
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/642118.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      F/M, M/M
  Fandom:
      Harry_Potter_-_J._K._Rowling
  Relationship:
      Draco_Malfoy/Harry_Potter, Lily_Evans/Harry_Potter
  Character:
      Lily_Evans, Harry_Potter, Draco_Malfoy, Hermione_Granger
  Additional Tags:
      Parent/Child_Incest, AU, Mpreg, Slash
  Collections:
      HPFandom
  Stats:
      Published: 2013-01-17 Words: 8053
****** Jakosta ******
by AislingSiobhan
Summary
     [DM/HP; LP/HP] After James was killed Lily only had Harry to love.
     The older Harry got the more he reminded Lily of James. Harry knew
     what Lily was doing was wrong. He still did it because he loved her,
     and loving someone means having sex with them, according to Lily. But
     he loved Draco and they haven’t had sex yet, so why was it different
     this time?
Notes
     Here is another older fic of mine. Also, transferring over from AFF
     (since I have left that site now)...
“Jakosta”
Disclaimer: I do not own any of this, except for the really disturbing plot
line, because JK would never do something like I would. She has morals,
probably.
Title: Jakosta; (mythology) the mother of Oedipus. Oedipus, not knowing his
parents, killed his father and married his mother. An Oedipus complex is used
to describe someone who is in love, or in a sexual relationship, with his or
her mother. A Jakosta complex is the opposite (the mother initiating the
contact). Yes I am aware it is spelt wrong. I did it this way, for my own
reasons that I don’t remember right now.
Summary: [DM/HP; LP/HP] After James was killed Lily only had Harry to love. The
older Harry got the more he reminded Lily of James. Harry knew what Lily was
doing was wrong. He still did it because he loved her, and loving someone means
having sex with them, according to Lily. But he loved Draco and they haven’t
had sex yet, so why was it different this time?
Warnings: Slash. DM/HP. Abuse, Lily/Harry. AU. Underage. Dubious-consent. Mild
Ron/Lavender. Character Death. Violence. Language. Brief Harry POV. Spoilers.
Mild M-preg.
Rating: R/NC-17 SLASH!! HET abuse.
A/N: Actually, this idea came to me when I was watching CSI: Las Vegas; the
episode where the psychiatric nurse kills a patient who is having sex with her
son (also a patient), that she likes to have sex with. Strange, I know, but
that’s the way my mind works.
XXX
Words: 7,789
Chapter_1
Jakosta
Harry POV
July 19th 1999.
It’s a well-known cliché to answer, “I don’t know where to begin” with “the
start”, but I suppose it will have to do. If I have to admit all of this, I am
going to have to start at the beginning. It all started in 1980 for me, but I
suppose we’ll have to go back further or it won’t really make sense. My parents
met in school. They were magical, and they attended Hogwarts School of
Witchcraft and Wizardry together for seven years. It took six years for my dad
to get my mother to even like her.
Calling her mother is a new experience for me, so, sometimes if I slip and say
“Lily”, please don’t be confused or angry. My mother is called Lily. That is
her name, and usually I just call her by her name. And she calls me James.
That’s my fathers name by the way. James Potter married Lily Evans and they had
me in 1980. My name is Harry, but hardly anybody calls me that. At the time I
was born, a Wizard was gathering followers and going on raids and rampages
killing the non-magical Muggles and Wizards alike. My parents were a part of an
organization that fought against the Dark Lord Voldemort and his Death Eater
followers. They were brave, and loyal, and Sirius Black and Remus Lupin were
their best friends. Peter Pettigrew was sometimes around as well, but he would
disappear on occasion. I now know, that when he was gone, he was at a Death
Eater meeting.
My father was brave and loyal, yes, but he had enemies. Severus Snape hated
him; Voldemort feared him (well, me really) and Peter resented him. In the end,
my father died to protect me. It took years for my mother to tell me what
happened, but when she did, when she finally told me, that was when all my
problems really started. Of course, I didn’t know it was a problem then.
XXX
Third Person
October 31st 1981.
It was dark, but silent. Sometimes the silence could be considered a bad omen,
but not tonight. James was sure the silence was a good sign. The longer
Godric’s Hollow was free of sound, the safer his family was. If Voldemort had
found them, surely someone would have been screaming or crying, there would be
Death Eaters fighting and killing, and all the noise would give him time to
escape with his wife and son.
He loved them both, of course he did. His Lily was beautiful; red haired and
green eyes, the same eyes that her son had. Her skin was pale, with light
freckles across her nose. Tall and petit his Lily was a vision. James watched
her bounce Harry on her lap and he smiled softly. Harry had his hair; there was
no doubt about it. It stuck up all over the place, black and messy and
definitely a hereditary Potter trait. Lily ran her fingers through it, trying
to tame it, but Harry only laughed and shook his head. Fifteen-months-old, and
their Harry was already running circles around them. He giggled and his parents
cooed, he cried and Lily and James would do what ever it took to make him smile
again.
James frowned slightly, raising his head and turning to face the front door.
Just as he was about to speak, the door blasted inwards. The light of the full
moon silhouetted a man in the doorway. His wand outstretched and his face
bathed in darkness, but James knew who he was regardless.
