and then slammed the door shut and let the chauffer drive her home, a little more satisfied.

***

Dipper paced back and forth across the Mystery Shack gift shop's wooden floor. It was a good pacing floor, and he was in a pacing mood.

It was Wendy on his mind, of course. What Mabel had said shortly before riding off on her unicorn had stuck in his mind. He could deal with the girl of his dreams not being a virgin... he was mature for a twelve-year-old. But the notion of Robbie having sex with her that day, maybe even right that minute, gave him a sick feeling. It wasn't just the act, either... but if she had sex with him, then that meant they were 'serious'. Sure, Robbie called her his girlfriend now, but once they made love, it was official, and he had to abandon the hopes that she'd get bored with the eyeliner-wearing wannabe rock-star and dump him.

Now it was all he could think about. If there was somebody else around to distract him, it wouldn't be so bad, but he was alone, and became obsessed with the idea of somehow stopping it. "But how do I stop it," he asked himself aloud, for about the sixth time, "if I don't even know where they are?" He even thought about making copies of himself and sending them all over town, but for some reason whenever he found something magical that might be useful, he had a strong instinct never to use or mention it again. Besides, he didn't like the thought of all his clones reaching a Bad End, Dippers melting at the first contact with water was still a frequent nightmare. Sometimes in those nightmares, he was one of the clones. Even that grim thought didn't stick with him long before his mind was back on the Wendy train. "Come on Wendy, you can see through him, right?"

He turned, catching something out of the corner of his eye, through the door to the gift shop, a bunch of red hair. Dipper dashed to the door and threw it open, laughing nervously and shouting, far too cheerfully, "Wendy!"

Only it wasn't Wendy. It was the mailman, who had a bushy red beard and red arm-hair. He was digging around in his satchel, and eyed Dipper with disinterest. "Isn't it a little late for mail delivery?"

"Big town, boy," the mailman said with a grunt. "And I delivery to all of it. Be glad I get to you at all." He thrust a handful of envelopes in Dipper's hands and started to turn away.

That gave Dipper an idea. "Wait!" The man paused. "You probably know this town more than anybody, right?" He nodded. "Where would a teenage guy and a girl go to... you know."

"Roller rink," he said. "Makes any girl wet."

He didn't even know if there was a roller rink in town. "What if they were going to, you know..." He rolled his hands over each other as though that was somehow representative of the act that he was trying not to say. "Seal the deal." As an afterthought, he added, "And he's got a van. I've heard about a place called Lookout Point?"

"Lookout Point's just for fooling around. But every so often I see a love letter, guy telling a girl he's going to drive her up to Climax Point. Hard to get to, at least if you've got a girl along. You have to take a long drive through the Quivering Crevice, and it's easy to get lost and the girl loses interest and wants to go home."

Dipper squinted at the man. "You read the mail?"

"No," the mailman said defensively, his eyes shifting back and forth. "It's not like there's anything good in it anymore. Fucking e-mail replacing everything." He shrugged. "We done here?"

Dipper was still a little creeped out by the thought of this guy reading people's mail, but he said, "I guess."

"Yeah, don't say thank you or anything," he grunted. "Your parents were right, you needed to get out among real people more." Before Dipper could say another word, the mailman had already walked off, so he went back inside and grabbed a map.

"Climax Point..." he mumbled to himself, and looked around. There, he found it. Right between Quivering Crevice and the Silent Falls. He had a where. Now he just needed a plan to disrupt the act.

***

"Wow, Mabel, you have the coolest pets!" Grenda said in her deep, mannish voice, as the three sat around the ground petting Randy and feeding him cheese snacks. They were on the lawn outside the library, near the back.

"Your iguana's pretty cool too," Mabel said. "Where is it, by the way?"

Grenda's eyes slid away. "At the vet. I wasn't watching where I was sitting." She brightened and said, "You won't have that problem with Randy here."

"Yeah. I just don't know what I'm going to do when I run out of Cheesy Sluts for him to gobble." She put her fingers up to Randy's mouth and he dutifully licked the flavoring out there. "I might have to send him back to the forest. You think my Grunkle Stan's grouchy now, imagine if he starts stepping in invisible poop all the time."

"You can always send him to my place." Grenda seemed pretty excited about that possibility. "You know what Randy? At my place, I've got lots of cheese snacks, and corn bits, and pretzel knobs, and gummy worms, and caramel covered popcorn! You can eat as much as you want. What do you say, huh?"

"I think he's mostly deaf," Mabel pointed out.

"Well, maybe he knows sign language." Grenda began rapidly moving her hands in complicated patterns, showing a new talent Mabel never expected she had. Randy appeared to be paying attention, but it was hard to tell if he understood, or was just attracted to the motion. "Hey, do you think all unicorns are deaf, or just Randy?"

"I've never heard any stories about deaf unicorns. So I guess Randy's special." She put her arms around him and hugged him. "Don't worry, momma's going to take good care of her special little unicorn!"

Candy adjusted her glasses up and down again, which put them pretty much in the same place. "There must be very few unicorn, or we would see more of them, right? In dogs, deafness can become a problem from generations of inbreeding. Perhaps it is same thing here?"

"Inbreeding?" Grenda asked. "That's like when they have sex with their brothers and sisters, isn't it? Gross."

Mabel kept her face perfectly still and tried to ignore the little flutter in her stomach at the thought. She shouldn't be excited at the idea, everyone knew it was wrong.

"It is not gross," Candy insisted. "It is natural imperative. The species must survive. Besides, dog breeders use inbreeding to make new improvements of canine species, variety makes the world a better place. It is only when it goes on for many generations that it turns bad."

Mabel hid her head behind Randy's mane by pretending to stroke it, so that they wouldn't see the blush deepen on her already rosy cheeks. So, one generation might be okay? she wondered, but dared not ask it aloud. And what if you didn't want to have kids, but just the love, that should be even more okay, right?

"It still seems gross to me," Grenda said. "Can you imagine, Mabel, having sex with your brother?"

Eep. "Yeah. Me inbreeding with Dipper. Crazy." She laughed nervously, trying to sound like she thought the very idea was ridiculous, but she could feel her cheeks reddening.

"Inbreeding is when they have babies. If there is no baby, it is just incest," Candy corrected. "I do not care who has sex with who, if two people share a kinship then it is natural to take pleasure in each other. But I hope that you do not want to have sex with Dipper, Mabel."

"Trust me, that's not going to happen," Mabel said. The having sex part, at least, the wanting to... sometimes, sure.

"Good, because I do not want any more competition." She covered her mouth with one hand and giggled demurely as she blushed.

"You like my brother?" Mabel asked in voice rising in intensity. It really wasn't a surprise, she'd had a feeling for a while, but somehow Candy being serious enough about it to admit it made Mabel panic. The first step of a girl crush was acting silly around the guy. The second was admitting it to the friends. The third was actually asking the boy out, if he didn't do it first. Candy was at second, probably thinking about third, and Mabel would be stuck at first... forever.

"He is very smart, and cute, and brave. I liked wearing his body before."

"He's okay," Mabel said. "He's got an ugly birthmark on his head, you know." Not ugly to her, she was so used to it, the Dipper shape that gave him his nickname for as long as she could remember. "And he farts, like, all the time. Silent but deadly." Was there anything else she could use to turn her off him?

"So what are we going to do about Randy?" Grenda asked, either to change the subject or because her mind was still on the last one. "Will he have to have kids with his own family?"

Candy hmmmed and looked the beast over appraisingly. "If we really want to preserve the unicorn species, we should take bold action." She circled around and then knelt behind him and suddenly reached between his back legs to stroke his balls. Mabel and Grenda both gasped at once at what was indeed a bold action, but then Grenda got down on her stomach for a better look, and Mabel found herself joining in. There was a bump of something at what Mabel thought was the stomach, but now there was a long, flesh-colored rod coming out of it.

She hadn't automatically known what the bump was before, but now she could knew what this was. It looked pretty much like what penises in porn, or tiny cheese-based sculpture, looked like, very human-like in fact, which might surprise nitpickers if there were any around, but if any spoke up, Candy might remind them that unicorns are not actually horses and don't need to follow horse anatomy. Mabel didn't know enough about horse anatomy to question, so all she said was, "Wow, he's got a huge dong!"

"Yeah, he's bigger than the cucumbers my mom buys." Mabel and Candy stared at her for a moment... if she was saying what Mabel thought she was saying, it was the kind of thing that wasn't readily admitted to out loud. Finally, Grenda added, "We put them in the salads." Mabel nodded, satisfied, and pretended she didn't hear when Grenda rubbed the back of her neck and added, "Eventually."

"I can't believe you just did that," Mabel said to Candy, instead.

"You want to keep unicorns from going extinct, don't you? Then we should collect samples of semen and use it to impregnate horses, and diversify the gene pool. This is how horse breeders get semen."

"So you're going to... jack off the unicorn?" she asked, and then grinned widely. "That is so nasty." She hoped Candy wouldn't take offense, she tried to say the word like it was a good thing. And she did kind of like it, her friendship with these girls progressing to the talking perverted phase. Maybe Grenda could talk about her masturbatory habits now, and maybe Mabel could, too. It was a step she'd never reached back home.

"Nasty for science," Candy said proudly as she rubbed the large penis with her extremely tiny-looking hand, up and down, from the plum-like head to the sheath at the base of the shaft. "Come on Grenda, help out, you've done it before."

"Whaaat?"

"You said you helped your uncle do it with a horse."

"No, I said I helped my Uncle Jack off a horse," Grenda insisted, but then sighed, and reached out and she too began pumping.

"Oh, what the hell," Mabel said, and she reached out her own hand. Between the three of them, one hand each, they could just barely cover the whole shaft, and Grenda had big hands. She thought it would be slimy but it was just warm and twitched a bit.

Candy pulled away, and then ran to her backpack. She returned a moment later with a glass specimen jar and lid, and a sharpie, which she used to cross off the 'Manotaur' label that was already on there, and write in "Unicorn". "For collection," she said, and then bent down and placed it at the tip of Randy's penis. "Now stroke!" she ordered, and the other two girls did, until finally, the beast started squirting out a milky white liquid that half-filled the jar. Candy sealed the jar, and the other two girls let go of the unicorn penis and stood up. Throughout the whole thing, Randy took it stoically, only giving a few whinnies to indicate he even knew anything was happening at all.

While Candy put the jar back in her pack, Mabel stood up and put her hand on his horn. "I wonder if anything comes out if we rub this thing!" she joked, and then pumped her hand up and down. "Like maybe glitter!"

"Mabel! There you are," came a soft, feminine voice. Everyone, except Randy, turned their heads and saw Gideon standing about twenty feet away. His hands were behind his back. "I've been looking for you."

*-*
DISPLAY: Club 33 Logo
VOICE-OVER: You're watching The Club 33 Channel, Disney's exclusive members only channel! Your exclusive adult-rated "Gravity Falls" episode will be right back!
*-*
DISPLAY: Dog with a Blog logo appears.
VOICE-OVER: Coming up next, by popular demand, an adult-rated episode of "Dog With A Blog!"

CUT TO: Cute 13-year old blonde Avery petting Stan, her white and brown-furred dog, considering something thoughtfully. "We've all got animal lusts," Stan says. "So why don't we help each other out?" "Okay," she decides. "But nobody can know. This better not end up on the Internet." The dog looks to the camera and grins and winks.
VOICE-OVER: Avery takes a walk on the wild side!

CUT TO: Avery is on her knees in her room, still wearing a top but her skirt is flipped back over her shirt, leaving her naked from the waist down, and Stan is humping her doggy-style, while she moans in pleasure. Suddenly, there's a loud noise. "Oh no, somebody's home. Get off, get off!" she says, and Stan tries, but he can't get all the way out, he's stuck inside her. "What's happening?" "I think we're locked up," Stan explains.
VOICE-OVER: But it's... "knot" what she expected!

Panicked, Avery asks, "How long are we supposed to be stuck like this?" Stan gives something of a doggy shrug and says, "Relax, it'll shrink down in about a half hour." "We don't have a half-hour!"
VOICE-OVER: Will her good reputation go to the dogs?

