Copyright © 2000,   Cuntgrrl.  ALL Rights Reserved

This story may not be reproduced in any form for profit or on another website 
without the written permission of the author.  The author may be contacted 
by writing mrdouble@mrdouble.com, mrdouble@mindspring.com, or mrdouble@ix.netcom.com.

Original posting date: 
Tuesday PM, September 12, 2000

A wildPage Author story from MrDouble's archive, 
Filename: howto.txt
http://www.mrdouble.com
 

subject:  How to *Really* Keep Your Man Happy 

Story_codes: m/f

Story_intro: I always get a kick out of seeing these grrlz
magazines with articles like 'How to Make your Man
Happy'. They're always full of such bullshit. I have kept a *lot* of men happy.  I thought I 
would just write down what I say are the *real* secrets for holding onto a guy.




How to *Really* Keep Your Man Happy - by Cuntgrrl


I always get a kick out of seeing these grrlz magazines
with cover blurbs for articles like 'How to Make Your 
Boyfriend Stick Around' or 'Make your Man Happy'.  

They're always full of such bullshit.  

"Laugh at his jokes" or "Be nice to his mom".  "Make him
a batch of his favorite cookies" - that one really makes me
laugh.

Well, I may be only in my mid-twenties, but I've had 
a good deal of experience in this area, and have kept 
a *lot* of men happy.  I thought I would just write down 
what I say are the *real* secrets for holding onto a guy.

First of all, you can ignore most of whatever those
articles say about keeping current with fashion, makeup
or the latest perky hair-dos.  Guys don't give a *shit*
about that kind of stuff.  

The only people who really care that you're wearing 
this month's hot outfit or that you're using last year's 
shade of lipstick are other grrlz.  If you're out to
impress them, fine.  But if you're interested in guys,
you're pretty much wasting your time with that shit.

With guys, if you show up just showered and dressed, 
(or undressed ;-), you're basically covered.  

Now, I'm not talking about *catching* a guy - that gets 
a bit more complicated and you have to turn on different 
kinds of charm, and laugh at their stupid jokes a lot.  

But assuming you already are going out with some guy 
and you want to make sure he stays yours, well, there are 
only around two things that really count.  Trust me - do 
what I tell you and you can pretty much do whatever else 
you like and the guy will stay your guy.

I've known really psychotic bitches who managed to hold 
onto really hot guys because they listened to me!

First and most important of all, if you don't already know 
how to, you'd better learn how to suck his cock.  

And learn to like it.  

The feel of his cock in your mouth.  

The taste of his cum on your tongue, covering your teeth 
and in your throat.  

Get used to it.  Get your gag reflex under control so 
you can deep throat him.  You'll be blowing him at least 
twice a day, if not more.

Second, keep that pussy clean.  

Face it grrlz, our slits can get pretty gamey, even 
after a only few hours.  There's *nothing* that turns 
a guy off faster than the smell (or taste!) of sweaty, 
stinky cunt.  

When you pull those panties off, make sure you're properly 
deodorized and clean.  If you're in doubt, keep 'em on and
satisfy him without using your cunt (see cock-sucking, above).

'So how does this work?' I can hear you ask.  Well, let me
give you an example.  If you follow my plan, a typical
day would pretty much go like this:

First thing in the morning, you wake up a few minutes
before he does and duck under the covers.  Nibble and
suck at his chest and stomach.  Since you always sleep
naked, let him feel your warm tits against his body as you
slowly work your way down his torso to his pajama bottoms.

Keep away from his face because your (and his) morning breath
is a major turn-off.  Kiss him *only* after you've brushed,
flossed and gargeled!

Anyway, undo the snaps and ease his pants down until his
cock is free.  Now you can start to nibble at it until 
it comes to life.  Lap at his balls and squirm your tongue
into that sweaty crevice between his cock and his thigh.
Do both sides and really lick up and taste the sweat.

If you're adventurous, spend some time licking underneath
his balls, reaching your tongue down to his asshole.

Once he's reached full-size, twirl your tongue around his 
cock-head while you pump his shaft with one hand and fondle 
his balls with the other.  

