
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/2028147.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Code_Geass
  Relationship:
      Lelouch_vi_Britannia/Kururugi_Suzaku, Lelouch/Suzaku, Lelouch_Lamperouge
      |_Lelouch_vi_Britannia/Kururugi_Suzaku
  Character:
      Lelouch_Lamperouge_|_Lelouch_vi_Britannia, Kururugi_Suzaku
  Additional Tags:
      Spoilers, Alternate_Universe_-_Canon_Divergence, Male_Pregnancy, Mpreg,
      Parody, Humor, Romance, Drama, Crack, Fluff, Angst, Chaptered, Sexual
      Content, Stupidity, Yaoi, Established_Relationship, Seme_Lelouch, Top
      Lelouch, uke_suzaku, Bottom_Suzaku, Seme_Lelouch/Uke_Suzaku, Top_Lelouch/
      Bottom_Suzaku, Seahorses
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-07-27 Updated: 2017-12-05 Chapters: 8/11 Words: 121477
****** Ambiguous ******
by escapeasy
Summary
     Facing a surprise pregnancy is a challenge Lelouch feels he might be
     able to handle. The real problem is trying to figure out how the hell
     a male got pregnant in the first place. A baby couldn't possibly
     derail Lelouch's rebellion, could it? Started as a crack m-preg!
     Beware of SPOILERS!
     "Underage" because Lelouch and Suzaku are 17... Just one year off (-
     _-)
     **And has fan art!!
***** Like a Seahorse *****
Chapter Notes
     Not a fan of m-preg, but started writing one for crack/satirical fun
     -- and then things somehow got serious. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
     Contains spoilers.
"Now, just imagine you're weightless, in the middle of the ocean, surrounded by
tiny little seahorses." –Deb from Napoleon Dynamite
1
Ambiguous
Like_a_Seahorse
Lelouch's feet shuffle as he walks to his bedroom.
His slight slouch is straightened by a yawn that squirms up his throat and
pries his mouth open so it can crawl out with the snaps rattling down his
spine. He rubs the traces of tears away from his eyes that the yawn had
squeezed out and his shoulders roll back in their own stretch. Once his mouth
clamps shut again with a clap of his teeth, his shoulders droop along with his
eyes, and he trusts his feet to take him to the appropriate room in which he
may retire.
He doesn't want to repeat that macaroni incident again.
Even so, he is so exhausted that he'd sleep anywhere at this point without a
care as long as it's silent and dark. He should have known better than try to
explain chess to Tamaki when the pawn had asked him to – in
a completely inconspicuous move to prove that he's into whatever his favorite
buddy is into; which Lelouch would have found creepy if he didn't know Tamaki.
Lelouch was a bit surprised that he didn't know anything – anything – about
chess, but then he remembered that it's Tamaki and he quickly forgot the
thought as fast as it came.
Too bad he didn't take his realization – that it's TAMAKI – as a warning. He
would have saved himself a headache that pinched its way to a migraine that
pounded so hard around his skull Lelouch almost thought it would crack his mask
in half. Luckily, that hadn't happened. Unluckily, his head suffered an
explosion after the twentieth time of explaining each pieces' name… Or perhaps
that was when a very, very, very, very dusty light bulb lit up over Tamaki's
head with the excited exclamation of:
"So that's where the pawn analogy came from!"
No one bothered to correct Tamaki about it being a metaphor, not an analogy.
They just shook sympathetic heads at Lelouch – or rather, Zero – mentally
thanking whatever God is in heaven that they were not in his shoes.
Lelouch mentally cursed them all to Hell.
He had never thought it was possible, but Lelouch might actually be off chess
for a while. Nothing sobers a person up better than headache-inducing
stupidity.
Lelouch's dragging feet scoot him into his room where his eyes are blinded by a
light – making Lelouch double-take by pinching himself to make sure he hadn't
suddenly fallen unconscious… Or that Tamaki's stupidity hadn't killed his brain
without his notice, making him a clueless spirit wandering its way home. He
doesn't know any other reason why there should suddenly be a bright, white
light beckoning him into his bedroom. C.C. has her own bed at the Black
Knight's hideout, so there's no reason anything strange should be going on
here; moreover, it's about two in the morning.
After a few nail bites split his skin – because he just wants to
be absolutely positive his brain isn't dead – with his eyes cowering underneath
narrowed eyelids, he sees a timid cast of evergreen eyes sitting on his bed,
basking bashfully under the vivid glow.
Speaking of stupidity…Lelouch thinks wryly. But at least Suzaku understands
chess even if he isn't close to mediocre at playing it – he wasn't even that
hard to teach.
"Suzaku, what are you doing here so late?" Lelouch asks trying to sound casual
despite how incriminatingly strange it is for him to be the one stumbling into
his room at such a late hour.
Suzaku doesn't seem so concerned about that, however.
Only the stagnant air of the room is Suzaku's reply as Lelouch walks towards
the bed, putting his hands in the pockets of his gray pants – his school
uniform traded for his favorite set of street clothes. He looks down at Suzaku
critically as the seconds of silence add up to minutes and as those minutes,
add up to more minutes – would Lelouch really let this drag out all night?
Maybe, if he wasn't so tried – in which Suzaku will not connect their eyes.
Obviously, something is wrong.
"Is something wrong?" Lelouch tilts his head and bumps Suzaku's knee with his
own, the action looking very much like someone poking a comatose body with a
stick.
Suzaku seems to flinch a bit – or twitch like a limp body stirring underneath
that stick – and his clasped hands clench, tight.
"I, um… I…" he clears his throat and squares his shoulders but holds his eyes
against the floor like the world will implode if he looks away from it. "I have
somethi~ng to tell you," he answers with a crack breaking his voice.
Lelouch lifts an eyebrow at the suspicious behavior – suddenly he doesn't feel
so incriminated.
"What is it?"
Suzaku fidgets a little and his hands readjust their slick grip on each other.
…Why is Suzaku sweating?
"You should sit down…" the boy murmurs, his shoeless feet shifting around each
other.
Lelouch feels a shot of anxiety blow through his chest and his eyebrows knit
together.
"Suzaku," Lelouch says with a worry ridden tone, "what is it?"
Suzaku's hands contract hard again, "Just sit down, please." Suzaku's voice is
stronger, but the waver halfway through still exposes his insecurity.
Lelouch heeds the awkward air breathing around Suzaku's request and seats
himself next to the eye-contact-avoiding teenager. Adding his weight to the
mattress seems to relieve Suzaku's shoulders of some of the invisible pressure
pushing down on them; he even lets out a shaky sigh as his muscles relax
somewhat around his rigid bones.
Lelouch is too impatient and anxious to wait for that imaginary cat to release
Suzaku's tongue.
"Did something happen?"
He catches a glimpse of green when Suzaku looks at him with a glance, his
shoulders straining again.
"…S-something happened."
"What is it!?" Lelouch demands loudly and confused. Suzaku looks to be fine,
physically, so it must be something else… but what?
Suzaku cringes, "Lelouch, it's…" Lelouch can practically see the words jumble
around in Suzaku's head as if in hopes that the right ones will just fall out
until he suddenly turns his body to face him. After a brief lapse of silence,
those elusive emeralds return his stare and the tentative sheen over them fills
Lelouch's chest with dread. "Lelouch, I… I'm pregnant."
S
I
L
E
N
C
E
.
.
.
Suzaku scowls, "Why aren't you saying anything!?"
Lelouch blinks again, "Hm? I'm waiting for the punch-line."
Suzaku's gives him the same look Lelouch usually gives to Suzaku: you're an
idiot.
"…I thought that maybe you forgot it, so I was waiting."
Suzaku growls, "This isn't a joke, Lelouch!" His fingers rough his hair.
"I'm serious."
S
I
L
E—
"NO!" Suzaku waves his hands emphatically in front of Lelouch's face. "No more
'silence'! Say something," he implores nervously but eagerly.
Lelouch runs his eyes over Suzaku, as if seeing him for the first time – just
like when they were kids, Lelouch's princely eyes are studying but not
scrutinizing.
"Impossible," Lelouch announces easily – patronizingly.
Suzaku is still scowling, "It's not impossible. How else do you explain
my… situation!?"
Lelouch pauses in thought, actually pauses to consider his answer.
"I think you've been reading too much of that junk Milly calls literature. All
those boy-love novels are garbage, Suzaku. How many times have I told you that?
Just because a select few of them in those stories got pregnant doesn't mean
that it's actually possible," Lelouch mutters blandly. "You didn't get confused
between non-fiction and fiction again, did you? I'm sure you only think this
because your poor brain—"
"I have the test results to prove it," Suzaku steely cuts in.
Lelouch is taken aback.
That changes everything.
"…Seriously?"
Suzaku's cheeks turn a little pink, and he twists his fingers together like a
child stalling his punishment, or embarrassment, looking away from Lelouch's
eyes.
"Yes."
"Then let me see it."
S
I
L—
"If I can't be silent than neither can you, Suzaku," Lelouch deadpans. "Show me
the results."
Suzaku's foot nudges at the floor diffidently, "I don't have it on me."
Lelouch sighs, "But you saw a doctor, and they did tests and told you that
you're pregnant?" Lelouch asks to Suzaku's fleeting gaze, but then he shakes
his head. "No, wait. Why did you go to the doctor in the first place? You told
me you had military duty tonight." That's why Lelouch suddenly found his
afternoon free, because Suzaku flaked on him. He initially didn't have any
plans regarding the Black Knights tonight, but with Suzaku running off to play
soldier, Lelouch figured he should use his time wisely by sorting some things
out that he'd been procrastinating to deal with. The budget issue that Tamaki
managed to fumble right out of his hands was on Lelouch's list – thus leaving
him at the mercy of his underling's astounding idiocy.
Yes, Lelouch's brain-heart-attack is Suzaku's fault.
And Milly's. She had been giving Lelouch that Cheshire cat smile that signals
the apocalypse during the whole meeting. Safe to say, he fled the student
council room like a rat fleeing a sinking ship when the meeting was over.
Suzaku finally looks at him again, "I did, it's just, you know…"
"No, I don't know."
Suzaku sighs at the brick wall that is Lelouch's stubbornness.
"It was a physical. Lloyd makes me have one regularly to make sure his
'precious part' stays in top physical condition, to monitor me. So, I wasn't
lying to you. It's like a duty…"
"Alright…" he scratches the back of his head—"Wait! Did you see a medical
physician or did that madman conduct the physical?"
Suzaku's brow wrinkles, "Lloyd, why?"
"Because that man is probably just tricking you or he's incompetent. He may
have enough medical knowledge to repair a human's anatomy but I'm not so sure
humanity as a whole is something he understands."
Suzaku pouts, "Lelouch, that's not nice – even though you're probably right –
I'm sure he knows the difference between men and women."
"That's why you're pregnant?"
Suzaku's expression pales before it seems to slide right off his face.
Lelouch feels a sardonic chuckle bubbling out of his throat.
"Suzaku, you're too gullible."
Suzaku glowers, "No, Miss Cecile double checked. I'm pregnant, it's a fact."
Lelouch feels the need to pinch himself again.
"All right, since everyone seem so certain that you've got a bun in the oven,
tell me how it happened," he commands in an irritable string of words, crossing
his arms.
Suzaku's cheeks mature from pink to red and his eyes sink again, this time
swinging like pendulums that are ticking down the seconds left of Lelouch's
patience. He holds his fist in front of his mouth and clears his throat again,
looking at Lelouch like he needs to plead his innocence to a judge.
Lelouch starts to tap his foot.
"Yeah, um… Well, you see, when a man and a woman—er, man and a man, in this
case I guess – love each other very, very much—"
Lelouch can feel that migraine eating his brain again as he is being submitted
to more of this cancerous stupidity—
"—and if they trust each other just as much, then they, ah… engage in an
activity together that, uh… is, um, very intimate and physical, where, ah…
they—"
"Suzaku," Lelouch growls – he was almost willing to let Suzaku struggle with
that one, but his tolerance threshold is beginning to drain rather rapidly.
"I know what sex is. I know how a woman gets pregnant. I know the female body—"
Suzaku dares to giggle at that—
Shutting up instantly like Lelouch's calamitous, blazing eyes snipped his vocal
cords—
"I understand how a man impregnates a woman, but how does
a man impregnate another man?" He watches a gulp slide down Suzaku's neck as
more muted moments sashay between them. "…They didn't tell you?"
"Ah, no, they did, it's just… I can't remember exactly what they said – they
were talking really fast and using a lot of words I didn't understand, and…"
Suzaku trails off as Lelouch exhales heavily, rubbing his temples with his
finger and thumb while closing his eyes.
"You can't remember anything?" Lelouch asks tiredly.
Suzaku's eyebrows crease angrily, "Is this so hard for you to accept, Lelouch?"
Lelouch flicks his eyes up to Suzaku, letting his hand smack his leg, in a
condescending gape.
"Yes."
In other words: duh~ you moron!
Now Suzaku crosses his arms stiffly over his chest with a sour face.
"I don't know why. Haven't you ever heard of seahorses?"
"Seahorses?" Lelouch echoes like the word is gibberish despite
knowing exactly what the creature is.
"Yes, seahorses. Don't you know that the male is the one who goes through the
pregnancy?"
Wait…
Wait for it…
Wait…
Lelouch's lips tremble as laughter falls away from them, flying into the air
with light flitters that nibble at Suzaku's pursed face.
"What's so funny?"
Lelouch is holding his stomach, choking on the air fighting to rush in and out
of his lungs.
"I'm, I'm sorry Su… Su-Su-Su-Su~!" Lelouch tries, his jovial chortles snuffing
out his voice before it can grow.
Laugh—
Laugh—laugh—
Laugh—laugh—laugh—laugh—
Laugh—laugh—
Laugh—
Laugh…
…
Laugh—LAUGH—
[Several spikes of laughter later]
Lelouch is crying and wheezing as his giggles begin to subside, dissolving into
each other like seltzer tablets in water. He sighs with a whistle and flicks
tears away from his eyes, drying the trails glistening his flushed face.
"…Oh, Suzaku. I haven't laughed"—chuckle—"that hard in a, in a"—snicker—"a
while…"
Suzaku is glaring.
Lelouch arcs an eyebrow, "What's with that look?"
"Oh, I don't know, Lelouch. Why don't you fill me in on what's so FUNNY?" he
snaps, his face instantly back to normal.
Lelouch has to slap away the smile tempting his lips, quickly composing
himself, "Suzaku, you can't compare yourself to seahorses."
"Why not, it's the same case here isn't it? I'm a male, and I'm pregnant."
Quit reminding me.
"Yes, but it's completely different. Are you trying to say that you've suddenly
morphed into a seahorse, or something? There's no way that's possible. Besides,
male seahorses don't exactly get pregnant. The female lays her eggs in his
pouch and then he fertilizes—"
"Well that's just fine, Lelouch! You stupid… stupid smarty-pants!" Suzaku
suddenly shouts as he vaults up from the bed, flailing his arms around
erratically like a disoriented traffic cop. "You won't even let me have the
seahorses, will you!? Why can't I ever have anything!?"
What?
"What?"
Suzaku points at him in a dramatic stance that's too reminiscent of one certain
terrorist and it makes Lelouch feel like Suzaku is stealing it from him—err,
Zero.
"You never let me have anything," Suzaku says. "You always have to prove me
wrong in everything that I say."
"That's because you're always wrong."
"Seahorses, Lelouch. Seahorses. Why can't I just have the seahorses?"
Suzaku's really lost it.
"If it isn't the Seahorse Syndrome"—something Suzaku just made up—"than what
can it be?"
Really, really lost it.
"Suzaku, I'm sure you're not some seahorse in a human's body, or a human
sharing a seahorse's body… or whatever. You're just—"
"A freak! I'm a freak no matter which way you spin it, right?"—sniff—"What kind
of male gets pregnant if he's not some freak of nature?"—sniffle—"Am I a woman
in a man's body? Am I suddenly a hermaphrodite or have I always been one
without knowing it? Do I have some kind of sickness or mutated gene? Have I
exposed myself to some kind of chemical that's given me the power to get
pregnant – was it something I ate? Was I abducted by aliens who conducted some
strange and twisted experiment on me and then wiped my memory so that I
wouldn't be able to remember it…?"—sniiiiiiif—"What other explanation is
there?"
Yep, full-blown hysteria.
"Suzaku…" Lelouch calls softly, standing up from the bed as Suzaku's pretty
face nests into his palms. "You're not a freak."
And everything else you said is just ridiculously illogical.
"Yes I am!" is his muffled counter. "That's what everyone's been calling me my
whole life, so it must be true. Especially now, with-with this."
Disgusted fury churns in Lelouch's belly, swelling his chest with its thick
smog so profusely that his eyes turn to slits and his throat tickles. He
watches Suzaku's form tremble with stifled sobs through the loathing lenses of
his eyes, wondering if it's possible that Suzaku can remember the name of every
person that ever belittled him, insulted him, degraded him and if he'd be
willing to give those names up. Lelouch's personal hit-list isn't terribly long
– depending on which one he is referring to – and he's sure he'd have plenty of
time to exterminate all these blasphemers for ever hurting Suzaku when he's
done playing super hero.
He gently, lovingly, combs his fingers into Suzaku's hair after an attempt to
pull Suzaku's hands away from his face came up fruitless – unless he was trying
to remind himself how weak he is, then it was quite a fruitful expense of
energy.
"No, Suzaku. They're wrong. They're bigoted degenerates that can't see past the
end of their own noses." Lelouch consoles tenderly as he pets brown curls.
"So then what am I if I'm not a freak?" Suzaku blubbers.
Lelouch gathers Suzaku in his arms, pushing the shorter boy's face into the
safe solace in the crook of his neck while he rubs Suzaku's back with
reassuring strokes.
"You're special."
"Che! Special. That's just another way of saying freak."
Lelouch dips his chin so that his nose nuzzles the chocolate swirls atop
Suzaku's head.
"No. It means you're special," he says calmly, never ceasing his soothing
motions. "You're in a class all by yourself that only exceptional persons like
you are allowed to access." He kisses Suzaku's head, "That's why I lo—" his
chokes a bit on that four-letter word "…Why I cherish you."
I am Lelouch Lamperouge, and I approved this message.
Suzaku sniffs again; it's a delicate sound buried in Lelouch's chest.
"…You… really mean that?"
"Of course," Lelouch responds, fully prepared to take his statement and run
with it as far as he can, but he decides on a better option. "And you know what
else, Suzaku? The seahorses… I think it's something that's still under study,
so… you could be right."
As long as Suzaku is pacified it doesn't matter.
It's not like Lelouch wants those seahorses anyway.
He doesn't.
Really.
Suzaku lets out a deep breath, "Thank you, Lelouch. You have no idea how much
that means to me." he lifts his head, eyes red and his cheeks stained by tears,
but there is a small smile on his lips and it's like seeing a rainbow at the
end of a storm.
Too bad the worst has probably yet to come.
"You have no idea how much you mean to me." Lelouch smiles back, pinching
Suzaku's cheek affectionately.
Something of a quiet laugh slips out of Suzaku's smile.
"Well, hello, Mr. Romantic. I haven't seen you in a while," he teases but
greedily accepts the kiss Lelouch pushes against his lips.
"Tell anyone I dropped by and it's the end for you," Lelouch jokes back, fondly
stroking the cheek he pinched with the back of his fingers.
He lets Suzaku laugh out a promise before he kisses the crazy's lips again.
"Listen. It's late and I'm tired, and I'm sure you're tired, so let's just go
to sleep. We can continue discussing things tomorrow."
Suzaku nods, looking down at his fingers twiddling with the collar of Lelouch's
short, red jacket.
"All right, we do have to get up early for school tomorrow."
Oh yeah, school: that annoying time between sleeping and running a rebellion.
Lelouch yawns, remembering just how drowsy he is.
"No, I think I'll play hooky tomorrow. It's been a long night."
What time is it anyway…?
"Lelouch, you can't skip class," Suzaku chides with another pout shaping his
mouth. "Maybe if you hadn't been out so late we could have had this discussion
earlier and already be asleep by now. You don't know how long I was waiting for
you… Where were you, anyway? I didn't think there would be gambling matches
this late."
Lelouch would feel trapped here; he would panic and scramble to form an
adequate alibi… If Suzaku wasn't so naïve.
Sweet, sweet naivety. God's way of tricking the credulous into believing
anything with the right finagling.
Thank you, God.
A soft hum of chuckles pops Lelouch's chest as he runs his fingers through
Suzaku's hair.
"Why wouldn't something illegal take place at the shady hours of night?"
"…I guess you have a point." Suzaku approves easily despite the fretful
expression. "But I wish you wouldn't stay out so late. Something could happen…"
Isn't that an understatement?
"You don't need to worry, Suzaku. Nothing happened tonight, right? I wish you
wouldn't underestimate me."
Suzaku looks away with a frown, "I'm sorry."
"It's fine. I'm used to it by now," Lelouch says with a shrug although it is a
terrible thing to admit out loud; but Suzaku has been successfully swayed and
distracted from the topic of Lelouch's absence tomorrow, so it's not a total
loss.
It stills hurts, though.
"No, I mean the way I acted tonight. I guess my hormones are just on edge,
because… well, you know."
"I don't think you're far enough along to be acting…" Lelouch pauses as a
curious thought strikes his mind. "How far along are you, anyway? Did they tell
you?"
"Yeah I'm… five weeks."
Five weeks.
That's a little over a month.
Thirty-five days.
Eight hundred forty hours.
Fifty thousand, four hundred minutes.
Three million, twenty-four thousand seconds.
Seems like there should have been some kind of sign during all that time…
"…That's a long time."
Is it too late to…?
"Yeah, I couldn't believe it either. I feel kind of foolish since I didn't
notice a change or anything that would have made me suspicious. I mean, I
thought you get morning sickness when you're pregnant."
"Not all women get sick. Not everyone or everyone's body is the same. People
experience things differently. But you're still pretty early, so you might get
sick the longer you're pregnant."
Suzaku looks at Lelouch with a simper, "Of course."
"What?"
Suzaku shakes his head, "Nothing. I'm just happy to have a smarty-pants like
you." He leans into Lelouch, nestling his nose into Lelouch's neck as his arms
slide around the cage of the raven-haired boy's torso. "I just realized I
didn't say it."
"Say what?" Lelouch rewinds his arms around Suzaku's shoulders.
"That I cherish you too."
Lelouch smiles.
"Is that you or the hormones talking?"
"I don't know… I think it's fifty-fifty."
They share the mirth this time along with another kiss, parting to prepare for
a rejuvenating slumber.
"…Lelouch?"
"Hm?" Lelouch hums as he slings the jacket over his desk chair.
"Can I sleep here with you tonight?"
Lelouch looks at Suzaku with a sentimental grin, "You don't need to ask,
Suzaku."
Suzaku smiles back—
And in an instant he's stripped down to his underwear and cuddling into
Lelouch's bed, fast than a bolt of lightning. Lelouch feels a sweat drop slide
down the side of his face… So fast. Suzaku just gives him a toothy beam as he
lies underneath huddled blankets. Lelouch offers a mirrored version to the
inhuman boy, undressing at the speed normal people use.
"So, Lloyd's given you a physical in the past?" Lelouch asks conversationally
as he unzips his pants.
"Yeah."
They hit the floor in a soft plop, "…You didn't feel the need to tell me that
your boss sees you naked?"
"It's professional, Lelouch. Besides, it is Lloyd we're talking about," Suzaku
says flatly.
He gently folds his pants in half—"True, but, your sexy seahorse body is for my
eyes only."—and drops them over his jacket on the chair.
Suzaku laughs, "Yes of course…" he watches that skin-tight, black turtle neck
roll up Lelouch's body as it is tugged off, delighting his eyes with the pale
chest being exposed to him. "But what about the boys in the locker room? I've
showered after gym class, you know."
Lelouch's hair falls around his face when the shirt is pulled away, their tips
pointing to the smirk curling his lips.
"I can't take back what's already been done, but I can change the future by
keeping you from showering… or just keep you from even going to gym class by
making you skip with me." Suzaku throws Lelouch a disapproving look as he flops
his shirt over his pants and jacket, still smiling mischievously. "With a baby
on the way, you shouldn't be doing strenuous physical activities, anyway."
Suzaku rolls his eyes at the boy walking up to the bed, "It's
only strenuous for you, Lelouch. Good thing you're not the pregnant one, I
think that the baby would kill you in either pregnancy or birth."
"Like that would ever happen." Lelouch scoffs as he slips into bed.
"Which part? Being pregnant or dying because of it."
"Both, you stupid seahorse. I don't catch, so it's impossible on both fronts,"
he utters out with a haughty tone, snuggling down in the pocket of warmth next
to Suzaku's body.
Suzaku spoons into his side, laying his arm on Lelouch's chest with drumming
fingers.
"…If I'm the pregnant seahorse, then wouldn't that make you the female
seahorse?"
Lelouch doesn't hesitate to answer, "No. That would mean that I mated with a
male seahorse. You change in this metaphor, not me." He stares at the back of
his eyelids, putting a hand on Suzaku's to stop the thrumming.
"Hm, I didn't think you'd be into bestiality."
"And I didn't think you could get pregnant." He lobs his other arm over
Suzaku's shoulder.
Suzaku laughs again, "Touché."
"I prefer 'checkmate.'" His face turns to the side and kisses the head lying on
his shoulder. "Now shut the hell up. I'm tired and I want to go to sleep."
"Yeah, yeah…" Suzaku sighs lightly with an adjustment of his body to cuddle
closer and he shuts his eyes.
A few breaths fill the air with their soft sounds, but it's the blaring light
from above that makes Suzaku's eyes open again.
"…Lelouch, you forgot to turn off the light."
Silence.
"Lelouch?" he cranes his head to look up at—
SNNOOOOOOOOOORRRRE!
Suzaku's lips twitch into a positive bend and he pushes himself up on an elbow,
gazing down at the peacefully firm expression Lelouch wears when he sleeps
before he disentangles himself from the comforts the older boy and his bed. He
steps lightly to the light switch and flicks it off, skipping back softly
through the darkness. He carefully climbs back into place at Lelouch's side,
replacing limbs where they were before he removed himself. He presses his lips
to Lelouch's cheek, murmuring quietly as he rests his head back on Lelouch's
shoulder…
"Good night, daddy."
***** Abortions and Erections don't Mix *****
"Wheel of Morality, turn, turn, turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn."
–Yakko fromthe Animaniacs
•-2
Ambiguous
Abortions_and_Erections_Don't_Mix
Lelouch is awakened by something hard pressing into his back.
Bump—nudge.
His weary face scrunches as he feels the pull of consciousness win against the
slumberous world of his brain. The unpleasant scene of his dream is being
corrupted by this rap-tap-tapping on his dreary door. It makes the horrendous
chase of devilish equestrian-fish flicker away like a projector running empty
film, and it is all thanks to that constant knock hitting him from behind.
It had started in the background, Lelouch realizes, as but a lame touch of
reality that pounded behind the stamp-less stampede of glowing eyes and flaring
nostrils he was desperately trying to flee from. Perhaps in this case he should
be thankful; that place, surrounded by a feral navy of aquatic beasts gaining
on him from every direction in the invisible sea he was suspended in was a
situation he could not escape. A thick mass surrounded him, hugging his legs
heavily and stealing air from his lungs as he felt himself sink faster and
faster the harder he thrashed.
Bump—nudge.
On the other hand, this repetitive jab into his tailbone has brought him out of
a snooze that, despite being feverish, was very much needed for his fatigued
mind and body.
So now Lelouch is currently lying on his side as the relaxation of a sleepy
splendor evaporates from his being. He's cozy and warm in the cocoon of his
blankets, absently aware of dead weight around his waist, sensing what seems to
be early morning by the way weak light lies across his closed eyes. It's most
likely too early to be waking, but that—
Bump—nudge-nudge.
Lelouch finally scowls with a groan, throwing his arm behind him to shove away
whatever that bumping thing is. His hand first hits a warm body then it falls
in the slim trench between his back and that other form where his hand grabs—
Nudge-nudge.
His eyes slowly split open, eyebrows very tightly knitted together. He squeezes
a little at the thing in his hand and it reacts to his action with a thrust and
faint moan making the arm sagging over his hip tighten. He sighs, his groggy
mind throwing all of his wrong deductions away, and forces as much life as he
can into his lethargic limb to shove the nudger away from him. It strikes back
with another swift nudge, making Lelouch growl and grab the hungry hip behind
him.
"Suzaku!" he complains loudly, pushing on the embodiment of his annoyance this
morning.
When he hears a snort and a slurred "Huh?" he knows he's awakened the boy
belonging to this horn.
"What is it?" Suzaku mumbles with a sluggish voice.
Lelouch continues to glare at nothing, "Despite popular belief I don't like it
when you ram your erection into my ass." He grouses as he pushes the boy away
again. "Keep your morning-wood to yourself."
Lelouch doesn't need to see the flush of rose-red on Suzaku's face to know it
blooms when he hears the boy gasp.
"I-I'm sorry Lelouch!" Suzaku stammers skittishly; his body, erection and all,
vanishing from Lelouch's back in clumsy shambles that shake the bed.
"Don't worry about it," he mutters as he closes his eyes and tosses the blanket
high over his shoulder, burrowing deeper into his heavenly blankets fully
intending to go back to sleep.
Intending is exactly the right word. Leave it to Suzaku to make a problem out
of a little excitement.
Actually, Suzaku alone is one big problem.
Rustle-rustle.
The irritated wrinkles previously furrowing Lelouch's brow take root again as
Suzaku's shuffling persists on the other side of the bed.
Wiggle-rustle.
Lelouch just tries to dig deeper into his covers as if they'll protect him from
the fidgets of restless arousal, his eye twitching.
Squirm-rustle.
He closes his eyes tighter, curling into a ball and nearly humming a tune to
himself like a child trying to keep the monsters under his bed at bay.
Fidget-rustle.
"What is your damnproblem!?" Lelouch exclaims as he heaves his body up to a
sitting position, whirling around to face Suzaku.
Suzaku stares at him like a deer caught in the headlights, his body finally
freezing – although it's too late for that now – as if waiting for the oncoming
collision to plow into him. Lelouch glares intensely down at him like an
irritable old man, watching green eyes shift from time to time before that pink
face turns away completely.
"Well?" Lelouch demands, his voice a brittle shard of ice hanging precariously
over Suzaku's head.
Suzaku glances over at him, sinking under the blanket with only his eyes
peeking out above them.
"Are you not going to answer my question?"
"…I'm sorry," Suzaku mumbles out quietly.
"That doesn't answer my question."
Suzaku connects their eyes but remains silent.
Lelouch sighs and rubs his hand over his face, wondering why Suzaku is acting
so peculiarly. Perhaps he's being too brusque, but good Lord this is
ridiculous. He's acting like a child. Never mind the fact that Lelouch is still
very tired and not a morning person.
"Suzaku, what are you doing?" Lelouch asks, trying to soften his tone. "Why
don't you just go to the bathroom?"
Suzaku's eyes sweep away again with a muffled mutter.
Lelouch has to remind himself to breathe calmly, to not spook this little
critter shivering under his predator stare.
"What did you say?" his words still come out strained, any sweet tones he'd
hoped for are far from sticking.
Suzaku shifts slightly, "It's embarrassing."
Is that all?
"Suzaku…" Lelouch starts with another sigh, leaning against his bed rails.
"It's not like anyone will be watching you."
"I know that…"
"Then what's the problem?" Lelouch presses again.
Another quick glance is all Lelouch gets before Suzaku suddenly turns over,
leaving Lelouch's eyebrow to lift at his back.
"Suzaku?"
"I'm sorry I woke you up. I promise I'll be still now," he says mechanically
from inside the soft shell of Lelouch's blanket.
Lelouch stares at the messy bush of brown hair standing above the snowy mound
of sheets under which Suzaku is hiding. The boy is keeping his word, not a
single jostle animates his human hill, and somehow, in this straggling silence,
Lelouch feels guilt nudge into his gut. He shouldn't, it's not like he's done
anything wrong; it wouldn't be the first time he's snapped at Suzaku and it's
never marred the brunette's sensitivity before, so…
"Whatever," Lelouch mutters with a turn in the other direction, yanking the
blanket back up to his neck as he flops onto his side. Lelouch closes his eyes
with a tight scowl; it's much too early to be dealing with Suzaku's emotions
right now—
"…I guess my hormones are just on edge, because… well, you know."
Lelouch cringes, his mind streaming heavier guilt into his stomach with that
pesky memory of his.
Not that he could forget last night; even his dreams won't let him escape
reality – although, they rarely do.
Lelouch spies over his shoulder, bottom lip curling petulantly at the nagging
feeling to flip over and console this seemingly stubborn and introverted Suzaku
instead of hunkering down for another hour or so until he has to get up and
prepare to skip a full day of school. It isn't that he doesn't care for Suzaku,
because, really, he did give up seahorses just to make him feel better, and
that is a gesture not to sneeze at; he's just so damn tired – it doesn't matter
that he's planned to skip school today to make up for lost sleep by snoozing up
on the roof or in the library…
Damn it all to Hell…
Lelouch knew he was going to do this before he even deliberated it, before he
rolls over and touches Suzaku's shoulder and murmurs words coated in candy
sweetness.
"Suzaku, are you all right?"
Suzaku is unresponsive for a moment, perhaps in hesitation if Lelouch may say
so, and then he makes an offhanded shrug that pleads for attention rather than
screams for privacy.
Lelouch rubs Suzaku's shoulder over the covers in a fashion that reminds him of
his mother—but that is a tangent best avoided at the moment.
"I know something's bothering you. Want to talk about it?" Lelouch leans closer
so he can observe the down-cast gaze of Suzaku's eyes. "Hm?"
Suzaku just fidgets again; making a small mewl that reminds Lelouch of children
being difficult on purpose. Typically now would be the line where the parent
will announce an inability to read minds, at least that's what Lelouch's
mother—once again, a train of thought that doesn't need to be boarded right
now. Yet, Lelouch happens to be the bearer of such a talent. However, Suzaku's
mind is a place best admired from afar, if admired at all.
"Come on, Suzaku." Lelouch coos, slipping closer to said boy and resting his
chin on Suzaku's shoulder. "If you don't talk to me I can't help you."
Besides, relationships – good relationships – are maintained with
communication.
"It's nothing…" Suzaku insists with a coy glance.
"Nothing," Lelouch repeats skeptically, remembering the shallow pit of his
patience as he slips his arm underneath the blanket to drape over Suzaku's
side. His fingertips run over the squirmy muscles of Suzaku's abdominal region,
making a shiver ripple over Suzaku's body. Lelouch immediately feels the crop
of tiny bumps sprout over Suzaku's skin.
"Crap,Lelouch! Your hand is freezing!"
"Is it? I hadn't noticed." Lelouch smirks, raking his fingers farther over
Suzaku's stomach.
In all fairness, he really hadn't.
But that doesn't mean he'll stop.
"Lelouch."—Suzaku wriggles—"Stop."
"You don't want to help me warm them up?" Lelouch teases with a sultry
sweetness in Suzaku's ear as he slides his hand lower despite the grip slapped
around his wrist. "Your body is so~ warm, Suzaku." he flicks his tongue over
Suzaku's ear, watching it turn red like he flipped a switch. "Can't I have some
of your warmth?"
"Nn!" Suzaku tries to jerk his head away, foiled by the pillow cushioning it.
"You're gonna steal all of it—!"Suzaku's complaint is tarnished by a gasp made
because of Lelouch's traveling fingers.
Lelouch's smirk digs deeper and wider across his lips, his hand squeezing that
familiar thing between Suzaku's legs that's no softer than it was when it
knocked him out of his dream.
"My, my, my~! What's this?" Lelouch sings slightly, curiously caressing the
hard flesh over a thin pair of underpants.
Suzaku flushes, "Don't." he wriggles his legs.
"Don't?" Lelouch questions mockingly. "You don't want me to take care of this
for you?" he caringly rubs his hand along Suzaku's erection, watching his face
purse.
"…You'll probably kill it," he whines in a wiggle.
"'Kill it'?" Lelouch repeats resentfully, stopping his hand. "I'm glad to know
my touches are suddenly so fatally repulsive."
"You know what I mean, Lelouch."
"Do I?"
"Of course you do! Your hands are damn cold! You know what, uh, cold
temperatures do…"
"But don't you want it dead?"
"Not like that!" Suzaku says anxiously.
Lelouch grins sharply, "So then perhaps something more hot and pleasurable
would be better to 'kill' this excitement of yours?"
Suzaku doesn't answer but Lelouch can see the gears in his head turning, most
likely trying to consider how serious the offer of a morning blow-job to
eliminate his morning-wood really is.
Well, that's an easy question to answer.
Lelouch whips the blanket off in a brash motion – ignoring Suzaku's confused
howl – and starts pulling at Suzaku's underwear like a starving animal that
smells meat buried in a pile of rubbish. Suzaku squirms in a show of an attempt
that the notion of having oral sex so early in the morning is absolutely
appalling, but his struggles are weak and the appetite for such attention is
more than present between his legs. A fog quickly rolls over his eyes as he
silences the counterfeit noises of reluctance toppling out of his nose and it
makes Lelouch smile over a small victory that probably isn't as big a victory
as he believes it to be.
"Well…" Suzaku starts, making a good effort to sound unsure, releasing his hold
on the band of his shorts. "I guess I should take advantage of this before I
can't anymore."
"What do you mean?" Lelouch quickly makes work of wrenching Suzaku's shorts off
his hips.
"In the later months of pregnancy, I'm not allowed to… ya' know…" he answers
shyly, cheeks powdered pink at Lelouch who is staring adoringly down at his
crouch.
Lelouch's mind skids to a halt and it leaves his expression in a wordless gape
for a second or two, his eyes blind to the task he revealed in an easy hoist.
He can't say he's exactly surprised, but he didn't expect Suzaku to come up
with such a daunting decision all on his own. This is his – their – future,
after all.
"So you've already decided?" he tries to ask casually, wondering if an
accusatory waver shivers his voice as he grabs Suzaku's—
"Decided what?"
Lelouch looks up at the doe-eyed gaze, hoping that isn't a foreshadow of a
headache that ghosts over Suzaku's words.
"That you're going to keep it."
Suzaku tilts his head, "What do you mean? What else would I do with it? It's
not like I can stash it away for later."
"Stash away for—?" Lelouch shakes his head, "No, I know that. I'm talking
about… the alternative."
"Alternative?" Suzaku echoes like a child – there seems to be a theme there.
Lelouch really doesn't want to spell it out; he'd rather slap the boy for being
so green.
"Getting an abortion."
Nothing follows his statement for a long, painful moment with only Suzaku's
empty stare on his face and Suzaku's throbbing—
"An abortion," Suzaku says. "What's that?"
That probably was a premonition of a headache Lelouch heard in Suzaku's words
before.
But damn it if he isn't going to flirt with the possible pain.
"…Are you serious?" Lelouch asks incredulously.
But of course his tone couldn't be any clearer: you really ARE an idiot, aren't
you?
Suzaku starts to scowl, "I'm sorry I'm not as educated as you are Mr. Genius.
Not everyone can know everything like you do."
Lelouch sighs at the brunette's sudden snap, dropping his gaze to get an eyeful
of Suzaku's naked—insert euphemism here—and immediately releases it with a
twist of his stomach.
Abortion can really kill the mood.
"Suzaku," Lelouch sighs again looking Suzaku in the eye. "I'm not trying to
insult you, it just seems like this is something you should know about. It's
common knowledge."
Suzaku just glares – apparently that's a step in the wrong direction.
"…It doesn't matter, I guess," Lelouch mutters. "An abortion is medical
procedure that terminates the pregnancy."
Doesn't the word "abort" ring any bells?
"Terminates…?" Suzaku articulates like the word is sour on his tongue. "Well
why would I think about that? It sounds awful!"
"I never said it was pleasant. But it's still an option that—"
"No!" Suzaku cuts off heatedly. "I don't want to kill anything!"
"Let me finish!" Lelouch snaps back, brow creased in agitation. "Of course no
one wants to abort anything, but you're not thinking about this rationally."
"Excuse~my emotions Lelouch!" Suzaku shouts, scrambling off the bed – boxers
hugging his thighs – and leaping to his feet. "Please do excuse the fact that
I'm not a heartlessass like you!"
Lelouch's face contorts angrily, "Wait a second! What the hell is that supposed
to mean?" He also jumps to his feet.
"I don't know, Lelouch – genius of the universe – why don't you tell me what
that's supposed to mean?"
"How could I possibly—?" Lelouch cuts himself off.
Yes, he knew what Suzaku meant.
No, he isn't going to get distracted by petty name-calling.
"Look," he utters, his voice stretched tight to conceal his annoyance. "We're
getting off track." He slaps his hand over Suzaku's mouth when he sees it fly
open to no doubt blurt another insulting remark. "You want to call me
heartless? You have no idea what you're getting into and being a stubborn
ignoramus right now isn't going to help anything."
Suzaku thrashes away from Lelouch's hand, "Don't call me stupid! You're the one
being insensitive!"
"Suzaku, you're misunderstanding me!"
Suzaku shakes his head vehemently, "I can't believe you! I can't believe you'd
ask me to do something, something so despicable!"
"I'm not asking you to do anything—!"
"Damn strai—!"
"Don't interrupt me! I'm not finished!" Lelouch roars, making Suzaku's mouth
clamp shut. "I'm just trying to tell you that you should at least explore your
options before you decide on anything. Of course I don't expect you to do
anything you don't want to do nor would I force you too." Lelouch sighs
exasperatedly, grasping desperately at his own forehead, "Christ, Suzaku.
Please try to understand where I'm coming from."
Suzaku just stares at him with a tight frown and sharp eyes, his face flustered
by being slapped out of the soft haze of sleep by all this squabbling. Lelouch
is still reminding himself to breathe calmly: in, out. In, out. In, out.
And it is as he casts a glance at Suzaku's stewing stance that he realizes the
absurdity of this scene: arguing at the top of his lungs with his very erect,
and supposedly pregnant, counter-part about abortion in the creeping hours of
morning, both of them standing face to face in their underwear – Suzaku having
the decency to pull his back up…
In, out.
In, out.
"So then, help me understand," Suzaku finally mutters.
Lelouch looks at him blankly in the eye, still kneading the start of a headache
in his forehead.
Suzaku shrugs, "I can't read your mind, you know."
Lelouch wants to smile at that, but his energy is limited to the heavy drop of
his arm to his side.
"I just don't want you to feel like you're forced into doing anything, that's
all."
"Trust me, Lelouch; I won't do anything I don't want to do." Suzaku reminds
tersely, his bare foot lightly tapping the wood floor as he repositions it.
"But that doesn't answer my question."
Isn't that Lelouch's line?
"You're telling me that I'm not prepared and that I need to 'consider' my
options. But what you're really saying is that you want me to get an abortion,
isn't it?"
"No," Lelouch snaps with a scowl. "I will support whatever decision you make, I
just don't think you're carefully assessing which is the better option."
Suzaku is glowering tamely, "All right. What might the 'better option' be?"
Lelouch thought he could certainly turn this argument around, lead it down a
road of smiles and kisses that leaves this nasty discussion in the dust.
He's not so sure that's how it will end now.
If anything, he might be the one left in the dust.
"Don't get testy; I'm just trying to help you. I'm your partner, that's what
I'm supposed to do, right? I know this is a delicate topic and it's certainly
not an easy choice, but you have to look at it from all angles before you know
what to do. And sometimes, Suzaku, the less pleasantone is the best one," he
says with a slight frown. "Have you thought any of this out or do you think
that this'll all just be some glossy chapters of your life and then the baby
comes with a happily ever after? There's more to think about then just whether
or not a decision is immoral. I don't think I need to stress to you the risks
you'll face with this pregnancy – it could be bad for both of you. Not to
mention you're in the military fighting in combat and a princess's Knight." Of
course Lelouch is going to play that angle, how could he not? "And we're only
seventeen-year-old high school students in the midst of all this terrorist
activity. Is this a world you want to bring a child into?" Lelouch ends sucking
in a breath, being careful to not tack on his silent thoughts: What about Zero?
What will happen to Japan – what will NOT happen to Britannia? What about
Nunnally? How can I change anything if I'm stuck at home?
He watches Suzaku's conflicting gaze as no response rears its ugly head out of
that boy's frown.
This waiting silence is almost unnerving.
Maybe Suzaku is really taking in his words this time.
Maybe Suzaku will calm down and—
Suzaku snorts, "Right, so all that equals me getting an abortion. Why don't you
just admit it?"
IN…
Lelouch is close to throwing in the towel.
Or sitting in a corner and crying until his blood-pressure sinks to a healthy
level.
…OUT
"Suzaku, that isn't fair."
"You just don't want this baby, do you?" Suzaku's eyes are glimmering. "Well
I'm sorry this happened. Do you think I wanted this?" Really glimmering.
Lelouch's stomach twists with more guilt, "No, that's not what I said."
But that's certainly what it sounded like.
Suzaku shakes his head, "Yes it is. You couldn't have spelled it out any
clearer." Tears are wavering in his eyes, like he's trying to hold them back
with his weakening voice. "That's why everything you said points to the
alternative."
"Suzaku…" Lelouch feels helpless, watching Suzaku's watery eyes look away from
him.
He already feels Suzaku walking away from him.
"I'll admit that I'm not ready, and I don't know anything about being a parent,
but I had hoped that you would be by my side not telling me to just throw it
away. Are you really that selfish?"
Selfish?
"I would find a way to make it work, Lelouch. If that means quitting or taking
a leave of absence from the military, then so be it! It doesn't matter what age
I am or what the state of the world is or whatever else you said! I am and will
be responsible for this, this child and I won't just get rid of it like it's a
piece of garbage! Because it's inconvenient!"
"I'm not telling you to throw it away, I'm just—" Lelouch feels his mind tumble
to a stop again. Did Suzaku just say what he thinks he did? Suzaku would quit
the military? Is that a bluff? Is Suzaku just getting carried away and speaking
without thinking? Should Lelouch take advantage of this or would that be…
crossing a line?
"Why don't you just punch me in the stomach right now!" Suzaku nearly bawls,
reining Lelouch back into the conversation.
"Suzaku, that's…! I'm not…!" Lelouch is taken aback, feeling his skin burn
underneath Suzaku's blistering glare with tears running down those angry
cheeks. "Be reasonable! I never said I wanted you to do anything! Why aren't
you listen—?"
"Quit telling me to be reasonable and rational!" Suzaku shouts, white knuckles
spotting the red hands fisted at his sides. "I can't talk to you when you're
like this! Why don't you just leave?"
Lelouch gawks.
"You can't talk to me when I'm like this? You're the one being unbelievably
difficult – not to mention you're dragging this argument out longer than
necessary! It almost feels like you're just trying to waste everyone's time
with all this superfluous bickering!" Lelouch hollers in a rage.
"Oh right, Lelouch. Everything is always my fault, isn't it?" Suzaku counters
likewise. "It's my fault we're still arguing, it's my fault I'm pregnant! It
takes two to freakin' tango, you know!"
"Yes Suzaku, that's exactly what I was saying! Everything is your fault!"
Lelouch yells sardonically. "Your very existence is a plague to this Earth!"
"Get out!" Suzaku barks furiously, swinging his pointing hand to the door
behind him.
"I'm not leaving! This is my—!"
Lelouch is suddenly scrambling to keep his balance whilst not ramming his face
into the wall opposite his bedroom door. His hands slap to the wall, face pale
and sweaty as he feels his stomach catch up with him when he hears his bedroom
door hiss shut behind him.
How the…?
He whips around so fast his already unsteady footing sways underneath him as he
flounders back to his bedroom door with a dizzy head.
"Hey! Open the door!"
"No! Go away!"
Lelouch has officially reached the bottom of the barrel, his patience but a
distant memory as he pounds on the door, wondering why the builders didn't put
a number pad on the outside of the room too.
"Goddamn itSuzaku! Open the damned door!"
"I said go away!"
"It's my room! You should have stormed out if you wanted to end the
conversation not force me out!"
"I don't care! Go away!"
IN, OUT.
IN, OUT.
IN, OUT.
Lelouch's hands are splayed out on either side of his head as he feels his
headache pulse against the door, practically welcoming an aneurism to come and
save him from this fool he's managed to be reunited and fall in love with
despite all the odds.
All those annoying little odds…
They should have tried harder.
"Suzaku," Lelouch begins, hanging his words on the weakest shred of sanity he
has. "At least open the door so I can get my uniform."
"No!"
Lelouch hits the door again.
"Come on! I can't go out in just my underwear!"
"Master Lelouch?"
Lelouch nearly jumps out of his skin at the sound of his name, grimacing at the
sight of Sayoko's concerned and bewildered expression.
How long has she been standing there?
"Is there a problem?" she asks politely but curiously, glancing between him and
the door… and his lack of clothing.
It figures that one of the rare times he decides to sleep in his private
apparel is when he'll be forced to parade around in it for all to see. It
doesn't matter that it's only three other people who will see him, and that two
thirds of them don't count because they're either blind or have already seen
him naked.
This sight is just not for Sayoko's eyes.
"Ah, Sayoko…" Lelouch tries to chuckle good-naturedly, but the weak resonance
of it makes the situation all the more awkward and pathetic.
Regardless, she seems unfazed, "I heard a lot of noise so I came… Is there a
problem?"
He leans away from the door, tapping his fingers on its locked surface,
wondering just how much she might have heard.
"…Not at all. It's nothing. Have you already started breakfast, or have you
woken Nunnally up yet?" Lelouch speaks quickly, hoping she'll take the hint and
go on about her business.
"No."
He smiles a strained smile, "Then, could you please?" facing the door again.
She hesitates a moment, "Are you sure there's nothing wrong?"
She's a kind soul, but right now is not the time for her motherly manners.
"It's nothing, really," he reassures calmly, clenching his hand on the door,
making a civil knock—
"Mukou ike!"
Lelouch gnashes his teeth, hearing a small gasp come from Sayoko at Suzaku's
veryunfriendly way of telling Lelouch to screw off – Lelouch has spent enough
time with his Japanese terrorists to learn all of their colourful words.
So Suzaku wants to curse in another language? Well, two can play at that game.
"Tu baise de!" Lelouch bellows at the door with one last pound – feeling a bit
better in the fact that Suzaku knows absolutely no French –, his skin stinging
even as he storms away from the door.
"Master Lelouch…?" Sayoko calls – the poor dear is very confused.
"I'm taking a shower!" he growls out before realizing he's yelling at just an
innocent bystander. He looks over his shoulder, speaking through tight lips,
"Can you please find me a clean uniform to wear to school today?"
She nods and so he continues to march towards the bathroom.
He wouldn't have thought he would go from nearly pleasuring Suzaku to nearly
killing him in one morning…
Then again, it wouldn't be the first time something similar has happened.
•-•
"You're going to walk me to class today?" Nunnally asks happily, hand searching
the air for another.
"That's right," Lelouch replies sweetly, grabbing her hand in reassurance.
"It's been a while since I've done that."
She nods, a firm smile on her lips, "Yes, that's true, but you don't have to if
it's a bother."
"It isn't a bother at all. How could you say something like that?" he frowns at
her statement.
She giggles lightly, squeezing his hand, "Forgive me, big brother. Of course I
want you all to myself."
He smiles.
Nunnally is his one purity in this world. There are no quarrels to shove
through, there are no passive-aggressive remarks to avoid, no glares or scowls
to reflect back, there's no stubbornness to run into… no pregnancies to deal
with… (And if he has his way, that's something he'll never need to handle
involving her.) She is perfect; his one true, sweet escape.
"And you too, Suzaku," she adds with a cheery ring. "Won't you walk with us
today?"
Unlike that stupid seahorse he's managed to get his tail tangled with.
Lelouch passes a curious glance at Suzaku from across the table where he is
moodily picking at the food Sayoko promptly prepared for them. Thunderclouds
are swelling over his head, sparking out bad vibes and rolling grumbles that
just happen to be too quiet for Lelouch to properly hear.
It all feels absurd.
Suzaku wasn't even the one that got kicked out of his own room in only his
undershorts.
However, with a single word directed at him by Nunnally's mouth it's like the
sun breaking through the gloom and doom of his mood. He smiles brightly,
adjusts his voice away from the mumbles that bite at Lelouch's nerves like tiny
piranhas.
It makes Lelouch wonder why he's bothered involving himself with this kid in
the first place, but then he remembers their good times – which just happen to
include many of their more intimate moments – and he understands.
He understands that he's also an idiot, that it is.
After all, it takes one to know one, right?
Suzaku smiles at Nunnally, glaring at Lelouch's glance.
Lelouch glares back.
"I don't know, I wouldn't want to interfere with your, uh, alone time with
Lelouch." Suzaku tries to deny, and here Lelouch is torn. He'd rather not be
near Suzaku right now, but with Nunnally's wishes tipping the scales, he never
really had a chance in the first place. He just about kicked Suzaku out on his
ass – see how helikes being thrown out – but Nunnally was of course exceedingly
happy that he was here, and just in time for breakfast too, "…are you going to
eat with us Suzaku?"
It was inevitable and they both knew it.
So, the war of glares ensued with some hard kicks under the table at Suzaku's
expense. Suzaku wouldn't dare risk hurting Nunnally, so all his retaliations
were reduced to bitter scowls and foul hand signals that Lelouch could just
look away from.
Lelouch's pretty certain he won this battle.
"You're not interfering at all, right, Lelouch?"
Lelouch's eyes switch between Nunnally's smiling face, bright like a Morning
Glory, to Suzaku's frowning face, dark like a dumpster.
"Of course not," he smiles at Suzaku and flips him off. "But if you're too
busy, we'll understand."
Yes, he insulted and helped Suzaku at the same time. What of it?
Suzaku's brooding clouds build and Lelouch can see his teeth grit as he pushes
himself up from the table with fisted hands.
"Yeah, I'm sorry, but I have to meet with Princess Euphemia this morning, so I
should really get going."
Suzaku really has no class, does he? He announces to Lelouch last night that he
is, undoubtedly, carrying their child and then runs off to play Knight for his
fair princess – the sister of his lover – the following morning?
Tactless ass.
Nunnally's smile fades a little, but her tone is still pleasant, "That's
alright Suzaku. This just means you'll owe me – so be careful!"
Suzaku, having nearly stomped around the table, grasps her hand with a smile.
"It's a date," he kisses her cheek.
Lelouch would kick him in the shin for being "smooth" on Nunnally if it didn't
make her giggle in delight.
"Don't forget!" she playfully nags, pointing a finger at him.
He laughs, genuinely, and takes his leave.
"Don't worry, I won't forget." Then his eyes narrow at Lelouch when he adds,
"Monday morning, I'm all yours," and he wags a crude hand gesture Lelouch's
way.
Real original you stupid jackass, Lelouch mentally scorns as he stands up to
bring Nunnally to her class.
Luckily for them both, Nunnally seemed completely ignorant to the ruckus they
had made earlier as she didn't mention it. Or maybe she was just feigning
ignorance for their sake. Sayoko had said she could hear them from the kitchen…
Come to think of it, Lelouch isn't even sure if Suzaku can get an abortion.
•-•
Lelouch felt too restless to lurk around the rooftop all day after he had
walked and chatted with Nunnally to her class and soon found himself brushing
past Tamaki's obnoxious calls to lock himself in his private room aboard the
Black Knight's Submarine – it was more like he just had to get away from there,
feeling too claustrophobic and… trapped. Any other day he might have gotten
Rivalz to go gambling with him, but he needed to brood in solitude. Of course,
running away to this fortress while dressed up like the proverbial superhero
did make him feel very much like a child hiding in their tree-house or in their
closet…
Lelouch swallowed that childishfeeling and busied himself with checking over
the attack plans on Kyushu which they're supposed to be engaging in within a
few more days. He began a chess match against himself as his usual method of
helping himself think – not that Kyushu is a main concern for him – but so far
his focus is as sharp as Tamaki's wit. He's tried to concentrate, but it's hard
when the sole subject trying to distract him is the same subject he's supposed
to be thinking about.
Seems like Suzaku is always weighing heavily on his mind no matter what, but he
has always been one of surprises – and they're never pleasant ones either:
first was him being in the Britannian military, then the secret of patricide,
then the Lancelot pilot and Euphemia's knight all at once, and now he's
pregnant… Lelouch never saw that last one coming, but he'll just have to deal
with it all the same.
Except this time he has to walk side by side with Suzaku's bull-headed attitude
instead of trying to find a way around it.
The argument this morning has made this whole affair more realistic than when
Suzaku nervously spoke the news last night. But their confrontation has also
shined a light on other things other than the ugly reality he came home to.
Suzaku's adamant reaction should have been predicted, but Lelouch didn't think
that he would take it so personally. Maybe Lelouch is being too cold, maybe
he's just too ignorant to the emotions pregnancy can bring to a person. He
probably should have tried putting himself in Suzaku's shoes before suggesting
something so controversial.
Conversely, he was trying to think about Suzaku when he suggested the
"despicable" as the boy had called it. Aside from the obvious problems that can
occur during his pregnancy, Lelouch doesn't want Suzaku to feel obligated to
have this baby – that was the message he tried and failed to get across this
morning. While Lelouch will support Suzaku the best he can in any decision he
makes, he still wants him to clearly think his choices over before just
impulsively picking a path and walking down it without knowing where it will
lead.
Lelouch has always been Suzaku's compass but such a tool is useless if it's
ignored.
Lelouch should feel relieved by Suzaku's declaration about not doing anything
he doesn't want to but Lelouch knows Suzaku is just never one to think anything
through. He's not so sure that if he were in Suzaku's place he'd be so resolute
about keeping it; maybe that's why he pushed the issue so much.
However, it's not like Lelouch is exactly positive about what to do either.
He's probably just as confused and scared as Suzaku – which is why Lelouch has
strengthened his resolve to sway Suzaku to his—Zero's side. He'd like to not
use trickery or foul play, but sometimes one has to get their hands dirty if
they want to accomplish anything. It's bad enough Lelouch had to unleash his
Geass on Suzaku just to keep the idiot from killing himself with that
destroyer-of-all-lifebeam Lelouch's bastard of a brother decided to blast upon
them—
Lelouch accidentally knocks a black bishop off the chess board in front of him
with a frown.
Schneizel – like that fiasco that happened just days ago – is best disregarded
at the moment lest Lelouch wants to worsen his headache.
Headaches aren't life-threatening, are they?
…Are they?
At the moment Lelouch is trying to relax, trying to be as stoic as he can be
whenever he pulls Zero's strings, but there's only so much refuge a paranoid
prince can find within his own brain. His heavy violet eyes are strategically
scanning the chess board in a fight against himself, but they're caught by the
effervescent shade of C.C.'s long, thriving hair. She's apparently indulging
herself with being a lush in his private quarters – where she currently likes
to nest, not that he'll complain – as she lounges carelessly on a sofa opposite
him with a stout coffee table between them. He drums his fingers over the dark
mask nestled in his lap, chewing his tongue as he ponders whether or not he
should tempt a migraine – because, really, isn't this getting a little
overplayed? – before he should shove off to make it in time for the Student
Council meeting.
Seeking council with C.C. is something of a last resort to help alleviate his
worries, but it is more on the base of curiosity than out of hope that she'll
be able to give him some of that wisdom gained by "old-age."
They say that curiosity kills the cat, but, why is it that the cat never stays
dead?
"C.C.… what do you think about abortion?" he asks her as he ducks under the
table to retrieve the fallen black piece—
"Abortion?" she asks not bothering to look at him, favoring the ends of her
hair as she twiddles with them. "Why, did you get that Shirley girl knocked
up?"
—only to tumble more pieces over when his head decides it wants to slam into
the table, making black and white fall like hail to the steel floor.
"No way," he snaps, rubbing his head with a slight scowl and sitting upright
again.
Stupid table…
She grins only in her voice, "I hope she never learns how disgusted you are by
the thought alone. So it must be someone else then…?" she drawls in a pondering
tone as she continues to tease her hair and Lelouch feels like he might throw
up – he's not sure why. It must be a physical reaction to her by now; because
he doesn't know what else he'll do if she guesses correctly. "So someone's
finally deflowered your si—?"
"Don't you even dare finish that sentence," Lelouch threatens with his voice
rumbling like an erupting volcano. "Or that beloved pizza chain of yours will
tragically become some accidental casualties of those terrible terrorist
attacks since they are an extension of Britannia."
Her eyes dart to him, "…You wouldn't."
"Who do you think you're talking to?" Lelouch smirks a little.
She's silent a moment, turbines from the submarine humming in her place with
taps from a chess game being reassembled.
"Will you bring me some pizza if I answer you?"
"This isn't a bargain, C.C. There is no worth to your opinion."
"Then why should I even bother if it's so worthless?"
Lelouch clenches his jaw, "Then don't." he slaps the final piece down a bit
forcefully.
Of course she would be difficult and twist his words – but really, he should
have seen that coming, it wasn't very smart on his part.
Another quiet pause as her golden eyes trail over him like he's a map she
cannot decipher.
"Is there something wrong? You seem more irritable than normal."
"I'm surprised you care enough to ask, witch," he derides offhandedly, checking
the time—damn, he's already late.
"Don't confuse it with caring, I'm just curious. If it's something life-
threatening, then I might care."
"It isn't." Yet. "Just never mind. You are no help as always."
"I try," C.C. says drolly, her catty smirk painting in his mind as he dons his
mask.
"Well that's an efficient effort you make, C.C." he says in an easy slide of
his voice as he strides to the door. "Shame it doesn't bring you that pizza any
faster." Lelouch stalks out feeling like he just wasted the day.
It seems that C.C.'s wisdom is really worthless after all.
Or, rather, it isn't worth more cranial agony.
•-•
Lelouch stumbles through the door with a grimace, immediately grabbing every
eye in the room including one swift and green glower.
"Lulu! You're late!" Milly complains.
Lelouch stares at her with a miserably cloudy expression, "Sorry, I overslept."
"The whole school day!?" Rivalz blurts out. "Didn't you sleep last night?"
Lelouch shuffles to the table and plops down in a chair, a weak chuckle falling
out of his mouth.
"I slept, just not very well…" he says at length, realizing the strange look
the cast is giving him – minus one Japanese boy. He rubs a hand through his
hair with a yawn, relishing how polished his acting skills have become.
"Anyway, what have I missed?"
With that cue, Milly drops a folder in front of him, "Just planning the
festival – like we've been doing this whole week. Of course you wouldn't know
that, what with your constant absences."
Passive-aggressive much?
Lelouch slaps his hand on the folder, "Yeah, you don't need to get parental on
me."
Milly smirks, "Well, someone needs to. I think you deserve a spanking from
mommy for skipping school today."
Rivalz is oddly heartbroken by her statement – definitely too much information
revealed there.
Shirley turns beet red – typical even for an amnesiac Shirley.
Nina is much too involved in her computer to take notice of anything outside of
whatever that cyber box shows her – also typical of Nina, nothing that should
cause concern and yet something that probably should cause concern.
Suzaku seems to gleam at her in distaste with a blush touching his cheeks – a
hint of jealously, no?
Arthur just proceeds to lick himself on the table in front of Suzaku – yes,
he's licking that place.
Lelouch just rolls his eyes, flipping the folder open, "Walked right into that
one, I suppose."
Milly laughs and then continues to prattle on about something else grossly
inappropriate that proceeds to make Shirley and Rivalz squawk in splutters, but
all Lelouch observes is Suzaku.
Thankfully Suzaku seems to have calmed down since this morning, not that he
looks like he'll become Mr. Snuggle Bear with Lelouch any time soon. Maybe it's
because they spent the day apart from each other that he's gotten a chance to
cool off. Maybe it's just because Suzaku cannot properly display his emotions
to Lelouch while they're surrounded by their peers; that must be why Suzaku is
flat-out ignoring him during the Student Council meeting, even sitting at
opposite sides of the table to pretend working – at least, Lelouch is
pretending to work. Suzaku probably knows better than to let his stewing mood
flood the group by associating with Lelouch at all.
It doesn't seem to keep him from glaring, however; especially when he catches a
stray look from Lelouch.
Lelouch ignores it, making his body tell the lies of his schoolboy façade:
calm, cool, collected, and carelessly lazy.
Whether or not this pisses Suzaku off more doesn't really matter because at
this point Lelouch is already in the doghouse; moreover, Lelouch isn't going to
bring any attention to himself with being as rigid as a grumpy stump… At any
rate, Suzaku's body language speaks volumes and will only get the less desired
attention from everyone else around him.
Like from nosey Milly.
At some point, she invites herself to sit next to Lelouch, tapping his shoulder
about some financial business, but as he fishes for the papers her murmuring
voice sneaks into his ear.
"Do you know what's bothering Suzaku? He's been acting strange all day."
Lelouch glances at the boy in question, seeing that he's wrapped up in trying
to pry Arthur off his hand.
Lelouch shrugs, "Why are you asking me?"
Milly stares at him.
"…What?"
"Aren't you his best friend?"
"Aren't you just being nosey?"
"Lulu, how can you say such a thing?" she asks, faking injury.
"Because it's the truth," he answers plainly. "If you wanted to know you would
just ask him, wouldn't you? But instead you're asking me because you want to be
indirect and add drama to anything you can get your grubby hands on."
"…Actually, I'm asking you because I think it has something to do with you."
Lelouch blinks at her but looks away when he hears Suzaku shout, seeing a swipe
of cat claws slashing at Suzaku's other hand with Shirley squealing in the
background as Rivalz laughs heartily from the side—
"What makes you think that?" he turns his eyes back to Milly.
She smiles slightly, "The two of you haven't spoken a word to each other since
you've gotten here."
—Shirley cries again as Suzaku starts to stumble with Arthur's claws reaching
for skin as Rivalz is doubled over laughing—
"Is that strange? We don't always talk during meetings."
—Shirley flees as Suzaku flails around, trying to shake Arthur off like overly
sticky tape with a flock of papers emerging around them, she runs blindly into
Rivalz—
"It isn't unusual, but Suzaku typically greets everyone, including you even
when you're late. He didn't do that today. Not even a chide."
—Rivalz literally chokes on his laughter when Shirley's back collides with him,
sending them both to the floor in a frantic heap—
Lelouch hums, looking over as Suzaku desperately staggers around, tripping over
his feet and the limbs of his friends—
"He's probably just mad because I skipped today. He's never approved of that
and I guess he's fed up."
—Rivalz cries out after Suzaku steps on his hand, making the brunette flounder
to keep his balance—
"Well, you shouldn't skip so much, Lelouch. Suzaku isn't the only one that
disapproves so just kiss and make up already!"
—But Arthur lunges at his face, forcing Suzaku to lurch away by reflex and so
he topples to the floor beside Nina—
Lelouch looks at her from the corner of his eye, reveling in her ignorance to
the truth of their private relationship.
—Nina looks down at him, adjusts her glasses, looks at Rivalz and Shirley's
flushed scrambles to get away from their embarrassing position, and then she
looks back to her computer to continue typing—
"Speaking of kissing and making up…" Milly continues as she watches the others
gripe and groan. "When are you and Shirley going to stop fighting? Your
'stranger' situation right now is no fun at all…"
Lelouch looks back down at his paper work after he briefly connects eyes with
Suzaku's red-faced and wide-eyed expression as he straightened his uniform,
tugging up on his collar before looking away again.
"Stop meddling in other people's affairs, Madam President," Lelouch says
coolly.
Milly smirks at him again, "But it's what I do best, Vice Prez."
•-•
Suzaku doesn't make his appearance on the roof until dusk and it's with a
slightly tentative scuff of his shoe against the concrete when he finally does.
Lelouch is positively pissed.
How much more time are they going to waste with this infernal conflict?
There was a period of time when Lelouch thought he might have mistook Suzaku's
adjustment as a signal, but with such a specific movement and look Lelouch knew
he wasn't the one in the wrong. Suzaku's spite isn't often encountered as he
tends to let most things roll off his back, but with the upset this morning
that apparently let all Hell break loose between them, Lelouch wondered if
Suzaku would really bait him out onto the roof just to stand him up. It really
became a question as to whether Suzaku would be that immature or if he was
really that malicious.
Lelouch had snorted at that, like there was any room for doubt as to which the
winner really was. Suzaku and malicious just don't go together – he is the
masochist, not the sadist.
However, Lelouch is well acquainted with maliciousness – as the sadist should
be.
Whether or not he employs it is completely up to Suzaku.
Lelouch is seated with his legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles, arms
crossed over his chest as he leans against the stone balustrade fencing the
roof, his countenance also crossed in anger.
Suzaku looks at him, having the nerve to carry a glower as he takes some gritty
steps closer.
"Isn't it a good thing I live a life of leisure?" Lelouch starts scathingly to
fill Suzaku's stalling. "Otherwise I would be undeniably infuriated by waiting
hours after I was called to the rooftop." Lelouch furrows his brow more
tightly, "It's a good thing I'm not the grudge-carrying type, rightSuzaku?"
Suzaku's lip-line is tight but there is a glint of remorse in his dark eyes.
"I'll admit that I was intentionally making you wait up here, but…" he trails a
little, eyes escaping Lelouch's.
"But?" Lelouch pushes tensely.
Emeralds flick back to him, "But I didn't mean it to be this late."
Lelouch isn't placated, "I should assume you don't know how to operate a
telephone?"
"Don't get all high and mighty on me, Lelouch. You're not the only one allowed
to be mad around here."
Lelouch huffs. The only upside to this forced wait is that Lelouch's headache
was able to dissipate in peace and he, oddly, found himself calming down in the
cool breeze wafting over the building.
"I don't want to be late for dinner with Nunnally, so let's just cut to the
chase, shall we?" Lelouch gestures to his side perfunctorily. "Are you going to
sit down or would distance be more preferable?"
Suzaku eventually shuffles over to Lelouch, as if he feared that Lelouch will
ravage him like a feral beast.
Well, Lelouch had nearly ravished him this morning in bed… but that was a bit
different.
"I've had time to think," Suzaku says, clasping his hands in his lap, "and I
decided that I don't want to force you into something you don't want." Lelouch
is already shaking his head. "I shouldn't have acted the way I did this
morning, and I won't hold you responsible for anything."
Lelouch can't repress the explosive, exasperated sigh from blowing past his
lips.
"Suzaku…" Lelouch rubs his forehead. "I feel like you never listen to a word I
say."
Suzaku looks down at his hands, "This isn't what you want?"
Lelouch just wishes that it's possible to literally beat sense into a person.
It's possible to do the opposite, isn't it?
"Not at all."
Suzaku looks at him with the same juvenile gleam he did at dawn and Lelouch
feels it tug a sad, little smile over his lips.
"I already told you that I would support any decision you make. I wouldn't
dream of making you go through this or anything else alone."
Suzaku is confused and it's adorable, "But all those things you said…"
Lelouch sighs, more wistfully this time.
"Everything I said… I was just trying to explain to you that I didn't expect
you to—no, that I didn't want you to feel obligated to keep the baby for
anyone's sake. A lot of people find themselves in this same position and end up
making the wrong decision whether they keep it or not and I didn't want us to
live our future in regret."
Suzaku seems to understand – finally – if that nod is any indication.
"I was just trying to protect you." Lelouch continues softly. "Not only from
regret or guilt but… Well, you're not built for pregnancy, Suzaku. I wouldn't
risk your health for anything." Suzaku's giving him some slightly starry eyes
so Lelouch knows that all he needs are some more smooth words and tones and
he'll be out of the doghouse. "I would rather have you than a little embryo I
know nothing about and if that makes me a cold-hearted person then I guess I'm
cold-hearted. I just don't want to lose you, Suzaku."
I've already almost lost you TWICE.
Suzaku's fretful face melts away, his eyes twinkling under the sunset coloured
sky with a dreamy grin curling his mouth.
"You're not cold-hearted," Suzaku counters affectionately. "You're just… you're
just too protective."
Hook, line, and sinker.
This really was too easy, being resolved all in one cha—erm, in one day's time.
Lelouch smirks inwardly but shrugs outwardly, "Is that a crime?"
"No." Suzaku smiles at him. "It just makes me wonder when Lelouch has time to
take care of himself."
"What's this? I thought you were my better half. That's your job."
"I think I cause you more trouble than I deflect. If anything you are my better
half."
"Don't sell yourself short," Lelouch insists wondering why Suzaku's insecure
side seems to always surface when they make up. "In any case, I think the two
of us combined can make at least one decent person."
Suzaku laughs quietly and rests his head on Lelouch's shoulder, plopping his
hand on Lelouch's leg.
"Give me your hand."
Lelouch looks down at Suzaku's palm, feeling another weight dissolve out of his
chest and into the passing breeze as he laces their fingers together.
They sit in silence, enjoying the tranquil quiet surrounding them, breathing in
the last rays of light from the sleeping sun. Although there are still things
to discuss, so, so many more things to discuss, right now it's nice to just
relax and enjoy the moment. Today, this morning, was stressful enough so
everything else can just wait until later. Hopefully there won't be another
fight waiting for the two of them then, especially since Suzaku's military
career is something that needs to be reconsidered with this baby thrown into
the mix.
Lelouch would really rather not repeat last night's and today's formula again
tomorrow.
"…I feel like I should apologize for my behavior again from this morning, and
probably for any future episodes I might have. Knowing me it might happen
again."
"No, you don't have to apologize. You were upset and that's normal. I don't
blame you."
"Yeah…" Suzaku snuggles closer to Lelouch's contour. "I was just looking at it
from a different perspective than you – which is apparently something that
can't be helped."
"And what perspective might that be?"
"It'll probably sound stupid to you, but…" he starts demurely, lifting his
head. "To me this is like a miracle… or something. I was terrified at first and
really confused, but I liked the idea. I mean, you and me raising a child –
something that you and I created and having that something live and grow inside
me, having a part of you inside me" Suzaku sighs whimsically, looking away from
Lelouch's eyes and up at a daydream that only he can see illustrated in the
sky. "I don't know; it felt like something I should treasure. Something that I
shouldn't take for granted – because how often does an opportunity like this
come along for people like us? I know this isn't the most ideal situation, like
you said, but I can't give this up. I've even considered adoption, but maybe
I'm too selfish because I can't imagine giving it away." his eyes fall back to
Earth, fixating on Lelouch's uncanny eyes. "It's yours and mine and no one can
take that away from us…"
"Is that how you really feel?" Lelouch can't keep himself from asking gently.
Suzaku nods with that very small smile, "Corny, right?" he laughs under his
breath, looking elsewhere.
A family…
Lelouch had thought about it, the family life, just not quite in that same
light as Suzaku. Perhaps Suzaku was too focused on the positives and Lelouch
was too focused on the negatives; but that's how they ground each other – in an
extremely annoying manner, but it works for them as sappy as that sounds.
"Corny or not, it sounds nice." Lelouch hears himself saying, somewhat
surprised that his words are sincere.
Suzaku's eyes whip back to him, apparently he's also amazed.
Lelouch just smiles, "I just want you to promise me something, Suzaku."
Suzaku, the adorable little boy, holds Lelouch's gaze with anticipation.
"What?"
His smile flat-lines, "If there is any kind of risk or complication with this
pregnancy, promise me that you won't go through with it. You don't need to push
yourself and I don't want any harm to come to you because of this 'miracle.' Do
you understand? I want you to live oneven if it's minus our little spawn. Don't
forget there are people who care about you and would be devastated to lose
you."
Suzaku's eyes get somewhat glassy with the coded command but it's brief and
fleeting leaving him to make a slightly spacey nod.
"I promise."
Lelouch's smile returns, "Good."
He kisses Suzaku, taking the brunette a bit off guard. Those clover eyes gleam
at him with another lip-curling grin that contradicts his slight glower of
disapproval.
Suzaku fiddles with their linked fingers, "So… do you think we can do this?"
"I've said it before and I'll say it again: together you and I can accomplish
anything." he rubs his other hand over the back of Suzaku's.
Suzaku laughs, "So you're just as scared shitless as I am?"
Hit the nail right on the head.
Lelouch frowns, "I don't think that's appropriate language for an expecting
mother."
Suzaku just laughs again, pointing another smile Lelouch's way – an invitation
for a kiss as far as Lelouch is concerned. He leans towards that smile,
pressing firmly against lips that pucker back, flaunting his own grin when he
pulls away.
"Know what?" Lelouch asks as scoots away from the balustrade.
Suzaku licks his lips, "What?"
"I never got to finish what I started this morning…" Lelouch murmurs, dipping
his voice into a lusty tone.
He waits for his own flirtatious curve to mirror across Suzaku's lips before
kissing them again, moving to Suzaku's cheek, then Suzaku's neck, letting his
free fingers blindly work at Suzaku's pants…
"What about dinner with Nunnally?" Suzaku breathes out, squeezing the hand
still in his grasp.
Lelouch halts.
He actuallyforgot about Nunnally – Hell must be freezing over.
But as perfect and precious as she is she's not Suzaku and, well, she's just
notSuzaku – and Lelouch won't be deterred from this mission again.
"Don't worry, I promise we'll comeon time for dinner." Lelouch whispers the
grammatically incorrect statement silkily in Suzaku's ear, moving his head down
as he pulls a zipper in the same direction.
Any objection Suzaku might have made is tangled into a rapturous sound when
Lelouch inserts that euphemism into his mouth.
***** The Irony, It's Killing Me! *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
"I believe that whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you… stranger." –The
Joker from The Dark Knight
•-•-3
Ambiguous
The_Irony,_It's_Killing_Me!
Suzaku is hard again.
