ONE DAY, A POLISH MAN WAS NUDE SUNBATHING ON HIS ROOF.
HE GOT A BAD SUNBURN ALL OVER!  THAT NIGHT, HIS GIRLFRIEND
CAME OVER.  AND WHILE THEY WERE FUCKING, HIS DICK STARTED TO
HURT.  WELL, SINCE MILK IS GOOD FOR SUNBURN, HE POURED A GLASS
AND STUCK HIS DICK IN IT.  A FEW MINUTES LATER, HIS GIRLFRIEND
WALKED OUT, SAW HIM, AND SAID, "I ALWAYS WONDERED HOW YOU GUYS
LOADED THOSES THINGS!"

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE POLISH GUY WHO BROKE HIS NECK RAKING LEAVES?
     HE FELL OUT OF THE TREE.

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE POLISH GUY WHO DIED DRINKING MILK?
     THE COW FELL ON HIM!

THERE WERE THREE GUYS ON THIS ISLAND.  A POLOCK, AN AMERICAN, AND A GERMAN
ONE DAY A BOTTLE WASHED UP ON SHORE, AND OUT POPPED A GENIE.  HE SAID I WILL
NOW GRANT YOU EACH A WISH.  THE AMERICAN WISHED TO BE BACK FUCKING HIS WIFE.
THE GERMAN SAID YEAH.  THAT SOUNDS GOOD.
I WANT THE SAME.  POOF THEY WERE GONE.  YOU ARE THE LAST SAID THE GENI
SAID WHAT DO YOU WANT???
"WELL, I AM KIND OF LONELY I WISH THE OTHER GUYS WERE BACK HERE."

DID YOU HERE ABOUT THE NEW IMPROVED POLISH PARACHUTES?
     THEY OPEN ON IMPACT.

WHY DID THE POLISH JET LINER CRASH?
     IT RAN OUT OF COAL.

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE POLOCK WHO WANTED TO BE A STUD?
     HE STRAPPED HIMSELF TO A SNOWTIRE.

HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN A POLISH WOMAN IS HAVING A PERIOD?
     SHE'S ONLY WEARING 1 SOCK.

WHY DON'T POLOCKS EVER DRINK KOOL-AID?
     BECAUSE THEY CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET TWO QUARTS OF WATER IN THAT
     LITTLE PACKAGE!

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE POLLOCK STREAKER WHO FORGOT TO TAKE OFF HIS CLOTHES?

A Pollock dove into a swimming pool...
climbed out and said, "I'll be sure glad when its Friday."  He dove in.
As he climbed out he said again, "I'll be sure glad when its Friday."
The second Pollock sitting by the pool said, "Whats so special about Friday?"
The first Pollock said, "Thats when they put the water in the pool."

WHY DO POLES MAKE SUCH LOUSY LOVERS?
     THEY ALWAYS WAIT FOR THE SWELLING TO GO DOWN!

Did ya hear about the polock who locked his keys in his car?
     It took two hours for him to get it open.
     He had to get inside to put the top up.

What is the easiest job in Poland?
     Intelligence officer in the Polish army.

What is the most dangerous job in Poland?
     Riding shotgun on a garbage truck.

What is the smallest room in the world?
     The Polish Hall of Fame.

In what section of the paper do they print Polish obituraries?
     Under Civic Improvement.

What do they call two Polocks in a bathtub?
     A double-ring ceremony.

Why does a Polock wear a hat to the toilet to take a crap?
     So that he will know which end to wipe..

What is a Polish Luau?
     Six Polocks with straws sitting around a cesspool..

How can you tell a Polock from an APE?
     The ape peels the banana before eating it.

What do you call a Polish paratrooper?
     Instant air pollution.

What did Hitler tell the German Army before they marched into Poland?
     Don't shit in the streetswe are trying to starve them..

WHAT DO YOU CALL A POLLOCK WITH A $10,000 HAT?
     THE POPE

How does a Polock take a shower?
     Pee against the wind.

Why are there no polish pharmacies?
     They can't figure out how to put the little bottles in the typewriter!

ONCE UPON A TIME A POLOCK, AN AMERICAN, AND A GERMAN WERE GOING TO BE
SHOT BY A FIRING SQUAD.  WHEN THE AMERICAN WAS ABOUT TO BE
SHOT HE SHOUTED OUT "TORNADO!".  SO THE WHOLE FIRING SQUAD RAN, AND THE
AMERICAN EXCAPED.  THE NEXT DAY THE GERMAN WAS ABOUT TO BE SHOT
WHEN HE YELLED,"TIDALWAVE!" AND HE ESCAPED.  THE NEXT DAY THE POLOCK WAS
GOING TO BE SHOT.  THE FIRING SQUAD WAS ALL LINED UP AND WHEN
THEY WERE ABOUT TO SHOOT HIM HE YELLED, "FIRE!"

HOW DO YOU SINK A POLISH BATTLESHIP?
     YOU PUT IT IN THE WATER.

WHY DID THE NEWEST POLISH SUBMARINE SINK?
     THEY PUT ON THE WRONG KIND OF SCREEN DOORS!