Go slow at first.  Then, as you feel him start to respond
by gently flexing his hips, quicken the pace.  Pump a
bit faster.  Squeeze his cock a bit more.  Twirl your
tongue a bit more vigorously.  Dribble some saliva down
the shaft to lubricate your pumping action.

Pull your mouth away for a second or two and, as you pump
away at the full shaft and cock-head with your hand, murmur 
how much you love the taste of his cock and cum and how much 
you want to be his little cock-sucking whore every morning.

Sound stupid?  Just see how he responds!

When he's ready to cum, deep-throat him until he squirts 
out a full load down your gullet.  Grab onto his ass cheeks with
both hands and hold him tight to your mouth.

Make *sure* to swallow every drop.  

If you try to spit it out, even discreetly, you can basically 
say goodbye to this guy.  

It's pretty simple.  Guys don't stay with girls who spit.  

It's stupid and irrational, but it's true.  

Learn to deal with it, or else get used to the taste of pussy,
because you'll have to become a full-time lesbian if you want
any kind of action.

Anyway, keep pumping the shaft to coax out any last bits of 
cum.  Continue to lap and lick at his cock and balls until 
he's fully awake.  Then, giggle a quick good morning and hop 
out of bed and dash to the kitchen to get the coffee and eggs 
started so he can shower and dress.  Don't try to kiss him
with cum-lips - you're only asking for trouble.

Let me tell you grrlz, if you can do this every morning, 
*and* not make a big deal about it, that's over ninety 
percent of it.  

Guys love a morning blow job, and aren't in the mood for 
any heavy 'Do you love me?' bullshit.  A quick suck off 
and he's in the shower feeling like the luckiest guy in 
the world.  He can bump into Britney Spears in a topless 
thong bikini after that and be able to look the other way!

Anyway, after he's off to work or wherever, it's time to
get to work on your cunt.  

First give it a good showering off with a powerful 
deodorant soap.  Scrub and rinse.  Then scrub and rinse 
again.  Grab one of those scented douches and squirt away.

Next, make sure you're shaved clean, with no stubble.  What's 
that, you say?  You don't like the feel of a shaven pussy?  
Well, tough!  Get it clipped cleaner than a baby's bottom.  

There are reasons why all the porno queens have hairless cunts.  

Hairy cunts smell.  

Hairy cunts don't feel as nice to fuck as shaven slits.  

Hairy cunts remind guys of their own pubic hair - and the 
idea is to be *different*, grrlz.  Why do you shave your 
legs and armpits, but not the most important part of your 
sexual anatomy?

And finally, a hairless pussy triggers up all those buried 
adolescent fantasies in a guy: he can pretend he's finally 
banging that grrl from 6th grade he had the secret crush on.  
Or, he can pretend he's banging that 6th grade grrl he saw 
yesterday walking home from school...either way, you win 
because you get a more enthusiastic and energetic screwing!  

You're also *much* more likely to get eaten, if he's into
that kind of thing - 'nuff said.

A final squirt of vaginal deodorant and a baking soda panty
liner and you're on your way.  Feel free to diddle yourself
at any time during this process.  Satisfied cunts are always
softer, stronger and easier to maintain.  If you don't cum
three or four times during a clean-cunt session, you're doing
something wrong!

When he gets home after work, your real work begins.  Kiss him
hello, hand him a beer or a glass of scotch and the remote and
let him vegetate for a while as you get dinner ready.  Nothing 
fancy here, just take-out chinese or deli sandwiches.  

Above all, *don't* hit him with the mundane details of your day 
right now.  He may act polite and listen and all but, trust me, he
really doesn't give a shit about how your friend Lisa was bitchy
on the phone or how cute this dress was in the mall.  That's 
what you have grrlfriends for (well, that's *one* reason...giggle!).

After he's had a chance to unwind and catch up on sports, bring
him another drink and sit by his legs and watch the tube with him
for a few minutes.  Slowly run your hand up and down his pants leg,
working your way higher and higher until you can cup his crotch
in your hand.  Gently rub his pants until you can feel his
cock get big and hard.  Stroke the shaft through his pants, rubbing
a little extra at his cock-head.  If you're good you'll feel some
dampness at the tip as you coax out his pre-cum.

