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A Learning Experience Ch. 01

By: Joscelyn2tg



Hello!

I stumbled upon Literotica by accident one day, a few weeks after my transgender partner of 4 years, and the love of my life, died of an accidental drug overdose. Still out of my mind with grief, I found the TG stories on Literotica to be such a healing essence that I became completely enthralled by them. Because writing and editing have been an important part of my life, I wanted to try to give back a little bit. This is my first effort, it describes some of my college life, and how I was able to eventually transition. I have 'enhanced' much of the narrative, including 'punching up' the sex scenes, changed the names of everything, etc. But for all of that, what's here is still the essence of what really happened. Believe it, or not.

This is chapter 1, there is a lot of back-story here so there isn't as much drugs, sex, and rock & roll, but this will increase through the next several chapters, so enjoy... Joscelyn

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It was shaping up to be one gorgeous march day, spring seemed to be breaking into our dull boring winter and I was so sick of grey ugly days, that I only wanted to cheer it on. The sun was warm and bright on my face as I walked through the parking lot and along the quad toward the arts building. Unfortunately the heavy backpack I carried, stuffed with the books and materials I needed for classes, reminded me that I probably wouldn't be outside much to enjoy it.

After graduating (barely) from high school my parents had given me two options, I could go to one of the three colleges that had offered me scholarships. They were all music scholarships that gave a very limited amount of the needed tuition, so I'd end up working at burger joints at night to make up the difference. Actually most of my friends were in the same boat, but that grinding 24/7 workload would probably not have any kind of good outcome for me. All work and no play meant Jack would probably flunk out, for one reason or another. My second option was the local community college, but either way I was 'going' to college! Because we were still 'involved' in Vietnam when I was making this decision, going to college became mandatory, then if I was drafted, I could claim a college deferment and at least not be shipped off to that hellhole immediately. Hopefully I'd be drafted just as we sign a peace treaty with North Vietnam, so I might even miss it altogether. In any case, it was off to the community college for me, to try and get an education of some kind or another.

I was always on the thin side and about normal height at 5'9" just a week after my 18th birthday. Mom always described me as 'lanky'. I was terribly self-conscious about my lack of body hair, especially on my chest and face. Because I was a natural blond, even the hair I did have barely showed, so I tried to make up for it by growing the hair on my head as long as I could. So far I'd been able to grow it a few inches past my shoulders, which fit in great with my music gigs. After all, most rock musicians wore it long at that time to show their 'rebel spirit', or at least I could convince everyone, including myself, that was why I was doing it.

Of course, my mother hated long hair, but surprisingly Dad backed me up, reciting something about how Norman young men in the middle ages, just after the battle of Hastings, rebelled against their elders by wearing their hair long like the English. Sometimes my Dad's love of history really rubbed off on me! The girls I dated seemed to like it long too, but mostly because it pissed off their parents, I was often used as a dating 'bad boy'. They called me 'cute', when I would have preferred 'handsome'. But I took what compliments I could get, as I knew my body would have to develop a lot before girls would admire my 'handsome' features. I did inherit my dad's blue eyes, which became a lighter shade of blue when my pupils would dilate, giving the impression of lighting up when I became angry or excited. While my chest and arms had average muscles, my hips and legs appeared bulked out and hard, as if chiseled from stone, due to playing goalie for six years on the school's varsity soccer team.

Because of the lack of development in my upper body, along with the long blond hair, I was sometimes taunted in high school about my feminine appearance, I had the term 'sissy' thrown at me so often that I ended up in more fights than I can remember. It's also why I still get angry just hearing that term used in normal conversation. But after getting my nose broken twice, and earning my varsity letter from soccer, I'd finally managed to gain some grudging respect from my schoolmates. What they didn't know, and I would never have admitted even under torture, was that while I was very attracted to women, I also felt an intense longing to be one myself. In fact, in my dreams, I'm always female, even my 'wet dreams' are always lesbian orgies! Ever since the age of four I've felt that I should have been born as a female and these recurring dreams only reinforced that feeling when I reached puberty.

At the age of six, on my very first day of first grade, my teacher divided the room into girls on one side, boys on the other, and of course I'm sure you can guess which side I went to. The laughter of my new classmates brought me the very first sampling of the humiliation that comes with taking action on the feeling of being the wrong gender. When my teacher sent me home with a note, my mother lectured me that such thoughts were 'perverted' and must be fought against.

And so I did, although mostly I just tried to ignore them, I hid my true feelings for the next 10 years. My natural attraction to females, and not males, made that easier for me than a couple of my male classmates. Because they were gay, and only attracted to males, the ridicule they dealt with was awful. I'd inevitably stand up to whatever bully was attacking them, which almost always ended badly, getting myself in even more fights and eventually breaking my nose for the third, and hopefully last, time. You would think once I'd reached puberty, all those male hormones would have blown any effeminate thoughts or dreams right out of my head. Instead I found myself longing for a more feminine appearance, and so I began indulging my cross-dressing fantasies.

Now, after 4 years of experimenting between my mother's and sister's closets, as well as a few pieces I'd acquired on my own. I was desperate to go out in public, to really be seen and accepted as female. At least part of me was, the rest of me was horrified that I might actually go through with it and be 'made' as a cross-dressing male. That fear of discovery was so overwhelming that just the thought of it could produce beads of sweat running down my face. There was no sexual titillation involved for me when it came to the humiliation of being discovered, it was nothing but the pure terror of seeing a lifetime of work building this facade of masculinity, come crashing down around me.

I had worked so hard my whole life to be seen as all male, I could ID any car you could point at, and even give you its year and how well it was running. My nails were always dirty and I worked summer jobs at local garages and machine shops. Racing cars was inevitable, starting out on local dirt track ovals and drag strips, and then finally SCCA competitions, and even an NHRA Alcohol 'Funny Car'. I would take dares from just about anyone for just about anything, the rougher the better and I could curse like a gob-smacked sailor while doing it. But I just couldn't avoid getting that 'feeling'. It would completely overwhelm me sometimes, and then suddenly I had no resistance. I had to have that feeling of femininity, even if it only provided the shell of being female, I had to at least try to achieve that. Like so many that feel they are the 'wrong' gender, and certainly at this point in time for me, I was deeply conflicted.

Because of the Christmas holiday, the pressures of my second term classes, along with other, more recent demands that I'll explain later on, it had been several weeks since I'd attempted any cross-dressing, had sex, or even masturbated. The 'urges' were starting to get pretty strong. It always seemed so funny to me, when I would hear people claim that being gay was a chosen lifestyle! Hah! Who would ever choose to deal with all of this crap? But now that I'd thought of it, once again I was asking the same old question, was I gay? As I dismissed this again for the billionth time, I found myself walking through the front doors of the arts building, reminded of my first day of college.

It was in this building, where I'd first started college last fall while registering for first term classes, that I met Andy Goldmann. He was as loud and boisterous as I was quiet and shy. He came up to me with the old line, "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?" Eventually we realized that he must have seen me at one of my old rock band's concerts. As I said, music was more than just a hobby for me, and I'd managed to get a couple music scholarships. Being first seat trombone on the number one high school stage band in the state got me noticed, and I had been in several local rock bands as well. I'd started out on drums, but moved to keyboards once I could afford them.

And it wasn't long after we met that Andy had one of his 'foolproof' plans pop into his always-scheming mind. Eventually I would learn that his foolproof plans were those that even a fool would stay away from! But this time I listened to him, and his plan actually sounded logical, so I told him we should give it a try. Once a year, at the beginning of the fall term, all of the college 'clubs' would have their annual elections for club officers. One of these was the Music Club, which just so happened to also be the most popular club to get elected to. Andy figured that between my experience with contracts that were used in the music business, and his ability to fund our election campaign due to the fact he was rich, or to be more specific, his dad was rich, we should be able to win. What I found out as we campaigned, was that the Music Club was so popular because it took care of scheduling and signing all of the performers that would be appearing at the college for the coming year. They had a huge budget for getting top-notch talent, along with the budget for the college's local radio station.

As he had promised, Andy paid for posters, flyers, and bumper stickers, so that our names were eventually plastered on everything and anything that could possibly be seen by a member of the voting school body. He even bought the services of a professional jingle creator and had professional sounding ads running 24/7 promoting us on the school's radio station. He had also already decided who would be president (him), and who would be Veep (me), but I never liked publicity anyway, and frankly didn't think we had a chance in hell of winning, so I didn't mind being second banana.

Next thing I knew, we were 'in', as they say, and we were in it big. We had won in a landslide, and it turned out that we had a cool 3 mil in concert money to allocate for the year. Of course, we had a teacher advisor that we had to have sign off on all of our ideas, but she was pretty cool. So we were going to be having a grand old time in college this year! Think about it for a second, tell any college-aged female that you can get them backstage to meet David Bowie, or Elton John, or Carlos Santana, and then 'not' get laid. Yeah, it was impossible, and eventually we had a queue of groupies, or 'club members' to select from, it was something like teenaged nirvana.

As my mind returned to the present, I vaulted up the main stairway, three steps at a time as usual, to our second floor Music Club offices. I see two girls run giggling out of our hallway towards me. When they saw me, their eyes became saucers and both let out a surprised yelp, then one of the girl's yelled back to me over her shoulder as they passed me going down the stairs, "I think he's got her trapped, you'd better hurry!"

Then they fell back into their giggling and ran out the doors that I'd just come in. My first thought was, 'I wonder who his new target is' as I remembered Andy's penchant for chasing groupies he imagined to be virgins. Then I realized I better get this situation under control, our advisor had already given dire warnings about 'one more incident'.

When I reached the office door it wouldn't open, there seemed to be something jamming it from the inside, only allowing it open about an inch or so. As I tried to figure out a way in, I suddenly heard a girl scream, and instantly found the upper body strength, propelled by my legs, to push the door completely open.

Now that I was in, I saw a tall girl with blond hair, but could only see her from the back. She was trying her best to keep the front office desk between herself and Andy. He had obviously been chasing her around the desk and they were both gasping for breath and seemed to be at an impasse. On the small side at about 5'6", Andy had longish black hair and looked for all the world like one of the hobbits in Lord of the Rings. However, you could tell by the lump at the front of his jeans that he was big in 'other' areas, in fact, overly excited in that area at the moment.

"Andy," I began, looking straight at him while trying to sound just as frustrated and pissed-off as I felt, "What the hell are you doing, trying to get us thrown out of here?"

Then as the blond turned her head to look at me, I quickly shifted my gaze, and realized it was that very pretty new club member who had begun helping me last week with some of the office tasks, named Melissa. I had met her in some of my classes and knew we were both about the same age. She was pretty close to my height, and with her 4" stiletto heels, she appeared to tower over Andy. She had that classic Nordic beauty, with long blond hair, blue eyes, and silky opaque skin, only now her hair was a tangled mess and her pink flowered shirt was pulled out of her close fitting black jeans.

Conflicting emotions began surging through me. Andy wasn't chasing some groupie around a desk, he was attacking a girl that I really cared about damn it! Well, I guess I really hadn't told her yet how much I cared. But after all this craziness, and with that frightened look on her face, I'd probably never see her again anyway. Then, as if reading my mind, once Melissa saw the fully opened door, she left the protection of the desk, circled behind me to the doorway, and made her escape.

For some reason Andy's smile had only grown bigger from the moment he saw me, seeming almost relieved that I was there he replied, "Sorry Jack, but I just 'had' to do something! You've been grumpy as hell lately..."

Shaking my head in utter frustration I said, "What the fuck does..." but was cut off.

"And ya know Melissa?" Andy continued, "Well she's been telling me she wants to get to know you better." His hand was now casually brushing away stray hair from eyes that seemed to be twinkling with mischief.

I also abruptly noticed Cindy, Andy's latest full-time companion, sitting in a chair on the other side of the room, grinning like the proverbial cat that just ate the canary. Cindy was just a little taller than Andy, with curly auburn hair and green eyes that seemed to look straight through you. Like Andy, her size belied her strength, and she was very quick witted. Her dark hair matched her olive complexion, making a very sexy combination. One odd thing was her age, as she certainly acted older than most first year college students, yet she looked quite young, if I had to guess I'd say around 25, but for all I knew she was the same age as we were.

Just then I heard the door shut behind me, but it was the unexpected snitch of its lock that made me quickly turn on my heel. I thought Melissa had taken the obvious escape that I'd provided and was surely long gone. Instead I found two beautifully manicured hands starting to unbutton my shirt, then raised my eyes to gaze upon two gorgeous pools of pale blue looking back at me, I was close enough to smell her perfume and watch her bite her glossy red bottom lip as she continued disrobing me.

"You... have... the most beautiful eyes," she whispered, "and my friends call me Mel."

I gulped long and hard as there wasn't anything more for me to say, I'd been conned, this whole crazy thing had been set up for my benefit, or rather my embarrassment, and I was now too stunned to even move.

Jumping up to shut the blinds on the window of the front office that looked into the hallway, Cindy then moved over next to Andy, and also started disrobing. During all of this, Andy had been laughing at the results of his latest foolproof plan, while pulling off his own clothes. Once Melissa had gotten my backpack and shirt off, her hands caressed my chest, stroking my nipples as they both became erect instantly. She then took a couple steps back and with my undivided attention finished unbuttoning, then removing, her own shirt, throwing it over a nearby chair. I gasped at the sexy black underwired bra with little pink ribbon between the cups that supported her C cup sized breasts. The large areolas provided a backdrop to the hardened nipples just peaking over her lacy bra cups.

She quickly stepped out of her black patent pumps, just long enough to peel off her jeans and reveal some incredibly stunning black fishnet pantyhose with attached crotchless panties. Something was definitely catching up with the whole situation down near my own crotch at this point. After Melissa, or Mel as she now wanted me to call her, had her shoes back on, her own quick glance at that area of my anatomy produced a lustful grin.

With this encouragement she minced up to me putting both arms around my neck and seductively asked, "see anything you like?"

There are times when you have to suspend your role of being a 'gentleman' and just go for it, this seemed to be one of those times. As much as I might have wanted to sort this whole thing out logically, my male hormones overrode all logic and rang the engine room for 'full speed ahead'. My abstinence timer had expired, and my body wasn't giving my brain any more time to consider how surreal this all was.

Our lips collided, with my head tilting one way, and hers the other, then our tongues did battle in and out of each other's mouth. In the meantime, my hands found the clasp for her bra, instantly removing it and heaving it on top of the filing cabinets. Then I dropped my hands down to her ass, each one grabbing a cheek of that beautiful bubble butt, and pulled as if I was never going to let her go. In response her legs encircled my midriff and we kissed like that for several minutes. When we came up for air, I saw Andy and Cindy just disappearing into his office, with Cindy winking at us, and Andy giving a 'thumbs up'. The best I could do was acknowledge with a head nod.

I flipped off my shoes, unbuckled and unzipped my jeans, letting them drop, along with my black cotton briefs. Stepping out of both I carried Mel, as carefully as I could in the circumstances, over to a medium sized sofa that was also a futon and quickly pulled it out with my foot, turned around and sat back on it with her long legs still encircling me. She then pushed me back, so I was lying down and she was kneeling on top of me. As she started to bend over to kiss me, I instead began to blanket her body with small kisses, starting at her neck and then moving to her incredible breasts, I started pinching her right nipple while I sucked on the left, making her moan, then switching around to attack the left with my fingers, and soothe the right with my tongue. For several minutes I swapped my technique between her lovely mammaries as she held and caressed my head with both hands.


A Learning Experience Ch. 01



In between my little bites and pinches I paused to ask, "Still wanna know me better?"

To which she quickly replied, "Hell yeah!"

So I fired back with, "then its time you met Peter." My hands left her breasts to grab her waist and I lifted her hips up by about a foot.

"Whoa... Peter? Who's Peter?" she asked.

"My Peter," I said, while nodding down at my 7-inch cock standing to attention underneath her. While I couldn't claim that my cock was anything other than average in length, it's always been fatter than the average cock's girth, at around 6 inches in circumference. As she dropped her head down to see for herself, she gasped at her first glance of my fully erect cock.

"Does he need a condom?" I asked as sexily as that phrase allowed.

"Hell no! I'm on the pill," she said, and laughed back at me.

I smiled and then dropped her straight down on top of me, producing a loud yelp as she felt all of my cock fully embedded inside of her. It brought out a pretty loud moan from me as well, as her hot wet pussy was incredibly wild to be suddenly inside of. I paused for just a couple seconds and kissed her as she got used to the feeling, then gradually started rocking her back and forth, in and out. Once she seemed used to me, I quickly rolled us over so I was on top and began fucking her, slowly at first and then faster, a small amount at a time, until finally her hips were bucking up to try and meet my thrusts, like someone possessed. At this point my thrusts were getting so wild, and her cunt was so wet, that it took all my concentration to keep from slipping out.

Along with the sound of my balls slapping against her butt, she kept up a steady stream of comments, "Oh baby... y-yeah, that's it... fuck me sweetie, fuck me hard... please... harder... Ooooh... yeeesssss!"

With all that stimulation, I wasn't going to last very much longer, especially as Andy was right, much of the reason for my crappy mood was because I hadn't had sex for weeks. I managed to hang in there for about 10 minutes or so before Mel decided to tweak one of my nipples, sending me over the edge. The resulting orgasm was a total stunner, definitely altering my state of mind, and causing a huge release of pent-up seed. Clutching one of her cute ass cheeks in each hand, I again pulled Mel as close to me as possible. I could feel myself pump into her a couple times before she screamed from her own orgasm, raking my chest with her nails as it hit.

I was frozen in time, and yet each muscle in my body seemed to ripple with its own electrical energy, spasming several times before the waves of pleasure gradually faded. Then I finally lost control, falling over next to Mel on the futon, both of us completely spent, we cuddled together closely. Only the sound of two people panting hard remained, looking at each other in that post-coital glow that always seemed to be just too beautiful to even try to describe.

"That... was fucking incredible!" I huffed, at which point she laughed and said, "No... that was incredible fucking!" then we both laughed for a while.

"So... now I'm intrigued, you've been telling Andy you want to know me better, why didn't you say anything to me?" I asked.

"Well, I couldn't be sure... so I thought I would ask Andy, he seemed like a close friend and maybe he could even help me get to know you," she said.

"Couldn't be sure of...?" I pressed, what she said then, hit me like a ton of bricks, "If you were gay."

She immediately saw my look of concern and started backtracking, "Well, of course you're not, but I guess you were so busy with everything, you just didn't notice my advances and so, ya know, it occurred to me that maybe I should find out if I was wasting my time."

My head had dropped as I took all this in, until she put one of her well manicured fingers under my chin to bring my eyes to hers, and said, "So I just had to find another way... to... get... through." touching the tip of my nose with her index finger on each of the last four words for extra impact.

Then after still getting a slightly concerned look, finished with, "you ok with it?"

I had to laugh at that, the whole situation was a pretty wild way to 'get through' to me I had to admit, so I finally said, "I'm just sorry I seemed to be ignoring you, I guess I have been pretty distracted lately!" although I knew that I could never tell her what the real distraction was.

"Hey!" I exclaimed, quickly trying to change the subject, "Lets see if Andy and Cindy want to party a little, ok?" to which she enthusiastically replied with her usual, "Hell yeah!" then jumping up, she added, "Lemme run to the little girls room for a sec, I'll be right back!"

It took her a couple minutes just to find enough of her clothes so that she could do that without causing a major incident in the hallway, then unlocked the door and left. In the meantime, I too, had to search for the remnants of my clothes, gradually finding, and then putting on, each piece.

I then straightened up the front office a little, snatched up my backpack and went into my office and flipped on the lights. Andy had been nice enough to make sure I had an office too, although mine had been a storage room before. He felt as long as I was doing all the real work running the club that I should have someplace to work in private, and therefore allow him to continue to play around and impress his friends, without being bothered. Actually this worked out really well, as he acted as a 'front' for me, and allowed me to do what I needed to without a lot of interruptions. If a problem came up, I could let Andy take the heat, while I worked in the background fixing whatever it was, and then making it look like he'd actually done all the work. For all intents and purposes, I was running things, and Andy had no problem with that. I really loved my job, especially the fringe benefits, so it was a unique symbiotic relationship!

I quickly checked my messages to see if there was anything urgent, and by the time I was done, in walked Mel, looking like she'd just stepped out of a magazine cover shoot. "So whaddaya think of the club so far?" I asked in my best Groucho Marx imitation, bouncing my eyebrows up and down. This got the giggle I was hoping for, and then I added, "Can I chase you around my desk too?"

She leaned over my desk, kissed me, and said, "It wouldn't be much of a chase, 'cause I'd always let you catch me!"

At this point I rolled my eyes, giving a little cat-like growl, and said, "But that's the fun part... ha, ha! Lets see if Andy and Cindy are... available, shall we?" With my phone still in hands-free mode from listening to messages, I stabbed the intercom button, and waited for a response.

"Hey Jack, what's up?" Andy asked, in a somewhat cautious tone, as he knew his 'plan' may or may not have had the intended effect.

"Listen, thanks for setting me up like that pal, I know I've been a little moody lately and, um..." I said, trying to explain.

He jumped in saying, "Just tell me if it helped."

So I answered while looking into Mel's eyes, "Boy, did it ever!"

Which seemed to be all he wanted to hear, replying, "Well great, you need to take it easy big guy, I literally wouldn't know what to do around here without you, so you're very welcome."

"Well, Mel and I don't have any classes until 9:30, so we've got some time to kill, do you have anything to party with over there?" I asked, as I already knew Mel's schedule was similar to my own, and that we shared the same first class on Mondays in accounting.

"I have a little left..." he began.

"Ok, no problem, I just scored with my buds on Saturday, I'll bring some with me, we'll be in, in a minute, ok?" I said quickly, then Andy replied, "Cool, we be waitin' bro!"

I shut off the phone and dug into the bottom of my backpack, retrieving a small bag filled with marijuana, "Malawi Gold darlin,'" I said, showing the bag to Mel and giving her my best evil smile. "I tried a little last night, its incredible!" I continued. 

Considering we had all just seen each other naked, I went ahead and walked into Andy's office without knocking. Cindy and Andy were on his huge 'L' shaped black leather couch, in a semi-clothed state, with Andy as usual, on Cindy's lap. Mel and I sat on the opposite end of the couch from them.

Earlier this month, I'd set up all the club's offices with dimmable lighting, something made easier with the basic electronics course I had last term. I know, I'm a nerd, and typical considering my background I suppose. Andy had dimmed the lights and turned on his black light, which made all of his posters on the walls luminess, giving a more relaxed mood to the room. Then the final piece, as usual, the music! After cranking up the turntable with an LP of the latest Heart tunes, I loaded up his bong and we each started taking hits, and passing it around.

"Oh... my... god!" Cindy managed to barely rasp out, "that's some wild shit, where'd you get it?"

I had to use a little care here, as the person I bought it from would probably kill me if I went around telling where I got it, so I just replied, "some guys from my old neighborhood, a motorcycle club called the pagans."

This got raised eyebrows, with Andy saying, "Be careful with those guys Jack, how do you know them?"

To which I tried to just get out of the conversation with, "Friend of a friend kinda thing, no big deal, anyway they just happened to have this Malawi Gold, so I scored it!"

After a few hits around the room, the mood had seriously mellowed. So I asked a fairly simple, at least I thought it a simple, question, "Andy, how come almost every time I walk in here, you're on Cindy's lap?"

Which got laughs and giggles from everyone, even Mel, which I hadn't expected. "Weeeelll..." Andy started to answer.

But then Cindy jumped in, "Because he's my bitch!" which got hilarious guffaws all around.

"Actually Jack," Andy continued, "Cindy and I, and I think Mel too, are bisexual."

This brought about a very perplexed face from me, so I asked, "Wait... bisex... isn't that like, when you have the sex organs of both genders?" now I'd brought about a serious laugh riot, but I was still totally confused, and eventually everyone calmed down when they realized that I wasn't joking.

"No, that's an hermaphrodite," Cindy declared, only slightly frustrated, "bisexual means we're attracted to both males and females."

"Sometimes it also means..." Andy then added, "that we switch roles a little bit. And Cindy kinda takes control in our love making." Everyone waited to see if this would sink in as I rolled the concept around in my clouded brain.

Finally I looked at Mel and quietly asked, "Are you bisexual?"

To which she shrugged and replied, "Yeah, I like girls too, just not as much as boys."

"Whoa, two girls, that's like every guys fantasy isn't it Andy, heh, heh!" I tried to say as sexily as I could, being as stoned as I was. Now Mel gave me a quick punch to the shoulder in fun, which brought about another round of laughter. But at this point Mel seemed to turn very serious.

"Jack?" she asked softly, "did you really not know what bisexual means?"

I thought as carefully as I could before replying, "I'm sorry darlin', ya see we never had any sex-ed classes in our school system, so I've ended up a bit ignorant of some sex topics. In fact, the only reason I know enough to use a condom is from real-life experience."

Her grin seemed to mean I could relax a little bit, but Mel was still wanting answers and then asked, "Hmm, ok... so what about you Jack, have you ever been attracted to men?"

Now I was very sure of this answer so I quickly replied, "Nope, no attraction to men, I love women," then I blurted out, "if anything I love 'em too much!"

This got some laughs, before Andy shot back, "What do you mean... too much?"

Now here, gentle reader, is where my life started to change, and as it turned out, no torture was necessary to drag this secret out of me. All that had been required was good sex, good company, and a small bong of very good weed, to make me lose all of my inhibitions and say, "Ha, ha! Well, sometimes I almost wish I could be one."

Oops.

At first I hoped they misunderstood, perhaps nobody even heard me. I kept my eyes down, concentrating on relighting the bong, but as I slowly brought them up, the full enormity of what I'd just said started to burn into me. All three of my friends, who had been engaged in happy banter only a few seconds before, were now inching up straighter in their seats, their eyes narrowing, even with their dilated pupils you could see the concentration in their faces.

So I tried to downplay it for all I was worth, I brought out my best poker face, and said, "Yeah, funny huh? ...Oofuh!" Mel's hand, which had been resting on my thigh, now quickly moved, slamming into my crotch. Andy had gotten up and rolled his desk chair over in front of me, and Cindy moved to sit on my right side, since Mel was on my left.

Again I tried to downplay by saying, "What... guys? Its just a little fantasy, you have fantasies too, right?" I was talking very fast, but whether it was from the weed, or the location of Mel's hand, I couldn't tell.

"Its ok Jack," Cindy said soothingly, "we would never tell anyone about your um, fantasy, would we?" she finished, then nodded at Mel and Andy.

Mel joined in saying, "Of course not!"

My poker face melted, as I said, "Huh... What do you mean?"

Mel then put her right hand down inside my pants and underwear, grabbing my cock in her smooth grasp, resulting in a loud groan from me. Cindy then slipped her left hand down that same path, but taking a firm grip on my family jewels.

The girls then started massaging my balls and stroking my cock, with Cindy saying, "As long as you answer all of our questions honestly, no one will have to know, and we'll make you feel really good, won't we?" to which Mel nodded pleasantly, then Cindy changed her easy tone with, "But if you lie to us..."

I suddenly felt a pinch in my privates, which brought pain and a few stars in front of my eyes, "Yeee-ow!" I screamed out.

To which they both giggled and Cindy went back to her easy tone, and gentle massage of my genitals, saying, "So now Jaaaa-ck, what have you been hiding from us, hmm?"

Bewildered by what was happening, I stuttered, "N-Nothing, really, it-its just a silly fantasy I have sometimes a-about... umm, about... Ouch! Being a woman, ok?"

Now finally, Andy seemed to have whatever he was looking for and nodded for my 'interrogators' to let me go, which Cindy did, but Mel continued to stroke me, then unzipped my fly and kneeled down in front of me.

Apparently unable to resist her urges, she said, "I think Jack desperately needs some relief at this point," then looking at Andy and Cindy said, "and me too, sorry kids, this won't take long!"

After pulling my very hard cock out of my jeans, little more was needed, and I exploded after only a few sucks from her lovely mouth. As I came, she pulled my cock out just enough so that the head was sitting on her bottom lip. I moaned as she took everything I gave her, swallowing every drop. Then I fell back into the couch, completely and utterly spent.

As I regained my composure, Mel climbed back up next to me on my left side, all the time keeping me in a tight embrace, and then kissed me deeply. I could taste the salty texture of my cum that was still in her mouth, which turned me on more than it grossed me out. Somehow I also felt good about Mel knowing my secret, I felt... protected, as if I always knew I would be able to count on her. But I could feel Cindy staring right through me, and I was scared beyond words that somehow she wanted to hurt me. I tried to give her a look that said 'if you ever touch me again, it won't be me that gets hurt', but I decided to stay quiet until I knew better what she had in mind.

But now it was Andy asking the questions, "Does anyone else know about these... um, fantasies Jack?"

To which I glumly answered, "No, I can't believe I've told you."

As he studied me, Andy continued, "All I want to do is help you bro, although it does bring up some interesting scenarios." After a quick glance at the two girls sitting next to me, he asked, "Have you ever tried to do anything about it, you know, tried to dress as a girl or anything?"

To which I blushed at least 3 or 4 shades of red, finally feeling the heat from my face and sweat dripping off my brow, I stuttered back, "W-well I've, I mean..." I sighed as I realized my 'secret' was out now, scanning each of the people around me, all I saw were intensely caring faces. I only had one option, I'd appeal to their mercy, show them all the suffering I've been through over this, and somehow, make them understand.

So I just started talking them through my life. I began back at my first day of first grade, and being told by my Mother I was perverted. Gradually I talked my way through to junior high with the taunting and fights. Then described puberty, where strange erotic dreams began clouding my thoughts. After making it to high school I recounted even more taunting and more fights, along with my double life of being the macho male 'car guy' only to be overwhelmed by the need to express my femininity, and finally, I brought them to my current level of distress trying to deal with my cross-dressing. As I was reciting all of my travails, I noticed Mel's hand never left mine and she held it even tighter as the full weight of my problem was revealed. When I was finished my story, the bong had gone out, as no one was using it, they had been in rapt attention. The record player had shut off, and it was literally so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

As I looked at Mel, my water filled eyes met hers, and when we both embraced even harder the tears fell from us both, mixing on our touching cheeks. I felt a hand on the back of my neck, softly stroking my hair, and I turned to see both Cindy and Andy in much the same manner of tearfulness. As Cindy continued to stroke my neck, she whispered, "I'm so sorry."

Andy had one arm around Cindy, but put his other hand gently on my leg and shook his head in empathy. We sat like that in total silence until suddenly an alarm on someone's watch erupted into a staccato of beeping.

"Oh crap! We gotta get to class," Cindy exclaimed. She was right, although her class was at 9:15, so Mel and I still had a few minutes. Cindy went flying around Andy's office while sniffing away her tears, grabbing pieces of clothing, and cursing while putting them on, sometimes even the right way. Then she gave Andy a quick kiss goodbye and disappeared.

"Geez, I'm glad I don't have morning classes on Mondays," Andy retorted, then after giving me another long look said, "Jack, I want you to talk with my father."

"Your dad?" I replied puzzled, "Why would you want me to do that?"

Andy began to explain his thoughts to me, "My dad's a psychiatrist, and he deals with these types of gender identity issues all the time. At least go to see him, it can't do any harm, and you might be surprised at what it could help you with"

I looked at Andy, then back to Mel and after she nodded to me, I said, "Alright Andy, maybe you could talk to him for me and, um... do you think he'd see me at your house, since I know where that is?"

Andy grinned and said, "His office is in our home, so I'm sure he'll see you there."

I smiled and said, "Thanks Andy, you've been a good friend, I'm glad we met."

He seemed a little embarrassed, even though replying, "No problemo!"

I tried to give him a quick hug, which turned into a long one as it seemed hard for him to want to release me, then finally I turned back and gave Mel a long kiss and said, "We better get to accounting darlin'," to which she groaned at the thought of a 2 hour accounting class, but we both started gathering up all of our stuff and left for class.



A Learning Experience Ch. 02



** Continuation of "A Learning Experience". If you have not read "A Learning Experience" yet I highly encourage it as this story continues right where the other one leaves off. It also includes references to the previous one. **

Katina was mad. How dare he come in her mouth and not give her the extra credit that she wanted! She sucked on his cock, let him watch her masturbate, and he had sucked and licked her pussy, but he still did not give her the much needed extra credit. She would make him pay, she was not sure how yet but she would figure something out by Wednesday, Katina vowed as she sat in her apartment all alone.

When Wednesday finally arrived Katina was ready for class. She was wearing a very short denim skirt and a red cami style mid-drift tank top with nothing underneath.

Getting to class early on Wednesday Katina choose to sit in the front row of the lecture hall, directly in front of Professor Jonathan's podium. Crossing her legs she started setting out a newly bought note book and a couple red pens like she had used to pleasure herself for Jonathan, she waited for class to start. Slowly the other students started filing in. One of the geeky boys complained to her about stealing his seat, Katina just glared at him until he left. She had plans and needed this desk to carry them through. When the class room was almost full Katina saw Jonathan walk in.

Jonathan saw Katina sitting in the front row with no laptop and wondered what she was up to now. Maybe she had realized that there was no way that she was going to get extra credit from him, and she had decided to actually pay attention in class, or she was pissed at him and had revenge on her mind. Waiting to the clock to reach 8:15 when class started he looked around the classroom seeing that Billy was glaring at Katina, must be because she stole the chair he sat in every day. Most of the class were talking amongst themselves or waiting patiently for class to start.

Katina listened to Jonathan drone on about logarithms and how to solve the problems she decided to put her plan in motion. Picking up one of the two red pens she started sucking on the end of it, moving it in and out of her mouth, while staring at Jonathan. When she noticed Jonathan watching her move the pen in her mouth she stopped and sat it back on the desk top. As Jonathan finished his daily lecture and told the class to try example problems five and seven, Katina put phase two into motion. 

As Jonathan moved to sit at the desk in to front of the room while the students worked on the example problems, Katina uncrossed her legs and purposely knocked the red pen off of the desk top to the floor before her. "Professor Johnson, could you pick that up for me?"

As Jonathan knelt down to pick up the red pen he noticed Katina spread her legs apart. Glancing up her skirt he noticed that she did not have any panties on. Putting the pen on her desk, "Her you go Miss."

"Thank you Professor," Katina smiled at Jonathan and winked at him.

Sitting a few rows and a couple seats to the right Billy did not miss the exchange between Katina and Professor Jonathan. He was not sure what was going on, but give him some time and he would figure it out.

Pretending not to be phased by Katina's blatant come on Jonathan walk around the desk and sat down. When he looked up at the class diligently working on the exercise problems he realized that Katina had not closed her legs yet and he could still see straight up her skirt. 

When the class period was over Katina calmly closed her legs and picked her paper and pen up. Walking up to Jonathan's desk, "Professor Johnson here is my home work for tomorrow as I will be to busy to get it done." Leaning closer to him she whispered, "I have someone to do." Turning and walking out of the room. Smiling as she left, heading over towards the professors office building.

Jonathan glanced down at the paper that Katina had placed on his desk:

10 min your office

Looking at the note he was a little surprised. Wondering what she was up to this time. Glancing at the clock he decided to make her wait, hell he might not even go to his office today. 

Billy walked up to the desk and handed the professor his paper. As Professor Johnson looked up to take the paper Billy noticed what the note from Katina said. Noticing Billy looking down on the desk Professor Johnson realized that he could see the note from Katina, quickly moving it from view. "Yes Billy, is there anything else?"

Billy just shook his head and left the class room. 

Seeing that he had to make up his mind immediately if he was going to go to Katina or not, Jonathan decided that he may as well, just going to his office doesn't mean that he has to do anything. Jonathan walked briskly across the quad to the office building, not realizing that he was being followed. As he neared his office Jonathan's foot falls slowed. Stopping about three feet to the right of the door Jonathan took a deep breath, glancing at his watch he saw that he still had 20 seconds before the ten minute time frame elapsed. Taking a step forward he slowly opened the door. Deciding to play it cool he asked, "Katina, what are you doing in my office?"

Katina chuckled at Jonathan, "I think you know exactly why I am here. We really do need to talk about my extra credit."

"I told you Katina there is no way . . . well maybe . . . no. There is no way to get extra credit." Jonathan said as he looked at the petit beautiful voluptuous young woman sitting in his leather desk chair. 

"You paused, what will it take? I have already sucked you. What if I promised to fuck you like you have never been fucked? I could fuck you hard, wild, soft, sweet, rough, or gentle, you could stick it anywhere that you wanted. I could make this a day that you would never forget." Katina said as she picked up a red pen off of Jonathan's desk and licked up it.

Jonathan stared at Katina as she licked the very same pen she had masturbated with two days earlier. He knew it was the same pen because it still had a white ring around the top from her come. Jonathan felt himself start to harden watching Katina. "What makes you think that I wanna be fucked by you?"

"Well, that nice bulge for one thing and the interest in your eyes when I said you could stick your cock anywhere you wanted for another." Katina was running the pen along deep neckline of her tank top. "A third reason that I really know that you wanna fuck me is that you are here, when only a complete fool would have missed all the signs that I threw at you today."

"And what signs would those have been?" Jonathan asked trying to feign confusion, failing miserably. Moving a little farther in to the office Jonathan approached his desk. 

Katina seeing that Jonathan was going to take her up on her offer smiled and slide the chair back so that it hit the wall about three feet behind her. 

Jonathan stopped moving as Katina slid the chair back. She had removed her skirt already and was only wearing a barley there tank top. This woman was so beautiful, Jonathan thought as he once again started to move forward. 

As Jonathan got up beside his chair Katina reached out and rubbed a hand over his hardened cock. She legs were spread wide apart.

Looking between Katina's spread legs Jonathan could see a white glob on his leather chair. "Looks like someone was busy." Jonathan leaded forward and ran a finger threw the female come on his chair. Tracing his finger up her thigh then back down, repeating the same process on the other leg. Then once again running his finger through the come he held finger up for Katina to suck her own juices off of. 

Katina smiled then proceeded to suck her come off of Jonathan's finger. Even after the come was gone she continued to suck. Rolling her tongue around his fingers and, moving her head up and down like she was sucking his cock. Letting his finger fall from her mouth, Katina softly whispered, "I want your cock inside of me."

Jonathan stared at Katina for a moment. "You know that fucking me is not going to get you any extra credit."

"I know I just want your cock," Katina said as she started to undo Jonathan's pants. Sliding her hand inside his pants Katina found his cock hard and ready for her. "Looks like he wants to be inside me too."

Jonathan just watched Katina for a few moments, seeing her fondling him. Knowing that he could not last much longer with this beautiful girl rubbing and squeezing his cock he stepped back. Pushing his pants to his ankles he told Katina to lean over his desk with her ass facing him. 

Katina almost jumped from the chair in her haste to do as her professor requested. Standing, bent over his desk, Katina looked back over her shoulder smiling at her professor who was rubbing her ass softly.

What neither of the occupants of the office knew was that Jonathan had not shut the door all of the way. Billy was standing in the door way seeing his professor aiming his cock at the ass of Katina. 

Jonathan rubbed the head of his cock around the rim of Katina's puckered ass. Hearing Katina moan softly against his paperwork he knew that he would get into that ass eventually, but first he wanted to feel her pussy tight and hot against his cock. Slowly lowering his cock, Jonathan slid it into Katina's wet pussy. Moaning at the warm wetness, that was Katina's pussy. Jonathan started by slowly moving his cock in and out of her pussy. 

Katina was amazed by the sensational feeling that Jonathan's cock made her feel. It had been much to long since she had last fucked a guy, and a vibrator or a pen was nothing in comparison to a cock. As Katina was leaning against his desk moaning she felt Jonathan move a little grasping her around the waist with one hand and sliding his over down to her pussy.

Jonathan listened to Katina scream out in pleasure as he started to rub her clit as he fucked her hard against the desk. Jonathan started moaning as Katina's pussy started to clench around his cock as she came. 

"Oh yes, fuck yes!" Katina screamed as she came against Jonathan's cock. Falling against the desk Katina kept moaning occasionally as she gasped for breath.

The feeling of Katina's pussy squeezing and releasing his cock caused Jonathan to follow her to orgasm. Grunting a few times as his hot cum filled her pulsing pussy. Slowly withdrawing from her pussy Jonathan moved and sat in his chair staring at the beautiful girl collapsed against his desk, legs still spread apart.

After a few minutes Katina turned and faced Jonathan, "So about that extra credit?"

"I told you that you are not going to get any extra credit from me. Fucking me does not change the circumstances; I will not set a precedence."

After Jonathan finished speaking Katina calmly walked over to the bookshelf directly across from the desk. Moving a couple books that she had moved to odd angles Katina brought down a video camera that she had left on the shelf. Turning it off she smiled as she turned back to Jonathan. "I think that you will be giving me that extra credit after all."

"Bitch," Jonathan growled. "That changes nothing!"

"You are a new teacher, and I am a sweet innocent impressionable student, which you were taking advantage of. I am sure the Chancellor would love to see this tape! I am gonna get that extra credit!"

"You are a fucking BITCH!"

"I really did like fucking you, we can continue this if you would like. I can come here after every class, and you can fuck my ass, face, and pussy all you want. But that will have to be another day. I need to leave now." Bending down Katina picked up her skirt and put it back on and straitened the rest of her clothing. Blowing Jonathan a kiss as she went out of the door,

As she left the office building Katina felt someone grab her arm, "Hey let me go!" she yelled.

"Shut up whore," a familiar voice whispered in her ear.

Turning Katina saw that it was Billy that was leading her to the side of the building.

"Okay whore, this is how this is gonna work. I am gonna do the talking then you get to respond with yes or no. I saw you fucking Professor Johnson. I heard that you are willing to blackmail him to get extra credit. Well, I am not above some blackmail of my own. You will come to this address," handing Katina a small slip of paper, "tonight and there I shall fuck you until you cannot see straight, then when I am done you will let the other guests at my house have their ways with you as well."

Katina just nodded knowing that she needed the extra credit and figuring that fucking two guys probably would not be that overly bad, she would be incredibly sore in the morning, but at least she was getting cock. Besides, a nerd like Billy probably would come just from sheathing his cock inside a pussy. 

**More to come if so requested, Billy and Katina's story would be next. Just let me know if you would like to know what happens with Billy and Katina.** 



A Learning Experience Ch. 02



It had been a few months since that night that Sandy and Mary Rose had picked my brain and pleasured my body in their common quests to become more skilled in the sexual arena. I won't say I walked away that night without increased knowledge myself; it would have been a wasted opportunity not to learn as much as I could about pleasing the fairer sex. During those ensuing months, I'd spent some one-on-one time with each of them as we refined our techniques, but we hadn't had another group encounter. I wasn't disappointed because I fully expected that it was just a matter of time.

When Sandy suggested that I swing by her house one Friday night because her parents were out of town, it didn't even cross my mind that Mary Rose might be there, too. She'd told me to park in the driveway, so I saw right away that she was in the pool with someone else and, before I was even out of the car, I realized that it was Mary Rose. I had a big smile on my face as I entered the pool area and sat down on the concrete edge, dangling my feet in the water. They both swam over and threatened to pull me in as my eyes goggled at Sandy's luscious breasts in a revealing bikini top. Mary Rose was wearing a one-piece but I could see her hard nipples pressing out against the fabric. I begged them to hold up long enough to get my wallet and cell phone out and tossed aside. As soon as my pockets were empty and I'd shed my t-shirt, they yanked me in.

While I was underwater, I went ahead and just took my shorts completely off, leaving me in my tighty-whiteys. When I broke the surface and casually lay out my shorts on the edge of the pool to dry, I immediately felt hands on the front of my briefs. There was no chance that I'd be suffering from shrinkage during this swim as both Sandy and Mary Rose were groping my cock and my ass. I turned to face them and had time only to kiss each of them once before I felt my briefs sliding away and one hand stroking my rigid cock while another cupped my balls. I backed up against the side of the pool, then lifted myself up to sit on the edge, my cock aiming at the sky. Sandy lowered her mouth over it first, bobbing her head up and down a few times before allowing Mary Rose a turn. The contrast of their hot mouths on my cock compared to the coolness of the rest of my wet body was incredibly arousing. It was clear in their techniques that they had taken our lessons together to heart; they were both outstanding cocksuckers.

I leaned back on my elbows and watched as they alternated sliding their hot mouths up and down my shaft while Sandy continued to pump the base and Mary Rose gently fondled my balls. Occasionally, one of them would run her tongue over my balls, causing me to moan softly, or they would both run their tongues up either side of my shaft, coming about as close to kissing as possible without actually doing it. The night was very young, so I didn't feel the need to hold out or hold off on cumming in order to do something else first; I just sat there enjoying their alternating mouths to the fullest as my orgasm continued to build. It was Mary Rose who enjoyed the first blast of cum from my tool, but she was generous and quickly passed me off to Sandy, who milked out the last few shots before letting my shrinking member fall from her mouth.

I told them that they were both incredibly talented and asked who I would get to go down on first. Sandy's reply was that it was her house and her pool, so she was going to have to play that card. Mary Rose wasn't too disappointed because she knew she'd have her opportunity soon after. I hopped back into the pool and reached behind Sandy to unfasten the top of her bikini. I peeled it away from her sumptuous breasts, revealing not only her tanlines, but her large areolas as well. I lowered my head to lick and suck her nipples as I also started sliding her bikini bottoms over her ass and down her thighs. I paused long enough to boost her onto the edge of the pool, smiling widely again as I saw how she'd trimmed her bush for that bikini, then continued working the bottom over her legs and off. Tossing it aside, I lowered my head between her thighs as she spread them apart.

As I leaned in, I took in the lighter shade of the skin around her pussy and narrow, trim strip of brown fur just above it before my tongue was running up her juicy slit. Initially, the taste was of chlorine from the pool, but her musky flavor soon came through as I lapped up her secretions before focusing my tongue on her clit. I felt Mary Rose behind me, running her hands all over my naked body under the water while I slipped a finger into Sandy's snug pussy and she moaned softly. I looked up as I licked and sucked Sandy's clit, over the curvy landscape of her body, her tan belly and the white mounds of her breasts, feeling my cock already trying to revive. Mary Rose's actions weren't hurting either, especially when she ducked under the water and wrapped her mouth around my tool for a few seconds before coming up again, gasping for air.

The longer I licked and sucked Sandy's clit, the more she was writhing around and moaning softly. I could feel her pussy becoming more engorged while I lapped up the juices that were flowing around my pumping finger; there was no question that she was building to an imminent climax. Her eyes were closed and her lips pursed as her breath came in short gasps, which were becoming shorter and closer together. When she grabbed my head in both of her hands, I knew she was right on the brink and just focused my efforts on pushing her over. I felt a fresh flood of lubrication around my finger at about the same time she started to tremble and I knew from experience that her orgasm was washing over her.

Her moans were a bit louder as she came, though not loud enough to attract the attention of any neighbors. Mary Rose was still nearby, fondling my cock and balls, so that when I raised my head from between Sandy's thighs, she pulled me toward her and immediately kissed me, tasting Sandy on my lips. I felt a little bit more blood surge to my growing cock as I contemplated whether there was anything going on between the two of them. Sandy gradually sat up and slid back into the pool while Mary Rose and I made out and I started working the top of her swimsuit off of her shoulders. Sandy was soon behind Mary Rose, helping me work her swimsuit off and, when her hard nipples came into view, I lowered my head to lick and suck them. Once her swimsuit was just below her ass, I lifted her up onto the edge of the pool, just as I had Sandy. When I discarded her swimsuit, I discovered that her black bush was also trimmed to a narrow strip above her pussy while her lips were shaved smooth. I felt even more blood flowing to my cock, and not just because Sandy was stroking it in her fist.

I lowered my head and licked up her slit and up the smooth skin on either side of it, again tasting chlorine first before her pungency of her nectar took over. Because a few months had passed since the last time I'd tasted the two of them so close together, I had forgotten how much their respective flavors differed. Mary Rose, having had more time to get worked up while I concentrated on Sandy, was overflowing with juices and practically cried out when my tongue finally focused on her clit. I slipped a finger into her juicy pussy and slowly pumped it while licking and sucking her clit. While I devoured her pussy, Sandy did much as Mary Rose had been doing previously, running her hands over my chest and ass while encouraging the further growth of my tool.

Based on her reactions, I wasn't expecting it to take very long for Mary Rose to cum so I was enjoying the opportunity to eat her while I had it. She was running her fingers through my hair, which had dried considerably, and humping her pussy toward my face when Sandy asked if I had a condom. When I raised my head to tell her that there was one in my wallet, Mary Rose raised her head and opened her eyes to see why I had stopped licking her. Sandy reassured her that we were just doing a quick reposition and had Mary Rose get up and move around to the steps while I got the condom from my wallet. Sandy led me to the steps and had me step up until my rigid cock was above the water level. She took the condom and rolled it down my tool, then had me sit on the second step down and lean back. She directed Mary Rose to straddle my face and I watched her trim black bush as it approached while I felt Sandy holding my latex-encased cock.

I took an ass cheek in each hand as I started licking Mary Rose's pussy again while Sandy positioned herself over my cock and lowered herself onto it. Sandy and I both moaned as she sat on my lap, my tool fully embedded in her snug, hot pussy. As she began to slowly ride me, I slipped a finger into Mary Rose and went back to licking and sucking her clit. I was relishing the pungent taste of Mary Rose's pussy as well as the grip of Sandy's pussy as it slid up and down my cock. It didn't take long before Mary Rose was right on the brink of cumming again. She was supporting herself with one hand on the edge of the pool while the other held my head tightly against her pussy as she humped it against my face.

Sandy's slow movements were causing small waves to lap against me and the edges of the pool nearby. Above me, I could hear Mary Rose whimpering and gasping as she approached an orgasm. Her pussy was flooded with fluid around my finger, a sure sign that she was right on the verge of cumming. Just moments later, I could feel the tremors as she let out a low, guttural sound, her orgasm overtaking her. I only stopped licking her pussy when she straightened up, moving it too far away from me. She sat on the edge of the pool beside me as she caught her breath, the color high in her face. Meanwhile, Sandy was sitting on my lap, riding my cock with her back to me. I pulled her back toward me and cupped her luscious breasts, running my thumbs lightly over her hard nipples.

While enjoying Sandy's pussy, I was contemplating whether Sandy and Mary Rose had ever experimented together when it occurred to me that Sandy's best friend through high school, Therese, had ended up batting for the other team after we'd all graduated from college. I whispered a question into Sandy's ear as to whether she and Therese had ever experimented together as I slid a hand down over her abdomen to lightly stroke her clit. She softly moaned an affirmative so I followed up by asking about Mary Rose but Sandy's response to that was a negative. My stimulation of her clit seemed to be bringing her second orgasm on a bit quicker as I felt her pussy getting unbelievable wetter and hotter. I wondered if maybe I had also started her thinking about eating Mary Rose's pussy or reminiscing about eating Therese's. Either way, she began to shudder as she came again, pausing with my cock fully embedded into her.

Once she'd ridden out her orgasm, I thought Sandy might start riding me again, but instead she stood up, my cock slipping out of her. She turned to Mary Rose, who appeared to be fully recovered by then, and let her know that it was her turn. I'd stood myself right after Sandy, so I turned Mary Rose around and started rubbing my throbbing cock between her thighs just below her ass as she leaned forward. With her standing on the step above me, I was able to easily guide my cock into her incredibly slick, snug pussy, sliding in completely as I grasped her by the hips. While I was starting to slowly slide my cock in and out of her, I felt a nudge from below as Sandy was working her way between my legs. Once she'd settled on a step below us, I felt her tongue caress my balls then trail along my shaft a few times as I slid out of Mary Rose before I presumed by the gasp of pleasure from Mary Rose that Sandy put it to work on Mary Rose's clit.

So as darkness was falling on us and the lights below the surface of the pool started to illuminate us, I held Mary Rose by the hips and slid my cock in and out of her, my hips tapping against her taut ass. I don't know if Sandy was getting any stimulation, which seemed like a crime, but she certainly was providing it to Mary Rose, who seemed to be having trouble controlling the volume of her response. As her pussy continued to become even more engorged around my pumping tool, she was pushing back harder against me so that I was embedded as deeply into her as possible with each thrust. The sloshing sounds from her juicy pussy were about as loud as the sloshing of the waves against the sides of the pool as she approached her second orgasm of the night. When she slammed herself back against my thrusting tool and let out another of her low, guttural noises, it was clear that she was cumming again.

Once she felt satiated, Mary Rose moved away from me, my cock popping free, then straightened up and stretched. I felt Sandy move out from under me and so I guided her to the edge of the pool where she sat as I guided my cock into her once again. She lay back as I raised her legs and propped them against my shoulders while sliding my cock in and out of her snug pussy. Mary Rose must have appreciated Sandy's attention because it wasn't long after Sandy had lay back that Mary Rose was kneeling over her head. My cock throbbed as this time I was able to witness Sandy's tongue lapping at the smooth skin around Mary Rose's pussy. Since she was facing me, I reached out to stimulate Mary Rose's nipples while fucking Sandy and Mary Rose soon reached down to fondle Sandy's big tits.

I didn't think I could possibly be any more aroused as I watched Sandy's tongue work on Mary Rose's pussy and Mary Rose's hands on Sandy's tits; my cock was a steel rod sliding in and out of Sandy's sweet pussy. I reached out and took one of Mary Rose's hands from Sandy's tit and guided it to Sandy's pussy where she put her fingertips to work stimulating Sandy's clit. I reached around to fondle Sandy's free tit myself, knowing that I was just moments away from finally cumming. I was pumping my cock harder and faster, my orgasm continuing to build to an intense level. Now I was the one breathing hard and, if I hadn't been standing in a swimming pool with the stars twinkling overhead, I'd probably have been sweating profusely as well.

Finally, with an explosion of relief and a rush of pleasure like I had not experienced in a long time, I started spewing into the reservoir tip of the condom I was wearing, my cock spasming within the depths of Sandy's pussy. I continued thrusting until I was completely spent, then slowly pulled out and slipped off the condom, dropping it onto the ground beside the pool as I sat on the edge to catch my breath. As soon as I had moved, Mary Rose's head dropped down and she began licking Sandy's pussy in a glorious sixty-nine while I could do nothing more than smile and watch. Mary Rose raised her head briefly when Sandy finally brought her to an orgasm, then lowered her head again to return the favor. Once they'd both cum, Mary Rose moved off of Sandy and came to sit on the edge of the pool. Sandy got up and walked over to the side door of the garage, went inside and returned with three cold beers.

We sat on the edge of the pool talking for a while as we drank our beers then did a little bit more skinny dipping before Mary Rose announced that she needed to leave. I was a little bit disappointed, thinking there might be some more three-way action, but I wasn't surprised because, like Sandy and me, she still lived with her parents. Unlike Sandy and me, however, Mary Rose's dad still kept a tight rein, which I assumed was also why she was covering her tight body with a one-piece bathing suit. As we watched Mary Rose getting dressed, Sandy asked if I was planning to stick around and I assured her I was. Once Mary Rose had driven out of the driveway, we collected our stuff, tossed the empty beer bottles into the recycling and buried the condom deep in the trash can, then headed toward the house. Sandy put all of our wet things into the dryer, then led the way up the stairs to her bedroom. I followed with my eyes locked on the bright white of her ass surrounded by the tan skin of her legs and lower back, my cock already nearly fully erect.



A Learning Experience Ch. 02



This is chapter 2, Kinda short and sweet, we have a couple more things about our characters to learn, have a nice flight... and don't worry, chapter 3's coming right behind this and its where an awful lot starts happening to Jack... Cheers! -- Joscelyn

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I had absolutely sworn to myself that I would never reveal that I had the feeling I should have been born a female for as long as I could remember and that even if subjected to torture, I would never tell this secret to a living soul. Well, as it turned out, one small bong of marijuana was all that was needed for me to blab my secret to three of my college friends, including what was now probably my ex-girlfriend. Mel (or Melissa) had continued to be just as close as always, but I knew it would only be a matter of time. I mean, what girl would want to be involved with a cross-dressing guy that just admitted he'd really rather be a woman?

And so it was with extreme anxiety that a few days later on a rainy Friday, just before noon, I walked into the Music Club's offices. I was really hoping to find Mel, but it turned out that she wasn't there, so I then went looking for Andy in his office. I knew that's probably where he'd be, in fact, he rarely went to classes, but somehow he never seemed to get in any trouble for it. Usually he was hanging out in his office, either talking to new groupies (club members) or getting stoned, or else having sex. More often than not it was all of the above. I had spent a long morning going through contract negotiations to finish up all the details in getting David Bowie to perform at our college for the first time.

"Hey Bro!" I said as I poked my head around the open doorway of Andy's office.

"Jack! There he is, the man of the hour!" Andy yelled loud enough to be heard all over the building. He was sitting at his desk and had been reading something.

"Umm, were you able to talk with your dad, and set things up for me?" I asked quietly, so he might lower his voice a little.

"Ok, you heard him... pay up!" he said to someone I didn't see, so I went ahead and walked into the office, and saw his girlfriend Cindy sitting over on the couch.

"Shit! That's incredible, if I hadn't been here and heard her say it, I wouldn't believe it!" Cindy cried out, then reached down for her purse.

"Oh... Hey there Cindy, sorry, didn't see you. Umm... what are you guys talking about?" I tried to ask, even though I knew that whatever it was would probably just embarrass me for their amusement. Especially seeing the huge grin on Andy's face!

"Well Jack, we had a little bet, I bet Cindy that even after your whole morning of contract negotiation, with one of the country's top concert promoters," Andy began, "and then finding a problem with his contract that made him shave 25 grand off of it for you, that the first words out of your mouth to me, would be about seeing my dad!"

"Oh yeah, well we did get Bowie for the cheapest he's played anywhere on the east coast," I stated matter-of-factly, then added, "That should certainly please our advisor." It was just then that it hit me, Cindy had referred to me as 'her'! But I was tired, and I wasn't sure if perhaps I had just imagined it, and decided to let it drop.

"I would hope so!" Cindy exclaimed, as she finished writing something on a slip of paper she had gotten from her purse. She then folded the paper up and threw it over to Andy at his desk.

After unfolding and reading the note, he said, "Yee-ow, thanks baby, I'll look forward to that!" I was going to ask Andy what it was, but decided better of it.

"So... what about your dad?" I tried asking again.

"No problemo, dude!" Andy replied in his usual glib response, "Its all set up, you'll be hangin' with us for the weekend, we'll play a few arcade games, watch some TV and listen to some tunes. Then, in the afternoons, my dad will want you to stop by his office and he'll have you take a few tests, talk with you for a while, and give you some things to read for later. Then you can go home Sunday night and he'll call you later on in the week with the results and his recommendations... Sound good?"

I gulped at the sound of 'tests', and almost squeaked saying, "T-This weekend?"

"Sure, that's what we talked about, wasn't it?" he asked rather puzzled.

I sighed, realizing I'd committed to this, and had to follow through, "Yeah, I guess so, I'll have to let my folks know... and get some stuff for overnight from home"

"Ok, why don't you split now and take care of that, and when you get back, we'll head for my place?" he suggested.

"Yeah, sounds like a plan." I replied, and then added, "Have you seen Mel at all today?"

"Sure, she was here all morning," Cindy said quickly, "at least, long enough to hear about your 'Bowie miracle'! Ha, ha... Then she left on some errand or other."

"Oh. Ok, thanks. If you see her, can you tell her that I'll call her tonight?" I asked.

Both Cindy and Andy answered almost in unison, "Sure!" which got me laughing and the fact that she had been here this morning helped me feel a little better, but I was still worried that she was upset with me. Maybe she was so upset that she had decided to drop out of the Music Club. Wasn't it her Friday afternoon class that she said her old boyfriend was in? My mind was flying off in tangents that always led back to one place, Mel dropping me because I'd admitted my cross-dressing to her.

"Alright, I have to file all this contract paperwork and stuff, then I'll be going home, I'll call you when I'm heading back here for ya, ok?" I proposed.

Andy's brow arched as he thought about that, and said, "You should just lock it up in Mel's desk out front, she'll take care of it when she gets back. That's her job now after all, plus she's been working hard getting those files to make sense."

Completely surprised by this, I said, "Wow, I didn't know she had been able to devote that much time already, that's great... ok, I'll do that. See you later Andy, and um, bye Cindy, have a great weekend!"

Both Andy and Cindy giggled for some reason, then Cindy said, "Oh, I'm sure we will, but thanks hun, you're so very sweet! Buh-bye now!"

I left them and went to my office to get ready to go. So maybe Mel wasn't leaving me after all... well, I'd have to hope for the best. Putting all of my junk back where it needed to be, then grabbing the contract in one hand and my backpack in the other, I shut off the light and locked the door. Walking over to Mel's desk in the front office, I unlocked the drawers and put the contract on top, along with a quick note on a yellow post-it that I attached to the corner, that said, "Pls file for me when u can darlin", and then I'd added a little heart at the bottom. So very much had been happening to me lately, emphasis on 'to me'. I was beginning to think I might actually be in love with Mel, but was it really love, or something caused by all of the other emotions that I now had running through me?

I shook my head as I began walking out of the Music Club offices, to see if it would clear my brain a little bit. I could hear Andy still laughing and talking in his office and I again remembered Cindy's voice as she was telling me I was so 'very' sweet.

Cindy's commanding tone and sexy emphasis on the phrase 'very sweet' gave me an uncomfortable feeling that left me with a dry throat, and a twitch in my cock as it became semi-hard. It triggered a sexual fantasy that I've rarely even admitted to myself, much less anyone else. It went far beyond simple cross-dressing. I had to quickly shut it out of my mind. It was, very much, my dark side, my alter ego, and it was a side I couldn't ignore, yet was so ugly I despised myself whenever I submitted to the pleasures it provided. It came and went in a lightning flash, really nothing like the crashing wave type feelings I would have around cross-dressing. 

