From uwm.edu!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!wuarchive!rice!uw-beaver!milton!sumax!polari!halcyon.wa.com Thu Apr 11 14:04:20 CDT 1991


   This is the second Journal Entry ever posted.  It too, shows its age
well.


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                                     Journal Entry 073 / 0119

     The music was too damned LOUD, but that's alright, that's the way I
like it, especially on such a great occasion.  Dick looked like he was
enjoying the hell out of himself;  I never knew he could play guitar
like that.  The dance floor was a sheer riot of colors and fur patterns
and there was absolutely no way to make sense out of the whole mess.
I've always loved Dead Rabbit parties.  They're a signal, a joyous
attempt to express how important children are.    

     And this one was very special.  Not because I was related to the
participants, or that they were household members, but because of the
technological breakthrough Lorraine's pregnancy signified.  She and
Christine had made something of a noise back in '09, when they'd
announced that they were in love.  Nowadays that's no big deal, a
hundred years later, but then, Wow, was there a row.  A LOT of people
walked around re-examining themselves.  Amazing how learning a friend is
gay makes the wheels in your head turn.

     Me?  I thought about it while I drank my Amaretto milkshake,
enjoying the sensation of alcohol winding it's way around my cerebral
cortex.  The music was pounding, and the alcohol soothing, and the air
was cool.  I look up at the shadowsquare overhead, providing us with the
darkness of night.  I'd been horribly carnalized by my own culture
(20'th century American) but along the way I'd conquered my fears and
I'd tried it.  It's a variation I can wholeheartedly indulge in, but,
admittedly, it's more of an intellectual pursuit.  I can watch a cute
girl go by, of almost any species, and feel attracted, but with men, I
stop and consider whether I lust for them or not.  Very few men have
ever simply aroused my lust.

     Ember passed by, pinching me as she went by.  I realized that the
party atmosphere had sort of subdued within me, and I'd become more
introspective.  Something was bugging me, but I couldn't place it.

     "Palsa?" I asked the cute young Tellakelvar standing next to the
speaker.  "Where's Kathy?"

     Her left head swiveled to look at me.  She focussed then, and I
realized that she was toasted drunk, but she managed to say "I t'augh I
saw her leave down a tube."

     "Thanks." I headed towards a tube myself, avoiding the writhing
bodies of Humans, Felinzi, Unczia, Tellakelvar, and Jenteks, not mention
the others.  Once down on the first floor (the 'Castle' as it's called,
is a floating cube.  The roof is a laid garden, and floors are numbered
from the top.)  I said "Dave, have you seen Kathy?"

     "If you're referring to Kitty, she's in your room.  She hasn't said
a word to me since she entered, though, so I have no idea why she's
there."

     "Thanks."  Having an AI monitoring your home might make you think
of Big Brother and 1984, but we've never had any trouble.  Mainly
because I trust Dave, he's been a friend for a long time.  Well, maybe
another version of him.  In 105, the old Dave Majors was down for about
an hour, and in that hour...

     Never mind.  It's an old, sad story, and if I think about it, I'll
get maudlin and sad again and I'll want to stop writing.  Better to
progress to the third floor where my apartment was and see what was
going on in my room.

     The door opened as smoothly as it had the day it was installed, and
I looked in.  The lights were out, but the balcony door was open.  I
glanced around, looking at the Kaluta painting on the far wall, the
Marcus and Mapplethorpe photo pair of Carroll and Donna in the kitchen
where they'd always been.  Kitty was outside, leaning against the
railing and looking out through the break in the crater wall, towards
the ocean.  I walked out with her.  She was just staring.  Music floated
down from above, now a little slower, appropriate.  Light from sectors
in daylight further up the ring flashed off the glistening waves.  The
scent was pure heaven, all salt and light.  So far, Kitty hadn't said a
word.

     "You couldn't kill yourself jumping from here.  Dave would catch
you in a t-field, and drop you in P'nyssa's office." I said.  I meant it 
as a joke.

     "I wasn't planning on jumping."  Matter of fact.

     "Kitty, what's bothering you?"

     She sighed, said nothing.  Then, "Do you ever plan on having kids,
Ken?"

     "I've got a couple hundred."