“He’s here. Lily, take Harry and run!” James cried, pulling his wand out of his
pocket and flourishing it in Voldemort’s direction.
“Pathetic.” The Dark Lord hissed out, entering the Potters’ home. “You think
you can defeat me?”
“Stupefy!” James called, backing away from the Wizard. Voldemort merely laughed
and reflected the curse back. James collapsed, unconscious to the ground.
Upstairs, Lily heard the thump and tried not to scream. She clung to Harry,
holding him tightly against her, desperately. Her eyes flew from one corner of
Harry’s nursery to the other, trying to think of a way to escape safely. The
door flew open and Lily stifled a gasp as Voldemort’s red eyes locked on hers.
“Leave girl, get out of the way.”
“Not Harry, please not Harry.” She begged. She knew it was pointless, but she
had to try. Voldemort had come for Harry because of the prophecy and Lily knew
the Dark Lord would not be leaving until he had killed the one with the power
to vanquish him. “Please let him go.”
“Move aside, you silly girl.” Voldemort ordered waving his wand in front of
him.
“Please not Harry.”
“You try my patience.” He had tried, he had promised Severus he would try. But
that was all he could do. “Avada Kedavra!” He cried finally when she still
refused to move.
Downstairs, moments before, James slowly came back to consciousness. He
searched the room, he was still lying down and his eyes were wide. He didn’t
see Voldemort, nor Lily, so he stood and silently made his way upstairs. He
listened to Voldemort order Lily to stand aside. As if his precious Lily would
ever allow their child to be murdered in front of her. As the Killing Curse was
uttered, James sprung into action. He ran past Voldemort, shouldered Lily to
the side, and took the curse for Harry.
He lay, slumped on the floor, and Lily looked upon him stunned. He didn’t move,
even as she shook him and prodded him. Lily didn’t react when Voldemort aimed
his wand at Harry and muttered, “Avada Kedavra,” once more. She shielded her
eyes as a blinding green light lit up the whole room, and when the light had
faded and that horrid scream had stopped ringing in her ears, she blinked and
her eyes fell on Harry. Her lovely, precious Harry was still alive. Voldemort
was gone. Lily looked around again before she started to cry. Their house was
on fire, James was dead, Harry had a lightening bolt-shaped cut on his
forehead, and Voldemort was defeated.
But her James was dead.
She pulled Harry to her chest and rocked the child. She was still crying when
Sirius arrived, followed by Albus Dumbledore. It seemed Peter had betrayed
their secret and now James was dead.
“My dear,” Albus placed his hand on her shoulder. Sirius pulled Harry away and
into his own arms. “It’ll be ok, you’ll see.” Lily just sobbed harder. She
buried her face in her hands and her shoulders shook. Sirius wiped the blood
off of Harry’s forehead, and smiled down at his godson. “Time will heal your
wounds, but we will all miss James.”
Lily would miss James most of all.
XXX
July 31st 1988.
Harry was eight today. Lily watched him with a small smile on her face. Lately,
whenever she looked at him she had to blink and look again. Once, when she was
looking at him she could have sworn his eyes had turned hazel. It was like she
was staring at her James again. She had reached out to stroke his cheek, but
Harry had ducked out of the way with a “muuuuum”, and an embarrassed blush as
his friends looked on.
She watched him now. Actually she watched him a lot. Lily watched him play with
the younger Weasley children, and with Sirius and Remus, she watched him as he
slept and when he studied with his tutor, and she watched him as he got out of
the bath. Lily knew she shouldn’t, but sometimes she just couldn’t help
herself.
Like now. She was unable to stop herself from following Harry out of the room.
“James!” Ron cried as he noticed Harry leaving. “Where are you going?”
“Need to pee, Ron.” Harry said with a laugh. Lily frowned at the red headed
boy, and then turned to smile at her son. Harry was old enough to not need
supervision going to the toilet or having a bath, but Lily wanted to be safe
rather than sorry. She didn’t want to admit to herself that she rather liked
watching Harry unclothed. The older he got, the more he looked like her James.
“Hurry back, James!” Ron called again.
After James’ death, Lily had changed Harry’s name. His birth certificate now
read James Harry Potter, instead of what it had once said. Remus and Sirius
both protested, and Lily met their argument by banning them from her home and
from Harry’s life until they apologized. Despite the fact that they still
called him Harry when they were alone with him, they had apologized if only so
they didn’t miss out on any of his life. Harry was used to being called James
now. It was strange though, how no one called him James Jr. It was as if Lily
believed him to actually be James, and not her son, but Harry thought that was
a silly thought.
Lily stood in the doorway for a second, before fully entering the room and
closing the door behind her. Harry just smiled at her, unzipped his trousers
and took a pee. It was normal for him. He didn’t think there was anything wrong
with it. Surely everybody’s mother watched him or her urinate? Lily had always
been overprotective. He didn’t know what happened to his dad but it must have
been bad, and so Harry didn’t complain. Not even when she reached out to stroke
his chest those times when she watched him bathe. It wasn’t like she ever
touched him in a naughty place.
