
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/487230.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage, Choose_Not_To_Use_Archive_Warnings
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Valdemar_Series_-_Mercedes_Lackey
  Relationship:
      Vanyel_Ashkevron/Tylendel_Frelennye
  Character:
      Vanyel_Ashkevron, Tylendel_Frelennye
  Additional Tags:
      Outdoor_Sex, Closeted, LHM, reluctance, Dubious_Consent
  Stats:
      Published: 2012-08-15 Words: 1968
****** Paranoia ******
by typhe
Summary
     One slip and we'll be destroyed.
Notes
     This fic was inspired by a few conversations about the imbalance in
     Tylendel and Vanyel's relationship & Van's inability to say 'no' to
     'Lendel - therefore, dubcon.
"You took your sweet time -"
"Someone saw me," Vanyel replied shortly, and leaned against the sturdy forked
branch of a tree, breathing heavily. Tylendel, who had been lounging on the bed
of needles looking both indolent and mischievously impatient, sat up suddenly,
his smile gone. "I slipped out the garden door and - and - there was a man
walking around the corner. It's alright, I - turned round and pretended I was
sneaking in, not out, then I waited a good while before leaving again. Maybe he
didn't see me." He was trying to convince himself as much as 'Lendel, maybe
more so.
"Who was it?"
"I don't know," he replied. He would never lie to Tylendel, but - it was true,
really; he didn't know. The moon was on the wane, and he'd only heard a step
and seen a shadow, barely enough to even know that it was a man. He didn't know
who it had been, he had no possible way of knowing, and it was only fear that
was rooting in his mind the idea that it had been Evan Leshara.
That would be ridiculous, in any case. Whatever underhand schemes Evan was
running, why would he be spying on Vanyel? He was only a feckless lordling, not
anyone of consequence.
I'm just panicking, he told himself. I've every reason to panic - one slip and
we'll be destroyed. Doesn't matter who it is. We shouldn't even be risking
meeting here like this. Tylendel rolled to his feet and embraced him, and
Vanyel stood frozen in his arms, half of him wanting to bolt and the other half
wanting to melt. He felt a hand ruffle his hair, a stray pine needle prick
against his scalp. "No one saw you come in here, did they?"
"No," he wavered. Again, true enough. Could he be sure? Could he really be
sure? Tylendel always left a few minutes ahead of him, through the window of
his own room which faced a different side of the garden to Vanyel's, and they
never both took the same path to get here, often changing their routes from one
escapade to the next. It wasn't possible that anyone knew. They'd been so
careful. Not even Savil knew about their evening walks, as far as he was aware.
"Then relax," ordered Tylendel, and tightened his arms around him. Vanyel
sighed, and let his head rest against 'Lendel's shoulder, fervently hoping it
really was alright. Please, he thought frantically, hoping that some god out
there would hear him. Please let us be safe together.
But he knew of no gods that guarded men like them.
Tylendel shifted, arm slung over Vanyel's shoulder, and drew him deeper into
their grove. It had always felt safe here. It was close to black under the
trees, with just a little moonlight dappling a path and illuminating 'Lendel's
face, making his dark eyes shine in the shadows. Darkness was kind to them, a
cloak and a comfort. Just breathing here - slowly, the scent of pine and earth
and evening dewfall and 'Lendel beside him - tasted like freedom, like a thin
crack in the walls that surrounded his life.
Sharing a room, and a bed, with Tylendel meant a lot to him, but part of him
still longed for them to walk in the daylight together.
After minutes of slow, circling steps, with Van feeling his nerves unwind in
fractions of inches, Tylendel knelt down in front of the tree where he'd begun,
pulling Vanyel down with him. Van sat with his hand and his knee brushing
'Lendel's, eyeing the undergrowth, reminding himself that they were alone.
We're alone, please, let us alone here.
He could barely see 'Lendel now, but had a feeling that his lover was smiling
again, the calm of their haven returning him to the mood that Van had found him
in. Well, at least one of us is happy - Tylendel leaned close, and his lips
touched Vanyel's; Vanyel froze, and several insistent seconds passed as he
remembered how to respond.
Slowly, he drew a hand up behind 'Lendel's shoulder, allowing him to deepen the
kiss. This wasn't how it usually happened. Most nights, they just talked in
whispers below the night sky, or held hands quietly. They did kiss sometimes,
often teasingly as they prepared to return home, Tylendel leaving him alone in
the grove with his skin fit to burn, or if Vanyel left first, he would stumble
his way back over the field and fall atop the covers of his bed, unlacing his
clothes frantically, waiting naked and needy for the soft sound of Tylendel's
footfalls on the floorboards outside.
He could feel 'Lendel's want rising, stoked by the movement of tongue over
tongue. Hands curled around Vanyel's body, running down to his waist-
- Tylendel pulled Van's belt open and slipped cool hands under his clothes.
Vanyel felt his heart thrumming hard, and turned his face away. "Lendel," he
whispered.
"Hmm?" Tylendel's voice was warm, and felt heavy with lust against his neck.
"Did I startle you?"
"Yes," he said shortly, fear rising again.
"I'm sorry...I've been thinking about this for a while now. All week, really."
He sighed, and wrapped an arm around Vanyel, leaning down until they both
rested on the earth. His free hand kept stroking Van's skin, tracing from ribs
to hips under his loose linen shirt. The night suddenly felt chokingly hot. "I
was waiting for the full moon to pass, so it wouldn't betray us..." He wrapped
his lips around Vanyel's earlobe, then pressed them down his neck. So gentle.