     "That's not what I mean."

     "Ah, well... as for that... hmm.  Maybe.  Maybe not today, and
maybe not tomorrow, but someday, sure."

     There was silence for a while, and then I said "Kitty, what's
bothering you?"

     She turned to me, and there were tears in her eyes.  "I... I got
mail today from my parents."

     "And?"

     "They told me that I was to never write them again.  They never
want to hear from me, I'm not their daughter.  As if I ever was!  It's
not fair!  Damnit, I never fit there, you know that!  But I'm also one
of the few people to come through the Great Hall looking the same as I
went in.  Terra treats me like a traitor, and Pendorians treat me like a
Terran!  Goddamnit, I never asked for this!"

     I stood there, absorbing her hatred.  For me?  No, I think not.
Just for life in general.  "Kitty, why did you wait until now?  Why
didn't you tell me this morning?"

     "I... I thought I could keep it in.  You know.  But everybody's
having so much fun.  And... and Kurt is up there, having so much fun,
and I can't... I can't join in like that.  And, and, Chris and Raine,
y'know, they're going to have a baby soon, and I... I've never had
anyone love me like that."

     Did she just tell me she's a virgin?  I think so.

     "Ken?"

     "Hmmm?"

     "Did you know that I was raped when I was fifteen?"

     What do you say to a line like that?  I waited.  "It was... I was
with my dad on a trip to Boston, and I was out malling around, and... it
just happened.  It was so fast.  I remember it so clear, too.  He was a
oriental guy.  They never caught him.  And my dad, he kept telling me
it'd never have happened if I'd gone back to the hotel early."  She
smiled wanly.  "I think the police interrupted his meeting."

     There was a long, quiet pause, while I waited.  "I've never been
with a guy since.  I thought for a long time I was gay, but I couldn't
do that, either.  At least, not on Earth, I didn't know how to find out.
I asked Ember what I should do, and she said talk to you."

     I smiled.  My little granddaughter had a conniving mind.  "Kitty,
what are you trying to tell me?"

     "Ken, Ember told me that when she was fifteen, you and she...well,"
and her hands made awkward, suggestive gestures.  I smiled.  "We made
love, Kitty, for the first time, for her.  Kitty, is that what you want
from me?"

     She looked up at me.  There was a pause, the light of the night and
the sound of the band very much in the background.  Her lips moved, but
no sounds came out, but then, "Yes. Yes I do.  Ember told me you were
very gentle, and... I need that.  I need you to be gentle with me."

     "Here?" I asked her quietly.

     She thought, a smile on her lips.  "No.  There," she said, pointing
to the beach by the Vinyare ocean.


     "'Sup to you" I said.  She nodded, and then, with a "See ya!" she
vaulted over the railing and dropped the fifty feet or so to the sand
down below.  Damned Telekinets, I swore.  And she's a show-off.
Probably just enjoying it.

     But I've got technology on my side.  Mentally I searched for the
switch in my head... *Dave, I need the following... * and rolled out a
string of requests for him.  He responded, and within a minute there
was...

     Dave has an insidious sense of humour, I will admit.  He'd given me
what I'd asked for, but inside a basket that looked straight out of Red
Riding Hood.  "I'm hardly going to grandmother's house."

     "Well," he responded through the speaker, "you do need something to
carry it in."

     "Okay, okay.  Dave, I'll be out on the beach."  I followed my
earlier suggestion and simply leapt over the railing of the porch.  Dave
did indeed catch me in a g-field and lowered me very easily to the beach
of the lagoon.  From there it was a short walk between the crag in the
rocks to actual beach.  The sand was warm beneath my toes from the day's
heat.  The surf was loud, and the natural beauty of Pendor arrayed
itself for me as I looked up along the ring.

     "Ahem."

     I turned around.  She was sitting just to the right of me.  "Hi."

     "Hi." she repeated.  I sat down.  "What's that?" she asked, looking
at the basket.

