
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/267966.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Tennis_no_Oujisama_|_Prince_of_Tennis, Prince_of_Tennis_(TV)
  Relationship:
      Fuji_Yuuta/Mizuki_Hajime, Fuji_Shuusuke/Tezuka_Kunimitsu, (one-sided)
      Fuji_Shuusuke/Fuji_Yuuta
  Stats:
      Published: 2011-10-23 Words: 2997
****** Eyes ******
by Shiraume
Summary
     Mizuki offers, Yuuta takes, but his heart is elsewhere.
Notes
See the end of the work for notes
It had always been his goal, one day, to catch up to his brother, and even
surpass him. After watching his brother's match with Hyotei's Akutagawa Jirou,
he had been astonished.
Then he had been more or less...crushed.
Even just catching up to his older brother seemed a daunting, if downright
impossible, task. But to surpass him?
Fuji Yuuta did not indulge himself in self-deception.
In front of Mizuki-san, it was easy to put up a front, pretend he was still
going after his brother with aspirations to win someday. It was easy to pretend
that Mizuki-san believed him. Or maybe Mizuki-san did; one could never tell
with him. It should have sent him to an abyss of despair, right? To realize
that one wish that had supported him since leaving home, since leaving his
brother, was one that was utterly unattainable, so completely out of reach...
Yet, after the strangely lethargic, almost inevitable feeling that accompanied
the realization, there had been a sense of lull. There was no burning ambition
or desire to win the next time, like he felt after playing against Echizen.
There was just a calm acceptance, as if just confirming what he had known all
along anyway. He supposed he should at least be angry about his aniki hiding so
much of himself, even from him, but he was not. In fact, it fit in perfectly
with his aniki, to reveal so little of himself. It was simply who he was,
surrounding dark, cool, seductive charms wrapped around him like an
impenetrable yet tantalizing veil, Fuji Syusuke was as alluring and mysterious
as the moon.
And just as unreachable.
It made sense that he admired his aniki. It made sense that he admitted his
aniki was better than good. It made sense his aniki should be in his thoughts
constantly.
But it did not make sense to remember the glint on sun that gave aniki's hair a
softer glow of lighter brown. Did not make sense to remember how sunlight
reflected from the fierce blue eyes, eyes with a more frosty, dark inner core,
that sparkled like deepest of sapphire, no, blue diamonds, the rarest and most
precious kind. Aniki had eyes that were as deep and beautiful as blue diamonds,
the "Heart of the Ocean," that came out of some sappy American movie he had
seen years ago.
Time to time, it occurred to Yuuta that the way he thought of his aniki was
sometimes a little inappropriate for a sibling. A sibling should not notice how
attractive his brother's fair, soft skin was, no matter how beautiful he was...
Every once in a while, Yuuta would wonder what really made him quit Seishun
Gakuen. Was it really that he could not stand being compared to his aniki, or
was it that he had hard time watching his aniki play? Just watching...?
Far away from his aniki, safe from the confusing emotions seeing his aniki
stirred in him, it was easy to immerse himself in his training, in tennis, in
anything and everything. Just as long as he could forget about the pair of blue
eyes that seemed to sparkle with some inner light even in the dark. The eyes
that looked at him with such gentle kindness and something akin to sadness.
Hurt. Hurt that he himself had put there. Put there and enjoyed it because he
knew he had caused it in aniki. Had made aniki slip off his mask long enough to
show a humane emotion. Yuuta had been perversely proud that he, and only he,
could make aniki do that. Become less of the smiling perfection he usually was,
more of the human that could become angry, could be hurt, could show something
other than mild contentment. Even the protective anger and slight flicker of
hatred in those intense blue eyes while aniki played against Mizuki-san had
been so pleasing compared to aniki's usual placidness. When he had thanked
Mizuki-san, he might as well have thanked him for showing him what could move
his aniki so easily.
So secretly, deep inside his heart, when Yuuta had lost to Akutagawa Jirou from
Hyoutei, he had been almost relieved. Aniki would be angry, of course, but not
at him. No, for him, aniki would be sad. Aniki would only think about him,
until the match with Akutagawa was resolved. For that short time, he would
again be the center of aniki's world.
And that was enough.