And yet this brought such extreme sexual release, that I couldn't resist its temptation for long before I would slowly, surely, start seeing the fantasies chasing through my dreams again, over and over until I would have to bow to its powerful pull on my libido. I would see myself wrapped in beautiful white cord, straining all my muscles in order to rip myself free from its hold. At this point in my life, I wasn't sure exactly what it was all about, but I had seen it in porn magazines, only bits and pieces really, that I could just barely place, but it was apparently all part of a fetish called 'bondage'.

For me, there was something completely erotic about being 'en femme' and also being tied up. For that matter, just seeing someone else, another female tied up, was usually enough to push me over the edge. Sometimes just the thought of tying a female up would trigger an orgasm. For some reason it was just that one specific act that would do this, usually with ropes or cord. I was never interested in anything else, in fact during most S&M videos, the use of whips or other 'toys', would turn me off, it was only the act of putting, or being put, in bondage that I found arousing.

The biggest difference between the sexual release I would get from cross-dressing and bondage, was that after I'd use bondage to achieve an orgasm, I would feel disgusted with myself for 'giving in' to the fetish, and felt terrible about myself for some time, until I would get horny enough to want it again. The fact that I had a fetish that could cause me to lose control like that made me uncomfortable with myself, almost as if there was a part of me that I shouldn't trust, because the cost of this pleasure just might be too high. Various situations would trigger this response, and I wasn't sure how Cindy's simple sexy phrase made this fantasy explode into my psyche, it must have something to do with her personality, but I couldn't sort it out right this second, I had to get home.

The rain was changing over to snow showers making the roads a clogged mess, but somehow I managed to get home just in time to meet my dad, who had also decided to come home from work for lunch, which was nice as we hadn't seen each other much lately. I was the youngest in the family, and my dad was in his late fifties now. We had a lot in common of course, but it seemed like we were never able to really talk to each other about... well, about much of anything. As bigoted as they came, he made Archie Bunker look liberal! So I knew better than to mention anything about my gender 'issues' to him, as it would be the surest way of being called awful names by my own father.

So, as usual, we just talked about the weather, our cars, my classes that day at school, my friend Andy, and then finally I got to the part where I let him know that I'd been asked to stay at his house over the weekend. I explained that since he lived so far away, it was hard to spend any time there unless I stayed overnight. And I also told him that Andy's father was a doctor and lived in a huge house on the Main Line, so it wouldn't be a problem for them to let me stay. That seemed to make it all right with dad, he just said to be sure to leave a number where I could be found if they needed me.

You might expect him to warn me about driving in such snowy weather, but he was the one that taught me to drive, he had also watched me race on the weekends at local dirt tracks and SCCA racing at Pocono raceway. If anyone respected my driving ability, it was going to be my dad. But it was just another of those funny little things he did, he would never tell me how much he thought of my abilities, he'd tell my mom, and then when he was out of earshot, she would tell me everything he'd said! Better than saying nothing, I guess, but jeez... they could get me crazy sometimes.

So I ran up to my room and packed a small bag with a couple shirts, underwear, a toothbrush, shaver, etc. Then I dumped my books out of my backpack and just put back the couple I needed for homework assignments, and the rest of my Malawi weed. Finally, I called Andy to alert him I was on my way, and then drove back to school. Like so much of the north-eastern US's weather, with storms that would come and go like unwelcome guests, by the time I was on the road, the snow had gone and the afternoon sun was hitting the wet roadway with a reflection so bright that it required sunglasses.

When I got back to the Music Club offices, I was very concerned because the front office looked dark and deserted. As I opened the door, I saw someone standing behind the front desk, but couldn't make them out. The light switch was on the opposite wall, so I called out for whoever it was to identify themselves, and when they didn't answer, started thinking maybe it would be best to go get security.

At that instant the lights snapped on and Andy, Cindy and Mel all yelled, "Surprise!"

Mel tossed some paper confetti onto the figure behind the desk. It turned out to be a full size cutout figure of David Bowie, done up as 'ziggy stardust'. Then she ran up and jumped into my arms, and after a long kiss, she said, "Congratulations sweetie! As soon as I heard, I went out and bought it for ya. You can keep it in your office if you want!"

"Oh no, I wanna put him behind my desk, so I can fool people that come looking for me, ha, ha!" Andy declared.

"Well, I'm speechless..." I said, then tried to continue, "This is... you guys are the best, really. Thanks." then I looked at Mel and said, "And thank you darlin', thank you for the Bowie, but mostly... well, mostly just thanks for understanding."

Which restarted our previous lip-locking session, generating catcalls and wolf-whistles from the 'gallery', in this case Andy and Cindy. Finally Cindy finished with the obvious, "Why don't you two get a room?"

"Ok, ok... c'mon you two, we're burnin' daylight here!" Andy yelled.

"Huh? What are we doing now Bro?" I asked.

"Its celebration time, and we're gonna get you into the Mile High Club." Andy added.

"Never heard of that club, is that a new one on campus?" I asked.

"Not really. It's been around almost as long as human's have been flying!" Andy said.

Finally it hit me, that crazy grin on Andy's face meant that he would take us flying in his dad's Cessna twin-engine airplane, and then we'd have sex one mile in the sky!

"You're kidding!" I exclaimed, "Is there enough room in that plane to... well, to do that?"

"Sure, its cabin has a huge back seat, drop down the luggage divider and it's almost a bed!" Andy replied.

At this point the girls were staring at us as if we'd both just grown second heads, neither of them had known us when Andy and I would go flying for a couple hours, once or twice a week, last fall. Usually this meant buzzing the campus while scaring as many students, faculty, and farm animals as possible.

"Alright kids, here's what's up," Andy now began explaining himself to the girls, "we're gonna go flying for a couple hours... have a little party in the air, well everyone but me, the pilot of course. So... you girls wanna go flying?"

It still took a minute or so for it to sink in, but the smiles began getting wider, then...

"You... have a plane?" Cindy finally exclaimed, ending in a giggle.

"Of course!" Replied Andy, then looking over at me, we both said in unison, "We're sure not gonna get very far flappin' our arms!"

Once the laughter died down (ok, it was actually more like groans), we got everyone organized and out the door, it was almost 3pm, so while we would have to hurry, we could presumably get a couple hours of 'flying' in. Andy had called the small local airport's tower earlier that afternoon and requested weather information, the snow squalls were dissipating and the forecast was for partly cloudy and clearing. Then he called the ground crew that worked on his dad's plane, and asked them to top off the fuel tanks, then remove the plane's cover and tie-downs, get it ready for take-off.

On our way, Andy insisted we stop off to get a cooler, ice, water, juice, and, of course, champagne! Fortunately the airport wasn't far from school, so once we got there, Andy and I pooled our cash for fuel and filing a flight plan. We then hastily ran through the pre-flight check. Andy had already taught me most of the basics, and I'd even landed once, so I felt pretty comfortable in the little Cessna. Our two passengers on the other hand were starting to have second thoughts.

"Are you guys sure you know how to fly this thing?" Cindy whined.

Andy was still getting the instruments set up, so I said, "Me? Well, not so much, but trust me on this, Andy's a very good pilot, he's been flying since he was 12." Then looking back at Andy, I quipped, "It's been a good 3 weeks since then, right Andy?"

Once all the pre-flight was complete and the engines were both running good, I looked back at Cindy and said, "Cindy? Why don't we switch now, I'll come back there, then you can sit up front with Andy, ok?"

Cindy only nodded at this point, both girls had very uncertain looks on their faces, as if any minute they might abandon ship! I crawled back between the pilot and co-pilot seats, and helped Cindy make the transition up to the co-pilot seat.

I then helped get the girl's seatbelts hooked together right, as Andy began to taxi over to take-off. I took hold of Mel's hand and it seemed to make her feel better, then I gave her a little kiss just to keep that vibe going. When I realized Andy was going to need both hands to take off, I reached up and grabbed hold of Cindy's hand too. She smiled back at me and just then Andy put the throttles to maximum, and within a few seconds we were in the air and headed for the clouds.

There's really nothing like flying, soon we could see a flock of geese headed back north as Andy pitched between cloudbanks, trying to avoid turbulence. Once we reached about ten thousand feet, Andy could engage the autopilot and I could then turn over Cindy's hand to him. He pulled her over and gave her a long kiss as well. I used this as a good excuse to give the same attention to Mel. As I came away from our kiss and looked out the window, I asked, "Isn't it beautiful up here darlin'?"

"Oh yeah, absolutely beautiful sweetie!" she answered. But I couldn't help noticing the way she said it was very sexy. Which made me sort of cock my head to one side and I realized that her eyes were only on me as she said it. Her hands were already exploring inside my shirt, and I knew I better get the luggage divider down... now!

Once I found the lever, the center section of the large padded back seat folded flat, then I laid out a couple blankets out to make it softer for Mel. I then laid down myself, with my legs towards the tail, and my head towards the nose of the plane. Mel got the idea and lay down next to me as we began ripping each other's clothes off.

"So sweetie?" Mel asked, "Have you ever had sex while flying before?"

"Nope. Usually, with my bong," I answered, "I'm flying while having sex! I guess we'll have to wait and see which way's better!"

This got a good giggle from Mel, but I soon realized why she was so focused on having sex, it kept her from thinking about being a mile up in the air in a tiny two engined aircraft, with a couple of college-aged goof-offs... and no parachute!

Mel soon had my shoes, socks, pants, and underpants off and I finished myself by pulling off my shirt, and then went to work on Mel. I had to help get her white knit pullover off, revealing a pink floral bustier. Then I pulled her jeans off which gave way to matching pink fishnet stockings and pink thong panties. It was as close to a wet dream come true as I'll probably get in this life, and my eyes simply glazed over as my cock, even after reaching its maximum, kept twitching, trying to get itself even longer if it possibly could.

Those beautiful hands with the French manicure, reached down and began stroking both my cock and balls, forcing a long moan from deep within me, but as I went to lean over to kiss her, she was already scooting down to line up her gorgeous mouth with my genitals. Now she began concentrating on the bell end of my circumcised cock, bathing it liberally, before starting to lick it exactly like an ice cream cone.




A Learning Experience Ch. 02



I could see Cindy's body leaning way over towards the pilot's seat and I could pretty much guess what was happening up front. With Andy's head leaning back and moaning as loud as I was, there could be little doubt who was doing what to whom.

My hands massaged Mel's head, as it bobbed up and down bringing me closer to blowing my load. I tried to think of toasters, washing machines, anything else, but it was no use, her mouth was just too magnificent.

"I gonna cum babe!" I yelled to try and give her warning, but almost instantly I was jetting into her mouth stream after stream of hot seed, of which she did not allow a single drop to fall outside of her mouth. She again scooted up next to me and kissed me, putting her hands on the back of my head and neck. But this time she still had a mouthful of my cum that she shoved into my mouth with her tongue. With my head in her vise-like grip, I couldn't have pulled away if I'd tried, but I never tried, I swallowed a bit, then pushed it back into her mouth, and we played back and forth with it, which I later learned was called 'snowballing'. It wasn't one of my favorite things, but she seemed to relish this, and I liked pleasing her, so we ended up doing it often.

Now it was my turn to 'go down' on her, so I scooted down her bustier encased torso, tweaking her nipples along the way as I rolled her onto her back. Once I got to the pink thong, I realized it had a bow tie on each side and released the knots, then slipped the panties off completely. 

There before me trembled her beautiful pussy. I studied it first, letting my fingers explore along the lines and folds that my eyes were admiring. She glistened in the late afternoon sunlight that streamed in through the planes windows. Thus far in my short life I'd found fellatio to be my absolute favorite sex act to perform, perhaps it was because of my desire to become a woman that I was fascinated by the female's vagina. I dipped a finger into Mel's juices, rubbing it into her velvety opaque skin like some kind of beauty cream. Leaning towards her, I slowly inhaled the musky scent. Her cute (and in our case very appropriate) little 'landing strip' of pubic hair that she hadn't shaved off, tickled my nose as I gently pressed my mouth against her slit, giving soft kisses all along its length. I felt her shudder as I carefully stuck my tongue out and just barely leaned into her pussy, teasing her by licking as softly as I could.

Her taste was almost indescribable, a luscious balance of sweet and tangy. She was absolutely delicious, and I wanted more. Her breathing was faster now, and just the sound made my cock begin to get hard again. I licked her in all the places I thought she would truly enjoy. By this time my tongue was going deep inside, and it roamed freely around her very wet pussy.

After several minutes of this, I began to sense that she was ready for climax, so I began exploring from the bottom up, eventually landing squarely on the tight bud of her clit. I used my left arm to hold her steady and I slid two fingers of my right hand as deep as I could into her, and curled them up just slightly as I pressed my tongue to her clit and sucked gently. As she cried out, my cock twitched. I softened my tongue and licked my way around that little magic nub before closing my lips over it again, sucking her gently. She tensed and her body rose up to meet my mouth as she came, and this time, she came hard!

She gave a short, violent scream that was almost immediately choked off as all the muscles in her body locked for a few seconds of complete stillness and silence, then Mel sucked in a ragged breath and her body started to shake. I kept the pressure the same and didn't move, I didn't want to change any of the sensations that were coursing through her body. As her multi-orgasm wore down, she screamed a series of vocalizations all while her body bucked against me with violent spasms.

"Oh shit! OhGodOhGodOhGod... Yeessss!... P-pleeeease!.. Noooh... oooooh..."

I was treated to a mouthful of her delicious pussy juice which I swallowed down and then licked my lips. Mel shook for the next few seconds, still mostly locked up, and then let out a loud, explosive breath, followed by a period of heavy panting. I watched her body relax and muscles release as she came down from her climax. Slowly and gently, I slid my fingers from her soaked folds and lifted my head to look up at her, and could see her tear-filled eyes look back to me.

"Oh Jack!" Mel cried, "Oh my God, what did you do to me! Don't you ever, ever leave me, I want your fabulous tongue in my pussy every day... Oh baby, all I could see was stars, it was so wonderful, and I just hoped that it would never stop!"

"Don't worry darlin'!" I said, "I'll never stop until you tell me to!"

I then sat up in the middle of the rear bench, facing front. Once Mel had recovered a little bit, I helped her sit on my lap backwards so she was facing me, towards the plane's tail, with her legs straddling me to either side. This way she could ride me using her knees, and I could give her some help, lifting her up by her waist.

I kissed and nipped her breasts to get her juices flowing again, and then I lifted her up over my waiting cock. She once again gave a quick yelp, as my cock was all-at-once embedded into her gorgeous cunt. When she started pumping her knees up and down, I kept a firm grip on her torso, and then from time to time I'd dive in for a lick or a bite of her breasts. To keep things interesting, I'd bite into the nape of her neck, just enough to leave a light hickey. But I could feel the electricity of each and every bite, lick, or kiss and I felt as hard and alive as it was possible to be. The other wild effect that hit from time to time was the turbulence, as it buffeted the plane up and down, giving an extra punch to her pussy on the ups and would perform an entire cycle on the downs. First dropping me down and out of her, followed by the up that would happen at the end, causing another, slightly less dramatic, punch -- driving me back into her pussy.

She made the most erotic sight I've ever seen, her head tilted back with those soft blond curls bouncing over her smooth shoulders. Hardened nipples on those bouncing mounds of flesh, sometimes going straight up and down, but usually jiggling themselves right out of the half cups of that pretty pink bustier. Sweat was now forming everywhere as I worked to pick her up, and then slam her pussy down onto my cock. And this time I was lasting pretty well. I felt her approaching another orgasm, and I knew matching my thrusts with the planes movements was driving her crazy!

Sure enough, I could feel her cunt gushing its fresh cum over my cock as her body once again sent small ecstatic waves of pleasure through her mind. Then I would pick up right where we left off, slamming her again and again down on my hard fuck toy. Sometime after her third climax, I suddenly felt my balls pull up and I knew I wanted to try to get her to cum one more time along with me. 

I wrapped my arms around both her torso and arms, at her elbows. Then hooked my hands behind her back and squeezed her down onto my cock, holding her there as hard as I could while I climaxed. I'd never cum so hard before, and screamed so loud I was afraid I'd hurt her eardrum, so I brought my mouth down onto the side of her neck to absorb the sound, but it seemed as if I was holding on to her with my teeth as well.

Holding Mel so tight now pushed her right over the edge, once again sending her into multi-orgasmic bliss. She could only manage a full-throated scream once, her forearms writhing in the air as if she wanted to fly on her own. After two more spasms, she released her breath in a massive sigh before her eyes rolled back, and she passed out. I was worried that I may have hurt her, so I slowly released my grip on her, gently laying her down on one of the blankets, and then wrapping the other one around her shoulders. I wiped those beautiful blond curls away from her face and gently stroked her cheek with my finger until I saw her eyelids flutter. Then I knew I could relax again as she slowly came back from whatever orgasmic fantasyland she had retreated to.

"Time to open those pretty eyes sleeping beauty," I whispered.

She gave me a huge smile as her eyes opened, and then I knew she'd be fine, I kept cuddling with her for a while longer until she seemed to be a little more 'with it'. When she said that she was thirsty, I leaned over to grab a bottle of juice for her and then I tapped Andy on the shoulder to tell him we'd be ready to swap places with them in a few minutes, once we'd gotten dressed.

I got dressed while Mel began to get her strength back, and then helped her to get into her clothes too. It was now time for mid-air musical chairs, as I would attempt to swap myself into the pilot's seat, hopefully without losing control of the airplane. We started with Cindy joining Mel and I on the backbench seat, then Andy moved to the co-pilot seat and I jumped into the pilot's position. After a brief pow-wow about a few items like where we were, available fuel, that kind of thing, Andy popped into the back with Cindy, and then Mel came up front to keep me company while I kept us airborne. As long as nothing happened, it was simply a matter of leaving the autopilot on.

As expected, nothing out of the ordinary occurred, and besides switching over one of the fuel tanks, my job was pretty boring, just the way I liked it! Mel said that from her vantage point, what was going on in the back seat was some of the hottest sex that she'd ever seen. I'd have to take her word for it, remember I was supposed to be keeping my eyes to the front!

Anyway, once Andy and Cindy had pretty much worn themselves out, Andy broke out the champagne from the cooler, along with 4 plastic cups (you were expecting fine crystal?)... We all gave a spirited toast as we joined the Mile High Club!

After one more round of 'musical chairs', Andy managed to land safely, and without anyone needing any airsick bags. I proposed taking the girls out to dinner, so we'd have something to eat, before the long drive to Andy's parent's house. So we stopped at a steak house that was on the way back to school, since the girls needed to get back to their cars in the college parking lot afterwards.

They had good food at reasonable prices, which made sense for a restaurant so close to a college. After a couple hours we'd eaten a big meal and a few drinks each before we realized we had better call it a night. At least I think that's how it ended, but I can't for the life of me remember. Luckily, Andy made himself the designated driver and only had one beer. I'd been told that I was supposed to be celebrating, and had downed a few of my favorite '7&7's. The only problem there was that I now had a hard time remembering exactly what I was supposed to be celebrating. I don't think I'd ever had such a bad reaction to alcohol before that night, maybe it was just a combination of all the stress, the flying, and everything else that had been happening.

I do remember finishing my last drink as the girls got back to the table after returning from the ladies room. Right after we paid the bill, I got up from the table, but felt very strange, and slightly dizzy... or it could have been slightly strange and very dizzy. I think we made it out the front door, with Andy helping me into the car, but from there things got fuzzy, and then finally... went completely black.



A Learning Experience Ch. 03



When Katina got to her car she opened the note Billy had given her. All that is contained was a street address and the time 8:35. She laughed softly at the time. Looking down at the clock on the dash Katina saw that it was only 4:27. She still had a little over four hours until she had to be at the address on the paper.

What was a girl to do with four hours to waste before being fucked by a couple of randy college nerds? Katina decided to go shopping to get something new to wear.

It was five o'clock when Katina got to the mall. She headed directly to the elevator and took it to the third level. She passed right by the stores that she would normally at least browse in. She walked briskly down the corridor to the area where people only went to when they knew what store they were going to.

Katina wanted to get something that was highly provocative. She knew she looked hot in her short skirt and red cami but she wanted something that would make the sexually deprived nerds almost cream in their shorts. Maybe if she got lucky all she would have to do would be suck a few cocks then leave.

As she entered the store a female clerk who Katina knew as Paris rushed to her side, "May I help you Mademoiselle?"

"Is Marseille here?" Katina asked.

"Oui, un moment."

"Merci, Paris." Katina said smiling. She had always found it amusing how all the workers at this boutique assumed French cities as names and tried to speak French.

"Mademoiselle Katina! Coment allez vous?"

"Ca va bein, et vous?

"Bein. What can I help you with today?"

"I need something tres sexy."

"Oui, I know just the thing." Marseille took Katina's hand and lead her to the back of the boutique where the changing rooms where. "Wait here I will bring you back just the thing that you are looking for."

Katina smiled, she had always found Marseille to be hot, but Katina knew that he was having an affair with Paris. She had accidentally walked in on them once when Lyon had sent her back to the dressing room. Katina sat on a plush chair and waited for Marseille to come back.

"Katina, ma petit, Paris and I found you the best outfit to wear to make the boys drool." Marseille motioned behind himself, Paris walked in carrying a garment made with a sheer red material. "This is brand new. Pierre just sent it to us." Marseille picked up the garment from Paris. It was a red dress. The dress had no strapped and over the breasts was a red stripe in a solid red material that would wrap around the body, kind of like the red stripe on a candy cane.

Katina's smile widened as she looked at the dress, knowing that Marseille and Paris had indeed found the perfect dress.

"Mademoiselle Katina, sil vous plait allow me to help you," Paris said as she stepped towards Katina, "Marseille wait out front for us."

Katina allowed Paris to help her remove her cami and skirt. "Parfit, you always come here looking parfit." Paris ran her hands down Katina's body after helping her out of her clothing, arousing Katina.

"Um . . . Paris?" Katina said on a gasp. 

Paris stepped back from Katina, "You are right Mademoiselle. This is not the time. Here let me help you dress." Paris picked up the dress and held it up for Katina.

Katina stepped in front of the mirror after Paris had helped her dress. Katina was very happy with what she saw. The red stripe that covered her breasts wrapped around and covered her pussy as well, but her ass was only covered by the sheer material. 

"Oui, parfit!" exclaimed Paris as she walked to the door. Marseille was waiting for the girls to emerge from the dressing room. Paris stepped out and announced Katina's endurance.

"Damn girl!" Marseille said before he remembered to use French.

Katina giggled, "Well I guess that tells me how I look, merci beaucoup Marseille."

"I think that you will need a jacket with that if you want to wear it out of the mall. I know just the jacket." Paris walked over to one of the shelves and picked up a long red duster style jacket in the same red as the stripe in the dress. Katina paid for the dress and jacket and left the boutique with a promise to Marseille and Paris to tell them how the evening turns out.

On the way to her car she received a couple cat calls but that was nothing unusual for her when she had just bought something from her favorite store. As she sat down and turned on her car she looked at the time. It was now about six pm. She still had a lot of time. Maybe she would go home and put on some makeup and do her hair fancy.

Katina left a little earlier than she had originally planned as she was not sure exactly where the location on the note was located. It was exactly 8:35 when she pulled up. As she walked up to the house she was surprised by the elegance it had being that a college nerd had given her the address. Katina knocked softly on the door. Billy opened the door, and pulled Katina into a front entry way.

"This is how things are going to work. You are going to be blindfolded. You will not speak. You will do exactly what you are told to do without any hesitation. Understand."

"Yes."

"Good then we will start with having you take that jacket off."

Katina was starting to feel some fear. This was not what she was expecting to happen. This seemed like something out of a horror movie not the comedy she was expecting. Katina slide jacket down her arms and took it off. "Where should I put this?"

Billy took the jacket and hung it on a wall. Then he approached her again carrying a black blindfold. "Now you are silent and will do as you are told. I have a feeling that you will be quite popular." Billy tied the blindfold over Katina's eyes. "Come along whore."

Katina was drug into another room. This room was warmer than the one before it. She could hear the hum of voices but could not make any out. But there sounded to be women and men present. This did not seem so amusing anymore.

"This is K she is your treat for the night, she even dressed up all nice for you all. But I know how ready all of you are for her. Please remember the rules, no markings that will be permanent, no temporary markings where anyone can see them, and most importantly share her, if you get to greedy you will be asked to leave. As she is my find I will be the first to cum in her pussy, I am not ready to go yet so how about you all get better acquainted with K."

Katina tensed as the first hands touched her. They pulled off her dress. Then she felt a lot of hands on her. One hand on each nipple squeezing and tugging on it. There were hands on her ass, hands rubbing her stomach. Then she heard a voice say "lets pass her around instead of having all of us crowd her. Remember how we all took turns with Q before P cummed in her." Katina heard murmurs of approval then she was shoved into the hands of a man with strong hands. 

He proceeded to rub her nipples squeezing and tugging on them until she gasped. At the sound coming from her he passed her to the next person in the line. Katina was sure that this was a woman from the delicate feeling fingers that grasped her waist. She felt one of the hands leave her waist and move to her pussy. Two long fingers jabbed into her dry pussy. "Looks like someone will have to excite her yet. She is a dry as a bar on Sunday morning." Katina was mortified at the snickering from the men and women in the room. The woman removed her fingers from Katina's pussy then pushed her to the next person in the line. She was sure that this was a man; he picked her up and sat her on a table. She could feel his hands move to caress her breasts. As he was rubbing her breasts she felt a tongue dive into her pussy. Katina did not want to react to the many people, she wanted to stay dry, but as the tongue flicked her clit Katina felt her juices gush to her pussy.

The tongue left her pussy and a woman said, "I told you that works every time." As the woman was talking she slid a finger deep into Katina's pussy, "Oh she does have a nice pussy, B please come and fuck her I want to eat your cum out of her pussy."

At the woman's words the man playing with her breasts let them go and pushed her down on the cold table. She felt a couple hands on each leg spreading her wide open. The woman still had her finger deep inside Katina's pussy. Katina bit her lip to keep from moaning. Then very suddenly to Katina the finger was pulled from her pussy to be replaced with a hard thick cock head. The guy who she assumed was Billy rubbed his cock up and down her slit a couple times, spreading her moisture all around. Then he rammed his cock in. Katina was shocked by the size. It was incredibly thick but it was short. She figured it was maybe four inches long. She could feel his balls slapping against her ass. Katina felt her pussy being stretched by the girth of Billy's cock. With each thrust of his cock he was hitting the very edge of her g-spot making her moan loudly in pleasure. She had never known that such a short cock could be so nice. She was almost to an orgasm when she felt his seed spew inside her as he grunted. Billy pulled out and said "D suck me now!" Before Katina could register than Billy was having his cock sucked on to clean their mixed essences off the woman's tongue was back on her pussy. Katina started to scream as the woman's tongue flicked over her clit making her orgasm, then the woman inserted her tongue into Katina's slit lick as far into it as she could, eating out Billy's cum.

"Oh she tastes so good," the woman said as she moved back from Katina. As she laid there savoring the feeling of her orgasm rolling threw her body Katina was instructed to open her mouth. As she did as she was told Katina felt a thin long cock slam her mouth and throat. The man kept thrusting his cock deep into her mouth and throat as a second man slammed his cock into her pussy. This cock was thick and long, he slammed it mercilessly into her pussy. As Katina tried to scream form the pain, the man with his cock in her mouth came hard gagging her with his come. 

Katina could hear the people in the room laughing at her. She was mortified to be at these peoples mercies. While an unknown man was pounding her pussy Katina had the thought that the extra credit was not worth this.

The man on top of Katina rolled them over so that her ass was open for anyone. Katina felt something warm and moist start to hit her ass. Someone was coming on her ass. As the man quit coming on her, a cock jammed into her ass, using the come as a lubricant.

Someone grabbed her right hand at the same times as someone else grabbed her left hand. Her hands were shoved against a pair of pussies. One was hairy and barely moist. The other was trimmed and so wet her legs were also covered with moisture. Katina was shocked; she was taking a cock in both her pussy and ass and was also getting two women off. The pleasure in her pussy was getting to be unbelievable. Katina started to scream with her orgasm. He pussy squeezing the cock in her tight, while at the same time her ass clenched. The tight squeezing of the cocks in her ass and pussy caused the two men to come inside her. Seeing the two men come seemed to make the women come as well.

As Katina laid alone on the table, come covering her ass and pussy she could hear murmuring then she was hit by multiple shots of come covered her body. Katina was covered from the top of her head to her ankles in come; it did not appear that anyone in the room had a foot fetish at least.

Billy started to speak, "Want to know what this bitch did earlier?" He paused, "Earlier this afternoon she blackmailed a professor into giving her extra credit. Well I saw what happened and blackmailed her. But I decided that our using her would not be punishment enough. I thought of the football guys . . . they were fun when we had them, but no. I went to the professor and invited him. Everyone please meet JJ, he has some plans for K but needs some help. Nothing violent just kinky and a little mean to K, he knows the rules."

Katina started to cry, knowing that her life was probably never going to be the same. Katina could hear Jonathan talking in the room softly, but she could not hear what he was saying through all of her tears and sobs. Some one pulled her off of the table and held her arms high over her head; she was guessing that it was the same guy that had put her on the table. Katina's breathing became erratic as her hands were tied above her, then her legs were spread and her feet tied as well.

"Ok. The next step is to get her so hot she cannot do anything. I figured that to do this we would take turns playing with her, but do not let her come, I am sure that you all know how to do that." Jonathan paused for a couple seconds then said, "D I could see earlier that you are a good cock sucker made me wonder if you were by chance as good of a fucker. I think you should come over her and climb on."

Someone with thick fingers started to play with her pussy. Rubbing her clit and occasionally slipping his finger into her slit. Katina felt a fresh stream of her juices cost her pussy. As the person was turning her on, Katina could hear the sounds of sex about the room. Katina started to moan with pleasure. The finger left her pussy and a mouth started to move on her nipple. When she had calmed down someone would tease her to the edge again. Katina felt as if she had been teased for hours, she was so aroused that she was whimpering and crying when Jonathan finally told everyone that it was time to finish.

Katina was untied and forced onto her hands and knees. Her hair was pulled making her head go forward, burying her mouth and nose into a drenched come filled pussy. Knowing what was expected of her Katina started to lick right away. As she was licking the pussy Katina felt a cock violate her pussy. She was pretty sure that it was Jonathan; she had not forgotten what his cock felt like. The woman seemed to be either pushed or pulled away from her. Some thing cold pressed against her ass, before she could gasp something long and thick was pushed into her. Katina felt like crying in pleasure and pain. Her ass was being stretched so badly it burned, yet her pussy was practically humming with pleasure. As she came against Jonathan's cock Katina opened her mouth to scream but could barely moan. Jonathan followed Katina into sexual oblivion. 

When Jonathan pulled out of her, Katina was told by Billy to get up. He pulled her into a bathroom and told her to put her dress on, but not to clean any of the come off of herself. When he let her leave the bathroom, after sucking him off again, only Jonathan was left in the room of her violation.

Jonathan was holding a pool cue. Katina instantly knew what had been in her ass. "I still don't think that you deserve extra credit. And you see I have all this on video. I may still have to give you the extra credit this one time. But you belong to Me now. You will do anything I want when ever I want it." Jonathan walked over to Katina and told her to "Go home, take a shower and wait for your next instructions.

Katina practically ran from the house to her car crying. She could not believe what had been done to her.



A Learning Experience Ch. 03



I was pleased to see Sandy's bedroom light on as I cruised slowly past her house. It was pretty late so technically this would be considered a booty call. The good thing was that Sandy not only didn't mind booty calls, she'd also pulled a few herself since the first time we'd hooked up. I parked around the corner and tossed some pebbles from her driveway up at her window, thinking that was just a bit more romantic than sending her a text message asking if she was horny. She came to the window and gave a quick wave, so I headed over to the front porch to wait for her to come down. It had only taken the first night of sneaking downstairs before she'd gone to the trouble to figure out what needed to be lubricated or avoided in order to make it quietly from her room to the front porch. I was sitting on the porch swing when she came out wearing a bathrobe.

She sat beside me and I couldn't help but check out her hard nipples pressing out against the thin material of the summerweight robe. It wasn't all that chilly so I wondered if it wasn't the anticipation of what we both knew was to come that had turned her highbeams on. We talked for a bit about what we had each been up to both since we'd last seen each other as well as earlier that night but my eyes kept being drawn back down to her hard nipples which appeared to me to be anxious to be sucked. I asked Sandy what she was wearing beneath her robe and she smiled, but was intentionally evasive. Finally, I just asked her straight out if I could check for myself and she agreed.

I had her stand with me and positioned her so that the maximum amount of light from the nearby streetlight was illuminating her, then began to unfasten the belt. As I opened the front of her robe, I let out an involuntary moan because she was stark naked underneath. The non-tanned parts of her seemed to glow in the low light as my cock rose within my shorts. I had her sit on the swing again while I dropped to my knees before her. I kissed my way up her smooth thighs from her knees, alternating sides until I reached the narrow patch of brown hair that she kept trimmed down for her bikini. With her legs spread wide, I kissed all the way around her pussy before running my tongue up its length a few times, causing her to suck in her breath and drop her hands to my hair.

She was producing abundant juices so I took a few minutes to lap up as much as I could, devouring her nectar even as she continued to produce more and more. Gradually, my tongue found its way up to her clit and I focused on licking and sucking it while I slid a finger into her slippery slit. She was breathing heavily, careful not to let a moan escape in the quiet of the summer night when the neighbors, as well as her parents, probably all had their windows open. There was a subtle movement of her hips in rhythm with my finger sliding in and out of her juicy pussy. I knew from experience that, as she approached an orgasm, this rhythm would increase dramatically. She also knew that I really enjoyed eating her pussy, so she had learned to take her time and enjoy the slow build of an intense orgasm.

I'd learned to detect not only the gradual increase in the rhythm of her pelvic movements, but the increasing secretions within her pussy as well, as she got closer to cumming. I loved it when she came because it meant that she was experiencing an intense level of pleasure so, although I loved going down on her, I was never disappointed when I knew she was close. I continued to slide my finger in and out while I licked and sucked her clit and she went from running her fingers through my hair to holding my head against her pussy. When we were someplace where it was safe to do so, Sandy loved to be loud and celebrate the pleasure she was feeling, so I knew that she was fighting the urge to do so as her body started to tense up. I continued licking and sucking, glancing up occasionally for a glimpse of the whiter skin of her breasts or the look of pleasure on her face. Finally, with a soft grunt that wanted to be a louder moan, she started to shudder as she came.

I didn't stop stimulating her until I knew she was done cumming, then I raised my head and smiled up at her before standing up. I sat beside her on the swing again, my shorts tented out, and gazed at her in the light from the streetlight as she recovered. With a sigh, she opened her eyes and turned to me with a big smile on her face as she brought her lips to mine. As we made out, my arm was around her on the back of the swing and my free hand quickly found its way to her succulent breasts. I loved Sandy's breasts so much that it was hard to keep my hands off of them, even when the time was not appropriate. My palm delicately caressed the smooth skin, particularly along the underside, then gently brushed over her hard nipple before moving over to the other breast. Meanwhile, her hand soon found its way to the bulge in my shorts and, after some brief caressing, she pulled out my tool and gently pumped it in her fist.

After a minute or so, she pulled away from me and asked in a whisper whether I'd like her to return the favor, but I answered that I'd rather have her sit on it. I didn't elaborate that I wasn't feeling quite done enjoying her tits yet, so I wanted to be able to keep my hands on them for a bit longer. I smiled as she pulled a condom from the pocket of her robe because it confirmed what I already knew about us being totally in synch. I suggested that the wicker chair might be better than the swing so we both stood and Sandy let the robe slide off down her arms then laid it on the swing as I tried not to be too distracted to get my own shirt off. Still holding the condom, Sandy helped me out of my shorts and underwear, my stiff cock standing straight out. 

I quietly moved the wicker ottoman aside and sat in the oversized chair as Sandy reached down to roll the condom over my tool. Then, kneeling over me, she guided my protected tool into her snug pussy as she lowered herself onto it. With her luscious tits right there in front of me, I had a hand on each as she started to slowly ride up and down on my cock. While I was certainly enjoying the feel of her hot pussy sliding up and down my throbbing cock, I was temporarily lost in her tits. I gently caressed both of them, running my hands all over the smooth skin and over her stiff nipples, before bringing my mouth down to lick and suck those hard nipples. While my lips and tongue were working on them, I let my hands slide around to Sandy's ass and squeezed a cheek in each hand while pulling her down hard on my cock.

Eventually, I kissed my way up from Sandy's nipples to her neck then went back to making out with her while still holding her ass and pushing up hard into her pussy each time I pulled down on it. We weren't fucking hard and fast; I was thrusting deeply into her and pulling nearly all the way out so that she was feeling the full length of my shaft. Even through the condom, her pussy felt absolutely outstanding as it slid up and down my tool; even more so, the longer I fucked her. As we both started breathing harder, we had to stop making out, which was becoming more difficult, anyway, as we also started picking up our pace. Despite the cool night air, there was a layer of sweat spreading between us as our bodies rubbed together.

Though I could feel my orgasm building, I sensed that Sandy was going to beat me to the punch as she started riding me even harder and her pussy seemed even more hot and slippery. I stayed with her, pushing my cock into her each time she came down, trying to get her to her orgasm before worrying about mine. When she seemed to go into slow motion, I knew she was cumming and just let her take control. She tensed up, shuddered a few times, then went completely relaxed and let out a long sigh. Instead of starting to ride me again, she gingerly got up off the chair and slipped the condom off me, then grabbed the cushion off the ottoman and set it at my feet. She knelt before me and took my cock in her hand, gently pumping it as she lowered her head to lick my balls.

I relaxed back against the back of the chair and watched as Sandy worked her oral magic. When she'd thoroughly tongued my balls, she held the base of my shaft, continuing to pump, and lowered her mouth over it. Closing her lips around it, she slid them up and down while I fought the urge to moan. Instead, I ran my fingers through her long brown hair and enjoyed the pleasure she was providing. I was surprised I'd been able to hold out as long as I had already so I knew it wouldn't be long, especially under her expert stimulation, before I was blowing a load down her throat. She knew me well enough that she could tell when I was nearing the point of exploding and knew what to focus on to get me the rest of the way there.

I had to resist the urge to push my cock up toward her mouth as a felt my orgasm getting nearer and nearer. I did my best to just relax and let her continue what she did so expertly and, as I felt my cock swell and was right on the brink, she took me the rest of the way there. A couple more passes of her lips along with her pumping hand and I was spurting into her waiting mouth as she swallowed my incoming load. Once she was certain that I was completely spent, she let my cock fall from her mouth and rested her cheek against my thigh, still kneeling on the ottoman cushion.

"You are absolutely phenomenal, do you know that?" I asked her.

"I did have a great teacher," she replied, "though I always feel as though I could use more practice."

"You want me to bring the softball team next time?" I asked in a mock serious tone. She gave me a swat on my thigh as she laughed quietly.

"No," she responded, "I want you to come over more often." I took her face in my hands and looked down at her.

"You've got yourself a deal," I promised.



A Learning Experience Ch. 03



---
This is chapter 3, Jack wakes up with a Pink Baby Doll hangover at Andy's house and starts a long trip down a very deep rabbit hole! Will he be Jack for much longer? Or is it time for Joscelyn to take control? Cheers! -- Joscelyn
---

After admitting a long held secret desire to become a woman to my three best friends at college, they have rallied around me, and we've just become the latest members of the infamous Mile High Club. Andy took us all flying at about a mile in the air and we all had sex, thus qualifying for membership. We had then gone out to a wonderful little restaurant for a fine dinner. But I had just a couple too many 7&7s me thinks...

Ah, to dream... I was somewhere in my usual morning wet dream, the lesbian orgy.

Then, at some point, the real world broke onto my consciousness the same way a raw egg gets broken onto a hot skillet, but the only sensation I had sounded like someone hammering a huge piece of metal. Then I realized that a sharp pain was accompanying each hammer blow, at about two blows per second. I had to find whoever this was and get them to stop, so I gradually tried to open my eyes, but the light in this place was absolutely blinding. Then I had my first complete thought, 'where am I?'

I desperately tried to remember. Anything would be good. But it felt like my head was full of liquid concrete. Again I tried to open my eyes, forcing them to focus on whatever they could, and slowly the white haze began to contain vague shapes. I barely made out the footboard of a bed, and based on where it was, I thought it probable that I was lying in that bed. The incredibly bright light was morning sunlight streaming in through a window to my right. Now I could begin to see beyond the bed, and there was a chair in the corner with a chest of drawers next to it. It had a mirror hung over it, and to the left were a pair of closet doors, and then further left there was a single door, probably the room entrance. This must be a bedroom, but whose bedroom?

Oops, something just moved, and it wasn't me! As I quickly looked down to try and discover who or what it might be, I knew that pretty hand with the French manicure, lying on the covers. I immediately rolled over to see my girlfriend Melissa's sleeping body. Rapidly blinking several times to purge the sleep from my eyes, I looked down at her fragrant hair, beautiful face, delicate neck, and gorgeous breasts encased in a sexy black baby-doll nightie. I smiled on this delicious scene, but then my brows furrowed, as I had to wonder what was she doing here? For that matter, what was I doing here, and finally, where was here?

Just then Mel's eyes fluttered open and she smiled her usual big smile, then wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me deeply for several minutes. With that one kiss all my worries seemed to disappear. When she finally decided that we needed air, she gave a long moan, "Mmm, you still taste good baby..."

"Mmm, you taste pretty good yourself, babe!" I said, "Oooh, I just wish I could get this lil' guy running the jackhammer in my head to shut it the hell off."

I put my hands over my eyes to keep out as much of the sunlight as possible, then let out another pitiful moan to see how much sympathy I could generate.

"Ha, ha! Ok, I get the hint, I'll baby ya just this once," Mel said as she got up and put her robe on over her nightie, "One hangover special, comin' up!"

After she left, I thought about dealing with an unruly bladder, but as soon as I took my hands away from my eyes, I thought better of it. Probably best to just not move, that's the ticket! Wait until Mel gets back with the cavalry, or at least something to tame the guy in my head with the huge jackhammer. Soon I'd drifted back into my lesbian orgy again, and ya know what? They really seemed to have missed me!

"Jack..." somehow Mel was in my dream, and then I awoke, "Jack! C'mon, take this, two aspirin and a glass of tomato juice, works wonders..."

It seemed amazing that she was able to come into the orgy to wake me up, and then I remembered to take my hands away from my eyes. I looked up to see her two beautiful blue eyes looking back at me with a bemused smile on her face. In her right hand were the two pills, and in her left, the glass with a dark red liquid, probably the tomato juice I surmised. Figuring all this out seemed to be very painful for some reason, probably the same reason that the lil' guy with the jackhammer was still going full blast in my head.

I managed to push myself up onto one elbow, but even that seemed dicey, and I was still trying to focus on the offered items in her hand, when she just said, "Oh hell!"

The next thing I knew, my nose was being pinched closed, and then she used my nose as a handle to pull my head back. This caused me to open my mouth to complain, but before I was able to get a sound out, she pushed the aspirins to the back of my throat and poured in some juice behind them.  Now she let go of my nose and put her hand under my jaw to close my mouth, forcing me to swallow it all down.

This resulted in a very ugly wrinkled-up face from me as my body tried it's best to turn inside-out, but got a pretty good laugh from Mel, as she asked, "Bitter taste, huh?"

"Yeee-yuk," I responded, "Bitter? That stuff's toxic!"

"Here, drink the rest of this juice," she insisted.

I reluctantly drank down the rest of the tomato juice, and realized she was making a fuss over me, so I really ought to be appreciative of it. She took off her robe and slippers and got back into bed, pulling back the covers to let herself in.

"I hope you're not this nasty every morning when you wake up", she complained, "You still haven't even said good morning to me yet."

Mel tried her best to keep her frown going as I watched her lay down.

"Oh darlin', I'm sorry," I said dramatically, putting the empty glass down on the bedside table, "I don't deserve you... here, lets start over. Ahem..." I cleared my throat to say, "Good morning Melissa, love of my life!"

Mel giggled, and then said, "Good morning Joscelyn!"

At first it didn't register, then she looked down to the piece of lightweight silk and nylon that I had been mindlessly stroking. But now that she had moved the covers back a little, my eyes just about jumped out of my head as the shock hit in three phases...

My initial shock: whatever this is, isn't 'on' the bed, it's 'on' me!

Then the full shock: I was wearing a pink baby doll nightie, with matching panties. I sat up with a start as I realized what I had been sleeping in, but then looked at Mel and realized what name she had called me.

For my final shock: she said Joscelyn. How would she know that name? No one knew the name I used for myself when I was 'en femme'. I didn't think that I'd ever told a living soul, so how did she know?

Oh God, there was that damned little man... pounding on metal in my head again, I shut my eyes and brought my hands up to hold on to my head as I was pretty sure this must be a dream and all of it would be gone shortly.

"Awww," Mel chided, "C'mon baby, you'll feel better soon."

I gave up on any chance that this might be a dream, and instead went to full blown panic mode, saying, "Oh God honey, I'm so sorry, what have I done? I can't remember anything after leaving the restaurant last night. Sometimes after I drink too much, I black out, and then it's almost like I'm sleepwalking after that," I explained, talking way too fast, "A-And I'm... I'm not sure... did we... this is Andy's house, right?"

Mel was now looking quite entertained, she moved up to a sitting position against the headboard of the bed with her arms folded in front of her, I now also noticed that her nightie was similar to mine, only hers was black.  Mel's smile was confusing to me, she seemed to be taking all of this like it was routine. Like it was totally normal to be in bed with your boyfriend while he's wearing women's lingerie.

"Yes sweetie, this is Andy's sister's old room, I think she moved out after she graduated from college, so Andy put us in here for the weekend," she explained.

Once she saw that I was calmer, she continued, "You really don't remember anything from last night? Hmm, maybe that's why I got the introduction to Joscelyn, I guess once you black out then your 'alter ego' seems to take control, huh? Oh and honey, there's nothing for you to be sorry about," she said as she went to hold my hands in hers, "you were wonderful last night, or perhaps I should say, Joscelyn was... but in either case I loved everything we did together."

"But Mel, are you sure about this?" I pleaded, as I looked down at myself, "Doesn't it bother you that your boyfriend wants to wear girls clothes... Aw hell, I've even told you I would actually rather BE a woman! And none of that... um, upsets you?"

I now stared into Mel's pale blue orbs and I seemed to become absorbed by them, they were coming closer, and closer, and then her lips were touching mine, she kissed me so very softly and whispered, "I-I um... Actually, it turns me on... God, just thinking about you as Joscelyn gets me SO hot baby!"

Mel's eyes dropped suddenly, breaking my trance, and her voice dropped away as well as she said, "I guess that makes me a little strange."

Touching her face as tenderly as I could, I brought those beautiful teary eyes back up to mine and replied, "No, to me you're not strange at all. It makes you something very special darlin', more special than anyone I've ever known."

If there had been anything flammable between us, it would have been vaporized, there was that much heat coming from our eyes for each other. Her hands went under the top of my nightie and tweaked my nipples, which made me grab the back of her neck and kiss her with all my might, forcing my tongue into her mouth. Not so much a normal kiss as an all out rape of her mouth by my tongue! But even as sex crazed as we were, I knew she needed to be 'warmed up' before I could do what I wanted to do next.

But now suddenly everything was easier, Mel's hangover special had actually worked! The little man with the big jackhammer was no longer loose inside my head!

I flipped around for a quick '69' session. Once again I was right in front of that incredible musky aroma that was Mel's beautiful pussy. After pulling her panties down, I used my tongue to gently lathe all around her labia, my right hand fingers flicked her clit, while the left, after getting them nice and wet from her pussy, wandered back to her bung hole. After invading her back door with a lubricated index finger, along with a few minutes of fellatio, Mel was literally thrashing beneath me. She pulled my panties aside and was attempting to suck my hard cock directly over her head, but I wasn't giving her much of a chance to concentrate on it, or anything else for that matter, mostly it was acting as a mouth gag, which was probably a good thing, otherwise the entire house would have heard her yelps, and wild moaning.

But now that I felt she was ready, I could only hope no one was trying to sleep-in this morning, because this... was gonna get loud! I removed my cock from her mouth with a very audible pop. I then quickly flipped back around, and kneeled between her legs, taking a few moments to yank my pink panties down and liberate my raging hard on, then I glanced down at her with the most lustful grin I could manage.

Flipping her over onto her stomach and pulling her legs together allowed me to slip off her black panties, and then I pushed her legs back down so they would straddle my thighs. I sat back onto my ankles from my kneeling position, then grabbed Mel's midriff and pulled her slowly up my thighs towards my cock. I paused for a moment to draw out the anticipation a little. Mel glanced back and let out a small whine, her eyes pleading with me to just start with the fucking!

I took a sharp inhale, yanking her wet pussy up, and onto my straining cock. Instead of a yelp, Mel gave a gut-wrenching scream as she was impaled while at her highest state of arousal. I did not pause for a millisecond before starting a push-pull machine-like action; fucking her with as much passion as I'd ever had before in my life. 

"Fuck me Joscelyn... Ooohh yeessss baby... fuck me, you bitch!" she exclaimed.

Wearing this transparent pink silk and nylon nightie, and watching it move and flow around me as we pushed back and forth, her soft blond curls bouncing on her black nightie as well as my own blond locks bouncing in time with hers, and then the guttural expressions coming from Mel that were being directed at her female lover Joscelyn... which was me! All of these were conspiring to make me cum prematurely. I knew I wasn't going to last long, but I was determined to see her to orgasm!

I moved my hands from her midriff, up to under her shoulders, and pulled her up to me, so her back was up against my chest. By using one hand to hold her, I could use the other to massage and tweak her breasts. By this time I was grunting on every push, an almost animalistic sound that she could feel directly in her chest. I was also licking and nipping at her neck as it came into range.

I could tell her breathing was shallower and quicker, and her vocalization had more 'e's than 'o's which were how I could tell that Mel was close to her climax. As I'd done before, I grabbed around her torso and arms together, and sped up my thrusts. But as she started her first orgasm, my mind went inward, my eyesight dwindled to not much more than a pinhole, and then we both screamed. I was determined to continue my motion as long as possible to give her secondary orgasms, but I'm not sure how well I did, as I apparently passed out, with Mel following closely behind. I fell off to her side with one arm and one leg entwined with hers.

As I had feared, the rest of the house had heard our primal screams. Andy and Cindy decided that since we didn't answer when they knocked, that they better see if we were still alive. Walking in, they found two blond-haired lovers sleeping peacefully side by side, one in black, and one in a pink, baby doll nightie. Eventually they managed to wake us up, much to my embarrassment. Cindy, very nicely, threw covers up over us, which gave us, well at least me, a small level of dignity.

"Well, good morning you two," Andy laughed, "Mel I know, but who is this beauty?"

I realized they were looking at me as I very much wanted to dig a hole into the mattress, when Mel said, "Andy... Cindy... I would like you to meet, Joscelyn!"

"And how's Joscelyn feeling this morning?" Cindy pried.

"Apparently Joscelyn was a very bad girl last night," I replied blinking my eyes, "She should have kept herself in the closet until she was ready for the world to see her."

"Oh, I can't blame her, closet's are so stuffy," Cindy said dismissively, "but where did she... er, I mean you, and Mel, find those nighties?"

"Oh, I found these on the bathroom door," Mel said, "I jokingly said to Jack, 'hey, why don't you sleep in this' and threw the pink one over to him. When I came out of the bathroom wearing the black one... Well, there was Joscelyn, all decked out in pink!"

"Wow... if I'd known it would turn him into Joscelyn, I would have thrown some women's lingerie at him months ago", Andy quipped, then got serious, "Oh yeah guys, Dolores, our cook, will only be here until noon, so if you want breakfast, you better get going. And Jack... er, I mean Joscelyn, I want you especially to meet Dolores and talk with her before she goes, she has a lot of information you may find useful."

"Alright then? We'll get dressed and meet you downstairs," Andy said as he left.

Suddenly I realized that I still had a couple important questions for him, but he was already out the door and walking down the hall towards his bedroom. Throwing the covers off and jumping out of bed, I hit the floor running.

I had only gotten down the hall a few feet when suddenly Dolores came from around the corner and I ran right into her. I froze in my tracks, while she covered her mouth to stifle a giggle, before she said, "I was just going to wake Andy, and let him know that he needn't hurry, as my plans have changed and I don't need to leave early today. But as long as we've run into each other... well, now you know too." 

My face became hot with embarrassment as I then remembered what I was wearing, and gradually began stepping backwards toward the bedroom I came out of, while stuttering, "Oh... I was just going to, ah... I'll let Melissa know!" and ducked back into the doorway, but before I could close it, I heard Dolores giggle outright.

After shutting the door, I just stood there for a few seconds with my eyes closed and my back leaning up against it, wondering how all of this had come to pass. But when I slowly opened my eyes, I saw a beautiful blond in a black baby doll nightie, smoldering on the bed and curling an index finger into a come hither signal that could have only one meaning, and all other thoughts faded to insignificance. Well, Dolores did say we had plenty of time to come downstairs for breakfast...

I slowly walked to the bed and sat down, then stretched out my hand and waited. Mel gave me a puzzled smile, but decided to play along and put her hand into mine. I kissed the top of her hand softly, and said, "Would m'lady do me the great honor of allowing a lowly handmaiden to bath her on this fine and lovely morning?"

At this point I already knew how Mel reacted to all the usual forms of lovemaking. Now I thought I would see just how much of an effect my favorites had on her, romance and role-play. I think I hit a hot button, as I heard her gasp with a sharp intake of air.

She replied with, "Why Joscelyn... the honor is all mine I'm sure," Then I quickly flipped her hand over and began licking her palm, and heard another sharp gasp, as I took a quick look down at her crotch in time to see a wet patch appear at the front of her panties. Well, she sure didn't hate it anyway!

I got up off of the bed slowly pulling her along with me, and as she reached the edge of the bed, I leaned down and picked her up and carried her into the bathroom. Once inside, I flipped on the lights, and carefully placed her on a countertop across from the shower stall. As she watched, I untied the bow of my nightie and pulled it over my head, then placed it on the counter next to her. Then I took off the panties and put them there as well, and turned to the shower, leaned in and turned on the water. Now totally naked, I indicated that it was her turn by untying her bow. She pulled her nightie over her head and placed it next to mine, then took off her panties as well. After checking the water temperature, I stepped into the shower and offered her my hand to help her in. She reached across and grabbed my hand laughing, then jumped off of the counter rushing headlong into my arms in the shower.

Water is so erotic... both of us were getting turned on again, so I said, "Turn around, and let me start on your back."

The shower was running down her front, and that gorgeous ass was right in front of me now. As I reached over for the soap, my chest momentarily pressed into Mel's back. I rubbed my hands together and began to rub the lather onto her shoulders.

"Mmmm that feels so good," she moaned.

For me too, it felt truly wonderful to touch her soft shoulders and smooth skin! I rubbed her back with the soapy water, starting at her shoulders and working my way down. I got to the small of her back, and couldn't resist caressing Mel's ass with my wet hands. Another moan escaped her lips. I continued to rub with both hands, giving ample attention to that pretty little behind. Each time I touched it, she moaned again. Her hips were swaying and her own hands were now rubbing her vagina. 




A Learning Experience Ch. 03



"Okay, I'm being selfish, it's your turn," Mel finally said, "you get under the water now." I slid around to the front of the shower, and we were back to back for a minute. Our wet slippery asses rubbed together as we squeezed by each other in the narrow stall, as it seemed like long arcs of electricity shot up my spine. I was now standing under the water, and Mel's hands were working my shoulders. 

"Oh, that's awesome," I moaned. Mel's hands weren't just pretty, they were also strong, as well as warm and sensual. As she started to caress my ass, I moaned even louder. I was so turned on now, I wanted to rub my own breasts and nipples, but that would have to remain a future fantasy for Joscelyn, and I held back from saying anything.

Both of Mel's hands were on my waist, rubbing up and down my sides. Suddenly she slipped her hands around my front, and started to caress my chest. She held my nipples between her fingers as I moaned loudly and leaned back into her. I could feel Mel's breasts against my back. Then she began caressing my semi-hard cock, her hand closing around the shaft, stroking it slowly under the stream of hot water. I moaned to her touch, leaning back to give her better access, and soon I was fully erect. Finally my desire for her warm pussy was too much to deny, I touched her wrists and she stopped mid-stroke as I spun around in place and drove her against the wall of the shower. There could have been no doubt by the look in my eyes right then, I was ready to rock her world, in fact... I was way 'past' ready!

I grabbed her butt cheeks and pulled her into me completely, then drove her once again into the hot shower wall. Sensing that I had her supported, she then wrapped her legs around me and begged, "Oh... fuck me... fuck me baby, please... hard... harder!"

I'm not sure how soundproof that bathroom was, but my guess would be that even Dolores downstairs could hear Mel this time. In any case, we both climaxed almost at the same time, and we were both also extremely clean as well.

I got dressed in a tan leather western-look shirt with a tie-close top and jeans, before asking Mel if she needed anything, when she said no, I told her I was going down to get some breakfast, then I'd talk with Dolores for a while, hopefully before Andy's dad got home. I said I would see her later and kissed her before leaving the bedroom.

Some of what I was starting to remember from last night was Mel's story of her rather traumatic childhood. She lost both of her natural parents in an auto accident before she had even started school, something I couldn't even imagine having to face. Her maternal grandparents then raised her until her grandfather had to be placed in a nursing home after a bad stroke, and a couple years later, her grandmother died from cancer. Her grandparent's best friends were their next-door neighbors, and their oldest daughter was, none other than, Cindy! Apparently Mel was 16 when her grandmother died, and she had set it out in her will, that if she died before Mel reached legal age, she wished Mel to be adopted by their best friends and neighbors. Because they had no other relatives that lived in the same state, this would allow Mel to finish her high school years without having to start over in another state and another school. And that's how Mel and Cindy knew each other; they were sisters, legally if not biologically. 

Apparently Cindy's history was almost as traumatic, having run away from home at 17, forced to become a street walker and addicted to heroin before she was even 18. Now clean and sober from it for two years, she has been gradually 'coming back', and even decided to get an associate's degree in accounting, along with her 'sister' Mel. The two girls, who were always close when Mel was first adopted by Cindy's parents, had become inseparable now. Even though there was an eight-year difference in their ages. We had talked last night about their lives for hours it seemed, and I now felt so much closer to both of them. But there was still something about Cindy that made me worry, and it was starting to affect me, sometimes sending my anxiety level sky high!

As I got close to the kitchen, I could hear Andy and Cindy laughing about something, and assumed it was probably me! Although I might bitch about it, I didn't really mind that they liked to laugh at some of the things I did, as I had pretty much always been a 'class clown' and Andy knew that about me as well as anyone. And just in case that had ever needed any verification, I'd certainly been doing plenty of crazy stuff lately!

As I walked in, Andy came over and hugged me, then asked, "Are you feeling better now Jack, no more hangover?"

"No, not a bit of it left, Mel's hangover remedy really works!" I replied, then remembered the question I wanted to ask earlier, "Hey, I forgot to ask you, I thought only you and I were coming out here, when did the girls decide to come?"

"It didn't appear you minded Mel being here this morning!" Andy laughed.

"Oh no! No complaints, it just seems like it will be pretty boring here for them, that's all 

"Oh... Well after you blacked-out last night, Mel insisted she come along, and so I thought, why not make it a foursome?" he replied.

Cindy now got up to give me a hug, and a kiss on the cheek as well, saying, "Besides, I thought if there were any chance that Joscelyn might show up, then I wanted to be around to meet her!"

Her kidding then changed over to genuine excitement as she added, "And I did enjoy meeting Joscelyn this morning. Do you think she'll favor us with another appearance anytime soon?"

"Well ya just never know. Apparently she keeps to her own schedule," I said.

"Ah ha! Mystery woman, eh?" she laughed, then asked, "Hmm, maybe I should see how Mel's coming along, she did say she was coming down, right?"

"Oh yeah, I'm sure she'll be down soon," I said, as we all stared down the hallway.

"Well, let's all sit down, and we'll wait for her," Andy finally replied.

As we were seated, Dolores came over to the table with four sets of table wear and napkins, then brought us four glasses of orange juice, fresh squeezed with crushed ice.

"So what's everyone hungry for?" Dolores asked.

Just then Mel walked in, "I could eat a horse!" she quipped.

Everyone laughed and Dolores went along with it, "Ok... got an order for one horse."

Eventually we all decided on French toast and sausage, and Dolores retreated to her kitchen, where she was a marvel to watch cook. And she wasn't too hard to watch in any case, with a dark olive complexion, brown eyes, and very long black hair, she could almost define the word exotic. At about 5'4", she was small featured but everything was very well proportioned. Andy noticed me watching her.

"Well, what do you think of Dolores?" he asked.

"She's very pretty and definitely knows her way around a kitchen!" I replied.

"Yes, yes she does. So would you ask her out, is she that pretty?" he asked.

This shook me up a little, but I said, "Well, yeah... don't think she'd accept though!"

"Interesting... very interesting!", he replied cryptically

Close to the end of the meal, I picked up on a little side-conversation going on between Cindy and Mel, I couldn't hear all of it, but I saw Mel show Cindy what looked like a little cloth tape measure, the kind they put in sewing boxes.

"...And look what else I found in her room," Mel said quietly, showing Cindy the tape.

"Uh... I hate to sound dumb, but... so?" Cindy replied.

"So... guess whose measurements I managed to get last night?" Mel asked.

"Huh... Oh! Oh My God that's perfect! You got 'em all?" Cindy asked back.

"Yep, every single last one we'll need... Can you say 'shopping trip'!" Mel said.