     "A blanket.  I hate the way sand gets into everything.  Some wine,
two glasses, some cheese and a knife, a candle.  Oh, and the napkin.
That was Dave's idea."  I spread out the blanket and sat down.  I
uncorked the wine, and drew forth the knife.  I cut the roundel into
small slices, and handed one to her.  She took it, looked at it, then
tasted it, first a small nibble, then a bite.  I smiled, and poured the
wine into the glasses settled into the soft warm sand.  She accepted the
glass, drinking a little.  With a pretentious wave of my hand, I lit the
candle.

     "What's that for?"

     "Hmm?  Oh, I dunno, a candle seemed... appropriate."

     She nodded.  The only sound was the pounding surf.  She stared out
into the waves again, the silence between us heavy.  Kitty picked up my
glass of wine, and took a drink. "Hey!"

     "Hmmm?"

     "That was my glass."

     "Oh, well, in that case, I'd better give you mine," she said,
smiling.  She picked up her glass and slowly brought it to my lips.  She
lifted it and I drank, and then I put my hands around hers.  I held the
glass there, in front of my face, and, slowly, with one hand I took the
glass out hers, and laid it on the sand.  I looked at her eyes, and as I
watched, I kissed her hands.  First once, then again, my lips pressed
against her fingers.  With both hands I divided hers apart, my eyes
still looking directly at her.  She was watching me with a look that was
both wondrous and incredulous, and I felt that familiar, mad sensation
of Eros, and I leaned forward into her and my lips met hers.

     Her lips responded to mine, closed at first, but then she opened
her mouth and we kissed deeply, enjoying the heat of one tongue on
another.  She wrapped her arms around me, as if she would never let me
go, and her kisses seemed to go on for ever.  Cautiously, worried that I
might frighten her, my hands found their way under her bulky sweater.  I
touched her skin, soft against her belly, and my hands lingered up
towards her breasts.

     She stopped kissing me, pulling back, and her eyes searched my
face, both in seeming fear and desire.  I continued.  My fingers touched
the soft undersides of her breasts, and over them, caressing her nipples
with the rough skin of my hands.  Her eyes closed, and a small tremor
went through her body.  My fingers closed gently on her nipples,
pinching them tenderly between to fingers.  My fingertips caressed the
soft skin surrounding them, eliciting tiny silent tremors from her.  I
opened my hands, and held her breasts full in my hands.

     "Kitty?"

     Her eyes opened quickly, and she looked at me, her breath coming in
short, concentrated gasps, and then she said, "K... Ken... I... I don't
know... Nobody's ever touched me... like this."  Her hands came free
from my waist, and she reached under her sweater and put her hands on
mine.  "Don't stop.  It... it feels good... Ken."

     Deliberately slow, I leaned towards her and kissed her.  With both
our hands in the way, we couldn't press ourselves together, and this
time our kiss was gentle, a feather's touch of her lips on mine, our
tongues exploring peacefully.  My hands, with her hands still touching,
continued their slow caresses of her body, moving beyond her breasts and
caressing her belly, her back.  "Let me take off your sweater."  She
nodded, and in one quick motion it was free, and when I dropped it the
wind carried it a few feet further down the beach.  Her hands began
working at the simple clasps on my shirt, and in a twinkling she had
mine off as well.  I reached forward and hugged her to me, feeling her
skin now free and warm against mine and the cool salt air.  We parted,
and then I reached up to stroke her hair.  She looked at me, a smile
playing on her lips.  I reached down towards her waist, and began to
undo the tied sash on her jeans.  The feelings I felt from her went in a
blink from joy to fear, but she let me continue, and I pulled it loose,
and undid the clasp underneath.  Her breeks were open, and, then, she
took her hands down and began to climb out of them.  She threw them down
onto the sand with the rest of our clothes, and looked at me, almost
defiant.  I responded by taking off the rest of my clothes.  

     Her hands reached out to me, and she began to stroke my skin, along
my chest and belly, and she pinched my nipples in return.  I groaned
aloud, her fingers finding my hot and ticklish spots.  She giggled, her
fingers growing more bolder as they ran along my sides until she had me
squirming on the blanket.  "Stop it... stop it!" I gasped.  Instead, she
dug in further, knocking me over and getting on top of me, her fingers
mercilessly scratching at my belly, driving me mad with frustration at
being tickled.  "Stop!" I grappled for her hands and grabbed them.  She
looked down at me, her eyes gleaming wildly in the pale ringlight.  Only
then did I notice, at the same time she did, that my erection was poking
against her bottom, and we stared at each other.  Again, it was a sort
of "I-dare-you" look, and she took the dare.  She arose on her legs, and
shuffled back until she was right above my cock.  I let her hands loose,
and she grabbed my cock and held it upright, and then slowly she settled
down onto it, her lips parting wetly to accomodate it.  

