0 comments/ 12056 views/ 1 favorites Unrequited Love By: HeavensKiss She stood leaning against the doorframe, her eyes moving slowly from the window to the bed... Her eyes resting on the rumpled sheets, the rose petals strewn about... Slowly, and with a soft sigh, she turned and slid down to the floor... Pulling her knees up to her chest and leaning her head back against the wood... Closing her eyes and wrapping her arms around herself, she gets lost in her thoughts... Remembering just hours before... Standing at the window, she watched him walk up to the house... She loved the way he moved... The confident strides... The straight shoulders... Those beautiful eyes taking in all around him... There was no sound as he came in and made his way to her... Knowing the exact moment he stepped into the bedroom, she felt herself tense slightly... He stood by the door watching her for a moment before moving to stand behind her... Looking down on her bent head, he reached out and ran his hands slowly down her arms... The soft, warm touch of his hands causing a sharp intake of breath As he stood behind her, his eyes never wavering from her bent head, he placed his hands over hers... Entwining their fingers, he brought her arms up across her chest and pulled her back against him... She melted back into his body, laying her head against his shoulder... Closing her eyes, she loses herself in him... The way his arms hold her, the way his body feels pressing into hers, the feel of his heartbeat against her back... She loosened her hands from his and turned in his arms... As she looked up into the green depths of his eyes, she felt his arms tightening around her... They stood like that for countless minutes... Content to hold, to be held and merely look into the depths of each other’s eyes He kept his eyes on hers as he slowly lowered his head... She slid her arms up around his neck, her eyes moving down to his mouth... As his lips brushed softly against hers, his hands moved down over her and lifted her up into his arms... She sighed against his lips as her body was cradled lovingly to his... She turned her head and nuzzled her face into the warm contour of his neck as he turned from the window... As his eyes came to rest on the bed, a slow smile formed on his lips... He leaned his head softly against hers and whispered a very soft "beautiful" into her ear... Knowing of what he spoke, and glad the rose petals on the bed pleased him, she smiled He held her crushingly close to him as he made his way to the bed... As he turned and sat, she stirred in his arms and snuggled closer to him... She slid a hand across his neck and unbuttoned the top buttons of his shirt... She bent her head and placed her lips against his throat, above the pulse beating there... An inaudible sigh escaping him from the warm, soft lips pressing against his throat... He slid a hand along her back and pulled her tighter into him... As his fingers danced lightly over the back of her neck, she leaned back and looked up at him Keeping his hands pressed tightly to her, he moved and placed her gently on the bed... As his arms slid from around her, they both felt an overwhelming emptiness take hold... He laid a hand softly against her cheek and felt her rub softly against his palm... He looked down at her... Her eyes closed, her head resting in his hand and felt the battle of emotions within himself... When she opened her eyes and looked up at him, he saw a hint of pain flash in her eyes... For, she knew the thoughts and the battle he was waging with himself He moved his hand from against her cheek and slowly moved his body over hers... As he gazed down on her form, he thought to himself how he could never tire from looking upon her beauty... He reached up and tilted her head back... Leaning over her and softly kissing each eye closed... He brought his body up and knelt over her, nestling his legs on either side of hers... As his hands slid down and unbuttoned her shirt, her only covering, he felt the slight shiver move through her body... His breath caught when her shirt fell open, exposing her bare breasts to his hungry eyes... He slipped his arm beneath her and gently pulled her up until the shirt fell from her shoulders and slid down her arms He moved from above her and stood... A moan escaping him as his eyes feasted on her naked body... She turned her head towards him and watched as he slowly stripped for her... She turned to her side and reached a hand out, letting her fingers dance lightly upon his body... At the feel of her hand, he stood motionless... Enjoying the tingling surging through his body from the soft touch, her caresses... He wrapped his hand around hers and brought it to his lips... Kissing softly across her palm before pressing his lips to her wrist He placed her hand against his chest and held it there as he slid into bed next to her... He turned to her, pressing the length of his body to hers... She moaned softly as she felt his hardness pressing against her thigh... He wrapped his arm around her neck and rolled her body over... Once more on her back, him poised above her...He leaned down and captured her lips... His mouth claiming hers, filling it with the slow, sensual caress of his tongue... Her arms went around him, holding to him as she gave herself up to his kiss He moved from her mouth, bending over her breasts... Kissing first one and then the other... She arched up to him in a silent plea and he took her breast in his mouth... Drawing, sucking, tugging on her with a slow rhythm... The feel of the rough drag of his tongue against her nipple causing her to draw in a gasping breath... He moved his fingers softly over her body... When his fingers moved into the mound of tangled hair that hid her hot core and slid caressingly inside, pleasure surged throughout her body, bringing soft cries... She moaned and arched against his probing fingers, giving herself up to the wild emotions that claimed her... He watched her as his fingers teased, loving the look of pleasure moving over her features Quivering from the force of need, desire, he pulled her thigh up over him... He clutched her hip with strong fingers and held her tightly as he pressed his aching hardness against her... The entry he made into her was long, slow and gentle... They made love slowly, with melting tenderness and whispered words that thrilled them... His thrusts and withdrawals were exquisitely tender... His lips traveled across her face as his arms slid beneath her body... He pulled her body up tightly to him... Her breasts moved against his chest as they rode the crest of their passion to fulfillment He leaned his head up and looked down into her eyes as he lost himself in her... With the final thrust of his hips, he felt the shattering release move through both their bodies... She clung to him, pulling him to the very depth of her soul as his hot juices filled her... He laid his head gently down against her shoulder as she held him... Her hands moving softly across his back... She turned her face towards his as she heard the deep sigh push past his lips... Before their lips met and clung, she heard the five whispered words he spoke... Her heart melting and her eyes misting over as he spoke She shook her head and brought herself from her musings... She placed her elbows against her knees and her forehead in her hands... Her body was trembling as she recalled the time with him... This man, who she loved with every fiber of her being, would never know of those feelings... For, he would never return that love to her... With that thought, she buried her face in her hands, a tear sliding down her cheek. Unrequited Love As the sun began to set he looked up and gasped. Mt. Hood was framed in the distance, with the sun shining off the fresh snow, it appeared to glow. The shadows formed in its crevasses appeared as poorly healed wounds upon the vision before him. He sighed and focused all of his attention on the sight in the distance. The red and gold hues in the surface of the snow reminded him of sunsets on the lake. Remembering that lake was like a shot of caffeine to his system. He knew what would make it special for her. He picked up his phone and made some calls. While he detested using the damn thing, he had to admit they had their uses. He called airlines, a travel agency and his mother. The first two were to make transportation arrangements, the last was to get childcare while he treated his love like the queen she was. Secure in the arrangements, he made one last call. The person he hadn't spoken to in ten years. *Ring* *Ring* *Ring* "Hello, Smithson residence." Said the male voice across the line. "Uncle Dave? This is Bill. Do you have a moment?" He said into the phone, fearful of the response. "What do you want?" the surliness could be felt as a palatable force, even transmitted across phone wires. 'And people wonder why I hate these damn things.' He thought before saying "Uncle Dave. It's been ten years. Let's not go through this again. Since grandpa's death, you have been blaming me for losing your father. Let's just say it straight. He was a seventy year old man that drank too much and didn't take good care of his body. I am sorry you feel that I was responsible for him, but I just lived in his trailer. You also tried to blame me for Dougie's landing in prison. Again, I will say for the record. I did not have any influence in his decision to pick up that gun and shooting that man. I wasn't even in the state. He made his choices, and I am not the blame for all the world's problems." He stated. "God damn it you little fuck. How dare you..." the other man began. "Ray, I didn't call to fight" he interrupted "I called to see if I could use the keys to the cabin." "You. Want to use *MY* cabin?" the incredulousness of the voice almost made him stop and hang up. "Why? What do you want?" Calmly he stated "I want to take a lady friend there for a Christmas present. Which means, I won't be coming over for Christmas dinner." Silence. An eternity in which galaxies are created and destroyed. All the time from the beginning of time until forever, contained in a moment where silence reigned. "Talk to your mom. I'll pass 'em on to her. Make sure you clean up and restock after." Followed by a *click* were the last words spoken. "That went better than I had any hope to expect" he muttered to himself, and went about obtaining all the elements that would be required for the outing to the cabin. Once completed, he settled in at his computer. He pulled up his Yahoo Messenger and scanned his friends list, seeking out her name. Seeing that she was online and available, he opened a window to send the message. "BABES! Hugs and Kisses" "SWEETIE!! I am so glad to see you tonight" "As I am glad to see you anytime, beloved" "*blush*" "Sweetie, I have to ask you a question that you might find weird, so just answer yes or no. Ok?" "Uhhh Sure... I guess." 'Ok here goes' he thought. "If you got a plane ticket to fly to Portland, would you accept it?" "Yes" "If you got said ticket, and saw the return date was 2 weeks after the arrival date, would you still accept it?" "Yes" "Would you like to come out here to Portland, and spend two weeks with me? My uncle owns a cabin at a lake nearby that he has graciously offered to let me use. I would like to take you there for ten days. Trina, will you come out to be with me for two weeks?" Those damn lasting silence's always kill me. Some time later. "Yes" After all that anticipation, the flood gates released all that he had to tell her regarding the upcoming trip. The ticket was paid for, the "limo" S.U.V. and he would meet her flight coming in. His son was taken care of, and the lodgings were arranged. It was to be a Christmas present to both of them. The day arrived: He was at the terminal where she would be arriving. As he watched the arrivals and departures screen, He saw her flight was on time. Once it said that it was disembarking, He began to scan the crowd. Looking for her, he felt the sweat and trembling of anticipation. Suddenly, she turned the corner of the terminal and he saw his dreams coming true. As she walked down the rampart, he felt the urge to go race towards her and spin her around. Following his desires, he did just that. Running towards her, a security guard loomed in his vision. As he attempted to brush past the intrusion, he felt a strong hand on his shoulder. "Sorry sir, you will have to wait for your passenger to get passed the security checkpoint." The security man stated. Sighing in frustration, he eagerly awaited her completion of the obstacle course they called a security checkpoint. As she approached, her eyes were focused on the crowd, looking for her lover. "Trina! Over here!" he called. Her head snapped in his direction, and as the movies depicted, moved in towards him in a slow motion reality. The truth was the number of other travelers made any quick motions nearly impossible. As she moved towards him, the security guard let his hand fall from his shoulder. Seeing that amount of adoration for each other, he was not about to intrude. Moving into each others embrace, she rained kisses down on his face, while he held her in his arms. The internet was a nice place to chat, but nothing could replace the feeling of holding your lover in your arms. A crowd had begun to form around the two lovers as they embraced. Seeing the true love that they displayed for one another was causing some older folk to hug and kiss knowing that the passion never dies: It is always there, just unnoticed at times. As they broke their embrace, they noticed the crowd that had gathered around them. Embarrassed, they moved off to collect her baggage, only to receive whispered encouragements from others along the way that had seen their display. Once her effects were in hand, they moved to the "limo". The drive to the cabin was a wondrous time for the two. They spoke in quiet, hushed tones. They viewed the passing landscapes and murmured their appreciation for its beauty. They held hands, rubbed arms and generally spent the 3 hour drive as lovers being chauffeured. He leaned into her shoulder and whispered his gratitude for this vacation to her on several occasions. All too soon, they arrived at the cabin. He explained to her that the limo would be back in 10 days. Until its return, they were alone. No electronics, no telephones (other than cell phones for emergencies) and no other people around for 100 miles. They took their luggage in to the cabin and waved to the driver as he departed. Upon entering the wooden structure, they were struck with the sparseness of its decorating. A simple wooden couch, a rocking chair, a dining set, a queen sized bed with simple coverings and a wood stove kitchen area were all to be seen. He knew that there was a bathing facility in the back, but it was not seen upon entry. She sighed, leaned against his arm and whispered "It's perfect." Placing their luggage near the bed, he turned to her and pulled her into an embrace. Some might call it smothering and oppressive, but she felt warmed and comforted. Feeling the love that he was giving her, she melted into his strong chest. His moustache tickled her ear as she turned her head to kiss him. They maintained their embrace, moving only their heads as they kissed. He thought of purity and love in her response to the kiss. She thought of strength and virility in reply to his. Together, they felt the embodiment of love and passion in their tightly held embrace. Neither wishing to release the bond created with their bodies, they moved as one towards the edge of the bed. Sitting first, he began to pull her in with him. As they embraced, she ran her hands through his hair. Her movement enflamed his desire for her, and made him shiver in anticipation. He rolled them to where they were laying side by side and reached around her to cup her gorgeous ass. When she moaned into his mouth, the vibrations sent him soaring into a state of bliss. He placed one hand on her hip when they parted, while the other held himself up and asked "Are you sure that you want this, my love?" "More than air, my dearest man" was her only reply. With nothing more to say, he began to unbutton her blouse. Its silky texture felt luxurious to his touch. Each button he lingered at, slowly tantalizing her senses: Caressing and massaging her body in that one spot before moving to the next. He moved down her body but didn't untuck the shirt from her skirt. Slowly he reached around her back, slid his fingers in between the clasp there and released her from the clothing. Before moving back to her blouse, he felt her firm globes pressing against his hands and ran his fingers as far into her clothing as the tightness would allow. She