CUT TO: Avery's dad coming into her room. Avery has pulled a blanket off her bed and covered her and the dog with it. "Hey, I'm putting on some hot dogs, you want one?" She glares at the lump hiding the dog Stan. "No, I've pretty much had my fill of hot dogs." *laughter*

CUT TO: Avery's 16-year old stepbrother Tyler opens the door. "Hey Avery, can I borrow your..." Just then, the blanket slips off and reveals the two of them still connected. "What the fuck is this?" The dog grins and says, "You've heard of Gangnam Style? Well, this is Doggy Style." *laughter* "Please don't tell anybody," Avery begs. "I'll do anything." Tyler rubs his chin. "Anything, huh?"
VOICE-OVER: Or will Tyler make her his bitch?

CUT TO: Avery dresses up in a really skimpy French maid outfit, in Tyler's messy room. He points to the floor and says, "You can start by picking the socks off the floor. And remember, bend at the waist, not at the knees." Avery sighs, and bends over, giving a clear view of her ass with no underwear.
VOICE-OVER: On the first Club 33 exclusive episode of Dog With A Blog, all-new, next, on Club 33!

*-*

DISPLAY: Cinderella's Castle, and then continue with a montage of all the fun, both G-rated and X-rated, that you can have at Disney parks...
VOICE-OVER: There is a place where dreams come true... not just for kids, but Daddy too.

Visit our secret site to book a special Club 33 package at any of our Disney Parks resorts and you can sample a different Disney Princess every night, in one of our secret brothels, or even in your own room! Any deviant desire you have can be fulfilled, if you're willing to pay. But considering you have to be a multi-millionaire to even access this channel, you can probably afford it.

Because our real motto at Disney is: They may call them priceless memories, but we all know better.

*-*

DISPLAY: Club 33 Logo
VOICE-OVER: Now, back to a Club 33 exclusive episode of "Gravity Falls!"

*-*

Grenda was the first to speak up. "Wow, Mabel. You know Lil' Gideon?"

It was in the tabloids once, so she assumed both her friends already knew. But it was before she met them. And she'd never liked to talk about him, the creep was disgusting. Gideon, though, wouldn't shut up about it. "Know me? Why, I'm Mabel's ex-boyfriend!"

Mabel left Randy's side and stalked up to Gideon, poked him in the chest, and said, "I was never your girlfriend."

He giggled. "Semantics. We went out on dates. I paid. You were either my girlfriend or a dirty little tease."

It was a false choice, and, instead of choosing one or the other, she just asked, "What do you want, Gideon?"

"What do I want?" he asked innocently. "Oh, you know, peace on Earth, to win the Gravity Falls Chili Cook-off, and... oh yes, revenge on all of my enemies." At the last, his expression turned dark, like he was drilling murder into Mabel's eyes. Then he suddenly laughed, and said, "But right now, I'm here about your unicorn." He looked back and forth. "Where is the cute little beast?"

Mabel looked back. Randy was in plain sight, between Candy and Grenda. If Gideon didn't see him, that meant... "Wait... you're not a virgin?" She pushed him, with the force of a playful punch, but it wasn't meant that way. "You?!" Her mouth hung open in shock... it was like she was unable to process the revelation. He was, like, nine!

"Of course not," Gideon snapped at her in a whisper. His face turned angelic again, and he said, "Momma never could say 'no' to this face..." It went dark again... it was amazing how quickly he could go back and forth. "Especially after I found that amulet."

Mabel managed to regain her composure with a shake of her head. "Well then you're out of luck. Only virgins can see unicorns."

"I know that, but that doesn't mean I can't touch him if you help me. Bring him here."

"I don't think so..." Mabel said, and then got worried about the way she couldn't see his hands. "Wait, what do you have behind your back?"

She tried to look, but he bobbed and weaved, always keeping out of her sight. "You're so suspicious, Mabel. I just want to pet the little fellow."

She looked back, and, to her surprise, the unicorn was clopping towards them. "No, Randy, stay back," she said, waving her arms to get his attention.

"A-ha!" Gideon exclaimed. "So he's over there, is he?" He finally pulled out what he was hiding... a lasso, which he began to whirl above his head. He threw it... the rope landed a few feet to the right, but Gideon reeled it back in and began to whirl it again. His eyes widened as he looked at the grass at Randy's feet. "Hoof prints! Now I've got you." This time, the lasso landed around Randy's neck, and then snagged tight. Randy neighed and tried to draw back, but Gideon held it fast. "Come to Gideon..."

"Let him go!" Mabel shouted, and tried to shove Gideon, but suddenly he had a strange black object in his hands, like a large remote control, and when the edge of it struck Mabel, her whole body seemed to go all fuzzy with extreme pain and her vision blurred. The next thing she knew, she was on the ground, gasping, and Gideon was still standing and reeling in Randy.

"Hey! Don't taze her, bro!" boomed Grenda's voice and Mabel managed to turn her head as the girl charged the little twerp. He held out the tazer defensively, but it couldn't help much... a big girl like Grenda doesn't just stop moving when she's been electrocuted... even if she wanted to. She slammed into Lil' Gideon before she even felt the pain, and then landed on top of him.

Mabel's muscles still felt like jelly, but Gideon had let go of the rope, which meant that Randy was free to come over to her. Randy dropped his head down and tapped Mabel with his horn. Instantly, she felt better, the pain disappearing, and pulled herself to her feet. Her hair was all frizzy now.

Gideon remained pinned beneath Grenda, who seemed dazed herself. The little boy grunted and groaned as he struggled to pull himself out. "Get off me you lesbian leviathan!" He then glared at Mabel, and added, "I will have your unicorn, one way or the other..."

"Why do you even want him, if you can't see him?" She took Randy over to Grenda and let him touch the girl, reviving her in much the same way she did him. The large girl sat up, straddling Gideon between her powerful thighs and holding him down with one hand.

"The horn, you fool... with a unicorn's horn I can create the most powerful magic wand in the world!" He glared at her through narrowed slits through his eyes. "And I can share that power with you. He trusts you... if you give me the horn, you can have the rest."

"Yeah, well, I'm sorry, but Randy's very attached to his horn." She stroked his side and grinned at Candy who had come to stand beside her. "Get it? Attached?" Candy nodded vigorously.

"Think about it Mabel. Every part of a unicorn is magic. Their blood grants super-strength. Want to make somebody fall in love with you? A rope woven of unicorn hair will bind them to you forever. You can render their body down into a magical glue that you can inhale and be transported to another world! And you wouldn't even believe what ground up unicorn penis does for you!"

Mabel stared at him for a moment and said, "You are one sick puppy, Gideon."

Grenda punched him in the nose, hard, making it bleed. "No hurting Randy!" The unicorn, seemingly holding no grudge against the little freak who tried to abduct him, touched him with a horn and the bruise was healed instantly. "No Randy, he deserves it!" Grenda punched again, and Randy healed it again. This went on several more times before Grenda finally sighed and gave up. "Fine. No more punching. I'll hold him here," she said to Mabel. "You two get Randy to safety."

Mabel nodded. "Thanks, Grenda!" She climbed up on Randy's back and Candy ran up with the now nearly empty bag of cheese snacks. The asian girl held one of the snacks out to get Randy's attention and he started in that direction, away from the library and into the trees.

"There is no safety," Gideon called after them. "The unicorn's already bonded with you, Mabel... and you can't sleep forever. Sooner or later I'll take him from you... and then you'll wish you cooperated!"

Grenda punched him again, and this time, Randy wasn't around to set it right. "Stop doing that!"

As she rode away, Mabel heard Grenda punch him one more time and say, "Stop being evil!"

***

Soos pulled up to the brown and white building with the glitzy pink neon lights. "The Moe Bius Strip Club" was written in those lights, along with outlines of the female form in poses that were just shy of being pornographic. Some were animated, dancing back and forth between two frames so it looked like they were wiggling their hips or bending over. "So this is it," he said, leaning forward to look up at the sign through the front windshield. He'd seen the place from the distance, but this was as close as he'd dare get.

"Yeah, this is it," Stan said without much interest. "You've never been here before?"

"No, I do most of my drinking at home."

Stan grunted. "Good."

"So, do we just... go in?"

"Not quite yet. First we need to get you dressed up right." He reached behind him and picked up a hat. "This is the official 'Employee of the Month' hat, and sunglasses. And wear this T-Shirt." He didn't see the hat before it was put on his head, but the shirt said "InTheVIPRoom.Internet" and looked like it was written on by a sharpie. He put them all on, hesitantly, but eager to please, and then checked himself in the mirror. "None of this says 'Employee of the Month'," Soos pointed out. The hat said "casting director." The sunglasses didn't say anything at all, but kept his eyes from being visible.

"I got them on sale. It's the thought that counts, right?"

"I... guess."

"Let's go. Now, I've been here before, so let me do most of the talking. In fact, you don't say anything at all. If anybody asks you anything, just follow my lead, got it?" Soos nodded, a little uncertain. "Don't worry, you're going get so much tail, by the end of the night your balls will be raisins."

Stan got out of the car and walked on ahead towards the door, while Soos looked into his own reflection and said, "I think there's more going on here than your Employee of the Month party, Mirror-dood."

***

Dipper was driving the Mystery Cart on a path through the woods, the shortest mapped path that lead to the Quivering Crevice, when suddenly he saw his sister up ahead. Darkness had started to fall, so he only saw her when the headlights flew over her, and he hit the brakes just before he drove past. "Mabel!"

She had Randy behind her, and seemed to be trying to push him back towards the trees. When she saw her brother, she broke out in a relieved smile. "Dipper! I need your help!"

"Okay, but I need yours, first. Can you come with me to Climax Point?"

"What?"

"I need to borrow Randy, but he only seems to follow you, so, what do you say?"

"Randy following me IS the problem. I need it to stop! I'm trying to get him to stay in the woods, but he won't stay put."

"What? Why?"

"Gideon found out I have a unicorn. He wants to make a magic wand! He's going to cut off Randy's head and probably his penis too."

Dipper had an instinctive wince at that. Kill him if you must, but leave the penis alone, it was the guy code. He would have to help Mabel, of course... but he didn't necessarily have to do it right away. "Okay, we'll try to take Randy back where we found him. But I need him first..." He decided to explain his plan. "See, since Robbie can see Randy and Wendy can't, I thought we could use him to make her think he's crazy! And then she won't sleep with him!" Saying it out loud got him pretty pumped. It seemed like a perfect plan.

Mabel just stared at him. Of course, she had other things on her mind, that was understandable. But then she kept staring. "Dipper," she said wearily, with a little bit of sadness. "They started their date hours ago. What makes you think she hasn't already done it with him?"

"Because..." he started, sure he'd come up with a reason before he finished getting the word out, but nothing came. There was a flaw in his plan, more like a big gaping hole, and he missed it the whole time. He had to say something though, so he finished with, "Wendy's not that kind of girl?" It sounded hollow, even to him.

"Dipper," she said again. "I really need your help. Gideon could come after Randy again at any time. What if he comes when we're asleep and I can't protect him?" Her lip trembled. "But if a small chance at making sure Wendy doesn't sleep with ANOTHER guy is that important to you, we can do that..."

She always did this... she gave in, let him make the decision, but in a way that it was always clear what the right choice was. And he couldn't refuse her... especially when she was right. Wendy was just a stupid crush... he knew it. It didn't make his feelings any less intense, but he knew they'd never be together, deep down. "Okay," he said. "Let's go take Randy back where we found him."

He took Mabel's hand and walked with her to back to the cart, and they got inside and he tried not to think about Robbie losing his virginity.

***

Without Stan's map, they couldn't find the exact place they found Randy... instead, Dipper eventually settled for another spot deep in the forest.

"I don't know," Mabel said with a worried shake of her head as she hugged Randy one last time, or so she hoped. "I tried leaving him in the woods before, and he followed me out. I even left the bag of Cheesy Sluts behind for him to eat, but he came after me instead."

Dipper looked a little hesitant, but his voice projected that false confidence Mabel sometimes heard in it, when he wasn't sure but he wanted her to think he was. "You were walking, we'll be driving back, at full speed. He won't be able to follow us."

This time, she wasn't buying it. "But what if he does? What do we do then?"

"I... I don't know, Mabel, but we'll think of something."

"Isn't there something? Something in the book?"

"There is one thing, but..." he wouldn't look at her. Mabel could tell he didn't want to have to say it.

"What?"