"Woo Hoo! Well done Mata Hari!" Cindy laughed, then turned her 'puppy dog' eyes on Andy and asked, "Andy honey? We need to go shopping, will you take us while Jack has his appointment with your Dad this afternoon?"

"Sure Babe, no problemo!" Andy responded with his usual glib phrase.

I assumed Mel had come out here on the spur of the moment, and didn't have much to wear. Then she found the tape so she could get her latest measurements and now she was asking Cindy to go with her and help shop for new clothes for the weekend. And she was probably thinking we were going out tonight, so I better ask Andy where we can go around here for dinner & dancing. I felt a lot better about all of the overtime that I'd put in last summer, it was already March, but my bank account was still flush!

Once we had all finished breakfast, Andy asked Cindy and Mel to go get ready for their shopping trip, and he would be up to get them as soon as his dad got there. After the girls had left, Andy got up and went over to Dolores and asked her to stop what she was doing for a little while, to come over and join us for a chat.

I wasn't at all sure what secrets Dolores held that Andy somehow thought I would be interested in, but I'd come this far, so I'd listen to anything, that anyone knew, that might help me to become closer to what I wanted to be.

"So Dolores, I think you've met my friend Jack," Andy said quietly.

"Yes, well, we ran into each other upstairs I think." she said with just the hint of a giggle, "I am sorry Jack, I wasn't laughing at what you were wearing, it was the look on your face that I couldn't help but smile at! Andy talks about you all the time, I really was so glad to finally meet you."

"Yes, I'm sorry about that, it was a little embarrassing, I don't usually sleep in a nightie. I'm afraid I'd had a little too much to drink last night," I explained.

Both Andy and Dolores gave me questioning looks, "Really... so that was the only reason you were wearing women's lingerie?" Dolores asked, then looked to Andy, who didn't look at her, and continued to stare me down. I knew what he wanted me to say, and I didn't want to say it in front of this beautiful woman.

But I'd done a lot of things recently that I didn't want to, so finally I said, "No... No, that's not true... well, its part of the reason, but the main reason is because I have had a desire to be a woman for most of my life, I'm currently waiting to see Andy's father in hopes of discovering what these desires really mean, and to see if there is anything he can do to help"

Andy was now beaming, he knew I'd taken a big step and he reached over and squeezed my arm to let me know. Dolores was smiling now too.

"In that case Jack, I'd like to tell you about myself," Dolores began, "I was born a male, my original name was Douglas..."

I think Andy had to pick up my jaw from the floor, since I can't remember closing it after it dropped like a rock from Dolores' total bombshell. She... used to be a guy... like... me? This gorgeous creature would be easier to confuse with a Brazilian Samba Queen, than an American short-order cook, she absolutely exuded femininity!

She then continued, "...We lived in Miami when I was growing up, it was a very poor area. My parents were extremely religious, and they had a really hard time with my wanting to be female. My mother realized how miserable I was and tried to help me the best she could. She bought me some female clothes and since my dad was gone a lot, I was able to wear what I wanted. But one day he came home before he was expected and saw me wearing girl's clothes and went crazy, hitting me and throwing me across the room, breaking a rib and my nose. A neighbor called police, and eventually my parents divorced because of it. Since there was a possibility of jail time for his assault, my mom got a very good settlement, which she used mostly to help me transition."

"Wow, I'm so sorry you had to go through that Dolores," I said, "well... the abuse, not your transition, you are so beautiful!"

"Aw... thanks honey, well Andy has given me a few bits and pieces of what you've been dealing with Jack, maybe not as much drama as mine, but it sounds like you have been very conflicted in dealing with it all, and that brings emotional pain." she said.

"Oh, I dunno, Andy's the very first person I've ever even told about it," I said feeling a little shy, "I guess he's the first that I ever trusted enough to tell this to. "

"I know my parents would absolutely have a cow if they knew I was about to talk with Andy's dad about all of this." I continued, "But I don't believe they would ever hurt me like that... well, certainly not physically anyway," I finished in a rather unsure tone.

"Look," Dolores said as she started searching her pockets, "here's one of my business cards, please don't hesitate to contact me at 'any' time if you need someone to talk to. Dr. Goldmann is my doctor too, and so you can always count on one of us being around if you have a problem, ok?"

"I hear ya, Dolores," I replied as I took her card, but held onto her hand, I couldn't believe this delicate woman had ever been a male, "and thank you. Thank you so much for sharing your story, and for letting me see you, and letting me see that someone so beautiful started out being a guy like I am. It means so very much to me!"

"I know sweetie! You'll be even prettier than little ol' me, you wait and see!" she replied, "besides, what matters is what's on the inside, the rest is window dressing!"

Just then an electric garage door opener popped on, and Andy said, "There's Dad!"

A few minutes later a tall, well-dressed man, with a hat and a briefcase came into the kitchen and searched the available faces. He seemed to immediately notice that his son needed a haircut, and after chiding him gently, said a warm hello to Dolores and then turned to me.

"Hello, and you must be the Jack that we all hear so much about," he said as he began to shake my hand politely, "And Andy's explained a little of your issues, apparently they lie somewhere along a similar path as our Dolores here, do they not?"

"Yes sir, I believe they do," I replied.

He suddenly realized that he still had on his driving gloves, and quickly yanked off his right hand glove, so that he could shake my hand directly. His moustache and van dyke beard were impeccably groomed, in fact everything about his appearance spoke volumes about his attention to detail. This was no 'absent minded professor', it was obvious he produced a high level of professional confidence wherever he went.

"Oh yes... Dolores, I haven't had a chance to eat at all today, would it be possible for you to throw something together for me, um... a sandwich perhaps?" he asked.

"Tch, tch! You never eat well during these conferences do you doctor?" Dolores commented, then said, "Of course, I'll bring your favorite soup and sandwich up in a few minutes, alright?"

"Ah, you're an angel my dear!" the doctor replied, then said, "And Andy... perhaps you could show Jack to my office, I'll be with him in about 10 to 15 minutes, ok?"

"Ok dad!" Andy replied, "Let's go Jack, lemme give ya the nickel tour..." he said as we both got up from the table and I followed him down a narrow hallway.

Like most Main Line, or old Philadelphia houses, their kitchen was always in the oldest part of the house, usually built anywhere from 1750 up to 1920 or so, which meant the ceilings were low. Because most of them were 3 stories, the bottom floor walls were massively thick. This left very narrow passageways through the old parts of the house. Once we passed beyond the old house's walls, it became much more open. We walked past the front door foyer, and then into another long hallway that seemed to connect with an even newer part of the building.

"This is the extension dad put in for his home office," Andy explained, "There are exam rooms, a small surgery, meeting room, a complete lab, pharmacy, and then down here a ways... is his office."

As we walked through the massive double doors into his office, I was struck by the awesome scale of this room. At its center was a large domed skylight window, that illuminated a large desk, that was so big it looked for all the world like some land locked aircraft carrier, and a bookcase return behind it. Off to the right, behind a low wall, was what appeared to be a sitting area, with thick carpeting, and very comfortable looking furniture. And to the left, also behind a little higher wall, was a more clinical looking exam area, with a tiled floor and glass cases filled with medical gear. On a wall behind the desk were many autographed celebrity photographs, and as I walked by them I had to ask Andy who they were to his dad.

"Oh those are some of his more famous clients, his specialty is sexual problems, and as you might imagine, Hollywood stars typically end up having some type of sexual issue that they need help with at some point in their careers," he explained.

"Wow, so they come out here to get help from your dad?" I asked.

"Well..." Andy replied, "it depends on a lot of things, but yeah, a lot of them do fly out here for visits, you never know when you answer the door here, just who might be on the other side, 'cause it could be someone famous!"

Andy went around flipping on lights, setting the thermostat, and turned on a big screen TV in the corner of the seating area and said, "The remote's on the coffee table, there's magazines in the rack over there... have a seat, and I'm sure he'll be here in just a few minutes."

"Oh yeah, hey Andy?" I asked, "I think Mel is worried because she came out here on the spur of the moment and doesn't have anything to wear if we go out. I thought it might be nice if we took them out, maybe tomorrow night. Maybe dinner and then out dancing? Anyway, here, I want you to make sure she can get whatever she needs when you take them shopping, ok?"

I had taken 10 hundred-dollar bills and folded them up so they were less conspicuous, and gave them to Andy as I said this.

"Yo dude!" Andy exclaimed, "Um, are you sure? I mean, my dad has credit accounts in stores he literally never even goes into, I'd be glad to take care of it for you, I'll probably be getting stuff for Cindy anyway ya know?"

"Yeah, thanks Bro, but I'm sure," I replied, "I feel bad because Mel felt she needed to come with us when I blacked out, and I'd like to make it up to her, just make sure she gets something nice, that she wants, but doesn't think she can afford."

"Well," he said, "I'll do what I can... you know women though... Oops, sorry, didn't mean anything by that. God, I'm gonna have to watch my mouth now!"

"Oh yeah?" I laughed back at him, "Well, you're always going to be my Bro, Bro! No matter what changes I may be destined for... ok?"

"Cool by me man," Andy responded, "That's ah... well that's how I feel too."

Once again he hugged me, and the hug lasted a little longer than I'd expected, but I was quickly coming to have strong feelings for this new 'brother' of mine, so that was fine.

"Well, good luck with dad," Andy said, "and I'll be back with the girls before dinnertime anyway, I'm sure they'll be hungry and tired after shopping!"

"Ok Bro!" I said, "I'll see y'all then!"

After Andy left, I wandered up to the cabinet next to the big-screen TV, I opened the cabinet doors and inside was a Sony U-matic videocassette recorder, along with a couple shelves filled with tapes. The titles all seemed to have sexual themes, and one especially stood out to me, 'Sadomasochism in the modern sexual relationship'. I looked around the room, and seriously thought about pulling that tape out and running it, but then thought better of it, it just seemed to go beyond a level of trust that I was trying very hard to establish with this doctor. Maybe another time.

"Ah! There you are," The Doctor said as he came around the corner, "I'm glad you're over here, take a seat and get comfortable, then I want you to fill out these forms for me, they are just standard medical request forms, so I can get your medical records. Also there are a couple of Q&A sheets that will help me understand your issues better, ok?"




A Learning Experience Ch. 03



"Sure Doc," I responded, "no problem."

I quickly sat down in one of the lazy boy chairs, and got to work. The doctor returned to his desk and pulled out some folders and began writing as well. Most of it was pretty standard stuff, my medical history, family history, was I taking any drugs, etc. But once past those, the questions got a lot tougher, now he was asking about specifics. When did you first feel you were the wrong gender, when did you first feel the need to wear womens clothes, and so on. I answered as honestly as I could, it was hard to believe that the first time I'd told anyone about this was just 2 weeks ago! Eventually I had finished the Q&A sheets and brought them over to the doctor's desk. I sat down in a chair at the front of the desk and waited for him to look up.

"Ah, sorry, you're so quiet I didn't hear you," he said as he smiled and reached over to take the papers from my hands. He went through them and put some of them into a folder on the desk, and the last two he sat and read very carefully. As he got towards the end, he let out a couple "Hmm-hms", and then a couple of "very interestings", and finally he seemed to pronounce this part finished with an "I see".

"Jack, you seem to be quite conflicted in how you view yourself, but that's obviously no surprise to you, in fact its whats really brought you here," he explained, "And as you may already know, such conflict isn't at all unusual in cases such as this. I'd like to start out with just a very easy therapy session with you, just for us to kind of get to know each other better. Then I want to have you take a couple of basic skills tests, you know the type, IQ tests, that type of thing. And finally today I want to do a basic neuro-muscular exam just to get a baseline going. Sound ok to you?"

"Ah... well sure," I said, "But doctor, I'm a little concerned about the cost of this therapy, how will I be able to pay for this?"

"Luckily Pennsylvania has a program to help people in your position," he responded, "and medicare will help with a number of parts involved in your particular therapy. Also there are private organizations who can help, and I'll have my secretary contact you about applying for those as you may need them."

"Oh, that makes me feel better," I sighed, "I've heard so many stories..."

"You're in good hands here Jack." he explained, "Now, sometimes you may think that we are moving awfully slowly. But there are very important reasons for doing so. You are going to be trying to 'handle' a tremendous amount of new feelings and emotions, and its your emotional and psychological health that we will be most concerned with. However as you progress, it will become more concentrated on your physical health."

"Ok doctor," I said, "what happens now?"

We transferred ourselves over to the sitting area, and he had me lie down on one of the couches to get comfortable, and then he sat and began asking a series of questions, that eventually turned into more of a conversation. Within this scenario I was finally able to really learn about what was going on within me, and why I had these feelings of actually being female, and was there an answer to help me feel better about myself.

I learned that there was a large spectrum of people that had opposite gender 'leanings', from those who enjoy just the feeling of the opposite gender's clothes. For example enjoying the feeling of silk underwear for the purpose of sexual release, to those who desire being completely clothed in the full costume, and for them its usually much more of a 'fetish' and the thrill of being discovered, or the humiliation in wearing the clothes of the opposite sex. And then there are those who have had feelings since childhood, that they should have been born as the other gender, and only feel complete when they can completely act and perform as a different gender.

The doctor asked me many questions, but one that he seemed to be the most concerned about for my answer, was when he asked if I needed to dress in female clothes in order to masturbate. I told him it wasn't required, but I did feel better when I had an orgasm when dressed that way. He then asked how I felt when I was dressed, after I'd had an orgasm. I wasn't sure what he meant, as I only ever felt fantastic afterwards, so he asked if I ever would eventually feel bad afterwards and want to take all the female clothes off immediately. To which I said 'no way', I love to be dressed as often as possible, and wished I could stay like that forever, especially after an orgasm. Of course, what flashed through my mind were the bad feelings that I had when I used bondage to have an orgasm, but I just felt that was something totally different than my cross-dressing and gender issues, so I didn't want that to interfere right now. I know he saw my hesitation, but he continued on in any case.

He didn't really ask me many more questions after this answer, and once he had finished writing his notes, he said, "Ok Jack, We've run a little long with our talk here, so I just want to run a baseline neuro-muscular test, and then I think we'll be finished for today. Come with me over to the exam area please."

We both walked over to the little tiled area, it looked like any regular doctor's exam room, except there seemed to be a lot more electronic equipment around. At my age just the sight of an exam table could get me nervous, too many unknowns, and especially too many unknown instruments lying around, looking very sharp and nasty.

"Alright Jack," the doctor began, "I need all your clothes off... you can put them in this little closet here, and here's a gown for you to wear in the meantime. You can leave your socks on if you like, it can get cool in here."

I only wish I could have had a picture of myself right after he said that, I probably looked exactly like the proverbial 'deer in the headlights'. I completely froze, as it just wasn't something I was even slightly expecting.

"Well... um... ah-are you sure th-that..." I stuttered.

"Yes, yes... c'mon Jack," he said firmly, "the sooner we get this done, the sooner you can get back to your friends."

I began moving, as if to my execution. The doctor left, and went back over to his desk to finish his notes and continued to ask if I was ready the whole time I was undressing.

I finally finished a few minutes later and sat on the end of the exam table, as if I was waiting to be hung for some terrible crime. The 'gown' was one of those awful paper things that doesn't cover much of anything, and just makes you feel silly.

"Ok Jack," he said, "Just relax and scoot back up the table a bit... that's it! Now lay down, and try to stay as still as you can."

He was simply a flurry of activity as he yanked yards of electrical leads out from under the table, then put my legs straight and pulled out a little ledge for them to lie on. Next he brought the back support up a few inches, and then propped up my head on the table's headrest. He quickly grabbed a strap from under my back area and fastened it around my torso and arms, and another one at about my crotch and wrists, and the last one he fastened around my legs, just below the knees, so I was basically going nowhere.

"Are you doing ok Jack?" he asked, "I have to immobilize you somewhat so that the sensors only pick up the signals we want them to; you won't be like this for long."

"Y-yeah... I-I'm f-fine doc", I lied, unfortunately as scared as all of this was making me, my cock was betraying me and getting just as hard as it could. Not that the doctor noticed, he was way too busy attaching leads to various spots on my skin, I'd guess he must have put over a hundred leads on me.

"Um... what are you measuring Doc?" I asked, "If you don't mind me asking?"

"Ah!" he replied, after taking a look at the only thing moving on my body.

"Don't worry," He said soothingly, "it's NOT measuring what you think!"

He then continued, "In the past, we relied too heavily on the questionable practice of phallometry, which pretty much lacked any critical supporting data to back up its claims of being an instrument able to determine the level of a male's sexual arousal." 

After seeing the blank look on my face, he decided to translate, "Phallometry refers to the measurement of blood flow to your penis Jack. Just because you're getting an erection doesn't necessarily mean you are being 'turned on' by anything going on around you right now... ok?"

"Oh... OH!" I replied, as I suddenly understood, "You mean your body can get erections for other reasons besides sexual attraction to a specific thing or person?"
'
"Exactly!", he exclaimed, "Too many people have used that simple bodily function to judge the motivations of an incredibly complex machine, the human mind!"

"Wow," I said as I pondered all the times I'd seen a guy get a hard-on in the men's showers, and then be cruelly taunted as being 'shown' to be gay with 'you must be gay, look at how hard your dick is right now!'

"Somehow I always knew there HAD to be something else involved!" I said as the doctor simply smiled his silent agreement.

Finally he put a plastic band around my temple that seemed to have several sensors built into it. Once that was done, he busily worked on a keyboard and monitor that was behind my head. Then when he seemed to be happy with the beeps and boops that it was spitting out, he looked down at me, saying he was ready, and quickly snapped one more strap across my head, making that immobile. He reached above my head and pulled down a large TV monitor so that it took up almost my entire field of view.

"Jack..." he said, "You will see a series of pictures on this TV, after each picture you will be shown a set of symbols. I want you to tell me which symbol best reflects how you feel about the picture you just saw... ok?"

And after I said ok, off we went, some pictures had obvious sexual connotations and others just seemed to be filler, and others... wow, they were just plain weird. But true to his word, within about 15 minutes, he was unstrapping everything and asking me to get redressed again. Once I'd done that, I walked back over to his desk, where he was writing furiously again.

"Doctor?" I asked, "Is there anything else you need from me today?"

He took a sharp intake of air, and then sighed it back out just as quickly, "Jack, my diagnosis will undoubtedly be gender dysphoria. And my initial assessment is that you should be considered for full reassignment... Oh, please take a seat... I know this may be a lot for you to take in right now, but as time passes I'm afraid your own body will grow more and more repugnant to you, and based on your responses today, you may even begin wanting to hurt yourself."

He was right, it was a lot to take in, actually more than I thought. I always knew he might say exactly what he said, but now that he had said it...

"You have a very good psychological makeup right now, in other words, you have found various 'coping methods' that work for you, but those have only a finite capacity to provide you with enough mental stability to continue to function normally."

"So, if I'm hearing what you're saying right," I replied, "my continued mental health as Jack is doubtful, and so its important that I get my gender straight with my own mental image of myself, and 'become' Joscelyn all the time?"

"Well... yes, that's pretty close," he said, "is Joscelyn the female name you prefer?"

"Yes," I explained, "It was the name of a heroine in an old French love story that a girlfriend in high school was always talking about, I always loved that name."

"Alright Joscelyn," he again replied, "I'll write that down as your transition name then, you can't use it legally until the formal name change is completed, but that's the one I'll use to address you from now on."

Suddenly my head went spinning as I thought of how my parents would deal with all of this, that is to say, how they wouldn't be able to deal with any of this.

"Oh shit... sorry," I whined, "My parents will never go along with this... no way! Oh God, they get freaked if I change my class schedule, they'll kill me if I come home and tell them I'm going change my gender!"

"Well Jack," he said evenly, "you're above the legal age to make such decisions at this point, so I don't see where they would be able to stop you. Do you feel that you would be in danger there, once you start your transition?"

"Maybe not in danger exactly," I continued, "but it would be very difficult to have any kind of a normal life, that's for sure."

"In that case," the doctor suggested, "why not stay with us during this time, at least until you're fit and able to find another place of your own?"

"T-that is so... I don't know what to say," I stuttered, "Thank you, thank you for making such a kind offer, but I hope I won't need it."

"I hope so too Joscelyn," he said, "but in any case, you'll be able to take care of yourself and make this important change in your life, without too much stress. So why don't you forget about this for now, and go see if you can find Andy and your girlfriend... what was her name again?"

"Melissa," I said, "But we all call her Mel."

"Mmm, that's a pretty name too," he replied, "alright, we'll talk more tomorrow... Oh wait, I have some things I need you to start right away."

He jumped up from his desk and simply said, "Follow me, you'll be able to go back upstairs from there, it will be easier for you."

We turned and walked out of those huge double doors of his office and quickly down a little hall, and up to a door that was labeled 'pharmacy'. The doctor tapped a number into a small keypad next to the door handle, then a buzzer went off for a second before he grabbed the door's handle and opened the door. After we were inside, he pondered the various shelves and grabbed a couple of small transparent gold bottles before going over to some of the larger bottles up on a high shelf. Next he carefully counted out one type of little blue pill, then did the same for some white capsules, and finally put a large amount of red capsules into the last little gold bottle and brought them all over to where I was, wrote down some instructions on their labels and handed them to me.

"Take 1 of these," he started explaining, "3 times a day with meals, 2 of these once a day, time isn't important, take them whenever its convenient, and 2 of these every morning before you eat. Any questions?"

"I-I guess not," I was stuttering again, "But... what do they do again?"

"Ah! Of course... we already talked about them a little bit, but I'll go over them once again for you," he said softly, "Well, the little blue ones are Valium, to help with the stress you'll feel as you go through this process, and the others are for your HRT or hormone replacement therapy. The white ones are a special formulation of estrogens and progestogens, and the red ones are antiandrogens. Now remember to take them today because I'll be giving you a booster injection tomorrow, and I need them in your system ahead of that... well, I think that's everything, I'll see you tomorrow... ok?"

"Ok doctor," I said, "And I can't thank you and Andy enough... for everything."

I managed to find my way back to the kitchen by backtracking through the various hallways and foyers I came through earlier. As I got to one of the windows that looked out to the driveway, I could see Andy's car was not there. Wow, it was 3:30 in the afternoon and Andy and the girls were still not back yet. I went upstairs and decided I'd see if a nap might be possible before they got home, after last night, I sure could use it. I sprinted up the steps to our bedroom, and closed the door.

My mind was flooded with all the emotions and pent-up frustration of wanting to be a woman for so long, and now... was it really going to happen? It still didn't seem real; this was probably all going to disappear when I awoke... I remembered the little blue pills, opened the bottle and took one with a glass of water, when I looked down and also realized I should take the others now too, so I popped their tops and got out the required number and downed them as well, laid down, and I fell into a deep sleep. 



A Learning Experience Ch. 04



Katina was slightly shaken when she got home that night. She did not know how this had happened to her. All she had wanted was extra credit so that she would pass Professor Johnson's class, and now she had been violated by a group of people that she would never know . . . she could walk right by them on the street and they would know that they had fucked her, but she would never know. That night Katina cried herself to sleep.

Katina continued going to most of her classes, but could not bring herself to go to Professor Johnson's anymore, for fear of what he or Billy would tell her to do. Every night she seemed to cry herself to sleep. She could hardly believe what had happened to her, and she did not know yet the full impact of that night.

It was about a month and a half after that horrible night that Katina realized she had missed her period. Scared more than she could ever remember, even more than when she realized she was about to be gang raped, Katina drove to the local pharmacy and bought a pregnancy test. Reading the directions three times before performing the test, to make sure she got it right. Waiting for the test to come up with its answer was the longest few minuets of her life. When she saw the plus sign she fell to the floor crying. This could not be happening to her.

After throwing up a few times, when she felt she could stand, she slowly walked back to her room and with trembling fingers she dialed her telephone. 

"Professor Jonathan Johnson here, how may I be of assistance?" Jonathan's smooth tenor rolled across the miles of wires.

"Professor this is Katina, we need to talk. I would prefer not to do this over the phone."

"Come to class today, and then afterwards we can go to my office. I have been rather disappointed that you have not been coming to class." With that he hung up the phone.

Knowing that she had to go to class today she went to her closest and found a thick blue sweater and a pair of loose jeans. Dressing with infinite care so that she did not look very desirable she headed for class. Once she got there she sat in the very back again. Billy kept leering over his shoulder at her during the class, making her feel incredibly uncomfortable. 

Class ended and Katina ran to Professor Johnson's office. She choose to sit in one of the hard plastic chairs as far from his desk as she could.

As Jonathan got to his office he knew something was wrong. Katina was lightly crying he could hear her through the door she had left partly open. "Your going to have to make this fast I have places to be this afternoon."

Taking a deep breath Katina decided that the easiest way to address this would be to just cut to the chase and tell him, "Jonathan, I am pregnant. The only times I have had sex in the last two months was with you and then that horrible night at Billy's. I don't know what I am going to do."

Jonathan was a little surprised by the news; he had not stopped to think about what would happen if she got pregnant. At the moment all he could think about was if it felt any different to fuck a pregnant girl than one with an empty womb. In that instant he knew one thing, Katina was going to have to carry this baby, because he wanted to fuck her throughout the pregnancy. She was his sex slave and it was about time he started treating her as one. Hell he could probably get some money from some of the other faculty members to fuck her, and know that they could not get her pregnant as that was already taken care of. "Ok, I will tell you what you are going to do. Firstly I am going to fuck you again today, and every Wednesday from now until you give birth. Yes, you are going to carry this child, I don't care if you give it away once you whelp the bastard, but you will carry it. And I think that there are some other faculty members that will want to fuck you for the same reason. You will come here ever Tuesday and Thursday and do whatever whoever is in here says to do. Now take your close of and lay down on my desk."

Katina could not believe her ears. Was it not bad enough that she had suffered through a gang rape, now she must willingly be fucked three times a week at least and two of those times at least she would not know who she was going to fuck until she got to the office. Deciding that it would do no good to anger Jonathan, Katina started to pull her blue sweater off, and then slid her jeans to the floor. Stepping out of her flip flops she started unclasping the back clasp on her white cotton bra, tossing it to the floor she pulled her white cotton panties off as well. Dejected she walked over to the desk and crawled on top spreading her legs for the onslaught soon to occur.

Seeing Katina spread on his desk with her spirit broken was one of the biggest turn ons Jonathan had ever seen. He could feel that his cock was hard but Katina looked pretty dry . . . he may want to fuck her, even against her will, but he did not really want to hurt her today. Sliding his fingers between the dry lips of her pussy Jonathan started rubbing his finger over her clit. He could see her nipples harden as he played in her pussy, slipping a finger in her slit he could feel the moisture he craved. Adding a second finger he moved them around until they were coated in her wetness, then he put her juices all over her pussy. Jonathan could hear Katina making sounds of pleasure as he rubbed her juices over her pussy. Soon he realized that he was not spreading just the juices that he had gathered from her pussy, but that her pussy was coating itself in juices. 

Katina was amazed at how quickly her body was reacting to Jonathan's touch. In her mind she did not want to have sex with Jonathan ever again, but her body was sending different messages. Katina was upset with her body's reaction but she also knew that if she did not come now she would be in a constant state of arousal until she did, and when she was left in a state of arousal even her clothing seemed to make her stay even more aroused, sort of like her clothing held in her arousal. She wanted to beg Jonathan to take her now, to drive his cock deep into her, but at the same time she refused to give him that type of victory over her.

Jonathan decided that she was ready enough for him now. Unbuttoning his pants he pushed then down far enough to just pull his cock from his boxers, staying basically fully clothed to future humiliate Katina. Rubbing his cock head over her clit a couple times, to get it nice and covered in her pussy juices. As his cock head was rubbing over her clit Jonathan heard her whimper in pleasure. Not being able to hold out any longer Jonathan shoved his cock deep into her body, sinking himself all the way inside in one thrust. Her pussy still felt incredibly tight, he was happy that had not changed since the first time he fucked her here in this very office.

Slowly Jonathan started to move his cock in and out of her pussy. He knew how good it felt to fuck Katina fast and hard, but today he wanted something a bit more tender. With control that Jonathan did not know he had, he slowly rocked in and out of the young pussy before him. He watched her face as she closed her eyes and moaned in pleasure. Reaching forward he pinched her right nipple hard.

The added sensation of having her nipple abused was too much for Katina. She screamed as she came.

Seeing the rapture on her face and hearing her excitement was all it took to cause Jonathan to spill his come inside of the hot sheath incasing him. Pulling his cock from her filled hole, he sat back in his chair, "get down here and lick my cock clean."

Katina did what Jonathan told her to, as she did not want to get into any more trouble than she was already in.

While Katina was licking and sucking his cock, Jonathan looked down at the back of her head. Deciding that he knew just who would really appreciate fucking the fine piece of ass before him Jonathan picked up the phone, "Hello, Ray. I think I may have something in my office that you would be interested in."

Hearing Jonathan speaking on the phone Katina looked up. She saw Jonathan shake his head and push her face back toward his cock. 

"Oh no, this is a sophomore. ... She will do anything that you want. ... Bareback is fine. ... Yeah she already has a brat breeding in her. ... She is a good cock sucker, hell she is sucking mine right now. ... Today? Well her pussy has been filled already. ... Yeah if you want to come down to my office and fuck her today, that is fine. I have class to teach in about a half hour, how about you come down then. ... Ok Ray, and remember she is not to refuse you anything, if she tries call my cell and I will come and deal with her." 

Katina looked up at Jonathan, wondering what was going to happen to her next.

"Ok you can stop sucking on me. Go to the bathroom down the hall and clean your pussy as best you can. Then come back here and wait for Ray. He is going to have fun with you."

Katina got up and put her clothing back on then walked slowly down the hall. Grabbing some paper towels, she got them wet, and then went into one of the three stalls. She wiped up as much of Jonathan's cum from her pussy as she could. Then throwing the paper towels in the small garbage can in the stall she left the bathroom and went back to the office that had became the bain of her existence. When she got to the office, Jonathan had already left to head to his next class. Katina sat down on the hard plastic chair and tried to blend into the décor of the office.

Ray walked down the hallway toward the office. He knew that Jonathan would not let him down; if Jonathan called him about this girl, it was going to be good. Just thinking about it was getting his cock hard. Ray smile slightly as he felt his cock push against the zipper on his jeans, at least he would not have to waste time getting hard. As he got to the office he opened the door and walked in letting the door close behind him.

"Uncle Raymond!!" Katina exclaimed as she saw Ray enter the office.

"Katina! Are you um... waiting for Professor Johnson?"

"Um not exactly."

"So, you're the piece that he promised me, hmmm?"

Katina just blushed, she wanted to say no, that she was waiting for a friend, but she knew that Ray would just call Jonathan and then she would be in even more trouble.

"Jon said that you were knocked up. Bet your mother doesn't know about that does she . . . based on the flush from the blush I will take that as a no. I am thinking that since we are not directly related, you know my wife is your mother's sister, that I will still take a piece of your ass."

"Uncle Raymond no please, don't do this to me." Katina pleaded.

"You are just like your mother. A tease. I was told I would have you so I will have you. Now get those fucking clothes off." Ray said as he unzipped his jeans and lowered then to his knees as he sat down in Jonathan's leather desk chair.

Katina started to cry as she removed her jeans and sweater. She would not meet her uncle's eyes as she slowly approached him nude.

"Now climb up here and fuck me." 

Katina looked at his lap, his cock was short and thin, she did not know how she would ever be able to cum with that in her. Straddling his lap with one leg over each arm of the chair Katina positioned Ray's cock at her entrance. She was still crying as she lowered herself completely on him.

Ray was ecstatic that she was crying as tears, be they pain or humiliation, always made his cock harder. He knew that he did not have a big cock, hell he did not even have an average size cock, but he still got off fucking girls with less power than he. He also knew that the easiest way to turn a humiliated girl into a scared on is to fuck with their minds as you fuck their twat. "If you do not stop that fucking crying bitch I will smack you upside the head to hard that your ear will bleed." Ray threatened as he pulled her head back by her hair exposing her long neck.

Katina tried to stop crying at Ray's threat but it just made her cry harder in fear of being hurt.

Seeing her neck so exposed Ray could not stop himself, he leaned forward and bit her neck, sucking her skin into his mouth, leaving a dark purple bruise in his wake; moving from her neck down to suck on her right tit. She continued to whimper and cry in fear, as she bounced on his cock. Ray knew was close to coming but he wanted to fill her ass with his come. "Get your slut ass off me and get on all fuck fours on the floor." Ray said as he pushed her hard enough that she fell to the floor in front of him.

Katina started to cry harder at the pain added from the fall. She moved as fast as she could to get on her hands and knees, so that Ray did not get any angrier. As she got her ass in the air, she felt Ray's small cock jam into her.

Ray pumped his cock in her tight ass a couple times then spilled his come all over inside her ass. Standing up he pulled his pants up. Pulling his cell phone from his pocket he dialed Jonathan's number, getting his voice mail he left the message, "Prime piece, did great cried the entire time, oh yeah she's my niece, good choice. I'll call you when I got one for you."

Katina had curled into a little ball on the floor. She thought she had felt used before after the gang rape, it was nothing in comparison to being fucked by your own uncle.

Ray looked down at Katina, he knew that she was upset. He also knew that she did not have an orgasm as they fucked, it always made him happy knowing that he was able to get off but that the girl, and they were always girls, did not orgasm because he either had then to scared or in too much pain to come. Ray was smiling as he left his niece curled into a dejected ball behind the desk of his co-worker.



A Learning Experience Ch. 04



---

This is chapter 4, My apologies for the delay in getting this out, I only hope it was worth the wait. And I must also hope my readers understand that I have kept BDSM in the tags for this story because I have always had a serious interest in S&M, and this chapter begins my exploration of that new world. Sorry if this takes away from your enjoyment of the story, but it is a part of many TG's lives and therefore I believe its germane to this story overall. Cheers! -- Joscelyn

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Chapter 04

----------

After admitting a long kept secret desire to become a woman to my three best friends at college, I've begun therapy with Andy's dad, a well-known psychiatrist, who feels that I should attempt to be a woman full time. I am staying the weekend at Andy's house while meeting with his dad and have just finished my first day of therapy. I crashed for a nap waiting for Andy and the girls to get home after an afternoon shopping trip.

As I am floating through space and time, I am slowly beginning to recognize voices around me, as if a long way off and I can only hear them as echoes.

"Aww, so adorable!" voice X says, "I can't wake her, I don't have the heart."

"We have to," voice Y says, "You heard what he said, she needs to keep up her meds."

There is a loud sigh, "Alright sister... but let me do it my way, ok?" voice X says.

"Whatever, just hurry up, dinner will be ready in 30 minutes!" voice Y exclaims, "I'll see you downstairs hun!"

Once again I am left in silence, and I begin to fall, slowly at first, like rolling down a hill, then faster, and faster, until suddenly I've fallen off the edge of a cliff! However, just before the edge, a hand reaches out and catches me. I'm dangling, looking down... my feminine form is unmistakable, my legs pedaling through a dark mist are blocked from view at times by my breasts, when I suddenly look up... clouds are flying by overhead, and now I can see the hand that has me in its clutches. It's strangely familiar, well-manicured, soft skin, and opaque coloring, but all is dark around me... 'Melissa', I call out softly, it's hard to breathe for some reason, and I can't get enough air in my lungs to yell for her to hear me. Now there is a sudden lightning flash, followed by a loud clap of thunder. I can see her figure above me for fractions of a second. I pull all my strength into one great scream to make her hear me, make her rescue me from my darkness... I scream – and I am suddenly bathed in light, but it's from the lamp next to our bed. Then I hear another thunder clap, it sounds like a thunderstorm outside.

"Jack?" Mel asked, "Are you ok Jack? You were yelling my name just now."

"Yes my darling," I answered, "I'm fine now. I think it was a nightmare."

Sitting on the bed next to me, she is holding my right hand in both of hers, stroking the tops of my fingers, then bringing it to her mouth and kissing each finger. I take my left hand and my fingers stroke her face, taking soft swipes of her cheeks.

"What time is it honey?" I asked.

"Oh... it's about 6:15, almost time for supper baby!" she answered.

"So there's a rain storm outside?" I asked, not sure if it too, was part of the dream.

"Mm-mm, yeah it's getting pretty bad, good night to stay home," she said.

"Mel?" I quietly asked, in more of a prayer than a question.

"Yes baby?" she replied.

"Mel?" I asked again, "Mel... I think... I think I'm... I'm falling in love with you."

"And Mel?" I quickly continued, "There's just so much going on right now... and..."

The tears in my eyes finally had nowhere else to go and I wrapped my arms around her beautiful torso, burying my head into her abdomen, I couldn't speak anymore.

"I know," Mel said as she stroked my long blond hair, "I know, and I love you too... so much baby."

"But..." I started to say, "Will you still love me... once I'm... when... oh hell..."

"Alright now... you have to listen to me about this!" she declared and held my head up so we would be eye-to-eye, "I will love you whether you decide to use the name Jack, or Joscelyn, or... Humpty Dumpty... ok? I'm in love with what's here my darling, not here," she said, pointing to my heart, and then to my crotch.

"How did I get so lucky?" I said shaking my head through the tears, "How did I ever manage to find you... you are... amazing... lovely... generous... beautiful... compassionate... and loyal," I finished each word by kissing her at a different point on her face.

"You must just live right, I guess," she laughed, "Now c'mon, Dolores has supper ready, and everyone wants to hear about your day, and I want to tell you about mine!"

"I love you," I said.

"And I love you baby," she replied, "now c'mon!"

She finally got me awake enough to stumble out of our bed, being accompanied all the way down to the kitchen by massive thunderclaps and lightning strikes outside. Surprisingly we were right on time, and everyone was starting to sit down to a beautifully laid out table, Dolores had really out-done herself that much was clear.

"There's plenty of candles around," Dolores was saying, "in case the lights go out again, and I've made rack-of-lamb with my special mint sauce for dinner!"

There were Ooohs and Aahs flying from everyone's lips, as we all now remembered just how bloody hungry we really were! Finally Andy's father joined us, and Dolores served all the dishes, and sat down herself. The doctor then did the honors, opening the wine and letting it 'breathe', and then we each sent our glass around for filling. It was then, that I knew exactly what I needed to do. I felt it so strongly that nothing could have made me change my mind about it right then. Once we all had our wine, I took my butter knife and tapped it against the rim of my glass.

"My dear friends!" I announced, "My very dearest of friends, I want to raise a toast to the people who seem to care about me most, who care about me so much that they are willing to love me no matter what gender I may need to become, and are willing to provide any help I need in order that I might finally be comfortable with my self. What better definition of 'friend' could there possibly be? It has taken a seemingly long time to get to this point, but I can only count myself as the luckiest of people, man or women, that has ever lived on this planet, and I owe you all a great debt of thanks... Cheers!"

"Cheers!" all of my friends replied, and after everyone drank, there were claps as well.

We then chowed down to one of the best dinners I'd ever had. Everyone seemed interested in how I was feeling about my future. We didn't really talk about any of the specifics that were part of my therapy. I asked several questions of Dolores, about how she was able to transition, and how she went about making all the adjustments to her life, it was an amazing story!

"And so how did the shopping expedition go?" I asked.

This seemed to get a pretty good laugh, so whatever happened must have been interesting, but suddenly everything stopped with a lot of sideways glances and snickering remarks that I wasn't catching.

"Well... were you able to find what you were looking for honey?" I asked Mel.

"Oh you bet!" she answered, "We found some truly incredible stuff, you'll be really amazed baby, I promise!"

"Mmm, well I can't wait!" I said.

Mel smiled as she replied, "Oh yeah sweetie, its gonna rock your world!"

Suddenly I had Mel's hand working itself up my leg under the table, and wasn't sure that this was such a good idea right at this particular moment.

"Would you like some dessert Jack?" Dolores asked me.

"Aaaah, yeah... s-sounds r-really... um... grooo-great!" I tried to answer.

"Jack just loves sweet things, don't you Jack?" Mel asked between giggles.

Finally we were able to get through dinner, but just barely without causing a scene. When Mel dropped her napkin, and was under the table picking it up, she managed to get 'peter' out of his zippered compartment, and I nearly lost it right then. Andy and I volunteered to clean up the dishes after Dolores had cooked such a fabulous meal!

Once the Doc and Dolores excused themselves for the night, that brought my anxiety level down considerably. It didn't take us long to clean up the kitchen, and load up the dishwasher. Cindy and Mel then excused themselves to set up a private showing of what they bought that afternoon. I asked Andy if he had any idea what they were up to, because they had been rather secretive all during dinner, but he just said that he went and looked through some music stores while they were buying clothes, so he would be just as surprised as I was. A few minutes later, a dejected Mel showed up as Andy and I finished cleaning the last few things in the kitchen.

"I'm sorry Andy," Mel said in a sad voice, "we forgot a couple things that we'll need in one of the stores we went to. Could you be a dear and drive me over there?"

"Well..." Andy began, "it's a pretty ugly night, is it that important?"

"Oh please, please..." Mel begged, "I promise you'll love the result!"

"Oh! In that case..." Andy declared, "no problemo babe!"

"Keep yourself busy sweetie!" She said to me, "We'll be back in a half hour, tops!"

After Andy and Melissa had left, I wandered over into the game room, where Andy had a nice stereo system, a big-screen TV and several arcade style machines, as well as a few pinball machines, and one regulation sized pool table in the middle of the room. A few minutes later, just as I had cranked up the stereo with an FM radio station that was playing Abracadabra by Steve Miller, Cindy strode in and I was definitely spellbound!

She was just smokin' hot! Dressed in a black calf's leather corset, the scent was delicious and the cups just barely covered her tits. Her skirt was also made of calf's leather, but had no 'back end', and just a 3-inch strap went around the bottom of the skirt's 'hem'. It was barely covering her magnificent ass, and this was combined with a 2-inch black leather belt that had a 6 or 8-foot leather whip coiled up and hanging from it. She also wore a leather dog collar, with a set of D rings at the cardinal points. Black fishnet pantyhose and black thigh-high calf's leather boots with 6-inch heels finished the look. And what a look! The most deadly looking wet dream that anyone could possibly have put together, and there she was, standing in front of ME!

Suddenly I noticed something vaguely familiar, Cindy's hair was 'up' in a bun on top of her head. But... I had seen this before...

"Wait..." I said, "It was you, wasn't it? You! Yes... It WAS you that day!!"

It had been just a few days into September, I was desperately late for my second class of the afternoon and the halls were empty. Just as I rounded a corner before a teacher's office door, I saw 'her' coming out of that door. She hadn't had a chance to close her long coat yet, and she was lighting a cigarette. Under her coat she was wearing a complete dominatrix outfit, and it was 'exactly' the same one that she had on tonight, she even had her hair the same way.

Cindy's face now had a red sheen to it, as she smiled, then almost skipped over to me, crouched down, and in nearly a whisper said, "Yes Jack... it was me, I thought this might finally jog your memory, I kept wondering when you might remember me, as I knew it was you that saw me. I was just finishing up a job for a teacher that wanted a silly little fantasy fulfilled, so for a passing grade, he got his wish. Don't worry, it was nothing really sexual, he just wanted to be paddled by a 'teacher'."

"Wow, you do look incredible by-the-way," I said, "I had so many fantasies of my own come up after seeing you in that doorway... wait... Oh! That's why all the 'looks' you had been giving me... You must have thought I was trying to play some kind of game or something, you didn't know that I never recognized you!"

"Yeah," she replied, "I was so pissed that you wouldn't say anything, then about the third day after we first met, I realized you just didn't know that it had been me!"

"I could not figure that out," I said, "Sometimes it looked like you were shooting arrows at me with your eyes! Its made me feel uneasy around you ever since!"

"Now Jack... I need one favor..." Cindy asked, "We each know something rather... well, embarrassing about the other, right? So please don't tell Andy, hmm? He knows I used to do stuff like that, but it won't help anything to tell him about it now, ok?"

"Ok Cindy," I agreed, especially since it happened long before she and Andy had become friends, "You've been a good friend to both Andy and I, that's not too much to ask. So now what?"

"Well," Cindy continued, "I set this up so Andy and Mel would be gone for a little while. I thought maybe you and I could clear up my 'identity' and perhaps just get... a little better acquainted?"

Cindy then sat down on the couch next to me and got comfortable. She looked as sultry and sexy as any woman I've ever seen, and if I wasn't as in love with Mel as I was, I might have been sorely tempted to cheat on her right then!

"Ha, ha!" Cindy laughed, "Oh Jack, that's not exactly what I meant, but thank you for undressing me with your eyes, always makes a woman feel good to be desired!"

"Oh," I said rather timidly, "and so what did you have in mind?"

"Jack..." She continued, "What do you know about sadomasochism?"

Now it was my turn to blush, "It's a type of fetish, isn't it?" I said.

"Mmm, yes, it is that," she explained, "and a good deal more. I've talked to Mel about you and she feels that you have some interest in the bondage aspects of the S&M 'lifestyle'. There's a lot to this lifestyle Jack, more than I think you're really ready for with everything else you're dealing with right now. So I've been hesitant to bring it up with you, but I would like to get some idea of what parts of S&M you find exciting, and also what you might find a 'turn off'. Do you mind...?"

She paused to light her cigarette, and did so after I shook my head to show I didn't mind. Then crossing her fishnet covered legs, and taking a deep drag, she again settled back into the couch, giving me a truly exotic image, one that was burning into my mind just as vividly as any playboy centerfold I'd ever stared at while trying to get off.

"You see Jack," Cindy continued, "I've been Mel's mistress for the past year or so, ever since she discovered her own 'needs' within S&M. She's hoping that you might become her mistress, once you have become Joscelyn. I've agreed to help with this, if you are agreeable, first to see if you are 'top' material, then to train you to become a responsible dominatrix, and finally to bring you into our sisterhood. This will all take time and effort on your part, which won't begin until you're well into your transition, but which should also help your transformation into Joscelyn, as well as other benefits."

"Our first and most important rule," she then declared, "is the SSC rule, and that stands for Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Mostly this is so each party knows, ahead of time, what activities are expected, that's the 'consensual' part. The safe and sane parts should be pretty self explanatory!"

"I see," I began saying, "but before you go any further, I think that I need to explain myself a little better perhaps. When Mel and I had our 'talk' about S&M, I did tell her something about my own desires relating to that, but I also stopped the conversation as soon as I could. The reason is... I get terribly embarrassed after having an orgasm using bondage, almost as if I can't really control myself. I worry about wanting to tie others up and I have this awful feeling that I might end up hurting someone... is any of that normal, or is this all just my own fears?"

"These are very normal feelings Jack," Cindy explained, "and it's the reason the SSC rule came into being, so that people wouldn't be hurt, or at least not hurt in any way that they are not expecting... now, like I said, this is a lot to 'take in' all at once, so I thought we might start you off tonight with some simple 'role play', as Mel and I take you down the path of feminization."

"Really?" I asked, "I love role play, but I'm not sure I understand... feminization?"

"Yes... as Joscelyn honey," she again explained, "we're going to create a scenario where we will want to 'bring back' Joscelyn, and while you probably won't really mind going through the 'conversion', we'll use it as a kind of 'test case' to use S&M within the scenario and see how you react to it in that environment. And if you like it, then we can move forward perhaps with more involved aspects... ok?"

"Oh... wow, yes... I definitely would like to try that!" I exclaimed.

"Ok, now," Cindy continued, "so you know how SSC works, we'll go through what you can expect for this scenario, we will only use basic restraints, nothing that you probably haven't already seen, or even used yourself. We may use some minor tickling and massage on you, but only for your own sexual excitement. Does this sound acceptable?"

I really didn't know what to say, although I knew I'd probably say yes to just about anything this gorgeous creature asked of me. But then her eyes narrowed and she said, "But this is absolute... during the scenario, and while you are under my control, you MUST refer to me ONLY as 'Mistress', and you must comply with my demands on you instantly and without question, to refuse is a matter of discipline, and may be dealt with quite severely. If you feel I am taking you beyond your 'comfort zone' Jack, you will have two 'safe words'... 'White' will mean a temporary 5-minute stoppage in our role-play, if you feel that you just need some time to recover. 'Red' can only be used to stop the role-play completely... Once you use 'red', the role play ends and we will have to re-consider whether you would be a good 'fit' for our S&M lifestyle... do you agree to these terms?"

"I-I... um..." I was stuttering again (well, wouldn't you?), "Sure... um... I'll agree Cindy... white and red, right?"

Cindy was smiling at my naiveté, and tried to speak soothingly, "Alright then, oh... one more thing to remember, if for some reason you cannot speak, contracting one leg, or 'jerking' it up and down, will be taken for 'white'. If both legs are used, that will be taken as a 'red'... ok?"

I couldn't imagine what that really meant, but no doubt I would end up finding out. At this point my cock was rock hard and straining for release. So I knew that whatever happened from here on tonight, I was going to be ready for it!

"Ok Cindy!" I declared, "Where do we go from here?"

"Once Andy and Mel get back," she explained, "just get Andy in here and wait for the 'play' to begin, ok?"

"Does Andy know what's going to happen?" I asked.

"Oh no, not at all!" she laughed, "I'm sure he'll love everything we come up with though, so don't worry about that."

"Well, I just want to make sure he'll be ok with it, he's been incredibly nice to me and I wouldn't want to do anything to upset things, ya know?" I said.

Now Cindy went very quiet, sighing and shaking her head slightly, she finally spoke up and said, "You really don't have a clue, do you?"

I gave her a surprised expression, and simply shook my head in confusion.

She gave another huge sigh before saying, "Honey... remember Andy's bi-sexual?"

"Um... yeah, sure but..." I replied.

"He's been infatuated with you, ever since he first laid eyes on you," she continued, "Mel told me that you really had no idea, but I just feel like you should know this."

"Oh!" I replied, "Oh jeez, Cindy... let me put your mind at rest on this one, Andy and I have talked about our feelings for each other, and he feels exactly the same as I do, we both feel a brotherly love for each other, and that's all... really!"




A Learning Experience Ch. 04



"I could never leave here," I continued, "without making sure that you know that Andy loves you, and I know he doesn't have any feelings like that for me... I only hope you can believe that!"

Once again Cindy was slowly shaking her head with a smile on her face as she said, "Oh honey, you are a treasure!"

Then she seemed to brighten as she continued, "One day I'm sure you'll begin to understand, but thanks for caring about us. I know Andy loves me sweetie, he has a very big heart, and there's a lot of room in there for everyone, so for now don't worry about it, ok?"

Suddenly I had another question, "Cindy, I'm a little confused about something you said earlier though... about 'if I was a top'?"

"Well honey," she said, "don't worry too much about that right now, either. Within S&M there are dominants, or tops like me... submissives, or bottoms like Mel, and very rarely we find what are known as 'switches'. A 'switch' is someone who can enjoy both sides, top and bottom, depending on their partner. And just because they are rare, it doesn't mean they are necessarily better, in fact many switches will tell you its more of a curse that a benefit, but it does give them a lot of flexibility in the lifestyle."

After a long drag on her cigarette, Cindy then continued, "I don't know if you remember the conversation we had when you first told us you wanted to really be a woman? We needed to go through that little 'interrogation' to find out if you were a cross-dresser, which are usually submissive. Now you had a serious need to be a woman, at which point I felt you had a dominant streak in you... based on the look you shot back at me after I demonstrated what would happen if you 'lied' to us."

I thought back to that day, and the feelings I had after Cindy had pinched my privates! Yes, no doubt I did give off some dominant feelings that day.

"I see," I said, "so there was a reason why you did that after all, I was really angry, but I thought it best to not show it until I knew a little more about where it was all going."

"I know," Cindy explained, "but you see Jack, if I had seen a submissive response that interrogation would have continued, because it would be something you might enjoy. But when I saw the dominant response and then after you explained all of your problems and terrible pains that you had been through... I just melted... I haven't felt like that about anyone for a very long time Jack, and I've grown very fond of you..."

I thought I noticed a tear run down her cheek, but she was quick with her kidskin gloved hand, and put out her cigarette, before saying, "So don't you worry honey, I'd never let any real harm come to you, you can be absolutely sure of it, ok?"

"Ok Cindy," I replied, "but this S&M stuff is just all really new to me, so please keep that in mind, it all seems so 'otherworldly' to me right now."

"Oh sweetie," she tried to sooth me, "you'd be surprised at the people involved in S&M right now, it's a VERY active lifestyle, and eventually, once you are able to join the Sisterhood, we'll introduce you to many of the major players in our area, and I'm sure it will be a lot of fun for you and Mel in the future."

The sound of the garage door brought Cindy to her feet, as she said, "I better get back to our rooms and wait for Mel... remember, you need to keep Andy in here for while longer yet, ok?"

"Alright Mistress!" I responded brightly, as she smiled and then turned on her very high heel and ran from the room.

Excited just didn't begin to describe me at that moment. I was quite sure that every single nerve ending in my body was firing full blast! So much information to take in, and she'd said that she had only discussed a small part of their S&M 'world' with me tonight. And Mel wants me to be her mistress? I'm not really sure what that even means, yet I feel it must mean something very special for Mel to consider me for this, but I have so much more to learn... and about so very much!

I met Andy and Mel as they came into the hallway next to the kitchen, with Mel being soaked, Andy quickly turned when he saw me and said, "Jack, see if you can find some towels for Mel, she's really wet!"

I didn't need another word said as I bounded up the stairs, into the bathroom gathering every large towel in sight, then sprinted back down to Mel.

"Oh my God, I hope you didn't catch a cold because of all of this!" I exclaimed while pulling her jacket off and surrounding her with dry towels. Mel was already shaking due to the ice-cold rainwater.

"I'm alright really, thank you baby!" she replied, "Let me take these things up to Cindy so we can get this show on the road!"

"Ok sweetie, just tell Cindy you need to dry out before anything else happens, your health is too important to play around with, ok?" I declared.

Yes... now you guys relax," Mel said, "and we'll be back to give you a real show!"

Mel flew up the stairs to Cindy's room, and I told Andy that I had some good tunes cranked up in the game room. After Andy and I had gotten comfortable in there, Cindy entered in a robe that covered her dominatrix costume and left us some drinks she made for Mel and herself, and for us too, she said they would help warm us up, then said to drink up and to try not to get too bored until they were able to get back to us. In the meantime, I packed up a bong with a little of my Malawi Gold and we were pretty well set it seemed, and it was looking like it should be one hell of an interesting night.

As time went by, Andy and I got more and more 'lit', the music was cranked up pretty good, we had knocked back the drinks and were also feeling pretty good. Well, hell, why not? It had been a heckuva day, its not every day you get told that you need to change your sex, jeez! But it did suddenly seem awfully funny! As a matter of fact, just about everything was a real hoot! Neither one of us could find a way to stop laughing, and it didn't really matter what was said, whatever it was, was hysterical!

Finally I just didn't feel like getting up anymore and Andy and I were left sitting across from each other, with one or the other exploding into laughter, and therefore causing the other one to start giggling too. I noticed Mel come into the room, but I didn't laugh, because she was absolutely jaw dropping, I'd never seen anything like it... well, actually I'd just seen something exactly like it, just not quite the same material.

She had on a black patent leather corset, with cups that just barely covered her tits. A black patent mini-skirt barely covered her magnificent ass, and this was combined with a 2-inch patent leather belt that had a 2 or 3 leather cords coiled up and hanging from it. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail and she wore a leather dog collar, with a set of D rings at the cardinal points. Black fishnet pantyhose and thigh-high patent leather boots with 6-inch heels that seemed to make her look like a goddess in the clouds she was so tall! But other than the kind of material, she was a bookend for Cindy's outfit.

For whatever reason, Andy had returned to his unending laughter, although what he found funny with Mel was totally beyond me. Or was it... before I knew what was happening, I was laughing too, wot the fuck was going on here? After a while things finally calmed down, and the laughter faded.

"I am searching for the Lady Joscelyn," Mel said in a strange monotone, "I was told that you know where she has been taken, is this true?"

As I tried to make any sense out of this, I now heard the definite sounds of snoring coming from Andy, as he had fallen asleep. I looked back to Mel... The 'lady' title sounded like the little romance play-acting I tried in our room earlier, so I decided to go ahead and play along.

"She has been abducted, and is being held far from this keep", I boasted, "Unless you submit, and pay her ransom, you may only console yourself with the knowledge that no one will ever look upon her face again!"

For some reason even now I was still having trouble stifling my giggling, it was becoming really annoying. But Mel was pretty good at this acting stuff.

"You foul cur!" Mel exclaimed, "Tell us where she is, or face the cruelest tortures ever devised for man!"

"Ha! You'll never discover where she is Amazon, do you're worst!" I replied loudly.

Coming into scene now was an equally incredible looking Cindy, and my God, dressed so similarly, these two were just KILLER hot!

"Well? Is he going to be smart and tell us what we wish to know?" Cindy asked.

"No! He's being obstinate, the fool!" Mel spat out.

Looking over at Andy, Cindy leaned towards me and whispered, "Its too bad Andy has checked out, what did you guys have after dinner to knock him out like that?"

"We just had a little of the Malawi Gold," I said, "Don't see how that caused all of the giggles we ended up getting, and that I'm still getting!"

"Yeah, like... this?" she asked, reaching down and tickling my sides.

I immediately collapsed into a heap on the floor, laughing uncontrollably.

"That would be the stuff I put in your drink," she laughed, "it just increases your skin's sensitivity for a couple hours. Feels good doesn't it? Also helps keep ya hard!"

"W-w-what?" I whined, then had to laugh again, "Why would you do that?"

"Well I did warn you," Mel was grinning broadly now, "that you would be subjected to the most terrible tortures known to man!"

"Ok, lets have some fun, and get our Joscelyn back shall we?" Cindy exclaimed.

Now they lifted me back up onto the couch, and started undressing me. It was useless to resist, every time I tried to get away from their efforts, all they had to do was tickle me, and I instantly became jelly. Also my cock was as hard as I've ever seen it, and it would not go down for any reason, as if it didn't have two perfectly gorgeous reasons to stay hard undressing me at the moment. Cindy was as incredible to look at as Mel, her thigh-high boots made of calf's leather made it somewhat difficult for her to bend at her knees. I could not take my eyes off of either one of them, and was constantly looking from one to the other, and shaking my head in between.

Once I no longer had a stitch of clothes on, I started getting really worried, as they began laying out various items on top of the pool table. None of them looked like something I wanted to see put on me. Mel came over to me holding something pink, and as she got to within arms length I saw it was a collar. As I lifted my hands to protest, Cindy easily brought me down to a lump of jelly again with a well-placed rib tickle. The collar went on with a snitch of its lock. I was getting so tired now, with the constant laughter, my constantly hard cock, and a hard day before all this. I couldn't really defend myself, so I just let things happen, I knew Mel loved me, she wanted to play with this bondage stuff, but I was sure she wouldn't let any real harm come to me. The only real complaint I had was my aching cock, which desperately needed release.

Next were wrist cuffs, pink as well of course, these were brought behind me and snapped together, followed by one of Mel's thin leather cords, tied to the wrist cuff D rings, and then snaked through the D ring on the back of my collar, as she pulled down, my wrists and hands were instantly brought up into the middle of my back, and left completely useless.

"Alright tough guy", Cindy commanded, "On your feet, you'll wish you'd talked!"

I figured it was better than crawling, so I took her advice and stood up as well as I could given my current situation. Andy was still out like a light, snoring along.

"Wait a sec", Cindy said, "I've been wanting to try this for a while now..."

With her super high heels, Cindy was actually close to my height, and leaned in and kissed me fiercely, forcing her tongue through my teeth, I let her in and we battled for dominance back and forth for a few minutes. Finally she seemed sated and pulled back.

"Whoa! I see what you mean Mel," she laughed, "Her mouth is HOT!"

"Ok, ok, that's enough 'testing'" Mel exclaimed, "C'mon hot lips, you got a date upstairs with some depilatory cream!"

Grabbing my hard on, Mel led me upstairs to our bedroom with Cindy giving me a hard slap on my exposed butt, while bringing up the rear. I reacted with an alarmed yelp, but I had no idea yet even what depilatory cream was! Once in our bedroom, I noticed a lot more stuff all over the room, they must have bought out most of the mall if what I saw was any indicator! We walked right past all of it and into the bathroom, where several bottles and vials were all set up and waiting on the tub.

"Ok, get in the tub," Mel commanded, "Here... wait a sec..."

She quickly untied the knot keeping my wrists up, and unsnapped the wrist cuffs.

"Now it should be easier for ya," she said as she winked at me, "That's it... perfect!"

Now she took a large plastic bottle and shook it up really well, then started spraying it's foam all over me, my legs and feet, my torso and chest, arms and hands as well. When she was done, she looked at her watch and seemed to be timing something.

"So how long do you usually wait?" Cindy asked, "10 minutes like the bottle says?"

"Naw! That never works well", Mel countered, "At least 20, it'll start stinging a little bit babe, now don't you worry, that means its workin'!"

After a few minutes I began to feel uncomfortable, and by the time Mel yelled 'time', I was hopping around the tub, I think she forgot Cindy's little helper in our drinks that made my skin super sensitive, and amplified the cream's effect! But once she started flushing it off of me and down the drain with my hair, it felt just incredible. Unlike any feeling I ever had in fact. I had shaved my leg and body hair before, but even that didn't hold a candle to the feeling I had at this moment.

In the meantime, Cindy had been filling two small plastic bags that looked like IV bags. They had little plastic tubes running from them, and she mounted them on an IV pole, next to the toilet. As I was relaxing to this strange new feeling of hairlessness, my cuffs were re-snapped behind me, and pulled back up to my collar.

"Ok bad boy", Cindy said, "come over here and we'll get you cleaned out."

"That's it", she began, "Now straddle the toilet... good..."

"What's..." I started to ask a question, but was cut off of course.

"Hey!" Cindy yelled, "No comments, or does the prisoner need to be gagged?"

I swallowed hard and remembered to say, "No Mistress!" As I stood over the toilet and awaited my fate, Mel seemed to be really getting off on this stuff too, and I'd have to remember that... if I lived that long.

