DISCLAIMER:- The following text is sexually explicit and contains depictions of sexual acts that have been classified by the surgeon general as potentially dangerous and unhealthy. You must be a broad minded adult to read the text, and you must not make this text available to minors or to any person who does not wish to view it. Unprotected sexual relations with unknown partners is hazardous and we urge the use of condoms and safe sex at all times.

Well it started the regular way, boy meets girl, you know the classic approach. Well thats where the similarity ends you see. My friend Ryan and I were walking down the main drag of a lil' berg that I happen to be from. On passing on of the posh coffee huts there he was telling me he had just moved back from the big city and he KNEW how to treat snare a women. So I said fine prove it! He looked around and selected a women in the coffee shop, she was a petite women, standing just about five feet tall and weighing in about 1 hundred pounds. So we moved in to the shop, bought a coffee and drifted out to the patio area, we waited until the only free table had been taken then he made his move. He asked if we could join her and her friend at the table. After a few minutes it became clear her friend Adrian wasn't competition, as he didn't look to women for his sexual interests, nothing against him, that made it easier for Ryan. I said nothing and tried my best to be invisible. He chatted with her and I was only partially listening until he looked her in the eye and said “Ok, lets get down to brass tacks-” From here I simply stopped listening I had noted her facial expression as she finally understood why he was so intent on her, then I noticed as her face turned, rather dramatically, into stone! He somehow didn't seem to notice though. So he floundered on and she turned to me, trying to draw me into the conversation I hadn't been following, her face showed she was clearly annoyed that I was leaving her to this man I was sitting with.

To my utter amazement she then said that we could all come back with her to her house... Thats right she invited us ALL back to her apartment? I bowed out saying I had something else to do, yes I lied but I promised Ryan I wouldn't sabotage his attempt on this girl of whom for reasons I couldn't begin to fathom were somehow successful. Well, we all got up and I noted Adrian was planning to follow them to her house so I was feeling safe in my assumption Ryan would fail as he usually does. On being nearly home I met them again, I was walking up my street to see them at the corner, it turned out she only lived down the block from me. Who could have guessed? Anyway I noted Adrian was gone but I wasn't gonna question anything. I still had 'something' to do. I couldn't say to her I planned to go house and take care of myself, but she says it showed on my face, even if I'm sure it didn't. Oops, I'm getting off track. So I turned away and hustled down the street. Leaving her and Ryan alone, to his devices.

So the next day I call Ryan and invite him out to drinks, he of course is bragging knowing I can't prove him wrong and that he had such a good time. I let him buy the beers that night as a good friend would. Dreaming all night, of what I thought he had done with on of the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.

Ok, lets jump ahead about three months. The setting has changed venues but not sales, you see this woman I had now been dreaming about for some ninety days was behind the counter when I walked into my local twenty four hour coffee joint, you know the too bright lighting, smoke hanging in the air, and monkeys in the seats kinda coffee slinging establishment. So I walked over and hoped she wouldn't recognize me as I ordered a brick they somehow legally called donuts, and a cup of very hot triple triple coffee. She glared across the counter at me and served up my order. Asking if there was anything else she could get me. Being as I could barely speak I managed to squeak out “No ma'am that will be great, thank you” and I slunk off to the furthest corner lit a smoke and took out my drawing supplies. You see I went to the shop primarily to have a space to sit, smoke, drink coffee and draw pictures, it was perfect, no-one bothered me and I could stay as long as there was coffee in my cup. That night I was very unproductive as I could barely get the damned pencil to hold stable in my hand, I spilled coffee on myself no less then five times and once I burnt myself with a cigarette it was time to go. So as quietly as I could fearing she would see me I practically ran for the door! She half waved as she looked at me funny and then went back to what she was doing. I disappeared into the black of night thinking about what I would do, I no longer had a safe bastion to waste time in.

Well the next day came and I had a plan! Yes I had spent all day hatching this maddening scheme! Whats the plan you ask dear reader, well here it is: I was going to be a dick, yes, an asshole, I figured if she could get used to my false bravado and grow to like that man, I could successfully hide the fact I was thinking less then saintly thoughts about her. I figured if she would sleep with Ryan after what he had pulled I didn't need to be Saintly at all. So day after day I spent trying to get to know her, after a month of most irritating frustration I changed tacks with her. I invented a girl, yes invented, I needed ploy to draw her out a bit, so I engaged this self proclaimed coffee wench to help me see this imagined girl into my life.

I created situation after situation asking her what she would want the guy to do to make sure she was willing to stay and 'be' with him. After another agonizing week I had managed to work out a friendship with her. I would wait for her after work, we would walk around, watch the sunrise together and whatever else took our fancy. So another two months fly by and we've gotten so close that things are starting to get uncomfortable. Namely being that she left me more then once with difficulty walking the block to get home. So finally it was time to take things to the next stage in our lives. Now if only I could get the courage to kiss her. Well that was solved when we were wrestling around in her apartment. I was lifting her up and sort of slowing spinning around when she simply leaned in and kissed me. The first kiss was fast, WAY too fast, I dropped her out of shock and at the same time realized my heart was not my own anymore. I was done, end stop, there was no more of me, only her. The we kissed again, but this time, we both wanted too and I had more courage then any man has ever had, I had been rewired, I was in love. Never before that day could I have said that and meant it, but after that I knew it and I knew it forever. I could see into the future, I saw children, I saw us happy and I saw perfection, there was no other answer.