                                     *****
On the opening day of Kanto Regional, Seishun Gakuen won their match against
Hyotei Gakuen. While outsiders merely watched with interest and excitement,
from an insider's point of view, it had been nothing short of a miracle that
Seigaku managed to win.
The loss of the Golden Pair should have had been fatal. Yet, somehow, Seigaku
had won doubles two. It was painfully obvious who had the upper hand in singles
three. Yet, somehow, Seigaku had taken it to a no-game. Singles two had been
quite possibly the most unexpected dark horse of the match; while everyone knew
about the tensai Fuji Syusuke, no one knew just how good he was (and Yuuta had
realized he had not, either). Singles one had been almost painful to watch, and
the tie-breaking game... The only stroke of luck Seigaku had that day was that
the lineup had placed Echizen Ryoma as a reserve.
But Yuuta had cared about none of that.
All he could think about was aniki's intense eyes, and that slightest hint of
smirk on his lips as he showed to the stunned public the second shot of his
disappearing serve.
At least until the long, drawn-out singles one match had begun.
"Look carefully, Yuuta," aniki had said suddenly, his eyes serious, "This is
what is meant by a serious match."
It was true. He had never seen such an impressive match. While both Tezuka-san
and Atobe-san were quite possibly the best players he had ever seen, the sheer
concentration and battle of will, the determination and passion shown by both
players had stunned him speechless.
He had noticed something else, as well.
Aniki's deep blue eyes remained open almost the entire match, watching Tezuka-
san narrowly. There was a flicker of disbelief, worry, admiration, and finally,
understanding dawning in those beautiful eyes, and for some reason, it seemed
to Yuuta that those eyes had somehow awoken from a very long sleep. Once, just
once, aniki's eyes flickered back to the large Seishun Gakuen's banner, held by
the singles three player (Kawamura-san, if he was not mistaken), before
returning to Tezuka-san. Aniki's usual smile disappeared into a slight frown,
and a strange sadness had started to creep into his eyes. However, the moment
Yuuta recalled the clearest was when Tezuka-san collapsed, clutching his
shoulder.
Aniki had screamed.
Aniki had screamed Tezuka-san's name, vaulted over the stand in a single,
graceful movement, and had ran to Tezuka-san's side in the blink of an eye. It
was the first time Yuuta had ever seen his aniki lose the imperturbable calm
that never seemed to leave him. It was the first time Yuuta had seen his aniki
truly panic, and it was not for him.
And that had hurt so much that he could no longer watch the match. He had
debated leaving then, but wanted to see a little bit more of aniki so that he
could be sure he was not mistaken. When Tezuka-san finally retired to the bench
to rest and watch Echizen's match, aniki had leaned over the stand's rail to
touch Tezuka-san's right shoulder gently. It would not have seemed strange had
either one of them been prone to such gestures. But Yuuta knew neither was. As
friendly as his aniki appeared, aniki never touched other people, or let other
people touch him. And he had observed, though no one else appeared to have
noticed, so lost they were in the match between Hiyoshi and Echizen, that
Tezuka-san's right hand had risen briefly to brush against the one on his
shoulder. Then another round of excited shouts erupted and the moment passed as
if it never had been.
Save to Yuuta.
Yuuta refused to go home that day, but it was not because of the fact St.
Rudolph had lost its chance to enter Kanto Regional or the National. Or that he
was upset that aniki's skills had once again proven superior to his. He was
just afraid - afraid of what he would do, what his rebellious mind would
conjure up when he saw aniki again, what he would say to aniki to bring back
the hurt and sadness back to those perfect blue eyes. Because that was the only
emotion he could bring out of aniki, the only hold he had over his brother.
Would his aniki even miss him tonight, Yuuta wondered. It was the night of
mixed victory for Seishun Gakuen, after all. Tezuka-san's injury did not seem
light, and if he knew his brother, he would spend the entire night worrying
about Tezuka-san's condition.
Trying best to ignore the sharp pang of something growing in his heart, Yuuta
went to the gym. He threw himself into his training with unusual passion,
trying to distract himself from thinking about anything else. During training,
at least, it worked; after all, it was difficult to think of anything else when
your entire body was on such an overdrive that the only thing you could
remember was breathing. But when he finished, he remembered that one rainy
night, when aniki suddenly called him at his gym. He remembered aniki's
strangely hushed voice. Not that aniki was loud at any time, but back then,
there was a strange quality in his soft voice that he had never heard before.
