Tiffany's Diaper Tales
                         Volume II
                      By BabyInDiapers
                     Written 11/09/2005
                        Chapter 022


I woke up in the middle of the night crying. I was shaking and 
I felt sick to my stomach. Mommy came in the room and turned 
on the light. She came over and lowered the side of my crib 
and reached for me. I knelt by the edge and held her while 
still crying. "Honey what's wrong? Did you have a bad dream 
sweetie?" "Uh huh." I said while nodding. "Shh baby its ok. 
Mommy's here now." She said while patting my back and holding 
me close to her. 


She helped me out of the crib and walked me to the living 
room. She turned on a lamp and then sat in the rocking chair. 
I hopped up in her lap and she held me and hummed softly to 
me. After I calmed down a while mommy took me to bed with her 
and daddy. I awoke the next morning with mommy still holding 
me. Daddy had to go out to do a job earlier in the morning. 
"You feel better this morning honey?" "Yeah, I was really 
upset last night." I said. "Yeah, you were. Well let's go get 
your didees changed and get some breakfast." Mommy said as she 
yawned and stretched and sat on the side of the bed. I crawled 
to the side and sat next to her also yawning. I then leaned 
over and cuddled with her. She smiled and just held me. "You 
sure do like to be cuddled a lot don't ya?" she said while 
holding me. "Mommy, can you breast feed me pweeze?" I asked in 
a babyish voice. Mommy smiled and then let me lay in her lap. 
She took the pillows and put them under my head. After a 
moment of getting situated, she pulled off her t-shirt. I then 
put my mouth to her nipple and began to suckle.


I laid there just being close with mommy. I lost control and 
totally poopied and wetted in my didees without any thought of 
it whatsoever. I fell asleep again. When I awoke my diaper was 
changed and I was still in mommy's bed. I got up and began to 
walk out into the living room. "Mommy?" I called. "I'm In the 
kitchen honey." She said. I walked across the tile floor, my 
little feet pattering against the cold tiles. "Hi mommy." I 
said as I stood by her at the sink. "Did my precious little 
baby sleep good?" she asked while washing her hands at the 
sink. "Yeah. Thank you so much for feeding me mommy ." I said 
as I gave her a kiss on the cheek and a hug. "Aww. You're so 
cute." She said.


Later that day mommy and I got in the car to go to the mall. 
After shopping and hanging out she then drove me to Mrs. 
Woods. I had stopped seeing her regularly for the past few 
months, but with the incident that happened the last day of 
school and for other reasons, I started going to therapy on a 
regular basis. Mom and I walked into the lobby. Mrs. Woods 
came out into the waiting area. "Hi Tiffany, come on back." 
She said as she also said hi to my mom. I followed her back to 
her office. I sat down and we began to talk.


"So, how have things been going this week?" she asked. "Ok for 
the most part, but I am still having those nightmares." I 
said. We began to talk about the nightmares and she said it 
was post traumatic stress that was causing me to have them. We 
then talked about other stuff. About 15 minutes before my 
appointment was over I decided to also discuss something else 
with he that we hadn't really talked much about. "Um, Mrs. 
Woods?" "Yes Tiffany?" "I, um, my mom, well like I still like 
being breastfed, and um," I was nervous for some reason. For 
the first time ever, I became aware that I was a teenaged girl 
and felt extremely ashamed of my baby side." "Honey, I already 
knew that." She said softly. "But, like I'm not a baby anymore 
but I can't help myself. I have feelings inside of me!" I said 
as I started crying. "Why can't I just be a normal teenage 
girl? Why do I have to be this way. I wish I knew why! I just 
don't know why!" I said while crying. 


Mrs. Woods slid her chair up closer and reached her hand out 
to comfort me. "Tiffany, that's what I'm here for. To help you 
with your feelings and to help you figure out why. You don't 
have to be ashamed or embarrassed. You can tell me anything in 
here. I am here to help you Tiffany." She said calmly. She 
handed me a tissue. I wiped my face, and blew my nose. "So 
like what is my whole deal anyway?" I asked as I calmed down 
and regained my composure. 