Unlike this morning, however, Lelouch is able to appreciate the wonders of the
male anatomy knowing that he is the cause, the reason, the catalyst for the
growth on Suzaku's pelvis and is quite pleased with himself at how nicely he
is shaping the situation. He's not so sure Suzaku is being as appreciative as
he should be, but it's his loss for not knowing how to – or allowing himself to
– enjoy a show of such wonder when it's presented to him as wondrously as this.
…Ahem.
Anyway, it is Lelouch's personal objective to prove just why Suzaku shouldn't
take this effort for granted. He has already successfully streaked a blush
across Suzaku's cheeks, though that scowl blistering from his eyes is really
spoiling the mood and needs to go. So with the fiendish smirk that's all too
friendly with Lelouch's lips, he drags his tongue up and down the dripping
length at his fingertips. He relishes the grumpy gleam over Suzaku's eyes that,
despite being miffed in that very un-sexy way, cannot look away as Lelouch
sensuously licks with his curling tongue and kisses with his puckering lips. He
noisily sucks a few spots around the midsection before sweeping up the shaft
and gently prods his tongue at the tip, gazing at Suzaku with mischievous
desire that finally sends green eyes away in a skittish flutter like a
butterfly Lelouch frightened away. Lelouch chuckles very quietly in his throat
and watches Suzaku squirm in place as he slinks his tongue around the skinny,
red wonder from tip to base and up to the tip again; lapping up all the
leaking juices melting down the sides and swallowing them before they can
threaten the cleanliness of his fingers.
Lelouch pauses to smirk at Suzaku, catching the brief, chastising glower
glanced his way by wide eyes but ignores it – as if Lelouch would concede to
something so lame, or at all. He chooses to instead close his lips tightly
around the top and suck animatedly again before loosening them only enough to
allow the sweating length to slide through them, making sure to keep that eye-
contact Suzaku supposedly wants to avoid. Try as the brunet might, though,
there's just no escaping Lelouch's lewd loving just like there's no hiding the
excitement thriving between Suzaku's legs that's becoming more and more
appetizing. Lelouch couldn't have a better feast for his eyes as he circles his
tongue around the top and makes another quick, hard suck—
CHOKE-HACK!
COUGH-COUGH-COUGH!
Lelouch's hand clasps to his neck as his seductive act shatters thanks to the
few but demoralizing bundle of coughs that rip from his clogged throat. His
eyes are wide and watery, but the blockage that shot to the back of his mouth
melts down his esophagus, immediately pulling him from Death's fingertips yet
leaving him somewhat surprised that he received not even an attempted rescue
–never mind this all happens in a matter of seconds that barely lived.
"Are you alright?" he hears Suzaku ask drawly from his seat across the table.
"Big brother—!"
"I'm fine," Lelouch answers quickly but hoarsely, staring down at the
unflattering splat of his decapitated ice-pop on the pavement between his shoes
with his hand still clung around his neck.
—So Lelouch was able to relish all of Suzaku… from a distance. Lelouch can only
look on for a moment, pallid-faced and dumbstruck – he certainly wasn't
expecting that to happen, so he didn't prepare a back-up plan to save him from
looking as un-sexy as Suzaku's glower.
He hears Suzaku scoff in a very snide snicker, still idly chewing the stick
left behind from his own green – "Sour Apple" – popsicle.
"Brother?"
Lelouch sweeps his eyes over his blind sister seated between him and Suzaku
after glimpsing Suzaku starring off "uninterestedly" in another direction to
see that she is wearing a puzzled expression.
"Are you sure you're all right? What happened?" Nunnally continues to ask with
blue lips from her "Blue Raspberry" ice-pop.
"Lelouch's popsicle broke," Suzaku mutters, giving Lelouch another brief leer –
and not the sexy kind of leer.
It appears Lelouch's effort at being wondrous only got him a castrated dessert
and his own sour apple.
Not one is more appetizing than the other.
"Broke? You mean you're still eating yours?"
"Ah…" Lelouch makes a nervy smile at her, feeling for the first time this
evening that she might have seen his provocative show.
"No, he's too busy playing with it," Suzaku derides lightly and Lelouch cannot
believe he'd even dare to suggest hinting about the sexual harassment Lelouch
was intentionally engaging in.
Before Nunnally can even ask with her creased, little eyebrows—
"I was just trying to enjoy it – pardon me for taking my time rather than just
inhaling it like a barbarian," he gibes plainly but in a haughty tone. "But
it's melting too fast. I guess it's warmer out here than I thought."
Nunnally nods – still innocent from her brother's perverted scene.
Lelouch: one.
Suzaku: zero.
"You're right. I think it's actually a little warmer today than it was
yesterday. I can't wait for the autumn breeze – I wish it would just get here
already!"
"I'm sure that's not the only thing you can't wait for autumn to bring, right
Nunnally?" Lelouch smiles softly, wiping away his frown as he cleans his mouth
with a beige, cloth napkin after turning a blind eye to his "Cherry" flavored
failure still bleeding on the ground.
Whatever, Lelouch doesn't care for sweets anyway…
"That's right!" Suzaku exclaims his realization, his popsicle stick getting
dumped on the empty plate in front of him. "Your fifteenth birthday is next
month – such a scary age, right Lelouch?" Suzaku adds slyly.
Nunnally giggles but Lelouch scowls.
"Not as scary as eighteen," she smiles. "Big brother's birthday is coming soon,
too."
"Of course. Can't forget about the Ice Prince's wintery birthday," he laughs
lightly, wagging his eyebrows at Lelouch.
"Quit talking like an idiot," Lelouch demands with a cross of his arms.
Suzaku ignores him, "It suits you, Lelouch. You're always so distant and frigid
towards others, even with friends and acquaintances sometimes."
"Frigid?" Lelouch echoes objectionably over Nunnally's quiet giggle – perhaps
trying to hide her amusement.
"So cold…" Suzaku smirks. "If Nunnally weren't here you'd probably have frozen
over by now like some frosty Old Man Winter. But it's strange since you're a
fire element aren't you? Though I guess that's where your temper comes in. But
you're an A blood type, so maybe that explains it."
"If anyone knows how frosty and fiery I can be it'd certainly be you, wouldn't
it Suzaku?" Lelouch smirks in return at the dabs of pink that resurface over
Suzaku's cheeks at the understood implications of Lelouch's words. "And I'll
have you know that I'm the 'aloof and reserved' type, not 'frigid.' That's just
a misinterpretation on your part."
"Yes, of course. His Highness is always right. Pardon my insolence."
"As long as you understand… But you should know that my forgiveness comes at a
steep price. I expect lots of groveling and begging and ego-stroking flattery,
to start."
Suzaku is about to scoff another playful retort when the fountain of Nunnally's
laughter becomes too lively to ignore, sending both violet and green eyes to
her in perplexity.
"I'm so happy," Nunnally announces through her chuckles, feeling their empty
gapes on her.
Lelouch and Suzaku just continue to look at her quizzically – did they miss
something?
She sighs her laughter away and smiles for them, "The two of you seemed very
angry with each other this morning. I'm glad that you've made up. The two of
you shouldn't be fighting."
Lelouch and Suzaku exchange a look that speaks too many words and conveys too
many emotions for a measly second to properly hold.
He sees Suzaku open his mouth but cuts him off, knowing that if either of them
is going to defend with words it should be Lelouch, the more articulate of the
two.
The irony of that is not missed by the undercover rebel.
"We weren't fighting; we were just at odds."
Suzaku gives him a funny look but Lelouch already knows that what he just said
is lame – especially for him.
"Of course." Nunnally nods.
Lelouch is almost positive that Nunnally just appeased him for the sake of
appeasing him.
Where and who the hell did she pick that up from?
"Nunnally, I think you're getting too mature for Lelouch to handle," Suzaku
snickers.
Lelouch glares at him – Suzaku's idiocy must be having negative effects on his
adored little sister due to too much exposure.
Stupid heathen.
"Well, it's getting late." Lelouch cradles Nunnally's hand, rubbing his thumb
tenderly over the back. "You should wash up and get changed for bed. I'll be
there to tuck you in… Sayoko, would you mind?"
At first glance, the woman could be easily mistaken for a tomato with hair. She
has been seated across from Nunnally all this time, and thus witnessed every
second of Lelouch's scandalous way of eating his icy – and
coincidentally phallic – treat. But she nods politely and stands with a bow
before hurriedly pulling the chair-bound girl from the patio and into the
clubhouse.
Sayoko doesn't always dine with them, particularly when their little friend is
around, but today the young masters had insisted that she didn't need to
scuttle away when the boys finally came for dinner, late – they had looked
strange when they had arrived but she didn't question it. Why Lelouch's lips
were puffed and why Suzaku's face was a pink daze wasn't any of her business.
Sayoko is sure she knows their business now, if she hadn't before.
"I can't believe you," Suzaku chides quietly as they watch the maid's receding
back. "In front of Nunnally is really pushing it for you, but at least she's
blind. Sayoko had to pretend she was blind to your sleazy, little show."
Lelouch just looks at him smugly from the corner of his eye.
"You're terrible…" Suzaku shakes his head with a sigh and a tired smile,
looking away from the empty doorway. "I hope you didn't pull any shenanigans
like that on any of your past staff."
"May I remind you I was only ten years of age the last time I had anyone close
to Sayoko?"
Suzaku lifts an eyebrow at him, so he smirks.
"And you weren't around then to embarrass, either."
"That's what I thought." Suzaku grins. "But I guess you've learned your lesson.
I don't think I've ever seen anyone choke on an ice-pop before – and a broken
one at that!"
It is Lelouch's own fault for not noticing how severely he had weakened the tip
by sucking on it, but he's still oddly proud of himself for that fact…
…Ahem.
Lelouch dismisses the titters tumbling from Suzaku's lips with a half-shrug,
"Don't say you didn't enjoy it."
Suzaku's laughter dies from the air as a confessional simper seals his lips.
Lelouch loves that simper.
"Let's just say that I think I'll need to sit here for a while…"
Lelouch doesn't hide the hum of satisfaction as he moves to sit a chair closer
to Suzaku.
"Would you like some company?"
"As long as you don't touch me." Suzaku's suspicious eyes draw all over Lelouch
as if to highlight his underlying intentions.
"I don't remember hearing you complain when we were on the roof."
Peels of apple-red adorn Suzaku's cheeks again as he bashfully casts his leafy
eyes away to the courtyard in front of them – a courtyard that should probably
worry Lelouch since this open area left the oral sex he just gave to his
dessert vulnerable to any possible roaming eyes, but he isn't concerned. There
have been no close passersby and any far away glances wouldn't have revealed
much to distant Peeping Toms, unless of course they had some kind of tool to
enhance their vision for distant viewing – but that's a needless road of
debunked paranoia.
Lelouch knows they will be fine as long as he doesn't act in a more-than-
friends way towards Suzaku – just to stay on the safe side.
"You'll never hear me complain," Suzaku murmurs almost to himself.
Lelouch nods, knowing Suzaku's statement is proven true by the past, and
chooses to spare Suzaku anymore harassment – but only because he's been such a
good sport this evening.
•-•
Lelouch emerges from Nunnally's room, feeling the success of nurturing her to
sleep warming his spirit, just in time to see his lovable idiot treading
through the hall towards, presumably, the bathroom, causing the already turning
gears in his head to cycle faster.
Apparently Suzaku really did need to sit outside if he's just now getting in…
Lelouch smirks to himself.
Lelouch: two.
Suzaku: zero.
The silence that had joined them after Sayoko and Nunnally left was peaceful
and quiet, but too quiet. It gave Lelouch time to think and that can lead to
some tremendous travesties in his mind – being left alone with his thoughts is
a cruel sentence for him, never having been the type to be able to stay idle
for any period of time. It wasn't long before he was rummaging around to occupy
himself by cleaning the sticky puddle he'd left on the ground to washing his
hands a few times along with the dishes left on the patio table and then giving
the kitchen a nice once-over to be sure it was as spotless as it had been
before any cooking had transpired – not to imply Sayoko is inefficient or
untidy, she is a maid, but it never hurts to double check. And then, of course,
Lelouch had walked into his room to find that it deserved some critical
attention as well.
The time spent (re)organizing his (already neat) desk was certainly time well
spent.
Soon enough Nunnally was awaiting his presence in her bedroom for their daily
bonding moment – incidentally not significant enough to get more than this
mention – before he tucked her into bed.
"Suzaku."
Suzaku pulls his eyes up from the floor and smiles genially, "Lelouch."
"What are you up to?"
"Oh, I was just gonna shower and hit the sack. I'm pretty tired today…"
Lelouch could never really sway Suzaku into staying the night like he's often
wanted to due to the marauding witch that was casting the spell of infinite-
pizza-smell in his room, but since she's been eradicated from his domain it's
been a frequent lodging for Suzaku despite his usual discomfort with friendly
hospitality…and the strange odor that never quite leaves.
But sooner or later, because of all of this pregnancy business, Lelouch will
have to unofficially evict Suzaku from his dorm room across campus – having
already decided that his friend will no longer have any choice or say about
where he hunkers down at night. Lelouch realizes there is the extreme
likelihood that they could be caught "living together" by other students,
namely the student council as the general student body is not
exactly allowed to loiter aimlessly around or inside the clubhouse, but at that
point the fact of the matter might already be obvious.
For now, with the weekend starting tomorrow, no one will really question
Suzaku's occupancy around the Lamperouge siblings' makeshift home.
"Ah~" Lelouch says with raised eyebrows, hands in his pockets as they meet at
the aforementioned room. "Would you like some more company?"
"But I thought you already showered this morning?"
"Suzaku…" Lelouch can't help but exhale before he grabs the boy's shoulders,
"you're such an idiot." He pushes the boy into the bathroom, leading them both
with a heated kiss.
•-•
An unnecessary scene change later finds the bathroom in a haze of steam.
Prestigious uniforms are in shambles on the floor, their empty folds
outstretched towards their neglectful owners who are shrouded by the shower
curtain that exposes only their combined silhouette. The light above the two
boys is so luminous it sparkles in the army of hot-water rivulets cascading
down their youthful skin and catches in the flecks of gold brushed over the
ocher wall, glowing on the golden fixtures. The touches of their lips and
fingertips cannot outrun the light as they skim and press their way over toned
muscles and angular shapes—Except, perhaps, the willowy digits of a pearl hand
that are sliding down with a sculpting smoothness as they sneak into the
crevice between ample cheeks, feeling for the entrance of their hideaway.
The reaction garnered by pressing against the opening is one that carves a
carnal smile in Lelouch's lips and makes him smother two of his fingertips over
the small gap in pestering persistence to see more of this behavior unfold –
like teasing an itch that wants to be scratched.
Suzaku's breath carries a little mewl that's feathery in the air but solid with
desire when it lands in Lelouch's ears as his opening flexes in complaint
against Lelouch's un-intrusive fingers. His body tenses with that unfulfilled
anticipation as starchy muscles knot underneath his supple skin pebbled by the
pour of water raining on their side, flooding over one of Lelouch's shoulders
and down Suzaku's stomach. It constantly rinses their mingled fluids away,
washing over the twitch Suzaku's throbbing erection makes in Lelouch's hand as
he is touched, causing Lelouch to squeeze their uneven lengths gathered
together. Lelouch revels in the way Suzaku shudders in their tangled embrace as
he strokes and rubs them together with his hand, nudging with his longer
hardness and leaning his weight more heavily between Suzaku's legs.
"Lelouch…" Suzaku breathes amorously while his entrance is swabbed by
tormenting fingers, tightly threading a hand through moist black hair with his
other clamped around Lelouch's upper arm.
That's right, Lelouch says inside his prideful head as he starts to bite low on
Suzaku's neck, claiming him, say my name.
Lelouch gropes their excitement, massaging and rubbing their testicles together
in a firm grip that sails another enchantingly drafty moan from Suzaku's mouth
and spurs a bump of his hips to insist fingers enter, before Lelouch finally
indulges him. It pleases the Britannian how cleanly and rigidly Suzaku's back
arcs away from the wall and how keenly his legs try to spread farther apart
when he is slowly intruded by a gentle forefinger. Lelouch is so enthralled
with Suzaku's response that he doesn't fiddle around with wasting more time on
teasing, rather breaching Suzaku's occupied entry with his middle finger right
away. Seems Suzaku wasn't expecting another guest so soon as his hips quirk and
his throat whimpers slightly, but both are quickly thrown away by a louder,
desirous moan extending from Suzaku's aroused appetite.
"Mmm… louch…"
It isn't long before Suzaku's arms coil around Lelouch's neck, belted as if the
strong hold will keep him from launching up through the ceiling as Lelouch's
fingers slide in and out of him, casually fondling his squirming insides and
his sensitive prostate. He carefully plunge his fingers up into Suzaku's
contracting body, the memory of how unbearably tight and hot these muscles
clenching around his fingers are searing his erection in painful pulses.
Lelouch slinks his hand up their stony shafts to grasp their profusely leaking
caps and messily smear the pad of his thumb over them as he watches Suzaku's
face practically melt off his skull. Japanese eyes are shutdown in bliss, his
skin is sponged a pining red, and his mouth is parted to let controlled sounds
of pleasure trickle past his lips. They step louder the more his body writhes
in the building enthusiasm of Lelouch's attentive hands – his own zeal feeling
inspired by Suzaku's uninhibited reactions. The brunet's legs are open, leaving
him so vulnerably exposed that it has Lelouch's fingers increasing to a
starved, thrusting pace in order to feed the twinging lurch his erection makes
at the thought of being buried in that same hot grip.
It would be exceedingly enjoyable to sheath himself inside Suzaku, undoubtedly,
but it's not as though a little sword-fighting once in a while will kill
Lelouch – this is the only type of recreational sword-play he enjoys, after
all. They both want it, Lelouch knows this, but as the situation stands… Suzaku
isn't comfortable with the idea and Lelouch will respect that. Entering his
little seahorse is a pleasurable privilege, after all, not a right. It's not as
though doing this in the shower is always easy, either. There are still other
things they can do…
(Not that just a good, senseless fu—fornication is terrible, but Lelouch
actually rather likes the sentiment of being "exclusive lovers."
Like they only belong to each other and no one else.)
That's why Suzaku's thighs are becoming inexorably inviting to Lelouch with
that coating of wet heat thanks to not only the shower, their smooth surface
despite the fine wires of copper hair prickling from his skin, and their
powerful muscles laced tight underneath like a lean cheetah…
A very sexy, lean cheetah.
It invokes something in Lelouch and has him speaking a sequence of words he
never thought he would hear himself say:
"Suzaku, turn around and close you legs." It is a murmur of an order, lustful
under Lelouch's panting, but it has Suzaku looking at him bemusedly all the
same.
"…What?" Suzaku breathes.
Lelouch flicks his tongue over the tip of Suzaku's nose and pulls a little on
flexing insides – an unavoidable, throaty groan whining over clenching muscles
– as he removes himself completely from needy body in front of him.
"Just do it," Lelouch murmurs, lightly sweeping his lips over Suzaku's agape
mouth as he rests his left hand on Suzaku's leg to usher it closed.
Suzaku is panting and quizzical but compliant as usual, bracing himself against
the wall with his forearms.
And Lelouch pets the marred splotch on Suzaku's side where a bullet nearly
ended him – something not unnoticed by Suzaku.
Then Lelouch slides his sturdy erection between Suzaku's thighs, being sure to
brush it against Suzaku's sac as he slips underneath until his hips
tantalizingly meet heated, wet flesh. Suzaku's thighs feel just the way they
looked as they awkwardly close on Lelouch; soft, slick, firm, and they compress
tightly enough with those brawny muscles on Lelouch's straining flesh to make
him groan lightly through his nose. He grips Suzaku's hips, somehow signaling
the soldier to looks over his shoulder and their mouths connect in a passionate
mesh of slippery lips and tongues before Lelouch starts to experimentally move.
Quickly finding it too enjoyable to moderate himself.
Suzaku appears to like it as well – or maybe that's because of the aggressive
thrusting of Lelouch's fingers that reenter with potent strikes to his
prostate… Either way, Suzaku's body is spastic and he's trying to hide his
sounds in his arms, so that can only mean good things.
Though Lelouch is loath to admit… this easier than their usual union. But it's
not as though Lelouch has failed or is fearful of failing to pleasure Suzaku,
but he isn't blind to reality. Physically speaking, Suzaku is practically God
whereas Lelouch barely qualifies to be amongst the living.
Lelouch doesn't know if he wants to damn or thank the being that created
Suzaku's wonderful body…
He grabs Suzaku's erection again with his other hand as his hips heave to-and-
fro, stroking Suzaku's blood-bulging flesh as he plows his fingers over
Suzaku's prostate in the ungodly pace of his thrusting pelvis. Despite how
crude it all sounds Suzaku is a veritable frame of tense gelatin that quivers
excitedly as he is pleasured by hands that know the weaknesses of his mold all
too well. The fingers rubbing over the tip of his length and the spot in his
passage are too unforgiving in their loving that he feels dizzy in the clouding
scent of their musk that's caught in the steam and stealing their oxygen.
Suzaku is breathless and gasping as he holds remains steadfastly supported
against the slick shower wall, and it makes Lelouch unbelievably complacent. He
begins to thrust faster between Suzaku's velvety steel thighs as the boy's hips
roll on the fingers plundering his closing walls in time with the hand pumping
his glistening length.
It all ends a lot more quickly than Lelouch expects – surprise, surprise – but
the burst that drains the life out of him is still too intoxicating for him to
feel anything but bliss...
Lelouch groans mindlessly as he sags against Suzaku, pressing him against the
wall like when they had started.
"…I don't think…I can stand up…any longer…" Suzaku pants.
"…Me neither." Lelouch puffs.
As if those were magical words of admittance, they slide down the wall in a
tired heap on their knees, and they pant to their lungs' content.
"This is why I said…we should have taken…a bath…instead of a shower…"
Agitation wrinkles Lelouch's brow, "I thought you said…I would never…hear
you…complain… And I already…told you…that baths…are not sanitary," the royal
grouses, sluggishly turning the showerhead off to clean themselves – and
the wall – of any residue before plugging the drain with the chain stopper so
they can relax in clean bath water together.
Suzaku just huffs before moving away from Lelouch and into the tub.
Eventually, once the water has risen to an agreeably level well above their
navels, Suzaku shuts the water off and they rest long-ways in the fairly
spacious tub, the limp weight of Lelouch's body cozy between his legs as he
lies against Suzaku as if he were a pillow.
Lelouch has been relatively unresponsive.
"Hey," Suzaku addresses with a tug on Lelouch's hair, "don't go falling asleep
in the bath. I don't want you drowning on me now."
So some time before now would've been acceptable?
Lelouch bats at Suzaku's hand with a mild scowl, "I'm not so exhausted that I'd
perish right now."
"Yeah. Need I remind you of a certain macaroni mishap?"
"There's no need for that."
It's not an interesting story, really.
So let's not bring it up again.
"Can't I just sit here with you and relax in peace?" Lelouch questions a bit
tartly.
Suzaku sighs to himself, reclining against the bathtub and rests his hand back
on top of Lelouch's head. Lelouch lets his body lie boneless against Suzaku
with his fingers sifting through the drying threads of his hair in soft, absent
strokes in the serenity of the still bathroom. The water is quiet as it ripples
from their steady heartbeats and calm breaths of which Lelouch feels pushing
his head when Suzaku's chest inflates and deflates in silent relaxation.
Lelouch closes his eyes, absorbing the sheer tranquility of the moment and
Suzaku's living, breathing body that's supporting him, letting all his stress
and worries decompose from his mind.
He drifts to a soothing, mellow place where there are no impending troubles of
war or parenthood that grow more threatening with each breath he takes and
every second that passes by. There is no outside world that can seep into this
bathroom that's just a bathroom and nothing more as they sit in a bathtub
that's just a bathtub. All that exists is the two of them, in the present with
no history or future nipping at their heels and toes. He's just Lelouch – not
former prince "Lelouch vi Britannia" with a dead mother or the unfulfilling
alias "Lelouch Lamperouge" – and Suzaku is just Suzaku – not the pilot of
Lancelot or Euphemia's Knight, and most certainly not pregnant.
It's a hard lie to lose himself in when his brain is his own worst enemy, but
even if it's true for a second Lelouch knows he's managed to save a part of
himself from being squashed underneath all the pressure trying to break him…
Suzaku's twiddling with Lelouch's hair pauses, "…You know I had a meeting with
Princess Euphemia today."
Lelouch hums noncommittally – somehow he doesn't like where this is going. He
feels Suzaku's voice prying open this insignificant bathroom-world by the
seams, allowing all the things Lelouch wanted to escape from to come pouring in
slowly through its broken walls.
Suzaku just can't respect the after-glow peace.
Suzaku takes in a quick breath, "Well, I stepped down, I mean, I've renounced
my Knighthood. I'm no longer her knight. There'll probably be talk about it on
the news, but I thought—"
Lelouch lurches off of Suzaku with water storming up around him in a wet
clatter to gape at the suddenly former knight in shock and disconcertment.
He swears Suzaku is the only person ever able to catch him off-guard.
"You what?"
Suzaku's eyes are pulled down by a sullen weight and his fingers find each
other underneath the water.
"I thought you'd be happy to hear this."
Lelouch blinks.
Then blinks again.
"Suzaku…" Well, perhaps that's true – Lelouch can't lie and say he isn't, but
at the expense of what will Lelouch's happiness come? "I'm surprised. I thought
this was important to you. You didn't do this for me, did you?" Lelouch quickly
reconsiders, "No, for the baby."
"That wasn't the only reason I did it. It's something I've been thinking about
lately, before I knew about this, but I guess you could say that it was a
deciding factor."
Lelouch frowns slightly, resting his hand on Suzaku's knee, "Are you sure
that's what you wanted?"
Lelouch should be thrilled, but he knows these "reasons" probably stem from
some misplaced self-deprecation.
Or maybe something more impure.
"Yes. But like I said, there were a lot of reasons."
Lelouch nods more to himself, seeing the walls close up in Suzaku's eyes around
the things he doesn't want shared – not at this moment. He rubs his hand over
Suzaku's damp hair and pulls that brown head close to kiss the small, anxious
knot in the (ten-year-old) boy's brow away as he slips from between Suzaku's
legs to his side.
"So that's what had you so restless this morning?"
"NO!" Suzaku yells in a panic-stricken shriek, vaulting away from Lelouch,
apparently taking his turn to anger the bath water as it spikes violently
around them.
Lelouch stares at him, utterly bewildered, until he watches Suzaku's face
practically erupt into flames, sparks of defensive nerves and shock flickering
in his wide eyes.
That's when Lelouch realizes what he just implied…
Suzaku + erection = …thoughts of Euphemia?
Lelouch's mouth shoots open with a start, Suzaku's flush melting his own cheeks
as he reaches for the boy as if that will pull him from the demented images of
Euphemia on top of Suzaku—
That's right, Euphemia on top of Suzaku.
—with her pink hair jostling in the air like windswept streamers around their
sweaty bodies stained pink by arousal while their pink lips outline their loud
moans as their pink parts—
"It isn't like that – I swear!" Suzaku looks like he's just been slapped in the
face with the tortuous pictures in Lelouch's head as his face burns brighter,
his hands waving and head shaking in the negative to Lelouch's unintentional
implication.
"That isn't what I meant!" Lelouch shouts as he shakes Suzaku, mentally
pleading for this horrible, horrible scene to end.
They stare at each other as the water dies down from their frantic movements
that tried to erase something that can never be undone, gaping wordlessly at
the seconds of this scene stringing between them on the coattails of an
arrogant elephant sauntering out of the room. Their faces are still brushed the
colour of a certain Third Princess's hair – maybe the Second Princess's now,
actually – and their eyes are still wide, their hands still grasping each
other. Lelouch tightens his grip on Suzaku's shoulders, causing Suzaku's hands
to do the same around his elbows, and leans his forehead against Suzaku's with
an exasperated sigh – choosing to be the one who closes the door behind that
obnoxious elephant.
"What I meant was…" Lelouch restarts, a little strained. "That's why you were
so anxious this morning?"
He's not really sure if he likes his choice of rephrasing.
"…Yeah." Suzaku plays along, letting Lelouch recoil into the tub's wall like
before – before the appearance of a manic Euphemia riding an arcing Suzaku—
No! Bad brain.
Bad, dirty brain!
"As long as you think you made the right choice," he tries to soothe, winding
his arm around Suzaku's shoulders when the boy slides in next to him. "But
you're still Lancelot's pilot, right?"
"Yes, that doesn't change…" Suzaku leans into Lelouch's halfway embrace.
"You know, Suzaku, that should change. Do you think you can continue
fighting—?"
"I know," Suzaku interrupts. "I just…"
"No, I don't think you understand." Since Lelouch had been handed this
opportunity it has been resting in his palms like an apple waiting to be bitten
at the right moment – and while Lelouch is sure there are better moments to
pick from that aren't potentially debilitating to his friend, there's nothing
like playing the guilt card on Suzaku to make him bend; and it's not as though
any of this is untruthful or insincere. Moreover, it's not like Lelouch is
above using this to his advantage. After all, he had done something similar as
Zero just before they were blown practically to Hell by Schneizel. "The risks
you gamble with are bad enough for you alone. You were irate with me when I
only suggested you consider getting an abortion, but then you're going to march
onto the battlefield as if that's a free pass?"
"I know," Suzaku repeats, clearly unhappy. "I told you I'd do what was
necessary; it's just going to take a little time so please be patient. Not
everything happens all at once, Lelouch."
You wouldn't know it by looking…
"I am patient. But it's hard to practice such a virtue in hostile times."
"It wouldn't be nearly as hostile if Zero and his Black Knights weren't
around," Suzaku grumbles.
Lelouch feels his chest burn and his jaw clench – not so much because of
Suzaku's ill-concealed dislike of Lelouch's own force, but because what he's
saying is (only) partly true. But what does that mean? Should Lelouch give it
all up just so Suzaku can pursue his foolish ideals, even if
Suzaku could continue with a bloated belly? Why does Lelouch have to quit?
No, Lelouch doesn't quit. He solves the puzzle and moves forward.
This case will be no different.
"I'm sure the same could be said the other way around."
If there was no Britannia, at least on Japanese soil, there would be a pleasant
veil of peace, and they both know it.
Suzaku doesn't respond right away but his body tenses and the isolated aurora
that Lelouch was previously trying to believe was real is very suddenly the
opposite – never mind the whole Euphemia thing that practically killed his mind
and possibly his soul – as the comforting water begins to turn cold.
"…Anyway, I still have to talk to Lloyd. I'm just not sure how to handle him. I
have a feeling he might try to convince me none of this is real just so I'll
continue to complete his beloved Lancelot."
"Just be firm with him," Lelouch advises. "Use all that stubbornness of yours
and stand your grand. I'm quite positive you're capable of doing that."
More positive than Suzaku will ever know.
Suzaku smiles faintly, a wry and sheepish curve of his lips.
"Just remember, Suzaku, sometimes it's acceptable to be selfish. Don't let your
compassion or guilt get in the way."
"Alright I'll try to remember that," Suzaku mumbles dryly.
"Do or do not. There is no try."
Suzaku rolls his eyes.
"I'm serious." Lelouch defends with a soft smile, raking his hands up through
the frizzy, damp curls of Suzaku's hair.
"I know you are. That's why I rolled my eyes."
Lelouch only replies with a flat hum and a possessive kiss that's far from
fleeting, stealing Suzaku's lips as he holds his brunet in place in the cage of
his steely fingers. Suzaku is an accommodating and willing receiver as always,
opening his mouth and unfurling his tongue like a red carpet to welcome
Lelouch's serpentine intrusion.
A pleasant noise seeps out of Suzaku's throat at this sudden ravishment as they
sink deeper in their motions and it spurs Lelouch's carnal appetite, but
Lelouch doesn't want to be pulled under again just yet. He pulls back before
he's in over his head with obstinate lust, scraping his teeth over a bottom lip
just the way Suzaku likes.
"How about tomorrow we have a nice day out, a little date to relieve our stress
and just enjoy ourselves? Just you, me,"—Lelouch caresses Suzaku's abdomen—"and
the small fry here. We haven't done anything alone and outside of school
together in a while. How does that sound to you?"
Technically, they've never had a proper date. With all their time consumed by
school and after school activities there hasn't been much spare time for them,
and even when they are together it's always in the privacy of Lelouch's bedroom
or on the roof (except there was that one time in the Student Council room…)
and they're usually doing some form of the nasty…
"That sounds like a plan. But," Suzaku gives him a silly grin, "'small fry'?"
"Yeah, you know, fry: a baby fish – or a baby seahorse, in this case."
Suzaku is still grinning at Lelouch like he's being ridiculous – as
if Suzaku is one to judge – but his hand drapes over the one still resting on
his flat stomach nonetheless.
"I hope you don't plan on choosing that for a name."
Lelouch's eyebrows lifts a little with intrigue, "I wasn't considering it." Of
course he hasn't even thought about considering names yet, either. "But now I
think I might."
"Don't."
"You can't tell me what to do. If I want the name Fry, I'll choose it."
"Over my dead body will my child's name be 'Fry,'" Suzaku quips breezily.
Lelouch makes a tiny, wry smile wishing Suzaku had picked a better dramatic
expression for his case; leaning over Suzaku to kiss those lips again, softer
and more tenderly than before. Suzaku squeezes Lelouch's hand as he returns the
gesture, a light sigh passing through his nose.
"Lelouch…" Suzaku murmurs between their lips and when Lelouch withdraws Suzaku
gives him a small smile touched by shyness, "Thank you."
Lelouch doesn't voice a response. He just resumes kissing Suzaku with firmer
lips.
•-
-•
Suzaku huffs when another book is mounted atop the climbing column in his arms.
He gives Lelouch a nasty eye but those trained plums are already busy searching
the shelves for more material. He sighs heavily as he watches Lelouch's
attention wander over book spines, attempting to gently juggle the weight of
knowledge in his hands. When his not-so-subtle exhale of distress is ignored,
he groans.
"Come on~ Lelouch. Don't you think this is enough? I can barely see where I'm
going!"
"Don't be so dramatic."
"Look who's talking," Suzaku mutters. "I don't think we really need a mountain
of books – and why am I carrying all of them? I thought I wasn't supposed to be
doing anything 'strenuous,' remember?"
"You're not helpless," Lelouch glances at him briefly, "and you do need to keep
your strength."
Suzaku scoffs.
"Besides, I didn't think carrying a few books constituted as
something strenuous for you, but if you can't handle it…" Lelouch trails with a
sly grin, reaching for yet another book.
"That's not the point!" Suzaku blurts, immediately getting several shushes shot
his way.
Lelouch chuckles quietly as he thumbs through a bright yellow book.
"You're terrible." Suzaku furrows his brow at the very unwanted attention. "And
I thought this was supposed to be a 'nice day out,' but we've been in this
bookstore since we got here hours ago."
"Terrible would be abandoning you to take care of this on your own instead of
sticking with you and doing this together. There's no such thing as being over-
prepared," he bites tonelessly not bothering to look at the pained expression
that flitters across Suzaku's face.
Lelouch knows Suzaku was only being facetious and that he didn't need to snap
at him, but he isn't about to take such a remark even in a jest. Aside from
that, Suzaku's complaining, though rare, is like listening to a child wine and
while Lelouch believes pregnancy hormones – or lack thereof – aren't enough to
throw Suzaku off his typical emotional imbalance, Suzaku might let his mind
rule over matter. Simply put, Suzaku will become a real pain in the neck if
Lelouch gives him too much freedom.
Or at least that's what Lelouch thinks.
He's probably still a little grouchy about yesterday morning, too – it's not as
though Lelouch is one to forgive easily.
Sayoko saw him in his underwear for crying out loud!
"Can't we at least sit down for a while? My arms are getting tired," Suzaku
pleads whilst bumbling with the books in his hold.
Says Mr. Stamina.
"I suppose." Lelouch turns to him and displays the book in his hands like a
showcase model, "I did find you the perfect book, after all."
Lelouch watches a glower fall over Suzaku's face when his eyes translate the
title in his brain, smiling at his seahorse when that plain stare is aimed at
him.
"Pregnancy for Dummies. You think you're real funny, don't you?"
Lelouch shrugs with a tightening smile: yes, yes I do.
"It's actually a very practical book that even us non-dummies can appreciate."
Lelouch gestures for Suzaku to follow him as he walks down the aisle. "Come. I
think it's time for some refreshments."
He's certain Suzaku rolls his eyes once his back is turned, but he smiles to
himself anyway as he weaves through the aisles to the connected café nook at
the far end of the store.
"I don't want anything. I'll just—"
"I didn't ask you if you wanted anything," Lelouch interjects coolly.
"I know you need something. So if you'd like to make a request I suggest you
make it now." Lelouch stops and turns towards Suzaku as they stand amidst the
pepper of mahogany chairs and tables on the café's tiled floor, the service
counter just ahead of them.
Suzaku stares at Lelouch for a moment, his eyes slightly unfocused as if he's
determining in his head how much he can really fight Lelouch on this – or if he
really should.
He can't and shouldn't, obviously.
"Whatever you think is best, I don't care." Suzaku concedes with a little shrug
and a cast off of his eyes.
Lelouch smiles broadly, "Good answer." – No, correct answer. "Go find a table
and relax while I buy some sustenance," Lelouch says with a dry air, walking
towards the counter – already having decided exactly what he'll order.
He knows Suzaku either rolls his eyes or shakes his head behind his back again,
but that is the intended reaction.
Lelouch stands in the short line consisting of two bodies, watching Suzaku
shuffle over to a table right next to the elongated window and gently sets the
stack of books down – reminding Lelouch that he's still holding the same one.
Suzaku takes a seat, the chairs arranged to be parallel with the window, and
appears to almost shrink into his long, steel blue coat as he sits alone –
separated from the other few, Britannian, customers on the other end of the
café like a deserted island – and gazes through the glass at the main hall of
this shopping mall.
The sight sews a thin frown into Lelouch's lips and he looks away to browse
through the book while he waits for his turn to order.
Lelouch knows Suzaku's unease isn't just from the confusing – very,
very, very confusing – phenomenon taking place inside his body, but also from
his surroundings. He's in a Britannian mall with a Britannian friend – though
not if anyone should ask – and he's surrounded by Britannians and
their Britannian culture in a place that was once Japanese in every way. Suzaku
may not be bothered so much by the fact that he, an Honorary Britannian, is
submerged in the purest of the pure but by the fact that he doesn't belong
simply because it's not "his place" to be here. Whether or not this is
because Suzaku truly believes he isn't their equal or because they truly
believe he is not their equal… sometimes it's hard to discern.
Lelouch hates that.
This attitude of Suzaku's, whichever it may be, will have to change if they're
to raise a child together in this crooked world. Not as a Britannian and a
Japanese, but as two human beings. If anything, the fact that they're both male
might distract from their difference in race anyway – especially if anyone were
to learn that no woman was needed for their pregnancy.
…Lord, Lelouch really needs to get to the bottom of this.
If only Suzaku's bottom wasn't more tempting…
"Milk – sweetened with honey – for you," Lelouch places the clear, plastic cup
down on the table in front of Suzaku and then a small, paper plate beside it,
"along with a fiber-rich, bran muffin."
Suzaku looks down at the two items with faint surprise, reflecting that same
expression onto Lelouch – more importantly, his hands – as the older gent seats
himself on the other side of the table.
"You didn't get anything?"
"I don't want anything."
Suzaku eyes his snack with mild distaste, "So I have to eat but you don't? And
why do I have milk sweetened with honey?"
"Because you should avoid caffeine whenever possible and you need lots of
calcium. This being a café, it's either cups of caffeine or milk – I didn't
think you'd appreciate plain milk so I had it sweetened with honey." Lelouch
says plainly.
Suzaku looks back down at the milk and muffin, something like amazed annoyance
glimmering in his eyes – of course probably having noticed that Lelouch didn't
bother to answer his first question – at how Lelouch is already using some of
the knowledge he has absorbed today.
"So, I saw something in here about pregnancy myths…" Lelouch starts casually,
carefully flipping the pages of the book still in his hands. "I think that
would be a more familiar and entertaining place to start."
If Lelouch needs anything right now it's definitely familiarity and
practicality, never mind everything else.
"Fine by me," Suzaku chimes in amiably, sipping his honey milk through the
straw. "Are you going to read them to me, daddy~?"
Lelouch can feel his eye twitch.
If Suzaku is uncomfortable about anything now he's good at hiding it.
Or maybe he's forgotten his discomfort already.
"Don't do that."
"But that's what you are."
"I know that and you know that, there's no need to say it out loud."
"Why Lelouch," Suzaku starts in an obvious tease with crumbs from the muffin
littering his lips, "if I didn't know any better I'd say you're embarrassed of
being a parent."
Embarrassed? That's preposterous.
Lelouch doesn't get embarrassed.
That's a fact.
"Let's see…" Lelouch ignores Suzaku, skimming for something interesting—"Oh…
Suzaku you're wrong."
"Wrong about what? Your—" Suzaku starts cattily.
"About having sex during pregnancy."
That shut him up.
"It says here," Lelouch continues, "that as long as the pregnancy is 'normal'
or 'low risk' for complications like miscarriage or pre-term labor, it's
possible to have sex up until birth. In other words, it won't induce labor or
harm the baby – given that parents are careful, of course."
"What's a low risk pregnancy?"
"Generally a healthy one…" Lelouch answers as he scans for more information.
"We'd really have to consult a doctor to learn if ours is 'normal' enough for
sex. But I think it might be too risky to tempt, though. Even if we can doesn't
necessarily mean we'll want to. It all just depends…"
Suzaku visibly deflates a little but still peers at the book in natural
curiosity.
"What does it say there?" he asks, pointing to a special note about
one certain act.
Lelouch quickly reads the text following Suzaku's finger, "Hm…"
"What?"
"Apparently, when giving you oral sex I need to be sure that I don't blow any
air into your vagina."
Suzaku's face: BL—–-USH!
"I'll have to remember that," Lelouch notes casually, starting to fold the
corner of the page down for show.
"You don't have to remember that!" Suzaku's red face protests, once again
getting shushed for his outcry. Suzaku scowls at the other patrons like a
pouting child and Lelouch laughs quietly.
"All right, all right. I won't mark it." Lelouch smoothes the paper. "I don't
need to anyway; I've already saved the information in my archive."
"You're not funny."
Lelouch shrugs, "Depends on your point of view."
"I don't know, Lelouch. Your ego is so big that it blocks my view."
Lelouch's eyebrows raise and he looks at Suzaku.
Then he smiles.
"Well, now, I'm too proud of you for making that remark that I can't feel
insulted."
Suzaku offhandedly tosses his eyes away from Lelouch as he takes another large
bite of the muffin.
Lelouch: three.
Suzaku: zero.
Lelouch is smirking when he notices a conspicuous mop of blond hair accompanied
by blue and orange trying to obscure themselves behind the green foliage of a
topiary in the median of the main hall.
He has to resist the urge to roll his eyes – it's almost like they're trying to
get caught.
"Don't look now but the Spy Council is watching us," Lelouch murmurs to Suzaku,
carefully moving his eyes away from the crowd outside the shop.
Suzaku's eyes pull back to him, "Who?"
"Milly and her two faithful followers are outside, hiding behind that bush."
"Really?" Suzaku looks skeptical – the fool.
"Really. They must have been watching us the whole time…" he tiredly flips
through the book to make himself look busy and unsuspecting – if this wasn't
important, he might not ignore them so easily.
"Why would they do that?"
"Because Milly isn't satisfied just living her own life," Lelouch answers with
slight scorn dragging his voice. "And she seems to have it out for me. I'm not
sure why."
Suzaku's stare falls into the cup of milk nestled inside the curve of his
thumb, watching the liquid swirl as he moves it in tight circles.
"Would it really be so bad?" Suzaku asks quietly.
"Would what be so bad?"
"If they knew about us."
Lelouch flicks his eyes up to Suzaku's but they are still diving to the bottom
of the whirlpool in his cup.
"I'm…" green eyes slowly ascend to meet violet. "This condition that I'm in,
you know, I won't be able to hide it forever."
"That's true," Lelouch starts cautiously. "But I don't want to jump the gun and
I don't mean to bring you down when I say this, but, we're not sure how
everything will pan out yet. We don't know if there won't be any complications
that might force our fry to…"—Suzaku's eyes start to look heavy and it weighs
on Lelouch's voice—"not become a seahorse. We should definitely wait until we
have our situation handled before we let it loose," he finishes as delicately
as he can.
Suzaku just nods and looks down at his drink again.
Lelouch wants to expel this dreadful weight in his chest with a deep sigh but
he feels like it might have a negative effect on Suzaku so he refrains, instead
looking down at the book that's currently informing him about "nesting."
"So you don't want them knowing unless it's absolutely necessary?"
Their eyes lock together again.
Lelouch is aware of what Suzaku is implying: fear, shame, frustration, hatred,
and resentment towards those who deny them and their union. Their easy, student
façade of a life would come crashing down in an instant.
"It's not that…" Lelouch leans back in his seat, his repressed sigh leaking
thinly through his nose. "I value my privacy, Suzaku. You know that."
But to honestly answer your question: yes.
In Lelouch's experience, it's usually safer to hide behind secrets.
But with a safety like that, typically comes unbridled stress.
"You don't think we can trust them?" Suzaku candidly bites his muffin.
"Milly is included in the 'them,' right?"
Suzaku chidingly tilts his head, "Lelouch."
"Don't 'Lelouch' me; you know exactly what I'm talking about. Do you have any
idea how we'll be treated if our secret get's out? And I'm not talking about
prejudice or racism, but the sheer glee Miss Presidential Pain will get from
harassing me – who already loves to harass me, if I need to remind you. I
would hope that she'd realize the sensitivity of our relationship in this
environment to not make the news as public as possible, but even amongst the
Student Council we're not safe. We'll never be left alone and there will be
numerous jokes at our expense, among many other terrible things I'm sure. So
thanks, but no thanks. I'm completely comfortable with her knowing
absolutely nothing."
"Alright, I get it!" Suzaku smiles at Lelouch's rant and it drains some of the
pressure clotting Lelouch's chest.
"Good, then it's agreed – after all, my Highness is always right, isn't it?"
Suzaku laughs a little and sips his drink again, "So… we shouldn't tell anyone,
anything?"
"Well, of everyone, I think we can trust Arthur the most. You can tell him all
about if you so desire."
Suzaku's lips curl at that, "I think I do so desire, but I can't speak on
Arthur's behalf."
Lelouch's shoulders shimmy with noiseless chuckles—
"What about Nunnally?"
—and they quickly cease. His eyes draw sharp lines over Suzaku's face, but he's
not sure if it's for intimidation or disapproval.
Either way, Suzaku is ostensibly unsettled by it.
"What about her?"—that didn't exactly carry an inquisitive inflection; rather,
it bared threatening fangs.
Suzaku's eyes are firm, "You know what I'm talking about. I've told you how I
feel about it more than once."
"…"
"What, are you ignoring me?"
"No."
"Then what?"
Lelouch sighs, his eyes landing on the book once more, "I don't think it's an
issue…"
"You don't?" Suzaku's voice is bland. "Don't you think she deserves to know?"
"Looks to me like she's already caught wind of us."
Suzaku's hand fists on the table, "That isn't the point."
Why is it always "the point" with you? Lelouch internally grumbles, resting his
head in the claw of his hand, eyes far from meeting Suzaku's.
"Do you want to tell her now because of small fry or because you think she
just deserves to know?"
"…Both."
"Hm."
"Lelouch… I know you take great care in keeping her bubble world intact and
flawless, but this isn't really a threat to her innocence, is it?"
"I never said it was."
"Then why is it so important that she not know?"
"It isn't that it's important for her to remain unaware, it's just…" Lelouch's
mouth stays open, but the words on the tip of his tongue are suddenly struck
with stage-fright. He looks at Suzaku, a careful observance to give those words
courage, but instead they only lose more of it.
The answer is really rather simple: Nunnally is and always has been his entire
world, and in a sense she always will be – but therein lies the problem – "in a
sense." It's a twisted, jealous insecurity that prevents him from coming clean,
professing his love for Suzaku to Nunnally, because she is supposed to be the
only receiver of his affections. There was never supposed to be another. Sure,
she's likely to be very happy and supportive for them, as accepting as the
angel she is, but that means a portion of his heart has essentially been
dissected from her "bubble world," as Suzaku had called it.
To be precise, it would feel like Lelouch is failing her in some way, even if
that is an irrational, illogical notion.
And Lelouch cannot accept failure.
"Just what?" Suzaku asks, calling an end to Lelouch's pause.
"I'll think about it," is all he offers in response.
Suzaku conducts his own survey of Lelouch as said boy returns to leafing
through his trusty, new handbook, ignoring Suzaku's study as he studies
himself.
"Right," Suzaku deadpans.
Apparently Suzaku discovered he's reached the end of this discussion and knows
better than to pursue an alternate route around Lelouch's stubbornness.
"It really wouldn't kill you to open up a little more to me, would it?"
Or maybe Lelouch gives Suzaku too much credit.
"I think it might, yes," Lelouch answers simply, angling the book closer to his
face – huh, he did notice in the shower last night that Suzaku's nipples looked
darker than usual…
"Ice Prince," Suzaku spurns under his breath before sucking the straw in his
cup again.
Lelouch's eyebrow lifts.
Was that a challenge he just heard?
He glances at Suzaku and decides that, yes, it was a challenge.
"Say what you will Suzaku, but you know – regardless that we
really shouldn't be in this position – we wouldn't be in this position because
I would have worn a condom if you hadn't said you like the way it feels when I
cu—"
Suzaku scrambles to cover Lelouch's mouth like the following words will destroy
the world with his cheeks rusting a delightful planetary red.
"Sh-Shut up!" he stutters, glancing around to make sure no distant ears were
tainted by Lelouch's incomplete statement; which is hard to discern with all
the befuddled, curious stares trying to assess Suzaku's sudden burst of action.
"…And what are you trying to say? That this is my fault?" he asks quietly,
still noticeably uncomfortable and wary as he seats himself.
"Well~."
"Oh, come on!" Suzaku indignantly objects in a hoarse whisper. "You can't be
serious!"
Lelouch smiles.
"I'm just kidding. Of course this is as much my responsibility as it is yours."
He mollifies, smiling charmingly at Suzaku who releases a breath and visibly
relaxes back into his chair. "I'm just saying…"
"Lelouch!" Suzaku squawks again, bristling like a cat that's had its tail
stepped on, and Lelouch laughs.
"Don't be so sensitive, it's just a joke."
No it isn't.
This is Suzaku's fault.
Suzaku gives him a firm lower-lip, "I don't think this is something you should
joke about Lelouch – Mister-I'm-So-Serious-All-The-Time. You really pick bad
moments to be funny."
"Oh, I apologize. I didn't realize I was talking to a professional comedian who
knows everything about comedy and when the appropriate time to deliver a joke
would be." Lelouch's rebuttal is so dry it puts salt to shame.
And it wasn't a bad moment for humor in Lelouch's opinion; it was supposed to
lighten the mood and offer a distraction like proper comic relief should.
His joke did both, so:
Lelouch: four.
Suzaku: zero.
Suzaku sighs, unwilling to play this game of sarcasm, and looks elsewhere—
That's when the disquieting alert of an incoming call steals Suzaku away…
•-•
Sadly, their nice day out doesn't continue as planned because the outside world
always interferes – though this time Kyushu can take the blame rather than
Zero…
Of course Lelouch knew this matter would impede on their private matters
because it is a part of Zero's matters, but Suzaku doesn't know that Lelouch
and Zero are the same so he doesn't know that Lelouch knows Zero's matters or
that those certain matters will interfere with their matters… or something
along those lines. If nothing else, the act of committing to plans with Suzaku
should testify for Lelouch's innocence regardless of whatever
other matters choose to do. Lelouch can't say he suspects that anyone is
suspicious of him, per se, but there's no such thing as being too cautious or
prepared.
Contrarily, he'd rather not think about Zero's role in Suzaku's pregnancy and
vice versa, but he knows he'd better formulate something and fast. Right now
Suzaku has not only the little fry growing inside him but Lloyd Asplund and the
Lancelot to worry about – thanks to Zero and his Black
Knights, ironically enough – to spare a thought about Lelouch's meandering
outside of school. Lelouch can keep up the gambling act with words but he knows
that eventually he'll need to produce some money one way or another. Later on,
though, when Suzaku is ballooned like a different type of fish and lounging
around the clubhouse, he's going to wonder where Lelouch is running off to –
"As if gambling is more important than his family!" Lelouch can already imagine
Suzaku thinking, if not grumbling.
Gambling isn't more important than his family, but fighting to protect them
against a super-evolved-locust nation like Britannia is.
If only Suzaku wasn't a bumbling idiot in their swarm…
To say that Lelouch has coped with the incident on Shikinejima Island wouldn't
be entirely true, and it seems that Suzaku is still carrying some weight of
that day as well.
Lelouch just knows his hands are dirty with Suzaku's guilt from that debacle.
Lelouch had really underestimated Suzaku's foolishness, and in any other
circumstance it might have been a harmless slipup on Lelouch's part that he
could have easily recovered from, but… Trapped by his (technically, was-
presently pregnant) boyfriend in a cockpit that would have essentially served
as their casket, Lelouch knew the way out and had to take it. There were so
many reasons not to do it, but the single pro that countered weighed heavier
than all of the cons combined.
Lelouch did curse his luck, but, not one to believe in luck, realized that he
probably doomed himself somewhere along the way. Maybe it started when he
denied his father, maybe it started when he befriended Suzaku, maybe he
shouldn't have entered that contract with C.C., maybe he shouldn't have stood
so close to Suzaku with his pistol—erm… maybe he shouldn't have counted
Schneizel out – but he didn't expect the man to make his cameo just yet in
order to eliminate Zero from Britannia's nuisance list, but he should have
known better (and was a bit proud that Schneizel was the one who needed to come
in a clean the mess himself). Or maybe he should have tried harder to not be
conceived in his mother's womb so that he would never have been born and suffer
all this madness that tried to bring him to an early grave.
There was an irony there, somewhere, that had nearly killed Lelouch.
(It's bad enough that it slaps him upside the head now every time he begins to
wonder why he never bothered to wear a condom during sex with Suzaku –
his male paramour.
It almost feels as if the universe is doing all of this to him on purpose.)
Lelouch remembers how angrily he grit his teeth, his left eye burning in
anticipation with the knowledge that Geass was the last card he had to play as
all of his others had been swiped from his hands. If only Schneizel hadn't
literally popped out of nowhere in that flying… ordering Suzaku to…
No…as easy and tempting as it is to blame Schneizel, he can only order Suzaku
to do something but cannot physically make him do it (unlike like Lelouch
himself). Ultimately, it was Suzaku's decision to comply and that bothered
Lelouch more than his son-of-a-bitch brother foiling him once again.
Suzaku was just going to let it happen. As if nothing else mattered. As if that
was all he aspired to.
Despite everything, despite all the people who love and care about him
(Nunnally, the student council, Lelouch…) and those who depend on or need him
(Nunnally, Euphemia… Lelouch (Lloyd doesn't quite count)), and despite
everything he'd worked for and everything that he had changed, Suzaku was just
going to let his story cut short in an anticlimactic end that resolved nothing.
Lelouch had been brimming with anger and desperation when the slit in his mask
flew open as he yelled at Suzaku with all of the strength of emotion he could
channel through his vocal-cords, ordering the empty-headed buffoon to do the
very thing he wished against—
Because if irony was going to kill Lelouch it would protect Suzaku.
Lelouch wasn't and isn't going to let Suzaku get away so easily. After all,
Lelouch hasn't been protecting Suzaku up until now for no reason. It just
appears that now he needs to protect more than just Suzaku.
Universe and all of its irony – and Schneizel – be damned.
•-•
"I order you to love me!"
The words play like a broken record in Suzaku's head in a nauseating echo that
has stripped them of their syllables, the six words slurring together in a
mutated sound that has no meaning. This repetition stretches like suffocating
rubber around him for meager seconds that pulse in his ears like lifetimes with
his heartbeat – why is it so loud? – and he can't seem to shut his mouth or
blink his eyes.
There's no way she just said that…
There's no way she just ordered that!
"And in return, I will love you!"
"Princess Euphemia…" Suzaku manages. Suddenly the rain of enemy fire falling
around him doesn't feel as pressing as he guides Lancelot haphazardly yet
skillfully through the lacerating shots aimed to kill. The shrinking level of
Lancelot's energy has also slipped under the radar of his ever-alert battle-
mode, if for a moment.
"I'll love your honest face and sad eyes, your kindness, your stubbornness,
your clumsiness, and even how you're awkward with cats. All of you! So, please
don't hate yourself!"
Suzaku feels frozen, almost; those words piercing him like an arrow through the
heart, leaving him speechless – not for a lack of words, but too many to state.
"…Suzaku? Are you alright, can you hear me?"
"Y-yes, Your Highness." Suzaku stalls, feeling hot nerves sweat through his
pores. What is he to say? "I'm sorry… I've made you worry. I'm so conceited,
aren't I?" Suzaku glances at her uneasily during any second he can spare from
the fight against him – he's severely outnumbered here. Before that might have
made him feel anticipation if anything at all, but now, for once, he's
apprehensive and afraid. There is too much at stake here for his atonement to
intervene now…
Confusion crosses her face, "What do you mean?"
Suzaku's breath quivers past his teeth as he blindly disables enemy Knightmare
after enemy Knightmare in this one-sided battle royal he's dancing through –
Lancelot won't fare much longer…
"I'm sorry. You're a wonderful person with a big heart and your spontaneity is
charming, but…" He rubs his lips together, glancing at her soft face now
smiling at him affectionately, and swallows. He's never had to so this before.
"I can't…"
He sees Euphemia shake her head emphatically from his peripheral after he looks
away from her.
"No, don't ever say you 'can't.' I believe in you, Suzaku."
"Princess, I…" Suzaku feels his jaw clamp tight, his palms moist inside his
pilot gloves as he grips the controls with aching hands.
"Accede, Suzaku." Euphemia chimes in for him, offering the words his
mouth should muster. "Say you'll continue being my Knight."
"I'm tremendously flattered… but I can't follow that order."
"Suzaku…?"
Suzaku refuses to look up to her small voice.
"It's… I'm kind of already involved with someone…"
Lancelot finally dies around him, lights and sounds dimming from existence,
allowing Euphemia's muteness to chill the sweat on his skin.
"…So, you have someone to live for?"
Suzaku realizes his eyes are watering – he's finally met his end and he doesn't
want it, not when another life solely depends on him.
Not yet, not NOW.
"Then you don't have a choice, you have to live for them." Euphemia's intrepid
tone is hollowed with despondence but it doesn't make her words any less
sincere. "You have to live for them!"
He clenches the controls, "I'm sorry… I've"—failed—"run out of energy…"
Something Suzaku expects should be his life flashing before his eyes is really
only a stained memory of glassy eyes on the face of his father, a figurehead –
a martyr? – that lies like a beached whale in a shore of crimson that burns his
hands, a proud nation bullied into ruin, the smug smile of a prince – the same
lips that had damned it all, vowed to destroy the destroyers—
"No, Suzaku! You have to live!" Euphemia's cry is so desperate, desolate,
and raw that it ices the marrow in his bones just before an abstractly familiar
blackness begins to envelop him in a numb void—
When volatile, malicious beams circle him in a roaring perimeter that destroys
the pack of Knightmares that had him surrounded like wolves.
For once, Suzaku is glad to have Zero make his appearance if only because it
reels him from the holes in his soul and distracts him from the heart he sees
breaking in his Princess's blue eyes…
•-•
As if Lelouch doesn't already have enough reason to detest Schneizel and want
him eliminated in every sense of the word, he has now climbed to a whole new
level of hatred. Although Lelouch doesn't know for a fact that this little
strategy was devised by his brother, it reeks too much of Schneizel for Lelouch
to assume it was Cornelia's or any other's doing.
This is the second time Schneizel has tried to erase Suzaku – the second
obviously paying for the treacherous escape of the first.
But this is also the second time the Second Prince has been thwarted.
And third time will not be the charm for Schneizel because Lelouch
will not give him the chance.
It is this train of thought that has him steamrolling down his express route to
the submarine's bay where his shuttle is waiting for him to climb in so it can
deploy under the safety of the wrinkled blanket of opaque water. The rebels
that are shuffling through the corridors in their brisk uniforms might
misconstrue his steps as being his typical, stout march rather than anything
else – anything emotionally driven – as they scatter from the path of their
fearless leader like flocks of black sheep. Lelouch is more than willing to let
them believe that as he sets course for home, ignoring the critical, golden
eyes that have been shadowing him unnervingly since he boarded.
Of course tailing him isn't a new pastime for that witch, but this time it's
strange; the way her silence breathes the air around him makes it feel as
though she has something to say – and if so, why hasn't she said anything yet?
If it's a private matter then why didn't she speak when they were secluded in
the Gawain? He should probably be relieved that she's tailing him rather than
causing trouble for any of the crew—she doesn't want to come to the surface
with him, does she?
In the end, she doesn't speak and he doesn't ask – even if his mind wasn't
elsewhere he still most likely wouldn't.
He just hopes that won't come back to bite him in the ass later…
•-•
"I'll be firm and resolute and won't back down. It's time to put my
stubbornness to good use, even if it's a selfish request it's not
really only just for me—"
"What on Earth are you babbling about?" Lloyd calls in a drawl, pushing his
spectacles up his narrow nose.
"Ah!" Suzaku jumps, meeting Lloyd's cold gaze that's much closer than he
remembers—
Well, that's because Suzaku had been walking up to the man when he had delved
into his head for a mental pep-rally to motivate himself – which is practically
like visiting a ghost town considering how rarely Suzaku hosts such events in
his head, for himself – and last he checked Lloyd was—
"Boy, what is wrong with you?" Lloyd queries loudly into Suzaku's face. "Don't
tell me my devicer is malfunctioning."
"I think it's debatable whether or not he was ever 'functioning' in the first
place"—Suzaku can hear Lelouch mock in his head.
"Uh, well, nothing. But I wanted to talk to you about something…"
"Hm~?" Lloyd lifts a thin eyebrow at him. "So something is wrong?"
"What's wrong?" Cécile tacks onto the conversation with a fretful ensemble on
her features to match her voice.
"Um…" Suzaku starts, eyes darting between the two once Lloyd finally cranes
away from his personal space.
"If it's about the Lancelot…?" Cécile trails off, her question suggesting the
battle that had just transpired – the one where he not only lost of all of his
energy, but the float system too…
Suzaku rubs his arm, "Ah, sort of…"
…In
Which
No
Explanation
Takes
Place…
"You are going to enlighten us sometime this millennium, right Suzaku?"
"What's the matter?" for once Cécile is too worried to spare her energy on
reprimanding Lloyd – that's right, she had probably heard his conversation with
the Princess…
Suzaku's eyes dart between them again like he's watching a tennis match, and
then heaves a big sigh from his gut as if his favored side just lost the game.
"I need a hiatus from piloting the Lancelot."
There, he said it.
The ball's in their court now…
Cécile's head cocks to the side and just when she opens her mouth—
"This isn't about that pregnancy thing is it?" Lloyd blurts out in a tawdry
tone. "Because I should think that it would only improve your performance.
You would be fighting for two, after all – what motivation is better than that?
So I think it would be a waste to stop now when—Ouch!" Lloyd yelps, trying to
soothe the place on the back of his head that Cécile's hand collided with.
"Pardon his inhumanity," She pleads formally as her arm lowers to her side.
"Like always," Suzaku responds uneasily – she doesn't
typically physically abuse him, but maybe it's a long time coming…?
"Bloody Hell, what was that for?"
"Suzaku,"—Lloyd has totally just been ignored—"if you need some time, I think
that can be arranged, but… You know the instability of the situation here."
"I know, but I can't keep doing this, especially after today." If not for ZERO,
I would have—"It's too irresponsible for me to continue."
She nods solemnly, "Yes, this is a quite a problem. Even so, we only go out on
demand, so maybe…"
"Perhaps we could plead for a truce with Zero," Lloyd jeers mildly, still
coddling his wound.
Cécile glowers at him.
"Don't give me that look. You know I don't care for much else than my Lancelot
and even in a time of peace I could still borrow Suzaku from his new family for
tests and such, right Suzaku old boy? As long as the two of you are never
parted, I think I can live a contented life – though it wouldn't be the same,
of course. Maybe I can still convince you otherwise…"
"Do you want me to hit you again?"
Suzaku laughs nervously and starts making random gestures with his hands to
distract harm away from Lloyd.
"Alright, we've had a long evening, so let's just sleep on it, alright? The
problem will still be here in the morning, and who knows, maybe a solution will
be here as well?"
"As if the real world works that way…" Lloyd ridicules as he walks away –
either agreeing with Suzaku regardless of his words or trying to avoid Cécile's
unnaturally lively scorn.
"You're right Suzaku; it has been a long evening. Why don't you head off and
get some rest?" She glances quickly over her shoulder to Lloyd who is tapping
away at the computer he'd abandoned to interrupt Suzaku's blathering. "Don't
worry about Lloyd, he's like a bratty child but he knows what he can't have at
the end of the day. I promise you that we can work this out somehow."
Suzaku smiles, "Thanks, but don't hurt him again, alright? I don't want to have
to babysit him if you do."
Cécile's eyes gleam in a way Suzaku has never seen but the smile on her lips is
still as tender as always.
"Off you go," she starts to shoo him with her hands. "Tonight has been
especially stressful for you, so rest well. I'll phone you if there's anything
you need to know."
Suzaku smiles affably, letting her turn him to face the open door, "Fine, fine.
But don't worry if you have trouble reaching me during the week after school
hours because I'll be busy with student council business. There's a festival at
the end of the week and we still have a lot of things to take care of."
"A festival?"
He nods, "Yeah, it'll be an open campus, so we really have to prepare for the
possible crowd surplus."
"That sounds pleasant, but don't work yourself too much Suzaku. If you feel
tired then rest." She places a light, comforting hand on his back as they walk
with a gentle smile on her lips for his eyes to see.
"Don't worry so much – I'm not that reckless." He tries to laugh only to have
it die before it materializes into sound.
There's a faint scoff from Lloyd's direction.
Suzaku can't resist: "You know, Lloyd, since the school will be accepting
visitors, you should visit Milly. You're only going to be marrying her."
Lloyd barely bothers to mumble a retort before Cécile sends Suzaku on his way
again with another warm parting and a soft-spoken resolution to help resolve
the matter of his situation. He walks through the door and into the shadowy
hallway—
Finding a single person is lingering nearby, caught in the fading light
stretching from the lab.
His stomach practically hits the floor, "Princess Euphemia?"
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to eavesdrop! I just wanted to see how you were
doing! But then I heard you talking, and…!" her voice storms Suzaku in such a
rush of words that he almost doesn't notice the blush creeping to her cheeks—
Did she just say eavesdrop?
All he can do is gape like a faceless portrait when she abashedly approaches
him, her hands clutching the white bell of her dress.
"I'm sorry." She peeks at him timorously. "I hope you can forgive—"
"No," his mouth utters and her eyes grow wide. "W-wait! I-I-I meant it's not a
problem! You were just worried, I am grateful for that."
She nods and looks down at her fingers as they fiddle with her skirt.
"…So, you are all right, then?" her powder blue irises are on his face again,
particularly his lips when he speaks.
"Oh, yes. Thank you for asking. And you, Princess? Are you all right?"
She nods, eyes swooping away from his again as if literally watching Silence
enter their conversation.
This really couldn't be more awkward.
It's like bumping into an ex where things didn't quite end well—or so Suzaku
imagines.
Even crickets wouldn't chirp if they were in this hallway. Perhaps it'd be
better if Suzaku knew what to say…
"To be honest Suzaku, I'm surprised. I guess I thought you were more
responsible than this."
"Imagine how I feel," he mutters wryly. "But, at least give me some credit.
It's not like I thought this could happen to me."
Her eyes shift into a critical shade, something disapproving twisting on her
face.
"Surprises come in all forms, I guess." He looks down at his shoes. "I still
can't really believe it, but… Well, if I had known it was
even remotely possible for something like this to happen I would have made sure
he used protection, but—"
"He?"
Suzaku looks up, "Pardon?"
"You… said 'he.'"
Before Suzaku can question her further, he sees the dawn of realization colour
her face—
"Y-you mean you're the one who's…?"
Suzaku feels hot nerves wriggling in his stomach, "What do you mean, that
you didn't know? I thought you said you overheard—!"
That's right, even though they spoke of the subject the words "Suzaku is
pregnant" were never said directly, most of their conversation pretty much
stepping around them, so, naturally, Euphemia would just assume…
Strange how Suzaku can be so careless about what he says as well as what was
and wasn't said about him yet at the same time be so careful to not mention the
exiled and believed-to-be deceased prince's name.
Suzaku gawks at her with a slack jaw and a stomach shriveling under the stuffy
discomfiture of the moment, trying to find a reasonable chain of words to save
this situation from falling from his control as he watches her face scuff with
vermilion, a nervous hand covering her mouth.
He is unlucky in his search.
Shit…
•-•
Lelouch is roused by the frenetic ruffling of cloth that might as well be a
riot breaking out in the stark silence of the room, causing a sleepy jolt to
twitch his body and open his eyes; revealing not only that he had fallen asleep
at his desk – neglected schoolwork still waiting to be completed by his
intelligence – but that he is no longer alone in the room. In either brief
alarm or a learned instinct from napping during class, Lelouch bolts upright in
his chair with a drowsy cloak hanging over his features, causing that sound of
fussing fabric to instantly cease. The silence is a bit tense though still calm
as Lelouch turns in his chair to find the origin of the noisemaker whilst
rubbing his eyes, coming face to face to with Suzaku's apologetic expression.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."
The room is still bright, well lit by the ceiling light uncovering most of the
room from the shroud of night (including Lelouch's ignored homework). Suzaku's
face looks a tad rosy, his cheeks tinged like they've been brushed by cold
weather, and his eyes are heavy, hard, and polished like marble.
"It's fine…" Lelouch murmurs, still trying to rid his eyes from the mask of
sleep.
"I was even gonna try to carry you to bed."
Lelouch's wit isn't too lethargic to miss that.
"In that case I'm glad you woke me up," he mutters very dryly, hearing Suzaku
breathe a quiet sound of appreciation for the comedic comment over the
continued scuffle of clothing. He looks Suzaku over again, picking up the grim
disposition of his friend as a burnt-orange military uniform is quietly
disassembled from his person – strange since Suzaku had left in his civilian
clothes. "You're back late."
Lelouch of course had hurried home, wanting to get back as early as possible to
wait for his impregnated companion, thereafter trying – and failing – to busy
himself with schoolwork. He didn't have to beat Suzaku here but he figured it
would be for the best considering a night ago he'd stumbled in late and Suzaku
wasn't pleased—not that Lelouch is afraid of Suzaku or his nagging, he's just
covering his terrorist ass. Lelouch only wants to cause as much suspicion as he
can get away with before he finds his free time inhibited by the very things
he's trying to protect. It would be very bad for Suzaku's all around health to
accumulate an abundant amount of stress because of Lelouch – meaning now is the
worst possible time for Suzaku to be figuring out any secrets that lead
to Zero results.
So, just to be clear: Lelouch is not intimidated.
Lelouch doesn't get intimidated.
This is all for concern – the greater good.
(It almost makes Lelouch wonder why he said "back late" instead of
"home late.")
"Yeah…" Suzaku nods – too gravely for Lelouch's taste – pulling the last leg
out of his pants and resting them next to his jacket already sprawled out on
the couch behind Lelouch's desk. He is clad in only his white, button-down
shirt, green tie dangling from his neck, and his snug, gray boxers when he
plops down heavily on the bed – Lelouch has to focus to draw his attention away
from the informal position of Suzaku's open legs. "I was going to stay in my
dorm, but…" he leans his elbows on his knees, "I don't feel like being alone
tonight." It's after a halfhearted shrug that Suzaku removes his socks – his
shoes are undoubtedly resting by the bedroom door.
Lelouch feels his eyebrows crease, "Long night?"
Suzaku just nods, tossing his socks on the couch where his tie soon joins them.
"Did you take care of that business with Asplund?"
Suzaku nods again.
Lelouch purses his lips.
Seems Suzaku isn't in the mood for conversation.
"Please, spare me the details," Lelouch says drolly.
Suzaku looks up at him with weary eyes, "I'm sorry Lelouch. I'm just…" his eyes
drift away again as a deep sigh claims his lips.
"You are…?"
"…I'm beginning to wonder if I'm making the right decision. I feel like every
one that I make turns out to be a bad one."
Not the answer Lelouch wants to hear, but not the answer that surprises him,
either.
"You keep telling me that you'll support me in whatever I do, as long as I do
what I feel is right… I know I fought for this, but…" Suzaku's eyes are clear
and firm for the first moment since Lelouch has looked into them upon waking.
"Lelouch, I want to know how you feel and what you want. You have yet to tell
me anything about what's going on inside that head of yours."
Lelouch holds that gaze, that clarity shining in emerald eyes now that those
walls have lowered, and then breathes in steadily through his nose.
"First of all, I think that you can't know if something is the 'right' decision
when you make it. In hindsight, everything's twenty-twenty."
"But you've always seemed so sure of yourself, never worrying or stressing
about your decisions." Suzaku's lips break into a sardonic smile, "Lelouch, you
always have all the answers."
"That's not true."
Suzaku blinks at the sudden, solemn slump in Lelouch's tone.
"It's not true that I don't worry or stress – I stress and worry so much it's a
wonder my hair hasn't turned gray yet or that I haven't had a heart-attack."
Lelouch rubs his face. "I seem confident because I am confident, and I like to
think I have all the answers, but I know I can only control so much around me.
And sometimes, Suzaku, the bigger picture is a whole lot bigger than you think
it is."
"But…"
"For instance," Lelouch stands up, gesturing with his hand to Suzaku, "you
being pregnant has surprised me greatly. There's no honest way that I could
have known this would happen – could I have prevented it if I had known?
Certainly. But there's no changing my past ignorance, I just have to forge
ahead and find my way on this new path." He gently sits down next to Suzaku. "I
guess what I'm trying to say is that one can only be as prepared as they are
observant. If there's something beyond your knowledge of course you can't
predict it, but the trick is adapting and knowing how to handle whatever the
universe throws at you." He lays his hand on Suzaku's back, "Right and wrong is
shrouded in gray, only farther down the road will you know if you've done the
best you could."
Suzaku's eyes stare at him a moment in silence as if he's absorbing everything
Lelouch has just said, then rests his head on Lelouch's shoulder, nestling
close to the warm body. Lelouch rubs Suzaku's back, turning towards the boy to
let him nuzzle deeper into the comfort of his form. Lelouch isn't sure if he
was just trying to comfort Suzaku, if that's what Suzaku wanted – though it
felt like it – and he doesn't know if Suzaku has been consoled by his words of
wisdom, but the atmosphere is lighter than before. The ghostly tension feels to
have dissipated from the air—
"Right, but you still haven't told me how you feel about the baby."
—And there it is again.
"…I'm sure I've answered this question before."
"No," Suzaku pushes himself up, "you haven't. All you've said is that you'd be
supportive."
"Doesn't that tell you something?"
"Lelouch. This is important. It's not like we're painting the walls a different
colour – this is a baby, our baby – another life we're talking about."
Lelouch sighs.
Feelings: not something Lelouch is exactly adept in expressing… with words,
anyway – actions do speak louder. But Suzaku needs to be told these
things, needs to hear these things sometimes, otherwise they're left up to his
assumptions and those prove to be incorrect quite frequently; particularly when
interpreting Lelouch's feelings. Naturally, Lelouch's emotions are something
that are supposed to be buried, never unearthed by anyone other than himself,
yet sometimes he wishes Suzaku could see them as clearly as he feels them
despite the thick veneer he wears so tightly, so cautiously, so protectively to
keep them hidden, if only so he wouldn't have say them out loud.
How dreadfully ironic…
"I can't."
"What?" Judging by Suzaku's tone that is not an answer he wants to hear.
"Rather, I couldn't." He leans his forehead against Suzaku's and spins his
voice from his throat like he's turning it into luxury silk, "If I had to be in
this situation with anyone, I'm glad it's with you – I wouldn't want to do this
with anyone else, nor could I. You are the only one for me and the only mother
I would want for my child." If Lelouch's voice isn't tender enough, he seals
his words with a lingering kiss over Suzaku's lips and a light grasp of
Suzaku's chin to tilt his head just slightly.
When their lips part with a quiet noise Suzaku's eyes look deep and clouded but
there's a light shining through his mystification from somewhere in his mind
like a lighthouse flashing through thick fog, and the soft smile that bends his
lips relieves the room of more invisible tension.
"You always know what to say, don't you?" he says with a calm gleam over his
shamrock eyes.
"That's right." Lelouch smiles back.
It helps to have a collection of romance flicks under his belt to reference,
too. If they've taught him anything it's that sap is a must – and their said
sappy dialogue is more or less the same which enables him to apply them to
whatever bitter situation that needs to be sweetened.
…Not that he was trying to learn anything or that he willingly subjected
himself to them.
Nunnally is found of them, is all!
"You smooth talking demon…" Suzaku murmurs, moving his sassy smile centimeters
from Lelouch's lips. "What have you done with Lelouch?"
Instead of lifting an eyebrow like his first impulse tells him to, his lips
steal Suzaku's words to stretch into a hellish crescent like a wicked horn.