Lily’s eyes were fixed on his penis. The boy was eight, but she couldn’t take
her eyes off of that part of his anatomy. “James,” she said softly, her fingers
clenched at her side so she wouldn’t try and touch him, “hurry back to your
party. Lily needs to use the bathroom now.”
Harry nodded, kissed her cheek, and left. Lily generally referred to herself by
her name. She was more comfortable when Harry addressed her as Lily instead of
mother, and so she tried to encourage that.
It was actually later that night, after listening in on one of Bill and
Charlie’s whispered conversations about You-Know-Who and his father that Harry
finally asked his mother how James died. She had cried. Harry had reached out
to comfort her, and Lily had immediately latched onto him. She had told him
what he wanted to know, and then she had run her fingers over his clothed chest
before leaning forward and pressing her lips to his.
Harry was eight; he knew people weren’t supposed to stick their tongues in your
mouth. But this was his mum, the person who had taken care of him for eight
years. So whatever she was doing must be in his best interest, right? He had
just relaxed. He didn’t know what to do, but he wasn’t going to fight it and
upset her anymore than she already was. He’d question her when she was calmer.
Lily had Harry pinned to the bed moments later, and her hands had strayed under
his shirt. She tweaked one nipple and Harry gave a gasp of pain. He wasn’t an
adult who wanted to be pleasured, and he didn’t understand why his mother was
petting and pinching him. He shrieked in surprise as her hand slipped inside of
his trousers and cupped his genitals. He wriggled slightly, trying to get out
from under her, and it seemed to be enough to snap her out of her haze.
“Oh, James.” She said softly as if she was just noticing him for the first
time. “I forgot it was you.” She didn’t touch him again for a very long time.
XXX
December 25th 1992.
Harry had turned twelve this last July, and he was currently home for the
Christmas holidays. His second year at Hogwarts was going well. He had gotten
into Gryffindor, just like his father, and Lily was once again noticing how
similar they looked. It was just her and Harry this year. Sirius and Remus were
unable to make it, due to the fact that it was a full moon and they were both
otherwise engaged with Remus’ werewolf transformation.
“Here you go James.” She said handing him a gift.
Harry took it and frowned slightly as he shook it. He couldn’t quite decide
what was in it. He ripped off the ribbon and pulled the lid off. He pulled out
the golden ball and sighed. His mother had given him a snitch. She had been so
disappointed when he had declined the invitation to join the Quidditch team in
his first year. He loved flying, sure, didn’t everybody, but playing that game
just wasn’t for him. Ron loved it, and Ron couldn’t wait to join the team, but
Harry was fine with his feet firmly on the ground.
“Uh,” he said awkwardly. How do you tell your mum that you hate your present?
“It’s great, thanks Lily.”
“Oh James,” she sighed, “you still won’t consider joining?” Harry rolled his
eyes. “Your father was a brilliant seeker. I’ve seen you playing with Sirius;
you could be just as good.” He frowned at the unspoken comment. He could never
be better than his father though.
“Maybe next year, Lily. I can’t join in the middle of the year anyway.” He
passed his gift over to her and waited for her to open it. She frowned at the
present. Every year she wrote out a list of the things James had gotten her
that were destroyed when Godric’s Hollow caught fire after Voldemort’s defeat.
She gave that list to Harry, and he was supposed to replace an item, one at a
time. By this point there was only two things left: sexy lingerie and a vase
she didn’t particularly like. Harry had gotten her a vase.
“Well, uh, thank you James.” Her birthday was in two months, so Harry knew he’d
probably have to buy her something underwear-ish then, but it would just be too
weird. Maybe he could get Hermione to buy it for him?
He had become friends with her when they had met in the library their third
week of class in First year. She was shy and a bit of a bookworm, but Harry was
fond of her. Mostly because she had never tried to hug him or touch him, like
Mrs. Weasley and his mother did. They usually greeted each other by shaking
hands. He and Ron gave each other a slap on the back. Harry much preferred
those greetings.
Lily had gone out a while later. Harry hoped that she had gone to buy her own
underwear. Some shops were open Christmas day; after all it wasn’t a Wizard
tradition really. She returned after Harry had gone to bed. She had bought
underwear, but she had also stopped off at a bar for a few drinks. The whole
time she spent there, she had to put up with people congratulating her on
having such a fine son, and saying how sorry they were that her husband was
dead.
He wasn’t dead, Lily thought as she watched Harry sleep. She was wearing a
pearl thong, the lace around her hips was crimson red and the bra was a
matching colour. It barely covered more than her nipples though and Lily
thought and felt that she looked very sexy. James wouldn’t be able to resist
her. James lives on in Harry, she thought.
With a smile she closed and locked the door after her. Climbing carefully into
Harry’s bed, she pulled the duvet onto the floor and smiled. Harry was wearing
a pair of boxers but nothing else. He was spread eagle on his back and Lily ran
her fingers through his unruly hair as she moved to straddle his thighs.
“Wake up, James.” She whispered as she bent down to kiss his cheek. “Wake my
love.” She pressed a kiss to his ear, before flicking her tongue out to trace
the shell. Harry gave a moan and shifted slightly. Lily merely laughed. “Wakey,
wakey, James.” She said again, her fingers moving to explore his chest. It had
been so long since she had touched him; she had almost forgotten how like James
he was.