When a commercial starts turn to face him on your knees. *Without 
talking*, unzip his fly, open his belt and ease his pants and 
briefs down his legs.  Smile, and lower your mouth to his cock.  

Cup his balls in one hand while you suck on his cock head.  
Build up a mouth full of saliva and let most of it dribble down 
the shaft.  Like you did in the morning, use your other hand 
to pump the shaft up and down while you twirl your tongue 
around the head.  This is messy, and won't be kind to the 
upholstory, but fuck it, that's what shipcovers are for!  

Make eye contact with him.  Slip your lips off his cock for a
second and make yummy, slurpy sounds.  Tell him he tastes great.
Focus on his face.  Don't get bent out of shape if the sports
comes back on the TV and his eyes drift to watch the scores.
The whole idea of this is to make him feel comfortable and relaxed.
If watching a list of team names and numbers scrolling across the
screen makes him happy, why fuck with that?  It's not a comment on
your performance, or an indicator of anything significant.

If you'r doing it right, it won't be long before his legs stiffen 
and his hips start to pump up and down in rhythm with your sucking.  
Pick up the pace and suck even harder until you feel him start to cum.

As he cums, again, keep it *all* inside your mouth until he's 
finished.  Hold his cock in your hand as you lean back and open 
your mouth slightly to show him your cum-covered tongue and teeth.  
Let a bit of the cum/saliva mixture dribble out the corner of 
your mouth and down your chin.  

Use your index finger to wipe this cum up and direct the liquid 
back to your lips before it drips down your neck.

Smile, swallow, and continue licking and lapping at his cock 
as you slowly pump any last droplets of cum from his shaft.  
Lick those up and swallow again.
  
Now, take the terrycloth towel that you cleverly left to the 
side of his chair earlier and wipe him up.  Get his pants back 
on, thank him for a taste of his cum and get back to the kitchen 
to check on the food.

If you're good, you can do the whole thing during a commercial 
break so he doesn't miss anything.  And again, *without talking*!  
What you communicate with your tongue on his balls has so much 
more meaning than *anything* you might ever say out loud.

Later on, around a half-hour before he usually turns in, you should
slip away quietly and take a refresher shower to clean the day's
accumulated sweat and smell from your cunt.  A vigorous douche is
usually called for - you can buy the jet-powered ones from a number
of web-sites I've seen.  These *really* clean you out - and some
can even get you off at the same time (but don't tell *him* that!).

If you want to really do it up all the way, shave your cunt again
at this point to get rid of the 5-oclock shadow of pussy hair that's
grown since the morning.  A smooth cunt is always a good idea!

Get into a simple pair of white panties and a thin nightie top and
wait on the bed.  Get into the mood by masturbating with your
fingers.  First start by rubbing your cunt through the fabric of
your panties.  Get them all damp and sticky so that a big wet spot
forms right in front.  After you start warming up, pull the crotch
to the side so you can slide your fingers up and down your pussy
lips.

Guys *really* get into this.  There's not much hotter for a guy
to see than his grrl fingering her pussy for him.

If you time it well, he'll just be coming into the bedroom 
as you reach climax #3 or #4.  

Let him watch you pump your cunt for another orgasm or two.  

Showcase that freshly shaven pussy mound for him.

Again, I can't stress enough how important the clean cunt thing
is.  If you're lying back with your legs wide open, whatever
odors are lurking inside your hole are now being broadcast to
the world at large.  Is there a smell?  If so, you're doing the
equivalent of pushing your guy away - pushing him towards
another grrl who *knows* how to keep a clean catbox!

Anyway, look into his eyes as you cum, and tell him how it feels.  

Narrate your masturbation.  Get graphic.  

Tell him how much you like to masturbate.  Use the word 
'masturbate' a lot.  Point out your swollen clit.  Show him 
how wet your hole is.  Pull at your pussy lips.  Rub your mound.