"Didn't you know?"—a smoldering breath against Suzaku's lips, a fingertip
pointing his chin upward—"I am a demon."
Suzaku's saucy lips shrivel into a puckering cushion for the bedeviling kiss
Lelouch places against them with a fervor burning in his lips.
Actions always taste better than words.
Lelouch doesn't mean for the exchange to be long despite his force as he's
still quite tired, not to mention he has a case of cotton-mouth due to his
napping. He just wants to end the moment with a nice press of lips, maybe a
sweep of tongues, and then conclude the night by flopping down on his bed and
getting some – hopefully – undisturbed beauty sleep.
Seems Suzaku has other ideas.
His mouth is open and his voice is leaking out alluring sounds that are
deceptively soft as his hands reach to trap Lelouch's head when it tries to
drift away with strong fingers cutting through stalks of black licorice hair.
Lelouch's finger is still pointed against Suzaku's chin, and after a moment of
consideration – that perhaps a little make-out session before bed wouldn't hurt
– it skims up Suzaku's jaw where a hand cups Suzaku's face, fingers fussing the
curled brush of brown hair. Lelouch is pulled down in this intrigue with
Suzaku's hands, nestling him in the limbs of his muscular mate like a nest in a
tree. Suzaku's arms are as warm and sturdy around his shoulders as Lelouch
remembers – as they always are – but there's something peculiar teeming in
their embrace that's spreading all through Suzaku's body in an odd language
Lelouch knows he recognizes but can't quite place. Something about Suzaku just
feels off from the way his knees pin Lelouch's waist against his hips to how
unusually persuasive his tongue is behaving as it anxiously slithers around.
Even so, it's not entirely unpleasant, whatever this feeling with which Suzaku
is clinging to him. It almost makes Lelouch feel… important – and that's
certainly destined to get Lelouch going one way or another. The hot thriving
crawling from his loins is a sensation that, incidentally, his pants cannot
appreciate as he swivels his head to the side in a kiss growing sloppier with
hasty lust. Lelouch can't speak for Suzaku's rushing but lack of air is
something that has Lelouch griping the excess of shirt on Suzaku's sides in
mercy. One of Suzaku's hands is still pillaging the locks of Lelouch's hair
when he moves his head again, the burning in his chest far more unpleasant than
a little constriction of his pants, but with an uncivilized grunt Lelouch is
able to scare that rough hand away and break for air.
Pink is rolled across Suzaku's cheeks and desire is steaming his eyes when
Lelouch looks down at him, panting and flushed with a wild thicket of hair
thanks to Suzaku's rather ardent groping.
"Sorry…" Suzaku says quietly – why isn't he out of breath too? – and caresses
Lelouch's cheeks with his fingertips – and is that pity? – while holding firmly
to Lelouch's arm with his other hand.
Lelouch furrows mildly irritated eyebrows and lies, "It's fine."
What's with him…?
Lelouch leans down again, his hair being swept away from his face by Suzaku's
hands as he descends and grazes his lips over Suzaku's before
kissing beside that thirsty mouth instead. A nasally noise of yearning is cast
out from Suzaku's impatience as Lelouch nips away towards his neck, hands
tugging on the loose-knit, cotton sweater decorating Lelouch's torso. Lelouch
smirks at the sound and bites harder on the spot he had stained with his teeth
last night as he shifts his hips over Suzaku's—
Instantly met with the rigid spring of a healthy erection.
Suzaku's face and expression have ripened to a bashful red when Lelouch's
amazed eyes stumble up to his.
"I-I'm sorry!"
"Why are you apologizing?" Lelouch barely suppresses a laugh and Suzaku's mouth
presses into a tight line. "It is a little surprising to see you
so excited this quickly, but…" Lelouch holds his impish stare over Suzaku's
face, his black hair a tattered curtain around their faces, "I'm no less
satisfied." He nudges their crotches together again getting a sharp grimace
from Suzaku. "In fact, I'm rather pleased. So there's no need to apologize."
Lelouch brushes his soft smirk over Suzaku's lips, kissing them fully again
when seahorse opens welcomingly opens his mouth.
Lelouch combs the fingers of his left hand through chocolate waves, lifting his
hips as his right hand descends between their bodies in search of a button and
zipper. He fumbles slightly, trying to unfasten his pants quickly as
the feeling and the sight of Suzaku's bold excitement shoots something through
his body, zapping the tip of his stirring flesh that cannot wait to cut loose
and greet Suzaku. It pushes from Lelouch's fly with a giddy jerk and the relief
his cramped cock feels as it is released from fitted, charcoal slacks leaks
from Lelouch's mouth in a light sound, one that Suzaku mimics when their hard
lengths are pressed together.
"…Looks like you're just as excited as I am," Suzaku murmurs cheekily when
their lips part.
"Only because I willed myself to be," Lelouch defends indignantly, pushing up
on his elbow for better leverage.
Of course, that is a lie.
But he can't let Suzaku think otherwise.
Lelouch doesn't even give him the chance to speak. He starts grinding down
roughly on Suzaku's hips and smothers the off-guard outbursts of pleasure
Suzaku makes with a harsh kiss. Suzaku clutches at Lelouch's back as his
muffled moans are absorbed by a tenacious tongue, carelessly stretching the
back of Lelouch's sweater, much to the older boy's dismay – it's flattering
that Suzaku is mangling his clothing out of gripping pleasure, really, but at
this rate he's going to ruin it! It's with a bite on a plumping lip and coarser
thrusts over Suzaku that Lelouch tries to get the brunet's attention
to stop stretching his sweater, but what he gets in response surprises him
somewhat:
"Lelouch," Suzaku gasps, a solid longing in his voice. "I want to feel your
skin…"—a distressed tug—"Off…"
Lelouch pauses to look down at Suzaku, into his lustily laden, forest depths.
At the desperate plea breathing around his words.
He smirks.
Need my Highness that badly?
With some trained effort, Lelouch tugs the layers of his ebony sweater and the
sharply collared, vibrant aqua dress-shirt underneath off over his head, more
than happy to deposit them in the safety of the couch next to Suzaku's uniform,
far from Suzaku's reach. There's a smug tilt of his head and crook of his lips
when Suzaku's hands quickly coat his fair skin and he circles his fingers
around Suzaku's wrists when palms caress his chest, causing the boy to look up
at him with big, misty eyes.
"Likewise," Lelouch says, his voice wrapped in a soft husk and his smile sharp
just before he presses his lips against Suzaku's.
In an instant, Suzaku's shirt is pushed up, he is pushed down, and Lelouch is
comfortably grinding their clothed erections together again as he pecks his
lips to one of Suzaku's brittle nipples. The corners of Lelouch's mouth lift in
a prideful grin when it appears to bristle even more at his attention and he
lets his tongue peek past his lofty lips to teasingly flick the lusty nub.
Suzaku gasps at that with a twitch of his chest, a breathier moan fleeing his
mouth when Lelouch liberally slathers his wet tip around the pointed nub before
closing it in his mouth. He sucks on it gently and toughly as he whirls his
slimy organ around the excited bump, rubbing and stroking with his tongue as he
continues to grind his solid length over Suzaku's rocking hips. Suzaku's body
shudders as Lelouch laps at his sensitive breast, his hands ranking through
Lelouch's hair – though more tamely than before – with his attention lost in
Lelouch's ravenous mouth and the heated nerves mounting his body as Lelouch
humps his crotch. He merely wriggles and gasps when Lelouch's tongue slides
across his heaving chest where he nibbles and suckles at the other budding
nipple, maintaining the vivaciously vigorous lunges of his hips—
"Put it in!"
Lelouch halts.
He doesn't quite try to restrain his shock but he doesn't quite openly display
it to Suzaku, either.
Suzaku is looking up at him with glazed, hooded eyes and a beautiful blush
splashed over his face – an expression that virtually says "take me now!" in
Lelouch's opinion.
Suzaku almost sounds defensive when he answers Lelouch's gape with a light
voice wavering from his throat, but it mostly sounds suffocated in desperation…
Or something similar.
"I want you, Lelouch… I want to feel you… inside…"
Lelouch swallows, absent to the saliva smeared around his mouth from its
previous engagement.
Such embarrassing things Suzaku is saying.
Who actually says stuff like that in real life?
Suzaku, apparently.
"Are you sure? We don't have to…"
Suzaku nods, quickly and pointedly pulling off his soiled, gray shorts. "It's
not so much I want than I need," he says, dropping his underwear on the floor.
So Suzaku really does need Lelouch's Highness that badly after all…
"Is that so…?" Lelouch grins devilishly down at Suzaku, lying against him
again.
Suzaku inclines his chin to touch his lips against Lelouch's as they sink
closer—
And closer—
"In that case," Lelouch sits up with a smirk at Suzaku's denied-a-kiss
expression, reaching for the drawer of his desk closest to the bed, "I'm glad I
bought these today."
Suzaku's eyes blink at the rather (unexpectedly) large box of condoms in
Lelouch's fingers.
"…Why so many?"
"Need you ask?" Lelouch says through his same grin.
Suzaku sighs at him playfully only to cringe moments later when the chilly
sticks of Lelouch's lubricated fingers begin to paint around his entrance, but
he still pulls his knees back to give his lover easier access. They gingerly
slip inside for preparation, stroking Suzaku's passage carefully, gently, as
Lelouch stares down at Suzaku's pursed face – it's been some time since they've
been together this way. The night of Suzaku's congratulatory party for becoming
Euphemia's knight was the last time and Lelouch was perhaps a tad too forceful
to take Suzaku (to childishly remind him who he really belongs to) but it had
seemed that the Honorary Britannian was fully aware of that symbolism…
Suzaku's mouth flies open in a gasp and then a suffocated moan curling in his
throat as a covered Lelouch enters him to the hilt in a smooth motion. His body
steels and his eyes are squinting so intensely his emerald gems are reduced to
slivers. Suzaku's tense legs are linked tightly at their ankles around Lelouch
as he leans forward, hovering above Suzaku's creased face as it begins to pant
as if to relieve the pressure filling his body. He pecks small kisses against
Suzaku's lips with fingers that caress a sacrificial scar.
"You can… you can move," Suzaku says quietly in a faintly frantic push of air
after sufficiently adjusting to girth inside him, his eyes still a glossy pair
of evergreen spindles.
For a fleeting moment Lelouch feels his joints solidify in some empathetic
hesitation from the look in Suzaku's eyes. He leans on his elbow and combs his
hand through Suzaku's hair just as he had previously, only instead of reaching
for his zipper this time, he touches his lips to Suzaku's in the softest, most
loving kiss he can muster. Suzaku folds his hands over Lelouch's shoulders as
he returns the kiss with equal endearment, trapping his own moan inside the
older lad's mouth when his hips move in the first shallow thrust. Suzaku's body
closes around Lelouch with hunger when he moves again in a deeper heave with
legs wringing the thin waist in their grip and short fingernails scoring red
frowns into Lelouch's skin. He tells himself he is immune to the sting of
Suzaku's nails as he moves faster still into the tight heat trying to pull him
in deeper the faster he drives, breathing in the hot air of Suzaku's stifled
sounds that have never so anxiously wanted to be louder.
Lelouch has never been much of a moaner or a noisemaker himself, but it's
always exhilarating to hear Suzaku – particularly when he's trying to keep
quiet. Lelouch knows he's doing his absolute best when Suzaku's teeth are
threatening to chew through his lips or hands in order to keep his voice down,
much like it he's doing right now. Lelouch offers a groan here and there along
with the occasional grunt (that's far more occasional than he'd like) so Suzaku
can hear his partner's satisfaction and can get the same excited feeling, but
still strictly prefers to hear Suzaku—
SNI~FF!
Speaking of sounds.
Lelouch takes a closer look into Suzaku's eyes after hearing the sniffle,
seeing a thick glaze swimming over his green irises.
That's strange… is Suzaku tearing up?
Maybe this is hurting him? Should he stop—?
Suzaku's arms lasso around Lelouch's neck, wrangling him down for a crushing
kiss that harbors a sea of rolling emotions Lelouch was not prepared to feel
surge from his seahorse.
"Lelouch…" Suzaku chokes, holding the vigilante close in the ropes of his arms,
their faces so close Lelouch's hair sweeps against the damp rouge on his face.
The brunet's limbs encircle in an embrace that's so secure yet insecure at the
same time; it's almost as if…
Ah, so that's what this is.
Suzaku's seeking more than to just quench his horny hunger and lose himself in
physical comfort. This is…
"…I love you, Lelouch. So much."
…an honest-to-God consummation.
It couldn't be about his mission today, could it…?
It is this moment of concentrated, living passion encompassing them that helps
Lelouch to understand a little of what and how parents-to-be might feel about
their offspring, why they treasure those little creations with their all –
because those little creations are the very tangible, personified form of their
love. It's so romantically maudlin Lelouch thinks it might cause something to
burst—
…!
That something has apparently been decided by his libido.
Lousy stamina.
They haven't even been at it that long!
"Suzaku," Lelouch grunts – a warning of the flashflood soon to come.
…Ahem.
"W…wait…!" Suzaku grasps Lelouch's shoulder. "Just… a little longer…!"
"Hurry up!" Lelouch commands as he tries to slow the rapid pace of his
thrusting hips and swiftly jerk Suzaku's erection in order to win the race
against himself.
…Hold on.
Did Lelouch just demand that Suzaku's orgasm catch up to his own?
Yeah, that happened…
He really is no match for Suzaku's sexy cheetah body.
White soaks over the knuckles of Lelouch's hand grappling to the bar of his bed
rail as he rocks his hips into Suzaku's body, feeling him convulse around his
covered flesh when it drives over the internal pill of ecstasy. Suzaku moves
with the thrusts, his legs anchored around Lelouch and constricting tighter
with each hit to his prostate, his teeth clamped down so hard on his lips
Lelouch almost expects to see them pierce right through. But even with his
mouth locked up to stay quiet, his attempt at quietness doesn't keep his
pleasure from escaping through his nose in little mewls that gain weight with
every deep lunge into his body, their pitch increasing the more he tries to
silence them.
Lelouch can taste the tide of air that bursts out of Suzaku's mouth in a cry he
couldn't quite contain as if it's squeezed from his lungs like the water out of
his eyes. A clothed arm is quick to bridge over those leaking greens, prompting
Lelouch to take his hand off the bar and close his fingers around the clenching
fist to tenderly coax it open. He entwines their fingers together when that
palm unrolls and they clasp tightly after Lelouch pushes the arm above Suzaku's
head, away from his face, kissing him deeply until the wells of his eyes dry
up. Lelouch can't stop from feeling that holding hands during sex is really
cheesy, but it does the job of consoling Suzaku just before he barrels through
his limit and over his peak with Suzaku's body still a racing rhythm to follow
suit. Lelouch continues thrusting as he rides down his slope in an effort to
speed Suzaku along, sliding his hand diligently around Suzaku's slick, heated
shaft.
It all instantly falls apart when Suzaku's orgasm snaps his taut muscles and
wets their skin, leaving their bodies to turn to goo as it turns their heads to
weightless balloons, and for a very long stretch of senseless time there's
just:
B
L
I
S
S
.
.
.
That is, of course, until Suzaku has to go and ruin it with his talking.
"You outdid yourself Lelouch," Suzaku mocks with an even breath. "Two minutes
this time."
"Two minutes in heaven is better than one minute in heaven," Lelouch says with
a puff, smirking when he lifts his head from Suzaku's shoulder to see rolling
eyes – that's right, no one can argue with this logic.
"I think you're just lucky I'm fast enough to keep up with you."
"Well, if it's a race then I think I've finally found one that I can win
against you, but you should feel proud that you can at least keep up." Lelouch
plops his head back down. "I'm glad you can put that speediness of yours to
good use."
"Strange way to twist the situation just to make yourself feel better."
"It's all about adapting, my little cheetah," Lelouch prattles pleasantly.
"Cheetah?"
"Mm. Now be quiet, you're ruining my buzz."
Suzaku shifts under his weight, "As much as I like lying here with you like
this, I don't think you should be pressing on my stomach."
Lelouch flinches, lifting off of Suzaku's body, "Right…" rolling over to lie on
his back next to the brunet with a flop. His chest bobs like rocky ocean waves
as he feels himself melt into the mattress cradling his exhausted body. He
glances at Suzaku, feeling irritation gnaw on his pride at the sight of the
calmer waters of his seahorse's chest, but the feeling dissolves as his eyes
pour over the rest of Suzaku's body…
Violets follow the sheen of sweat lying over Suzaku's torso below the muddled
fabric still hitched up his chest just above his duskier nipples. They are
still stiff under the film of perspiration that makes the skin over Suzaku's
softly toned abdomen glisten as he pants tamely for air; getting thicker the
closer it gets to his bare crotch. His thighs are still spread open and slick
from traces of sweat and lotion smearing from his behind and the coating on his
flaccid length is drying along with his spattered on his stomach. His hairline
is moist and his face is still glowing pink like most of his skin… Lelouch
feels it's all probably enough to get him a little hard again.
He peels the condom off at the thought – he's too worn-out to be tempted,
tossing it in the trash bin he had placed between his bed and nightstand just
for this purpose. After cleaning them both off with the tissues he keeps in his
drawer, and tucking himself back into his clothes, Suzaku tugs his shirt down
so that it falls over his hips and shuffles closer to spoon against Lelouch on
his side – yet Lelouch can't help but wonder why the boy didn't just take it
off instead. Regardless, Lelouch welcomes Suzaku's snuggling with a quiet sigh
of contentment, both of which lead the peaceful thoughts of his imaginary world
of solitude. It begins to build up around his mind, shutting out the stresses
and such from his daily life—
Suzaku's fingers doodle over Lelouch's collarbone, "…Um, hypothetically
speaking—"
What was that? Did Lelouch just hear a crack splinter the foundation of his
solace?
"—what if someone found out I am, ah, with child?"
Lelouch props himself up on an elbow and pines his eyes on Suzaku, locked like
missiles on a target.
"Who knows?" he demands sternly.
"Uh…" Suzaku hesitates briefly. "Well, you know just, I didn't go out of my
way, I mean, it's not like… It's no one that—"
"Who did you tell?" Lelouch snaps.
Suzaku visibly gulps, "Princess Euphemia?"
There's a sudden rush of something cold in Lelouch's body that boils up through
his skin – his thoughts racing in a blur from his mother and her soft blue
eyes, to Nunnally and her smile, to Zero, to his father and his
callous, violet eyes.
"Why would you tell her?"
"Well…" Suzaku fidgets. "It's not like I meant to! She overheard my
conversation with Lloyd. What was I supposed to do? Deny it? Lie?"
Suzaku could have at least put one of his many theories to use on Euphemia – if
there was ever a time for a genetically-mutated-virus-infected-hermaphrodite-
impregnated-by-an-alien-seahorse story, it would have been then.
Who knows, she might have bought it.
"Did you tell her who the father is?"
Suzaku shakes his head and Lelouch releases his panicked breath as he grasps
his forehead, combing his fingers through his hair.
"I'm sorry, Lelouch."
"No, it's… don't worry about it. I know she can be trusted with a secret and as
long as she doesn't know it's me, we'll be just fine." Lelouch removes his
hand, locks of raven fluttering back over his face. "What was her reaction, her
response?"
"She was so shocked she was speechless…"
"…Yes, I suppose anyone would be," Lelouch says quietly, trying to relax into
his mattress like he had in the bathtub last night.
"I'm sorry." Suzaku's voice is so small, so familiar with those two words, that
he might as well have said nothing at all.
It's as though apologizing is the only thing Suzaku knows how to do.
It's so damn infuriating.
"I said don't worry about it," Lelouch reminds tersely, his eyes closing as an
annoyed scowl shades his face.
He feels Suzaku physically cringe like a frail sprig ambushed by winter's icy
breath, but still remains near the shelter of Lelouch's body. The bantering
words Suzaku had spoken to him yesterday and today replay in Lelouch's ears,
lifting the dark drape over his eyes to show him the crestfallen eyes of his
meek little boyfriend. The view makes Lelouch feel like his stomach is trying
to eat his heart and it folds his brow together with pensive creases.
Ice Prince indeed…
Lelouch slides his arm around Suzaku with his fingertips delicately skating up
his spine over the ghost-white shirt he's hiding in, cradling Suzaku in an
embrace that he hopes will warm them both. Suzaku's head ducks a little under
Lelouch's chin, closer towards Lelouch's chest as the fingers tunneling through
his earthy mane reel him in with a tender kiss pressed against his forehead;
Lelouch inhaling Suzaku's scent as he buries his nose in Suzaku's hair.
"Don't worry," Lelouch murmurs in his silky-spun voice again. "We'll figure
this out, together. I promise."
The moist petals of warm breathing patting Lelouch's bare chest are accompanied
by the light touch of Suzaku's fingertips as he roots himself deeper into the
embrace in reply. Lelouch of course pets Suzaku's hair in return, letting the
fickle mood of the night quietly fade into the background so that all that
remains is just the two of them, on this bed, and nothing else. Lelouch feels
lighter on the breeze of this state of mind as he reaches to switch his lamp
off, feeling Suzaku loosely entangle their legs with his breathing quickly
steadying to the slow pattern of slumber. When they are swathed in the ink of
night he nuzzles his face into Suzaku's hair once he is settled in bed again,
waiting for sleep to overpower his mind and its thoughts.
So Euphemia knows Suzaku is pregnant, what's the worst that could happen?
Chapter End Notes
     This chapter is sponsored by the following notes:
     1- Pregnancy for Dummies is indeed a real book :B
     2- I borrowed that "two minutes in heaven is better than one minute
     in heaven" bit from the song Business Time by Flight of the
     Conchords.
***** In which Denial Gets Denied and the Seahorse Syndrome Prevails *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
"Your eggo is preggo, no doubt about it." –Rollo from Juno.
•-•-•-4
Ambiguous
In_which_Denial_Gets_Denied_and_the_Seahorse_Syndrome_Prevails
An unfriendly limp begins Suzaku's Monday.
When the auspicious arrival of Nunnally's wheelchair was within Suzaku's grasp
he mentally patted himself on the back for offering to walk her to class today,
but his self-praise was almost immediately erased once he realized how selfish
a thought that was. No matter how well Nunnally's handicap serves as a crude
cane for the obvious hitch in his step, that isn't something he should be happy
about or enjoy. The fact that Nunnally is oblivious makes him feel worse as her
chipper comments about the weather coast through the humid morning air – almost
unheard by his ears as he concentrates on walking more smoothly with his
waddle.
Suzaku can't nor does he intend to pass the blame for this internal
inflammation onto Lelouch since daddy was just complying with the horny wishes
of a moody mommy after offering to keep their bumping uglies to
strictly bumping… Suzaku can really only blame his soreness on his own
selfishness and perhaps the gaps of time they spend apart that help his body to
stay resilient against their lovemaking.
Sex two nights in a row might be something that makes Lelouch feel proud of
himself but it makes Suzaku feel a pain in his backside.
"Suzaku," Nunnally addresses with a touch of her hand over his accompanied by
her voice, which surprises him despite how they're both as soft as the slight
breeze shuffling alongside students through Ashford's campus.
The fizzling heat of remembered lust lashes Suzaku's face into a flourishing
flush of embarrassment once he realizes that his thoughts were treading
indecent lands while in the presence of Princess Purity herself. He tries to
push something out of his mouth, but her instincts are too quick for his
reflexes.
"You're not listening, are you?" Nunnally states as more of a fact than a
downtrodden accusation at being ignored.
Knowing that he's just been cornered by the truth, a guilt-ridden sigh flops
from his lips – free of charge.
"I'm sorry, Nunnally, I'm just really tired. …I didn't sleep very well this
weekend," he tacks on sheepishly at the end, feeling dirty for the implication
he sends right over her head.
She nods gently in understanding as they roll smoothly yet slowly through the
polite openings of fellow students.
"I suppose you would be if you spent a good portion of it… bonding with my
brother."
Only a few steps after Nunnally's cool utterance does Suzaku's body harden with
the guilty, embarrassed flurry of nerves that gush from his stomach like a
geyser when his brain realizes what she actually just uttered.
It's sheer physics that keep Suzaku's head from exploding right on the spot.
Yet, he still feels like a robot malfunctioning from a logical paradox –
because Princess Purity doesn't make impure quips!
"Y-you mean you heard us last night?" somewhere in the short circuiting of
Suzaku's mind he manages to find his voice, it's just a shame that he can't
find better words to say.
"No…"—Nunnally pauses in an undeniable moment of realization about what was
happening last night. Her silent recognition clogs the fizzy burst of nerves in
Suzaku's stomach like a cork and an angry Lelouch starts to flicker hotly
behind his eyes because of it—"Actually, I was talking about Saturday night…"
"…Oh," is all Suzaku manages to say in an oddly robotic voice, recognizing the
heavy dread sinking into his gut – sensing the end of his life once his
princely other half finds out about his slip of tongue—
Because God knows he will.
—And here it is; a tiny heart-attack that's too small and happens too quickly
for Suzaku to be sure if it really even happens.
"Oh, man, this is really awkward…" Suzaku says in an obvious struggle, an
onslaught of Lelouch's dour disapproval thrashing cantankerously inside his
skull. "I'm so sorry."
"You don't have to apologize."
"How could I not? You heard me and… we…" he falls ignorant to everything around
him, slapping a hand to his forehead as if to stave off Lelouch's inevitable
wrath. "Oh man."
"Suzaku, really, it's fine," Nunnally insists with another light touch of her
hand, sensing the attention of her fellow classmates on them growing. "There's
no need to dwell on it. I've already known about the two of you for a while,
and it's only been the few times I couldn't sleep that I've heard you."
Nunnally means well, but her words aren't comforting in the least.
If anything, he'd be better off not knowing that much.
"Please don't become upset," Nunnally presses. "You didn't do anything wrong."
That's not what Lelouch will think.
"Maybe not… But I am sorry you weren't told. You shouldn't find out,
uh, that way." Suzaku scrounges the words from his brain lamely – trying to
imagine just what kind of noises she must have heard – and begins to cautiously
push Nunnally once again along the outdoor path.
She is silent at that for a moment, her hands having folded together back in
her lap, and it makes Suzaku more on edge – like maybe he said something wrong.
"Listen," Nunnally starts in a mild-mannered, lecturing tone that resonates
much too closely to the boy who raised her, "I know my brother well, probably
better than he thinks I do. I know he has his reasons for the secrets he keeps
and the way he treats me. For example, he might think I'd feel left out or
neglected if I knew the two of you were closer than just friends. He would have
told me, I'm positive of that, just when he was ready. That's why I think you
and I should just keep this our little secret, so Lelouch doesn't feel like
he's lost some control."
Suzaku is stunned silent – not just by her maturity but her willingness for
secrecy in order to protect that frightened little boy inside Lelouch that he
tries his best to hide.
"Sure," he says to her with an uneasy grin – like there's a chance in
Hell he'd be the one to tell Lelouch that Nunnally, his precious and unsoiled
little sister, has heard them having sex, more than once. He just makes the
mental note to police the volume of their love-fest soundtrack in the future –
if he can even muster up the nerves to fool around in that room ever again –
and hope Lelouch won't notice to the point of suspicion. "You know, saying
something like that makes you sound just like Lelouch."
She giggles very softly through her nose, "Like brother, like sister?"
Suzaku smiles; the slight undertones of mischievousness in her voice eroding
away some of the horrified tension rusting his body and the tirade of a feuding
Lelouch in his mind.
"Can I ask you something, then?"
"Anything," Nunnally answers as they close the distance to her first period
classroom.
"You don't feel neglected or anything, do you?"
There's the slightest of a pause on her end but Suzaku still notices it before
she places her nimble fingertips on his rough knuckles with a smile aiming at
him over her shoulder.
"Not at all. I'm happy for both of you. It's good that he has someone other
than me that he can feel safe and be comfortable around – same for you. Anyway,
it's not like I've lost my big brother, you know!" She playfully notes as if to
ease the moment and Suzaku's mind completely of any awkward stress.
And she's right; she hasn't lost Lelouch and she never will.
Nunnally will always be in that reserved section of Lelouch's heart no matter
what.
Suzaku laughs softly in his chest in agreement before a blonde girl he's met
briefly before pops up and steals most of Nunnally's attention. It's a
nostalgic feeling and somewhat surprising to watch Nunnally socialize with this
other girl, Alice, so familiarly and happily; somehow reminding him of his
beginning with Lelouch during those months that seemed both long and short…
Yet it seems many things are reminding him of Lelouch these days.
After a friendly farewell, assuring Nunnally is left in the good hands of her
dear friend, Suzaku sets off for his own class, trying to compile a convincing
explanation (other than the truth) for the miserable stagger in his step.
•-•
Lelouch always sleeps like a baby after sex. (Which he realizes is
somehow ironic…) Unfortunately, that doesn't always mean he sleeps for very
long. Stress is quick to recover in Lelouch's mind and it's far superior to any
form of post-sex dormancy. His nights are often bumpy, this past weekend being
no exception. So today the rooftop was calling him with its secluded silence
and brisk breezes, and even though Suzaku's nagging about not skipping class
was a little louder it was much easier to ignore—
Until it personifies into the pair of fingers that are pinching his nose
closed, causing him to snort and choke awake like a cat hacking up a hairball.
Since when did Suzaku employ himself to be Lelouch's personal alarm clock?
"Don't give me that look," Suzaku says with an irritated grin to Lelouch's
lion-like leer. "You weren't supposed to skip today, but seeing how I'm just so
nice I decided to let you because you seemed so tired this morning."
"Then why are you disturbing my hibernation from school?" Lelouch grouses,
sitting upright from the ground while rubbing his eyes.
"Aw~," Suzaku croons insincerely with hands on his hips, "Is poor papa bear
still tired? Tell me it wasn't due to visiting heaven two nights in a row."
"If you want papa bear to take you on more trips in the future you'll watch
your tone," Lelouch deadpans. "Now tell me why mama bear is bothering me."
Suzaku releases a jaded sigh as he sits down next to Lelouch, "I just thought
it would be better for me to wake you rather than, say, Milly."
Lelouch cringes for a lot more credit than he'd like to give that blue-eyed
devil.
"Don't say that name here, Suzaku. The roof is a happy place."
Suzaku laughs and lightly bumps Lelouch's shoulder with his own.
"Come on. I let you sleep through the entire school day, even lunch. Going to
the Student Council meeting is the least you can do."
The least Lelouch can do is go back to sleep.
"No, thanks. I don't feel like going today." Lelouch easily declines as he
moves to lie down on his side. "Hearing the President's name has given me cold
feet."
"Lelouch~" Suzaku wines, tugging Lelouch's arm to keep him from falling into
dreamland again. "Can't you go for me?"
Lelouch looks at the innate big-eyed, puppy-look Suzaku seems to possess that
just oozes with a victimizing-inducing pheromone and does what any person who
has a heart would do:
"No."
Erm, let it be known that Lelouch has a heart.
He just doesn't always use it…
"Lelouch!" Suzaku yanks on the boy's noodle-arm with his nostrils flaring.
Lelouch smiles almost crookedly, seeing a grand opportunity and grabbing it
without mercy.
"I'll go for a kiss."
Now Suzaku deadpans.
"Why should I kiss you? I already told you that I let you skip today, didn't
I?"
"So? I didn't ask you to,"—like Lelouch needs Suzaku's permission, anyway—"but
I am asking you for this…" Lelouch leans closer to Suzaku's lips, keenly aware
of how dehydrated and stale sleep has made his mouth.
A small, unbecoming sigh seeps from Suzaku's equally dry, but no less tempting,
lips.
"You promise you'll go? If I kiss you?"
"Promise."
Another incredibly enticing breath of reluctance leaves Suzaku's mouth and he
concedes with an extremely attractive voice of indifference.
Suzaku is really putting the lust in lackluster.
But a kiss is a kiss to Lelouch no matter how initially unwilling because he
has always been very good at persuading—
Convincing—
Seducing.
It doesn't matter that all of his "seducing magic" is used on Suzaku who can't
seem to truly deny Lelouch to save his life.
Suzaku must have thought that Lelouch was armed with a harmless peck
(poor, naïve Suzaku) because his passive lips are completely unprepared for the
brash bomb of a smooch with which Lelouch strikes him. It would explain the
muffled peep of surprise that pops from Suzaku's throat as Lelouch deepens
their kiss almost instantly – mostly because it's just too much fun to catch
Suzaku unprepared. He revels in this taste of obligation in Suzaku's mouth,
licking at the waning breath of the small, distressed noise he made as his firm
hands press against his friend's chest in some hopeless form of Lelouch-
prevention. Of course, it is only hopeless because all of his brainless brawn
is just that: brainless. Suzaku is prone to thinking with his body rather than
his head and Lelouch is quite prone to using that against Suzaku during little
moments like these.
Behold the glory that is Lelouch's seducing magic.
It certainly seems Lelouch's delusion holds some water since Suzaku is becoming
decreasingly disinclined as he sinks into the noisy binding of their mouths.
Lelouch is of course very pleased with himself, coiling his arm around Suzaku
with the subtleness of a snake to keep things from deteriorating as their
tongues wiggle and worm against each other. He can taste that little bud of
desire in the way his dunce—er, mummy-to-be begins to return the fervor with
sucking lips and hands fisting clothing, shelling the undesired bits of his
aforementioned apathy.
Is the magic of Lelouch's seducing magic being beheld?
Because it just worked.
However, like most of Lelouch's physical finesse (—all of his so-called
'physical finesse,' who is he kidding?) it cannot be abused or else he'll
experience malfunctioning of his equipment. To avoid overusing his gift (or
before Suzaku has the chance to reject him) Lelouch will quit while he's ahead
in order to let his batteries recharge and let Suzaku's senses simmer in
the pure sexiness of what just happened.
Lelouch slows the kiss, powering down as he slides his tongue from Suzaku's
mouth to trace his lower lip the way the brunet likes before slipping away from
them.
"So how are you feeling today?" Lelouch asks in an angel-soft tone, lightly
rubbing Suzaku's stomach for specification and kissing his lips once more
before allowing him to answer.
Suzaku doesn't appear to be overly amused with the teasing, as the flat line of
his lips indicates.
"Just sore. No thanks to you."
Lelouch merely grins wickedly at the sharpness Suzaku's tone is beginning to
bear, as if the seahorse is stomping a warning.
But such a warning is meaningless, seeing how seahorses don't have
feet to stomp.
"I don't remember hearing you object during…" Lelouch murmurs, tightening his
hold around Suzaku as he takes another kiss.
"You always say that," Suzaku meekly mutters into Lelouch's pecking lips, "And
just… because… you don't… remember it… doesn't… mean… it… didn't… happen."
Lelouch smirks again into Suzaku's lips at the boy's rare display of shrewdness
but is still unrelenting with his butterfly kisses and close embrace as if
Suzaku will never notice.
What can Lelouch say?
He's just in an affectionate mood today.
…Is that a crime?
"I know what you're trying to do," Suzaku's tone is a cool rejection against
Lelouch's lips, his hands a strong decline in their push against Lelouch's
chest.
So the boy caught on to Lelouch's ploy of distraction?
Good job.
"Is it that obvious?" he smiles cheekily, loosening the belt of his arm from
around Suzaku's body.
Suzaku just flicks a knowing-look at him that isn't at all inclined to playing
coy as he begins to stand.
"What happened to your sweet naivety?"
"It sours with age." Suzaku finally smirks at him. "Now get up, Lelouch. Or
we'll be late."
The feared rebel leader exhales a bit resignedly at the demand (—not command)
but gets to his feet nonetheless.
"Yes, mother." Lelouch arcs his back, yawning as he stretches out the kinks in
his spine. "I suppose I can use this time to wake up before our date."
Suzaku blinks – another ploy playing before his eyes that he'll never see
coming.
"We're going on a date?"
Lelouch nods with a suspicious grin, "I'm taking you to a special place after
the meeting today…"
•-•
"Why do I feel like I shouldn't be disappointed in you for bringing me here?"
Lelouch smirks, "Because you know what to expect from me by now."
Suzaku isn't at all amused, "You said you were taking me somewhere special."
"This is a special place."
"Lelouch, I don't think a clinic counts as special. And this isn't exactly what
I had in mind…" Suzaku mutters, frowning at the sterile examination room closed
around them.
"It's not my fault you assumed something different." Lelouch half-shrugs. "And
this is a special clinic."
"Regardless, why did you bring me here?" Suzaku says in an irritated breath,
glancing uncomfortably around at the charts and diagrams on the walls that are
all very much female.
Lelouch lifts a slightly surprised eyebrow, "Have you forgotten about small fry
already?"
Suzaku's cheeks flare up a little as he whips his eyes to Lelouch.
"What's that supposed to mean?"—a double take filled with
annoyance—"And stop calling it that!"
Lelouch dismisses Suzaku's outburst: they're becoming far too common.
Pregnancy doesn't equal emotional turmoil.
But Lelouch seems to forget that Suzaku does.
"Just relax. I need some answers you aren't able to provide."
"Like what?"
"The obvious, first of all; you said you were told how this pregnancy was
possible. If you can explain that to me, then I'll have one less question."
"I did tell you. It's the seahorse syndrome!"
So Suzaku's sticking with that one? Honestly?
For God's sake…
"Right… I must have forgotten about your imaginary diagnosis," he retorts,
reaching for a pamphlet in a small shelf beside the door. "Second, how is it
possible to learn if you're pregnant through a physical? Maybe if you were a
woman it'd make more sense, but you're still a male last time I checked."
"They discovered it through my urine."
…Your urine?
Lelouch can't look away from the overly feminine leaflet fast enough to scare
an explanation out of Suzaku with his confoundedly aghast face.
"It was a drug test," Suzaku explains emphatically like Lelouch is the one
being inappropriate, "That's part of the physical!"
"Sure, I'll give you that, but if that's the case then why wasn't small fry
discovered earlier?" Lelouch responds reasonably, nonchalantly flipping a
glossy page he isn't even reading. "And you told me you were around five weeks
pregnant. How can you determine that from urine analysis?"
"The drug test is random and I haven't had one in a while."—peculiar how Suzaku
seems to have all the answers—"And there are pregnancy tests you can take that
tell you approximately how far along you are, if you're pregnant. Where do you
think that technology comes from? It's pure science, Lelouch!"
So, in other words, Suzaku doesn't actually know.
And what does that actually mean, anyway?
Did that screwy scientist make Suzaku urinate on a pregnancy stick?
Lelouch isn't sure he really wants to know.
"Whatever you say. I still need to see things for myself." Lelouch sits in the
chair next to the paper-covered bed Suzaku is perched on, crossing one leg over
the other. "You don't expect me to just waltz right into a Britannian military
base and demand to speak to your superior, do you?"
Suzaku fidgets in the metaphorical corner Lelouch forced him into, "No…"
"Alright then," Lelouch says with a huff, a tug of haughtiness straightening
his spine after he replaces the pamphlet. "Now behave and maybe you'll get a
lollipop."
Suzaku scoffs at him and crosses his arms but Lelouch isn't bothered.
He isn't the one who got cornered.
The only thing cornering Lelouch is this whole conundrum of a pregnancy.
When the tall woman with long dark hair pulled up into a pony tail and clad in
a white coat from before enters their room, Lelouch stands with contentment –
while Suzaku avoids her gaze – knowing this educated and
probably saner professional holds only the truth and bare facts for his
rationality.
Is he still holding out hope that maybe this seahorse syndrome is nothing more
than a miscalculation, one big misunderstanding?
Yes he is.
It took a lot of Lelouch's magical convincing powers and flattery to keep her
from kicking them out of this prestigious establishment on their asses, so
there's no way he'll let Suzaku try to wriggle free now.
Lelouch would have just used his Geass on her, but with Suzaku in such close
proximity and the natural limit of his power, he decided against it – there's a
better way to use it on her once the time comes…
"So, I'm Doctor Sanica, and I'll be taking care of you," she flashes a quick
and tight smile as she shakes their hands and takes their names before getting
right to business – so forward, Lelouch likes that. "Normally we might do a
transvaginal sonogram to detect early pregnancies like you claim to have, but
that requires a vagina for insertion and since I'm not really
sure where and what exactly the probe would be scanning, nor do I know of any
other way to accurately test this, we'll just do this the easy way…" she
bluntly iterates as she attends to the machinery at Suzaku's right which looks
similar to a pedestrian computer, grinning at the pale veil her words dropped
over their faces when she turns to them again, "Please lie back, Suzaku, and
lift up your shirt."
The brunet does as he is asked after swallowing the thought of being probed,
trying to relax against the paper and raise the thin garment she made him
change into (he's still wearing his underwear, of course) as she dims the
lights and grabs a clear, gel-filled bottle. His hands tremble with nerves as
he moves, one latching to Lelouch's hand like a steel clamp once the cold
substance is dispensed on his naked abdomen.
"Sorry, it's a little cold," Doctor Sanica says in a moot warning and seats
herself in a rolling chair in front of the ultrasound equipment, replacing the
bottle for the probe in her hand. "If there's anything in here, we should see
it…"
Lelouch pats Suzaku's crushing grip with a deep grimace, watching his friend
and partner take in nervous breaths that shudder through his lips and in his
chest as the doctor begins to smear the a device over him. It's hard to
concentrate on anything other than the possible fracture Suzaku just cracked
through Lelouch's hand, but as soon as the ultrasound screen begins to convulse
with the contents of his idiot's belly, a numbing suspense envelops his mind.
For a split second in their shared silence, Lelouch almost expects to see a
pouch full of eggs like the male seahorse Suzaku thinks he is.
"…I… I don't believe it," the nonplussed doctor declares like her discovery has
left her lungs empty, "I think I see it."
"See what?" Suzaku asks anxiously. "I don't see anything."
"Right here, see that?" one of her long fingers points to the monitor,
specifically circling a small, black, oval shape rimmed in white on the screen,
"That's a gestational sac, inside which the baby forms just like a bird egg.
You can't see the embryo now, it's too soon… but… In any case this doesn't look
like a molar – or fake – pregnancy, not that it would be any easier to
explain…"
"So you're certain?" Lelouch redirects her with caution so thick in his tone it
leaves her no room to ignore him.
"I don't want to say it, but I think whatever led you to believe Suzaku is
pregnant wasn't pulling your leg, either. You appear to be at around five
weeks, too. How uncanny…"
Lelouch's hand finds some terror in her perplexed-coated words as they both
confirm the outrageous and cause Suzaku's clasp to tighten like the jaws of a
predator around its prey when it tries to escape.
"And you don't think it's anything more serious?" Suzaku asks worriedly.
Doctor Sanica offers him a kind smile, "No, it looks normal to me – or I guess
as normal as it can be. I'd still like to run some blood work just to be sure.
I've been doing this for a long time but it never hurts to double check."
Yeah, the only thing it hurts is Lelouch's sanity.
"…Is it too early to tell if it'll be twins?"
Lelouch is pretty positive Suzaku just made his heart claw up to his skull
where it forces his brain out to plunge to its very gruesome death, and the
only thing keeping him from planting his face to the floor is their conjoined
hands.
"Yes, quite a lot too soon." She answers in an almost apologetic tone.
"Oh, I was just curious," Suzaku bashfully replies, his cheeks growing pink as
he releases Lelouch's hand.
Of course the poor weakling—erm, sable-haired boy quickly coddles said
appendage, trying to nurse it back to life as he gives Suzaku a withering
glare.
Damn straight you're only curious.
"Would you like a printout of the sonogram?" she asks them politely – quite the
one-eighty from her initial skepticism – as she wipes Suzaku's stomach clean.
"Um…" Suzaku glances at Lelouch as if for permission but the lad is too
concerned with reviving his hand to give it. "Sure, why not?"
The physician nods and activates the attached printer once Suzaku is clean.
"Do you have any other questions?"
"Yes, I do," Lelouch voices gravely – his vocal cords shifting towards
something imperial – while Suzaku corrects his shirt. "It's about your privacy
policy."
"We follow patient-doctor confidentiality. That's a legal promise to keep
anything that happens between us a secret that stays between us."
"Of course, but what about your staff? Will you be sharing this with your
colleagues? Because I'll have a real problem with that…"
For some reason his left is beginning to heat before he even focuses enough to
trigger his Geass; like it's more responsive and strong than usual—
"Lelouch," Suzaku chides with a tug of his companion's arm, snuffing the
flicker in Lelouch's eye. "She said it's confidential, don't be rude."
Doctor Sanica lifts an eyebrow at them, something close to a smirk trying to
capture her lips.
"You have my word that I won't tell anyone, not even my assistant. I know this
must be a very sensitive issue for you two and I will honor your trust." She
hands over the printout of their baby to Suzaku who takes it as if he believes
the entire world is sitting on that paper.
That might not even be a far-fetched idea.
This baby is going to reshape more than just Suzaku's figure, it will reshape
Lelouch's rebellion…
"All right then, I have another question." Lelouch smiles slyly, resting a hand
on Suzaku's shoulder, "Would it be possible for you to write him a note that
will exempt him from P.E.?"
•-
-•
Turns out, no, the doctor won't – not can't – give Suzaku a note to excuse him
from gym class because "exercise is important for everyone, even pregnant
mothers" so long as Suzaku doesn't overwork himself.
Lelouch would have to disagree: exercise is for idiots who need to compensate
for not being able to use their brains.
But if Suzaku wants to waste his time with such trivial and arduous activities,
then Lelouch has no choice but to accompany the little dope and supervise him
to insure he doesn't overstep his boundary.
At least that was the plan until half a jog later leaves Lelouch way beyond his
own personal limits and sprawled out on the track, suffering from what he
believes to be cardiac arrest.
He spends the duration of the period in the infirmary, but at least he managed
to make Suzaku be the one to accompany him…
Mission accomplished.
…For the most part.
•-
-•
Only Nina is in the Student Council room when Suzaku arrives for the meeting,
sitting in the corner with the room relatively quiet over the light rapping of
her fingers over the keyboard – which he notices falters when he enters.
"Good afternoon, Nina," he addresses her, his tone floating on an affable air
as he moves to sit at the table. "You're certainly here early."
She doesn't spare him a glance or greeting, only stiffens at his words as if
they were ice-cubes that slide down her spine. She quickly resumes typing in
obvious rejection, her actions sounding faster – uneasy – and her rigid posture
screams discomfort in a silence he's oddly grateful to hear. Too many times
have his ears been seared by racial vulgarities from every rank of Britannia's
fighters, making the absent sound of her misguided fear and distrust somewhat
pleasant despite the reality.
Suzaku presses his lips firmly together and sits in a vacant chair, pulling out
some homework from his bag to do while he waits for the other members to turn
up so the meeting can start – and he has to wonder if Kallen will make her
appearance today, or ever again. He hopes she does. But in the meantime, the
lack of communication between him and Nina is awkward and dense like her phobia
is sucking the oxygen from the room—
The sudden buzzing of his phone strikes through his senses like a bite from
Arthur's teeth and causes him to flinch as if the muffled humming from his
pocket has bit him.
Suzaku has never been so happy to receive a phone call.
"Hello?" he answers once he's out in the hall and instantly Cécile's refreshing
voice fills his ear.
"Suzaku, are you busy right now? I know you have your club…"
"No, it hasn't started yet," he says as he walks through the clubhouse,
surveying to make sure he won't be overheard, "so I'm free for the moment."
"Good. I hope you're doing well?"
"Checking up on me?" Suzaku grins.
"Of course – didn't expect to hear from Lloyd, did you?"
He laughs lightly at that, "Not to worry, I'm doing well." he hesitates to
continue, checking once again to make no one is within earshot of his
conversation – he swears Lelouch's paranoia is rubbing off on him, "Or so the
doctor thinks."
"Doctor?"
"Yeah… My boyfriend"—strange how that word is a little hard to get out yet fun
to say—"took me to see a doctor the other day and everything seems normal so
far."
"Oh? Were they able to shed light on anything?"
"No. She's just as confused as we are, but she says she'll take care of me."
Suzaku's eyes continue to shift around like security cameras as he reminds
himself to keep his voice low as a precaution.
"That sounds like good news, then. As long as you both are healthy I guess
there's no cause for concern."
"Yeah. Let's hope it stays that way," he says mentally recalling the test
results he's still waiting to hear.
"Suzaku, I do have some information for you."
"Oh," Suzaku falls quiet, realizing the main point of her call as he sits on
the front stoop outside. "What can you tell me?"
"I've been researching since we talked, and it seems so far that the only way
you can legally take a medical leave is if you have an illness or injury that
compromises your performance. An illness would be your best bet in getting
medical relief, but being dishonest – no matter what Lloyd says – isn't a good
idea and I know it would make you uncomfortable. There is a medical clause
about maternity leave that would allow expecting mothers a time off from duty.
However, you're a male, so that generates some problems. Not only is it…" she
pauses for the right word, "unique, but it would attract a lot of unwanted
attention, especially since the public is familiar with you – not to mention
that could lead to exposing your partner."
"I see…" is all Suzaku can seem to say. None of that was good news, not that he
was expecting for there to be any benefits for pregnant males in Britannian
military health care – or any kind of health care, for that matter.
And the last thing Suzaku wants is for Lelouch to be exposed.
"I'm sorry I don't have better news…" she murmurs uncertainly into his silence.
"No, it's fine," he tries to reassure her with a tone that isn't as easy as it
was when he used (wasted) it on Nina earlier. "I'm grateful for your effort and
I'm sure we can figure out something… So don't worry."
Even before Cécile speaks he gets the feeling she isn't swayed by his forced
mollification, "…Alright, but please take care, Suzaku. If I learn of anything
else I'll let you know."
"Yes, thank you Miss Cécile."
Suzaku ends the call with a sigh, not knowing what he's going tell Lelouch
– if he should even tell him anything yet. Probably not, Suzaku's better
judgment tells him, he should wait a little longer and give his hopeful
optimism another chance to catch something before he worries Lelouch with more
stress.
The jolly chatter of Shirley and Rivalz approaches him from across the lawn,
their jovial banter a perfect paring to the bright and sunny afternoon –
something he knows his disposition isn't matching. Suzaku tries to shake off of
all his anxiety and smile for them as they attack him with happy hellos; but
it's only later once he sees Lelouch lazily stroll into the Student Council
room that the upward curve of his lips is effortless and natural.
And happy.
When Lelouch returns the gesture, a smile soft and discreet underneath the
boisterous Milly but comfortable and warm over Nina's consistent neglect,
Suzaku feels his unsettled emotions shirk into the corners of his mind. He
feels lucky, fortunate, to have Lelouch by his side and confident that no
matter what, they'll get through this together just like the former prince had
promised.
•-
-•
The suggestion of autumn that Nunnally had wanted in the wind nearly a week ago
is beginning to nibble now, tingling Lelouch's cheeks as he loiters on the
rooftop – his makeshift lair, as far as Zero's affairs are concerned.
The check-up phone call on the Black Knight agenda ended long ago, well before
the last bell rang to let students stampede out of their florescent cages and
into the fresh air of anticipation about the festivities tomorrow that stole an
entire school day from their heavily academic lives. Lelouch watched them swarm
over the school grounds to their respective clubs in disinterest, ignoring the
excited haze of babbling that filled the empty air between him and them.
He had more important things to do than waste time with some peripheral fair or
biased education – even if one of his teachers had vehemently lectured him (and
Suzaku) to not coast by on his class ranking. But Lelouch simply doesn't care;
not when there are bigger things out there that need his attention more than
some glorified romp through Britannian history – he's making history, damn it.
Still, he knows he should be herding himself to his own club obligation like
everyone else for the sake of it, if nothing else, and if he leaves now he'll
be fashionably late at best.
Blame it on Milly or his general distaste for playing pretend, or maybe
something else entirely, but Lelouch just can't seem to get his feet to move
from where they've cemented during his talk of rebellion.
Maybe that's why Suzaku is suddenly standing next to him with a half-smile.
"Thought you might be up here. I went by the clubhouse and saw you weren't
there yet. I hope you're not trying to hide again."
"You know me too well…" Lelouch replies lazily, flattening his palms on the
cold balustrade.
Suzaku tips his head in silent agreement, facing the schoolyard with a fully-
formed grin.
"Maybe… but you don't really make it difficult to find you around campus.
You're always up here."
"I like it here," Lelouch says a bit defensively and it makes Suzaku look at
him in silent amusement – as if that much wasn't obvious already, but that
doesn't make his statement any less true.
Even though Lelouch has his own room for when he seeks solitude, it isn't so
much a sanctuary as it is a place to sleep (or not, in Lelouch's case) and
store his things. He has privacy despite being in a clubhouse that many other
organizations share, but there's nothing quite like soaking under a wide-open
sky where it's sometimes hard to dwell on all the negatives. The rooftop
breathes a mental freedom that his bedroom smothers with all of its subliminal
reminders of the past.
It's usually even better up here when Suzaku decides to join him.
"Well, I came up here to be the bad guy and make sure you don't get too 'lost'
on your way to the meeting," Suzaku says wryly as he turns towards the exit,
ensnaring Lelouch's arm with his hand.
Lelouch acknowledges Suzaku, his gesture and its silent warning, and throws it
right off the rooftop.
"I don't know why you insist on policing me so much," he complains languidly,
not budging a tiny bit from his spot – almost daring Suzaku to literally drag
him kicking and screaming all the way to the Council room.
A laugh bubbles in Suzaku's chest as he looks between Lelouch and the door.
"I don't know, maybe I just like spending time with you. With how busy we are
the Student Council offers a prime opportunity to do that."
Lelouch looks into those grassy eyes, sensing an opportunity arising right this
second.
"In that case," the taller boy begins, shifting into the bedeviling shade of
himself as he entwines the willowy arm not in Suzaku's clutch around said-boy
like ivy, connecting their hips while wearing lecherous lips, "you can just
stay up here with me so we can spend quality time together, alone."
Suzaku's mouth supports another lopsided smile that's more on the dry side this
time, but he still welcomes the kiss Lelouch presses to his lips.
"Unlike you I uphold my responsibilities, wanted or not," Suzaku admonishes
with that mild smirk, squeezing Lelouch's arm when he tries to land another
kiss. "And I don't think I need to tell you that it isn't smart to get
into this here and now."
Suzaku is of course not only hinting at the chance that another club member
might come searching for Lelouch up here, but also the fact that if anyone were
to look up right now they'd see something they really shouldn't.
Lelouch thought of that already – if anyone ever bothered to look up here
Lelouch would have been caught skipping by now – which does make Suzaku's
statement redundant in his mind.
"So come on, lover boy, before we're later than we are now."
Sigh…
If he must, he must.
Lelouch goes with a grin, Suzaku trading an arm for a hand in his grasp as they
head towards the stairs which earns him another glance from that very kissable
smile – a temptation that goes unresisted yet again.
They would descend the stairs a lot faster if Lelouch could refuse the impulse
to kiss that strikes every other step…
Still, Suzaku should be proud that he is one of few beings who can make
Lelouch voluntarily leave his happy place.
•-•
"Tardiness is something I've come to expect from Lelouch, but it is truly a
shame to see his bad behavior is influencing you, Suzaku." Milly's snarky voice
greets Lelouch and Suzaku as they walk through the door, right into the chaotic
debris of festival preparations.
Lelouch can't help noticing how Shirley immediately looks up from the clipboard
in Nina's hands, causing the bespectacled girl to glance over her lenses after
scratching her pen over the paper. He quickly averts his eyes to Rivalz who is
totting a medium-sized looking brown box from the closet to the table where a
large flock is currently perching. The boy's face is already glowing with
scarlet blooms, no doubt overworking himself to please the girl taking
advantage of him because she knows exactly what he's doing – talk about bad
behavioral influence…
"Sorry we're late," Suzaku apologizes with a small duck of his head, dipping
into a faint blush.
Lelouch is sorry, too.
Sorry he couldn't be in a different club that's far away from the succubus that
likes to call itself Milly Ashford.
The President seems to be genuinely frazzled at the moment, but her frayed
nerves still struggle to dull the excited shine in her eyes.
"If you'd like to make it up to me~" the she-demon begins to openly flirt as
she saunters closer to the two boys – sounding like a siren ready to sink a
ship, in Lelouch's opinion. "We're having a bit of a box crisis in the storage
building – something about things not going back to their appropriate place, or
some such nonsense – and for some reason we have the lot of these here." Milly
sweetly conveys, gesturing with a sway of her arm at all the card-board
swamping their council table, "So~ I need all these boxes on the table here to
be moved to the storage room, and I could certainly use your able arms,
Suzaku." she practically giggles in his ear as she playfully pinches one of his
biceps.
Damned succubus.
Suzaku is about to accept her seemingly innocent task being the brainless
sailor that he is, trapped in the friendly arm of their president, but
Lelouch will not have the mother of his child doing any physical labor.
Unless it's sex.
Because the only one who actually labors in that situation is Lelouch.
As much as he hates to admit it…
"Sure thing," Lelouch says coolly, puffing his chest as he walks over to the
table. "I think I can take care of this. Let Suzaku help you with something
else."
"Lelouch, I said I need a pair of able arms," Milly mocks with a nefarious
crook in one corner of her lips.
Lelouch ignores her comment and the slicing snickers from his peers with an
indignant lift of his nose.
He is well aware of his own shortcoming, there's no need to bring vocal
attention to it.
Lelouch doesn't get nearly the amount of respect he deserves.
"Suzaku isn't feeling well. I can—"
"He isn't? He looks fine to me." Milly's blue eyes swoop to Suzaku, hunting for
any sign of illness. "You're not feeling well?"
Only after a glance at the warning glare from Lelouch does Suzaku make a small
nod of his head to silently confirm the fib.
"Will you still be able to help us with the pizza? You know, piloting
Ganymede?" Milly asks.
"That won't be a problem," Suzaku quickly appeases, trying to ignore the set of
vexed violets that are scalding him.
Milly raises an eyebrow but otherwise shows no suspicion before offhandedly
shrugging with a wave of her hand as she walks across the room to join the
other girls.
Lelouch hasn't missed that Kallen is still absent.
"Whatever. We just need to get these boxes moved, I don't care who moves them."
Lelouch brushes the offending moment off his shoulders and wraps his arms
around one stiff box—
But he never really stood a chance.
Lelouch manages to douse a grunt from sparking up his throat as he lifts –
using his legs, not his back – the deceptive package from the table, but it's
the coordination of hauling the box and moving his feet that proves to be a
challenge.
A very demoralizing challenge.
Lelouch is Zero, for crying out loud! He won't be defeated by a
damned inanimate object—!
He knew to lift with his legs (bravo, Lelouch, bra-vo), but he doesn't know how
to shift his balance, how to accommodate the added weight so that his string-
bean body doesn't become top-heavy. To his credit, Lelouch doesn't topple right
over like a decrepit tower and that would count for something if he wasn't
slowly sinking to the floor like a stubborn battleship that won't give up
without a gurgle.
All in attendance watched S.S. Lamperouge fail miserably to keep himself afloat
with disloyal amusement twitching in their lips.
Not one of them sent him an aide.
The traitors.
Lelouch slumps to the floor alone, becoming a hopeless mass of pants and sweat.
"…But, Madam President," Shirley starts as she takes disconcerted
yet concerned steps closer to Lelouch, peeking inside the cardboard cube
containing his doom, "I thought you said these boxes are empty."
Milly smirks, "They are."
Lelouch groans out a wheezy sound of exasperation and sags almost completely
flush to the floor like a deflated balloon.
"Oh man, Lelouch!" Rivalz guffaws, "This is why you shouldn't skip P.E.!"
Lelouch grumbles under his pathetic gasping.
"Alright, people, these boxes aren't going to move themselves. No
matter how entertaining Lelouch is, you need to get going," Milly announces
without concealing her relishing smile as she struts right by her broken-down
Vice President and towards the door. "I want all the boxes gone by the time I'm
finished with my very important phone call~!"
The others follow suit, grabbing boxes or pushing carts and marching out of the
door with Rivalz chuckling closely behind Milly.
Everyone exits except for Suzaku, who stays behind to make sure Lelouch doesn't
huff and puff his way into heart failure.
"That was really sweet of you, Lelouch, but unnecessary," Suzaku endearingly
pacifies as he crouches down, reaching to hold the hand of his gasping partner.
Lelouch merely grunts.
"I need papa bear to keep up his strength just as much as you need me to, so
you shouldn't be doing anything outside of your limits either."
Lelouch yanks his hand away and flips his face in the opposite direction of
Suzaku in a defiant snub.
"You… shouldn't… kick… a man… while… he's down."
Case in point.
Suzaku smiles and hoists the box up from Lelouch's hands without difficulty.
Showoff…
"I'll be waiting for you above the table once you're done swallowing your
pride."
"…Don't hold your breath," Lelouch wryly mutters.
Suzaku just laughs.
Bastard…
•-•
"I've thought about possible names for the baby," Suzaku states in an easy
voice as he climbs into bed next to Lelouch, fresh from the bathroom with mint
on his breath. "…If you want to hear them, that is," he adds timidly when he
sees how his announcement stunned Lelouch's expression.
He's just surprised Suzaku would pick names so quickly – should he feel guilty
about not choosing any yet?
Then again, who knows if this is only the first of many name suggestions to
come…?
"Of course I do," he says warmly, using his finger as a placeholder on the page
in the pregnancy book he's reading (which of course he is tagging and marking
as a guide for Suzaku) to give the other boy his undivided attention. "I'm just
surprised you have them so soon."
Suzaku smiles a bit abashedly to himself.
"Yeah, well, ever since we talked about it in the bath Saturday night it's been
on my mind."
"Ah. So you're just trying to undermine Fry as soon as possible, are you?"
Lelouch jokes.
Suzaku doesn't quite roll his eyes, but he does bump his elbow against
Lelouch's arm with a light, good-natured laugh.
"Don't be so paranoid."—A glimmer of something coy yet impish gleams in
Suzaku's eyes—"But I think you might like these names better…"
Lelouch smirks in a faint glow of confidence, "Alright then, spill it."
"I was thinking…" Suzaku's eyes fixate to his fingers as they toy with the
white blanket draped over his lap, "if it's a girl, we could name it after your
mother and if it's a boy… my father…" Green eyes glance at Lelouch only once,
but even as they peer at the fabric twisting in his fingers Lelouch knows
they're not focusing on that action.
Once again Suzaku's words have marched right out of the blue and into Lelouch's
skull, obliterating any words he was trying to construct.
Could it be that this is Suzaku's way of grieving, coping or more properly
channeling his guilt for killing his father—?
("To me this is like a miracle… it felt like something I should treasure.
Something that I shouldn't take for granted… I can't give this up…")
—Has this baby become his new atonement? Is he using this strange twist of fate
to make up for a life he took away by giving back another…?
(What right does anyone have to interfere with that?)
Lelouch is silent for one beat too many and it causes Suzaku's eyes to slowly
slide up to those big violets like a chastised child.
"…You don't like it."
"No, I do," Lelouch hastily relays. "I… think that's a good idea." He shapes
his lips into a smile that's as warm as the summer they spent together seven
years ago. "I must admit that I'm little touched."
Relief blossoms on Suzaku's face with a returned beam and a quiet release of
breath. "I'm glad."
Their sunny lips meet in a few sweet kisses when the disowned prince leans to
his right, sharing the moment as per his usual pecking fashion.
"Marianne Kururugi does sound a bit strange," Lelouch muses as he leans away,
"but it's certainly unique."
"You don't want the last name to be Lamperouge?"
Lelouch shakes his head, "No, the baby can have yours. Aside from the fact that
it would be safer if it didn't have my name, you were an only child. Our son or
daughter should carry on your family name."
"Oh… right." Suzaku nods solemnly. "That makes sense."
Lelouch doesn't like the sudden strike of somberness on Suzaku's face or the
shift in tone that comes with it—
Marriage is such a discouraging thought, to know there's yet another level of
inequality they have to overcome due to the Emperor's infectious preaching
of Darwinism – because what purpose does same-sex coupling serve for human
survival if no offspring is produced? – but that will change someday… Lelouch
can't say he knows how the Japanese feel about homosexuality, but if Zero has
anything to do with it, change will definitely be sooner rather than later.
—but tart titters tumble from Suzaku's lips, effectively reversing the sharp
decline of their mood.
"That's such a logical response, I don't know why I'm surprised," Suzaku
teases.
Lelouch pulls on his classic smirk and leans in close towards Suzaku, very
intent on keeping the lighter air of Suzaku's amusement from rolling right off
the bed.
"And I suppose this officially means Fry is out of the running?"
Suzaku laughs again, "Just like you in a foot-race, Fry never stood a chance."
Lelouch's expression flattens but his voice is still bloated with mirth,
"There's no need to get nasty about it."
The insult is certainly uncalled for and any other time Lelouch likely would
have returned the serve, but tonight it's just nice to hear Suzaku laugh and
see him smile like old times – like the happy and carefree boy he fell in love
with under the summer sun.
For this sake, Lelouch is willing to take one for the team.
•-•
Despite all the physical exertion during the meeting today, Lelouch is still
finding himself awake hours after they retired to bed.
Somehow the small fry is becoming too real for Lelouch to handle. It must be
the doctor visit along with Suzaku's sudden name revelation that has done him
in; solidifying the reality in his brain to the point that he's struggling to
let his panicking cerebrum relax into the cushion of sleep that's trying to
coax him into a dark peace. Sleep has never really been an easy thing for
Lelouch to catch, granted, but lately…
Before now, this pregnancy was all an eerie dream filled with talk and fluff,
not visual and solid proof that proved somehow, somewhere, someone was right
and now he can't stop staring at his surreal circumstance like it's a dizzying
painting of surrealism where the truth is hidden in plain view.
If there is even a truth to find anyway…
Whatever it is, it's certainly wrapped up tight in a baby's body, camouflaged
as a "miracle" that leaves Lelouch juggling much more than he'd like too.
Perhaps the one respite that tackles Lelouch's distress every other thought is
that he isn't the only one who sees the mystery of it all, that the doctor
doesn't buy whatever fairytale magic planted and fertilized Lelouch's seed
inside Suzaku's body. Aside from that one shred affirming his sanity, there's
not much relief fighting to coddle him in a calming embrace. Even some of the
nervous excitement about being a father that's started to thread through his
apprehension isn't thick enough to unravel the quilt of anxiety cocooned around
him.
All his status as "father" does is remind him just how real his situation
really is – maybe too real for him to properly face. Lelouch wants to protect
Suzaku at any cost now more than ever before.
(Why else would he have acted like an undignified ass during the Student
Council meeting?)
Lelouch has always been overprotective, yes, but it feels strange this time.
Like the maternal feelings he has for Nunnally have been twisted and
multiplied, making the ambition he welds for destroying Britannia hotter than
the flames of Hell. That monster nation has always been a threat and Lelouch
will be damned if he lets it interfere with his potential to have
a real and happy home life.
In fact, it makes Lelouch wonder how his father was able to be so callous
towards his own son – a son who was only speaking out of emotional distress
from losing his mother and nearly losing his sister (his entire world) – by
banishing him with frightening ease. What kind of father doesn't care about his
children? What kind of man—
No; what kind of human being treats their child with such heartless flippancy?
It's absurd how someone so god damned complacent could throw away his
own flesh and blood—
Golden blonde hair framing a conceited but warm face with sharp blue eyes
stutters behind Lelouch's eyes like a sticky slide show as he remembers how
specifically artist hands and fingers controlled chess pieces and art media
alike. Over those many checkered boards and blank canvases drips the sound of a
slightly snooty voice into Lelouch's ears with a sickeningly sincere smile
flashing on an overconfident face before all that genuine affection is
scratched off like an undesired sketch by a single gunshot.
Clovis…
The feeling of squeezing that trigger is still vivid, imprinted into Lelouch's
palm as is the taste and smell of fresh blood that invaded his senses before he
could flee – after he saw how easily the clear, critical eyes of an artist fell
flat and unseeing for the first time.
Lelouch had done away with Clovis almost as easily as his father had with him
and Nunnally, hadn't he?
(Even though he wants to believe that Clovis' death wasn't meaningless.)
Does that mean Lelouch is only becoming—?
No good…
Can't think about that now or he'll definitely be up all night.
Lelouch lies in bed with tired eyes, wishing they could close on the endless
streams of thoughts that smother the somnolence of his body yet nurse the
restlessness of his mind. He's irritably aware of the slumbering idiot next to
him who's flaunting all the rejuvenating sleep he's getting with his steady
breathing and calm body and it nurtures an urge within Lelouch's grumpy,
jealous delirium to elbow Suzaku right in the side.
Of course he won't do that.
He just looks to his right, at Suzaku, with a melting gaze in lieu of malicious
treatment.
Jerk…
Still, there's something serene with a napping Suzaku in itself; it's one of
the very few times he looks so at ease, at peace – the other times being
whenever Nunnally is able to make him relax with her contagiously light-hearted
nature or peppered moments in bed, particularly on the ride down from his
climax. Sleeping next to Suzaku is comforting, his warm body becoming a luxury
Lelouch has already spoiled himself with (God knows C.C. can't compare, damned
bed-hog), which is one reason the boy is tucked into his bed a night out of
schedule – earlier than the safer night of tomorrow.
Lelouch turns onto his side, watching Suzaku dream on his back in a stillness
he must have picked up as a habit from the grueling nights of bunking in the
cramped quarters of Britannia's military rejects. Ignoring the wrathful path of
that thought, Lelouch reroutes his mind as he stares at the shadowy profile of
Suzaku's face, at the way his eyes roll over whatever imaginary movies are
playing inside his head. He wonders if Suzaku ever has nightmares about his
father when he sleeps alone, about that bright afternoon that stretched into
seven dark years, and if they ever throw him into a sweaty state upon waking—
But all this wandering does is lead Lelouch right back to the issues he wants
to avoid: Britannia, his father, his sleepless nights…
Lelouch lightly touches the side of Suzaku's face with the back of his fingers,
skimming down a soft cheek he wouldn't mind kissing right now.
In fact, a hesitant thought later and he does, leaning over carefully for a dry
peck on warm skin. Suzaku doesn't stir, not even a tiny bit, and Lelouch isn't
sure if he's pleased about that or not. He runs his fingertips down the other
side of Suzaku's face with a feather touch in an effort to comfort himself,
wishing he could steal some of Suzaku's sleep with his gentle touch. But seeing
how soundly the seahorse is sleeping, Lelouch is glad he hasn't disturbed him.
A mother does need to get as much rest as possible…
Lelouch's eyes drift lower with his sliding palm, settling on an unfathomably
pregnant belly that's rising and falling with a breathing chest underneath his
thin blanket. Violet eyes gaze intently on that flowing motion, flicking
tentative lashes at that comatose face before deciding to indulge another urge
– this odd compulsion to nest himself closely not only to Suzaku, but their
unborn child. And there is something placating about laying his head on the arc
of Suzaku's ribcage where a heartbeat can drum in his ear as his hand caresses
their miracle through layers of fabric and flesh. The fondness for this
newfound tranquility shapes Lelouch's lips into a faint and tiredly
affectionate smile that's too weak to display itself as proudly as his arrogant
smirks, but the emotion is there.
I'm going to be a father…
The thought still doesn't feel like his own no matter how many times it crosses
his mind – it feels as if someone else is talking inside his head… But as
unreal as it all feels and as much as Lelouch cannot seem to really accept it,
he still feels… happy.
The kind of happy he hasn't experienced since he could feel his mother's warm
hugs.
Conversely, all this newly-gained perspective as a father brings Lelouch are
his thoughts full circle, continuing through their vicious cycle:
He wonders how much it must have hurt Lady Gabriella to lose her precious son…
If her pain will ever heal…
If the Emperor ever regrets his decision about throwing away his two children…
If they are missed by that man…
If that man ever even loved them…
How could his father not love them…?
…Why didn't their father love them?
So tense and frustrated are Lelouch's thoughts that they hitch through his
body, twisting his muscles extraneously tight like a screwdriver recklessly
close to stripping a screw and shaving off all of his lethargy. Those meek
slivers of sleep that managed to meld together are shredding into dust and if
he could focus on this draining feeling, he'd realize the hollow iciness
seething in his heart is spreading like frostbite through his veins. Yet
it is this crystallizing cold that locks his mind in brooding with their arctic
mosaic of gloomy thoughts about abandonment.
How many times has Lelouch fallen asleep with the same restless thoughts?
Far too many times to properly count.
It is a sickness that ripens in his mind with age, with the prolonged arrival
of answers he might not ever actually gain—
But a spark of heat is all it takes to crack his frigid depression…
A hand as warm and soft as a blanket drapes over Lelouch's head with fingers
slowly starting to weave through his hair, prickling through his skull like the
sharp shatter across a frozen slate of water. Through these fissures fall his
barren thoughts, collapsing into this lulling, tonic touch of what Lelouch
realizes is Suzaku's hand as it pets his head, tenderly tousling the ribbons of
his onyx hair. It's a constant motion like the current of the sea and Lelouch
melts even faster when another hand curves around his arm, slinking down to cup
his own hand that he lovingly rested on Suzaku's stomach. He realizes his hand
was starting to clench into a fist when his pregnant partner begins to rub over
it, effectively halting the action by liquefying Lelouch completely and
cleansing him of all the restlessness and forsakenness from his body.
Wrapped so securely in Suzaku's arms like this with the soothing movement of
his stroking hands, Lelouch…
Soon enough Lelouch is eased to sleep under the care of Suzaku's sensitive
hands, unaware of the soft, contented smile on Suzaku's lips as he listens to
the older boy's breathing become deep and heavy in an untroubled slumber.
•-
-•
Lelouch wants to think that the festival has been going smoothly but he knows
better than to tempt the Universe into any painful punch-lines, so he just
tries to enjoy the calm while it lasts.
And yet, perhaps just by thinking he shouldn't tempt the universe he has.
Sure, the press has invaded his home – so that was Milly's important phone
call? – but it isn't anything he couldn't handle for now—
As he stood on the rooftop, surveying the hectic school grounds like a king
would from his ivory tower, Lelouch was tending to his Black Knights' matters –
namely, the coup d'état he threw into the works earlier this week under
Suzaku's very pregnant nose. It was the person belonging to that very snout
that made Lelouch realize he needs to move faster. He needs to be the black
king he constantly sends into battle ahead of its own infantry on their
fictional battlefields and sucker-punch the Emperor right in the side before he
knows what hit him.
Lelouch needs to pounce while the time is right, and he needs to do it quickly
to keep Suzaku – and their baby – away from the fringes of a bloodier Hell.
—But no, the Universe seems to serve to only screw Lelouch at every turn, for
as Lelouch is concluding his phone call, Milly comes frolicking towards him
with "big trouble" on her lips.
Even though he was sent to do more of the President's bidding for the festival
– which is technically his job, anyway – he was at least able to
witness something good, for a change. A truce between Suzaku and Kallen
blossomed right before his eyes as he was checking up on the green-eyed
seahorse, and the pact appears to have confined their rivalry to the
battlefield thanks to the generous obstinacy of Suzaku's idealistic character.
That alone cut tense knots loose from Lelouch's muscles, and it helped his
steps to become a bit lighter as he camped outside – hiding in plain sight – to
begrudgingly take care of his festival responsibilities—
But when the Universe gives, the Universe takes.
Here he sits on a bench, doing his damned job, where he is apparently rewarded
with a hammer landing square on his head.
On his head!
When he isn't even slacking off!
And it only gets better… It's some stiff from the Britannian military who has
assaulted him, no less!
Sure, the woman apologizes – Cécile Croomy, Lelouch's memory reminds him, and
she seems to recognize him as well – but the absolute last straw is when
Lelouch hears that wretched voice from that wretched woman demanding for
that wretched food at such a wretched time!
(Karma is such a bitch…)
•-•
"Please tell me you're not jeopardizing our safety for circular junk food!"
Lelouch barks as he shoves C.C. into the closest get-away, the storage
building.
She doesn't particularly resist him, and her compliance is oddly annoying.
Like Lelouch is the one being the ass.
As if.
"It wasn't the reason I came, but it is the reason to stay." –of course her
cool voice does nothing to chill his heated temper.
"No. You're not staying, not when this place is crawling with Britannian
military and the media," Lelouch declares without compunction or any of
his schoolboy composure. "If there's something important you need to tell me
you know what number to dial."
"Who's pregnant?" C.C. asks abruptly, her bland words yanking Lelouch's austere
scold right out from under him and slapping him the face with it.
"What are talking about?"
"Abortion. You asked me about it a week ago…"
"I remember…" Lelouch furrows his eyebrows and crosses his arms over his chest,
letting his irritation retie the stressful knots in his body.
C.C. stares at him for a moment; something in her eyes is demanding yet
yielding like a white flag of surrender.
"So, I want to know who it is."
The prince of Calm, Cool and Composed himself exhales through his nose like a
bull ready to charge.
"Tell me you're not here for something as irrelevant as that. I don't have time
to—"
"I want to know."
"Nothing like that is happening."
"Don't bother acting. I know you better than that."
"Do you?" Lelouch counters curtly, his arrogant air nearly aromatic.
"I know you're not one for small talk. If you bring up a subject that means
it's important no matter how subtle. Even if you were to chat you wouldn't pick
something like abortion just to pass the time."
No argument there, but that doesn't mean Lelouch won't try…
"You assume too much. It could have been schoolwork related for all you know.
I do have health class."
C.C. isn't buying it.
Perhaps if he had peppered his words on a slice of steaming hot pizza she would
scarf them down without a second thought.
"Please, Lelouch, if there's one thing you don't need help with it's your
academic career."
Lelouch is beyond annoyed and he's very certain that the pain he's beginning to
feel in his left arm is the ticking time-bomb of another heart-attack.