     It wouldn't go very far on the first stroke, but she determinedly
rose and slowly dropped herself onto my sex again, penetrating herself
deeper with my cock this time, and then again.  She made no sound, and
it was hard to tell which was louder then, my heart or the surf.  The
band was still playing over in the castle, and I could hear it from
here, very far away.  I felt her cunt surrounding my cock, tight, like a
comfortable vise.  I could feel the cool air when she rose up, almost
until the tip fell out, and then down.  I looked up at her, and her eyes
were closed, like she was lost in the friction.  The sweet savor of her
moistness joined with the scent of clean, living sea, and her motion was
music, my mind a fury of lust.  I wanted to ravish her, but I was
determined to be gentle, and to let her take this where she wanted to
go.  Her hands came down, and she bent over to place them on my
shoulders, her face looming over mine, her brown loose curls brushing
against my cheek.  Her green eyes (had I ever noticed them before?)
looked at mine.  Another shudder, and then, "God," (a whisper) "I've
never felt so, so... like this before.  I could do this all night," and
her hips rose and fell like the chiming of a bell, her juices lolling
down my cock cooling in the air, then warming as she slid back down my
pole.

     "Go ahead," I said, slowly aware of my orgasm as a vague sensation
in the background, and I could see it would be a long time coming. 

     I brought my hands back up from her hips, and softly I caressed
her where I could reach, the backs of my fingers against her cheek, down
her throat, as she slowly fucked herself with my cock.  Down to her
breasts, gently stroking her nipples, not pinching, just brushing aginst
them.  One hand slowly slid down the flat of her belly, index finger
tracing the round of her navel.  Slowly my hand caressed the skin,
grazing over her pubic hairs, and then down, to where cock met cunt, I
felt her full, wet lips, her clit full between them, and then just under
that, my cock, slowly sliding in and out of her as she slid up and down
on me.  My fingers gently fondled her clit.

     A hard shock travelled through her, a spasm of pleasure, and her
eyes closed again.  She didn't cease her motion, but didn't come down so
far, leaving enough room for my fingers as they stroked and cajoled her
further along towards orgasm.  I began to respond now, uncontrollably,
raising my hips to meet hers, wanting more speed and force to push my
orgasm as I did hers.  It was so hard to concentrate.  We began to speed
up, our breath coming in soft, panting susurrus.  The sounds of the
ocean faded as our sex became more and more zealous, more and more
violent.  She began to moan, whimper, and then, in one spasm that
contracted her sex around my cock, she let out a peal of ecstacy, and
her orgasm shuddered through her body.  Her hands slipped off my
shoulders, and she supported herself against the sand.  But she did not
stop.  She kept on stroking herself against me, her eyes now staring at
me, daring me to join her in orgasm, a wild, frenzied glare in them.
Her strokes became hard, powerful jolts, her hips against mine, and my
climax was coming upon us fast.  My heart beat in perception, and I felt
that familiar tightness, an my breath slowed.  I put my hands under her
thighs, stopping her on a downstroke, holding her there.  The point of
no return, I knew, but I could make this point last, slowly as I slid my
pole into her, inch by spare inch, my muscles quivering uncontrollably,
and, and...

     I screamed through gritted teeth, my breath gasping, shooting into
her, forever!

     And then I settled back down onto the blanket, breathing hard, the
sweat of our bodies joining as she lay atop me.  My world spun around as
I tried to return control.  It slowed down and came back into one image,
of the ring arcing up along, the ocean following.  Her head rested
against my chest, her her trailed against my shoulder, her eyes closed
and her breathing slow and calm, and all was right, at least for now, in
my world.


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   As always, the Journal Entries are (C) 1990 Elf M. Sternberg, and
may be freely distributed provided this copyright is left intact no
editorial changes are made to the text.