He arched his back as she dipped her tongue into his belly button and she
sighed slightly, remembering how James used to do the exact same thing. Her
fingers tweaked the elastic of Harry’s boxers and she slowly slipped them down
his hips. In his sleep, Harry lifted his hips; most likely having a wet dream
about a pretty someone. He was half-hard, and Lily smiled. James always used to
get so excited when she seduced him.
“James,” she moaned lightly, her breath coming out in soft pants directly over
Harry’s cock. He moaned again, and arched upwards. She giggled, and brushed her
hair out of her face. She smiled as she took him into her mouth. Lily relaxed
her throat and thought about how long it had been since she had tasted James
and she enjoyed the sounds he made as she swallowed around him. She took all of
him in her mouth; since he hadn’t finished growing, Harry wasn’t as big as
James had been, and Lily reminded herself of that. He wasn’t her James, not
yet, not for another few years.
Harry came with a cry, his eyes flying open, and his fingers knotting in his
mother’s hair. Lily missed the name he called out, but she was content to
pretend it was her own.
She sat up and Harry looked horrified. “Mum?”
“I told you, it’s Lily, James,” she said softly. Her fingers were on her own
body now. They teased at her own nipples, cupped her breasts before sliding
downwards to stroke the bead of pearls that had slipped inside of her – it
teased her slit and her anus and it made her want to grind herself against
someone’s hand. They rubbed against her clitoris and she moaned as her fingers
caused more friction. “Come here James.”
Shakily, Harry moved forward. He didn’t know what his mum was doing, but he
trusted her because she was his mother. “You love me don’t you?” Harry nodded.
“Say it, James.”
“I love you, Lily.” He breathed. Against his better judgement, he watched as
she touched herself. Sometime told him this was wrong. He was sure Ron never
watched his mum like this; but then again, Lily was hotter. A load of his
friends at school admitted that they’d ‘do’ her if given the chance. Harry was
sure, though, that a son shouldn’t ‘do’ his mother.
“Come here and show me you love me, James.” She breathed, still rubbing at her
clit. Harry’s eyes were wide. When he didn’t move, she came to him. She pushed
him back on the bed and straddled him. He was naked now, and she reached behind
her back to unhook her bra. It fell forward and Lily pulled it off. She grabbed
Harry’s left hand and pressed it to one of her breasts. “Touch me, James.”
She didn’t even seem to notice that Harry’s hand didn’t move. She was happily
pressing her chest into his hand, then pulling back again, effectively groping
herself. Her hands worked Harry’s penis, bringing him to erection again, and
she pulled aside the string of pearls and mounted her own son. “JAMES!” She
screamed as she felt him enter her fully.
She was wet and hot and Harry arched his back, pushing himself into her
further. “Gods!” He moaned, and out of reflex he squeezed the breast he had
cupped in his hand.
“Yes, James!” She moaned, bouncing in his lap. She pulled him up by the
shoulder, so he was sitting up and she was pressed against his chest. Their
lips met, and while Harry didn’t actively participate, she thrust her tongue
into his mouth and nipped at his lips. She came with a cry, what felt like
hours later to Harry. He arched again, and her hand stroked his balls as Lily
reached behind her, and he came. He cried out her name this time, and he clung
to her shoulders. With a smile, she pulled his mouth to her breast and he
sucked on her nipple as he came down from his orgasm. “That was amazing James.”
She whispered as she got off of him.
Standing beside his bed, Lily put her bra back on and lent down to kiss Harry’s
forehead. “I’ll see you in the morning,” she told him as she unlocked the door
and left.
The next morning, Lily acted like nothing happened. Her, Harry, Remus and
Sirius enjoyed their breakfast. The moment the other two men left for their own
homes, Lily began to undress herself. She cocked her finger at Harry in a ‘come
hither’ motion and Harry hesitantly approached her.
“What are you doing?”
“If you loved me James, you’d want to do this too.” She said sadly, her eyes
watering. “It’s what people do when they love each other.”
“Really?” He asked naively, and Lily just smiled and shrugged out of her robe.
She was naked underneath.
Lily pulled Harry forward. She pushed up his robe and unzipped his trousers;
pleased to see he hadn’t been wearing boxer shorts. “Take me like this,” she
ordered lying back on the dining table, her legs spread. “Please, James. If you
loved me.” She said softly, and Harry – because he loved his mother – did as
she asked him too.
XXX
May 17th 1994.
There was only three weeks left of his forth year at Hogwarts, and Harry would
be turning fifteen in July. He was half excited and half not. He wanted to get
out of school. It had been hectic, what with hosting the Tri-Wizard Tournament,
and actually having to compete. In a week, the final task would take place, and
two weeks later Harry was going home. He wanted to go home, but he didn’t
really want to see his mother. It was all too confusing. Should he enjoy it or
not? He had caught Ron with Lavender Brown the other day, so did that mean they
loved each other? But Ron kept telling him that he didn’t love Lavender, but
yet they had still had sex?