"Well that is not something that is easily answered with a 
single reason. There are many events that contribute to make 
up who we are. These feelings you have for going back in time 
to an earlier part of your life are sometimes your mind's way 
of trying to fix things that are broken. Sometimes our 
subconscious has no other way to communicate with us except 
through our impulsive behaviors or attractions to certain 
objects or role playing of certain themes." She said. I just 
sat there intently listening. "But I had a good childhood, I 
mean my mom even quit work and stayed at home with me. She 
wasn't able to do that with my older sister and she turned out 
ok." I said. "Well Tiffany, every person has different ways of 
reacting to things. To be honest, from all the talks we've had 
I have some ideas as to why you are who you are." She said.


"Well, like tell me, at least something." I said. "Ok well in 
an attempt to do better with her second child, your mother 
most likely fostered an over-dependant relationship with you, 
meaning that she was overly protective and so on. Also for 
whatever reason during your struggle for independence you 
became insecure for some reason, and thus needed a 
transitional object. For lots of kids that could be a blanket, 
a favorite stuffed animal, or a baby bottle in some cases. 
Well, for you, your transitional object most likely was 
diapers. Since they are soft, and always hugging your most 
sensitive parts, they tend to bring a certain amount of 
comfort." Does any of this seem like it fits?" she asked.


I was taking in every word, I just nodded my head. "Ok, so you 
also had bedwetting problems and had diapers at night during 
most of your childhood, again reinforcing the transitional 
object's importance for you. Also don't forget, you've had 
your share of hard times. Lots of transitions in your home 
after the nuclear attacks, and just other things like the time 
your sister Teala fell in the lake and the time a school 
teacher hit you, and some of the littler things like kids 
teasing you at school sometimes. And the fact that your body 
is changing, and things are changing in your life as you grow.  
All that creates a need for you to return to your comfort 
object. Which by now you have a few." She said. "I do?" I 
asked. "Sure. You've got Mr. Fluffy, your diapers, 
breastfeeding, and so on." She said. "Oh wow, you're right. 
But the thing is, other kids had it worse than me and everyone 
has hard times, but they aren't all like me."


"Think of life as a recipe that takes a long time to put 
together. You put in a little of this and a little of that, 
you stir, you mix, you add more ingredients. It's complex like 
that. You could put the same type of ingredients into two 
different recipes and have it come out different if you put 
different amounts in. Life is kind of like that. You are who 
you are because of all the things you have experienced and the 
way you perceive them." She said. "So what you're saying is 
that it could just as easily been any other kid in my school 
that could have turned out like me?" "Sure. Honey, psychology 
isn't a final answer to anything this complex. It helps, but 
it can't give you a final statement about yourself. You are 
still constantly changing, even as you are sitting here with 
me having this conversation." She said.


"Somehow I feel like I'm back where I started then." I said 
softly as I lowered my head. "Sometimes life is like that. You 
think you've gone a great distance only to realize that some 
things are the same no matter how far you come. Tiffany, what 
you need to do is to accept yourself for who you are. You 
don't need a reason or an excuse to be you. You have the right 
to be who you are and to live your life as you wish. You 
aren't doing anything that hurts anyone or yourself. You are a 
mentally healthy person. The things you want, such as engaging 
in infantile behavior, are your special way to deal with the 
same things everyone else deals with. Some people choose drugs 
and alcohol, some people hold all there feeling inside and 
become sick from the stress, and some people find a way to 
work through there feelings by role playing and being 
expressive. You are very expressive, through your music, 
through your lifestyle choice, and through your faith in God. 
The only thing I would caution you about is don't let your 
dependence on your mother get to a point that you can't move 
on. What I mean is one of these days, and believe me, it'll be 
here before you know it; You'll be leaving home at some point 
to go to college, or work or get married and so on. Your mom 
won't always be there for you to depend on, and Mr. Fluffy 
won't last forever either. You need to make sure that you are 
not so attached to your transitional objects that you stop 
moving forward in life.  For example, if you're 35 and still 
living with your mom and she's still breastfeeding and 
changing you and you won't leave home because you can't cope 
without her, then that is a problem. But I seriously don't 
think you will have those types of problems. Believe it or 
not, you've done quite a bit of growing up even in the time 
I've known you. You're gonna be just fine. Just be yourself, 
and just remember that things in life change and that you have 
to change with it." She said.