WHAT DO YOU FIND IN A POLE'S NOSE?
     FINGERPRINTS

HOW DO YOU BREAK A POLE'S FINGER?
     HIT HIM IN THE NOSE

Why did 18 Polacks go to the movies?
     Because the sign said "No one under 17 admitted."

What do the numbers 1776 and 1492 have in common?
     They are adjoining rooms at the Warsaw Hilton.

What happened to the Polish National Library?
     Someone stole the book.

What is a Polish Pencil?
     A pencil with erasers on both ends.

WHY DID THE STADIUM IN WARSAW GET TORN DOWN?
     EVERYWHERE YOU SIT, YOU SIT BEHIND A POLE

HOW CAN YOU IDENTIFY A POLISH CESSPOOL?
     IT'S THE ONE WITH THE DIVING BOARD

WHAT'S A POLISH SATURDAY NIGHT SPECIAL?
     A BATH

HOW MANY POLOCKS DOES IT TAKE TO TAKE A SHOWER?
     101.  1 TO TAKE THE SHOWER AND 100 TO SPIT ON HIM.

WHY DID THE POLACK JUMP OFF THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING?
     TO SHOW EVERYBODY THAT HE HAD GUTS.

BEING UNDER PRESSURE FROM CIVIL RIGHTS  GROUPS, NASA FINALLY DECIDED TO LET A
POLACK FLY INTO SPACE IN THE SHUTTLE.  HIS ONLY CREWMATE WAS A CHIMPANZEE
WHO WAS TRAINED TO DO SPECIAL TASKS DURING THE  MISSION.  AS THE SHUTTLE
WENT INTO ORBIT A RED LIGHT CAME ON, AND THE CHIMP TURNED ON THE
ON-BOARD TAPE RECORDER.  THE TAPE TOLD THE CHIMPANZEE TO IGNITE THE ORBITAL
ENGINES TO REDUCE VELOCITY TO 18000 MPH.  THE CHIMP DID THAT.  FIVE
MINUTES LATER, THE RED LIGHT CAME BACK ON, AND THE INSTRUCTIONS ON THE
TAPE TOLD THE CHIMP TO GO INTO AN ORBIT WHICH WOULD ALLOW THE SHUTTLE TO
RENDEZVOUS WITH A LOST INSAT SATTELITE. THE CHIMP DID THAT.  FINALLY,
THE GREEN LIGHT CAME ON, AND THE POLACK WAITED FOR HIS FIRST
INSTRUCTIONS.  HE TURNED ON THE TAPE.  "FEED THE MONKEY" IT SAID.

One day, a polack and his friends were watching a football game.
The polack said "I'll bet anyone $10 that the quarterback will
make a touchdown on this play!"
One of his freinds accepted.  So the play started and the quarterback ran
all the way to the 1 yard line and got tackled.  The polack lost his $10,
so he said "I'll bet anyone $10 that he'll make it on the replay!"

...A few years ago the Polacks and the Texas Aggies were playing football.
At the end of the first quarter, the .gun sounded and the Polacks ran off
the field thinking it was halftime. Four plays later the Aggies scored a
field goal.

Why is it illegal to kill flies in Poland?
     Because that's the national bird.

WHAT IS THE ULTIMATE PUNISHMENT FOR A POLOCK SCHOOL BOY?
     WHEN THE TEACHER TELLS HIM TO GO STAND IN THE ROUND ROOM AND PEE IN THE
     CORNER.

EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT THE POPE ISNT SUPPOSED TO HATE ANYTHING DUE TO HIS
RELIGION.  WELL, WHEN JOAN RIVERS ASKED HIM WHAT HE HATED MOST, HE RELUCTANTLY
SAID, "I HATE PEELING THE SHELLS OFF OF THOSE 'AMERICAN M&M 'S'"

WHY DONT POLISH PEOPLE EAT PICKLES ?
     BECAUSE THEIR HEADS'LL GET STUCK IN THE JAR !

THERE WERE THESE THREE GUYS...A MEXICAN
A BLACK GUY, AND POLLOCK.  WHILE
LIVING IN MEXICO, THEY GOT CAUGHT
SELLING DRUGS.  IN MEXICO, THE PENALTY
FOR THIS IS A HANGING IN A TREE
THAT OVERLOOKS THE RIO GRANDE.  THIS
WAY, ALL THEY DO IS CUT THE ROPE, AND
THE BODIES GO FLOATING DOWN TO THE OCEAN.
ANYWAY, WHEN THE MEXICAN GOT PUT
UP IN THE TREE, THE KNOT CAME OFF,
AND HE FELL INTO THE RIO GRANDE...
FREE.  THE BLACK DUDE GOT UP THERE
AND HE WAS SO DIRTY AND GREASY AND HE
SLIPPED THROUGH THE NOOSE.  AFTER
HE FELL, HE SWAM HIS WAY TO FREEDOM.
THE POLLOCK GUY STOOD UP AND SAID...
HEY GUYS...YOU BETTER TIE THE ROPE
BETTER FOR ME, CAUSE I CAN'T SWIM !