He had decided he needed to talk to Hermione, and subtly enquiring about
certain issues. “Hermione, are you a virgin?” He asked quietly. If she was that
meant she didn’t do those things with her father that Lily did with him.
“What?” She shrieked, blushing. “Of course. We aren’t even old enough to have
sex.” She looked almost offended at the thought that she could break the rules,
even to gain pleasure for herself.
“Really?” He had no idea there was an age limit to loving someone. She rolled
her eyes at him. “So you don’t love your parents then?”
”What has that to do with sex, Harry?” She folded her arms and tapped her foot
impatiently. She always called him ‘Harry’. It was another reason they were
such good friends.
“Oh,” he said, starting to realize it wasn’t the best topic to bring up in
public, “just something I saw on TV.” Hermione hummed softly and seemed to be
waiting for Harry to keep speaking. But he didn’t. So she kept quiet as well.
His mother had continued to take him to bed, on several different occasions,
but only when they were alone. When Sirius had flooed in unexpectedly while she
was riding Harry in the shower, Lily had almost had heart failure. She later
reassured Harry, that there was nothing wrong with what they did. It was only
that she didn’t want to share him, and if Sirius realized Harry loved Lily,
he’d want Harry to love him too. Harry’s eyes had gotten so wide they might
have fallen out. He hadn’t even realized that men could do that!
“But of course, James.” Lily had said. “Sirius and Remus love each other every
night.” Harry couldn’t look them in the eye without blushing for a week.
XXX
September 1st 1996.
“Have a good summer, mate?” Ron asked, slapping Harry on the back good-
naturedly. Harry merely nodded. It had been so long since Lily had started
doing things with him that Harry had just come to terms with the fact that it
must be normal. Hermione’s parents were the odd ones, not Lily. Lily was only
trying to do right by him, Harry determinedly told himself.
Though he couldn’t believe his mother was going to be the Charms professor for
his sixth year. As if shit hadn’t already hit the fan, what with Draco’s father
getting arrested and Draco hating him, and almost dying in the Department of
Mysteries, and Sirius actually dying! Now he had to deal with the embarrassment
of having a parent at school with him.
He was sixteen, and he had two years of school left. He didn’t think he’d ever
live down the shame of his mum kissing him in public.
Ten minutes later, Harry had grown tired of Ron’s chatter and left the
compartment. The first person he ran into was Draco. All those years ago, when
he had lost his virginity, it was Draco’s name he had called out in his sleep.
Until he learnt about Remus and Sirius he hadn’t actually given Draco a proper
thought. Sure he fantasised about kissing the blond boy, but he now knew what
he felt could go somewhere. If only he could convince Draco to love him too.
“Hey!” He called out. Draco merely sneered at him and turned away. He walked
back to the compartment he had left but Harry grabbed his arm.
“Let go Potter.”
“Call me Harry,” he asked softly.
Draco sneered again. But he did turn to face the other boy. “Isn’t your name
James?” He drawled, only slightly interested.
“Yeah, but it used to be Harry, until my dad died and my mum changed it. I like
Harry more.” He smiled and nervously ran his hands through his hair. Draco just
watched him silently. “Sorry. About your dad. I am, I mean, I actually am
sorry. I didn’t mean for anyone to get in trouble or k-killed. I only wanted to
help my godfather.” Draco just nodded. He couldn’t believe the Boy-Who-Lived
had apologized for helping arrest a Death Eater.
Surprisingly they continued to have a civil conversation until Ron came looking
for Harry. “Oi, James, where’d you go?” He then noticed Draco and scowled.
“What’s the ferret doing here?”
Harry shot a shy smile to Draco and rolled his eyes. “Nothing Ron, he was just
leaving.” Draco narrowed his eyes, but opened the door to his compartment and
slipped inside anyway. “Come on. Let’s go back before the snack lady passes us
by.” That seemed to be enough to motivate Ron.
XXX
February 14th 1996.
“Oh,” Lily said softly as she took in the square pink envelope in Harry’s
hands. “Is that for me James?” Harry had never gotten her a valentine’s card
before.
“Uh, no, actually.” He said awkwardly. “It’s for a friend.” It was for Draco
but he didn’t want his mother to know he had been secretly meeting with the
blond boy. They hadn’t done more than kiss and hold hands, but Harry wanted to
love Draco before they loved each other. Draco had admitted to having
experience, but he didn’t say whom with, so Harry had assumed his mother had
been the one to love the blond. It was the way Lily had taught Harry to think,
and he couldn’t help himself.
“I see,” her voice had become cold. “Are you cheating on me James?” She folded
her arms across her chest, and scarily reminded him of Hermione when she was
scolding him for not doing his homework.
“Could you call me Harry, please? I like it more.” He asked. He gasped as
Lily’s hand flew out and slapped him across the cheek.
“How dare you?” She spat at him, her face twisted by rage. “I love you, and
care for you for years and this is how you treat me? You cheat on me; you
address yourself by our dead son’s name! What is wrong with you James?” Her
hands were on her narrow hips, and she tapped her foot angrily. Harry couldn’t
speak. He couldn’t do anything but stare at her. She honestly thought he was
her dead husband.
