
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/96123.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Major_Character_Death, Underage
  Category:
      Gen
  Fandom:
      Saiyuki
  Character:
      Sha_Gojyo, Sha_Jien
  Additional Tags:
      Angst, Incest, Unhappy_Ending, Siblings, Childhood, Canonical_Character
      Death
  Series:
      Part 8 of 7_Deadly_Sins
  Stats:
      Published: 2010-06-22 Words: 650
****** Suburbia ******
by theskywasblue
Summary
     Jien makes a mess that he can't clean up.
It doesn’t really look red, Jien thinks, not as red as it should, creeping
across the worn floorboards, heavy and thick like corn-syrup.  It’s not really
the same colour as Gojyo’s hair at all.
The first thing he’s aware of is breathing, his own, ragged and heavy, sloshing
in his lungs.  Then it halts completely, and it takes conscious effort to start
again, in and out, breathing manually.  He almost has to press his hand against
his chest.
The body is warm.  Jien thinks he can feel the heat starting to seep out of it,
a little at a time.  The blood has started to pool around his shoes and Gojyo
is staring at him. 
He opens his mouth to say something – I’m sorry, it’s okay, don’t be scared,
don’t cryohgoddon’tcry – and hot salt water runs in the corners of his mouth,
pooling between his teeth and his lower lip.
It hits him suddenly, the smell of the blood and the fear.  Bile rises in the
back of his throat and somewhere, somewhere, a little boy is screaming.
The sword falls to the floor, a dull clatter like bones knocking together, he
moves just a little and his feet stick to the floor.  His first step backwards
jolts every bone in his body, and Gojyo flinches minutely, moving forwards, but
stopping short, trapped by the blood and the body, his hand comes down on
curled wisps of sandy hair and jumps back as if stung.
The second step, which should be easier – it always gets easier, you close your
eyes and breathe shallow and try not to hear the voice repeating over and over,
try so, so hard not to think about what you’re doing as her claws dig into your
back and her legs lock around your hips – feels like someone is pushing their
hand through his chest, not breaking the bones but pushing in between the ribs
and wrenching them apart.  He’s sobbing now, in and out, and all he can see is
red.
Red, red, red like blood, seeping through skin that’s spilt from the blows,
spat from between baby teeth loosened by sheer force.  And god it hurts, even
though he doesn’t cry as he slips his fingers under the roots and pulls them
out, one at a time.
It’s done now, he thinks, done and over, and it shouldn’t hurt so much; but
somehow it hurts more because his hands are shaking and if Gojyo comes to him
now Jien can’t be sure if those hands will wrap around his shoulders or around
his throat.  He can’t be sure if they are his father’s hands, his mothers, or
his own, and which possibility he’s more afraid of.
The blood isn’t in Gojyo’s hair or eyes.  It’s on Gojyo’s cheeks; in little
rivulets like tears and it’s on the floor and on his mother and all over his
shoes tracking backwards across the floor and Jien can’t think clearly about
what he’s done. 
Except that he can; because it’s right there, spread out across the kitchen
floor, a mess he’ll never be able to clean up.
It had all seemed so perfect up to that moment, until the sword went through
her heart and the body hit the floor and Jien looked down at his brother and
realized that even though he was terrified to die, Gojyo wasn’t.
He misses the first step, hits the second hard enough to jar his knee and send
pain like a cold blade up into his hip as the screen door slams with a sound
like a gunshot.  His lips move silently over and over -
don’tcrydon’tcrydon’tcry –it’s too late for him, but he knows that if Gojyo
does, if his little brother – Your only brother Jien, you have to protect him
–isn’t strong enough to be alone, then the only other choice is for them all to
go together.
-End-
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