sighed and moaned with his touches, feeling electric fingers dance up and down her spine with each button and clasp. When his hands reached down inside her clothes she pressed her pelvis into his. Not saying a word, she announced her intentions to him. As he pressed his body back into hers, he responded in like kind. She felt his hands act as a wedge to drive her skirt further down her body and used her own hands to strip the offending garment clear. She looked into his eyes and moved swiftly to divest herself of anymore articles of clothing. Sensing that she was already aroused and was becoming impatient, he quickly stripped his clothes. Feeling her breasts against his chest, he momentarily forgot his mission of making the woman he loved happy. He literally purred in contentment, which caused her to revel in their combined enthusiasm. He pulled her up to where her head was resting on the pillow, kissed her lips, and began his decent down her body. Licking and sucking on her neck, he decided against giving her a visible hickey. Listening to her moan and thrash about, he paid heed to the signals she gave off. Moving to her ample breasts, he lifted his head and said a brief prayer of thanks. He worshipped those glorious orbs. He feasted on their rich fullness, and drank in their sweetness. The more he licked and sucked on her breasts, the more excited she became. Finally, when she felt she that her arousal was too much to handle, she pushed his head down further. Grinning madly, he continued his torturous path down her body. Taking the time to move slowly, he allowed her excitement to abate a little. As she calmed, he moved into a position where he could access her more easily. When her eyes locked onto his, he held her gaze as he leaned between her thighs. Maintaining eye contact, he gently blew on the sparse hair that covered her mons. Hearing her soft moan, he felt emboldened to take a swipe at her lips with his tongue. Honey never tasted so sweet, he decided. He licked and probed, meeting her visual display of desire with a touch that was gentle. Never too hard, never too soft, his touches were just right to her. Slowly and tantalizingly he moved from the bottom of her slit, upward. He dipped his tongue deeper into her crevasse while maintaining the slow licks up and down her lips. Her hips began moving in time to the slow, steady rhythm to match his swipes. She tried to capture his tongue with her internal muscles every time he dipped inside to no avail. Her need caused a keening sound in her throat as she begged for release. Feeling the need became too much to bear, and grabbing his head pulled his face in closer to complete the task he had begun. When she pulled his head in, he lifted his tongue to curl around her clit. Moving back and forth across it, he brought her to an immediate orgasm. Not allowing her time to come down, he gently inserted a finger into her wet body. Feeling the intrusion pushed her back up to the edge. Her body squirmed and writhed in response to his ministrations, she screamed "BILL!!!" as her second orgasm built and released in her body. This time, he allowed her to relax. Having taken the edge off her need, he cuddled up to her and caressed her back and shoulders. His erection was lying against her side as she came back to a coherent state of being. Seeing his excited state, she cuddled closer and took his shaft in her hand. Slowly stroking him, she leaned against his chest and lightly licked his nipples. Once she began to suckle on his chest, she moved the hand not stroking him to his balls. After each stroke, she gave his testes a gentle caress. Her design to enflame him to the point of no return was being executed flawlessly. Shortly, his hips began to thrust upward in response to her touch. She abandoned his nipples and dove south. Having wanted to taste his male member for so long, she was finally getting her desire. Once she licked around his member, she immediately took the crown into her mouth, filling it like a lollipop. Using her tongue and neck motions, she began to jack him off into her mouth. Within seconds, his noises changed, signaling his imminent eruption. She pulled back at his first burst. Allowing it to fill her gullet, she made small motions to milk him dry. Once he had completed his orgasm, she sat up looking him in the eye. In this position she showed him her treasure preserved in her mouth. Making sure he was still watching she swallowed his seed in two gulps. Smacking her lips with pleasure and licking her fingertips for stray pieces, she was suddenly surprised to find him dragging her head down to his for a kiss. She tried to escape, only to find his tongue press its way into her lips to taste his own essence there. Moaning into his mouth, she relaxed her struggles and gave herself to him completely. He ran his hands over her chest, feeling the wonderful size and firmness of her breasts. Gently, he rolled her onto her back and knelt beside her. Moving his hands all over her body, he worked her passion back up to the level it had been before. Taking his time to touch and caress every part of her, he felt closer to his lover than any before. Once she was fully aroused, he moved between her legs and lined his cock up to her dripping pussy. Slowly and persistently he drove his prick into her body. Stopping once or twice to allow her to catch her breath, he maintained the forward push until he was pressing up against her pubic hair with his own. As he began to pull back, she groaned in loss, while he groaned in pleasure. To say they were enthralled with each other would seem trite, yet, that was exactly what they were. He had dreamed of her for months, she had dreamed of him for months, and here they were together, finally. Together they labored and pressed against each other to bring the most pleasure to each other. Nothing was held back in their lovemaking, nothing was left to give when they completed. He blasted into her womb as she shrieked out and both collapsed. Sliding to her side, he began whispering his love to her. She lay back unresponsive to the words in her ears. Slowly, their breathing returned to normal and they both passed into slumber. Upon waking in the morning, they could feel the comfort of waking in each others arms. Slowly they got up and went about the rest of their time there. The two lovers walked together, swam together, laid on the ground watching clouds or stars. They made love more times than either cared to count and spent hours upon hours chatting about nonsense. For ten days they were of one spirit in the precept of the other person was the center of their universe. Sadly, on the tenth day, the "limo" returned. It was carrying the supplies to restock the cabin. They spent their last hour at the cabin sprucing up and re-supplying what they had used. Finally, with a shared backwards glance, they got into the "limo" and began their trip back into town. In silence, they returned to Portland, and were delivered to his home. Knowing that their special time had come to an end, he said "Trina, I know you have to go home. Would you please remember at all times though, I love you and want you with me?" She nodded, through her tears and took him to the bedroom for one final time. The next 3 days were spent cleaning their clothes and making sure the signs of their tryst were removed from her things. On the final day, they awoke early and relived their first coupling at the cabin. In the afternoon, they prepared to go back to the airport. Once they arrived and checked her baggage, he walked with her to the security checkpoint. Standing back from the line, he pulled her close. He breathed into her ear, trying to conceal his sadness. "Trina, my love. I know you have to return to your husband, but please remember this week with me forever." She started sobbing, leaning into his chest. Whispering back and forth, they promised their love and fond memories. All too soon, she had to move through security. Watching her leave was worst than any feelings of loss that he had ever felt before. Turning, he wiped his eyes, and headed back to his life, conveniently put aside for two weeks. For twenty-four hours, he avoided his computer. Not wanting to deal with the loss he was sure to feel when the instant message from her came through. After that time, he sat and turned on the machine. Instantly, a message popped up. "SWEETIEE!" The end Unrequited Love Well this is my first attempt at a story and I know that it is poorly written. My hope is that with time my stories will get better. None of this is true, it is simply my imagination and if any of it offends anyone then I apologize in advance. I must warn that this is a love story, not one that will give you a quick roll in the hay. Enjoy! Comments are appreciated! * * * * * Ok, so what is the problem with unrequited love, you ask? Well it fucking stinks. I had been in love with my best friend Chris since I was aware of what love was. The problem? Well Chris ain't short for Christina and he is quite straight. He wasn't one of those people who you think could have even a few closet gay fantasies. Hell even his subconscious is straight. I had caught him so many times asleep and dreaming of fucking some cunt. I probably would still love him if he was less than attractive but he wasn't. Does the term GREEK GOD mean anything to you? Well he was that and so much more. He stood 6'3 220 lbs. blond sun streaked hair, hazel green eyes, finely chiseled features and a body that makes my mouth water. It was my first year of college that I decided that I needed to do something about my predicament. You see, Chris and I had been friends since we were fourteen and he moved into my neighborhood. If I hadn't thought about being gay before meeting him, then I sure in the hell knew after meeting him. It was as if we just clicked. Before the end of his first summer living here, we were best friends. For some reason I could never tell him that I was gay or that the more I knew of him, the more I fell in love with him. I guess I was just too afraid to lose his friendship to tell him. That coupled with the fact that he would absolutely know how I felt if I did tell him just left me alone to pine for someone I could never have. When I started college, I promised myself that I wouldn't try to hide who I was anymore. I wasn't going to be flaming or anything I just wouldn't date girls anymore or lie when someone asked. I figured guys would be interested; it wasn't like I was a total slob in the looks department. I'm Dereck by the way. I'm 6'1 195 lbs with a swimmers build. I'm brown haired and brown eyed with sort of an olive complexion. I figured that even though I would have to tell Chris that I was gay, being in college meant that I could make new friends and maybe not be so alone even if Chris decided he no longer wanted to be my friend. A couple of weeks before we were set to go to college I knew that I had to tell Chris about me. He at least deserved that in case he wanted to not be roommates with me. He arrived at my house in his usual fashion, banging on the door, kissing my mom asking her what's for dinner and pumping my dad's fist all the while yelling for me. "DER! DER! Get your lazy butt up, let's shoot some hoops." God I loved just hearing his voice and I swear that when he said my name it sounded like he was calling me 'dear' instead of my nickname. I had it so bad. I opened my door and told him to shut up like I always did. Here goes nothing I said to myself. "Get in here dickwad I gotta talk to you about something." "Sure buddy what's up?" "I need to tell you something before we go to school and if you no longer want to be my roommate afterwards then I'll completely understand." "Damn man do you have like some extreme farting disease cuz u know as long as you stay under the covers the smell stays trapped." He said and began his belly-clenching laughing that never ceased to cause my skin to tingle. I always had a hard time not moaning from his voice. "Stop laughing man, I'm serious just listen to me for a minute. I need to tell you this cuz you might not even want to be my friend afterwards. It's just important so listen. This is probably one of the hardest things that i'll have to say in my lifetime so I guess i'll just say it. I'm Gay." By the end of my small speech, I was pacing and near tears. I was thinking that I maybe shouldn't have told him when my parents were home. I kept pacing not even wanting to look at him because if I saw disgust I'd just let the damn floor open up and swallow me whole. After a while, I realized that the room was still quiet and I chanced a glance at Chris. I barely held back a gasp. I had never seen him look so serious. His face was stony and expressionless. He looked like a statue only he was blinking and his jaw was twitching. I couldn't take it anymore. "Chris say something! Or at least do something, punch me or something but don't just sit there!" I was a bit frantic at this point. I didn't know this would hurt so much. It felt like my heart was wringing itself out. "How long have you known?" "Well that depends, I've always felt different because girls never really excited me, but I knew for sure when I was thirteen and had my first wet dream. Most guys don't remember theirs but I do and let's just say that there were no boobs or cunts to be found." "YOU'VE KNOWN THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME THAT WE'VE BEEN FRIENDS?! The whole time, and you never said a word. You know everything about me and now this, I suddenly feel like I don't know SHIT about the person who calls himself my best friend." By now, we were both emotional and I was slumped in a chair while he sat with his head in his hands on my bed. "Why didn't you tell me?" "I couldn't. At first, it was just too confusing having to admit it to myself, but after I was sure, I didn't want to lose a friendship. I was and am so afraid that you won't wanna be my bro anymore. I knew I had to come out to you now because we're going to school and it wouldn't be fair to you to find out when I have my first date or if I wanna bring someone back to the dorm. I don't wanna hide anymore so i'm giving you time in case you want to get a new roommate." Damn, I was really sweating bullets now. He still hadn't said much and he seemed even more pissed off. I sighed inwardly and hoped my world as I knew it wouldn't completely crumble around my feet. "First of all I don't care if you are gay. Hell, you could have fucked half the male population at school and I still wouldn't care. What I do care about is the fact that you have never told me. I mean you never even let on. Either you are one hell of an actor or i'm as blind as a bat. I suppose it is really a little in between though. I really don't even feel as if I know you right now and I don't know what to do about it. I mean is there anything else that you need to tell me, do you have a boyfriend that you've been hiding for four years or what?" All through his speech, I had to keep reminding myself that my jaw didn't belong on the floor. So he didn't care, well what'd ya know? I was on crash mode from the adrenaline high that I was feeling. I didn't know whether to jump for joy, break down crying or pass out. Eventually I just stayed rooted to my seat. "Hell no I don't have a boyfriend. I've never seen that as being a possibility until I decided to come out. Plus, that's not something that I could have hidden from you. As far as the acting goes, well, it was easy most of the time because I just tried to act as if it didn't matter, that if I ignored it enough then I wouldn't have to worry about it. " I couldn't tell him that the only boyfriend I had ever wanted was him or that as long as I got to hang out with him then at most times it didn't matter. "So does this mean that I have to listen to you scoop guys and talk about their packages like we did with girls?" Although this was a poor attempt at humor, I laughed anyway. "Naw man, I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable. Plus i'm still the same; I can appreciate the female form. Now you'll just know that i'm looking at their boyfriends more than i'm looking at them. Nothing will change bro." Oh how wrong a person can be. Chris and I went back to being buds after I came out to him. As the days went along, we even began to joke about it. We went off to school and quickly fell into our routines. I was the art major and he was the architecture major. We both loved sports but it just wasn't a passion. Because of this, we tended to hang out with the same types of people. Although his crowd was stuffier because their field involved so much more mathematics, there was always an easy vibe when we all studied together for common