"You're not going to like it." With one hand, he rubbed the back of his neck, but Mabel's penetrating stare must have gotten to him. "He got attached to you because you were a virgin, so... maybe if that wasn't a problem anymore...?"

Her eyes shot wide open. He wasn't seriously suggesting what she thought he was... was he? "You mean...?"

"I mean it's a little crazy... but I have an idea... I think we can make it work." Her heart pounded beneath her sweater. They could make it work. "But only as a last resort. I'm sure this will work. Come on, now let's go."

She nodded, got off her knees, and climbed into the Mystery Cart with her brother beside her, mind still racing with the possibilities. It wouldn't be wrong if it was for a good cause, right? And what better cause than saving a unicorn? As Dipper started the cart, Mabel took one last look back at Randy, who was staring at her with those big unicorn eyes. She raised her hand to wave goodbye, but, without fully intending to, found her hands curling in a beckoning motion instead. When she noticed it, she felt guilty, but didn't stop. Come on Randy, she thought. Follow us just one more time.

***

Stan led Soos through the dimly lit strip club, towards a bar. Unlike most strip joints, which had the dancers on a central stage, Moe Bius' club had the stage along the outer walls, all to satisfy his absurd requirement of "no action on the backside." The women were beautiful, though, some of the hottest in any strip club he'd seen. Four were dancing now, topless in G-strings, as audiences tossed money, although they almost never turned their backs to the audience, and others worked the crowd.

Soos stared at them, buck-toothed mouth open like he'd never seen anything like it before. If he wasn't wearing his dark glasses, Stan guessed his eyes would probably look like they were bulging out of his head. It was embarrassing how he gaped... you'd think the guy never got laid before.

Once they reached the bar, he put down some of the money he got from the teens and bought an overpriced beer for Soos and a Gin and Tonic for himself. "Where's Moe these days?" he asked the bartender.

The bartender nodded towards the corner office. Stan took a sip, and then said to Soos, "Wait here," and sauntered off towards the office door.

A high-pitched, almost girly voice came from inside. It wasn't Moe... nor was it one of his girls, it was a guy. The door was open just enough to see a bald head. "No, no, I can't do her..."

"Come on, I'm giving you the good shit here, you've got to work with me." That was Moe, his deep, almost sleepy sounding voice fitting his age. "How about Mrs. Northwest?"

"No!" came the voice. "It would alter too much of the area's history. And besides, in a few years you'll be hiring me to come back here and work on her daughter. Getting her mother too would create too much of a paradox. The space-time continuum could rip apart!"

"Her daughter, huh? Do I know her?"

"Pacifica." A new voice, this time, Stan figured it was probably Moe's over-eager son. "She's already got nice little titties. Wish I could be the one to molest her."

"No, you don't," Moe said. "You'll just get yourself arrested. Blendin knows just how to do it to give us a willing barely girl with no self-esteem, ready to put out for customers and we keep our hands clean. I shouldn't even know about it until it's safely in the past."

"It will be in the past," the mysterious stranger promised. "You had a Carnival a while back? I have to check on some anomalies there after I'm done here, and that should be a perfect time to make my first move on her. Or to have made my move on her. And maybe I'll have eaten a corndog."

"Fine, fine," Moe said. "But I still want one more girl. How about the brown girl who worked at the Summerween store?"

"She might work. I'll try, after I deal with Pacifica... but now I really have to go, the Time Anomaly Removal Crew will notice I'm missing, and I need my payment." He sounded really nervous, and looked back towards the door as though expecting somebody to come through it at any moment. Stan scampered back towards the bar so he wouldn't be caught eavesdropping.

The man, Blendin, came out of the office, carrying a small plastic bag, and Stan got a good look at him for the first time. He looked familiar, but Stan's memory was going. The guy talked like a crazy person, but Moe had apparently given him something valuable. Stan got a little gleam in his eye and pulled his black eye-patch on. He wasn't here for petty theft, but he couldn't resist it. So he tried an old scam. He waited until Blendin was about to pass him, and then stumbled slightly and spilled his drink. It got all over his wristwatch, and, to Stan's surprise, the device started sparking everywhere. Too many things in this town shot off blue lightning.

"You fool!" Blendin whined. "You've damaged my camouflage suit control unit!"

"Sorry, sorry," Stan said, not really feeling it, and casually patted the man down with one hand while, with the other, opened the bag Blendin held and pulled out a handful of whatever was inside. It was soft and didn't feel like money, or precious metals or gemstones, but he couldn't afford to look at it just then.

"But I'm on an unauthorized assignment, I can't file for a repair order!" He seemed on the verge of panic.

"Put some club soda on it, and it'll be fine." He'd stopped caring, and moved off, only looking back to see the man, trembling, head towards the door. "Ha, sucker!" Stan said, and looked at what he had in his hand. There was nothing valuable, just individually wrapped... "Baby-wipes? What a weirdo!" Shaking off that disappointment, Stan approached the door again. Blendin had closed it after leaving, but Stan could still hear inside.

"So, what happens, does everything just snap and suddenly she's working for us?" That was the kid.

"No, no, the guy's an expert. He doesn't make big changes, he nudges the girls just right so that, sometime a few days after I make a request, the girls decide to take up stripping."

"By diddling them in the past?"

"Yeah. He's got some way to appear as a trusted relative or friend, too, with his suit, and so he hits them again and again at key points in their pasts. So it's not like all my girls remember getting felt up by a chubby bald guy, they just remember only being valued for their body. He's like my goddamn golden goose. And years from now, when you take over, he'll be yours."

"What's up with the baby wipes though?"

"They're supposed to be more valuable than gold in the future, at least on the black market. I've got a truckload buried in the woods. I don't know, maybe giant babies take over or something." The father and son started laughing... father first, but the son joined in obsequiously.

Stan didn't care about whatever they were so obsessed about. He had his own business to attend to. So he waited a few seconds to make sure it didn't seem like he was eavesdropping, which he was, and then rapped sharply on the door. "Anybody home?"

A short, rotund young man opened the door, and behind him, finally Stan could see Moe Bius. His voice was strong, but his body was misshapen, with a twist in his spine that made it look like he was perpetually turning around to see you. He had to walk with a cane. "Stan Pines!" the man said with false cheer. "You old son of a bitch. I knew you couldn't stay away forever." The hand that held the cane was swollen and gnarly, and completely unadorned. Good, that meant Stan's information was accurate.

"I wasn't staying away," Stan grumbled, stepping inside. "I was just giving your girls some time to rest up." Though he was staying away. They'd had a fight last time, and he literally couldn't even remember what it was about, but he did remember swearing he'd never come back. So the best thing to do was pretend he never said it. It was the way they'd been for years, either Stan would swear never to come back, or Moe would ban him from the club, and it would last until they'd forgotten whatever it was. Stan tried not to look guilty, but more importantly, he tried not to look like he was inspecting every inch of the office.

"You remember my son, Moe Junior."

The name offended the chubby young man. "Dad!" he whined. "I asked you to call me 'Klein' in front of others." He did some weird pose, like he was a wannabe gangster.

Moe Senior rolled his eyes towards Stan. "Kids today and their nicknames. I think he got it off his underwear." He and Stan shared a laugh at that, while the younger man looked put out. "Why don't you wait outside, Junior?" The kid pursed his lips, but wandered out and closed the door behind him. "I'm trying to teach him the business, so one day he can take it over... but the kid already thinks he knows it all."

"That's kids for you," Stan said. "I've got a niece staying at my place, thought she could run the Shack better than me."

"That's ridiculous. I can't think of anybody who'd be better at running the place... into the ground!" he laughed, and Stan glowered. "So what brings you to my office? Normally you go straight to trying to cheat the girls."

Stan got mock-offended. He was proud of being a stingy, conniving bastard. "Cheat? I treat those girls better than you!"

"Paying them in change?"

"For their benefit! Show me a girl who doesn't secretly enjoy a roll of nickels shoved up their twat, and I'll show you a lesbian." Though he usually used rolls of pennies. Two dollars was a lot to tip a girl, he preferred to show his appreciation in 50 cent increments.

"Dollar bills on a string so you can steal 'em back when they've moved on?"

He didn't think Moe'd caught on to that one yet. "Yeah, well, I gotta save money somehow, you water down the drinks. I just had a Gin and Tonic that was mostly tonic. And right about now, it's mostly urine!"

Moe ignored the complaint about the drinks. "What do you want?"

"I've got a business opportunity..." He walked to the door and waited for Moe to catch up, and then pointed out Soos, who was still at the bar, watching the girls, but awkwardly. "See that guy? He's the scout for one of those big Interweb porn sites. They film strippers doing guys in the private rooms, and they're looking for something in Oregon. If he chooses your place, it's cash in your pocket and free advertising for life. I figure, you take him out back, show him a very good time, get him to film in your place, and we split the payment fifty-fifty. Huh? Huh?"

He stared Stan down. "Ninety-ten."

Cheap bastard. One of the few things he respected about him. "Sixty-forty." Even if it was bullshit, he wouldn't be caught dead not haggling.

"Eighty-twenty. Final offer."

Stan glared. "Fine. But I get to drink free the rest of the night."

"Deal." They shook hands, and walked out to the floor, where Soos was waiting.

"Moe Bius," Stan said. "I'd like you to meet Barry Myrod." He caught Soos' eye and rapidly added, "You're Barry, because that's your name," staring him down in the hopes he'd get it. He tried briefing him while they waited to be let in by the bouncers, but with Soos, you never knew how much was going to take.

Moe squinted at Soos. "Do I know you from somewhere?"

"From porn," Stan, said, racing through the words to try and discourage any potential recognition. Moe had almost never come out to the Mystery Shack, which was why he decided to use his handyman for this. "You know him from porn." He patted Soos on the back and said, "Moe here's going to take you, Barry, to a private room, where you can sample his best girls. Take your time, really wear them out, and then make your decision. And you," he said to Moe, "should watch, make sure he doesn't try to lure your girls away to film someplace else."

Soos had a lost look on his face. "But..."

"Don't worry, everything's covered. I promised you a good time, didn't I? Go and have a blast. I'm going to have some free drinks."

Moe Bius pulled Soos by the shirt towards a door at the other side of the club. Along the way, he pointed to various girls who weren't performing, choosing several. "Electra, Gumdrops, Easy, Lady Bi, Beth... with me." There were still plenty left over, working the regular customers, getting overpriced drinks bought for them. Moe Bius really did have a large assortment of hot girls, which was why the place thrived despite his stupid 'no ass' rule.

Stan watched them go, then sat at the bar and got another Gin and Tonic. When they passed through the door to the private rooms, he eyed the door to Moe's office. Not yet... not yet. But soon.

***

Dipper waited on the wooden steps that lead to the Mystery Shack's gift shop door, his sister beside him, eyes on the woods. He shouldn't have mentioned it. She must have taken it the wrong way, she had barely said two words to him since they left Randy.

Then again, maybe she was just worried. He spared another glance her way... she had her elbows resting on her knees, and her hands supported her cheeks. She looked glum... Dipper guessed she had gotten really attached to that horse. So he cautiously stretched out an arm and put it around her, giving her a sideways hug. She flinched for a second when his hand touched the opposite shoulder, but then leaned into it. "It'll be okay, Mabel. He's probably better off out there. He'll be safe."

"I know," she said. "I'm just disappointed."

He kissed her forehead. "I am too." He wasn't as excited about the unicorn as she was, but it was still cool to have one, and seeing his sister happy always gave him a warm feeling.

"You are?"

"Of course. It was nice to have something magical around that wasn't trying to molest or kill us for once." Even the Manotaurs got a little grabby. "And I liked Randy. Without him, I'd still have a skinned knee!"

Mabel smiled faintly and held up one hand. "Yeah. And who's going to cure my Orange Plague now?" She wiggled her fingers around... there was still had cheese dust residue on them from while she was trying to lure Randy to stay in the woods.

On impulse Dipper opened his mouth and closed his lips around one of her fingers. His tongue swirled around the digit, tasting cheese, and provoking a squeal of surprised from Mabel. "Dipper!" He continued sucking on the finger while Mabel laughed. "That tickles!"

It was only then that he realized that what he was doing was, when you thought about it, really weird. He'd just meant to do something silly and cheer her up, but... that was a little TOO silly. You don't suck your sister's fingers. What would Wendy think if she saw that? And so he pulled off, and convinced himself that what seemed like glee from his sister was probably just surprise at the ticklish feeling. "Sorry," he said, blushing.