Collect a few gobs of your white pussy cream and swirl it 
over and over your clit before bringing your fingers to your 
lips and slowly lapping up your cunt cream while continuing 
to stare into his eyes.

Tell him how much you love the taste of pussy juice.  

Tell him about a few of your lesbian experiences.  If you 
haven't had any yet, tell him about your lesbian fantasies - you
*know* you've had them!  

Tell him about the sexy salesgrrl who sold you your last 
swimsuit, and how you and she had a moment where you locked
eyes and *almost* kissed her sweet lips when she was helping 
you adjust the bikini bottom.

Tell him about your best friend from 8th grade, and the night 
that she slept over and how the two of you were cuddling under 
a warm blanket while watching the dirty cable channel, and how 
you both knew that the other one was wishing that a hand would
sneak out and rub against her pussy, but that you were too
afraid to go any farther.

Tell him about how you want to make it with grrlz that he knows.  
Grrlz from his office.  Grrlz he's probably got secret crushes
on.  The grrl at the fruit stand he's always eyeing when he thinks
you aren't looking.

Talk about how you'd like to tongue-fuck his sister.  Or your
sister.

Whatever you do, *don't* tell him about making it with other 
guys!  That's a real turn-off for him.  The idea is to get him
thinking about hot, juicy cunts like yours, and not thinking
about other guys' hairy cocks!

When he's really hot and you're just about to cum, spread your 
legs open even wider and pull your pussy lips back so your hole 
is wide open, wet and dripping.  

Beg him to fuck you.  This won't take long, since he's so 
turned on by your sluttish display.  Let him bang into you 
and be sure to scream and moan with each thrust.  Tell him 
you're cumming.  Then tell him again.  This'll be easy because
you really *are* cumming.

Reach your climax with him and cum just as he squirts his juice 
into your cunt.  Then, all you have to do is sink into the covers 
with him, as the two of you fall asleep, your crotches covered in 
sex juices.  

Needless to say, condoms play no role here.  You can't get really
wet and squishy with one of those plastic things over his cock.  Birth
control is *your* responsibility.  Get on the pill.  Squirt that
foam shit up your pussy.  Get fixed permanently.  Whatever.  Don't 
bug him with the details, just be able to present him with a cunt
that's ready to go.

It's *your* cunt.  *You're* the owner of the equipment, so *you* take 
care of it.  It's hard to understand why some grrls make such a fucking
big deal about this.  You don't ever worry about him getting jock itch,
you just want him to show up with a working cock.  Why should he be
different?

Anyway, you can see how easy this is.  By masturbating yourself 
to the point of orgasm before you start fucking, you've done the 
hard work for him.  Guys don't have the patience to get you off 
from start to finish.  Face it, Grrls, we got screwed with our 
anatomy - it takes us so fucking long to climax that the guy loses 
interest.  And can you blame them?  Would you really be into getting 
*him* off if guys took three times as long as grrls do to cum?  

This way works - you both get your cookies off, and he will never 
resent the time he takes to get you to cum.

If he's into it, he might want to reciprocate by munching your
carpet.  But not all guys are, so don't expect this.  In fact,
it's been my experience that guys who are a bit *too* into cunt
lapping are almost always bi.  Now, this is just me talking,
but the idea of a guy being sexual with another guy is just plain
gross, and I stay away from anything even remotely connected
with male gay sex.  The upshot is that if he's not enthusiastic
about pussy licking, it's probably a good sign that your guy is
100% straight!  Get your clit lapped by a grrlfriend - they know
how to do it better than any guy anyway...

In the morning, repeat this sequence.  Keep it up as long as 
you want.

You might think this would be boring for him after a while, that 
he'd get tired of the routine?  Well, WRONG!  This will keep him 
near, dear and faithful to you for as long as you want him around.

It works, grrlz.  Give it a try!



















    *---(:>     Double for Nothing!!  Tricks for Free!!!     <:)---*


                            www.mrdouble.com

                        
                      One Less Bell To Answer.....

         
                     *---(:>   Mr Double   <:)---*



This story is a work of fiction.  Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously.  Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.