classes. There was this tension growing between us. I knew it was mostly my fault. I felt the need to distance myself from him because I thought he'd figure out that I was in love with him. Especially with him knowing that I was gay. In my opinion, you just couldn't help but fall for him, but maybe I was just biased. It was so much harder to keep my feelings for him under wraps with him sharing a room with me. I had promised myself that I would date and open myself to the possibility of falling in love or at least getting to home base. However, every time I saw him come from the shower with the towel tied low around his waist or when he comes in from working out and he's so hot he's steaming its more than I can take and all I do is pine mores for him. This just wasn't working, Chris was dating and I knew that I needed to forget about what I couldn't have. Fortunately, he hadn't brought any girls back to the room but it was probably only a matter of time. I decided to join the gay and lesbian alliance on campus and I sort of immersed myself in gay functions and socials for a while. I went on a few dates, did some groping and kissing, but I never really considered going further than that. I guess I just hadn't met anyone who measured up to Chris' standards. That is, until I met Robert or Rob for short. Rob was about two inches shorter than I was, eyes the purest emerald I had ever seen, hair black as midnight, a buff physique and not an ounce of body fat. I have no idea what drew me to him. He was gorgeous but more in a rugged than a chiseled way. We hit it off right away and it felt so great to not be thinking about Chris all day that I felt as if a weight had been lifted. I was able to be more of the friend to Chris than I was before and Rob and me were actually good friends alongside of us going out. I felt that I was finally fitting into where I belonged. CHRIS Ever since Dereck told me he was gay, things haven't been the same between us. The weird part about it is that it's him acting weird and not me. I mean yeah it was a big shock, but it made a whole lot of sense once I really thought about it. I mean he never really dated girls for more than a few weeks and he'd never gone all the way, as far as I knew. No, he's acting like that part of him shouldn't have anything to do with me and I guess it really doesn't but we're supposed to be buds. This saddens me more than I care to think about. For a while, there it was as if he wasn't dating because of me it just sucked because I don't want him to be unhappy. Hell, his whole reasoning for coming out to me was so he could have a chance at a real relationship. Then he starts going to all these functions and I saw some semblance of my old buddy again. It wasn't until he started dating this Rob character that I truly saw how he was emerging and what sort of shell he'd been in before. I felt like this was a new person that I was seeing and even though we did start hanging out more, it was just different. His laugh was different; the way he dressed was too. And there was this sparkle in his eyes that i'd never seen before. I think he was falling in love and it bothered me so much but I had no idea why. Part of me wishes he had never told me so that things could be the same, but the other part knew that was selfish. I wanted him to be happy, really, I just wish I didn't feel like I was losing something in order for him to accomplish it. DERECK I made it through the door at fifteen past three in the morning. I was so drained that I didn't even undress; I just plopped off my shoes and laid down. My head was still reeling from all that had happened that night. I had gone to the club with Rob. I had bought a new outfit and all, liking the way my new duds hugged a little tighter than my usual baggy pants and shirt. Rob and I were dancing; I was reeling from the vibrations and having a wonderful time in Rob's arms when I had to go fuck it up. Rob kissed me, which was nothing new seeing as we were dating and all, but this time was different. We had been slowly working our way up the intimacy scale but we were still trying to keep it vanilla, seeing as I was still a virgin and all. This time when Rob kissed me, there was such passion that it was driving me crazy. He was running his hands all over my body and it felt sooooooo good that I never wanted him to stop. The moment was perfect, we were in a crowd but it felt like we were all alone as our lips locked. It felt like time stopped. I was moaning and had no idea what else was going on. Eventually I realized that Rob had stopped kissing me. I finally opened my eyes to see a look of sadness come over Rob's face. I didn't know what was wrong and my confusion must have been written all over my face. He simply said, "We need to talk". We walked to a nearby diner and before we got our coffees good, he told me exactly why we had to leave. "Sweetheart, you called me Chris at the club tonight." My eyes welled with tears as I told him, "Oh my God! I am so sorry, I was not even aware. It must have been just a slip. I'm sorry." I knew then that the damage had been done. Dammit I just couldn't get him out of my system, would I ever be free of him? The tears started to pour then because I knew I could never be happy with anyone but Chris. Since that wasn't likely to happen, I was just doomed to be alone. Rob paid our tab and led me out and around to his apartment. He sat me down and asked me how long i'd been in love with Chris. Up until then I had managed to stop crying, but that started it up again. I told him everything, from me loving Chris at the beginning of our friendship to my coming out and Chris' reaction. He listened and then had a few words of his own. "Dereck, you are a great guy, i'm just sad that I didn't meet you before he did, because then you wouldn't be going through this. It sounds to me like he's a good friend and you never know what the future holds for you two. I have to be honest, i've seen how you look at him and before you get hysterical, it's not that obvious, I just happened to be gay AND care about you. I'm still your friend and we can still hang out, we might even find a solution to your Chris problem" I felt like I was all wrung out. I knew my eyes were bloodshot, but I still smiled because at least I hadn't lost the friendship that had developed between Rob and me. I walked slowly back to the dorms still without a clear plan in mind. I had thought of everything from changing schools to breaking off the friendship with Chris. Ultimately, I knew that none of my ideas would work because it wouldn't stop me from thinking about him or loving him. With a huge sigh I let myself in the room and here I am. "Dude are you awake, did you just get here?" "Yeah I went to the club with Rob remember?" "Yeah, I was trying to wait up for you to tell you the good news." Oh shit, here it comes, the other shoe is gonna drop I thought. I just didn't know if I could take an extra heaping of emotional bullshit. I asked what the news was anyway because I could at least try not to let my best friend down. "Der, you know that girl Mary from my architectural design class that i've been talking to for the past couple of weeks? Well we finally hooked up. It was fuckin' incredible, man. I mean just out of this world. Now we're a couple. I'm so happy!" If you could measure enthusiasm, his would be off the charts. As high as he was floating, the exact opposite was true for what I was feeling. My heart was so heavy. This was proof of what I could never have. I just did not know what to do. I guess I was taking too long because Chris butted into my musings and demanded a congratulations. "Sorry man, I was just thinking, but i'm really happy for you. I mean it's great. I mean she seems really nice. Congrats and I hope it works out." Suddenly I needed some air. I needed to leave. I needed to think, and anywhere that Chris wasn't was where I could be. I jumped up stuck my feet in my shoes and headed for the door. I would have made it to safety had he not asked me what was wrong. Dammit! I swiveled around so fast that I knocked some pens off the desk and I know that I had the classic deer in the headlights look. I was thinking fast and finally settled on a half-truth. "Rob and I broke up tonight." "Aw man i'm sorry, here I am boasting about a girl and you were hurting. I'm such an ass. Is there anything that I can do?" Oh what a loaded question. Love me? Hold me? Want me? Be gay? But no, I said none of those things. His being sorry just made me love him more. "Nah man I just want to be alone for a little while. Don't feel bad, you didn't know." On that note, I left and went into the media room and starred into space for a couple of hours until I knew Chris would be at class. I went back to the room and crashed from sheer exhaustion, I didn't even go to class. CHRIS "GODDAMMIT!!!" After Der left I couldn't sleep. I knew I didn't like that bastard Rob. I just never knew why until now. I knew he was trouble. He just came in and swept Der right off his feet with his charm. I felt like smashing his face in. I've never seen Der look so distraught. He must really love that shithead. If truth be told I really don't know what happened because Der didn't wanna talk about it, but he had to be the one who got dumped otherwise why would he look like his heart had been ripped out? After my classes, I went in search of the bastard who broke my friend's heart. I found him at the local hangout. I thought that I could just talk to him like a civilized person. That wasn't the case. As soon as I spotted him, I became enraged. I didn't care that he was more buff than me, hell I had four inches on him. I asked to speak to him outside and before he stepped onto the sidewalk good, I decked him but good. He was so surprised that he went straight down. I hauled him up and drew back to hit him again when I was snatched backwards by someone. I was so mad I swung on them. Whomever it was ducked expertly and rammed me onto the ground. "What the hell are you doing Chris?!" The question startled me back to reality and I realized that it was Dereck on top of me. He looked annoyed, which wasn't what I expected. Here I am coming to his honor and defending my friend and he has the nerve to look annoyed. What the fuck? "Chris you need to apologize to Rob, you don't even know what happened last night. Why the hell did you hit him?" "Apologize? Apologize? What the hell? I saw the look in your eyes last night. That prick hurt you and you're my best friend so of course I hit him. Get off of me, i'm not gonna hit him again unless I hear a good enough reason." He seemed a little reluctant to let me go but considering what I did to Rob's jaw, I guess it was understandable. By now, a small crowd had formed around the place and more people were looking out of the window. "Ok jackass that is my friend, me and Rob decided to just be friends, you could have asked me or him that, so why didn't you?" "I meant to ask him, but when I saw him, all I could think about was how you looked and I saw red man, i'm sorry to both of you. I guess I should have stayed out of that one huh? But if you guys are friends, then what the hell was that look for last night? Jesus, you looked worse than when your dog ran away when we were fifteen." Rob then suggested that Der and me go somewhere more private and talk about it. I thought that was a little odd seeing as though we almost had a brawl in a very public place, but I guessed it must have been really serious. Der and I walked back to the dorms in silence. I kept waiting for him to tell me what it was but his shoes seemed more important at the time because his eyes were glued to them. Unrequited Love He let out a really deep breath and said, "Chris I was just mourning over what could never be. We wouldn't have worked out and last night is when we realized it. I wanted it to work, but it wasn't meant to be." "Yeah, ok, but what am I missing? I mean it seems like you still like him or you wouldn't have pulled me off him today, so why can't you two be together? Dude, you shouldn't be this sad over something that you had a hand in creating." "Chris it's not that it's just that I can't give everything to Rob the way he deserves and he understands that." "Well what the hell is it; I really thought you liked him." "I do it's just so complicated." "What the hell are you talking about? It doesn't sound complicated to me. If you like the guy or love him, then why not go for it?" "It's just not that simple" "Yes it is. Bro, don't make this hard on yourself. I know you've probably never been in love before so maybe you're scared." "It's not that. I just can't..." "You can't what bro, spit it out!" "I CAN'T love Rob; I'm already in love with someone else!" "Goddammit! Why didn't you say so? All this beating around the bush, you could have said that from the beginning. And who is this guy? Do I know him? I thought you were only dating Rob. Wow, so you went ahead and fell. Well congrats. But wait, that doesn't explain the look on your face. I need to know for sure that Rob didn't deserve the hit. So why the look?" By now I was shaking him because it was like he had fucking peanut butter in his throat, he wouldn't say anything of substance. It had to be big for him to be so adamant about not telling me. It was driving me crazy. The last thing I expected was for him to blurt out, "I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU!" He began sobbing uncontrollably and I needed to pick my jaw up of the floor and get my hearing checked. The next thing I knew was that he was walking out the door and slamming it behind him. DERECK Of all the reckless, stupid, crazy, and wonderful things that Chris could have done, why did he have to hit Rob? Damn I wanted to kiss him so bad because he thought he was coming to my rescue. I woke up and wanted to talk to Rob, seeing as he was the only one who knew how I felt about Chris. I knew where he would be and decided to go there. Imagine my surprise when I saw Chris deck him. I raced down the block and got there just in time before Chris hit him again. When I hauled Chris away from Rob, I was not ready for the sensations that assaulted me with him under me on the ground. His hair, soap, and just his scent were intoxicating. I never really allowed myself to get too close to him for this very reason. He was driving me crazy. When he said I could let him up, I had to use sheer willpower not to tighten my arms around him and never let him go. Reluctantly I let him go. When we got up, it was time for explanations; I knew that he would no longer associate my behavior last night to Rob once he found out that we were still friends. Rob suggested we find somewhere private to talk. On the way back to the dorms, I had resigned to myself that I would just have to lie. I had to keep at least that part of me secret because I didn't want to hurt anymore than I already did. He started asking me more questions and I just couldn't make myself outright lie. He kept pushing until I blurted out the truth. The horror of the situation fell on me right after and I couldn't stop the tears. I didn't even look at his face because I was terrified of what i'd find there. So I ran, and ran, and ran. By the time I stopped, I had no idea where I was. I saw a nearby park and just sat. For how long I don't know. It started to rain and I felt it was fitting for how I felt. I was empty. I had lost my best friend because I couldn't keep my mouth shut. At least when he didn't know I still had him as a friend. There's no way in hell we'd be friends now that he knew. I probably freaked him out. He's gonna think that I wanna turn him gay. All these thoughts were going through my head. When I saw dawn creeping up and washing away the night, I decided it was time to go and face the music once again. I walked until I saw a payphone and then called a cab. When I arrived back at my dorm room, before I even got in the door good, I was met with a fist. I didn't even try to stop it. I knew this would be a possibility and I was prepared to suffer through a beating. Nothing could be worse than the emotional pain i'd already been through. Oddly, there was only one punch. "WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?"