She blushed too. See, there, he'd gone and done something stupid and embarrassed her. Especially stupid after he'd suggested helping her get rid of her virginity. "It's okay."

They were quiet for a while, listening to the sound of crickets in the night. Finally, Dipper couldn't take it, still obsessing over how his innocently intended finger-licking gesture turned out to be so very weird. What he needed to do was suggest something perfectly normal. "Hey, you know what? We're both having a pretty crummy night... let's go try and so something fun. Play a video game or something."

"Dipper," she said, with a weird catch in her voice.

He thought maybe she was blowing him off, but he wanted to try again. "I know, I know, you're not in the mood. It doesn't have to be a game. Let's eat all of Grunkle Stan's sweets and blame it on Waddles."

"Dipper," she said again.

"Or you can choose something. Even if it's something I wouldn't normally do... I could use something to distract me from thinking about..."

He was going to say Wendy's name, but before he could, Mabel punched his shoulder, a little too hard, and he realized she was trying to get his attention. She pointed. "Look."

Dipper's gaze followed Mabel's finger, and there, coming out between two bushes, was the little unicorn. "Wow, I really thought he wasn't going to follow us."

Mabel looked up at him, right in the eyes. "I guess that means we have to consider... Plan B."

When she mentioned that, his eyes slid away. This was even worse than the finger-sucking. It was an incredibly awkward conversation to have, and it was easier to not look her in the eyes when he did. "Okay. I think I know what to do. Now, this is going to sound a little strange..."

"Uh-huh..."

"But I think we can do it without it getting too weird."

"Okay."

He took a deep breath. "Technically, when girls lose their virginity, it's because they break their, um..." Now this was really awkward. "Hymen. Maybe if you just break yours, that'll be enough that Randy no longer wants to hang around."

"That was your plan?" she sounded surprised and angry.

"It's worth a try!"

"No, it isn't!"

"How do you know?"

"Because I broke mine a while back!"

That surprised him. His voice instantly became softer, more hesitant. "What?" Randy had just gotten close enough to touch, and Dipper pet its head softly.

"You remember Norman?"

"The gnomes? He... no, no way... you let him... you let them..." He felt sick.

"Dipper, of course not. We didn't even kiss, remember?" Dipper nodded, feeling a little relief at last. "But when I just started dating him, Wendy came by to give me some advice..."

***

As his sister spoke, it made such a vivid image in Dipper's mind, he could practically see it... like it was one of his own memories, even though he wasn't there. In this vision, Mabel was wearing her red sweater with the star and rainbow on it, and she was in their room... so was Wendy, which Dipper had no idea about... he wanted the chance to clean up if she was ever going to visit.
"Okay, thanks for coming, Wendy... I really need some girl advice, and you're the only girl here I know."

"No problem, Mabel. So, who's this guy?"

"His name's Norman. He's dark and mysterious, and Dipper thinks he might be one of the undead, and I hope he's a vampire because that would be SO AMAZING." Wendy nodded along, grinning indulgently. "But I really need to decide what to wear on our date..." She pulled off her red sweater, and dug into her closet to pull out a bunch of others. "Which do you think?"

"They all look pretty good to me."

"But good's not good enough... I need to choose the best one! The one that says I'm his perfect match, that makes him want to kiss me, with tongue! Which one says that to you?"

"I don't know...." Wendy said, obviously not really caring. She pointed at one at random, the purple one with "Meow Wow" on it. "That one!"

"Really, that one?" Mabel asked, squinting at it skeptically. Dipper knew she loved that sweater, but she probably worried it would seem a little childish for her new boyfriend.

"Hey, guys are all interested in the pussy, right?" Mabel laughed, a little too nervously. "Listen, Mabel, seriously. The sweater you wear isn't going to matter much... you know what does? How you act."

"How should I act?" Mabel asked. "Is there something wrong with the way I act? Because I can change! I can act British if that'll help." She put on a phony British accent and role-played out a little scenario. "Fancy a snog? I think that would be real horrorshow. Oh, did you just grab my arse? You cheeky bugger... if I didn't like you so much, I'd kick you right in the tardis! Bob's your uncle."

"No, British definitely won't help. And do you know what else isn't a good idea? Acting desperate."

"But I AM desperate!" Mabel admitted.

"And if you go on a date acting like that, either you're going to scare him off, or the first time you start making out you'll get so worked up you'll give everything away. Trust me." She looked away for a moment, as though having her own little flashback, and then back. "You need to play it cool, like it doesn't really matter to you if he likes you. And, you should masturbate before you go out."

Mabel laughed nervously. "Masturbate? That's what boys do, Wendy. I'm not a boy."

"No, girls do it too. I do it all the time." She looked around, as though making sure nobody had been in the room all along without her noticing. "Here, close the door and I'll show you." Mabel did just that, and Wendy sat down, and patted the bed beside her. "Come sit beside me."

"That's Dipper's bed."

"Well then we won't tell him," she winked, and Mabel shrugged and sat beside her. Wendy undid the button of her pants and pulled them open, revealing her black thong panties. She then pulled those panties down and there was her mound and pink lips, covered with hair. "Show me yours."

Mabel pulled up her skirt. She was wearing lavender panties with Sev'ral Timez, her favorite boy band on them, the identical blonde boys in the middle of a dance pose. She pulled the underwear down and revealed her own pussy, it was tight and without much in the way of definition, just two puffy lips surrounding a crevice. "Now what?"

"Just do what I do..." Wendy began running her fingers over her crotch, the undersides brushing against her mound, and Mabel did her best to copy the motion. After a few seconds, she added, "If you're a little dry down there, lick your fingers to get it going." She demonstrated, giving them a quick slather with her pink tongue and then returning to massage the area, which was now getting slick.

Mabel tried licking her own fingers too, with just a little hesitation before her tongue made contact, like she was afraid it might taste bad, and then also continued masturbating for the first time, enjoying the sensations.

Pretty soon, she was enjoying a steady up and down motion, without much variation or imagination, and after a minute or two, Wendy said, "No, do it more in a circle, like this." And she casually reached over with her free hand and began rubbing Mabel's own crack, wiggling it around in a circle and making the younger girl give out a cute little chirp of surprise.

Wendy's hand didn't stay long, this wasn't sexual for her, she was just helping out, demonstrating, and once Mabel had the rhythm down, it left, and she continued her lesson verbally. "While you're rubbing, you think of something you really like..."

"Like candy?"

"No, like, guys, and what you'd like them to do. Imagine the guy you like and that he's the one doing it to you. And hey, it's fantasy, you can imagine whatever you want, even things you're not supposed to like... like multiple guys... their hands all over you, their cocks hard, all for you. Or a celebrity, or some guy you like but that you know you have no chance with... whatever you want... this is all about you... whatever makes it work for you." Her legs spread a little wider. "Change up the motion, too..."

Mabel complied, and her fingers were getting even wetter than they were when she licked them... she couldn't believe how gooey she was getting down there, goo that was now dripping on Dipper's bed. Her whole face was flushed and she was sweating, even though it wasn't especially hot. "How long do we do this?"

"You'll know when," Wendy advised. "You'll feel the magic moment. Sounds like you're pretty close." She didn't sound too close. She looked over on the table by Mabel's bed, and got up for a second to grab the hairbrush. "Now, when you're a little more advanced, you can try sticking things in... just be careful your first time, you might bust your hymen." Wendy took the end of the hairbrush and centered it on her hole, and then slid it in, making it disappear right to the brush head. She began working it in and out. "Oh yeah, that's it." She started slowly at first, but then picked up speed, jamming it in and out like she was trying to churn butter.

Mabel's whole body began to shake as the pleasures built to a boiling point and soon she couldn't even watch Wendy anymore, she had to close her eyes and rub herself while imagining whatever it was she was imagining. Her mouth opened and a gasp came out, like she'd completely forgotten to breathe for a while, and then she was making more sounds, like a whine of pain or discomfort, but it didn't cause her to stop, she kept going, letting out more whines, until finally she yelled out, "Ah, ah, ah, ah... Abracadabra!" The words didn't make sense, except perhaps that she was experiencing the ultimate magic trick, and after she said the word her whole body magically went limp.

"See, there you go," Wendy said, with pride. She pulled the hairbrush out of her pussy and then set it aside and pulled her own panties back up. "Little more relaxed now?" Mabel nodded. "Now you know what to do anytime you need to take the edge off and play it cool." She stood up to do up her pants again. "Okay, I have an errand to run for Stan, so... enjoy your date. And hey, don't do anything I wouldn't do." She winked and pointed her fingers like a gun, and walked out.

***

Mabel didn't explain that whole story. In fact, what she said amounted to little more than, "Wendy taught me how to masturbate," but somehow every detail, right down to the variety of panties each wore, was in Dipper's mind like he had actually seen it happen. Not even as a memory, but live, just that second. Maybe it was twin telepathy, at work. "Anyway," Mabel continued, "I got really into it for a while after that, and tried the hairbrush a few days later. So, there's nothing to break."

"Oh," Dipper said. Mabel's story, in addition to giving him that weird flashback, also gave him a huge boner, that he was trying to casually hide with one hand. "Then I don't know what to do, Mabel..."

"Dipper, you promised you were going to help... and if making me not a virgin anymore is what we need to do..." Dipper could practically imagine dramatic music ramping up to highlight their dilemma.

*-*
DISPLAY: Club 33 Logo
VOICE-OVER: You're watching The Club 33 Channel, Disney's exclusive members only channel! Your exclusive adults-only Gravity Falls episode will be right back!
*-*
Rerun of the Dog With a Blog commercial
*_*
CUT TO: Gravity Falls Logo
VOICE-OVER: In THREE WEEKS, catch another Club 33 exclusive adult-rated episode of "Gravity Falls!"

CUT TO: Mabel, dressed in a red sweater with a sweater with a golden lion's head on it, excitedly holds up an invitation to Dipper. "Look, Dipper, I've been invited to Gravity Falls Camp for the Gifted!" Dipper asks, "Is that even a thing?" "Of course? Who would lie about something like that?"

CUT TO: In the woods on the other side of town from the Shack,, Mabel shows up and calls out hesitantly, only to be surrounded by Pacifica and her cronies, who start tearing off her clothes.

CUT TO: She tries to sneak through the streets, completely naked, covering herself with whatever she can find. She tiptoes to a payphone and calls on it. "Dipper, I need you to pick me up! And bring a sweater!"

CUT TO: Dipper is comforting a crying Mabel, who is now wearing a purple sweater with a star on it. "Don't worry, I think it's time we teach Pacifica a lesson." Mabel shakes her head, "She's untouchable!" "Nobody's untouchable!"

CUT TO: Soos handing a bag of ice each to Mabel and Dipper. "What's this for?" Dipper asks. "I only know two things about revenge, and one of them is that it's a dish best served cold." Mabel asks, "What's the other one?" He hands them a shovel and says, "Before you start, you're supposed to dig two graves first. I guess it's so you can dispose of the body and any witnesses quickly even if you're all tuckered out doing the killing." "We're not planning on killing anybody," Mabel says. "It never hurts to keep your options open," Soos points out.

CUT TO: The twins stand in a creepy outdoor temple surrounded by totem poles that seem to have boners. Mabel is holding what looks like a stone head-dress, while Dipper consults his book. "This is supposed to summon a horned spirit of justice that we can use to teach these girls a lesson," Dipper says. Mabel says "Jackpot!" and puts it on.

CUT TO: Pacifica is naked, bound to a stone slab, in the prone position, her torso raised enough to see her pink nipples. Mabel, wearing the magical headdress, and the purple star sweater, is fucking her ass from behind using a strap-on. Her eyes are a swirling green vortex of hypnotism and unthinking passion and her mouth is open in a smile that shows her braces-covered teeth. Behind them, Dipper watches in shock as he reads from his book, and is shouting, "Oh no! I misread the handwriting... it's not a horned spirit of justice, it's a horny spirit of justice!"

VOICE-OVER: COMING IN THREE WEEKS!
CUT TO: Club 33 logo with "Gravity Falls" and time/date information.

*-*

DISPLAY: Club 33 Logo
VOICE-OVER: Now, back to a Club 33 exclusive episode of "Gravity Falls!"