Or maybe a stroke.
"Why are you so adamant about this?"
"Why are you so adamant about avoiding this?" C.C. tosses back at him, still
sounding as emotionally charged as stone. "You know it only makes you seem more
suspicious."
"Maybe, but I still don't understand why you care."
There's a slight pause on her end wherein another flicker of something peculiar
shivers in her eyes—
"I don't want anything interfering with our contract. I don't want you to
forget about fulfilling my wish."
Showing your true colours, are you?
So self-serving of her – just goes to show who is more self-centered around
here than Lelouch.
"I could evade conflictions with your wish if you would just tell me what it
is," he fires at the witch, almost wishing she would just burst into flames—
Then she could bake her own damn pizza!
"If you don't tell me I'll just start guessing again."
Lelouch wants to strangle her, and he nearly lets his thoughtless impulse take
control of his body before the sound of other voices slaughter his ill-
conceived notion of asphyxiating an immortal—
He isn't happy to see intruders – never mind that the storage building
isn't his property – and he is less happy to see that it's not only Kallen but
Ohgi and some other woman too—
He is even less happy when C.C. barbs him about using his Geass too much.
Damned immortal witch should learn to watch her mouth!
She's immortal, not invincible.
•-•
Suzaku knows he probably shouldn't, but he's enjoying himself.
Despite spending most of the festival working backstage he's still having more
fun than he's had since he was a child, before guilt-driven masochism could
wipe away that inner reflection as if it never existed. Perhaps he has earned
himself a little fun – although he wouldn't go so far as to say he deserves it,
as Arthur's bite seems to remind him. The work is even carefree, if not a
little menial, and the spirited students frolicking about are a boost to his
optimism about Britannia, that it can create good if given the chance.
Maybe even Nina will come around eventually…
He was even able to settle something with Kallen. He gambled on her wanting to
maintain her lie of a life but he figured his odds were good if she's anything
like Lelouch who trudges through every day as a liar to protect himself and
Nunnally…
And perhaps just like Kallen, Lelouch really is willing to risk everything for
change…
He's certainly made it clear who he favors to win, and isn't his father—
But Suzaku hardly has time to let his mind float away on uplifting or sinking
thoughts as he embarks on creating the world's largest pizza inside the antique
model frame, Ganymede. The controls aren't difficult, just simpler and a little
jerkier than the refined, modern Lancelot model he's used to operating. Aside
from the obvious value of this knightmare, Suzaku was told by Milly that Lady
Marianne, Lelouch's mother – or The Flash, as Milly had said she was commonly
known as – also once piloted it, which squeezed his gut with even more pressure
and responsibility. He understood it was a priceless piece of history, he just
didn't realize such history was so close to home. Suzaku is confident in his
skills, but he needs more than that to perform to the best of his abilities.
He needs respect for everything Ganymede has done, what it represents to both
history and the Lamperouge siblings—
However, somewhere between his obsessive trepidation about piloting and saving
Princess Euphemia from being squished into oblivion by the massive mob of
people, Suzaku forgets to honor the pizza. It spirals from Ganymede's hands and
onto the spear of a nearby tree, rendering it inedible and disqualified.
(This of course leaves one hungry witch very disappointed.)
The news crew seems to have forgotten it as well as they scramble to circle the
Princess long before she requests their attention from the safety of Suzaku's
protection, all of them so excited to be the first to report The Sub-Viceroy's
announcement of
Chapter End Notes
     A couple things:
     1-I know the timing in this story isn't identical to canon, as you
     might have noticed, and that's for um reasons...
     2-two new characters popped up in this chapter, Alice and Sanica, who
     you may recognize from the Nightmare_of_Nunnally manga. They will not
     be adhering to their canon roles, so no worries for anyone who hasn't
     read the story.
***** A Tale of True Love Filled with Super Sperm *****
"An ancestor of mine maintained that when you eliminate the impossible,
whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth." –Spock from Star Trek
VI (and 2009)
•-•-•-•-5
Ambiguous
A_Tale_of_True_Love_Filled_with_Super_Sperm
Milly is basking in her festival success.
Sure, the pizza turned into a disaster due to Princess Euphemia stealing the
show, but it could have been worse, all things considered. The students, and
even outsiders, got to enjoy themselves for at least an afternoon and take
their mind off of all the complicated matters framing their lives before it
came marching right back into the picture, and that's really all Milly could
ask for from these impromptu festivities. She needs to strive for these things
now since she won't be president for much longer or as free and independent
once this ball and chain called a marriage shackles her to a life she doesn't
want and she is forced into something she never wanted to be.
Speaking of her buzz-kill of a fiancé; he just had to make his rare appearance
at a time when she was trying to not think about him or their arrangement – who
even invited him, anyway? Lloyd spent most of his time apart from her, though,
so it wasn't a real issue until he tactlessly revealed his intentions behind
the proposal without a hint of shame or apology – but even she has learned to
not expect so much of him by now.
If only she could marry a different, distinguished man of nobility who was also
too smart for his own good…
Like a prince…
A prince she would already happened to know quite well—
"Where's Lelouch?" Shirley inelegantly bursts Milly's mental bubble with the
very name on her mind.
If only Lelouch was still a prince, all of Milly's problems would be solved.
"Aw, jeez, Shirley! When are you going to start calling Lelouch 'Lulu' again?"
Rivalz complains in the background, still shuffling around the student council
room with tasks of club business – in this case, paperwork – Milly delegated to
him that she was too lazy to do, like with everyone else who's off doing her
dirty work.
Shirley blinks, "Lulu? I used to call him that?"
"You're still up to that?" he counters tiredly, a frown muddling his brow.
"Huh?"
"This little act of yours," Milly inserts herself into the conversation – not
like she has any work to do, might as well harass Shirley. "Don't you think
it's been long enough? I have to admire your commitment, but there must be
better things to commit to than this."
"…'This'?" Shirley is still looking at them as if they're speaking a different
language.
"It's no use." Rivals breathes a hearty sigh of disappointment. "I guess
Shirley can be just as stubborn as Lelouch."
"But there must be hope for her yet, Rivalz. She is looking for our charming
Vice President, isn't she?" Milly zealously utters as she stands with a
flourish to grab the orange-haired girl with this very vigor. "Do you know
where he is?"
Rivalz simpers at how easily his best friend's nemesis is getting swept away
with her meddlesome plans.
"'Fraid not," he supplies to her on a level of his own discontent (he does have
a duty to protect his buddy, but he can't keep from wondering about how she
might repay his betrayal). "I haven't seen him since the festival. Maybe he's
with Nunnally?"
Milly's shoulders sag somewhat at that but her vibrant varnish isn't wiped off
completely. If her persistence in annoying Lelouch has gained her anything,
it's knowing his personality and obsessive-protective nature, particularly
involving little Nunnally. After today's scare with Princess Euphemia and the
press – whom he never even wanted on campus in the first place – it is very
plausible that he tucked Nunnally and himself away for safety like some elusive
and ferocious wild animal protecting their young.
Too bad for Lelouch, Milly happens to like the thrill of the chase.
"…Um, Madam President?" the captive girl chirps a mild plea soaked in confusion
at the prolonged hold of her shoulders.
"Off to Nunnally!" Milly suddenly proclaims with a dramatic point in some vague
direction that isn't even close to Nunnally or Lelouch's room, startling her
peer. "I can't sit idly by while these two lovebirds fly farther and farther
apart! I'll help you two patch things up before it's too late! Rivalz, you
watch the homestead in case Lelouch shows up."
Before Shirley can manage a peep of surprise or Rivalz can question what Milly
means by "homestead," she has the other girl in her abominable clutches as she
sets off to hunt down Lelouch. (There is a small part of Milly that wants to
live out her desire of dating Lelouch through Shirley, but mainly she just
wants to see her friend happy and ruffle the ex-prince's feathers in the
process if she can.)
Milly is of course ignoring the fact that Shirley seeking Lelouch could already
mean that she wishes to make amends, but Milly can't let this
grand opportunity pass by her and who knows what that romantically-challenged
fool will say without proper guidance.
The poor boy will never know what hit him.
Exactly how Milly likes it.
•-•
The sky is melting into a warm sunset as Lelouch broods on the rooftop.
It's absurd how swiftly everything he labored to achieve has been thwarted in
one announcement. It's obvious that regardless which path he chooses,
acceptance or rejection, it will mean that the Black Knights are in an
unfavorable position. Should they join Euphemia and her Zone it would be equal
to admitting defeat and should they refuse her it would be equal to denying
peace.
Are Zero, the Black Knights, their rebellion, really that insignificant to be
undone so easily?
Or is Euphemia really that lucky?
Her notion alone is nothing more than a pipe dream, a utopia that looks good on
paper but fails in reality.
And yet, either way, Lelouch is screwed by this simple ideal.
It seems that the best strategy would be to travel a different path, one not
offered and one he must discover. He needs to bypass Euphemia's proposal while
sparing Suzaku at the same time… but where can such a path be found?
(But is he just being too selfish to not take her up on this offer? His
personal plans are important, but should this baby be more important than
revenge? Even if he is able to get around this Zone, would it still be too
risky for Suzaku? Lelouch has thought about capturing the Lancelot before, but
how much time would that really buy him? How long could Lelouch realistically
keep it in the Black Knight's possession and what of Suzaku in the meantime?
He's much too stubborn to simply call it quits.
Like Lelouch.
At the end of the day, would everyone be better off with the Zone…?)
Oh how the Universe must be laughing at Lelouch and all his pious gains and for
thinking he could ever control anything – he can almost hear it as a maddening
contraction in his mind as the rumbling embodiment of his father claiming him
dead where he stands, nothing more than a worthless, lifeless—
"You really are becoming too predictable."
—the light sound of a teasing voice sends Lelouch into a flinch and right into
a pair of green eyes and an amused grin.
Suzaku lifts an eyebrow, "…Did I scare you?"
"No, I was just…" Lelouch rubs at the taunting echo in his head and the thin
sheen of sweat on his brow, "it's nothing."
Suzaku hums a bit and leans against the railing in a heavy sigh with his back
to the aftermath of the festival.
"I'm actually glad you're up here – I can talk to you alone," he says in a
shaded tone.
"Oh? About what?"
"The obvious."
"Which obvious…?" Lelouch mutters.
Suzaku smiles with a silent chuckle, "Are there that many?"
Lelouch stares at Suzaku.
Something doesn't smell right.
The seahorse doesn't smell right.
What kind of question is that?
"So I guess this is about Euphie, then." Lelouch accurately assumes, his voice
and expression like gray clouds rolling across the sky
"It's pretty shocking, isn't it?" Suzaku says with a small smile to oppose
Lelouch's mood. "She wants me to assist her and I want to do it."
That's not a surprise.
"Why wouldn't you?"
Suzaku shrugs, "I think some people will have a problem with it…"
"There's always going to be a person to object no matter what." Lelouch adds a
bit bitterly, "That's the point of freedom, isn't it?"
"…You think Zero is one of those people? Who will object?"
Lelouch doesn't look at Suzaku, his eyes hardening in a familiar frost.
He doesn't like where this is headed…
Is this what the suspicious scent he sniffed was?
"Who knows?" Lelouch shrugs, maintaining his blasé exterior. "It's certainly
put him in a tough position."
"Say he opposes… which side would you choose?"
Lelouch sighs through his nose, a hissing leak from his internal brooding.
"Is this what you're fishing for, Suzaku?"
Suzaku looks uneasy but doesn't quite squirm in his stance, "I know how you
feel about all of this. I think it's a fair question."
"Do you think it's fair to put all of your hopes into this? You really think
something like this will work?"
Suzaku frowns, "How will we know until we give it a try? Don't be so cynical."
Lelouch tries not to scoff, but a weak puff of it leaks anyway, his indifferent
composure decomposing like a corpse.
Like the corpse of his mother.
"It isn't cynicism," Lelouch says, "it's logic."
"So logic dictates that people can't work together?"
Somehow… this conversation doesn't feel right.
What are they talking about, exactly?
"Logic dictates that this idea is a hopeful mask for the real problem," Lelouch
counters calmly – he still believes in some semblance of unity, the problem is
that Britannia doesn't. "You don't think this will really solve everything, do
you?"
"Where's your faith in humanity?" Suzaku is becoming upset – the last thing
Lelouch wants is to get into a heated discussion (or an argument, as he refuses
to put it) but he doesn't want Suzaku to get excited about what could be a
sinking ship, regardless of his personal perspectives about Britannia and
politics.
"Humanity?" Lelouch repeats disgustedly as if the word is a revolting
regurgitation. "Britannia has proven that they have no humanity left to have
faith in."
Suzaku is taken aback, gaping at Lelouch as if he rose from the grave.
(Or as if he is seeing Lelouch for the first time.)
"How can you say that? Does Nunnally have no humanity? Euphemia? Or the Student
Council? Or you?" The appalled flash over Suzaku's face quickly fades into
antagonism. "In case you've forgotten, you're Britannian no matter how much you
wish you weren't and I don't see you spitting in the face of peace – no, you
think only radical actions can welcome it."
Lelouch has a hard time swallowing Suzaku's words because, for once, they're
all true – especially wishing he was never born Britannian, not even a prince…
Perhaps Lelouch's own words were a bit extreme, but most of the Britannians in
power are the ones of despicable character. As in most cases, those pure at
heart with the best of intentions are the ones with no way of making their
dreams a reality.
Except Euphemia.
Still, she's the rare exception…
"You don't understand, Suzaku," Lelouch tries to speak evenly, realizing Suzaku
is taking this personally when he really shouldn't. "Britannia is like a rotten
tree, and what do you do with rotten trees?" he looks at Suzaku intently,
already seeing the comprehension of his point twist the younger boy's features.
"You destroy it all the way to the roots, otherwise it will just decay and die
and keep new, better life from growing in its place. Mere pruning won't save
it, you know that, and trying to disguise it with other plants won't change the
fact that it's dead and useless."
Suzaku doesn't respond right away, only drops his eyes from Lelouch's as they
are surrounded by a tense silence that bakes on their skin. There is a distant
call of laughter from students strolling across the grass but the sprightly
sound suffocates when it breaches their muted moment up on the roof.
"…So, that's how you really feel," Suzaku finally says, not breaking his gaze
from his shoes, and Lelouch realizes from the boy's tone that he said too much,
revealed something he shouldn't have.
For this reason Lelouch does not respond – a heavy assumption swathed in a cape
and mask is standing on the edge of Suzaku's words – because no matter how
silence is interpreted, it's only a conjecture and nothing more.
This is exactly what Lelouch didn't want to have happen, but he just had to go
and speak his mind.
And Suzaku says he wants Lelouch to open up to him? Why, when he never likes
what Lelouch has to say? What does he expect will come out of Lelouch's mouth?
Rainbows and butterflies? Rainbow coloured butterflies?
Oh, no, it must be rainbow coloured seahorses!
Suzaku seems to huff a little when he shoves off the railing, a bitter flavor
to the morose bite of his voice, "I came up here to tell you that I'll be
leaving with Princess Euphemia, so don't wait up for me tonight or expect to
see me for the next few days, maybe the week. In fact, I'm leaving now."
Lelouch can't let Suzaku go like this, let this rift between them grow like an
eroding canyon, so he tries to mollify the situation to keep things from going
too far south.
The smart and sensitive thing to do would be to give Suzaku some space, to let
him go mellow alone, but Lelouch doesn't understand that – he's usually just as
aggravated as Suzaku in these situations, so there's typically a mutual parting
for a while. All Lelouch understands right now is the need to recover as if a
strategic move failed or backfired, and since emotions don't belong in combat
they don't sync to this moment. Their relationship isn't a battlefield – no
matter how many times they've fought – and sometimes Lelouch forgets that what
with living most of his life in a defensive shell.
It doesn't help that Lelouch is much too prideful to just apologize for being
so crass – or just simply apologize.
"I'll walk you," Lelouch says amiably as Suzaku begins to drift from him.
"Considering I won't be seeing much of you for a few days, I better make the
most of this."—what an ominous thing to say at a time like this, but maybe it
isn't so unintentional—"Will you be in school at all?"
Suzaku doesn't appear to particularly want Lelouch's attention – not when he's
trying to gracefully exit the scene unlike that one pitiable morning – but
something respectable, or perhaps a determination to not have their
relationship fall apart before the small fry is even born, keeps him from
pushing Lelouch away completely.
"I don't know." Of course, his speech is clipped and strained, probably even
annoyed at Lelouch's disregard for personal space at the moment.
"I hope you are – won't enjoy the day without you," Lelouch tries to
compliment, hoping his uncommon admittance of… well, just an admittance will
somehow reverse the damage or at least somehow lessen the tension.
"There won't be anyone here to keep you from skipping, so just enjoy that."
Naturally Lelouch's attempt is just thrown back at him in passive-aggressive
smack.
Suzaku has mastered keeping his temper and aggression in check in fear of
repeating a past mistake, making these scarce verbal stabs all the more potent.
"It's no fun unless it annoys someone," Lelouch tries to play back in a dry
return, but the veneer is stretched too tight to fool either of them and it
only leaves his humor as out of place as it is graceless.
When Suzaku merely hums in a bitter reply, Lelouch rubs his hand over the small
of Suzaku's back and wrangles his waist when they step through the stairwell
door. The flat look of an expired tolerance speaks volumes in Suzaku's eyes,
but he doesn't try to stop Lelouch from his pathetic pacification as he leans
in for a kiss, which is rigidly obliged by impassive lips.
"Be careful," Lelouch murmurs to him gently, hoping his words aren't taken as a
subtle threat. "Be mindful of your situation."
Suzaku's eyes dart away from Lelouch upon hearing this as if watching his
mental words of annoyance ghost through the air because he won't gladly bark
them. Lelouch knows Suzaku doesn't want to be constantly reminded to not push
himself like he used to do but Lelouch doesn't know how to not be over-
protective. He would be making the same demands even if Suzaku wasn't pregnant.
Although the pregnant fact does make Lelouch more fretful than his usual
strength.
Lelouch tries for another kiss, gently nudging Suzaku towards the inner railing
of the stairwell in a practiced motion but instead of exuding his lustful
intentions through a sultry smirk his body moves with an awkward desperation of
rusty machinery. Suzaku still allows himself to be caged like lazy water as
Lelouch connects their lips but almost once the contact is made Suzaku breaks
the dam, pushing Lelouch away before this ungainly moment can amount to
anything more uncomfortable, and forced.
"I have to go," he says quietly with a turned face, seeming to step deeper into
his dejection as he walks down the stairs, alone.
Lelouch lets him leave because he knows he's failed and that pushing more than
he already has would be foolish.
Once again, failure churns Lelouch's stomach.
So much so, he can taste it in his mouth.
He could chase after Suzaku, but he already knows the boy won't listen to
anything he has to say unless he could apologize sincerely, which he can't.
False apologies are not for Suzaku, or anyone that truly matters to Lelouch,
nor does he regret what he said – only the timing. Ruining the moment with
Suzaku isn't a first time offense for Lelouch, and one would think this smooth
prince would have figured everything out by now, but in a way it's actually a
compliment. There isn't anyone else Lelouch would feel comfortable enough
around to vocalize such strong opinions to except Suzaku because his best
friend is one person who understands him at his core. Lelouch might not say
much about what's on his mind or what's in his heart, but he says more to
Suzaku than to anyone else, even Nunnally.
So the problem is getting Suzaku to understand that without telling him because
it is too much of a difficult thing to say out loud – because, duh, confessions
aren't his strong point.
At the same time, though, if Lelouch should be learning how to be more romantic
than Suzaku should be learning how to better read between the lines.
Lelouch miserably leans against the railing with a heavy heart as he listens to
the sound of Suzaku's steady steps slowly spiral into silence, realizing it's a
cruel metaphor for their conversation. What he would give to have ended their
rooftop talk like they had for most of this week; full of kisses and smiles
and zero hard feelings…
•-•
Lelouch proved to be a more elusive prey than Milly previously thought –
although she probably should have known better, considering his history. He
wasn't with Nunnally; the precious little sister having no leads to follow,
simply saying that he had stepped out – off campus or just out of the
clubhouse? Who really knows…? Milly didn't want to stray too far from the nest,
knowing Lelouch's return was inevitable, so she set off to wait – snoop – in
Lelouch's bedroom only to find the door to be locked (odd, considering she went
through the trouble of removing the outer number pad before he moved into the
clubhouse – when did he have another installed…?).
But there was another miscalculation Milly made: Shirley.
She kept blabbing about how it wasn't urgent that she see Lelouch, that it
could wait and blah, blah, blah…
As if Milly cared about the details.
In the end, they were caught red-handed – namely Milly as her hands were all
over Lelouch's lock as if it was Lelouch himself – by none other than the
stealthy maid caring for the Lamperouge siblings. Shirley had jumped as high as
her voice squeaked which Milly found rather amusing as she merely looked over
her shoulder. Sayoko is her former maid, after all; she had plenty of time to
become acquainted with the sneaky style of the Japanese woman when she was
still growing into her own spy shoes. Milly did at least have the decency to
play coy, slapping her hands to her sides as if they weren't fondling a keypad
while smiling an innocent smile Sayoko knew better than to trust.
…Which is why they're trudging back into the Student Council room like wounded
soldiers – or at least Milly is, Shirley is all too relieved to have failed the
mission.
Where is that girl's spirit?
"Back already?" Rivalz greets them, lounging at the table alone. "What's the
matter? He wasn't there?"
"No…" Milly says with a defeated sigh, sweeping her eyes around the room while
Shirley scuttles passed her. "Where is everyone?"
"Kallen went home early, said she didn't feel very good." Rivalz shrugs,
folding his hands behind his head, "Dunno about everyone else."
"Strange that Nina isn't here, she practically never leaves this place."
"Maybe she had something to do – she was in a really good mood
about something earlier today," he says with a bit of a yawn.
Milly purses her lips, wondering just what it is that could have her little
computer mole straying away from the burrow.
"I guess it doesn't matter." Milly leans against the table next to Rivalz,
glancing briefly at a napping Arthur curled up on the couch. "Today was tiring,
and we did already get everything cleaned up for the most part, right?"
"Yes Ma'am," the blue-haired boy salutes with two fingers.
"Is this someone's…?" Shirley starts on the other side of the table, holding a
relatively thick and yellow book in her hand before turning a strange colour.
Her eyes swing from the book and back to them, a redness finally bleeding on
her cheeks.
"Someone's what?" Rivalz asks.
"…Book?" she peeps.
Milly's eyebrow lifts and she walks over to the girl, relieving her once again
of some mental burden—
But once Milly's eyes feats upon the title, she realizes that this is far
better than sneaking into Lelouch's room while he's away from home.
"…What is it?" Rivalz questions from his chair, now leaning forward a bit with
his hands pressed on the table and a curious frown – both interested about the
object of attention and bracing himself against Milly's diabolical smirk.
Of course it's only the juiciest piece of game she's yet to catch.
Now begins the real hunt!
"Who do you think this could belong to…?" Milly asks to no one in particular
with her sleuthing senses going wild, slapping another question to Shirley
before she even hears an answer to the first, "Where did you find this?"
"Just un-under the table." Shirley eyes the salivating of Milly's mouth in an
understandable state of alarm, at first unsure which question to answer, but
quickly chose the one directed at her as if hoping that will bait the rabid
gaze somewhere else or just plain leave her invulnerable to it. "I saw it when
I was tightening my shoe strap…"
"Thank God for your loose shoe, my dear!" Milly excitedly exclaims through her
deranged frothing.
"What are you talking about?" Rivalz demands as he marches to their side of the
table. "It's just a book."
He must not be a boy who believes knowledge is power.
Milly shakes a chiding finger at him, "Ah-ah-ah~! It's no ordinary book! See
for yourself."
"Pregnancy for Dummies…" he reads out loud in a bland voice but his face
promptly matches Shirley's; a dreadful fear pulling his eyes open wide. "Don't
tell me you think this belongs to one of us?"
"Of course!" Milly nods with a wink, very pleased the boy is at least able to
follow her train of thought. "No one else uses this room but the Student
Council!"
"Yeah, but, people come in here sometimes," Rivalz tries to argue. "It could
belong to anyone! Especially with the festival today – who knows who could've
been in here today or how long that book's even been sitting there."
What a rational statement to spoil her mood.
He's beginning to sound like Lelouch!
She taps her lip, "You do bring up a good point, my good chap, and there
doesn't appear to be a name or anything in here except highlights and tabs… I
suppose there's really only one way to know who it belongs to for sure!"
Milly holds a long, dramatic pause here, clearly telling them to ask her about
her plan.
And really, why wouldn't they want to know?
So they do, in unison, with a slightly frightened pitch to their voices,
perhaps expecting they'll unleash certain doom with the password: "…How?"
Milly Ashford grins deviously, bathing in the dark aura slashed with lightning
that clouds up around her, making the other two believe they're going to
witness their fear come to life—
"We wait." Her words don't sound nearly as sinister as her voice and they're
not nearly as sinister as the way she clutches the book close to her chest as
she hunches slightly like a mad scientist—
Hm, maybe Lloyd is rubbing off on her in some trivial way…
—but it's sinister, all right; and after another inviting pause where she
forces one of them to inquire again it's Shirley, surprisingly, who takes her
bait.
"Wait?"
"That's right!" Milly beams, all of the ominous air dispersing in a flash of
the dazzling smile that Sayoko is right to distrust. "Whoever lost this book
will likely be coming back in here to find it, and that's when we'll have our
answer!"
Rivalz and Shirley exchange a look, neither really wanting to comply but also
not able to object, and so they unwittingly become her accomplices, whether
they like it or not.
Which they obviously don't.
But Milly is too caught up in her chase that she doesn't notice the difference.
"And then if the person comes alone, all we'll have to do after that is figure
out who they're involved with and the case will be closed!" and then all Milly
has to do is figure out how to use the information…
May the Universe have mercy on them.
Everyone.
•-
-•
Lelouch never honestly thought he'd see the day when Shirley would ditch him.
The Universe has never been so kind to him but he really expected more from
Shirley – she calls and asks to meet him downtown only to become a no-show? It
isn't like her to be inconsiderate. Then again, she can be flaky if the
occasion calls for it…
It would be nice to entertain the idea that maybe this is just some playful
revenge for when he was late to that concert, but that's just too delusional a
notion to cherish.
It's still a nice thought, though.
To have Shirley sore enough at him to play a practical joke for leaving her out
in the rain – where she wasn't distraught because he inadvertently killed her
father and many others in a literal landslide victory (until the Lancelot
appeared, of course), tears indistinguishable from the downpour. No, at that
time she would've reprimanded him in all seriousness without the fury because
she'd be appeased by the simple fact that he even came – she wouldn't have
lunged at him in an impulsive thirst for consolation that only he could provide
at that moment…
There was a tiny voice that told him he shouldn't return her kiss for scattered
reasons (namely, Suzaku), but her lips were cold and her body was shaking, it
didn't seem right to reject her when she was so emotionally vulnerable and
upset – and when it was all his fault. Shirley clung to him with a grief he's
experienced first-hand, a feeling he tries to forget with every passing day,
and it was as if she hacked into that part of his heart and punched the hidden
bruise. In a split-second decision, closing his arms tightly around her, to
cradle her as he firmly kissed her quivering lips, was all he could do to quell
the undesired feelings drudging up from the darkest places inside both of them.
Lelouch was never good at properly – healthily – handling his own emotions, so
what was he to do for someone else? He honestly cares for Shirley, he always
has, and if it wasn't for Suzaku, C.C. or Mao… well, who knows how their
relationship could've developed.
Naturally, Lelouch never told Suzaku. There wasn't a need to. No need for more
guilt. He doesn't suspect that Suzaku would be jealous as he's far from the
jealous type, in fact he probably would have understood, but there wasn't a
real reason to bother or worry Suzaku more than he needed to be – especially
when things with Shirley took a turn for the worst. Lelouch relates the kiss to
a hug, and there's nothing wrong or unfaithful about giving a hug, so there
wasn't any reason to "confess." It was an act of condolence and nothing more.
But all of this is besides the point as these events don't even exist in
Shirley's Geass-controlled-brain, so he isn't sure what prompted her to abandon
their plans this afternoon without so much as a texted apology – she never did
fail to nag him in the past…
Could it be the growing frenzy of the Zone that spooked her? Lelouch doesn't
think it likely. She's much more open-minded and rational than her clumsy
naiveté lets shine, so she wouldn't let a few bad attitudes spoil her own.
Well, whatever the case, Lelouch is still left to skulk the city alone for the
afternoon, breathing in the fear and bigotry of his fellow citizens as the Zone
ceremony looms on the horizon. Lelouch can't say he's anymore pleased about
this development than they are, but for vastly different reasons (although a
certain baby has begun to make him question his standing). Lelouch was even
lucky enough to personally witness one deplorable denizen in particular, and if
it wasn't for Rivalz that nobleman would be taking a long walk off a short
pier, so to speak – and Rivalz almost joined him.
Another curious strength of Lelouch's Geass happened again today but Lelouch
dismisses it quickly as just a matter of timing (because he only needed to
close his eye to prevent the command from being conceived because it was mid-
order, not because his power is simply evolving). Perhaps if he wasn't so
distracted, like he had been at the clinic, too, he would be more alarmed.
Lelouch hardly has the cranial capacity to spare as he pondered his way through
the mall and did the important errand of getting Nunnally's birthday present.
It's as he sits for a rest on the elevated patio of a relatively barren bistro
that he is confronted by his ever-persistent shadow with a fast-fading smile as
it joins him across the small table.
"How long have you been following me?" Lelouch interrogates sharply, staring
down the pair of golden eyes that always seem to follow him wherever he goes.
He is neither pleased nor amused by the fact that she's roaming freely through
the city behind him, but she's here, so he might as well face her. Then maybe
he can get her to disappear again.
C.C. looks at him plainly, either ignoring the challenge in his voice or too
indifferent to even notice it.
"Long enough to know you've been stood up," she answers lazily.
He would like to believe that she didn't surface just to stalk him for
an infantile reason, but he knows better.
"I suppose you're still searching for the same enlightenment," Lelouch grouses,
sipping his black coffee with vexed verve. "You are incredibly annoying."
She only stares at his surly remark like a porcelain cat; Lelouch can almost
feel those amber irises scratching at the inside of his skull.
He never quite gets used to that feeling.
But a jaded breath blows from his lips as he's well aware that it's only a
matter of time before she'll learn the truth with or without him.
"Fine, you're right. I admit it. Are you happy now?"
"Normally I would be."
"…But?" being the one wound so tight, he glares at her apathy.
C.C. shrugs, "This is different, isn't it?"
"Yeah," Lelouch slings his eyes to the thin clutter of traffic below them,
"It's different alright."
"Who is it?"
Lelouch gives her a nasty look but it doesn't last long. As infuriating as it
is to be asked the same thing repeatedly, he's never been so tired and confused
and all this baby business has him feeling a specific hallow – one that never
sealed but one he learned to ignore with the aid of Nunnally's love. Becoming a
father has forced him to face this hole once again, and within it is the aching
desire for some maternal support.
Simply: Lelouch really misses his mommy.
Seems he'll have to settle for C.C.
"Suzaku," Lelouch reveals in a weary breath, not even caring how she'll react.
"…What about Suzaku?"
"No," Lelouch shakes his head, looking to her once again, "he's the one. He's…
pregnant."
C.C. really has mastered the art of playing statue.
However, this time there's something concretely condescending in her eyes.
"…I know you're stressed, Lelouch, but that's a very bad joke. Even for you."
Lelouch's lips curl, thankful he isn't the only one who thought this a bad
joke.
"I know what it sounds like, believe me I know how utterly preposterous it
sounds, but it's the truth. I saw an ultrasound and everything. The baby is
real and inside Suzaku. I have no idea how it happened, but it doesn't matter."
"Maybe it was your Geass." C.C. offers without hesitation – she has always been
quick to digest a situation.
Now Lelouch gets to play condescending statue, "…What?"
"Geass is the only thing that sets you apart from Suzaku, correct?"
Lelouch shakes his head vehemently – no, he doesn't even want to go there.
Not with her.
"Are you trying to tell me that Geass has impregnated Suzaku?"
"No. I'm saying you are probably the cause. If you are both otherwise normal
and healthy teenage boys, perhaps your Geass is the culprit. You are the reason
for the pregnancy, not Suzaku. He's merely the receiver of your—"
"Stop," Lelouch interrupts with a scowl. "What does that mean? That I have
contaminated DNA or something?"
"Probably more like… contaminated sperm."
Lelouch would sputter if he could take back his voice from the skeptical
bewilderment that stole it.
"Oh, well, that's just great," he grumbles, making the tableware clink as he
loudly drops his hand down on the table. "I have superhuman sperm."
C.C. grins, "Super sperm – I don't think there's anything human about having
contaminated reproductive specimen."
"This isn't the time for jokes!"
She shrugs again, "You've got to learn to laugh sometimes, Lelouch. One day it
will save you a lot of stress and probably your blood pressure."
He can think of one thing that would save him a lot of stress right now.
But he still needs C.C. around, so her demise will have to wait.
Unfortunately…
"You don't think that's really possible, do you?" Lelouch won't admit that he's
pleading here, but he really is hoping for a shred of sanity to tie to the
enigma inside Suzaku's pregnant tummy.
"It can't be impossible," she says so nonchalantly that he begins to wonder if
she's just yanking his chain or being sincere. "And I take it that having an
abortion isn't a part of the plan?"
"No… We're having the baby." Lelouch starts to laugh a little, a troubling
sound as some of his internal crazy escapes his grip, "I have no idea how, but
we're having it come Hell or high water."
"Is that a bad thing?"
Lelouch shakes his head slightly but doesn't really answer her question,
steering the conversation in a different direction.
"C.C.… is there, any chance that my Geass will affect the baby?"
"Hard to say. I've never known a contractor that reared children…" she pauses,
her eyes falling a bit flat before she speaks with a distant wind to her voice,
"Well, there was one couple."
"And?" Lelouch's eyes draw to her like moths to a flame, visibly anxious to
hear something useful crawl out of the pizza-hole in her face.
She looks uneasy about divulging the information, a crack in her statuesque
disposition, as if listening to a voice in her head that's demanding she stay
silent, but C.C.'s never been good about following orders.
"…Inconclusive."
"Incon—?!" Lelouch seethes.
"Even so…" she continues, "Geass is like a tattoo or a scar and those are not
inheritable traits."
"No, but everyone has a birthmark of some sort…" Lelouch shakes his head after
a thoughtful moment – even if it isn't Lelouch's fault, Suzaku has also been
under Geass for some time and also subjected to C.C.'s own mysterious powers.
That couldn't possibly affect Suzaku or the baby… could it? And what about the
mark on C.C.'s forehead…? Is Lelouch being paranoid or justifiably concerned
about this possible connection? "I don't know. I guess I can only wait and see
what happens."
Not a fond move for Lelouch.
He hates to be oblivious and underprepared.
But so goes the way of the Universe…
"If something occurs," C.C. asks him carefully – with a hint of sensitivity in
her tone? – "you'll tell Suzaku about your Geass?"
Lelouch looks at her with heavy eyes, "I'm not sure I'll have a choice."
Trying to explain any of this to Suzaku… Lelouch hadn't thought about it, not
even once. He isn't sure he'd even know where to begin in order to help Suzaku
understand, or if Suzaku would be appalled by it. As far as Lelouch sees it, if
there's nothing to worry about then there's no reason to tell Suzaku. It might
not be honest, but isn't dishonest either.
If their baby is involved, however, it might be a different story. Lelouch
would rather not think about it – the last thing he would want in the world is
for his child to contract anything strange or harmful – but not thinking about
it isn't going to solve anything.
He'll need to devise yet another plan.
Or maybe several.
Just to be safe.
•-
-•
Suzaku isn't used to having good days.
Most of his life everyday has been the same, just another date to cross off the
calendar while wondering if tomorrow would (finally) be the last.
Lately he hasn't lived through that routine.
Lately he's been having good days.
He is even learning to adjust – welcome – this pleasant change as it greets him
more brightly each day.
He has even realized that he looks forward to living each day rather than,
well…
Today is one of those good days.
Not only was he informed by Doctor Sanica that all of his test results were
nothing to fear, but he's standing beside Princess Euphemia as they usher the
unveiling of the Special Administrative Zone, witnessing the surprising flood
of civilians lining up to join. Suzaku feels some positive emotions filling his
gut with light and fuzzy energy – happiness, pride, confidence… something else?
He can't quite place it, but he knows that hope and inspiration are buzzing
around inside him. Maybe there's even some admiration in there, too. Suzaku
doesn't know how to begin to fully appreciate Her Highness's effort with this
Zone except for vowing that he'd be here every step of the way no matter how
taxing they may become.
Not like he hasn't been through worse.
Considering everything Euphemia has done for this… he isn't sure that his
services will be enough thanks.
She had admitted to appearing at the festival because she had over-heard him
say it would be an open-campus and that she came specifically to inform him
about her idea. Euphemia didn't mention how or why this idea came to her and
Suzaku didn't want to be intrusive. He wouldn't dare to think she'd do so much
for just him – yet in a way, this if for everyone, too – but she's made it
clear that she honestly would go to great lengths for him—
("More than two-hundred thousand citizens have applied for the S.A.Z. of Japan,
and it doesn't show any signs of slowing," Euphemia says. "It's all thanks to
you."
"What?" Suzaku looks at her curiously confused.
"They trust our venture because they have you to represent the Japanese
interest."
He smiles softly, "No, it's because you announced this yourself."—Ever the
modest soldier—"I am truly grateful to you."
"As am I to you," the princess returns instantly and gently genuine. "I hope
you can continue to help me with all of this."
"Yes, Your Highne—!" Suzaku moves in an automated fashion, preparing to bow as
he crosses his arm over his chest, but she stops him with a reminder to drop
the formalities, like always. "…Right." He says a bit awkwardly and she
chuckles softly, reminding him of Nunnally.
"You know, pretty soon you won't be able to address me with titles like
'Princess' or 'Your Highness.' Constructing the Special Zone didn't come
without sacrifices." When Suzaku only stares at her, obviously not able to
catch her drift, she gladly takes the invitation to spell it out for him with a
warm smile, "I have given up my right to the throne, and the title that comes
with it. I'm no longer a princess of Britannia, just Euphie – so you better get
comfortable with the informalities!"
Suzaku gawks at her, "But—!"
She shakes her head at him, never losing her smile for a second.
"Don't worry yourself with this, Suzaku. I've thought a lot about it and in the
end I realized that I'm not giving up anything that's truly important to me.
Everybody wins in this scenario, even me!")
—Her sweet nature is almost enough to distract him from Lelouch's bitter
nature…
But here he goes thinking about Lelouch again.
He is ecstatic about the way things are going, to say the least, and the
reality that Euphemia isn't harboring any animosity about his unruly rejection
of her order has him walking on higher clouds. Yet, despite all the optimism
surrounding him, his mind never fails to remind him of all the troubling
matters he's trying to leave in the dark for just a little longer.
It isn't that Suzaku doesn't understand Lelouch's hostility, he just wishes
that Lelouch could let go enough in order to trust Euphemia – he should know
his sister better than anyone – just as Lelouch wanted Suzaku to forget about
his death-wish. Lelouch always wants everything to go his way with unyielding
stubbornness, and he's usually able to force his victories in the end, but this
time things are different. Suzaku doesn't know if this attitude stems from his
childhood in royalty or not, but he has a hard time imagining that Lelouch
would be any different had the boy been a commoner. The stories Nunnally and
Euphemia have shared with Suzaku virtually painted Lelouch in the same light as
a child to who he's become, not to mention the shades of Suzaku's personal
experiences. Even if the past is a fading memory, the hues of his history
aren't distorted completely; he was still an arrogant know-it-all who held a
high opinion of himself and was protective of Nunnally.
However, there is one aspect of Lelouch's character that isn't coloured quite
the same way from his past. The playful kid described to Suzaku from fond
reminiscences was innocent and carefree as he wasted days filled with flowers
and laughter. He wasn't the aloof castaway painstakingly trying to rebuild his
and his sister's future one lonely day at a time in a neglected corner of the
Kururugi property and he wasn't the resentful young man scorched by distrust
and blistering with abhorrence for the blood in his veins.
Suzaku realized at that time before they met, they were the same: unbroken.
Although they eventually became friends, after Suzaku learned there was a soft,
gooey center inside this snarky block of ice, it didn't change his view of the
older boy. He didn't know the side of Lelouch that was a bright-eyed boy who
knew little of suffering thanks to living a life in his mother's bubble (and
Suzaku wonders if Lelouch is repeating history intentionally or not by doing
the same thing with Nunnally). Only years later, after piecing together these
small bits of the past has Suzaku understood that Lelouch is more driven by his
rage than his despair. He understands that Lelouch isn't a person who will
simply forgive and forget.
Suzaku would be lying if he said he wasn't curious about the details leading up
to Lelouch's and Nunnally's expulsion but he never dared to ask, not wanting to
reopen any wounds or stall their healing anymore than time already has. Of
course Lelouch has never spoken a word about it – of course, Lelouch doesn't
speak about his past, period – and Nunnally was spared the wicked truths at the
time, and even Euphemia doesn't seem to be too keen on talking about it,
either. Suzaku didn't pry but the topic crept up on them and all Euphemia
revealed was that Lelouch had challenged the Emperor in the royal court after
the death of his mother and the man didn't take very kindly to it. She said
that at the time she didn't understand or know all of the details and that
whenever she asked Cornelia and even Schneizel, they didn't do more than frown
and simply tell her that Lelouch and Nunnally were sent somewhere far away –
little did she, all of them, know they'd never return. (How badly he wanted to
reassure her then, to let her know that Lelouch and Nunnally are very much
alive, but he couldn't…)
Afterward, Euphemia described a life where Nunnally and Lelouch were forgotten
like yesterday's garbage and it pained her deeply to walk through a callous
palace where her brother and sister seemed to vanish from reality like they
never existed (that was why Clovis had recreated Lady Marianne's garden at the
Government Building, she said, when he came to Japan as a sentimental move to
be closer to his lost siblings… Suzaku often wondered what Lelouch would think
about that, but he gets the feeling that the discarded prince wouldn't see it
in the same positive light that Euphemia does.)
But where does all of this lead? What place do any of these musings have in the
present?
Suzaku doesn't want to think it, but it's much too late for that. He held
strongly to denial, that he was just imagining things or that the idea was
ridiculous, alas all these connected dots drew a picture of Lelouch as a
terrorist instead of smiling, little boy. The former prince has proven himself
intelligent and vindictive enough with radical politics that lead him to
supporting the Black Knights, but is there any way Lelouch could take a life so
easily, let alone hundreds? Is Lelouch's inner child so blackened by his father
that he would send innocents to the grave because of his anger? Doesn't he
realize he still has people who love him? He wanted Suzaku to understand this
same truth but does he believe it himself? That he doesn't need to fight
anymore…?
That he doesn't need Zero.
Maybe Suzaku is wrong about this, and he desperately hopes he is, never has he
wished so hard to be wrong, and maybe it isn't too late for Lelouch to move
forward or be rescued.
If it wasn't too late for Suzaku, then it isn't too late for Lelouch.
It can't be too late…
•-
-•
"You're being awfully cautious," Euphemia notes as Lelouch tampers with the
security panel in the control room. "I've had all the cameras turned off."
"I've had to hide most of my life thanks to a certain empire," Lelouch says
rather solemnly, thinking of the weapon concealed in his cape with a clenching
fist and of the surrounding Black Knights awaiting his commands. "I don't think
I have to tell you what a difficult position you've put me in with this Zone."
Her eyebrows knit together, "What do you mean?"
Lelouch throws a quick glare at her for the nerve, but her naïve nature wipes
his eyes clean in an instant.
"What did you expect to accomplish with this?"
His question purses a picture of puzzlement on her face.
"Accomplish? Well…" her eyes sway away from his, searching for the right way to
phrase her thoughts. "I guess to put it simply: to make everyone happy."
Lelouch holds his tongue.
"This way we can be together like before while at the same time everyone else
can benefit." She reconnects their gaze, "This way—"
"You honestly think things can go back to the way they were before?" Lelouch
can't keep from spitting spitefully at her. "Things can never be the same! Not
after everything that's happened! I'm not—!" the same person anymore… "It just
isn't that simple!"
"I know it won't be exactly the same, but…" Euphemia's entire shine darkens
before his eyes with the weighted droop of her voice. "Did you think that you
weren't missed at all? When I discovered you were alive, it made me so happy I…
I wanted to do something about the situation here in Japan, to help everyone
and stop the bloodshed. I figured if I can't help you then I don't deserve to
be a part of your life."
But by trying to help all she did was force Lelouch into a corner.
And yet, the small fry would probably thank her for it.
Damn, now even the baby is against Lelouch.
"I've worked too hard to have your delusions interfere now," his scathing
tongue continues to lash, not sure he likes how this exchange is softening his
heart. "It was a noble but vain effort—!"
A striking pain in Lelouch's left eye grabs and drags him to his knees as if a
flaming hook pierced the soft muscle and yanked him down as it incinerates his
socket. His hand flies up to the agonizing fire searing his nerves as his mind
is splashed by panic (…What is this? Why now…?) while hiring all of his energy
and focus to just make it STOP—
"Lelouch?" Euphemia rushes to his side—
"Stop it! Don't cast you pity onto me!" Lelouch swats at her aide, scurrying
away from her as if she's the cause for his anguish, his hand concealing the
fading fire in his eye. "I don't need your charity! I will make this happen on
my own! I don't expect Euphemia li Britannia to understand—!"
"I have relinquished that name!" said girl exclaims with uncharacteristic
force, stunning Lelouch where he stands like a bolt of lightning. "I expect the
mainland will announce it shortly, but I have given up my right to succeed the
throne."
"Why?" Lelouch asks his pink-haired sister as if it pains him – she'd give up
everything for…? – as his hand sinks to his side. "Because you've accepted Zero
into your heart?"
"I made you participate in my little endeavor," she smiles, "so surely you
expect something in return."
Lelouch thought Suzaku was the only one to ever truly astound him.
He was wrong.
He forgot about a simple girl named Euphemia.
"…You gave it up so easily. Did you do it for me?"
Euphemia giggles at him – an almost absurd sound as it lights up the dark
control room, "As conceited as you ever were, but no. I did it for Nunnally and
Suzaku."
He blinks at her a bit dazedly, seeming to miss the light jab at his character.
She smiles sweetly, "She told me that if she could be with her brother, that
was all she needed."
"That's why?"
"That's what made up my mind," Euphemia answers as she gives him a brighter
smile. "I asked myself what is really important in this world. Lelouch, I
haven't given up anything that I really, truly treasured. And you don't have to
worry, I haven't told anyone about you."
"…And what about Suzaku?" Lelouch has a feeling he already knows how Suzaku is
involved in this, but he wants to hear a confirmation.
"I said I haven't told anyone. Not even—"
"No, not about that."—thank the Universe for that, though—"You said you did
this for Suzaku, too."
Euphemia's cheeks are brushed pink as she turns a bashful gaze away from him,
and somehow Lelouch is reminded of a certain island incident, a specific
conversation striking his mind like a bullet—
(He is lying by a campfire which was his only accomplishment after his attempt
at hunting and trapping failed miserably – there probably aren't any animals
worth eating to catch, anyway – where he's bitterly nibbling at some of the
fruits Euphemia had gathered for them when she brought up a curious topic.
"Lelouch?"
Lelouch hums around the sour taste of fruity failure in his mouth.
"You're friends with Suzaku, aren't you?"
Lelouch starts to choke – isn't there a rule about not eating while lying down?
"What?" he rasps.
"I'm not really sure how it came up, but Suzaku told me about living with you
and Nunnally when you were children." She smiles, "He told me about how the
three of you became friends."
Lelouch swallows, now sitting upright with his hand around his neck, face pale
with death ghosting through him.
"…Oh, yeah. We were friends."
Her pink eyebrows crease lightly, the shadows from the fire stretching haunting
shapes over her soft features.
"You're not still friends?"
Seems Suzaku took the precautions to not inform his fair princess about her
siblings' whereabouts and welfare and that he has frequent contact with them –
not that Lelouch expects he did or would.
Lelouch grins ironically, "I guess I should hope we still are."
If only she really knew…
"…But you knew each other really well, didn't you? He said you were both each
other's first best—well, real friends."
He nods, picking at the large, premature berry, "Yeah, we were pretty close. I
never had a relationship like that with anyone before."
Lelouch's fingers falter when he reconsiders what he just said…
"I see…" is all she says before the fire fusses next to them, splintering the
quiet with a hot static of cracks and hisses for several moments.
Fizzle-pop.
Pop-crackle.
Sizzle-pop.
"Say, Lelouch…?"
"What?" He asks, biting into more of this mocking sustenance.
"You wouldn't know what type of girls he likes, would you?"
Lelouch chokes again, this time alarmingly enough to make Euphemia scuttle
closer to him and smack his back – which, incidentally, is a
very counterproductive act.
"WHAT?" He finally coughs after the fruity flesh dislodged from his throat – he
needs to be more careful about when he takes his bites around Euphemia's chatty
mouth!
"I'm just wondering…" She twists her dress skirt timidly.
Lelouch, blue from a second scare of suffocation and red from, well not from
embarrassment, considers his answer.
Obviously the only way to answer this question is with honesty.
"No, I don't know what type of girl he likes."
Technically, that's not a lie. Girls are never a strong topic of discussion
between him and Suzaku, at least never in that sense.
"Oh…" she says with downcast eyes…)
—Ah, so that's it. Lelouch must have been denser than he thought, but he must
be improving in order to piece it all together without it being explained to
him.
"Suzaku has become a dear friend. I don't want anything to happen to him if I
can help it…" she meekly presents her case but Lelouch is way ahead of her.
Euphemia has feelings for Suzaku – it's so obvious!
This Special Zone is more than an olive branch; it's a safe haven where
Euphemia can protect those she loves while at the same time helping others –
her knowledge of Suzaku's pregnancy has also undoubtedly given her extra
determination. While Lelouch was trying to drive the threat out of his nest,
Euphemia used it to her advantage to build a new one right in Britannia's own
backyard. It is a very clever move on her part – risky, but clever – yet it
doesn't mean that their lives or relationships can be mended to what they were
before everything was ripped apart and there's no telling how smoothly this
whole affair will come to life.
…Well, if there's one thing Lelouch knows how to do, it's how to make
things work, and with his intelligence and striking charisma he's confident he
can make everything fall nicely into place. This Special Zone may even serve
Lelouch's plans more than he initially thought, or at least provide some
shelter until he can adjust to this drastic weather change on the battle field.
But it's going to take a lot of work…
A prideful laugh bubbles from Lelouch's mouth, "And Cornelia?"
"It's not like we'll never see each other," Euphemia says, trying to sound
rational and sturdy in spite of the undertone of discontent flattening her
voice.
Lelouch grins at her naïve devotion despite knowing that he's left Nunnally
alone many a night to further his Zero goals.
"You're such an idiot," he says. "A total moron."
Kind of like another person he knows…
Her powder-blue eyes waver, "Well, I've never been able to beat you at study or
at play, but…"
Lelouch glances at her and then leers at himself, "It's not how I envisioned
it, but I really will have gotten all I want. When I think about it, you were
Euphie long before you were Sub-Viceroy or the Third Princess."
"If I'm just regular, old Euphie, will you help me?" she asks, adopting a very
serious tone that isn't much like her and extends a hand to him.
His violet eyes slide over her hand, holding a pause as if waiting
for anything to crash into the room and stop him from what he's about to do.
But nothing does.
(What? No Orange-Boy?)
"You were my most worthy opponent," he admits to her in sincerity as he grasps
her hand. "And in your usual, rash Euphie fashion, you've beaten me. You win."
The ex-princess stares at the ex-prince with starry eyes glittering in
astonishment.
"We'll figure out a way to make this Special Administrative Zone or yours work.
But I'm not going to be your subordinate."
"Of course not!" she laughs again.
Lelouch smiles at her earnest eyes, feeling both lighter and heavier with this
Special Administrative Zone sitting on his shoulders.
"There is an audience awaiting us," he says as he fetches his mask.
Euphemia nods ecstatically, "Shall we go then, partner?"
"No… I, think I need a moment. Go ahead without me."
"Are you sure? Wouldn't it be better if we walked out on stage together?"
"Never underestimate the power of suspense," Lelouch cockily replies. "Zero is
partial to dramatic entrances, you see…"
She giggles quietly at him one more time.
"Oh, fine. But don't take too long. Japan is waiting for you!"
His smug half-smile watches her leave while his lungs heave a heavy sigh once
she's gone. One swampy, glove-clad hand flattens on the console as he takes a
moment to breathe while the beginning of perspiration on his hairline chills as
hasty thoughts pummel his brain.
What has he just done?
Did he just make an empty sacrifice?
…But won't Suzaku be happy? And safe?
And Nunnally? And the baby?
Was this really the right thing to do?
Lelouch glances at his mask, at the way Zero's faceless surface is gleaming at
him as if judging him, but he sees himself in that dark reflection, at the
violet-eyed boy who always stares back at him, and somehow the oxygen he
inhales doesn't feel so thick.
He doesn't have the liberty of time to stress and regret right now – Japan is
waiting for him.
Not Area Eleven.
Japan.
(His home.)
Lelouch makes the quick order for his surrounding troops to fall back for the
time being while pulling in a select few to join him once the stage ceremony is
finished and then hides inside Zero's mask as he strides to reunite with his
sister. He pushes all the impending stress to the back of his mind, including
whatever the hell just happened with his eye and if he should finally bother
C.C. about it, and if she'll bother to actually enlighten him.
•-•
The Special Administrative Zone went off without a hitch (or a bang) with Zero
and Princess Euphemia as equals and colleagues, setting the example for the
change they want to see in the world. It was a significant moment in history
and a day that many will likely retell to younger generations for years to
come…
Which is all well and good, but there's still one giddy part of Milly's brain
that cannot be distracted from the trap under the table as the club watches the
news huddled together in the student council room. Perhaps if something had
gone awry her attention would be undivided on the disaster at hand, but she's
had the great fortune to make sparing her energy unnecessary.
One's great fortune is another's tragedy, as the law of the Universe goes.
The suspense is bottling up inside her, though, as she can't help but grow
impatient—
Who lost the book and when are they going to hurry up and come get it!
—but Milly knows that hunting takes a cool head, so she will wait
as patiently as possible no matter how long it takes.
…But it better happen soon, damn it!
•-•
An unmasked Zero is tending to the fainted witch in the private quarters
granted to him as co-collaborator in this utopia. The room is dark as he dabs a
damp, cool cloth over her forehead, over the mark on her skin that he's only
inspected up close once before, in a dank cave where he spoke her true name for
the first and only time… Even though he doesn't think he should, he feels a bit
guilty about studying the shimmering brand, typically concealed by the lock of
her electric green hair, without her consent or knowledge, almost as if he's
trying to catch her naked.
That is why he is slightly startled when she stirs under his tender hand.
C.C.'s eyes peer up at him as cleanly and crisply as ever, staring at him like
she knows something he doesn't – which is all too true – and Lelouch is sure to
mirror that gaze if only because of his pride.
"You were passed out on the ground alongside Suzaku and the other guards,"
Lelouch says coolly if a bit gravely as he continues to press the cloth to her
forehead. "I don't know what happened, but considering the circumstances, I
don't think we'll be in any real trouble. I still suggest you stay away from
Suzaku as much as possible and that goes double for—"
"You didn't need to do this," the dull blade of her voice cuts him off, her
warm hand curving around his. "You seem to have forgotten that I don't require
medical attention."
Typical.
Both interrupting him and changing the subject.
Lelouch knows he isn't much better, however, so he lets it slide for now. There
will be plenty of time to order her around later and have her not listen.
So very typical.
"I know," he says in a slight huff, draping the cloth across her forehead. "You
seem to have forgotten kindness."
A tiny twist of that peculiar something twitches over her features again – a
faint flicker of wry amusement this time? Lelouch can't be sure, but it's as
suspicious as it is brief and the next thing he knows she's suddenly touching
his face with fingertips that are too gentle and sensitive for her character
and his personal comfort (eerily reminding him of mother's touch, but maybe
that's just the stress and his yearning that's getting to him…). They trace
softly around his left eye behind the curtain of his hair while she wears the
usual mask of her plain expression once again.
"…Good job," there's a light note of pride striking her otherwise mild tone.
"You kept your Geass from consuming you for the time being even with your
distraction."
For the time being…?
"Is that what happened?" Lelouch lets out a quiet and shallow sigh, raising his
head from her touch. "You should have warned me. Who knows what disaster could
have been created if I wasn't able to control it."
She doesn't look the least bit sorry, and she doesn't sound it, either, "I have
warned you."
Lelouch can already feel his eye screaming to twitch.
"I mean specifically. You really are useless, aren't you?" he spits at her
darkly, trying to distance himself from the abnormal encounter of vulnerability
he feels creeping hotly through his blood, aroused by her touch.
"Perhaps…" a corner of C.C.'s lips quirk in a weak grin, as if trying to mock
him or herself; either way, Lelouch isn't amused and ignores it with a cross of
his arms.
"Is something like this going to happen again?" Lelouch is thinking of Mao, how
his Geass not only overwhelmed him but spread to his other eye. Can the same be
true to a person who conquers their Geass? By growing more powerful, does that
mean it will still spread…?
Her grin broadens before she removes the cloth form her head and sits up on the
couch in an overly casual stretch of time that ends with an offhanded shrug.
"You're the first contractor I've had who hasn't become corrupted or hasn't
failed me in some way before this point."
Lelouch narrows his eyes.
All her practiced avoidance to give him a cut and dry answer tells him is that
there's something she's not telling him, he's certain – especially with that
"for the time being" bit. Maybe she isn't lying exactly, but it's doubtful that
she wouldn't know something this important and he can't imagine why she
wouldn't reveal it to him. Luckily for her the hour of night is fast
approaching, leaving him strapped for time and he's already too drained from
battling his Geass and Euphemia to tempt a headache. He of course informs her
of this as he stands, returning his chair to the desk—
"So you decided to play along with the little princess." C.C.'s voice is breezy
but there's no mistaking the taste of a question in her voice to hear his
explanation.
Lelouch grabs his mask from the table, looking at the dark reflection of
himself he always find there, choosing to leave her voice a stranded sound like
she often does to his.
"It's because of the pregnancy, isn't it? And Nunnally?" In the end, however,
she reads him well enough to make his responses redundant – or maybe it all
really is just that obvious. "What about the vendetta against your father? Your
mother? Surely you're not giving up your little quest so easily."
"You're certainly asking a lot of questions," he serenely neglects to properly
answer her, rather enjoying being on this side of the conversation for once.
"And you sound a little disappointed. Or am I wrong?" he pulls the collar of
his turtleneck up over the smirk laced to his lips.
C.C.'s lips curve up slightly too, acknowledging his tongue-in-cheek.
"There's never a dull moment around you, that's for sure. Don't know what I'd
do if your story goes stale."
"Stale?" Lelouch adorns Zero's mask with a sarcastic, merry tip of his head, "I
don't think you'll have to worry about that for a while. And it will be
especially exciting for you if you don't watch your toes around the Britannian
military. We may be under a truce in this Zone but that doesn't mean they're to
be trusted – no doubt they assume the same about us. And the last thing I need
is for any of them to recognize you."
"Don't worry," C.C. stands, languidly falling into step behind him as he walks
to the door, "I won't bother your little boyfriend or anyone else. It's much
more fun to bother you."
Lelouch represses a sigh, stopping at the door.
What is it with women wanting to harass him?
Whether it was in Pendragon or here in Tokyo, these pesky females are
inescapable.
"C.C., I'm serious. What's it worth to keep you hidden at our head quarters?"
She lifts an eyebrow at him – but he already knows the price.
"All the pizza I want – and none of that frozen stuff. It's only good fresh."
"Perhaps you'd like it if I hired a private chef to satisfy your pizza lust."
"Oh my, Lelouch. You really know how to talk a girl, don't you?"
Lelouch smirks—
"Which is surprising, considering your apparent preference for
the Y chromosome."
—Lelouch's eye twitches.
Rotten females…
•-
-•
An annoying alarm clock tears Lelouch from sleep—
Which is odd considering he didn't set it—
Odder yet, he isn't the one who silences it.
Lelouch is facing the wall, drowsily aware of the body groaning quietly from
behind him as it shifts.
The sound is distinctly Suzaku.
Lelouch looks over his shoulder at the brown-haired bed-head yawning and
stretching in the morning light, who returns the stare with
an annoyingly pleasant expression.
Morning people…
Lelouch rubs his eyes, "What time did you come home?"
"Oh, late last night," Suzaku replies quietly in respect for Lelouch's slow-
waking nature. "You were asleep."
"Yeah…" Lelouch sluggishly flops over to face Suzaku. "You said you'd be with
Euphie for the long haul. I expected you would still be with her last night."
"Normally I would be, but I'm not in a position to test my limits anymore."
Suzaku gestures to his stomach, a chummy grin on his lips that's much too
chummy for the hour. "So, Euphemia—I mean, Euphie, sent me home to get 'proper
rest' because crashing on an office couch or in the barracks for another night
didn't count to her."
Lelouch tiredly smirks, "So she's keeping an eye on you, then?"
"That's one way of putting it," Suzaku dryly leers. "She's practically as naggy
as you are! It must be a family gene."
Lelouch chuckles lightly, "I'm glad to hear it. At least I know I can count on
her to nag you in the right direction."
Green eyes roll with a jaded sigh.
"Yeah, just great. All I needed was another over-dramatic mother hen clucking
at me like I'm made of glass or something. I'm promise I'm not going to shatter
at the slightest hint of pressure."
Lelouch is more than amused by Suzaku's pouting—
In fact, it's downright adorable.
Adorable enough to corrupt.
Lelouch caresses Suzaku's cheek with his fingertips, his lips touching a close
relative to a smirk as he pulls the crabby boy over to obtain something he had
been denied after their rooftop dispute. Suzaku sinks willingly into the kiss
and Lelouch's control, sharing their morning-breath in a cloud of ignorant
desire dusted with sleep and groggy perceptions as he slinks fingers through
messy chocolate hair. Lelouch fists his hand in frizzy, brown curls, half
wondering why Suzaku is complying so easily.
Only half-wondering because, obviously, his seducing magic is at work.
"I know I don't have to tell you that I appreciate it," Lelouch murmurs
sincerely into Suzaku's lips, to which the brunet makes another eye-roll, to
which Lelouch smiles. "It has been days since I last saw you."
Suzaku sort of moans and if he were standing Lelouch imagines he'd be staring
right at his fidgeting feet.
"And?" he tries on a grin of repression over the various shades of guilt
clouding his eyes but it's still obvious to both of them that he's avoiding the
subject of their last confrontation. "Were you getting lonely?"
"That's one way of putting it."—Lelouch's lips bend up deviously—"Another way
of putting it would be going into seahorse withdrawals…"
Suzaku's mouth drops the forced act for a sincere smile full of teeth that are
ajar to let out the happy hops of quiet laughter as Lelouch descends on his
neck; kissing, lapping, and nibbling at Japanese flesh that doesn't taste the
least bit fishy.
"It's good to know you love me for my body," jokes the younger boy in a roll of
chuckles as his fingers weave through the threads of ebony hair.
Lelouch pauses, looking at Suzaku with a seriously lifted eyebrow, "You mean
you didn't know that already?"
Suzaku doesn't miss a beat, tugging on Lelouch's hair and trying to look
offended with jaw-dropped expression that doesn't stop him from being pushed
onto his back by the Britannian boy who kisses him deeply again.
The obnoxious, demanding reminder from a diligent alarm clock disrupts their
mushy exchange, but Lelouch merely slaps at the evil appliance until it's
switched off this time (because if Lelouch has one masochistic tendency, it
would be the snooze button) without unlocking from Suzaku's lips – he'll get up
when he's damn well ready to! Soft snickers seep from Suzaku's mouth at the
stubbornness Lelouch operates with before his brief amusement is silenced as
swiftly as the wailing alarm clock, but with a tongue instead of a hand.
"You're in a very good mood, even for a morning person," Lelouch says as he
pulls away from Suzaku's lips, being sure to leave the rest of his thought one
that stays in his head: considering the last time we spoke…
"Things went well yesterday," Suzaku replies simply, his leafy eyes fluttering
to Lelouch's ever-fascinating white blanket that's lying over them.
"So I heard," he murmurs wryly as he rubs his thumb against Suzaku's cheek,
wondering if the smooth course of Zero's actions serve as an apology or if it
simply cleansed Suzaku's mind of the whole ordeal.
"I'm…" a fingertip slides to and fro on Lelouch's clothed arm in a timid
gesture, "I'm glad Zero joined us."
A self-satisfied line shapes Lelouch's lips into an understated smile.
For the first time in Zero's short life, he's managed to please Suzaku.
What a feat.
Lelouch will interpret this as an accepted apology.
"That so?" Lelouch asks casually, keeping his voice as dry of his overflowing
conceit as he can. "I thought you didn't like or trust him."
Suzaku shrugs, eyes now entertained by the collar of Lelouch's blue pajama
shirt.
"Euphie seems to trust him—" he shakes his head, perhaps perceiving the trap he
nearly bumbled right into. "That doesn't matter now. Since he joined us that
means we can get more accomplished together than we did apart and there
shouldn't be any more fighting. I said that I would stay by Euphie's side
through all of this and I intend to honor my word."
Which also means Suzaku should be safe for awhile.
Unless some other overconfident fat-cat (Schneizel) should want to borrow him
or if something more inconvenient happens.
Lelouch is looking at you, Chinese Federation.
"So I suppose that means you'll steer clear of the battlefield for now?"
Lelouch chooses to ask, wishing Suzaku could promise as much but he isn't
gullible enough to believe that possible – and with Euphemia no longer being a
princess of Britannia, Suzaku is no longer a knight, which means he can't rely
on her authority to protect him any longer.
Lelouch wonders if Suzaku knows about her situation yet…
"I've been assigned to overseeing the Zone as my top priority. So As long as
nothing prompts Lancelot into battle, I should be out of action."
In other words: as long as Zero doesn't try anything.
This isn't enough to please Lelouch or really assure much of anything, but it's
a start.
After all, from his point of view, he holds Suzaku's safety in his own hands.
Lelouch nods, growing tired of this kind of talk at this ungodly hour, so he
decides to change the subject.
As abruptly as possible.
"You know, if you count back six weeks, roughly, that would mean our small fry
was conceived the first time we had sex."
Suzaku takes a moment to consider Lelouch's words, obviously not having thought
about this yet or trying to catch up the topic change.
Lelouch is going to guess it's both.
"…Yeah, I guess you're right. What do you think that means?"
"Means?" Lelouch asks with a curious eyebrow.
"I'm saying that maybe small fry was conceived through the power of love."
Lelouch stares and waits for a punch-line that never comes.
Seems he'll have to take the bait this time since it's clear Suzaku
is not making a joke.
Wouldn't want to repeat the same mistake – Suzaku wasn't pleased about that the
first time.
"…You're telling me you think our consummation of love was so epic that you
became pregnant as a result?"
"They say true love is a powerful force…" a bashful shrug lifts Suzaku's
shoulders as a sheepish grin tugs his lips, "Is that so unreasonable?"
As unreasonable as the seahorse syndrome or super sperm.
To think all that time Suzaku wasted in the military could have been spent on
his education…
It's good to know that Britannian soldiers are as dumb as they are strong.
Really, it's somehow comforting.
For a moment, Lelouch isn't sure if he should dignify that with a response.
He remembers that night well, of course. It was the first time Lelouch has
ever… felt things and was driven by a… desire that he couldn't fully comprehend
or even knew he had. Lelouch succumbed to something that felt too primal and
impulsive for his own comfort – never in all his life has Lelouch relied on
using his body or let it steer over his brain. Emotions Lelouch didn't entirely
understand threaded through his blood and before he knew it Suzaku was… they
were…
(Lelouch was claiming Suzaku and storing him in his chest.)
Their first time together is something worth treasuring because it was their
coming together (…), the first time their bodies did all the talking as
decidedly sappy passion swept them away to the relationship they now have. It
was more than just sex, definitely, but what Suzaku is implying is just so… so
stupid! Even for Suzaku!
At least the seahorse thing tried to make sense!
"It is," Lelouch decides to respond, not even bothering to argue the absurdity
of male pregnancy through true love because he doesn't want to fight with
Suzaku about something stupid again – because then who is the real fool in that
situation? Instead Lelouch will take an entirely different path with this
golden nugget from Suzaku's fantastical mind: "Especially if you lied to me
about being a virgin."
It takes a fair amount of time before Lelouch's brash comment sinks into
Suzaku's thick skull, but when it does he begins to sputter like an ancient
automobile struggling to start and the expression that contorts his face is too
funny for words.
"J-j-j-just wh-what are you-you implying?"
Lelouch strokes his mockingly chin, "Or maybe you're like the Virgin Mary… but
with aliens instead of God, right?"
"That isn't funny!"
"I wonder what kind of prodigy you'll unleash upon the world. Or maybe I should
fear the possibility of an anti-Christ?"
"Lelouch!"
"Either way," papa bear says as he continues to ignore mama bear, "I hope it
doesn't burst from your chest because then I'm stuck raising the little spawn
all alone. Although, if it's not mine, I guess I don't have any real obligation
to take responsibility."
"Lelouch!" Suzaku adamantly howls, arming himself with a pillow.
Lelouch just laughs—
Laughs—
LAUGHS—
Through Suzaku's mild tantrum of unintelligible sounds and weak pillow attacks,
content that he's scared the darkness away from Suzaku's face once again. He
watches the stormy features of his best friend light up in a playful
retaliation before grabbing the soldier's waist and forcing him to surrender by
capturing him with a deep, encompassing kiss. This luminous joy might have been
at the expense of Zero and his Black Knights, their cause, but Lelouch will
take one for the team to keep Suzaku, and Nunnally, happy in the end if he
must.
Who knows, maybe this detour in his rebellion will lead to a better place.
A better tomorrow.
***** Costume Play *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
"No one will dance with me. I think it's this dress. I told them white would
make me look fat." Senator Kevin Keeley [in drag] from The Birdcage
•-•-•-•-•-6
Ambiguous
Costume_Play
Suzaku is trying his best to fight temptation.
No matter how hard he applies his concentration to the list of math problems in
front of him he is incapable of maintaining any focus whatsoever thanks to the
bored boy beside him. All Suzaku wanted to do was start digging himself out of
all the schoolwork that's been piling up around him due to his non-scholastic
duties and he thought that a study-date, of sorts, with Lelouch was a great
idea – he'd be able to spend time with Lelouch and also have access to all that
brilliance.
Looking back, Suzaku wishes he could kick himself out of that gullibility.
He should have known something was amiss when the lad was the one to
(suspiciously) suggest this activity in the first place.
Lelouch obviously never had any intention of studying or doing work.
(Or maybe Suzaku is too thick-headed to see Lelouch's invitation for a grope-
fest when it's offered.)
So here they are well into the night on Lelouch's bed, Suzaku leaning against
the bed rail with his knees up while Lelouch lies on his stomach, dressed in
their bedtime clothes – or in Suzaku's case, a white t-shirt and his boxers –
as the workload tapers less and less with each passing minute. Lelouch isn't
even trying to pretend he's working anymore, his open book and papers abandoned
so severely that they've migrated precariously close to the edge of the bed
while he entertains himself with Suzaku's thigh. His fingers have been skating
up and down the underside of the soldier's leg for a good while now; albeit
moderately enough at first for Suzaku to not really mind, rather fond of the
seemingly idle caress. However, once he pulled up his knees as a makeshift desk
for his book, those dangerous digits snatched the chance to be
more adventurous. They've gone from absent affection to determined desire as
they attempted to sneakily but shamelessly infiltrate his underwear from both
the front and the rear. Countless times Suzaku has purged the invasion, burning
through his playful patience from sly smiles to rigid rejections to the point
that he no longer finds Lelouch's persistence cute or endearing.
"Would you cut it out?" Suzaku finally fusses, swatting at Lelouch's hand. "I'm
trying to get some work done – and you should too!"
"Suzaku," Lelouch says with a growing half-smirk, "I don't do my schoolwork in
the first place for a reason."
Suzaku huffs, cheeks indirectly pinched red by lewd fingers, "Well I'm not
going to neglect my assignments so at least leave me alone."
"But you'll neglect me?" the older boy asks with a wilting expression that's an
obvious ticket for a guilt-trip Suzaku isn't going to take.
"That's right," he answers offhandedly as he scribbles on his math homework—
"You can't mean that," Lelouch insists like a snake with an apple as he
slithers his fingers fully over Suzaku's thigh.
"I do."
It's a long shot, but maybe ignoring the problem will just make it disappear.
He can't say it's worked in the past, but it's not like fighting with Lelouch –
in any situation – has ever gotten him anywhere, anyway.
When it comes to Lelouch, taking the path of least resistance is always a wise
idea.
"So cruel." Lelouch continues to smother his touch over Suzaku's skin with a
carnivorous curve carving his lips, "Or are you trying to play hard to get?"
Suzaku clenches his jaw – he's already lost count of how many times he's had to
read this word problem – and ignores, among other things, the burning on his
face that wants to travel south.
"If that's your game, you're succeeding," Lelouch murmurs flirtatiously as he
begins to press light kisses to the muscled appendage in his grasp.
"It's not a game!" Suzaku spouts with a push of his leg. "I just want to do my
class work!"
Never to be deterred, Lelouch grips Suzaku's leg with both hands as he kisses
teasingly again, one of them prowling the underside to attempt, not for the
first time, igniting a fire in the soldier's shorts.
"Well, don't you think you've earned a break?"
"No breaks!" Suzaku tries to keep his voice from growling like his stomach
after eating Cécile's culinary failures, once again wrenching a hand out of his
shorts. "There's too much to do."
"Come on…" the sable-haired boy returns to his silky tone, using that serpent
voice that nearly wraps right around Suzaku—
But Nunnally is in her room.
"No."
"Just for a little—"
"No."
"Not even—?"
"No."
"What about—?"
"No."
"But—"
"No!" Suzaku nearly yells, tearing himself completely away from Lelouch's
clingy clutches by swinging his legs over the side of the bed to turn his back
on the insistent teen. "How many times do I have to say it?"
Lelouch huffs with a furrow of his brow and a glimmer in his eye as he props up
on one hand, "What's your problem?"
Suzaku casts a flat look over his shoulder at Lelouch's insensitive
inquisition.
Real nice.
"No means no," the brunet utters tersely. "If I say 'no,' you back off."
Lelouch stares for a heated second – those viper violets don't need fangs to
bite.
But it isn't like Suzaku should feel guilty.
…Even so, Suzaku can't stand that almost-glare.
"You know that's not what I meant." Lelouch's words practically melt from his
molten mouth. "What's keeping you from me?"
Suzaku can't help but think that is a strange way to word the situation, yet
it's also rather… sweet.
For Lelouch.
He looks away with a shy shrug, "I just don't want to do it tonight, that's
all."
"I'm not asking to 'do it' with you." Lelouch laughs slightly under his breath,
his boiling temper evaporating as if it never existed, and tugs at the bottom
of Suzaku's shirt. "But now I know what's really on your mind…"
Suzaku throws his eyes back at Lelouch sharply, ignoring the rouge roasting his
cheeks.
"You and I both know we'll only end up having… uh…"—Suzaku's mind trips over
the thought of Nunnally's accidental eavesdropping again and wants to avoid any
keywords (as if she wouldn't know a code-word when she hears one)—"relations –
it always happens."
The older boy is wearing an amused grin, "What's the matter? All the sudden you
can't say 'sex'?"
"I hate talking to you," he mutters as he slaps his book closed – not like he's
getting any work done.
"We don't always end up having relations," Lelouch continues, edging closer to
Suzaku and snaking a hand around his waist to his stomach. "It's been a while
since the last time we've done anything at all." His words caress the skin of
Suzaku's neck like a hot current that feeds the warmth on his cheeks and taunts
the lust in his loins, his nerves being teased by a scatter plot of light
kisses.
"I know…" Suzaku breathes, a weakness to his partner's touch hollowing his
resolve – he never knew he could be so susceptible, controlled, by this
physical craving – and he is well aware that if Lelouch ever connects their
lips, he'll be a goner.
Suzaku knows just as well as Lelouch that there hasn't been any real time for
their physical relationship – the last time they made love was the weekend
before Euphemia announced the Zone, which was almost three weeks ago. That
wouldn't be so bad if every minute wasn't booked between them with nowhere to
meet half way. It's worse now that the Zone wants to dominate everything within
its reach, and if Suzaku isn't meeting various, often bureaucratic, demands
there it's Ashford that's impatiently awaiting his attention back here, and of
course Lelouch isn't far behind. (As it stands, he's been spending more time
with the aloof Zero than the over-bearing Lelouch, and while Suzaku is slowly
growing accustomed to the terrorist's presence, he much prefers his best friend
– even when he's too horny to take no for an answer – which is honestly
surprising. Suzaku wouldn't have thought that Lelouch could be so… sexually
inclined.) With rushing off right after the student council meeting and coming
home too late to spend any decent time with Lelouch, perhaps it wouldn't be so
bad to just indulge a little while they have the spare time…
"Let's just fool around a little…" Suzaku's head is already lolling back into
the creeping scent of toothpaste that grows stronger the closer Lelouch's lips
peck to his jaw, a pleading desire sparking under his skin and flickering
desperately towards the hands roaming his body. They're dedicated to sweeping
Suzaku out to sea as they coast over his abdomen and chest, causing a light
ripple of fuzzy excitement to drown his nerves. The touch bleeds through
Suzaku's clothes as the heated yearning to feel bare hands palm his body and
spread his legs begins to pool in his groin like boiling water pouring from a
teapot. Suzaku doesn't want to let himself be washed away so easily, but the
steel of his reluctance is rusting as a warm body leans against him with
promise—"And if it progresses to something more…"—and fingertips trickle over
his crotch—
Suzaku's eyes snap open and he vaults up from the bed—
Causing Lelouch to fall over the side, face first into the wood flooring that's
as hard as it is cold… like Suzaku's rejection.