So now we spent every waking minute together, I introduced her to my parents and what not the usual stuff. However she was a joker she was, and she loved to watch my ever expressive face play into interesting shapes. I tell you this so I can recount meeting her parents, it doesn't distract or add to the story but it illustrates this girl perfectly. I was sitting at what had become my table at the coffee shop, waiting for her shift to end chatting with her boss Gus. She quickly walks up to me and says to me half whispered “Wanna have some fun?” before I could respond she said in a too loud voice, c'mon come meet my husband. Firstly I had no idea why the floor jumped up and fell on my head, but I was trying to recover when my head reminded me that in fact she had said H U S B A N D! I nearly fainted. Somehow I forced my now leaden legs to move and to drag me outside to my fate. Once outside she introduced me to Eric, not her husband but her mother's boyfriend. My relief was so profound that again I got light headed and fought off fainting. Normally I am not prone to being so flighty but this isn't your normal everyday joe stuff here. I hit it off with Eric and her mother as if I had known them all along. We chit chatted about this and that and the day sort of moved along.

Now into July 1st that is we are sitting at the local park watching the firecrackers boom over head, I am luxuriating in her company and she is relaxed and enjoying the warm night. I have since established that she and Ryan had never spent more then a few hours in the same room, she had a drink, he had too many and got drunk, she escorted him to the door and closed it, not even a good night for him, and certainly not a 'good' night either. We enjoyed the firecrackers and enjoyed the night, we went off on one of our normal walks, ending up on a deserted beach far from the crowds. I was lost in her company so much I nearly missed when she offered to go swimming with me. I was a bit out of sorts I had no suit and was unprepared to go swimming, the thought of a two hour walk back in soggy shorts with sand in my skivvies didn't work for me. Then she smiled a smile I have since grown to distrust, but didn't know better at the time. She said “Who needs a suit, there is no-one here but us?” I was certain she couldn't have said that because in my head I had been fantasizing something very similar at that exact moment. I stood there and waited for her to repeat what she had said but she didn't she simply began removing her clothes! My mind couldn't deal with that sort of sensory input with so little available blood, so I shrugged and agreed. To her credit she appeared to ignore what in my mind had to be a most prominent erection I can recall: up till that day anyway. She says after the fact she knew what I was packing, she had felt it more then once long before that night. So swimming we went, after enjoying a most invigorating and enjoyable time I somehow managed to put my clothes back on, as much as I surely didn't want to.

We continued dating, as now we could officially call it that. We had never gone out on an actual date and I planned to fix that, but I just had to get time to do it. Work schedules are hell when you really want some free time. With some time management I was able to arrange a date at a classy restaurant not too far from the beach were we had gone swimming. This place was all class but I wanted to ensure we would have fun so I got patio seats, always better for watching passers-by from the bar next door. We ate our dinner and headed of for a walk. We had been together a few times before this and we had enjoyed it, however Tina wanted this to be special so she promised me a surprise. We arrived back at her home an hour or so later, on getting in the we were both ready. Her clothes came away revealing the most unimaginably beautiful corset-bodied Merry Widow I had ever seen, seeing as this is the only on I had seen in three dimensions, (guys you get my drift), I was inspired. In minutes I had shed my clothes and we were together, kissing and embracing. Lowering to her bed we continued into more in defined earnest, clearly carnal manner. As time melted from kiss to kiss I was beyond reason. We joined as one, never once thinking about whether it was safe, or thinking about pills or latex or anything, we were showing the purest love a couple can. I tell you as the crescendo of our coupling crashed and ebbed I had never felt so complete in my life as those seconds. Tina has never described to me that night with any detail, not in words, but her face is always radiant and always the description of what I can only call perfection. On waking in the morning the sun shining in my face, and her cats bouncing on my stomach, I was sure I would spend the rest of my life with the woman whom was humming tunelessly in the shower.

About five weeks later I went off with the boys to a race weekend to watch the ALMS cars scream there way around the track. A brilliant show, I watched as a Corvette and a Porsche duked it out in Quebec corner at Mosport Raceway. Only once had I felt higher and more charged, I was thinking of Tina as those cars powered around and around, always going going for the goal, little did I know that it would have more meaning to me when I got home. Speaking of that, I got home; and called to tell her all about my weekend, when she said to me “Keith, do you have any more beer left?” I answered “Yeah but only a few, I can share”

There was a pause and then she said “You had better bring them with you and get over here”. I wasn't sure what that meant but I packed up the beers and walked out the door, and up the block. On walking in her best friend was sitting with her looking at me very seriously,and she had a bit of a grave look in her eye. She stood and walked to the fridge, pulling out a small stick like device I had never seen before, she handed it to me and told me what it meant. I honestly don't remember what I said I simply opened a beer and sort of drifted a bit.

The next I remember we were in a park nearby and with trepidation and some fear in my voice I said, “Oh my god, I'm going to SPAWN OFFSPRING”. After an additional ten minutes with my mind getting ready to deal with this new and wonderful information I said “I'm going to spawn offspring” Tina bless her heart didn't correct my syntax, she simply waited until I had settled more. Nine months and due course later, I was holding baby ElzBeth in my hands and I was forever changed, and will continue to create the same moments of bliss that only a new father can have, and as often as I can.

I know this isn't a sexy story, I know this is more of a sappy retelling of the typical old yarn, but for me it is the single best times of my life. I hope you enjoyed it, I obviously did, for not two years later little Rowan came to be, but that may be another story.