..." Oh my God are you alright?! You're shivering. You fucking idiot!" At this point, I had no idea what was going on. Chris was yelling at me and just starring. The next thing I knew he's dragging me down the hall and throwing me into the shower clothes and all. It wasn't until the hot water hit me that I realized how cold I was. Belatedly I knew that I was gonna be sick. Oh well. "Take those wet clothes off and when I get back i'll bring you some pajamas." He walked away muttering under his breath and I collapsed in a heap on the floor. My stare was vacant. I didn't even care what happened to me next. Chris came in and started yelling all over again. I didn't catch all of it but there was a handbag of curse words and some 'idiots' and even a 'douche bag'. Damn, I hadn't heard that one since we were kids. It made me smile a little. He stood me back up and eventually I got undressed and into some pajamas. He helped me back to the room, although it felt more like he was dragging me. I fell into bed and was asleep almost instantly. CHRIS The slamming door snapped me out of my stupor and I wasn't sure what to do. Did he really say he loved me? This was crazy. No one has ever been in love with me. This was scary and so confusing because what was I supposed to do now? I mean if this were a girl then i'd definitely make a go of it. But this wasn't and to top it off, this is my best friend here. I needed to know what to do, but seeing as I wasn't gay, I had no idea of where to start. I didn't want to see him hurt but I guessed it was a little late for that. No, I guess now I didn't want to consciously hurt him. It struck me that he must have been hurt over me getting with um... what's her name? Oh, yeah, Mary. Damn I couldn't even remember her name. Anyway, i'm hurt that he couldn't come to me but I guess I understood it. It was getting late so I figured he'd be back in a little while so we could at least talk about it. When he didn't come back, I admit I went a little crazy. I imagined all sorts of things. Him hurting himself, or getting hurt. I called Rob and we went out looking for him. During the course of our investigation, Rob told me everything he knew which was a helluva lot more than I knew. I was stunned more than once as each secret that my best friend kept from me came to life. By the end of the story, shit I was damn near heart-broken myself. My friend was hurting for so long and I never knew. I damn near wished that I were gay so that maybe i'd feel I deserved such emotions but I was just me. I swear at the time I just felt like the dumb blockhead that never got a subtlety in their life. It stunned me that for almost five years Der had had feelings for me and I never knew it. We couldn't find him so we just went home. I knew he'd have to turn up. If only to get his clothes. I had a feeling that he didn't want to be around me. I hoped he was somewhere warm because of the rain, but I just didn't know. At almost eight o'clock in the morning, I heard his key. He opened the door and I was so relieved that I almost couldn't stand. Then I thought of how stupid he'd been to just run off like that. I thought of how worried I was about him and I just reacted to it. I punched him square in the jaw. He went down and didn't even speak. It was like he expected me to beat him up. He was soaked to the skin and that's when I realized that he didn't look so good. I'd explain to him later that I wasn't gay bashing but for now he needed warmth so I threw him into a hot shower. Only then did he show some signs of life. I swear he looked like a part of him died. I hated that look and I needed it to be gone but for the moment I focused on getting him warm. Once we got back to the room, he got under the covers and was out instantly. I sat on my bed with my head in my hands. I still had no idea what to do. I mean yeah I loved the guy, he was my best friend but I wasn't in love with him. He's a he and i'm not gay. Sure, i've never had a bond like this with anyone, but that's because it's just not that common. Most girls think i'm all looks or that i'm a sex addict, and most guys are cool to hang out with but we never really clicked like me and Der did. All of these years of friendship will just go down the tube if I don't do something. This was the most nerve-wracking problem i'd ever dealt with. What was I going to do? DERECK When I finally woke up, I felt like I had been hit with a sledgehammer. My head was spinning and I felt like I was on fire. When I was finally able to sit up, I saw that there was some soup, water, and aspirin on my desk. There was a note with specific instructions not to get out of bed. If I weren't so sick, I would have cried at how Chris was taking care of me. I lay back down after eating the soup and thought about how to deal with my situation. I was really just trying to resign myself to the fact that my friendship was over. There was no way that we could still be friends with him knowing that I loved him. I called Rob and asked if I could stay with him until the end of the school year. There was less than two months left and I figured that I could make it until then. I watched TV until I fell back asleep. When I woke up again Chris was there giving me more aspirin and soup. I even had a cool towel on my forehead. Damn I loved this man. He didn't say anything and for once I was glad that he wasn't talking. It was an almost comfortable silence since there was just nothing left to say at the moment. He laid down on his bed and draped his arm over his face. I turned over and went back to sleep. We continued like this until I was well enough to go back to class. Chris had called my friends so that I wouldn't miss any notes or assignments from my classes. I really appreciated all that he'd done for me, but I was still resigned to moving to Rob's and letting our friendship go. I thought that he at least deserved to know so before I started packing I sat down and made sure that I was looking straight into his eyes. I let all of the love I had for him show in my eyes. I figured that i'd never see him again or that I would at least try to avoid him for a while. "Chris thank you so much for taking care of me, you didn't really have to but i'm glad you did." "No problem, what are friends for?" "Well about the friends part, I don't think we should be friends anymore... or at least we should just not be around each other for a while. I hope you understand." "No Chris I don't understand, how can you say something that no one has ever told me a week ago and now not want to be my friend?" "It's precisely why I can't be around you right now. I never expected you to find out. It was one thing to let you know that I was gay, but it's another reality when you know the reason that i've never been in a real relationship. I thought that I had something with Rob but I couldn't get you out of my system, even on a subconscious level. I didn't know that rooming with you after I came out would make it so hard. I'm moving out until the end of the school year. I think I need to just cut myself off from you for a while. It is driving me crazy that I can't have you and I can't move on. I need to unstick myself from this situation. I need a life and my feelings for you are keeping me from that." So until I can get you out of my system, we can't be friends. I hope you understand. With that long explanation, I let out a long breath and started packing. I told him that i'd come back later for the rest of my stuff. He still hadn't said anything. I packed as much as I could into two large duffel bag and stuffed my backpack with my books. With that, I was out of the door. CHRIS After Dereck left I thought of all the things that I had wanted to say that seemed to stick in my throat. This was absurd, my life was falling apart and it wasn't even my fault. I seriously wished for a few moments that I was gay. I had never thought about guys like that, a hard dick did nothing for me. No girl had ever played with my ass so I couldn't even imagine what gay sex was like. I wanted Der in my life; he was my best friend dammit. I've never been in love, but if it feels anything like how I was feeling, I didn't wish it on anyone. This made me think of how Der must be feeling. Damn, he loved me. It was still something that I had a hard time coming to grips with. I didn't think I deserved to be loved like that, especially since there wasn't a way for that love to be fulfilled. I guess you couldn't choose who you loved. The thing that weirded me out was that him loving me didn't gross me out, it just made me feel unworthy. I saw the way he looked at me when he told me he was going to move out. It was incredible; I don't think he's ever looked at me like that. I felt small and helpless. As much as I still wanted his friendship, I understood on some level the need to purge me from his system, but did our friendship have to go along with it? I thought about it some more and the more I thought, I became increasingly angry. I needed my friend back and just because he had some emotional problems right now didn't mean that we couldn't be friends. Maybe if I made him mad at me, then he wouldn't love me anymore and we could have it out the old-fashioned way- with a good brawl. Otherwise, who knew when i'd get my friend back with him doing things his way. Yeah, as the plan formulated in my mind I began to smile. In the last weeks of school, I started being sort of a stalker. I just couldn't give up on our friendship. At first Der would just blush beet red and act as if us spotting each other was a coincidence. It made me smile even more knowing that I was getting to him. With each new 'coincidence', he stopped blushing and his eyes became hooded. He would scowl now and just ignore me. I knew I was making him angry, but I just couldn't help it. Finally, I got him to speak to me. I had bumped into him at the local hangout and he finally spoke up. "Chris please leave me alone. I've got finals coming up and I need to concentrate." "Oh please dude, you know we hang out with the same crowd, we just happen to keep bumping into each other." "That's bullshit Chris, you know how hard this is for me and I thought you understood this so why are you baiting me?" He really did look bad, and I had a moment of doubt that my plan wouldn't work, but i'd come this far so I just continued. "Man you really need to get your head checked, i'm not doing anything to you, it's all in your head." "Just leave me alone Chris, please." "If I were messing with you, why should I stop? You looovve me, remember, all you'll do is run away like you did before, maybe i'm doing you a favor by forcing you to face yourself." I couldn't believe that i'd just said that to him, but I needed him to let off the pressure. He was wound so tight that he was gonna crash in a little while. I realized that all this time I was really trying to help him. That made me feel better about baiting him like that. "Just stop Chris, I can't do this." "Sure you can, just talk to me, say whatever you want, you look like shit anyway so what ever the hell you're doing isn't working anyway. I'm still your friend, so let it out." By now, I was poking him and he just kept stumbling backwards. His throat was working and his eyes kept closing. I knew he was close to tears and if I didn't get him to blow soon I didn't know what i'd do. DERECK I couldn't believe it, Chris really had been stalking me. Truth be told, I had begun to expect him to pop up at inopportune times. Once I realized that it was more than just by mistake, I started wondering at his motives. The only thing that I could think about was that he was angry with me for not being his friend and he was punishing me. It began to wear on me that he would do something like that and me moving out didn't seem to be helping the matter any. Why would he do this? I finally had had enough. I tried to talk to him, but he was pushing me harder and harder. He started saying words that were like knives to my heart. Finally, I decided that I had to do something so that he would leave me alone. I closed my eyes so that I could get myself together as much as possible. I couldn't believe what I was about to do but there was no other way. "You want me to let it out!?" I started shouting at him and pushing him back. I didn't even care that he looked a little shocked. I've never been one for violence, but when I finally get angry, it takes me a while to calm down. I needed to simulate that now. I grabbed him by his shirt collar and threw him onto the ground. By now, we had moved to a somewhat secluded spot, but for what I needed to do, I hoped there was at least a few people around to add to the effect. I leaned down and started shaking him and yelling, "Why are you doing this to me, you know that I love you!!" I punched him and winced as my fist connected with his face. "Is this what you want? For me to get angry and let it out!?" By now, I was so close to his face that I could feel his breath on my face as I looked at him. I pulled back and peered down on him. "Do you know why I stay away? It's because every time i'm around you I want to do this." With that, I bent down and plastered my lips to his in a bruising kiss. I pulled back to catch my breath and immediately went back into the kiss. I didn't care that he wasn't responding, I think he was in shock that I would kiss him. "Every time I see you I want to run my tongue down every inch of your body, and I do mean every inch." I was still holding onto his shirt and I knew my eyes were filled with lust. I popped a boner because most of what I was saying wasn't acting. I made sure that I rubbed it against his thigh. I'm sure that by now you know that my plan was to get him good and disgusted so that he'd leave me alone. I looked into his eyes and he looked a little scared. That was good. I bent my head down and licked at his neck before lightly kissing the same spot. When I was sure he wouldn't move I bit down on his neck and felt him tense up. Oh yeah, he'd be good and pissed when he saw that. I jerked him back, got up, and left him lying on the ground. I walked away feeling a bit better, knowing that there was no way he'd be bothering me from now on. I was a little sad that it was finally over, but at least i'd get a chance to live my life. CHRIS OH MY FUCKING GOD!! I can't believe how that fucking backfired. I walked back to the dorm still in shock. I should have been repulsed by something like that but oddly, I wasn't. What could this mean? Was I gay now or something? I mean he kissed me and I had a hard time not moaning. Then he starts licking my neck and I felt it all in my balls and down into the tips of my toes. I was so fucking hard that I couldn't believe it! When he bit me, my god I almost creamed in my pants. I had a feeling that he was only doing that to gross me out or something but oh my it hadn't worked. Now I was the one tripping out. I sat down on my bed and started to really think about what happened and where to go from there. The thought that he popped a boner and ground it into me was just such a turn on? Was it really a turn on? Yeah, I guess it was. I needed to find out what was going on with me. Unrequited Love I hopped up and got on the internet. I started researching all things gay. I went to a popular site that I previously only went to for straight stories. I started to read the stories and I recognized that the straight fucking stories did nothing for me. It was the love stories that really got to me. I started to see that it wasn't that they were gay, but that they were love stories that just happened to be between two men. I wasn't really hard, but all it took was for me to remember the lust in Der's eyes, the love also shining through, his biting me and I was hard and panting. This was so freaking me out. I really started thinking about my actions so far and I really began to feel like an idiot. I thought about how I felt when he told me he was gay. I wasn't upset that he was gay, but the fact that he hadn't shared everything with me left me feeling like we weren't as close as I thought. Then with him dating, I really felt like I was losing him. Instead of feeling happy for him that he was finally living an open life, I was jealous that he had another facet to himself that I knew nothing about. I didn't want him to be happy if I was being totally honest. Because his happiness meant that he wouldn't be with me all the time. I guess a part of me had known all along that there was something more to the story, and not just on his part either. When Der started dating I noticed that he wouldn't smile or laugh at me the same way, it was just different. I guess it bothered me that those smiles that used to be only for me were going to someone else. I finally saw what it was like to really just be friends and I didn't like it. I was discovering all of this in hindsight but it was still so hard to digest. Him telling me that he loved me didn't gross me out because I guess deep down I already knew. Or at least I knew that there was more to our bond than I was willing to admit. Since I was being honest with myself, the thought of him loving me actually made me feel good. I guess that should have been my first