It had been nagging at him for years, but now, now he knew for certain there
was something wrong here. His fingers tightened on Draco’s card, and he ran
past her, pushing her out of the way. He left their rooms (she had insisted he
leave Gryffindor Tower and live with her), and hurriedly sought out Hermione.
She was in the library but Harry easily convinced her to follow him to the Room
of Requirements.
“If this is you trying to tell me you love Malfoy, then I already know.”
“What?” He said stupidly, but then shook his head. “Do you remember two years
ago, when I asked if you were a virgin?” Hermione blushed but nodded. “You
father didn’t ever try and have sex with you did he?” Harry ducked as Hermione
reached out to slap him. “I’m being serious, don’t hit me. Did he?”
“Of course not!” She said outraged.
“So it isn’t normal then?”
“Harry?” She said quietly, noticing the tears gathering in Harry’s eyes. “What
happened?”
“It started when I was eight. You know Lily changed my name to James, right?
Well she touched me, down there, once. But she didn’t do anything again until I
was twelve. I was home for Christmas and I woke up and she was giving me a
blowjob. I kind of thought I was dreaming, and it was Draco.” He admitted with
a blush. Hermione’s eyes were wide and she looked horrified. She made a
‘continue’ motion and Harry took a deep breath. “We had sex, a lot that
holiday. She kept telling me that if I loved her I would do that with her. I do
love her, she’s my mum, I do love her!” He insisted.
“I know you do,” she breathed, “and your mother took advantage of that love.
How dare she!”
“Earlier I asked her to call me Harry, and she slapped me. She actually thinks
I’m my father!” He let out a choked sob and for the first time in their
friendship, Hermione pulled Harry into a hug. It wasn’t at all uncomfortable,
like Harry thought it would be. She made him feel safe; the way a mother was
meant to.
“It sounds a lot like a Jakosta complex. She is attracted to you; she loves
you, mostly because you remind her of her dead husband. In the legend, Oedipus
killed his father, whom he had never met, and married the widow, his own
mother. Jakosta loved Oedipus because he was like her dead husband, and it
seems Lily Potter feels the same way about you. It would explain why she
changed your name to James.” Hermione took a deep breath. “You have to tell
someone.”
“What would happen?” He asked quietly.
“The Ministry would send you to live with someone else.”
“I have no one else. Sirius is dead, and Remus is a werewolf.” He rubbed his
eyes. “I suppose I’m stuck with Lily until I turn eighteen. It won’t be so bad,
at least I know what she’s doing is wrong, so I won’t do it anymore.”
“It’s wrong of her to do this. Harry,” she paused, “you are the victim.”
“I’m going to find Draco, ok?” Hermione nodded, silently promising not to tell
anyone until Harry was ready.
He found Draco sitting in the prefect’s room alone. He was holding a letter
like it held all of the secrets of the world in its pages. “Wow, that looks
deep and meaningful,” Harry said with a grin.
“My father’s been released from prison.” Draco said quietly. He took the card
Harry held out to him silently but with a smile.
“That’s great!” Harry cried, hugging Draco. “You must be so happy.”
“I am.” The blond kissed Harry lightly on the lips. He reached into the draw in
the cabinet beside his bed and pulled out an envelope like the one he had just
received. “I wasn’t sure if I should owl it. I know how possessive your mum can
be.” He chuckled but then noticed how Harry’s face paled.
“Whom did you lose your virginity to?” Harry was hoping the blond would name
his mother. If it wasn’t just Harry, then it wasn’t so bad.
Draco blushed. “Pansy. It was a bad time. I’m definitely gay,” he gave a
chuckled. “All the better for you.”
Draco was tempted to ask the question back at Harry, but the brunette was
avoiding his gaze. He was staring at the valentine’s card he just received and
he was frowning. “I need to go.” He said quietly, backing away from Draco.
“Hey, you just got here.” Draco grabbed Harry’s shoulders and he flinched back.
“If you had a secret and you wanted to tell people, but it would mean bad
things for your family, would you tell it?” Harry said softly.
“I would protect my parents at any cost.” Draco obviously thought Harry was
asking about Lucius Malfoy being a Death Eater.
That wasn’t what Harry was asking about, but he just smiled sadly. He pried
Draco’s fingers off of his shoulders and stepped back again. “I knew you’d say
that.”
He didn’t talk to Draco for the rest of the school year. When there was only a
week of school left, Draco had disarmed Albus Dumbledore while Harry had
watched, hidden beneath an invisibility cloak, and then Severus Snape had
killed him. Harry was the only one left who could hunt the Horcruxes. He
realized he could use that excuse to avoid going home for the summer.
He also realized he was in love with Draco.
XXX
1998. At Malfoy Manor.
“Draco,” Bellatrix ordered pointing her wand at him. “Check on the prisoners.”
Narcissa automatically protested, but Draco cleared his throat and said
shakily, “I don’t mind, mother.” Any excuse to see his Harry again.
It had only been half an hour since Harry and his friends had been taken to the
dungeons but to Draco it felt like years since he had laid eyes on the young
man he loved. He needed to know Harry was safe, but he couldn’t give up his
cover.