*-*

Mabel had left the suggestion dangling, and it felt like approximately 2 minutes had passed before Dipper could respond. And to his surprise, the erection wasn't going away, it was stubbornly growing more powerful, no matter how wrong he knew the suggestion was. "But we can't... you're my sister. And I'm your brother. Both! Even if it was just one or the other, I'm pretty sure we can't have sex."

"I'm pretty sure we can," Mabel said. "Stan explained the whole process to me once," and, her features going troubled for a moment, "in pretty disturbing detail, when he thought I was you. It's pretty much just sticking tab A into slot B. I can walk you through it, if you want."

"No, I know how it works it's just... we're not supposed to."

"If there's one great thing about this town it's that we've done loads of things we're not supposed to. We messed with the time-space continuum! What's a little incest next to that, right? We've slept in the same bed before," she added. "This will just be like... sleeping a little closer."

She had a point. "I guess I have already been inside of you..."

"That's the spirit, Dipper! And come on, don't tell me you didn't peek while we were switched."

He had, but not for very long. Somehow he never expected Mabel did. "You did?"

"I had to go to the bathroom, and that thing grows when you least expect it. And it's way bigger than I remembered." She looked down at the bulge between his legs. "Look, there it grows again!" Mabel used one finger to tap at the head of his dick, through his clothes, making Dipper flinch, and released it so it would bounce back out as she barked out a "Wop!" Moments later, she continued with, "I guess puberty's being pretty kind to you, huh?"

He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "Actually... you remember that size-changing flashlight?"

Mabel grinned and punched him playfully on the shoulder. "Dummy... you should have told me. I could have had boobs like Pacifica." She cradled that hypothetical bust line with her hands to demonstrate. Before he could tell her she didn't need them, she asked, "So, are we going to do this? Gideon could be on his way here any second. And who knows when Stan and Soos will be back?"

Dipper felt her hands go to his crotch again, this time lightly rubbing his erection through his shorts as it strained to meet her like an eager puppy. There was no hiding it, he wanted something... hell, maybe if he wasn't a virgin he wouldn't get all stupid around girls. The idea started to make a lot of sense. "Okay," he said with a sigh in his voice. "I guess we have to. For Randy."

She surprised him with a hug of startling force. "Thank you, Dipper! Just... give me a minute to get myself ready... I'll be in our room." With one quick motion, she stood up and ran inside, leaving Dipper with the unicorn.

He looked it in the eye. "You're going to follow her inside and watch us, aren't you?" As if the beast heard him, Randy walked up the steps and through the open door. "Of course. As if this wasn't awkward enough."

***

Stan was finally ready to make his move. Moe was still with Soos, the bartender was busy serving Manly Dan, and Moe's son was nowhere to be seen, so he snuck over to the office, slipped inside, and began searching. He checked shelves first, then moved to the desk. It had to be there somewhere.

"Looking for something?" Stan looked up at the door. It was Moe's jug-shaped son, who wanted to be called Klein.

If Stan was capable of shame, he'd be feeling it then, but instead, he just said, "I dropped my keys in here earlier."

"Right." The sarcastic stretching of the word made it clear he didn't buy it in the slightest.

He looked up from his search and decided to go for broke, give up the pretense. "Hey, you're probably at the right age to hate your parents. Want to help me stick it to your dad?"

That seemed to get him interested. He pursed his lips. "What do you have in mind?"

"Gold Chains for Old Men magazine is about to do its annual '50 Gaudy Guys' edition..."

"And my dad has been Mister Oregon five years running," Klein finished. "You want... the ultimate thumb ring." As he said it, a vision of the thing came instantly to mind. Gold, with almost a face on it made of two diamonds for eyes and something that looked an awful lot like a ruby, serving as the nose. The mouth was just a line in the gold. And, at least in the vision, the whole thing glowed with an otherworldly light.

"Yeah. I noticed he doesn't wear it anymore, and when I banged your mom..." catching a glare from the kid, he quickly added, "'s favorite maid, she told me that his hands get too swollen to wear it every day. But I know he'll slip it on right before the Oregon finals. So, tell me where it is and there's.... fifty bucks in it for you."

"The ring's worth a thousand dollars."

"Okay, sixty." He could tell that wasn't going to work either, so he shrugged dismissively. "Look, kid, I'm not going to steal it, I just need to keep it away from him for a few days." He completely planned on stealing it permanently.

"Even if you take it, you're never going to win."

"Win? You think I want to win? Listen, when you get to be my age, you don't care about winning... you just want your peers to lose! Come on, have some pity on an old man." He grinned self-effacingly and got ready to punch the kid in the face. He knew just how to do it that he'd knock the boy unconscious with only about a twenty percent chance it would kill him.

"He keeps the ring in his wall safe, behind the picture," the kid said finally. "I'll make you a deal, if you can get in, you can have the ring. I want everything else."

That piqued his interest. "What else is in there?" He could still punch the kid.

"Some saving bonds in my name. The old fart's been holding out on me, wants me to finish my education. But I don't want to wait. I'm ready to open my own place, right now, with none of my father's retarded hang-ups, and it'll make more money than he ever did. I'll call it... Klein's Butt-Holes! Get it?"

Stan stared at the kid's wide eyes and eager grin, like he was waiting for Stan to laugh along. "I don't get it," he said. "But I'm in." Klein moved into the room and helped removed the picture from the wall, and Stan studied the inset safe with glee. "Ah, a Palindrome 1881. This shouldn't be too hard... I might not even have to get my dynamite!"

***

"Mabel? You ready?" The nervous voice came from the other side of the door to their attic bedroom.

Mabel checked herself in the mirror, and took a deep breath. This was it, she told herself. Your whole life might depend on tonight. She'd gotten herself as pretty as she could and put on deodorant. She would have liked to take time for a whole shower, but she owed it to Randy to not dawdle... Gideon really might be on his way there at any moment. So she'd just quickly run into the bathroom to wash her hands, face, armpits, and pussy, and then returned to finish up in her room. She opened up the door. "Okay."

On the other side, Dipper was holding Randy back. The unicorn had tried to get in earlier, but the door was already closed. Now, Dipper had the difficult task of getting into the room without letting the unicorn follow. It was a complicated maneuver, and Randy got partway inside several times, only for Dipper to push him back. It was worse than back home when he'd try to keep the cat out of the bathroom while he was whizzing. Mabel always just let the cat watch.

Finally, though, Dipper managed to close the door with Randy on the other side... still knocking his hooves against the wood and making impatient snorts, but he couldn't get in. Once it was done, her brother finally turned to face her. He still looked nervous, like he didn't want this, and that broke Mabel's heart, but at least it was going to happen. Suddenly, he tilted his head and squinted at her. "Did you just... change your sweater?"

Not just her sweater, her headband too, and her underwear, but the sweater was the most obvious one. It was now a cyan-colored sweater with a cartoon strawberry on it. Her headband matched the color, of course. "Of course," she said. "You're going to take my berry, right? So, berry sweater."

"I think the word is 'cherry', Mabel."

She put on her fake-angry face. "Fine, you want me to say it? I don't have the right sweater for this event! This was the closest I could find, and I didn't have time to sew a new one." She spun around and smiled again. "How do I look?"

"You look fine... I guess we should get undressed, though. That IS how it usually works." He took the hat off his head and tossed it over on his bed. Mabel bit her lip. "What?" he asked when he noticed it.

"It's just... could you do me a favor?"

"I thought I was already doing you a favor..."

She frowned, almost wanting to call it off. "No, right now we're doing RANDY a favor."

"Okay, fine... what do you want?"

"You don't have to do it..." He looked at her impatiently. "It might sound a little weird."

"Will you just tell me what it is?" he snapped.

She took a breath. "Dipper... this is my first time."

His voice softened, like he was ashamed of the outburst. "Mine too."

"I know but... I always wanted my first time to be... romantic. Like, with French kissing, and making out. I know you're..." She corrected herself quickly, "I know we're only doing this because we have to, but... can we maybe pretend. You can even imagine I'm somebody else." She then pulled off a pitch-perfect Wendy impression, so good that if it were a movie, you'd think they just dubbed in somebody else's voice, "Hey Dipper, want to make out?" It was one of her hidden talents, although she had to know the person really well.

"No, don't do Wendy," he said quickly, surprising Mabel. Was it too much to hope that he was getting over her? No... it probably would just remind him of what she and Robbie had probably done tonight.

"I can try Soos if you'd like, but," she switched to Soos-speak, "I think it would spoil the mood, dood."

Dipper laughed a little, which was good, it broke the tension. "You dork. I'll play along... you don't need to do any funny voices." He took a step towards her. Than another. Mabel's heart was racing and she felt her knees shaking... put the two together and it felt like her whole body was out of control. They were practically nose to nose, now. He leaned forward, and both of them closed their eyes as they tilted their heads.

They bumped into each other. Both had tilted the same way. "Ow..." they said at once, and then chuckled nervously. "How about you go this way," he said with a nod of his head and then jerked in the other direction, "and I'll go this way." She nodded quickly, and both closed their eyes again.

Their lips met, an electric sensation, requiring only a little bit of adjustment to get them perfectly aligned, and then she opened her mouth. His opened too, a moment later, and their tongues grazed past each other. They were kissing... and to Mabel, it felt phenomenal. She made a little moan, and then she heard a sound from him which made her even more excited, and she slipped her tongue under his, their saliva mixing. Her right hand rose to his cheek, and his left went on her shoulder, then his right settled on her hip, and she put her left on his shoulder... almost but not quite holding each other like lovers.

Their tongues continued to play, like it was dance, or a kind of wrestling match with neither of them remaining pinned for long. I can't believe it, she thought, we're actually kissing, with tongue... our spit is going everywhere....

She couldn't help it, she laughed and pulled away, a long strand of saliva, his or hers, dangling between them for a second. "Haha, sloppy makeouts!" she blurted out, loudly.

"Mabel, shhh..." Dipper whispered, putting both his hands up over her mouth while he looked around nervously.

"What are you worried about?" Mabel asked, playfully fighting his hands away. "Nobody's home, we would have heard them pull up." He shrugged. She leaned forward and kissed him again, a soft one, landing above his lips, near his nose. "So, do you want to try French kissing next?"

Dipper looked momentarily confused. "Mabel..." he said. "That WAS French kissing."

She blushed a little more than usual. "Oh, right, that's what I meant, do you want to try it some more?"

Her brother now put on a smug and satisfied expression. "What did you think it meant? Come on, tell the truth."

"I certainly didn't think it was making out while I had a beret and you had a cheesy mustache, if that's what you're thinking..." and she grabbed the beret and temporary marker off her bed and stuffed it underneath. She was a little embarrassed, but not really trying to seriously lie about her mistake... Dipper was one of the few people who liked her silly side... and mistakes around him didn't seem so serious. It was one of the things she loved about being with him.

True to form, he put one finger under his nose like it was a pretend mustache. "Ooh la la, ma petite jambon." She grinned, despite not knowing what he meant. He probably didn't know either. Black and White Period Piece Old Lady Boring Movie Channel sometimes played strange French movies and the twins would cover the subtitles, listen to the words and put in their own translations. It was the kind of thing that made Mabel wish he could be her boyfriend, and they could have that kind of fun forever.

"Well if we've already done French kissing..." She stood up and grabbed the bottom of her skirt and began to raise it, very, very slowly. She hadn't intended it to go that slowly, but she was savoring the way his eyes were locked on her legs, following the hemline every time it rose, his face getting a little red and sweaty, his tongue moistening his lips.

Finally, she revealed her new panties... nothing all that fancy, white, with a pink trim, and, centered right above her pussy, a cartoon flower. She liked her underwear to have wild designs on them, just like her sweaters, but nobody else ever got to see them, except Candy and Grenda. And this time, she chose this one specially. "Do you think you're ready to deflower me?"

***

Soos had actually been in strip clubs before, although not this particular one. Of the ones he'd been in, he'd never been in a private room... though he'd watched his cousin Reggie go in once and come out with all kinds of stories about what he did with the girls in there.