clue right there. I got sort of fuzzy when I thought of what loving me meant. He wanted me, and not just to fuck, but me, all of me. He knew everything about me and still loved me. It felt pretty amazing, him being a guy or not. When I took care of him, I felt like a damn mother hen. I just starred at him for the longest. Every time he would move I was there re-wetting the cool towel or letting him sip water. I knew he didn't remember any of that and that was comforting. I would smooth his hair away from his face and I felt so bad for him that I almost wanted to kiss his forehead. The idea was startling and I always resisted. I couldn't take it when he left. It was like my right arm was gone. I mean sure we weren't on the best of terms ever since coming to school, but some semblance of a friendship was better than nothing. I knew that there was still the problem of what to do about the situation. I had to change my tactic. I knew that I still wanted him in my life, but the question now was, could I handle a relationship. I knew that I couldn't just experiment with my sexuality with him. If I was going to do this then it couldn't be a fling. I just didn't know what to do. As the days got closer to the end of the school term, I started to see Der in a completely new light. Previously I figured that he was pretty good looking, I guess. We were no slouches or anything. But I started to notice that his eyes were like deep pools that I wanted to drown in. He had clear skin with pink pouty lips. I remembered how they felt and wished now that I had responded. His smile was quite nice when he actually let it out. Man I was tripping over him hard. I saw him around, but I made it a point not to draw attention to that fact. He was drawn and reserved; his eyes looked a little dim. I wanted his eyes to sparkle again, and I wanted to be the one who put it there. His hair was longer and I thought about running my hands through it. His deep dark waves were starting to grow down his neck and over his ears. It was cute? I didn't know what to think about that. Man I was falling hard. I had to know for sure that I wouldn't break his heart. I had already caused him so much pain. For this reason, I stayed away from him. Yes, my attraction was growing for him, but he was the only male that it seemed to be growing for. How did I convince him that I really wanted him when I wasn't really sure that I was gay? Like a light bulb or lightening, or whatever, I was struck again by how stupid I had been. What if it wasn't about being gay? I mean I was attracted to him, but only him. No other guy did it for me. That didn't make me gay, it just made me his. Sure, I still thought about women, but the more that I thought about it, the more I realized that I had never had a bond like the one that we shared. I never even let anyone get that close to me. Maybe I loved him. The thought made me sit down, hard. I was stunned. I loved Dereck? Could that be true? Damn, I was gonna lose my mind if I kept thinking about this. I got up and went to take a shower. I set the water on the hottest I could stand and tried not to think. That didn't work. I couldn't help remembering Der in the shower. He was bigger than I remembered from high school. It was odd at first that he never took his clothes off in front of me. But when I was helping him shower, he was much more sculpted than I thought. Remembering his body made me think of what he'd said that he wanted to do to me. Especially thinking about that bite which scared the hell out of me when I saw it. I was so hard thinking about it though. I took my cock and started to slowly jack off. I tried to think of girls, celebrities with hot bodies and I went almost limp. Then I started thinking of men actors, Brad Pitt, Orlando Bloom, anyone and I was still only at half-mast. Just one thought of Der and I was almost shooting my wad. What the hell was happening to me? I slowly reached around and tapped at my bud. The shiver that raced down my body was incredible. I used some soap to lather my finger and slowly started working my finger in. It burned a little but still felt good. I knew about the male prostate but I couldn't quite reach it. I shifted a little ad I saw white. The feeling was so intense that I almost fell down. My orgasm was so intense that I was shaking even minutes after. By the end of my shower, I was pruned and still horny as hell. My problems seemed to be ever changing. Now that I was all horned up, there was only one person that could satisfactorily relieve it and he didn't want to have anything to do with me. It was time to do something yet again. DERECK I walked away from Chris and was shaking I was so nervous. What if he got up and chased me? I went back to Rob's place and cried my heart out. It was really over. Damn, I was acting like we were a couple. I knew that my actions had really cinched the deal though. He couldn't help but be disgusted with me now. The problem was that I couldn't really be sorry for what I did. I got to live out some of the fantasies that i've had for years. It was incredible even if he wasn't responding. I wanted the school year to end so that I could go home and lick my wounds. I walked around campus, not really seeing anything or anyone. I was so glad when I was able to go home for the summer. It would be my time to find out what I really wanted to do with the rest of my life. I wasn't sure that I even wanted to go back to that school. I got home and was met with a bevy of questions from my mom. She sat me down and did not stop with the questions for ten minutes. When she was done, she looked at me expectantly. I hadn't heard half of what she said and I just didn't have the energy to play it off jokingly. She looked at me really hard and then led me to my room. She asked me what was wrong and I seriously contemplated breaking down and telling her the whole story. I really had wanted to come out to my parents when I got a boyfriend. It just didn't seem to matter now seeing as I wasn't with anyone. Being 'out' wasn't so great when being hit on by guys didn't make you want your ex-best friend any less. I just told her that Chris and I weren't friends any more and that I hadn't been living in the dorms for over a month. I knew she wanted to push but I guess something made her hold her tongue. She made my favorite dinner of fried chicken macaroni and broccoli. It was a nice gesture but I guess she didn't know that it was also Chris' favorite meal too. Over the next few weeks, I slept for long hours and barely left my room. I had lost weight in school but now I was gaining it back in spades. I now had a little pouch that I couldn't really bring myself to care about. I decided to go out and take a swim. My parents were out and I had nothing else to do. I went for a swim and was beginning to feel pretty good about lazing about in the sunshine. I got out and decided to bring in the mail even though I usually didn't get anything that wasn't school related, but I did it anyway. While leafing through the mail a small envelope fell out and onto the floor. I picked it up and noticed that it had my name on it. I looked for the return address but there wasn't one. I shrugged and opened the envelope. The card said 'Thinking of you', and in the inside was written "in every way". I didn't know what the hell to make of that. I guessed that Rob was just trying to cheer me up. I pretty much forgot about it until I received the next one a week later. It was the same card but the inside now said, "Miss you, want you, and need you." I had no idea what to make of that one either. I didn't want to get freaked out but it was a little strange. Still, I didn't have the energy to get too worked about it. It wasn't like it was miraculously from Chris. I put it with the other one in my desk drawer and went on about my day. I decided to get a job and went to work at a local bookstore. It was mundane but it gave me something to do and put some money in my pocket. I hadn't figured on running into Chris. I thought that I was healing... I thought wrong. He waltzed into the store and I felt raw hunger at first. That was followed by longing and then sadness. Would it ever stop? Maybe when I was seventy and had Alzheimer's I wouldn't be able to remember him. I sighed and went on back to work. The problem with being the only cashier scheduled was that you had to help everyone. My prompt was so scripted; I often recited it before looking at the person. "Thank you for choosing CraftBooks, we hope you enjoyed your experience..." I looked up at that exact moment and it was Chris. I found some way to finish the prompt, if only to fill the space. "We hope you found everything you were looking for." He smiled and I noticed that it didn't quite reach his eyes. He was still gorgeous though and his smile took my breath away. "Well its funny you should say that Der. You see, i've been looking for something for a long time and didn't even know it. Turns out that you guys do carry it, but I don't know if i'm worthy of it." I was completely confused. I had no idea what the hell he was talking about. He must have sensed my confusion but he kept talking anyway. "I'm scared to even try to get it, but I think that i'll just keep coming back to spy on it until I get up the guts to pay for it." With that, his transaction was finished and I was really confused. Had Chris gone crazy or something? I watched him walk out and was just glad that more hadn't gone on. I made it through the day and went home. As the weeks wore on, I saw Chris in the bookstore more and more, but he never really said anything to me unless he bought something. Even then, he would only say the regular customer stuff. I sighed in sadness but knew that this is what I had wanted. One day I came in and there was a small box on the cash register with my name on it. I opened the box and there was a chocolate cupcake with 'Love Me' written in icing on it. It had to be a coincidence that chocolate was my favorite. I licked the icing and almost moaned. It was butter crème, also a favorite of mine. I looked around but didn't see anyone. I was beginning to think that I had a secret admirer. Who could it be? Maybe some girl from high school. No one here knew I was gay, so it had to be some girl. That was the last thing I needed. Oh well, at least I got good chocolate and I knew that I had never let a girl think that I was seriously interested. CHRIS Damn this slow seduction thing was killing me! He didn't even know that it was me sending the cards. When I decided to send the cupcake, I thought for sure that he'd know who it was from. After all, it was his favorite. I stood back out of his line of sight and watched him as he licked icing off his fingers. It was giving me a boner and making me more frustrated. I saw him looking around and then shrugging. My shoulders slumped because I knew he hadn't put it together. I was wracking my brain thinking of what to do next. He probably thought I still hated him. I know he was totally closed to the idea that I was interested. I knew I was interested now, I was in love. Each time I saw him I just wanted to hold him in my arms. He still had that haunted look, but I planned to change that soon. I had to up the ante so to speak so I decided to go with the direct approach. Well, more direct than I had been until this point. I didn't think going to his house was a good idea, at least not yet. While he was at work, I went to buy something I knew he'd love. He was a great artist so I bought him a set of charcoals for his sketching. I decided not to wrap it or anything because now I didn't really want him to put it together that I was his secret admirer. I got to the check stand and let his voice waft over me. I always let myself smile a little when he spoke. It was softer now, not with his usual timber but he was more solemn now. I loved it anyway. He finished his prompt and I waited until he looked at me. It was a little tentative at first but then he defiantly stared back. "I'm sorry," I said. He was gulping and darting his eyes a bit now. "For what? You haven't done anything." "Yeah I have, I didn't respect your wishes and I should have left you alone. I've done that and i'd like to offer you a peace offering." I gave him the charcoals and he smiled a little. I loved the fact that I was the cause of that smile. I wished that I could make him smile like that for the rest of our lives. I think that's when I was absolutely sure that I was in love with him. Now I just had to convince him of that. "Thank you, it's ok, I realized afterwards that you were trying to help me in your own weird way. I'm just not ready to go there again though. I'm sorry." I couldn't help it, I reached out to brush one of his locks out of his eye and I heard him gasp. I was immediately chagrined and I hoped I hadn't blown it. I didn't want him to withdraw even more from me. "Its ok, Der, I can wait." With that, I walked away with my purchase. I didn't go to the store for a couple of more days; I didn't want to push my luck. I needed to decide how to up the ante on my seduction. This wasn't for fun, this was for my life. I sent another card along with a pink rose. I thought it was fitting because of my inscription. It read, 'This rose is the color blush I want you to have when you realize how loved you are.' Ok so Casanova I ain't but it was from the heart. I didn't go see him the next day either but it was so hard to stay away from him. DERECK I was beginning to look for Chris to come into the store. I was so tired of trying to fight my feelings for him that I decided to just feel. It couldn't be anymore painful than fighting it had been. When he came in and apologized, I thought I would just die. So I guess he knew what I was doing just like I figured him out. It just solidified why I loved him so much. He reached out to smooth y hair and I felt the electricity all the way to my toes. If I didn't know better i'd say he was flirting. It was sad, I guess now I was just transferring my feelings onto him. Oh well, maybe I wouldn't love him forever. Maybe I had a chance with whomever my secret admirer. If they weren't a girl, of course. When I got the rose, I was dumb founded. Up until now, the words had been pretty vanilla. There was no indication that the person loved me. I couldn't say that it wasn't possible because of how I felt about Chris, but it wasn't probable seeing as I never really got close to anyone else. I was weirded out, but so far, it wasn't really stalker-ish. I received another card that just said, 'open your eyes'. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Should I know who this person was? Rob was really the only possibility but I had to rule him out because he didn't know where I lived. That only left people in my hometown. That meant that it had to be a girl because no one knew I was gay. It was starting to get to me a little bit. When Chris came into the store the next week, I actually sought him out. I needed to talk about it with someone and I really only wanted to and could talk to him about it. "Hey Chris you got a minute?" He looked a little shocked, but then he blew me away with his beautiful smile and came over. Damn I loved his smile. "Sure anything for you Der, what's up? I don't know why but I loved him even more for not being disgusted with me or at least getting over it. "Well, i've got this problem and I need some advice. You are really the only person I can safely talk about it with." "Well Der come on out with it, what is going on? Are you alright? Is mom ok? Speak up man!" It touched me that he still cared and I guess he was more affected by our friendship ending than I thought. I quickly allayed his fears. "Naw man, some chick has been sending me letters. She even sent me a cupcake and a rose for heavens sake! Man, I don't know what to do; I think she loves me or something. I don't like the fact that i've led some girl on or something, it's just not fair to her." CHRIS I was so shocked that my Der sought me out. Yes, I had come to think of him as mine. I don't even know when that happened. Then he tells me he needs advice and I immediately went a little berserk. After he assured that there was nothing like that wrong, imagine my shock when he starts talking about his secret admirer. I had to really think of how to handle this. Did I lay all my cards on the table or should I act like I didn't know anything about it? It hurt me so bad that he automatically thought it was a girl. Then I was confused, why would he think that? Surely he had been out on dates since we'd been on break. "Der how do you know it's a girl? Last time I checked, you don't play for that team. Haven't you dated and come out to your parents? I'm sure they would still support you." "Actually I haven't dated anyone since Rob and no one here knows that i'm gay. I wanted to tell mom and dad this past school year when I had a steady boyfriend or something, but that didn't happen so I just didn't say anything. I'm not sure that i'm going back to school in the fall though." His words made me run through a gamut of emotions. I was happy and sad that he hadn't dated. But the fact that he wasn't even out to his parents just made me that much more sad for him. I wanted to take him in my arms and assure him that everything would be ok. The thought of him not going back to school was more than I could bear. I needed to move this along before summer was over. I couldn't let him out of my life without a fight. "So who do you think it is? "I have absolutely no idea. I have a feeling that she may hang around here but i've never felt anyone starring at me. Do you think you can keep an eye out when you come in? I mean, that is, if you wanna come in." Unrequited Love I didn't know what to say. It was such a crucial moment that I was starting to sweat. There was a little over a month left until we went back to school, which meant that he needed to find out soon so we could work it out. I needed him and not having him was driving me crazy. I just had no idea what to say now that I had the opportunity. I decided to just try saying something that I had written. "Have you really ever just tried to 'open your eyes'? The person could be right in your face." "Damn there was something like that on one of the cards, its weird how that's happened." Lord my man was being dense. He couldn't help it though. He just would never expect that I was anything other than straight. I took a deep breath and plunged headfirst. I began to talk and then remembered where we were. I didn't want to profess my love in a crowded bookstore. Plus I had no idea how he'd take it. "I've got an idea, why don't we get some of our old yearbooks and compare the writing. I may have some girls that you don't in yours. If it's ok I could come over and we could look together." "Well, my parents know we aren't friends anymore, so it might be best if you came over when they were out. On my day off you can come over, mom and dad will be at work." "Great then it's a date, i'll come over at 11, I know how grouchy you are in the morning." I almost cringed at my use of the word 'date' but I was so excited that I didn't care. I decided to tell him exactly how I felt before I even got to his house two days from now. Yes, this secret admirer was about to bare his soul to the only man he'd ever love. Once I tell him who I am, I don't care if I have to lock him away and make sweet love to him for days to make him believe me. I was resigned that I'd make him believe me by any means necessary. Even if I had to tat his name across my heart, i'd do it. I was walking on cloud nine as I placed his new trinket on his doorstep. I made sure that no one saw me and I hurriedly placed it and then walked away. This one was a bit more risky, but I only had two days and it would have taken that long for the mail to run. I was still reeling from how good it felt to finally get out how I felt to someone other than myself. I loved that it was to the object of that affection too. This is what I sent him, 'I love you more than I ever thought possible to love someone else. I'm so very sorry for anything that I might have done to cause you pain. I want to be the one to put the sparkle back into your beautiful brown eyes. I would love nothing more than to run my fingers through your locks for hours on end and listen to your voice as it wafts over my senses. I want to bask in the scent that is you and become completely intoxicated on your kisses. You once wanted me; I hope and pray that you still do because I can't imagine my life without you. I am convinced that you are the other half that completes my soul. My only wish is that if you should find me unsatisfactory, that you still find happiness. I love you.S.A.' The next day, I didn't do anything. I wanted him to really soak up the letter. I had decided to show up with the last gift and pretend that I had found it. I would arrive early to make sure that he hadn't come outside within the time frame before my arrival. I was so nervous it was ridiculous. Once he opened the box, however he would know anyways so I had just a small window of time to prepare for his reaction. I knocked on the door and he looked so cute. He was grouchy which I knew he'd be, but it was so sexy, that just rolled out of bed look. He led me into the kitchen where coffee was ready and his cup already sat on the table. I picked up the box off the porch and sat it on the kitchen counter. I poured myself some coffee and waited. He hadn't even noticed that I had no yearbooks. "I see you got the latest addition to the collection. You should see this stuff." With that, he walked out of the room, went up to his room and came down with a small bundle. I don't know why but seeing that he had dried the rose made my heart soar. "I don't think you should open this last one until we've at least looked through and talked about this stuff," I said holding up the bundle. "Ok, I got a letter too. It was so beautiful. I just wish that I wasn't doomed to break some girls' heart because I would feel terrible. Even though I know my reasons for not being with her have nothing to do with her in particular, its still gonna smart." I agreed and asked to see the stuff. I couldn't help but trace everything lovingly. I had no idea how he'd react and I wanted to savor the fact that he kept my cards and letter for a little while longer. I told him that it was a very nice declaration and that he might just be surprised at the outcome. When we finished our coffee, he took the mugs and sat them in the sink. I let out a breath because the last thing I wanted was for him to break one of his moms mugs in anger and me have to clean up spilled coffee. Just in case, things got out of hand. He brought the box to the table and opened it. I hadn't realized that I was holding my breath until he looked at me funny. I played it off while he continued to open the box. Inside there was a note attached to a smaller box. It said 'read first'. He opened it and a look of amusement and worry came over his face. He handed it to me and sat down just holding the box. The note read, 'You are my treasure. I could live forever in the knowledge that you give me your love and that would be enough. I would ask for nothing else. In the box is something that you gave me, which has become of great importance recently. It is something that I have begun to cherish just because it was yours. I give it back along with my heart. All I ask is that you give me you. Give us a chance.' It was a stretch I knew but it was how I felt. He was still holding the box as if it were something to be feared. I gulped audibly and told him to open the box. Inside was his old basketball jersey. I had folded it so that his number would show and I had written 'Chris loves Dereck' on his number. I had won it in a one on one game during the summer after high school. I told him that he didn't really have to give it up but he insisted that a bet was a bet. He was just starring at it. Then I noticed that he wasn't just staring at it. His hands were trembling as he touched the jersey and tears had started to trail down his face. His voice was so low that I barely heard him speak, and it almost broke my heart when he did. "Why did you do this? Is this your way of convincing me that you're a jerk so I won't feel that way about you anymore? What kind of sick joke are you playing? I really do disgust you don't I? You just had to get me back for not being your friend. This was cruel." With that, he began shoving everything into the box. I had never seen him look like that. I knew that I needed to do something, but I don't think I expected him to be so devastated about it. I expected anger, but this was something that had my heart bleeding right alongside his. I jumped up and grabbed him. I began wiping his tears with my hands. He was barely moving. I made him look into my eyes and began talking. "It's not a joke, it's really how I feel and i'll do anything to make you believe it." "BUT YOU'RE STRAIGHT!!" "Yeah, and you're not but I love you anyway. I know that didn't seem like a very coherent statement so let me clarify. I've always been attracted to women and never to men. You are the only man that is attractive to me. I've decided not to try and label myself. I'm just yours if you'll have me." I was still very nervous because my baby was still crying and not responding very well. I knew that I was going to have a long road ahead of me. I sat down on the kitchen chair and brought him down with me. I let out a moan at how right he felt in my arms. I bent his head down and started kissing his tears away. Every time I kissed him, I would say, "I love you." It was very intimate. He still hadn't said much aside from his outbursts. I knew he was probably in shock so I just rocked him gently while he cried. I whispered in his ear what he meant to me and I could have stayed like that forever. Unfortunately, my legs were falling asleep so I led him up to his room and put him to bed. I brought up the box and waited. I held him in my arms until he woke up. DERECK I knew I should have woke up in time to shower and dress but I couldn't sleep the night before. I was so nervous about Chris being in the same vicinity as me. What the hell was I thinking? When he showed I had barely managed to roll out of bed and make some coffee. He showed up exactly on time holding what he told me had been on the porch. I knew that it was an addition to the stuff I had already been given. I had received a letter the previous day and it was so beautiful that it made my heart hurt. Whoever this was sure had it bad, or they were going through a helluva lot of trouble for a prank. Chris suggested we go through the other stuff before I opened the box. I showed him my little bundle and was a little surprised at how lovingly he was holding the cards. He became especially wistful when reading the letter. I went to open the box and Chris looked a little funny. I read the letter first and it seemed that I might finally be getting close to an identity. Whatever I had given this person must have been pretty special. I just hoped I remembered whatever it was that I had given away. I opened the second box and I could hardly breathe. My old high school jersey had 'Chris loves Dereck' written on it. My hands were trembling as I ran my fingers over the jersey. I wanted to believe that all of my dreams were coming true, but I knew it couldn't be true. I was wrong to think that I knew what hurt felt like. This was so much worse. I couldn't help the tears. Why? Why? This was all I could think. Chris must have wanted to play some cruel trick on me, I couldn't believe that I invited him here and now he was witnessing my humiliation. Every time I pulled away from him, he pushed me and pushed me. Well now I saw that he had no scruples. I felt my control slipping. I couldn't focus on anything. It was like I had separated from myself. I knew that Chris was talking and it felt like he was holding me but that couldn't be right. Nothing that I was saying or that he was saying was getting through. I woke up in my bed. I had no idea how I got there. I tried to move but I was trapped. What the hell? I rocked backward and I felt hardness. I must have really been out of it. I wriggled a little and I felt hardness on my ass. I willed myself to calm down and realized that there was breathing on my neck. I kind of looked around and saw that it was Chris. All of the events leading up to this moment came flooding back to me. I even remembered what had been said. It was just too unbelievable. Could this really be true? There really couldn't be a better explanation. He was holding me so tight and it felt wonderful. I began to think of the consequences of believing him. What if this was all some fantastic scheme? Could I take it if it was? I was a bit resigned. I mean, I couldn't hurt much more than when I realized i'd never be over him. He already had my heart. There wasn't anything else that I had to lose. Even in thinking like this, I still wanted to hold back. Which was silly really, because if he were serious there would be no real way that I could refuse him anything. With those thoughts racing through my mind, I let out a huge sigh. I felt Chris stir and I immediately tensed. I was waiting for what he would do. He turned me around and starred into my face. There was such intensity in his stare that it was melting my resolve. "Hi sweetheart, sorry I fell asleep on you." He called me sweetheart! Oh my god! My mouth was open and I had a shocked look on my face. "What's the matter baby? Cat got your tongue?" 'Baby'? I must be dead and in heaven. This was just unreal. It was almost like he read my mind. "Oh this is for real Der. I'll do whatever I have to do to convince you of how I feel. I'll send you dozens of flowers if you want. I'll write hundreds of poems. I'll send out emails to all of our friends proclaiming my love. I just don't want you to hurt anymore. I mean every word that I have said. I just hope that you still want me." I was sooo scared. Here is everything I have ever wanted but never thought, no knew, that i'd never have and now it was being handed to me. My whole body was trembling and I still couldn't speak. What was I really afraid of? Well he wasn't gay, but he said he loved me. I was assaulted by a series of 'what ifs'. I was vulnerable. That's it, that's what I was so afraid of. All this time I was hurting, I was never really vulnerable because there was never a threat of him intentionally hurting me. The hurt was always one-sided and sort of self-inflicted. Chris had never been given the power to hurt me. Giving Chris my trust as far as relationships went was something that I never even imagined possible. I had to be sure that this was really and truly what he wanted. "Chris, how do you know?" He looked at me for the longest and at first; I didn't think he'd answer. "Well, it was more gradual than how your feelings developed, but i've come to believe that I probably always felt more for you than just how a friend should feel. I just had some sort of block because I never imagined falling for a guy; I never even thought it a possibility. I started thinking differently when you kissed me. Afterwards I started getting hard just thinking about you. It was weird and at first, I didn't know what to do about it. It got to the point where only thinking of you could get me off. I didn't want to just experiment with you so I waited until I could be sure of my feelings." "What made you sure?" I just had to keep pushing; this was like salve to the open wound that was my heart. With each word, I was melting more and more. "Every time I saw you I wanted to hold you, it was almost like an obsession. You looked so sad and it was breaking my heart because it was my fault. I hated Rob because of how you smiled at him. You used to smile at me like that and when you didn't it felt like I was getting an amputation. I felt so stupid when I finally put it together. After you told me you loved me, I couldn't even remember Mary's name. Nothing you did grossed me out. Not telling me you were gay, not kissing me, nothing. Truth be told, I got all warm and fuzzy thinking about you loving me. It all added up to one conclusion... I love you." I was reeling and crying by now. There was nothing left to do but take the plunge. There was nothing left for me to do but say, "Ok." "Ok what sweetheart?" "Ok so convince me." He smiled brilliantly and this time it reached his eyes. "Damn baby, maybe I should have said that i'd make sweet love to you to convince you. Then I could have spent this time satisfying my fantasies." I thought I would just melt into the bed. Throughout this whole time, Chris had never let go of me. I could lie like this forever. The thought gave me pause. What did Chris really want from me? I mean he said that he didn't just want to experiment, but I needed something a little more concrete. He was the only man i'd ever love and it couldn't be just for a couple of weeks or a couple of months. To have a taste just to have it taken away was not something I thought I could handle. "So you love me, but what does that mean for us? I know you said that you don't want to experiment but what exactly do you want? I don't think that I can do this with you for only a little while." "Baby, I want you for as long as you'll have me. I've only ever had a bond like this with you. I don't think i'll find it with anyone else and I