
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/10343640.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      真女神転生IV_FINAL_|_Shin_Megami_Tensei_IV:_Apocalypse
  Relationship:
      Hallelujah/Nanashi
  Character:
      Hallelujah_(Shin_Megami_Tensei), Nanashi_(Shin_Megami_Tensei_IV
      Apocalypse)
  Additional Tags:
      First_Time, Bittersweet, Anal_Sex, Cannibalism_kink, Hybrid_Physiology,
      Touch-Starved, Teasing, Seduction, First_Kiss, Awkwardness, Marking,
      Spoilers, Anarchy, Complete
  Stats:
      Published: 2017-03-17 Words: 6915
****** Hindsight ******
by shinigami_yumi
Summary
     Hallelujah reminisces about falling in love with Nanashi.
      
     (Marked underage because they're both 15 in the game)
Notes
     Trying something new. Tell me if it worked?
See the end of the work for more notes
It started out innocently enough.
It didn't matter that the world might be ending within the month — Nanashi
would take his afternoon nap anyway. He didn't give any warning either — they'd
think they were back in Kinshicho to deliver on a request or cash in some
relics they'd found when he'd suddenly turn and head for his room.
So here they are, Nanashi making himself comfortable without preamble, and
Hallelujah doesn't know what to do. "Gonna take a nap?" he asks awkwardly. The
other two seem used to it — they just shrugged and left the room. "Sounds like
a good idea…"
It's good to be relaxed, to know how to pace yourself, but he still doesn't
know how the guy does it. That's probably why Nanashi's the Leader though —
nerves of steel, good judgment in battle and a shitload of firepower. He only
wishes he were that dependable.
Well, if their fearless Leader is taking a nap, he should get some rest, too.
He doesn't have anywhere nearby to go, though — his own room is at HQ in
Roppongi, and he's not about to hit up the Ashura-kai branch here just to take
a nap. So he removes his jackets and loosens his tie as he heads for the couch,
tries to make it casual, like, "First one up has to wake the other one.
'Night," but just as he's about to move the crossbow out of the way, he's
stopped by a hand on his shoulder. "Uh…" Maybe he should just leave. "Sh—should
I—"
"You're a guest. You should take the bed."
"W—what?" He turns to stare at the other. "I— It's your room, bro! I couldn't—"
Instead of arguing, though, Nanashi just shrugs. "Then we'll share. There's
space."
Before he could protest, he'd been steered to the bed, and yeah, there's enough
space for two, but it's a bit of a squeeze, and none of that explains why his
heart is pounding a million times a minute as Nanashi slides under the covers
and tugs him along. It's likely more comfortable than the couch anyway, so he
settles in, tries to calm his thudding heart as Nanashi turns towards the wall,
and turns to face the other way, so it doesn't get too weird.
Or maybe he's the only one feeling weird, since Nanashi is already fast asleep.
He can hear the other's slow, deep breaths, feel the warmth emanating off
Nanashi's body, just an inch away, and he's never been this close.
It's a bit unnerving.
Sometimes, he dreams, and he shifts in his sleep, so he doesn't dare sleep in
the presence of others. But an hour or so shouldn't be enough time to dream…
right? He should be fine… probably.
So he closes his eyes and tries to relax, focuses on slowing his breathing and
racing pulse enough to fall asleep, when—
An arm slings over him.
He tenses, whatever calm he may have scrounged up blown to the winds, and his
attempts to gently extricate himself are only met with a tighter hug — Asahi
wasn't kidding about Nanashi sleeping like the dead.
In hindsight, now, that's not even funny, but…
The other's breaths cool as they ghost over his feverish skin, leaving
goosebumps in their wake, and really, by all rights, Nanashi should smell of
demon blood, but instead he smells kinda like the Fairy Forest —not that he
knew at the time— and Hallelujah is pretty sure that's Dagda's influence. Even
now, Nanashi still smells like that, and it still doesn't make any sense.
This close, if Nanashi weren't such a deep sleeper, he's sure the other would
hear the hammering of his heart, andC'mon, Hallelujah, get a grip. It's just a
nap, for fuck's sake,he chides himself. He's being ridiculous, and he knows it,
except…
Except Nanashi is cool, strong and brave and everything Hallelujah wants to be
but isn't, and he'd welcomed Hallelujah despite being told he was a spy for the
Ashura-kai. And even though Hallelujah knows he hasn't been very useful in
battle, Nanashi only quietly picked up the slack without complaint.
If he's honest, Hallelujah thinks he might have been desperate.