I felt Cindy's warm breath close to my ear, "Sorry hun, got carried away," she whispered, "I'll never force you past your limits – and what was agreed."

The next thing I felt was Cindy's finger, near my anus, it was very cold and must have had some lubricant on it. This was confirmed when she pushed inside my ass and began circling around, getting the lube all around my hole. But the next sensation was much sharper, it was hard too, and would not be denied entry.

"This is just gonna clean you out real good sweetie", Mel said, "Now I'm opening the valve and you'll feel some pressure, don't worry about it, but when you start getting cramps, let me know, and we'll take out the tube, and you'll just go pooh, ok?"

I felt a warm rush in my butt that eventually built into a hard pressing feeling and then I began to feel terrible cramps starting in my bowels.

"Ahh!" I cried, "Jeez, that's hurting!"

"Ok, then", Mel replied, "I'm taking it out now, so just sit on the toilet, and go!"

The pain didn't stop immediately, but after a couple minutes, I was able to push normally and emptied my bowels completely, glad it was over with. Little did I know!

"Good!" Cindy said, "Just one more should take care of you, I would think"

I looked at Cindy with a 'you're kidding' expression on my face, but thought better of actually saying anything!

"Oh c'mon," Cindy chided, "Big strong girl like you needs at least two enemas to get completely clean don't ya think?"

"C'mon baby," Mel added, "You'll like it when we're done, I promise!"

So I sighed as large a sigh as I thought I could get away with, which got plenty of giggles from my torturers. And once again I found myself poised above the toilet seat as if waiting for my execution. It seemed like the cramps were even worse, but then I knew what to expect now. Not even my tears got me a shorter wait time before she would release the tube and let me empty my bowels. Once that was all done, I was made to stand up again. Cindy now slapped her hand on the edge of the tub.

"Ok, one more hairy detail," Cindy complained, "Sit here on the end of the tub, and spread your legs nice and wide!"

Bringing out a little pink razor, and a can of shaving cream, Mel carefully shaved almost all of my pubic hair from around my penis, and then used a scissors to trim anything left over. Considering my cock was still rock hard, I was glad she was slow and careful about it. From behind me I felt the cuffs fall away from the collar again, then Mel unsnapped the cuffs from each other and took them off. While Cindy had been dealing with my enemas and shave, Mel had been filling up the tub with hot water and various bath salts and oils.

"Ok, get into the tub sweetie," Mel said, "You need to have a nice soak for awhile."

I carefully stepped into the tub and gently descended into the aromatic water. My skin seemed absolutely ready to soak up every last drop, and Mel began slowly washing my back with a thick washcloth and moisturizing soap. Ah! So this was what heaven felt like, I leaned back against Mel's thigh, and kissed it once, and then closed my eyes. For some reason, I could swear I heard a drill going in the bedroom, but Mel had started up the shower on hot to get a little extra steam into the bathroom, and I could no longer hear it, so I just put it down to being tired.

After some period of time, I wasn't exactly sure how long it was, Mel woke me from my little nap with a gentle kiss on my forehead.

"Wakey, wakey, m'girl," Mel was saying, "Time to dry off that pretty bod of yours"

"Mmm-mm, sounds nice," I said as I stretched myself.

I stood up and let all the water drain off of me, Mel pulled the plug and let the water out, and then she handed me a large bath towel, and started patting me down with another one that she already had in her hands.

"Remember Joscelyn," she said, "You always have to 'pat' yourself dry now, your skin will need to be much softer now, so no more scrubbing yourself dry, got it?"

"Ok sweetheart," I replied and followed her lead in drying myself.

Once she felt I was dry enough, she then quickly started rubbing skin softener all over me, and once again, just as I was getting totally relaxed, Cindy was back, and my cuffs were re-snapped behind me, and pulled back up to my collar. All I really knew was that if my cock didn't cum sometime soon, I was going to go bananas! I'd never been this horny for this long before, and it wasn't going to take much to make me explode.

Now the girls helped me out of the tub and brought me back into the bedroom, after walking me to the bed, they turned me around, and then pushed me down. From behind me I felt the cuffs fall away from the collar again, then Mel unsnapped the cuffs from each other. Almost at the same instant, Cindy had my left wrist pulled over to the upper right corner of the bed, and she then snapped it to an eye hook that she apparently had installed there (that must have been the drill I heard, they must have done a lot of work for all this, the least I could do is play along I suppose). At the same time, Mel had my right wrist pulled over to the upper left corner of the bed, and snapped it to the hook attached there. Grabbing two more of the pink cuffs, and a couple pieces of cord from Mel's belt, Cindy locked the cuffs around my ankles, and then tied each to a corner of the bed, effectively 'spread eagling' me. Both girls stepped back to admire they're 'work'. I would have said something clever, but I remembered Cindy's warning from my last attempt and thought better of it. Instead I started yanking on my bonds a little so they would feel like I was appreciating it. Unfortunately this only made my cock get even harder it seemed.




A Learning Experience Ch. 04



From the little make-up table, Mel brought over a box and laid it down next to me.

"Here you are baby," Mel said with reverence, "Until you can develop your own, these will be your breasts, they're a size 'C', as we thought you would want to stay kinda middle-of-the-road for now."

As she opened the box, I was shocked to see two female human breasts 'staring' back; they were incredibly life-like, even having freckles and other anomalies. She pulled out a little tube of something and wiped it all over the backs of the breast forms, then she handed one to Cindy, and they applied them to my clean chest. Then Mel took both of them in her hands and adjusted their placement until she felt it was perfect, and kept pushing on them for a few minutes, before letting go to admire her work.

"T-That's... Jeez, that's amazing," I whispered, "They look so real."

"Mmm-mm... yeah, don't they though," Mel agreed, giving me a huge smile, "But you haven't seen nothin' yet babe!"

Mel brought over another box, this one a little smaller, but from the same company, and when she opened it my mouth once again felt like it was permanently unhinged. It was a fake pussy! Of course, I'd heard of fake breasts, but never a fake pussy! How in the world was this supposed to work I wondered.

"Ok, pay attention!" Cindy yelled, "You'll need to know all about this, since it affects your 'plumbing' directly!"

"But only once you have a flaccid cock," Mel added, "not now of course, so we'll do this in a bit, once we've had a little fun. But anyway, your cock gets put into the little tube inside, then we use the same epoxy as we used for your breasts to attach it on top of your male 'equipment'."

"Ok Mel," Cindy said, "I'll go see if I can get sleeping beauty to bed, then I'll be back, have fun Sis! Wow... this is gonna be so cool!"

Mel got on top of me now, and then mounted me while manipulating my 'breasts'.

"Oh my God!" she said almost reverently, "They're warm! They may as well be real."

"I wish I could feel 'em..." I whined.

"When you're Joscelyn, and not a second before", she said and then winked.

Her legs brought her pussy up and down on my rock hard cock, and between that and watching her knead my new breasts in her hands, I was gonna explode any second! Mel closed both of her legs, surrounding my cock, and making it appear as if it was she that was fucking me! Combined with the new sensation of hairlessness I felt as erotic and turned on as at any time in my life!

She then started thrusting into me, which made my cock push into her pussy, but if you were watching from anyplace else in the room, it must have looked exactly like I was being fucked by a "him", or a "her" with a strap-on! Mel was now grunting like crazy with each thrust, and I was moaning with all of the wild feelings I was getting, finally starting to actually feel like my pussy was really being fucked by her cock, instead of the other way round, it was so hot! My mind was in a complete frenzy...

"Oh baby..." I cried, "Fuck me... please! Put your prick in me... Fuck me baby!"

"Oooh, yeah... Joscelyn!" she was calling me by my female name, "I'm fucking you... Can you feel me bitch... Can you feel me inside you? Do you feel me fucking you? Yeeessss, Ooooh! I'm cummmminnnggg!"

That was all I needed to hear and I flew into a mind-blowing orgasm. The feel of the cuffs holding me down, and my body pulling as hard as it could, brought me a secondary orgasm somehow. I'd never felt anything like it, it scared me it was so bizarre and unknown, I felt out of control, and yet tied down I was safe... such wild feelings! Finally Mel collapsed beside me, her arms wrapped around my neck, as if I was her anchor, and her only connection to the earth.

Cindy came back into our bedroom a few minutes later, and I silently mouthed the words, "she feinted", to her, but apparently Mel having a nap wasn't part of the play, or whatever we were doing.

"Oh boy," Cindy laughed, "everyone's fallin' asleep around here, and we still have a lotta work to do... Mel?... Honey? Ya gotta wake up hun!"

"Mmm-mm, yeah?" Mel mumbled as she awoke.

"Honey?" Cindy said, "We can't just leave poor Joscelyn all half done here."

"Hmm?" Mel was still trying to wake up, "Oh no... Oh... how long was I out for? Oh my God... I'm so sorry baby!"

"Its ok sweetheart," I said, "I was sleepin' right along with ya, and my cock is finally back to normal again, and my skin sensitivity is too!"

"Alright," Cindy said, "Now that his water cannon is soft, let's do the vagina!"

Cindy brought the vagina back over, while Mel got out of the bed and woke up a little bit. Then Cindy carefully put my penis into the little tube at the bottom of the device, and at the end of the tube was a small 'pee hole' so that I could go to the bathroom normally, or at least normally for a woman, and that would mean sitting down. Once Cindy was satisfied that it was inserted properly, she took the small tube of epoxy out of the box, and covered all the edges of the device with that epoxy glue. After she felt that it had enough to make a good seal, Cindy then pushed my new pussy onto my lower abdomen, making sure all the edges were sealed tightly.

There was one more thing that had to be done for each of these prosthesis, the vagina, and each of the breasts. Cindy brought over another make-up type box that contained all the special make-up to blend each prosthesis into my skin. Cindy tried to show me how to do this, but I knew I'd need more instruction for when I was on my own.

When Cindy finally felt that no one could tell if there were any seams, she declared, "Now you have returned to us Lady Joscelyn! A woman at last!" Cindy then unclipped the cuffs on my feet, followed by Mel releasing my hands, and then finally unlocking and removing my collar, which Mel showed me had 'Joscelyn' imprinted on it.

"Get up Joscelyn", Cindy said, "We have a little more work to do tonight, but it won't take long. For now, get used to your new body, go... go look at yourself..."

"I... I feel so different", I said, "Well, I mean, different than I expected to feel!"

I felt so top heavy, I suppose the breasts were weighted properly, but it felt as if I could topple over at any second as I stood up. I tentatively reach under and hold my new breasts, and my poor penis, now closed up and reduced to bathroom duty is actually trying to grow hard again, but I would just as soon give it a rest. Then I walked over to the mirror on top of the dresser and got a full view of my female self, and once again that pecker just couldn't help itself. But I looked amazing!

"Ok Joscelyn," Mel seemed to be very much awake again, "Have a seat on the bed."

Once I sat down, Mel pulled the little make-up chair over, and had me put my left foot up on the edge of the chair, between her legs. Then she started shaking a little red bottle as she surveyed my toenails. She began doing some light shaping and sanding of my toenails, for what I assumed to be painting them the bright red in the bottle.

Seconds later, Cindy is sitting next to me, holding my left hand and carefully placing fake nails on each finger, already painted in the same red that Mel was using. And as Mel started actually painting my toes, Cindy had already finished my left hand and was transferring to my other side to place my right hand nails.

"We'll probably get you better ones tomorrow", Mel said, "but you have to start with something, don't you?"

Didn't make much sense to me, why would she want to go back out to buy more? But I've learned better than to argue with a stubborn female... Oops... I guess that would be me from now on!

"Now sweetheart," Cindy continued, "you already have a pretty nice waist size, but for the dresses we want you to try, you may need a couple inches less, so here's the next piece of the puzzle for you – a corset"

She then brought out the most beautiful dark blue corset with silk insets and lace cups. Then after Mel completed my toenails, Cindy holds it out for me and I carefully step into it. Both girls grab onto the corset, one on each side pulling it up and into place under my breasts. I slip my arms into the shoulder straps, and then Cindy straightens it out so that all the stocking holders are hanging down and its tightened just a bit.

"What we'll need now," Cindy says, "is for you to hang on to the footboard with all your strength, ok Joscelyn?"

I shrugged and said 'ok', not really knowing what she had in mind. Once I was positioned at the footboard, and hanging on, as she wanted, both girls pulled the tightening cords really hard. What that felt like is very difficult to describe to a man, or at least to anyone who's never worn a corset before. Basically it was like taking all of your important internal organs, and stuffing them into your back pocket. I would have probably puked, if my stomach still had any size to it. Now that I had reduced my waist by a couple (or 10) inches, we moved on to my stockings.

Mel taught me the right way of opening a package of hose and putting them on. I had managed to figure it out pretty well on my own from those in my mother and sister's supply, but she showed me how to do it much quicker. So I put on the fishnet lace seamed stockings they'd gotten me, and stood up to straighten the seams, which impressed the heck out of Cindy. Then attached each of the corset's suspender loops to the stocking tops. Cindy tossed me my dark blue panties, but it seemed a shame to cover up my beautiful fake pussy. Once I had those on it seemed like we were making real progress. Cindy sat down at the make-up table and pointed to the chair on the other side of her.

"Joscelyn?" Cindy directed, "Come over next to me... yep over here."

"We know you're tired, so we won't be doing a lot tonight," she said, "but wanted you to have a feeling for what you can really look like. Mel and I have been thinking about you for a long time and I think we can get you pretty without too much effort."

They had thrown a towel over the table's mirror, and Cindy and I were facing each other across the table. Mel put a towel over my corset, and then they began. I wish I could tell you what exactly they did, certainly now that I'm writing the story I have a long association with Max Factor, Maybelline, Revlon, L'Oreal, Cover Girl and all the rest of the usual make-up products, but that night, it was still just magic to those poor eyes. She started by having me shave just as close as I thought I could with a razor. Foundation was next, hiding some of the things that shouldn't be seen on a female face like an Adam's apple, as well as some things that might make my face look too angular. Moving on to colorings, blushes and highlights, my lips were re-drawn to make them seem fuller. Then the painful parts, pulling the eyebrow hairs that didn't quite 'fit in' and redrawing those as well. They had purchased special eyelashes to enhance my own, and after placing them had to add eyeliner as well. Now all the highlight bits could be put on, eye shadow, mascara, lipstick and gloss. And it all had to look like I didn't really need to have any of it on, quite a magic trick!

While Mel had been adding on those last bits to my face, Cindy had gotten started on my hair, wetting it with some kind of conditioner, then putting a few giant rollers towards the bottom, and then blow drying it all into something like a Farrah Fawcett type of a hair-do.

Once she had finished my make-up, Mel brought out my shoes, dark blue open-toed 4-inch stiletto pumps with two little leather straps around the ankles. I carefully stepped into each shoe and attached the straps, then very slowly tried standing up. Of course I had tried wearing high heels many times, but I'd never really tried walking in front of other people before, and certainly nothing in this high of a heel! After a couple of close calls (or close falls) I was finally able to walk around the room in them. But of course it wasn't nearly good enough for my 'Mistress'.

"Great, you're walking just like a guy in drag, now c'mon, and watch me." Cindy said.

"You see?" she continued, "you do 'heel-toe-heel-toe' like this... as if you're walking on 

an imaginary line, one foot right in front of the next."

Eventually, after about a 10-minute training session for my shoes, they brought out a beautiful dark blue sleeveless cocktail dress. It was slit to mid-thigh and the skirt ended about three inches above the knee. Cindy helped me put it on and zipped it up the back, as it fit like a glove (thanks to having my internal organs in my back pocket).

The girls had gotten me a few costume rings and some silver bangles for my wrists. They had also bought a single strand of pearls for around my neck. Finally, with the addition of a pair of clip on 3-inch hoop earrings, and a spritz or two of Mel's favorite perfume... the girls pronounced me 'well dressed' and definitely female.

With my heart pounding in my throat, I very slowly walked over to the full length mirror on the bedroom door, and peered into it...

Cindy said that I started shaking so hard she thought I might feint! What was going through my head is hard to say, because I did not believe my head. Or my eyes for that matter. The vision that was peering back at me from that mirror didn't seem like it could possibly have been me. I stumbled back for a moment, with Mel and Cindy rushing to catch me if I fell, but I saved myself at the last moment. It was only then that I was able to slowly turn and go over to the chair and sit down.

"Joscelyn?" Mel asked, "Joscelyn! Are you ok honey?"

I couldn't answer as my brain was disengaged from reality. All of those dreams. All of those hours of fantasy thoughts. What would I look like? What could I look like? All of those denials. It was ridiculous that I thought I might actually pass as a woman. I could never possibly look good enough, so why even try? But there I was in the mirror...

"Maybe we shouldn't have done this Cindy..." Mel whispered.

"Oh God..." Cindy choked back tears, "Joscelyn say something!"

Finally my mind came back online, and I looked up at these two beautiful women... tears welling up in my eyes that nothing and no one was going to be able to stop. When they both saw this they pulled me up and we all just stood there and hugged as tightly as it was humanly possible to do. After a few minutes I found my voice again.

"I owe you both so much," I began, "I can never... ever... thank you enough. And Mel, I can never love you enough to show you the love I have in my heart for you!"

"Oh you!" Cindy sniffed, "You scared the crap out of us... ha! And now we have to re-do your make-up already! Hey, I'm going to wake sleepyhead and show him just what he's missed. Mel, see if you can clean up from her tears, I'll be right back."

Mel and I sat down on the bed and just held each other for a minute.

"Joscelyn, you are so beautiful," Mel said softly, "I thought you would be, but you have a real beauty honey, it was there all the time, all we did was bring it out."

"Do you really think I'm beau...?" I began to ask, but never got it all out. Mel attacked my mouth, our lipstick was being smashed and smudged as we kissed each other with the intensity of newlyweds. It answered my question, and my sex life would probably be forever changed, but for the better I was pretty sure now.

"Here, we better stop," Mel said as we pulled away, "Let me re-do your eye and lip make-up for ya, so Cindy can show Andy when she gets him here!"

So we went back over to the little make-up table and Mel cleaned my face where it needed it, then she re-did what make-up was needed, and finally we both went downstairs to wait for Andy in the game room. As we sat there listening to FM radio music, we held on to each other as if our lives depended on it, and at that moment, you could have convinced me that they did.

Finally Andy walked into the game room and I stood up in front of him, smiling at him and hoping he liked what he saw as well. It was an absolute first for me. Andy Goldmann was completely speechless. His jaw seemed to be moving, but nothing was coming out, at least anything that made any sense, but after a while, he began to gradually pull himself together.

"But..." he stuttered, "H-he's... s-she's... my God... you're so beautiful!"

Once I saw that he wasn't able to move, I walked over to him and we hugged, for a long time, and then Mel joined the hug, and then Cindy kissed Andy and joined too.

"Andy..." I said, "I've told Mel and Cindy, and I want to tell you as well, I owe you a debt that I will never be able to pay, please don't tell me anyone else would have done the same thing, because they wouldn't have, only you did. You will always hold a very special place in my heart."

"Dammit Joscelyn!" Cindy sniffed, "Don't cry, you'll ruin your make-up again!"

"Jack..." Andy began, "Oh hell, I'm sorry... I'm just so awestruck! I mean... Joscelyn, please don't feel you owe me anything other than your friendship, because it's all I ever really wanted, that and your happiness. And if I've somehow been able to bring that about for you, then I'm just as happy as you are in the outcome!"

"You have my friend," I replied, "you have brought me a happiness that I never thought I'd ever see. And you certainly have my friendship, as you will forever be, my very dearest of friends!"

At this point there were no more dry eyes, whether from fatigue, drug side effects, or just plain being overly happy, the waterworks were going full blast all around! Once we all realized it was useless to resist, there was also a great deal of laughter mixed into the tears, as they were after all, tears of joy.

Once we had collected ourselves, we stopped off at the kitchen for something to drink and a snack. We were all wound up with the excitement of my 'transformation' and no one really wanted the night to end. But eventually our fatigue hit us all pretty hard, and at that point we said our good nights to each other and went to bed. It was a little after midnight, and I still had another very big day coming tomorrow!

As Mel and I got into our room, I shut the door behind us while admiring her beautiful profile in the low light of the bedside lamp.

"Do you think I could ever have a beautiful costume like yours?" I asked.

Mel turned on her very high heel, with her head cocked to one side she smiled, almost a smirk, resting both hands on her hips.

"Yeah... I think that could be arranged." she replied.

I had been waiting for this situation all night, and I just couldn't resist, the parallels were too delicious. I used the best female walk I could muster, and minced my way up to her, putting both arms around her neck I asked, "See anything you like?"

We both collapsed onto the bed in laughter when she remembered the first day we made love to each other, after Andy set me up, making me think he was attacking her, when actually he was just giving Mel an entrance into my busy life. I was never so happy to have been set up before, but one of the lines Mel used had been what I'd just uttered to her, and she saw the humor immediately. I was so very lucky to have found this wonderful girl to share my life with right now.

"I'm sorry honey, the mind is willing, but my body's shot!" Mel stated.

"I feel exactly the same sweetie! Maybe we should get some sleep, and play some more in the mornin'?" I said softly, my eyelids falling to half-mast.

"Ok, here... let me help you out of your dress, and then you can help me out of this leather straight jacket you like so much!" she said while laughing.

I laughed too as she unzipped me, then I stepped out of my new dress and put it on a hanger in the closet. Walking over to the make-up table, I began taking off my bangles, necklace and earrings. Then I stepped back over to Mel, and helped her undo all the lacing on her leather corset. From there, she seemed to be able to get everything else off. I simply took my heels off and crawled under the covers, it was just too inviting, and I could no longer resist it. Mel went into the bathroom and when she came out, I felt her also get under the covers and 'spoon' up behind me, just as I had so many times spooned up behind her. It felt wonderful and I had never felt so truly loved before.




A Learning Experience Ch. 05



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*** Warning: This chapter has several sections which contain rape, violence and physical abuse as major parts of the story. If these things would bother you, please don't read this and wait for chapter 06, it will be along soon. However if you wish to understand all of my transition and what was behind the many hard decisions I made... then it becomes imperative to read these sections and follow how they affected me, my friends, and my family.

---

After admitting a long kept secret desire to become a woman to my three best friends at college, I had been spending a long weekend at Andy's house with my girlfriend, Melissa and Andy's girlfriend Cindy. I had gone through an interesting night of S&M role-play that Mel and Cindy had set up for us. It turned out that Cindy snuck some Spanish Fly into our drinks for fun that night, but it had another effect on Andy entirely. Not only did it make Andy sleepy that whole night, it apparently also interacted with a mild anti-psychotic drug that Andy took on a regular basis for a psychological problem he had been dealing with since he was 8 years old when his mother was killed in an auto accident, leaving Andy open to his feelings of paranoia, and causing him to try and attack me in his car when he was bringing me home from the beauty salon. Andy's dad, the Doctor, has given him some fast-acting drugs that seem to have brought back the Andy we all knew and loved.

The Doctor has insisted that we have our therapy session, as planned this afternoon, and we have spent the last couple hours getting my head back where it should be after my scary ride. But it also had been a good 'catalyst' as he called this disaster (well, 'disaster' was my word for it), and he believes that I may have gotten some additional strength from this, that otherwise would not have had the opportunity to emerge.

"Oh, I dunno Doc..." I frowned in reply, "maybe, but I can't really see how..."

"Ok... On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being least, and 10 being most..." he was saying, "What do you feel your confidence level with being a woman is right now?"

"I guess about an 8," I said.

"And before you left for the salon, so before anything happened there," he quickly continued, "what would you say your confidence level was then?"

I knew he wanted a quick response, "Well... a 4 anyway... maybe a 5."

I could feel his smile before I saw it, I just shrugged as I knew he was right, instead of everyone worried about me and how I was coming along, we were all worried about Andy and I'd suddenly had to 'make it work' in my new 'body'. I couldn't hang back and wait for everyone to deal with my life, I had to grab my own life back and force it to give me what I needed, as a woman. And I knew that without this whole mess happening, it would have probably taken a lot longer for me to feel this confident about who I was as a woman.

He also had some rather startling results from the tests that he'd done on me the previous day. It seemed that I did have 'some' attraction to men, what he called my 'latent' bisexual feelings. He felt that I should try to explore these feelings, as they may help me in my transition eventually. I did explain the little scenario that Mel and I tried out that morning, where she had dressed very 'butch' and had anal sex with me. I told him that it had made me very nervous, but that once I started, it seemed so natural for me and I thought I might really be willing to have a male sex partner. That is, if I could overcome the initial feelings of having my sexual role reversed so completely.

"Perhaps what's needed," he suggested, "is just a male to male... date, to start off, you know... nothing where you need to worry about your 'fem' side, and wouldn't that be a starting point anyway?"

"Mm-mm, yeah that might give me some idea then wouldn't it?" I said.

"Well, why don't you think about it this week," he replied, "then go slowly once you've decided on someone?"

"Alright Doctor!" I smiled trying to convince myself this was possible, "Anything else that we need to cover today?"

"Oh... no, I don't think so," he scratched his chin thinking, "I'll have your IQ and STOMAS test results for you next week... I imagine you've had plenty of occupational testing over your senior year of HS, and first year of college."

"Oh yeah," I said with little enthusiasm, "tons!"

"Well, we just need to see if your gender change will interfere with anything that you might have expected to progress normally," he continued, "or if it might be altered in scope, and I'll explain all that more next week."

Suddenly my right knee began bobbing up and down in nervous anticipation. I knew I had to broach this subject somehow, but for the life of me I didn't want to even deal with it at all. The Doctor saw it as well, and smiled as he looked on, waiting for me to finally find the words to get it out on the table.

"M-m-my p-parents..." I began with only two words, but they said everything.

It ended with a single tear from my left eye as I said the last word, "H-h-how...?"

"Would you like me to be with you when you confront them Joscelyn?" He asked.

I studied him for a long time, finally saying, "I think what I'm going to do is tell them one at a time, if you could be with me when I talk to my mother...?"

"Don't you think..." he began to reply. But I had thought long and hard on this.

"Doc, my Mom is a teacher, and she's really smart. My Dad is too, but he's really bigoted," I interrupted, "really bigoted... like beyond what you might even think possible! If we could convince my Mom, she'll take care of convincing him. The crux of this, is gonna be getting through to my Mom!"

He sat and thought for some time before simply saying, "Alright! Then that's how we'll do it, when will you need me?"

Now I knew I'd probably have my work cut out for me, since I knew it would have to be soon, VERY soon! Because she was exactly what I said she was, very smart, and she already knew something was going on. The longer I waited to tell her, the harder it was going to be to make her see it my way.

"How about tomorrow morning?" I asked, between raised eyebrows.

"WHAT?" he exclaimed looking me up and down, "You mean..."

"Yeah..." I was continuing, "I want her to see me just like this..."

"The last time she saw me in female clothes," I said, "I was 6 years old, and she told me it was perverted... because it LOOKED perverted! But tomorrow morning I'm going to look like a queen... She can accept me, or wish for the rest of her life that she had! It will be a perfect time, my Dad will be leaving early, and her school has the day off, so if you would be so kind as to drive me home... we'll gang up on her and make our case!"

"Well, we don't want to surprise her THAT badly, do we?" he was laughing.

"Pfft! You don't know my Mom," I said, "she'll be dressed and ready for company by 9am, or at the latest 10am tops!"

"Ok Joscelyn..." he said finally, "you've convinced me, I hope you know what you're doing, this could backfire you know!"

"Don't I know it?" I replied, "It's just the only way I know how to get through to her!"

"Alright... can you let Dolores know..." he started, but I already knew what was up.

"Don't worry Doc!" I laughed as I interrupted, "We'll be sure you're called for dinner!"

He smiled as I got up and I waved my good-bye, then after blowing him a kiss, I began the long walk back to the kitchen. I had made sure to mention Sid's recommendation for a Trachea Shave, and he had sent a note to his secretary to set up an appointment for me with a throat specialist. While we were going into that he also brought up the issue of my male 'Philly' style vocal accent not really going with my 'valley girl' body now. So he also asked her to set up an appointment with a female vocal coach. In the meantime, I took his warning to heart, making sure my voice stayed at least an octave above what I normally spoke with, luckily once again, my musical background came through and I found it easier than I had thought it would be to 'place' my vocal sounds a full octave above what I normally found comfortable.

As I got to the kitchen area, I found Dolores taking something heavy out of the oven, and ran over to lend a hand. Whatever was under the covered lid smelled like heaven and I made an effort to see what it was, perhaps even sneak a taste, when my hand got a pretty hard slap off of the handle of the lid!

"Ouch!" I yelled, in obvious mock pain, "Wow, and all I did was help!"

"Aww!" she cooed softly, "Here let me help you feel better..."

She took my hand between her two hands and gently sucked each digit into her warm mouth, as my mind spun off into some alternate reality I said, "Mmm, Oh my God..."

"Mmmm, better?" she whispered, "We'll take good care of you girl!"

I wasn't sure how I felt exactly, as I knew I was very attracted to Dolores, but also knowing she was like me brought out a couple very different feelings. Eventually she saw my hesitation and stopped.

"You're right," she giggled and then sighed, "it's like... well, it's almost like you're my sister on some level... I dunno... do you feel it too?"

"Yeah," I replied as I smiled back, "it is something like that, but I can't quite place it... I guess I better ask the Doctor, huh?"

"Ha ha! By all means," she said, "although I have to tell you I do feel a bit jealous of all the attention you've been getting from Cindy! It's very unusual for her to be so directly involved with the training of a novice... and I'm not the only one feeling that way, you may want to be just little careful!"

I immediately looked around to see if anyone was within earshot, then taking her by the hand she had just been 'attending', I guided her over to the pantry, and closed its door behind us.

"Ok Dolores," I said, "I need information. When I hear warnings now, I take 'em seriously. What's going on with Cindy? I know she wants me to be Mel's Mistress eventually, although I don't really even know what that means yet. So why should I be worried about her attentions for this?"

"I'm sorry Joscelyn," she replied, "I'm not trying to scare you, and there's no reason for you to be... it's just that... Cindy is a matriarch of the 'Sisterhood', and when she shows an interest in someone, especially a novice, it may draw more attention to you than you might otherwise like to have... if you know what I mean."

"Like from who?" I asked nervously, "Someone I know, or someone new?"

"Well, like..." she continued, "the other Matriarchs for example, I heard one of them telling her on the phone to 'get her priorities straight' when she was discussing you earlier today after the whole mess with Andy!"

"Wow..." I said quickly, "Do you have any idea why she's taken such an interest?"

"Mm-mm," she replied, "It began after you told her about your very difficult history and all the tough breaks you've had. Not that it was any worse than other's had, I think it just reminded her, at some level, of herself!"

"Ok then Dolores," I finally responded after a short pause thinking it through, "I'll try to keep my head down, but I'll need help, so if you hear any more, please tell me, ok?"

Now Dolores' smile broke through so brightly it nearly lit up the little pantry all by itself, "You know I will honey, I told you I would take care of you, and I meant it!"

Turning off the hanging lamp, we walked back into the dining room, with nobody seeming to have noticed our absence.

"Need any more help hun?" I asked Dolores.

"Nope!" she replied, "Not right now sweetie, see if you can round everybody up, and let 'em know dinner will be ready in about a half hour, ok?"

"Alrighty then!" I responded quickly, leaving to search upstairs for everyone.

As I reached Andy's room, I saw Cindy and Andy lying next to each other, Andy's eyes were closed and Cindy's looked over at me with a finger quickly coming to her mouth to keep me from saying anything right then. She carefully got up off of the bed and came around to me, looking back to make sure Andy was still asleep, then she passed me going into the hall and I turned to follow her. As we walked over to Mel's and my room, I saw Mel asleep on our bed and smiled at such a beautiful scene.

"Cindy," I began to speak but she again shushed me.

"I know..." she whispered as she focused on our problem.

"I'll need some nicotine for this," she said as she eyed my determined jaw, "c'mon - follow me downstairs and we'll talk outside for a few minutes."

She quickly stepped back into her room and grabbed her purse, then again walked by me as she skipped down the stairs and quickly walked out the back door, headed for the little garden behind the kitchen. It was cool, but still comfortable as the sun was fading fast by this time. There was a small iron bench along the garden wall that was just barely hidden from the view of the kitchen window. Cindy sat down and got out her cigarettes and lighter, I sat down next to her as she tried to get the old tired lighter to actually do something like create a flame. I took it from her trembling hands and forced it to produce a flame and lit her cigarette for her, then dropped it back into her purse. She nodded, and smiled in appreciation of my mechanical ability.

"Thanks!" she said pulling a long drag into her lungs.

"What's happening here Cindy," I said in a complete monotone, "I mean... what's happening here... to me... and why?"

She looked me over for a few seconds, then said, "Ah... The Sisterhood!"

"Yes, but first, what was your warning about Andy all about," I said, "and I feel like such a fool for how I ignored you... is there anything else I need to know?"

Now she seemed to get very serious, "Oh Joscelyn! That had absolutely nothing to do with what happened to you today! My 'warning' was the most benign of things next to that... it was simply to let you know that Andy was very much enamored with you, almost from the very first day he saw you, and I only wanted you to be aware that he may hit on you... that was all there was to it!"

She seemed rather flustered now, "My God honey, I never dreamed that his meds would be screwed up so bad by that stupid Spanish Fly shit I gave... to... h-h"

I had never seen her like this, her cigarette fell from her hand and both of them were grasped around her head now. Softly, she had begun sobbing, as if not sure what she should do, only knowing that she felt responsible somehow. This wasn't at all what I'd wanted to have happen, I had only seen the superwoman, that never seemed to have a worry in the world, and she was now sobbing and I couldn't figure out what needed to be done for her, I only knew I had to do something!

"Cindy, I..." I said tentatively, "Look, as the Doc said, it just wasn't anyone's fault, and you can't allow yourself to feel like it was!"

She seemed to calm down a little, but as I looked down at her, I saw a frightened little girl staring back, so I immediately moved closer and put my arms around her.

"Ok, I think I understand a little better now," I continued, "so your warning was a very simple little 'FYI' to let me know Andy liked me a little more than he was letting on, right?"

"Yes, oh yes Joscelyn..." she was starting to recover now, "never in my wildest nightmares could I have seen what was going to actually happen to you!"

"Alright Cindy," I continued to try to make sense of things, "now let's talk about what you have tried to talk to me about for a while now, specifically Mel, her wanting me for a Mistress, and of course, the Sisterhood."

After a small sniff and a large intake of air, she began, "Well... The Sisterhood is modeled along the lines of a large political organization. Each branch is run by a quorum of matriarchs, who decide what happens to the money taken in, hands out rewards and penalties, and decides how any particular member rises within their ranks. When you are asked to take on a party that finds itself in need of a Mistress, you will take care of their needs, then produce a bill for services rendered that must be paid directly to the Sisterhood. There can be no other method of payment or recompense. Understand?"

I had listened carefully, and yet it was still a lot to deal with, so I replied, "Yeah, but that sounds just a little like an escor..."

"Ah! Careful there," Cindy said in a warning tone, "It's nothing like an escort service. In fact, it's closer to a whore house in certain respects, since sex during the performance of your duties is a given. However, the funds we receive are used to help us keep our members well dressed, and as sexy as possible, along with the setting up of S&M sex clubs within the city where the branch resides. These clubs give you an absolutely private place in which to conduct your business, built to the highest standards with fully equipped dungeons, and other types of helpful resources for your use."

As she took a break to zip up her jacket, I took a chance to ask what I thought was an important issue, "But is the Sisterhood the only ones to get any money for this work by the Sisterhood's members?"

"Yes... and for a very good reason," Cindy continued, "They allow us to continue to do what we love, without interference by local, state, or even federal police. We can hold our sessions in complete privacy and without any unwanted interference. It allows the session's Mistress absolute control over the scenario, in a much more powerful way than they could ever have been able to create on their own. As a Mistress of The Sisterhood, you will be the only power in their universe"

"Wow..." I was only now starting to see the advantages, "But what about the Mistresses, don't they ever feel like they should be getting some of the money?"

"Oh, Goodness no!" She laughed, "Because they get 100% of all tips generated during their scenarios. And that's a pretty good haul, of course some parties are better tippers than others, but it's stated in the contract that tips are considered mandatory. No Joscelyn, The Sisterhood is an extremely well run organization, and all these issues were pounded out years ago, anyone in the S&M 'lifestyle' that wants the very best always knows who they can call."

There was a small pause as I digested the info, and Cindy watched my reaction.

I decided it was time to make my needs known as I said, "So what are the other matriarchs upset with you about, as far as I'm concerned?"

Cindy's eyes narrowed as she spoke, "What are you talking about?"

"I've heard that the Matriarchs have problems with you bringing me up to speed so quickly, or have I heard wrong?" I asked tentatively.

She sighed and said, "Yes, I don't know how you found out about this, but I've been running into some interference in bringing you on board as a novice as quickly as I want to. You see, The Sisterhood requires a fairly long waiting period for novices before they can even take their initiation, and they must have gone through a complete test on how to conduct themselves when in a scenario."

"And the other Matriarchs," I continued, "are not willing to allow me to do this test quite yet?"

"I'm afraid not Joscelyn," Cindy said, "and there doesn't seem to be a way around it just yet. So we'll have to wait for a while, hopefully not too long!"

"...and you're trying to bring me in quickly for Mel?" I asked.

She gave me a knowing look that answered that question pretty quickly.

"Alright, then we'll all just have to wait!" I replied, when suddenly I remembered Dolores' request, "Oh shoot, we gotta get everyone to dinner, or Dolores will kill me!"

We quickly got up and ran upstairs to wake Andy and Mel up from their naps, and then I went down to give the Doc a heads-up that dinner was ready.

***

Dinner was a rather subdued affair, nothing like the previous night's banquet. But then we were all pretty tired after going through the emotional ups and downs that Andy's problem had caused. But when it came to Andy, he seemed to be coming back to his usual hyper self, and that was a really good thing for me, as I began to more fully understand who the 'real' Andy was.




A Learning Experience Ch. 05



After dinner Andy, Cindy, Mel and I played in the game room, mostly just to reduce our stress levels. But Mel was never far from me. She was attached to my waist almost the entire night, and I was beginning to understand just how strong her attraction was to Joscelyn. She had always been strongly attracted to Jack, but it was very obvious, it was Joscelyn that seemed to make her melt into my arms, kisses were longer and her libido seemed to have no limitation when she was with her, rather than her male counterpart Jack.

Finally Andy had had enough after such a strenuous day, and he and Cindy begged our pardon for abandoning us for bed. Soon Mel made it very obvious that her mind was on bed as well, although also obviously she was interested in anything but sleep! I started the ball rolling just to see how far this might go, I kissed her softly, putting my hands on each side of her face, then said, "I love you baby... take me to bed... NOW!"

The lustful look that sprang from her eyes was amazing to behold. She had her hair done almost the same as mine, and it felt and smelled heavenly. She grabbed my hand and we both ran straight up to our bedroom, slamming the door behind us. By this time I was ready to go as well, and we began groping each other's bodies while stripping our clothes off as much as we could. I was left in my crotchless pantyhose, pink bustier, and strappy sandals with 6 inch heels. Mel was left in similar shape, but all black, with 4 inch pumps. Mel led me over to our bed and kissed me so hard I really didn't know if I would have a tooth left in my mouth! After this she pushed me back onto the bed, and I wiggled up to the center of the bed, giving her my sexiest look possible, simmering for her lust. Nothing more was needed for Mel to jump up onto the queen-size bed, crawling up to me as a cougar would crawl up to its kill. 

My cock was struggling with the fake pussy once again, but I was determined to stay as completely 'en femme' as possible this night and tomorrow, so we kissed and cuddled for a while, before I gradually kissed my way down her heavenly midriff until I was in place for my favorite bit of lovemaking on my beautiful Melissa. Her vagina trembled as I once again gently pressed my mouth against her slit, giving soft kisses along its length. Of course she was absolutely delicious and while I wanted more she certainly didn't disappoint in her output, after 3 separate orgasms I had swallowed down more than enough of her pussy juice to keep even a cunnilingus aficionado like me sated.

I knew that she was ready for multi-orgasm, so I began exploring from the bottom up, eventually landing squarely on the tight bud of her clit. Once again I slid two fingers of my right hand as deep as I could into her, and curled them up just slightly as I pressed my tongue to her clit and sucked gently. I softened my tongue and licked my way around her magic nub before closing my lips over it again, sucking her gently. She tensed and her body rose up to meet my mouth as she came hard!

She gave a short, violent scream that was almost immediately choked off as all the muscles in her body locked for a few seconds of complete stillness and silence, then Mel sucked in a ragged breath and her body started to shake. I kept the pressure the same and didn't move, as I didn't want to change any of the sensations that were coursing through her body. I was treated to a last mouthful of her delicious pussy juice which I swallowed down before licking my lips. Mel shook for the next few seconds, still mostly locked up, and then let out a loud, explosive breath, followed by a period of heavy panting. I watched her body relax and muscles release as she came down from her climax. Slowly and gently, I slid my fingers from her soaked folds and lifted my head to look up at her, and could see her eyes slowly close as she looked back to me. Gradually her breathing returned to normal and sleep started to overcome her.

After I got her to sleep, I stayed awake for quite some time. I had some serious thinking to do, and my world was not as it had started this weekend. In fact, the whole purpose of the weekend had almost become irrelevant after today's craziness. But more than anything, I'd better be on my 'A' game when I confront my mother tomorrow, I'll know then just how well I had come to grips with my belief in my own womanhood. If she didn't 'buy' into this, then everything was at risk. I knew that I was close, but I'd barely even begun my HRT, and while my skin was that of a young person, just a few days ago, it had only known its existence from the perspective of a young man, and not a woman. In places my skin was still very dry and scaly, and hardly the rounded and soft curves of a normal female! How was I really going to be seen by the person who had probably seen me more often than anyone on the planet? Would she laugh, because she would see her son immediately, or would she be as stunned as the Doctor had been, amazed at the transformation? It took me a couple more hours of this mind-play before I finally was able to drift off.

***

As morning broke, the sun was once again pouring into our little weekend love nest, and the more I became awake, the more I realized how sad I would be to see it go after I left to go back home this morning. Suddenly I could feel Mel stirring, grabbing my head and kissing me as hard as she could while remembering the orgasms I'd afforded her last night.

"Oh God Josie!" She cried using my short name after coming up for air, "Honey I fell asleep and never remembered to make sure you were taken care of..."

"Baby..." I interrupted, "Now come on, I was very happy giving you orgasms last night, so don't you bother over it. And as a matter of fact, I was well taken care of, and you made sure I had everything I ever wanted so no worries, ok?"

"Well, alright." She replied, "But it doesn't feel right somehow."

"If you could just help me get ready," I said, "for seeing my Mom later, you would be helping with an immense problem sweetheart, you really would!"

"Oh yeah, right!" She suddenly replied, "Well, let me get myself going and see if Cindy's up, because she's really the best person to get you dressed right!"

"Ok babe!" I said while yawning as wide as I ever have, "I'll use the bathroom after you then, ok?"

"Right..." she began saying, "Hey! Then you get to sleep longer... Oh, you!"

I was now laughing hard as she realized I'd managed to slip that trick in pretty easily! A sharp poke to my shoulder told me that, while she was annoyed, she wasn't mad. But within 20-30 minutes, I had both of my male to female conversion helpers sitting on my bed and ready to get me dressed for whatever was to come with my mother. After going to the bathroom and washing my face, then removing all the other clothing that I had on, I returned to Cindy and Mel, to see what they thought I should wear.

I started with black lace panties, and matching bra. Then dark tan pantyhose and a pair of black patent open-toe pumps with 4" heels. Then they found a frilly white blouse in my closet, apparently purchased over the weekend, along with a dark blue suit with silver pin-stripes, the skirt was 3 inches from the knee, and the jacket fit perfectly. I mixed and matched what jewelry I had that I thought would look nice and be low-key, then went into my make-up routine to finish the look. I tried to get my hair back to something close to what it had been yesterday, but finally Cindy grabbed the brush from my hand and along with a spray bottle of something or other, and after several minutes of cursing brought it back to its old self. As I looked into the mirror, I saw a young professional, possibly a Personal Assistant, staring back at me and smiled because that was exactly the look I had been hoping for.

Now we had to pack up all of the things they had bought for me that I wasn't going to wear, and Cindy managed to find bags enough to get everything packed into the Doctor's car this morning. I was stunned at the amount of clothing they had bought for me, starting with no less than 15 pairs of shoes, 34 pair of stockings and pantyhose, 38 panties, 14 bustiers and corsets, 26 bras, 15 blouses, 18 skirts, 16 dresses, and an unknown number of other types of women's clothing in my size. Along with perfume, jewelry and other accessories, it was quite a haul for anyone, but I just kept wondering how I would fit it all into the small male bedroom closet I had at home.

Once this had been loaded into the Doctor's car, the girls loaded all of their own things back into suitcases, and took those out to Andy's car. This was because they would be getting a ride from Andy back to the college. Now we all congregated at Dolores' breakfast table to get some food into us for our respective journeys. I was quiet and pensive, and I knew that today may not go well for me. Yet the girls and Andy tried their best to cheer me up, even Dolores gave me high praise for my well appointed office apparel. I could only hope I had made all the right decisions for myself.

Finally, it was time to go. Everyone hugged me and wished me luck. That seemed to give me the confidence to feel like I was doing the right thing. The Doctor then came around and started up the car, and off we went.

After a couple hours of early morning suburban traffic, we reached my home. I lived in a large colonial house painted a dark barn red color. It sat on a corner property at a 45 degree angle to both roads that intersected there. Lovely pink colored brick made up its lower front walls, and stoop, as well as the chimney. A narrow driveway wound up to a single car garage where I had rebuilt many a car engine. But more than that it was the home of our only pet, since my parents would not allow a dog to live inside our house with us, he lived in the garage. This wasn't your 'average' single garage, as when it was originally built, the house was the sample house, and the garage was the property manager's office. So it was well insulated, which I added to later, and had electric heaters with thermostats installed at 3 locations. I spent many a cold night out there without any bad side effects. So for a dog, it was a heckuva nice place to call home, although we kids would much rather have had him inside with us.

I told the Doc to park down at the end of the property line after he dropped me off at my driveway, and then I would come out to get him in a few minutes. As I watched him roll down the street, for the first time, I felt just incredibly lonely. But I bit down firmly, tucked my black patent clutch under my arm and literally marched towards my own front door, as if I were attacking in formation! Once I had my hand on the front door knob, I sighed a very long sigh, and went on in.

I looked around the front hall, peeked down into the family room, then upstairs towards my parent's room.

"Is that you Jack?" My mother asked.

"Yeah Mom, I'm home!" I replied in my normal masculine voice up to her.

Quickly I went straight to the kitchen, as it would be the way I would normally go to let the dog out and get breakfast. Opening the door, our dog, an English Cocker Spaniel named Leo, wagged his tail, but didn't seem to know me enough to do his usual jumping routine. I got him out and attached to his run-line that allowed him to run back and forth through the back yard. Once that was complete, I walked down to where the Doc had parked and got back in. Then I told him to go ahead and re-park back into the driveway. Once that was done, we both got out of his car and walked up to the front door.

"Well, here we go!" I gasped between clenched teeth.

"Josie..." The Doctor said, "Try and relax now, everything will turn-out, take a deep breath and just keep breathing throughout, ok?"

I tried to follow his instructions, but my heart was beating so fast, and my chest was hurting so bad, that I could barely get any breath inside me, let alone a deep one! Finally I pushed the already open front door all the way, so we could both get through. My feint had apparently worked, as when we walked over to the kitchen, I saw my mother staring out the kitchen window into the back yard, moving back and forth trying to see where I was. And as I had explained to the Doc, she was completely dressed and ready for company. My feint was done to get her downstairs, so she wouldn't be able to say that she wasn't dressed yet, and thereby negating my bringing the Doctor here for support. My mother was a tall woman at about 5'10", always dressed well, with blond hair barely long enough to cover her neck, you could bet on her make-up being perfect and jewelry matching what she wore.

Once I knew it was time, I addressed her in my feminine voice, which until this moment, she had never heard before.

"Hello Mom," I said, "I brought Doctor Goldmann this morning so you could see how things are going with my therapy."

As she twirled around to see who was addressing her, her eyes became saucers when she saw my form in the doorway. I took a few more steps through the door and into the kitchen, so that I was about 3-4 feet away from where she was standing at the kitchen sink. The kitchen light now showed my complete body to her. I saw the shock on her face as she gradually realized it was me, I think that hurt more than any slap in the face could have ever managed.

"Mom..." I began, "You must know that this is the only way for me now."

"No..." she tried to reply, but it was so weak as to be nearly inaudible.

Then she repeated her 'no' and gradually felt with her hands over to the kitchen table, all the while staring straight at me. She pulled her usual chair out and sat down very heavily, placing her head in her hands, but still unable to take her eyes away from me.

I pulled out a chair from the table for the Doctor, and then pulled one out for myself and sat down, while crossing my legs. She seemed as if she could only look directly at me.

"Jack... a-are you wearing... make-up?" She finally managed to say.

"Yes mother, I am," I replied calmly, "because most girls do."

"Excuse me Mrs. Hartman," The Doctor was speaking now, "but Jack will shortly be known as 'Joscelyn Anne Hartman' instead of 'Jack Arthur Hartman', as she has indicated her wants for a female name to go with her female form."

"Oh... God!" My mother spoke slowly, "Jack, you... but, why?"

"Why become female?" I queried, "Or why that name?"

Now she seemed to get some of her self-control back as her anger flared, and suddenly we were in a real conversation that had taken nearly 12 years to finally come about.

"Why – everything!" She almost yelled at me.

"Mom, I don't feel like a man, I never have," I was talking quickly, "so if I'm forced to be a man, it will eventually destroy me, it will have to, can't you see that? Haven't you seen the terrible toll it's taken on me every day as I have to make excuses for why I don't like sports, why I like decorating the house, why I don't have ANY body hair, and on, and on, and on...?"

"It... will... kill... me!" I spoke as forcefully as my voice allowed, "Is that what you want for your offspring, you want your son to die... why not let me live as your daughter... would that really be so horrible?"

Now she put her face in her hands and began to sob, so I gently took her left hand and placed it between mine. In a way that she could easily see my French manicured nails, and began stroking it softly.

"This isn't that strange or rare," I tried to bring my voice down now, "many young men my age finally realize the truth, the real truth about their gender. And they come to the same place that I have, they have to try to make the change that will bring their bodies into balance with their minds!"

She was now softly stroking my hand, but the tears were still freely flowing, "Well," she sniffed, "You're sure that no one's somehow 'convinced' you of this course, like your sister for instance?"

Now I had to smile, as I said, "Of course not, she has her own life to live, and she hasn't been involved with my gender problems at all Mom."

"I know you've been under a terrible strain at times, Jac..." She paused, and then continued, "Jos... Joscelyn... right?"

I nodded and smiled very broadly, "Yes Mother, my name is Joscelyn now, because I had to take this rebirth on my own, I'm allowed to decide my name."

"I just never thought that you..." her voice faded a bit, then came back, "Well, I guess that's silly now, but I just don't know how to tell your father! Oh Jack... I mean Joscelyn, he will be so hurt and so upset with all of this!"

I turned to the Doctor, giving him a serious look, and then turned back to my Mom, "That's why I only wanted to talk with you first, so we can both work on Dad gradually over the next several months."

"You see Mom, this is still very early in my transition," I said, "And while I very much wanted you to see me as a female, so you would know this was really possible, tonight I'll take all of this off and go back to dressing as a male over the next few months."

"Oh, so he won't see you like this?" She queried, "not at all?"

"Not until her Hormone Replacement Therapy is complete, Mrs. Hartman," The Doctor explained, "Which will probably be around month 16."

"It takes that long to change your sex?" Mother said.

"No, not exactly," I continued, "the drugs help me to look more effeminate, that's all."

"Then once thing's seem to be stable for her," The Doctor continued, "we will schedule her for an SRS or Sexual Reassignment Surgery, and it's only THEN that she can officially and legally, under state and federal law, be known as a female."

"Tsk, tsk!" Mother was shaking her head now, "That sounds so painful dear, have you really thought this out then?"

"For almost as long as I can remember," I replied to her, "I have hoped and prayed this day would come, how could it be anything but a wondrous event for me? I don't care about the pain of the change, it's a light pleasantry versus the pain of remaining male."

"I... I have to admit," she said, "you do look very pretty... I never thought that would be a word I'd use to describe my own son, but then... it's a good word for my new daughter."

That was as much as I could take. My own tears now took their toll on my make-up, and fell hard and fast for quite a while. I got up and hugged my mother and we just held each other for the next several minutes as I gradually reclaimed my self-control.

I think the Doctor realized we had made a major break-though, as he was just beaming from ear to ear, I wasn't quite as sure as I knew we still had my father to go, but I had never felt as good about myself as I did that morning.

"Alright Josie, Mrs. Hartman, I'll have to get going then," The Doctor was saying, "It's been just a wonderful experience meeting Joscelyn's mother Mrs. Hartman!"

Dr. Goldmann got up and shook hands with Mom and she seemed to be recovering her manners pretty quickly.

"Oh, well are you sure you can't stay for coffee Doctor?" Mom replied.

"I'm afraid not today thanks," the Doctor said, "perhaps another time. Josie... you want me to help bring all your new things in for you?"

"That would be great," I replied, "let me show you where they need to go!"

For the next 30 minutes we gradually got all of my new clothes up into my clothes closet, basically filling it to the ceiling! And afterwards the Doctor walked up to me and hugged me tight, saying, "Josie, each day I work with you, I feel like I'm gaining a new daughter, if you need us, please just call, ok?"

"I will Doc," I replied, "and... thanks... thanks for everything!"

As I watched him pull out of the driveway and roll up the hill, I felt that I'd accomplished something incredible this day. But I still had a long road to go.





A Learning Experience Ch. 05



***

The next day I had completely transformed myself back to Jack, carefully removing all of the various prosthesis that the girls had put on me and storing them away for another day that hopefully would come soon enough. Andy picked me up and took me in to school so I could finally retrieve my car. I still had a lot of Music Club business to look after, getting the final docs on David Bowie, and getting another medium level act set up to play the college, a new comedian named Martin Mull.

On Friday morning, Andy came over to my little office and explained that he thought he might have the perfect guy for me to try for a date, as his father and I had discussed. The college theatre's custodian and also the school's 'hot gay stud'. Roy Keller had worked for the college ever since he dropped out a few years ago. Apparently I'd made an impression, as it had been relayed to Andy that Roy was VERY interested in getting better acquainted with that 'guy with the long blond hair'.

I needed to talk with Roy anyway, Martin Mull typically needed a number of very specific stage props. That afternoon, I walked into the theatre and saw Roy hanging out with a few guys towards the front, near the stage.

"Hey Roy?" I tried to get his attention, finally getting him to turn around, "Do you have a few minutes?"

Roy was pretty tall, a little over 6', maybe 6'2", and had rugged good looks. Black raven hair was cut in a short crew-type cut. His maleness was everything mine wasn't, with dark color body hair just everywhere, including an amazing handlebar moustache. His arms and upper body looked strong and well defined. I was tongue-tied almost immediately as he turned to see it was me, and immediately broke into a huge smile.

"For you," he replied, "As much time as you want darlin'!"

"Ah... well, as you may already know," I began, "Martin Mull will be performing on our stage in 2 weeks, and I wondered if you saw any problems with his stage props?"

He didn't immediately answer, a quick head nod had his crew heading off the other way as he very slowly sidled up next to me. He was still smiling at me, and I was having a really hard time keeping track of what I wanted to say next. As he reached me his arm went around my shoulders making me gulp hard and realize just how unsure I was about all of this.

"Let's sit and talk about it..." he finally said.

I sat down in the second row from the stage, as he sat next to me, arm still firmly around my shoulders. But now he had his hand slowly pulling my long blond locks back over my ears. Then he came in with small licks to my earlobes, totally blocking any further brain function on my part.

"How would y'all..." he said in a slow southern drawl, "like to go dancin' with me tonight?"

I couldn't take my eyes away from his, gradually he took advantage of my stunned mouth remaining open, and kissed me there just as hard as he could. It was my first kiss with a man, and I was interested, yet at the same time it made me extremely unsure of how I was supposed to react. Once he let me up, I almost jumped up out of my seat.

"Tonight?" I replied, "T-that w-would be great, when um... when, er what time?"

He just kept smiling that killer smile, and said, "Well, how about I come by your office around 6?"

I was backing away at this point, saying, "Umm... yeah, that sounds g-great, see ya then Roy!"

I licked my lips as I turned, and did not mean to, but it put me into this daze from then on, and while I was not at all sure that this was a good idea, I walked quickly back to my office with a strange fascination for this man. Luckily Mel had been out sick for the past couple days. I didn't want her to know anything about this Gay Gigolo and our date, where we would see if I really had any kind of real attraction to Men. I had agreed with my Doctor to do this for my own better knowledge and to know just how far my feelings for men went.

As I arrived back in my office, Andy came over and asked how it had gone. I was still a bit stunned, but managed to explain that Roy and I were going dancing later that night. Of course Andy immediately slapped me on the back, and congratulated me on my first ever date with a man, but the more time that elapsed, the more uncertain I became.

Finally, at around 5:30, I disappeared to retrieve some better 'going out' clothes from my car. Then I went into the men's room to change and try to get myself looking a little more presentable to be taken out dancing! I changed into some tight jeans and my leather western shirt that laced up the front. Of course what would be required at that time was a brand new pair of men's high heeled disco shoes. They had cost a small fortune for a college student, but I couldn't wait to try them out on the dance floor!

As he had promised, Roy arrived at my office door at almost exactly 6 o'clock. And at this point, he was the most perfect gentleman anyone could expect. Wearing black jeans and white tee, he had a sport jacket on over it. Black cowboy boots were the final piece to that puzzle, and while his sense of style might need a bit of help, he made sure that it was his personality that shown above all else. He walked me out to his pickup, and opened the passenger door for me to get in, and shutting it afterward for me. He then drove us to a local gay bar that also had live bands for dancing. We went into the bar, and he seemed to be a known entity to all of the waiters and waitresses. He asked for and was immediately given a table right next to the dance floor. He seemed to enjoy kissing, but kept his arm around me at all times while I was seated with him. I tried to distract him by suggesting going out onto the dance floor, but he complained that he was a poor dancer, and would rather just watch me.

After a few drinks, my dancing was getting much more seductive in nature, why I wanted that could only have made sense to me if Mel had been there. This Roy fellow continued to drink heavily, egging me on to 'reveal' more of myself as I danced, and I did. I had changed into my leather western shirt that had a good profile for my developing chest. Gradually by 1 am, I had ended up shirtless and pretty much wasted. Roy seemed mostly interested with kissing exhibitions between the two of us, and especially in front of other couples. For the first time I felt there was something strange here. But instead of making a scene, I apologized and asked Roy if there might be a more private place we could go to be alone.

Once I had my shirt back on, we both staggered out of the bar, laughing and tickling each other. Instead of opening the passenger side door for me as he had done, he said, "Ok bitch, slide it in here next to me!", as he opened the driver's door. While I complied, he noticed my new found lack of enthusiasm and Roy began to grope me all over, but then quickly started the car and drove us back to the college. His pickup had a bench seat, so once again he had his arm locked around my shoulders.

"I'm so sorry Roy," I began, "but this is really new to me, do you mind if we spend some time just with ourselves, getting to know each other?"

"New? What's new babe?" Roy responded, "Oh... you mean you've never been with another guy before huh?"

"I'm afraid so," I said as I looked down embarrassed, "It's just that, I want to, but I really don't know if I can, if you can follow that at all."

"Well now!" Roy was again smiling, "You know you can count on me to show you what love is all about can't you baby?"

"Ok..." I replied, "But let's try going a little slow at first, alright?"

"You can count on me Sweetie!" He finally said as he pulled into the college.

It was a dark night and if I hadn't been here as many times as I had, I probably would not have known we were right in back of the College Theatre. Roy walked up a few steps to the loading dock entrance. His small flashlight illuminated the door's lock and he had it open a second later. He laughed and said, "This oughta be private enough, follow me lil' one, your ecstasy awaits!"

After a couple of turns, we arrived at a circuit breaker box, where he quickly got the lights of the theatre on, then continued up several flights of steps. Roy's office was at the back of the second balcony, or what many might describe as the 'nosebleed' seats. These were the highest seats in the house, and also was where most of the theatre's performance lighting was controlled from. Finally we got to the back and Roy opened his office door and waved me inside.

"Can I get you anything?" He queried, breathing hard.

"No thanks, I'm good," I replied looking around his office.

Roy was in pretty good shape, based on how well he managed getting up all of those stairs. As I looked around, the front of the office was floor to ceiling windows that looked onto the various catwalks and lighting stations. At one end were a couple of couches and small tables. Roy indicated I should take a seat, then turned on some music and returned to sit next to me.

He embraced me hard and gave me another kiss, then started groping me, removing my shirt from over my head. Now he opened the fly of his jeans and began forcing my head between his legs.

For some reason, it was too much for me, maybe the alcohol was wearing off, or just his egocentric method of love-making, in any case I waved my hands, and stood up.

"I'm sorry Roy," I said softly, hoping not to sound whiney, "you have been very nice and I appreciate all your attention... but I... I guess this is just too much for me right now, and I just... maybe it would be best if I just go."

Roy let out a sigh, then grabbed my wrist and pulled me back down onto his lap, "It's alright my little one, promised you I'd show you all of my love..."

As he kissed me once more, I thought maybe he had realized that I needed to go much more slowly, but I should have realized he was simply losing patience for me to deliver what he needed. His embrace shifted and before I could do much of anything about it, he had handcuffed my wrists behind me. He reached in back of the couch again and as he let go of me I tried to jump away from him. As I got to my feet, he caught me by my belt and punched me hard in the stomach. I went down in a ball at his feet, seeing nothing but stars and fighting for any kind of breath at all.