"Nothing should be progressing anywhere!" Suzaku adamantly reminds, turning
around to watch Lelouch painstakingly collect himself from his spill, a red
splash brandishing his furiously wrinkled forehead.
"I'm beginning to get the impression"—he rubs at his wounded head, and maybe
his pride—"that there's a specific reason for your disinterest."
Oh, sure. Just because Suzaku declines the honor of sleeping with Almighty
Himself, it must mean there's a reason and not that Suzaku simply isn't in the
mood.
…All right, so there is a reason…
And, sure, if it wasn't for Nunnally (not to say Suzaku is blaming her) Suzaku
would most likely be naked and breathless underneath Lelouch by now—
But Lelouch doesn't have to be so conceited about it!
Suzaku proceeds to place his book on Lelouch's desk – it's late, and he's
tired, and pregnant, perhaps it's time to call it a night.
"Listen, I'm just not feeling up to it tonight." Right, so, it is true that if
these walls were sound-proof there wouldn't be much standing between Suzaku and
him getting thoroughly ravished (except maybe Lelouch's stamina),
but because these walls are not sound-proof and a very precious person is
slumbering nearby, it dampens Suzaku's desire. The last thing he wants is to be
thinking of Nunnally while her brother makes it his mission to boldly go where
no man has gone before, until they reach infinity and beyond.
Not only is that unromantic, it's plain disturbing.
"Are you feeling unwell?"
"Don't worry, I'm fine," Suzaku says with a soft, and what he hopes is,
reassuring smile. "I'm just tired. I want to rest."
Lelouch doesn't look like he buys the story Suzaku is selling – probably still
hung up on the possibility that Suzaku could be sick and lying about it – but
he accepts it with a faint nod and begins to shuffle his deserted schoolwork
together to clear the bed.
"I'm sorry." Suzaku takes Lelouch's book and papers for him, adding them to the
pile on his desk before slipping under the covers. "I know things have been,
uh, stagnant between us lately."
"You don't need to apologize, Suzaku. It's not like I don't understand." That
pale face is shaped by a kind smile as hands drape blankets over the both of
them. "Some other time."
Who knows when that could be, Suzaku thinks guiltily, his lips deflating a bit
from their soft edge to a droopy remorse at the thought that he might be
letting the only chance they'll have for a while slip through his fingers.
"Maybe we can just… lay here, together?" Suzaku suggests coyly as he turns away
from Lelouch, trying to lift his lips again with a quirk of one corner.
"…You want to lie together?" Lelouch makes it sound like Suzaku just asked to
pour applesauce down the front of his cotton pajama pants.
"Yeah, you know, close to each other under the covers and touching… until we
fall asleep…"
Lelouch stares as blankly as Suzaku has ever seen the intelligent boy stare and
he simpers.
Lelouch isn't getting it.
It's adorable in a way, but he'd never voice this to Lelouch.
Suzaku rather likes having his head connected to the rest of his body – better
yet, he rather likes it when Lelouch connects their bodies and wouldn't want to
risk losing that.
The Nunnally matter aside…
"So you want to just go to sleep?" Lelouch asks with a quizzical knot between
his dark eyebrows – Suzaku can virtually see that Britannian brain scrambling
to solve this riddle.
He smiles a bit more pityingly than he knows Lelouch would tolerate if he
wasn't so baffled by the request.
"I'm asking you to cuddle."
What he's really asking for is to be held.
Lelouch blinks a few times before the light comes on in his head and shines
through his eyes, "…Oh."
"Is that alright with you?" the younger boy starts to settle into the bed,
nestling against his prince charming before an answer is heard – he doesn't
expect Lelouch will reject him as he has yet to do so. He's too willing to
please, to make Suzaku happy, and cuddling is one small request that Lelouch
will never admit he enjoys fulfilling.
Those clairvoyant eyes quickly flick over Suzaku's movements and the moment
like amethyst gems tumbling from a jewel case and he rests a hand on his
friend's hip.
"Sure. If that's what you want."
Suzaku nods slightly, "Good night." kissing Lelouch's befuddled lips before
reaching to switch off the bedside lamp and snuggling down in the dark against
Lelouch's befuddled body like a pair of spoons in a drawer.
He can hear Lelouch smirk as a thin, warm body presses against his back and
that willowy arm winds around him in a cuddling coil.
"I cuddle with you now, you owe me later."
•-
-•
When Lelouch said Suzaku would be in debt for cuddling he suspected it would be
something repayable only in bed.
He was wrong.
So very wrong.
"I know I agreed to this, but…" Suzaku's voice fades into the mirror as his
eyes unwillingly feast upon the unappetizing… spectacle of his reflection.
He doesn't have anything against the colours olive green and white, or frills
of ornate lace, polka-dots, pantyhose and ladies shoes. He doesn't have
anything against flowing blond wigs that look like a fountain of sun-rays, nor
does he have anything against dark, eyeglass frames the shapes of cat eyes…
"But what?" Lelouch asks at Suzaku's disgruntled expression.
…Suzaku does, however, have something against combining them… on his body… in
an awful olive green dress fluffed with all that white lace (a matching sash
around his waist, of course) and spattered with those white polka-dots. As if
the dress wasn't bad enough on its own, he's got this unflattering white
pantyhose clinging to his legs like an unwanted second skin with shoes that
look exactly like the issued pair for Ashford's girls except they're green, to
match. The same-shade green is tied in bows on both sides of the platinum blond
wig and the glasses with their very feminine flair only complete the absurd
look, making him look like an overgrown toddler – Suzaku isn't even going to
acknowledge the bloomers hiding underneath his dress.
The notion of wearing this disaster in public was daunting, and then Lelouch
made it worse by adding the purse.
"I don't know about this." Suzaku tentatively tugs at the knee-length skirt of
his lace-trimmed dress – did he mention it has puffy shoulders, too?
"What's wrong with the outfit?"
For Lelouch to ask that question… it makes Suzaku want to ask if the boy has
gone blind.
He's turned Suzaku into a loud mess! He should at least be able to hear what's
wrong with it!
But if Lelouch can't see the aesthetic abominations maybe he'll see the
practical problems…
"First of all: the pantyhose is uncomfortable—"
"The price you pay for beauty," Lelouch interrupts with that smug smirk. "And
there's no point in dressing as a girl if you're not going to commit one
hundred percent. You need to cover your legs, unless you want to start shaving
them. Girls don't have hairy legs so you can't walk around as a girl in a dress
with those hairy things exposed. The white actually hides your legs better than
I thought it would…"
Sh-shaving—?
Th- those  hairy things?
What kind of obscene logic is that?
"Why can't I just wear pants?" there's a small scrap of annoyance clipped to
Suzaku's tone. "Girls wear pants."
"I don't know why you're being difficult about this." Lelouch crosses his arms,
that offending purse hanging from his wrist by a spaghetti strap. "You've said
before that you're fond of wearing dresses."
"Only once!" Suzaku counters with fisted hands and stiff shoulders, whirling
around in an olive tornado of frills and artificial hair. "And that was just
for fun!"
"This isn't fun?" the other boy questions innocently – Suzaku isn't sure if
that's a fake tone or not.
"No. I feel and look ridiculous."
Lelouch's countenance purses into something chiding and disapproving as he
places his hands gently on Suzaku's hips, turning them so that he faces the
horrid sight of himself again.
"I think you look cute," he amends as softly as his fingers skim Suzaku's
cheek, seeming to brush a springy lock of flaxen hair from the boy's face.
"It's a bit Lolita, I'll admit, but it's a fashionable thing to do at the
moment. You'll blend right in."
The fingers on his skin are like a stricken match to Suzaku, forcing his sharp
senses to focus on nothing else as it heats a miserable arousal in the pit of
his gut that still wants more. Those violet eyes burning through him leave him
trapped as that slightly husky voice lingers in his ear like a haunting echo—
He can't believe how easily he's being affected by such little attention.
(How easily it's making him forget about his appearance.)
He darts his emerald eyes as far away from Lelouch's reflection as he can,
trying to suppress a familiar sensation from colouring his cheeks and wondering
if Lelouch is doing this to him on purpose.
"How did you even find a dress that fits me?" Suzaku inquires as a distraction,
fiddling with the satin sash slung around him.
Better yet, where and when did Lelouch even buy all of this stuff?
"I'm familiar enough with your body to know you're measurements," Lelouch
sensibly says as if Suzaku is dumb for asking the question, looking over his
creation with critical eyes as he steps back – appearing to not notice the red
flood that engulfs his subject's face. "Still, this dress doesn't look quite
like I imagined it would, but it's too late to do anything about it now. We
need to get to that doctor appointment lest we be late." Lelouch grins at him
through the mirror as he suspends the oval, ivory bag next to him, the large
pearl-clasp at the center staring right into Suzaku's soul, "Let's not
doddle, Suzuka."
Suzaku ignores the purse in favor of the strange name, "Suzuka?"
"Well, you can't go by 'Suzaku Kururugi' because then what's the point of the
disguise? Although maybe it should be something less… ethnic."
Suzaku isn't even sure of how to respond to that.
"I think something similar in sound to your name would be best, something to
trigger your natural response. How about Susan or Suzanna, or just Sue…?"
Lelouch muses aloud as if Suzaku isn't in the room, springing a sudden and
complacent smile on him through the mirror. "Or, no, how about sweet,
little Suzie Q?"
"You're enjoying this too much," Suzaku grumbles lightly with a frown drooping
underneath his rosy cheeks.
Lelouch smiles at him pleasantly and pats his head, "Whatever you say, Suzu."
Said red shade on Suzaku's face turns into an irritated steam wafting from his
head, "Just pick a name and stick with it!"
•-•
"It's good to see the two of you again"—Doctor Sanica's neutral expression is
marred only by the faint lift of one eyebrow—"…boys. How are you feeling,
Suzaku?"
Said reluctant boy is sitting on the paper bed again, back hunched slightly and
arms folded over his flat chest as his feet dangle – the shoes having been
removed along with his dress to wear a thin cloth robe that's open in the
front, as per the nurse's instructions – marginally appeased that he wasn't
forced into slinging that absurd purse over his shoulder. However, his pouting
has made him the spitting image of a sulking, little girl and so far his
glaring attempts to burn the stark-white pantyhose right off his legs have been
unsuccessful.
"Like an idiot."
"Isn't that the norm, Suzie?" Lelouch teases, tugging at the end of his robe.
And that's right.
Lelouch went with Suzie Q (because it's oh-so adorable).
"Aside from that," she redirects tonelessly and unfazed by the scene in front
of her, "have you been experiencing any pain or discomfort?"
Suzaku shifts a little, "No. I don't think so."
The doctor nods, adjusting her white, rubber gloves with unsavory snaps.
"What about nausea? Or constipation? Are you experiencing either of those yet?"
"…No, not yet."
"And your appetite is normal?" she continues to ask attentively as she prepares
the ultrasound machine.
"Yes, I guess it is. Um…" Suzaku begins to mumble, catching her sharp eyes.
"What is it? Is there something bothering you?" Immediately the heat of acute
attention shoves him under the microscope of Sanica's and Lelouch's eyes at the
hint of a threat. "You know that as your doctor I can't help you unless you're
completely open and honest with me. You don't need to be embarrassed. I'm a
doctor." She adds that last remark as if that should cure all of his humiliated
ailments.
Of course it doesn't.
But he appreciates the sentiment.
"Well…" Suzaku shifts again, griping the side of the bed as his feet swing like
they'll kick away the unwanted stares. "I'm just wondering why you haven't
asked about the dress. And why am I wearing this robe thing?"
Lelouch releases his bated breath and rubs at his forehead with the threat
being a false alarm whereas Doctor Sanica just stares with her unwavering eyes.
"I don't believe that the way you dress, or why you dress a certain way,
matters or is any of my business," she says pragmatically enough to make Suzaku
feel foolish for asking. "I only need to care for you and the baby's wellbeing.
As to your second point, wearing the gown makes it easier to examine you rather
than the dress – didn't the nurse tell you that?"
Suzaku's mind was too narrowed on his appearance to pay much attention to
anything else…
(If he looked as obvious as he felt about cross-dressing.)
And he was deliberating if it would be worth it to trip Lelouch as they walked
towards the exam room.
He decided it wasn't.
The mental image alone sufficed.
"Are you going to take another ultrasound?" Lelouch asks.
"Yes. I want to watch this pregnancy as close as possible and I still think
it's the best way to do so." Sanica's eyes slide over Suzaku a bit
too devilishly for his liking. "Unless Suzaku would be willing to allow some
experimental exploration."
Suzaku instantly thinks of the probing notion she mentioned before and it pries
his eyes wide open while a certain other part of his body clenches as tightly
closed as it possibly can.
She turns away from him with a grin a crook too close to something he's seen
shape Milly's lips before – and he's learned to fear that grin, even if not to
the same amount as Lelouch.
"Don't worry, Suzie." Lelouch pats his shoulder. "She was just joking."
"I never joke," corrects the doctor in a languid tone as she faces Suzaku.
"Before we get to that, I'd like to give you another check-up. We'll start by
taking your weight. Would you step on the scale for me?" she asks politely,
gesturing to the electric box beside the door.
In a considerably awkward moment of pale silence, even Lelouch's smug attitude
is snuffed out by the probing prospect once again – if only because it brings
the fear that this notion will grow stronger with every mention…
He obediently obliges her, scuttling over and stepping onto the scale,
inexplicably curious to what she would do if he disobeyed her. Suzaku won't do
that, of course. He plays compliant patient as he undergoes the check-up
routine he's been through dozens of times before – anything to make this go
smoothly and, more importantly, quickly.
It's amazing how uncomfortable pantyhose can be.
He doesn't understand how or why women do it!
The only difference with this check-up is that his stomach is measured –
despite thinking it should be more prominent, Doctor Sanica doesn't say
anything about his flat tummy, although she does feel the area gently with her
hands.
"Just one more item and we can get to the best part of the visit," the Doctor
notes with a small smile. "I need to give you a breast exam, so lie back and
put—
"But I don't have any!" Suzaku cuts her off with wide eyes, clasping his gown
closed with one hand to hide what he claims to be lacking.
"You do, they're just not pronounced." Her smile doesn't waver – or maybe
that's her patience. "And every mother undergoes this exam. Should I treat you
differently because you're a male?"
He doesn't have a rebuttal for that.
"Males are also capable of having breast cancer, isn't that right?" Lelouch's
voice is gratingly upbeat, considering his words – almost like he's trying to
make this more uncomfortable for Suzaku.
So with his logic, maybe Lelouch should have an exam, too!
"You are correct," Sanica amiably praises like she's in on the attack as well.
"But the risk of breast cancer in teens is low. Regardless, it needs to be
done."
"Fine," Suzaku mutters with a slight frown. "Let's just get it over with."
"Then lie back with your arms over your head, please."
As if adding that please is going to ease anything.
Suzaku leans back with an unsteady sigh, hand still clutching the robe as he
catches himself in Lelouch's eyes.
"Your robe needs to be open for this," the doctor coolly tries to coax him.
"Yeah… Lelouch, I don't want you to look."
Violet eyes bug-out so quickly Suzaku almost expects to see them fall from
their sockets, "What?"
"I don't want you to look," Suzaku meagerly argues like a whiny toddler.
"Why?"
"Because it's weirder with you just standing there, watching!"
His mouth drops open, "Don't be ridiculous!"
"Just turn around!"
"I will not!"
"Lelouch," the professional in the room calmly intervenes, "you need to respect
your partner's wishes and not just because you don't want to upset a pregnant
mother."
The expression Lelouch makes when he loses is not one often seen by Suzaku –
actually, so rarely seen, he thought it a mere myth or fantasy like unicorns.
But it's real and it's sweeter than any piece of candy Suzaku has ever eaten as
if he is literally tasting victory. Perhaps now he understands why Lelouch is
always so pleased with himself…
With a not-so mature sigh and roll of his majestic eyes, Lelouch turns his back
to them and crosses his arms in another huff.
That's right.
Lelouch isn't the only one who can abuse the Doctor's authority.
Suzaku is smirking triumphantly until the doctor reminds him to peel open his
robe and raise his arms. The fleeting moment of victory on his tongue is
swallowed like a gulp of bitter medicine when she proceeds to examine him.
Sanica being a doctor doesn't make this any less uncomfortable. Fortunately
Lelouch's hand easily provides much needed comfort when he silently gropes for
it - even if it won't erase the flush on his face.
"All right, the worst is over. You're doing just fine, Suzaku," she says,
turning to the ultrasound machine.
"Suzie." Lelouch corrects, sounding like it's his only function as rotates in
place.
"Yes, sorry. Suzie is doing well." She faces said boy again with that familiar
bottle of gel and hands him a white, papery sheet. "Let's take another look at
your baby."
Suzaku mutely lies back as his physician heads for the light switch, feeling
his stomach squirm as he makes sure his private bits are safe from wandering
eyes underneath the bottom of his gown – next time he's definitely wearing
pants! Who even wears cotton bloomers nowadays?
(Apparently enough people to make them available for purchase...)
He clutches for Lelouch's hand once the room goes dark, lit only by the dim
ultrasound screen. Suzaku is almost surprised his nerves don't show up on the
monitor as Doctor Sanica moves the probe over his abdomen, but the chilling
fear is heated to excitement when the blurry, distorted shape of the small fry
forms on the screen.
"If there was any room for doubt, it's definitely gone now," she comments, just
a voice in the darkness as Suzaku's eyes glue to the image.
It doesn't quite look like a baby yet, but the buds of limbs are beginning to
show… looking like some sort of balloon animal once she gets a still image and
points out approximately just which bubble is what. He feels his heart flutter
against his chest as he stares at the screen, awash with so much euphoria he
thinks he might cry… Suzaku never would have thought that being a parent could
mean the world to him.
"So far so good." Sanica praises, clicking on the screen with a mouse to
measure the embryo. "Your baby is growing at a healthy, normal rate with no
adverse effects to mommy. Even so, I want Suzaku—"
"Suzie," Lelouch corrects.
Her dark eyes flick to Lelouch briefly, "To come in more frequently so I can
better monitor and observe him more closely."
"Is there something wrong with the baby?" Suzaku asks, making a worried clench
of his hand around Lelouch's.
"No, the two of you appear to be doing just fine, like I said. I just want to
make sure it stays that way and intercept any possible problems before they
cause harm. You are a special case that needs special attention." In spite of
the pleasant sound of her words and her softer expression, it causes Suzaku's
heart to fill with heavy dread and sink into his stomach.
"I see…"
Sanica smiles at him and pats his shoulder before busying herself with cleaning
Suzaku's stomach so he can sit up and then she and Lelouch converse, but their
voices warp and drift from his ears like he's listening to them under water –
submerged in the sudden melancholic mix tainting his overjoyed rush. Suzaku
doesn't know what he would do if something kept him from meeting the precious
package he's carrying, even if it's only been a short while…
That would be more than unfair.
It would be cruel.
"…Do the two of you have any questions or concerns?" Suzaku hears the doctor
ask, plucking him from his glum stupor.
"Oh yes, I have a question," Lelouch alerts with a lift of one finger. "Would
it be permissible for us to continue having sex?"
•-•
"I can't believe you asked her that!" Suzaku storms out of the clinic with
Lelouch at his heels and an embarrassed burn on his face, wondering when this
mess of an outfit he's wearing will come to life and eat him whole – to spare
him, if nothing else.
(Even though Lelouch effectively distracted Suzaku from his gloomy thoughts,
it's still no excuse!)
Is Lelouch going to be like this for every visit?
"I don't see the problem," Lelouch says coolly, his pace oddly fluid as he
strides beside his stampeding seahorse, a folder containing their baby's image
tucked securely under his arm. "She's a doctor. I'm supposed to be able to ask
her those kinds of questions."
"You just don't get it!" Suzaku growls the obvious, his hands clawing up into
fists that shake at the sky. "And the way you asked
it…! 'Permissible'? Only you would say something like that! For
an articulate person, you're an oaf when it comes to sensitive issues!"
"Oaf?" Lelouch sadly echoes, his hands cradled casually in his pockets.
"It's bad enough that we're in this situation at our age already!" the fuming
fake-blond continues to fume. "Do you have any idea how that question makes us
look?"
"Age is just a number. And since when do you care about what other people
think?" the mild-mannered boy asks, looking at his companion from the corner of
his eye, but Suzaku isn't listening.
"I'm just relieved she remained stone-faced like she always is, otherwise I
think I might have died then and there."
"I still think you're over-reacting, but I am sorry that you're upset." It
might be a backhanded apology, but Suzaku knows this is as good as it's going
to get from Lelouch and, at any rate, it is a sincere confession of remorse.
"It was an important question and now we know we're safe for sex at least until
the baby gets bigger and we don't use any particularly straining positions."
Is that all you care about?
"She even told us about that informational website and even gave us some
literature…" Lelouch reaches for the pamphlets from the breast pocket of his
jacket—
"I saw it!" Suzaku flags his hands widely at Lelouch's chest. "You don't need
to take it out!" –understandably, those few words get quite the strange look
from those around them.
Lelouch just grins at him.
"You should record yourself when you talk sometimes so you can hear what comes
out of your mouth."
"I always know exactly what I'm going to say before I say it. I don't just
blurt out the first thing that comes to mind like some people I know," Lelouch
boasts with a light shoulder bump against Suzaku who sighs irritably.
"Therefore there's no need to 'record myself.' It would be redundant."
"I think that both you and that doctor need to work on your bedside manner,"
Suzaku grumbles, his pace finally slowing as his emotions cool.
"She especially makes me feel uncomfortable."
Lelouch is smiling at him, "I like her."
"You would."
A light but deep chuckle rumbles beside Suzaku, almost snuffed out by the
weekend traffic buzzing around them. This is the first weekend Suzaku hasn't
worked alongside Euphemia, as were her orders. Government business isn't
typically conducted on the weekends, but the Zone is an exception while at its
early stage. Suzaku was overjoyed to have the time off with Lelouch, but now…
"And I still can't believe I let you talk me into dressing like a little girl!"
he starts to gripe again, his temper rising to another crest. "I
feel completely ridiculous! Next time we need to try for something more modest
and mature."
Is it just odd or should it be flattering to Lelouch that Suzaku is complaining
so much?
He doesn't usually…
"I think you look cute," Lelouch says.
"You keep saying that like it's going to change my mind."
"It should, because it's the truth."
Suzaku huffs in a bout of stubbornness at his equally stubborn boyfriend (from
whom he picked up this blasted huffing), returning his arms to the folded
position he's favored since he donned this apparel.
"Besides, no one is even looking at you," Lelouch notes casually. "You're too
concerned with your own insecurity to realize everyone else is the exact same
way."
Suzaku glances around at all the pairs of eyes that are pinned to the end of
their own paths and their own lives, so stuck in their tunnel-vision that not a
single person spares Suzaku a second look. It doesn't stop the cross-dressing
boy from seething, however, now too busy loathing the fact that Lelouch
is right.
Like always.
Why does he have to be so right about everything all the damn time?
(Suzaku just needs to remember in these moments that if he were to suddenly
start sprinting, not only would Lelouch fail to keep up, he'd die trying.)
"Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't wearing a blond wig," he lamely
grouses. "It makes me feel like an obvious phony."
"Blond is the farthest from your natural colour, thus making it harder to
distinguish you. Not to mention, blond hair is a common Britannian feature."
"So are blue eyes," Suzaku counters heatedly – where does Lelouch get off by
stuffing Suzaku into a mold? "Why didn't you give me coloured contacts to wear,
too? Then I'd be nothing like myself."
There's a brief moment of silence that teases Suzaku with another taste of
victory over Lelouch—
"Do you know why I chose this colour dress for you?"
—but once that creamy voice spreads gently over his eardrums, he realizes it's
actually a thoughtful pause, not an admittance of defeat.
(Because Lelouch is never defeated.)
Suzaku doesn't speak, just looks over at the other boy who bears a faint grin
that matches his tone as his ethereal eyes gaze at the path ahead of them.
"Because it brings out your eyes, accentuating them even when obscured by those
glasses."
Suzaku's heart flutters at that before it drops to his stomach and he has to
peel his astonished eyes away from Lelouch, feeling a little silly for letting
something this trivial upset him.
"Olive green also goes very well with your skin tone – although all the white
kind of clashes, but it's hard to find olive shades in clothing…"
An endearing expression shapes Suzaku's face as he smiles softly to himself.
Lelouch is a lot more thoughtful than most people probably realize.
…He's also a lot more fashion-savvy than most people probably realize.
(At least he is in Suzaku's eyes.)
"And there's a perk to you dressing this way in public. It means I can
do this to you without drawing attention."
Suzaku looks at Lelouch with knotted eyebrows, "…Do what?"
That doom-reeking smirk twists handsomely on Lelouch's lips before he stops
mid-step to grab Suzaku by the waist and plant a big, fat, wet kiss on Suzaku's
unsuspecting mouth.
But, really, he walked right into that one…
Sweet, little Suzie sputters, pushing on narrow shoulders as puckering lips
light the fuse leading to the red explosion on his cheeks.
"Le-louch," he hisses, breaking the one-sided kiss before he goes up in smoke.
"Relax," the cool-cat says in a cool tone, helping himself to getting
more comfortable with Suzaku in his arms as they wrap snugly around an olive
green waist. "No one is staring at us."
Once again, green eyes scan the crowd to find not a single gawk – maybe a few
humored grins passing by, but nothing more.
It's because… they think he's a girl.
Even disregarding their genders, Suzaku is still somewhat triggered by
conditioning from the social etiquette of Japan that modesty is an
absolute must in public, which means displays of affection are restricted to
the privacy of home…
"The wig and glasses also make it harder to tell from a distance that you're
not Britannian like most everyone around here," Lelouch notes quietly, brushing
the tip of his nose against Suzaku's once the boy's face is aimed at him again.
"I'm not saying it's right, but we should take advantage of the disguise and
their ignorance…"
Another kiss is pressed sweetly against Suzaku's lips – one he is actually able
to return.
…Not like this is Japan anymore.
"It does seem wrong…" Suzaku feels the need to say a little sheepishly as he
toys with the collar of Lelouch's moody red jacket in a similar manner.
"It isn't us who are wrong, Suzaku, it's the world."
Suzaku is only able to blink at Lelouch's words before his lips are claimed
again, a hand effectively pulling away his thoughts as it sneaks up the back of
his neck to cradle him. He quickly becomes absorbed in the action like water in
a sponge as Lelouch kisses him slowly and deeply right in the middle of
bustling bodies that march by without paying them much mind. Suzaku isn't
thinking of them, either, as he curls his arms around Lelouch's neck to draw
the moment out even longer with his heart thudding in his chest and bleeding a
healthy flush through his cheeks.
"Well…" Suzaku speaks with a swooning tone and giddy grin, "alright. But don't
think I'll be dressing like this all the time from now on just to please you."
"Of course not. Just doctor visits." Lelouch grins back at him, "How about on
special occasions, too?"
Suzaku gives him a playful push as they start walking again, finding his arm
naturally looping through Lelouch's.
"Don't get greedy."
"You needn't worry about that," he says pleasantly. "There's a reason I caught
a male seahorse, after all."
Suzaku blames his pathetic blushing on the dress – there's no other excuse for
why he would blush so easily.
It must be this drafty feeling between his legs…
"So then," Suzaku clasps his hands together over Lelouch's arm as he adopts a
purposely perky new attitude, "where are you taking me?"
"That depends. Where do you want to go?"
Suzaku arcs an incredulous eyebrow, "You mean you didn't plan out
every, single, little detail?"
Lelouch shrugs with one shoulder, "I've decided to spoil you this afternoon by
taking you wherever you want."
"Oh! You mean it?" Suzaku beams at him. "Really?"
"That's right." Lelouch's ego is glowing as a result. "Anywhere you want."
"Aren't you just the greatest boyfriend ever?" Suzaku exclaims with glittering
eyes. "I mean, to let little old me pick the destination for once!"
"…"
"I'm not even sure I can pick a place now, I'm so excited! You don't know what
you do to me, do you?"
"Suzaku…"
"You're just so swell I think my heart—!"
"Alright, Suzaku, I get it." Lelouch covers Suzaku's mouth with very flat eyes.
"Stop talking like that."
Suzaku is grinning widely once Lelouch's hand drops from his face.
"Since you asked so nicely…" he teases.
"Do you want to go somewhere or not?" Lelouch brusquely demands to know – but
his harsh voice can't crumble the humor from Suzaku's face.
"Maybe…" Suzaku begins to contemplate if he should just get out of these
clothes and back to the academy, but, he has to admit that being able to spend
time with Lelouch, on a date, out in public, and not cooped up in Lelouch's
room or other secret spot, is too wonderful a chance to pass over because of a
stupid dress. …And the dress isn't really that bad, anyway… "Somewhere to shop
for clothes? I don't think Suzie will appreciate having only one outfit to
wear."
"Fine by me. Is there a clothing store you like?"
"Cross-dressing isn't a hobby, Lelouch. I don't know anything about women's
clothes."
"Idiot. A store you like to shop at for your own clothes will probably have
similar styles for girls."
Lelouch might have a point there – Suzaku really wouldn't know.
Clothes have never been a priority for Suzaku, not even as a child as he was a
rambunctious kid who had a tendency to inadvertently ruin clothing during
playtime (the memory of his father sternly eyeing the careless holes and fresh
dirt smeared all over him is a vivid one), and once he became an honorary
Britannian, the military provided his uniform which was all he felt he needed –
it isn't as though he ever had a spare weekend to himself, and even if he did
it was always spent alone… Ashford being a uniform school meant he didn't need
to go out and by a slew of clothes just to attend, either. Sure, he has a few
casual articles out of necessity but nothing more than he needs.
Lelouch has had more freedom to create and cultivate a taste for fashionable
clothes for whatever occasion, and he does look very attractive in his
carefully crafted outfits, but that's just Lelouch. He is always gorgeous, even
when he's rising from bed in the morning like a decrepit zombie from the grave.
Even all of his pajamas are match sets, rather than old clothes and underwear,
like Suzaku. Still, clothes just aren't Suzaku's interest or forte and he has
no idea where to even begin when sifting through stores in order to build
a girl's wardrobe. It all seems so complicated but he isn't sure he wants to
rely on Lelouch – it's not as if Suzaku wants to start looking like Nunnally.
Not that she doesn't look nice…
Suzaku's eyes catch on a store window with a curious assortment of mannequins
dressed in ghastly get-ups, surrounded by carved pumpkins and hanging bats in
front of a spooky, forest backdrop.
"Is this a costume shop?" he asks, stopping to observe the witchy woman with
her dark, tattered clothes and pointed hat.
"Looks that way. A few specialty shops always pop up for Halloween."
Instantly Suzaku's mind is brought to the Halloween event the student council
have begun planning and organizing for the entire school, like they have every
year, he's been told; how costumes aren't exactly optional being a council
member, and how he has yet to get one.
"…Let's go in there!" Suzaku utters excitedly, tugging Lelouch towards the
entrance—
"What? Why?" Lelouch tries to resist, leaning away from the random outburst.
"What about Suzie?"
"Well, I don't know about Suzie," the fake blond continues to pull her black-
haired companion, "but Suzaku doesn't have a costume for Halloween yet."
So a Halloween costume isn't necessarily necessary, but Suzaku isn't like
Lelouch with all of his rational purchases and balanced checkbook.
Besides, it's perfect date material.
He hears Lelouch sigh and the weak weight of his resistance falls into the flow
as they walk through the door, a bell ringing happily as they enter. The store
itself is strangely lacking customers.
"Fine," Lelouch lackadaisically agrees, following Suzaku with a lagging step
and looking to one proud figure standing tall on one of the many shelves. "I
suppose we can find you a sexy nurse costume."
"You wish," Suzaku tosses back at him as he makes his way down an empty aisle
with a smirk that Lelouch shares. "And what was that about catching
a male seahorse for a reason?"
"Can't a guy have a fantasy?"
"Is that your fantasy?" Suzaku lifts an amused eyebrow as he passes by the pre-
packaged sets that are all too generic for his liking.
"What if I said that you are my fantasy?" he devilishly murmurs, curling his
hands around the cross-dressed boy's waist.
"I'd ask who you are and what you did with Lelouch," Suzaku answers without
missing a beat – Lelouch has his moments, but something that… whatever that
is couldn't have been his own idea.
Lelouch chuckles warmly, the sound fading from Suzaku's ear as he releases his
grip and leans away to grab a pair of red devil horns from the shelf behind
them.
"I thought I already told you"—he places the headband on his head with a
smirk—"I'm a demon."
"I don't see your tail," Suzaku criticizes playfully. "And shouldn't you have a
cape and pitchfork?" That's the typical Britannian caricature of a demon, isn't
it?
"Would you like to see my pitchfork?" A lack of chastity in Lelouch's words and
tone bend his lips upwards as he swoops towards Suzaku—
"Not really," Suzaku blandly rejects with his palm to Lelouch's chest, face
pointed at the splayed collection of eclectic accessories from whence those
devil horns came.
A subtle huff hisses through the air as Lelouch tosses the horns back on the
shelf.
"So do you have anything in mind or are you just looking?"
"I'm just looking," Suzaku answers, a finger to his chin as he carefully scans
his eyes over the merchandise. "I guess you could say that I'm hoping to find
some inspiration."
"…Well, do you have a type in mind?"
Suzaku looks at him curiously.
"You know, something scary or funny… or sexy," he says lastly with that
creeping smirk of his.
Suzaku shakes his humored head, "You don't give up, do you?" picking up a
feathery failure of a mask that never had any hope to live up to the artfully
crafted Venetian masks it tried to emulate.
"You should know that better than anyone."
Indeed he does.
"Anyway, do you know what you're dressing up as for the party?" Suzaku's lips
quirk dryly, "Or should I ask if you're even going to dress up?"
"I don't know yet…" Lelouch's voice is tender in an odd way as his eyes travel
over the shelves. "I usually dress as a pair with Nunnally but she hasn't said
anything to me yet."
"Does Nunnally usually come to you with the costume idea?"
"Sometimes. We typically work on it together but she usually has a theme or
something in mind that she'd like to do. I think she's more enthusiastic about
dressing up than I am."
That's ironic, considering Nunnally is blind, but Suzaku would never say that
out loud.
He's ashamed he even thought it.
"That's not surprising," Suzaku says instead, holding up a ghoulish mask for
brief inspection. "Trying to get you into any kind of costume is like trying to
dress a cat."
"If only I could scratch and bite like one, then everyone would stop trying.
Maybe I should adopt Arthur's defense."
"Maybe," Suzaku laughs. "I can tell you from experience that's
its very effective."
Lelouch smiles softly at him before slinking closer to speak against Suzaku's
neck, "You aren't afraid that I might bite you, too?" his finger taps at a
package of false vampire teeth hanging from the shelf.
Suzaku grins as naughty memories brush warmly over his cheeks, "I can't be
afraid of something I'm already used to."
Lelouch hums pleasantly, circling his arms around his pregnant prey from behind
and stealing a succulent bite from a pulsing neck, the feeling of grazing teeth
nibbling down to Suzaku's crotch. He feels himself smiling dumbly at the
tingling sensation as he places his hands on Lelouch's arms, squeezing them as
a command to make Lelouch stop, but hips are pressed against Suzaku's backside
instead.
Lelouch seems far more insatiable than usual lately...
Probably because they've rarely seen each other.
"Lelouch!" Suzaku laughs despite himself. "You're not helping!"
"I don't remember saying that I was going to help you."
•-•
In the end, Suzaku was unable to select a costume and any inspiration he was
looking for was blocked by Lelouch's ambitions to make-out on every aisle and
in every corner of the small establishment.
But, mostly, it was because the store manager kindly told them to take it
somewhere else before Suzaku could invest in any more productive searching.
Seems not everyone is so welcoming when it comes to public displays of
affection between a boy and a girl.
•-
-•
On the surface, that blonde-haired girl Nunnally has been growing rather fond
of reminds Lelouch too much of C.C.
Same emotionless expression.
Same hard eyes.
Same tight lips.
It's equally upsetting to see her settled next to Nunnally at the dinner table
when he walks through the door as it is – was – to see that witch.
Lelouch can't say he doesn't like the girl, he hardly knows her –
but that's the problem. It just figures that Nunnally would befriend a new kid
Lelouch has yet to sleuth for their background. He supposes it's only a matter
of time before Nunnally started making her own friends, and he should be happy
for her because life hasn't been an easy journey for his little sister.
Sometimes it still feels like just yesterday when she was running around the
villa with garden flowers woven in her hair—
When she was confined to a hospital bed—
When her hysterical episodes as a newly and frustrated blind, handicapped girl
punctuated their lonely banishment—
But he can't let those tense memories darken his aura, not while he's in front
of the light of his life.
"Good evening, Nunnally," he greets her with the smile he saves for her,
nodding genially at Alice.
"Welcome home, big brother!" she happily returns, having already started
smiling at him once he walked through the door.
"So," Lelouch says as he walks up to the table, roaming his eyes over the
Braille text book and various papers cluttering the surface in front of them,
"what are you up to?"
"Oh, Alice and I are just doing some homework."
"Are you, now?" he asks, leaning to look over her work after kissing her
forehead. "Need any help?"
Nunnally smiles, "No, we're doing fine."
We're  doing fine…
So Nunnally is having this Alice help her with her homework (instead of him)?
Perhaps it's his own fault for being so engulfed by Zero that he neglected to
care for what he was protecting… and now someone else is swooping in right
under him.
"Ah… then I guess I won't keep you from working," he says, unbuttoning the
collar of his topcoat to relieve a strange feeling that's bottling up inside
him. "Is Sayoko making dinner?" That would explain the delicious smell
sauntering from the kitchen.
"Yes. Is Suzaku eating with us tonight?"
"I don't think so. It appears he'll be working late again today."
"He shouldn't work so much," she pouts a little, reminding him of the exuberant
child she used to be.
Lelouch chuckles, "You should tell him that the next time you see him." He pats
her head before walking away, "He doesn't seem to listen to me."
Although the seahorse knows he damn well should.
Lelouch has half a mind to jump Suzaku and make it so that he'll be too sore to
do much of anything except rest.
He finds his smile falling as soon as he's out of sight of Nunnally and Alice,
slightly skulking his way into the kitchen with the Nunnally dilemma swarming
around his head. Sayoko is indeed hard at work preparing their meal, pots
steaming on the stovetop that create the wonderful aroma that makes his empty
stomach grumble.
"So you're making Italian tonight?" he asks her with a hungry grin, inhaling
the rich, tomato scent of the red sauce simmering in a large pot.
"Spaghetti upon Nunnally's request." Sayoko smiles, amused by his sigh of
anticipation as she stirs the marinara mixture. "Would you like to taste it?"
He thought she'd never ask.
Lelouch takes the offered spoon, sipping lightly from the wood and savoring the
prickle of flavor that blankets his mouth.
"It's good." He rolls the sip around his tongue thoughtfully, "Maybe… add a
little more oregano?"
She gives him a lopsided smirk, "If you say so," and dashes more of the herb
into the pot.
Although Sayoko was not originally to prepare meals for them, being a maid and
nothing else, she's always been a capable cooker and has improved over the
years. They both know that Lelouch has a picky palate that prefers his exact
measurements as he's taught himself the art of cooking growing up, but Sayoko
is one person that can please his taste buds other than himself.
"Thanks for cooking tonight," he says, leaning against the counter next to the
stove and crossing his arms.
"No problem." She regards him for a moment before turning her attention to the
uncut cucumber waiting to join the lettuce in the salad bowl beside the cutting
board. "But that's not why you're in here right now, is it? There's something
else you want to talk about, besides oregano."
Lelouch blinks at her in surprise, and then releases a quiet, wistful sigh that
inflates his lips into a very faint grin.
"I forget how perceptive you are sometimes."
"It helps to have known you for a long time." She glances at him fondly before
turning back to the cucumber, slicing thin circles from the vegetable, "What's
on your mind?"
Aside from the fact that Suzaku is becoming more pregnant every day, that Zero
is prematurely being absorbed in bureaucracy, and that there is a growing
distance between him and Nunnally?
Nothing at all.
"Well…" Lelouch taps his fingers on his arm, looking away from her tender gaze.
"I'm just curious about Alice."
"Oh?"
"Yes. Is she around Nunnally a lot?"
"Well, they've been seeing more of each other lately. I think they're getting
closer, becoming very good friends."
"I see…"
"You don't sound happy about that," Sayoko says, looking to him with her
gentle, brown eyes.
"I'm just concerned. I don't know anything about this girl and suddenly she's
in our home. I don't even know her family name." Or her
family relations and connections.
"Don't let your first impression fool you, she's a very nice girl," the maid
assures with a kind grin, "but she doesn't seem to make friends easily. Perhaps
that's why she and Nunnally are hitting it off so well. Nunnally is as
accepting as they come. Alice has also proven herself to be rather protective
of Nunnally in her own way. Just get to know her and you'll see they're good
for each other."
The chopping sound of a knife hitting wood follows Sayoko's words, and somehow
Lelouch feels as though it's cutting his voice from his throat.
The older woman is more than trustworthy, so if she had any doubts or
suspicions about Alice, she wouldn't keep it to herself – she doesn't even show
restraint in chiding Lelouch about his gambling habits. Sayoko is the closest
thing he and Nunnally have had to a mother since theirs died seven years ago
and speaking to her is as reassuring as Lelouch hoped it would be even though
he still needs to investigate the girl to a level of his own satisfaction.
But then, Lelouch isn't sure if he could bring himself to separate the two when
Nunnally is warming up to Alice so much…
"Thank you," he murmurs, feeling a tremor of inadequacy stifle his voice, and
walks away from Sayoko's polite welcome to join Nunnally at the table while
they wait for dinner.
This is a good opportunity to conduct his interview.
•-
-•
Alone in the hallway, Euphemia and Zero converse privately, almost
too comfortably for Suzaku's liking. He can't hear what they're talking about
from his distance but he knows if he were to draw closer their conversation
would likely end.
Suzaku is curious to know if Zero is aware his surveillance, if he can feel it,
if that mask obscures more than just an identity. He wouldn't put it past the
vigilante, having proved in the past to be very aware of his surroundings, but,
Zero hardly pays any attention to Suzaku – not that Suzaku has been willing to
makes friends, either.
It's strange, actually, suspicious, even, that Zero spends the majority of his
time concealed in his office of which only select persons are allowed inside,
for the most part. A somewhat-disguised Kallen is usually the security,
standing at attention with the antsy expression of a guard dog just waiting to
snap at the slightest threat. Suzaku doesn't know what to make of their truce
now, but he knows better than to go preaching to her while she follows Zero
around by an invisible leash. Surprisingly, a man named Ohgi has been doing a
lot of the diplomatic errands, always present at every conference and often
seen shuffling with papers as he marches through the halls. Perhaps it's to be
expected since the man is Zero's number one (but he looks more like
Zero's student than his right-hand man.) Zero has shared few words with Suzaku,
not that he expected they would become best friends while stabilizing the Zone—
Speaking of best friends, Lelouch's behavior lately has changed. He doesn't
come in late, typically being home before Suzaku, and his demeanor as a whole
seems… lighter, peppier. Even though he still skips class whenever he feels
like it and occasionally slips out after student council meetings, something is
odd about the picture. It's almost as if he's trying to look innocent, but by
doing so he only looks all the more fishy. Yet, at the same time, Suzaku has to
wonder if this is all just some paranoid delusion. Maybe Lelouch simply is
happier now that Suzaku is safer, even if he was initially reluctant about the
Zone. And, it's not like Suzaku said anything directly to Lelouch about
possible connections to Zero… but Lelouch isn't stupid and tends to pick up on
things no matter how subtle… Perhaps Lelouch caught on to Suzaku's conjecture
and aimed to rebuff it. He might be a closet supporter for Zero and the Black
Knights, but…
"Didn't anyone ever tell you that if you make that expression for too long your
face will stay that way?"
Suzaku blinks at the pretty face of ex-princess Euphemia who is a lot closer
than he remembers – when did she…?
"Spacing out, are we?" she asks him with a light grin.
"No," he says, shaking his head and rubbing his face but pauses to give her an
honest glimpse of his guilty eyes. "Well… maybe a little."
She giggles at him behind her fist.
"I'm sorry. I'm just having a little trouble focusing these days."
"Don't apologize, Suzaku." Euphemia's consoling voice is like a cool tonic to
his nerves and restless mind. "It's understandable considering your situation."
That's right.
He'd read in those books that a common side-effect of being pregnant was an
inability to concentrate, the mind being too focused on the baby.
Well… he's certainly preoccupied, just not always on the baby.
"And it's getting late, anyway. You should probably be heading home soon."
But he isn't sure he wants to go just yet.
He'd rather listen to Lelouch's reprimanding later than deal with his sexual
advancements now.
"What were you and Zero talking about just now?"
"Still don't trust him?" she asks with a facetious line pulling up the corners
of her lips.
Suzaku is careful to not glare at her, "It's reasonable, don't you think? He
protects himself by hiding behind a mask, not to mention I'm no fan of his
methods."
"Reasonable, perhaps," Euphemia acknowledges with a tilt of her head. "But, did
you ever consider that he might be protecting more than just his identity?"
Suzaku's eyebrows scrunch at her as a response.
"He's hiding his face, but why? Only because he doesn't want anyone to see him?
Maybe he has family and friends just like everyone else. People he loves and
doesn't want getting entangled in his affairs or hurt because of them. Never
judge a book by its cover, they say. And don't you think that accepting my
offer is a step in the right direction for him?"
"…I haven't thought of that," he gravely admits to her despite not knowing if
it's really true. When he thought about Lelouch being Zero, it seemed to make
sense, but what would that case be if it isn't Lelouch? "But why would he risk
everything to fight this battle?"
Her lips form a strange half-smile, "I don't know. Maybe that's a question you
should ask him yourself." Suzaku blinks at her and before he's able to respond,
she's tugging him by the arm to walk down the hall in the opposite direction
towards her office. "Anyway, this isn't what I wanted to talk to you about.
Come, come! I have something important to give you!"
•-•
"One… two… three!" Lelouch hoists Nunnally from her chair to her bed in a
perfected motion without jostling or any slips. She situates herself sitting up
in front of her pillow as Lelouch moves the chair towards the foot of her bed,
out of the way but still within reach, and returns to her to encase her like a
jewel in a box with the blanket. "Are you comfortable?" he asks, pulling and
tucking the covers around her.
She nods with a smile, "It's always perfect when you're the one to tuck me in."
Affection draws a smile on Lelouch's lips and he sits down beside her, fiddling
with minor adjustments to the blankets that needlessly straightens any fiendish
wrinkles.
"I'm sorry I didn't make it to dinner tonight. I know I haven't been spending a
lot of time with you lately because I've been busy…" he pauses, but not to hear
her forgive him, just to read her grave expression, "but I haven't forgotten
about the Halloween party. Actually, I think I've come up with a concept," he
announces proudly until her grim silence chisels the smile right off his face.
"About that…" she begins delicately, her fingers clasping tensely together.
"Alice asked me if I wanted to dress up with her this year. You see, she
doesn't have anyone else to go with, so…"
…What is Nunnally saying?
"You don't mind, do you? If I dress up with Alice?"
Yeah, actually, he kind of really minds.
A lot.
"No… If that's what you want to do."
"Are you sure? I mean, I know you don't really care for this sort of thing and
Halloween is less than two weeks away…"
Lelouch never thought such harmless words could hurt him so much.
Or that Nunnally could be the one to speak them.
"I… just want you to be happy. Whatever you want to do is fine."
He isn't lying to her, but it hurts like he is, and he wonders if there's even
a difference in this moment.
It shouldn't be a big deal, it's just for one party…
One they've always celebrated together since…
Lelouch strains to smile, grabbing her hand in both of his.
"Don't worry about me. Go have fun with your friend."
Even if he was really looking forward to it.
Even if it ruptures a small crack in his heart (or is that her bubble world
that's breaking?).
"Ok." She smiles faintly. "I guess this means you can go with Suzaku now."
"You mean as a pair?" Lelouch asks her and when she nods he breathes a wry puff
through his nose, "Somehow I doubt that."
The idiot can't even pick a costume.
"Wouldn't it be fun to go together? It'll be the first time to spend Halloween
with him."
He feels his eyebrows crease a little at her.
In a way, this is a strange conversation to be having.
"It isn't like I won't see him there."
Nunnally nods, "I guess you're right…"
"You sound concerned," Lelouch says, lifting one corner of his lips and rubbing
the back of her hand in his grasp.
She seems to shrug a little, "I guess I am."
"And why is that?"
Nunnally's lips press together rather firmly, her eyebrows twisting into an
uncertain frown – a moment of consideration on her part that's as alarming as
it is adorable… as long as nothing is actually wrong.
"I know about you and Suzaku."
.
.
.
Eh?
"…What do you mean?" Lelouch's lips curve into a skewed grin; not just taken
aback, but yanked aback by a quivering panic – he should probably stop holding
her hand now if he's going to try and squirm his way out of this one…
"Lelouch," she stoically pats his hand, almost in reassurance to his quickened
heartbeat, "I know I can't see, but I'm not blind."
She… has a point.
Ever since she's lost her eyesight, her other senses, including her intuition,
have become surprisingly sharp to the point where she can not only distinguish
people but know where they are in the room. It's uncanny, but it's made life so
much easier for her. At the same time, however, it's made it harder for Lelouch
to uphold his calm, cool, and collected big brother bravado when things aren't
so great in reality.
Seems he should have figured she could sense the emotional attachment between
him and Suzaku, but that doesn't quite explain her square knowledge of the fact
– unless that idiot went and opened his big mouth again – and she isn't one to
jump to conclusions.
Maybe he shouldn't ask.
"I'm not bothered by it, or anything like that," she says, her words cushioned
with sincerity. Lelouch's eyes only look down at their grouped hands in a
sullen sink. "I wasn't going to say anything, but I don't want you to feel like
you have to keep it a secret from me. I love you and support you, no matter
what."
No matter what, huh?
Her soft hands squeeze his and he looks up to her with a light smile.
"Suzaku was right."—her eyebrows curiously crease—"You are becoming too mature
for me to handle."
She giggles quietly, "The two of you understand each other and fit together so
well… I'm happy for you."
"I suppose I'm happy for you, too, finally having a special friendship."
"You suppose you're happy?" she teases, tugging his hands.
Another half-smile pins up the corner of his lips, "I don't like the idea of
sharing you, is all."
"You haven't changed at all!" Nunnally laughs.
"I hope I've changed a little…" Lelouch pretends to sulk.
"I mean that in a good way. I like that you're still the same since…" a frown
threatens to eat her lips as her hands flirt with a clench and it jolts his
chest.
"You're still the same little girl, too." Lelouch tries to distract her with an
upbeat tone to counteract the sad hint that ghosted in with her words. "Just
missing the pigtails…" he playfully flicks a finger at her long hair, but he
doesn't get the response he wants.
"Did you hear the announcement about Euphie?"
Lelouch is surprised by not only the sudden topic change, but that Nunnally is
the one to make it and that she tried to lighten her voice. It's not like her…
"Yes, I did," he replies slowly, almost cautiously, to her.
He doubts that there is a person on this island – or the world –
who hasn't heard the announcement and indulged in the shocking story. Just like
Euphemia had promised, nearly a month after the Zone was welcomed with wary
minds, the mainland made the official announcement about the Third Princess
stepping down from succession "in order to fully devote her time to the SAZ."
While an obvious bent truth, to their credit it was actually done in a tasteful
manner.
More so than Lelouch's disowning…
But who's comparing?
"She's very kind, isn't she?"
"I suppose so," Lelouch coolly replies.
The sacrifice itself doesn't come with just her giving up her title; it's
the lifestyle and privileges that go with it that makes it selfless. Euphemia
has relinquished the only life she's ever known: one of lavish and little
suffering. While true that the infighting within the royal family can be brutal
she's never really been threatened by it, and life on the outside is an
entirely different world – although she's already in better standing than
Lelouch was when he dared to defy. Euphemia may still have the luxury of
Cornelia's (…and Schneizel's, as long as it serves his gains) protection,
dotage and guidance but she will be shamed as nothing but a turncoat number
lover – that's not exactly good for winning over many, or any, high-tiered
Brits, but it does boost support for numbers and remaining independent
countries, if nothing else.
Nunnally bites her lip slightly, "I know I shouldn't ask, but I really want to
see Euphie again. Do you think we could see her one more time? She's not
royalty anymore, just like us, right? Doesn't that mean it would be easier to
see her now?"
"I don't know…" Lelouch says, unable to completely reject her. "I'm not sure it
would be that simple, even given the circumstance."
Unfortunately, Euphemia's status, or lack thereof, doesn't make anything
easier.
She'll still most likely have guards and still mostly likely have Cornelia
hovering over her now more than ever and there's the press that's still
flocking to her like bees to honey thanks to the double effect of the Zone and
her status change. It's all spelled a scandal in big letters, rumors
about her and her knight thickening like sticky peanut butter in the mouths of
both the media and general public. If anything, Euphemia has probably made it
harder for them to meet. At least for now.
"…I see."
"I'm sorry. Maybe we can see her again later, when things are a little more
settled with the media."
Nunnally silently nods – Lelouch tries to not imagine the dejected glaze
flowing under her eyelids.
"You know, Euphie hasn't changed, either," the abandoned fourth princess says.
"You think so?"
"Yeah." A smile struggles to lift her lips. "When we spoke before finding you,
it was just like before… when we were younger."
Lelouch forces an undersized smile and nods, ignoring the way his childhood
sores blaze like lit gasoline through his veins at the light of sad
implications strung to her words. He'd like to remember only the good times…
but they only remind him of how it all ended.
"It was like I could see the garden again in her voice. I could smell the fresh
grass and flowers… We talked about those memories, and I really enjoyed it."
"That's good."
It is, really.
Euphemia can recall those happy times without festering, like Lelouch.
Nunnally deserves something like that in her life…
"It made me happy to revisit those times, when we were all together…" she
appears to nod at her own statement, as if to verify it's true. "There are so
many things I feel I've forgotten… like exact colours and expressions. What the
sky looks like throughout the day…" her tone steadily dims as the outline of
her eyes roll downward, perhaps trying to chase after her fading memories, and
he feels it hollow his chest with remorse. "…Do you still miss mother?"
Lelouch doesn't have to hesitate at this.
"Every day," he confesses to her softly, smoothing his palm over her hand.
"Me too… I think about her a lot." In so many ways right now, Nunnally is
digressing into her childhood self in Lelouch's mind. He won't deny that he's
never stopped seeing her as nothing but his kid sister, but it's different this
time somehow, as if the morose mood is turning back time… especially when she
sniffles.
…When she sniffles?
"Nunnally?" Lelouch beckons with a tilt of his head at the stifled sound of her
sniffing nose, a spike of fear rising up from his gut when droplets race down
her cheeks. "Nunnally, what's wrong?" he asks hastily, reaching to wipe—
She shakes her head furiously, "…Nothing!"
"You're crying." He feels a little silly saying that out loud, as if she
doesn't know.
Her head shakes again, although less dramatically as the tears gain momentum.
"Please, tell me what's wrong," he implores, a nasty knot of childhood angst
constricting his stomach. "Why are you upset?"
"…Because!" Nunnally's voice is close to hysterical, a crack in her speech
causing her sharp inhale to shudder out as a sob. "Because I can't remember
mother's face!"
•-•
"I know about Lelouch and Nunnally," Euphemia says in the cozy confines of her
private office, causing Suzaku's heart to nearly burst.
"…I don't, um, I have no idea… what you mean."
She grins at him, "Don't worry, Suzaku. This isn't due to any fault of your
own. I ran into them when I visited Ashford."
He breathes a giant sigh of relief, the fresh air birthing a new heart in his
chest – he thought that might have happened… He can hear Euphemia's giggling as
she rounds her large desk, sparsely decorated by documents compared to personal
photos and knick-knacks. A pink gift-bag with brightly coloured tissue paper
clouding up from the inside is placed on top of the polished surface and her
light-blue eyes pleasantly gleam at him.
"Are you still friends? I mean, do you see each other a lot at school?"
"Yes…" Suzaku answers with a nod and a hint of a question in his tone.
"Good! I'm so happy to hear that." She smiles something close to relieved joy,
and Suzaku couldn't find it more strange. "You always seemed so at ease when
you talked about them, I'm glad they're back in your life. I think they'll be
good for you. Also, I have a little, selfish errand, if you don't mind." She
gestures to the bag, "Nunnally's birthday is coming up but I can't really go
visit her, so I was hoping that you would give this to her for me."
Suzaku looks between Euphemia and the gift a few times before he steps closer
to the desk.
"Sure, I can do that," he says with a smile that she quickly returns.
"I wish I could see her on her birthday, but…" Her shimmering eyes drop from
his again and into a sullen shade. "I guess this is the best I can do for now."
Suzaku can't imagine the emotional toll that was taken on her heart after
grieving for her brother and sister for seven years but she truly appears to be
in better spirits with the knowledge of their survival. Still, the initial
information probably has a waning euphoria when she realized she can't see or
speak to them – the one thing she's wished for since they were banished from
the palace and the country.
Euphemia suddenly laughs a little at herself, "I probably shouldn't even be
giving her a present! I can already hear Lelouch's disproval, but it would be
worth it to see the look on her face."
"…Then why don't you just give it to her yourself?"
Her expression is a collage of surprise and disappointment, "I can't…"
"Well… I could ask if it's alright, if you want."
Her eyes instantly light up, "You'd do that?"
"Of course," Suzaku answers with a smile. "I'd be honored."
Nunnally's birthday party will be a big celebration and have the attendance of
the student council, and whoever else the birthday girl wants to invite, but
Lelouch informed Suzaku that they always do something together, alone, around
her birthday.
Big sister will be all right to come on that night, if only for dinner.
Euphemia grins coyly at him, "You're a genuine gentleman, aren't you?"
Gentleman…?
Don't make Suzaku blush!
Some awkward chuckles tousle in his throat and he looks down at his shoes,
bashfully rubbing the back of his head.
"…If you say so."
"Learn to take a compliment," she teases. "I still want you to take this gift
anyway, just in case. Don't give it to her until her birthday, though!"
"Of course." Suzaku's green eyes look up to her with a soft smile. "Can I ask
what it is?"
Euphemia shakes a chiding head and finger at him, "No peeking, even for you!"
A hearty laugh puffs from Suzaku's mouth as he looks down at the bag, wishing
he had the same finesse with presentation like Lelouch and Euphemia – although
maybe she had gift-wrapping done for her…
"So… how are you doing?"
"Doing…?" Suzaku repeats with a blank look before the small fry slaps his brain
with recognition. "Oh! Fine. Just fine. I had a check-up recently and I'm due
for another one after Nunnally's birthday."
"That's good to hear." The weighty mood of her face is brightened like a
budding flower. "I'm happy for you."
"Thanks…" Suzaku timidly accepts with an awkward lift of his shoulders.
Why does she insist on making him blush?
"Does… Does Lelouch know?" Her shy question makes Suzaku inwardly guffaw at the
irony.
That Lelouch is the father.
That he is a very naggy father.
But Euphemia doesn't know any of the above, so he must remain dignified while
mentally curious about whether or not she'll ever know anything.
Suzaku grins, trying to tame the dryness from his voice, "Yes, he knows."
Euphemia's pink hair bobs with the nod of her head, a firm expression hardening
her eyes with sincerity.
"That's good. Friends should support each other."
Suzaku didn't say Lelouch "supports" him, but it's nice that she instinctively
thinks the best of her brother.
Perhaps Suzaku should follow her example.
…And Lelouch is a very supportive father and friend.
"By the way…" she starts again tentatively, eyes seeming to search for courage,
"the father, of your baby, I mean, is he…?"
Suzaku lifts an eyebrow when her blue eyes flock to him for help – like he
knows what she's thinking.
He's not Lelouch.
"…Well, I know it's not any of my business, but I'm just curious about him…"
Ah…
"You want to know what kind of person he is?"
•-•
"…Nunnally," Lelouch manages to murmur through his surprise, barely able to
find his voice as he wipes her eyes with tender thumbs.
"I've been looking at the same faded image of her for years… I've only realized
it recently that… she's gone." Nunnally weeps, clinging to her big brother's
arms as they try to pull her up from her river of tears. "I've been trying to
remember, concentrating for hours, but not even in my dreams can I see her
face…! There's nothing there… She's gone, Lelouch."
He hasn't seen her cry like this since she was young… since the bittersweet
days at the Kururugi shrine. He just isn't sure what to say. Her tears and her
sadness have always left him feeling mute, as if his knowledge of the English
language has been scooped out of his skull.
"I'm sorry," she hiccups. "I know you don't like to talk about the past, but
I—!"
No…
Don't apologize for this…
"I feel so empty! Like I've lost a part of myself and I don't know how to get
it back!"
This is Lelouch's fault.
For every brittle brush-off he made at the topic of their past…
For every absent response at the mention of their mother…
For every promise of talking later and later never coming…
For shutting her out along with the feelings he refused to face…
For leaving Nunnally alone in the silent dark…
Not even ignorance is to blame.
This is all Lelouch's fault.
"I'm sorry… I was trying to be strong for you, so you wouldn't worry about me…
I didn't want to tell you…"
"Don't apologize," he quietly murmurs, trying to hurdle his voice over a
quivering lump in his throat as he gently wipes away the teardrops rolling down
her cheeks, cupping her face and looking at her eyes as if she'll stare back –
there's always the chance… "You don't have anything to be sorry about.
Nunnally…" I'm sorry… His voice drowns in her wavy weeps and it's as if
she really is the little, pig-tailed girl that could only be consoled by
mother's kiss and rocking arms or the blind girl who just wanted to see and
walk again… He's consumed by a staircase drenched in blood and a nurturing
smile he isn't sure he can completely remember anymore as it's stolen by dead
eyes.
Lelouch can't seem to remember how to speak, suddenly becoming a helpless boy
all over again.
Why do words always feel so meaningless at times when they are needed the
most…?
He wordlessly gathers her into his arms as he slides up next her, petting her
long, brown hair as she tucks her despondence into his shoulder, feeling his
eyes prickle as his white shirt dampens.
There isn't anything else he can do.
Lelouch had never been so powerless during those nights when Nunnally was
inconsolable, sobbing through violent tantrums… No one would believe Nunnally
is capable of such horrific sorrow and distress. Lelouch didn't until he saw
it. There wasn't a word he could say or a promise he could make to ease her
pain, to calm her heart.
All he could do was hold her to keep her from literally falling apart, and it
seems the present is the same as the past…
Because if her smile is his motivation, then her tears are his demise.
Lelouch realizes how much he's taken for granted as his violet eyes prickle
with sadness that stubbornly stays tightly knotted in his chest. It's been so
long since the last time he's so much as blinked a tear from his eye, because
he wanted to be strong for Nunnally. Instead, it turns out, she is the stronger
one.
You're not the one who should be sorry.
•-•
It's so late…
Lelouch is going to kill him.
It was already very late when Euphemia grabbed him, well past supper and close
to bed time, and he meant to head home right after speaking with her…
Suzaku really dropped the ball this time.
He was more than surprised by Euphemia's question, for more than one reason,
and even though he wanted to talk to her, if only a little, he knew he'd
inevitably say something he shouldn't. Suzaku wonders what real harm could come
from her knowing that Lelouch is the father, but… Lelouch has been hiding for
seven years for a reason.
Lots of reasons.
Suzaku tried to convey some basic, non-personal things and maybe Euphemia
recognized that it was a sensitive subject because she didn't pry. It really
would've been nice, though, because the only person he has to talk to is
Lelouch, and in that case he might as well be talking to a frowning brick wall.
But, at least Suzaku re-learned his feelings for Lelouch run much, much deeper
than he initially thought. (Deeper than any loathing he carries for a certain
masked terrorist.)
Suzaku quietly steps through the hall of the clubhouse as if afraid the taut
tension of Lelouch's temper will snap if he walks too heavily – perhaps it's
exaggerated, but if Suzaku expects the worst, the reality won't seem that bad…
It's a trick he's picked up from Lelouch. Too focused on the probable scorning,
Suzaku turns into the first pair of doors that slide open for him and the light
that douses his vision isn't unperceived—
However, the light, floral scent thick in the air shocks to his senses—
He realizes, a bit embarrassedly, that he stumbled into Nunnally's room and
quickly opens his mouth to apologize—
"I'm s—!" But there, on Nunnally's bed, are a slumbering prince and princess.
Suzaku feels as though he's walked into a picture frame as he stands in a
stunned stupor for a moment to register the scene, even smiling very faintly to
himself as he steals an intimate glimpse. Lelouch looks like he'll wake up with
a sore back, being propped against the bed rail like a saggy stuffed animal,
but Suzaku imagines he likely won't mind it. His arms are curled around a
sound-sleeping Nunnally who's snugly folded into her blankets as she uses her
big brother as a big pillow, her cheek perched on his gently rising and sinking
chest. Their breaths are so soft and slow, Suzaku catches his own so he doesn't
cause them to wake and shatter this image. He nearly turns to tip-toe out
before glancing at them again, at Lelouch who isn't covered and still wearing
his uniform minus the topcoat. After laying a spare blanket from the foot of
Nunnally's bed over Lelouch, Suzaku ducks out of the room, flipping off the
light as he leaves.
It's too late to take a shower, but he's feeling too antsy to sleep – probably
because of the pregnancy, like the books say. He has been a little preoccupied
lately, but it has yet to affect his sleep, so he figures taking a hot shower
will soothe his body enough to set a course to dreamland. Suzaku heads to the
bedroom first to shed some of his own uniform and decides to set out a book to
wait for him after washing up to read in bed—
Only, he can't find the one he wants to read.
Shit!
He's torn through his book bag and the pile hidden in Lelouch's closet –
because he's that paranoid – but no luck. Sure, he could read any one of
the many books Lelouch has purchased – an abundance that has grown with their
small fry – but that isn't the issue.
Suzaku lost the book.
Losing the book is a bad thing.
If someone found it… well, there aren't any names or anything personal written
in them, but how is Suzaku going to get it back? He doesn't even know where he
lost it!
Just what will Lelouch do to him if he learns Suzaku lost the book?
Lelouch will freak if he finds out and he'll never let Suzaku hear the end of
it!
"Just think!" he growls to himself under his breath, standing with a frown in
the middle of the room.
The last time he remembers having it was in his school bag – which was unwise
in itself, he realizes, but he only had it in there because he wanted to try
and do some reading before heading to work… Well, there isn't a lot of free
time to come by, which is why he's late to noticing its absence… But Suzaku
clearly brought the bag back, he just hasn't touched it since then, apparently…
That was before the Zone, wasn't it?
What if it fell out of his bag during school, in one of his classes?
A lazy meow startles Suzaku, making him jump and nearly pounce the intruder
until he sees a pair of feline eyes staring at him – judging him.
A thick sigh of relief hales from Suzaku's mouth, "Arthur… what are you doing
in here?"
Arthur doesn't even do him the courtesy of blinking.
"I don't know where it is, Arthur," Suzaku says as he flops down on the bed,
falling onto his back like a dead man.
The cat quickly appears on the bed, strutting up to Suzaku's head with what he
supposes is ill-intent in those golden eyes.
"You haven't seen the book, have you?" He reaches to scratch a furry head as
some sort of peace offering, as if Arthur is the fiend who stole the book and
will return it with the right coaxing—
Before Suzaku can even hope to experience the familiar pang of Arthur's fangs,
the book's whereabouts flood his mind like a brilliant light. He remembers
chasing the cat out of his bag at the end of a club meeting once, and forgot to
check and make sure everything was there because he was running late, so the
book just has to be there!
"Oh, Arthur, why didn't you say so?" Suzaku deliriously chides with a smile as
he springs from the bed as if jolted by the electric epiphany.
Arthur merely yawns at his jaunty exit.
The human idiot.
•-
-•
Milly knew her bait would work, which is why she's doubly glad that she
installed a hidden camera – courtesy of the boys from the film club! Perhaps
she'll keep up her end of the borrow bargain now that she's got something to
show for her persuasive personality.
She wouldn't have thought it would be Suzaku, however.
Several replays later before the start of the club meeting and
she's still reeling in the find and the possibilities that come with it.
Obviously, there's only one sound – and decidedly dramatic – conclusion to
draw.
"Former Princess Euphemia must be involved in this," Milly announces as if
she's finally found the answer to an equation.
There is simply no other explanation.
Shirley, the wet blanket, predictably chokes on her breath and her appalled
eyes flare at the blond.
"M-Madam President!"
"It makes sense and you know it." Milly waves her hand perfunctorily at the
girl, staring at the figure caught on the computer screen, Nina standing
awkwardly beside her as she holds the linked camera. "Just think about it:
there are a lot of rumors running around about her and her brave knight –
something most have disapproved of to begin with – and then she 'resigns' from
her royal status out of the blue?"
"Because of the Zone!" Shirley insists. "That's what they said in the
announcement!"
"Do you believe everything you're told, Shirley?"
The swimmer huffs, her face tinged red by frazzled nerves and embarrassment.
"Do you even realize what you're saying?" Rivalz asks cautiously, sitting at
the table across from Shirley. "That has to be, like, slander or something,
right? You don't have any proof except that Suzaku picked up some book."
"Slander?" Milly sounds like her voice doesn't even want to touch the word.
Because it doesn't.
And it isn't like she's going public with this information – as tempting a
thought it is…
"And she's still part of the royal family!" Shirley tags in a tad too
desperately to sound the least bit convincing. "You shouldn't be
disrespectful."
What's so disrespectful, exactly?
That Milly is saying Euphemia might be having a relationship with her knight?
(Like it would even be the first time something like this has happened.) That
she could be pregnant as a result, even though she's under age and not married?
Who even cares about all of that, anyway?
They can't possibly be so… old fashioned.
And why does it all fall on Euphemia?
Suzaku is a part of this as well. Why aren't they upset about his reputation?
He's the one who's their friend! It's true that Euphemia probably has more at
stake in this scenario, farther to fall from grace than him, but it's this
bloody double-standard that's causing all the problems in the first place!
Why can't these two ignore tradition and just be happy for the happy couple?
Two words: Wet. Blankets.
As far as not having any proof… Well, perhaps this is only speculation, but
this explains why Lelouch and Suzaku spent that one afternoon at the bookstore
as if it was some clandestine affair! The Lelouch point makes sense, but, since
only Milly knows of his royal connection – aside from Suzaku – she can't share
this indisputable piece of evidence.
"You're being too serious," she drawls at them – let them be close-minded and
never enjoy themselves, see if Milly cares. "So serious that you've forgotten
the most important thing!"
Rivalz and Shirley exchange a glance to confirm they both feel the eerie chill
rolling in with Milly's chipper tone.
They do.
"What important thing…?" Enters Kallen on her own dull beat, the sick girl's
bland voice heavy with confusion.
Milly perks up like a recently hydrated plant and bounds over to the girl who
quenched her thirst, grabbing her by the shoulders as Shirley and Rivalz watch
from the side with certain-doom still hovering over their heads from
the last time.
"Why, the baby shower of course!" the excited president declares, all smiles
and glittery aurora that infuse a look of utter shock and fear into the red-
head's very soul.
Oh, Kallen.
She should've gotten out while she still had the chance…
•-
-•
Lelouch stands in the doorway with crossed arms, leaning against the frame as
he looks at Nunnally's smile from a distance, watching Euphemia fill a void he
hadn't realized was growing in Nunnally's heart. Euphemia's visit has proven to
lift Nunnally's spirits, their private dinner being a nostalgic night that
she's needed, and perhaps a little something that Lelouch needed, too. It isn't
easy accepting that they needed her for this, but Lelouch is aware that he's
closed up too tight for his own sake and forgot about Nunnally, that she's
different and has different functions.
Lelouch is comfortable with repressing, Nunnally isn't. He forced his own
unhealthy emotional problems onto her and that wasn't fair even though it was
unintentional. All he can do is work on his vulnerability issues, however
difficult that might be.
He doesn't want to end up making the same mistake with his child.
"You don't look happy," Suzaku says quietly, appearing at Lelouch's side as the
two sisters shower each other in shameless affection – Lelouch can do that,
although his isn't as emotional about it as Euphemia…
He lets Suzaku's statement stay unattended in the air, choosing to not reply as
he stares at the golden, heart locket dangling around Nunnally's neck and the
small box sitting in front of her on the table – the present Euphemia gave her.
It's not an overly lavished item, relatively small and a little plain. It's
rectangular and wooden with a heart-shaped cut on the lid filled with glass,
stained with a soft pink rose – but for this box it's the inside that truly
matters. Not only is the inside carpeted in burgundy velvet, but once opened,
it plays a soft, tinkering melody just like the one Nunnally had when she was
young, when she was still a princess – mainly because it is the one she had
when she was still a princess. Euphemia had apparently managed to save it after
they left and has kept it in excellent condition. Nunnally gushed when she
heard the music, excitedly feeling the box with her fingers, and she
immediately commented that it would be the perfect place to store her new
necklace, if she ever takes it off. Their mother had given Nunnally that gift,
a souvenir of sorts from Europe, and she used to sing and hum that song to
them…
Nunnally doesn't love one gift more than the other, which is just like her, but
Lelouch almost wishes Euphemia hadn't given her anything at all… Suzaku
splurged on some very fancy and rather expensive special origami paper with
different textures, and she loved that to the same weight, but that doesn't
bother Lelouch as much as that music box.
"Are you not alright with her being here?" Suzaku asks, not to be deterred by
Lelouch's silence – a quality that is as needed as it is annoying. If there's
anyone to help Lelouch with his intimacy problems, it's definitely this
stubborn, emotional seahorse.
"Honestly? No. I don't want her here," Lelouch answers in a firm slate of
words. "It's too dangerous and risky for her to be anywhere near us. I don't
like this at all." He can see Suzaku tilt his head from the corner of his eye.
"Then why did you agree to invite her?"
Why?
That should be obvious.
"Because I want to make Nunnally happy." No matter what…
Suzaku releases a very soft breath that sounds a lot like a voiceless puff of
laughter.
"When we were younger, I sometimes wished that you were my real brother."
Lelouch slides his eyes away from Nunnally's glowing smile to look at Suzaku
sideways, at his crooked grin.
"For obvious reasons, now I'm glad you're not." There's a light touch on
Lelouch's back, pulling his face towards Suzaku fully. "Nunnally
is extremely lucky to have a big brother like you."
It's as if those are the exact words Lelouch has been needing to hear; they
loosen the tension, guilt, and doubt in the holes of his heart with tender
warmth as a hand on his back rubs at his invisible wounds. It doesn't quell the
pain completely, but it's a start. If they weren't currently sharing the room
with Euphemia, Lelouch would gladly express to Suzaku just how appreciative he
is to have heard that, but he supposes that for now a heart-felt smile is just
as good until he can smother the boy with a kiss later in private.
And that's just a kiss.
Lelouch isn't a whore for affection…
•-•
Suzaku is marveling at the triplet collection of ultrasound photos in an
unmarked, white binder – because Lelouch didn't have anything else on hand –
instead of catching up on his baby reading as he sits in bed. He drags the pad
of his forefinger along the profile of their small fry over the plastic sleeve,
wishing he had more pictures in between the first two to really see the
development, but he supposes that he'll be gaining more now that the doctor
visits are more frequent. In fact, with a growing smile, he slides the latest
image into the next available slip and fondly compares it against the one just
before it…
And then Lelouch enters the room like a dark fog rolling over water and Suzaku
considers warning other ships about the impenetrable weather. He tries to
brighten his partner's dismal haze by sharing his smile, but he's more or less
ignored as Lelouch deposits his dirty clothes in the hamper, a bath towel still
around his neck.
Something's been up with Lelouch lately, like he isn't looking at the present
or he's just distracted – in Suzaku's case, his distraction is mostly the baby
(and maybe other things he wants to ignore), but it doesn't seem to be the same
case with daddy. Maybe he is more bothered about Euphemia than he let on, or is
it…?
"Lelouch," Suzaku calls, lifting the binder up from his lap in little a
gesture, "I added the ultrasound picture, do you want to see it?"
Murky violets flick to him and the boy steps over, rubbing excess water from
his hair with the towel as he reaches for Suzaku's handy work with passive
grace that makes irks the seahorse before a rift of joy gently breaks along
Lelouch's lips after taking the binder.
"Hard to believe it's not even the size of a finger yet."
"Yeah…" Suzaku smiles softly up at his parental partner, at the pleasant
surface flowing over his preoccupied gaze again like a rising tide. "Do you
think it'll be a boy or a girl?"
"Does it matter?" Lelouch tonelessly replies, turning away from him to stash
the baby binder in his desk and hang his towel over the back of his chair.
"No. Just making conversation."