He'd always imagined the private rooms as marvelous, elegant chambers with really comfortable couches, the kind that you can sink in completely and really mold themselves to your ass, and veils everywhere, and soft lighting and maybe even a disco ball. The reality was different, at least in this place. Red felt covered the walls and there was a stiff red chair, and the whole place smelled like stale beer. Moe Bius pushed him towards the chair and had him sit. "This is our best private room. Don't worry, we can pretty it up if you decide to film here. Girls? Show him your stuff." The girls began dancing around him sensually moving their hips, two of them practically crawling on him. One had a bra on, the others were just in their panties, which was what they were in when Moe called them to join them. Beth was dark-skinned, the others were white, Lady Bi being a busty redhead who reminded Soos a little too much of Wendy, Electra having black hair and was the one who started out with the bra, Gumdrops with a bright pink wig, and Easy being a cheerful looking blonde. She was one of the ones crawling over him. "You know our house policy, right?"

"Yeah something about no action on the backside."

"Right, you know why?" Soos shook his head. "Because everybody needs a gimmick. And ass stuff is disgusting anyway. I had three quarters of my colon removed, and I don't miss it. But for you, I'll make an exception... if you agree to use my establishment in your little porn movie."

"I'll think about it." Soos tried his very best to look sly and confident. Stan wanted him to stall, and as much as he didn't like being dragged into this, he wanted to do his best for him.

"Girls, give him a little more to think about... you want to break into porn... professional porn, I mean, this guy's your shot." Electra removed her bra, revealing brownish areolas with bead-like nipples. Gumdrops stroked his pants, which were beginning to bulge up. Beth ran her fingers up and down the far side of his head while pressing her chest into the side of his face.

"So, Mister," Gumdrops said, "Which of us do you want to fuck first?"

"Geez, I don't know," Soos said. "You're all hot, but... we don't have to have sex right away you know..."

Lady Bi grinned. "Oh, I get it... he wants a little girl on girl action first." She grabbed Electra by the hair and pulled the other girl to her own lips, and the two began making out with tongue. Lady Bi's hands dropped into Electra's panties, fingers digging in deep.

Soos couldn't help but stare at the action... he always did enjoy lesbian porn, it was like, they really seemed to enjoy it. And here as well, the redhead seemed hungry for Electra's lips. His cock grew even bigger... he was always a little slow to arouse, it's just that getting that much blood diverted took time, and if it happened all at once he'd probably collapse from the sudden lack of oxygen to the brain.

"Somebody's happy!" Gumdrop exclaimed, cupping his balls. "Very happy! Why don't we take a peek..."

Soos was too busy watching the girl-on-girl show, he barely noticed Gumdrop unzipping his shorts and pulling out his penis... but the penis noticed. Direct contact with another human being made it grow even more larger and more rigid. "Wow, no wonder you went into porn," Gumdrops said. "This must be the largest penis I've ever seen!"

Soos blushed a little. "It's not that big."

"It really is," Beth agreed. She gazed at it with some kind of awe. "It might even be the world's largest penis. I don't think I could even handle this right now, it'd tear me apart. Easy, you used to do donkey shows, you fuck him first."

Easy was watching the lesbian show too, but then looked over and her eyes practically lit up. "Ooh, yum yum."

Gumdrops grinned. "I'd better slick him up for you," and ran her tongue up and down his shaft, then popped the bulbous head inside her mouth and sucked for a while. It managed to get even bigger, so big she couldn't get it down her throat. Moe glanced over and grinned at Soos, a grin that spoke volumes, like he was saying, "You see what great girls I've got here? You like?"

Easy pushed Gumdrops away after her tongue had been working Soos for almost a minute. "Okay, stop being greedy, let me on..."

Soos, though, was starting to feel a little sick... sure, he was horny, he wanted to fuck, but not quite in this way. As the girls repositioned to give Easy room to straddle his legs, and he now had a different set of boobs on each side of his head, he put his hands out to keep her at bay a little. "We don't have to go right to the sex. We can, you know, get to know each other a little first."

"I know all I need to know." She grabbed his huge dick, her hand not even able to encircle half its girth, and waggled it back and forth. "Besides, we go way back. We used to played video games together. Don't you recognize me? I lived next door to Bud? You always called me 'little dood.'" Oh, shit, Soos thought. He didn't know her well, but he remembered her, always trying to tag along with his friends, but she was a good kid, or at least he thought she was. "God, if I knew you were this endowed back then I would have been all over your analog stick."

"Wait," Moe said. "You already know this guy?"

"Sure. Soos went to the same high school as me. Not at the same time, he was a senior while I was in middle school, but I was banging most of the football team back then, so we had friends in common."

Moe was now clearly suspicious. "I thought your name was Barry."

Everything was falling apart. Soos pushed Easy off him, his erection now faded anyway, and stood up. "You know, dood, I think I'll take a rain check on the whole sex thing, I really need to, uh, feed my car." He managed to get to his feet and shuffled off towards the door while he attempted to stuff himself back in his pants and zip up.

"Oh, okay," Easy called after him. "Hey, you still work at the Mystery Shack? Cause I could drop by..."

"The Mystery Shack?" Moe growled, as Soos made it to the door and slipped out. He waddled back into the main floor of the strip club, trying not to look back, but he heard Moe's cane following behind him. Stan was nowhere to be seen.

***

"Are you just going to stare at it," Mabel asked. "Or are you going to take them off?"

Dipper had no idea he was staring, or for how long he had been... the little flower panties just caught him in some kind of spell. They were tight enough to make out the basic shape of her mound, even with a little fabric digging in to the cleft, and somehow it was the hottest thing he'd ever seen.

It was insane. Not just what they were about to do, but that such a simple, practically innocent sight was affecting him so much. He'd seen Mabel in her underwear before... recently he'd even peeked at her pussy itself, when he was temporarily in her body. But that was just a brief look out of curiosity, and seeing Mabel in her underwear didn't carry any sexual content before this moment.

It was like he was seeing her for the first time... hat her legs and hips met in an area that was suddenly, powerfully erotic. Like every previous time he'd seen her in underwear, or even a tight swimsuit, he'd been holding back and mentally covering her with a weird, unformed body that hid her real shape, just for his own safety, because if he acknowledged what she really looked like, he'd be turned on, and he couldn't afford to be turned on by his sister, not when they shared a room.

Until now, where it was somehow okay, the normal rules were suspended, and she was no longer a cartoon kidney-bean with legs, she was a young woman, a sexy thing that wanted him to take her clothes off and have sex with her. "Dipper?" his sister asked again. "If you're that fascinated by the panties, maybe you should keep them for yourself. Or do you want me to be the one to take them off?"

"No, I'll do it," he said, and got on his knees, then put his trembling hands on her thighs and rested his fingertips on the top of her panties. One last look, and he pulled them down.

It was exactly as it was in when he saw it from Mabel's own eyes, and exactly how it looked in the flashback he experienced while Mabel told him about Wendy teaching her how to masturbate. The only difference was, it a little puffier, like it was blushing, and there was a glistening slickness between them. Was she turned on? Well, he certainly was. He took a deep breath, and he was close enough to smell... except it didn't really smell like anything, except that strange almost subliminal smell that he sometimes perceived around girls... turned up to 1000, so that it was almost superliminal, even though he couldn't quite identify what it was or even what it was close to.

He wanted to lose himself in it, stay with the smell forever. Even taste it... well, why not? Mabel said she wanted the romantic treatment, and he'd heard couples do that. Without warning her, he leaned forward to give it a kiss and even slipped her a little tongue. It tasted a little like sweat, with a sweet and sour overtone, but he liked it... and Mabel seemed to like the action. "Oh my god, Dipper..." she squealed.

"Sorry..." he said automatically.

"Don't ever apologize for that..." She pushed his head back and he took another French kiss of her slit. He wiggled his tongue around and inside, until she pulled away. "As much as I want you to continue, we really need to speed this up." She pulled her sweater off, leaving her in a light pink t-shirt and her skirt. She sat down on the bed and removed her socks, then stood once more. The skirt fell next, leaving her completely bottomless. "You could get undressed too, you know. I mean, if you're going to stop and stare at me for five minutes every time I take something off, we're never going to finish before Gideon gets here."

"Right, right..." He tore off his blue vest and then pulled his red shirt over his head, sucking in his gut automatically. He shouldn't have to feel self-conscious around his sister, but right now, in this moment, he did, as bad as he ever had with Wendy. He pulled his shorts down, leaving him in his briefs, and while kicking off the shorts, removed his own shoes and socks.

The simple briefs he was wearing were white... or at least, they started that way, he wasn't up on laundry as he should have been, and now that ashamed him a lot more than it ever had before. He might have been more embarrassed about showing her his cock, but she'd already given him a good review on that, so ditching the underwear became his top priority. He bent down, pulled them off, and kicked them under his bed.

Now he stood before his sister, naked, sucking in his chest, and with a huge erection, particularly huge for a boy his size, although he still worried it might be too small.

Mabel evidently had the opposite worry. "You know, that looks way bigger when you're looking at it from over here and not up top."

"Maybe I went a little crazy with the flashlight," he admitted. "We don't have to do this..."

"Oh yes we do." She was pretty firm on that.

"Okay then..." he looked her up and down... she was still wearing the pink t-shirt. "You going to leave that on?"

Mabel shrugged, not willing to meet his eye. "It's not like there's anything much to see..."

And yet, there was... with her sweater off, and with him actually looking for once, he noticed that she had tiny bumps where he was pretty much flat. That was one thing he hadn't seen... his sister sometimes changed in the same room with him, but she always took care to turn away and he would usually look away as well. "Come on, I want to..."

She took a breath and slowly pulled the shirt over her head, then tossed her hair back to the disarrayed strands back into a proper position. Yes, it was no illusion of the T-shirt, there were bumps, little buds, topped with a pink nipple like a tiny blister. That didn't seem to show through the shirt, so maybe that was new. "You don't have to stare, I know they're small."

"No, it's not that," he said quickly. "They're beautiful. I never noticed." She shrugged. "Okay, let's do this." He closed the distance between them, his dick bouncing along with his step.

"Don't forget the romance," Mabel said. "By the time we're done, I'd better be able to tell what you had for breakfast."

"Mabel, you know what I had for breakfast. You were there. We..." He didn't get to finish, because Mabel leaned forward and kissed him on the mouth again, a soft one, quick, like it was just to shut him up. It worked, but only long enough for her to pull her soft lips away from his. "Besides, didn't you taste it the first time?"

"I've got a short memory. Remind me." They kissed again, this time mouths opening and their tongue intertwining again. She still tasted faintly like artificial cheese flavoring, although she had the first time they'd kissed too. Now, though, there was a significant difference, not in taste, but in sensation. This time it was like a whole new world, with them being naked, instead of just feeling the slight pressure of their clothes pressing together, he felt only warm flesh on his own, and his rigid dick bumped up between their bellies. That sensation was already better than masturbation, but it was also a subtle torture, knowing there was more powerful things coming, and his cock grew and shrank in pulses like it was straining free of confinement.

Mabel broke the kiss and looked down at his dick, and then fell back onto the bed, in a position somewhere between sitting and lying down, using one elbow for support, and her knees bent, feet hanging off. "Hurry up and put it in me." She spread her legs to give him room to get in between.

He sidled up, took his shaft in his hand and aimed the head. It bumped the slit but didn't slide inside, just mashed the exquisitely soft flesh into her body and spread the opening a little. Mabel sucked in her breath at the contact.

Dipper angled the head down, swirling it around, like he was digging himself a hole... in some ways, he was. The lips parted with the motion and stayed parted, providing him a bigger target. He pressed forward again and this time, he could feel as well as see, if he kept going forward, it was going to slip in. He looked Mabel in the eye, and she nodded subtly, and he pushed forward.

It was a tight fit, but the large head finally popped inside... Mabel winced for a moment, but once it was through, the widest part, it was a little more comfortable. "I guess that probably did it. Do you want to stop and see if we can still see Randy?" He didn't want to stop, but this was weird enough.

"Don't you know anything, Dipper?" Mabel asked. "It doesn't count as real sex unless you go all the way in. And go in and out a few times."

He'd never heard that before. But then, he didn't get the sex talk from Stan that she did. "Are you sure you can take it?"

"I can take anything you can give me." She leaned forward long enough to snatch his hand, and her fingers intertwined with his as she pulled him with surprising force... he could have resisted were he ready, but he wasn't, and so he found himself on top of her, although still inside her, now deeper than ever.