"Well my lil' sissy boy," He yelled in my ears, "you've been teasin' me all night... HAVEN'T YOU BITCH?!"

My mouth was wide open, trying to get air, when he stuffed a ball gag into it and roped the back of it to my ankles, effectively hog tying me. He looked down at me and laughed, then said, "That should keep you comfy until I get back, then we'll have some real fun bitch!"

Once he left, I realized that whatever I was going to do to get loose, it would need to happen now. Then I remembered that these were my cycle jeans and I might have my skeleton key set in the back pocket. Pushing around hard, I searched the left back pocket... nothing. But as soon as I put my fingers into the right back pocket, there it was. I would have to figure out the right size by feel, and I had no idea how much time I had, but I tried to slowly get my breath back, so I could think clearly.

Finally I matched one of the skeleton keys to the handcuff lock, and as soon as I had my hands free, I was untying the knot on the back of the ball gag. Once all my restraints were off, I put my shoes back on and stood up, just as Roy walked back into the room.

"What the fuck..." Roy's eyes doubled in size as he wondered out loud at my escape.

"Thank you for a lovely evening," I replied casually, "but I think I've overstayed my welcome!"

I didn't look too hard at what he had brought into the room, it appeared to be more ropes and some sex toys, as well as a whip of some kind. Roy dumped it all onto his couch, and as I was walking up to his office door to leave, he ran up behind me and tried to put me in a headlock. Without knowing I had several years of Tae Kwon Do training, this was his first really big mistake. A quick sidestep gave me an excellent target of his bottom ribs, and I hit them with my right elbow just as hard as I could. At that point Roy was simply a 180 pound bean bag, and I could use that weight, along with his momentum to throw him forward through the windows of his office. As the plexiglas windows crumpled and cracked to allow Roy to pass through them, he was prevented from falling down into the ground floor seats by a low wall that was part of that level's catwalk system. So he came to rest upside down, knees hung over the catwalk wall and his head and arms splayed across the catwalk floor.

I opened his office door and began walking across the catwalk towards the main balcony stairs when I suddenly had to stop. Why do I do these things? Who knows what this moron would have ended up doing to me, what do I owe him? But my mind would allow no other action, so turning on my heel, I walked back over to Roy as the rest of his body now fell pathetically onto the catwalk. He seemed conscious.

"Roy..." I asked, "Roy! ...do you think you need an ambulance?"

But he just wagged his head in a 'no' movement, and I then felt free to go. I sighed loudly as I was once again walking down the stairs leading to the floor level seats. I didn't really know if this was a 'typical' male-to-male date, but I doubted it. All I really did know by this experience was that I needed to be with someone that had a kind and generous nature. Male or female made no difference, but their attitude towards others? That mattered a great deal!

***

Everything I'd learned about skeleton keys, getting out of handcuffs and especially self defense, came about from my need to belong to some sort of group in high school so I wouldn't be picked on constantly. From here, we have to fall back in time a little bit and for just a little while. Back to when I was 16, and a junior in high school. The HS that I went to was about 40% Afro-American. The biggest race riots in America were Watts, followed closely by my own little PA hometown. In 1973 our school was taken over and the principle held hostage (most of those involved were not students) and the National Guard had to be called in, because the state police were so overwhelmed. I knew what bigotry was, it sat next to me every night at dinner, and I learned to detest it from that perspective, so I couldn't imagine what African-Americans had to deal with.

But to me, this had little to do with anything other than survival. So I don't want to go into all the issues around race riots during this time, because it wasn't so much why these things were happening, rather it just made my life more difficult and required more strange turns in my daily routine. In our HS, you couldn't go into the boy's lavatory alone without getting beaten up, no Caucasian kid really could, and everyone knew it. Because of my looks, I would be picked out for 'special' treatment on top of that. So I always just made sure I wouldn't need to use the lavatory during school and stayed well away from anyplace I might get caught alone.

A friend of mine named Al and I were motor heads, we had built our own dirt-track race car. His dad was a plumber and we could get all the tubing for a roll cage we wanted for free. I got really good at jig welding and understanding engines and suspensions. Al's dad also had a bunch of garages attached to his business that he rented out. The local biker gang would use the garages and they all knew us and gradually we came to be friends with them, or as good friends as you can get I guess without actually joining up and being initiated, etc. One of the guys was named 'Tiny', and at about 350 pounds, could quite probably lift your house for you... with one arm. Tiny liked me... don't ask me if it was more than that, I never had the guts to ask.

But I would go with him as he made his rounds through Al's blue collar neighborhood, taking groceries to seniors that couldn't get out, and talking with other folks just to make sure they were ok. When this 'gang' was just starting, it was a lot more of a neighborhood watch kind of thing than a drugs, bikes and chicks 'gang' kind of a thing.

I needed to belong so badly, if for no other reason than it would mean an end to the daily harassment by the gangs that hung out in the school's lavatories. So every day, Al and I thought about how we could get ourselves 'into' this biker gang. Finally one day I was walking past the garages and the guys were going nuts trying to tune the tri-carb setup on their Harley 1200 Sportsters, the favorite biker 'hog'. It was a serious pain, everybody knew it, and the pro-bike mechanics would charge out the ass to do it.

So we go to the HS library, and guess what we find, all the old Harley manuals for the 1200 Sportsters. Apparently what we needed was a specially built 'manometer' that would allow you to check the vacuum on all the carbs at once. (Trying to do them one at a time, like the guys were doing, was a serious hit or miss kind of thing). So Al and I take an illustration from the manual, go back to the shop, and weld up one of those manometers. We then go out to one of the garages where Tiny is trying to get his bike to run even half decently, we pop on our manometer, and get the vacuum settings to where the manual said they should be, and viola! Varoooom!! Runs like a sonofabitch! Tiny just grins at me, I looked away because it made me feel weird back then.

After giving them the manometer they decided we could join. But after all that work, Al's dad wouldn't let him. I never told my parents, but then they almost never knew where I was anyway. So at 16 I became a member of the local Pagans Motorcycle Club. And I didn't even have a motorcycle yet! When it all started, it was just a lot of fun, and I gained a serious rep with that one little jean jacket with a Pagans emblem on it. One look at Tiny, and I rarely had anyone give me anything but a wide berth. The only problem (of course) was I didn't know anything about the real world yet, and the club was quickly taken control of by guys that wanted to do a lot more than just give groceries to old folks, and protect the neighborhood.

About a year or so later, I met an older guy that had just joined the Pagans, by the name of Smitty. No one ever called him anything else and he was brought into the club to help with self-defense. About 5'11" tall and 190 pounds, he had the profile of a fireplug. Every Saturday morning he would teach self-defense to anyone willing to put up with his drill sergeant put-downs. I had taken a couple years of Tae Kwon Do at the local YMCA, and as soon as I said this he began pushing me... hard! It wasn't until years later that he admitted to me that he was ex-Spec Forces. The self defense used by the Special Forces during Vietnam was partly based on Korean Tae Kwon Do. Of course he loved expounding on all the 'extras' that he had to help us protect ourselves in the event of a street fight. He also absolutely loved hot-rods, so I became his only close friend in town really, and he would only rarely attend club events, unless ordered to.

***

The following night, after my first male "date", I called Mel and asked her how she was doing. She was feeling a lot better and invited me over to her house for dinner (as long as I made it or bought it) and maybe watch a movie on TV. I had a pretty good idea of what she was hoping for, and I wanted nothing more than to make her happy.

I stopped by Mel's favorite pizza place and bought a couple pies, including one for Cindy, in case she was home too. I borrowed a bottle of red wine from my parent's extensive collection that I didn't think they would miss. Unfortunately I had nowhere to really change as I would have liked so when I rang the doorbell and Mel streaked to the door to open it, her face showed the disappointment I thought it might.




A Learning Experience Ch. 06



I'm sorry to have taken so much time to complete this interim chapter. This has been the hardest thing I have ever done, that is... to try and describe all of the various events that occurred during those terrible days that forged my new persona from the old, so many years ago. It was a thorough metamorphosis that changed me so dramatically, most people no longer recognized me, either physically or psychologically. However, if I was angry I never felt it, in fact I can't remember feeling anything for weeks after the initial set of traumas occurred. And I will fully explain the amazing process that woke me from this extended nightmare, in the next chapter.

The only thought I am able to share now is a vague recollection of flame... tremendous heat, as if I was being scorched and burned... then being returned to some earlier state of existence. Once abandoned by family (and I felt friends as well), I became obsessed with proving myself. This feeling drove me away from everyone that I loved or even knew and I can only remember wanting to prove myself as a female... as a woman... as the gender I was born to be.

It seemed to me I was worthless, but even if the only thing I had to offer was my body itself, then I would use it to prove I was just as much a woman as any in existence. If this required me to sell myself for sex, then I would seek out the best place I either knew, or had ever heard of, in order to make it happen. But while I was desperately clinging to these thoughts, I was in fact simply fleeing... to what I would eventually think of as my own little world... my own private Hell.

I am dedicating this chapter to William smyth, who has been a wonderful mentor and good friend while I have struggled with writing this. Hope you are feeling better soon Bill!

And to my love and muse Griffin57, my love is yours Always & Forever.

-

However, at that moment... back in the very real, very dark, and certainly ugly world of that cool spring night in June of 1975, I was being carried into Melissa and Cindy's house by Billy, holding me tightly wrapped in a blanket from the trunk of the patrol officer's car that I was originally abducted in. Every friend I had in the Pagans had desperately been out searching for the rogue police officer who had grabbed me right out from under their noses. It was still unknown what his real purpose was. Before blacking out, but just after being rescued, I'd told Smitty about the "daddy" comment that he had made, and he acknowledged the possibility that this involved my father. But really, after everything that had just gone on with Roy and all of his threats? It just didn't seem possible. In any case, because of that remark, we would have to bring my family into this at some level, if only because they might still be in danger. I knew this was unlikely, but you can't imagine the terrible angst that added to my mind.

Billy and I had been friends since elementary school, and while we were not really close friends, we had shared a common background for many years now. He had joined the Pagans not long after I did, and we were just always hanging around together it seemed. A veritable giant of a man by this time in life, he was muscular, yet stood a lanky 6 foot, 6 inches tall and weighed in at around 260 pounds. It was no wonder that the Pagans took him, even though he was another gentle giant like Tiny. He had grown up on a State Farm, taking care of a large dairy barn. In Pennsylvania, a State Farm was a mental hospital that had a number of occupational therapy resources on its property that supported the hospital and supposedly gave the inmates a place to experience a limited form of employment and rehabilitation.

Billy's older brother was committed there and his father looked into ways the family could be closer to him. Eventually he was hired to oversee the diary farm, and the family had lived in a house on the hospital's property for as long as I'd known Billy. It wasn't until Billy walked into Cindy's house and saw me dressed as a female several nights ago that his demeanor towards me changed and he became increasingly close and protective.

We had always been good friends, but now his attitude became much more than that, and so I finally asked him what was going on. His answer was more shocking than I could have imagined. His older brother had been committed to the mental hospital in 1968 due to his admission of wearing women's clothes and propositioning other men for sex. Basically? He had been doing everything I had for the past year or so.

When I asked my doctor how this was possible, he became very angry and explained that before 1970 transgender behavior was dealt with by the kind of draconian laws that incarcerated Billy's brother. Fortunately these had been modified, and by coming to him, a specialist in sexual and gender disorders, I was able to be evaluated quite differently than I might have by other doctors. That such things were possible only a few years ago was quite a shock, and it was no wonder Billy was worried about me... he was convinced I would share his brother's fate and confessed to me that he was prepared to do anything to protect me from that. Once I introduced him to my doctor, he relaxed and went back to the friend I'd always known. But he also had his father call my doctor so that something could be done for his brother.

However, the main reason Billy was upset right now was because from time to time I would come back to reality and simply scream. Grabbing onto him just as hard as I could, until my eyes would roll back into my head, and I would faint once again. As he brought me up to Mel's bedroom, I awakened, resulting in another blood-curdling scream. I then grabbed him like an "A" ride at Disneyland, before just as suddenly dropping back to sleep again. He carefully laid me on the bed, but would not leave me. Cindy tried to calm him, and convince him that he should leave me to Mel's care while we all waited for the Doctor to arrive.

But I don't think there was a force on the planet that could have made him leave. Somehow he had convinced himself that HE was responsible for my abduction, so until the Doctor got there we were all just spending that time together. Only upon hearing the Doctor's BMW screech to a stop in Cindy's driveway, was Billy now willing to 'give ground'. After some excited exchanges between everyone, the Doc opened up his bag, readied a hypo and gave it to me. There were no more problems once that was accomplished and I was sleeping calmly as Mel could now finally start cleaning me up.

The next day I awoke barely able to function, but wanted to know all from Smitty. Apparently, after my violator was down, Smitty managed to get his name, and other information from his wallet. But they never could "persuade " him to give any reason for his attack. So who would be so tight-lipped, after his ID had been revealed and even threatened with bodily harm and NOT confess? To Smitty it was obvious, as his driver's license was the only form of real ID in his wallet, therefore, it must have been faked. After Cindy did some checking, she came back with the news that he was indeed, an imposter, the patrol cruiser had been reported as stolen. Somehow, the other officers at the scene seemed to acknowledge him as if they knew him. But again, Cindy insisted that many times new officers came into areas as unknowns and as long as he pretended well enough, he really could get away with it.

In typical Cindy fashion she said, "Shoulda killed the bastard while we had 'im!"

"You know you don't mean that," I replied, "but maybe we should have turned him in somehow, as embarrassing as that might have been for everyone, and I could have pressed charges or something."

Cindy scoffed at me and left the room in a huff, I gave Mel a look, and she immediately nodded and went after my 'Mistress' to get her calmed down. I called Cindy my Mistress mostly during my training sessions as I was currently only a 'Novice' and she was trying to get into the "Sisterhood" so that I might eventually become a Mistress for her sister Mel, or Melissa. These sessions were intense, and I had only just begun them really. I was very new to the S&M community and while I worked hard, I had so much to learn that it seemed like I'd really bitten off more than I could chew right then.

"Remember though," Smitty said, "we didn't know then that he was a fake, we all thought he was the real deal, and that would have made things tough as far as prosecuting him, it would have been his word against ours!"

He was right, even if Smitty testified to what happened, we were afraid he'd have been arrested for assault on a police officer before anything else could be brought to the police's attention, we hadn't known he was a fake. Or was he...

"Something just dawned on me," I said slowly, "what if he WAS a policeman, just using a faked ID... who would know how to act better than the real thing?"

I could see lights going behind Smitty's steely eyes, "You're right, that would solve a lot of these puzzles."

"Let's get Cindy to take our photos to the police," he continued, "and see if anyone recognizes this guy."

"And we're going to need to ask my Dad," I replied, "what he knows about this, it may seem a long shot Smitty, but I think it will help me sleep if we rule him out, ya know?"

After a long pause ending with an even longer sigh, he said, "Alright Josie, but only when you're better!"

I smiled at my new found hero, and swore I saw a blush start, but he managed to turn away from me hoping I wouldn't notice, just before I had. I would remember that blush and I would allow it to trigger even more controversy into my life a few days later. But Smitty had done all the right things from the start, contacting my Doctor, and then transporting me directly to Cindy and Mel, all together creating as good a support group as any transgender woman could possibly want. Ready, willing and able to provide all the help I might need, now all I was required to do was heal, and then figure this whole mess out.

In the mean time, Smitty assigned round-the-clock armed guards to observe my Parent's and Sister's houses - from a discreet distance - just in case. However, these were not Pagan members. Andy's dad volunteered the money to make this little miracle happen. When it came to official help, whom could I really trust? Because a State Policeman may have raped me, I could not trust help from that direction. Even though I knew Cindy was doing her own research with the help of more conservative local government leaders, I knew I could not possibly trust any info coming from those sources right now, until I had better sources of my own.

Two days later, I had improved enough to go on a ride home for a talk with my Dad about this latest craziness. My Doctor had diagnosed PTSD on top of the other alphabet soup that made up my latest "issues" list. Of course, I also had to worry through the lab tests on my blood to see if my attacker imparted any diseases that I should be made aware of, oh what fun!

I decided I would ask my Dad about this Patrolman in as off-hand a way as I could. But before we go any farther, allow me to dissuade you, gentle reader, of any notions that because my Dad was a bigot, that he was just a simple bully. I never really understood my Dad... during his entire life I didn't. But bully... well, you want to take 'im on, you have my empathy, but you'll more'n likely get your butt kicked. Why?

I'll never forget a call we got from the security department for the Chicago International Airport one morning, before it was named O'Hare. My Dad was trying to get a little sleep on a couch located in a deserted part of the terminal that was under construction, while waiting to get on a red-eye for home. Three ex-cons decided they would sneak into the terminal, and rob anyone that looked well off. Well, waking up with 3 knife wielding ex-cons standing over you would cause enough fear in most people that they would do as they demanded, especially bullies, and give up their briefcase. But not my Dad, he immediately began fighting. So was he an ex-fighter of some kind? Did he have years of self-defense training? At 60 years old with serious heart problems... 5'7" tall and 180 pounds, his only advantage was being one stubborn SOB! That morning in Chicago he knocked one of his attackers out, seriously damaged another's eye socket, and finally ran the last one off, and had lost nothing! All the while calling them names that they hadn't even heard when they were in jail. THAT is a true story and it was 100% my Dad!

My parents had just received a letter from my older brother saying he was now at an airbase near Da Nang, South Vietnam. After talking for a while with Dad and Smitty about my brother's situation, I asked my Dad about a 'weird' comment I got from a state patrol officer, something about you "getting him demoted", and then I asked if he might know anyone like that.

He frowned for some time, took off his glasses, and then slowly began shaking his head in a 'no' back and forth motion. "I'm sorry Jack-my-boy..." he said winking at me, "I think he was just giving you a hard time... probably that long hair of yours! But I could no more have gotten a patrolman demoted within that little neighborhood watch program, than I could fly to the moon!"

Smitty gave me his best 'told ya' look, as I gave my apologies to Mom and Dad and explained that we needed to go. My Mom seemed to know I'd just been through something serious, but as usual, she never followed up on it. And we were soon outside walking to Smitty's bike as I said, "God Smitty, how did I get myself into this one?"

He looked at me with one of his usually intense stares, almost looking through me, as he finally said, "Not sure... but you may already be out of it!"

I was immediately shocked but he kept dancing around his answer, until I just didn't want to go around one more time. Then he said, "Just do me a favor, leave the Pagans behind, and stick to your guns on what you're doin' now."

"Smitty," I said, "you know sumpthin' you're not sayin'..."

"A feeling..." he replied, "I can 'feel' what's going down here, but that's all it is and I can't back it up... yet! Josie I want you to stay away from the Pagans, Billy and Tiny are alright and we'll all still get together and party, but I don't want you anywhere near the clubhouse from now on... somebody in the new leadership wants you dead... or worse... until I get a handle on this mess, will ya do that for me?"

"You know I will!" I exclaimed, "I don't understand... but I'll do anything you say. Do you think you can find out who it is?"

Once again, I was subjected to another blank stare. I have to say, I have only had the opportunity to meet three Special Forces military men. Smitty was Green Beret and my first and I thought there must have been something that happened to cause his erratic behavior. The second was an Airborne Ranger, and he and Smitty talked and acted so much alike that I began to believe it was much more to do with the person than what they did. Finally, I became intimate with a Navy Seal, and then I knew my answer. Their depth of intelligence, bravery, and shear cool, generates these wild self-dependent phases that can last for days, making it very hard to get close to these boys... 

The blast of the Harley's exhaust woke me from my amateur psychoanalysis, and as soon as I'd managed to hook my left leg over his seat back, we were gone an instant later. As we flew along the main street, the crisp spring air was beginning to really warm up and it felt so good to have the wind in my hair again. We pulled up to a red light next to a family station wagon, the husband looked over and quickly looked back in to his wife next to him to say something condescending. I could see her draw her upper lip into a sneer as she continued to stare at us. I knew Smitty had seen this, and that he knew he was the target of their hatred.

It was then... when I knew the sterling character of the disheveled giant of a man in front of me, and the pathetic character of the egocentric worms staring at us from their station wagon next to us, that something just finally 'clicked' deep down inside. I wanted to show Smitty how much he was cared for. Dressed in male street clothes, I wrapped my arms around that fireplug chest and began gently kissing his neck and cheek right in front of them. I'm not sure who was the more surprised out of all of us!

"Wanna get lucky?" I whispered into his right ear, dropping my arms down to his hips to hang on for the rest of the ride, "C'mon, let's go to your place!"

In all of our rides together, I'd never seen Smitty turn all of the way 'round in his seat, so I guess he was the most surprised, but even then, all he said was, "Josie... you don't have to do this!"

"Stop by Cindy's and let me grab a few things, ok?" I said stroking his forearm, "...and I really, REALLY want this!"

He just nodded and finally kicked the big bike in gear, and we were there in a few seconds. I jumped off and went running up to my car's trunk getting out various clothes I kept there as a secondary closet. The first thing I grabbed was my female biker leathers and boots, along with all the fun things to keep boys on bikes well distracted.

A quick run into Mel's upstairs bathroom, allowed another transgender Clark Kent transformational moment, for a male to female quick change in just seconds. I threw my feminine sleeping things in a bag, and began the process of becoming Smitty's bitch.

I knew Mel and Cindy had to go to their grandmothers for the next two nights, and so I was to just sleep in and heal up, I'd have to hope I could think of something that would be a good reason for not being there when they called, as I knew they would. I loved Mel more than my own life and felt a terrible conflict was coming over this. I wanted to call her, explain my feelings to her, and tell her how my need to share my love with this lonely hero was no reason for jealousy. I just couldn't find the words to keep her from being hurt. But then there was also a deep-seated need within me to satisfy my new found bisexuality, something that had been growing with each and every day I was anywhere near this man. The only option seemed to be silence. And yet...

As I walked through the living room toward the front door, I saw their phone on the side table between the recliner and the couch. For some reason, I could not look anywhere else, and I stopped in my tracks to simply stare at it, as if somehow I expected it to speak to me any second. I collapsed onto the couch and continued staring before I realized just how much Mel meant to me, and that I had to make her understand not only my love for her, but also exactly what I intended to do with Smitty, and why. Only the absolute truth was of value here, and if I still couldn't convince her, then I would cancel my night's plans with Smitty until I could. I picked up the receiver and dialed the number on the little notepad where Cindy had written her grandmother's number. I listened as the number rang once, then on the second ring...

"Hello Baby!"

"M-Mel?" I asked tentatively.

"Hi... Cindy and I were about to go get some take out," she said, "when all of a sudden I got this feeling you were going to call, isn't that weird? And you needed to tell me something important."

She now produced a loud and very sad sounding sigh, which made things even stranger because I was about to do the very same thing, but she beat me to it. My heart was pounding out of my chest!

"It... it's about Smitty... isn't it," she said, causing another long pause between us.

"Yes my darling," I sounded surprisingly calm, "I... I love you... I love you more than my life Mel, but something made me see Smitty as someone I need to share my love with tonight. Not just because you aren't here, or because I am in love with him, but because he needs me tonight... and I... this is so hard for me... I need him too."




A Learning Experience Ch. 06



"I know... I've talked to Cindy about this kind of thing happening. Because I've asked you to be my Mistress, you've been working your butt off to get through all of the Sisterhood's requirements. I've known that once you finished, I might have to share you sexually with others. B-but... I guess I was hoping it would never happen... silly."

"Oh no honey, that's not silly, I love you, and only you, forever and always, just as we've always said, remember? Please... let me make you one more promise?"

"W-w-what?" she was crying now.

"T-that I will ALWAYS ask you before I see anyone sexually, no matter the reason, whether it has anything to do with the Sisterhood, or anything else. You will always know beforehand, and you will always have the option of saying no for as long as we are together... w-what do you think... will that work for you?"

"Yes, hell yes!" she exclaimed, "oh God baby, that would make me feel so much better, I had been so worried because I never thought this through, that I... oh Honey, that I would end up losing you because of my own damned S&M needs."

"There was never any danger of that my darling, but hopefully this will keep our love alive by keeping everything honest... and Babe? It's an honest need I have with Smitty, he's been so down lately, and I know he feels like he should have been able to stop my rape by that policeman, no matter how much I protest. I think we need to somehow heal each other, and it's just the only way I can see to do it."

"You're right," she sighed, "shit... you're always right about these things my lovely Joscelyn, and you've been a woman for less time than I've been in college! Cindy has always said the same thing... she said you should have been treated as a female from the day you were born. Your feminine abilities, your fem 'soul' as she calls it, always seems to be able to help others."

"So what do you think about Smitty? ...I won't do this unless..."

"Its yes," she interrupted with a loud and certain voice, "my answer is yes baby."

"Thanks," I said fighting back my tears, "thank you my darling!"

"Tell Smitty he's a lucky guy,"

"No... besides he knows that," I laughed, "No - I'm the lucky one... for having such a love as yours that I can share with him... certainly any 'luck' comes from you."

"Goodnight then my love!"

"Goodnight sweetheart!"

I knew she hung up quickly to reduce the awkwardness, but I also sensed something else... pride. Mel was the most caring, loving, and sexy partner I had ever known. It was now time to use her pride in me to make my savior begin to have pride in himself once again.

Gathering my things and stepping outside, I locked the front door behind me, and locked some extra bounce into my biker-girl step, giving my 'ladies' their extra jiggle. My eyes were now totally focused on the man who had been my protector for so long, determined to expose a side of Josie he would never forget! As I returned, Smitty was fiddling with his bike, until I got close enough to grab his attention.

"Ahem!"

"Oh my God, Josie!" he exclaimed, turning to see me, he could now only cough, as his eyes wandered down my feminized body. My black fishnets and 5-inch heeled ankle boots were brought together with the absolutely tightest leather female biker pants I could find. These had silver grommets all the way down each leg, tied off with leather cord to give the best possible fit. The sight of my pink bustier under a skin-tight black leather jacket seemed to cause the greatest change in his blood pressure. And moody dark red lipstick with black sunglasses under a black police officer's cap on my platinum blond curls finished the look nicely. I'd also taped my most private privates back to make sure this little biker babe couldn't be fingered playing for the other side.

The coming sunset reminded my belly it needed filling once again. "There's a good roadhouse on the way over to your place isn't there?" I said as I put my bags into his saddlebags, and he then helped get them strapped down for me to sit on.

"You mean the 'Teq'... Good food? Absofuckinlutely, but... it can be a little rough," he mentioned while continuing to stare at my 'ladies'. They responded by getting their nipples hard as nails, showing themselves through the thin satin and lace of my bustier. 

I quickly zipped up my biker jacket and said, "No problem, I got you babe!"

I then let out the perfect giggle to back up my Cher interpretation! Once more, a very enthusiastic engine kick-start got us going, and we drove over to the Tequila Sunrise Roadhouse. I saw some of the competition walking into the bar and I was really glad I'd put in as much prelim as I had. Now I needed my 'marines'. So I pulled off my sunglasses and hat, giving my Aqua 'marine' blue eyes complete access along with my platinum hair, together they always made a fun combo. As we went inside, I checked them out in the mirror as everyone else was checking me out from behind. We grabbed barstools to get things started, and hopefully it wouldn't be too long before we got our table and, of course, got to order our food.

A lot of keeping the peace in a place like that is making sure you stay glued to your man's side, and don't go starting up 'interesting' conversations with other bikers. Trust me, nothing good will ever come from that behavior. Sure enough, just two stools down, Ms. Biker chick with her way over saturated gonads, left the guy she came with to strike up a conversation with a lonely looking Hell's Angel. Loud voices followed by loud bouncers were the simple result there. In the meantime, I laughed at all of Smitty's jokes while gripping him firmly around his waist, and making 100% sure that every limp wristed action was seen as 110% feminine, and for Smitty's benefit ONLY.

Finally we got our table, and boy was he right, this food was worth waiting for, but the wait had me awash in 7&7s and soon enough... a friend of Smitty's stopped by our table, bringing his redheaded bitch WAY too close to the man I had every intention of having serious sex with later. Before I could even think... one bad-assed green-eyed monster came popping out of little Josie.

"I know he's stepped in crap like you before, but I'll make damned sure he knows better'n to stick anything else in there!"

Did I mention keeping the peace? Well, when it came to one female intruding on another's man, all bets were off! Fortunately, for her and me, Smitty's protection went both ways, and he knew it was time to go! He helped me stand and got me walking away, but the redheaded bitch used the opportunity to try a quick peck to Smitty's cheek... instead, she fell flat on her face! Looking at Smitty just then, I saw the biggest little-boy grin explode all over that stoic face... and then he winked at me! So this is why he does it, I thought, he really does love playing the protector. It was a nice thought, and the last one I remembered as I fainted dead away just as we got outside.

"Josie?... Jo!... hey, c'mon now honey, need ya to wake up!" He was saying as he lightly slapped my face and waved a piece of cardboard at me, to get me a little extra air.

Gradually all the alcohol started combining with the incredible food, and a wonderfully good feeling got me up and rolled through me. Then, as I reached both hands around Smitty's head, the first thing I did was let him stand me up. But that allowed my lips to finally reach their primary target, pushing my tongue deep into his mouth, he began to lovingly give it quick sucking motions, building the heat into an unscratchable itch that left me aching for even more. No doubt about it, I wanted this man as much as anything I'd ever dreamed about!

"Take me home and make love to me or lose me forever!" I said as seriously as possible, but the alcohol slur made it sound just as funny as we both thought it was.

Smitty laughed really loudly, which combined with my giggles made the moment lose a lot of its romantic content, but then he said quietly, "As you wish my darling."

Gently picking me up as if I was made of fine china, a tear raced down my cheek while giving my hero the sexy look he deserved. Then he placed me sidesaddle on his fuel tank so he could keep a good hold on me. After he got on and started the bike, I had slipped down towards the seat and his crotch. Lying there, I could see the black sky filled with sparkling diamond points, and his face at the center of it all. As we drove back to his apartment, I memorized every crack, scar, and age line, he was beautiful in his own unique way.

By the time we arrived, I could walk, albeit with an arm around his shoulder, and while I knew my lover would have been just as happy to simply take me naked in our present drunken ardor, I still insisted we get my bedclothes out of his saddlebags. Smitty lived in a small apartment on the second floor of an auto dealership and junkyard, and wasn't so much a renter as he was a built-in security force. After cuffing and tussling with two of his favorite guard dogs, he said a couple words in German to get them to go lie down in the showroom.

"So, am I safe with those around?" Almost as soon as I'd asked, he responded.

"Safe as in your mother's arms!" He shot back.

Once inside, I asked where the bathroom was and then kissed him hard to help him remember why we were doing all of this! Of course, I giggled all the way into the bathroom. It took awhile to get out of all that leather, but I sure felt better afterward. I put on a white silk and nylon baby doll along with a pair or gaff-type panties... leaving my black fishnets, garter belt, and CFM pumps on for contrast.

Then I carefully titivated my make-up and brushed my hair out to get it as full as possible. I'd had a pair of grape clusters tattooed onto the edges of each of my 'ladies', making sure they were just barely visible above the cups, where I knew it would drive Smitty wild as soon as he saw them. As I gazed into that bathroom mirror, I saw a different Josie come into being... this one was positively aglow with the anticipation at the evening to come. Her large sparkling blue eyes saw the flush of excitement building on her own pale cheeks. NOW I thought, this... THIS is what it looks like when what you have been wishing for... hoping for... DYING for all your life is incredibly about to happen. When you know that you are finally being given a chance for your inner, or true, self to be released... a chance to express that deep emotional need, to give yourself fully... completely... absolutely to the opposite sex.

I then removed the tape holding down my boiclit, or penis, and tucked it into the gaff panty, having no intention of Smitty ever dealing with it. It was one of those strange limits that popped up when I first realized I wanted to make love to a man, I didn't want him touching my currently male genitalia, and it made me cringe to think of it.

After a few months of hormone treatments, I now critically looked at the girl I saw in the mirror's reflection and finally realized that the male-to-male date idea had been a horrible mistake from the beginning. Why? Because I'm NOT A MALE dammit! How many times... dear lord... how many times would I have to remind myself of this, in order to break the terrible habit of trying to hide the true gender I had been born with.

I wanted Smitty as much as anyone I'd ever had sex with, but NOT just because he was a virile man, and NOT just because he had a sexy body. What set me aflame that night was the absolutely pure love that I saw in his heart. Even though he knew this was to be a one-time thing, he was still willing to offer that love to the crazy transgendered girl standing in his bathroom... and share it with no reservations, or strings attached.

I opened the bathroom door and saw him sitting nearly naked, save boxers, on the end of the waterbed, staring out the window until he noticed me and turned his head.

"Oh God Josie! You... you are so beautiful!"

As he stood and took in my vision from head to toe, I was sure my face blushed as pure a red as possible. Meanwhile... stepping closer, he was gripping my shoulders tightly, and it felt as if I was in the most absolutely perfect place... and consequently doing the most natural thing... in the world. He slowly leaned down, pressing his lips against mine, giving a deep initial kiss. Before I knew it my lips were opening instinctively for him to possess me, responding eagerly to the fierce passion now building between us. I was in paradise, closing my eyes to give a soft, profound sigh, as our kiss ended.

Smitty gently pushed the robe back from my shoulders to get a better view of my ladies and it dropped to the floor in a whisper of lace. I moved closer, entwining my arms around his neck, and as he took me into his arms I suddenly felt myself totally enveloped by his masculine presence. My ladies pressed into his bare chest, making me shiver. His strong firm hands slide around my back, exploring the ruffle of frills at my waist, caressing my bare thighs, and finally cupping my lace-clad bottom.

For a few moments I lose all sense of self, reveling in the sensation of a man's tongue exploring my own lips and mouth, enjoying the total pleasure that Smitty is giving me. When he holds my chin between his fingers, I find I'm melting inside like a young girl to her first sweetheart's touch. I run my hands across his broad chest and press against the hardening cylinder of his cock that I now find myself wanting inside me... penetrating me... invading me... making me completely feminine, sexy, and desirable.

I squirm slightly so he can't feel the evidence of my own arousal pushing itself up from under my gaff panties to meet his own wonderful stiffness. I find myself wishing this moment would never end. My confidence grew stronger as his beautiful cock pressed against me, and when he finally broke our kiss, I was looking up into those beautiful, hungry eyes.

"Oh baby," he moaned, "I need you, so much!"

This dropped me into action faster than a slingshot, falling down to my knees immediately as I pulled his boxers out of the way, bringing his 'artillery' directly into line. His cock gently slapped me in the face once as I wrapped my soft pliant lips around that rock hard shaft, there was nothing more that needed to be said for either of us. He began a slow loving massage of my scalp, by gradually pulling my hair into his hands, he was able to steer my mouth around his cock, as he literally fucked my face with as much control as he could put into this gorgeous task. Slowly, while quietly moaning my name, he became insistent with his needs, pushing his cock straight down into my wet mouth, and deep down my throat. Tears were forming when I knew I could hold back no more, instead I remembered what Mel had said:

Breath through your nose darlin', that lovely mouth has other duties right now!

So far, I was keeping up well, allowing him to be deep-throated, and then I could take quick breaks to get my breath back. But very suddenly I had to take him completely as he said, "Josie... oh lord girl, I'm gonna cum!"

He now grabbed the back of my head and came with as much loving force as I could ever remember feeling! Each spurt streaming onto the back of my eager throat as I at first tried to compensate, but then relaxed and just let it happen. But in the end I was simply overwhelmed, falling at his feet with small drips of cum running down my chin. With my long arms wrapped around this mountain of a man. he rewarded my efforts with one of his gorgeous grins, easily picking me up and gently placing me on his king-sized waterbed.

We cuddled for several minutes until we had both recovered. I inched closer, kissing and nipping his member to restore him back to the hardened shaft that I knew I'd never forget after this night.

Finally, with feelings far beyond anything I'd ever known... I placed a trembling hand on each side of his loving face... and gasped through my tears, my one and only wish, "Please my darling... please... take me as a woman!"

The look I received from this gentle giant was nothing less than total shock at the fact that I'd chosen him to take what, at least I felt, was my anal virginity and to do it now, after what I'd recently been through, it was obvious that he seemed concerned. He moved with purpose now, carefully getting out the lube, watching every look I gave for any hint of reluctance. He started gradually, slowly putting lube on his fingers, and then placing them one at a time into my puckered little asshole. While Mel had once taken me with a dildo, this would be far different, not only from that exercise, but my main thought was that this would hopefully over-ride the terrible memories from a few nights ago when only pain was forced to occur at that spot.

Once he had four fingers inside of me, he gently rotated them all around and finally said, "Ok... that's it baby, it should fit now, but you just say 'stop'... and I guarantee I'll stop as fast as you can say it."

He now flipped me onto my back. This effort was about making love, so only missionary would do. "Here babe, point your toes, and keep your legs as close to your body as you can, he then carefully pushed a small pillow under my ass and lubed his cock. My mouth watered remembering him inside of that opening earlier, when it felt as if my sexual world had changed completely. Now that world was being redefined once again, as I had been in this position once before, but the pointed toes of the "come fuck me" pumps belonged to the woman I was about to fuck, not me! He asked if I was ready... which I responded to quickly, and then suddenly... he was in me... he tried to do it ever so slowly, but within a couple of seconds I wanted all of him and pushed back as hard as I could. It was an absolute of absolutes that would force me to delve deeply inside my own psyche.

Unprepared, I cried out at the sudden penetration, even though the invading member slipped into my slippery hole fairly easily... totally filling me. Independent of my control, my head shot back and my eyes closed with the intensity of the feelings within me. The muscles on the top of my legs began to tremble but strong hands hold me down firmly around the waist, preventing any escape. I manage to pull up and away from him slightly but I'm quickly pulled back down onto the slow, steady pressure that signals his advancing cock. I give myself up to the sensations inside me and softly moan, beginning to breathe harder in my excitement. Smitty allows me to raise my bottom up a little, only to push me back down again... to be penetrated a little further, fucked a little harder.

Then I feel the naked flesh of his thighs against the warm cheeks of my behind. I carefully ease myself back onto my little pillow, now extremely aware that my poor bottom is tightly clasping his entire length inside. Staying very still for a long time, I let my eyes re-focus and the intensity of the feelings inside me gradually begin to calm. I angle my head up and see that he is doing exactly the same thing, his eyes once more focusing on my face and his mouth spreading into that handsome smile.

"Smitty, I..." I try to speak.

"Ssshh," he whispers, "You're beautiful... allow yourself to be fucked."

He was right... hell... it was one of the reasons I'd done all of this tonight, to be fucked by this gorgeous hunk of a man. I sighed as he raised his thighs slightly off the bed, sliding them underneath me until they are resting against my lower back. I let myself be almost rolled up into a ball, unable to concentrate on anything except the penetrating fullness radiating through my bottom. The grip around my waist was now fierce as his hips came up and off the bed once more, pushing his throbbing manhood even deeper into my rectum. Suddenly the situation becomes clear, I am facing my own pulsing cock as it is pushed to a point just over my head. Gasping in my helpless position, I realize I am no longer in charge, and only now can I understand exactly what that means.




A Learning Experience Ch. 06



My lover begins to push his rigid shaft straight down into me, gaining momentum from each bounce of the mattress beneath us. Being taken in this position feels so incredible as the springiness of this waveless waterbed mattress makes me feel even less in control than before. Impaled from above, I can do nothing but try to catch my breath between each powerful thrust down inside of me. His thighs begin to slap against my bare behind and the sound serves to excite me more and more...

He sees my excitement growing harder in my panties, and begins pulling his shaft out all the more slowly, than ramming it hard across my prostate with even more force. I was in my own star filled little world, and he was fucking me with every muscle he could bring to bear, and it was beyond wonderful... far beyond any experience I'd ever encountered. My anus was aflame with pure pleasure at receiving this wonderful battering. My lovers eyes closed as he continued to pump in and out of me, both of us flying further up off the bed after each down stroke as the water continues to make us bob up and down. My breasts bounce as I absorb the shock of each grunting push between my buttocks... I don't know what to do with my hands... I don't know what to do at all... except moan helplessly in delight at what is being done to me, and beg for it to continue.

"GOD baby... YES... Please... y-yeah... fuck me! Harder baby... oh please... please, harder!" and then it became a series of orgasmic sensations, one after another. All I could think was that I was lost in the power of this man's love and it was as powerful as I'd ever imagined being taken. With my bursting erection hidden inside the many folds of silk holding it well out of the way, I feel totally, gorgeously, feminine. My breasts are heaving against the strength of his chest, my hips rise and fall in his controlling hands, and at the very center of my soul, I now know how it feels to be a woman preparing for her man to come between her eager legs, and to lovingly receive his gift of hot seed deep inside of her. In the meantime... begging turns into high pitched screaming.

Finally, as my arms flail above me, he grabs my wrists, trapping my freckled arms and pinning them over my head. Clamping his mouth over mine, my screams gagged quite effectively, I am brought to the hardest, strongest, multi-orgasm I'd ever had. What was happening to me? All I could see were flashes of white light. All I could do was orgasm again and again, and all of it happening without a single touch to my own penis. I screamed into his mouth until he was sated and I could no longer cum, as if my mind and body were no longer connected. Even though my cock was now completely flaccid, I had cum so much through my gaff that we were awash in it.

My eyes rolled up into my head after this, I was so done. I was sure all of my muscles would no longer work and I would be paralyzed for life. Had to be... nothing else had come close to this level of orgasm for me. And yet as he gradually fell out of me, and I felt his seed weep from my bottom, I felt the muscles in my legs and back give a gentle spasm, as if to signal me all was well. He leaned back and watched with his usual wry smile, and I finally... quietly... laid my head onto that massive chest and listened to his beautiful heart as it now seemed to beat only for me.

Totally spent and lying on top of him, immersed in the afterglow of both our orgasms. I loved the casual intimacy of his hands moving down my body, sliding under my taut suspender straps and idly stroking my bare behind. I feel like purring like a cat that's caught her very first mouse. I feel so satisfied to know that it was my body that so well and truly satiated this man. Indeed, my insides are filled with his newly deposited sperm and I know that soon I will have to retire to the bathroom, if only to preserve some of my feminine mystery... always allowing my lover to think his seed is treasured and remains inside of his lover's body forever and always.

After awhile, as the spasms calm and we both could get our breath back, I ask him how and where he'd learned so much about anal sex. He began telling me of the many 'ladyboys' in Southeast Asia and the high regard they were given in countries like Cambodia and Thailand. Both countries he had been assigned to as part of Green Beret MACV-SOG deployment groups that were so secret he finally looked me in the eye and told me if I ever said anything about it to anyone he'd have to kill me. And I believed him, at this point it's been 40 years and everyone knows we had soldiers in those countries, but in 1975, nobody I knew had any idea, and I kept my mouth shut.

Gradually we both fell fast asleep, but a couple returning muscle spasms along with some minor pains awakened me a couple hours later. As my eyes adjusted to the dark, I saw this would be the time to disappear into the bathroom and clean myself up.

Rising up on one arm, I tried not to wake my lover. Fast asleep and spread out in the middle of the waterbed, his pale, naked body was softly illuminated by the moonlight coming through his bedroom window. I survey the sturdy, masculine frame in front of me, noting the narrow waist, the strength in the arms and shoulders. The same arms that held me firm while thrusting into me. The muscles in his massive chest, that same broad chest that I had felt tight against me as he reached his orgasm deep inside me. This body belonged to the man who had uncovered my deepest desires, making me totally surrender to them, and making me want to do it again... and again.

Suddenly, I felt dangerously out of control... had I finally found what seemed like a real boyfriend, someone for whom I could finally be their subservient female? Sucking his cock and letting him fuck me good and proper? There just wasn't anything on earth that even came close to how being taken by this man made me feel, wasn't this what I had been searching so hard for?

I knew that I could easily become more and more deeply involved with this man's life as Josie, a life that would revolve around appeasing his desires, letting him take control and using me sexually, as he saw fit. But if I truly was a woman, shouldn't I feel appalled? Did I want to be owned as chattel? What was I really excited about... the sex? Why was I so conflicted about all of this, was it an ethical question? Could I simply tell my beautiful Melissa that I was leaving her for this man? But here I was... finding it all so totally intoxicating and fulfilling, in my mind at least, that there was simply no question of staying here, and leaving my life with Mel behind.

I deftly vaulted out of the waterbed and went into the bathroom, where I locked the door behind me, and began to clean my sore bottom of the semen that had been deposited there by my lover only a couple hours earlier. But with all of the contemplation I had been doing recently, seemed like years had past. Finally I realized I had been taking far too long in the bathroom and needed to get back to bed before Smitty got worried and came looking for me. I flushed the toilet, unlocked the door, and crept back into the bedroom and laid back down next to my slumbering giant.

I heard a long sigh, and realized I had been in there too long.

"You wanna talk about it?" His voice rumbled quietly in the dark.

I sat up next to him and placed a tentative hand on his arm.

"I'm so sorry to wake you Smitty..."

"Mmmfph!... I'll take that as a yes..." He leaned over and turned on the bedside lamp. His two indoor dogs came up to investigate, although it seemed they mostly wanted to just get a couple of pets, and be close to their master. I began to sense we had a lot more in common than I'd thought, but my tough facade suddenly all began to fall... to pieces.

"Oh honey... why are you..." Tears were streaming down my face now, and just as he reached out to me, I tumbled into his arms.

"God I'm... I'm such a mess..." I blubbered.

"Josie? Josie, what brought this on?"

"Oh... I'm sorry Smitty," I gradually managed to halt the waterworks, but it came back as a scream, "I just... I just realized I've fallen in love with you. But dammit... I don't understand... hell, I just don't understand ANY OF THIS!"

I really didn't know enough to put it all into words yet, what I did know was this: I had NEVER made love to a woman as Smitty had just done to me. And... I realized I COULD never make love to a woman as he had just done to me.

For a very simple reason I'd totally overlooked... I was not a man, and never had been, I had only been acting as a man for those early years of my life. The fact I reacted as strongly as I did showed me my sexual orientation had to have always been to men, despite my feelings for Mel and any number of others, which now confused me completely. I tried to explain to Smitty.

"Honey, it suddenly hit me after your lovemaking that my sexual orientation has to be men only!" I cried, "My bisexual feelings are just all wrong! And I don't understand this really, but I know it will absolutely devastate Mel!

Shaking his head to clear the cobwebs a little, Smitty stared into my eyes for some time before he cleared his throat forcefully.

"Oh sweetie," He cooed, holding me and stroking my platinum hair over and over, "I'm your first... aren't I? Your first man... oh Josie... why didn't you tell me?"

"Well, actually... wait," I said slowly, giving him eye contact, and trying to understand why any of this would be an important issue, "You're right, the first man I tried to make love to was that jerk Roy, and nothing ever came of it. Yes, you are my first male lover baby... so wh-what are you saying?"

"Josie you are way overdone honey! You've been through too much and I shouldn't have allowed this. This is my fault... I had not had sex in several weeks and I came on way too rough, plus I wasn't aware that I would be your first male sex partner... please believe me Josie... that's all this is!"

"Yeah?" Was all I could squeak out, as waves of hot emotion rolled over me, "Do you really think it's that simple baby?"

Pulling in a huge breath, he said, "Of course I do, and before you upset Mel, I beg you to discuss this with your Doctor... please honey will you do this for me? I want you to promise me right now that you'll talk with your Doctor first before you go and ruin your whole life and make me a part of such a terrible outcome... ok?"

"But what..." I began, but he knew where I was going and interrupted.

"When I was in Southeast Asia, we always knew to ask our 'ladyboys' if we 'round eyes' or soldiers, would be their first sex partners. The soldiers tended to be such overwhelming, well... overwhelmingly horny anyway... sex partners that they often times became psychologically bonded to us, especially if they had recently been through any significant psychological trauma, as you were Josie."

"Sweetie we gotta get your pins under you again, and then you'll be able to trust your own instincts, but right now your mind is tellin' you it wants a protector. And babe... you ARE a protector... or you wouldn't be here tonight. You came here to protect me didn't ya?" he asked and asked again, "Well... didn't you?"

"I... just," I sighed, then admitted, "I thought we needed to heal each other Smitty."

"Of course you did," he said with that incredible grin of his, "and those are the actions of a protector sweetheart, but the trauma you've experienced is pushing those feelings away, replacing them with the need for your own protection. No, I never should have done this and I take complete responsibility, can you forgive me honey?"

Suddenly I saw another side to my biker hero... a really, really good side as he could have had me entirely to himself if he had not done what he always did... the right thing! I immediately calmed down as his logic took hold, smiling at him through my tears I finally responded.

"Of course I will, for my part there is nothing to forgive, and I promise darlin', I'll talk with my doctor about this before I talk to Mel!"

He gently stroked my right hand as he said, "Thanks Josie, and thank you for giving me such a wonderful night, I won't ever forget it and I... promise you that!"

With my face now blushing a bright crimson and both our demeanors seemingly happier I said, "C'mon my handsome hero, let's take a shower and spoon together until the sun comes up, then you can take me home and maybe I'll be able to figure out what's happening with the rest of my life!"

***

After that night, many times I would find myself just as confused as I had been with Smitty on his huge waterbed. Even more often I knew that I was dealing with basic depression, and then a very few other times I would simply feel completely out of control. These dark patches of pain and anguish that make up PTSD, can take years to overcome for almost anyone, if they manage to overcome it at all. I had one of the best Doctors on the east coast helping me, along with a couple close friends that made sure I was always busy with things. Between them I was managing my 'issues' pretty well. Or at least I thought I was... but life has a funny way of reminding you just how fleeting hope can be, and the nasty surprises it had in store would bring that home to me.

A couple weeks later, my Doctor and I made plans to confront my father with his new daughter dressed as a female. We decided the best form to use was what seemed to help my mother come to the level acceptance she had (although it was never very much help to me, because until my father finally gave his blessing, her opinion was nothing much more than that, even from her point of view). So I would once again wear my dark blue pin stripe business suit, trying for as low-key of an image as I could provide. Still, I kept the theme feminine with nylons, garter belt and a pair of low heeled 3 inch black patent pumps I bought especially for this day. Dr. Goldmann met me at the college, in our Music Club offices. I had been staying with Mel and Cindy for several nights, and got dressed there. After saying hello to his son Andy and his son's girlfriend Cindy, we left to get into the Doctor's car and go to my home. As he started his BMW I asked if it usually started this easily, and he said 'of course'. He gave me a questioning glance, but I had my reasons for asking.

We had a quiet ride over, I'm sure the Doctor was hoping for the same outcome we'd had when we talked to my mom. I was pretty sure that was why he was constantly asking for this 'meeting', he had convinced himself this was a feasible solution and worth an effort as soon as possible. My feelings were that my dad would see the Doctor as a threat to his/our family, and attack the Doctor as soon as possible after we arrived. I had told him about my feelings, and what I expected to happen after we arrived there, but I could not convince him that any real danger existed for anyone but me.

"Please believe me Josie," he stated calmly, "I've been through many meetings like this one, and if we see any hostile behavior, I'll get between you to defuse the situation. All I'll need you to do is leave and go out to the car, once you're out of the picture, that should be an end to it and we'll leave... although that will be unfortunate."

"Doctor... that's not how my Dad thinks," I tried to reason, "He'll see you as the threat... but I've given you my point of view too many times to repeat it again, so..."

"Yes, well please," he stated, showing annoyance, "can we try it my way this once?"

I just wasn't sure if my dad would want to kill him, or simply frighten him, but in any case... I knew my Doctor was walking into a very serious situation. I got out of the car and reminded him to leave the doors unlocked. He rolled his eyes in response. It was a little after ten on this Friday morning, and I knew my Dad had the day off. I had asked my mom to please be sure he was in as good a mood as she could make possible.

There was nowhere to hide anymore. If I wanted to retain my family, my Dad would have to be drug... kicking and screaming probably... along for the ride. He knew what was happening and had vocally described his opposition to my transition. For most family issues it would have been enough, you see... I loved my Dad. He had sacrificed so much for his family and always stepped up to the plate when things were bad. So many times he would take crap jobs just to make sure we could have all the things that made our lives so typically middle class. And then he took night jobs to make up the slack, he would do anything for our family. But he was also a complete bigot, and no family member of his was going to do anything to make him appear related to any of those people who's derogatory names he knew so well... like faggots. Honestly... I don't think my Dad would know a faggot if he fell over one... like all bigots, he just thought he did.

I opened our front door, allowing my Doctor to go inside, and shut it behind us. I could just barely see my Dad's feet in the downstairs family room, said a silent prayer, and took the six steps easily in my three inch heels. I kept my posture perfect, I was trying to make an impression after all. I smiled over at my Dad when I got to the bottom step, and waited for the Doctor to come down behind me. At first he pretended not to know who I was, and went back to reading his paper, as if I might go away if he just ignored me long enough, then the Doctor reached the family room floor and it began.

"Hi Dad," I said, "I brought Doctor Goldmann this morning so you could see how things are going with..."

I never got any further, suddenly my Dad threw his opened paper behind him several feet, resulting in a whoosh of air as parts of the paper went everywhere. His face had flushed to a dark shade of purple as he shot up out of his easy chair, he leveled his arm out straight and pointed to the Doctor.

"I know what he is," he snarled, "He thinks he can turn my kid into some faggot fucking sissy bitch, that's what HE is!"

My Doctor was actually surprised by this, which forced an eye roll and smirk on my part, but at least I already knew that THIS meeting was OVER.

"Please Mr. Hartman, there's no need to..."

"Think you can just barge into my house... FUCKIN' SONOFA...!"

My Dad had gone to a corner of the room farthest from the door. I knew what was kept there, and fortunately for the Doctor, my Mom wouldn't allow firearms in our home, so what he pulled out was a full sized hardball bat, and began walking around toward the Doctor, swinging it back and forth as he came. I quickly yanked off my expensive patent leather pumps, and hiked up my pencil skirt. The Doctor, being sure that my Dad would be trying to attack me, actually moved to stand between us.

As my Dad raised the bat for his first blow, I grabbed the Doctor and spun him onto the floor behind me, just barely keeping him out of the reach of my Dad's Louisville Slugger. The big bat missed the Doctor and slammed into one of the end tables, turning it into a pile of kindling. Now, I took my hundred and twenty dollar heels, placed them in my Doctor's trembling hands and said...

"Get the hell outta here and start up the car!"

The other thing my Dad knew was I had been studying martial arts with Smitty, and we had trained many times in our backyard. The Doctor scrambled to his feet and ran to get his car started, which left me facing my bat-wielding Father. I could see the realization come over him, that his sissy son could, quite probably, take his baseball bat away from him and then proceed to beat the crap out of him. Just as he was coming to terms with this, my Mom flew downstairs after hearing the end table smashed to bits. She began screaming for him to stop, but instead he lashed out at the closest person he could blame. His quick backhand threw my Mother across the room, with his usual blame everyone formula, he then began yelling at her, as if it was all her fault.




A Learning Experience Ch. 07



My father had disowned me in June of 1975, and my psychiatrist had apparently decided I was just too much to deal with, insisting I never appreciated his help during my transition. Because those two people provided so many links in my previous life, I felt I needed to leave them behind and move on with what was left of 'my life' if there was such a thing. I certainly was feeling sorry for myself, but it also went deeper than that, because I needed as much support as I could get right at this particular time. I was attempting to change my gender, never an easy thing under the most ideal conditions. Yet I never seemed to have anything close to 'ideal conditions', instead... I was now preparing to prove myself in the only way I could. And if the only way I could was to exploit my body for money, so be it.

As a side note, Philly Street Speak, at that time, was raucous and frequently bigoted in its content, although not in it's meaning. It really meant nothing to be called a name that I simply would never think of using today, as it would be considered highly inflammatory. This may be difficult to understand, but it's another reason why these chapters have been so hard to write. To try and take the words for what they were, without understanding the environment, would make this seem volatile to some, perhaps even traumatic to others. Therefore where direct dialog is required, I have heavily modified it to keep the more extreme forms of words used in our daily discussions, out of the dialog as much as possible. I know I am sacrificing reality, but words can hurt when used without consideration of other's feelings, and I don't believe it will help give you any better insight into what my life was really like. Instead I think the pain these words might inflict, makes me want to try anything to avoid it.

I think the ending of this chapter may need some explanation as it involves such intense and even brutal actions. But I felt forced into doing everything I did that day. In the city section of the Sunday Philadelphia Inquirer, the story that described this incident said, because the location was known for mob-sanctioned gambling... that this violence had to be part of the ongoing internal war happening within the Mafia at that time. Once you've read this chapter, you'll know the real story and how it all actually happened. I hope that my gentle readers will try to understand... this was a violent and dangerous moment in my life... but only a moment.

To my muse & soulmate Griffin57, my love is yours Always & Forever.

-

I had been 'working' a particular area of old Philadelphia called the 'blue zone' or 'blue district' for its inclusion in the cities old 'blue' laws allowing stores to be open on Sundays and religious holidays. This included an area roughly encompassing the courthouse on one corner, Broadway and South Street, another. Then down to Front Street, basically everything east of Rittenhouse Square to the Delaware River, approximately a 10 by 14 city block area.

By walking through the area at around the same time everyday, I gave my regular customers an idea of exactly when they might expect me, and I tried to make sure it never varied. I would start at the courthouse around 1pm and down Market through Independence Square, back up Chestnut, then down Sansom. Then a zigzag route up and down Walnut, Locust, Spruce, Pine, Lombard and finally back up South Street and over to Broad Street, back to Suburban Station and I was usually home before midnight.

The traffic flow of the streets, even the street names themselves, have changed over the years, but if you are from Philly, you know I'm walking against traffic. What I found out the hard way was that vice cops are very good at sneaking up in their cars from behind you, with the traffic, always watching for any illegal acts you may be considering. Fortunately it was a rookie that spotted me in this way first. Once he decided to 'take me down', I had yet to actually finish my 'turn' and therefore had not yet received any money for my efforts. In this case, a very handsome young cabbie that had me take him orally right in his front seat. But without any exchange of cash, we might as well have been playing checkers in his cab.

There were any number of phrases I had to re-learn as I wandered through the blue district, mostly that were commonly (and incorrectly) used on TV and in movies, such as a 'trick'. The term 'trick' is a base term for the customer, to the independent streetwalker, a sex act transaction was known as a 'turn'. To 'turn a trick' meant performing a sex act with a customer. But the whole concept of a customer was almost irrelevant and therefore the only term we ever really used was 'turn'. So you might hear someone say 'Got tons of hi class turns down on the Wash today!'

When a 'trick' or 'john' was mentioned, it was rare, and usually only as a warning for their deviant or forced sex behavior. Height, weight, skin color, hair color, facial hair, scars or tattoos, and finally their sex organ would describe them. You'll have to take my word for it, once these items were known about you, you're name just didn't matter! If you hurt a girl, you could ask for sex until you turned blue and we would all simply ignore you as if you weren't there... if we were alone. If we were with another girl, a simple two finger sign, and I might keep you entertained while the girl I signaled called the cops. Tricks that hurt girls could also end up on the wrong side of their pimps, but that was rare, we always looked after our own on the street, we were all we had.

Later on I would run into other transgendered streetwalkers. Even then, and this must just seem as incredible to you gentle reader, as it does to me writing this all these years later. We were VERY careful about who we told about our gender 'issues', because even other transgendered might give you up, and once you were 'read' or 'clocked', living on the street became a very different and unpleasant experience.

It took me a while to learn some of the 'basics' from the girls that had been out here a while. After a few bad confrontations on the street, I learned my 'competition' actually considered me family once they saw me working as hard as they did. As long as I made contact in one of the many 'neutral zones' such as diners, Denny's and other eating establishments, and bought them dinner, we could become fast friends, and I did actually make a couple close friends this way.

As far as being 'read' by genetic females, I managed to pass with a little bit of attitude thrown in, because most women, even if they 'thought' they knew, would rarely attack and try to show you to others. My worst enemy here was the experienced male Pimp, who would not think twice about pulling your skirt and revealing all if he thought you were Trans. For no other reason than pure spite, these monsters were sociopaths and loved to be as sadistic as they could manage, and they managed it well. A run-in with one of these nearly cost me my life. But I'll explain that in just a bit.

There were nights that I worked overtime. Always on the weekends, when I wouldn't jeopardize my job at the garage, and the most Tricks were available. I had been living on the Philly streets for almost two months that summer of 1975 and had learned most lessons pretty well. If I didn't have an 'appointment' I'd stay at a friend's place for the night or go looking for a party where I could find a hook up. The shelters were good for a shower and something to eat. I'd duck in for the morning then I'd be out hustling again. There was something new going on with the shelters though, something aimed directly at anyone promoting sex through sodomy, especially transsexuals and I'll explain that in much more detail later on as well.

I met three other transgendered streetwalkers during this time, and we tended to work together when we could. We called ourselves 'stray cats' since no one wanted us, even as we were, and once they knew we were trans, even less. As trans often tended to do, we formed ourselves into a support group to provide each other some small feeling of family and community in a world that had consistently denied it to us in every other way we had ever sought it. We would have killed for each other, our bonds were hard as steel, despite our outward appearances as feminine girls, we would take on anyone that attacked any of us.

Kelsey was a big boned midwestern girl, and she transitioned early, but even so was five foot eleven in her stocking feet. She had beautiful legs that just went on forever. Other than her height, she passed well, with dark brunette hair, and a very pretty face, long neck and the same well-sized hands and feet as I did. Her father was in the Marines, and expected his son to follow him. Funny how that works, but the Marines just don't have much interest in high heels and skirts, so Kelly knew it wasn't going to be working out well.