"Hm…"
"Lelouch, is something bothering you?"
Lelouch looks at him with a half-shrug and a head shake, trying to look
indifferent, but Suzaku knows that look in Lelouch's eye when he sees it –
rather, when he can't see anything else.
"No."
"Are you sure?"
Lelouch appears to frown a little, "Yes. Why do you keep asking?"
Getting defensive over practically nothing is a good enough reason to…
"Because it seems like you're bothered, or distracted about something. Is it
still Euphie?"
The determination to maintain the lie is steadfast in Lelouch's eyes, almost
shining like a challenge, but the façade must be wafer-thin for it wavers
quickly with a deep exhale.
"It's just…" Lelouch climbs into bed, crawling over Suzaku's legs. "Nunnally
wants to dress up with Alice this year for Halloween, leaving me to go solo for
the first time."
"And that bothers you," Suzaku says, not asks.
Lelouch shrugs again as he scuttles under the blanket.
"But, isn't it true that you don't care for wearing costumes?"
"That isn't what this is about," Lelouch bites with a furrow of his brow. "I
did it for Nunnally because it makes her happy, and thus makes me happy. I
never minded if it was for her."
"But now you don't have a reason to do it, is that what you're saying?"
Lelouch opens his mouth, but he doesn't manage to say anything.
"Lelouch, it isn't the end of the world. So Nunnally wants to have fun with a
friend, can you blame her? You and I do stuff all the time."
"We're different," Lelouch petulantly counters, commandeering Suzaku's lap as
his pillow, not that Suzaku particularly minds, he just finds it… odd. Because
this is the first time. And he didn't do it in the most snuggly of manners. "It
just seems like she's growing up all of the sudden."
Suzaku simpers, resting a hand on Lelouch's shoulder, "She's fifteen now,
Lelouch. She's been growing for a long time."
"I know that, Captain Obvious. But it's starting to feel like she doesn't need
me as much anymore." Lelouch's solemn tone only seems to add to the invisible
weight on his shoulders, never mind the insult – Suzaku likens those to some
sort of defense mechanism, and are thus to be ignored. "…I'm not ready for
that."
Now who's playing Captain Obvious?
"I know it must be hard for you, but just remember that she'll always be your
little sister no matter what and you'll always be her big brother no matter
what."
Lelouch doesn't seem convinced of that and Suzaku is uncertain if he should
press this issue.
His mouth, however, seems to think he should.
"Listen, she'll always need you, but isn't the point of growing up to become
independent? To find our own place in the world?"
"I don't want to her to be independent. Her place is with me." Lelouch sounds
very silly but he couldn't be more serious.
"You know what they say, Lelouch: if you love something, you should let it go."
"Whoever said that obviously never loved anything."
Suzaku chuckles slightly, "You sound like a child."
Lelouch grumbles.
"It'll be fine. When Nunnally is ready to start her life, you'll be ready to
let her go because you'll have been the one to prepare her. But, she'll always
need you."
Lelouch grumbles… again.
Well, at least he stopped shrugging and sighing.
"And think of it this way: it will be good practice for our baby."
"Practice?" Lelouch dubiously repeats. "No, no. If anything it will be a lesson
learned."
"Just what are you insinuating?" Suzaku playfully pokes at Lelouch's head.
"Keeping our small fry a small fry, of course. I won't give it the chance to
grow."
"Now you just sound psychotic."
"But it isn't even just her growing up…" Lelouch ignores him, caught in a cloud
of tension that darkens the room. "As much as I refused to believe the day
would come… When I spoke to Nunnally the other night, she said she can't
remember our mother's face anymore."
So that's what's been hanging over Lelouch's head lately…
Heavy stuff.
"I've spent the last seven years protecting her, but when it really mattered I
was useless. What am I if I can't even keep her from getting hurt? That's all
I've wanted to do for her and I can't even do that much." Suzaku doesn't think
he's ever heard Lelouch sound so distressed and vulnerable, as if he's opening
his chest for an inspection of his heart.
Even if Suzaku wasn't stunned silent, he doesn't think there'd be much he could
say. This is the first time Lelouch has opened up so much – it must be a
serious wound for him to talk about it – and Suzaku doesn't want to make
Lelouch close back up like a clam. He just pets Lelouch's head as soothingly as
he can, absorbing himself in the actions of his fingers as they comb through
the inky tendrils of Lelouch's hair, relishing more than just the soft texture
that swims over his skin.
He isn't sure he should pursue this vulnerable path laid before him by stating
the obvious – that Nunnally is probably going to get hurt one way or another
despite the efforts of big brother – but he doesn't think he should cater to
Lelouch's delusion, either. Reality can hurt, but not facing it doesn't make it
go away or any easier to handle in the end.
Suzaku knows that from experience.
Yet… this sounds contradictory; to say Nunnally is growing up but can't
remember their mother… she's going to rely on Lelouch for something like this.
But, because Lelouch feels helpless, there's nothing he can do, so… Are these
two issues related or is Suzaku just puzzling over a clear picture?
"It doesn't matter if she gets hurt," he says softly, looking down at the
raven-haired head in his lap. "What's important is that you're there to catch
her when she falls. Words of wisdom don't always need to be shared; sometimes
just being there to listen or hold her is enough."
Lelouch merely hums dispassionately, but he doesn't move away from Suzaku's
touch, so maybe that's speaks for itself – if he was uncomfortable in any way
he would spurn or deflect. Suzaku doesn't expect Lelouch to bare his soul, at
least not all at once, and he doesn't want to change him, all he wants to
become the exception to Lelouch's guarded heart; for Lelouch to feel safe and
comfortable enough with him to not apply the shields he uses on everyone else.
The fact that Lelouch has come to him with this worry at all is a giant step
toward that certain sense of intimacy this violet-eyed clam has been avoiding
by burying himself in the sand as deeply as possible.
Suzaku doesn't know what exactly inspired Lelouch to spill this private,
personal morsel; all he does knows is that he's welcoming this
unprecedented phenomenon as attentively as he can like he finally got an
independent, stray cat to willingly come to him and wants to savor the moment,
unsure of when it will happen again. So, Suzaku is torn. He's too afraid of
scaring Lelouch back into his shell and yet he doesn't want this chance to peer
inside Lelouch's heart to pass by unfulfilled.
Maybe it would be smart to just leave it at this and not press his luck.
"…What does your mother look like?" Suzaku asks suddenly thanks to a persistent
curiosity.
Lelouch shifts a little before answering, perhaps not expecting that question
or maybe thrown by the present tense, and he speaks with a slow, mechanical
slant to his words.
"You… want me to describe her to you?"
"Sure, if you don't mind. I have no idea what she looks like."
A true statement.
Suzaku has heard brief mentions of her, but nothing to do with her appearance.
And it isn't as if there are images of her littering today's society despite
her reputation. Otherwise her son would've been recognized a long time ago.
"Well…" Lelouch fidgets again, "she was tall and thin, but strong and willful.
Her face was kind of narrow but soft and warm when she smiled. She had deep
blue eyes and long wavy hair like Nunnally, except it was black, and had fair
skin…"
"She sounds pretty."
"She was. At least, I always thought so…"
Suzaku grins, "She also sounds like you – you must take after her a lot."
Lelouch shifts again and Suzaku gets the impression there's something he's not
sharing.
Suzaku doesn't doubt it.
"Maybe."
"And from some of the stories I've heard Nunnally tell, it seems you inherited
some of her protectiveness."
"…I don't want to talk about that."
The sudden clap of a shell snapping shut in Lelouch's words causes Suzaku's
hand to flinch away in surrender, a physical doge of a line he, perhaps,
shouldn't be crossing.
Not yet.
Hell, even Lelouch just saying he doesn't want to talk about it
is saying something.
"Is there anything else you want to talk about?" Suzaku resumes petting
Lelouch's hair, hoping he can maybe skim just a bit more off the crusty surface
of Lelouch's shell.
But Lelouch reels from Suzaku's lap and he can already tell by those amethyst
walls that the time to peek has passed. Instead those secretive, prideful lips
press against his with a cupping hand on his cheek while another touches his
hip… He faintly registers that there are indeed fingers flirting with his skin
under his shirt and that they do indeed belong to Lelouch as he hears himself
contently sigh. Lips are drawing him into a delightful daze that thickens when
Lelouch's tongue bluntly enters his mouth, rubbing and slithering against his
in hypnotic motions that practically wash his mind of everything except
the physical realm. Suzaku almost can't believe how quickly they've gone from
talking about Nunnally and Lady Marianne to—
Nunnally!
Suzaku instantly withdraws, his lips not quite catching up as he licks them
clean, "So, have you finished your class work?"
What a lousy distraction…
But, Suzaku is desperate.
Lelouch's eyebrow is already arced, "…You don't need to worry about that." He
swoops in for Suzaku's lips to resume where they were, but firm hands act as a
buffer against his chest and flush out his sneaking hand.
"Lelouch…" Suzaku murmurs, Nunnally-guilt bolted to his voice and pants like a
chastity belt, making him sound more disinclined to the other boy's advances
than he means to.
A disdainful screw tightens Lelouch's lips into a small, sneering smile and
Suzaku can't blame him for it.
Suzaku doesn't mean to be a tease, but that's exactly what's happening.
The sour prince doesn't retreat from the defeat, though. He holds strong in his
position.
"You've been avoiding me physically a lot lately," Lelouch's voice is
surprising level considering the straining smile he just wore, tapping his
fingers over Suzaku's leg in patient drumming, "and I know it isn't because
you're not interested. Do you want to tell me why this is?"
Suzaku tries to swallow the confession budding in his throat, throwing his eyes
as far away from Lelouch's once those vindicating violets pin to his, trying to
upheave the little secret Suzaku's been sitting on with this single look.
Suzaku doesn't make it a habit to lie, therefore he is not a very good liar and
he doesn't intend to develop this skill, but it makes these moments with
Lelouch all the more difficult. Once the brilliant boy has sniffed something
peculiar, he won't relent until he's found the origin of the stench.
Which is unfortunate because Suzaku knows he's giving off quite a powerful
smell.
He's also very vulnerable to Lelouch's intense stares.
"Suzaku…" Lelouch coaxes, rubbing his hand up and down Suzaku's leg as he
pivots his head to look into evasive emeralds.
The suddenly skittish seahorse tries his best to steer clear of Lelouch's
roping eyes, but he is inevitably wrangled by the stronger will of his friend.
"…It's…" Suzaku begins, a reluctant purse on his face to both confess and lie,
"I'm worried that Nunnally might hear."
"Hm…" A grating pause sits on Lelouch's end, making Suzaku's nerves curl –
Lelouch couldn't already know, could he? "She said something to you, too?"
"You mean she told you that she heard us having sex?!" Suzaku blurts out in a
burst of nerves that were clogging his throat… but when he acknowledges
Lelouch's expression [...(o_O)...?] he realizes his mouth has gotten him into
trouble again.
"No…" Lelouch is surprisingly sober when he speaks – perhaps he knows what to
expect from Suzaku by now, at least…
Suzaku is already nodding.
He knows he goofed.
"Suzaku… you really need to start thinking before you speak…"
"Yeah…"
"…or at least get the whole story first…"
"…I know."
"…As fun as it is to hear your spouts of stupidity…"
"I know…"
"…it's going to get you into a lot of trouble someday."
Suzaku merely nods – today wouldn't happen to be that "someday," would it?
Lelouch heaves a heavy sigh as he rubs a hand over his face as if trying to
scrub the moment from his mind.
"…So… I guess that's to blame for your distance."
Suzaku nods without another word.
"I guess it can't be helped. But if you were quiet she probably wouldn't have
heard anything in the first place."
Suzaku gawks at him – the nerve!
"You! You! You…!"
Lelouch fondly smirks at him and kisses his cheek.
"You're welcome, by the way."
"And you're an arrogant ass."
"You say 'arrogant,'" Lelouch grazes his lips over Suzaku's, "I say confident."
"Overconfident." The younger boy pushes the older one away in a strong
rejection. "Work on your stamina and then get back to me."
"I'd suggest we work on that now, but the moment's been spoiled… thank you." He
flops onto his back, folding his hands behind his head.
"Sorry…"
Lelouch shrugs.
…Just a shrug?
"You're actually handling this very well, for you. I thought you'd be more
upset about this."
More like he thought Lelouch would bring upon the apocalypse at the
mere whiff of this information…
"Oh, Suzaku…" Lelouch smiles strangely, staring at the ceiling. "You have no
idea." Some unsettling chuckles cackle from his throat, "…It's almost amusing."
Suzaku stares.
Is this some sort of sick trick?
Or is he just underreacting on purpose…?
"…It is?"
"No. But I've been told I should learn to find the humor in life." Lelouch
looks at his companion, placidity smoothing his features, "Otherwise I might
endure health problems."
Who told you that?
"That doesn't mean you should repress your feelings." Suzaku frowns. "That's
not any better than stressing out or getting worked up."
Lelouch laughs again, but it sounds less crazed and more humored as it tumbles
in his chest.
"You're right about that, I suppose." He sighs, looking up again like he can
see right through the ceiling. "I don't know, I think I'm kind of… relieved."
"Really?" Suzaku asks as he slides to lie down.
Lelouch nods, "Like I have one less thing to worry about. There's
nothing proper about the situation, but Nunnally has a lot of grace and dignity
to make this somewhat bearable."
"She is your sister," Suzaku smiles widely, nudging Lelouch with his elbow. "If
anything, you have enough dignity to spare her."
"I'll choose to take that as a compliment." Lelouch gives Suzaku a sideways
glance, "So… I guess this means we won't be having any sex if Nunnally is
around."
"Not a chance."
•-
-•
Lelouch finds Death on Halloween night and smiles.
The cheesy, plastic scythe complete with a flowing, black cloak, and skull mask
are a far cry from bringing the fear of a true death to life, but the idiot
picked something that's somewhat interesting, at least. Lelouch would certainly
be impressed if the irony is on purpose.
Suzaku is standing by the window of the student council room, the dark sky a
perfect backdrop for such an evening, as he socializes with Milly – who he
would have to guess is supposed to be a pixie (because she could never be
a fairy). The whimsically sheer, embroidered wings on her back, slender wand,
and the glitter all over her exposed skin are a dead giveaway. She is dressed
promiscuously enough, wearing a dark red halter-top and black miniskirt with
dark hose and knee-high boots, all of which shows her figure rather
unabashedly… which is being very much admired by the flamboyant clown behind
her.
Rivalz couldn't have dressed any closer to the truth… but the white, dotted
one-piece he's wearing isn't going to earn him any points despite being as
vibrant as a peacock fanning his tail for a mate. He looks like a giant
marshmallow, sprinkled with multi-coloured confetti and his orange wig looks
like a flame trying to melt him into a sticky mess… He of course completed the
outfit with a painted smile, a bulbous, red nose and big red shoes… Rivalz gets
points for dedication, if nothing else.
Even Arthur is decked out for the party, although he doesn't look pleased as he
scratches at the fake crown strapped to his head and cape tied around his neck
while resting on his high perch. Nina is standing awkwardly beside him, looking
as if she can't decide to pet him or not, and looks relatively regular, save
for the white lab coat swathing her body.
Kallen is sitting at the table nearby, looking as bored and annoyed as
an invalid can, dressed like some samurai warrior out of a painting, a fake,
sheathed katana lying in front of her – at least Lelouch hopes it's fake.
The only person missing is—
"Is it true that Zero is really a woman?"—Lelouch hears an excited Milly ask
Suzaku and he decides, rather irritatedly (why is she so fixated on that…? And
who ever factually reported that he is a woman?), that now is a good a time as
any to steal his seahorse away from the party.
When he sets out to make his decision a reality, however, he finds himself
caught from behind by the gloved, beseeching hand of a life-size doll in a
short, baby blue dress with orange pigtails, rich red lips, and bright pink
cheeks.
Shirley?
"I'm sorry to bother you, but I just really need to talk to you," she meekly
says contrary to her strong grip, her powdered face pursed with angst.
"It wouldn't happen to be an apology for standing me up, would it?" he asks her
a bit derisively, watching her flinch with guilt – he isn't even really
bothered by it, but an apology would still be nice.
…It doesn't matter that he initially planned to do the same thing to her when
he agreed to attend the concert with her… because he did show up, even if he
was late – better late than never. (And it was for her own good, anyway. She
didn't need to get anymore attached to a troubled rebel than she already was…)
"I'm sorry about that… I'm just so confused. Everyone keeps saying things about
me and you, that I, err, we were friends or something, but I don't remember
anything at all. Why is that? Why can't I remember you when we've clearly known
each other for years?"
Lelouch isn't sure how to answer that, but he figures that, in this case, maybe
honesty isn't such a bad idea.
It's about time this gets wrapped up nicely, anyway.
He smirks at her a bit playfully, "Because I told you to forget about me."
Shirley blinks at him; his words wiping her face clean of any understanding.
"Because you told me to…?"
"That's right," he says still smiling as he offers her his hand – knowing a
pixie-Milly is watching them from the corner of her eye. "So why don't we start
over now? A fresh start for a new friendship?"
Shirley's brain is lost at sea as she stares at his hand as if it's some
strange, new fish species, but grasps it anyway.
"Ok… I guess…" her olive eyes look up at him bemusedly, "Does this mean I'm
supposed to start calling you 'Lulu'?"
He'd rather she didn't.
But, for the sake of appearances…
"I think everyone else might leave you alone if you do."
She smiles and it's nothing short of relief that washes her brain back to her,
"Then I guess I will."
"So our Vice President finally shows himself," Milly sassily calls as she
sashays up to them, her eyes rolling over Lelouch with a disdainful grin. "I'm
so glad you worked hard on your costume."
Lelouch smirks back at her, "Always try my best, Madam President."
She hums at him as she tugs one of Shirley's pigtails, "Well, now that all
the business has been taken care of, it's time to kick off the party! Everyone
to their posts! We draw the curtains at seven o'clock, sharp!"
Lelouch gets a feeling of déjà vu as he watches everyone walk through the door
behind her like a train – they were supposed to have a quick overview of
tonight's schedule and protocol, but it seems Milly can't be bothered with that
anymore…
Or did he miss that part?
"Guess it's time to go, then." Shirley's hair bounces about her shoulders as
she prances out of the room, "See you later, Lulu!"
Lelouch smiles despite the use of his cutesy nick-name.
That was certainly an easy fix, but Lelouch won't complain.
He likes reconciliations that are concise and straightforward… even though that
wasn't quite straightforward…
"I don't know what surprises me more"—Lelouch hears someone say behind him—"The
fact that you're a devil or that you hardly even tried on your costume."
Lelouch comes face-to-face with the Grim Reaper himself and he smiles a crooked
smirk, "And I suppose you think you're better?"
Suzaku shrugs, but it's hard to tell through the mask and roomy robe just what
type of shrug it is.
"At least I didn't just tie a tail to my pants and call it a costume."
Fact: Lelouch got dressed in his regular street clothes, added devil horns and
tail, and went to the party.
Fact: No one said he had to put a lot of effort into his costume, just that he
had to wear one of some kind.
"You're the one calling it a costume, aren't you?" Lelouch counters airily with
a cross of his arms. "As far as you know this is the real me."
"So you keep telling me, right?" Suzaku laughs.
"The sooner you accept that, the sooner you'll understand."
Suzaku shakes his head, pushing his mask up under his hood to reveal a light
sheet of sweat already beading on his face – oh, how that leads Lelouch's
thoughts astray…
"Something's missing, though." Suzaku lifts an eyebrow, looking Lelouch over
with inspecting eyes. "Where's your pitchfork?"
Like Lelouch cared enough to carry something like that around, let alone find
one.
Fact: Lelouch didn't try on his costume, remember?
Feeling in the spirit for the first time this Halloween, a sultry smirk crawls
over his lips at the naughty thoughts that fill his head and he seductively
taps on Suzaku's chest with one finger.
"You know, Nunnally is going to be out for some time tonight, enjoying the
festivities…"—supervised, of course; Nunnally might be off with Alice, but
everywhere they go, a ninja is watching them—"So," he bats his eyelashes at
Suzaku, his gaze steaming with allure, "we could slip away if you'd like to see
my pitchfork."
A roguish grin claims Suzaku's lips, "I should've known a demon like you would
jump on the chance to take me to heaven."
"I wonder if a reaper and a demon are even capable of going to heaven," Lelouch
murmurs huskily, sliding his finger up Suzaku's chest and snatching his chin,
"but it's worth investigating, don't you think?"
Death appears to swallow and a skittish ripple quakes his voice, "Certainly.
But won't everyone notice if we're not around? We have jobs, and aren't you
supposed to help with the costume contest? I'd rather not be interrupted on
our trip because we're not at our posts."
Suzaku does bring up a good point… unfortunately.
Thanks to the festival last month that ate quite the hole in their budget, this
Halloween is a rather low-key affair… to Milly's standards. They've still got
all the junk food any kid could ask for, plenty of music for the dancers, the
scary movie marathon for the thrill seekers, a few murder, killing related
role-playing games, but for the most part it's an independently celebrated
holiday – one the school supports because it keeps their students out of
trouble, or at least keeps their trouble on campus. Still, these aren't
terribly difficult tasks to manage, the rest of the student council can handle
these few activities fine, along with the chaperones (who are
the real babysitters, not Lelouch) without two of their members; and if they
can't, well, Lelouch is even more worried about the future state of this world.
There's only one thing Lelouch ever looks forward to and it is taking Nunnally
through an unofficial Trick or Treating throughout the campus - but she's going
with Alice this year…
All that's left is the costume contest, which is Milly's baby and the only real
"event" of the night. Lelouch only has to be there as a formality because he's
the Vice President, and because Milly doesn't like to count the votes… and
because she would try to rig it. It isn't even exciting, although he is
fearful. The winner is determined democratically and always receives
some mysterious prize that could be anything – though it usually involves
exploiting some poor member of the student council.
Actually, that gives him an idea…
"Not to worry," Lelouch reassures. "I can take care of that." He struts over to
the intercom, complacently clearing his throat before ringing the attention
chimes. "Attention, students, this is your Vice President speaking with an
important announcement: as a surprise twist tonight, the Student Council
President herself has promised to award the person who can capture her and
steal her wand first with one wish! All high school students are eligible, so
go find her before the game ends at midnight! Good luck!"
Let's see her try to run in those boots.
Too distracted by the costume contest, Milly doesn't realize she led herself
right into the lion's den…
And that she left Lelouch with the gate key.
He grabs Suzaku's wrist and flees the scene as quickly as possible, before he
can become trapped by his own trick.
•-•
"Lelouch, I'm a little surprised at you," Suzaku says in a breath with a toothy
smile, his heart racing to catch up to him as he slips his shoes off at the
door of Lelouch's dark bedroom.
"She won't be president forever and it'd be nice for her to get a taste of her
own medicine before she leaves." Lelouch shrugs, turning to Death after locking
the door behind them, a wily warp on his lips, "…And it isn't like she doesn't
deserve it."
Suzaku is grinning, "This will buy us some alone time, at least…"
"That was the plan." The Demon happily wags his eyebrows, not wasting any time
to smooch with Suzaku where they stand, his arms roping around Suzaku's waist
and pulling until there's no space left between them. Suzaku wraps his own
limbs around Lelouch's neck, somewhat wishing he could just hop up into the
taller boy's arms and be carried to bed… but that's like wishing for the moon.
But he doesn't need the moon to come to him.
He can meet it halfway.
Suzaku decides to take the initiative for once, pulling Lelouch with him around
the bed by their locked lips, breaking when he sheds his mask, scythe and long,
black cloak. They fall from his fingertips as Lelouch's palms softly skim up
his naked torso under a white t-shirt, those hot hands sliding around his hips
and up his back, spreading a wildfire over Suzaku's skin. He feels the fiery
excitement churning in his crotch as Lelouch kisses his neck, sucking and
lapping along his pulse in a way that entices his muscles to wither and beg for
the bed. The clatter of devil horns crashing against the hard-wood floor cracks
loudly in their thickening air, the thud of Lelouch's shoes close behind them
as Suzaku sinks into the bed with the Britannian between his legs. Lelouch
pulls Suzaku's knees up as he settles between them and a hand rakes into
midnight his hair as he kisses the brunet again with pleasantly firm and
controlling lips.
Lips that sweetly claimed Suzaku.
They break a bit for air and Lelouch licks Suzaku's bottom lip, sensually
sucking the plumping part with close attention to the boy's hidden hot spot
with a hinting scrape of teeth. Suzaku tries to keep from drooling as he holds
his mouth open, gasping as one hand rubs down from his thigh over his clothed
crotch with just the right pressure in just the right places. It pushes an
unsuppressed moan from Suzaku's throat, making Lelouch slurp off his lip to
lustfully stare at him as he concentrates the groping of his fingers on
tightening testicles. The affectionate hand has Suzaku's hips squirming faintly
as it massages and pulls, squeezes and rubs as if polishing a dirty but
delicate doorknob and it knocks the soldier's head back, tipping his face to
the side in mewling pleasure.
Those smoldering violet eyes are staring down at him with sharp, intimidating
focus. Suzaku is almost surprised the demon hasn't swiftly devoured him yet,
but he can tell by the ravenous glimmer on Lelouch's entrancing eyes that this
won't be a short encounter – not that he minds it at all, being as horny as
he's ever been in his life, so far. Suzaku never knew he could become so
physically starved, and maybe the pregnancy is affecting his hormones, but
these past weeks of frustrated kisses and petting without promises of more has
raised a realization within him.
Maybe because this time was different – probably because now he knew exactly
what he was missing.
It was hard to find the time to be together before, but there was
always something to tide them over until they could devote all of their
attention to each other. A hand down his pants in the boy's restroom, some
quick dry-humping in the storage building, a friendly fellatio on the rooftop,
or even a discreet after-dinner dessert… But this time, there wasn't any of
that. Suzaku's schedule didn't allow for a lot of spare time in and out of
school, and any of the chances he got he was too afraid to take due to
Nunnally's unintentional warning. Suzaku can't believe it's been over a month
since they've had intercourse, and that he's so conscious of it. In reality,
they haven't been together all that long, for a little over two months now, and
their physical relationship is just as old, but it feels so much longer since
they became this secret item.
Like, maybe, seven years.
Suzaku can already feel the craving for copulation heating his body with
lustful blood and dull throbs in his flexing insides, a sensation that
intensifies when Lelouch's fingers breach his clothes. They tuck behind the
borders of his gym shorts and boxers, tugging them easily from his hips with
their elastic waistbands dragging over Suzaku's hardening flesh, making him
groan in his nose and fist the sheets. He just knows his knuckles are bleached
by the anticipated tension tightening his body as his clothes clear his feet
and by the way Lelouch's hands leave a burning chill as they smooth over his
legs towards to his flushing length. It twitches at the teasing caress of
fingertips that cruise up and down the shaft before curling in a secure grip
and decide to dilatorily start pumping as his own hands clutch to Lelouch's
shoulders with a whimper. Then Suzaku becomes aware of the fact that Lelouch is
still fully clothed while he's nude from head-to-toe just before he feels
Lelouch shift and the lazy fumbling of clothing reaches his ears—
But he flinches when something strange nudges his nipple and immediately sees
Lelouch's wanton smirk, then the hard plastic of a devil tail topped with a
spear-tipped cone. It circles around his tight nub, trickling tingles from his
chest down to his wet erection still caught in Lelouch's sluggish hand as it
slinks up and down with no end in sight; sensations that sink Suzaku into
darker depths of pleasure. It flicks over his stiff nub and Suzaku lets himself
openly gasp with closed eyes, presenting his chest for more with a small arch
of his back, and it heeds his request. A softly satisfied sound nuzzles in
Suzaku's nose as his hard nipples are teased with a circling, flicking tail of
a demon above him. He succumbs to the pull, letting his partner drink in his
open expression of fulfillment as a thicker moans flow from his throat until
everything stops and his drooping eyelids are lifted like shades. Those molten
violets eyes are the first thing Suzaku's sees as Lelouch leans in close to his
face, their noses almost brushing as that red, slim tail is brought between
them, the plastic tip rubbing over Suzaku's lips with pushy flirtation.
…Suzaku sees where this is going.
He parts his lips – hoping he looks as sexy as he's trying to be – and touches
it with the tip of his tongue, sweeping over it as if it's a piece of candy, or
maybe something else – Suzaku has just realized how much resemblance it bears
to a certain body part. He actually rather likes this playful suggestion (not
like Lelouch has ever given him the chance to do it for real), and he can see
the enjoyment glimmer in Lelouch's eyes. The Britannian is smirking at him
again, always, gently moving the tail forward and back onto Suzaku's taunting
tongue and it slides through puffing lips, in and out in a slow, sensual manner
until he adds his own tongue to the mix. It prods only briefly in Suzaku's
mouth before vanishing in a flash—
Kisses melt on the inside of Suzaku's thigh as they slowly plant closer to the
place a hand is gripping, wet sounds stirring the excitement in his loins with
sweltering eagerness that only boils once hot puffs of air sail down his
pulsing erection. A wide lick over the top of his cock pulls a moan from
Suzaku's throat, teeth biting down on plastic as his knees are hooked over
Lelouch's shoulders and his hips twitch upward for more, to be deeper. He
doesn't have to wait long for the hot pocket of Lelouch's mouth to engulf him,
sucking tamely as he wiggles and slides his tongue in the perfect places that
makes Suzaku feel like he'll blow a fuse.
Their physical relationship might still be young, but Lelouch is a very fast
learner and a very good listener to what Suzaku's body likes. He's more or less
gotten pleasuring Suzaku down to a science which seems impersonal but isn't
(entirely) accurate. Truth is, Lelouch couldn't be any more up close and
personal than he already is. He knows which buttons to press and
which knobs to turn to get Suzaku running like a well oiled machine – but this
thought brings Suzaku dangerously close to Lloyd and the Lancelot, and he'd
rather not stay on that path for too long.
Not that Suzaku has the capacity to concentrate on anything other than
Lelouch's bobbing head anymore…
With closed eyes Suzaku is gripping at the roots of onyx hair as if they're his
only tether to the planet and his earthly hold is tested when fingers begin to
tease at his entrance. They are dry and gentle as they entice him to open
up and relax with inviting pressure, but he's been ready since they started and
welcomes the attention with a contented jerk of his hips. The swampy mouth
savoring his hard flesh slides off, lazily lapping his tense balls a few times
as his knees are pushed all the way to his chest – with the order to hold them
there – and then he feels a hot wetness slide up his empty entrance—
And Suzaku's emerald eyes spring open when he flinches at the moist breath
hotly puffing against his opening, realizing what is happening—
"Lelouch, what are you…?" the seahorse worriedly beckons as the tail leaves his
mouth, looking down between his knees and seeping length only to see the top of
the older boy's head. A taunting heat torches across Suzaku's face and ears
while a tongue continues to lick his pink portal and he clenches the inside of
his knees. "…louch…" Suzaku pants, head falling back into a rising flush of
scorching pleasure that threads up through his blood with Lelouch's needling
tongue. He's not sure if he wants Lelouch to stop… but he is surprised and…
His hardness pulses as he feels his entry invitingly flex the slimy thing that
teasing pokes him. Lelouch rubs Suzaku with the flat of his tongue, lapping up
the morsels of desire that drip from Suzaku's mouth in Japanese drops. Suzaku's
toes curl and he noshes a curse tangled in a stifled moan at the teen that
dominates his every nook and cranny, and how much he carelessly enjoys it. They
both enjoy it – and Suzaku likes Lelouch's attentive passion, even if he might
get a bit carried away on his own sometimes…
When the devil tail returns, Suzaku gets to be surprised again. Rather than the
mind-numbing dexterity of Lelouch's long fingers it's the plastic, slightly
curved rod that tenderly turns into him with the help of a moistening tongue.
Suzaku's body initially locks up with a strangled grunt at the intrusion but
Lelouch's mouth swiftly returns to sucking his cock along with a holding hand
and all the pleasing stimulation eases his eager body into acceptance despite
uncomfortable reluctance to what's happening.
…Lelouch really seems to have already reached the point where he'd like
to spice things up a bit, which would be fine if he wouldn't just decide these
things on his own. This left-brained boy isn't the spontaneous type, prone to
adhering to schedules and routines, but that doesn't mean Suzaku can predict
his every move. Lelouch is thinking things long before they come to life, so in
his mind there's nothing random about them even though all that
pondering stays in his head.
Shoving a devil tail up Suzaku's ass – without introduction or permission –
is very random.
It's only more disturbing if Lelouch has actually spent time thinking about
it prior to this moment.
Suzaku is initially quite uncertain how to feel about this – he really
should've been asked first – as he feels that slim spade sig into his body, but
he can't deny the delight it brings as Lelouch carefully slides and swivels it
around inside him, stretching and filling his needs. Sometimes Suzaku still
can't wrap his head around the surreal reality that has blossomed between him
and Lelouch – who planted and nurtured this unknown pleasure inside him. He
wouldn't have thought he would or could hanker to not only be this close with
someone but to feel that ache within him – and that it's for Lelouch.
Maybe Suzaku had lots of reasons to be dumbstruck by Lelouch's feelings, but,
maybe there are many more reasons they're a perfect fit.
It isn't even just the superlative sensation; it's also the
pure connection between them that quells a strong, lonely emptiness in Suzaku
in both the literal and metaphorical senses. Suzaku doesn't want to say that
all of his emotional problems are simply solved by Lelouch's penis (because
that's just absurd), but sex, this entire relationship, with his dashing,
brooding prince has made him feel almost human again. Suzaku doesn't imagine
that he'll ever feel this way about anyone else, that any other man could
satisfy him like Lelouch and he plans to never, ever need know otherwise. He
wants Lelouch, and only Lelouch.
Of course, this novelty tail doesn't compare to Lelouch's strong flesh, being
much too thin and thrusting only so far, but it certainly does the job that a
pair of fingers could do. He can feel that tip he previously slathered with his
tongue prod at his prostate, swiping over it with Lelouch's calculated aim that
shocks hot excitement through Suzaku's blood until it bottles and bubbles in
his sopping erection. Pressure that threatens to burst right of him and into
Lelouch's tortuous mouth as he continues to lap and suck, his tongue a constant
assault to Suzaku's sensitive flesh. Lelouch is almost too casual about it even
though the sucking intensifies and reddens Suzaku's body while searing through
his loins with pulsing pleasure that's licked up by that slithery tongue. It
continually works with tormenting purpose; so soft and ruthless as it circles
and sweeps over his leaking tip, tempting the orgasm right out of his body more
and more each second.
Suzaku isn't sure he can take much more of this…
His hips are unsteady as his toes curl again and his thighs compress the
slurping head between them while squeezing around the tail that bumps his
prostate enough to bake his cock and balls like eggs in a frying pan. It
doesn't thrust aggressively or dive to the fullest depths but at Lelouch's hand
it really does become a devil, leaving Suzaku craving so much more even as he
rockets to heaven. Spurred by a pre-tremble volt of his climax, Suzaku tugs on
Lelouch's hair as a warning, to stop everything before he reaches the point of
no-return, but Lelouch only moves faster, even ignoring the gasping plea of his
name. Suzaku hears his voice leaping from his throat in confused sounds, the
desperate, begging words to stop because he's about to— rasping from his lips
as his slightly panicked lungs choke his voice.
Suzaku doesn't understand why Lelouch won't heed his warning
– undeniable request – and with his mind so distractedly trying to wrap around
the boy in front of him, his orgasm rushes him like a surging surf, blanketing
him in blinding bliss. He is suspended in the shuddering flow consuming him as
his knees curl towards his chest and his hips jerk like a second hand on a
clock as all the heavenly pressure jets from his body. On the clear edge of his
mind, he's aware of Lelouch slipping off of his softening length to lean over
the side of the bed, the evident sound of him spitting into the trash bin near
the desk is heard, causing the younger boy to dryly swallow through his gaping
mouth.
"…You didn't stop…" Suzaku pants almost as a question, sweeping the sweat on
his brow up into his hair with one hand.
Lelouch looks at him with a smugly lifted eyebrow, wiping his mouth with the
back of his hand.
"You'd have rather I left you unfinished?"
That isn't what Suzaku meant…
Lelouch removes the tail from Suzaku's body rather roughly, prompting him to
grunt and grumpily jump on the new subject.
"And what was with that tail?" Suzaku lightly grouses.
Lelouch's ebony-haired head tilts, "Didn't think I was getting
the optimal amount of enjoyment out of my purchase. Thought that would enhance
the experience."
Suzaku's scowls tightens, "This isn't a game!"
Lelouch could've asked or at least warned him first!
…Never mind that Suzaku could've stopped him if he really wanted to.
"Don't fret. I'm taking this very seriously." Lelouch seems to mock him like a
snake flaunting its tongue as he retrieves a bottle and condom from the desk.
Suzaku watches him for a second through scrutinizing squinting before snatching
the bottle from his partner's hand.
"Then take off your clothes," he pointedly declares with a plain almost-glare,
causing Lelouch to blink at him first and then smirk at him second.
Sometimes Lelouch is just so… Lelouch.
The brunet is shaking his head at his own tolerance of the other teen, looking
at the lubricant gel in his hand – Lelouch usually does this part, to enjoyable
detail, but this time Suzaku thinks… It's his turn to be spicy. He flips the
cap remembering their first time together with a subtle bottle of vanilla-
scented hand lotion Lelouch had for unknown reasons – perhaps it was used in
his private time, Suzaku can't say. To this day whenever Suzaku's nose catches
a whiff of the light, delicately sweet scent he's washed in that evening, and
night, when his body learned Lelouch's. And Lelouch learned his. And Suzaku has
to be careful because if he wades too deeply… his thoughts will form rather
publically in his pants. The proper young Britannian has since purchased
something suitable for their love-making but Suzaku misses the aroma as he
spreads a cool dollop of (impersonal) gel on his fingers. As it warms on his
fairly calloused digits, Suzaku glances at Lelouch to see the lad's torso is
bare and working to make his lower half the same. Then he looks back at his
coated fingers with different eyes.
After a brief moment of deliberation Suzaku decides he's deliberating too much
and turns his body to face Lelouch toward the head of the bed before reaching
with a somewhat tentative hand. He leans back on one hand as he presses his own
slickened fingers against his opening, rubbing himself before slipping in a
middle finger that makes room for a first finger. His movements grab Lelouch's
observant orbs and even in the dark Suzaku can see the double-take those
violets make when they digest what it is he's doing. Suzaku swallows under that
attentive stare, wondering what thoughts are tossing around behind it – hoping
it at least enjoys the view, because he's trying to be sexy for his controlling
clam. This isn't the same feeling of Lelouch's care but it still sews an
arousal within him. Suzaku's entrance is surprisingly relaxed but still tight
and yearning to take in his fingers as if they belong to Lelouch, as if of its
own mind, and a whispering moan even escapes his throat as he massages his own
passage. A naughty heat bubbles up his body as he tries to prepare himself more
that a skinny tail did, feeling his hot blood bake up through his skin and
tingle in his nipples. They twist with prickling pleasure starving to be
touched just like Suzaku's inner hunger that only intensifies the longer he
teases himself and Lelouch's sharpening gaze. The passive boy is slightly
reveling in the way his display steams those strong amethyst eyes as he begins
to roll his hips in calm, almost tranquil motions at the full feeling
reclaiming him—
And Lelouch tears the condom wrapper open with his teeth before he pounces like
a lion before Suzaku can feel too sinful. Hands are roaming Suzaku's body once
again and lips are pressing a flock of kisses over his shoulders, neck and face
in an amorous onslaught that leads the soldier to believe Lelouch
likes very much what he is seeing. Suzaku would ask, but it's not like he'd get
an adequate response, and he doesn't want to bother with the redundant now as
he is immersed in an ardent kiss. His knees are pushed up toward his chest
again and Suzaku is pushed down as their tongues tango while another hand
skates fingertips down his arm to flirt with his handy work. Two of Lelouch’s
long fingers dip into Suzaku and tangle with his, hoisting a lustful sound from
the younger boy’s lungs, overpowering the timid twiddling of the younger boy’s
fingering. Suzaku breaks from Lelouch’s mouth with a crisper moan and withdraws
his fingers to feel the stretch of his filling ring opening around his
partner’s shifting bones.
Suzaku has wanted nothing else.
His frame practically buckles under tension the both releases and builds as
Lelouch thoroughly strokes his insides. Suzaku is pushing his hips up towards
Lelouch's lap with pleasure mounting his body, throbbing in the rapid return of
his erection. Lelouch's covered length is full and standing, so he quickly
slips his still-wet fingers around his boyfriend's hard flesh before feeling it
thickly enter and fill his narrow channel. Not soon enough, Suzaku thinks…
"Does it still hurt?" Lelouch cautiously asks as he's fully breached inside
Suzaku, his brow folded into a troubled crease.
"Not as much as the first time," he quietly admits with a dissolving grimace,
wrapping his arms around an ivory neck and taking a pacifying breath as he
clenches in adjustment to the deep girth in his body. "Just… try not to rush."
Of course, this gentle murmur is requesting more than Lelouch keep it slow;
it's also asking him to last longer, to make it longer.
Lelouch appears to understand that as he fully and fervently kisses Suzaku. The
pilot doesn't know when they'll get a chance for this again and he wants to
make the most of it for as long as they can – perhaps Lelouch is on the same
page for he didn't even crack a quip at Suzaku's implication, and his beginning
movements are measured, patient.
Suzaku never took Lelouch as a physical person, for obvious reasons, but he's
turned out to be a… domineering but attentive lover who has yet to truly
disappoint Suzaku – he may not last for very long, but it's the quality, not
the quantity.
And Lelouch's quality is superb.
However, it took some time getting used to the way Lelouch performs.
He doesn't just have sex, he makes love.
It's almost too corny to believe, but Lelouch is as soft inside as he is hard
on the outside. There are times when their messing around only appears to be an
animalistic urge, but Suzaku has observed that Lelouch is incapable of leaving
their physical moments to be that shallow and meaningless, because they simply
aren't. It became clear to Suzaku that every careful touch Lelouch makes and
every kiss he takes are done for more than the fun, they're an expression of
his heart, of the things he can't say out loud, and Suzaku has learned to
accept that. He doesn't want to change Lelouch or even try to, even if that
means never getting to hear those three, little words as often as he likes to
say them. Lelouch prefers to show his affection rather than tell it, and that's
perfectly fine. As it is, he's grown fond of Lelouch's pampering in bed despite
the dead eyes of his father telling him he shouldn't enjoy it, that he doesn't
deserve it – but as this time passes with Lelouch, those eyes have begun to
fade. Suzaku can lie underneath his lover now and not feel guilt crushing him
as he is taken by the feelings of a boy who is too introverted (traumatized) to
share them in words.
It is ironic, though, to have an eloquent boy rely on his actions while a boy
who's inarticulate to rely on his words.
Still, Lelouch isn't any less bossy in bed than he is out of bed, and it's
apparent to Suzaku that his handsome prince is happiest when he just lies under
him like a limp noodle. Not romantic and not really fair, but Lelouch is still
much too attached to his perceptions of power and control – security – to allow
Suzaku any sexual venturing of his own. Lelouch probably thinks he's hiding
that fear well, but not well enough to fool Suzaku – or maybe Suzaku has just
finally understood.
[He'll never forget the time he gambled on pinching Lelouch's nipple when
things were heating between the sheets only to receive a complete halt of
action and a strangely fearsome stare along with a stern: "Don't do that."
"Because you don't like it?" Suzaku had asked, innocently enough.
Lelouch only answered with another stern response of "Don't do it" before
resuming as if none of that had just happened.
One would have to assume that Lelouch did not like it.]
When it comes to Lelouch, everything is always about control no matter what. It
isn't to say that he views Suzaku as less than an equal, it's just some
paranoid distrust that's been left to stew in his brain with the betrayal of
his father, resulting in a boy who is afraid to yield. It isn't even that he
distrusts Suzaku, either; he just doesn't know how to trust, how to open up,
or how to properly express his deeper thoughts and feelings. But because Suzaku
loves him and understands him, he'll be patient.
"Suzaku…?" Lelouch's concern-laden voice flutters at Suzaku's ears. "Are you
alright?"
"Yeah… why?"
Lelouch's expression is flatter than a tortilla, "For one: you didn't notice
when we stopped moving. Two: you don't look like you're enjoying it."
"Since when did that stop you?"
"I'm a heartless lover. Funny."
Suzaku laughs a little under his breath, "…No, I was just thinking…"
"Hell of a time to pick up such a nasty habit."
Suzaku pushes him playfully—"What if I told you…"—only to draw him closer with
a smile—"that I was thinking about how much I loved you?"
Lelouch appears to consider that with a lift of his eyebrow.
"In that case, maybe you should refocus that energy somewhere else."—he
squeezes Suzaku's round rear—"You know, somewhere more proactive. Where it
won't be wasted."
"Oh, I'm a dunce. Funny."
Lelouch grins, "I think so."
Suzaku shakes his head but accepts the kiss Lelouch mischievously presses
against the humored curve on his lips, hugging the demon close by a snowy neck.
…At any rate, their sex situation works well as a whole because Suzaku doesn't
mind being whatever Lelouch wants and Lelouch doesn't mind making him be
whatever he wants.
They're truly made for each other.
Like a sculptor and clay.
But that's always been the reality.
That's how it began.
Beyond their rocky start as children, their reunion as restless teenagers
brought something different to the table; brought the past seven years they
hadn't shared and an uncertain future they both feared to lose. Suzaku,
especially, wasn't sure how much longer he'd be walking the face of the Earth
and fell into Lelouch's advances through some initially impure motives…
Lelouch was the initiator, he's always been the initiator, always been the one
with the idea, to make the first move and take the first step towards his
ambition whatever it might be. When Lelouch gambled their friendship on an
uncertain kiss not long after the Arthur chase, Suzaku ultimately felt that he
didn't have the right to let Lelouch be alone with those feelings because he
knew Lelouch wouldn't squander their relationship on a whim – even less so with
something like a kiss. Not with his closed emotions. Suzaku knew Lelouch was
serious. His own feelings for the older boy were muddled and obscured by the
veil of guilt he constantly wore, which hastily brought him to Lelouch's bed
without much resistance.
At first there was a strangeness that it was Lelouch – said boy being a
boy almost didn't quite register after that fact, but even that detail going
almost unnoticed made Suzaku realize that… it didn't really matter to him.
Suzaku never really thought of other men in that way but there's also only
one Lelouch in this world. Maybe that's cliché, but he doesn't care. What he
knows is that it felt—feels so natural to be with Lelouch in every sense; the
feeling of Lelouch's hands on his body, of their sliding skin, and even
Lelouch's wheezing… He doesn't really know where Lelouch stands on his
sexuality as it's not something they discuss – because again, it's Lelouch –
but he knows that Lelouch was also a virgin regardless of how emboldened he
was. It had seemed that Lelouch might've been interested in girls… and maybe he
would've been with one (like a certain orange-haired girl of the Student
Council) if Suzaku hadn't—
(Because maybe he shouldn't have—
Because he didn't deserve—)
That first night they spent together was the result of Suzaku feeling all he
had to offer was himself, so he gave himself wholeheartedly, hoping Lelouch
would at least have something to treasure when death finally came between them.
That Lelouch wouldn't hurt as much when he was gone, but just that one night
together was more than Suzaku wanted to admit it was. He knew it was special,
but didn't ponder on why. He couldn't. Suzaku realized he probably wasn't going
anywhere soon, and he realized that he was beginning to love Lelouch too much
to want to, or perhaps he realized he always loved Lelouch and was only
recently allowing himself to accept it – because Lelouch deserved someone
better than him. But, the former prince made his choice and that was that –
Lelouch wasn't going to lose anyone else if he could help it, and it seems he's
been victorious in his battle.
The Zero problem is still here, still lurking behind every smile Lelouch makes,
but…
Maybe Suzaku would like to go back to second-guessing himself. At least until
he's ready to confront that ugly truth.
Sometimes he just wants enjoy the ride without analyzing every detail to death.
That tiring job can be left to Lelouch.
Right now Suzaku has forgotten everything – his pregnancy, the Zone, how to
properly breathe – as his body coils like string around Lelouch's finger –
which wasn't so far from the truth earlier. He braces himself against the bars
of Lelouch's bed with folded arms while the achingly apparent emptiness gnawing
at Suzaku's insides is pushed farther and farther away every time Lelouch
thrusts into his clenching walls. He moans as he stretched and filled so
divinely he can't help clinging around his friend's cock deep in his body even
as it's quick to return. It's a maddening repetition that pounds his prostate
with every lunge and Suzaku's breathless body is too starved to let this slow
build slowly drown him. He can hear his voice pushing out of his throat with
every swing of Lelouch's hips and how needy words weakly bead from his throat.
More.
Faster.
Harder.
Deeper.
Suzaku had asked the other boy to not rush but he's quickly bowing to the
demands of bottled lust. His ravenous body can't get enough of the hips ramming
into his bottom with propelling thrusts that have him unconsciously crooning.
All the anxious snowballing of every chance Suzaku couldn't take to be alone
with Lelouch has crashed, melted and swept him out to the musky sea of
Lelouch's passion. He already preprogrammed Suzaku with his mouth earlier (or
maybe he actually did during their first time) and Suzaku is too caught in the
swarming haze of his blood to bother grasping to control.
Lelouch, the master, can handle that.
Yet, maybe he's slipping just as fast as Suzaku down their sexy slope.
Through his haze Suzaku feels himself being guided over onto his knees and he
fists the blankets with one hand while his other grips the cold top bar of the
foot rail as Lelouch continues, but faster and deeper. The taller boy's length
slides all the way in at this angle and Suzaku's whole body opens up from his
rear to his throat that spills out a loose cry. It sharpens and chops into
satisfied crows with Lelouch's thrusting hips flooding bliss down Suzaku's
spine and over his shoulders when his upper half slumps to one elbow. He feels
Lelouch's soft and firm hands affectionately fondle his plump posterior before
they slide away; one gently holds the bullet scar near his waist as he likes to
do while the other surfs down his waving spine. It soothingly rubs between his
shifting shoulder blades and Suzaku sincerely presses his backside against
strong hips when it weaves up his earthy hair and pets his head. Suzaku calls
the older boy with a lusty dusted voice and cries when Lelouch dives harder in
response, noisily plunging in as completely as he can.
Thank the Halloween gods they get to be alone right now—no, thanks Lelouch.
And how Suzaku would love it if they could have all night.
The end of this frolic is creeping up Suzaku's skin and he can hear it in
Lelouch's labored breath, too. Suzaku's lungs can't seem to trap enough air
either and he's pulling himself up with bed rail as if to break the surface of
their foggy lust. The brunet can feel his face flaming a ripe red and wishes he
could see the intense, impassioned violet embers of Lelouch's eyes right now as
he feels the same gent's hard flesh inside him. It strides perfectly against
his prostate while re-shaping his tightening insides and Suzaku props himself
on the bed bar with solid arms and hanging mouth. Cries freely fly from his
rolling gut and pounding cock that he doesn't want to touch. He wants to climax
from feeling Lelouch inside him, from Lelouch's thrusting that's carving his
back into a solid dip. Suzaku gasps a guttural noise when fingers pinch his
pulsing nipples and wonders with a hungry whine if Lelouch read his mind and is
purposely teasing him, by not groping his panging erection. Lelouch rolls the
rigid nubs and Suzaku can't help the desperate call of his boyfriend's name as
his clamping hands constrict around heated metal. Lips peck the top of his
spine as hands appear on the rail outside of Suzaku's—
And again the shorter boy is jostled out of his skull when his passage is
stricken with unexpectedly forceful thrusts and a rough cry rips from his
throat.
This…
It's too much—
"I'm gonna…!" Suzaku feverishly warns, feeling acid in his locking joints and
the threatening boil in his loins.
Lelouch merely moves his hips and—
Suzaku is fairly certain that if his brain wasn’t already oozing out of his
dripping hardness it launches out of him now when he suddenly soars right over
his peak (…they’ll have to remember to clean the floor later). He shudders and
pants, feeling his arms weaken as Lelouch’s hips twitch against his contracting
tunnel with the further evidence of his climax in the short groaning grunt that
squeezes from his throat. Without the obvious release spilling inside him…
He rests on the tired fold of Lelouch's lap a moment with a forehead also
resting on the back of his shoulder, arms loose around him. Suzaku can hear –
acknowledge – the chaos Lelouch spread over the campus like mass hysteria;
cries and shouts firing in the distance outside the clubhouse's halls. It feels
so far away despite being so close, as if he and Lelouch are invisible or in a
secret place, existing in a realm hidden by curtains of which only the two of
them know. Such an isolated feeling would be daunting if he was alone but with
Lelouch, it doesn't seem half as bad as it would otherwise (like it had after
his father—)
"Lelouch," Suzaku softly says, turning his face toward the head leaning against
his shoulder. He weaves his fingers through sweaty strings of dark hair when it
lifts. "…I love you…" Suzaku quietly puffs toward lips that near his, laying
his other hand on an arm that tightens around him – he never wants Lelouch to
be anywhere else."I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you." In moments
like these he feels he'll never be able to say this enough times, like it will
take him an entire lifetime to tell Lelouch just how strongly and how much he
really loves him while not expecting to hear it in return. Suzaku knows Lelouch
well enough to not need to hear it. "…So much…"
The more introverted male always mirrors the emotion with a gentle gesture;
this time, as it often is, with the tender kiss that he plants on Suzaku's
lips, along with a hand that blankets the one on his arm.
And the hammering heart Suzaku can feel against his back when Lelouch's chest
is flush against him.
Suzaku sappily smiles through the butterfly kisses that flutter over his cheek,
jaw and neck, even lightly laughing with utter – pure – contentment when they
also land on the round of his shoulder in arms that hold him close…
Until a demon get's antsy to clean up so they can relax more comfortably.
Suzaku plops back on the bed with a gratified sigh, feeling reality pour back
into his bones as Lelouch cleanly removes the condom and wipes both of them
with tissues. He's able to take a gander at the Britannian for a moment, at the
unconstructed view of his princely body – something he doesn't get to do as
often as he should. Lelouch has a tendency to obscure himself and Suzaku
doesn't know if it's on purpose or if the other male just does it without
thinking. Either way, he wishes Lelouch wouldn't be so compulsive about it.
Lelouch is a person who has a very high opinion of himself but that doesn't
mean he comes without insecurities and anything physically related will be
doused in complexes, even if he won't admit it. It's not as though Lelouch
should worry about his appearance, however, because Lelouch is beautiful
– handsome, as he'd rather be called. He might be lacking some muscle
definition, his bones might protrude too much, and his skin might reflect the
ability to tan, but he's still stunning. His eyes are unreal and intense, his
voice is strong enough to turn tides, his mind is too brilliant for his own
good, his heart is roughened but nurturing, and he certainly doesn't need to
worry about his private department – although Suzaku doesn't know if Lelouch
ever does worry. (Not that Suzaku worries about such things, either…) Lelouch
is perfect in his own mold, with all of his faults and weaknesses as well as
his strengths and talents.
Suzaku is taken from his fond gazing when Lelouch tugs on the blanket for them
to burrow underneath, returning to settle between Suzaku's legs instead of
crawling over to (what has become) his side of the bed. His soft hands skim
over Suzaku's hips, curling around them as he tenderly presses his lips on a
pregnant abdomen, peppering light, abundant kisses that make the seahorse
smile. Suzaku runs his fingers through Lelouch's hair, petting the affectionate
head with both hands and a content sigh as he relishes the loving attention
he's positive the little one in his tummy can feel.
He just hopes it didn't feel anything else.
"Do you think everything will turn out alright for us?" Suzaku asks suddenly
and quietly, unable to keep his fears separate from his thoughts of their baby.
"Do you think the baby will be alright?"
So far the checkups are going as smoothly as Suzaku could've hoped for, but the
baby is still small and regardless of all the positive thinking he tries to
cushion himself with, there's that haunting doubt that keeps sneaking up on
him. It's alarming enough to have his doctor appointments more frequently than
usual compared to other mothers, and now it's been increased to each week
rather than every two – although that is more often he gets to see his budding
baby. Even the doctor says that everything looks normal, relatively speaking,
so why is Suzaku still worried—?
("I don't think I need to stress to you the risks you'll face with this…you're
not built for pregnancy, Suzaku.")
—Because Lelouch was right with that warning just as the doctor is with her
close surveillance.
Things look great now, but the end to their story could be an unfavorable one.
Lelouch glances up at the uneasy question and then kisses a taut navel, "Hard
to say, but…"—he continues, slowly pecking up a toned stomach—"…if small fry is
as stubborn as we are…"—trailing up over a breast bone—"…I don't think there's
a chance it'll give up without a fight…"—pressing over a clavicle and up a
neck—"…or give in to the laws of nature." The kisses stop on Suzaku's cheek
with violets peering down into green eyes, "Regardless of the outcome, I think
we can pull through this together," and Lelouch cements his words on Suzaku's
lips with a full, wholehearted kiss.
It isn't the first time Lelouch has uttered similar words but it's no less
reassuring to hear. They fill Suzaku with those three words again that are
urging to fizzle out of his mouth and into Lelouch's ears, but with the lips
pressed firmly on his and the nature of the clam he's smooching with, Suzaku
decides it's just fine to not speak his feeling again. He wraps his arms
tightly, invitingly around Lelouch's neck instead, returning the kiss deeply
and lovingly without even bothering to mention that the Halloween evening is
still in full swing. He knows Lelouch would rather stay in bed, even at this
early hour, and Suzaku does, too. The rest of the world can move on without
them for now as they snuggle in the warm darkness and breathe-in each other's
company. Suzaku only wishes to make the same promise as he spoons up next to
Lelouch with his head lying on a bony shoulder.
He wants to stick with Lelouch for better or for worse.
Regardless of the outcome…
Chapter End Notes
     [Please let me know of any typos/grammar errors.]
     No m-preg fic is truly complete without cross-dressing ;]
     FAN ART link:
     A sketch by Saxzer
***** The Difference between Boys and Girls *****
Chapter Notes
     Time to get reconnected with the crackier roots of this story…
"…Let me tell you something about Bat Man, ok? He's the same as the rest of
these guys around here; they're afraid of women. They're afraid of the almighty
uterus! ALMIGHTY UTERUS!" –Wonder Woman from Robot Chicken
•-•-•-•-•-•-7
Ambiguous
The_Difference_between_Boys_and_Girls
Everything is too calm.
Lelouch doesn't know if he's harboring a healthy suspicion or if paranoia is
trying to sabotage the peace – the quiet before the (possible) storm.
As far as the home front is concerned, he can't find reason to complain. Suzaku
has eased on the Zero issue, probably because now all he can seem to think
about is the baby, which Lelouch doesn't mind. Admittedly, even Lelouch has
caught himself floating away on daydreams every now and then, but Suzaku is
much more distracted… and that actually worries Lelouch a little because being
spacey is that last thing Suzaku needs to be. It's almost like he's turning
into a walking cliché of a pregnant mother – Lelouch is just waiting for the
days riddled with stomach-turning food cravings and nausea, which will probably
strike in that order. Overall, the pregnancy is treating Suzaku well, and
Lelouch couldn't ask for anything more.
Nunnally has begun to perk up noticeably now that Lelouch is devoting more and
more time to her, mostly in the evenings. They eat dinner together daily now, a
ritual that has been suffering since Zero's birth, and he puts her to bed each
night. The time isn't terribly long, but every second is used to catch up, to
listen to Nunnally as she happily chatters like a spring-time bird, and Lelouch
is feeling less and less stressed. Suzaku is even beginning to come home early
enough to dine with them due to the Zone work finally falling into a manageable
rhythm.
The daytime is still filled with school, club duties, and Zero, but even that
is starting to balance itself out better now that his studious pupil, Ohgi, is
showing more self-confidence and picking up more slack. Lelouch knew he'd made
the right choice to make the man his second in command; he has a good heart,
all he needed was to be given the chance, to learn the trade of politics, to
find that inner strength in order to become a true leader, and he has only
continued to grow even if in the smallest ways. He's on the road to out-growing
Zero and letting Japan have a new hope to rely on, which is a destination
that might be closer than it is far…
Even Britannia is still behaving itself in this whole affair, suspiciously so,
but behaved nonetheless. Since their little debacle, China has been like a
sleeping giant, one Lelouch is keeping a very close eye on, but perhaps they're
just waiting to see what really comes of the Special Administrative Zone like
the rest of the watching world.
…But all this goodness only drives Lelouch's danger senses wild.
The Universe has never been this kind to him, so that must mean
it's planning something.
Lelouch's first taste of impending doom is one evening early on the Friday
after Halloween when Milly sends him a suspicious text concerning an emergency
student council meeting (without any real sense of urgency, as far as he could
tell) and that he needed to bring Suzaku along…
•-•
"SURPRISE!"
—Is the ear-splitting greeting Lelouch and Suzaku are subjected to upon
entering the student council room. Pops of confetti fill the air in an excited
frenzy as pastel pink and blue balloons lazily sway around the room with a
banner hanging happily across the windows, apparently congratulating someone.
There is a cake on the table with decorations on it that Lelouch can't quite
see and a stuffed bear of some kind beside it… All he can seem to comprehend is
the horrendous gleam oozing from every pore of Milly's face as she shows every
tooth in her giant, giddy smile.
So, Lelouch was mistaken.
It wasn't the Universe that was teasing his paranoia.
If anything, it was his Milly sense that was tingling!
He certainly thought it possible that she'd get some revenge on him for his
Halloween stunt, but he didn't imagine anything like this…
He doesn't even understand what this is.
"What's going on?" he hears Suzaku ask without any caution weighing down the
delighted surprise prancing on his words. Lelouch quickly notes all the smiling
faces of those who call themselves his friends – only Nina looks disgruntled,
but more so than usual… Nunnally is even here, beaming, but that smile isn't as
soothing as it should be for the innately wary boy – all it does it is
intensify the churning sense of danger in his gut.
"A surprise baby shower!" Milly exclaims, brimming with pride that shocks
Lelouch like a lightning bolt, temporarily short-circuiting the part of his
brain needed to react to this moment with blinding bluntness he should have
seen coming.
Of course.
A surprise baby shower.
.
.
.
~…System reboot…
~…Threat detected—
~DANGER! DANGER! DANGER!
Lelouch opens his mouth to—
"How did you know I was pregnant?"
—That's not what Lelouch was going to say, but thanks, Suzaku.
Lelouch wasn't about to defuse the situation, or anything productively
preventative like that.
It isn't like Lelouch is good at that sort of thing.
…Suzaku really pounced right on that one, didn't he?
Is there anything his mouth can't spill?
Didn't Lelouch tell Suzaku to work on that?
Britannia should hope Suzaku never get's captured by enemies because he'd
probably spill every secret without even being asked to!
(And the Idiot Award goes to… Suzaku!
Like there was even a competition…)
Lelouch can't even catch up to the stupidity fast enough, but when he
painstakingly pulls himself up from the verbal slap of Suzaku's confession, he
notices a peculiar frame over everyone's faces, as if they're not sure if it's
a joke or not…
For the love of God, let the pregnancy be a joke for once. That's all Lelouch
is asking for – since he can only seem to cringe as Milly's jolly chuckling
steals his chance to speak—
"You can't be serious," she says with a smirking huff and playful flap of her
hand.
The dooming redness torching Suzaku's face causes her to double-take with a
skeptical twist of her features while everyone else's smiles finally wane.
Suzaku is overly honest even when he doesn't speak.
It must be impossible to wash the stupid off of his face.
Milly realizes that Suzaku couldn't be more serious and Lelouch begins to leak
nervous sweat – why is this room so hot? It bakes a lump in his throat so large
it's almost as if he's having an allergic reaction (…to the sheer idiocy?), and
now he can't find his voice like some socially inept outcast.
"…So Miss Euphemia isn't the one who's pregnant?" Shirley asks quietly, her
voice wavering with confusion that rolls over Lelouch's skin like a blizzard.
Suzaku avoids eye-contact as the mortified flush consumes his face during
everyone's stifling silence, their brains struggling to comprehend the
situation. Lelouch is struggling to understand why he's just standing here
while Suzaku – his partner – is burying himself with every word
he doesn't speak. It almost feels like a defense mechanism he can't control, an
attachment to his brain through years of remaining as invisible as possible
without suspicion, especially in moments of public revelations. Lelouch would
probably, normally, use moments like these to his advantage for escape, but he
can't – and won't – do that to Suzaku. He loves the idiot enough
to accept idiocy… However, there isn't much Lelouch can say now to salvage the
situation with his attempts sounding like an obvious lie, and trying to just
play this off as some kind of joke or misunderstanding would never work… even
if their friends were nice enough to play along, and if they didn't already
know half the story. The joke angle is a sad excuse for cover-up story.
Though, it is a tempting dream…
And, obviously, Geass is out of the question.
Milly's brow crosses with confusion, "Well don't tell me Euphemia is
the father!" she utters incredulously and a bit more seriously than is
appropriate from her words.
The seahorse is beyond any ability to speak with hunched shoulders and eyes
stuck to the floor as if wishing it is an ocean that would swallow him whole…
Lelouch doesn't want to, but he can't leave Suzaku to suffer this alone – and
it's not like there's any value left in keeping things a secret now that
everyone knows he's pregnant.
The most intelligent of the pair slowly steps towards his dimwitted pal,
feeling his body boil with nerves and steels his face to remain emotionless as
he wraps his arm around Suzaku's waist.
"No, she isn't."
Honesty… kind of really sucks, doesn't it?
•-•
"…I still don't understand why you assumed Suzaku was the one expecting a baby
just because he retrieved the book," Lelouch languidly says to Milly at his
left, sitting to Suzaku's left at the head of the table in the "daddy" chair
signified by a blue balloon, Suzaku of course is in the "mommy" chair indicated
with a pink balloon they had to quickly attach. "He could have been picking up
the book for a friend."
Milly was gracious enough to explain herself, and her reasoning is easy enough
to follow… but it seems like she jumped to too many conclusions all on her own,
like she let her imagination get the better of her (although the truth is
exponentially more fanciful). The connection between Suzaku and Euphemia is
pretty solid, and the sudden resignation of her title points to some secret
scandal, but there aren't any facts to support this theory, which is pretty
typical. Milly even revealed she didn't involve Lelouch in the "surprise baby
shower" because she thought he would spill the beans, intentionally or not.
Turns out Suzaku is the only one to do anything like that.
Thankfully, no one asked when Lelouch and Suzaku were planning on sharing the
big news… or how it happened.
Even their relationship is self-explanatory, for the time being.
"Thank you!" Rivalz exasperatedly utters from beside Milly with his hands
thrown up in the air. "That's exactly what I've been saying!"
Milly ignores him, looking only at Lelouch.
"What friend?" to her credit, she honestly tries not to laugh, just not very
hard – the fact that she's unafraid to jeer while within his reach is
insulting. "All that was left was you and I highly doubt you'd get a girl
pregnant."
There's a bit of a sting to that remark – did she think Lelouch was incapable
because she suspected his sexuality or because he simply doesn't have the
skill?
Well, he totally has the skill.
So… in her face.
"You're right about that, at least. I didn't get a girl pregnant." Lelouch
smirks, hooking an arm around Suzaku's waist with a promiscuous pull to bring
him closer, making said boy blush a little as he pokes his fork at the small
slice of cake Lelouch allowed him (because it's nothing but sugar!), trying to
shake off Lelouch as if he hasn't heard a word.
"How did you even find out that you're gonna have a baby?" Rivalz asks, his
puzzlement clearly connected in his voice.
That's a fair question.
"Oh, well, random drug test," Suzaku answers, clearly unsure how much he really
needs to embellish.
"They can tell that from a drug test?" the blue-haired boy swoops in with
another stupefied question, amazement stretching open his eyes.
"How do you think at-home pregnancy tests work?" Lelouch teases with a mild
quirk of his lips. "They're both urine tests."
Rivalz's mouth drops open like a fish, thinking of a response, and then it
shuts with a coy smile as he laughs at his own lack of thought.
"So, then…" Shirley timidly dips her toe into the conversation, perched beside
Suzaku, "how far are you? Or, you know, how old is the baby?"
"Um…" Suzaku's leafy eyes flutter around as he mentally counts the weeks, his
gaze falling to Lelouch in either uncertainty or fear of giving the wrong
answer – if only Suzaku would check with Lelouch more often before speaking.
"Eleven weeks," Lelouch suavely answers for his absentminded partner, as self-
satisfied as a cat with its mangled dinner.
"Only eleven weeks?" Nunnally playfully whines between Lelouch and Milly. "I'm
ready to be an auntie now! Why do I have to wait so long?"
Lelouch chuckles warmly, light and fluffy spurts in his throat, and he
momentarily grasps her hand.
"That's right!" Suzaku abruptly bursts like a popped balloon. "We have
ultrasound images of the baby; does anyone want to see them?" Suzaku has
apparently forgotten that Nunnally is blind, but everyone is polite enough – or
smart enough – to not question how he drew this connection from
what Nunnally just said.
Lelouch knows Suzaku didn't mean anything by it and that Nunnally has taken no
offense.
Suzaku's just an idiot, after all.
"Ultrasound?" Kallen asks, looking less ill than she normally tries to as she
slouches at Shirley's right.
"You mean from a doctor?" the orange-haired girl questions, insultingly
confused.
Suzaku's excitement falters, "Uh…"
"Yes, who else?" Lelouch answers with his nose turned up just slightly. "I know
this situation is strange, but we're not so careless that we'd go through this
without professional help just because this is abnormal. What kind of parents
would that make us?"
Milly is grinning, "No one was trying to insult you, Vice Prez. The idea of two
boys going to prenatal visits is like asking everyone to notice the two of you.
Not to mention Suzaku is well-known now."
Suzaku simpers, "Well, we're discreet about it, if that's what you're trying to
say."
"Discreet?" Rivalz tilts his head.
Once again, Suzaku's mouth is empty – why couldn't he have been like
this earlier?
"He wears a disguise," Lelouch simply explains.
"Disguise?" Rivalz asks.
"Just like Milly said, two guys can't walk into that kind of doctor visit
without getting noticed. In order to avoid unwanted attention, we don't go
as two boys." Pink is already climbing up Suzaku's cheeks, but Lelouch is
complacently smirking to himself, looking at his fair lady with an unbridled
glimmer.
"Don't tell me…!" Milly nearly gasps with excitement.
"Suzaku dresses as a girl." Lelouch should probably feel guilty about how much
it pleases him to see the feared Lancelot pilot shrink into himself and redden
like a ripe apple, but he isn't.
"I knew it!" Milly ecstatically exclaims, hungrily leaning over the table
towards Suzaku from her seat. "You really have a thing for women's clothes,
don't you?"
"It's not a thing!" Suzaku squawks, looking like a little ruffled red bird.
"It's just…"
"But you said you thought it was fun before." Milly gladly recalls the past –
once again, Suzaku is done in by his own mouth, only it's past comments this
time.
"That's…!" Suzaku can't wriggle out of this, and he apparently knows it because
he shrivels into himself all over again with hot embarrassment colouring his
face and incomprehensible mutters dribbling from his lips.
Lelouch affectionately rubs the humiliation into Suzaku's back, "He goes
by Suzie, and so far no one has recognized him."
"Now it makes sense…" Nunnally suddenly speaks, her soft face hardened slightly
by reflection. "Alice told me she saw Lelouch with a girl a few weeks ago at
the clinic," she begins to explain, feeling empty stares on her, "but I knew
that big brother was already involved with Suzaku."
"Alice saw us?" Lelouch briskly scrambles onto this new scrap of information.
"When? What was she doing there?"
Perhaps his eagerness is too emphatic, because it almost looks like
Nunnally blinks at him.
"…She said her sisters work at the clinic you go to and she sometimes goes
there after school. She saw the two of you leaving, I think."
Sisters?
At… clinic…?
Saw them…
"I'm sorry that you're upset," Nunnally apologizes, and the sound of her gentle
voice wrapped around those words jolts Lelouch back to the moment.
"No, don't apologize," he guiltily and vainly tries to un-hear her sad tone.
"I'm just surprised…"
Alice…
He knew that girl was only trouble.
"Quite an interesting development," Milly chimes in, so thrilled with
everything that her mirth is like an angry sore inside Lelouch's stomach.
"Maybe I'll have to have a chat with that girl…"
"Spare at least one person from your nosiness for once, would you, Madam
President?" Lelouch jadedly jeers with a lazy grin.
She scrunches her nose at him in a defiant, sassy gesture.
"…Anyway, does anyone want to see the ultrasounds?" Suzaku awkwardly asks to
reroute back to forgotten topic, pushing himself up from his chair when
everyone answers in the affirmative—
Halting when his arm is caught by Lelouch.
"Sit down, I'll get them for you," he orders in a tender tone, pointedly
waiting for Suzaku to do as he was commanded by sitting with a loving upward
bend of his lips. Lelouch also earns a couple of sweet and mocking croons that
he tries to ignore while he stands.
"Aren'cha gonna kiss him before you go?" Milly bluntly goads, her lusty eyes
showing a bit too much. "Oh! Wait, we need some pictures of the happy couple.
Sit back down and—!"
"That's not happening," Lelouch dully rejects.
"All I'm asking for is one, little, measly kiss," Milly's lips pout, but that
doesn't stop Lelouch from walking away from her.
"Not. Happening."
"Suzaku~! Knock some sense into your stubborn hubby over there, won't you?" she
tries to wheedle the pregnant boy.
"Sorry…" but all Suzaku has to offer is a pitying laugh and shrug as Lelouch
leaves the room to retrieve the desired digital prints, and it draws a smirk
along Lelouch's lips.
There's a good boy.
•-•
"Do you know if it's a boy or a girl yet?" Shirley gushes at Suzaku, an oddly
happy expression on her face now that she's grown used to the idea of his
pregnancy and pawing at the ultrasound pictures like everyone else… except
Nunnally. "Which would you rather have?"
"We don't know yet. And I guess I don't have a preference." Suzaku shrugs. "I
just want it to be healthy whatever it is."
Lelouch would have to agree.
He just hopes it is human at this point.
Shirley coos sweetly at that, "What about names?"
"Oh, we already have names picked out for both genders."
Milly, Shirley, and Rivalz's ears are all over that little announcement whereas
Kallen, who is interested enough, and Nina certainly aren't holding their
breath. Actually, Lelouch is convinced Nina isn't even paying attention due to
her eyes stuck at the end of her fork as she prods her half-eaten piece of
white cake. But, at least she's here…
"What are they?" asks the meddling blonde.
Suzaku opens his mouth—
"It's a secret," Lelouch answers – there's no way he's going to let these
degenerates ruin their baby name picks (he also doesn't want to get into the
reasoning behind their choices, either) – with his arm slung around Suzaku, a
hand closed tightly over his mouth.
If Lelouch and Suzaku could be like this all the time, it would solve a lot of
problems.
"Boo~!" Milly gives him a thumbs down while pinching her nose.
Rivalz laughs, "Yeah, what's the big deal?"
"Please tell us!" Shirley clasps her hands together.
"No can do." Lelouch firmly shakes his head. "You'll just have to wait until
the baby is born."
"Or until I can get Suzaku alone in my prying clutches," Milly smirks like a
feral animal, eyes practically gobbling Suzaku where he sits.
Said soldier laughs in shakes of discomfort when Lelouch's hand drops from his
mouth to hang limply around his neck, allowing him to take a nervous sip of his
water as he averts his eyes.
Knowing Suzaku, he'd probably spill them easily enough… like he almost just did
before Lelouch stopped him.
This tiring idiot…
Of anybody here, Nunnally is the acceptable set of ears to tell, but that can
wait until later in private.
•-•
At some point during the festivities of baby games and fluid conversation,
Milly attempts a subtle steal of Suzaku, but he's part of a permanent pair, so
Lelouch is on their heels the second she has him literally cornered across the
room.
"What are trying to do to him?" Lelouch gruffly interrogates with a firm face.
Milly doesn't even blink when she looks at him over her shoulder, "Just giving
Suzaku a little something."
Suzaku is indeed holding a white, slim, rectangular package tied shut with a
pink, billowy bow.
"I thought you said you guys only got the gift certificate." Lelouch narrows
his eyes on the box. He knows this can't be good – nothing involving Milly ever
is.
"Yes, but this is a personal item that I purchased for a certain pretty lady,
but I don't see why Suzaku can't still have it, especially considering how
things are working out."
Milly doesn't smirk, but it can't be any clearer in her tone or the sparkle in
her eye.
Lelouch wants to rip the box from Suzaku's hands and chuck it out the window,
just to be safe, but he knows Milly would love nothing more than to see him
lose his cool. All he can do is quietly fester and seethe as he watches Suzaku
open the present through an eagle eye.
"It's ironic," the she-devil says out of nowhere and he glances at her.
"What is?" Lelouch asks.
"I've finally got some dirt regarding you, and yet, it doesn't feel as good as
I thought it would…" her voice is wistful, and for once her face is soft
and human looking when he looks her way again.
"That's what happens when you delude yourself," Lelouch cattily quips, causing
Milly to stick out a mocking tongue at him.
"Uh… What is this?" Suzaku asks with a light pink, suggestive,
satiny, lingerie trimmed with some fuzzy-feathery nonsense pinched in his
fingers as if it might be diseased.
…It is a present from Milly.
"What?" the president proudly defends. "Who says a pregnant woman doesn't want
to feel and look sexy?"
That would have to depend on your definition of "sexy."
"…That's very thoughtful of you," Suzaku politely replies, placing the skimpy
article back in the box with a kind smile.
