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As a prolific pusher of published porn with a pronounced penchant for
plotting procreation, Homer Vargas regularly receives readers' requests for
recommendations.

Dear Dr. Vargas,

My super heroine girlfriend is pregnant for the first time. [Amazing photo
attached to original letter, too bad you all cannot see it.] It wasn't
easy I'll tell you. I finally had to use the [superheroine's weakness
which cannot be revealed without disclosing her identity] on her. From
then on, she was a real sex kitten, just couldn't get enough. At first she
begged me not to get her pregnant, but when I made it clear that was the
only way she could keep getting fucked, there was nothing she could do but
count the days until her missed period. For the last month or so she has
been getting all the usual cravings (pickles by the barrel and
pistachio-prune ice cream by the gallon) and is happily knitting little
pink booties -- TWO SETS!

Of course I'm overjoyed, seeing her waddle around the house with that big
smooth tummy filled to bursting, her tits ballooned up to 38EEE's at least,
and a dumb, adoring expression on her face when she looks at me. Of
course, the pregnancy has made her even hornier. She has me doing her
doggie style most of the time, "practicing" for when she REALLY gets big.
I've bought her a heavy-duty vibrator to use while I'm recovering from one
of her rut sessions. That sucker draws more power than the A/C on an
August day and blows the fuses right and left, but otherwise she'd go crazy
or fuck me to death.

The only problem is, she is asking how soon after she gives birth she can
go back to fighting crime? Dr Luthor, her OB-GYN, just smirks evilly and
says ask me.

Just Perplexed

Dear Just,

First, congratulation for nailing one of those superheroines. I don't
think those sexy bitches realized how much frustration they cause fourteen
year old boys of all ages flying around and fighting and getting tied up
and chloroformed while wearing those skimpy little outfits. Millions of
"fans" will thank you for taking another one out of circulation with a
large, timely delivery of male semen into her fertile twat! Second, I'm so
glad you posed this timely question. It's one that I've been getting more
and more frequently in recent years as a number of superheroines (and
supervillainesses) from the early comic book days are starting to hear the
tick of the biological clock. I'm not detracting from your cleverness in
knocking up your new gf, but her body was obviously telling her it was time
to slow down and become a Mommy. Yours was the lucky prick.

Normally it's easier for supervillainesses to combine a career in crime
with rearing a family, as they have henchmen henchwenches to carry out
their evil schemes. I know of one whose name, very appropriately, rhymes
with "Fatwoman," who seduced and moved in with an erstwhile hero who she
keeps so well fucked he hasn't left the house in years. Now she lives in
semi retirement, popping out one or two pointy eared babies every year for
her hopelessly devoted lover to take care of while managing her crime
empire from his cave beneath the spacious Wayne Mansion.

Superheroines, on the other hand, have to do all the crime fighting,
fiendish conspiracy foiling, and world saving themselves. (Apparently,
though you just can't GOOD help nowadays, you CAN get evil help.)

Another consideration is how long it will take her to regain her figure.
Your girlfriend seems typical of many superheriones who, having remained
impossibly slim for years, take advantage of "eating for two" to really pig
out. (Pistachio-prune ice cream? Dios Mio!) If you can get her to put on
50-60 pounds, that would take quite a while to work off, especially if you
insist she stay in bed eat well, and get lots of sleep while nursing her
liter.

Further, you need to bear in mind just WHAT is growing in there. Although
supervillainesses tend to have "happy accidents" with hunky henchmen or
occasionally with a lucky superhero and therefore to get knocked up with
human or humanoid babies, superheroines, in my experience, are likely to
turn up impregnated by the darndest assortment of trans-genetic plantamals,
extra-terrestrials, or mutant life forms. No telling how many little
mouths or suckers she'll have to feed even if there were only two
offspring.

Also, whereas supervillainesses have only one kitten or sprout at a time,
almost inevitably your superheroines are so super-fertile; they wind up
pregnant with two, three or four the first time a male penis (or proboscis
or tentacle) penetrates her treasure and pumps her full of semen (or it's
seed or ichor). From the looks of your girlfriend at just four months, I
think you should consider yourself lucky; this one (Wonder why the woman
seems so familiar?) looks like she could be carrying quints at the least.

In addition to the number and species of the babies your lover is going to
pop, weight gain, and her ability to delegate her crime-fighting or
crime-committing tasks to others, a superheroine or supervillainess also
has to take into account how long she intends to nurse her brood. I would
naturally like to have a face-to-face (or, better, a mouth-to-hooter)
interview with your girlfriend before advising, but again, judging from the
mammaries on your SO, I'd say she's likely to be making milk by the quart
for a couple of years. Have you considered a home dairy business as a
sideline?

Finally, and most important, how soon after this first blessed event do you
expect to have her "in a family way" again (or for the first time if
someone or someTHING else slipped this first one in ahead of you)? Here
let me offer a word of advice: ASAP. If those superpowers are worth
anything, her pussy should be ready to fuck by the time you bring her home
from the hospital. Try to make sure she never has another period. Your
girlfriend looks sexy enough for at least twenty or thirty years of regular
baby making, so go for it! I know that these superheroine types often
harbor desires to continue their careers whereas you, as a normal, healthy
male, would like to keep her barefoot, pregnant, and chained to the stove.
I suggest you compromise. Keep her pregnant and chained to the stove
alright, but jolly her along by letting her continue to wear her sexy, if
increasingly over-stretched, superheroine costume with those kinky high
heels.

In my experience, after the first six or eight babies, even superheroines
get too busy taking them to nursery school, check-ups at the pediatrician,
morning kindergarten, soccer practice, ballet lessons while cooking and
keeping house for you to THINK about crime fighting. There is a danger,
however, that being kept so busy with child care may put a dent in even her
super-powered libido, as happens unfortunately with mortal women. She may
even try to avoid repeated pregnancies. For these cases you should resort
to your supply of Kryptonite, or a magic lasso, or whatever her secret
weakness is, to reassert your right to preg her again if she gets ideas.

Hope this helps.

Dr. Homer Vargas