She winced, mouth opening, braces glittering by the ceiling light, and he was afraid he'd hurt you. "Mabel, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she said, with a voice that sounded afraid to breath. Her hand squeezed his tightly. "Just wasn't expecting... that much cock!" Her using the word made his penis jerk and give her a little more. "Kiss me again," she said urgently, as, down there, she squeezed around him. "When we're making out, it takes my mind off things."

He kissed her, put his tongue inside her, one hand still holding hers, the other lying free on the bed. At first he'd been trying not to move, but before long his hips started moving of their own accord, a gentle rocking motion. When he realized what he was doing, he tried to slow down, only to feel Mabel's thighs at his sides, pulling him in and out, keeping it going. She had said they had to go in and out a few times, he decided, so kept going, picking up the pace, and before long, it felt so good that he couldn't have stopped if he wanted to. It was a more all-encompassing sensation than his hand had been, and it was all wet and warm, he didn't want to ever stop. He knew sex was important to people, but now he understood how great it felt, and a shudder of guilt went through him that he was experiencing it with his own sister. He was supposed to be pretending she was somebody else, but he hadn't done any imagining, in his mind as well as with his body, he was having sex with Mabel, and loving it.

What happened after? The question suddenly occurred to him, quieting his passion, preventing it from reaching the boiling point that should have been coming already. Would they just agree to pretend it never happened? He guessed they'd have to.... but he didn't want to, but it was the way things worked. Brothers and sisters never had sex, except maybe in an emergency like this. Once the emergency was over, it would go back to business as usual... they'd still be as close as they ever were, he prayed, but no closer.

But what if? he wondered. He imagined this not being a one-time thing, imagine them becoming siblings with benefits, able to have sex any time the mood struck him. Maybe it would do Mabel some good, he rationalized, with somebody to fuck she wouldn't get all worked up about a summer romance and wind up throwing herself at creeps like 'Norman' or strange foreign men like Mermando who might secretly be part of a mermaid slave trafficking ring. Maybe he and Mabel could be the best of friends they always were during the day, and then when the lights went out, turn into lovers.

Of course, he didn't know if Mabel was loving it as much as he was. She was still kissing him, and at times almost sucking on his tongue, or occasionally, her lips, but that might be just to distract herself. He could feel little grunts through their enjoined mouths, but couldn't tell if they were pleasure or pain... in porn the girls always sounded like they were being hurt. He pulled his mouth away for a few moments and she practically squealed with one of his thrusts. He stopped, inside her all the way to the balls. "Okay, I think under any definition, you're not a virgin anymore."

She opened her eyes and looked for a moment, angry at him. "We don't know what definition the magic uses. We can't afford to stop until we've both had our orgasms."

"But if I'm hurting you."

"The only way you're hurting me is by stopping when it's getting really really good," she said. "Stop one more time before we're both done, you won't have to worry about you hurting me, you'll have to worry about me hurting you." They had still been holding hands, but Mabel now pulled his and put it right on her breast, where her nipple felt like a tiny little diamond. "Now less gabbing and more grabbing."

He did squeeze the little mini-boobs, even brought his other hand up to do both at once, and then began the slow in-and-out sawing which didn't take long to become rapid thrusting. Mabel's chipmunk squeaks began again, and now that she'd told him she was enjoying it, he didn't hold back, throwing himself into it.

"Go on, go Dipper... faster... give it to me... ah, ah, ah, ah..."

He kept going, but felt the intense vibration at the base of his dick, like he was a living volcano and he felt himself about to erupt, the lava rising towards the peak....

Mabel shouted "Abracadabra!" just like she had in the flashback, while her pussy convulsed all around him, like a milking machine, and he burst, feeling a flood of liquid leave him and enter his sister, filling up every crevice inside of her... and it felt incredible, better than any masturbation session before, enough to wipe out any other thought for a few seconds except that he was with Mabel, and that somehow that was where he was meant to be.

He let out a breath, one he didn't know he was holding, and Mabel did the same, at the same time, like they were the same person operating two bodies, and staring at each other's eyes. "You are way better than a hair brush," she said, and then grabbed him by the hair and pulled him down for another kiss, with tongue again but not as urgent, like a hello kiss between lovers... or a goodbye one.

Maybe that's what it was, Dipper wondered. One last kiss goodbye. When they broke it, she said, "I love you Dipper."

The words made his heart swell, even though he didn't know exactly how she meant it. Brothers and sisters were supposed to love each other. Whatever the case, there was only one response. "I love you too Mabel."

***

"Stanley!" Stan had his ear up against the safe, listening to the tumblers, while he spun the dial, but his name being called out in Moe's deep voice drew his attention. It wasn't his name, Stanford was his name, but Moe often forgot when he got angry... or deliberately used to wrong name to antagonize him. "Where are you, you good for nothing cunt?" He really sounded pissed this time.

He and Klein stared at each other. Klein's face was white as a ghost for a second, but then rapidly regained color. He shouted, feigned fear in his voice, "Dad, he's in here, I caught him trying to break into your safe! I think he wants your thumb ring!"

"You son of a bitch," Stan muttered to the kid. "And I mean that literally, your mom fucks dogs. I've got proof." He was close, but right now the safe was still firmly locked. "I should have used the dynamite," he observed, but shoulda woulda coulda. There was now no time. He made his way out of the office and spread his hands trying to look the picture of innocence, with his eye patch even flipped up. "Who are you going to believe, Moe? Me, your casual acquaintance of many years, or your worthless son?"

Moe had two bouncers out, who seemed all muscle. One held Soos by the collar... his employee now sporting a hangdog expression. "You're banned from my club, Stan. Gentlemen, escort them outside. Do not be gentle, men."

"Moe! It's all a misunderstanding!" He got himself close to the guy holding his employee, trying to sound as pathetic as possible and look as harmless an old man as possible, and then suddenly, like a cat pouncing, launched out and kicked the man right in the family jewels. The bouncer dropped Soos and doubled over in pain. "Soos!" he yelled. "Do your rabid badger!"

As though a switch had been flicked, Soos got on all fours and snarled, snapping his teeth while jerking his head forward like he was some kind of animal. The other bodyguard, the one still on his feet, drew back, and Soos pounced forward, making a growling, chittering sound. "I knew hiring that hypnotist would come in handy!" Stan said with pride, elbowing Moe like they were still old friends. Then he realized what was happening and he made for the door. "Come on, Soos!" Soos snarled one last time, and followed. "I just hope I can remember the key word to undo it."

"Oh, I wasn't actually hypnotized," Soos spoke calmly, still walking on his knees. "I just really like pretending to be a rabid badger." He snarled one last time at the guy guarding the door and they pushed past him, and then Soos got to his feet and they ran for the truck.

Just before they pulled away, Moe came out, shook his fist in the air, and shouted, "And don't ever come back!"

***

Mabel adjusted her dress after pulling up her panties. Dipper was on the other side of his room getting dressed. They had barely looked at each other after he finally rolled off her, like a spell was broken, or the moment of intimacy just a happy dream that it was time to wake up from.

If not for the tenderness between her legs, she might have actually thought it was a dream, or another Smile Dip flashback... though she had one other reminder of the reality of what had happened. The bottom of her panties, the parts touching her slit and thighs, were damp and slimy, and surprisingly cool, sticking in parts to her skin with the stuff Dipper left behind. It felt dirty, but a good dirty. Just like the act itself.

She looked over. Dipper had his vest back on, and was, finally, looking back at her. "So, I guess we need to find out if it did the trick."

"Yeah, I'd hate for us to have done that for nothing..." She forced out the joke. She let Dipper open the door, and they looked beyond it to the rest of the attic...

Randy was gone. "Randy? Did you disappear?" Mabel and Dipper both looked around, searching for any sign, when suddenly they heard banging from downstairs. "I guess he got bored."

They ran downstairs, and they still could see no sign of Randy. They could, however, hear a lot of bumping coming from the door. A whinny confirmed it... Randy was obviously right there, but they couldn't see him. "He's trying to get out," Dipper said. The sound of hooves retreated as Dipper got closer. "I think he's scared of us now. Unicorns don't like non-virgins, remember?"

Mabel's heart sank. "It's okay, Randy... we're still your friends..." she said, but knew deep down that they weren't, they couldn't be. Once they'd crossed that line, friendship was out of the question. She just hoped that it was only true of Randy.

Dipper walked sideways, as though he was afraid he might accidentally trip over the unicorn, or be stabbed by the horn he now couldn't see, but eventually he grabbed the doorknob and opened the door. Randy reacted immediately to his chance of freedom, and galloped out.

Mabel followed him out. "Wait, Randy! You could at least say goodbye!"

But there was no answer, he was gone. Mabel sighed, sat down on the step, and held her cheeks in her hands. After a few seconds, Dipper sat down beside her. "At least Gideon can't use you to find him, now," he said.

"I know. I don't regret it... I'm just sad," she said, and sighed again. "It seems everything and everybody I love has to leave me." Norman left by turning out to be a bunch of creepy gnomes. Then there was Mermando, who had to go and be with his family in the ocean. And now Randy.

"Not everybody," Dipper said, and he took her hand.

They looked each other deep in the eyes, for the first time since they'd had sex. But although people always said eyes were the windows to the soul, Mabel couldn't read what was in his eyes. "You mean that?"

"Of course," Dipper said. "I'm always going to be your brother."

"Oh, right," she said, trying to sound cheerful. She laughed, but her heart wasn't in it. Dipper always worried that he had been friend-zoned by Wendy. It was even worse being bro-zoned. Suddenly, she remembered something. "Oh no! I forgot to take some of Randy's hair!"

Dipper look confused for a moment, but then came to what was probably a logical conclusion. "Oh, for a souvenir."

"Yeah," Mabel said, laughing nervously. "A souvenir." No, she wasn't planning on seeing if unicorn hair could make somebody love you, not at all. Gideon was probably lying about that anyway. Remembering that little twerp, she stood up suddenly. "I guess that means there's just one thing we have left to do..."

She raced to the phone and dialed Gideon's number. He'd given it to her long ago when they first started hanging out, and she'd tried to forget it when he started getting creepy, but that just made it stick in her head more. Besides, it was easy to remember, it started with 555. As soon as he answered, she said, "Guess who just got her cherry popped just to frustrate you? That's right, it's Mabel!" She frowned in consternation. "Oh, hello Mister Gleeful. Could you put Gideon on? Thanks." She waited, bobbing her head as though there was music and glanced over at Dipper who was watching her. When she looked at him, he looked away suddenly.

"Hello Mabel." Gideon's voice still grated on her. "I'VE GOT IT, HANG UP!" he yelled suddenly, not to her, but to somebody else, probably his father. There was a clicking noise. "Hello, Mabel," he said again, his voice going sickly sweet. "I take it you've reconsidered my offer."

"No, I just called to tell you not to bother. I sent Randy away. You'll never find him. I'll never see him again, but it was worth it."

"You... you didn't."

"Didn't what? Let somebody park their baloney pony in my Mabel stable? You bet I did... and you know what? I enjoyed it."

"You little harlot," he said.

"I might even go do it again, just for fun. But don't worry, my feelings for you will never change. We'll always have me not wanting to touch you. Ta-ta!" She hung up.

"What you said about doing it again...." Dipper said. "Mabel, you know..."

"I was just making him jealous," she said, and then, trying to hide the sadness in her heart, she added. "We don't have to do it again."

"Oh, okay. Cause it'd be pretty weird." He spoke too fast, though, like he often did when he was lying, or around Wendy, and Mabel wondered... could she have read it wrong? Maybe Dipper really did want to do it again... her heart leapt at the possibility... but she needed him to make the first move. "I don't want thing to be weird between us."

"Yeah," she said as her hopes sank again. "I understand." Right then she didn't want to be around him. "I'm going to go play with Waddles for a while. Poor thing's probably been feeling jealous all day." But she didn't want to play with Waddles, what she wanted to do was descend into her Sweaterverse for a while. She'd screwed everything up.

***

Stan sat back in Soos' truck as they drove away. "All you had to do was sit there and let Moe thrust pussy in your face. I just needed five more minutes and I could have gotten that ring! If you'd shot off early I could understand, but... you didn't even get laid!"

"I'm sorry, Mr. P... I didn't mean to let you down, it's just..." They'd driven a block before he continued, "I don't know, every time I've done sex stuff, it's with someone I loved at the time. And maybe you think it's stupid of me, but... I don't want to break that streak."