After all, when Abe showed up a few years before —all cool, suave and capable
and perfectly willing to take Hallelujah under his wing despite his inability
to "contribute"— he'd been quick to fall, too, and maybe if Abe hadn't been so
obviously into women, it would have been more than just starry-eyed
infatuation, and that would have gotten really weird.
…which only makes him feel more pathetic.
But Nanashi only snuggles closer, and it's the warmest he's ever been in this
cold, sunless city they're trapped in. The hand over his torso feels…
protective, like the way Nanashi defended him from the demon's attack earlier,
and he wonders what it'd be like… Gingerly, he covers Nanashi's hand with his
own, laces their fingers and—
Green-tinged fingers curl around his own, and he gasps, heart skipping a beat.
Shit, I've got it so bad.
Still, they're just unconscious behaviours — they wouldn't be doing that
awakeor if your precious Leader knew,whispers the treacherous voice in the back
of his mind. So he closes his eyes, lets himself believe the lie, lets the
warmth and the steady rise and fall of Nanashi's chest pressed to his back lull
him to sleep.
That's the problem, he decides — right from the start, he'd been so eager to
believe it.
The naps are blissfully dreamless, but Hallelujah is always the first to wake.
Asahi would probably agree that waking Nanashi was sometimes harder than
fighting demons. That's good, though — just in case he did shift, Nanashi
wouldn't be awake to notice.
Trudging back after beating that giant snake, he can see the exhaustion written
on everyone's faces… everyone except SIR Gaston, that is, who's just being even
more of an ass than usual, so he's relieved to reach Nanashi's room, to finally
be rid of Mr. High & Mighty.
"Guess I'll hit the hay, too." He shrugs as he follows the others out, but a
hand catches his elbow, makes him jump in surprise.
"Huh? W—what's up, Leader?"
"Where are you going? I thought you didn't have a room around here."
"Yeah…" He scratches his head. "I was going to head back to Roppongi."
Nanashi's usually fierce expression softens. "You'll be okay?"
Oh, right, as far as Nanashi knows, he can't fight. The concern makes warmth
blossom in his chest, and he's pretty sure he's more than a little bit in love.
"Yeah, it's not far from the underground district, and I mean," he averts his
eyes, "I'm not completely helpless, you know…"
He can feel the heat in his cheeks, and it's so embarrassing — the only people
he's ever seen with this hair trigger blush reflex whenever they talk to their
crushes are girls.
"Okay. But you don't have to leave if you don't want to."
Was that…? D—did Leader just ask him to stay the night? Are they going to share
the bed for the whole night this time? He'd get to sleep in Nanashi's arms
again, and maybe—
Nanashi is already undressing, and he quickly looks away. It's just sleep — he
shouldn't be thinking weird thoughts.
The other seems to take his lack of response for the acquiescence it is,
handing him a spare towel and change of clothes before heading to the communal
bathroom with him close behind. They clean up under showers raining spurts of
uneven pressure that vacillate randomly between hot and cold — nothing unusual,
what with Tokyo's situation, but it's usually not so bad in Roppongi. When they
get back to the room, though, Nanashi leaves space for him on the bed, and as
he slips under the covers awkwardly, he thinks it's totally worth the crappy
shower. Now, if only he could get rid of that unseemly blush…
Nanashi rolls over, snuggling closer to drape an arm and a leg over him.
"L—L—Leader…?" His voice comes out a breathless squeak.
"Hm? You didn't seem to mind before."
"B—before?" Then it clicks. "Wait, you were awake?!"
Nanashi grins, almost sly. "No, but I woke up like this once, and it was nice.
You seemed fine with it, too."
Hallelujah opens his mouth to respond, but the breath catches in his throat,
and he can't find any words. "Uh…"
"Well, do you mind?"
No, god, no, this is everything I've ever wanted, but if you knew the truth…
"N—no."
"Good." Nanashi inhales deeply close to his hair and neck. "Mm, you even smell
good."
It's like his body is burning up everywhere they're touching, and his eyes are
stinging. "Y—you too."
Tightening his embrace, Nanashi murmurs, "Good night," lips brushing the shell
of his ear, and he doesn't dare speak above a whisper when he answers, "'Night,
Leader."
And he'd been so happy to slide down this slippery slope.
As he sits at the Association bar between Nanashi and SIR Gaston, eating some
new type of burger they supposedly had a hand in procuring, he fiddles with his
phone. For all that he's supposed to be keeping an eye on them for the Ashura-
kai, he hasn't been reporting back. Abe hasn't even asked. Heck, all he's been
doing is sending Nanashi embarrassing, rambling messages that he wishes he
could take back and reword now that he's looking at them again, even if he only
said the words he'd always secretly wanted to hear.