never want to look or find out. Does that answer your question?" "Well, uh... umm, yeah that about covers it." "Good" And with that he kissed me. CHRIS I felt something wriggling against me and it felt soooo good. I climbed out of my fog and realized that I had fallen asleep with my Der in my arms. He was already awake and I must have startled him because when I spoke he tensed up. I turned him around and just had to stare. How could I have ever not been in love with him? He was so scared right now that he was trembling. I held him throughout the whole conversation. I saw the range of emotions that crossed his face. I was determined not to let his fears stop us from having a chance. When he finally began to come around I was trying so hard to be patient. Now that my goal was in reach, I was almost trembling from the anticipation of reaching it. I was determined to see it through. When I was sure that he at least was willing to give us a try, I couldn't help but kiss him. It was amazing! Kissing someone you loved was much better than just any regular kiss. His lips were so soft. I licked and nipped for what seemed like hours. I could have kissed him all day. It was so intimate. I told him that we would only go as far as he wanted. He was getting more and more sure of himself. We were now grinding on each other and both of us were sporting hard-ons. It was hard for me to catch my breath and I knew it must have been the same for him. "Baby, you have too many clothes on." "Wait! Chris, i've never done this before. What if I can't do it right?" "What do you mean, I thought you and Rob..., baby don't worry about it, i've never done it either." "I messed up with Rob before it got that far and deep down I really only wanted you." "That means so much to me and I promise you'll get a chance to lick me from head to toe like you said, but today is all about you. I'm so sorry that I made you wait for so long. You can torture me anyway you like for the rest of our lives." In saying that I was through talking. I got up and made sure that his door was locked, I didn't think he wanted his parents in on the fun. I immediately returned to his side and began undressing him. As I lifted up his shirt, I trailed kissed all over his torso. I was going to enjoy this so much. I lifted his shirt above his nipples and began licking at each bud. I eventually got his shirt off and moved up to his neck. I began licking and kissing just like he had done so many months ago and I could see the draw. I wanted to lick him everywhere. Hell, i'd lick his eyeballs if it wasn't too kinky. This man was mine and I intended to mark him in every way. I gently began to bite his neck and he moaned my name. Aww man, that was so sexy. I rained kisses down over his face and he started to trace every contour of my face. I had never been so intimate with anyone. Previously when I had sex, it was just that, sex. This far surpassed any of my expectations. I moved over him and while kissing him, began to rock my hips against his. I reached between us with one hand and tugged the tie from his pants free. I broke the kiss and pulled both his pants and boxers down in one move. I stood up and just ogled his body for a minute. He was so beautiful. I couldn't believe it but I fell in love with his cock. It was perfect. It was eight inches and cut. It had a mushroom head with a slight vein running down the side. It was pointing towards the ceiling. I licked my lips in anticipation. I oddly felt no hesitation. I hadn't done any of this before but neither had my love. We'd be learning together. That allayed my fears. I started at his feet, licking his soles and sucking each toe. He was writhing and moaning and it was like music to my ears. I moved up to his calves and gently nipped at them. I left little bite marks on each. He was going to have plenty more before I was finished. I even nibbled on the backs of his knees. He was groaning in anticipation by the time I reached his thighs. I played with him a little. I moved closer to his piece and would hear him suck in a breath. I backed off a few times until he was almost whimpering. Unrequited Love Finally, I moved up and took hold of his piece and began tentatively licking all around the base. I started jacking off any place that I wasn't licking. I trailed my tongue up to his mushroom head and licked his precum. It didn't taste bad. A little salty, but not bad. I began taking him into my mouth. I wanted to give him as much pleasure as possible, but this first time probably wouldn't be that great. I couldn't tell that by his sounds. I swear if he didn't stop I was gonna blow in my pants. I began sucking in earnest and his hips started bucking uncontrollably. He was moaning so much that I started moaning and I guess the vibrations in my mouth were just too much. He shouted out, "CHRIS I LOVE YOU!!" and began blowing his load. Damn, there went my load. The first shot went straight down my throat. I wanted to taste it so I pulled back a little and the next shots landed on my tongue. I worked my throat so that I tasted it and swallowed. Some dribbled out of the side of my mouth and when I finally pulled off; I took my finger and scooped it up. I licked it off my finger and heard Der groan again. He Sat up quickly and yanked me to him. He kissed me hard and pulled me on top of him. "That was so incredible Chris, are you sure you've never done that before?" "No baby, I guess it just must be love." "Can I... can I do the same to you? I really want to" "You can do whatever you want to me baby, i'm yours. Just, um... not now." He looked hurt and I knew i'd just have to be embarrassed because I couldn't have my baby hurt for any reason. "Don't look like that baby, it's just that, well... when you came... it was so fucking hot that I did too." I blushed so bad I could have just faded into nothing. He looked at me with so much love that I figured it was worth the embarrassment. "Can I... can I see anyway? I never really let myself look at you before." This must have been a day for shocks. If I were him, I would have looked every chance I got. Hell, I nearly stalked him to get a chance to look at him. I guess it's because our situations were different. "Sure baby, i'm all yours." With that, he moved on top of me and began kissing me. DERECK OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD!!! This was my mantra the whole time Chris was kissing me. So it was real, not a dream, I wasn't dead. I was glad that he was taking charge because I couldn't even string together a coherent sentence. He was strumming my body like a guitar. I was fine-tuned to his every movement. It was incredible! When Chris finally took me into his mouth, I swear that I melted like butter. I couldn't breathe. It was better than any jack-off session. To top it off, it was Chris giving me head. I was so happy that I felt like bursting. Then it happened, I felt like my orgasm came from every corner of my body. Chris was moaning and the vibrations were just adding to the feeling. When I started shooting, I yelled and my vision blurred. I had to kiss him, I just had to. I could taste myself and it was so erotic. I wanted to return the favor or just feel him the way he had done to me. I needed it to reaffirm that this was real. When he said no I was hurt. How could he have given me something so beautiful and then not want me to do something back? When I saw that he was blushing beet red I thought it was a little odd. He told me the reason and I just melted again. Damn, I had been doing so much crying and melting these last few months, he was gonna think I was the chick in the relationship. Oh, well we'd sort that out later. I still needed to see him, all of him, and when he agreed I was ecstatic. I settled him under me and began kissing him. I could still taste myself on him and it was making me hard again. He still had his pants on, but I wanted to work on his chest first. He was nicely muscled and it had always been a turn on. I licked and damn near drooled over his nipples until he was moaning and groaning. Just when he was getting used to it, I bit down hard on his left nipple and he arched upwards and gasped loudly. His cock lurched in his pants and it made me smile. Oh yeah, I was gonna live out some of my fantasies now. I bit his other nipple with the same effect. I began biting his pecks and licking them directly after. He was almost panting now. I laved his belly button and dipped my tongue inside in a mock fuck. I traced his happy trail downwards and stopped at the waistband of his jeans. As I unbuttoned his pants, I blew gently on his stomach and he began quivering. I gently pulled his pants and boxers down and inhaled his scent. Cum had stained his boxers but some had landed on his bush and thighs. I got his pants and boxers off and began lapping up his drying cum. I stuck my nose under his cock and sniffed at his balls. His scent was intoxicating and I had to have more. I made sure that I got all of his cum from around his cock before I began cleaning it. His cock was beautiful. It was about an inch shorter than mines but it was sooo much thicker. It would eventually split me open but I was up to the challenge. It was fully erect now and pulsing. I started licking the underside, cleaning off any excess cum. I didn't take the head into my mouth until all of his cum was gone. By now he was beyond panting. His voice just had a little hiccup in it. I took his cock into my mouth and he let out a low smooth breath. It was magical. I loved it. I think that I was gonna be a cock slut... but only for Chris of course. I could barely get my mouth around it but I worked at it until the whole head was inside. I moaned at my accomplishment and I felt him twitch. I began sucking in earnest. He was bucking and grunting. I didn't think that he'd get off just from me sucking though because he'd cum once. I was pleasantly surprised when he started shooting into my mouth. It wasn't a small trickle, he shot out in jets. The first couple shot straight down my throat, after that they began landing on my tongue. I couldn't swallow it all and some leaked. I was so focused on my task that I hadn't realized he was holding my head. He released me and I sat back a bit to clean him up and get all the cum that I missed. He laid back down and began to pull me back up to kiss me. However, I wasn't through with him though. I lifted his legs slightly and began licking behind his ball sack. Chris was moaning "oh baby, oh sweetheart", it was so cute. I wasn't sure that he would go for this, but if he truly wanted me then he had to want everything that went along with it. I wasn't sure how far I was going to take this but it didn't really matter because I would be content with anything he offered. I tentatively began inching towards his bud with my tongue. The first swipe of my tongue that met his bud was reacted to in such a way that I thought he was gonna jump off the bed. By now Chris was moaning, "I never imagined, I never dreamed..." I had slowly started working my tongue in and out of his ass. I alternated between that and licking and biting his ass cheeks. I tongued his ass and could have stayed there forever. I started to experiment with my technique. I would huff onto his whole and it would pucker. He said something so unexpected that I had to stare at him. "Finger my ass baby, its all yours to do whatever." I didn't think he meant whatever because I desperately wanted to make love to him. I wouldn't go that far because I didn't know how he felt about it. I kept tonguing his hole but I started teasing him with one finger. Soon I was working it in all the way to the knuckle. I didn't want to hurt him so I kept slobbering on my finger. I thought he could take another so I slowly worked in another finger. It must have felt pretty good because Chris was whimpering and it wasn't in pain. I couldn't wait until he did it to me. "Put another finger in me, please!" Oh my goodness, I was damn near salivating this was so hot. And now he wanted more. I had to hold back a groan of my own. He told me that he wanted a kiss. I started to withdraw my fingers but he tightened his muscles so I figured he didn't want me to stop. I moved up to his face and he looked at me so lovingly that I just had to kiss him. What he said next almost made me blow another load. "Make love to me baby, I wanna feel you inside of me" CHRIS Der had been so gentle with my nipples that I feared he was still reluctant. That quickly faded when he bit me and I felt it in the deepest recesses of my balls. Damn, I never thought I liked pain. When he started mock fucking my navel, I hoped that it was a preview of the real thing. He was doing things to me that I couldn't have imagined would feel like they did. I could barely breathe and yet I knew we were only scratching the surface. When Der gave me the tongue bath it was like his tongue was conducting electricity. I was hard again almost instantly. By the time he took me in his mouth I was close to cumming again. No girl had ever given me sensations like this. His enthusiasm alone was enough to make me blow my load. I was trying so hard not to cum, but it was getting extremely hard (no pun intended). The bad part about the situation was that the normal things that would normally stave off an orgasm weren't working. Baseball only made me think of how Der looked in his uniform. Chess made me think of us cooped up on snowy days when we were younger. Damn, before I could grasp anything to stop it I was cumming. I had to hold him, his silky curls felt so good in my hands as I came down his throat. It felt so much better knowing that I was the first and the last person he would be doing this to. Der wasn't through though. I didn't think I could take more of this. He lifted my legs and began making his way down to my hole with that wonderful tongue of his. I almost shouted my joy to the rooftops. I wanted him to mark me just as much as I wanted to mark him. I was his and he was mine. His tongue began doing things to my hole that made me want to leap out of my skin. He wasn't doing much more than that and I needed something more substantial. I told him to finger me and he looked so shocked. My man still didn't believe this was real. Oh well, he'd believe me soon enough. I was soon urging him to put another and then another finger in me. He was moaning as much as I was. I was starting to feel separation anxiety though and I needed to kiss my man. He moved up my body and seemed pleasantly surprised that I didn't want him to remove his fingers, but he didn't know that I felt empty when he withdrew. I was quickly becoming obsessed with our lovemaking and I knew i'd never get enough. I gave him the biggest shock of all when I told him to make love to me. I kept kissing him through his shock and was intoxicated again by my scent on his breath. Damn this was sexy. "Baby I don't think I can take much more of this. Please make love to me." "Chris I don't know, I want to desperately but I don't know how to make it good for you, I don't want to hurt you." "Baby, we both know that it'll hurt, but it gets better and I love you so we can learn together. I just need that closeness." "Ok, but don't say I didn't warn you. I need to get some Vaseline, but i'll have to stop stroking you to get it." He grinned devilishly at me and I wondered what I had signed myself up for. He added, "I know you don't want me to pull out baby but i'll make it worth your while." His eyes were hooded and filled with lust. He was seducing me now! Aw man this was turning out to be the best day of my life. He withdrew and I whimpered. He looked at me and licked his fingers. All I could do is groan as he smiled fully at me. My Der was coming back to me. His eyes were sparkling! I sighed happily as he went in search of Vaseline. He returned with some k-y and I looked questioningly at him. He smiled shyly and blushed beet red. "I uh... experimented a little." "Baby I love it so much when you blush, but could you hurry it up? Please?" He quickly moved back into position. I lifted my legs and held them behind my knees in an open gesture of trust and vulnerability. He began tonguing my hole again and the same sensations began assaulting me. He began inserting his fingers into me again but this time they were coated with the k-y. I was amazed that I was feeling no discomfort. I just wanted to feel full and in my opinion he was taking too long. He withdrew his fingers and I was damn near humping trying to get his fingers back in me. He coated his fingers again and then pushed his index finger as far into me as he could. He wriggled around until he found my prostate and I swear I stopped breathing. I was panting by now and almost yelling, "Baby