"You're right, that is stupid." Seeing Soos' downcast face, Stan's expression softened and he laid a hand on the manchild's shoulder. "But it's also very... sweet." Naive, but sweet.

"You think so?"

"Yeah, you're... a good guy, Soos." He beamed at that, his mouth open in a smile that revealed his jagged, pointy teeth. Teeth like those, guy should take any sex he could get. That's part of why he came up with this plan, it wasn't just to get the ring, he thought he'd give Soos a little thrill as well... and now it just made him a little grouchy again. "So if you had no intention of doing anything fun, why did you agree to come to the strip club with me?"

"Because you offered, and that really touched me. You know, in my heart. And I don't have anything against watching naked girls. Their boobies sway hypnotically. And then I found out you weren't really rewarding me, you just needed me to run a scam, I still wanted to help out because... you're my best friend, dood. But I couldn't. Sorry."

And now he felt like shit. Which was a rare feeling for Stanford Pines. "It's okay. Look, everything I said before? About you deserving a real reward? It was true, I was just killing two birds with one stone. Except I didn't manage to kill either fucking bird." He exhaled a deep breath. "But the night's still young. You choose your reward. The sky's the limit." He reached into his pocket. "As long as the sky is under $30."

That perked Soos up. His head came suddenly erect, like a startled squirrel. "Really? Anything at all?"

"Within reason. And, might I suggest a crisp ten dollar bill? It's what all the kids like these days!"

"There is one thing I'd like do with you... if you'd be up for it." Soos seemed hesitant, but hopeful.

"It's not gay, is it?"

***

Stan stood back to back with Soos, each wearing an elaborate harness and holding a plastic gun-shaped object. "Okay, I'm going to penetrate their zone. Just keep it tight, and cover my ass," Soos said.

"I don't know, this still feels pretty gay to me," Stan grumbled, but raised his weapon, spotting the little laser beam in the misty room. "But go ahead."

Soos moved with lightning quickness into the room, shooting at the chests of anybody he saw. Stan did his best to follow and shoot anybody Soos didn't see. And the first time he tagged a pimply faced teenager in the chest and saw their vest light up, he laughed. He laughed again when he raised the beam up.

"Ow, my eye!"

Stan grinned. "Haha, eat laser, sucker!"

Okay, maybe it wasn't so bad.

***

It was bedtime, and though the twins had managed to stay mostly apart since sending Randy away, it was time for them to come together again, and Dipper was once again feeling the shame, the uncertainty, how was he supposed to behave. He pretended to be reading when Mabel came out of the bathroom, and then when he looked up, she was wearing only panties and getting out her purple nightgown, the one with the old-style computer disk on it. Dipper gulped and looked back to his book suddenly, although his erection grew. She wasn't even facing him, it was ridiculous, but her naked back and her round, panty-covered rear end got him all hot and sweaty again.

"Where do you think Randy is right now?" she asked, and he dared a look... she was safely wearing the nightgown. She was also sitting on her bed, her legs open, leaving an inviting gap between her legs, where you could look right up the nightie and see the familiar flower on the front of her panties, if you were to look.

Don't look, he told himself, but his eyes remained focused there, as he said. "I don't know. With his family, I guess. Where he belongs."

"I don't think he had a family."

He finally managed to look back to his book. "I think he did. Maybe he's even got a twin sister unicorn out there."

He meant it to be cheerful, but it backfired, because now Mabel sounded sad. "Then why would he leave her to come with me?" She crossed her legs, now making easier to see her panties, with her nightgown riding up, but he hadn't noticed it yet.

"Don't read too much into it, Mabel... it's probably just animal instinct." Now he noticed that he could see her panties, and began to stare again. She caught him at it. He turned away suddenly and tossed his book on the nightstand. "Well, good night!" He rolled off and ran to the light, turned it off, and then hopped back in bed.

They were quiet for a while, but then he heard his sister's voice. "Dipper?" He stared at the ceiling, pretending he didn't hear her. "It got weird, didn't it?"

"Yeah," he admitted, turning on his side to look over at her across the darkened room. "I guess it did."

"What are we going to do about it?"

"I don't know.... if we pretend it never happened, I'm sure it'll go back to normal, eventually."

She didn't answer, and he rolled away.

Soon, he began to hear a shuffling noise, like she was rearranging the covers of her bed or something, or tossing and turning, trying to get to sleep. He didn't look over, still working through his own emotional turmoil. That's what was making it weird, he was having all these weird feelings, and Mabel must be picking up on it. They were the same kind of feelings he recently had for Wendy, and so, when he was around her, he now never knew what to say. It was crazy. And scary.

With Wendy, he was always putting on a mask... and so even if she didn't like him, it would have hurt him, but at least he could tell himself she never saw the real Dipper. But Mabel, she knew the real Dipper, flaws and all, more than any human being could. If she liked him, like-liked him, it meant a lot more... but that was impossible, wasn't it? And if she decided, as he knew she must, that she couldn't love him in that way, what did that say about him? That he really was as unlikeable as he always felt.

The thing was, though, he thought he might really be starting to love her, and not just in the way he always had. He'd already thought it, if Wendy hadn't liked him, he "would have" been hurt. But now, the thought didn't even bother him. He was obsessing over what Mabel, his own sister, might be thinking about him, exactly like he used to do with Wendy. This must be what it felt like when sanity fails.

What happened if he never stopped feeling this way? Mabel would grow up and find somebody eventually and he would be hung up on her forever. He'd probably wind up doing something crazy like writing a book about their adventures in Gravity Falls and making her ridiculously loveable. Unless they could just pretend it never happened, and maybe he could convince himself of that, and the feelings would fade away.

Mabel's voice came to him in a whisper. "I don't think pretending it never happened is going to work, Dipper."

Of course. It was no surprise she could practically read his mind. He gulped nervously. "Do you have a better idea?"

"As a matter of fact..."

She was suddenly beside him, with one smooth motion she'd slipped underneath his own blanket. He hadn't been watching her, she must have been sitting up when she'd last spoken. "If sex made things weird, we're just going to have to keep doing it until it's not weird anymore."

That was when Dipper noticed he was feeling too much warm skin, and realized that Mabel had also shed her nightgown, and, his hand sliding up her thigh confirmed, her panties as well. "That... that makes sense, actually," he said, scarcely able to believe he wasn't dreaming.

She kissed him on the lips and he found himself kissing back, opening his mouth to feel her tongue again.

Yeah, he could definitely see himself getting used to this.

Stan's voice suddenly boomed out and made them flinch and briefly, separate. "Oh my god, what the hell?" he yelled. "That is so disgusting! What the hell did I just step in?" They realized then that he was downstairs, probably on the main floor. "I can't see it, but it smells like shit!" The twins grinned at each other and went back to kissing.

***

THIS HAS BEEN A PARODY FANFIC OF GRAVITY FALLS

Executive Producer
ANONYMPC

Grenda fed a cross-shaped Cheezus bit to the little unicorn, and then lay down on the wooden floor of her room, completely naked. She slowly spun around to face her large ass at the unicorn, and, in her deep voice, said, "Okay Randy... now do like I showed you." Then she remembered that he couldn't hear her, and lifted one pudgy hand to make the sign language sign.

Supervising Producer + Story Editor
ANONYMPC

At first she thought he wasn't going to do it, he just stuffed his snout around her ass hole and give her a rush of air that made her quiver. He'd done that before. But this time, he got the message, and reared up, landing his hooves on her back fat. That hard impact might have bothered her, but she also felt the warm flesh of his penis bouncing around between her legs, and that had all of her attention. It dented her wide crack, slid up and away for one torturous moment, but then fell back, pushing inside.

Line Producer
ANONYMPC

Creative Director
ANONYMPC

She loved the sensation of something big going inside of her... in fact, virtually everything in her house that had an appropriate shape and size went up there at one time or another, ever since she was ten and first discovered the wonders of the electric toothbrush.

Art Director
YOUR IMAGINATION

Written By
ANONYMPC

Randy was bigger than most of those, and also had a mind of his own, which was a good thing and a bad thing... bad, this time, because he wouldn't just shove it inside. The head remained stubbornly around the labia. It was inside, but not angled right, so with every thrust, instead of going in deeper like it should, Randy's penis just banged up against the underside of clit, with a little too much force to be pleasurable.

Directed By
ANONYMPC

Storyboard By
ANONYMPC

With a grunt, Grenda reached between her legs and took hold of the unicorn penis and redirected it, twisting her body to help, and then, finally, it slid deeper inside, sinking in all the way, and she let out a deep moan of pleasure. "Oh my god, Randy!" she said, panting heavily.

With the imagined Voice Talents of

KRISTEN SCHAAL | JASON RITTER | ALEX HIRSCH
as Mabel | as Dipper | as Grunkle Stan and Soos

She closed her eyes and just wiggled her ass as Randy began to hump and buck against her, ramming his penis inside her and pulling out, Grenda now only feeling the good side of having a living partner for the first time, a partner she didn't have to direct, one she probably couldn't direct. For once, she could just lie back and take it, let somebody else set the pace, and the pace was fast. And he was on top of her, that was a nice sensation too, not just the soft furry belly or legs as they grazed her body, but the weight, of somebody over her that weighed as much or more than her, a presence, a force to match the one going in and out of her. Her cheek pressed to the floor, not because he was pushing her head down but the rest of her body was being mashed down and it just wanted to play along.

JACKIE BUSCARINO | JESSICA DICCIO | TJ MILLER
as Pacifica | as Tambry | as Robbie

LINDA CARDELLINI | CARL FARUOLO | NIKI YANG
as Wendy | as Grenda | as Candy

This was what real sex felt like, she realized, even if it was with an animal... but Randy felt like more than an animal, she knew he was intelligent, he was a kindred spirit, he would respect her for the person she was, and he would give her a hard dicking whenever she wanted one. It wasn't just what sex felt like, it was what love felt like. "Oh, I love you Randy," she said, even though he couldn't hear her... maybe it was because he couldn't hear her, but she couldn't hold it in. Already she was approaching the bliss moment, her pussy strained to hold on to Randy's cock as it pounded in and out and soon was clenching. It was all pretty overwhelming.

DAVID FAUSTINO | ED O'NEIL
as Moe Bius Jr./Klein | as Moe Bius Sr.

"Yeah Randy, keep going, oh Randy...." After that, she couldn't speak anymore, it was just a wordless cry from a mouth that remained open long enough for drool to start pooling on the floor. She was awash on a sea of pleasure, only dimly aware that she was still being fucked... and then dimly aware that, while she thought she couldn't be any more filled, she was wrong, Randy was somehow filling her even more, squirting his spunk inside of her, and she could feel it, far more than what Candy had collected earlier.

Additional Imagined Voices
ALEX HIRSCH
ARIEL HIRSCH
MICHAEL RIANDA
TARA STRONG
WHOEVER YOU WANT
NONE OF THESE PEOPLE WOULD
PROBABLY REALLY BE INVOLVED
IN ANYTHING LIKE THIS ANYWAY
UNLESS THEY HAD A SPECTACULAR
SENSE OF HUMOR

Finally, he pulled out. "Oh, Randy, that was incredible!" she said, and rolled over. Randy was gone. "Randy?" she asked. "Where did you go?"

Casting by | Dialogue Director
SARA GOLDBERG + ANONYMPC | ANONYMPC

The sound of footsteps nearby startled her, but she couldn't see where they were coming from. They sounded very close though, and then there was a whinny, and a frantic hop. Her window burst open, from the inside, and then she heard Randy swiftly retreating, going somewhere she knew she couldn't follow even if her legs weren't jelly.

14-5-24-20 5-16-9-19-15-4-5: 13-1-2-5-12'19 12-9-20-20-12-5 16-5-18-22-5-18-19-9-15-14: 11-9-14-19-8-9-16 9-19 13-1-7-9-3

She thought she'd found the love of her life, and gave her virginity to him, but it turned out, to him, she was just a one night stand. Just like her mother warned her about. "Aw, man," she grumbled sullenly. Boys really could not be trusted.

Even unicorn boys.

GRAVITY FALLS IS PRODUCED BY AND COPYRIGHT 2012 DISNEY ENTERPRISES, INC, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, USED WITHOUT PERMISSION FOR PARODY'S PURPOSES ONLY

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