"That's just sad though." I said. "Yes it is. But you know 
what?" "What?" "Everyone has to go through it and we all deal 
with it in our own way. God helps us, People help us, we find 
the strength within sometimes when no one is there for us, but 
one way or another we all will make it through life. And even 
if you need diapers, and stuffed animals and a special baby 
room in your house even when you're my age, that's perfectly 
ok. Just accept yourself. The world outside causes enough 
stress, there's no need to cause even more stress inside of 
our own minds. It's just not worth it. Life is too short, so 
live each day to it's fullest." She said as she then looked at 
her watch. "Well, we went a little bit over today. But I think 
it was good. So what do ya think?" She asked. "I finally get 
it. Thank you. You really did help me figure it out. But don't 
worry, I'm sure next week I'll have something new going on to 
talk about." I said as I hugged Mrs. Woods. "I'm sure you will 
sweetie. Have a good week." She said as I left her office.


"You ready to go honey?" Mommy said as I walked into the 
waiting room. "Yep." I said. We got in the car and mommy took 
me to McDonalds and got me a strawberry milkshake. I drank it 
all by the time we got home. Mommy laid me on the couch and 
changed my diaper. "Looks like you're not having your period 
anymore so I'll put you in cloth didees." Mommy said. I 
smiled. "Yay. I like my cloth diapers much better." I said as 
I felt the soft fluffy cloth against my hiney and between my 
legs as she pinned it on me. Then I stood up and put each foot 
through the legs of my rubber pants and mommy slid them up my 
legs and made sure I was nice and comfy. She then laid me in 
the playpen for a nap. She came back in the room with a bottle 
in one hand and Mr. Fluffy under her other arm. I finished my 
bottle and cuddled with Mr. Fluffy. I felt so at peace. The 
talk with Mrs. Woods really did help.


I woke up for dinner. I set the table. Tammy came home just as 
we sat down. Amy was visiting some friends so she wouldn't be 
home until later. Aunt Kathy was out with Kevin. So it was 
just the four of us. Tammy gave me a bath after dinner and put 
me in my jammies and in a double cloth diaper. I wasn't ready 
to go to bed just yet, but I liked lounging around the house 
in my babyish clothing. Tammy and I played video games for a 
while.  Then I sat on the back deck with mommy as she read to 
me. I was getting sleepy even at 9 o'clock. "Aww my baby is so 
cute. Yes she is." Mommy said in baby talk as she rocked me. 
Daddy came out a while later and sat next to us. Tammy was in 
her room on the phone. I fell asleep and daddy carried me into 
the house and instead of putting me in the crib, they put me 
in their bed. I woke up around 11pm because I had to poopy 
really bad so I did a big load in my diaper." Mommy came in a 
while later to get ready for bed. "Oh my goodness, my baby's 
got a poopy droopy didee." She said as she went back out into 
the living room and into the hallway to go to my room to 
retrieve wipes and diapers. She came back and changed me nice 
and gently. I was still half asleep. Mommy came back in after 
disposing of the messy in the diaper and then putting it in 
the diaper pail. When mommy came to bed I asked if I could 
breastfeed again. "You really like breastfeeding don't you?" 
she said as she lifted her shirt. "Yeah." I said. "I probably 
should have breastfed you longer when you were little. I 
stopped at 14 months. The pediatrician told me that you didn't 
gain any benefit from my milk after that point. I should have 
followed my instincts and breastfed you longer." She said 
while I was nursing. I lifted my head and looked at her. 
"Mommy, it's ok. You did a good job with me. Mrs. Woods even 
said so. She says that its not just one thing that causes me 
to be the way I am, that it's a little bit of everything. 
You're the best mommy anyone could have." I said. Mommy 
smiled. "Thank you sweetie-pie." I finished breastfeeding and 
fell asleep next to mommy.