"I hope it fits you," she grins at him with a cheeky smile. "Keep in mind I
thought I was buying for someone else. But, I have the receipt if you'd like to
exchange it for something that's your style of sexy."
In Lelouch's opinion, Suzaku's style of sexy is his birthday suit.
"Tell me you weren't honestly going to give that thing to Euphie." Lelouch is
already disgusted with the mental image alone that he couldn't fight off from
his mind – good God how he honestly tried to fight it.
"Like I said, what woman doesn't want to feel sexy?"
Lelouch is about retort, but he reminds himself that this is Milly, so there's
no sense in a sane debate.
She'd only like to get him riled up, anyway.
"Thank you for the present," Suzaku says with a hand on Lelouch's shoulder – as
if he needs this emotional soldier to tell him to watch his temper.
"I do hope Suzie enjoys it," Milly says with a wink before sashaying her cocky
self back to the others.
As she leaves them in silence, they both finally understand why she decided
Suzaku could still use the lingerie…
Suzaku's eyes flop to the box suspended in his hands, a flat but troubled line
in his lips.
"I don't really have to wear this, do I?"
If the boy didn't want to wear it, he shouldn't have accepted it.
Lelouch would've asked for the receipt, not that he expects he'd actually get
it.
"She did go to the trouble of buying it…" he answers with a sly smile – maybe
this will be good entertainment. "I think you owe her one time, at least."
•-•
Some hours later after the layers of cake and questions calmed into a mellow
mood, Lelouch reenters the club room after putting Nunnally to bed to see
Suzaku sitting quietly on the couch by himself. His eyes are hooded as he
softly stares at the others who are regaling in stories and jokes that have
strayed from the theme of the party, seemingly too absorbed in each other's
words on the other side of the room. (Save for Nina, the ghost of a girl having
drifted out of the room after he left, apparently.) Although it's unexpected,
Lelouch is glad to have this little wedge of time to themselves.
"Tired?" Lelouch tenderly asks, seating himself next to his sleepy seahorse.
"Do I need to put you to bed, too?"
Evergreen eyes flip open and look at Lelouch with a listless glaze that drips
over his lips in a faint smile, dropping his head on Lelouch's shoulder. The
black-haired boy shakes his head with a similar smile and gently pat the leg of
the boy sagging against him as he reclines into the couch. Lelouch softly rubs
his hand up and down Suzaku's thigh before letting his own limb fall limp when
the brunet nestles closer. Too content to really care and perhaps sedated by
Suzaku's seductive somnolence, Lelouch closes his own eyes on the peanut
gallery who practically take instant notice of this special moment.
"They're so cute together, don't you think?" Milly asks to no one in
particular, a gratified grin on her lips as her eyes trace over the pair. "A
very striking couple."
"Eh… I think it's strange to see Lelouch act that way around anyone other than
Nunnally," says Rivalz. "It's even disappointing when I think about all the
girls falling at his feet – where's the justice there?"
"It isn't strange, it's adorable," the president insists with stoic faith. "And
don't bring up such a sensitive subject in front Shirley."
"Me?" said girl blinks.
"Oh, there's no need to put on a brave face," Milly takes sympathetic hold of
her friend's shoulders. "You're among friends and we'll support you through
this troubling time."
"I'm not putting on a brave face," Shirley diffidently defends.
"Pish-posh," the older girl scoffs. "The guy of your dreams—"
"Guy of my dreams?"
"—has not only just stepped out of the closet, but he's holding hands with
another guy! How could you not be devastated? Your chances of ever being with
Lelouch now are so low you owe him points just to be in the same room with
him!"
"That doesn't make any sense," Rivalz mutters.
"But, you have to admit that these two are a fangirl's fantasy. The handsome
slacker and brawny softy going at it in secrecy, and then, poof, a baby out of
nowhere? It's what romance and BL novels are made of!"
"Romance and BL novels?" Kallen insipidly echoes – does she even really want to
know?
"At least we can admire the view, although capturing the view would be much
better – pictures do last longer."
"…This is weird. They're our friends," Rivalz uncomfortably utters, stuffing
his hands in his pockets and crinkling his brow. "I don't want to watch Lelouch
and Suzaku, uh, 'go at it' like you said. That's gross."
"Only because you haven't discovered your inner fanboy yet," Milly easily
diagnoses, arms folded beneath her bust in sinister contemplation. "Or maybe
you can't enjoy it because you're insecure about yourself."
Rivalz sputters, face flaming with her bland accusation – that's not what he
meant! – and Shirley pats his back in an effort to soothe the blow his
character took from the girl he virtually worships.
"The more I think about it, though," the blonde continues, "it makes me wonder
what else Lelouch is capable of."
"What do you mean?" Kallen asks, something strange glinting in her crystal blue
eyes.
"This is Lelouch – he can't take two steps without stopping to catch his breath
in between, and yet, he's topping the boy who's arguably the most athletic
person at Ashford. I just didn't know Lelouch had it in him! I want to know
where he's been hiding that vitality all this time!" A thought strikes her
mind, causing her to pause and cradle her chin on her fist, "…Or maybe it's
more about Suzaku than it has to do with Lelouch? Do you think Suzaku rides him
a lot?"
"I can hear you over there!" Lelouch indignantly barks, clinging to
his last nerve, causing the group to jump as one body. "Stop talking about us
like we're not in the same room!"
"Roger that, Vice Prez." Milly winks. "We'll wait until you leave before we
continue discussing anything further."
Lelouch grumbles – hiding his vitality, more about Suzaku, what does Milly know
about anything? – but his irritation fizzles when he looks back at the
peaceful, slumbering face of the idiot he's still delicately supporting. If he
listens carefully to the peaceful breaths pushing and pulling though Suzaku's
nose Lelouch can hear his bed calling him… It's probably a good idea to leave
now before he's inadvertently insulted by the forgetful fools when they begin
babbling again while staring at him like he's some kind of caged animal.
Suzaku is the one who's pregnant for crying out loud!
Milly should be pondering over that, not Lelouch's "capabilities"!
What is wrong with that woman?
•-
-•
The following morning is less of a nightmare, but not entirely.
It starts pretty normal like any other weekend and being as uneventful as it
should be with Lelouch sleeping through most of it, dragging himself out of bed
early enough to his standards, but long after Suzaku's long years of
conditioned military service – something Lelouch has learned to ignore more and
more with every morning. The only times Suzaku sleeps in later than usual are
after they've had sex, which hinders his regular routine for obvious reasons,
otherwise he's shuffling around the room (while trying to be quiet, but it's
the effort that makes him noisy) at the break of dawn and disrupting the sleep
Lelouch fights so rigorously to catch and keep. He's even employed snuggling as
a deterrent for Suzaku's unnatural amount of energy at such an unnatural time
and it's gradually wearing the soldier down… as long as Lelouch is conscious
enough to capture him before he hops out of bed.
They've long since abandoned their old safety schedule for when Suzaku sleeps
over, the honorary Britannian pretty much unofficially moving into Lelouch's
nest. Suzaku still has his dorm room, but the minimal amount of possessions he
has resides with him in Lelouch's bedroom, which makes most of Lelouch's nights
easier now that he has consistent comfort. So easy he wants to get out of
bed even less than before when sunshine steals him from sleep.
Lelouch seriously considers turning over and going back to sleep this morning,
but he likes to eat breakfast with Nunnally and the idiot, so he darkly makes
his way to the door. After a brisk shower and wardrobe deliberation, he steps
into the dining room around ten-thirty where Suzaku and Nunnally are still
calmly consuming their breakfast with Sayoko refreshing their glasses of orange
juice.
"Good morning big brother!" Nunnally pleasantly sings, everyone else greeting
him with a simple smile.
"Good morning," he replies just as affably but considerably more mild as he
walks up to the table.
"Coffee, Master Lelouch?"
"Ah, yes please, thank you." He nods to Sayoko who scurries off into the
kitchen as he takes a seat next to Nunnally. A fleeting glance at Suzaku across
from him conveys the "we need to talk" look, and those green eyes appear to
understand as the boy belonging to them subsequently nibbles on his buttered
toast.
Suzaku became unusually drowsy towards the end of the party last night leaving
them zero time to recap the evening, and while Lelouch doesn't want to cry foul
play on the suspicion that the seahorse was trying to avoid discussing what
the hell had happened, he wonders if Suzaku was really that tired.
Sayoko places a nice, full cup of steaming hot coffee in front of him that's
always as black as his knights but, before he takes that first rejuvenating
sip, he decides to be a little adventurous this morning by adding a touch of
cream. He thanks Sayoko once again for the round plate of fried eggs and
tomatoes with bacon and buttered toast she also placed in front of him before
she gracefully bows and returns to the kitchen.
All is well this morning as the three of them smoothly sail through their meal
with the company of casual conversation—
So it's only natural that a certain impertinent president bursts through the
doors in an entrance that's short of grand only because there aren't any
trumpeters or fireworks; instead she has her two trusty followers in tow as she
rounds the table towards the dinning trio.
"It's Saturday, so you know what that means?" The question on her lips isn't
nearly as inviting as her smile – not to Lelouch, and he's certain Suzaku feels
the same way once his shoulders are ensnared by her evil clutches.
"That there's no school?" the brunet's answer is insecure and confused, just
like his eyes that don't know where to look.
"It's time for a girl's day out! And Suzaku, you're coming along as our
honorary woman!"
"I don't think so," Lelouch stonily states. "He's staying right here. With me."
Poor Suzaku will probably get eaten alive.
"It's not up to you," the blonde argues, shaking up the boy in her grasp even
more as she jostles him in his chair. "And don't be such a Suzaku hog!"
"Is it up to me?" the newly crowned honorary woman meagerly croaks.
"Nope!" Milly chirps unethically excited. "I say you're coming, so you're
coming! And Nunnally, being the lovely Lady Lamperouge, you're also welcome on
our outing."
"Not without me," Lelouch unequivocally invites himself, his voice and eyes
like a jagged iceberg compared to Milly's flippantly fun-loving attitude that
has her fluffed up like meringue.
"Absolutely no boys allowed!" she rebukes with a shaking finger.
"But I'm a boy…" Suzaku murmurs, only to be completely ignored.
"If I don't go, they don't go."
"The gentlemen will stay here," the damnable president stubbornly continues,
gesturing to Rivalz behind here who grins uneasily with a likewise wave of his
hand. "That includes you."
Lelouch briskly stands up with a screech of his chair and flaming lance of his
eyes – he would rather roll over and die before he'd let Nunnally and Suzaku go
anywhere with Milly without him—
"Oh, but I can't even go," Nunnally politely declines before Lelouch can start
growling like a territorial tiger. "Alice and I have a school project that we
have to work on and we were going to be in the library most of the day. But
thank you for the invitation."
Milly lifts an eyebrow, "Alice, huh? I'm beginning to think she's trying to
steal you away from us."—Lelouch hates how she so sarcastically says that when
he felt that thought so honestly—"Well, can't interfere with a lady's studies,
so you get a free pass this time."
"Uh, well, I have some schoolwork I should—" Suzaku tries to weasel himself
free.
"Not so fast!" but Milly isn't shaken off that easily. "We can't go have girl
fun without our Student Council Mommy. Now hurry up because we have to get you
dressed"—Milly practically hauls him out of the chair, causing him to flounder
over his own steps and words as he is pushed towards Shirley and three of them
shuffle to the door—"and then we have to go pick up Kallen on the way and I
don't want to waste time!" Odd that she doesn't mention getting Nina too,
considering the girl isn't standing here with them – if Nina doesn't go, this
outing isn't really official, is it?
"Don't just do as you please regardless of what others want!" Lelouch scowls,
stiffly marching after them to grab Suzaku by the arm. "Listen to what other
people are saying!"
A sharp smirk pinches the corners of Milly's lips, a corrupted curve that could
stand well against the many smirks Lelouch has worn while operating as Zero,
but Lelouch isn't so easily shaken, either.
"Lelouch, do you really want to fight me on this, hm~?" the tone dripping from
her lips coats her menacing words in a sugary shell as she places an
"intimidating" hand on his shoulder – what does she take him for, exactly? "You
left me in quite a bind after that little trick of yours on Halloween, but I'll
consider us even if you just let me borrow your little boyfriend here."
No longer having the worry of Milly's wrath hanging over his head would
definitely be nice, but this bargain only makes Lelouch uneasy. The only reason
she's making such an offer is because she's so confident that she can get
something out of Suzaku – which isn't all that hard in the first place.
It really puts Lelouch between a rock and a hard place—
Wait, what is he thinking?
He's Lelouch vi Britannia!
And Lelouch vi Britannia fears no one!
"Or," Milly continues, "perhaps we could revisit the kissing booth idea that I
wanted to do last year for Valentine's Day."
•-•
And so Lelouch is forced to spend the day with Rivalz.
Completely
And
Utterly
Alone.
"…So, I was just wondering…" Rivalz starts off their day by beating around the
bush.
"Wondering what?" Lelouch dully indulges, not particularly interested in the
thought Rivalz is trying to push off the edge of his tongue being much too
concerned about how Milly might be torturing answers out of Suzaku… Or how
she doesn't need to torture answers out of Suzaku.
And just to clarify, he isn't sitting here, sulking at the dining table with
Rivalz like they've been shelved and left to stare at each other because
he cowered in the face of Milly's threat. Suzaku is the one who caved in the
end, stammering that it really wasn't a big deal if he tagged along with them.
Lelouch is positive that Suzaku only did it to spare him from an attack by a
malevolent Milly.
Not that Lelouch was ever worried…
"Well, why didn't you tell me you were, um… gay?" he whispers that last word,
Lord knows for what reason. Maybe he suspects Arthur of being homophobic –
that could possibly explain the feline's aversion to Suzaku… "You're my best
bud; I thought you knew you could trust me. And I mean, I'm totally cool with
it, you know. Just… Just wondering."
Lelouch just closes his eyes on the dumbfounded boy sitting across from him and
sighs.
This is going to be a very long day.
•-•
Deeming all of "Suzie's" two outfits as insufficient (one of them being
that green dress which didn't get as many critical comments as he thought it
would – seems Lelouch really does know what he's doing), Milly hastily sped
them off to Kallen's house, who apparently didn't know anything about this
impromptu female frolicking, either. After dragging her from the house nearly
half asleep, the four of them rode to the mall to the sound of Milly's excited
plans.
Suzaku had asked about Nina, hesitantly, and Milly solemnly told him that she
isn't comfortable going into the city after their last trip which involved a
run-in with terrorists. Understandable, maybe even believable, but Suzaku knows
Nina is more afraid of people who aren't her own race rather than the rare
chance they'll encounter terrorists a second time.
He decided to not think about that too much, though.
Now he's standing in some high-end store with repetitive, electronic music
jumping on his head from the ceiling, lost in the spotty lighting and scattered
clothes racks as Shirley and Milly browse them. Kallen is standing on the other
side of one metal frame they're leafing through, her bleary eyes uninterested
in the fashion in front of her as she indifferently slides hanger after hanger
to the side – of course, Suzaku understands that shopping isn't the kind of
interest that Kallen holds… It also reminds him that he hasn't really tried to
talk to her yet, his entire world now revolving around the baby.
He's also noticed she doesn't seem to look him in the eye anymore.
Suzaku doesn't have the luxury to brood over those issues at this time, too
involved in sifting through article after article of clothing and indecisively
eyeing the suggestions of Shirley and Milly while insecurely tugging at his
clothes. He honestly likes the outfit he's wearing now that he bought with
Lelouch; it's simple, if a little too monochromatic. He wouldn't mind expanding
for Suzie's sake, but looking at all of these options is… overwhelming. With
Lelouch just the one time they had to spare, their approach was so direct and
he was so blunt about what is and isn't flattering, or what just looked tacky,
and didn't bother showing Suzaku the entire store. Lelouch laid out everything
in the simplest way, heeding Suzaku's tastes and letting him have the final
say, unlike here where he's being asked to start from scratch while clueless
about what ingredients go together. Without that objective guidance, Suzaku
isn't sure what he's supposed to do with himself. The girls are helpful, but
it's taking a while for him to get the hang of it.
He is trying to understand the function of various buttoned straps on what he
originally thought was a jacket, but now isn't sure, when Milly slinks up to
him like a pouncing phobia – might not be far from the truth…
"So…" she starts, rifling through the hanging clothes too casually, "how big is
Lelouch?"
"How big?" he curiously glances at her. "Uh, we're about the same height. I
don't know how much he weighs, but probably less than me…"
The chiding chuckles that condescendingly fall from her lips soak Suzaku in
certain dread and the understanding that he answered her incorrectly.
"Don't play coy with me." She suavely bumps his arm. "I wasn't talking about
his height or weight and you know that."
"Right…" Suzaku verbally agrees but is mentally lost.
"I'm talking about the certain length in his pants," she explains with a
generously lecherous tone and Suzaku feels a panic start to coldly break within
him. "You see, Lelouch has that rich, deep voice and those long fingers, so I
always thought he'd be…" Milly trails as she holds up her hands in the air,
spreading them apart wider and wider…
Her words as well as her action lick scarlet streaks over his cheeks and he
looks away from Milly's hands just when they pass the width of
her shoulders—Suzaku is pretty sure that's not even a humanly possible.
"I think we should change the subject!" he salvos, looking at Shirley across
from him who also bears his heated flush. "Shirley! How is… Swimming! How is
swimming going?"
Shirley opens her mouth but Milly cuts her off, "Now, now. What's the point of
having quality girl time if we can't have quality girl talk?"
Suzaku is reigned in be her arm that's much stronger than it appears to be.
"Girls talk about… this sort of thing?" he's afraid to ask, but adittedly
curious. The female population is something he knows little about.
"Of course. What else do you think we talk about?"
"I don't know," Suzaku says lamely. Somehow he isn't sure if he can believe the
answer Milly provides – Shirley looks as uncomfortable as a kangaroo with a
cactus in its pouch and a glowing blush is spawning on Kallen's very disturbed
face. "Make-up and clothes, or something like that…" They are at the
mall, shopping – or is this just a ruse?
Milly scoffs, "Maybe if you're a child. Who else would be entertained by such
dribble?"
Suzaku doesn't answer.
Because he can't.
"Then at least tell me if he's a good kisser," Milly meekly implores.
"A good kisser?" Suzaku asks and Milly nods – perhaps there's no harm in this.
"Yeah, you know, when he kisses you do you feel it in all the way down in your
knees?"
Suzaku smiles dumbly at that – he feels it everywhere when Lelouch kisses him.
"Yeah…"
"So how is he in bed?" – logically, that's the next step in this conversation.
Suzaku can feel his ears turning the colour of Kallen's hair when Shirley
shouts; "Milly!"
"Oh, come on, just a one word answer will do: good or bad." – as if
that won't lead to more questions.
Suzaku isn't that naïve.
How can he even answer a question like that anyway?
He contemplates how to get out of this question knowing Milly will
be insatiable now that she's gotten a taste of personal Lelouch information,
but he's beginning to wonder if he'll even make it out of this "Girl's day out"
alive, and if Lelouch is fairing any better.
"Listen," Milly takes on a frank tone, pulling him closer to privately murmur
in his ear, "I've seen you limping around before but I always thought it was
military drills or something of that nature, but now I know Lelouch is the
one behind your pain! I wouldn't have thought Lelouch had so much vigor! He
really gives you a reason to limp, doesn't he? I'm just curious to know if it's
his appetite or his big—"
•-•
"So… what's it like… you know… with a guy?" Rivalz tries to ask casually, his
friendliness and curiosity the perfect cocktail that pour a headache into
Lelouch's skull.
It's a bit surprising that Rivalz didn't begin this sexual trek with the more
innocent, subtle question concerning kisses – is there a difference between
boys and girls? That is one question Lelouch can answer objectively, based on
experience, because Lelouch has in fact kissed a girl before.
More than one, actually.
And there isn't really much of a difference, honestly. It's not the gender, but
the person that makes the difference… Not that Lelouch has been kissing boys
all this time… or plans to kiss anymore girls any time in the near future… or
anybody other than Suzaku, as long as he has his way.
No, instead, Rivalz decided to go for the gusto and jump right to the sex
question, showing his lack of sophistication and awkward immaturity in one
swift blow. But, thanks to Rivalz's inelegant curiosity, Lelouch has been
offered a chance to toy with his friend.
"What's what like with a guy?" he asks, personifying obliviousness in a
seamless performance that involves tilting his head into an innocent slant.
Rivalz shifts uncomfortably, his cheeks beginning to redden considerably –
Lelouch doesn't really even need to do anything, does he?
"You know… it."
The inner smirk Lelouch wears is so wide that it's threatening to pierce his
clueless mask and rip it right in half.
"It?"
Rivalz slaps his palms on the table, "Come on, man! Sex! I'm asking
about sex! With another guy!"
Of course, that very second Sayoko enters the room with their tea and Lelouch
knows the steam from the pot isn't what stains both their cheeks a ripe cherry.
This truly is too much fun.
Even if it is too easy.
"Why don't you try it yourself if you're so curious?" Lelouch coolly deflects
once the maid mutely sets the tray down and shuffles from the room, leaving
Rivalz in his humiliated despair.
He's glowing redder than any sunburn Lelouch has ever had.
The poor fellow… Lelouch has to wonder if it hurts just as much.
"I'm not that curious…" he mumbles, a finger doodling distracting designs on
the table. "I'm just wondering if it's different than being with a girl."
"I don't know," Lelouch blandly answers, "what is sex like with a girl?"
It takes a moment, but surely enough, a nervous bumble of desperate chuckles
flounce from Rivalz lips.
"Touché, man."—But then, something strange lights up in Rivalz's eyes and all
of his embarrassment is forgotten with frightening ease—"Hey! Does that mean
those scratch marks I saw on your back in the locker room that time were really
from Suzaku?"
•-•
Lunch in the food court brings a brief reprieve from Milly's impetuous
interrogating and lugging around the multiplying bags in his hands – it's more
than he needs, but Milly wouldn't hear of him not getting anything. He's
thankful she wants to splurge on him, but will this kindness come back to haunt
him, or is Lelouch's paranoia just rubbing off on him? Whatever the case, he's
begging to actually enjoy himself. It's only a little strange at how well
they're all so accepting of the situation, mostly the pregnancy and cross-
dressing part.
"What's it like being pregnant?" Shirley innocently inquires, bringing a
refreshing topic change.
"Um…" Suzaku has to think for a second. "I don't know, I don't feel any
different yet."
"You don't have morning sickness or anything like that?"
"No, not yet. Everything's still normal for me. Although…" he scratches at his
itchy wig, "I think right now it's mostly mental. I tend to think about the
baby a lot."
Talking about his pregnancy to Shirley, in front of Milly and Kallen, has to be
the most bizarre moment Suzaku has ever experienced.
Other than being told he was pregnant, that is…
Even just talking to Shirley about this doesn't feel right because she once
told him that she fell in love with Lelouch… Perhaps something really did
change during their "tiff" because something about her is still off.
"Oh, yeah?" she enthusiastically engages. "That must be strange."
Suzaku finds himself laughing softly, "It is. But I think Lelouch is more
concerned. He practically won't let me do anything and has me eating a really
strict diet." If it isn't organic, is too high in sugar or sodium, or has a
word not easily pronounced in the ingredients, Suzaku can't eat it. All of his
meals are home cooked and preapproved by Lelouch – but Suzaku won't complain,
because the food is the best he's ever eaten in his life. It isn't as though
he's been ingesting nothing but garbage food, but this is way healthier and
more natural than he's used to. It's just… Lelouch doesn't need to be
so… uptight.
"How is Lelouch acting about everything? Is he freaking out or anything?"
Shirley continues to ask, sounding somehow… investigative?
"I'm more interested to know what he's like in bed," Milly slips her voice into
their conversation with a snide snip.
Suzaku knew this breath of relaxation was going to be short lived.
"Madam President!" Shirley shrieks.
"Oh, come now, this is harmless fun. Anything said between us girls
will stay between us girls – it's what we do and what girl time is all about!"
But, the majority of the student council (Lelouch's and Suzaku's only group of
friends) is comprised of girls, who are mostly all here, so that doesn't really
count for much regarding security or privacy.
…And Suzaku isn't even a girl.
"But it isn't any of your business!" Shirley says.
"Like you're not curious, either, lover girl~!" Milly teases.
"Why do you want to know so badly, anyway?" Suzaku asks, taking Milly off-
guard. Her eyes slide to him, a shimmer of surprise swimming over her blue
irises, and for a stunned moment she can't respond.
"…Because he's so secretive. And because he's never seemed like the 'coupling'
type. You do realize you're the first person he's ever dated, don't you?"
Lelouch hasn't said as much, but it's been implied.
"So in other words," Suzaku translates, stabbing a plain leaf of lettuce
(again, strict diet, thanks to Lelouch) off of his plate with a fork, "there's
a part of him that you don't know and it drives you crazy?"
She hums, "Something like that, maybe…"
He watches her take the straw of her drink between her lips as her eyes drift
away and he thinks that it isn't so much about that mysterious part of Lelouch
that has her obsessed, but that she isn't the one to see it and never will be.
"So, I don't see why you can't give me a little something." She stretches her
claws again, an ominous coaxing before they sink in and pry him apart.
"Sorry if you thought I'd be your gateway into Lelouch's private life, because
I'm not." Suzaku doesn't know why he's apologizing; he doesn't even feel guilty
this time. "I'm not going to betray his trust like that."
"But I'm asking for so little…" Milly sighs.
Asking if Lelouch has any closet, strange kinks or fetishes, if he ever fails
to perform because of his stamina, if he ever makes Suzaku dress like Suzie, if
he favors a certain position, or just what type of lover he is are not little
questions!
"I told you he's a good kisser."
"But is he good at sex?"
"Milly!" hisses the orange-haired girl.
"Why do you keep asking that?" Suzaku bites, and at more than the cherry tomato
on his fork. "I never need to fake it, if that's what you're asking!"
Chew. Chew.
A glance at Shirley's wide eyes.
Chew. Chew.
A glance at Milly; the sheer expression of heaven illuminating her elated blue
eyes and gapping smile.
Chew. Chew.
A glance at Kallen's wide eyes.
Ch…
Oh, wait—!
Suzaku didn't just say that…
•-•
"So, why Suzaku?" Rivalz asks.
"What do you mean?" bored-Lelouch prompts.
"What is it about him that you like? Or, uh, what attracted you to him?"
Lelouch internally sighs.
There's no way he's answering that question.
"Is it his looks?"
"…"
"His personality?"
"…"
"…Well, what's he got that I don't?" Lelouch whips his eyes to Rivalz and the
boy shrugs with his own confusion. "Why him and not me?"
Lelouch gapes, "Are you telling me that you're jealous?"
"I don't know." Rivalz sheepishly shrugs. "I mean, am I not your type?"
S
T
A
R
E
"I think it's time we get some fresh air…" Lelouch finally mutters, wanting to
escape this awkward turn of events before he learns other things about Rivalz
he wishes he didn't know.
•-•
With perfect timing strapped to his heels, Lelouch steps out of the clubhouse
to greet the collective Student Council Girls as they stroll up to the door. In
the thick of it is Lelouch's beacon, the pair of wide green eyes from his
seahorse who looks like he's been battered enough by the battle. Lelouch stops
short as Rivalz continues forward up to the charge of clicking heels, letting
Suzaku separate himself from the herd to build some privacy for themselves. His
course is set straight for Lelouch with a bit of a rush to his step and an
eager flush on his cheeks… or maybe that's just from the chilly air?
"Lelouch!" Suzaku happily hops up to him, his springy, blond wig bouncing
around his head, and he holds up the various shopping bags in his hands. "I
wasn't going to really get anything, but we did find some things." He begins to
shift the bags around as if uncertain what to do with them, his cheeks still
rosy, like his lips. …His lips? "I wasn't so sure I'd find anything, but with
their help I got some new outfits for Suzie." Is that… There's eye shadow on is
eyes! "And I got a few things for the baby, too—"
"Are you wearing make-up?"
Suzaku freezes a short second, and then shrugs, "Well… Yes. But, we were at the
mall, you know, and, it just kind of happened. Anyway, look at this!" he
joyfully produces a plush animal a little bigger than his hand, shoving it
right into Lelouch's face. "Guess why I got it."
After a startling slap from more of Suzaku's puppy-dog excitement from being
reunited, Lelouch carefully studies the chubby, baby-blue body of a certain
water-dwelling creature that has a pale yellow belly and iridescent teal fins.
"Because it's a seahorse."
"Right!" Suzaku is overflowing with delight, his smile a radiant beam that
Lelouch can't keep from shinning on his own lips. "I saw it and thought it was
too adorable. Plus, it's so personal. It was just too perfect. And babies like
soft, fuzzy things, right?"
Not infants, but Lelouch doesn't want to rain on his parade.
And they can save it for later.
"So you had fun today?" he asks instead, still radiating with all of the
contagious ecstasy Suzaku is emitting.
"Yeah," Suzaku says, finally taking an actual moment to look at Lelouch—the
moment catching in their eyes as a tempting kiss—
But Lelouch finally realizes their audience, standing the polite distance he
left between them but still nosy beyond Suzaku's shoulder. Milly is unabashedly
staring; her smirk a sharp cut on her lips compared to the wide-eyed gazes of
everyone else who aren't accustomed to this type of exchange between their two
friends. Everyone is looking on innocently enough, aside from the she-devil,
but Lelouch has never liked having spectators observing his personal affairs
and he quickly slings his arm around Suzaku, placing a pushing hand on the
boy's back.
"Let's go inside so you can show me all of the things you bought in private,
where we won't be watched," Lelouch purposely utters at a high volume as they
walk away, turning his head towards their friends to give them fair warning.
•-•
"I wasn't sure what to expect today, but it could have been a lot worse,"
Suzaku says with a maintained smile as he sheds his sepia, corduroy half-
jacket, laying it on the couch.
That statement isn't really comforting…
Lelouch scuttles into the bedroom closely behind Suzaku, carrying all of his
shopping bags (like he insisted, and now regrets) and sets them down on the
table but his violet eyes are focused solely on the other boy beside him.
"I wouldn't want to do it again anytime soon, but it was… interesting."
A pale hand smoothes over the back of the off-white blouse snug around Suzaku's
torso, the brown print of tiny clusters of flowers ignored just like the tight
tan pants that accentuate Suzaku's firm, round bottom – Lelouch is only looking
right through these clothes.
"I'm glad that you enjoyed yourself today, then," Lelouch murmurs in Suzaku's
ear from behind, waiting for the connected head to turn so he can devour those
painted lips with a kiss – it isn't as pleasant as Lelouch was hoping, the fake
taste of lipstick not suited for his palate and thus forcing their mouth's to
stay closed. Suzaku doesn't seem disappointed when they part, instead looking
amused as he touches the pad of his thumb to the corner of Lelouch's lips.
"Now you have lipstick on your mouth."
"This stuff is awful, don't wear it ever again." Lelouch frowns, a hand
instinctively flying up to his mouth to rid the offending substance, but his
hand is instantly caught.
"But then I can't leave my mark." Suzaku grins and then proceeds to stamp a
pair of dusky chestnut lips on a pale cheek, much to Lelouch's dismay.
"Exactly," he grumbles, hurrying over to his desk for a tissue.
The kissing culprit laughs quietly to himself as he sits down on the couch and
begins emptying his bags, "It won't happen again, so don't worry. I just did
this time because, well, I was with Milly. She kind of just pushed me into the
offer when we were walking through the cosmetic department."
"Was she too much for you to handle?" he asks, tossing the tissue into the
trash bin.
"She was just unapologetic about all of her personal questions." Suzaku pauses,
giving Lelouch a direct gaze. "She really wants to know a lot about you. She
practically wouldn't talk about anything else. I think she likes you."
Lelouch shakes his head, "Don't try to scare me like that, it isn't nice."
Another wisp of laughter as more clothes are piled onto the table, "I'm
serious. You were the only topic on her mind."
Lelouch doesn't know if he should find this more frightening or depressing. The
thought of Milly vying for him? He'd rather not venture into that territory.
She's practically like a sister.
One he never wanted or needed, but a sister nonetheless.
"I didn't tell her anything, of course – which wasn't easy."
"I'm proud of you, in any case."
Suzaku nods appreciatively, "I did tell her you were a good kisser, though.
That seemed harmless and she was just dying to know something. If I'd held out
completely she might have torn me limb from limb to find her answers."
"I don't doubt it," Lelouch mutters. "But I'm only a 'good' kisser?"
"An excellent kisser," he says with a grin and sly glance, flattening and
folding one noisy paper bag before throwing mystified eyes back at Lelouch.
"You know she actually asked me about the size of your—? Um…" he shyly points
down at his own crotch – the fact that Suzaku can't say "penis" is cute.
Lelouch wishes he could say that about Milly surprises him, but it doesn't.
It's no wonder she didn't insist so much about Nunnally joining them – Nunnally
would've been a nice buffer against these kinds of questions, not that Lelouch
would use her or that Milly wouldn't be able to get around it.
"Should I even ask what happen then?"
"Oh, don't worry," Suzaku reassures. "She thinks largely of you in that
department."
A wicked smirk takes shape on Lelouch's lips, "At least she got
something right for once."
Suzaku dryly rolls his eyes, dipping his hands into another bag, "Anyway, how
did your day with Rivalz go?"
Lelouch stalls a bit, crossing his arms as he leans against his desk and stares
at the layers of clothes beginning to cover the polished, wooden surface of the
coffee table – the boy might have gotten a bit carried away, buying all of
this female apparel.
"Let's just say I've gotten to know him a little better."
"Oh no?" Suzaku can't keep a wide grin from breaking across his lips. "You
don't sound happy about that."
"Rivalz is one sad, strange individual, that's for sure," Lelouch supplies with
a shallow sigh, turning to the window behind his bed.
"So you guys didn't do anything or go anywhere?"
"I can't properly enjoy myself when I know Milly is up to no good." He peers
out briefly at the dark tint to the late-afternoon sky before tugging the
curtain closed.
"…You're not mad about all of this, are you? About them knowing?" Suzaku asks,
his timid, mercy-begging voice making the room feel colder than it really is.
"I know we haven't really been able to talk about it yet."
Lelouch looks at the sad seahorse sitting stiffly on the couch, his head bowed
with big, staring eyes that put every puppy, kitten or various other fuzzy,
baby creatures Lelouch has ever seen to shame. With a heavy sigh, he turns his
gaze from the idiot he can't live without, willing to accept that there might
be some things that just don't change.
"…No."
"Really?" The uncertainty clinging to Suzaku's tone doesn't hold back a shred
of suspicion or fear of some heartless bait-and-switch on Lelouch's end and it
makes the sable-haired boy glance over his shoulder again with sympathetic
half-smile.
"Really."
"You're not mad at all? Not even a little bit?"
All this questioning is kind of insulting, and a little annoying, but Lelouch
understands Suzaku's apprehension. Lelouch knows he isn't always the most
pleasant person in the world, especially when dealing with personal matters.
Despite everything that suggests otherwise, Lelouch isn't mad or upset. He knew
the pregnancy announcement would have to be handled at some point soon, or
forced upon them whenever Suzaku starts to show – which is a horrifying image
if only for the mind-bending biology of it – because Lelouch knows there isn't
a chance in Hell Suzaku would participate in a parade of lies. Even then,
making up stories about why Suzaku has a beach-ball stomach wouldn't account
for the little bundle once it's born, and those dots are all too easily
connectable. Realistically speaking, what happened last night works out for the
best in the end. …As long as their friends don't ask too many questions –
although that ship has apparently already sailed…
"Not even a little bit," he confirms again, this time in a huff of wry
laughter, gazing at his cautious seahorse with a soft-hearted and somewhat
amused smile lightly touching his lips. His head slants to an impish angle and
he lifts his hand, beckoning Suzaku with the gentle gesturing of one finger,
"Come here."
Suzaku complies with measured steps – apparently still harboring a strong
belief that Lelouch will strike him down at any second – and a firm line to his
lips, hands held behind his back as if they're cuffed.
Now there's an interesting thought…
"I didn't do it on purpose."
"I know," Lelouch softly says, his voice being the cushion underneath Suzaku's
skittish steps.
"And I am sorry." The apology was inevitable and the quiet sweep of his words
makes him seem smaller when he finally stands in front of Lelouch.
"I know." Lelouch caresses Suzaku's temple with the tips of his fingers, his
touch as feathery as his voice as it weeds into the earthy curls, forcing the
wig to fall to the floor, and leans in to press his lips against—
"It's just, for a second, I thought they really knew…"
"I know," Lelouch nods, sliding his other hand around Suzaku's hip, leaning in
again—
"I realized my mistake the second I said it, but didn't know how to fix it."
Lelouch waits for further interruptions but when silence is all he hears, he
leans in again—
"And then it was too late to even try."
Lelouch takes a breath, "I know," mutters quickly, and tries to—
"I just wasn't thinking and did something stupid."
—plant a kiss before Suzaku speaks again.
…Suzaku can't be this thick-headed.
"Do you want to know how you can make it up to me?"
"How?" he's too relieved at the opportunity to right his wrong, as if it will
cleanse the world of all its impurities.
"Shut up and let me kiss you," Lelouch orders flatly, the tenderness of his
disposition blistered dry by the constant blowing of hot air from Suzaku's
mouth.
The sheepish grin to muddle over Suzaku's lips is also inevitable, "Sorry."
Lelouch chides the boy with a lighthearted, wordless, shake of his head and
taps his lips, a smile growing as Suzaku concedes with a simper. Of course,
Lelouch doesn't leave it at a simple exchange, and he suspects that Suzaku
expected as much because his lips easily part. The taste of lipstick is thick
on Suzaku's mouth, but Lelouch isn't going to let some aesthetic annoyance keep
him from savoring the soft slip of their pressing lips. He takes advantage of
the apologetic atmosphere – not that it's particularly difficult – to sink his
thoughts down Suzaku's throat with his hand clutching firmly to brown hair and
let the kiss linger on slow, sensual seconds.
Lelouch is grinning provocatively through smeared lipstick once they part,
sliding his arms in a tight, secure circle around Suzaku.
"You should apologize like that from now on."
"That can be done." The younger boy smiles back, palms spreading on Lelouch's
chest as his body is brought to a flushed embrace. "Although, I have to say,
you keep surprising me."
"Oh?"
"Yeah." There's a hint of a smirk creeping in the upturned corners of Suzaku's
mouth as he stretches his arms over Lelouch's shoulders. "Here I've been
thinking you'd lose it over Nunnally and this thing with the student council,
but you haven't."
"Of course," Lelouch replies with an authentic air of arrogance, letting his
own arms fall to the Japanese' hips. "I'm not some raving lunatic."
"Of course." Green eyes glimmer briefly like the flash of a camera, but
Lelouch's eyes still capture the condescension and he is quick to seal Suzaku's
lips with another kiss before more words spoil the moment. This one is deeper
than the last but just as patient with more tongue and less air, leaving them
lost in each other's arms as everything but their contact wades from their
minds.
Suzaku's seeking hands sweep around the smooth skin of an alabaster neck,
anchoring his fingers in straight, sable hair as the hands on his lower back
flatten and pull to connect their teenage hips like magnets. Feeling the heat
of the moment slide from their mouths to his crotch, Lelouch nudges his pelvis
forward just a tad, to test the waters, and at the avid reaction of a throaty
moan and body twitch from Suzaku, Lelouch decides the water's fine. He brashly
slips his palms down, open hands happily grabbing the firm, ample cheeks of
Suzaku's bottom with equally delighted squeezes, much to the brunet's startled
surprise, earning himself a rasp of his name against his lips.
"I think we should move all these apologies to the bed," Lelouch deviously
purrs, his voice deep enough to visibly rumble through Suzaku's body. "So
you're more comfortable."
Victory over Suzaku's reluctance is already blooming on his cheeks in wisps of
pink and by the shy smile under his shifting eyes.
"…We really shouldn't," he quietly says, the timid whisper of his breath
feeling like a formality against his waiting body in Lelouch's arms.
Lelouch hasn't forgotten the concern of Nunnally, but she's still in the
library with Alice, so it's safe enough for their promiscuity.
"It'll be fine," he confidently insists with a forward step between Suzaku's
legs and a graze of lips.
"Such a naughty daddy!" Suzaku smiles widely, showing his teeth in a light
patter of giggles, and hugs his princely partner closely by the neck as they
hobble to the bed.
Lelouch is positive he told Suzaku to not call him that.
He doesn't really even understand how that title is supposed to be sexy, if
that is in fact the desired effect.
Still, if it gets Suzaku's motor running…
"But mamma likes it when I'm naughty." Another tremor of Lelouch's low,
seductive voice coils around Suzaku's spine, making the boy bend backwards and
fall to the bed underneath the Britannian who begins kissing him deeply once
more.
Fully intending to carry this mood as far as it will go, using his tongue to
encourage Suzaku to do the same with his hips placed firmly between Suzaku's
legs. A whispery moan seeps from Suzaku's mouth, apparently needing little
motivation to embrace the moment as he curls a leg around Lelouch's body with a
heel zealously pressing down. Lelouch rubs his hips against the pair beneath
him at their indulgent insistence, gratified at the twitch that sparks between
them and grinds against Suzaku's crotch growing just like Lelouch's. This
mutual enthusiasm is already catching their breath in heady air, trapping and
suffocating any escaping thoughts that might steal their attention or create
distractions. Only for a brief second do Lelouch's ears flinch at a faint sound
he thinks he hears, but he passes it off as his imagination and refocuses on
Suzaku's wiggling tongue—
"…can't hear…"
"…No—! Wait—!"
The abrupt hiss of Lelouch's bedroom door spills a tumble of bodies into the
room, limbs and groans of pain mingling on the wooden floor near the foot of
Lelouch's bed, effectively smashing the sexy mood and concentration to bits.
Millions and millions of bits.
The whole student council gang is here (minus Nina, of course), a tangle of
apologies on their lips and embarrassed blushes on their cheeks – both of which
Lelouch would rather have from Suzaku right now, as was the plan. Milly is the
only one unashamed of their spying even though she's the one who fell under the
weight of their snooping and ruined things for everyone.
Too surprised, and yet also not surprised, all Lelouch can really seem to do is
look down at a wide-eyed Suzaku with a wry smile, "And you thought I'd be mad."
•-
-•
Normally, seeing Suzaku shirtless upon walking into the bedroom would be a
pleasant surprise worth entertaining dirty thoughts, but today, as Lelouch
strides through the doors, he finds only a big question mark weighing on his
mind. Perhaps Lelouch wouldn't find the scene of a half-naked Suzaku observing
himself in front of the full-length mirror strange if not for the critical tilt
to his head and groping hands on his chest – it's the hands, definitely, that
worry Lelouch. Despite resting on a flat surface, they're cupping and rubbing
as the soldier stares at himself sideways.
Lead by insatiable curiosity and an arced eyebrow, Lelouch joins Suzaku at the
mirror, searching for meaning in the reflection.
"What are you doing?" he can't help but ask, now more disturbed by those
groping hands than he is perplexed.
"It's…" Suzaku's voice falls away into his arching back, shoulders pulling
tight and dropping loose as his palms slowly move in small circles. "I think
I'm growing breasts."
Lelouch nearly falls over himself.
He is somewhat grateful he waited to take a swig of his coffee for now he is at
least spared the indignity of violently choking or spewing it from his mouth in
messy surprise – maybe he is finally learning something after all this time
spent with this big-mouthed idiot. Instead, he is openly gawking, not really
sure where to begin making sense of the chest in question or if he even should.
"…What?"
"I think I'm growing breasts," Suzaku repeats as if Lelouch had asked him to,
head turning and torso twisting for inspection through another angle. "What do
you think?"
What does Lelouch think?
Is that a serious question?
"Why do you think that?" Lelouch is using his non-judgmental voice here.
"What do you mean why do I think that?" Suzaku unexpectedly barks with
annoyance in his eyebrows. "Can't you see them!"
Lelouch can't see something that isn't there.
Rather, he can't see something that exists only in Suzaku's imagination.
However, Lelouch doesn't like the untamed tone already beginning to foam from
Suzaku's mouth, so he honestly reconsiders how he views what is (or isn't)
presented to him in a silent, studying pause… but it's no use. Even with the
comparative gestures of his squeezing fingers, Suzaku's chest is as flat as
this moment is ridiculous.
"I'm sorry, I don't see anything," Lelouch confesses gently with a slow,
careful shake of his head.
Suzaku practically stomps his foot, "Then you're not looking hard enough,
because I can feel them! All jiggly…"
Jiggly?
"If you're this concerned we can ask the doctor about it on our next visit," he
casually offers for the sake of appeasement, leaving not Suzaku but the mirror
full of awkward shifting and pinching in favor of his desk – that being his
original destination.
"No, I'd rather not have her feel me up again unless
it's absolutely necessary." Suzaku visibly shudders under the memory of touch.
"Can't you just feel for yourself and tell me what you think?"
That question begging for help freezes Lelouch where he stands, hand on the
back of his desk chair, and drags his eyes back to Suzaku, at the way those
green eyes stare at him as if Lelouch is a source of comfort.
Damn it all…
Lelouch was hoping to avoid getting roped into Suzaku's… whatever
this thing he's having right now is, but they're partners and partners don't
abandon each other regardless of whatever has befallen them. It isn't that
Lelouch doesn't want to help Suzaku, he just isn't so sure he'll say what
his lover wants to hear, and that will cause them both a lot of unwanted stress
which he was also hoping to avoid.
Lelouch sets his coffee down on the desk with a repressed sigh, mentally
telling himself to just accept this situation and not provoke his pregnant
seahorse no matter how unreasonable he might become. He's just not awake or
willing enough to fight about whether or not Suzaku has breasts.
Having prepared himself for this as much as he can, he pads over to Suzaku in
patient strides rather than patronizing clomps, and awkwardly lifts his hands
into the air once standing in front of the mirror again.
"Just…" Suzaku turns his back to Lelouch, pulling the older boy's hands up to
his chest and tentatively presses them right over the possible bosoms.
Lelouch is staring at their reflection, at his hands, and briefly wonders what
he'll do if he does in fact feel that his little seahorse is becoming busty.
All he can do is squeeze…
Rub.
Grope.
Fondle.
Grope.
Rub.
…and squeeze until the conclusion that Suzaku does not have breasts during at
least this moment is proven.
"No, I don't feel anything." Lelouch shakes his head, hands still clutching to
the idea on Suzaku's chest.
"Are you sure?" Suzaku almost sounds disappointed. "It's not extra… flabby to
you?"
"No. It feels the same to me." Not that Lelouch makes it a habit to feel-up the
boy's pectorals – ok, well, not like this. He slides his hands down to narrow
hips, "I think you're just imaging it."
"…I guess you're right," he murmurs, skimming his fingertips over his chest.
Lelouch kisses the side of his head, silly boy—
"Too bad," Suzaku says. "I was starting to look forward to the idea of
breastfeeding… Ow! Lelouch? Your fingernails are hurting me!"
Oh, sorry.
Was Lelouch unconsciously imbedding his nails into Suzaku's skin at this
disturbing leak of information?
"You can't be serious." Lelouch ignores Suzaku's pain with furrowing eyebrows
and a dark tone, unclenching his fists. "Breastfeeding?"
"What?" Suzaku's face is wrinkling right back, his voice taking on a defensive
quiver. "It was just a thought."
"Let's leave it that way," Lelouch mumbles slightly, walking back to his desk
and taking a sobering sip of coffee.
"Why do you say that?"
"Because, Suzaku."
"Because I'm not a woman?" Suzaku slaps his hands to his hips.
"Yes!" Lelouch plops down in his chair and turns on his laptop. "You can't tell
me that idea isn't strange or even a little disturbing to you."
Suzaku doesn't answer, his eyes following a thought in his head.
"That's what I thought."
"You're wrong!" Suzaku argues.
"Suzaku—" Lelouch tiredly starts.
"No!" he loudly defies. "Why else would I be growing them? That's technically
what they're there for. And I've read that men can lactate, too, so why
wouldn't I be able to do it?"
That's quite possibly the most horrifying question Lelouch has ever heard
Suzaku ask.
This is officially too absurd of a conversation to be having.
"Listen, just because your body might be reacting to the pregnancy the way it
would for a woman doesn't mean that it would be preparing the way a woman's
would by having the proper nourishment to sustain the baby." Lelouch taps a
little too aggressively on his keyboard. "Yes, men can lactate, but that
doesn't mean they can breastfeed. That's like saying a man who builds
birdhouses also knows how to build houses for humans. It's two different
situations."
"…That doesn't mean they don't know, either" Suzaku stubbornly grumbles in a
pout.
"Besides," Lelouch ignores him, again, "you become aroused when your nipples
are stimulated. That won't work out well for you in the end."
"You—!"
Lelouch laughs at the flustered outburst he caused, nabbing the chance to steer
the conversation in a different direction.
"Where is this even coming from, anyway?"
Suzaku sighs, "I don't know… When I was with the girls, I just… found myself
thinking a lot of things."
"Maybe you spent too much time with them. Their estrogen must have gotten to
you."
Light snickers pop from Suzaku's mouth at the silliness of it all, "Maybe
you're right."
A self-satisfied grin shines from within Lelouch – damn straight he's right.
"All you need to worry about right now is taking good care of the small fry
while it's inside you. That's a far better use for your time."
Suzaku hums a dejected sound, making Lelouch look over at the boy who slides
his hands down his stomach while looking at himself sideways in the mirror.
"…I worry about that, too."
"What do you mean?"
Perhaps a better question would be: why does he sound so sad?
"You see how flat my stomach is."
It's as flat as his chest.
"And?"
Greens eyes fling at Lelouch, "How many months am I into this pregnancy? I
should've started showing by now, but I haven't. It worries me. What if there's
something wrong?"
"The doctor has said and continues to say that everything looks fine. I'm sure
we're conducting over a very strong safety net."
As strong as can be, at least…
"But what if it's a problem they can't detect or some new side effect they
can't see? Male pregnancy isn't an everyday occurrence."
"Well…" Lelouch won't admit it, but he's at a loss for words, particularly
because the seahorse is so down and so right. As far as anyone knows, a male
pregnancy has never been recorded outside of fiction, and they don't know what
will happen. To have Suzaku mention that he thinks about the fatal
possibilities threatening their baby is unsettling on its own. "It is a small
fry, right? Maybe we're just having a small baby – that happens sometimes."
A noncommittal sound seeps from Suzaku's lips, his eyes turned to his
disappointing reflection.
"Sometimes babies a bigger, too. For your sake, you should probably hope it is
a small one. A hefty baby might kill you."
The corners of Suzaku's lips lift faintly, and he looks at Lelouch with weak
amusement – showing his appreciation for the attempt at comic relief.
"Don't worry so much, that's my job," Lelouch commands softy through a smile as
he turns his attention back to his laptop, opening an undoubtedly annoying and
pointless e-mail from Milly. "And it's like I said before; not everyone's body
is the same. It'll probably take a little more time before you start showing."
His fingers tick across keys for only a few seconds when he is suddenly encased
in a loving embrace, strong arms linked around his shoulders and a tickle of
hair on his neck, causing him to fall still. Strokes of hot breaths slide over
Lelouch's skin in more beats of wordless time, Suzaku's scent filling his
nostrils and encompassing his brain with warm, fuzzy contentment.
"I don't know what I'd do without you," Suzaku says, his affectionate delivery
muffled by Lelouch's shoulder.
Lelouch smiles, a soft glow on his face like a lit candle, and touches Suzaku's
arm with his hand.
"Die, probably."
"You're the best daddy in the whole world."
"I thought I was a naughty daddy."
"You are." Suzaku turns his head so his nose is pointing at Lelouch. "But you
were right: I like that part of daddy, too."
Lelouch's eyebrow twitches, but it's an intrigued quirk rather than an annoyed
reflex, and he stares at the kiss glittering in emerald eyes that's clearly
calling him. Not one to pass on such an offer, Lelouch sweetly and tenderly
presses his lips to Suzaku's, feeling the other boy happily mirror the
movement.
The imposing idea of budding bosoms has been successfully squashed.
•-•
Seated side by side on the couch in Lelouch's room that evening, the teenage
parents-to-be stare at the laptop screen, readying themselves for the
childbirth video found on the website of their clinic. They're both unsure if
they're really ready to see what this video holds but also sure that they
should be prepared (not just because the thoughts of Suzaku's mind are truly
worrying), and unquestioningly curious about the truth. Lelouch has heard the
horror stories and the glory tales, but can't say he knows what the experience
really entails – perhaps if he hadn't skipped his health class so much he'd be
more knowledgeable, and Suzaku's been playing soldier boy so he's just as
clueless.
Lelouch inhales a brave breath, "Ready?"
Suzaku wordlessly nods.
The click from the mouse has never sounded so deafening to Lelouch's ears.
The laptop glows softly on their faces which quickly contort when the video –
watching this in full screen was definitely a bad idea – cuts right to the
chase. Lelouch can feel himself frowning deeply, cringing at the clear angle
and anguishing sounds emitting from the woman whose face they can't see. He
glances at Suzaku to see those evergreen eyes expanding beyond their natural
limits and his ears turning red like a mercury thermometer during the height of
summer, in the desert.
Neither of them was prepared for this, and that's a grievous understatement.
It even feels morally reprehensible because they are in a gay relationship and
under the legal age to be taking part in anything to do with this subject. If
Suzaku wasn't pregnant, they'd really have no right to watch this video – not
that they'd be dying to if he wasn't…
"Uuhh!" the woman groans in distress – a person should never groan like that.
"…So that's what it looks like," Suzaku says, his voice empty and distance like
his purity was just stolen from him.
As much as Lelouch would like to admonish Suzaku for making such a blunt
remark, he only said what they were both thinking… and it did break the tension
crackling from the video, if only a little.
It is an image Lelouch is certain he'll never forget.
"Aahh~!"
For better or for worse.
"I don't think it always looks quite like this," Lelouch mutters sourly as the
woman's screams of pain intensify, siphoning a harsh, acidic taste into his
mouth from his stomach.
"Push, push, honey! You're almost there! I can see the head!"
"No…" Suzaku's voice is almost completely smothered by the video.
"Guh! Guhaaaaaaaaaaaaa~AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"
•-•
The boys are scrambling into the bathroom in a race against their stomachs;
Suzaku being much faster to the toilet than Lelouch, flipping the lid and dry-
heaving into the bowl as if he's trying to cough up the memory of what he just
saw. Lelouch stands at the sink, palms on the icy surface as he stares down
into the drain, his throat flexing and clamping the volatile feeling of vomit
just teetering on the verge of tongue.
…There are some things that just aren't meant for mortal eyes.
"Please tell me I don't have to do that," Suzaku begs with hefty huffs, eyes
wide open with the truth.
Lelouch is still swallowing in an effort to keep his lunch, and his stomach,
from lurching up his esophagus, completely against making any promises to
Suzaku at this point. He'd like nothing more than to reassure Suzaku – and
himself – that it isn't possible for a male to give birth that way, but a
male shouldn't even be pregnant in the first place. They're treading new lands,
and Lelouch doesn't have enough facts to declare anything safe just yet
anymore.
"I just want to know what kind of sick people call childbirth beautiful,"
Lelouch mutters into the sink, rubbing the nausea away with the shock of cold
water. "Or what sick things a person would have to see first to even call it
beautiful."
"I think people think the idea of childbirth is beautiful when they say that."
– is all Suzaku can seem to offer in a tired toss of words as he slumps before
the Porcelain God.
Lelouch's lips curl at the imagery of that video as if he smells rancid
garbage, "I hope you're right."
•-
-•
Homeroom might just be another time for napping to Lelouch, but not Suzaku.
While the older boy snoozes his free period away, face buried in his folded
arms on the table, Suzaku sits next to him with a straight back and an open
history book in front of him to do his assignment… Trying to, at least. His
paper is still blank, aside from his name, while his mind chases thoughts that
lead him farther and farther away from the point of his pencil. Suzaku hasn't
found it completely impossible to focus in every case, but school work and
class lectures are a different story. Although he's never thought of himself as
the student type, he's been doing pretty well since enrolled at Ashford, only
now with the pregnancy hatching in his mind is he facing a constant daze. Doing
his work would actually be fine, if he could remember a single word any of his
teachers have said…
Normally turning to Lelouch would solve Suzaku's problems, but he doesn't want
to bother the boy who struggles to sleep at night so he's just staring
helplessly down at his paper when a shadow slides over its empty surface – a
silhouette he can instantly recognize.
"What's up, Suzaku," Rivalz greets, dragging an empty chair to sit backwards in
it across from the honorary Britannian, "Doin' homework?"
"Trying to," he bashfully mumbles. "I can't seem to concentrate."
Rivalz waves off Suzaku's troubles, smiling breezily, "Just get Lelouch to do
it for you later. He's never done it for me, but I'm sure he'd do it for you."
Suzaku smiles faintly as Rivalz warmly laughs, but the twist on his lips is
more sneering than it is humored.
He already knows what Lelouch would expect in return for such a favor.
Because Lelouch's charity has its limits.
"So… I was just curious about something," Rivalz's lowers his voice, his face
shaping to match his sober words.
Suzaku's head tilts, "What?"
That blue mop of hair sinks to dock a chin on his over-lapping arms, his
shoulders raised and eyes intensely focused on what he makes seem like a top-
secret conversation.
"What was it like, being one of them?"
"Them?"
"You know, when you were with the girls. What was it like?"
In itself, coming from Rivalz, that's not an odd question, just a little
unexpected in timing. After the event on Saturday, Lelouch didn't really give
off the appeal of wanting to know more than he needed to about what went on at
the mall, either because he simply didn't want to know or he didn't care to
know all the details, Suzaku can't say. He didn't feel particularly obligated
to share more than he needed to, either, because the whole day was repetitive
of Milly's harassment.
"Oh, well… different, but not very different from just being around them any
other time. I think it was just the context that was strange? I don't think
they're different because they're girls." Different for other reasons, maybe,
but everybody is quirky in some way.
"Huh…" Rivalz sounds disappointed. "They didn't act different around you?"
Suzaku shakes his head with a faint shrug, "No. They were the same."
Milly might have been more aggressive, and cared only about Lelouch,
but Rivalz doesn't need to know that.
"Did you get to see them in their underwear?" Rivalz asks a bit too excitedly
and a bit too loudly, painting a blush across Suzaku's cheeks and pulling some
unwanted eyes onto them. "Cuz I've heard that girls are really open with their,
erm,"—he glances around briefly to make sure no one is listening,
anymore—"special guy friends. They'll, like, change in front of you, or
even more than that!"
"Don't be stupid, Rivalz." –comes the muffled scorn of Lelouch who doesn't
bother to lift his head.
Guess he's not really sleeping.
Rivalz brushes off Lelouch's derision with a brittle straighten of his spine,
"Whatever. It's just what I've heard. But, did you get to see anything? I mean,
I know you probably don't care about that sort of thing. But, the president?
Even you'd have to admit that she's got a nice figure – did you get to see
it up close and personal, hah? All of them look good, you know, but Milly is
more mature, if you know what I mean."
This part of Rivalz is actually kind of funny.
Creepy, but funny.
And, no, Suzaku doesn't know what he means.
"Sorry." Suzaku simpers. "That didn't happen."
"Figured not." Rivalz slumps back down against his arms. "But… are you sure
they're really like us? Because it doesn't always seem that way."
"Yeah," Suzaku says with an ironic half-smile at the reflective thoughts of how
carnivorously Milly wanted to know about Lelouch just like Rivalz wanted to
about Milly. "I think just their parts are different."
***** One Foot in the Nest *****
Chapter Notes
     I’m finally back (with a different penname) and of course on
     Lelouch’s 18th birthday! :D ♥♥♥
     I feel so incredibly guilty about the way this fic was just
     abandoned. That was never my intention (and I was kind of in denial
     about it being abandoned) nor did I intend for this story to be left
     incomplete forever. So, now I’m resuming updates and finishing this
     story properly because an ending is deserved to both it and its
     readers. The ending is happening a little sooner than planned but I
     AM still using the same ideas for the ending. (This story will be
     completed at 11 chapters.)
     I also did some minor editing of the previous chapters before posting
     this one.
     I really CANNOT apologize enough to readers I left hanging. I hope
     these last few chapters will be sufficient – for old and new readers
     alike. *sobs*
See the end of the chapter for more notes
"The wisest of men is a fool when love is concerned." –Lord Conrad
Weller from Kyo Kara Maoh!
•-•-•-•-•-•-•-8
Ambiguous
One_Foot_in_the_Nest
Suzaku softly moans.
His back gently arches above the plush, plump snowy beddings of the hotel bed
under him as Lelouch's hips ease close between his bent legs, against his
cushioned backside that lifts him more comfortably as he's carefully entered.
His arms are tense and straight, spread at his sides with hands fisting mounds
of the blanket as his chest curves in the warm glow from a dimly lit bedside
lamp. It traces his somewhat rounded stomach and stiff nipples, but doesn't
quite coat the rest of the posh, pale-toned furniture sharing their room.
"Is it all right? Any discomfort?" Lelouch quietly asks as he skims his palms
up then down from Suzaku's waist until he's holding a raised pair of hips.
Suzaku fondly smiles with heated cheeks. "Yeah. It's good." He reaches and
holds Lelouch's jaw when the older boy lowers to link their lips.
Their kiss is slow and loose, lips sifting like sand until Lelouch shifts his
hips against the boy connected to them, easing a contented moan to sail from
soldier's throat. Lelouch lets the sound ooze into the air as he turns his
attention to kissing the brunet's neck whose face falls to the side, baring his
flesh for supple lips and a tender tongue. The former prince mouths down a
warm, tan neck and into the curve of a shoulder when he's tempted by the tense
nipples on Suzaku's rising chest. He presses a light kiss on Suzaku's flat
pectoral and then the tight nub, making the gent under him breathily moan and
weave fingers into his feather-soft raven hair. A royal tongue spills from
parted lips and carefully blankets the dusky pink point, nudging the tightening
bud with its wet tip before lips close and tamely begin sucking. Lelouch
listens to the wet sound of his mouth on the Honorary Britannian's chest
underneath a current of airy mewls and words that try to be Japanese dissolve
down Suzaku's throat. He pays equal attention to Suzaku's other nipple, earning
a roll of hips against him with the tight compression of brawny thighs and a
deep squeeze in their connection.
And then the husky beckon of his name.
Lelouch lifts to gaze at Suzaku, at those swimming green eyes, and kisses the
struggling native words trapped in his mouth. He delicately pulls his hips back
and then pushes forward in testing movements that coax a coasting croon from
Suzaku's nose, encouraging him to deepen his range. Suzaku's head tilts back as
his body is lapped into the gentle shores of flourishing pleasure, a slow-
burning passion chasing the pulse of their blood. Everything about them is
measured, savoring. Pleasure rolling out in their breathing like the swaying of
the ocean with Suzaku's quieted cries calmly pulling Lelouch in farther,
faster. He is careful to not place pressure on the seahorse's stomach as the
mild rhythm he began with fades from his hips, sinking into Suzaku's hot body
like every time before. Falling into a lust that eats at his mind and body
until there's nothing but their pumping, pulsing heat.
Lelouch absolutely loves the way Suzaku clings to him, the connection, the
charging of their bodies.
All wet skin and air.
No complications, no lies.
Lelouch watches the movement inside Suzaku's body affect him; he's always been
enamored—no, enthralled in the way he can make Suzaku's body move – but not
like a puppet, rather, like he cut the puppet's strings. Lelouch watches
Suzaku's cheeks tint more darkly and his slivered eyes glaze as he listens to
that Japanese voice squeak against his moving hips, feeling Suzaku's entire
being – not just his body, but his heart and his head – desperately, greedily
grip around him. Pull him ever closer. To be inside Suzaku and have the ability
to create this ecstasy is an empowered feeling that Lelouch does, admittedly,
let go to his head, but it's not just pride. It's not the same as toppling
pieces on the battlefield or the commanding swoop of his absolute Geass.
It is different.
It is… pure.
Suzaku's body, surely, has no rival and Lelouch honestly enjoys making his best
friend cry in rapture – more so than bringing himself to that same brink.
But when they fall, it's always together.
Suzaku's wings might unfurl first but Lelouch is on his tail. A stab of
Suzaku's voice cracks the isolated air around them before a hand can stuff it
back down – mindful of neighbors. Lelouch doesn't allow a hand to stifle,
however, and tangles their fingers together in the rumpled blankets, welcoming
the flutter of Suzaku's voice into his ear; it pushes darkness from his eyes as
his body rows them faster—
Deeper—
Closer towards that thrashing edge—
And it all fades with Suzaku's sinking crows of pleasure…
•-•
"How did we get here?" Suzaku thoughtfully asks, nestled at Lelouch's side
under the hills of blankets with his head resting on a pale shoulder.
"What do you mean?" Lelouch holds the hand resting over his beating heart.
"It feels like so long ago, doesn't it? When you and Nunnally climbed all those
stairs to the shrine—"
"You mean when you punched me in the face."
Suzaku flinches with a simper. "You're never going to let that go, are you?"
"Maybe if you were sorry."
"I'm sure that I apologized." Suzaku wryly grins up at the resentful royal.
"I think I'd remember that," Lelouch haughtily maintains.
Suzaku did apologize.
7 years ago.
But he could always stand to be more apologetic about it.
Without even a hint of rolled eyes, Suzaku cradles Lelouch's head with one hand
and tenderly kisses the cheek he so wrongly hit almost ten years ago.
"I am so very sorry for punching your very perfect face."
"…Actually, it was the other cheek."
Suzaku good-naturedly laughs, his simper widening into amusement as he proceeds
to kiss the "other" cheek in the same fashion.
"Can you ever forgive me?"
Lelouch's mouth quirks – and for just a brief moment, he sees the ethereal
shadow of Suzaku's guilt hanging on his words.
(As well as the mask and cape hanging from his own…)
"I forgive you."
Suzaku holds his warm smile as he leans down to softly and fully kiss Lelouch's
prideful lips.
They're just at three months since the seahorse first burst the rebel leader's
world unlike anything else had. In more measured terms, Suzaku is nearing four
months of pregnancy and his belly is finally rising. Not overmuch, but enough
to soothe some stress.
Four small months.
Four big months.
Eight whole weeks.
Roughly one-hundred-twenty days…
It seems they've made it all the way to the cold month of December, Lelouch's
birthday, and this hotel weekend was a gift from Suzaku. Their club gaggle did
throw a rather unwanted shindig for Lelouch – he's not one for parties,
especially Milly's parties, but it was surprisingly low-key despite him
becoming a legal adult which is typically a big deal to many teens. (Never mind
that Lelouch "grew up" the day he was kicked out of the only home he'd ever
known and across the globe.) Fortunately, it wasn't all that difficult to sneak
away with Suzaku who unwittingly prepared their getaway.
Where they could be alone.
Away from the world.
Away from their tactless friends.
Away from fearing about Nunnally over-hearing them in bed…
The two boys had been restricting their love-making to the bathroom – namely,
showers – because that's where Suzaku is more comfortable. It's often later in
the evening after Nunnally is tucked into bed and as such away from her
bedroom. While in itself not unpleasant, the shower is always slippery and
steamy and sweltering, but this bed is open and secure and Lelouch doesn't have
to stare at the back of Suzaku's head. (Aside from that one time he got Suzaku
bent of the sink in front of the mirror.) Even if he does adore the mesmerizing
flexing of Suzaku's muscular back… and the way his flesh is absorbed into
Suzaku's body.
Lelouch has to admit, Suzaku has given him something he—they needed. Lelouch
hasn't felt this at ease since… he could smell the flowers in his mother's
garden. Or see Nunnally's big lilac eyes.
It's a fleeting slice of heaven, Lelouch knows, even frivolous, but maybe an
escape is just something he needed yet would never give himself.
There's always something to be done. These months with Suzaku as expecting
parents have been admittedly stressful—piling on top of his already crowded
shoulders as he walked the tightrope of rebellion, determined to never fall.
"I've been curious about something," Suzaku says, spooning against Lelouch on
his stomach, anchoring his elbow on the other side of the black-haired lad's
body. "When you were a child, did you ever want to be anything when you grew
up? I-I mean, when you were in Britannia… did you think about it?"
Other than being forced to decide if he'd be Nunnally's or Euphemia's groom?
"I was…" Lelouch isn't quite sure what word he's looking for here, "…naïve
then, I didn't see the world that way." Truthfully, Lelouch's concerns weren't
so different as they are now: Nunnally.
"Do you miss that?"
"It was a lie," Lelouch impassively says – emptier than Britannia is far. "What
I have now isn't a fairy tale, but it's real."
Zero might be a shroud of lies but he's felt more honest behind Zero's mask
than he ever did behind the one of "Lamperouge." As vi Britannia Lelouch wasn't
allowed to forget that his blood wasn't pure, even if he did—does?—have happy
memories of that time. Lelouch isn't some hot-house orchid but looking back,
yes, there were things his ten-year-old brain couldn't conceive.
His father not loving him was one of them.
"…You don't think something like that—that kind of happiness could ever be a
reality? Honest?"
Lelouch's hand skating over Suzaku's side is his answer, caressing a scar in a
way that makes the soldier visibly shift as if in unconscious discomfort. Or
trying to hide his obvious discomfort. He traces the ghost weighing Suzaku's
eyes with the fingertips of his hand and lifts his head up for a kiss that
efficiently silences all these unwanted questions. The younger boy yields with
a pleased sound wisping through his nose as he leans fully into his friend's
bedeviling mouth, but when Lelouch moves as if to flip them over—
"Wait," Suzaku gently insists, tossing his leg over to straddle Lelouch. "It's
your birthday. Let me treat you for once."
Lelouch hums, intrigued. "Treat me how?"
"I don't know." Suzaku pulls on a feisty expression but it doesn't quite fit,
hanging a little loosely on his body – although apparently actually accepting
the subject drop. "What do you want?"
A dead Britannian Emperor.
"I wonder…" Lelouch slyly answers, sliding his fingertips up along the outline
of Suzaku's waist, grinning at the reflexive way a body shifts into his touch.
"You might want to be careful now, you know. Technically you are underage and
we could get into a lot of trouble if we're caught together like this." It will
still be a half year before Suzaku is "legal" (although the "shame" of being
with an "eleven" would probably be more damaging to most others.)
"I won't tell anyone if you don't," Suzaku impishly grins back, leaning down to
kiss his 18 year-old beau. "But, actually, I do have another little surprise
for you," he suggestively says against Lelouch's lips.
"That so…?" Lelouch asks in a similar manner.
•-•
A sexy nurse exits the bathroom.
A small, paper pillbox hat with a red plus on the front crowns Suzaku's brown
mane as he walks towards the bed in a white nurses' pencil dress slinked around
his body. It's tighter around his lower half than his upper half that has a
plunging v-neck that was apparently tailored for somebody more busty – or at
least somebody with a bust. The skirt is also quite short, above mid-thigh, but
it does fit rather nicely around Suzaku's shapely behind and doing little to
conceal the bulge of his front.
"Well?" Suzaku asks as he walks up to the bed in a slow spin, sliding his hands
down his sides. "What do you think?"
It's certainly not the regulation kind of uniform.
"I am… surprised."
No, really.
Lelouch is astonished.
Suzaku simpers a bit bitterly, "Did you forget?"
"I didn't." Lelouch smirks. "Halloween, costume shop." But he
wasn't serious when he mentioned it then and really didn't think Suzaku
would purchase such a thing – although maybe Lelouch should know better, by
now. And to think he's been holding onto it this entire time…?
"Do you like it?"
"…It looks good on you," Lelouch casually says, smoothing his palms around
Suzaku's waist to pull the boy closer to the edge of the bed where he sits with
bundled legs.
"But?" Suzaku asks, hearing the noticeable pause on Lelouch's end.
"I appreciate your effort, but, I wasn't being serious." Actually, the fact
that Suzaku would even do this for Lelouch is what makes it sexy. "This isn't
some interest I have." That is to say it's not his kink and he doesn't want
Suzaku to overly invest in it.
Suzaku stares a moment, thoughtful. "What about Suzie?"
"Even Suzie."
Suzaku gives him a skeptical look and Lelouch lightly laughs.
"You do look good in skirts and dresses, and their easy access is very
appealing, and they are easier to strip off you," Lelouch says knowing there's
honesty in his words, slowly spreading his low voice like warm butter up the
inside of Suzaku's bare thigh with his palm, while his other hand smoothes
around a round rump towards the hem of the rather thin dress—
And Suzaku faintly gasps in surprise when the tight fabric is yanked up to full
expose the firm flesh of his bare backside, and front – so he didn't bother
with underwear. If not already past the date, Suzaku definitely can't return
the outfit after this. Steel hands grip Lelouch's shoulders and he smiles
against the squirm of skin on Suzaku's chest as his hands massage up between
thighs and over one plump cheek.
"Because I really like you best when you're wearing nothing but my name on your
lips," Lelouch fiendishly murmurs hotly against skin he sucks, listening to the
sharp breaths from the other boy above his head.
Even better is the honest sculpting of pleasure on Suzaku's face, when Lelouch
is wearing Suzaku.
"Lelouch, you're surprisingly… sexual," Suzaku mutters as he shivers in
Lelouch's attentive hands.
The older teen has to look up at that, "What's that supposed to mean?" You say
that like it's a bad thing.
"Just," and the flushed brunet smirks of something wry, "you know how you are…"
Is that really an answer?
Or is that just an insult?
Regardless, Lelouch understands what he means…
"I wasn't before you, that's true." Lelouch's mouth is adorned with a soft
smile while he uses both hands to massage the ample mounds of Suzaku's rear.
The pilot quivers delightedly as he leans closer to the older boy.
"I'm honored that I bring that out in you," the seahorse breathes with an
unexpected, affectionate shape on Suzaku's lips, hands slinking up Lelouch's
neck. "And that I'm the only one who gets to see it."
The former prince proudly quirks his lips, "You should feel honored."
Lelouch doesn't fully understand it himself, other than that Suzaku is
just… special – not just for a boy, but as another human being. He doesn't
think he'd feel differently if Suzaku was a female (at least then this
pregnancy would make sense.) A romantic cliché, maybe, but Suzaku is the only
person Lelouch feels he can really trust. And maybe that's… really all there is
to it.
(Even if Lelouch still keeps secrets, because that's just in his nature.
Zero shouldn't—)
Suzaku is grinning as he's pulled flush against the boy that instantly plants
kisses over his chest while squeezing hands grope his bubbly buttocks. A
growing hardness rubs Lelouch's stomach as his lips speckle close to one nipple
and he gently pecks on a stiff nub, softly grazing his pursing lips until
Suzaku slightly wriggles.
"Any discomfort here?" Lelouch asks with a checking glance at answering greens.
Suzaku has become more sensitive here lately; his nipples as well as
his breasts – which, while still very flat, have softened and are sometimes
tender. Sore nipples can make even just wearing a shirt unbearable, so Lelouch
doesn't want to over-stimulate…
"No," Suzaku murmurs, fingers scrunching in a nape of midnight hair. "It's
good."
Lelouch kisses the rosy nipple again and leans over the brunet when he lies
back in the fluff of hotel linens again, legs dangling over the side. The
Britannian takes the protruding point of Suzaku's nipple between the rims of
his lips and mildly slices the tip of his tongue over it from side to side. A
soft moan inflates Suzaku's chest like a sail and he rises a little upward into
Lelouch's mouth who traces around the peaking bud before flatly licking over
the tightening pink spot. He lightly rubs his thumb over the sharpening point
as he drifts over to the other nipple with a shove of loose fabric. Lelouch
repeats the light tonguing he did to the other, feeling Suzaku's body ripple
under him in a way that inspires him to briefly suckle the sensitive nip. He
lifts to the steady shallow of Suzaku's pants as he smears his thumbs over wet
nipples, circling around tips that harden even more before closing both of them
between his fingers. Lelouch's concentrated violets swing between each nipple
he carefully rolls in his fingers, listening to the quiet growth of moans
rooting under loud breaths that pour into his blood. Suzaku's arousal is fully
lifted with Lelouch's and he twists the sensitive tips in his fingers, watching
a restless chest push up for more.
"Lelouch…" Just like the sound of his name.
Lelouch's eyes flick up to Suzaku's face splashed with red pleasure and can't
resist slightly harder pinches to the younger boy's nipples to see his face
glaze over. Then he kisses Suzaku again and nails lightly scrape his shoulder-
blades as he surfs a hand down a wavy stomach to briefly stroke an erection
with loose fingers. When they tiptoe farther down and press against a soft
opening, Lelouch laps at a moan that breezes from Suzaku's throat before
parting from their wet lips to wet his fingers. He dips them back down between
Suzaku's thighs and the toned leg not under Lelouch's weight bends around him
with lifting hips as fingers slide through a loosened entrance. Excitement
deepens Suzaku's breath and their open lips graze as fingers swab around inside
his hot body. Lelouch pets the hot coil of inner walls as he shifts his mouth
lower to the moist length he grips with his other hand.
"Wait," Suzaku's voice steams from his lips and he tries to pull away but his
hips are hooked on Lelouch's pumping fingers. "I want to… I want to do that for
you."
Lelouch stares at the sheen of lust on Suzaku's clover eyes.
And decides to make a little joke.
"You can reach your mouth down here on yourself?"
That question pelts Suzaku's face with confusion.
And then annoyance.
"I meant I want to mouth you, you jerk," he half-heartedly grouses and rustles
Lelouch's hair with a fairly rough hand – which isn't really helpful in selling
his offer.