Well, okay. He's also been traipsing all over Tokyo, completing missions,
collecting relics and helping people, not to mention falling in love like a
complete idiot because, sure, he knew the whole business about being
resurrected as Dagda's Godslayer isn't good news, but maybe, just maybe, that
means Nanashi wouldn't care that they've got not-quite-human in common, and he
can't keep the hope from setting his pathetic heart aflutter.
"Hallelujah?"
He jumps at Nanashi's hand on his own. "Uh…" Silently praying the other
wouldn't ask what's wrong, he offers a weak, awkward smile. "Y—yeah?"
"You're not eating," comes the reply, unreadable as always.
"Oh. Um, yeah, sorry." Even SIR Gaston has finished his food despite the
brothers' obvious disdain and disgust. "I kinda got distracted." He quickly
scarfs down the rest — maybe the people who lived in Tokyo before God's Plan
would share the Samurais' opinion of the food, but he's never known anything
else, and this burger isn't half bad.
"I can see that," but instead of letting go, Nanashi continues to watch him eat
until he can feel the sweat sticking his clothes to his skin, and he jerks his
clammy hand away before Nanashi can think it's gross or notice his unusually
long grey nails.
"Okay." He stands and stretches, feigning nonchalance to calm his nerves. "All
done now. Where to, Leader?"
"Well, it's been a long day," Nozomi reasons as she rises as well, "so you
should probably call it a night."
But Nanashi shakes his head. "I need to run some errands first." Given Nozomi
is going to report Nanashi and Asahi releasing Krishna to the Association
tomorrow, their Leader is entirely too calm. Nerves of steel, he reminds
himself; he only wishes he had them, too.
"Okay." Asahi is glum —she's the one worried about Nozomi's report— but she'll
tag along.
Gaston is being more standoffish than usual, but they still leave the
Association together. Not like he has anywhere else to go — they're probably
the only ones who'd put up with him. Even his fellow Samurai ditched him
because they couldn't stand his attitude, after all.
They collect some relics while taking care of a few requests, and everyone is
beat by the time Nanashi returns to his room to call it a night. As the others
leave —even Navarre, who has taken to watching his little brother sleep
instead— he notices that Nanashi is packing a small bag.
"Leader, are you going somewhere?"
Green eyes flick to him. "To get cleaned up. Wanna come?"
"Hell yeah." It's been a long day, and they're covered in dirt, grime and
blood, both from demons and their own wounds. Truth be told, he feels gross,
and a bath sounds like the best idea he's heard all day.
Nanashi smirks, stuffing another set of towel and clothes into the bag, and it
dawns on Hallelujah then that he'd also just agreed to stay another night. The
other steers him out of the room by the elbow, but instead of heading towards
the bathrooms, Nanashi walks towards the exit.
"Wait, I thought— Leader, where are we going?"
"I've got something to show you."
The guard doesn't question their departure, and the demons wandering around
stay out of their way, so they make it unaccosted to a nearby shrine. It's
deserted, peaceful with its rustling trees and solemn gates, but there's…
something off — like a void left behind by something that used to be there.
"This is…"
"Kanda no Yashiro, yes," Nanashi confirms as he makes a bee line for the big
well nearby. "Where Krishna was sealed."
Hallelujah hurries after him. "Why are we here?"
"You'll see."
With only that cryptic reply, he slings the bag over his shoulder, vaults over
the ledge and drops in.
"Wh— Leader!" He runs over to look, only realizing the foolishness of his
horror when he finds the other climbing down a ladder — he should know
perfectly well that Nanashi is neither reckless nor suicidal.
"Well, are you coming?" Green eyes twinkle with amusement in the darkness. "Or
do you think I've brought you here to feed you to Shesha?"
"W—what? No! No, of course not! If you wanted to, you already could have!"
In retrospect now, he doesn't know if Nanashi had known the truth about Shesha
all along, or if Dagda never told him.
Quickly, he climbs down after the other, the sound of running water gradually
becoming louder as he descends, before crawling through a large hole in the
wall.
Surprisingly, there's a huge cavern under the well, and the sound is from the
waterfalls, big and small, on either side of the path leading in. He's about to
ask again why they're here when he realizes that Nanashi is stripping.
"Leader, aren't there demons h—"
"Only further in," Nanashi replies without pause.
"Oh," and he finds himself staring as the other steps under a curtain of water,
all wiry muscle and fascinating green markings, and his mouth has suddenly gone
dry.