"...I had a match with Echizen today."
His interested had piqued immediately. He had lost against the infuriating
younger player, but how had his brother, the tennis tensai, fared against him?
Unfortunately, because of Mizuki-san's untimely arrival, he had never found
out. Aniki never mentioned it again.
He remembered being very annoyed about that, although he was unsure why. Why
had he been annoyed? Because he never found out the outcome of the match?
Watching aniki today, he had become convinced that Echizen could not have
defeated his aniki that day. Echizen was good, but not that good, not yet. To
his surprisingly fierce satisfaction, Echizen also seemed quite shocked by his
aniki's performance today. Echizen had been the bench coach, after all, and had
the chance to see the match up close and personally.
Come to think of it, that annoyed him, too.
He had accepted that there were other people in aniki's life, but none of them
was allowed to have such profound effect on his brother. They were brothers,
after all. And what was stronger than the bond of blood? Besides, with such an
easygoing personality (most of the times), aniki never seemed to take anything
or anyone seriously, besides Yuuta himself.
Until Echizen, and of course, Tezuka-san.
He fisted his hand in his towel, jaws clenched so hard that his teeth hurt,
though the ache was a distant thing in his mind. Walking back to his dorm room,
Yuuta threaded out his thoughts carefully, trying to sort out his feelings, his
motivations. He had never been particularly good at the last, but the whole
thing had been bothering him too much, and he felt if he did not reach a
conclusion soon, his head would burst from thinking too much.
First, irrevocable and certain fact was that he cared about his aniki. He was
proud of aniki's skills as a tennis player. He was happy for each of his
brother's victory.
Second, it was unlikely that he, Fuji Yuuta, would ever be able to win against
his older brother. But Yuuta had long since accepted the fact that some people
are simply better. Like Tezuka-san and Atobe-san today, there were players who
surpassed even his brother. So, the fact aniki was better than he was should
not have been a major factor for the current estrangement between the two of
them.
Third, both Tezuka-san and Echizen were excellent players. It was natural that
his brother, who lived and breathed tennis no matter how much he pretended
otherwise, would be drawn to the two of them, be affected by them. Truly great
players always had a way of influencing, changing, and becoming catalysts for
each other. Echizen had been a good catalyst for himself, and had changed quite
a few things about his own play style. There was, therefore, nothing strange
about aniki's behavior towards Tezuka-san or Echizen. There was nothing that
should upset him so much.
Except the intimacy of that single touch between Tezuka-san and aniki.
Neither was inclined for any kind of casual touches or even glances. Whenever
he saw them together, they just stood side by side, close enough for friends,
but far enough so neither intruded on the other's personal space. They rarely
glanced at each other, or even talked much. At least so he thought, until
today.
Alright, so there was a possibility more than friendship was going on between
Tezuka-san and aniki. And the thought stabbed through his heart like a cold
ice, shocking him.
Backtrack. Yuuta and Syusuke were brothers. No matter whom aniki got involved
with, it would not change the fact they were brothers. He had no reason to be
jealous.
Jealous?
Yuuta let his head thud against his door (he had walked all the way back to his
room by then). Was that it? Was he jealous that Tezuka-san's place seemed so
big in aniki's heart? Of all the juvenile... Muttering few choice words at
himself, he opened his door.
To find Mizuki-san.
"I was afraid you'd gone home tonight, Yuuta-kun."
"Eh...Mizuki-san. What are you doing here?" Yuuta managed despite his fluster.
"Visiting you," came the placid answer, as if it were perfectly normal for
Mizuki-san to be lounging in his bed in the dark, nearly eleven at night.
Mizuki-san stretched, not bothering to get up, arching his back so the shirt
slipped up to show his stomach. Yuuta stared at the white expanse of exposed
skin, only realizing he was staring when Mizuki-san smirked slightly. "I
thought perhaps you'd gone home tonight," Mizuki-san said, his tone that of a
question.
"I didn't feel like it."