SAY, DID YOU KNOW THERE IS A POLISH MAFIA?
     WHY YES, JUST LAST WEEK THEY FOUND TWO GUYS WITH THEIR HEADS TIED
     TOGETHER AND SHOT THROUGH THE HANDS.

WHAT DID THE POLLACK DO WITH HIS FIRST 50 CENT PIECE?
     HE MARRIED HER.

THREE POLLACKS SITTING ON A COUCH.  HOW DO YOU TELL WHICH ONES A COCK SUCKER?
     HE'S THE ONE SPITTING FEATHERS.

WHY DO POLISH NEIGHBORHOODS HAVE A LOW SUICIDE RATE?
     IT'S HARD TO KILL YOURSELF JUMPING OUT OF A BASEMENT WINDOW.

THE VERY NEXT DAY THE AMERICAN, THE FRENCH MAN AND THE POLOCK WERE GOING
THROUGH THE WOODS IN SEARCH OF A PLACE TO HIDE FROM THE FIRING SQUAD.
AS THEY WERE MOVING THROUGH THE FOREST THEY HEARD SOUNDS OF THE APPROACHING
SEARCH PARTY AND THE DECIDED TO TAKE TO THE TREES TO HIDE.
THE AMERICAN CLIMBED UP A TREE AND THE FRENCHMAN AND THE POLOCK KEPT ON
GOING.  A LITTLE FARTHER DOWN THE ROAD THE FRENCHMAN CLIMBED UP A TREE
AND THE POLOCK WENT ON.  A LITTLE FARTHER DOWN THE ROAD THE POLOCK
CLIMBED UP A TREE.  AS THE SEARCH PARTY WALKED UNDER THE TREE
BROKE.  THE SEARCH PARTY LOOKED AROUND AND THE AMERICAN STARTED
WHISTLING.  THE SEARCH PARTY DECIDED THAT IT MUST JUST BE A BIRD SO THEY
WENT ON.  AS THE PARTY MOVED UNDER THE TREE WHERE THE
FRENCHMAN WAS HIDING THE FRENCHMAN SLIPPED AND BROKE A SMALL BRANCH.
AS THE SEARCH PARTY LOOKED AROUND THEY FRENCHMAN WENT WHO-WHO-.
THEY SEARCH PARTY SAID IT MUST BE AN OWL.  AS THE PARTY MOVED UNDER THE POLOCK
HE SLIPPED AND BROKE A LARGE BRANCH.  AS THE SEARCH PARTY STARTED TO LOOK AROUND
THE POLOCK PANICKED AND SAID IN A VERY LOUD VOICE
MOO...MOO...

WHY IS SEMEN WHITE AND PEE YELLOW?
     SO POLISH MEN KNOW IF THEY ARE COMING OR GOING.

WHY DID THE POLISH AIRLINER CRASH?
     IT RAN OUT OF COAL.

WHAT HAPPENED WHEN THEY NUKED WARSAW?
     IT DID $2.99 WORTH OF DAMAGE.

HOW ARE POLISH CHILDREN TAUGHT TO PUT ON THEIR UNDERWEAR?
     BROWN IN THE BACK, YELLOW UP FRONT.

WHY DID THE POLISH GUY STUFF CARPETING IN HIS SHORTS?
     SO HE COULD HAVE BALL-TO-BALL CARPETING.

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE LAZY POLACK?
     HE MARRIED A PREGNANT WOMAN.

WHY ARE THERE NO RECTAL THERMOMETERS IN POLAND?
     THEY CAUSE TOO MUCH BRAIN DAMAGE.

HOW DO POLACKS COUNT?
     1, 2, 3, ANOTHER, ANOTHER, ANOTHER....

WHY DID THE POLISH ELEVATOR OPERATOR LOSE HIS JOB?
     HE FORGOT THE ROUTE.

Did you hear about the Polish prostitue who didn't vote?
     She didn't care who got in!

What did the Polish prostitue give her daughter for her birthday?
     Everything west of Broadway!

Did you hear about the Polack who thought the Bermuda Triangle was a love afair
in Florida?

Do Polish Teachers have ESP?
     Yes, Extra Simple Pupils!

Did you hear about the Polack who stayed up all night studying for his urine
test?

How do you know when a polish woman lets a fart?
     Her pantyhose swell up.

The Polack came home from his job at the pickle factory and told his wife,
"I have this terrible urge to stick my thing in the pickle slicer.  I know
it's crazy, but I can't help it.  "His wife was shocked, "You mustn't even
think of that!  Get such crazy ideas out of your head."
For weeks, this went on.  Finally, one evening he came home and said to
his wife, "I finally did it!  I put my thing in the pickle slicer."
His wife was hysterical.  "What happened to you?"
Sadly he replied, "They fired both of us."

Did you hear about the polock who thought that a pitcher of
margaritas was spanish ponography!

DID YOU HEAR THAT THE POLISH PEOPLE ARE TIRED OF ALL THESE JOKES?
THEY ARE MARCHING ON WASHINGTON LAST I HEARD THEY WERE THREE MILES
OUTSIDE OF SEATTLE.

DID YOU HEAR THAT HALF OF POLAND MOVED TO ITALY! THEY RAISED THE IQ OF BOTH
COUNTRIES!