"Aren't you coming? It's better than the showers," Nanashi calls over the
plunging roar of the waterfall, extending a hand in invitation, and all he can
do is stare, transfixed — at the water cascading over the other's skin, at the
curve of that arse and the sharp angles of those hips, and he's removing his
own clothes, taking Nanashi's hand like in a daze till the cold water shocks
him back to reality.
Seeming not to notice, Nanashi only grabs the soap from his bag and starts
rubbing suds into his hair and over his skin. Hallelujah turns away, cheeks
blazing — if he keeps watching, he's sure no amount of cold water will help
him.
Then strong arms slip around his waist, and he gasps.
"Mm, you're so warm…"
Nanashi's body molds to his own, and he barely registers the soap bar being
pressed into his hands, lightheaded from how quickly his blood has rushed down.
His skin tingles, the Fairy Forest scent of Nanashi suddenly sharp in his nose,
and he lets himself drop into the water as his knees turn to jelly — Shit, I
can't, I can't. I need to get this under control! His wildly beating heart
feels like it might burst out of its fragile cage, and he tamps down on that
rush of hot-cold power that floods his veins.
By the time a hand grips his wrist and drags him to the surface, he's forced it
back down, and the gasp of air that greets him doesn't smell like magnetite
anymore.
"You okay?"
"Yeah," he answers breathlessly with a shaky smile. "Yeah, I just— I—"
But Nanashi just shrugs, letting go. "The heating is out sometimes, but even
when it's on, I'd take colder water over the unsteady supply we get in the
underground districts."
Indeed, the water pressure here is amazing, and if only the water were warm, it
would be perfect.
"I heard less water is coming up from underground, too." Hallelujah works the
soap into a lather on his hair and skin, struggling to slow his breathing.
"People are saying it might be running out soon."
"Heh." Nanashi sits down under the waterfall again, talks louder above the
sound. "At this rate, everyone will be dead before they have to worry about
that."
"Yeah… Abe said the same." Way to kill the mood there, Hallelujah chides
himself in the ensuing sombre silence as he properly cleans himself up and
rinses off. That's probably good, though — he needs to think more unsexy
things, so he can stop keeping his back turned to Nanashi to hide his arousal.
It's not fair, he thinks bitterly, his feelings a jumbled mess. Fifteen years
of thinking no one would spare his plain and useless self a second glance, and
now that it finally looks like his attraction might be reciprocated, he's too
much of a coward to even act on it.
But… he doesn't think he could take it if Nanashi found out and couldn't accept
him.
Well, that definitely killed the buzz.
He accepts a towel and a pair of shorts from Nanashi. "Aren't you uh… worried
about Nozomi's report?" he asks for the lack of a better topic as he turns away
to put the shorts on while towelling his hair dry.
"It is what it is. We didn't know, then we had no choice. If they've got a
problem, the Association can kiss my ass."
It shouldn't have been surprising that Nanashi doesn't care what the rest of
the world thinks. Hell, that should probably have been his first warning sign.
But at the time, all he could think of was how much better it would be if he
didn't either and the possibility that it meant Nanashi wouldn't fear him like
the others… Heh, knowing Nanashi, though, he wouldn't run from a monster — he'd
kill it where it stood.
Damn it, Hallelujah, he scolds himself. You know you need to tell him the
truth. How is it that you can run with mobsters and thugs, but you can't even
say a few words?
Clenching his fist and gathering his resolve, he turns—
—to find Nanashi right next to him, watching him intently in nothing but a pair
of shorts, and the words die before they even reach his throat — he forgets to
breathe. His eyes flick to the other's lips —thin, kinda permanently set in a
fierce line— and it feels like he's careening forward.
Or is Nanashi…?
His eyes flutter shut, and the contact is soft first, then more insistent. He
doesn't have a clue what he's doing, so he just goes with instinct, but even
this clumsy first kiss makes electric warmth tingle down his spine to the tips
of his fingers and toes, and he'shooked.
He wants to grab Nanashi, haul him closer formore,but before he can decide what
to do with his hands, it's over, and the other is smirking as he steps back.
"As I thought."
"Wh—" I haven't… I haven't shifted, right? He glances down at his hands — nope,
still human. "E—eh?"
"If you want to, why did you run?"
"Because I…" What if he minds? whispers that old insidious voice. He doesn't
have to know… It's cowardice, and he knows it. The truth will come out
eventually. But in the meantime… "I've never—"
The other raises an eyebrow, arms crossed. "Yeah, me neither. We're fifteen.
So?"
He smiles weakly. "Could we uh… take it slow?"