Her mother understood that, from an early age, Kelly was never going to be the man her husband was expecting. It was a typically depressing story, the father came home from a long tour on an aircraft carrier to find his son in skirts, blamed the mother and beat her senseless. Kelly escaped, and after several miracles was helped just enough to make it on the street. Kelly eventually transitioned to Kelsey and has lived in Philly ever since.

Simone was petite, just barely over the five-foot mark, and this alone allowed her to pass easily. She always had her hair dyed a fiery red color, which complemented her light complexion. Curves for days, what estrogen did for that girl should really be documented someplace, because she was simply gorgeous. We never knew much about her past, although she obviously had oriental genes in her background. One night when we had all gone to a nightclub to relax, she revealed that her parents were both from Korea, and her real name was Sim Hong Yul, which she 'Americanized' as well as feminized into Simone. She was pretty drunk by the time we got home, and when we got her undressed, we all saw several terrible scars on her back, which she had somehow managed to hide until then. Simone nonchalantly explained them away as the excesses of her father. I had nightmares for days after seeing them, they were that bad. She was terribly embarrassed the next day, and we all promised to never speak of it again for her. 

Charlene was a striking African-American girl, very tall at six foot and an inch. She had to be a little careful with heels or she ended up towering over her Tricks. Actually some of them liked that, but Charlene was hardly Dominant. I believe she would have been considered developmentally challenged today, but back then... well, it took our best efforts to keep her out of trouble... lets put it that way. She knew how to take care of herself, if nothing else, her Afro was always immaculate, and we would all fight over which of us she would help with our nails. Charlene just knew beauty the way others know how to breathe... it came so very, very naturally to her.

But her past was a little unusual, Charlene's parents were killed in a car accident and she grew up with her grandparents in South Philly. Her grandmother saw 'Charlie' wasn't growing up as the grandson she had expected and tried very hard to get her into the proper programs that could help. But those were few and far between, and rarely available to someone of such limited means. Charlene's grandmother eventually fell ill with terminal cancer and sent Charlene to live with an uncle that was close by.

I had actually talked to her grandmother, once when Charlene asked me to help her take a little table she bought for her Nana's birthday, over to their house. Her grandmother told me that when she had a temporary remission, and got out of the hospital, Charlene simply appeared next to her bed one day, and begged her to never send her away again. The grandmother said she could never get the uncle to explain what happened, but that Charlene would simply weep if she was pressed about it. She also told me Charlene was now on the deed to the little row house she owned, and in her will so that she would always have her own place. In the most emotional scene I've ever lived through, this dying woman asked me to watch over her granddaughter for her. And on behalf of the 'stray cats', I agreed. To this day we send Christmas cards and talk when we can. Charlene still lives in that South Philly row house with her husband and an adopted daughter. I would bet you anything that daughter is the prettiest girl on the block. 

As Smitty said that night that seemed to have happened so long ago... I was a protector, and I took to the role of group leader and protector as soon as I met Kelsey, who looked up to me as a big sister for years after our first meeting. The role did something else... it started rebuilding a very fragile ego and gave me a new start, once again believing in myself simply as another human being. I actually began thinking about the friends I'd left behind too, and dealing with pains... hard to explain even today. Yet I would see those friends in dreams... searching... they wouldn't be really though... would they?

Early in the first week of August, I'd made contact with a drug dealer willing to sell us the drugs we all needed, estrogen and testosterone blockers to continue our Hormone Replacement Therapies. However, this drug dealer saw me as a good 'mark' and attempted to rob me of the money I had brought to our meeting for purchasing the drugs I'd asked for. If it was only for me, I'd have let it go, as there were plenty of dealers. But I felt responsible to the three other women in our group, and his .25cal revolver didn't have the intimidation factor I guess he thought it should, especially since I was nothing but a 'faggot in skirts' (his words). But this skirt had a solid six years of Tae Kwon Do training and he found himself on the ground watching me unload the 8 shells from his revolver's cylinder. I did not rob him, and threw the empty revolver on the ground next to him while I walked away... as I said there were other dealers. But the city streets were a network of their own, and what I never realized was his association with much more powerful people. Turned out that his boss was an established Pimp, trying to break into drug dealing as a sideline and was not happy that I had roughed up one of his dealers. This set the stage for the scenario I describe next. 

***

On this hot & muggy Saturday morning in August, I was visiting one of my most important clients, Miles Rueben Rosenberg. I called him Miles Standish because he reminded me of the pictures of puritans I saw in high school history class. He was also actually part of THAT family of Rosenbergs, the same family that played real life monopoly with some of the biggest pieces of real estate in New York, New Jersey, and Pennsylvania. But Miles had some sort of clerical position with one of their attorney firms that managed real estate transactions for the family. He did his work and then went home, and from what anyone could tell, he didn't do much else... unless you worked the kinds of places the 'cats' worked.

Its hard to explain what all I did while selling my services for my client's sexual needs. I'm sure people come up with their own ideas of what my days as a streetwalker were like, some exciting no doubt. But most of my clients were like Miles... depressed and fairly morose people that I would do things for that no one else in the whole world wanted to do. Because Miles did everything he could to punish himself, and the keyword there was 'self'. He performed self-bondage, self-flagellation, and self-humiliation in more ways than most people could possibly imagine. He had been hospitalized many times and nearly succeeded in killing himself during a couple of those incidents. His doctors had managed to get him a little better balanced with various drugs, but he always ended up back on the street looking for submissive sex. 

One day Miles found Charlene, and she agreed to come back to his apartment and have sex, but it quickly got beyond anything she'd experienced. Right in the middle of their session, Miles started begging her to cane him, and Charlene just couldn't handle it. At first Miles was upset, but then just as quickly became enamored with Charlene, who tended to have that calming effect on people. She explained that she knew of a Dominant streetwalker, who he might be able to hire under the conditions he required. Which brought me into this charming little nightmare. After a long meeting that detailed what he needed me to do, and the money I would need to do it, we set up a Saturday session every week. My limited training under the Sisterhood's guidance served me well, and I knew I would be able to give Miles the release he needed, and of course the money I needed.

But before I would agree, HE had to agree to a few extra steps. Anyone with even preliminary experience with real S&M practices understands the importance of a three-letter acronym called SSC, or Safe, Sane, and Consensual. The first two terms are straightforward enough, the last means nothing should happen within a session that has not already been discussed and agreed upon with all parties involved. And the first item we had to agree on was a safe-word. We made it the color red, and if he said this safe-word, the session would end and I would leave. In the case where speaking was not possible, jerking the right leg twice in a row would cause me to ask him if he was using the safe-word, and if the response was positive, the same result would occur.

I told him that when he safe-worded, he would not see me again, in order to make sure I really had crossed a boundary with him. In reality, I would call once again to discover why he safe-worded and if there was something we could alter to allow him a better level of comfort in our sessions. I'm not a monster, but I am a Dom, and a good Dom 'pushes' their subs to better discover their limits. However with someone like Miles, I was actually afraid to know what his limits might be. So in this case, defining his limits was every bit as important as my own, giving me a better feeling that I could maintain control, and in S&M, control is everything. Once our limits had been reviewed and accepted, I let drop my 'special' attribute, just to make sure it was okay with him, and as I expected he was delighted.

Once Miles knew I was a pre-op transsexual he thought it would be a wonderful addition to his overall 'humiliation', to have forced anal sex with a transgender woman, which was enough to trigger my anger, and get all my 'Dom' juices going. But I finally decided I would use this as a test case, if I could get Miles to see I was nothing more than a girl with a little something extra, maybe I could convince others. That particular morning I walked up the small landing in front of his Rittenhouse Square apartment, found the key in the usual spot and let myself in.

He was tied to his bed, which was the position I usually found him in, a ball gag and blindfold finished the bedroom apparel... in other words... he was naked. Surprisingly, or perhaps it shouldn't really be surprising, Miles maintained a good regime of diet and exercise and he was actually quite a good-looking 24-year old man. About five feet ten inches tall, and 180 pounds, he had washboard abs to die for. Not really one of my 'body favs' but they WERE impressive, he also had beautifully well toned skin with brown hair, and puppy-dog brown eyes. I gave out a long sigh, as I usually did when I first laid eyes on him. I could no more hurt this boy as murder a kitten, but that's what I was hired for, and that would have to happen... but on MY terms... not his.

Despite the family background and last name, Miles had been born to a very strict catholic mother and had just been given his first communion the day of a terrible fire that took his Mother and Father's life. I never was able to get him to tell me much more about this horrible event. However, part of his reaction was to renounce God, and just a quick look around the bedroom showed many hidden satanic symbols drawn on his bedroom walls or arranged with toothpicks. Miles grunted now, letting me know he was awake and heard me. I went to the kitchen and got a cold glass of water and a dishtowel, then returned and unbuckled his gag. I then carefully poured water over his lips and mouth, catching it in the towel, as I slowly pulled the gag out of his mouth. I took out my switchblade knife and opened it next to his right wrist. The loud clack caught his attention and produced a quick gasp, as I slid its razor sharp blade under the clothesline he'd used in a slipknot to tie himself to the bedposts.




A Learning Experience Ch. 07



In response to Miles' feelings towards the Catholic Church I was wearing my favorite catholic novitiate Dom outfit. A modest one piece 'little black dress' in shiny silk-like nylon material, with my hair tied back with a matching black hair ribbon. Underneath was probably quite different from any catholic novitiate, or 'wanna be nun', a black half-shell bra that allowed my 'ladies' to show all their best features. A black garter belt kept my black back-seamed nylons up, and finally sky high 5-inch black patent open toed high heels, with a pair or straps that secured each ankle.

"Miles... what have I said about self-bondage," I scolded, cutting the cord easily and putting the glass in his now freed hand, "you know I can't allow this, yet you continue to show me your indifference to my orders... you understand there will be consequences for such blatant disregard of your Mistress?"

"Y-y-yes... yes my Mistress,"

"Drink some water, you're dehydrated again,"

I let him drink as I cut the remaining bonds on his left wrist and feet. Then I lightly gripped his chin between my thumb and forefinger. This gave me a chance to search for any sores that might have developed over such an extended period of bondage. At least the self-bondage was better than having him out on the street looking for more extreme forms of bondage and torture. But the dangers were everywhere, as I'd learned from the Sisterhood. He was very prone to dehydration, choking and severe bruising from bonds tied much too tightly. I found myself sighing again, God he had beautiful eyes...

"I'll expect my maid to make me the best breakfast I've ever had, or else you may not be able to sit down, lie down," I explained in my Dom voice, "or find any other way to tie yourself up again unless you're standing... are we clear on this Millie?"

"O-oh! Yes Mistress!" he smiled when he heard his 'fem' name.

She was such a stickler for detail in her dressing that you would almost think she should be seen for gender dysphoria. But no matter how hard I tried, 'Millie' was just about the ugliest French maid I'd ever 'force fem'd', and of course, as soon as our session was over any need he had for femininity disappeared. Even so, just seeing those gorgeous legs, and all that hard muscle surrounded by silk and nylon got me seriously hot. I had her wear a simple gaff to keep her privates out of the way. There was no need for any more humiliation than she herself was willing to take. So a cock cage would have been too much, besides the whole purpose of this exercise was sexual release, once 'she' came, much of the need for self-abuse seemed to diminish to zero. Plus I always looked forward to my Saturday morning fuck... talk about sexual release! My ex-doc had me on minimal testosterone blockers, which still allowed me some extended fuck-time. But if she had been out on the street at all, Millie had to be tested for any type of STDs before we would have our sessions, I made that part of our 'rules'.

Another of my more favored rules required her to prepare and transform herself while I watched. I got one of my sub's favorite toys out of my little bag I'd brought with me and hooked it onto my belt. It was a 12-foot leather bullwhip with python windings towards the tail end that was around the 'popper'. It was exacting, and could unbutton a shirt from across a room. The eerie green color made it seem absolutely alien in nature and yet it could be a very delicate weapon, leaving no marks on the top layer of skin even though it would penetrate below, leaving the feeling of freshly scratched skin. But it could also be tough when I needed it to be, by simply unwrapping it's secondary tail, it was more than capable of ripping apart most types of clothes, leaving the wearer in nothing but rags, and yet also left almost no sign of attack on the skin. I rarely used it for anything but show... but the look in my sub's eyes as I 'exercised ' it, making it 'crack' before wrapping it back up and hooking it onto my belt... priceless.

Once Millie had showered and shaved, everywhere below the eyebrows, and was feeling a little more like 'herself', she began dressing to please her Mistress. And her Mistress could be a serious bitch. I had Millie buy only the very best in domestic wear at a professional uniform store around the corner. This was helped immensely with a few special extras from a lovely lingerie store just down the street, across from Bambergers and Macys. She was quite capable of applying her own cosmetics, toes and nails had to be a blood red polish to go with the black ensemble I'd selected for her. After checking her face in the mirror, she went over to a dummy head on her dresser and attached her Coquette Wig made with 100% natural human hair. I found this really helped the overall French Maid image.

Millie then began her dressing in earnest, sliding into the sheerest crotchless black fishnet pantyhose, then a black nylon thong-type gaff panty, which gave plenty of room for back door play. She sometimes needed a little help with the next piece, a strong boned black calf leather corset that produced a wonderful female form and allowed her to fit into her very stylish uniform. It had built-in C-cup breast forms within it, which made the overall effect look very natural. The ties had to be adjusted in a certain order but she was just all thumbs, especially today, so I sometimes took over from here.

"Alright Millie," I would sigh, "you just haven't quite 'got it' yet."

"No Mistress, please... I'll figure it..."

"Are you telling your Mistress how this should be done Millie?"

"Oh no Mistress," her eyes quickly looking to the floor.

Once that was settled, I went back to my handy cloth bag and got out the next little toy. Millie had a lovely old four-poster bed with heavy cross beams just made for this. I wrapped a couple leather straps around one of the end bars, and adjusted it to a good height, all while Millie watched me, licking her pretty lips for what was coming.

"There! Now come over and let's get you onto Mister Corset Bar shall we?"

"Y-yes... Mistress," she said slowly shuffling over to me.

The corset bar was an invention of a bygone Elizabethan era when woman sacrificed everything for an hourglass feminine figure. It was a small wooden bar, about eighteen inches long, and a half-inch thick made from strong oak. Attached at each end were padded leather cuffs for m'ladies wrists. And because form was so very important, Millie would need one other piece put on.

"Oh... first put on your heels," I scolded, "can't forget those."

These heels were a nice work-a-day pump shoe, and these matched the ones I was currently wearing, except for one feature, and Millie's eyes betrayed that she already knew what that feature was after she put them on her feet.

"Alright little one," I sighed once again, "must I remind you of everything, lock the ankle straps... you already know I have the key."

Now I that she had her heels on, I had her stand under the corset bar, and brought each wrist up to the corresponding leather cuff, and buckled her in with her arms positioned well over her head. Then I turned her towards the head of the bed, and tightened the positioning straps of the corset bar to the bed's crossbar to keep her in that position. Even now Millie was whimpering with expectation of my tightening the stays.

"Now Millie, since you seem to enjoy this," I placed her ball gag back in her mouth temporarily and buckled it behind her head, "no need waking the neighbors, hmm?"

"You have to start with this bottom set of ties first... then the top set... then the middle sets... and then each of those in the same way, bottom, top, middle... oui?"

"Ymwth Mmmttttthhhhttttt... wwwwtttthhhhh,"

"Good! Now all that's left is to repeat... bottom,"

"Mmmfmp,"

"And top,"

"Mmmthfmp,"

"And then middle,"

"Mmmmthffmmmttt!"

After several iterations, the boning was making light red marks along each seam that had one, that meant it was as tight as you should make it. I did one more set.

"And repeat... bottom!"

"MMMMeehhttttMMmpht!"

"And... Ugh... TOP!"

"MMEEEEMNNNNPHT!"

"AND... Ugh... MIDDLE!"

"MMMMEEEEHHGGGGGGPPTT!"

"There we are, all that's left is to wrap these nasty cords around you and tie them off, then place all the extra into this little packet here in back... zip it up... and lock the zipper down like... so!"

Millie's fake tits now jiggled just as beautifully as the two magnificent globes of her ass. I couldn't resist a quick slap across both exposed cheeks, forcing her to pirouette onto her toes, giving a little dance and a loud yelp, while releasing a tear or two.

"YYYIIIPP! ...mmmgggfhpp"

"Oh... and so beautiful! Well, its hard to learn at first, but you'll sort it out soon,"

I unbuckled her gag, and then her wrists. She knew all of that had been for her benefit as soon as she tied herself up last night, if she didn't use self-bondage, I would have allowed her to put her own corset on. I used this tactic as soon as I realized how much she hated it, and I enjoyed it. Maybe next week I wouldn't have to untie her when I arrived, well... one can only hope with this type of thing.

She now began dressing herself in her uniform, an absolutely gorgeous French Upstairs' Maid uniform, as was used in France for over 50 years in highbrow family manors, and then adopted by the English, then imported to the States. I had a seamstress make a few minor modifications, making it crotchless for my benefit. Then I had a very special enhancement constructed to match completely, but that was for later. Now Millie put on her frilly white apron that attached with hook and eye in back, so that the large white bow was always in the correct proportion. A pair of long white nylon fingerless gloves went on next and tied with a pink ribbon just above the elbow. She was passable, but not exactly what would have been acceptable as an 1850s upstairs maid.

"Très bien Millie," I announced, "Arrêt à vos tâches... and take heed with what was said about my breakfast! Et ne pas brûler les biscuits!"

"Oui Maîtresse Joscelyn,"

If nothing else Millie had a brain, and it seemed to me much of her problem was she refused to make good use of it, when she had nothing to do, her mind became obsessed with sex... so I thought exercising my French, and attempting to teach it to my new French Maid... well, just seemed to make sense. Oh... for those gentle readers who do not know French, I asked her to not burn the biscuits, something she was prone to do.

She managed to make breakfast, as I liked it, bringing it upstairs to her bedroom and placing the well-appointed tray down next to me for my review. I especially enjoyed the fresh cut rose in a small vase in one corner.

"Oh, très magnifique Millie!" I cooed, bringing a smile to her lips.

I told her to make sure she had her own breakfast, and then clean up the kitchen. And once she was finished there, to report back up to me. She had really out-done herself as the eggs were perfectly done, over easy. She even remembered sliced fruit for my cereal. Once I finished eating, I took my beautiful tray downstairs, just to praise her, well... and also check up on her, I needed to be sure she was eating right. Then I returned upstairs to prepare the bed. When I first started with Miles, his apartment was an absolute pigsty the smell alone could make a skunk retch. But ever since I brought Millie into his life, the place has gradually become something you might expect to be seen in an edition of Home & Garden, the change has simply been astonishing!

When she at last was finished with all of her tasks, she quietly returned upstairs, walked to where I was standing beside the bed and collapsed onto her knees, hands behind her back and bowed to my feet, waiting for my next command. Gentle reader... if you are not familiar with S&M, I know much of this has eluded you as to having any purpose or use other than giving me a heightened view of myself. All I can tell you is how wrong you are... about so many things, not for what you are passing judgment on that I have written here. But about so many things that are a part of this S&M "dance" that just occurred, with all the acts I've written down. Know first, it is a dance of control, and while you might suppose the control was all mine, it actually always belonged to Miles. He could bring all of it to a screeching halt by uttering one word.

I recommend, if you cannot understand this dance and what all the steps mean, that you look into its inner workings elsewhere for I can only illustrate, and what you need is a document capable of educating as well. And S&M is a fetish of fine edges, where doing one of the steps wrong or forgetting a particular move can cause serious injury, perhaps even death, and I also therefore, recommend you are well educated in these steps if you find yourself wishing to include yourself in this type of erotic art form, for those reasons most of all. Now... it is time for our encore and exit.

"Millie?" I command in my Dom voice, "on the bed, face down, arms down behind your back, and legs... spread!"

Understanding what I want next, she kisses my toes, and gets onto the bed in the position I have commanded. I now bring out my final piece, a one-arm glove binding made to especially match her uniform. Also known as a monoglove, Millie's is made especially for her, and yet even this should not be used for long periods of bondage and I have no intention of it being used any longer than 15 minutes. It is made of calf leather for strength, and then covered in the same silk and nylon materials as her dress. I carefully wrap her wrists together with thin leather strapping, along with each finger. I then slip her wrapped hands into the single glove made to hold both hands together. Millie twitches here, as the feeling of her arms pulled behind her is disconcerting. There is nowhere for her to move however, I have tied her ankles to the bedposts, and the collar incorporated into the uniform is made of leather as well, and I have tied it to the headboard posts in front of her, attached by a thin dog leash. I then gradually started wrapping her forearms together by using the ties and grommets in the glove binder. When I reach just above her biceps, I buckle the two arms into a wide strap at the very top of the glove. Finally, I take the shoulder straps and pull them around her underarms, then in a crisscross fashion down her back to buckles on the glove, making it impossible to pull off in any way.

I untie her feet and collar and tell her to roll off of the bed, which she does, and as she reaches the edge I grab her and put her onto her feet, still locked into her five inch high heeled open-toed pumps. She is sweating and excited, exactly as I want her. I grab under her petticoats for the nylon gaff panties, and rip them off of her in one pull. I begin stroking her shecock and as she opens her mouth to gasp, I kiss her on the mouth, hard and forcefully, I want her to know she is to be taken here, and I may well hurt her for my own ends. We are on my terms, yet she knows the safe word well and our dance has reached its conclusion.

I back her up to one of the bedposts continuing to stroke her heavily and kissing her deeply. Now I line her up to face the bed's headboard, and taking the dog leash that is still connected to her uniform collar, bend her over the bottom bedposts, and re-attach it to one of the headboard posts. I take a small length of cord and bind her legs, just underneath the knees, to one of the bottom bedposts, just loose enough for her to hold her weight, yet not allowing her to move her legs at all. At the end of the single glove arm-binder is a large ring that I have strapped into her hands to hold on to, and attached to that is another ring for suspending the arms behind the back in what's known as a 'strappado' effect.

I stroke her a while longer and stop as I feel her hairless balls pull up inside of her getting ready to orgasm. Now I go to my bag for some lube, pouring some onto my index finger and pulling her petticoats and skirt up over her butt, I start digitizing her ass with first the one finger, then two, and finally three, rotating them to try and widen her asshole as much as I can. Once I feel she's ready for me, I step back and unzip my dress, letting it puddle under me, than I pull out my own shecock, already as hard as steel after all of these preliminaries... I lube it well, and slowly place the head up to her ass, she gasps with the anticipation of being penetrated. Now its time... I attach another dog leash to the monoglove's strappado ring and pull her arms up behind her as she takes a short intake of breath through her teeth from the pain. I then tie off the leash on the overhead crossbar and grab her waist as strongly as I can, mostly to prevent any unnecessary movement, and slowly start breeching her asshole. Again, about an inch at a time, I am stretching her anal cavity inch-by-inch. From time to time, I hear a small shout of pain and stop, waiting for her to become used to me, then once I hear a sigh, I continue on.

Once I'm all the way in, I carefully pull out so that just my head is left, then I push back into her slowly... the first few times... but by now I am hearing moans of arousal.

"What is it you want Millie?" I ask with urgency, catching my breath.

"Mistress I... please I'm,"

"You have to tell me Millie, or this stops... NOW!"

"F-fuck me Mistress... please... I need you to... ah!" Her mind is reeling, she knows after several of our sessions that she will orgasm... such an orgasm, as she never knew possible before. Only from anal intercourse... something she told me when we started was impossible. Yet each time I have shown her massive orgasms without any manipulation of her penis, only by stimulating the prostate.

"Then it ends..."

"WAIT... Fuck my ass Mistress, please... I NEED you to fuck my ass!"

"Veuillez Maîtresse... j'ai... j'ai faim de votre attention, affamées de vous aimer,"

"Pour votre amour Millie, je ferais n'importe quoi." I laugh and smile at such a tremendous effort, truly I am making headway. Miles has learned an entire phrase in French and brought it into the highest level of our role-play here, ah... gentle reader, he, or rather she, said that she hungered for my attention and was starved for my love! I responded by telling her that now... for her love... I would do anything...

I restarted and doubled my efforts, ramming my shecock into her boipussy just as hard as I could, stimulating her prostate, and eliciting screams of joy now. 

"Oh! YES! YES MY MISTRESS... Harder Mistress... please HARDER!"

I was locked into a piston ramming event beyond anything we'd been through, I used every muscle and brought every angle I thought might give her a stronger feeling into play, making sure full strokes were maintained. But I was starting to lose control now and the rising feeling of my orgasm was close... so close. Suddenly I felt her lock every muscle and simply let out a scream of purest ecstasy... which brought me to my own orgasm right behind her, throwing my cock into her pussy one last time, just as deep and hard as I could manage as I also was locked into a star filled orgasm that nearly took me completely out of this world, and might have made me feint, but my knowledge of the situation, that her arms would HAVE to be released, kept me conscious and in the reality of this world... for now.

I disconnected the strap to her arms, bringing them back down slowly. I had placed a pillow under her stomach, which she could now lay on, covered with a dishtowel to catch her cum and let her clean up later. Then I grabbed my switchblade and quickly cut the binding cords around her knees and untied the dog leash from the headboard post as well. I massaged her thighs to get blood moving again and helped her back over to the bed where I had her lay down, and I unbuckled and untied the monoglove. Once I had her arms free I massaged them as well for a few minutes, before falling onto the bed next to her, both of us spooned together as she curled up in my arms and we fell asleep together for about an hour or so.




A Learning Experience Ch. 07



When I awoke, she had turned towards me in her sleep. Such a change from the sex crazed maniac I walked into this morning. A perfectly languid and peaceful look graced the face of this young man... who now seemed so very different. I got up and redressed myself, then went downstairs and got two cups of orange juice, and brought his up to him after downing my own. I was feeling terribly feint still, and I caught myself in the shakes several times, something was overtaking me, a bug perhaps.

I gently prodded Miles awake, giving him the juice and then helped him get his uniform and corset off, along with his locking high heels. He finished the rest of his undressing, and took a quick shower while I rested on the bed, he asked if I wished to shower, but I declined, as I really was not feeling well. He came out of the shower looking wonderful and I smiled as he leaned over me, gently placing a kiss on my lips.

"Merci ma Maîtresse,"

"Vous êtes les bienvenus, Miles"

I got up and repacked my little bag, as Miles left and then returned with the small envelope that always contained my remuneration. Just a quick look showed an extra hundred-dollar bill. I gasped now, and was going to protest, when he told me this.

"My Mistress, you have shown me a side to myself I never knew existed, and made me appreciate... so very much... what you have been forced to endure in order to become the gender you were born to be... Thank you,"

After saying this he kissed my hand and repeated the thank you. I simply could not speak, as if someone poured battery acid down my throat, nothing would come other than my tears. I really had made him understand, and for a TG woman, acceptance was everything! I hugged Miles tightly and was finally able to at least utter my own 'you're welcome' as I broke our hug. I picked up my bag and walked over to the front door, before remembering to warn him not to use self-bondage... but the shakes came over me again and I nearly feinted once more. Miles look of concern was palpable, but I waved him off, gave him a brave smile and just told him I needed a couple days to get over this bug, and then left.

***

That afternoon I was sitting with Charlene in the 8th Street diner and I was lost in thought, trying to think of how we would find a source for the drugs we all needed. Most of the wall in the back of the little diner was covered in mirrors, and I'd taken a quick look at myself to check my make-up. But another thought nagged at me after seeing my reflection. I had many times told anyone listening that I didn't do drugs, and all the 'stray cats' admired me for that, but suddenly seeing myself next to Charlene forced me to remember the truth.

A few months after my daughter was born, I became so depressed over it I could barely function. I had only been a member of the Pagans for a year or so, and the only person I knew well within the gang was Tiny. One day I told him I was thinking of committing suicide, I just couldn't stand the thought of my daughter being given away to strangers and that I could never see her. Tiny took me to some home garage lab somewhere, and I had to give them five hundred in cash, and they gave me a bag of specially treated sugar cubes. They would sell me two kinds, the first kind was treated with LSD or Lysergic Acid Diethylamide, and the kind Tiny asked for, was treated and combined with Methamphetamine. Tiny took me back to his house and he said that 'Meth' would help with the 'downs' as he called them. He explained that even mixed into the sugar, it was very bitter tasting, so he made up a couple Jack and Cokes, and showed me how to drop a couple cubes into the drink and let them dissolve, then drink it down.

I had no idea what 'Meth' was, and although I felt I was probably replacing one awful problem with another one, I drank it down quickly, and waited. I expected to be stoned out of my mind or something to that effect, but nothing happened. After 20 minutes or so, I just felt kind of buzzed, like I had just drunk three or four coffees. I still felt very badly about my daughter, but suddenly I could actually function again, I felt like I had the energy to move on with my life. Tiny did one more thing, he took an almost empty box of regular sugar cubes and emptied it into the sugar bowl on his kitchen table, then carefully lined the bottom with uncooked rice grains to keep the cubes from absorbing water vapor and melting, and then filled the box back up with my 'special' cubes. There were a couple dozen extra that didn't fit, and he just said 'this will be for my help... okay?' to which I happily agreed, and he put them into a baggie for himself.

Three years later, I still had that box of sugar cubes, as I found I rarely actually got to the point where I had to have it... but when I did, it was literally a lifesaver. However sometimes, if I had gone longer than a week without taking any, I noticed I would start getting 'the shakes', which Tiny described as withdrawal. Didn't make any sense to me, but he told me to just take one of the cubes, if I got these shakes, and it would go away, and they always did go away. Then it dawned on me, this was what the junkies called the monkey on their back. And I wondered what I would do when I ran out... shit.

I had the shakes last night, and when I got out the box, there were only three left along with all the old rice. I was also feeling the 'downs' now this afternoon as well, and I knew I was in some deep trouble. As my thoughts returned to me in that little diner, I knew I would have to reveal my addiction to my friends. So I would be shown as nothing more than another drug-addicted whore wandering the streets keeping the pushers in business. But at least Simone was insisting she had a lead over in Chinatown that might help, and was there now trying to contact some kind of gang member for me to make a deal with, and I was half listening to Charlene tell me how she had found the best new nail polish remover.

Suddenly the sound of a plate cracking against the counter woke me from my thoughts to herald the entrance of a Pimp that called himself 'Bigg Maxx'. I paid a couple of the wait staff in this diner to let me know if anyone like Maxx came in without me noticing, and in this case they dropped a plate onto the stainless steel countertop. Charlene immediately knew to disappear out the back, while I gave her time and distracted him if possible. Unfortunately I was already his target, as he strutted over and took the stool that Charlene had vacated right next to me. Maxx, or Maxy as his girls knew him, was obviously African-American in his genetic background, bald-headed and possibly between 25 and 30 years old.

The talk on the street was he had been involved with pro wrestling, and whether that had a shred of truth in it or not, he was a huge man. Standing at six feet and a super tall eleven inches, he was one of the largest humans I'd ever seen. As he sat down on the little diner stool, it creaked from his well-apportioned 300+ pounds. He softly placed his walking stick down on the counter and moved Charlene's dishes aside. Then he snapped his fingers for service and a cup of coffee was brought to him. The cup filled with good strong diner coffee was absolutely diminutive in his hand, and the finger hole that most people would pick it up by, was ridiculously small for his use. He raised it to his lips with just two massive digits that were so huge they could only belong to the largest hands I'd ever seen. Whenever the police ended up arresting this giant, I could seriously feel their pain, and these hands had probably produced their share of pain in this city.

Whatever cologne he wore was nearly enough to knock you out all by itself, and his outward appearance was so typically 'city punk' as to be cartoonish. Purple bellbottom jeans with Nike sneakers, kept together with a two inch wide tooled leather belt. A red and white striped shirt with white frilled front and sleeve ends, which looked so very much like the barber pole he kept in the office where he did his 'business'. Chains... gold chains... just... everywhere. Around his neck, in his ear - attached to earrings, around wrists, draped across his chest, even around his ankles... and they had various trinkets attached, interconnected, and cross-connected... hell, you could end up absolutely fascinated by the ton of gold that was festooned all over this urban moron.

I was watching everything he was doing incredibly carefully, along with the clock on the wall. It was only a few more minutes before several Philly cops would take their afternoon break here. But he knew this every bit as well as I did. He cleared his throat, and I paused to listen to whatever he had spent so much time and effort to say to me.

"Hey buddy," he snickered, not surprisingly he knew I had been male, "don't look now, but you been peeled sweets. If you wanna talk 'bout it... you know where I am".

He winked at me, but before I could say a word, he was on his way out the back, the same way Charlene had left. Then just as I was shaking my head trying to understand any of this, Charlene came screaming back into the diner.

"Josie!" she was absolutely shrieking and it took precious seconds to calm her so that I might begin to understand what had happened, "they've trunked her! Maxy trunked her, oh my god, oh my god, oh..."

I had managed to digest some of what Maxy was saying, the term 'peeled' usually meant a rival Pimp had taken or stolen one your girls. After grabbing Charlene and holding her in a strong hug, I could get some of her story to make sense as well. She had been intercepted by some of Maxy's minions as she left the back door of the diner. She was then lead over to a car in the parking lot where she could hear Simone screaming from inside the trunk. As soon as I understood what she was saying, I ran for the back door, carefully looking around the parking lot, but the car Charlene had described was no longer there. Typically, a disobedient prostitute might be "trunked", where the pimp locks the prostitute in the trunk of a car. Obviously here, Maxy was making another of his brutal points, because, according to Charlene, Maxy either wanted Simone to be, or was under the impression she would be, one his girls, and felt I had stolen her from him, so she needed to be taught a lesson.

It was obvious now that Maxy considered me competition, and must think I was building my own little prostitution ring... from my perspective this was ridiculous, and silly, I was barely maintaining myself. But I suppose from his viewpoint, it seemed logical with myself being seen as a Dom on the street now, he simply made the leap to female madam. All I was trying to do was take care of my friends and myself... but as usual, it seemed I still had a lot to learn about the street, and staying alive here.

But I knew plenty about violence and pain, and under my present mindset and physical condition, I now had every intention of doing some serious teaching... and thanks to Maxy, my classroom... was now officially in session.

***

Philly... Center City... First Saturday in August. It was the dead heat of the afternoon, still relatively early at 3:05pm. But the temperature was already nearing 98 degrees and humidity soaring to 90%. I knew Simone would only have limited time in an exposed car trunk, between the temperature of the exhaust and the outside air, I would need to seriously book it. I told Charlene to find Kelsey, and gave her two phone numbers. The first, who else? If I was to ever need help and protecting this was it... and Smitty was all I could think of. The second was Mel, and mostly that was for picking up whatever pieces were left over and getting them buried properly.

I ran out the front door of the diner, past the policemen and women filing in for their afternoon donut and coffee. By the time I got any of them to care enough to actually do anything for either Simone or myself, it would be too late, and with Maxx's connections I also knew I'd run the risk of being arrested on the spot for god-knows-what... no, I was on my own here, welcome to hell, remember?

I got a number of strange glances, mixed in with a couple of smirks as I made it past them all, so I knew I was right. I saw a yellow cab coming down Sansom Street and gave my best 'concierge' whistle to get him to pull over enough that he could look for the source. Before the logic kicked in that he wasn't anywhere near a major hotel entrance, I was in his back seat.

According to the license posted on the back of his cab's front seat, he appeared to be a Croatian national and a wiry young guy named Marko that had obviously been through a lot driving a cab in Philly, he was nobody's fool and started to protest... he really wanted me out of that cab. But then he'd never run into anything like the long tall woman in a black dress and platinum hair, that reached into her black patent clutch and slapped five 'Benjies' into his hand.

Because I was about to meet with Simone's drug contact, I was flush with cash and after the past several weeks of street work, far less ignorant than when I first wandered out onto the street. I now knew cash currency by heart, well enough to know a 'Benji' meant Benjamin Franklin and that meant a hundred dollar bill. I told Marko there would be five more Benjies IF he got me to the 30th street station in less than ten minutes. Only on a Saturday would this have ever been possible and Simone would need every second I could buy for her, suffering in that stinking trunk.

The most exciting cab ride I ever had, began as he gave me a simple double take, glancing at the money, then back to me, back to the cash. Then back to me just long enough tell me to buckle my seat belt, which I'd already done, and was glad I had. We just missed becoming yellow canned humans by millimeters several times before his tires screeched up and onto the curb of 30th street station. He never had a chance to ask for his second five hundred as I'd already thrown it down next to him and was running up the 30th street station's front steps two seconds after he stopped. All he could hear was the clicking of my stilettos as I ran up to the front doors and I barely heard his cry of joy as he counted out his first, and without a doubt last, thousand dollar, eight minute fare.

As I walked by a bench seat inside, I quickly sat down and crossed my legs. Across the aisle was a young female Catholic novitiate that was watching me very carefully, probably because of my current attire. I was dressed much as she was, a good deal sultrier perhaps, but it was close. One part not at all close were my heels that I was currently trying so desperately to remove just as quickly as I could.

It seemed like she had smiled at me as I was thinking just how similar our roles were in society, in one way or another. Of course she immediately dropped her eyes and tried to keep looking down as I took my high heels off. I was so flustered I couldn't recall which shoe I had drilled the little storage hole in... was it the left or right? As luck would have it, it was the first one I tried, my right shoe. I pulled the cylindrical key out of it's hiding place and put my shoes back on, sneaking one more glance across the aisle for my doppelganger.

Ah... but she had disappeared, and I suppose I couldn't really blame her... nothing here the Angels of Heaven would be involved with... no... it was time for the Angels of Hell to reap what had been sown here this day.

I approached the anonymous storage locker and inserted my key, then carefully placed each of the contents into my handbag. Then I removed a small backpack, and slipped it over my shoulder. It contained a couple changes of woman's clothing and toiletries. After re-locking it and paying for another storage session, I put the key back in my clutch. Running quickly for the ladies room, I took one of the cubicles for privacy.

Sitting down on the lid, I began to calm myself using the breathing exercises Smitty taught me back when we first started training together. Once I had my breathing under control, I began to plan how I would proceed from here. I would need to be dressed more appropriately for exercise in summer heat getting out the items I thought would help. I undressed down to my underwear, leaving behind my dress, garter belt and stockings, then grabbed my soap, a cloth, and a towel and went out to the sinks.

I soaped up the cloth and cleaned as much of my sweat off as I could, toweling myself dry, and went back to the cubicle to dress in private. I put on some pink lace top ankle socks and running shoes, a white leather mini skirt, barely getting it over my backside as I'd actually gained a little weight. Once on, I zipped it up the side and threaded a half-inch pink patent leather belt through the skirts belt loops. Then I put on my pink side-tie peasant-top blouse, leaving on my black silk gaff panties and black half-shell bra underneath. The bag contained a couple rolls of surgical tape, along with a roll of black electrical tape. I first used the surgical tape to provide good anchor points, it kept perspiration away from any knife handles or ammunition, and helped keep the electrical tape attached. The combination allowed knives to be pulled out and thrown easily. The knives went across my abdomen where my peasant-top blouse could hide them. Two throwing spikes went behind my thighs, right where a stocking seam would be. Two magazines went between my legs... well, let's just say it wasn't comfortable, but it worked, and one more at the base of my bra cups, along with two more throwing spikes.

Once I felt comfortable, I left the toilet cubicle and walked back up to where the sinks and mirrors were, pretending to adjust my skirt, blouse, and make-up. As I was finishing this, the thought ran through my head that Smitty had taught me so much more than anyone really needed for self-protection. I couldn't help but wonder what, just exactly, he was teaching me... or training me... FOR and why was my gender change such a minor issue for him when it seemed to bring out emotions of some kind or another in all of my other friends. Smitty not only accepted it... he relished it... almost as if it had given him another challenge of some kind. He explained it all naturally enough, his experience with the transgendered in Southeast Asia, his 'ladyboys' as he called them.

Well, probably my own paranoia, god knows I had enough to go 'round. Here I was needing all the training I could remember from our many sessions, and I certainly hoped that I'd learned it well. Why was I worrying about Smitty, he had passed my tests time after time, if anyone was on my side... I knew he was. For now I would have to put those worries aside, and just concentrate on the task at hand. A task that, because of Smitty, I might actually have half a chance of coming out alive from. These bastards had kidnapped one of my best, and only, friends... I slowly looked up into the bathroom's mirror and realized I was all Simone had, as she was all I had. And now it was time to prove myself, just as I said I would when I first came here.

As another woman entered the bathroom, I popped my cosmetics back in my purse, next to my Beretta and quickly walked out the door. Its hard for me to explain what I was feeling because it was all happening so fast. And if Simone was still in that damned trunk I was going to have to start making things happen faster than any of these idiots could possibly imagine.

I began my fast walk 'home' to the garage where I lived as an incognito male, running quickly through a playground, and then crossing two main streets that separated me from getting my car, and then I planned on driving over to where Maxy had his office and 'crib' as he called it. As I rounded the last corner before the back door of the garage came into view, I suddenly realized something was different and jumped behind a Charles' Chips delivery van stopped in the middle of the road. Peering around its open back door, I saw the car that Charlene had described from the diner, a couple dozen yards from the garage entrance I used. Two men were sitting back just far enough in the shade so they could barely be seen, waiting... watching... for me? ...Shit!




A Learning Experience Ch. 08



"She" had been disowned by a bigoted Father, and rebuked by her Psychiatrist, claiming she'd never appreciated anything he'd done for her. Of course that last part wasn't true, but her father had just tried to kill him with a baseball bat before any of it had been said. In any case... feeling terribly angry towards everyone and everything just then, she wanted nothing more to do with either of them. Yet here she lay... incredibly ill and in need of a Doctor. It brought out her stubborn streak, keeping any forgiveness from seeping into such a damaged vessel as a wounded woman's heart, yet hers had been far too poisoned to feel anything anyway. Considering she'd been born male, it seemed she was now only capable of acting like a genetically programmed bitch. 

But none of that mattered, as there just wasn't much left of little Josie on that hot and muggy night in the lonely Center City church to which she had fled. The shadowy entities that were huddled around her this evening were hardly of the heavenly variety. They knew that they had managed to trick her into abandoning everyone and everything she had ever loved to somehow prove to an unholy judge that she was as good as any woman in existence. It was a fevered brain that now saw a friend as someone to be avoided... rushing her head long into stranger's arms for those burning feelings that only the hottest and cruelest sex could provide her with... making her slip farther away from any reality... or sanity... "she" may have been able to cling to.

She... was me... for in my own confused and deluded mind, I had brought myself here. The entities I saw encircling me were my own self hatreds that had become self destruction personified. Laying in that cot... watching them pick over me as if I were a piece of meat being tenderized for a final meal. This was to be my end... I was now facing a very real Hell, one constructed especially for me... and I could see it just as plainly as any horror I had ever faced... yet could do nothing about. I was also now hearing their laughter... they chuckled about how neatly I'd been fooled and brought low for their amusement. They mocked my pain as they spit out my only hope... I would need to be found by an Angel of Heaven in the next 24 hours. It would have to be one who had known both my male and female forms, and would have had to love me in both forms as well. I knew who they meant... I had made the most gentle women in the world, hate me for all time. I had abandoned my Melissa, refusing that most precious of life's gifts... true love, indeed... was any human more truly doomed?

When suddenly she was beside me... as if by magic. For even these powerful entities hadn't realized what the greatest power on earth was truly capable of. Love... so perfected through acceptance... Our Love... could overcome even the very foulest misgivings of a deluded and painfully confused mind. Arriving as the dawn, my Melissa now flew to my rescue. The most perfect of heaven's Angels threw off the dark entities that had bound me to my self imposed purgatory. Bringing with her a perfected light that now emerged clear and bright before a starlit morning sky... invigorating this unworthy whore's eyes that had never seen such beauty so perfectly framed. She had come for me, and I would live... but I also knew... I would never be the same.

Dreaming and hoping, hoping that dreams come true,
You're my religion, girl I've been living for you.
Don't want to fight it, tried everything I know,
I won't deny it, you're everywhere I try to go.

Maybe I'm dreaming, don't want to wake up now,
Baby, I love you, I always knew it somehow.
Thinking about you in everything I do,
Love is for giving, you know I'm just livin' for you! (Livin' For You - Boston)

*****

I awoke with a start hearing the driver's side door close in front of me somewhere. Mel's eyes were closed as well, her breathing a soft, slow rhythm, matching our languid peaceful embrace.

I was hearing other car doors opening and closing now, and as I peeked out over my sleeping Angel I could see that we had finally reached home. Their home, my beautiful Melissa and her Sister Cindy's home in the suburbs of Philadelphia. I still wasn't sure of what my future might be, but I knew that whatever was to come... it would only be with Melissa by my side.

I now saw Cindy, and the older woman I had first seen at the homeless shelter, get out of the car. Walking to their front door, Cindy unlocked it, allowing them inside, and light appearing from small translucent window panes next to the kitchen told of their need after a long car ride from the center of Philadelphia. Yet even with a throat like the hardest sand paper... there was something I needed to know. Mel and I were alone in the back seat now, her beautiful sleep-filled eyes spilled open and her usual megawatt smile broke through the darkness as I croaked out my simple query...

"Melissa... why?"

Her eyebrows reacted first, knitting together as she pulled her pretty head back... blond curls that smelled like heaven itself must have when it was first created. Then she cocked her head to the side that showed her initial confusion, but recovering quickly she began to understand. However even that was reduced to unimportance as it dawned on her that I must be feeling better.

"Oh baby, I'm so glad you're alright! I've been SO worried... you're gonna be fine now sweetie, just," and now a tear came, quickly followed by more, "please don't ever leave me alone again... oh Josie I nearly lost my mind!"

I shook my head, I had hurt her terribly and Mel's grip on my ribcage, the same ribs that had just been bruised while rescuing my friend Simone, was causing me even more unintended pain, if that was even possible. Of course these were two very different types of pain, but I needed to know why this beautiful woman had obviously continued to love me, and search for me.

"No, I am sorry m'love... but," I coughed to get the dust of the old garage, kicked up from the gunfight with that crazy pimp, out of my lungs, "I mean... why'd you come back for me... when I...?"

"Oh," she paused now, looking down, then refocused onto my eyes, "Josie, I can't begin to know what you went through these past few months, but I knew it was awful, and I knew you were hurting terribly. So... I decided I had to hold our love... for the both of us... for a while, and I began looking for you. I also decided that whenever I found you, I would release you from that vow of love you made to me if you still felt you wanted to leave me... but it would have to be with us looking into each others eye's... because Josie... I know you still love me... don't you?"

Once again my tears spoke for me as all I could do was nod in agreement, but then I remembered there was one other thing I could do and I kissed her gently on her lips, but quickly felt frustrated as I realized I had to try to say what needed so badly to be said... and so just above a whisper, "Never dared hope you might still love me... but I always loved you Mel, please believe that."

"I know, shhh... no... no more talking now, I love you Josie, always have & forever will."

Just then Billy opened the door next to me and once again wrapped me up in a blanket and bundled me into the house. Smitty opened the other door and helped Melissa get out after being wrapped around me for the whole trip, we were both very stiff and sore. All of their faces showed a terrible worry for my well being and I knew I needed to thank them. I decided the best way to do that was to show them I would be alright... and I would do that with humor, as usual.

"God Billy... we HAVE to stop meeting like this, people are starting to talk!"

Because he had brought me into this house once before like this after my rape, he got the joke as did everyone else, but it was only after he laughed that everyone else also laughed, and I knew they would relax a little now. Within a few minutes I was resting as comfortably as possible in the guest bedroom and everyone had said their good-nights it seemed, except Mel and Cindy. Mel appeared a few minutes later with a glass of ice water, and a small bowl.

"Here ya go babe... some cold water and a bowl of ice chips,"

I accepted the water with a moan and long sigh as I drank it down.

"Easy now... sip it honey, your system needs to come back slow and easy after what you've been through... here, suck on a couple of these," as she gave me ice chips to suck on. Of course I couldn't help but want two other things of her's to suck on , but then realized I must be in better shape than I thought I was! Miles had followed us upstairs, and now saw my smile as a way to say his goodbyes.

"I must go now, my Mistress"

"But Miles," I said, leaning up on my elbow, trying to make sense of it all, "how did you get involved in this? You couldn't have known where I was..."

"Oh, well that's easy enough," he replied, "I saw Charlene walking home, as I have so often, and I asked her if she needed a ride, and on the way there she told me everything that had happened and that everyone was out looking for you... they were very afraid for you Mistress."

"I see,"

"Mistress Sara was kind enough to offer her services while you are ill," he explained, "so please my Mistress, listen to these lovely ladies and get well. It seems you have many who love you."

"Certainly," I coughed, then smiled and continued, "more than I thought."

"Bonne nuit Maîtresse Joscelyn!"

"Bonne nuit mon cher!"

Mel got up to go looking for extra pillows for me, but as she stood up, I saw her motion to someone in the hallway. Smitty walked in softly, with an almost embarrassed look to himself. I realized, now that I could see him plainly in the room lights, he looked haggard and pale. Far from the the robust biker and soldier... and lover... I had known. Mel was holding my hand and as Smitty came up next to her, she encouraged him to sit on the bed next to me. She then took my hand, and with a smile and very purposeful motion, grabbed his large hands and placed my, much smaller, hand within them, before patting his shoulder and leaving the room.

Watching her go, he turned back to me and said, "She's a pretty special young lady,"

"Don't I know it... I've got a couple very special people in my life it seems!"

Once again seemingly unsure of himself he replied, "God Josie... its just so good to see you back home again... I thought... well, that is... oh sweetie, I was so sure they'd killed you!"

I had never seen this man show this much emotion... and it both impressed and alarmed me. I pulled his hand to my lips and kissed it, then held it to my cheek.

"Oh Smitty... they can't kill me, I'm a survivor... and a protector... just as you said I was. I had to come back... Mel came and found me, and told me she needed me. Protector's... well, you know how it goes, that was all I needed to hear... I'll be her protector forever now."

"I'm just glad my lil' Sister came home honey." he said with that killer smile, and I knew no matter how tired he looked, that smile was as genuine a love as I would ever see in this, or any other life. But I also knew it wasn't from lust. We had shared that certainly, but it had changed that night with the talk we had, we were best friends now. I would care about this man always... but not in the way I had at first thought. Smitty and I had bonded in a very special way. Student and teacher, he had helped me survive and I knew it was all he had been trying for... he'd used his abilities to bring another protector into the world, and we would have that connection for the rest of our lives.

Now Cindy came in with a very serious look on her face and a small bottle of pills in her hand. Smitty leaned in and kissed me gently on the lips, before patting my hand and saying good night. He then nodded to Cindy and made his way out of the bedroom.

"Josie?" she began, "I'm not sure what all might be wrong with you... so you know honey... you're gonna need to see a Doctor!"

"No!" I already knew where this was going, "I never want to see him again, not ever!"

"Alright..." she sighed and looked me straight in the face, "Your temperature is 103.6, and that's so far above normal I had to tell 'him' I was taking you straight to the hospital! Now... you don't want to see Doctor Goldmann... Fine... you've told me you won't go to the hospital... Great... well honey, you need help or you'll die, and I'm sorry but Mel just won't allow that as an option!"

"So," she now cocked her head as her right eyebrow was drawn high up into her forehead, "what's it gonna be Princess?"

I hated it when she called me that, and she constantly called me by that name while she was training me as a Novice for the Sisterhood. Unfortunately challenging your Mistress during a training session is automatic grounds for serious discipline, so I had to put up with it there, but not HERE!

"Cindy please! Stop calling me that!" I whined.

"Calling you what honey?" she said sweetly wanting to hear me say it. Now she was just trying to get me angry... and it was working... but I also didn't want to drag this silliness out anymore.

"Princess!" I sighed, "Why do you call me that anyway?"

"Are you shitting me?" those dancing green eyes suddenly shone with an energy that I had to admit I'd missed over the last few months, "You HAVE seen yourself lately, right?... wait a sec..."

She jumped up and retrieved a hand-held mirror from the bathroom and swung it down right in front of me, so I couldn't look away. "Look..." she said, before straddling me and holding hands weakened from illness and fighting down over my head with one hand, and forcing me to look at myself in the mirror she held in the other, "I said LOOK!"

I was annoyed, but was also very tired, so I relaxed and just did what she asked. Hopefully her tirade would be over soon. I watched my reflection as she rambled off on her speech.

"You've been taking care of yourself... or someone has," she winked, then continued, "and the estrogen... Jesus, look at those curves!" I saw my C-cupped ladies peeking out from behind my nightgown. I was seeing the changes she was forcing me to see, the changes I had tried not to notice. My lips had grown in fuller like ripe cherries around straight white teeth. The two small operations I'd been able to afford at the little public health clinic had been successful, they had temporarily broken my nose, then the surgeon removed my Norman hump, and repackaged it to give it a nice little pushed-back ski ramp effect. It had taken over two weeks for the bruising to fade after basically having my nose broken once again, but it had been worth it. The trachea shave left a pretty neck with so little scaring as to make it seem as if I'd never had an Adam's apple.

And I noticed one other thing... and Cindy wouldn't have to point it out... yet at first I had done it like this because she was the only female body that came to mind. After carefully sunbathing on the roof of the garage in Mantua for weeks, my skin was a seamless light mocha color that made it appear I'd been born with it this way. My hair had grown out to well past the middle of my back, the same as Mel's, and if it were dyed blond again, from the platinum it was now... then softer curls.

I sighed once more as I realized that what I had subconsciously done, was make myself into a twin for my beautiful Melissa. After Mel's growth spurt this summer, we were even within an inch of each other in height, and as Cindy described, the estrogen had done it's work well. I suddenly seemed to have Mel's cute bubble-butt along with hips that I had simply never owned before. Plus I had worked hard to improve my skin's texture with very expensive (for the tight budget of a streetwalker) salon visit facials and massage. She was right, in less than a year's time, starting out as an nerdy 18 year old male car mechanic, I had transformed myself into the 19 year old diva we were now examining in a hand held mirror. Cindy let my wrists go and lowered the mirror, placing it on the headboard.

"My God Josie, can't you see what you are now? You've transitioned into one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen, to say nothing of turning yourself into your lover's twin! Hell... she looks more like YOUR Sister than mine! And you seriously wanna know why I call you princess... huh?... Princess?"

I had no choice now, I was forced into an eye-roll, before another long sigh brought out a long giggle from my tormenter. But I suddenly also knew who I needed to see at this point. It may end up being one of the biggest mistakes I'd ever make, but I was absolutely never going back to see that ass...

"Doc Maher" I said curtly.

"Huh?"

"My old family doctor... Doctor Samuel C. Maher, M.D." I explained in full detail to make my point that this was someone I'd known all of my life. Well... all of my male life, anyway.

Cindy looked at me with her half-smirk until my eyes shut against my will, while a short hiss passed by my lips, as I sucked in a terrible combination of cold air and serious pain. Followed quickly by the highest pitched cry I could ever remember having the ability to make.

"I thought estrogen couldn't affect your voice," I groaned, trying to laugh at my latest pain.

"Yeah... well they never knew anyone takin' the super economy size," she threw back, but now had a much more serious look in her eyes. She then popped the top off of the little vial in her hands. I had no doubt where the pills inside had come from... but in this case... well, my pain wasn't picky.

"Here... take two of these to start with... lets see if we can't get ya to sleep... alright?"

"Sounds like a plan... aw... shit!" but once again my pain was hitting me in my back with all the punch of a heavyweight fighter overdosing on steroids for years.

My beautiful Mel walked in with more pillows than I would have believed possible for one person to be carrying, but as I spit out my last comment, I could no longer hold back either my yelps or tears and the pillows went in all directions as she dove onto my bed to be as close to her crying lover as it was possible for her to be.

"Oh Baby!" she exclaimed, kissing me... just everywhere... on my body that was available for her to kiss, followed by a few that weren't, then went back and started the process over again... and I was in terrible pain... but I have to say... I can't remember any of it... only those kisses! And suddenly my cock... which had made no effort at all to let its presence be known up until that moment... came alive and Melissa showed her usual ability for understatement...

"I could just eat... you... up!"

Cindy moved to the doorway to watch her Sister give head to her platinum haired twin... well, she was in most aspects... save one difference in sex organs. But it soon became obvious what part of my body was not only different, but wanting her utmost attention as her mouth absolutely enveloped my cock and spent several minutes kissing and licking, then swallowing it completely. I must also admit that after so long without her tongue paying homage to it, my cock was appreciating the attention. But, and this was a little sad for Mel, the many months of estrogen, while not preventing it from performing, had an effect. I noticed that my erection was smaller now... not weaker, it was very hard... but it seemed to simply have... shrunk. Perhaps by as much as an inch, but it was definitely smaller. Mel never seemed to notice and was as excited to be giving it such wonderful attention, as I was to be on the receiving end. And Mel had lost none of her ability, as I was screaming into one of the pillows she had brought as my eventual orgasm marched ever onwards to its ultimate end!

One, two... five hard streams flew out of me and as usual she got every drop... and what wasn't swallowed she curled her way up to give me in her usual snowball kisses, sharing my cum and loving every bit of her, and me, in that yummy mix. But while it was still fun to give her this thrill, I noticed the taste had changed. My cum was more liquid now, thinner... much thinner than I had remembered it being. I gave her many more kisses after that to show her how happy I was to be back in her arms. But soon enough, the pills Cindy had given me were working, and I fell asleep while giving her beautiful mammaries the kisses they deserved as well.




A Learning Experience Ch. 08



The next couple of days were a bit blurred. I awoke tucked into my bed, surrounded by pillows, while a large, well-padded living room chair was facing the bed right next to me. Mel was reading a magazine and keeping an eye on me every minute.

"Hey... you're awake... How 'bout a little something to eat baby?" she asked.

"Okay... wh-what time... what day is it?" I tried to respond, but I really don't think I would have known if anyone had told me, I just went with the flow for now!

Mel fed me some chicken broth and a couple crackers, carefully ladling it into my mouth, licking anything that dripped down my chin, smiling with each of the giggles she managed to get from me. This allowed me to take my medication without having it come right back up. But I no sooner felt better than I was once again drifting off.

Of course, the pain meds had been prescribed by Doctor Goldmann, and I never understood then the terrible risks he took to do that, even though I would have told anyone who asked that he was NOT my doctor at that time, I remained very angry with him for what he had said that day my father attacked him. It is amazing the black and white image we see when we are young... and foolish. But somehow he continued to care about me, making sure Cindy had whatever she needed to care for me, even though I refused to acknowledge it. That I was in any kind of reasonable shape, and had survived as long as this, was due entirely to his help once again.

It was a fairly quiet and foggy Monday morning that was dawning as I awoke, and after I pulled away a few of the pillows that surrounded my head, saw my beautiful Melissa, asleep in the easy chair next to my bed. Her softly curled blond locks covered the book she had been reading, no doubt after carefully watching over my well being all night long. I had sweated out at least once during the night, my sheets damp and cold to the touch. They made me shiver, as I slowly tried to get up to go to the little girl's room just across the hall.

I stood and paused for a moment, gazing down at my beloved Mel, who had never given up on me, and had remained my stalwart friend while I tried to make a living in as idiotic a pursuit as I could have ever probably come up with. That I had dodged the multitude of sexually transmitted diseases on the street in Philly at that time was nothing less than a miracle, to say nothing of the other dangers the stray cats faced on a daily basis as streetwalkers in one of Americas most dangerous big cities for the transgendered. I sighed thinking of what an absolute fool I'd been, a hot tear fell across my cheek, before falling in a long arc and hitting her shoulder.

Apparently I would need to be more careful in my present condition. According to Mel, she awoke from my errant tear just in time to see me fall over the back of her chair, and do a full somersault into the hallway between the bedroom and bath! In a scene that reminded me of Dorothy waking up in the Wizard Of Oz, I had Billy, Smitty, Mel, Cindy and 3 or 4 other friends lined up around my bed, looking very concerned.

"Wh... What happened?" I asked quite amazed that in one moment I was on my way to use the toilet, and the next in my bed, surrounded by all my friends.

"Well, as best we can figure," Cindy responded, "you tried to get up and use the bathroom."

"Yeah... but," I protested.

"...AND... luckily Mel had so many pillows strewn around that after you fainted," Cindy paused here to allow me to understand what actually happened, then continued, "and fell over, you landed on the pillows, then slid into the hallway, which was where we all found you with Mel screaming for help."

"Oh my God! No..." I whined, covering my face with my hands.

Cindy leaned over and stuck a thermometer into my mouth at this point, and the guys quietly laughed as they realized I was only embarrassed, and left, along with everyone else except Cindy and Mel, who was holding my hand and stroking my arm.

"Mel honey, why don't you go down and get Josie some more broth and crackers, okay?"

Cindy and I sat and looked at each other as Mel went off to get what would be my breakfast. After a couple minutes, she pulled the thermometer out and looked carefully at the tiny numbers along its sides, finally shaking her head, and putting it back into the holder.

"Still a hundred and three... and about a half," she said frowning, "well... thank God we made it to Monday morning... lets hope your old doctor will see you just walking in."

"I'm being an ass... aren't I?" I sighed shaking my head, "I'm only thinking of myself after you..."

I let the words trail off, and my tears were ready to start up once more as well. I needed to tell these wonderful friends just how much I loved them. But I had screwed up so badly. I just didn't know how to begin to make it right again.

"Mel told me you were crying just before you fell," Cindy said softly, "what's going on Josie?"

"Thank you." I said, thinking that a logical place to start. Cindy cocked her head and her eyebrows raised into a questioning glance towards me.

"Thank me for wh...?" she attempted to reply.

"Thank you for searching for me," I said again, "Mel told me all that you two did trying to find me after I... well... after I disappeared."

"Josie... you don't have to..."

"I just didn't think I was worth looking for," I said, then saw that she was upset and replied before she could say what I knew she would, "Please Cindy, I'm sorry, I know that might sound awful... but honestly it was just 'where I was at' right then. I doubt there could have been anyone who hated me more than I hated myself at that point in time!"