Mirthful chuckles just bubble in Lelouch's chest.
Flattering, but "No need," and he lowers with a hanging tongue—
Only to be literally cock-blocked by Suzaku's palm on his forehead.
"But…" Suzaku murmurs as his hot inner walls are groped with firm, long
fingers, "you never let me and it's your birthday… I want to do it." Fingers
curl over Lelouch's scalp. "Let me make you feel good."
This does make Lelouch feel good.
He likes being in the lead.
And Suzaku asking Lelouch to let him do something that Lelouch doesn't want him
to do… doesn't really constitute as a "treat."
"Alright then," Lelouch says, on the other hand, with a smirk that lights
Suzaku's eyes, "why don't we skip the appetizers and jump to the main course?"
They're both ready—hungry for it, anyway.
Lelouch is quite proud of himself as he shuffles up the bed to grab their
supplies left on the nearby wooden night table; he's squirting out some
lubricant gel on his fingers when he turns to Suzaku—
And is pounced by a sexy, pregnant nurse with an erection.
Suzaku is perched on Lelouch's lap with a strangely pleading simper, "You
really don't want me to? Even if I ask you nicely?"
Why should Lelouch let him?
That's not what the birthday boy wants. Letting Suzaku do this is a treat for
him, not Lelouch.
"Did I not satisfy you earlier?" Lelouch asks with feigned hurt.
Suzaku gapes, "That isn't—! O-Of course you did!"
Too easy.
"Then why meddle with a good thing?" the secret rebel leader coos as he pulls
the skirt of the dress so it fully gathers in a rumple around the pilot's
waist.
Suzaku's sigh sounds slightly jaded, "Can I… ride you at least?"
The dunce seems strangely adamant about this…
Well… this is weekend is kind of for both of them, isn't it?
Still.
Lelouch doesn't like it.
"You can try," Lelouch rigidly permits, realizing that… just that he should at
least try to be flexible for Suzaku.
That way when he rejects it he can say at least he tried.
And maybe… he thinks that he shouldn't take Suzaku's nature for granted; that
it will always be there.
That Lelouch shouldn't break it.
(Because—)
Lelouch allows himself to be pushed back and kissed by a randy seahorse and
reaches between the thighs of the boy straddling him and slips in his slickened
fingers. Suzaku chokes on a startled sound that turns over into a moan as he
accepts the insertion with a pulling passage – just because Lelouch is lying
back doesn't mean he's passive.
He's Lelouch vi Britannia inside Zero's mask, after all.
Once Lelouch is safely sheathed, Suzaku doesn't waste much time in impaling
himself on the taller erection with guiding fingers courtesy of the dominating
demon. Lelouch at least enjoys the taut feeling of Suzaku's skin sealing
completely around him with his fingers – he's still tight and scorching and
panting, and that's good.
But.
While the bobbing view of the seahorse is nice – Suzaku's eagerly frosted
evergreens, unhindered, flushing face and his arcing back pushing out his hard
nipples from the sagging front of the dress – Lelouch isn't content to lie here
like a slab of meat with Suzaku doing all the work (having the control). So he
decisively tumbles them over, much to the younger boy's discontent – though he
doesn't stop the birthday boy and wholly accepts the tongue and flesh that
confidently enter him—
Lelouch tried.
Totally.
That should totally count as trying.
—"Urgh…" Until his face suddenly twists in displeasure.
Lelouch pulls back with a pause of concern, "Does it hurt?"
Suzaku shakes his head, face contorting behind the back of his hand over his
mouth. "It's—!"
He shoves Lelouch away by his face—
Then he's stretching over the side of the bed—
Vomiting rather violently onto the unlucky plush carpet.
At first, Lelouch is a little too stunned—
Cough!
—startled—
Cough!
—confused—
COUGH!
—a tad egotistically wounded—
HA~CK!
—before he reacts.
He pats Suzaku's shoulder, soothingly rubbing a blade, "Are you alright?"
Suzaku is (un-sexily) panting, gulping one last stomach curdle as he rises,
wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, "…Yeah. It just…"
"Are you ill?" Lelouch asks, feeling a forehead with his hand and carefully
studying his features for signs of sickness.
"No, I think it's…" he trails off, eyes and hand landing on his stomach. "I
guess with all that… bouncing…"
Lelouch hums.
Seems the (not)morning sickness has finally stricken the poor seahorse.
What perfect timing.
"I'm sorry," Suzaku mutters, rubbing at the discomfort on his face. "That
really ruined the mood, didn't it?"
Don't apologize.
"Not like I'm mad at you." Lelouch shrugs before leaning in for a kiss,
"Anyway, if you're finished…"
Suzaku backs away with a blink, "What?"
"…I'd like to continue," Lelouch blandly murmurs – thought he made that clear
enough.
And, well, they are still connected.
A slight shock fleetingly flickers in Suzaku's eyes until amazement overrides.
"Really? You're not bothered?"
"What kind of partner would I be if I was bothered by your bodily functions?"
Suzaku stares. "…I think that's the most romantic thing you've ever said to
me."
Hilarious.
Lelouch deadpans at Suzaku's cheekiness, "So, the question is whether or not
you want to continue." If Suzaku hadn't ruined the mood by retching,
his antics surely will.
Suzaku seems to consider the notion, an impish smile reforming on his lips—
Until it falls—
And he's curled over the side of the bed again, retching like a sea-sick
seahorse…
All Lelouch can do is pat Suzaku's back. "There, there…"
Let this be a lesson to Suzaku: Lelouch belongs in charge. Always.
It's just the natural order.
•-•
A few swishes of mouthwash later and Suzaku is moaning on his back again
with better mounting; a sexy nurse is deflated on the floor by Lelouch's feet –
although the little hat miraculously clings to Suzaku's head. Lelouch stands at
the foot of the bed – away from the sick on the one side that he tried to
clean, covered with a towel – as he thrusts into the boy lying on the bed,
jerky legs folded over his arms. His curled fingers are secure on Suzaku's hips
as he watches the seahorse surf on the fluid motions of pleasure filing his
slim, athletic body. Suzaku undulates as his hands fist the disheveled beddings
above his head that tosses to the side as lust froths inside him with sprouting
sounds. They twine around Lelouch's covered cock, slinking around and pulling
him deeper into clamping heat the older boy is only happy to feed. He withdraws
his rigid length leaving only the head inside and then slides all the way back
in to the base with long strides that weights Suzaku's breaths with desiring
whines. Composure frays at the edges of his huffing pants as his open body
writhes on the bed like a luxurious feast on a silver platter. Long ago are the
days Lelouch was given anything on a silver tray but he can honestly say that
this Japanese offering is superlative. For all that Lelouch curses exercise and
Suzaku's insufferable military mentality it has carved him into an appetizing
lean slab of meat, but tastes and looks far juicier.
Suzaku notices Lelouch's stare and calls his name.
Somehow it sounds like a haunting breeze.
Until he says it again, louder.
Needier as it curves his back off the bed.
And Lelouch knows what he's doing – he just told Suzaku he liked that, so of
course… Whether or not it's better when Suzaku does it unconsciously or not…
it's not as though it's insincere and it has the same effect. Yet, Suzaku
should be a little more mindful that this is still a hotel room and that
they're not isolated up on a mountain top, like Mount Olympus.
Even so, Lelouch swings his hips and strikes harder at that place inside Suzaku
that only he can touch, watching it spring through his friend in claiming
jolts. Suzaku cries out a half-eaten morsel of Lelouch's name, the end of it
hissing sharply from Japanese teeth until the middle oozes into nameless moans
he can't shape. Pleasured croons swell in Suzaku's throat as Lelouch pumps his
swelling hardness in the inviting squeeze of a narrow passage that doesn't stop
tempting him in deeper and he hears his own breath heavily shove from his
chest. He leans against the bed with one hand and begins stroking Suzaku's
shaft, legs falling open to the side as if requesting more of the thick bliss
Lelouch thrusts into him. He drives himself deeply as he leans over the
seahorse caught in their tide who pants and ruts hips into a jerking hand while
Lelouch quickens his pace. Suzaku clings to the blankets, and Lelouch's
thrusting erection, as if he might fall off the planet and Lelouch knows that
the pilot is balancing on his peak, just waiting to be tipped over.
Ecstatic moans freely drop from Suzaku's voice like they can't at home and
Lelouch has to close his eyes on the rapturous display melting under him. If he
stares too intently on the intensity of pleasure he whips into Suzaku with his
hips he'll rush right over his peak too soon. He clenches his amethyst eyes on
the pair of emeralds that narrow on a backward-tilting head. Lelouch can't see
the way an open mouth launches those bursts of moans but Lelouch can hear them
and they constrict around his throbbing hardness like an ax to a tree. The
Britannian's blood boils down into thickened length that his boyhood friend's
body hungrily swallows and a deep groan rusts the hinges of his resolve, prying
open his eyes. It's almost a cruel joke that his gemstone irises tumble right
on top of the prominent points of Suzaku's nipples and he doesn't fight the
urge budding in his mouth. Suzaku grips the blankets at his sides and bites a
startled, delighted cry of surprise as Lelouch laps at the sensitive nub of a
shriveled right nipple, sucking the erogenous spot and his slippery hardness
twitches. Suzaku mangles more moans in his throat when a pumping hand thumbs
his tip and Lelouch can hear them over his laboring pants puffing around the
tense nib in his mouth.
They break through the finish together, Suzaku's legs bending around the body
between them and his insides constricting around the boy—man filling him and
Lelouch presses his forehead against Suzaku's thudding chest. His hips buck
with the clinging climax of Suzaku's hot canal and he manages to peek up at the
pleasure shuddering off a flustered Japanese face that also wets his chest.
Lelouch deeply inhales air as they both go soft and he deflates over Suzaku's
limp body, piles of snowy blankets melting around them…
"I love you," Suzaku quietly says like a feather brushing over Lelouch's ears
in the fading dazzle of sex that claimed their bones.
All Lelouch can do is kiss him.
Soft lips pressing below Suzaku's eyes and spotting over a red cheek as a palm
flattens on his chest when their lips join – can Suzaku feel what Lelouch's
heart is telling him? The words Lelouch can't easily reciprocate? (The words
that are no less true behind Zero's mask.)
I love you, too.
•-
-•
"Oh, my, a hickey?" Lelouch hears Milly prod when he enters the club room the
following Monday, looking to see her eyebrows lifting at Suzaku's neck with
intrigue and attempting to peel the oh so subtle bandage poking above his
Ashford collar.
But Suzaku is too fast, slapping his hand over it with a reddening face.
A corner of her lips sharpen as she looks to Lelouch, "What are you, in middle
school?"
"What are you, jealous?" he coolly counters.
"You said no one would notice…" Suzaku murmurs at Lelouch with a hint of
annoyance.
Lelouch does his best to not shrug, "Milly is often the exception to the rule."
Frightening as that might be…
"You two just never stop, do you?" Milly says more offhandedly than
that glint in her eyes. "To be expected of our star couple."
Star couple?
Is Milly's life really this dull?
Student Council meetings used to be such mundane affairs – key words there
being "used to be." Well, all right, maybe they've never been "mundane" under
Milly's reign, but when the focus shifts to him and Suzaku as if they're an
exotic exhibition he suddenly yearns for their old exaggerated escapades.
Lelouch knew there would be changes, he just hoped beyond hope that a semblance
of grace would usher those changes. To their credit, they have shown more
sophistication since they first learned, but they should really stop staring
whenever he and Suzaku are near each other in the same room.
Honestly…
"At least you're on time today," Suzaku cheekily says.
"Don't get too excited. I might take a nap," Lelouch dryly replies as he
ignores their peers to sit at the table.
"Must've been an exhausting weekend," Milly wickedly grins.
"Wouldn't you like to know." Lelouch effortlessly bats back, not even bothering
to look at her – or anybody else – in the eye.
When Suzaku sits next to Lelouch, Milly sighs with obvious pensiveness.
"It really is true what they say, isn't it?" she says, leaning against the head
of the table.
"What do you mean?" Shirley asks, perched across from Lelouch and Suzaku, paper
and pen ready for note-taking.
"That all the good men are either taken or gay." She faintly shrugs, lips weak
under the saucy weight they try to lift. "In this case, it's both."
One look at Rivalz and it's almost painful. The poor lad. He remains unnoticed
(namely, by Milly) at the President's side even as he chokes on her words;
Lelouch can see his malnourished pride shriveling all the more.
"Y-you don't really think that, do you?" Rivalz doesn't say it in so many
words, but he's begging her to notice him – it's the straining anxiety in his
voice.
And then Shirley is sharing her stifled giggle with Suzaku's blush—
Hang on. Why is Suzaku blushing?
Lelouch scowls at the possibly-flattered seahorse, reminding him he's very
much attached to this scowl, but Suzaku openly pretends to not see.
"Well, you'd be hard pressed to find their doubles, don't you think?" Now she's
smiling like her usual self, fierce and unwavering. "But I guess even then, if
their doubles are just like them they'd still be out of reach." An impish gleam
as she taps her lips, "Perhaps I should give up on men. What do you
say, Shirley?"
"Say to what?"
Milly saunters over to her with a pronounced sway of her hips. "You and I are
sharing the same pain. Surely we could comfort each other, no?"
Now it's Shirley's turn to become a sputtering, flushing mess as Milly cups the
sides of her face – but it's Rivalz who looks far more concerned than Shirley.
"I have told you that I admire the young woman you've grown into, haven't I?"
"Ma-ma-ma-ma—!" Shirley squirms as Milly leans in, puckering her lips—
And then laughs—
Laughs—
Laughs.
"Madam President!" Shirley scolds, red-faced and jittery as she removes herself
from Milly's reach. "Don't do that! It isn't funny!"
The blonde is holding her stomach, barely trying to contain herself – to which
Shirley stomps her foot with a huff and rounds the table to sit as far away
from Milly as possible.
Lelouch isn't sure there is a place that's far enough away from Milly.
"Relax, Shirley. You're not exactly my type." Milly wipes a self-satisfied tear
from her eye. "I prefer someone who isn't so soft."
By the looks of everyone's faces, they guessed right: that was a lewd pun.
Before Rivalz can utter something that won't help his case in the least,
Lelouch blandly blocks his friend's opening mouth.
"As much as I'd like to let this continue…" Lelouch mutters, elbow on the table
and head in his palm. "Are we actually going to do anything important, or can I
just take a nap?"
"Lelouch!" Suzaku instantly chides.
To which Lelouch smirks once again, "I warned you, didn't I?"
"You're right. That makes it all better."
"I knew you'd see it my way."
"I was being sarcastic!"
"And yet you don't know it when you hear it."
"You—!" Suzaku stops himself. "You just like to be difficult, don't you?"
"You should know that well enough by now."
"This is a bit sickening…" Milly's mouth morphs into a snide grin. "You two are
as good as married already, eh—? Wait!" She interrupts herself, body stiffening
and eyes widening like a meerkat standing tall above its burrow. "That's it!"—
Uh oh…
—"We need a wedding!"
"W-wedding?" Nina unexpectedly speaks, sounding like a meager squeak
of concern. Lelouch can't disagree…
"Yes! If these two are as good as married," she slaps her hands on the table in
front of Lelouch and Suzaku with far too much emphatic passion, "then why not
make it official?"
Because Milly absolutely has the power to do that.
"Th-that's…" Suzaku tries, obviously oblivious of what to say to her. "I'm not…
sure I, uh…"
"…" Don't look at Lelouch. He's staying out of this one.
"It's perfect, don't you think?" Milly is beaming, brimming with this
rushing high of inspiration. "We could have a little ceremony right here in the
clubhouse! Just picture it: a white winter wedding! We can have decorations and
music, and food. It would be just us, of course. A small and intimate
gathering—Suzaku, you could even wear a wedding dress if you want to!"
Suzaku blushes at that. "Now, hold on just a min—"
"Don't worry your pretty, little head!" she beams at him, boisterous and
complacent as she poses like a super hero with hands on her hips. "I promise to
make this dream of yours come true in the most elegant and classiest way
possible!" She spins on her heel and jabs a finger into the air, "Now, there's
so much to plan. First, we'll need flowers and decorations. And cake! Mustn't
forget the cake! And then, clothes. Measurements. Should we see a tailor, or
maybe-well, the drama club has some interesting pieces—but first and foremost
we have to decide on the bride and groom's attire, and then everything else
will follow. Shirley! Are you getting all this?!"
The orange-haired girl "eeks" and then scrambles to scribble as Milly prattles
on, thinking aloud of the possibility for themed weddings…
Suzaku has effectively and cleanly been removed from the conversation – about
his own wedding – with the quick-moving blade that is Milly's ambition. Looking
as helpless as a fish on a hook, he turns to Lelouch with a pair of dumbfounded
eyes, and it's rather adorable.
"What just happened?" Suzaku is left to ask in his abandonment.
Lelouch smirks, "Didn't you hear? There's going to be a wedding and we're both
invited."
…On second thought, this is business as usual for the student council.
•-•
As tempting as it was – too tempting – to sail away on the dreamy idea world
nested in that hotel bed and never set foot on the shore of reality again,
pretending problems don't exist doesn't make them disappear.
Lelouch has spent the past months getting far too comfortable.
Restless.
Perhaps the notion of… home, a real home (like he's never had), is more
seductive than Lelouch initially would've thought. But he can't get complacent.
Suzaku is still at Britannia's mercy and still very much pregnant with the
child of their enemy who just happens to be their discarded un-dead prince. A
reprieve from their troubles only serves to remind Lelouch that they are far
from out of this mess just yet…
Lelouch made a vow that when Nunnally opened her eyes she would see a more
peaceful world and he had been certain that only with the destruction of
Britannia (or at the very least, the Emperor) would that become reality and
those anxieties haven't vanished. The Zone might enable many things, but it
doesn't simply solve everything. Even though the SAZ does, in a way, enable him
to have what he wanted it still doesn't grant him his two goals:
Obliteration of Britannia and his mother's murderer.
It's quite possible that one stone could hit both targets, in this case.
Euphemia and her little utopia can only protect them for so long… No matter how
strong Lelouch tries to make it.
•-•
"Shinozaki Sayoko, thirty-seventh successor to the Shinozaki School of martial
arts. …You are an impressive person." Lelouch sincerely says through Zero's
filtered mask, tapping away files on his terminal from the privacy of his
still-hidden vehicle-quarters. The Black Knights may have moved up in the
world, but this "gifted" trailer is still one of many valuable secrets outside
of Britannia's sight.
"…Thank you, sir," she says with a curt bow, her modesty a nice glaze on the
confidence in her eyes.
When Diethard spoke of an "undercover" agent of sorts in passing, Lelouch noted
the information and saved it for later, not particularly investing any time to
dwell on the matter until it was relevant. Diethard is a suspicious man, but so
is Zero, and to be fair, the Britannian had proven himself to be useful if
nothing else and Lelouch trusted as much as circumstances allowed – and any
such secret supporter would ultimately be judged, measured and put to proper
use on Lelouch's authority anyway, so he wasn't concerned.
The pregnant seahorse at home was more pressing.
With things settling somewhat between the Zone and Suzaku, Lelouch decided to
call upon this person for evaluation, to determine just where they stand in his
world and for what purpose.
Lelouch never expected it would be Sayoko.
It's almost harder to believe it with her standing in front of him.
Vivid, personal memories are tied to this woman, so many strings tugging on
Lelouch's heart that he only grows more pleased than anything else. This woman
was his caretaker, is his caretaker. She brought him a tenderness he didn't
fully recognize as maternal until he was too old to really need her, and he
sometimes wonders if she's aware of this fact when watching her care for
Nunnally. Although seemingly docile, she isn't without her own secrets and
masks, Lelouch understands, and that she wants to be a part of Zero's fight
makes his chest bloat warmly with pride. He considers her to be real family, so
without knowing it, she's already doing him a great service just standing by
him.
(That's more than he can say about a certain someone, but he knows he shouldn't
think that way, even if it hurts…)
He has the perfect job for his trusted maid.
"But as you know, with the timorous state of the Zone we are not openly
acquiring new members." Not publically, at least (although whether they ever
did "publically" is debatable) – while Euphemia had aided in preventing Zero
and his Black Knights from completely disarming, certain compromises were to be
made. Yet, it also remains true that some of his own have left entirely to join
the SAZ. It's a wound that cuts more deeply than Lelouch wants to acknowledge.
Her gaze visibly deflates, and he smiles.
"Not to worry," he smugly announces, tilting his head with fingers prodding for
the hidden release on his mask and making her blink at him—and then nearly
peels her eyelids right off when he places Zero's face on the table in front of
him. "I have a special task for you." Lelouch pulls the cloth from his face
with a hooking finger as he waits for her surprise to settle – which is rather
quick, to her credit.
Then again, Sayoko always did have graceful composure.
(Not that Lelouch is remembering when she saw him in his undershorts for the
first time that one morning Suzaku kicked him out of his own bedroom and never
said a word about it.)
"The days ahead might be more interesting than is preferable. Ashford remains
untouched and I would like it to stay that way. Your standing orders for now
are to remain a reserve. At Nunnally's side."
Suzaku might not be Euphemia's Knight any longer but situations are crossing
rather too closely.
Sayoko appears to understand with a flick of a smile and she bows.
"I'll notify you of any changes," he says.
"Yes, my Lord."
He can't help the prideful but tender smile that smoothes right across his
lips—
"You revealed yourself to her that easily?"
—Which C.C. so effortlessly rips right off his face once Sayoko has left them
alone.
And just why is the witch on the surface in the first place?
That's what Lelouch wanted to know.
"I entrust Nunnally's well being to her on a regular basis," Lelouch coolly
responds as if that's enough of an answer, not sparing a glance at the green-
haired nuisance on his couch.
"You trust the same to Suzaku, do you not? And yet you won't tell him of your
second life? Maybe you don't really trust him as much as you claim."
"You know that's different."
"Is it…?" she idly wonders – an insect digging into his ear. "You were to
harden your heart. You vowed from the beginning to walk this path of
destruction regardless of the consequences and the prices you'd have to pay –
which I can undoubtedly say included your own life – and yet… you're too afraid
to lose Suzaku."
Lelouch decided Britannia had stolen enough from him. He was to walk this path
alone, but Suzaku (and the baby) is—
"Are you jealous?" Lelouch airily asks.
"Of course not." C.C. breezily counters. "Not only is our relationship unique,
I'm already closer to you than even the boy supposedly carrying your child."
Lelouch silently grits his teeth at her.
"What was it that you said?" she continues. "Only those who are prepared to be
shot should shoot? Have you lost your nerve? Is that why you've yielded your
rebellion and—?"
"I haven't yielded anything," Lelouch sneers, eyes blazing. "The course has
changed but the end goal is the same."
"Which one is that? The destruction of Britannia, the identity of your mother's
murderer, the naïve dream of your sister or raising a child with Suzaku?"
"Is there a distinction between those?"
"Are you absolutely certain of what your sister wants?" C.C.'s emotionless
stare is somehow cautionary.
Lelouch looks at her inquisitively. "She said so with her mouth. If she could
wish for one thing—"
"Such a notion isn't original to her, Lelouch. There are others in this world
who would make the impossible happen given the chance," she blandly, coldly
interrupts him, and he only grows more annoyed. "That's why they're wishes.
Helpless fantasies."
"Since when did you outgrow your cynicism?"
"Have you asked what she truly wants in this lifetime above all else?" she
easily sidesteps his derision.
(Euphemia smiles sweetly, "She told me that if she could be with her brother,
that was all she needed."
"That's why?"
"That's what made up my mind," Euphemia answers as she gives him a brighter
smile. "I asked myself what is really important in this world. Lelouch, I
haven't given up anything that I really, truly treasured…")
"Why are you asking me this?"
"The Power of the King is an isolating one… You might be a demon, Lelouch," she
looks at him with the slightest of smiles on her lips, "but you're a beloved
one."
This conversation is weird.
C.C. is being weird – even for her.
"Rather than air my dirty laundry and speaking of wishes, perhaps you would
like to tell me of yours," he tiredly utters at her, not expecting much of a
response. This back-and-forth could go on for an eternity, Lelouch imagines,
but it does tend to shut her up.
The hard cast of her amber eyes, however, is even more unexpected.
"…Maybe you aren't ready yet."
Lelouch's left eye tenses.
Of course.
"Such evasion. I have to wonder if it's a trap," he dryly says.
Her lips pleasantly bend – and yet there's a slinking ruefulness lurking in the
corners, "If it is you are already caught within it."
"That might be one way of looking at it," Lelouch mutters, donning his mask on
the suddenly eager twinge of his Geass – so instead of a bug in his ear, it
would be the snare of her web? "But it's obviously something you can't obtain
on your own." Not yet, at least. "Until then I'll take my chances."
•-•
"Why didn't you say anything during the club meeting?" Suzaku casually asks
later that evening as he idly stirs a pot of cooking rice on the stove in the
clubhouse kitchen.
Lelouch shrugs, taking the cutting board of chopped vegetables and scraping
them into the same pot with a knife.
Suzaku's eyebrow arcs, "Well, I find it hard to believe you're alright with all
of it."
"For once her plans seem harmless enough." For now, anyway.
Suzaku purses his lips, looking down at the swirling of bright, crisp
vegetables with the brown grains of rice.
"This is because you want to see me in an 'easy access' wedding dress, isn't?"
"A reasonable guess," Lelouch quietly laughs. "You can stop stirring the rice."
Suzaku steps back as Lelouch takes the wooden spoon from him and covers the pot
with a clear lid, steam and vapor bubbles instantly pebbling the glass.
"So… what, that's it?"
"Like I said, this seems harmless." Lelouch turns his attention to the chicken
breasts sizzling in the pan beside the rice, carefully flipping the browning
meat over with tongs.
Suzaku crosses his arms, "Are you feeling alright?"
Lelouch gives Suzaku a funny look over his shoulder.
"This just isn't really like you. Normally you'd be a big sour puss about
something like this…"
"Sour puss?" Lelouch distastefully repeats with eyes focused on their dinner.
"So…?" Suzaku shimmies over to the Britannian's other side away from the stove
to lean against the counter.
Lelouch grins at him, "You're cute when you worry." Suzaku releases an
exasperated sigh, making Lelouch chuckle very warmly in his throat. "It is
Milly, and that's always cause for concern, but she knows this is delicate so
she'll use discretion. She can be capricious, certainly, but when it comes
to truly important matters she is also trustworthy. It goes without saying that
she's helped Nunnally and me all these years."
Perhaps it also goes without saying that Milly doesn't have much say in her
own wedding and wants to live vicariously through her "star couple."
"Capricious," Suzaku takes his turn to echo in a murmur. "You never did like
people who are impulsive."
"That's because impulsive people do not think." Lelouch briefly checks the
underside of one chicken cut, not ready. "Therefore they are idiots.
And you are the only idiot I don't dislike."
"Right. It's not because it makes them harder for you to predict. Like—"
Suzaku's dry, but soft and warm lips are suddenly pressing against Lelouch's
with an arm hooked loosely but securely around his back. Stunned still by
surprise, and cautious in front of a live stove, Lelouch's reaction is
concentrated in the jump of his heart – and the heat on his cheeks, which he
blames on the cooking – that lingers after they part.
"—this?" Suzaku murmurs against Lelouch's lips, his mouth bearing a sharp grin.
Suzaku is right.
But Suzaku isn't allowed to be right.
Lelouch deadpans, "Case in point: only an unthinking, impulsive idiot would
lean over a hot stove and risk being burned, or some other incident, to prove
an ill-conceived point."
Suzaku is still grinning as he pulls himself up on the counter backwards to
sit, "Whatever you say." This strange air of smugness around him is so not
cute. "You know I'm right."
"I could say the same…" Lelouch returns to checking that same lean cut of meat,
this time flipping it over.
"So we're both right… And wrong."
"Yes," the cooking boy dryly agrees. "Ours is a flawless logic."
"Good thing we're getting married, then."
"Even better: we're going to be parents."
Suzaku laughs, "Seriously, though… What do you think about Milly's wedding
idea?"
"I think it's pointless."
"Er—" Suzaku stumbles over Lelouch's bluntness, "Uh… Care to elaborate on
that?"
"She has no authority – this is just her version of make-believe."
"Well, yeah, but… Don't you think it's a nice thought? I know it's not real or
anything, but, they want to share this… happiness with us. I think that's
nice."
"The sentiment isn't lacking."
"But it's still pointless. And harmless."
"I would've thought you would appreciate me trying to be positive for once."
"If this is your way of being positive, then I'm seriously worried for you."
"I thought we agreed to leave the worrying to me." Lelouch's hand somehow finds
itself inspecting Suzaku's thigh rather than the chicken. "All you have to do
is look cute for me."
"I don't remember ever agreeing to that," Suzaku very plainly mutters as he
sternly shoves away the hand groping up his leg. "And don't tell me that just
because I don't remember it doesn't mean it didn't happen. Because that's
getting old."
"Sometimes it's true." The sly tone of Lelouch's voice flirts with his lips and
he rubs his left eye with the back of his hand at the implication. "But it
seems my tricks don't work on you anymore. I'll have to update my tactics."
"Or you could just try being more honest." He leans forward a little, an
imploring presence shimmering in his searching greens. "I would appreciate
that."
"I think I've always been very clear about my wants with you."
"That's not what I meant."
Lelouch can only lock eyes with Suzaku in a brief and silent glance, quickly
evading whatever it is he's hiding from in those lucky clovers by looking back
to the stove. Although the chicken is juicy and teasing his tongue with its
seasoned sent, he only hears it cackling at him as it simmers in the pan,
causing him to lost his appetite.
The chicken is laughing at him.
How ironic…
Although the thought that Suzaku could be pressing about Zero does cross
Lelouch's mind, he doubts that's what Suzaku is alluding to. For one, it's the
wrong place and time for something so delicate, even a dunce like him would
recognize that. Second, although Suzaku is prone to random subjects, they
haven't spoken of anything that would lead to Zero – which in itself is rather…
pleasant. No ugly politics or lies or prodding. Maybe that's suspicious, but
Lelouch is still grateful for it. (Perhaps he likes to pretend there isn't
something ominous awaiting them in the shadows. And he really tries to not feel
guilty about Sayoko.)
This time the seahorse is fishing for something else…
"Don't get me wrong," Lelouch says, "I appreciate the acceptance, but this…"
"Do you have something against weddings?"
"…Not especially."
"Meaning?"
"…No, nothing. Never mind."
"Lelouch, I want you to know that you can talk to me." Suzaku almost sounds
like he's pleading.
A short sigh – Lelouch was going to try to be more flexible for Suzaku, right?
"Considering that I'm the son of a Darwinist-preaching polygamist who spawned a
disgusting amount of offspring for his own benefit? That his harem is
constructed of conceit and indulgence? That it's all a nest of superficiality,
selfishness, bigotry, competition and backstabbing? Why would I possibly have
any issues about marriage?"
A sobering blink claims Suzaku's eyes, "I guess… I never thought about any of
that – your family, I mean. I didn't really have family, it was mostly just me
and my father, but you lived with an empire. So many other women and their
kids… I can't imagine what that must've been like."
Unpleasant would be putting it mildly.
And not to forget that most of them didn't like the "vi" Britannias because
they weren't pure blue bloods.
"I'd rather not dwell on it." Lelouch tightly begins to close up again. "And
you should know that I don't have any issues marrying you, fake or real – and
there isn't a soul on this planet that I would let keep that from us."
Britannia can try, but it will be a cold day in hell when they succeed.
"That's… very sweet of you to say." Suzaku's eyes are shimmering with…
something warm and fuzzy. "A little aggressive, but sweet."
What's with that reaction?
All Lelouch did was state the truth.
"I should prepare our plates," Lelouch says as he takes off his apron.
"Lelouch." Suzaku hops to the floor and stops him from approaching the
cupboards, waiting until both violets give him their undivided attention and
gently places his hand on Lelouch's cheek, a somewhat roughened thumb gently
rubbing fair skin. "I love you," he softly says, as if the world is balancing
on those three words, and kisses Lelouch deeply and gently. Lelouch feels
himself blinking at the tender, full press of lips against his, having enough
presence of mind to at least return the kiss, but is blindsided – more so than
the impulsive kiss from earlier.
This is just…
A half-eaten chuckle squirts from his lips before he can swallow it—
And Suzaku notices, much to his displeasure, "What was that?"
Lelouch shakes his head and turns away, but the laughter spills from deep
within his chest.
Suzaku isn't angry so much as confused and a little offended, "Why are
you laughing?"
Because Lelouch is uncomfortable.
Suzaku's tender sensitivity is strange and… awkward. He's trying to be
supportive and loving, to make Lelouch feel better than he perceives Lelouch to
feel, but it doesn't have that effect. It just makes Lelouch feel even more
vulnerable – weak – than he wanted to and already does, but because
it's Suzaku and he's just trying to be comforting, all Lelouch can do is laugh.
Laugh at the cheesiness.
Laugh at what he doesn't want to feel.
Let his body shake with this slight insanity like a purge of his systems to rid
what is unwanted – memories, emotions, insecurities…
Suzaku doesn't quite huff as he walks away to presumably ready the table,
mumbling something about clams to himself in Japanese; although Lelouch is
grateful that Suzaku likely dismisses the chuckling fit as Lelouch being
unromantic, he wishes he wasn't so immature. Emotionally speaking.
Suzaku just tried to reach out, again, and Lelouch literally laughed in his
face.
So pathetic…
But Lelouch can't help it. Shutting down and shutting out is just a reaction –
habits that have kept him safe, kept him feeling safe like a turtle in a shell.
(And despite his strong affections for Suzaku, he doesn't understand emotional
commitment. He doesn't understand why they can't just be together in the
understanding they already have. He's given more to Suzaku than he has to
anyone, shouldn't that be enough…? Or is Lelouch missing the point?)
Lelouch is still grinning as he portions everyone's meals, if only to maintain
his mischievous façade, but he tries to soften it considerably when they all
sit down for dinner. A real smile of contentment and appreciation, no matter
how small or faint, that he hopes conveys something to Suzaku that his voice
can't.
Considering Suzaku smiles back at Lelouch in a similar manner, his silent
action must be clear enough for even this idiot to comprehend.
•-
-•
"You really don't give up, do you?" Kallen grumbles at Suzaku as they sit
together alone in the club room for peer-study during their free period.
Suzaku is surprised that Kallen still attends school – it's not as though her
identity as a Black Knight is exactly public, but he figured that she might
simply not see the point in maintaining this charade. She still pretends to be
ill, of course, and doesn't come as often as she did before the Zone. There
might be a truce with Zero and his Black Knights but Suzaku isn't willing to
let these opportunities go to waste so he rather swiftly opted to partner with
Kallen right now, to chat. Lelouch didn't like it, but, they don't need to be
attached at the hip all the time. Besides, Shirley seemed eager for his
attention and after the strange fight they had Suzaku figured it's for the
better.
Even if she is still acting a little unusual.
"Wouldn't you change someone's mind if you thought you could?" Suzaku asks,
scratching in his notebook.
"Maybe. But I pick my battles." Kallen isn't playing at school seriously, but
her history book is at least open – although from what Suzaku understands
Kallen's grades don't suffer even with her frequent absence.
…Not unlike Lelouch.
"You mean ones that actually are battles," Suzaku jokes with a bit of a snide
smirk.
"What can I say?" And she tosses it right back at him, plus a gleam in her
eyes. "I'm a fighter, not a diplomat."
"I hadn't noticed," Suzaku mutters, earning him a shove from her fist.
Suzaku likes this.
More than just seeing her true self, it's this lightness and joviality over
something that could have been disastrous – that almost was. A strange sort-of
acquaintance that was given the chance to float rather than being sunk by all
the conflictions and evils of a world that struggles to understand the concept
of unity. Suzaku feels there's a victory here with Kallen, no matter how small
or how slow-moving it is. If he can just keep this ball rolling…
(And don't ask anything about Zero's identity – unless he wants to get punched
in the face.)
Suzaku is curious about her experiences as a "half-blood" but he isn't sure how
to breach the topic. There might not be much point in asking, however, as she
only wears her Britannian half a as a mask. To Kallen, her mind, heart and soul
are Japanese, and Suzaku already knows the hardships of that life…
Kallen's gaze slides over Suzaku from the corner of her eye. "…Can I ask you
a personal question?"
"Sure."
"…Why Lelouch?"
Suzaku smiles a bit tartly, "You mean why a Britannian."
Kallen shakes her head, "No. I mean why Lelouch?"
He looks to her again, nearly getting caught in her critical stare, "…He's not
really as he seems."
"Oh, really?" Kallen dryly scoffs with a lift of her nose. "You mean he isn't a
complacent prick?"
Suzaku grins, "No, he can be… well…"—and then almost forgets his
argument—"You've seen how he is with Nunnally, haven't you?"
"…More or less," she answers with a noncommittal shrug – is she always so
defiant about everything?
"So then you understand he's not one-sided. I'm not saying he's perfect, but
there are sides to him you don't know."
"Oh, please!" Kallen snorts. "I can't believe you're giving me the 'you don't
know him like I do' cliché. You must be more gullible than I thought you were."
So she really is defiant about everything.
"I don't care what you say or think, you really don't know him as well as you
think you do. He's a good person."
"I'm sure that's what he wants you to think."
"What's with all this? What do you have against him?"
Kallen doesn't turn her head, but he can see a blue eye peek at him from a safe
corner, only lifting her chin and firming her lower lip a little when her eye
slides forward again.
"Just rubs me the wrong way, is all. Something about him…"
"I know what you mean."
"Weren't you just defending him?"
"Truth is, we didn't like each other when we first met. Actually, we fought."
"Lelouch? Fight? Now I really don't believe you."
"Well… we were only kids and I was the one who started it. But I felt guilty
about it and later apologized to him and he looked at me like I was crazy. We
got along great after that, though. I don't know why but… we just clicked."
"So, what, you knew you were meant to be together because of that?" Kallen
dourly drawls.
"Maybe." A whispering laugh cushions his voice, knowing how absurd it is that
Kallen's sarcasm is the truth. "When we finally saw each again these years
later, it was…" Suzaku pauses to consider another word for magical, "almost
like fate. I guess the same red thread is tied around our fingers."
"Red thread," she idly repeats.
"Oh, it's a myth tha—"
"I know what it is!" she snaps, very insulted. "It's just been a long time
since I've heard anyone mention it."
"Sorry. I forget who I'm talking to."
"Anyway, you said you met Lelouch when you were a kid?"
"…Oh, yeah." Suzaku mentally stumbles, trying to remember the lie he once fed
Rivalz. "It was summer and he was at a resort…"
"A resort? So it was before the invasion…" she accurately muses aloud. "He's
been here all this time? Why didn't he go back?"
"…He didn't have family to go back to. He and Nunnally were orphaned and taken
in by the Ashfords."
Surprise doesn't escape her fierce eyes.
And then he wonders if… she's thinking that's how Nunnally became… the way she
is.
"What's worse is that was when the tension between Japan and Britannia was
reaching its breaking point – just before the invasion." Suzaku mentally
wonders if he's already saying too much (Lelouch would most likely say yes,
very much so), but he feels it's important to share. As if changing Kallen's
mind about Lelouch is another victory over all prejudice in the world. "You
think he's just a snob, but he knows what it's like to be bullied for the
colour of his skin, for the way he was born. Kids in town, uh, near the resort,
were cruel and would pick on him whenever he went into town. They never let him
forget he wasn't wanted."
Suzaku had blamed Lelouch at the time. He's too weak and stubborn – Suzaku had
thought. He didn't understand why Lelouch insisted on doing everything on his
own rather than let the Kururugi family feed them and tend to their needs. Not
much has changed for Lelouch, either, and it's painfully easy to see him as
that rejected, bruised little boy even nowadays when he cuts coupons for
groceries, cares for Nunnally or re-stitches the worn seams in Suzaku's
uniforms.
And it's easier for Suzaku to feel shame over his 10 year old selfishness,
ignorance and pride all over again.
(And he remembers an irate young boy vowing destruction and the teenage boy
with old grudges.
Then Suzaku wonders, not for the first or last time, if things would be
different if he hadn't misguidedly killed his father.)
"I… didn't know," is all she can murmur, downcast – a conceding look souring in
her eyes.
"Like I said, there's a lot you don't know about him."
Kallen sighs very heavily, "Look, I know he's not 'the enemy' I was just…"
"You don't trust people easily," Suzaku finishes for her, quietly.
Her eyes are hard on him a moment, and then she's shrugging, "Anyone who does
is an idiot."
On that, Lelouch would agree – practically sounds like it's spoken from his own
mouth.
Suzaku smiles a little to himself, "Just do me a favor and… don't tell him I
told you all this. I don't want to get in trouble."
"Trouble? How much trouble could he possibly bring you?"
Suzaku laughs, "You really don't know him at all, do you?"
•-•
"Ireallydon'tthink—" Suzaku tries to protest under a tense blush on his cheeks.
"Now, now, Suzaku. We have to get your hubby's opinion!" And with that Milly
shoves Suzaku into the council room, where every member is present—
Judging by the look on their faces, they weren't expecting this anymore than
Suzaku was.
"Ta-da~!" Milly proudly exclaims, arms waving about the white, hooping gown
that consumed the soilder. "What do you think, Hubby? This is the bride's dress
from the drama clubs' play a couple years ago – you know, the one about the
princess and the frog? This dress actually fits him quite well."
Well enough, at least.
It certainly isn't the first one she made him try on – once she snagged his
pants after the first dress, there was little he could do…
Lelouch's calm violets look Suzaku down—
From the long veil attached to a golden tiara to the taut, floral lacey, faux-
corset chest resting above the wide bell skirt, draped with puffy layers of but
more lace pinned with fake gold rosebuds, and all the way at the golden ruffles
dangling along the hem.
—then back up.
A smug smirk smears right over the ex-prince's cool lips, "It's not frilly
enough."
Suzaku can only flatly sigh.
Damned snarky over-confident little…
•-•
Schneizel.
Lelouch would spit if he wasn't currently masked.
In fact, if he'd do more than that if he could manage to get the precious White
Prince alone.
His Geass is just itching to get acquainted with dear brother.
Sadly, Schneizel is no fool and is never without company – even if it is only
that little pretty-boy shadow of his – as he floats around the building like a
goddamned peacock. At any rate, having this pompous snake in close proximity is
fortuitous even if tricky. After all, Schneizel is just as protected by the
"truce" as Zero is and even though Lelouch is more than certain his elder
brother is up to something, he has to tread carefully. At the same time,
however, Lelouch isn't obligated to engage with Schneizel more than he needs
to, so there's a bright side…
Of all the wonderfully horrible things that Lelouch could submit Schneizel to,
he hasn't made a decision yet – Lelouch does intend to get answers about his
mother, at least. Clovis fingered both Cornelia and Schneizel, but neither has
been particularly accommodating to Zero. Cornelia doesn't forgive easily and
whenever she's hovering around Euphemia in Lelouch's presence she's killing
Zero – her brother's murderer – with her eyes. Euphemia had taken it upon
herself to inquire Cornelia about her investigation of Lady Marianne's death,
she claimed a frustratingly fruitless search but was sparse on the details
despite Euphemia's effort; as expected of big sister – too grisly, although it
seems likely that her dead-ends are real. While Lelouch is… appreciative that
Euphemia tried he knows there's more still that Cornelia just isn't going to
share with sweet little Euphie.
Details vulnerable to Geass.
As it is, Schneizel seems suspiciously laid-back about this whole affair
– everything Schneizel does is suspicious, yes, but Lelouch doesn't like the
idea that something somewhere else could be occupying his attention from the
Zone, the first yielding in Britannian expansion. While it hasn't brought the
giant to its knees it is at least a trip in the right direction and that's
something that would bait Schneizel. He is undoubtedly hungry for that Throne.
Lelouch is expecting something, anything, and he'd much rather strike before
he's stricken.
Lelouch doesn't engage much with Suzaku, either. Not informally, anyway. Suzaku
has asked some prodding questions here and there but overall still seems
uncertain as to how he should act around his "former" enemy.
Lelouch wonders if that's good or bad.
Maybe it would be different if Zero appeared more often. But Zero was battle-
born, he's a Commander, not a bureaucrat, and as such Lelouch hasn't felt it
absolutely necessary to be present every day – which has enabled him to spend
more time with Nunnally. He maintains an extremely close eye on the
proceedings, of course, but is careful to avoid hanging by red-tape or being
diluted by Britannian osmosis. As it stands, the Zone is at capacity and
Lelouch doesn't want to bother being delicate or coy about expanding, no matter
how much it displeases Britannia's upper-crust – yanks their leash.
Perhaps in truth, Zero is the warrior the worlds needs during crisis, not
during peace.
(Needed for destruction, not creation…?)
Currently the former Knight is leaving the former princess's office, presumably
heading home as the evening has gotten rather late – which is also where
Lelouch will be shoving off to soon.
"Kururugi," Lelouch greets as they pass in the hall, making the Lancelot
puppeteer slightly stammer.
Ok, so, Lelouch does kind of like that.
"Zero." And then Suzaku pauses with an open mouth, making Lelouch stop as well.
"…I was… wondering if I could ask you something."
"Oh?" Lelouch continues on his way to Euphemia's office knowing Suzaku will
follow him.
When inside he hands over his revised copy of the budget that Britannia won't
be able to wiggle from as simply as he suspects they think they can. She takes
it with a smiling thank you – she insisted on being involved in every facet as
much as she can, and while she is coming into her own with the business side of
leadership, she is still inexperienced.
"Um… It's just…" Suzaku starts.
"Something personal?" Lelouch is amused but keeps his voice even.
Euphemia clears her throat. "If you two will excuse me a moment, I have
something I need to ask the projections division." Then she's very smoothly
exiting the room to leave them alone.
Yes, very smooth.
Suzaku rubs his hand through his messy hair, "You probably won't answer, but, I
was wondering if… you have a family?"
Not such an unusual question.
Somehow Lelouch was expecting something else.
"You assume I wouldn't?"
That hits Suzaku.
"That is—I mean I wasn't—"
"Not to worry, I'm not offended," Zero's tall voice cruises over Suzaku's
sputtering, although he's sure Suzaku isn't all that worried about offending
the "terrorist" leader. "It's not such an unreasonable assumption."
"Maybe, but I really shouldn't assume things on my own."
Lelouch feels himself smile.
"And if I said that I do have a family?"
Suzaku lightly bites at the inside of his lip, seemingly pondering that
thought.
"I guess I would wonder if you were willing to sacrifice them to your war as
you have with the families of others. But maybe you aren't, and that's why you
agreed to the Zone."
Ouch.
"I rather admire your bluntness," the hidden Britannian wryly says. "I suspect
your superiors are not so appreciative."
"And I'm not surprised you deflected my question," Suzaku dryly retorts but
doesn't push – no, he was only poking. "Good evening to you."
Not even half a minute after Suzaku turns and leaves does Euphemia predictably
enter.
"Have a nice chat?" she cheerfully asks.
"It was… interesting," Lelouch drolly responds, wondering if she put Suzaku up
to it. Undoubtedly. "Anyway, I must be going."
It wouldn't do well for him to arrive home late after Suzaku.
"Wait, before you go." Euphemia locks the door behind her before approaching
him with tentative eyes. "Can I…?"
Lelouch holds a pause.
Then lifts his hands and removes his mask.
"I think I can understand why you are Cornelia's weakness." He pulls the cloth
down from his face, grinning at the light in her eyes.
"You should be flattered that I want to see your handsome face," she winks.
"After all, there was a time when I thought I'd never see it again."
No need to go bringing up feelings.
"Did you have a nice birthday?" Euphemia asks. "I really wish you would've let
me give you something…"
"It was pleasant," is all Lelouch says. It's not as though he got her anything
for her birthday – she said she didn't need anything other than her beloved
siblings and he expressed similar – that he doesn't need material things, at
least. But more than that, he doesn't want anything linking them together, even
a sentimental trinket.
"There is something else that I wanted to ask you."
"Lucky for you I have time for one more question."
"Always so clever, aren't you?" She almost giggles, yet her pastel gaze hardens
rather quickly into something strangely critical. "Do you think you'll ever
tell Suzaku? About you… know…?" She leaves the rest of her question to hand
gestures indicating his alter ego.
Lelouch and Euphemia do not often talk in such an informal way, nor does he
often remove his mask for her… mostly because he doesn't trust a Britannian
building to not be bugged in every nook and cranny – although regular, subtle
checks and Euphemia's insistence about that being untrue lessen his concern
that does not erase it. Of course, he also cannot be seen as being
too comfortable with her, either.
And he's also not entirely comfortable being comfortable with her.
"What's with that question?" So suddenly.
(Has Suzaku said… something…?)
"It's just…" Euphemia hesitates. "I know that I shouldn't meddle and I'm not
trying to, but I… know about the two of you. Being together."
Lelouch heavily sighs, "What did that idiot say now?"
She seems to smile at that, "He didn't say anything, rather he didn't need to.
He thinks I am unaware."
Great.
So Lelouch has picked up Suzaku's unwitting way of confirming without meaning
to?
(Or did Lelouch accidentally say something before…? Seems like he might…
remember something like that… On that god-forsaken island?)
"Didn't need to?" Lelouch unhappily echoes.
Something shimmers in her eyes, a reflection of the past that sparkles where it
drowns Lelouch.
"I know the two of you well. Don't underestimate a woman's intuition!"
…Euphemia's intuition is above average, Lelouch will give her that.
Should it be to her credit that she realized Lelouch and Suzaku's secret affair
sooner than their club friends – who spend much of their time around the couple
– or not? It's not to say that that they are so unable to notice, just…
Regardless, Lelouch takes comfort in the fact that the club crew were so
unaware, as that means that distant others are also ignorant. Even as Suzaku
sleeps nightly with Lelouch – it almost seems that at this point somebody else
should've noticed, if not for Lelouch's expertise in discretion. Suzaku is
quite capable, too, considering… And perhaps with all the goings on, it's not
suspicious that Suzaku isn't around his dorm-room much anymore.
"When I was there for Nunnally's birthday, I could just tell." She continues.
"I saw you, both of you. Your body language, your energy… the way you look at
each other. Sometimes it's like nothing else existed. Most people might not see
it on you, but I do. And I… saw it reflected in him."
Lelouch hasn't forgotten that she crushed on Suzaku.
Pretty hard.
So hard he became her Knight.
(And sometimes, Lelouch wonders, would it have been better if he hadn't—)
"What are you trying to say?"
"I…" she falters, as if uncertain of that herself. "Maybe he deserves to know?
I mean, do you intend to just keep it secret forever? Your whole life together,
raising a family, and you'd just have him be ignorant of this? Is that fair for
either of you? And what if he ever did find out? He'd be hurt. Wouldn't it be
better if it came from you?"
Lelouch stifles a haughty huff, "You think he'd just accept it so easily?"
"I think that he loves you. And I think that, maybe, you don't give him enough
credit."
"I thought you said you weren't trying to meddle."
Seriously, is there some kind of psychic connection between the women in
Lelouch's life, or something?
She sighs, a bit a herself, "I'm not. But I do worry. I love you, both of you,
and I can see that you love each other very deeply. I want you to be happy,
together and in love without fear. You both deserve it."
Lelouch can feel his jaw clench.
Even if… even if Lelouch wanted to tell Suzaku, he's not sure how he would.
And after all this time…
(After the SAZ announcement… Suzaku cornered Lelouch with the choice to say
something and Lelouch stomped it like an annoying bug.)
"And the truth is that I… like seeing the two of you together. You're so
comfortable and I can tell that you bring out something special in each other.
The Lelouch I know, whom I mourned, hoped and wished for, he is strengthened by
Suzaku." Euphemia's soft, gentle hands delicately grasp one of his gloved,
protected hands.
"That's… That's just about the cheesiest thing I've ever heard!" he laughs in
her face.
It seems laughing in people's faces when they try to reach out to him is
becoming a habit…
Euphemia takes a few irritated steps back, "Say whatever you want, it's the
truth!" The way she crosses her arms at him with a huff is exactly the same as
when they were younger. All that's missing are flowers in her hair and a doting
Cornelia reprimanding him for "upsetting" her precious little sister. While the
flowers are unimportant, Lelouch couldn't be gladder Cornelia is absent.
His false amusement tapers until he's mildly clearing his throat under his
mask, "It is getting late. I must be going."
"Please, just think about what I said, all right?"
It's already something Lelouch thinks about…
•-•
"…I'm beat." As if for proof of his statement, Lelouch crumbles backwards on
his bed in his light blue plaid pajamas.
"I imagine so." A sly bend warps Suzaku's lips. "That shower was so
exhausting."
"You don't wear witticism well, Suzaku," Lelouch mutters. "So not cute."
"I'm not trying to be cute," he says plainly – missing that subtle strum
of sarcasm in Lelouch's voice – and sits on the bed with his back to the older
boy as he briefly fiddles with the alarm clock.
Like Suzaku even needs to try in order to be cute…
Lelouch only frowns in response, drawing the pad of his finger lightly down
Suzaku's bare back.
"You shouldn't sleep like this." Suzaku has a tendency to sleep in his
underwear, sometimes an under t-shirt and sometimes not, which has
never bothered Lelouch, but… "In winter like this you'll catch a cold."
"Didn't you know that idiots can't get sick?" Suzaku pokes his tongue at
Lelouch.
Maybe idiots can't get sick, but apparently they can get pregnant.
"Anyway, it's not cold in here, and I'm still hot from the bath." Suzaku turns
to him with another funny grin, pulling the blankets over his legs as he
settles into bed, "Besides, we have this extra blanket"—he pointedly tugs on
the dark green covering Lelouch uses for just this purpose—"and I have you to
keep me warm."
Lelouch lifts an eyebrow to the way Suzaku's shoulder wiggles at him.
He does like to feel Suzaku's skin when he sleeps…
"You mean to tell me you think an Ice Prince like me can keep you warm?"
Suzaku's expression falls completely flat, "Are you still on about that?" and
he lies down on his side, turning his back on Lelouch's somewhat passive-
aggressive banter.
Lelouch stares at Suzaku's naked shoulder, his showered-fresh skin glowing, as
if it's entrancing him, feeling a deep desire to reach out and touch it like a
cursed princess to a spindle. Unlike in such fairy tales, the soft texture
under Lelouch's touch is soothing and sumptuous as he daintily slides his
fingertips up and down Suzaku's bare arm, absorbing his consuming warmth. He
brings his lips to Suzaku's shoulder because using his fingertips isn't enough,
gently kissing soft skin as his hand smoothes down the slopes of Suzaku's
stomach to his hip. Suzaku fidgets a little, leaning into the affection.
"Lelouch, I've been thinking…" he says in a careful, thoughtful tone.
Not the words Lelouch likes to hear gurgle from his little seahorse.
The older boy hums noncommittally in response, still enthralled by savoring the
scent and touch of Suzaku's skin. It's almost strange at how everything about
Suzaku's skin radiates comfort; that something so simple can be an intoxicating
heaven just by simply existing and that it could, possibly, drive him crazy.
Hell, it's a nice buffer against whatever stupidity that might tumble from the
idiot's mouth.
"Well…" Suzaku holds the pause, turning onto his back, eyes bearing a strange
uneasiness. "Say that… somehow with the Zone Japan does become independent,
what would that really mean for us? I'm in the military, so, wouldn't I have to
leave if Britannia is forced leave, too?"
What kind of question is that, exactly? Suzaku almost sounds like
he doesn't want Britannia to leave.
It's also sudden. Although maybe it shouldn't be strange that Suzaku has such
thoughts – his goal wasn't that different from Lelouch's. In a way. It's even a
similar line of thought Lelouch has been having lately… well, since he set out
to purge marauding Britannia from the Japanese islands, the entire map, but
weighing more so on his mind now that it's becoming urgent Suzaku needs to be
liberated. As far as Lelouch has come he still doesn't have any control over
Britannia.
But, if he could change that…
"That would depend, I suppose." Lelouch flattens his palm on the light dome of
Suzaku's belly. "Even if Japan is freed Britannia can't just leave the next
day. It's more complicated than that."
"I know that," Suzaku quietly says. "But, eventually, I'd have to leave, right?
I'm not Japanese anymore."
Is anyone even really Japanese anymore? – Lelouch bitterly wants to snarl, but
knows better.
"Not necessarily." Lelouch isn't sure he wants to tread this topic. It's not as
though Suzaku is ever pleased with what he hears. "If Britannia relinquished
Japan I don't think they'd be especially keen on keeping any honorary
Britannians – and don't get mad when I say this – because that system is
essentially a form of psychological warfare and a means of oppressing the
native people." As well as cannon fodder. "While you've proven it's possible to
make it as a non-Britannian, that just makes their honorary system more
dangerous."
Although Suzaku is wearing an unhappy frown, he doesn't speak.
"So, I could see them ejecting all 'elevens' because they're no longer needed –
there wouldn't even be an 'Area Eleven.' Then again, Britannia hasn't suffered
such a loss since they began spreading, so who's to say what could happen. But,
I hope they reject you all the same," Lelouch says with small, sad smile
against the disheartened cast of emerald eyes, "because if you're forced to
leave, neither Nunnally nor I can go with you." Not that Lelouch would ever let
that happen.
Suzaku quickly looks away, not able to face the mere thought. "I know…"
Suzaku had asked if there was any way that Euphemia could help with Lelouch and
Nunnally's "situation" – when she was still a princess – but Lelouch strictly
spurned the idea of returning "home" to roost with the royals. Suzaku didn't
bring it up again. His heart was in the right place, but…
"Of course, if Britannia stays that won't be good for us, either." He pauses
with a sardonic puff. "It isn't good for us now."
Things might be better, but…
"And no matter what, our baby will be half," Suzaku adds with too much
despondence drooping his voice. "Our baby will be treated differently be it
Britannia or Japan, won't it? What are we supposed to do?"
Lelouch suddenly feels very small.
Powerless.
Defeating a corrupt nation that breeds hate and fear is one thing.
Undoing their damage is another.
His body becomes empty, hand lifeless against Suzaku's pregnant tummy. "These
things take time. As far as that goes, the Zone is becoming the free and safe
place that Euphie had promised." Outside of it, though…
A "rocky" start is accurate, and honestly they're still smoothing wrinkles. A
rebellion doesn't just stop dead in its tracks without feeling backlash – on
both sides.
Lelouch supposes he could control everyone to be more… agreeable, but that's a
bit… insane.
(Absolute power corrupts absolutely.)
It's also counterproductive to the ideal of his goal.
"I guess that's true," Suzaku says. "There are a lot of people that don't want
to fight."
There are a lot of people that would rather Britannia just go away without
fighting, which isn't really a good thing. Freedom isn't something
people ask to have. It should be taken and never bargained like the right it
is.
But all this talk is…
"I think it also goes without saying that anybody who hurts our small fry will
suffer an eternity of cruel and unusual punishment."
That makes Suzaku smile, "I'm trying to be serious."
Lelouch is being serious.
"I wish things were different."
"It's not your fault," Suzaku softly says and kisses the apologetic tone from
Lelouch's lips.
No.
He's sorry he can't fix this problem.
(But that was part of the goal, right? To change the world…?)
Lelouch closes his eyes on his dejected thoughts and presses another kiss to
Suzaku's lips, pushing him into the pillow. He thinks of the baby. He thinks of
his mother, of the ugly words his "pure" siblings and the Emperor's other wives
would hurl at him and Nunnally. He thinks of Zero and just what the hell it is
that he should be doing now, trapped in a Zone-bubble he didn't really want. Of
the expression Suzaku might make when he sees Lelouch's face behind the mask.
(And he thinks, maybe, he never should've involved himself in any of this at
all…)
All this angst must not translate through the kiss (because he has a filter
that catches what shouldn't escape), because when they part Suzaku is wearing
one of his common simpers.
"I thought you said you were tired." Meaning he thinks Lelouch is
getting frisky.
Lelouch smiles very faintly, "I am."
"Warm showers are supposed to help you sleep better at night. Has it been
working?"
Lelouch shrugs. He doesn't know if it's been helping or not. It's probably only
spoiling him, in reality – any future showers without Suzaku will be boring.
Their shared showers have become about more than sex – rather, that isn't
necessarily always the goal. They have unexpectedly but smoothly fallen into an
intimate ritual of bathing not just together but each other. (Lelouch sometimes
thinks it's odd at how he's come to know Suzaku's body better than his own. At
how comfortable they are with each other in their bare skin, free. It's not
something he ever would've imagined to be possible, if not for Suzaku.) It's
not always intended to be foreplay into bolder acts, even if that might've been
how it started. It can be enough and too much all at once when Lelouch's soapy
fingers and palms slide along all, over and into Suzaku's curves, and even
feeling Suzaku's fingers carefully washing his hair – it's intoxicating with
both lust and innocence. Lelouch has come to cherish what has evolved into an
important, irreplaceable cornerstone of their relationship, and he knows Suzaku
feels the same.
At any rate, Lelouch knows of one thing that always seems to help him sleep at
night.
"You're taking off your shirt because…?" The confused blanket of Suzaku
presumptuous question slides right off the black-haired boy's back along with
his long-sleeved pajama top.
"Don't flatter yourself," Lelouch snarkily replies, knowing Suzaku is assuming
a sexual context, which is reasonable, as he tosses his shirt at the couch
before slinking under the blankets and leaning over to reach for the lamp at
the edge of the desk. "I'm just still hot from the bath, too."
They both know it's a lie – as indicated with Suzaku's simper – but Lelouch is
seeking the comfort of Suzaku's skin and, perhaps, Suzaku is as enticed to feel
Lelouch's skin in this more innocent context too. He certainly makes himself
cozy against Lelouch's chest once the light is off and those willowy,
Britannian arms are wrapped around him. Suzaku's cheek is soft and warm against
Lelouch's nose and the arm that holds him in return is strong, secure and
loving.
It's… painful.
"Suzaku…" Lelouch beckons – from behind too many masks.
(Will you still love me if you know?)
"Hm?"
"…Are you going to wear a wedding dress?" But Lelouch can't speak of it –
because in the darkness, he's still Lelouch. He's still the boy living in a
storage shed. Not a demon. Not Zero. All of that is hidden.
Suzaku pushes him, tells him he isn't funny, and leaves it at that.
Lelouch chuckles and cuddles, because it's all he can do.
•-
-•
"Lelouch sure is picking a bad time to ditch," Rivalz says with a
begrudging scritch of his pen in his notebook. "If he doesn't study he could
fail his exams."
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas around town and campus, but the
time has also come that every student dreads: semester final exams.
Well, most students.
While the rest of the student body takes the half-day to study as Ashford
Academy so graciously gives, Lelouch left after their last lesson, saying he
needed to do holiday shopping alone but that he would still make it in time for
their doctor appointment in the afternoon. He did seem to vanish rather quickly
– although not unusual it's something he hasn't done in a while…
"Maybe if he hadn't skipped so much of the semester he wouldn't have to worry
about it in the first place," Suzaku admonishes at full strength even though
said ditcher isn't present to hear it – rather, to ignore it.
Shirley is also strangely absent.
Kallen is napping on the couch, a warm, snuggly lure that thankfully keeps
Arthur content with not biting Suzaku.
Nina, as usual, is tapping and clicking away at her terminal.
Rivalz chuckles a little sheepishly, "You know how he is. Smart people like him
get bored at school because it's not challenging enough, don't they?"
Suzaku never thought of it like that, but it makes sense in a way.
Even so, Lelouch wouldn't shave free time from Nunnally just to toy with
something trivial—
"I could see how gambling would be more interesting than school." Temptation
dangles from Milly's voice as she also neglects her own study work, lazily
leaning back in her chair – from what Suzaku understands, her grades have
suddenly dipped considerably these past few months.
"Not sure if it's that." Rivalz slants his head against his palm, twirling his
pen between his fingers. "But whatever 'game' he's playing has certainly
captured his interest."
Milly grins, "If I didn't know better I'd say he's having an affair with an
older woman. Or man." She glances at Suzaku. "Turns out he likes them younger."
Then she winks.
Suzaku humors her by shaking his head in the absence of a witty retort Lelouch
would probably make, if he was here, and fishes his mobile out of pants pocket.
He's glad that their friends have accepted his and Lelouch's relationship – not
that he expected they wouldn't, exactly. Discovering that their two friends –
namely Lelouch – are in a secret affair would be shocking to anyone, and to
be having a baby on top of that…
"Maybe he suspected it might be his turn to play dress up, and that's why he
didn't show today," Milly says with longing under her proud smirk.
Suzaku grins a little laugh.
That's certainly a fair guess.
"Meanwhile he's left me to suffer alone with the chemistry review," Suzaku
grumbles, pocketing his phone.
"You aren't the only one," Rivalz pityingly adds as he tiredly stands. "Don't
know about the rest of you, but I'm calling an early lunch."
Milly perks right up. "You know, the Baking Club has been hard at work testing
their dough recipes for the holiday cookie contest later this month…"
"Yes." Rivalz practically drools. "They've been baking all morning – it smells
delicious!"
Milly shamelessly floats over to him as he walks out the door, "And as Council
President I'm sure they can't deny us some taste-testing~…"
"Not like they don't owe us for 'accidentally' getting an increase in their
budget this month." The gleam in Rivalz's eyes is almost as scary as Milly's.
The way their maniacal cackles echo in unison down the hall, however, is much
scarier.
Suzaku just simpers to himself, tapping the bottom of his pen on the table, no
more eager to join ink and paper than the two deserters. Cookies really don't
sound like such a bad idea right now… minus the extortion and blackmail.
"Um…"
Suzaku looks up to the person casting a shadow over his schoolwork, startled to
see Nina fidgeting at him.
"You… need help?"
Suzaku blinks, and she points at his papers, "Ah, uh, well…"
She timidly pulls out a chair beside him.
But she doesn't speak for several beats that hotly squirm under his skin.
Or could that just be small fry churning his stomach again? He's been feeling a
bit unwell all day…
"Princess Euphemia." A push of her glasses as if they're a shield. "Y-you
helped me… see her again."
He did.
When Nina had asked about it before Suzaku wasn't in any position to make it
happen. Through the course of things, it has become easier because Euphemia has
taken more authority over her own life, and has become friendlier with Suzaku.
As a result, Nina has been able to spend time with Euphemia – the former
princess had said – and if there's anybody who can bring out the good in
people, it's Euphemia. In fact, Nina doesn't appear to be as frigid around him
as she used to be.
…And then Suzaku realizes maybe she's trying to thank him.
Or, maybe, even… reach out to him.
"Happy to help," Suzaku warmly replies, hoping his smile doesn't reflect how
stupefied he feels.
Nina's voice is still small and mousy, but she does prove to be a better tutor
than a certain defiant ditcher Suzaku knows.
•-•
"Ohgi and Villetta Nu?" Zero dubiously questions, looking at the printed
pictures in the privacy of his trusty motor-base.
The woman at the festival…?
Does that mean Kallen knows – and didn't say anything?
"That is what I found," Diethard evenly says. "She doesn't appear to have her
memory intact."
Lelouch has to suppress a snort. "Amnesia?"
Informants within Britannia revealed that Villetta Nu was casted MIA, and
considering all that happened with Shirley, Lelouch thought she was dead. There
hadn't been any chatter about trying to find Nu, either, as her allegiance to
"Orange" after Suzaku's rescue didn't endear her much to high command. Missing
in action is as good as killed in action.
That's to be expected from Britannia, however.
"It is unclear how this situation began, but she doesn't appear to be acting,"
the blond responds.
"And they've been living together all these months? Just what have they been
doing all this time?" Disappointment is hard to stem from Lelouch's voice – at
Ohgi's reckless behavior, at his blatant secrecy – but Zero is more admonishing
than anything else.
At that Diethard coolly clears his throat, but—
"My, you are thick-headed when it comes to these things," C.C. offhandedly
insults from behind a half-eaten wheel of pepperoni and triple-cheese pizza. To
think he almost had all those pizza stains removed… "They've been involved
in romance."
Romance…?
Zero's right hand and an amnesiac Britannian officer?
The pure absurdity of it.
But, when the parallels align Lelouch almost wants to bitterly laugh. He's a
non-Japanese freedom fighter in love with an oppressing non-Britannian officer.
Lelouch and Suzaku might have their situation a little backwards, but they're
in the same boat. They are enemies on any military and social standing, yet
they bunk together nightly – even planning a life beyond their reality, a
family. Wishing for that happily ever after they once thought as children
they'd have as an adult. Despite the precarious line between reality and
fantasy, they all seem to be tempting fate as they continue reaching for the
unreachable – human nature, isn't it?
And is it only more weird considering that Lelouch picked Ohgi for his second
because… he was similar to Suzaku?
"…I see," Lelouch says with solemn resignation. "Is there anyone else who might
know about this?"
"Intel is limited to just us. To his credit, he's managed to keep it
clandestine."
To his credit?
This really isn't the kind of mess Lelouch expected or would've even hoped to
find sprouting right under his nose. Moreover, he doesn't like this being
unearthed by Diethard – his dedication is appreciated, but he's still too eager
to mend things on his own. If anything, Lelouch should have been the one to
notice Ohgi's off-kilter behavior.
But just how much of his lapsing judgment can he blame on Suzaku?
As if with a sixth-sense, a message from the seahorse rumbles on his phone from
his pocket.
"Understood. Await further orders," Zero commands as he thumbs a quick reply to
his little boyfriend.
Diethard doesn't look happy about the lacking of immediate action in Zero's
order, but he bows out gracefully enough regardless.
Lelouch agrees this situation needs to be handled post-haste, but it's an
incredibly fragile matter and he'd like to come out of it without losing his
Second or secret.
"Interesting predicament," C.C. says with another rather indulgent mouthful of
pizza.
All right, so, maybe Lelouch didn't exactly heed satisfying her wanton pizza
gluttony while she was underwater – many things, it seems, have unexpectedly
fallen through cracks he didn't know existed.
Which is unacceptable.
"Don't start," Lelouch heavily sighs, returning his mobile to his pocket. "I'm
not in the mood for more cryptic banter with you at my expense."
"When are you ever in the mood for that?"—Could've been a joke if not for her
impassive tone.
…Or maybe it actually is because of that.
"Precisely."
"…Lelouch, what is it you miss most about your mother?"
"What?" He doesn't refrain stabbing the immortal girl with his disgruntled,
disconcerted eyes.
"I'm just curious." C.C. seemingly claims innocence.
An old, un-healing hurt stitches in his brow.
"It's not any single thing," he quietly answers, turning his eyes back to his
computer.
It's everything.
"How different do you think your life would be if she was still alive?"
Lelouch wordlessly scrolls through text on his screen.
"You might not have ever met Suzaku, don't you think?"
Meaning that even something good came of something bad?
"Am I speaking to the Oracle of Delphi?" the exiled prince snidely snips.
"If so, would that make you Oedipus?" the witch fluidly flings back, wiping
red-blood of her pizza-prey from her mouth.
Lelouch's lips curl.
Is that with or without the "-complex"?
Regardless of his intentions with his father, Lelouch at least knows
with absolute certainty that Suzaku is not his mother.
(Disregarding that he also once knew with absolute certainty that
males cannot get pregnant.)
"Do you think it's possible you would have become an arm of the Britannian
Empire, like your siblings?"
"You assume that without having suffered my mother's death I wouldn't see the
injustices within the empire?"
"Isn't that how it is? Humans are selfish. If something doesn't affect them,
why should they care?"
Is that how Lelouch seems?
"I have to disagree. I'm not an empty-headed drone. I would not serve or spread
Britannian ideals as a loyal lapdog like Cornelia and Clovis as if I was bred
for it."
"Would you instead vie for the throne, like Schneizel?"
Lelouch reclines against his chair, not realizing his back was so tense.
"You're certainly chatty lately, C.C." he facetiously grins.
"Maybe I just missed you."
Lelouch looks to that remark but her face is too vacuous for him to tell if
she's being sincere or not.
He smirks at her all the same, "I imagine Tamaki isn't as stimulating a
converser as I am."
"He's entertaining in his own right."
Lelouch chuckles, a little surprised at how it lightens his chest, and looks
down at Zero staring up at him from his lap.
"If you could speak to your mother… what would you say?"
Until she plugs the drain.
She seems unusually fixated on strange things these days…
"I…" But he considers her question nonetheless. "I'm not sure."
"Really?"
Sharp violets flick at her stone face, bouncing off just as easily as blades
against a rock.
"Maybe… I would ask if she knew who murdered her."
C.C. doesn't respond to that.
"Anyway," he takes advantage of the lull in her talkative curiosity to stand,
"I need to get going." He told Suzaku he was doing some shopping – while he
shouldn't return to his seahorse's side without proof, and while true he always
finishes his holiday shopping early, it's also true that there are a few things
he'd like to purchase.
She seems to wait until he's at the door before tugging his leg with her
wraithlike voice again—
"What if the answers you find aren't the ones you want?"
—Lelouch pauses.
"I think they rarely are the ones we want," he replies, quieted inside Zero's
face, before taking his leave.
•-•
"Shirley?" Suzaku says when he bumps into her on his way off campus, both of
them bundled in winter coats against the crisp December air. "Is everything
alright? You never came to the club room."
She exhales with exasperation, "Sophie needed help with a final project that
was due by the end of the day. I couldn't just abandon her."
That's Shirley's roommate, isn't it?
"You're a good friend to help her out like that."
"I feel used." Her lips pout. "But she offered to pay for dinner so I'm going
to get some now."
Suzaku laughs, "I'll walk with you." Somehow he didn't think Shirley could even
conceive of that feeling.
"Where are you headed off to?"
"Just a doctor appointment," he answers with a shift of his school-bag – a
change of clothes for Suzie, since it's better to not wear them on campus. No
work today, either, and he's supposed to be meeting Lelouch in town. Suzaku was
hoping to maybe get some of his own holiday shopping done too –
hopefully with Lelouch. Christmas wasn't a winter holiday Suzaku's family
celebrated, and after… well, everything, it isn't as though Suzaku kept up with
any of his cultural traditions that Britannia was sure to heartlessly crush –
he was also much too young to fully remember, and then once he became a
soldier… Even if Suzaku wanted to he never had any reason to buy gifts. Now
with Lelouch and Nunnally and so many special people in his life for the first
time since… Suzaku is excited to experience what seems like a whimsical season
in the west.
He wants to see the ones he loves smile…
"Say… Shirley, can I talk to you about Lelouch?"
She prickles at his apparently unexpected question – can't blame her, but it's
been on his mind. Sometimes Suzaku feels like he got in the way. While it's
true that Lelouch didn't seem to have much issue expressing his interest
in Suzaku in a shorter time than he'd known Shirley, maybe something still
could've bloomed if given just a bit more time…
Then again, maybe not.
"I didn't forget that you like him, and we haven't talked about it yet."
Hell, Suzaku even called Lelouch for her to ask about his feelings not long
before the supposed ladies' man made his desires quite clear to his boyhood
friend.
Her olive eyes dart away, "Well, that's…"
"I just want to say that I'm sorry. If I hurt you. I didn't mean for anything
like that to happen. And I… don't think that he did either." Lelouch can be
clumsily callous about girls' affections for him; it's possible he said
something insensitive by accident. Suzaku wasn't around enough when Lelouch and
Shirley were fighting and when he asked about it Lelouch was, of course,
cryptic. "Is that why you were mad at him?"
Shirley doesn't immediately respond, instead stepping on Suzaku's words as they
walk, making the brunet wonder if perhaps he shouldn't have brought it up at
all.
"…You really love him, don't you?"
"I…" The way she anxiously hangs the question between them makes Suzaku pause.
"Yes, I do."
"Would you…" An undersized smile worms onto her lips, an uneasy shadow weighing
her eyes that drag up to him. "Would you do anything for him?"
"Anything?" Suzaku curiously questions, feeling that word hook into his chest
as they stop at the entrance.
Shirley takes a breath as if about to speak, but then hesitates and—
"ORANGE!" Shakes the earth around them, a shatter of the air as if the sky is
falling on them and their eyes are yanked to the shouting man across the
street—
"G-Gottwald?" Suzaku stutters, aghast.
Jeremiah Gottwald was listed amongst the dead after Narita…
But dead men don't stand outside of schools and laugh at teenagers like a
hysterical hyena.
"I see your Orange now, Zero!" he bellows up at the heavens with clawing hands,
insanity bleeding out of him in shrill rivulets. "I'll get you! And your little
girl too!"
What?!
"Sir Gottwald, stand down!" Suzaku tries to disarm – the former officer has
been knocked too far off his rocker, it seems. "These are innocent civilians—!"
"I will cleanse you of his Curse! And I will find him!"
Curse?
"MUWAH-HA-HA!" The man loudly laughs.
…Seriously?
What is this, a cartoon?
Actually, that could explain a few things…
"Shirley," Suzaku cautions as he steps in front of her when the deranged man
marches across the empty road right towards them. "Run." He casts a sharp
glance over his shoulder at her when she doesn't move. "Now!"
Shirley peeps like a lost chick, but her legs somehow find life and she's
dashing off back towards the school—
An unstable smirk curls on Jeremiah's face, an ironically orange mask glinting
under the afternoon sun with the long blade that flicks right out of his arm—
Suzaku's jaw clenches and he swallows a sloshing feeling in his gut, feet
planted firmly on the ground—
This isn't good.
And the disgraced phantom fearlessly charges at Suzaku—
Chapter End Notes
     “I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!” ;]
     Anybody (still) out there? I’d love to hear from you! Chapter 9 is
     in-progress.
     And if you see any grammatical mistakes/typos, please let me know.
     orz
Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed
their work!