Nanashi blinks slowly, then rolls his eyes and puts a shirt on before tossing
another one over. "The world is ending, and someone's got virgin jitters." He
picks up the bag and slings it back over his shoulder before returning to
Hallelujah's side. "You are completely ridiculous. But," he snakes his arm
around Hallelujah's waist with an exasperated chuckle, "I have to admit it's
kinda cute."
Oh wow, you're perfect, Hallelujah gasps — he'd been so sure he'd ruined this
regardless.
And maybe that's why he never saw it coming, the same way he hadn't realized
Abe was a demon, his father — their kindness to him made him blind to all the
signs.
"Maybe being dead does the trick."
"Didn't work for Navarre." Wait. "Shit, I said that out loud, didn't I?"
Nanashi laughs like he's never heard before. "Yup. Now put your shirt on before
I change my mind about taking it slow."
A breathless, exhilarated chuckle escapes him as he complies, and he leans into
the other's side as they head back to Kinshicho.
You're perfect, and that's the worst part of it all.
Maybe it's only fair that it turned out to be a double blind.
"So let me guess," Nanashi murmurs between kisses, hands burning into his skin.
"This half-demon thing is what you've been so hung up on all this time."
Their hips meet, and all Hallelujah can do is arch into the contact and moan.
"Because I sure don't hear you complaining now, Mr. Let's Take It Slow."
If he could blush any more deeply, he would, but then Nanashi's hands dip
lower, and he's crying out, the hot-cold rush spreading as his vision takes on
a familiar sharper quality. He gasps, feeling the shift in his skin, in his
fingers and toes, and pulls away from the suddenly overwhelming scent and taste
of magnetite.
"Sorry, just let me…"
He turns away and tries to shift back, but he can't — at the edge of passion,
nerves frazzled with strange impulses and body aflame with desire, he can't
control it.
"Heh, it all makes sense now." Nanashi props his head up with one hand, elbow
on the bed. "You always shift when you get excited?"
Hallelujah hangs his head, trying to slow his breathing. "Yeah… That's why I
avoid fighting and why I wanted to take it slow. If I get too caught up, I'd
shift, and I didn't want anyone to know."
"Mm." Nanashi takes his hand. "I always did think your nails kinda looked like
claws," he muses, inspecting now clawed fingertips closely.
"Y—you don't mind?"
Green eyes blink up at him. "Didn't we have this conversation earlier?"
Nervously, he scratches his head. "Well, yeah, but… you know…? 'It doesn't
matter' as a friend is totally different from 'I can be sexually attracted to
it,' right?"
"You're the one who stopped," Nanashi says pointedly, and okay, yeah, now he
feels foolish.
"It's more than that though," he mumbles defensively.
Abe told him that demons eat humans to gain magnetite, which allows them to
maintain a physical form. Being half-human, he doesn't need to, but he can
still detect it in his true form, and if he tried it, he's pretty sure he'd
like it, too.
And Nanashi has so much of it.
He can almost taste it, even when they're only holding hands like this, and
fuck, but it's delicious.
"All right." Nanashi sits up — he even looks bored. "Spit it out. Let's get
this over with."
He gulps. "You do know that demons eat humans, right?"
And every time they're close, yes, god, yes, he wants Nanashi, but he also
wants something more, something else, deep down inside, and one day, he'll lose
control, and Nanashi will probably freak the fuck out when he takes a bite.
Because, yeah, he totally would, too, if someone else took a bite out of him.
"Uh, yeah? No shit? S— Oh…" He watches as the other's expression shifts from
"duh" to "aha" as realization dawns, and then—
Suddenly, he's on his back, and Nanashi is pinning him to the bed, green eyes
glinting with… interest?
"What the— Leader, did you even h—"
"Sure I did, and you should," the other breathes with a feral grin, their lips
a hair's breadth apart. "You totally should."
"What?! Are we even talking about the same thing?! I'm saying there could be,
like, full on, actual —you know, eating?— here?!" He flails, helpless beneath
the other, and fuck, but he's hard as nails and salivating all at the same time
— he can't even decide which he wants more. "Like, actually biting off chunks
and not just… drawing blood with my teeth!"
"And I'm saying, seeing as my body can't die again, so I don't actually have to
worry about that, the fact that you want to is All. Kinds. Of Hot."
Gaping, Hallelujah realizes that he's forgotten to breathe again, and maybe the
lack of air is making him delirious because "You're crazy," he laughs, and now
he can't stop — he's getting hysterical, happy, dizzy. "You know that? You're
completely out-of-this-world crazy."
"I've heard that," Nanashi replies, completely unfazed. "Now can we get on with
it, or is that a real objection to making out?"