“Stand against the back wall and don’t try anything,” he ordered as he unlocked
the door. He immediately sought Harry out in the darkness. “Potter, come here.”
Harry stepped forward, even as Ron tried to pull him back. Draco’s wand zoomed
in on Ron, and the red head stilled immediately. “Potter,” Draco demanded
again. Once Harry was outside, Draco locked the door and led Harry to the
privacy of another cell. When they were safely hidden away inside Draco threw
himself at his ex-boyfriend and hugged him for all his was worth.
“I love you.” Draco breathed against Harry’s neck.
“I know we haven’t had sex,” Harry started but was cut off by Draco’s snort.
“Not from lack of trying on my part,” he mumbled. “Before you dumped me.”
Harry ignored him and carried on speaking. “But I love you. My mother told me,”
he seemed to stumble over the word ‘mother’; all of his life he had referred to
the woman as simply ‘Lily’. “That to have sex with someone was to show them you
loved them, and anyone who loved someone could do that. But I love you Draco,
and I know it’s about more than sex. I need to tell you this now, because I
might not get another chance. Do you know what a Jakosta complex is?”
Draco thought for a moment, trying to recall his history lessons from before
Hogwarts. His eyes narrowed, then widened, as he realized what Harry was
insinuating. “No, no she wouldn’t.”
“She did, often, in fact. I used to think it was right, that it meant I loved
my mother, but I was wrong. Hermione told me that. I, uh, I do love you, and it
isn’t just about sex. Hermione said I’m the victim but sometimes I’m not sure.
God I’m so fucked up!”
“It’s not that bad,” Draco said, feebly trying to console the brunette.
”Yeah, I’m sure your mum calls you Lucius all the time.” He snorted.
Draco flushed. “Aunt Bella used to, when she first got out of Azkaban.”
“I feel much better now. My mother is like a crazy person.” He sighed and ran
his fingers through his hair. “Draco,” he breathed and Draco couldn’t resist
any longer. He pulled Harry against him. Their lips met, and Harry happily
participated in the kiss, his tongue sliding out to stroke against Draco’s. As
always Draco won dominance, and his tongue claimed the right to explore the
warmth of Harry’s mouth. The brunette moaned around Draco’s tongue and sighed
as the boy pulled back. “I love you. Please don’t die and leave me.”
“I’ll try my best. Don’t die either ok?” Draco stroked Harry’s cheek lightly.
“Don’t worry, that’s what I’m famous for.” One more kiss later, Draco pushed
Harry back into the other dungeon cell. All of the prisoners escaped from
Malfoy Manor less than an hour later. Only one, a house elf, was killed.
XXX
June 1998. The Forbidden Forest.
Lily had appeared from out of nowhere.
Harry had raised his chin, preparing himself to die, the resurrection stone
clutched in his trembling hand, and suddenly his mother shoved him out of the
way. “Avada Kedavra!” Voldemort cried and the light hit Lily instead of him.
The smallest part of him was almost happy to see her pay for the abuse he
suffered, even if he didn’t know he was being abused at the time. Mostly, he
was sad to see his mother die, he did still love her. He also was rather
aggravated that he hadn’t been killed like he was supposed to have been.
Voldemort eyed him critically, as if contemplating whether her sacrifice would
work the way James’ had all those years ago. In the end, he raised his wand and
said the Killing Curse again. Harry imagined himself arching backwards
gracefully, much like how Sirius fell through the Veil. He smiled, and the
green light hit him, and he merely slumped to the floor.
Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy watched their son’s boyfriend as he died, and both
of them stifled gasps. They didn’t think they could explain this to Draco.
Neither particularly liked the boy, but they did pity him, especially after
what Draco told them. Draco loved Harry, so Lucius and Narcissa had agreed to
at least be civil if they all survived the war. Narcissa looked on the corpse
of Lily Potter and tried not to sneer. It was unsurprising that a woman who
claimed to love Harry as much as she did would sacrifice herself, but still,
Narcissa couldn’t get over the fact that Lily could touch her only child like
that.
They hadn’t noticed Voldemort collapse. But Narcissa ran forward, shocked from
her thoughts by her Lord’s voice and the Cruciatus cast at her husband. She
checked Harry’s pulse and actually smiled as she felt it. “Is he alive?”
“He’s in Hogwarts, safe,” Harry whispered back. Narcissa’s hair fell over their
faces, obscuring their mouths from Voldemort’s view.
“He is dead.” She said with conviction. She took her place at Lucius’ side, and
while Voldemort was busy gloating, she squeezed her husband’s hand and smiled
slightly. His grey eyes widened, and she nodded. He allowed a small smile to
cover his face, relieved for his son mostly, before turning his attention back
to Lord Voldemort.
XXX
Hours later.
The Malfoys had remained sitting at that table until the Great Hall was almost
cleared of people. They still half expected to be arrested, and they had
nowhere to go. Malfoy Manor was half destroyed by Voldemort’s rage after Harry
escaped, and the Ministry was likely seizing it so they could ‘investigate’.