"But Josie... for God's sake... why?" she asked, and I knew it was time for Mel... and Cindy... to understand me a little better than they did.

"Because... you were right!" and here the sigh that I gave felt just as bad as it sounded, and as if it was preplanned, Mel came into the room with my little tray of breakfast. So I asked her to shut and lock the door, and she came over and sat down next to Cindy.

"Yes. You were right Cindy. Months ago, after you found out about the Pagans and you began really looking into my background, I should have told you then, but I couldn't. You were right to think I would be a terrible match for your sister... because I am!"

"What's going on here?" Mel asked in an angry tone.

"Honey, I was about to explain to Cindy... the reason I hated myself so badly that I didn't want to be with you... or with anyone after my family disowned me. It was a combination of things... but you two have been so much like Sisters to me, that I just..."

"Oh shit! Melissa... you have to know... I have a daughter!"

"What?" Mel asked softly... I knew she heard me, she just couldn't make sense of it.

"I'm sorry... I was underage... SHE was underage... and our daughter was put up for adoption. When I turned eighteen I started saving up to find her. I contacted an attorney who started looking for her, but he found out she had been adopted through the Canadian legal system, apparently the adoption agency was a catholic charity based in Canada. I then contacted an attorney there to search for her, but because I never put my name into any of the paperwork, its almost impossible for anyone to search on my behalf, but now that I'm... not a boy... er, man anymore... oh God Mel... I'm so so sorry!"

I didn't know what to do, I seemed to be forced to hurt this woman I loved at every turn. I had to tell her and now was as good a time as any I supposed... but as I looked up and saw the pain on her face... I simply wanted to die. I began to curl up into a ball... it was time, past time for me to end this mess of a life.

Then I thought I felt something touch my cheek, and I opened my eyes. Mel was stroking my cheek with the tops of her fingers and trying the best she could to dry my tears, as well as stop shedding them herself. I slowly touched her arm, and brought my own hand to her face to wipe away her tears. We gradually pulled each other into a tight embrace rocking each other as we both repeated "I'm sorry" to each other. I then explained all of the details of how I'd tried to deal with never seeing my daughter to them, but Cindy's response, well... it wasn't what I'd expected... not AT ALL!

"Sorry... bah! SO?!" asked Cindy in an, even for her, incredibly nasty and sarcastic tone.

"So... I ruined her young teenaged life, and caused a newborn baby to be brought into this world without knowing who her father ever was, and never knowing the touch or voice of her natural mother... what do you mean... SO!?" I droned back in reply, my God, what did she want... what more was needed to know how much of a fuck up I was!

"Ha!..." Cindy laughed at me, and looked over to her Sister, then after pausing for a couple minutes, she went on in her sarcastic tone of voice, "she's never told you has she?"

Cindy's green eyes seemed sad... yet lit up as always when she was excited, but I didn't really care as I was fed up now, whatever this silliness was about, I wasn't having anything to do with it!

"She told you I ran away from home, that I became a streetwalker, just as you had, didn't she?" Cindy asked, "But I bet she didn't tell you about my abortion... the 'family secret', no? Well... so you got a girl pregnant? Congratulations! But I have news honey, it happens everyday, and even when everything has been preplanned ahead. Things go wrong, life... happens... Josie! C'MON!"

The word abortion took my breath away, it was a reasonably rare thing even in the late 70s, and to know that Cindy had one... well, that changed how I looked at her whole life really.

"So that was it?" She asked, her tone changing, becoming softer, "This is the reason you hate yourself so badly? Hell Josie, even I know you well enough to say you certainly didn't do it on purpose... you were ignorant... what... 15 years old? Who do you think you are? Of course you didn't know enough to use protection! And of course the father wanted you dead, and the mother wanted you out of the way. Everything you've just explained makes perfect sense for a pair of 15 year old kids!"

Cindy sighed long and hard now. "Please... Josie... you have to listen, if not to me, someone else that you respect, preferably an older female. You can't beat yourself up forever over this... MEL! C'mon and back me up here! Your girlfriend is letting this become something it was never supposed to be. Josie... you didn't ruin her life... it was an unfortunate thing to have had happen, giving birth and having to put the child up for adoption is tough... but at some point you realize your mistakes in life... and you move on. She gave birth to a healthy baby at least, that's what you said, right? This should never have ruined anyone's life, unless THEY allowed it to!"

"But Cindy... I think what Josie's really upset about, is she may never see her own child... that was what made her desperate enough to use drugs to live through the pain... Josie?" Mel asked.

"Well... yes, but..." I began before once again Cindy interrupted.

"What have I always said?... there's always someone worse off... okay its time you understand just how bad life can really get. I had to learn it first hand, as you just did, but my demons were drugs more than sex or gender. They drove me to want anything anyone had... period. The effect that those drugs could have on a pregnancy, I was never even aware of... oh Josie... I was only 17... I didn't know I was pregnant either. My pimp had me so stoned most of the time, I never figured out that my period was late for almost three months. The doctors had a name a mile long for what happened, but I only needed one look at a fuzzy ultrasound image to understand just how badly I'd not only screwed up my life, but the life that had attempted to grow inside me... good lord..."

"Cindy... you don't have to..." I gently tried to say as I could now see the pain that had ruled Cindy's life for as long as I had known her... but I never had a nightmare so cruel as her reality.

"No... you need to hear this I think. You may never see your child, its true, and darling... my heart truly breaks for you. But I saw mine... and watched her die in my own womb. Please... dear God please will you tell me Josie... which is worse? What's the fucking worst this world can do to us for our stupid mistakes? Aww shit..."

Cindy jumped up quickly, perhaps to cry somewhere else. I grabbed her wrists and pulled her back to Mel and I, repeating the same phrase she had just chided us for using, but it was so important she hear it finally... obviously she was still haunted by this, it was past time for us ALL to heal.

"I AM sorry Cindy... you were just as young and foolish as I had been! As far as I am concerned both you AND Mel are my Sisters from this moment on. I have been an ass... and that stops today. I've been feeling so damned sorry for myself over everything. Shit... SHIT! Maybe we can't pick our own families, but it seems to me fate put us together, and therefore fate forged us into the family we are now! I love you Cindy, and you know I adore your Sister, both of you... and I want us to promise we'll never leave each other, not EVER! Please, let us face everything as a family from now on!"

"Alright honey," Cindy sniffed, trying to control her tears, just as Mel and I were doing.

"Family then?" I asked, and we hugged together as hard as I dared, with the pain I was in, but I just didn't care about my physical pain anymore... it was time to heal mentally.

"You're right Josie. You probably wouldn't be thinking along these lines, so I'll suggest it for you, here and now... I think you two should get married," Cindy said, hitting me with so much feeling and emotion I once again nearly fainted, "and while you still can as man and wife."

"But... wouldn't my sex change nullify any marriage vows...?" I lamely tried to reply.

"No," Cindy laughed back, "you'll find the concept of marriage hasn't even begun to address the gender change of one of the couple yet... and probably won't in our lifetimes. But married, at least you'll both have some laws on your side in the event of disability or, God forbid, death. Right now neither of you could make any decisions concerning how the other might be buried, or anything else, you might as well be total strangers."

"Well... jeez Cindy," I laughed now too, and pressed my hand into Mel's, "you're right, I hadn't thought about marriage at all, at least give a guy... um... oh shit... gimme some time to think this through... okay?"

Cindy's eyebrows arched as she looked down at my ladies, "Well honey... I'd think quick if I was you, those melons sure don't look like they're getting any smaller!"

We all laughed at that, mostly it felt good just to chase the tears away. Once we had calmed down a bit, Mel went downstairs and re-heated my soup and got fresh crackers, which I downed quickly, as it was pretty plain I needed to get to my Doctor as soon as possible!

After I finished eating, Mel and Cindy helped me dress in some loose fitting jeans of Mel's, a sweatshirt, and a pair of mary jane flats she found in my size, I was going to a Doctor's office after all, not a nightclub! Mel helped me put on some light make-up, as I noticed my face color was turning an almost gray color, and the pain had etched lines along the tops of my cheeks, and dark circles under my eyes finally told me my situation was becoming critical, I hoped I was doing the right thing.

It seemed like our house was starting to resemble a clubhouse, as I was carefully climbing down the steps to the living room, I realized several folks were visiting. Once I made it past the last step, they all broke into spontaneous applause which I couldn't understand at first, but then assumed it must be in jest somehow after my fall earlier. I laughed and acknowledged their accolade with a small wave as we gradually made our way out to the car. I gave them my heartfelt thanks for their help in getting me back to my 'true' home, and said I needed to see the Doctor, but I would be back soon.

Once we were in the car and on our way, Cindy explained that I had developed a following.

"Wait... what following? Why would anyone be interested in me?"

"Oh Josie, I don't think you quite understand yet just what your exploits have meant!"

"Huh... what exploits?" I asked incredulously.

"Its one of the reasons why I got angry when you were feeling so sorry for yourself earlier," Cindy explained, "Josie, I ran away to live out on the street, just as you did, but I never stood up to a Pimp or rescued anyone they'd kidnapped... honey, you've got real guts, and you were definitely someone worth searching for... okay? In fact, a number of people are interested in you and want to talk about your future... but not until you're feeling better... I won't let 'em near ya until then!"

"Well, dunno about any of that... but thank goodness my family found me... my REAL family!" I exclaimed kissing both of my newest 'Sisters' on their cheeks... exploits indeed! I managed to guide Cindy to our family Doctor's office. A nondescript 1950's single floor bungalow that wouldn't have been noticed without the Doctor's shingle hanging next to the front breezeway. But it was just where I'd said it would be, and we parked in the drive and walked into the office.

I honestly couldn't remember when I'd been here last. But I thought it likely it was for some kind of health check for playing soccer in high school. Obviously they likely wouldn't recognize me now, but I hoped that my family ties would help to get past that. As we got inside, I recognized the nurse and remembered her name was Francine. She was a tall thin black woman who chain-smoked almost constantly. Sitting behind her desk, she looked up as we walked in to the empty waiting room that morning, and asked in a husky voice if I had an appointment.

"Hi Francine," I said tentatively, "I don't suppose you recognize me... but um... I'm Jack Hartman... or um... I used to be Jack... I'm going by Joscelyn now."

As with so many who saw me now, after months of HRT, and heard me, after weeks of vocal training, Francine had that 'deer in the headlights' frozen look on her face for a couple minutes. Hearing my feminine alto-toned voice, while scanning my body's new curves and very feminine shape, always seemed to pause everything. Finally shaking herself out of it, she was now searching my face for any hint of the 14yo male soccer goalie that needed a health checkup for participation in the High School's varsity soccer team.

"Excuse me?" she finally managed to say.

"I'm Jack, Francine, really I am, I'm going through a gender transition, male to female... understand?"

"I-I... well you seem to be," she was struggling.

"I think I have a high temperature, and a LOT of pain, mostly in my neck and back."

This seemed to change everything as she was a professional first after all, and no matter what gender walked in the door, a high temp was cause for concern.

"Alright honey," she was all business now, "let me get your records, just a sec..."

I looked back at Cindy and Mel and told them I would be okay now, and they wandered over to a couch and sat down, Mel looking like she would jump at the slightest loud noise. I went over and kissed her head lightly, just as Francine came back.

"Jack... sorry, Joscelyn?" she paused.

"Yes Francine," I laughed, trying to lighten things, "Joscelyn will be fine, thanks!"

"Follow me down here please," she was walking down a small hallway that years ago led to the small bungalow's bedrooms, but now were exam rooms, "Alright, if you'll get up onto the exam table, we'll get you going here."

She pulled a glass thermometer out of an alcohol filled holder, shaking it thoroughly to get the alcohol off as well as compress the mercury down below normal. Finally she wiped it well with a paper towel and made sure it registered well below 98.6 degrees, then popped it into my mouth and told me to keep it under my tongue.




A Learning Experience Ch. 08



Next, she brought a blood pressure cuff over and wrapped it around my arm, pumping it up and releasing the air slowly as she watched the dial for my readings. It seemed I could now feel every heartbeat making its way through my body. Finally she got the readings she wanted, and pulled the cuff off of my arm. Francine then grabbed the thermometer out of my mouth and put her reading glasses on that hung about her neck by a thin cord. Once she was sure of what she saw, she gave me a very worried look.

"Well Joscelyn," she said slowly to make sure I understood, "your temperature is 104.3 and I want you to lie back on the table dear, I'm surprised you can even stand."

"I'm going to go brief the Doctor, okay?" she said in the kindest voice I could ever remember hearing over my many visits here, "Don't get up, yell if you need me."

Doctor Sam Maher was about the shortest man I'd ever met, but what I'd learned early in my young life was to never underestimate a person based on their stature. However, it made reaching my eyes and ears for examinations as I'd grown up, a little harder for him each time. I could only guess at his height, perhaps four feet, ten inches tall at best. Balding with a bristle brush mustache, he was simply comical and a wonderful doctor for children. I remember when I'd been so sick at five years old, I was never afraid of coming to see him. Suddenly the door opened and there he was, interrupting my daydreams of him, he seemed stunned.

"Jack?" he asked, not quite believing his nurse, who he constantly bickered with in any case, that he really did have transsexual in one of his waiting rooms, "Francine told me you were a girl now... so fill me in son, is this what you want?"

I realized now what my 'old' psychiatrist was talking about. Many general practitioners at this time just didn't understand gender dysphoria. I sighed and started from the beginning, and in the back of my mind was thinking I should really write this all down, so I wouldn't have to keep regurgitating it to everyone from memory.

"My God," he said, trying to comprehend what I'd opted for, "well, I'll need to contact this Doctor Goldmann, and see what meds he has you on... er... had you on, now... Francine said you want to be called Joscelyn, is that right?"

"Yes sir," I said with my normal respect for him, "that would be fine... sir? There's something else... I'm just, oh shit... I'm not sure how to tell you, its so complex!"

My emotions now simply erupted, as they often did at this time in my life when some part of my old pretend life as a male collided head-on with my real life as a female. But I was sobbing now... I had regressed I suppose, I couldn't tell, my mind was heading in all directions at once. Finally Francine reached over and hugged me and it seemed to gradually bring me back to reality.

Now I began explaining all about my daughter, and the terrible depression I had been self treating with illegal street drugs. As my story progressed, I could see his balding hairline turn almost purple. He was angry, and I couldn't blame him, I had really screwed up, but I had been so mentally unstable at that time. All he knew was that I had rolled a die that could have ended my life, and quickly. It certainly would have made all of his hard work saving my life from infection years ago wasted. So he just blasted me. I don't think anyone has yelled at me like that other than my ex-marine high school soccer coach, and it amazed me that this little doctor knew even better curse words than he did!

When Mel heard the screaming, she and Cindy came running. But he continued on.

"...Damn you... don't you know what drugs like that can do to you, I know you're fucking smarter than this, I've known your Mother and Father for 20 years... how could you just throw your life away by taking that crap... and most of it IS crap you know?!"

Mel raced to my side, putting her between this diminutive man and myself, as he shouted curse words at me like a drunken sailor. Cindy was ready to get me out of this crazy place where Doctors scream at their sick patients. But the fireworks were over and I knew he would never hurt me, this was simply how he expressed himself, and when he was angry he'd let you know exactly what he thought. Now he was pacing and walked over to Francine and asked her something in a low voice. Next he turned to the girls as his nurse left the exam room.

"Ladies... you must excuse my behavior. Joscelyn has known me for many years, and I think she understands... please... you can stay but you'll need to sit over there in the chairs so I can examine her properly now,"

It was so strange, but apparently that was exactly what I needed. Once he had finished his tirade, I felt so much calmer. And I began explaining the harder issues to him, that my father had thrown me out of my home, and for the first time I told someone else what he'd said before he told me to get out. I was pretty sure it was only because my Mother had been there and he wanted to hurt her as well. He told me I wasn't really his son anyway, so as a bastard I could change my name to anything I wanted. No matter who you are, hearing such things from a Father I had loved for so very long, well... such things can... and very much DID tear me to the quick.

I also explained the terrible mental and emotional swings that now seemed to be neverending, and finally, the last 3+ months of my life, spent on the streets of Center City, and the needing to prove myself. Everything came pouring out, from the young man who pulled the knife, cutting my neck, to the gun battle with a crazed street pimp, finally rescuing my friend Simone after that bastard locked her in a car trunk.

But I never realized what my dialog was doing to Mel until I heard a muffled sob, and looked over my shoulder towards them. Mel was simply overcome listening to it, while Cindy's eyes were as wide as saucers. She had Mel wrapped in her arms, and I could see Mel's shoulder's begin to shake as her sobs intensified. The Doctor, for his part, seemed most upset with my Father, as their relationship went back over 20 years, ever since he was the company Doctor at a production facility my Father was managing, when he'd had his first of several heart attacks.

The Doctor explained that he had covered up the heart attacks so my Father could continue working, but put him on a heart medication, and had him go to a hospital for a complete evaluation. My Father owed this Doctor a great debt. He knew all about his bigotry, and he was seriously pissed that my Father would throw his own son, or in this case his transgendered daughter, out on the street with nothing. Just as the Doctor finished telling me how big a fool he thought my Father was, Francine came back.

"I have Doctor Goldmann on line one Doctor," she said.

"Alright Francine, thank you," he said distractedly, as he had been examining me throughout my various stories, and stepped over to hold my hand in his, "Joscelyn... I have some good news and some bad."

Cindy and Mel became silent, tears trickling down Mel's face as she watched him carefully. I asked him to please just explain what was wrong with me.

"You are having some mild withdrawal from the Methamphetamine that you'd been taking for so long, but that's not your primary illness my dear," he paused for a moment looking back at the girls, then again to me, "It would seem you have a form of viral meningitis, and that will take a lab test to confirm... but assuming it is... your girlfriend will need to be tested as well... as it is contagious."

"Oh God!" it was an anguished cry that came from the deepest part of my soul, "Oh Mel... I just knew I'd end up hurting you again!"

Mel immediately jumped into my arms while I tried to push her away, but I was so weak all I could do was weep from both the terrible pain, and knowing I may have infected my beautiful Melissa. All I was finally able to do was lay my throbbing head on her soft white shoulder and share in her possessive hug. Once again my lioness was making her protective intentions known, and her claws were very real and sharp.

"I don't care, I won't leave her," she declared to my Doctor, giving him an almost angry, defiant stare... then pulled away slightly to look back at me, "even if it kills me, I WON'T LEAVE YOU JOSIE!"

The Doctor looked at this act of love with a bemused smile, nodding his head.

"My dear young lady," he said quietly, "viral meningitis is a well controlled disease, and if steps are taken early, death is very rare. Nevertheless, it is painful and not something to take lightly as Joscelyn... or Josie can certainly attest. And if its not brought under control, can actually cause serious injury to the spinal cord... and only then... possibly death. So lets just make sure you're safely tested and eliminated as a carrier, hmm? And we'll start attacking Josie's virus right now."

Mel, realizing her mane was bristling for no reason, gave him a meek smile while nodding her assent, and gently returned to our hug. The Doctor finished explaining that he would be prescribing powerful antibiotics and painkillers for me. He would first give me two injections, then I would need to get a couple prescriptions filled for medications I would be taking by mouth. We were all to go across the street to his lab and Mel and I would be tested for meningitis. If it turned out Mel had been infected, she could take the same antibiotic I was, and he would call in an extra dosage of it for her at her pharmacy.

He then excused himself and left the room. We assumed it was to talk with my ex-psychiatrist Doctor Goldmann. I was so tired, Mel hopped up on the exam table and laid back on the little pillow, which allowed me to rest my head on Mel's beautiful breasts as I felt myself giving in to the sleep I needed.

Just before falling asleep however, I saw the Doctor briefly come back into my exam room and tapped Cindy on her arm. She followed him into the hallway, and they began talking in hushed tones that I couldn't hear.

***

Later on Cindy laughed as she recalled what Doctor Maher initially whispered to her...

"I called his... um... her mother, and explained that... her daughter was here. I felt that Josie might like her to know she was alright. Also I've known the family for so long I just couldn't allow her mother not to know."

It surprised Cindy at first, and angered her, but she quickly realized it was the right thing to do and said so to the Doctor to relieve him of any guilt. Then he continued.

"As to all of her stories about pimps, kidnappings, and gun battles... I think you can consider all that a one-time thing... such high fevers can sometimes produce amazing delusions, and whatever street drugs she had in her system didn't help. I'm sure once her fever is reduced, these delusions will subside, and she'll be back to normal again."

Cindy was mildly annoyed that the Doctor felt everything I had explained to him, had only been some sort of 'delusion'. She knew many of the things I had told them were fact and after hearing it directly from my lips was even more willing to believe it was the truth. Her eyes suddenly sparkled with mischief as she told me how she replied...

"As far as I know Doctor, and I've talked with a number of those that were there Saturday, it would appear that what Josie described to us... was very close to what actually occurred,"

Cindy then told me that while she was explaining all of this to him, she had been slowly walking over to one of the waiting room magazine tables, with the Doctor following. She picked up the Philadelphia Sunday paper and handed the paper's relevant section to him, pointing out the story on the third page...

"But as you can see it appears the papers are just spitting out the police version, so it would seem they are the ones having delusions. Who knows when, or even IF, the public will ever know the whole truth about this?"

Cindy then watched the Doctor read the paper's account of the violent happenings that Saturday at a warehouse/garage in Mantua before scratching his temple in wonder. He then dropped the paper back on the table, placing his right hand on it as if to keep it at arm's length and drummed his fingers on the paper, all while shaking his head... finally he just grunted softly and walked away.

***

Amazingly I slept through the two injections the Doctor gave me, and Mel woke me up when it was time to go over to the lab, but after seeing my unsure walk, the Doctor stopped me and had me go back and lay down. He called the lab, and had a lab tech bring what equipment was necessary to get the blood they needed, over to his office so I would not have to walk anywhere.

By this time the pain killers he injected were helping, and I was feeling better, but it made me sleep thru the blood draws as well. While she was in his office, the lab tech took a sample from Mel in another exam room, with Cindy holding her hand, as Mel detested needles. This left me alone and quietly nodding off, until suddenly I had the feeling that someone was standing over me, staring at me...

"Joscelyn... honey?" a voice I'd known so well it was shocking, "can you hear me?"

"Mommy?" I was dreaming... regressing... how was this pos...

"Yes dear, your Mommy's here," the emotions exploding inside me were beyond overwhelming as I awoke to see my mother's face contorted with her own mixed emotions of both sadness and joy, with tears streaming down pale cheeks. But then looking over next to my Mother, I blinked trying to focus, and now realized my Sister was with her, but she should have been in school.

"Mother... Susan? Sue... w-what are you doing here?" I mumbled through cracked lips as the heat of overwhelming emotion brought tears pouring once again from reddened and unbelieving eyes.

"When Mother said that you had disappeared Jack... I got the first flight home."

"I... I want to apologize for your father dear," Mom's voice was barely above a whisper through her tears, "He hasn't been well lately, and... I'm just so glad you're alright."

"Please don't cry Mom, you don't have to apologize for his 'issues', I love Dad too, but... he's a bigot... I should have known better than to think he would accept me as a daughter," I sighed, as I wiped my own tears before continuing, "but I guess I just never expected him to... well... say what he did."

"He often says things Jack... sorry... Joscelyn... that he doesn't really mean, especially when he becomes so angry... they were horrible words he used."

Horrible. Yes they had been that. Burned into memory that I simply couldn't make myself forget, or ever tell another soul. For how... just exactly... do you tell someone that your father now insists you were not his offspring. That my mother had intercourse with another man, and that he only wished he'd thrown us both out after she had me. Of course, none of this made any sense, as there are many pictures of him in the hospital when I was born, standing next to my Mother looking so very proud. 

Mel and Cindy came back into my examination room now, Cindy went and sat down where she had been before, and Mel came over behind me, and began rubbing my back as she immediately saw the stress in my eyes.

"Mel, Cindy," I did my best to give some very awkward introductions, "this is my Mom and my Sister Susan. Mom, Sue... this is my girlfriend Mel, short for Melissa, and her Sister Cindy, also one of my closest friends."

"God Jack," my Sister interrupted, "what have you done to yourself?"

"What?" I replied, totally confused by her words and tone, "I'm transitioning, just as I told you I was going to... w-why?"

"Mother, now that I see him, I'm not surprised at Dad's reaction, he's... h-he's had... some kind of sex change!"

"Susan what ARE you talking about... I told you what I'd decided to do over the phone," I was totally confused by her reaction now. It was as if she didn't know what 'transition' meant. I was hurt, as I had always assumed, based on my Sister's own sexual orientation as a lesbian, and the fact that I always supported her, that she would be accepting of my need to transition to a female gender.

"You told me you were considering it, and I said you should only consider what you'll lose, have you forgotten that? So... what... you're gay Jack? That's one thing... but pretending to be a girl, that's... that's... just so sick."

I could feel Mel's hand stop and ball up on my back, Cindy was already standing, and even my own anger level surprised me considering this was my Sister, someone I cared about deeply. At this point, my Sister and I were obviously taking different paths, and I needed to make sure this ended without any catfights.

"Mel?" I said quietly in my Dom voice, "I need you to help your Sister and my Mother out to the waiting room and give me some time alone with my Sister, can you do that for me my Pet?"

As soon as she heard my voice, I could see her anger fade, and she walked over to her Sister, touched her on the arm, and Cindy flashed an angry look my way, but when she thought about the situation, her anger also faded, and they left us alone in the exam room, followed out by my Mother.

"Sue... I've always supported you, and you know if Dad knew you were a lesbian he'd probably treat you much as he did me, you must know this... don't you?"

"That's not at ALL the issue here. You are modifying your body... permanently,"

"Well, I suppose that's true, I am attempting to balance my mind with how I view myself physically... I,"

"Oh c'mon Jack!" she snapped, "That's just new age mumbo-jumbo and you know it, you're smarter than this... falling for all this garbage about balancing yourself... pfft!"

"First... its hardly mumbo-jumbo, as you call it, and this concept is supported by a majority of mental health professionals," I said slowly and concisely, "second, I can no longer mentally support pretending to have a male gender."

"Oh I'm sure," she shot back sarcastically, "it must have been SO much fun making us all feel like such fools 'pretending' to be 'Jack' right?"

"You think I was having FUN pretending to be a male all of this time?" The room was suddenly beginning to spin underneath me, "You... you really BELIEVE that? That ANY of this charade was in any way enjoyable? Sue... all I've ever felt... walking around pretending that I was a boy... has been the urge to throw-up, and believe me, that's been ANYTHING but pleasant!"

"Jack! Can you hear yourself?" she said forcefully, "you are having some kind of mental breakdown! None of this makes any sense... and I'm your Sister... I've been there, RIGHT there next to you your whole life and you never talked like this before."

"Sue... I KNOW you've watched me my whole life... and I never talked like this before because I NEVER COULD! You knew that I had started playing with Mother's clothes and shoes since I was... hell, ever since I was four years old! Because I was fascinated by them, everything she did was important to me... please tell me what sexual feelings, of ANY kind I had at age four, that could have had anything to do with my behavior! Shit... you and your friends would dress me up like Shirley Temple when I was six, and I loved it. You know this... YOU WERE THERE!"

I was absolutely shaking with rage... and screaming as loudly as I possibly could, I felt I had to for some reason, I just couldn't believe she was making up my life story to fit her own views and then making it all sound like I couldn't remember my own life for fuck's sake! Mel and Cindy stuck their heads in and I apologized for yelling.

"Look... why do you want to deny me the chance to be happy? This isn't hurting anyone, and certainly not you. So why are you so angry about this?" I asked.

"Deny you?" she yelled, "Can't you see it's what you're denying yourself, dammit! I've thought about changing my sex, because I could finally have a chance at all the things that are denied to me as a female... but my God... to go backwards... as a female you'll find things DENIED constantly, you'll never be able to have the same salary as a man, and you'll be giving all that up... voluntarily! Jeesh! Deny you?... fool. Okay look... Jack... if you want sex with men, fine... many important men in history have been secretly gay, you still would have decent opportunities... but change your sex and all of that disappears... and for what... so you can play sissy dress-up?"




A Learning Experience Ch. 09



---

This chapter is dedicated to those of our Brothers and Sisters who have left us far too soon.

Thank you for waiting so interminably long between chapters. I am afraid I allowed my enthusiasm for editing wonderful new stories by other authors get a bit out of hand. But I have taken some time off to finish my little transition Biography. I would like to lovingly thank all of you that have provided me your wonderful comments and support during this time. I wish some of our Siblings were still with us to have seen the end as well as the beginning of the story. That is my most fervent wish, as the self-inflicted death of any Transgendered person should be considered a failure on the part of this society and the people who allow it to exist in its current bigoted and pathetically alternate gender phobic state. We can and must do better!

At this point little Josie has both rescued and been rescued, and after having her family traumatize her into a nearly manic state, has come to realize... family... is just a word. Discovering that she had the power to decide who gets to wield such a powerful title in her life, giving to those who deserved her love, every last ounce she had. From now on she would not waste a drop of that energy on those bigoted fools that caused her so much havoc, instead pouring her love, her soul, and her caring on her Siblings in this strange game called "life". Josie now becomes transformed, moth to dragonfly. One more chapter remains, and little Josie can move on.

The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance. --- Nathaniel Branden (Thanks to zetjester1)

Tight pants and lipstick,
She's riding on a razor's edge.
She holds her own against the boys
Yea, cuts through the crowd just like a wedge!
It's your one way ticket to midnight, call it: Heavy Metal!
Higher than high, feelin' just right! call it: Heavy Metal!

Desperation on a red line, call it: Heavy Metal NOISE! (Heavy Metal, Sammy Hagar)

---

We had been having a wonderful night of dancing, when the good Doctor and Dolores finally decided they'd had enough. It was early yet for the 'young folks' as he called us, but 10pm was as far as he could go. So I hugged him tightly and kissed them both before they said their good nights to Cindy and Andy as well, and left us. Cindy had been talking with Doctor Goldmann for most of the night and now she explained it was to discuss how to best get me re-enrolled at the community college as a female student. But before I could even process this information she asked me the craziest question I think I've ever been asked in my life.

"How well do you think you could pull off being a slutty nanny?"

Even after just two 7&7s I nearly fell on the ground laughing.

"Oh c'mon Cindy!"

"Now, I'm serious," she gathered me up and brought me eye to eye with her, "could you role play a decently hot nanny?"

"Um, gawd... wot... you have some old geezer that wants me to put him to bed with my tits in his mouth... I mean... I dunno Cindy... sure... I guess, why not?"

"Good, follow me!"

Sisters Nightclub was at that time owned by a group pf partners, as many businesses are these days, except in this case all of the owners were women, and it was actually stipulated in the contract they all signed, that while the nightclub was in business, it had to be owned only by females. This had begun as a group of lesbians, but had grown in scope to include 'straight' Mistresses that also belonged to the Sisterhood. It had now become a preeminent site for what is known as "The Lifestyle", or the S&M, or BDSM lifestyle. To help the various Mistresses that use the club for sessions, several rooms had been constructed on the bottom floor. Each had its own 'theme' and feel, and gave the Mistress a place to call home, so to speak, to use as her own dungeon. For every Mistress needed such facilities, and once the Sisterhood became involved, these rooms became sacrosanct... the Mistress ruled here, and to defile her lair... well, this was done at one's peril.

"I've booked one of the rooms for tonight," she told me as we walked down the main stairs, "I can't remember if you've had Mary's course on Paraphilic Infantilism yet?"

"Oh yeah, you mean the baby or diaper fetishes?" I replied.

"Right, oh great, that will help... we're right over here..." she said as we came around a corner and walked into what, at first glance, appeared to be a nursery. With a few moments study it became obvious that all the furniture was larger than you might expect. Quite a bit larger actually.

"Josie... Andy is convinced you simply hate him, and I haven't been able to change his mind, its something to do with his childhood issues, and I would really appreciate it if you would help me get him past this, because its beginning to really split us apart."

"Oh no! Oh Cindy!" I exclaimed, "you know I love Andy like a brother, where did this come from, or do you know?"

"I don't think he ever got past that day he was affected by that damned Spanish Fly", she cried, "I could just shoot myself for ever giving it to him!"

I hugged her tightly and let her cry awhile, then asked what she had planned, because knowing Cindy and the good Doctor, THIS was what they were actually discussing tonight. During my first long weekend at Andy's house months ago, we had gone through an interesting night of S&M role-play that Mel and Cindy had set up for us. It turned out that Cindy put some Spanish Fly into our drinks for fun that night, but it had another effect on Andy entirely. Not only did it make Andy sleepy that whole night, it apparently also interacted with a mild anti-psychotic drug that Andy took on a regular basis for a psychological problem he had been dealing with since he was 8 years old when his mother was killed in an auto accident, leaving Andy open to his feelings of paranoia, and causing him to try and attack me in his car when he was bringing me home from the beauty salon.

We had all hoped Andy's dad could treat his problems and get him over the attack he'd suffered, and at first he seemed to recover completely. But he slowly became distant with me. Rarely interacting and then after the blow-up with Roy, we simply were friends in name only. By the time all the mess with his Dad and mine happened, things had grown very cool between us. And yet he had always had an obsession for me, so Cindy hoped maybe we could try and revive that passion tonight.

"Well, this is Andy's fetish, he loves diaper play, absolutely regresses into it," Cindy explained, "so I want you to take control of him, I'm usually his Mommy, so I'm going to pass control to you as Nanny tonight, and see if he responds... you'll probably need to be very physical, he won't be happy about you knowing at first... but I think once you show him you really do care, he'll see the light... at least that's what the Doctor is hoping... he's given me some tips, anyway... what do you think?"

"You know I'll help in any way I can honey, I owe you and Andy so very much." I said softly.

"Thanks Josie, I knew I could count on you," she seemed in control once again, smiled over at me and said, "lets get you all nannied-up!"

"Um... what about Mel?" I asked, puzzled how I would explain things to her.

"Oh! Gawd I'm so pre-occupied with my baby... well... you did promise her a punishment tonight, right? So... might be fun to be 'Nanny of the Nursery' for a night with your favorite sub VERY humiliatingly stripped, diapered and dragged off to be spanked by her nanny... hmm?"

Suddenly those images were everywhere in my head, and causing my Peter to react. "But Cindy, we've never discussed spanking or even any type of corporal punishment... how...?"

"That's okay sweetie... we have... and she has already committed to you as her Dom Josie, you know she loves you beyond anyone I've ever seen her with... you'll do fine, and I'll help you."

"Oh Cindy... you better be right about THIS!"

"I am, I am... you'll see!" she laughed, pulling open cabinets and yanking out supplies.

***

About a half an hour later, we were as ready as I thought we could be. Cindy had contacted the management to let them know we may be causing a small disturbance in the main lounge, two large bouncers, dressed in white of course, accompanied us, mostly in case a customer misunderstood, and tried to interfere, which rarely happened, as these events were quite common at Sisters. I had a couple ideas on where to start things off. But my appearance as part of his fantasy was the primary factor we hoped would get Andy 'in the mood' and out of this distant feeling he had for me.

I went pure vinyl, as in PVC plastic, for most of my 'Nanny' image. Which is not easy to pull off considering what I was about to do. However, it was by far the sexiest look I could engage in, and I wanted Andy totally knocked out and gagging for it before the night was out. My Music Club buddy was about to become my fuck buddy... in every sense of the phrase!

My costume was 1950s Nanny, and I started with translucent black, back seamed hose, and a black, six garter, garter belt, trimmed with pink bows, also needed was a black PVC gaff panty, with matching pink ribbons of course. I then added a black hobble skirt, that fell just below the knee, yet had a well thought out back slit that allowed me a goodly amount of movement for the kind of action I was expecting. My ladies were taken care of by a maidenform styled PVC push-up bra, in black and also with vibrant pink bows and trim. Topping the 'wet look' off was a translucent white PVC blouse that showed absolutely everything, but just barely, its puffed out upper sleeves giving just enough feminine flavor to match its strict lines, and finally, opera-length PVC gloves. Cindy pronounced me 'wet dream capable' and off I went to start a fight with a friend. Hopefully it would end peacefully, and extremely sexily.

As I reached the table we had been previously drinking at before Cindy and I left, I saw Mel had been keeping Andy nicely distracted. He loved to dance and so did she, but at the rate he was downing vodka martinis, his dancing was becoming much more erratic. I stood back behind another booth and watched as they returned to the table, Andy showering Mel with compliments on her dancing, it actually looked like my friend was making a play for my girlfriend! If I wasn't about to make a play for him, I might have been upset, but I took a last look at my costume and put on my best foxy smile.

Five steps in a PVC hobble skirt, brought a vision in six inch black patent leather pumps directly into view, with just about everything I was wearing glistening like times square after a rainstorm, I brought all activity anywhere near that particular table to a standstill. Shaking out my over-the-shoulder blond locks, leaning across the booth's table, supporting myself on PVC opera length gloved arms, as my ladies practically spilled onto the white tablecloth. I pursed my dark red lips and raised a black-lined brow to address my Melissa who sat stunned and seemed lost somewhere in my cornflower irises.

"You've been a very naughty little girl today... and you're going to have to be punished. Its past your bedtime little Mel... better come with your Nanny sweetie."

"J-J-Jo-Jo.... HOLY SHIT... Josie!?" I seemed to have also gotten my desired reaction from Andy.

"We were um... well, I mean... I thought we might dance one more song, you know... since its been so long and all. I just thought..." his thoughts were now starting to wander down my chest.

Now he actually got up and came around the table to me. He only stumbled once, which I kept an extremely close eye on, as I was gathering every piece of information I would need for any confrontation such as this. Standing toe to high heeled toe, we were within inches now.

"Look Josie, whatever she's done, there is NO reason to act," now he took a long look, scanning my PVC clad body carefully, "like this, anyway... if Mel doesn't want to go with you, you can't make her... punishment... jeez... that doesn't even sound like you!"

Just then Cindy walked up, also wearing a similar PVC Mommy Dearest outfit, grinning in her usual cat that got the canary style. And from behind her, the two bouncers were rolling a very large white painted crib with pink markings along the floor, one wheel making a constant squeak that could even be heard over the dance music.

I rubbed a PVC gloved hand over Andy's shoulder, smiling wistfully and staring directly into his eyes, as from just behind him, Mel was trying desperately to get his attention, shaking her head to make him step back from trying to defend her, as she knew me well. I was role playing, but I was the Mistress here, and Andy was challenging the ultimate power in this building... he was digging himself a hole, and I was providing all the shovels he could handle.

"I think maybe Andy-Pandy's a little over tired... is my baby needin' a sleepy-bye?"

I saw his annoyed reaction in such slow motion that I easily caught the right arm he planned on using to slap me with my left, and had it coiled and locked behind him so fast I heard Mel gasp at the speed of my reaction. With the stern look I now had on my face, I only needed one word for her, my Dom voice caught her mid-jump as she tried to come to Andy's rescue. I used my pointer finger with "Stop!" to freeze her in place. I now pushed Andy up against a support wall next to the little booth where Mel was an ice sculpture, mouth open and eyes searching for mercy.

"C-C-Cindy!? What's... uhhh!... whats hap-" Andy shouted, squirming in my strong grip.

"I never hated you sweetie... your Nanny loves you... and she's gonna show you... right now!"

My left knee was up between his legs, and the look in his eyes had fight left, but it was disappearing quickly as he saw Cindy again give him her most beautiful smile. I took the moment and used it to best effect, and as his mouth relaxed, I pounced. Kissing him hard, launching my tongue down his throat, easily overwhelming his own and running my PVC gloved nails up his back, feeling him arch it in response. A noticeable bulge growing over my PVC encased knee told me I was having a very positive reaction. I giggled madly now, watching him begin to understand... he was my target!

"Aw... such a naughty little boy... don't worry... Nanny's got all your pretty toys."

With my right hand I grabbed the tablecloth and cleared the table with a single yank, and with glassware flying off across the aisle and up against another support wall, I spun Andy around, kicking his only supporting leg out from underneath him. Cindy now stepped up and joined me as I laid Andy down onto the table. He tried to sit up but I easily flattened him with my left knee now keeping his back firmly attached to the table right in front of Melissa. As I pulled each piece of clothing off of him, making him ever more naked, his eyes were growing to the size of saucers.

"Shhh! Mommy's here for you sweetheart!" Cindy was cooing to as I stripped him to nothing in under a minute, then Cindy began passing me items and now it was Mel's eyes that bulged. I quickly used some baby wipes to clean him up, lifting him as Cindy slapped an adult diaper under his clean bottom, and I then sprinkled some talcum powder on his crotch, and fastened its tape strips, followed by a pair of frilly locking retaining panties to hold the diaper and keep little hands from trying to remove it. Once pulled up and locked over the diaper they weren't coming off any time soon.

White stockings were rolled up his legs next, quickly followed by black patent ballerina slippers that attached and locked around the ankle and would keep his toes pointed straight down and available for dancing, but little else. He was determined to talk again, as all overly tired children get, so Cindy passed me a pacifier that would keep the old motto 'silence is golden' true... and mandatory. Its strap slipped around his neck and merged with a blue baby bonnet that went over his head, keeping a nice little rubber dildo locked into his mouth for him to suck on. I then pulled slippery PVC mittens over each hand, hearing them lock around each wrist with a light snapping sound, making his hands both pretty and useless. Finally a blue 'boys' pinafore, that wrapped around and tied with a large bow in back, and also locked his elbows behind him to keep prying little hands at bay. Andy was now quietly sucking on his pacifier as I kissed his cheek and lifted him gently into the white crib that our two bouncers had nicely opened for me. He was quite incapable of doing much else.

The look on Mel's face was absolutely amazing, she had long ago left us and was deep into her 'sub zone' as I gave her my hand to stand up with. We helped her out of her little black dress and lingerie, with Margret and at least a few dozen onlookers watching in rapt attention as my double was diapered and put through all the same humiliation Andy had just been through, and seemed to be absolutely enjoying. Once we had her pink bonnet, mittens, and pinafore locked around that lithe beautiful body, she also seemed to regress... becoming a 19 year old baby... sexiest damned baby I'd ever seen as I lovingly picked her up and placed her in the crib with Andy, they hugged each other as best they could in their pink and blue mittens and looked about as cute and adorable as anything I'd ever seen. Cindy put her arm around me and I kissed her cheek, and hugged her back, as we slowly rolled our 'charges' down to the nursery.

Once downstairs, we bid our bouncers goodnight, brought the crib into the Nursery room and locked up for the night. First we brought the children over to the playpen for some quick stimulation before bedtime. The play pen was about four times the size of a real one, and a soft mattress on the bottom gave us a nice soft play area. Mommy Dearest and I took off out top layer of PVC, mostly just to cool off 'cause that stuff gets stinking hot, especially the layers we had on. Cindy donned Andy's favorite strap-on and gave me a little of the Spanish Fly that caused Andy such distress, but it helped my Peter feel stronger, and that's who was needed tonight. Cindy began lubing Andy's backside, and I went over to my darling Mel to see how she was doing.

"Hi sweetheart," I said happily, "I think you've had all the punishment you need, don't you?"

She nodded, and tried to say something, so I unfastened the strap of the pacifier and bonnet, and removed it, then I began massaging her back and neck. Then removed her panties and diaper. While on the other side of the playpen, Cindy was doing the same for Andy.

"Would you like your Nanny to give you your reward now sweetie?"

"Yes! Yes Nanny... please fuck your little Mel... she needs you so bad!"

"Okay... baby," I laughed, "your wish is my command."

I stroked her gorgeous labia and soft mound of pubic hair, licking it softly as she began to writhe on the soft mattress, her soft mittens surrounding my head as I began to get her off. I pulled off my gaff panty and the Spanish Fly was doing 'its thing'. My beautiful Melissa was ready for me and I brought my Peter over her dripping young pussy, laying it onto hot labia as she sucked in a deep breath, and arched her back to gain access. I smiled down and held her hips tightly, then an small thrust drove me in easily, she was incredible! Fireworks exploded behind my eyelids as I realized just how incredible she was.

Cindy had prepared Andy for his penetration and he and my Mel were now head to head, as I took Mel from one side, and Cindy was thrusting into Andy from the exact opposite corner of the playpen. Gradually our combined thrusts were pushing our partners together, with Mel being on her back, and Andy being taken doggie style. Andy's head was now right over Mel's face and they began kissing each other as Cindy and I continued our manic thrusting. After a few more minutes, it was obvious we were pushing them into a "69" position. Andy's was kissing Mel belly button and Mel was nearly able to claim Andy's rock hard cock.




A Learning Experience Ch. 09



But instead of looking to taste Mel's pussy, Andy raised his eyes to mine, and I knew what he had been looking for. But I still stopped and asked him.

"Are you sure Andy?" I asked, "I know you're bisexual, but I also know you've never done this before... are you sure honey?"

"Y-yes... God!" He exclaimed finally, "I've wanted you for so long!"

"Mel?" I asked my lovely partner, "will you be alright with taking Andy only for awhile?"

"Yes My Mistress!" Mel answered with a giggle, sliding her mouth completely over Andy's cock.

I pulled out of her and managed not to cum in the process, leaving my own rock hard rod bobbing in front of my new fuck buddy's face.

"That's it baby, you know you want it," Cindy was now counseling her boyfriend on how to do something he had only ever fantasized about, "Reach out with your tongue, just kiss it first."

I stroked his hair and gave him as much encouragement as I could. Finally he gave my cock a tentative kiss, then a few soft licks, and finally began sucking it as if he'd done it all his life. He hardly even gagged, bringing my full 7 inches all the way in for a few seconds then grabbing a breath before diving back onto his 'prize'. What I also knew was my own lovely cocksucker was taking his from underneath, and that HAD to be distracting, but on he went.

Cindy came first surprisingly, as I think watching Andy give his first blow-job got her overloaded, and watching her eyes roll back in her head made me give it up, finally grabbing Andy's head with one hand, and digitizing Mel's behind with my other, I pumped everything I had into Andy's mouth and making him also cum into Mel's pretty mouth. Cindy slumped over Andy as Mel screamed from the unexpected feeling and orgasm my fingers gave to her. Andy rolled onto his side under Cindy and I rolled over next to Melissa, becoming one big gasping, moaning, pile of orgasming humans.

Over the rest of the night, we broke apart into twos or threes and basically fucked our brains out. By the time the sun came up and light was showing through the Nursery's shuttered windows, we were all huddled together in a corner of the playpen, covered by a fuzzy pink comforter. All were sleeping comfortably and very satisfied. When we finally got up to get dressed, Andy gave me the longest hug he'd aver managed and then kissed my lips so very softly.

"I'm so sorry I haven't been there for you as I should have been Josie," he said, "but you can count on me from now on... and that's a solemn promise my sweet friend!"

"You've always been there Andy," I replied, "I owe you a lot, and I know that. But I'm glad you're still my friend, whether I'm your brother or sister, know I love you very much."

After that, my relationship with Andy changed quite a bit. He was actually always there for me and came through for me time after time. I still call him my brother 35 years later. But this night's hijinks were overwith and we packed up all the equipment and left for home, a lot more tired than we were walking into the Nightclub, that was for sure.

***

The next few days passed so very quickly it seemed. Cindy had contacted the college administration for me, and somehow convinced them to accept me as a female student, with a little help from the man I was now considering to be my Doctor once again. This was all pretty new at that time, and today probably wouldn't be considered unusual, but without having an actual 'sex change', you simply were not considered a female in many parts of the state's infrastructure. Luckily I wandered into this just as changes were happening, and the college was willing to work with me, as long as I was under the supervision of someone such as Doctor Goldmann.

So I had been accepted on my own as a student, with my tuition taken care of by my new-found family, shared between Cindy and Doctor Goldmann, with my promise that I would repay them for these 'school loans' as soon as I was able to. The following Monday would be my first day of classes, although I had to go in to check on the Music Club's business a few days earlier. It wouldn't be long before we would have to get everything ready for the first concert of the year, the Bowie concert that I'd been working so hard on. Club elections wouldn't be happening for weeks yet, so Andy and I were still in charge of things until that happened.

Things at home kept me pretty... um... busy. Mel finally had me all to herself and vice versa. We kept up a pretty vigorous sex life certainly, but on top of that, Cindy was pushing me pretty hard with sessions down as the Sister's sex club. My notoriety seemed to have faded from the incident in Mantua as Cindy expected it would, and yet I still had my 'hangers on' that wanted to stop by and talk, perhaps feel they had access to a celebrity... I really just tried to avoid them. Smitty was a constant companion, and followed me most everywhere except school, where we felt it could cause problems, and there were plenty of people around anyway. He gave me the confidence to keep up my schedule with Cindy and seeing the Doctor regularly, while he was with me I knew I was safe.

Until one Saturday morning, the last Saturday in September as it turned out, a date I would probably remember the rest of my life, but for mostly good reasons this time. I have to sigh with what I can only describe as the true innocence of that last day dear reader. For Josie... was about to grow. Her learning would expand into a new sphere of influence and information. Unknown to me, I had been under scrutiny for some time. I was being groomed for something bigger than I had ever thought possible, and it brings chills all these years later just to write about it.

Early that Saturday morning, my Melissa woke me and wanted me to have breakfast with her. Not anything terribly unusual, and I rolled out of bed and started dressing, only to be stopped after getting back from the bathroom and told she had something 'special' in mind.

Being that it was so early, and my brain was still a bit fuzzy in any case, I simply stood and let her dress me, as we had many role-playing adventures, and she never failed to please me, so I figured 'why not?' and besides... she looked gorgeous in the morning.

"Do you mind if I dress you?" she whispered sexily, as she was taking off my nightgown. She checked my state of cleanliness, taking a damp washcloth to make sure nothing was left to chance. Then took me over to our makeup table and carefully gave me a light level of day makeup, then carefully brushed out my hair. Then did the same steps with herself. Both of us were completely naked. Finally, she covered each of our bodies with black semi-transparent nylon robes. I cinched my robe's belt, and she did likewise for her's and we both went down to the living room.

On the living room cocktail table, already setup and waiting for us, were fresh pastries, fruits of several types, and their juices. In the middle of the room the end chair of the dining room table had been set on top of a small platform, looking almost like a throne. Suddenly I realized there was something major going on, and my suspicions were confirmed after I saw Cindy moving around in the kitchen. Within a few minutes, she came out and placed a few pieces of cutlery on the table and looked over at me, almost as an afterthought.

"Josie," she said quietly, "Someone well known is coming to meet with you. Listen to me carefully... you are on your best behavior. This person asked to meet with you at your earliest convenience, and since you were so sick, I put her off, but that's just not possible anymore... she's... become very interested in you. I'm not allowed to interfere. And Mel... this goes for you too... if you want your dreams realized... trust me, and keep quiet. Let Josie speak for you, and Josie only, understood?"

Mel and I simply nodded like schoolgirls, as Cindy went about the room lighting candles she had all around the room, as well as two large ones on their own stands behind the 'Dias' with the throne. A car had arrived in the driveway and since our front door was wide open, it was easy to hear. A couple doors slammed shut and into our humble living room came a purple velvet robed goddess.

She was followed closely by two female... what I could have only described as 'helpers' at that time. Clad in black kidskin leather outfits, they made sure she was happy with the room, closed our front door then walked back over to our guest, returning to her just as she sat down, they stood on either side of the small platform. She had a purple and white paper wrapped box, that she now carefully opened, popping the square top of the little package, all the way off. I couldn't see what it was, but it had made the hairs on the back of her neck stand straight up. She gradually pulled a gorgeous black butter-soft calf's-leather dog collar complete with four large 'D' rings at the cardinal points out of the box. Very slowly, she began stroking the leather around its top... staring at the catch... her mind now seemed fixated on what she wanted to do... this was a collaring ceremony.

After she had been seated, Cindy waved her fingers from behind her, indicating we should stand it seemed. Cindy removed her robe, nodding over to Mel and I as she did so, and we followed her lead, both of us dropping our robes beneath us. We were now naked. With a slight head nod from her, the attendants took down the velvet robe's hood, then they removed the robe completely, making the four us equal under the 'all seeing eye'.

Suddenly I recognized her... it was 'Sara' from the night when Mel had rescued me from that awful homeless shelter, but she seemed so beautiful, it was hard to comprehend just then. Lightly streaked auburn hair was done up in an Helena style with four long tendrils cascading past her shoulders. Bright hazel eyes shot through my soul and seemed to have been borne from some other world. About 5' 9" tall, and a willowy frame with full, pouty breasts. Large oval aureoles under nipples that were beautiful to watch become erect. Vanilla skin that could only be covering the mortal form of an angel, she was carved as from a Da Vinci sculpture, she was... perfect.

"Joscelyn?" Sara spoke in a delightful tone.

"Yes Ma'am?" I responded as best I could under the circumstances.

"I am Mistress Sara, are you better now child?"

"I am well now, thank you Mistress."

Suddenly, my half-sleeping brain was putting it together... this was Sara Price... a senior matriarch in the Sisterhood! Well known just barely covered it... she had been in the 1972 Summer Olympics when The Munich massacre occurred, an attack in Munich, West Germany on 11 members of the Israeli Olympic Team, who were taken hostage and eventually killed, along with a German police officer. A favorite to take gold medals in almost every track and field event of that year, she had been both denounced and celebrated for deciding not to take part in the games after the attack. Her international flavor and therefore her rapport with the international press was enhanced by her mother's French background, having only become American a couple years earlier... Sara's French language capability allowed her to become the darling of the 'channel jumpers' as Europeans that commuted between France and England were called, and rocketed her to stardom overnight, along with her charity work, which eventually brought recognition from English monarchy with her being a recipient of the Order of the Garter... this... was a REAL Lady.

But... why would she want anything to do with me? I was sure a great amount of time had elapsed and yet I could only continue to stare into those beautiful hazel eyes until I realized how much I looked like a deer caught in headlights! I then jumped from where I stood, falling face first to the hard platform below, assuming the only position worthy of this level of Mistress... complete and utter sublimation.

"Forgive me Lady Price!" I exclaimed, hoping my belated recognition of who she was, and what she represented, would be forgiven.

"She is beautifully trained, Mistress Cindy," Sara replied loudly, but then faded towards the end. To a point where I could just barely hear her, "and reacts so graciously. She... has all the features that were foretold, this I have seen in many ways... and yet... born a man..."

Now she stood, walking up next to me, as I could then feel her kneel down close to me. She touched my chin, bidding me to look up at her.

"And so now I must know my dear," she whispered, "are you still wishing to be Jack?"

I looked down for a minute, and then very slowly raised my eyes, looking at her through my long lashes with the obvious answer to that question.

"Not any longer," I whispered.

Now once again all of my fears became focused within a newborn tear forming on my right eyelid, as I imagined she would reject me for being a transsexual. But then feeling the cool leather of the collar being wrapped around my neck, my mouth opened, my eyes expanded until they must have seemed to bug out of my head, and then... only tears.

"Oh Mistress... thank you!"I cried, just as Sara snapped the collar shut around my neck.

"Perhaps not my easiest selection, but I believe you will be the loveliest of my Pets!" Sara whispered to me, then gradually spoke louder, "Mistress Cindy has been keeping me informed, and I have been very happy to learn of the successful progression of your studies as a Novice in our order."

Now into this curious moment stepped my girlfriend Melissa. A sideways glance from Cindy was all that was needed, especially after seeing where I was. She landed immediately to my right and just a barely perceptible 1 inch further away perhaps. However the positions taken were exact duplicates, and extremely symbolic. By using the same prone position, just a small amount behind me, Melissa was letting our new Mistress know she wished me to be her Mistress during my Novice training.

"I do so hope that you find everything in order Mistress Sara," Cindy said, "my Sister Melissa has been patiently awaiting Joscelyn's recognition as a Novice by the order."

"I should apologize to you my dear, for agreeing with the quorum and insisting on taking over Josie's training," Sara explained to Cindy, "as I know that must have been a hard decision for you to accept. However, I have heard too much about this young Novice to simply brush away the opportunity to see her abilities for myself and give her my best efforts in helping her 'Noviciat Maîtresse' process. In other words my dear sister, and to humbly say the words for you, 'you were right', and I must say in this case... seeing is very much believing!"

"Now... please girls!" Sara clapped her beautiful hands and was now speaking to Mel and I, "That's enough, we don't want to have someone walk in and think we're all back in the middle ages, oui?"

Mel and I gradually rose to a seated position, then both of us finally used a ballet all-in-one standing movement, we rose to meet her request, but continued keeping our eyes glued to the floor. 

"Maîtresse Joscelyn? You are hereby recognized as Mistress within our order, with a temporary status of Novice, to be reviewed by the quorum every 6 months," Sara declared, then asked in a plaintive voice, "I believe your supplicant has made her wishes known, I give permission to make your selection now! Un si beau jeune amant, vous ne souhaitez pas garder son attente?"

She had decided to exercise our French a bit, observing that with so beautiful a young lover, I wouldn't want to keep her waiting. Apparently my knowledge of French had influenced her selection of me as a Novice as well.

"Bien sûr pas, ma Maîtresse" I replied, saying of course not, and returning her smile as well.

Only now was I allowed to return to staring into those beautiful hazel eyes again, but I also knew Mel's powder-blue orbs would be waiting for me to select her as she had longed for me as her Mistress ever since we had first met.

I turned to Cindy and now found a matching purple and white paper wrapped box that matched the one the Matriarch had opened for me. A matching collar was waiting and I reached behind Mel's beautiful tresses to place her collar and select her as mine. I leaned down to look into those beautiful blue eyes that I'd fallen in love with months ago and after locking her collar, I recited the ancient vows of dominion...

"I do hereby commit to oversee the sexual needs of this subordinate, and will take responsibility for providing that support and guidance, from this point in their lives into the future. As seed needs wind, spring needs summer, or forest needs fire... they are by nature my domain, and my soul will always seek them out."

I then kissed her full on the lips and together presented us to Sara. She noticed the resemblance between us and asked if there was any family tie, but I explained how the situation had come about and she was satisfied with that. I explained a little about the upcoming Bowie concert and how we were going to try and create a 'Cosplay' from within the concert itself, even allowing the audience to participate, and she seemed to have already known about my interest in such performance art. In fact, she knew pretty much everything about me... and I mean... everything.

Smitty now walked in, which made me blush just a bit. But he smiled and nodded and went into the kitchen as Sara had us re-robe ourselves, as well as herself. It was then she really dropped a huge piece of information on me, Smitty had been working so hard to teach me advanced defensive and offensive tactics by Sara's orders... that was why he had me doing all of those CQDs (close quarter drills) and everything else! Sara had begun grooming me even before I 'disappeared' into the city. I was initially upset as I wondered if I would have left if I had known she was going to take over my training, but Mel calmed me as usual, saying no one really knows what pain can force us to do, especially the kind of emotional pain I had just been through.

After we finished our breakfast, Sara was staring at me, stirring some cream into her coffee.

"My dear, as stunning as you two look just as you are, I can't imagine how incredible you'll look in costume" Sara gushed to us, "but neither of you have tried on your latest costumes yet, correct?"

"No Mistress Sara... we actually haven't had any chance to yet," I replied.

"You know," she said walking over to us and gently placing a hand on each of our shoulders, "I'm absolutely fascinated by these Costume Plays or Cosplays as they have begun to be called. Do you think you could try them on and then give a little role-play at my club tomorrow night? I'm sure you two soul-bound lovers would be perfect for the part!"

"Your 'Club' Mistress?" I asked not really knowing what that was.

"Oh, of course, what am I thinking... you wouldn't know about that... The Main Line Adult Supper Club is my little place over in Bryn Mawr... it's a fairly high-end sex club that caters to those with more exotic tastes in theater... and... other types of entertainment."

"What would you need us to do?"

"Well, what I was looking for... HOPING for," Sara said with her infectious laugh, "was to show off the two of you in all your 'Infinite' finery, but also... " now she gently encircled our waists with her arms and began walking us out to the kitchen with Cindy. The level of excitement she produced had me instantly fascinated, and I knew I would try to learn as much as I could from my new mistress!

***

This is as good a time as any to explain my beginnings as a 'Pro Dom'. If you are not familiar with this term, you shouldn't really be too concerned. Few have ever met one and unless she's working, it's unlikely she would ever reveal what she does for a living, there's just too much risk involved. Too many questions asked, too many odd comments , just too bloody much of everything. For our story, I'll limit the background information to the female Dom, or Dominatrix. The male side has no matching organization I'm aware of, and are usually much smaller groups or 'Rogues'.




A Learning Experience Ch. 09



A 'Pro Dom', as the name infers, is employed as a Professional Dominatrix. Who employs her or even who she has been hired to service, are usually closely guarded pieces of information. The biggest, and usually first, mistake made as to their profession, is that they are the same thing as a prostitute or escort. While they are involved with sexual activities that are performed for a fee, how this is done makes them very different from any other sex workers in the world today. They were the first, and certainly oldest unionized group of workers in the history of the world. It is an extremely close, and guarded group that, as secret societies go, make others like the Freemasons seem like a open country club by comparison. The standards they are expected to maintain have been compiled and perfected from the earliest beginnings of human civilization, with their earliest known writings going back to the dawn of Mesopotamia, hundreds of years before the pyramids were even begun. Normal or Hetero, Anal and Oral sexual acts that have been understood completely, practiced religiously, and updated to the whims of a sex-crazed society constantly.

For the most part (there are always exceptions) a 'Pro Dom' is selected so carefully that most woman being considered to join such an organization, and in the end don't measure up, never even knew they'd been under consideration in the first place. Once its decided they DO measure up, they are carefully evaluated, with their physical and mental capabilities pushed as far as possible. After this preliminary evaluation comes months of grueling training in every known type of sexual act and fetish known to society, and not just what the Doms enjoy, but types most people would lose their lunch thinking about. Beyond extensive sexual knowledge, they must have basic medical knowledge, including first aid, and preliminary self-defense training for clients needing protection while using their services .