"Oh my god, y—"
"Ah-ah-ah…" Nanashi presses a thumb to Hallelujah's lips as he unbuttons the
white dress shirt with his other hand. "Don't ever say that unless you're
referring to me."
This, he thinks, in the perfect clarity of hindsight, should have been a major
red flag, but he didn't even notice.
"Yes," he gasps as they push clothing out of the way to finally feel skin on
skin, and he doesn't think he's going to last through the overwhelming
intensity of it all. Everything is so much sharper like this.
When the other mouths down his jaw, a flash of instinct makes him bare his neck
— he's never thought like this before, but Nanashi is stronger; he's the
Leader; it's the natural order, and it feels right when Nanashi tugs at his
hair and sucks a mark over his jugular.
Nanashi sighs his name, leaning back to get a better look and laughing at his
whine of protest. He's still shy as green eyes rake over his body — he's never
thought his stark white skin with its strange black markings all over looked
anything but monstrous, and he can't imagine that Nanashi might like what he
sees.
Still, "I wonder…" Nanashi murmurs, tracing one of the marks with a
featherlight touch, and it's strange — along with the tingle of pleasure arcing
down his skin, it seems to strike a chord deep inside, right to his core,
stirring that strange hunger, and he doesn't know whether he wants the other to
stop or do it again. It's taken out of his hands — Nanashi traces another mark,
and it takes his breath away. "Yes?"
"I— Hngh!"
This time, Nanashi traces the mark with his tongue, and this one is by his
nipple, so wet muscle swirls around the nub as it goes, and his hips jerk as a
jolt goes straight down. With a smirk, Nanashi—
"F—ah—AHH!!"
His eyes roll back in his head as he sees stars. When he comes down from it,
Nanashi is still stroking his cock languidly, and it's so much better than all
the times he touched himself, he could sob from how good it is.
"You're still so hard."
There's a hint of wonder in the other's voice, and he'd be embarrassed if he
could think past the pleasure of those dexterous fingers. Every time they get
near the tip or that ridge just below, his insides clench, and he thinks he
might come again, all too soon, add to the mess they're covered in before
Nanashi has even—
"Turn over?"
It takes a few seconds to process —he's so far gone— but he manages to comply,
and Nanashi doesn't stop fondling him even when the other shifts up to kiss and
mouth at his neck and shoulders. With his legs parted to give his lover access,
he's sure he looks the picture of debauchery, and when a warm hand cups his
sacs, he can only throw his head back and moan, eyes fluttering shut.
"Mm, seeing as I'm just trying random things out, I'm glad everything feels
good to you."
The other's tone is teasing, and there's that strange sensation as lips brush
over another mark again — he's definitely addicted now.
"A—are you saying I'm easy?"
"Are you?" Nanashi ripostes, lips caressing the shell of his ear, and he
shivers. "You know what Dagda says?"
"Do I want to know?"
"He says we might really like it if I did this."
A finger swipes roughly back and up, and "F—fuck yes," he's almost— "Shit, are
we taking sex tips from a demon now?" And okay, yeah, he's one to talk, but
instead—
Chuckling, Nanashi replies, "Well, he doesn't like that I think it's the best
damn advice he's ever given me, since everything else has only stirred up
trouble."
He opens his mouth to say something, hopefully witty, but then his lover's body
blankets his own, erection slotting into the crease of his arse, and it's lost
in the moan that escapes as the other rocks into him. His toes curl at the hot,
sweet friction and the pressure on his cock with Nanashi gripping his hands and
lacing their fingers above their heads, nipping roughly at his ears and neck,
and he's sure some of these will leave marks, but he doesn't care.
He wants to be marked, and that sweet, sweet scent is dizzying. From the heated
groan by his ear, the pleasure is mutual, and he wants; he rocks back — it's
not enough. Nanashi's movements turn frantic, then he's growling Hallelujah's
name as he spills, hot and wet, between them and sags, gasping for breath, atop
him.
He should feel gross, he thinks, covered in both of their bodily fluids, but
some dark primal side of him revels in it, the smell and the sense of mine. Us.
That side wants to cover Nanashi in it, too.
Still trapped beneath them, his erection throbs, unsatisfied, and he squirms.
Instead of moving, though, the other digs his hips in to hold him still.
"Don't move and I'll make it good for you."
He's obeying before he's even thought about it, freezing at that husky whisper
in his ear, and Nanashi chuckles, pleased, rolling off.