"Yuuta-kun," Mizuki-san's voice was uncharacteristically gentle. "I heard about
Fuji-kun's match from Yanagisawa-kun. Are you upset about that?"
"I'm not upset," Yuuta mumbled automatically, a touch of defensiveness creeping
into his voice.
"Yuuta-kun," Mizuki-san sat up fluidly, like a graceful cat, and half
crouching, half kneeling on his bed, peered up at his face. Funny, Yuuta did
not remember when he had crossed the room to stand right next to the bed
currently occupied by Mizuki-san. "I have faith that you will defeat your
brother, one day. Have patience," Mizuki-san reached out to gently touch his
right shoulder. Remembering aniki's hand resting lightly on Tezuka-san's
shoulder much the same way, Yuuta shivered. Mizuki-san's dark eyes seemed
strangely magnetic, or had they always been like that?
"If you want, Yuuta-kun..." Mizuki-san trailed off, his hand trailing upward to
rest against his neck lightly, "I can help you forget all about the match
today. Everything."
Yuuta wanted to laugh. What Mizuki-san was offering...it was something out of
some sappy romance novel or a z-grade movie. What was disturbing, however, was
that he was staring at Mizuki-san's lips rather fixedly. Mizuki-san seemed to
absorb the shadows of his room (Yuuta had not bothered to turn on the lights
when he came in, and Mizuki-san had not objected), outlined only faintly by the
moonlight, by the absence of shadow.
"Yuuta-kun, will you let me?" Mizuki-san whispered against his ear, and Yuuta
shivered before he could control himself. The warm breath against his ear made
his knees weak, and it was all he could do to prevent himself wrapping his arms
around Mizuki-san's body. When an inquisitive tongue flicked out to trace his
earlobe, Yuuta groaned low in his throat, falling forward, into Mizuki-san's
waiting arms. Mizuki-san caught him and gently lowered both of them to the bed.
Mizuki-san was rather skilled at lovemaking, and Yuuta distractedly wondered if
he had some prior experience. That part of him was soon forgotten as the heat
of Mizuki-san's mouth enveloped him, and then there was just the mind-blowing
pleasure. Just as he was about to climax, Mizuki-san pulled back, and Yuuta,
panting heavily, opened his eyes to inquire what was the matter. Giving him a
slight, reassuring smile, Mizuki-san pulled out something in the dark, and a
moment later, he felt gentle fingers teasing against his entrance.
"Yuuta-kun..." Mizuki-san's voice sounded breathless. Biting back a moan, Yuuta
bit out.
"Yes."
Yuuta did not remember much after that, just sensation and ecstasy and a pair
of blue eyes that seemed to look into his soul, those he could not forget even
when he could barely remember his name. He stifled his scream of completion
against Mizuki-san's warm shoulder, biting into it hard enough to leave a very
distinct mark that would linger for days. Mizuki-san's answering groan was
right next to his ear, almost startling in its volume.
And the only one that filled his entire mind and soul was...
Mizuki-san had been considerate enough to use a condom, which redoubled his
suspicion that Mizuki-san must have done this before.
The name he stifled by biting into the available shoulder was...
Mizuki-san had caressed him affectionately afterwards, running his fingers
through Yuuta's short brown hair, the only feature his aniki and he shared; he
and Yumiko-nee-san had taken after their father, but aniki had taken after
their mother in his appearance.
The name that shocked him into his senses even as his body lost itself to the
ecstasy was...
Mizuki-san fell asleep resting against him, warm and comfortable against his
side, with lulling heartbeat against his ear.
Aniki.

                                     End
End Notes
     This ficlet is ancient (June 2004) and was posted on a dare. It's
     actually an excerpt from a much longer work (45,500 words, anime/
     manga hybrid timeline, titled Cross My Heart) which was never posted
     in entirety due to, er, explicitly problematic content. (Or is it
     problematically explicit? XD) The actual pairings for the whole work
     were Tezuka/Fuji and one-sided Fujicest, neither of which actually
     appears in this segment. ^^;
     As for the Heart of the Ocean thing, I've NO excuse except I was
     young, and I liked it then. And Yuuta looking like his father is
     obviously not a canon-fact -- I just made a guess given Syuusuke
     resembles Yoshiko while Yuuta and Yumiko don't (much).
Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed
their work!