Draco kept looking around the hall, hoping to spot Harry. When he found Harry,
his eyes narrowed. He was talking to Ginny Weasley and the girl was blatantly
flirting with the oblivious boy. After Draco and Harry had gone their separate
ways, Harry had attempted to date Ginny. She was a bit too much like his
mother, so Harry had dumped her too.
“Excuse me,” Draco said to his parents. They watched him approach the couple
with small smiles. “Hello Harry, Weasley.” He glared at her as he said her
name. He turned back to Harry, and smiled. “You didn’t die.”
“Promised I wouldn’t.” Harry leant forward, giving Draco all the permission and
encouragement he needed. He grabbed Harry’s chin and pulled their mouths
together. Harry moaned, his arms wrapping around Draco’s waist and neck as the
blond kissed him breathless. Ginny watched in horrified shock as he crush got
snogged by their worst enemy.
“What the bloody hell?” Ron muttered when he noticed what everyone was staring
at.
Hermione smacked him over the head. “Hush Ronald,” she ordered. She watched her
best friend and Draco Malfoy with a soft smile on her face. Harry deserved to
be loved, really loved, and if Draco could love him then who was she, or Ron,
or Ginny, to deny Harry that happiness.
When the boys finally separated, Ginny had fainted, and Lucius and Narcissa
were standing beside them. “Welcome to the family, James, I suppose,” Lucius
said, extending his hand. Harry shook it with a smile.
“Harry, if you don’t mind.” Draco grinned at him. The blond was seriously
trying not to laugh at the way Harry was warily eyeing the elder Malfoys. “Shut
up, Lucius.” He muttered.
The elder blond looked at Harry with confusion, not having said anything.
“Nothing, father,” Draco said with a blush staining his cheeks. He glared at
Harry and narrowed his eyes.
“Ah but you love me,” the brunette cooed.
“Yes, I do,” Draco said softly, grey eyes staring into Harry’s green ones.
“Which is lucky for you, or I’d kill you.” They kissed again, and this time
Hermione started to clap.
XXX
Harry POV.
July 22nd 1999.
That took a lot longer to get out than I expected. Wow, almost three days
writing out my life story. That’s actually pathetically short, but then again,
my therapist recommended I only concentrate on the parts that included my
mother and sex.
Draco and I live together at Malfoy Manor, with his parents. They aren’t so bad
when you get to know them. The Ministry released the Manor back after I vouched
for the family. The Weasleys have come to terms with my choices, especially
after I explained what my mother had done. Remus, poor Remus, had been
distraught when he had learnt. He actually blamed himself!
The war has been over for a year, Draco and I finally had sex, I’m almost
nineteen and we’re expecting out first child, but somehow I haven’t been able
to get over what my mother did. I know she loved me, but the way she loved me
is what puts me off. I’m not my father, no matter how many times Snape pointed
that out before he died. I’m glad he died before he could find out what he
woman he loved did to her son. A part of my feels sorry for Lily, and a part of
me mourns the mother I never had, but wished I had, if that makes sense.
The past is the past, as Hermione says, and that’s where it should remain.
But, still, these pages. My life is all written down on these pages. It’s all
there, out in the open, like a raw, bleeding wound. My therapist recommends
tying the pages to a balloon and letting all those negative feelings and
thoughts just float away, or burning the pages one by one and banishing my
demons in the smoke and flames. I don’t really like the idea of someone
bursting my balloon and reading about my sordid past, so I suppose that leaves
the fire.
I guess I’ll start with the first page, and work my to the present. I’m sure
that’s the way you’re supposed to do these things. Starting at the beginning?
XXX
Third Person.
July 22nd 1999.
Draco entered the study silently. He had been talking to his parents, and
avoiding Harry for the past few days like Ms. René suggested. The therapist
thought Harry might be able to get his feelings out better and faster if he was
left to consider them alone. So Draco had avoided him, not overly. He still
made sure Harry knew he was around, but he made sure to give his love space.
That didn’t stop Draco from having a house elf watch over the brunette. The
house elf had come to get him the moment Harry started to put the pieces of
parchment on the fire, one by one.
“Does it help?” He asked softly, moving to knee behind his lover.
A ring sparkled on Harry’s finger as he put another piece of parchment on the
fire. “A little. It’s cleansing, I suppose. As the words are burnt away they
lose the ability to hurt me. If I’m not in pain anymore, that means I can heal
right?” Draco’s arms wrapped around Harry’s shoulders. One slipped down to
press against his slightly rounded stomach.
“I’ll help as well, any way I can.”
“You do,” Harry said softly. He took Draco’s hand, pulling the arm away from
his shoulder, and pressed a kiss to the palm. “You help, you heal, just by
loving me.”
Draco smiled against the back of Harry’s neck. He watched his fiancé burn each
sheet of parchment, placing them carefully in the centre of the fire one at a
time, and as the words disappeared in the flames Draco could almost see the
weight lifting from Harry’s shoulders. When the last sheet was burning, they
made love on the floor of Draco’s study, surrounded by the ink and parchment
Harry had used to write his life story out. The fire continued to burn, licking
at the remains of Harry’s past, but Draco took Harry away from all of that.
They were out of the past, and out of the present.
Draco took Harry into the future. Just by loving him.
XXX
The End
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