"It's fascinating how your body adapts," he remarks, but before Hallelujah can
ask what he means, two fingers slide over his entrance, and the words are lost
in a whimper. "It gets slick back here," Nanashi continues conversationally,
circling the opening, and yes, now that he's less overwhelmed, he can feel the
wetness — it feels filthy, wanton, arousing. "It wasn't before." One finger
slips in, and he bites back a moan. "And this scent…" The finger starts moving
in and out shallowly, teasing, and he's trembling from the effort of holding
still. "If I didn't already, I think it'd make me want you."
He almost misses the words — it's taking all his focus not to rut into the
mattress. "This… sweet scent… Me…?"
"Mm, told you, you smell good."
"Hngh… Please…" He needs Nanashi harder, deeper. "Stop playing with me."
"You seemed to be enjoying that," Nanashi points out with a smirk, stopping
entirely, and he whines — he's so close. Sitting up and shifting back to lean
against the wall, Nanashi takes his hand and tugs. "Come here."
He gasps as the movement relieves the pressure on his sensitive, leaking cock,
but manages to clumsily crawl into his lover's lap to press their lips
together. He's unbelievably flattered to find Nanashi licking his fingers and
already half-hard for him — it's embarrassing, but he hasn't really done
anything but lie there and take it. Thinking he should fix that, he takes the
other's neglected cock in his hand and is gratified by Nanashi's moan when it
swells — it's a little different from his own.
Straddling Nanashi's lap, he cups the other's cheek to peck him on the lips
again and tries to focus on what he's doing, to figure out what his lover
enjoys, when suddenly, Nanashi is licking into his mouth, tangling their
tongues and capturing his lips possessively with one hand buried in light red
hair and the other caressing the turn of his hip, and—
"Ha—ahh!!!"
The spark of pleasure inside burst into haloed lights behind his eyelids, and
he can't believe— "Wow," he gasps, slumping forward, his breathing ragged.
"That was…" Sensual, mind-blowing, amazing. And now that he's marked Nanashi as
his, it's disconcertingly satisfying.
"Dagda," Nanashi admits, looking a bit apologetic. "And I quote: 'Are modern
humans so out of touch with their instincts? Watching you fumble in ignorance
has ceased to be entertaining. Let me show you how it's done, kid.'"
"Uh. Awkward," he mutters. Like a threesome, only not. He's not sure how to
feel about it. "I mean, of course it's good to know what to do, but…"
"Do you want to stop?"
"…no." That he's sure about. "Um, will he…?"
"'Hmph, what a waste of time. Consider me gone,' he said."
"Oh." He blinks. "Wait. He can leave?!"
Nanashi shrugs, but otherwise doesn't move. And Hallelujah knows what he signed
up for, but he can't deny it bothers him that Dagda could intervene at any
time.
"I want you." He inches closer, resumes moving his hand to a sound of pleasure.
"Not… you know…"
"It was just that one time." Nanashi catches the back of his neck and reels him
in. "And I think I've gotten the hang of it."
The kiss is less sure this time, slower, but it's the same sensual slide of
tongue exploring the recesses of his mouth and running over his razor-sharp
teeth, and he feels himself melt into the other as the hand on his neck slides
down his spine. The smell of magnetite is making him lightheaded, and he
nuzzles behind his lover's ear, licks the salt off Nanashi's skin in a trail up
from the collarbone and inhales deeply by spiky dark hair. Nanashi presses him
closer, and it's crazy, but he's already ready for more, can't get enough of
the taste, the scent, the feel of his lover so close to him.
"You're insatiable, and I love it," the other purrs, sounding almost wicked.
"And so sensitive," he teases with a chuckle, digging his fingers into black
markings as he runs his hands over flushed white skin, and precum drips from
Hallelujah's cock even as he realizes he's drawn blood.
Delicious, he thinks as the punctures knit shut with a green tinge, delicious
and he wants, he needs.
"Give me a break," he whines as two fingers slip inside to a dull ache amidst
the long awaited pleasure. "No one's so much as touched me in this form
before."
Abruptly, Nanashi stops.
"Leader…?" Did I say something wrong?
He starts to lean back, but then Nanashi pulls him into a tight embrace.
"L—Leader?"
"I should have figured, but I didn't realize," Nanashi says softly, then turns
to kiss him again, but it's different this time, and Hallelujah suddenly can't
breathe past the weight in his chest. There's such intent to the caress of his
lips this time, to the gentle way he's lowered back to the bed, to the careful
breaching, and even the ache feels good and full and intimate like he could
never even imagine before, and it's reflex to wrap his arms and legs around his
lover and draw him deeper. "I should have done it like this from the start,"
Nanashi murmurs over his lips, cradling him close like something precious,
before capturing his lips again, and his eyes are stinging. "You don't have to
hide anymore, Hallelujah. You are mine."