The group I stumbled into, and later became a member of, has been in existence since the country was founded. Like an ancient plant that had burrowed its roots deeply into the soil, it was connected with every 'respected' level of society on the eastern coast of the U.S. and certainly many levels deeper that were not so respected. Somehow, my friend and first Mistress Cindy, was rescued from her drug-fueled early life on the streets of Center City Philadelphia by a man that recognized her unique abilities and, despite her cursory involvement with drugs, strong character. From what I understood, he was an undercover police officer that took her to a detox clinic, paid for her treatment, and then turned her over to local 'Pro Dom' that was a member of the Sisterhood. I never was able to get her to reveal who her first Mistress was, Mel only told me much later, that she was a Transsexual, and had been the first ever allowed to have full Mistress status in the Sisterhood. It told me a great deal, as to why Cindy always treated me as kindly as she did. But once again, something must have occurred to cause her expulsion from the Sisterhood, and with a Transsexual, those possible causes become sadly obvious. Whatever the reason, as hard as I've tried to discover who she was, all evidence of her existence in the Sisterhood has vanished.

Cindy had her own issues of course (don't we all), and had a dark side that her subs craved, but because of her fondness for me, I was spared when it came time for my instructional sessions. She had gone to see Andy's father, Dr. Goldmann professionally, and was months into her anger management therapy when she met and fell in love with his son Andy, just after our Christmas break in 1975. That was when she decided to go to college with her half-sister, who later became my girlfriend Melissa in March of that year.

Once Cindy met me, and Mel expressed her desire for me to become her Mistress (I was completely unaware of her fantasy being dominated by a pre-op transsexual at that time), Cindy began promoting me to the controlling council of the Sisterhood, the Matriarchs, so I might be considered for joining. But as I was the first Novice she had promoted to the Matriarchs, there were problems that arose, as members of such organizations are sometimes subjected to the bureaucracy inherent in this type of large organization. However after a couple of the Matriarchs had observed me incognito, both in my male and female personas, the go ahead was given to allow me Novice status in the Sisterhood... on one condition. Because of my 'special circumstances' my training would be given to a senior Mistress, one of the current council of Matriarchs. This hurt Cindy terribly, however because of her belief in my abilities and the love of her sister for me, she was willing to endure any slight, as long as I was given the training to try and become a Mistress.

This was the history that brings us here Gentle Reader, and to the collaring ceremony you were just a witness to. Yes, you were a witness, for it all happened exactly as I just wrote it. Sara Jane Price became my Mistress, and remained so for over eleven years. It is common for the Mistress of a Novice Mistress to release them upon their full acceptance into the order. I remained the exclusive Pet of my Mistress for those years... but that... as they say... is an entirely different story.

***

Meanwhile, I had so many other things going on in my very busy life that I was never really aware of most of the political haggles Cindy was fighting against. For instance, the Ziggy Stardust concert would be arriving soon. Thus heralding the coming of Queenie, the Infinite White Fox. Everyone was looking forward to the Bowie concert and it would definitely be the year's highlight concert for our school. But I had so many more things to deal with in my life than most people might even consider for an 19-year-old responsible for the production of a college-level rock concert. Changing my sex was one huge road bump that I'm sure they couldn't even imagine dealing with, yet I was forced to deal with it every minute of every day. This brought about the discovery of many things that had been such puzzles for me while male, and now not only seem possible as a female, but just plain fun.

Allow me to begin with... giggling... let's start with that one little piece of love and life. I'd always loved to giggle, but I had to be so careful while a boy. But once a girl, this became so much more than a minimal laugh, I giggled as a pretext for anything that needed a fun start. And so, bursting into the Music Club offices with bags and boxes in tow, dressed to the absolute nines, I was giggling my head off! It had been several months since my abduction and rape, and I was spending large amounts of time training with Cindy on rules and specifics for "The Sisterhood", along with its very physical skill-based tasks at night, all the while hitting the text books to get me through my various college courses during the day. In the meantime, several months of HRT, or hormone replacement therapy, was making amazing changes to my skin and overall physical appearance, otherwise known as 'feminine curves'.

And while my Doctor and I had agreed that we would discuss how I was dressing as a female soon, I continued to push my boundaries somewhat, starting with what I'd decided to wear today. A black and white floral print wrap dress with a keyhole top showing just everything that I knew most straight college-aged males and even many bisexual females loved to see, black fishnets connected to a black lace garter belt, finished off with 5" heeled strappy black patent sandals. Okay, so it wasn't something most males would wear to school... probably not even something most females would pick first thing out of their closets... but I absolutely craved femininity at this point. Looking back now, after so many years of dressing as a woman, I wouldn't have picked this ensemble either. Whether this was caused by the HRT influence, the newness of dressing feminine, or just horniness, I can't really say, but it certainly made me feel good that day.

That evening at Sara's business office, time was flying by. It was now nearly 7:30 in the evening. I was beginning to understand that whenever my new Mistress said something would be 'simple', I would have to remember to multiply the time she said it would take by about four! After hours of dressing, then re-dressing that afternoon, Mel and I were subjected to voice coaching and an 'animal' psychologist's interpretation of how 'animals' like Mel and I would walk, communicate... everything ...yes, everything!

Sara's advertising group for her local businesses had been busy themselves. They had ads running in every local paper, and were even going to have live coverage, for anyone willing to re-transmit this type of media (X-rated). They had all the facts surrounding these other worldly visitors as created by Bowie for his latest creation, Ziggy Stardust. A full Cosplay background story was given in a color brochure...

...It is five years before the end of the earth and it will end because of a lack of natural resources. Ziggy is in a position where all the kids have access to things that they thought they wanted. The older people have lost all touch with reality and the kids are left on their own to plunder anything & everything that they want! Ziggy was in a rock-and-roll band, but the kids no longer wanted rock-and-roll, since there's no electricity to play it. Ziggy's adviser tells him to collect news and sing it, 'cause there is no news. So Ziggy does this and then he finds terrible news. The end is coming when the Infinites arrive, Ziggy is advised in a dream by the Infinites to write the coming of a starman, which is the first news of hope that the people have heard. So they latch onto it immediately! The starmen that he is talking about are called the Infinites, and they are black-hole jumpers. Ziggy has been talking about these amazing spacemen who will be coming down to save the earth. They arrive somewhere in Greenwich Village. They don't have a care in the world and are of no possible use to us. They just happened to stumble into our universe by black hole jumping. Their whole life is traveling from universe to universe. The Infinites look to Queenie as their leader most of the time, and most Infinites end up with 'doubles' due to the constant black-hole jumping. Queenie's double is named Xandrax, and all doubles have a single name. Now Ziggy starts to believe in all this himself and thinks of himself as a prophet of the future starmen. He takes himself up to incredible spiritual heights and is kept alive by his disciples. When the Infinites arrive, they take bits of Ziggy to make them real because in their original state they are anti-matter and cannot exist in our world. They tear him to pieces and as soon as Ziggy dies, each of the Infinites takes some of Ziggy's elements in order to make them visible.

And at the bottom of this colorful flier was this addition: by special arrangement... Queenie and her double, the equally beautiful Xandrax, have consented to appear at the Main Line Adult Supper Club (Sara's restaurant and club) for one night only.

Mel and I were finally okayed to go, and got "break a leg" from everyone involved in our 'transformation' from Humans to Infinites. The costume was warm, but the fur was layered to keep it as cool as possible. The fur suits themselves were almost pure white, with some mottling of tan and black across the back of the body and head making us seem to resemble a tiger more than a fox. Especially after the red "headpiece" was decided against in favor of our own waist-length light-blond hair. Interspersed were small layers, or streaks of pink colored hair. But we did have the soft facial prosthesis that made us look very much non-human and so very Fox-like indeed!

The rest of the costume was nothing more than a white body stocking, covering our various 'privates'. Because this was an adult club, my private parts were on display under a small micro-skirt. And both of our mammaries had no other visible means of support, as the advertisement goes. From here, we would have to 'sell' the image of the Infinites with our acting. It was my job to use my male vocal chords to produce rumblings and roars, any transgender MtF going through transition can tell you, all your male vocal power is still there, and it takes a lot of work to repress it. Except in this case, I would use it to scare the living crap out of anyone that got too close. Mel would use her naturally higher range to give special effects, but the tiger roar would be all my own, and appropriate, given the final act that Sara had in mind for us.

Our only wisps of clothing were a small silver vest and our skirt. The Fox-like ears had special inserts for earrings and we both had two or three per ear. Sara had managed to get a couple pairs of albino contact lenses that helped with our animalistic appearance. We also had two bodyguards that were to follow along and appear to be there for the audience's protection, more than ours. The high-heeled paws seemed to work well, allowing an almost sneaker-like feel most of the time. For some reason the shoes came in two boxes, but it would not become obvious as to exactly why, until just after we had both finished dressing. The suit's full length gloves were finished off with 2 inch claws that were firm enough I could make someone really believe they were about to be gutted if necessary. We didn't really want people scared, more fascinated than anything, but certainly, we wanted them to be unsure of what this stunt was all about, keeping that uncertainty level would be our job as actors of course.

As I was gathering my personal effects in a bag, Andy came up to me and wished me luck. He gently touched my shoulder and I let him kiss me for luck. Then he asked, "Oh, hey... how does that 'shoe-drop' device I asked for work?"

I looked at him as if he'd just spoken another language, perhumps even Martian, but whatever it was, it was way beyond my max'd out brain. "The shoe-drip... huh? What are you talking about dude?"

"At the shop where you picked up the shoes," Andy was talking quickly now, "y'know... my cousin Sammie... the one who works at TSI... Theatrical Specialties Inc... he built those shoes special for us."

"Ya babe... He did the shoes... what else are ya talking about?" I questioned again.

"You mean he didn't say anyth... oh shit!" I once again saw we would need to shift gears to really understand whatever these newest capabilities were.

"Ok, what did he call it again?" I was asking, "A Shoe-drop?"

Looking desperately at his watch, Andy said, "They're gone now... shop's closed... Yes Josie, Sam said he'd put a special pyrotechnical release mechanism in the platform section that lets you drop a flash-bang device as you're walking."

"Wait... I remember seeing..." I muttered and jumped over to the garbage can, and yanked out a small black box, "yeah, this was in the shoebox as well..."

The black box contained several black cylinders that were linked in an almost gun-magazine-like configuration. I leaned onto one of the dressing stools, and opened the straps of my right-hand shoe. Looking at the bottom of the shoe, it's platform had been modified to accept the tiny flash-bang magazines. Inserting the magazine was easy enough, and I saw the trigger right away, a hard kick down on the heel would drop one of the flash-bangs with a zero to 50-second fuse that had to be set with a screwdriver at its very top.

Within a few minutes, after setting all the devices to a 2-second delay, we were ready for a test run. "3... 2... 1... firing!" I yelled, not totally able to guess what kind of 'bang' to expect! Sure enough, a pretty large 'boom' resulted in everyone in the Music Club ducking under any desks close-to-hand! Along with the noise, you were disoriented by its huge white flash and smoke. Certainly enough to allow one or two people to disappear after igniting one.

"Jeeez Andy!" I screamed and laughed, "Man is THIS gonna be fun... what made you think of it!?"

"Well, I thought you may need an out, if people turn into a mob, ya know?" he asked.

"Mmm, yep, I think I know JUST what you mean, and this should do the trick!"

Mel had run over and was now tightly holding onto me like she used to, and a number of the techs were gathering around waiting for explanations. I whispered into her foxy ears that we were about to leave, and that Andy would deal with explanations. I then stomped my heel into the wood floor, waited for the two-second delay and Mel and I disappeared into the white smoke, then quickly picked up Mel's personal stuff and walked out into the muggy summer night air. Waiting for us was a black stretch limo that was used by Sara for her daily commute. Parked directly behind the limo were a local TV News van, and a couple of cars. From the back of the limo, Sara popped out and motioned for us to get in quickly. The limo's air conditioning was a welcome relief.

"Sorry Mistress," I was panting, "Andy was explaining some last-minute safety issues with my equipment!"

"Amazing..." Sara was staring at me and shaking her head... she then leaned over next to Cindy and whispered as if she found it all too incredible, "so beautiful... and yet... born male?"

"Well Josie my darling," she was explaining tonight's role-play, "You're 'equipment' is just out of this world, and shortly you are going to blow more minds than you could possibly imagine... Gregory? Would you open the limo's moon roof please?"

The limo driver opened up the moon roof as far as it would go, and after a little while, it was obvious that there were spotlights moving their brilliant beams across the typically clear, but hot and humid Philadelphia summer sky. As we got closer, the beams became localized, then...

"Ok girls! Do your best, and we'll be right behind you, " Sara was saying, "Now don't worry, and just concentrate on getting into the building, then your bodyguards will guide you from there."

I gave Mel a passionate kiss to try to calm us both, and just then, we began to hear a gradually increasing noise that sounded very much like an angry beehive. Actually, turns out that's what a large crowd of excited people sounds like from inside a limousine. The blacked out windows kept us from being seen, but the stunning part was looking out onto ALL of these people waiting to get a glimpse of something that was a complete fantasy. If I had to guess, I would say no less than three thousand people were crushed together on the sidewalks of that supperclub. Cameras at the ready, hoping against hope to get something they might show friends around the water cooler tomorrow, and now suddenly I knew it was going to take a lot to get us through this mob and into the building without anyone being hurt, I felt terrified...

"Take care of Melissa!" I yelled to the bodyguards, "Get her inside... I'll provide a diversion, but I don't want ANYONE trying to come back out into this mess... not for me... not for anyone... got that?"

My male voice was working just fine, shouting commands to everyone in that last minute before I left the limo and tried to get us inside. It must have looked pretty crazy to see this woman in a Fox costume shouting and cursing to those huge bodyguards as to what needed to be done in a very male voice. Both bodyguards nodded in agreement as they were way over-matched trying to control this big of a crowd, at least until they were inside and had the supperclub's bouncers to provide backup. Sara and Cindy were now looking very concerned, and both immediately wanted to simply drive off, away from the crowd, and cancel the whole affair. Not a bad idea really, just a little late, with any number of cars now blocking us in... so for their part, they asked the TV crew to do the interview inside the Supperclub, and all other personnel would be trying to get inside the building before ANY thing with Josie or Melissa commenced.




A Learning Experience Ch. 10



--- Changes. Less than a year of time has flown by... and yet it seemed to stream back a millennium. How exactly do you describe such changes as those I had experienced? The answer of course, is you can't... to my gentle readers, who have been pulled along by my words, thank you for sharing what I learned, what I felt... what I lived. But I had changed... and so thoroughly as to make Jack into a ghost. Because if I have managed to show anything by writing this, I pray it is the fact that a transsexual only really changes on the outside. The little girl that was born and given the male name 'Jack' was deeply harmed by the fight she had to make to push the male personae aside she had been forced to build against her will. Let alone the fight to make her body accurately reflect her feminine gender.

This was a very early period for Josie, she learned how to survive one day at a time with the help of a rare few heroes and heroines. Why they helped her, and when, and for what reason... these were many and varied. For sexual reasons? Of course, its why so many transsexuals have 'issues' with what others view as either basic sexual orientation, or sexual fetishes. Its why so many are drawn to the street, to surviving on our sexual abilities and allure. Because others made it seem like it was a defining characteristic... instead of a simple genetic mistake. But really we almost have to react in a desperate way to 'catch up' with our genetic sisters... remember... I had no female childhood... such a waste of time was all of that pretending.

One last chapter to explore here. Josie knows who she is, now she must prove herself as the person she believes herself to be. She will have to face unbelievable opposition to her origins as more people grow jealous of her abilities, they will use any embarrassing background against her, so she will always have to be careful who she tells her most confidential secret to. She will learn to keep her Doctors as far from her as possible, as a relative or spouse working in a medical office could give her away as easily as anyone. Many trials are on her horizons, her SRS, additional minor plastic surgeries to approach the perfection as a female we always saw in our mirrors. Mostly a long and painful road... gentle reader... I do thank you for sharing the ride, many have helped me write this, and to you all... Cheers!

For My Melissa:

Troubled times... Caught between confusion and pain, pain, pain. Distant eyes... Promises we made were in vain, in vain, in vain.

If you must go, I wish you love, You'll never walk alone, take care, my love, Miss you, love.

Someday love will find you, Break those chains that bind you, One night will remind you, How we touched and went our separate ways. (Separate Ways - Journey) ---

I awoke two days before the Bowie concert at our college with a screaming headache, brought about by my newest love, good champagne! Many things had gone to my head lately and that was only one of the minor problems I faced. Happily, Mel was not at all a problem and had remained the stalwart friend and lover she had always been.

But things had changed radically for me in the last few days after becoming a full Mistress in the Sisterhood. My parents tried any and all options to entice me to return to male form. Many school and monetary options were 'dangled' in front of me to lure me away from becoming female, along with any threats they thought might be worth throwing out there for effect.

Perhaps this is a good time to write a little about how I had been treated over the years by my parents, after they recognized I was simply NOT going to behave like my brother or most other young men my age. My only sister had always had leanings toward becoming a lesbian, but my parents dodged this issue by always saying she was just 'a tomboy'. She hated playing with dolls, dresses, or makeup, causing many fights and terrible discord with my mother. On the other hand, I was told to watch John Wayne movies to try and learn how to act like a male, and they constantly bought me army men, army uniforms, and plastic guns. When I found male friends to play with, they enjoyed trashing or stealing my toys, while pushing me around as only boys of that age do. So I typically became friends with neighboring girls that were somewhat tomboys, and that would stick up for me to these boys. Why they did this was complicated, but had a lot to do with my willingness to pay more attention to them than any of the 'regular' boys were willing to do at that time.

As with my toys, my sister had been generously given the finest dolls, dollhouses, and even tea sets and hostess dresses. And they went into the same corner of her room that all the feminine toys would end up in. As she grew up and went to high school, being 5 years older than I am, she rarely even gave her old toys any interest. And I would sneak in and play with them whenever I could. This crazy reversed set of interests went on for our entire early years, and we both knew of the others wants in this regard, poking fun at them from time to time. She would invite her junior high friends over and they would giggle with each other, endlessly dressing me in makeup, petticoats, and dresses, then having me serve them 'tea'. Sis never let it get out of hand, she knew how much I enjoyed it and would tease me too, but was always my protector. In return, when I needed to go clothes shopping for myself, I always had her come with me, so she could buy some male clothes for herself if she wanted and always had the last word on which clothes I bought. This was fine by me, as even the thought of buying male clothes could cause me to feel ill sometimes.

We both wished our mother would recognize the writing on the wall, and leave her to be as butch as she wanted to be, and then raise me as a little girl, who was absolutely thrilled with playing with makeup, dresses and anything feminine and frilly. Instead, we were each forced into our gender boxes, and I can't help but wonder at the enjoyment she gave up for that rigid belief that we had to be raised as our physical bodies dictated, it had to have been hard whenever she finally realized what she had sacrificed just to make our genders match society's norms. In the meantime, my sister and I got more and more screwed up with life, at least I know I did. I never was able to adapt mentally, even though I was able to hide my feminine side to a much better extent than my sister could hide her masculine side. Many times we have wondered what our mother's doctor had used as an estrogen enhancer to help with our conception, our issues seem like too much of a coincidence.

I always worked very hard, at whatever I put my mind to, but after working so hard to achieve a paycheck, after putting in long hours performing backbreaking tasks, I would typically blow the money on trivial items, or give it away to friends or even strangers. Dr. Goldmann said this had to do with the deep psychological issues I had with my own self worth, and the degradation I felt hiding my true gender. In any case, because I was now living with Mel, my "spending ways" had to be curtailed and I let Mel handle most of the finances for us, and she gave me an allowance for various things. I trusted Mel with my life, and she'd never proven me wrong.

Sometimes she would let me order our favorite champagne when we were at the supperclub, like last night, but we were now living together and we tried to stay as frugal as possible. We were two schoolgirls after all! Last Monday we had moved into a small, but very pleasant two-bedroom apartment a few blocks from the supperclub, well within reach of Cindy's house and the college, as well as Andy and his father.

But it was far from my parent's home and old friends, which suited my current status in life, I was a female now, and wanted to steer clear of anything or anyone that might possibly have any ability to drag me back. Mel brought much of our furniture from her parent's house to keep costs down, but we also bought a few small pieces to finish it.

I bought a 'new' used car, a red and white 1961 Chevy Boat-tail Corvette Convertible with fuel injected motor, fast cars would always be a part of my life, whether male or female, that had turned into a very real fascination for me. But I mostly kept it in the garage, continuing to commute in my Chrysler 300 that my father had given me when I'd turned 15. Well, he kind of 'had' to, after challenging me to find out what was wrong with it, I completely tore down the motor and laid out all the pieces on the front yard! It took me several weeks to get it working again, it was the first and last time he ever said he was proud of me before learning of my sex change. Anyway, it turned out to be a very dependable and extremely comfortable car, with all the luxury bells whistles, it had a very special engine, the reason it took so long to re-build, that was created as a NASCAR pace car in the sixties. The massive two and a half ton chromed monster had more horsepower than anyone would ever really need.

After a light breakfast and some serious sex, Mel and I got ourselves together and piled into the old Chrysler for our commute to school. It was a cool morning that first Wednesday in October, and I had a million things on my pounding brain, and Mel, while trying to understand everything, wasn't helping at that moment.

"But why is he calling it the 'diamond dogs' tour," She was saying, "When the contract says it's supposed to be a 'ziggy stardust' tour?"

"Probably why he's firing his manager at the moment," I patiently replied, "and also how I got the contract that I did. From what I understood while talking to one of his lawyers, he's become smitten with the whole Philly 'vibe' and he's looking for a house, a studio to do his recordings, backup musicians... everything."

"So now he wants to back out of the whole concert with us?" Mel exclaimed, "I mean, after everything we've done to get this thing ready... pfft!"

I understood her frustration, my mind was trying to break through the terrible fog that had been created by the champagne, when suddenly it began to clear completely.

"Baby! You really gotta patent your hangover fix," I said as I kissed her on those luscious lips, "it just blew my hangover away, like it never happened!"

"Hah! Its only aspirin and tomato juice," she laughed, "and everybody knows about it except you my darling... but thanks for the kiss!"

Now that I could think again, traffic was at a standstill and I began looking at my watch, as well as options for this morning's meeting with Bowie's representatives. They would insist on finding a way to back out of the concert, as Bowie no longer had any interest in continuing the 'Ziggy Stardust' tour.

There was nothing wrong with his wanting to move on with his newer songs, the Diamond Dogs album was a huge success with 'Rebel Rebel'. He really wanted to stop the touring and get back into the studio, which I understood completely. He probably had at least half a dozen new hits ready to be laid down on tape, and here he was plodding through something he had done a hundred times before. I had to come up with some reasoning that would turn his head, and make it... different... for him, and most especially, the audience this time.

Gradually the traffic cleared as well as my head, and I found myself gliding the big Chrysler into the school's main parking lot. I asked Mel to take notes for me in our advanced accounting class, while I got ready for our meeting with the attorneys. I grabbed my book bag, kissed Mel just as hard as I could, and we split up. My 5" heels clicking along the wet sidewalk was all I heard, until...

"Hey beautiful!" Andy called out to me, "What's up?"

"Hi hun," I replied quickly, "you called Nancy right? This meeting will be over before it starts if..."

"Of course!" He said, "She's been given all the specifics, no problemo! Now... just what are you going to tell these Hollywood shysters to make 'em back down?"

"Are you kidding?" I leaned my head onto his shoulder and laughed, "I'm making this up as I go!"

Andy threw a comforting arm across my shoulders as we both shared a long laugh together knowing we would need to come up with a miracle to save this mess. Nancy was Nancy Callaghan, the teacher/adviser for the Music Club and had to be involved to sign-off on all of our negotiations at some point. As we got up to the Music Club office, I saw a pile of pink notes on my desk. Someone was busy this morning trying to get hold of me. Luckily, they were mostly FYI messages from my Mistress, letting me know they had put together a set of the best photos their production people shot during the show last Saturday at the supperclub. Also, that a courier would be arriving any minute to deliver them to me personally, so she said I better get my butt in gear and arrive soon, or he'd miss me, that sounded like Sara!

"Miss Josie?" Barb, the latest office temp we had brought on was wanting me, "There's a messenger out here looking for you!"

I ran out to the front office to sign for the packet of promotional pictures that had been taken the night Queenie had made her first appearance, grabbed the envelope he was carrying and went back to my office to spread them out over my desk. The one of me getting out of the big back door of Sara's limo was, without doubt, the best one.

It was 8:45am and our meeting was at 10. Somehow, between now and then, I had to come up with a strong enough concept of using the costumed characters we had toyed with last week to form a full cast to back Bowie up onstage. We would need to increase the number of players wearing Infinites' costumes. Create the characters and further, build a costume for each one. Something along the lines of creating a costume play like Cats, all within the next 24 hours... simple!

I had Barb run out to a local drugstore to buy all the Ladies and Entertainment magazines she could find. Then, with a good pair of scissors and a glue stick, I literally cut and pasted together Bowie's new backing cast of 'Infinites' characters. Starting with Queenie of course and her double, I had now added no less than 14 other fully costumed characters!

It took me longer than I'd hoped, so I had to let the meeting start without me, leaving Andy in the lurch trying to argue our points without any backing. The attorneys had been well briefed on what they needed to accomplish by the end of the meeting and were already pushing cancellation releases under Nancy's nose, trying for a quick signature and finish, so they could get back on a jet plane to LA and forget about this crummy little college in the middle of nowhere.

Melissa and I strode in looking cool and confident. She gathered up their black and white copies of releases and handed them back to them as I handed out my colorful portfolio of what we proposed. What the attorneys never figured on was an attack from the creative side, and not from any legal angle. I knew that at least one of Bowie's Design Coordinators would be present, they always send one to handle any questions about design changes that were needed. Well, we just turned it around and forced them to okay OUR design revisions!

You would have thought I'd just given each of them wedgies the way they howled at my 'ignorance' and 'complete lack' of negotiating ability as a 'woman'. They didn't have a clue that they were technically only wrong about one point! Nevertheless, their Design Coordinator took my ideas and looked at them thoughtfully, smiled at his companions (who he probably hated worse than I did) and told everyone that he would pass the concept art on to his boss and would have an answer for us in an hour or so. As our meeting broke up for lunch, as well as to allow them to decide on our ideas, I saw their Design Coordinator lean over to one of the attorneys and point to the picture of myself in the 'Queenie' costume. He then nodded across the table towards Mel and I. The attorney gave a double, then triple take, after which he simply stared at us with his mouth open as we walked outside.

There was no way to know if this person's 'boss' would really risk asking Bowie to consider playing Ziggy one more time, with some of his 'Infinites' on stage with him, or not. Sara had told me that some of our interview for the local news report made it onto ABC's global feed. Could be he'd already seen me... and either loved what he saw... or hated it. No doubt, we would be getting our answer after lunch, and that, as they say, would be that.

We all tried to keep a positive attitude throughout lunch. Nancy was especially kind, buying our lunch and telling us how impressed she was at our response to them trying to cancel such an important show at the last moment. Andy and I explained some of what we knew was driving their concert promoters, and why Bowie was looking to cancel. Then I quietly told her that Mel and I had been the ones inside the two 'Queenie' costumes that I had proposed for them. Nancy was one of only two college staff members aware of my sex transition, and her reaction to this was priceless.

"B-But..." Nancy stammered, "You mean... that can't be you... I was sure that was just another picture of some magazine model you'd cut... out... OH MY!"

We all laughed for a while, and then walked back to our offices to wait for their Design folks to make up their minds. As we made it through the doorway of the Arts building, the Design Coordinator from the meeting was waiting on one of the couches just inside the doors, and jumped up to introduce himself once again.

"Excuse me, Ms. Hartman?" He asked, "I'm Phil Linder, and I was wondering if I might be able to speak with you privately somewhere, preferably somewhere that I could use a phone?"

I looked over at Mel, Andy and Nancy, and asked them to excuse me, then...

"We can use my office if you wish," I told him, "That should be private enough."

"Excellent," he continued while indicating I should lead the way, "It wasn't until just now that I was really sure it had been you in the 'Queenie' costume you showed to us in the pictures upstairs."

"Is there any problem with that Mr. Linder?" I asked.

"Oh, the attorneys wanted to bully you no end!" he was laughing now, "what with using our copyrights without permission, and..."

I stopped in the middle of the hallway, heart pounding while I got ready to defend myself and the school, but then...

"Please Ms. Hartman," he continued, "that's not at all what I'm interested in. I've sent our lawyers back to the hotel to wait for me. I only want to discuss your design ideas, and if we can come to an agreement, they can re-write another contract, but that will be the extent of their purpose here... you have my word."

"Well, why all the talk about?..." I tried asking, before he cut me off.

"I'm sorry, as I said," he continued, "that was THEIR idea, and typical for attorneys. I have no patience for such strong-arm tactics. First, because they are wrong, we have no real ability to copyright these characters right now. No, what I would much rather do is work with you and come to an agreement that will give such characters as 'Queenie' a true copyright for David, instead of the 'quasi' status it has now."

Hearing this I turned and continued upstairs to my office. Once we were inside, he asked to use my phone. I nodded my consent, although confused, and began to leave so that he might have privacy.

"Ms. Hartman?" he was asking plaintively, "please stay if you would..."

"Please call me Josie, Mr. Linder," I said, "but I thought you wanted to use..."

"Thank you, call me Phil," he continued, "I'm just going to connect you."

Somehow, this explained everything for him as he turned back to the phone, and yet I was even more confused than before. He dialed a long series of numbers and then talked to an overseas operator. We seemed to wait forever... then everything turned very surreal.




A Learning Experience Ch. 10



"Yes?" he was saying, "Yes operator we're waiting... very well... Hello? Hello, can you hear me? I have her here boss, her name's Josie. Okay... Josie?"

He then handed me the phone and I heard a voice say 'hello' but it seemed as if the speaker was talking from the moon. Then I realized my earring was covering most of the earpiece as I grabbed the post clip and yanked it off. Suddenly I was speaking with 'Ziggy' himself! My eyes must have looked like absolute saucers, and it took every bit of self control I had to explain my concept for using the 'Infinites' within his concert, allowing them to roam the stage as the various parts of 'Ziggy' were played out by the band and himself. I also explained our excitement at the possibility of his performing the 'Ziggy Stardust' character, and the terrible disappointment when we heard from his attorneys that he wanted to cancel his contract.

There was something that changed after I told him about our disappointment in hearing he would not play here from his attorneys. Sounding frustrated and angry, he began to apologize. But he then seemed to get some energy back, as he flipped around 180 degrees and thanked me profusely for providing him with such unique ideas for his Ziggy characters. Finally, he told me not to worry about anything and that he was sure this had all been a misunderstanding, then asked me to put Phil back on the phone.

As Phil talked with his 'boss', my hand was shaking trying to write some notes from our own conversation. Phil now had a huge smile come across his face as he said, "No, I can't believe there are two of 'em either, and I agree... you got the teletypes, right? Well... you should see 'em in the flesh! They're both absolutely gorgeous... Uh-huh... alright then... I'll meet you in your rooms tomorrow... the Hyatt I believe... very good boss... see you then... y-yeah... great, g'bye."

"Alright then Josie, " Phil was grinning at me after hanging up the phone, "He's going to crank up the Ziggy production company one last time, do you really think you can put together all of these costumes by then?"

"Of course I can Phil!", I said with as much confidence as I could summon, then sighed and added, "But finding bodies to put into 'em is gonna be... interesting!"

Phil once again let out an infectious laugh before saying, "If anyone can do it, I'd bet money on ya! Now let me call back the legal eagles and tell 'em the bad news!"

"What 'bad' news?" I asked him as he again borrowed my phone.

"Hmm?" Phil gave me a mildly puzzled look before his face cleared, "Oh, well they were to receive a bonus for getting this show shut down, now they'll have to settle for some extra bucks re-writing the contract, but don't feel too sorry for 'em, I don't!" 

He laughed as he got hold of the lead negotiator and told him he was now just another contract attorney and they talked for quite a while as they hammered out the changes needed by the existing contract, including adding 16 new background costume actors!

I had already reserved the VIP suite in the gym as a kind of 'headquarters' for the production company. This was a large room overlooking the school's huge gym, that was normally used by visiting bigwigs that want to watch one of our sports teams in high style and luxury, usually our basketball team. I gave Phil a map of that area of the school, showing where everything was, then asked him if he wanted to examine it now, to which he asked if we could go over in a little while after he talked with the attorneys one more time.

I used this opportunity to stick my head out of my office and with a huge smile told Andy and Mel the good news. Then asked Barb to get Nancy back over here, so she could co-sign the new contract.

Once all of the T's were crossed and the I's were dotted, we all shook hands, and I sent Andy off to the costume supplier, Mel went in search of bodies to fill those costumes and I took Phil over to the school's gym so he could begin getting his people setup. Our gym was one of the largest indoor spaces outside of Philadelphia, and had hosted any number of bands and performers in the past including Led Zeppelin, Boston, Santana, Kansas, and now... David Bowie.

I walked him in through the back door, near the loading dock, so he could see where their trucks would need to park and then we took the long climb up to the VIP suite. Here we came across the control room for the gym's lighting system as well as the power system. Then we walked next door to the suite itself, which had large Plexiglas windows that gave great views down onto the gym floor. A phys-ed class was currently doing exercises down there, and I used their positions to show Phil where it would be best to set up their stage.

Phil, however, seemed to have other things on his mind, slipping an arm deftly around my waist and gently pulling me into him. I decided to do two things, first get away from his embrace, and second, show him my animal-like sounds that I had perfected during the show last week. Once he heard me growl, it got his attention and I broke away quite easily. He gave me a surprised look as I explained...

"Phil," I began, "We've worked on several animal sounds that might be of value to the concert if we were miked, including that growl I just did for you! Also... you should know Mel and I are very much attached, and I'm not looking for anyone new, sorry."

"My mistake Josie," he said rather sheepishly, although I also felt a tinge of revulsion that I was in a lesbian relationship when he emphasized 'mistake', "I was simply overcome by your beauty. Please forgive my being forward?"

"Forgiven, " I was blushing as I replied, "I barely have the time to do what's needed to get this show going, and can't allow anything else to interfere, alright?"

"Very well," he said as he laughed that infectious laugh again, "you're right, we've got plenty to do, that's for sure."

He seemed like a nice man, and other than that one instance, I never had another problem with him. I made sure all of the communication and sound equipment was on and functioning, which seemed to have him a little stunned to have a girl in a mini-skirt going through the equipment shed pulling levers and switches. And seeing that macho reaction made me glad I'd stopped 'everything ' else when I had, who knows what his reaction would have been to seeing that the girl in the mini-skirt actually had a cock underneath it, that could have ruined everything.

But once he was satisfied that it was all working, I gave him my private number and told him to just let Barb know if he needed something and I couldn't be found. I then left him to his work, as I certainly had plenty of my own to attend to in the next 42 hours before the concert was scheduled to begin!

Cindy and Andy reminded me that they would need to be leaving early the next morning to catch a red-eye flight to California in order to attend a meeting of the Sisterhood. Sara and Rene' would be going later the next day. Without Andy, I would be totally in charge of the Bowie concert... but then I was usually in charge of whatever concert was happening... so I wasn't too worried. But this would be the first concert that I would also be performing in. So now, after dealing with all the various issues that went with saving the concert in the first place, my stress levels, physically as well as mentally were quickly reaching an overwhelming level.

***

The next morning... Mel and I were finishing our breakfast, or actually more along the lines of a brunch, but still a full 30 hours or so before we would need to begin to get ready to be on stage for the Bowie concert. I had built some time in for us, mostly me, to kind of 'de-stress' before the real craziness of the concert would began. After that, we would both be moving at light speed trying to deal with all the last minute disasters that inevitably occur right before a major concert.

Then the phone rang and Mel answered as Sara was calling to explain that she had gathered all of our costume pieces together we'd left at her supperclub last week when we had last dressed as 'Infinites'. Mel explained that we would be over around 4 o'clock tomorrow to pick them up, just before we had to dress for the concert. There was a long pause as Mel listened to Sara saying something, then surprisingly she revised that to 'right away'! She then said her goodbyes and hung up, as I looked over at her absolutely aghast.

"Aww, Mel!", I whined, "I thought we had agreed to relax here a little while after all that work last night, and I wanted to shower here so I can use my makeup to get ready and all... what did Sara say to change your mind?"

"I know, I'm sorry baby..." she replied, "But she said she had a surprise for us and we just had to see it, so... I couldn't say no to our Mistress... could I?"

"Oh my God... no, I'm sorry sweetie... it's just," I gave a long sigh, then mumbled, "I'm a complete mess... well... give me a few minutes to get myself decent, then we'll go."

While all of my protests were true in my mind, one other thing had started to nag at me after I'd become a full Mistress. Why was Sara still considering me, and Mel for that matter, her subs? As I'd understood the arrangement from Cindy, she was to be a Mistress in name only for the most part, and only during my time as a Novice. Sara had been a wonderful teacher, and a kind and stalwart friend... but her constant reference to herself as our Mistress... I just didn't know what to think at this point. And now she had a surprise for us... well, perhaps it was about this particular thing, I guess we'd have to go and find out. And if she didn't bring this up, I supposed I'd have to.

Once we arrived at Sara's Club, we were told by the guard at the Club's main door that we were expected and to go ahead up. Once we'd climbed the shallow stairway to the penthouse's front door, I rang the bell and waited for Sara or Rene' to open up... but there was total silence. I was getting nervous anyway, and this just made me crazy, why wouldn't they be answering their door?

"Just go ahead in," Mel suggested, "they're probably in the bathroom!"

"Both of them?" I asked sarcastically. I was already annoyed with Mel, not only did she seem to give in to Sara's request without even asking me, but we got into a huge fight as she insisted that I get dressed up before we left. So there I stood in nylons and heels under one of my favorite dresses, and for what? I had no clue... I was fuming!

I grabbed the door handle and sure enough, it was open! Pushing the huge door aside, I slowly walked into the foyer, followed close behind by Mel. The entire penthouse seemed dark, not one lamp seemed to be on, even the kitchen light was off, something strange was going on and my reflexes were at their highest level when...

"Surprise!!", multiple voices exclaimed as the penthouse lit up, "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you... happy birthday dear Josie... happy birthday to you!"

I looked at Mel as she was joining in the singing and realized I'd been had. She leaned over to kiss me on the cheek, then pulled away. I was having none of that, as I grabbed her shoulders and gave her a long soulful kiss she would really feel. As the birthday song ended everyone clapped and cheered as they saw me continuing to kiss her.

It wasn't really my 19th birthday for another couple days yet, and I'd been hoping that nobody would remember it, but I now guessed there was fat chance of that ever happening again! After thinking about it, I remembered Sara said they we're leaving tomorrow and would be out of town for the next couple weeks, so that must be why they decided to surprise me today... and it certainly was a wonderful surprise.

I sighed as the tears came fast and easy, so many had shown up to wish me happy birthday, Sara and Rene' of course, Andy's father (my doctor) and Delores, Tony, Smitty, Billy and even Tiny were there along with almost all the Music Club's staff and half a dozen of my classmates from my other classes. It was just amazing! Even all of the techs and other staff that had helped us dress for the Cosplay last week were there!

Tony rolled the biggest cake I'd ever seen out from the kitchen, with Rene' lighting the 19 candles as they rolled it toward me. Suddenly the lights went out in the living room again as Sara came up and said, "Make a wish, and blow out the candles Josie!" 

I had to think for a minute, but then turning to Mel realized I really only had one wish as I inhaled as much air as I could and had to work hard, moving around that huge cake in order to get 'em all out! Everyone was laughing hysterically watching me turn red.

Once the birthday wishes petered out, and everyone had their fill of cake, ice cream, and champagne, Sara explained the reason for her tech people being there. She wanted us both to look just as good for our concert as we had for the supperclub performance. She had our costumes dry cleaned and hairpieces brushed out.

During the party, Mel told Sara that I was feeling really bad after working through terrible stress getting the show back after they had threatened to shut it down, and so Sara asked her new masseuse to come in and help me relax and get re-invigorated. Once everyone had left after the party, except all Sara's people, she walked me back to one of the 'special' sound enhanced rooms made especially for meditation and massage. It was a 'quiet' room that kept out the noise from the street. It also had special sound effects, vibrating massage tables and even built in aromatherapy to relax the occupants. Sara introduced me to her newest masseuse, a large statured, middle-aged woman named Sofia. She had told me a little about this mocha-skinned stunner, and she was apparently much more than just a good masseuse. She seemed to be able to mentally heal her customers, not only 'destressing' and calming, but actually 'seeing' into their souls and helping them to heal very serious mental health issues. Not that I was buying into any of it, but I was willing to try anything for the stress I'd been dealing with.

While I was getting my massage, I closed my eyes and seemed to fall asleep, then had the queer feeling of falling. My eyes opened in total panic only to find the masseuse still working hard and my body feeling incredibly better, so I decided if it happened again, to just let myself fall and perhaps it would allow me to relax even more. Sure enough, after a few minutes had gone by, the falling sensation returned. And I allowed myself to go with the feeling, falling through time and space without care. I was having fits and spurts of dreams, but nothing I could really remember. Then I began to feel like I was waking up, but not quite... it was hard to describe, like pseudo-wakefulness.

My vision was limited to hazy snapshots, and I recognized some of my surroundings... as it seemed I had once again been transferred to Mistress Sara's huge round waterbed in her penthouse bedroom. But I could not imagine why anyone would have gone through such effort. As I was gradually able to keep my eyes open for longer and longer periods of time, I suddenly realized Sara was sitting on the bed and watching me intently, but I had no idea if I had slept, let alone for how long.

"Did you enjoy your birthday, my lovely girl?" She asked in her deep husky voice.

"Mmhm, so very much my Mistress," I mumbled, "Have I been asleep?"

"More like... oh, under a trance... and you are still my poor child, "She said, "You're suffering from terrible stress... tch... mon petit chaton"

Strong hands moved onto my breasts and began squeezing, massaging, and kneading them. Over and over, until I was moaning into my Mistress's mouth. Kissing her so softly while she was increasing my passions by shoving her tongue into my mouth! I was... where was I again? It seemed I once again fell asleep, and yet I could hear sounds going on around me... until... it was so quiet... then... silence.

Suddenly my eyes flew open, and I sat bolt upright, as I remembered the concert!

"Mel!" I screamed, "Mel... where... what's happening, where is she, where am I?"

My memory was slowly returning, I was in Sara's bedroom in her penthouse, lying on her huge waterbed. The lights were off and I couldn't remember how they were turned on, as I looked for a switch on the bedside tables that flanked the bed itself. I could feel the bed move slightly, as the small flood-lamps embedded all around the bed gradually came up in intensity until I could see Mistress Sara sitting on the edge of the bed softly smiling at me. Now Melissa came flying from around the bedroom's doorway and jumped onto the bed next to me, pulling me into her arms, and I returned her hugs with strong hugs of my own.

"Thank God," Mel cried, "thank God you're awake my poor darling!"

"You've been asleep my dear," Sara said, "Oh... several hours now."

"Wh-what?" I replied, my voice croaking as I realized how thirsty I was.

I saw heads leaning around the doorway as Sara turned towards them.

"Rene'? Please bring Joscelyn a large glass of Orange Juice!"

"You... you're kidding right?" I tried to speak again, "several hours? Couldn't be Mistress, I was just... that is..."

"Josie... Josie?" Sara asked, her eyebrows furrowed, "How are you feeling?"

Startled, I remembered how tired I had felt, the overwhelming tiredness that had dogged me for days... no... it was months. Yes, it wasn't until just now I realized how badly I had been feeling... and for such a long time. Oh my God...

"Mistress!" I exclaimed, "I... its incredible... I feel so much better!"

Just then Sofia walked over next to Sara, smiling she explained what she'd done.

"You had been suppressing terrible trauma young lady, worse... you were trapping it with your own feelings of guilt and remorse. We will need further sessions you and I, but things should improve now. You must learn to release your most intense feelings surrounding traumatic events... letting go can seem hard, but I believe I can teach you how, through meditation, if you wish."

"Yes Sofia, I would like to learn to meditate, thank you for offering."

Sofia told me she would have her admin call me to schedule further sessions. I thanked her and after she left Rene' arrived with my orange juice.

"God, that tastes good," I said.

"So you're really feeling better?" Sara asked.

"Amazing Mistress," I replied, "I could run 10 miles, like I used to for soccer, ha!"

"Well young ladies," Sara was talking to both Mel and I, "I have a task I need your help with. I have two clients that wish to have a session with a Mistress... but they have some rather, um... 'special' requirements."

"Oh?" I asked, more upset that someone was causing a problem for Sara than any difficult special requirements, "What kind of requirements Mistress?"

"Well my dears, first of all, if you are willing to help me with this, I will release you from your bonds. You are a full Mistress of course, but if you would help me with this I will consider our ledger cleared for the training I've provided"

So that's what she was holding out for... of course, why hadn't I thought of this? She had given me so much, she had every right to expect some form of recompense for what she had done. Suddenly I became very angry with myself for not thinking of this before.

"Please forgive me for not offering my help before this my Mistress, I don't know why I didn't make this offer long before now. And I would be happy to help you with these clients, whatever their 'special' requirements might be."

"That's what I was hoping to hear Josie!" she replied with her broad, beautiful smile.

Now Sara explained that two gentlemen from the U.K. had stopped by the Supperclub and asked Sara if she could find them two very special Mistresses for the following Saturday night. These two men happened to be twins and were looking for a pair of matching twins to serve as their Mistresses for a single night's session. Familiar with the tremendous sexual abilities that a 'Pro Dom' had, they were simply interested in making love to twin Mistresses, but were also fascinated in having at least one of the twins be a pre-op transgender female or, as they are more commonly known... 'Shemales'.




A Learning Experience Ch. 10



"Hmm," I said casually, looking at Mel, "I think Mel and I could become twins for a night. After all, we've already been twin 'Infinites', why not the real deal?"

"In that case," Sara replied as her deep brown eyes twinkled with mischief, "meet me here next Saturday night!"

"Yes Mistress!"

Sara was once again in command and getting everyone's attention...

"Alright now, we have to transform these two lovers into their alter egos, along with you Denise... okay? Then here we go, lemme get all the rest of the crew, and you three can shower and clean up in my bathroom here."

***

Once again Sara's technical folks helped us transform into the 'Infinites', and I was able to believe myself to be Queenie, the Infinite White Fox. And Melissa could become my double, Xandrax. As we had to bring more characters to the show this time, Denise asked to become one the other Infinites, although we didn't have time to name all of the other 14 people that were being dressed in various costumes, both here and back at the college's music club office. Denise wanted to be a Doe, and she had a brown costume, with a white mottled back. She also was sporting some small antlers or horns and long nose prosthesis that allowed her to become a fairly realistic deer.

I was still wearing my 'special' shoes, but I had used up most of the flash-bang cartridges last week. Still, I thought I might as well reload what was left just in case we might need them again tonight. I was now packing up all of my street-clothes into my overnight bag. Mel and Denise were doing the same. Sara walked up behind me and softly hugged me and kissed the back of my neck.

I returned her hug tenderly, then kissed her softly on her lips. When I released her, Rene' could no longer control himself and gave me an absolute bear hug, nearly taking my breath away, and fracturing all of my ribs!

"My wonderful Madam Josie!" He exclaimed, "I am so very glad you are feeling better... please accept this small gift... you can open it later... it is some of my chocolates you like, oui"?

Melissa quickly came up next to me and laughed, "Careful Rene', she's taken!"

Which made us all start laughing, Mel always seemed to know what to say, even though she really didn't talk all that much. She had her overnight bag and seemed ready to go. Now from behind her, came a fully dressed Denise, and again the techs had done their jobs well, she was a most lovely looking Doe, and she looked so happy under that costume!

"Okay... I guess it's time," I announced, "I'll be looking for you in the audience Mistress, and I hope you enjoy the show! Let's go kids!"

The three of us, Mel, Denise, and I, walked quickly out to my car. I had driven the old Chrysler and popped open its trunk to let us pile all of our overnight bags and other stuff into it, then slammed it shut and brought its monstrous engine to life with a roar. And we were off to the concert... on a cool, clear, night with the most spectacular full moon keeping everything nearly bright as day.

We didn't talk much, but even though I should have felt emotionally drained. Instead, I found myself exhilarated, with a new found feeling of hope that a real change had happened in my life. I was drawing so much energy from that! And it was making me completely giddy at this point!

As I eased the big sedan into a parking space, I suddenly changed my mind, and moved it up to a spot where it would be in front of the parking lot's chain-link fence. Both of my companions complained about having to walk farther to the gym entrance, but I explained that for some reason, I just thought we might want to be closer to an exit after the concert, when we came out. They just gave me funny looks and we all bailed out and walked quickly into the gym. Everyone in costume had been told to meet up in the gym's VIP suite. Most of them were already there and fully in costume, a few still needed make-up help and a couple were still dressing down in the music club office.

Phil was there, and seemed somewhat stressed, but relieved now that I had arrived. Barb came in a few minutes later with the last of the 'Infinites' and now that everyone was assembled Phil visibly seemed to relax.

"Ya know," Phil said, "I just couldn't believe you'd be able to pull off getting all of these actors together, and in costume, on such short notice. I owe you an apology."

"Not at all Phil," I replied, "but it was the combined efforts of many people that I am privileged to call friends that allowed this to happen. Please believe me, I had only a minimal part in all of this. So do we have an ETA on when Bowie will arrive?"

"Concert is shed-ualled (as the English pronounce scheduled) to start at 9pm, his limo should arrive at 8:30pm exactly."

I nodded my head and smiled at his English precision. Then looked out over the gym, to see the hustle and bustle going on to get the sound system built, along with the various pieces of the stage that still needed to be completed, and I asked...

"Let's see, its 6:45 now, have all the security personnel shown up that we need?"

"Yes. And with the sheriff's department, as well as the state police controlling the traffic outside, we should have a small army on-hand. We should be able to deal with pretty much anything short of a nuclear war!", he quipped.

"Alright 'general' Phil," I laughed, "It looks like you have everything in hand, and I really needed that, being a part of the show itself, I knew I wouldn't be able to do much to help you. So thanks... I really appreciate all your hard work!"

"Well," He explained, "You're welcome, but without your wonderful staff to back me up, I would have been lost... you have quite a well oiled machine here. For instance, the drummer showed up without cymbals in his kit, and Barb didn't even blink. She was instantly on the phone to someone that had a full set of new Zildjian cymbals delivered in 30 minutes... amazing!"

I was happy to hear such praise, and said, "I would have to agree 100%, they all love doing this stuff, but I've been lucky enough to find excellent people as well."

Soon all of the Ziggy Stardust stage pieces were assembled. The lighting had been set and adjusted, the sound system installed and integrated with the band's instruments.

Thousands of fans were filing into the gym's seats, and all of the 'Infinites' were fully dressed in their costumes. However, the clock had ticked its way over to 8:45... and still no sign of the man himself. Panic. It's the only word that applied to every face in the VIP suite, or anywhere back-stage... without Bowie, this concert was going nowhere.

Phil was wildly dialing the phones, trying to find out when his boss had left the hotel, and when he might be able to expect him to arrive. English precision was taking a hard hit it seemed. But suddenly a radio crackled to life, Bowie's limo had just pulled into the parking lot gates... now we had a concert!

A part of the 'stage' that had been built for the Ziggy concerts was actually Bowie's dressing room, and his security people now were hustling him and his entourage quickly back there so he could prepare for the show. While technically part of the 'Diamond Dogs' concert series, like most of these concerts it would end up being an amalgam of songs from all of his albums over the past 4 years. However, it always would begin with Mott The Hoople's All The Young Dudes and end with Rock 'n' Roll Suicide.

Unfortunately, there seemed to be some problems getting things ready, and by 9:50pm, there was nothing happening. Not a happy thing when you have over three thousand fans going nuts pounding on a gym floor because they've been waiting for an hour to see a concert begin. The stairs to the VIP suite exited right in back of the stage's dressing rooms, including Bowie's. I went down with Phil and Barb just in case there might be something we could do, at least I could send Barb out for help. But only Phil was allowed by Bowie's security, specifically two very well dressed young black men that, if I didn't know better (and I didn't) appeared to be twins! They were very gracious to both Barb and I, and quite willing to apologize for keeping us out, but at 6'5" and around 250 pounds each, it was unlikely anyone would be anything but gracious with these two.

Finally, Phil emerged and came up to us rather sheepishly to explain...

"It seems he's been over-indulging his penchant for... well, for stimulants shall we say... he's better now, and they're getting him dressed, we'll start in a few minutes."

Barb and I smirked to each other and followed Phil back upstairs. In 1975 such things were common, to the point that I actually had artist's contracts specify such things as part of their pre-concert 'kit', along with sodas or snacks, they added cocaine and marijuana. I would simply cross these out before sending the contract to our teacher/adviser for her signature... but they always tried to sneak it in!

Just as we got back to the VIP suite, the house lights were coming down, spotlights were coming up and the Spiders were cranking out the first few bars of All the Young Dudes. The lights in the suite went out and all of the Infinites were treated to a fabulous overhead view of a David Bowie concert.

Since we wouldn't appear until the last number and any encores, we could sit back and enjoy some incredible music. At that time, he'd recorded Space Oddity, Changes, Suffragette City, Panic in Detroit, The Jean Genie, Rebel Rebel, and Young Americans. All of which he played over the course of the 2+ hour concert. As things wound down, we got our queue from Phil and I let all the Infinites know they needed to follow me down to the stage.

For this event, Mel and I were dressed just slightly more conservatively than last time, with a little longer skirts and tops that covered our breasts completely. They were an off-white leather that looked great, without drawing undue attention. As we went up onto the blacked out stage I helped each of the 'characters' find his/her position on stage. Each of us would appear on queue at different times of the number, my own appearance being last as that was the queue for Bowie to die on stage, at which point we all move together over him and then, according to the play, the world ends. This triggers a number of pyrotechnics and is our final queue to exit the stage.

As Rock 'n' Roll Suicide progressed, everything seemed to be going to plan, but David seemed even more pasty-white than I had ever seen him before. He also seemed to be slurring words from time to time and would miss some of his queues, which he hadn't done all night. Finally, the world came to an end, and we all left the stage, returning to the VIP suite.

"Fantastic!" Phil gushed as soon as I got in the door, "Best damn Ziggy concert we've ever done, and all those costumed actors you put together MADE that song... listen!"

The audience was going crazy, stomping and lighting matches... they obviously wanted an encore... whether that would happen was up to the star, and we hadn't heard yet if he wanted to do one or not. Given how he looked, I wasn't sure if that was going to happen at all.

"Hmm," Phil was looking at his headset microphone, "wonder why's its taking so long for him to come back out... WHAT!?"

Phil's whole demeanor changed as he pulled off his headset and whispered to me that his boss had fallen over unconscious and no one could wake him. I signaled to Mel and Barb to follow us, and we all managed to run down those steep stairs as fast as we could. As we got to his dressing room, his bodyguards told us they had called for an ambulance and asked us to make sure it could get through to the gym without any problems. I told Barb and Phil to take care of notifying the police on traffic duty outside that an ambulance was coming in. With such a large concert, an ambulance had been on duty and would be there in seconds.

What we inside were not aware of, was a severe accident had just occurred at the main entrance gate of the school's gym. A truck had run into a large pole and it had fallen in front of the gate, basically stopping anyone from getting into or out of the gym's parking lot. The bodyguards told me they could get their boss into his limo and asked if there wasn't some way to get out of the chain link fence that surrounded the gym.

I thought for a minute or two, then told them to get him into the limo and wait for my signal, that I'd send either Mel or myself to tell them what to do next. I started running for the exit door we had come in with, Mel hanging on behind me. As we exited the door, we were standing on the loading dock looking out over a sea of cars. I could see the limo, parked just below us. Since it had arrived so late, it wasn't blocked in like everything else. It had an almost open lane up to the back of my Chrysler, other than one sub-compact, parked in a space directly behind me.

At this point Phil came outside looking for me after being told of my plan by the bodyguards. I said, "Gonna need your help Phil,"

We all ran for my car and I unlocked the trunk and grabbed Denise's bags and gave them to Mel, telling her to run them up to Denise, then come right back. Under her bags was my spare tire, I yanked it out and gave it to Phil, telling him to place it between my back bumper and the front bumper of the sub-compact that was in the way. He looked at me and had no idea where I was going with this, but there was no time to explain.

"PHIL! Please... just do what I asked, we're going to need to move that car!"

To his credit, he turned and went back to the little car behind us. I got in and started up the Chrysler, putting it in reverse and backing right up the sub-compact's bumper. With Phil's placement of the spare tire between, I gradually powered the smaller car back enough that the limo could get through the space where it had been. By this time, my car was about a hundred feet away from the chain link fence that separated the parking lot from the small access road that led to the highway.

Mel was running back up to me, having given Denise her things. I told Phil to go get the bodyguards and bring them here. Now I explained to Mel what I had in mind. Her eyes were as big as saucers as I finished and I don't think she could speak, before the bodyguards came running over. I asked if they had a radio link with the limo driver, to which they said 'of course', so I quickly told them I intended to ram the fence, run it over, and then I wanted the limo to follow me to the hospital. I explained I would need one of them to come with me so we could stay in touch with the limo. After I had finished, there was a long pause, as everyone stared at me.

"Look," I yelled, "my car weighs 5400 pounds and has a 600 horsepower engine... believe me, that fence is going down. All I need is for you to follow me, okay?!"

The two huge muscular guys looked at this little costumed 5'10" 150-pound girl, then looked at each other, then glanced at Phil, who simply said, "Do as she says!"

I jumped into the driver's seat, Mel let the two bodyguards into the backseat and then got in herself. I told them all to put on their seatbelts and brace themselves. Braking as hard as I could, I brought the engine up to high revs and released the brake. We flew at the fence like a battering ram and as I predicted, the pole I'd targeted went over like a matchstick, taking enough of the chain link fence with it that we could drive over it.

We ended up a few dozen feet into the field on the other side of the access road. I unbuckled and got out to see if any major damage had occurred, but all the tires were up, and I couldn't see any real damage underneath. I got back in and drove back onto the access road, telling the bodyguards to radio the limo to follow us through the hole in the fence we'd made, but it was too late, the limo was coming through the fence and already turning in behind us.

So I hit the gas and we were on our way to the closest local hospital. For the most part, other than the high speeds we were going, it was an unremarkable ride there, and since we had some time, Mel and I got to know the two hunks in my backseat a little better, and by the time we got to the hospital, had set up a date for the next Saturday night as they had to do something tomorrow night. It must have looked pretty wild to anyone watching us come screeching into the hospital's emergency area, and see two white costumed foxes get out that looked exactly alike, then have the two bodyguards, who turned out to BE twins, all of us getting out of this old pace car... I'm sure the nurses and doctors that were there are still talking about that night!

As it turned out, their boss was treated for a burst appendix, and his collapse had little or nothing to do with any drugs he may have been taking. But it was a good thing we got him there as quickly as we did. Most critics thought it was one of the best Ziggy Stardust concerts he'd ever performed and a wonderful finish to the series. Mel and I went to the after concert party, and had a blast getting all the Infinites toasted and letting them have the time of their lives. As usual, the guys had drug all of our instruments out of the Music Club closet. My old Hammond B3 and Leslie speaker system were still functioning, so we cranked up jams until about four, when everyone gave up and started slipping out for home... and sleep.

***

We had slept in of course, but by three o'clock, we found ourselves back at Sara's Supperclub.

"I thought as long as my professional make-up and costume designers were here to help you dress for the concert yesterday, why not make use of them to help us create a set of perfect twin Mistresses as well?" Sara was saying as we wandered in looking a little shot after being out so late.

Mel and I got up and followed Sara across the hall to a guest bedroom where her costume designers, Mickey and Greta were working away on a spectacular pair of white kidskin leather gowns. They were off-the-shoulder designs, one having the bared shoulder on the right, the other on the left. They would be the only way of telling us apart once we were dressed.

"Ladies?" Sara was on the move again, as we followed along.

We went back into the master suite bathroom where her make-up specialists had placed large make-up chairs in front of the bathroom's sink counter. Kim would be handling my preparations, and Yvette would be working on Mel's.

"Alright Ladies," Sara said, "I believe you are in the very best of hands, so I will be back to brief you when you've finished dressing... have fun!"

First things first, we were both stripped and took showers, making sure all of the basics were covered, all hair waxed or shaven below our eyebrows, and our skin rubbed with some vitamin enriched moisturizers, we were given terry cloth robes and our transformation into perfect twins begun. Kim took pictures of us, side by side. These were blown up and used to adjust for any differences in bone structure in our faces. Yvette got to work with foundation to make those differences disappear.

The biggest help towards making us look alike had been done 2 months earlier with my trachea shave and a 'light' nose job. It wasn't planned, but these two procedures had us looking more like genetic sisters than just about anything else. Now, with some minor make-up tweaks, Mel and I looked like we must have only been seconds apart from the same mother's womb! Kim finished our face make-up with a light blush, dark blue eye highlights and dark pink lip color. Another side-by-side picture was taken and the result made us both start giggling! I was sure I was looking into a mirror after that.

Sara's hair stylist came in, along with her nail techs, and they began transforming our individual hair colors and styles into one, with the nail techs making sure our French manicures matched EXACTLY. We were each given a Greek goddess style, where our hair was styled in an 'up' position with long curling tendrils falling along each side and back of our heads. The results of all of this work was finally revealed to both Mel and I along with Sara, and simply made my jaw drop. All heads were shaking back and forth, as the similarities were just stunning. They had two pairs of blue contact lenses, but once everything else was complete, they were deemed unnecessary. Many twins have slightly different lens color even between left and right eyes!