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BABY BOOM BLAMED ON BOOKSTORE IMBROGLIO Dateline: June 17, 2003, Upper
Knocksville, WV
Innocence Fecunda

In a startling development straight out of the fertile imagination of noted
author Homer Vargas himself, a recent wave of pregnancies -- overwhelming local
hospitals -- has been traced to a personal appearance by the same Homer Vargas
at an Upper Knocksville erotic bookstore approximately nine months ago.

"I had no idea this was going to happen," said the beaming author; "One minute I
was having a pleasant conversation with a very sexy pregnant lady, if that is
not otiose to say, in the 'Homer Vargas' section of the emporium and the next
minute I'm coping with a confabulation of concatenated copulation," the author
announced in his annoyingly alliterative affectation.

"Apparently, several young -- well at least they were pre-menopausal -- women
overhearing our conversation about seducing young studs and making them into
fucktoys, got so lathered-up they were moved to hike their skirts and start
pleasuring themselves on the spot," the author explained. "It might have ended
with a few temporarily satisfied women with soaked panties, but when my
interlocutor began to describe how she arranged to get fucked silly and filled
with boiling hot jizz just when she was at her most fertile time, the listeners
totally lost control. The women started grabbing their husbands, boyfriends --
pretty much any man they could lay hands on -- and started coupling like a hutch
of over-heated hamsters."

Curiously, even Dr. Vargas was not aware of the scale of the orgy he had
inadvertently incited. Dr. Vargas, having contributed as much semen to the
purpose of profligate procreation as prudently possible, attempted to extricate
himself from the bookstore with his clothes on -- fighting off a gaggle of
suburban matrons caught up in the frenzy. At that moment, however, the manager
of the bookstore was moved to begin reading from her favorite passages of
"Judith and Me" on the bookstore's public address system, arousing the
astonished onlookers even more.

By coincidence, word spread to a gathering of feminist scholars meeting at the
nearby Upper Knocksville Convention Center who called the police. This failed
to redress the situation, however, since by the time two impressionable young
policewomen arrived, scores of women had joined the orgy and were braying to be
impregnated. The policewomen themselves were soon bent over the bookstore sales
counter, eagerly taking rapid-fire cumloads and pleading to be made mommies by a
line of men now flocking to the bookstore from every corner of the city.

Accounts of events after this point are unclear, but one eyewitness (a former
professor of Militant Feminist Literature and a new mother of triplets, speaking
on condition of anonymity) recalls the outrage of the 250-odd middle-aged grrrls
at the Convention Center when they heard of an orgy in progress. When someone
else informed them that their nemesis, the notorious Homer Vargas himself was
involved, anger in the auditorium boiled over in a spontaneous decision to rush
the adjacent bookstore. The orgasmic melee in front of the bookstore had by
them spread across several blocks and the feminist scholars were instantly
immersed in a formidable frenzy of fornication. Soon the sexed-up scholars were
shucking their dowdy clothes and grabbing any man they could find (including a
pleased group of troglodyte males who had come to protest the feminist
conclave), humping them urgently and begging to be made pregnant.

As the eyewitness was being interviewed in the back of a bus transporting the
wrestling team of Upper Knocksville University, her frumpy skirt hiked up around
her waist, her clunky clogs in the air, and a line of well-hung studs with
'cocks like truncheons' queuing to fill her cunt, she was unable to shed further
light on the situation (beyond bewilderment at her current status as a
forty-two-year old single mother of triplets--one white, one black, and one
Hispanic).

Your reporter can herself testify to the power of the strange ambiance, as she
had no sooner arrived at the bookstore, pencil and note pad in hand, than she
found herself on her back (the first time, anyway), panties around her ankles
and her pussy being pounded by a burly maintenance worker. To her best
recollection, the baby looks a lot like his father, although not so black.

Medical investigators, piecing together the accounts afterward, have explained
the incident as a kind of endocrinal chain reaction, as the high levels of
pheromones from the steamy cunts of the first group of listeners was
communicated to other women, now hearing the Vargas narration on the
loudspeakers. Experts speculate their quims reacted sympathetically to the twin
stimuli, producing an extraordinary high concentration of the lust inducing
hormones in the air. As frantic copulation began, a perverse feedback loop was
established, whereby more and more women went into heat and opportunistic men
appeared to breed them.

The exceptionally high pregnancy rate among the feminist scholars was explained
by the fact that none were using any form of birth control, considering oral
contraceptives to be a "masculine assertion of hormonal dominance over the
female body." For most, contraception was a non issue, few being pretty enough
to snag a husband or boyfriend, and accustomed to getting the sex they needed
from pussy-licking coeds eager to raise their GPAs. Thus, 157 of those women
found themselves carrying babies in the following weeks, adding their 359
children to half-again that number conceived by various other women, who
couldn't put in their diaphragms quickly enough or were too happily distracted
to insist their partners use condoms.

Researchers believe the pheromone concentration had the additional effect of
immediately kicking every woman's monthly cycle into instant fertility and
probably explains the disproportionate number of multiple births as well.
Apparently exposure to such high levels of sex hormones leaves the victim
permanently horny and craving pregnancy and disposed to fuck man or woman at the
drop of a panty. Your reporter, who is expecting again, has found that to be
the case and has had to engage a black boyfriend and two girlfriends to assist
her exhausted but happy husband with his duties.

That these events were was not more widely reported is largely thought to be the
work of Lovey Lilywhite, our state's Lieutenant Governor, in Upper Knocksville
that fateful day for a meeting of State Committeewomen. Her epic efforts of
spin control were compromised only when the tummies of several of the
Committeewomen and that of the forty-five year old Lieutenant Governor herself
began to swell. Awkwardly, her twins were conceived when Ms. Lilywhite rushed
to visit the scene of the crisis first hand. Suspicions that Governor Connor
Puissy was responsible were allayed when both Lilywhite twins turned out with
strong Asian features. This was hardly the governor's largest concern as
hundreds of women started turning up plump with babies simultaneously,
overwhelming the medical resources not only of Upper Knocksville, but also of
the entire state. As of this writing, the governor is considering a request for
aid from Federal Emergency Management Administration, since the surge in
popularity of Vargas's pro-pregnancy porn (directly linked to this incident) is
threatening to create an even larger population explosion across the entire
state in the coming months.

For his part, Dr. Vargas stated that he was gratified his works had reached such
a wide and enthusiastic audience and that he was pleased that most of the women
had been inspired by his stories to embrace their maternity -- and indeed, would
be having more babies, as soon as possible. "You just never know what's going
to happen when you write these stories," Mr. Vargas mused, his arm around a
slightly pregnant woman with curly red hair, nursing a light brown infant.