So giving. So insistent.
"What if someone finds us?" he hissed. "It's not safe."
"No one's going to find us." He was nonchalant, recklessly confident. "If you
must know, I asked Gala to keep watch from outside." Vanyel had wondered where
she was. She knew? Well, he supposed Companions fooled around in here all the
time. But her knowing somehow made him more uncomfortable. "Besides, safe is
boring. We'd go mad if we never left our room, wouldn't we?"
Safe is having somewhere to hide.
He breathed against 'Lendel's shoulder, and for a moment he felt distant from
his own body - seeing himself from faraway and many months in the past,
clinging to the stones of Forst Reach with his toes. The things he'd done to
get to his secret hiding-place. The very unsafe things he'd had to do to find
sanctuary.
He wanted to go back. In their room, he had everything - privacy, music,
Tylendel's body tangled hot against his own, no fear of strangers in the night;
all he had to worry about there was the future. Endlessly. Some days, he felt
like the walls were closing in.
'Lendel extracted one hand, and ran it through his hair again. "You relax and
enjoy taking a chance for once. Trust me, ashke." He shifted downwards, and
unfastened Vanyel's breeches.
Whatever wariness Van was feeling, his cock didn't share it. Not even slightly.
He could feel Tylendel suppressing a laugh of triumph, hand brushing gently
against the staff.
He loves me, thought Van, confused. He's not trying to use me or take anything
from me. This is just his way of - of making me happy. It's not his fault I'm
in a terrible mood. Tylendel's tonguetip teased around his navel, and his lips
pressed lower, tracing a path down his skin. Safe is boring? Really? So this -
He felt fingers teasing the base of his cock, kneading him from ridge to ridge,
making him want to cry out - this is -
He felt so exposed. Suppose someone did blunder into them, what would they do?
He could hardly flee with his breeches around his ankles, and Tylendel was
almost a Herald and would be required to explain why he was breaking Savil's
curfew. The grove might feel like their own private world but really, it was in
public. In the Palace grounds. Where anyone might -
- this is freedom. If we really didn't care - if we were like any of the boys
who take girls down to the riverbank grottoes - it would be fine. We'd be as
free as anyone. It's not fair.
He pressed three fingers to his mouth as Tylendel's lips closed over him.
Keeping silence, he was used to, just like any boy who'd grown up sharing rooms
with his brothers. Sleeping in company, with a hand under the sheets and his
mind full of fuddled thoughts about handsome stableboys, thoughts quickly
banished before he could face and name them - he was so used to having hiding-
places, from the world and himself. He never had the chance. They called him
cursed, they knew he was different - 'Lendel began to work downwards, firm
pressure augmented with swipes of his tongue. Oh gods and saints, that feels
good, I feel good, I feel terrified, I don't even know which is which any more.
He looked down, and in a thread of moonlight he saw Tylendel's eyes, dark and
definite. He wants me, Vanyel told himself incredulously for the thousandth
time. Not even to fuck, but to - oh - he just wants to make me his. Anywhere.
'Lendel had pulled further back, to swirl his tongue rapidly over the sensitive
back of the head. I'm his. Have to be. Hate pretending I'm not. I won't ever
deny him. Oh gods, please do that again. I can't -
A sound, perhaps ten feet away, made his heart freeze.
Tylendel's movements stopped dead, and it was several seconds before he raised
his head. "Rabbit," he whispered. "Gala says."
Vanyel exhaled hard, and almost choked. He hadn't realised he'd been holding
his breath. Tylendel grasped his cock again, and Vanyel twitched. This was far
too risky - suppose it hadn't been a rabbit? We should stop, he thought. But
the burst of pure terror, which surely should have made him lose interest
entirely, had only made him harder.
And Tylendel knew it.
Why can't I be normal? He sighed quietly and stared down at Tylendel, who was
planting gentle kisses over the length of his cock. "See?" murmured 'Lendel.
"Nothing to worry about. So come for me," and he set a flourish on the demand
with his lips and the play of his fingers, his tongue setting a rhythm that
Vanyel couldn't resist. He wants to make me come? Here? This is insanity. But
he was close to the edge of his pleasure and Tylendel brought him closer with
each moment. This was dangerous enough as it is, I don't want to risk more -
but he wants me to - So close, and he felt so vulnerable - but I always trust
him when I'm vulnerable. If he wants me, I'm his. I owe him this. Owe him
everything. Feels - so - good -
He bit down on his curled hand, fighting back a moan, his hips lifting to push
him up in Tylendel's mouth. It was many seconds before he sank down; all
tension had gone from his body, and he felt a hollow throb shaking him from his
thighs to his ears.
He opened one eye, and found Tylendel sat between his knees all but licking his
lips. "I told you to trust me."
Vanyel rolled over on his side, not sure what to think about that. "I do trust
you," he replied. He wouldn't lie to Tylendel, would he? "Should I, uh, do you
want me to, return the favour?"
"Later," replied Tylendel with an easy shrug. "I just wanted to please you." He
got to his feet and brushed his clothes down with his hands, pine needles
tumbling everywhere. "I'll be waiting for you," he promised, and ducked through
the trees, vanishing from Vanyel's sight, and moments later from his hearing
also.
He lay still in the dark, clothes still unfastened, watching the sinking moon.
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