"Yes!" The other's fierce, possessive tone rumbles, primal, through his soul,
and his insides clench so hard, it hurts, with desperate need. "Please, fuck,
please!"
He cries out at the first thrust, clinging on tightly as the flood of rapture
threatens to sweep him away, and he has to sink his teeth into Nanashi's
shoulder on the second. Again, and he knows he won't last much longer — even
this feels almost more intense than his last climax, and he can barely hold on
to coherent thought.
"Higher," Nanashi groans, speeding up, "What you want is higher," dipping his
head to offer the back of his neck, close to the spine, by the brain. "Do it."
It shatters the last of his restraint, and he bites down, claws and teeth
piercing soft skin. Nanashi's hips stutter with a sharp cry, and then heat and
blood and—
Orgasm slams into him with explosive intensity, his vision whiting out at that
first taste of Nanashi, and he's sure they've gone beyond sex, beyond love,
beyond humanity, but if Nanashi would be his god, he'd gladly worship his lover
forever.
Famous last words, they'd call them, and lying here in Nanashi's arms amidst
the bodies of their former friends, the weight of his sins threatens to crush
him with guilt.
He should have seen this coming.
After Abe, after everything they'd been through... All the red flags had been
staring him in the face, and Hallelujah is sure they would have stood out
without his rose-tinted glasses.
He should have known better.
He could have saved them.
"Why?" he asks again through the tears in a shuddering breath. He doesn't blink
them away, so he doesn't have to see.
"You know why," Nanashi answers in the same gentle tone he used that night.
"This is the only way we can truly be free."
Hallelujah shakes his head. "You killed them. You'll kill us all. The Nanashi I
knew—"
"Always could," Nanashi finishes for him. "Don't kid yourself."
It's true — thinking back now, Nanashi had never given any indication that the
rest of the world mattered to him. Hallelujah really should have known better
than to trust him, but he'd loved him, idolised him, wanted to be him. And it'd
seemed like Nanashi trusted him, too, maybe even l—
Nanashi says his name softly, heartfelt, drawing him close just like that
night, and even now, he can't help leaning into the contact, sobbing into the
other's shoulder.
"I know what you mean to ask." Warm fingers card through his hair, soft lips
pressing to his temple. "It wasn't a lie." The pain is brief, far away. "I'll
see you in the new world."
The world falls away, and time loses its meaning. All at once, it's as if he's
in a void, yet he has some awareness of what is happening. Even so, he's still
surprised when Nanashi calls upon him again.
A new world with Nanashi as God… he thinks he can accept it. Now that he's had
time to process, he considers that maybe it's better this way. Humans can start
afresh instead of picking up the pieces of their broken world, and he'll be
there to help. He can protect humanity, create more if they die, make sure
Nanashi keeps his promise of setting them free — it will be a lasting peace, a
world for humankind.
As the new universe stretches out before them —at the height of spring, full of
new life, beautiful and sublime— Nanashi pulls him into his lap on the Throne
and embraces him tightly from behind, nuzzling his hair.
"I love you," Nanashi says for the first time, and Hallelujah doesn't doubt it.
Creation can only reflect its Creator's psyche, and it is impossible to create
life without emotion, without love.
Still, he can't help but think about what might have been, if they could have
preserved the world they knew and led it side by side, if Nanashi had had faith
in anyone but himself, faith in humanity's ability to persevere by its united
power, faith in Hallelujah and their former friends.
"Not enough," he replies wistfully, covering the other's hands with his own and
leaning back.
"Perhaps," Nanashi concedes. "If I did, I would let you live happy and free as
a human instead of keeping you with me forever. If I did, I might have granted
your wish from before."
Sighing, he admits, "There is no way of knowing that granting my wish would
have been better."
"And it's too late for that now," Nanashi agrees, turning him around and
caressing his cheek. "But it's not too late to let you go. If it is your wish,
you can live here, on this world, with the other humans, lead them like you
would have led the Ashura-kai."
He smiles, pressing their foreheads together. "Thank you." If you have the
heart to think this way, then I believe this world will truly be wonderful.
"But I know what it's like to be alone. You saved me from that, accepted me
completely. I will never leave you." As if I could love anyone else now. You've
ruined me.
Mirroring his smile, Nanashi joins their lips in a searing kiss. Then I promise
you, he hears the other's voice directly in his head, the world of your dreams
and an eternity of happiness.
Yes, he thinks back, content. Yes.
It started out innocently enough, and they'll always have each other. They're
going to build an amazing world.
End Notes
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