please fuck me, please I can't take it any more!" He smiled at me and said, "I was waiting to hear that, hold on baby, it won't be much longer." I briefly noticed that he was calling me baby and I was even more ecstatic. His finger was quickly replaced by his cock and i'd read enough stories to know that bearing down was a good thing to do. I did so and the head of his cock popped in. He waited a moment to allow me to adjust. I was trying hard not to tense up, but I felt like I had waited so long for this. My heart rate was accelerated. It felt tight but it didn't hurt. I guess all that probing had opened me up. I was starting to feel an odd sort of feeling, sort of like an itch. I needed him to move but he was just hovering. "Baby it doesn't hurt, please move." He let out a breath saying, "Thank God", and he slowly began working his cock into my ass. I had never felt so complete. My heart was near bursting. It was like I had nerve endings along my canal. I felt completely taken. I felt everything from the top of my head to the soles of my feet. I was moaning and caught up in this incredible moment. He was stroking my prostate, which left me in an almost constant state of drool. I didn't think that my mouth would ever close as long as I was feeling like this. He reached down and started jerking my cock in matching rhythm with his thrusts and by the tenth pump, my orgasm had built up to the boiling point. I shouted to the rooftops, what I said, I still don't know. My eyes rolled back into my skull and I was panting hard but I still couldn't breathe. My whole body was tightened and my toes were almost cramped from being curled for so long. I vaguely heard Der groan and gasp and then I felt him spilling his seed into me. It was so warm and erotic that it extended my orgasm. I couldn't stop trembling. Der collapsed on top of me, his cock still embedded in me. I was home. We must have dozed off because when I came to Der was pumping into me again. His head was still buried in my neck. I think he was still asleep. I could wake up like this everyday. I began nuzzling his neck and he sighed. He started to wake up and looked a little startled that he was slowly pumping inside of me. I just smiled at him to let him know that it was ok. We made love slowly but thoroughly. I knew that I would be sore and that after cumming that last time, my balls needed a break but I never wanted to leave his arms. I would do whatever it took to keep this feeling. Our problems weren't over, but now we could work them out together. DERECK When Chris said that he wanted me to make love to him, I couldn't have been more shocked. I was sure that I would be the bottom or whatever, but he was serious when he said that we were in this together. I went in search of some lube and remembered that I used to finger myself thinking of Chris. When he saw it, I knew I had to tell him the truth because I didn't want him thinking that I had been with anyone else. I blushed and he actually said that he liked it when I blush. I thought that was an interesting bit of information and I could not wait until we could talk about all of the little tidbits of our feelings... however, now was not the time. I coated my fingers with the k-y and began fingering him again. I needed him as ready as possible and I figured that if I made him beg then he'd be as ready as ever. When he finally did, I smiled because that was exactly what I wanted. I replaced my fingers with the tip of my cock and gently pushed the head in. Chris was bearing down and it surprised me that he seemed to know what to do. I knew that he would need time to relax and so even though the tightness made me want to plow him, I held back. I was losing the battle with my patience because of the incredible sensations surrounding my cock. He'd had enough of my waiting and screamed at me to make love to him. I let out a long breath and slowly began sliding inside of him. It was beyond incredible. I felt completed; he was so warm and tight that I was having trouble concentrating. It felt like we were one. I would never get tired of this, never. I wanted him to cum with me so I began jerking his cock off as I pumped. He was groaning my name and I almost blacked out as I emptied into him. I felt his cum squirt between our bodies and I couldn't help but smile. I was having the most wonderful dream. I was having sex. I was slowly undulating my hips into the tight confines of a sweet ass. It was heaven but something wasn't right, it was if I were dreaming by touch. I could really feel everything going on. There was a hard body under me and my head was nestled in the crook of a shoulder. I began to awaken a little and was shocked to see that I really was fucking someone and it was Chris! The days events started floating back to me and I realized that I really did black out after cumming in Chris and that I had been asleep. He just looked at me and smiled in approval. I couldn't believe it. Chris had cum three times and me twice, but now I was gonna go for a third. I had a moment's hesitation because I knew that he had to be sore, but his look when I tried to with draw was so daunting that I knew he didn't care. I sighed and began slowly pumping into the only man i'd ever love. We made love slowly, savoring the awakening sexuality that was blossoming between us. It was loving and carefree. After I came, I nestled Chris in my arms and we went back to sleep. I knew that i'd eventually have to explain things to my parents, but I could shut out the world for a little while longer. Chris was my life and nothing else mattered. When we awoke the next morning, I loved the fact that he kissed me full on the lips, morning breath and all. It was such a couple-like gesture that I just sighed happily. We both had to pee like crazy and I was glad that I had my own bathroom. We pissed at the same time and it was an oddly intimate gesture. We got back in bed facing and holding each other and began to talk. "I need to come out to my parents, but i'm so scared." I knew reality had to be dealt with so I figured the sooner the better. "Its ok baby, however you decide to do it, i'll be right there with you." I knew that his parents rarely even noticed him, so they wouldn't care that he was gay, that's why he called my mother mom. She had been more of a mother to him than his own mom and I knew that he was just as tense about the situation as me. "I think i'll tell them when they come back from work tonight. I don't think they heard any of our racket because i'm assuming that we were quiet the last time. They know i've been a little down lately so they haven't bothered me when I don't eat or come out of my room". "Sweetheart, i'm so glad that you decided to come out to your parents, but you shouldn't do it just because you've got someone, you should have told them just for you and a while ago." I was contemplative for a second; did I tell him the real reason for not coming out? I decided that I wouldn't keep things from him, no matter how painful the secret. "Chris I didn't come out because of you. It didn't matter that I was out if I couldn't even pursue a real relationship or at least the one that I wanted. Coming out is supposed to be about liberation from the lies that you tell yourself and everyone else. I realized with Rob that I hadn't come out because I couldn't live a full homosexual life anyway knowing that my affections for you weren't returned so it didn't matter that I was never out." Unrequited Love? Sydney looked across the crowded club and saw Mya. Immediately, she was awestruck by Mya's incredible beauty and the gracefulness with which she moved about the room. There was something about Mya, though…something Sydney couldn't quite put her finger on. She continued to watch, eyeing Mya's every move until it dawned on her…she'd known Mya in college. With that knowledge, Sydney approached Mya and reintroduced herself. The two exchanged hugs and pleasantries as they began to catch up. Sydney discovered that Mya was in a relationship, a fact that left her with a sudden sadness. While she certainly wanted the best for Mya, she couldn't help but be envious of her lover. In college, Sydney had intense feelings for Mya, but could never bring herself to act on them…a mistake that she'd regretted. Sydney found herself in a very awkward position. She didn't want to come between Mya and her lover, as it was obvious that they had a loving relationship…but she was tormented by her renewed passion. It was getting late, so the two decided that they should meet for dinner and continue catching up…after all, quite a bit had happened in their lives since college. They hugged once more and said their goodbyes, going their separate ways for the night. ----------- The hours preceding their dinner 'date,' Sydney struggled with all the emotions that seemed to come out of the blue. She hadn't expected that she'd react so strongly to Mya, and wasn't sure how to handle her feelings. Her mind recollected the many fantasies she'd had involving Mya, but one particular fantasy stood out. She imagined Mya lying naked on a white shag rug before a fireplace…just waiting for Sydney to make love to her. Sydney caressed every inch of Mya's body, leaving a trail of feathery, light kisses and licks. She totally adored Mya's body and wanted to take her time appreciating it. Finally, she brought Mya to the edge and induced such pleasure that Mya seemed almost delirious. Now, that fantasy was all Sydney could think of. She vacillated between doing nothing and formulating a plan to seduce Mya at their dinner meeting. The hours seemed to drag on mercilessly as she debated her options. ---------- Mya spent the day remembering the good times she'd had with Sydney. They'd spent hours just talking while they were in college and became the best of friends. Something haunted her; however…she'd had romantic feelings for Sydney, but never knew how to handle those feelings. She wasn't sure if Sydney was a lesbian, and she certainly didn't want to risk damaging their friendship. So, she kept those feelings to herself, but found that they seemed to be resurfacing since reuniting with Sydney. She told herself that she was in a committed relationship, and that anything sexual with Sydney was completely out of the question. Still, she couldn't ignore the sudden longing that she felt to finally tell Sydney how she really felt. Her train of thought was interrupted when her lover came home from running some errands. She was filled with guilt and her lover picked up on it immediately. "What's wrong, my love?" she asked. Mya didn't know how to respond, but she managed to utter, "I'm just feeling a little off today, that's all." Her lover lifted Mya's chin, drawing her to look at her and said, "I don't think that's it. Come on baby, tell me what's bothering you." The guilt Mya felt was instantly compounded, and she began to weep uncontrollably. Knowing that Mya rarely cried, her lover was alarmed and escorted her to the sofa where she could hold her and try to offer some comfort. Once she'd calmed down, Mya told her lover that she just wasn't ready to talk. This seemed to upset her lover, as they'd always been very open with each other. Mya sensed this, and decided to go out and try to sort out her feelings. ---------- After much deliberation, Sydney came to the conclusion that she simply must express her true feelings for Mya. She knew that such a confession could very well lead to the destruction of their friendship, but she was simply torn up inside. She chastised herself for being so selfish…she'd always looked after the needs of others before her own, but she just couldn't help herself. With their dinner date rapidly approaching, Sydney searched her closet…looking for the perfect outfit to wear. She settled on her favorite black dress with a slit up side…almost to her hip. She adorned herself with her sexiest lingerie and her black pumps. Examining herself in the mirror, she was satisfied that she looked fabulous…she wanted to 'wow' Mya from the get go. With everything in place, Sydney headed to the restaurant to meet Mya. ----------- Mya found herself in a dilemma about what to wear to their dinner date. Part of her wanted to dress in her sexiest number, but the more practical side of her was pushing for a more conservative outfit. Her more devious side won out in the end, though, and she opted for a slinky red dress that was open in the back. She went about choosing her lingerie and shoes and readied herself for the encounter. In truth, she had no idea how to even broach the subject with Sydney…she had no idea where her preferences or intentions lied. She shook her head and laughed at herself as she felt the butterflies in her stomach…just like she were a kid looking forward to her first kiss. Convinced she was as ready as she'd ever be, Mya headed to the restaurant to meet Sydney. ----------- The restaurant was intimate, providing an ambience that was quite comfortable and alluring. Sydney had already arrived and secured a table when Mya arrived. They hugged again, but this time they each felt an electric surge from the contact. Sydney ordered a bottle of wine, and the two began to talk…but there was an uncomfortableness in their discussion that they both noticed. Sydney had one of those moments where the angel on one shoulder told her to leave well enough alone, while the devil on the other shoulder urged her to go ahead with her instincts. Finally, she summoned her courage and changed the course of their conversation. "Mya, I know you're in a relationship, so what I'm about to say is very difficult for me," she admitted. Mya looked at her with questioning eyes, but the beauty in those eyes only served to encourage Sydney. "I've had feelings for you for years now. I don't know why I didn't tell you sooner, and I know that this is probably the worst timing in the world, but I've just got to tell you," she continued. There was an uncomfortable silence before Mya spoke up, "It's ironic…I've been thinking all day about the feelings that I have for you," she confessed. Sydney's heart skipped a beat. Never in her wildest dreams did she think that Mya also had feelings for her. The two smiled sheepishly at one another, and Sydney asked, "So what are we going to do about this?" A sadness began to fill Mya's eyes as she contemplated her situation. To be with Sydney would mean giving up her lover, which would be an incredibly hard thing for her to do. Sydney tried to ease the obvious pain Mya felt, "Love, I can wait for you. I realize that you will need to make some difficult decisions," she said. Mya nodded and looked up and into Sydney's eyes. She saw kindness mixed with passion in those eyes and gazed into them for a few minutes. She believed that Sydney meant what she said, but her eyes were quickly convincing her to leave her lover and embrace a relationship with Sydney. Mya reached across the table and took Sydney's hands, "I want to be with you, now. I don't know how I'm going to end things with my lover, but this is truly what I want," she said. Sydney was suddenly worried that she'd pressured Mya into this decision, but everything in Mya's face and the way she held on to her hands told her that this really was what Mya wanted. The two left the restaurant without having dinner and headed to Sydney's place. Lovingly, they undressed each other and basked in the beauty that they saw in each other. Their lips met, finally, engaging in a deep, passionate kiss, which seemed to last forever. After exploring their bodies, they delved into each other…finding a rhythm that brought them to an ecstasy that they hadn't known. They laid in each other's arms and fell asleep. --------- The next day, Mya had a talk with her lover…explaining that she'd fell in love with another and had to do what made her happy. She expressed her regret for having so suddenly ended things and hoped that her lover wouldn't think ill of her. Surprisingly, the two parted amicably and Mya prepared to embark on a new life with Sydney. Both Sydney and Mya were amazed at how their years of unrequited love had finally culminated into such a promising relationship, but each looked forward to spending many years with the other. Unrequited Love? Mary reached out her hand silencing her alarm clock, cursing it for dragging her back from her dreams into a reality that she, for the most part, despised. She rose from her prone position to sit, leaning against the headboard, wiping the sleep from her eyes. Suddenly it dawned on her, like the sun that shone in through her half opened curtains; it was Wednesday, her day. The other six days could go-to-hell, as long as she had Wednesday. He would come into the library today and she would watch him. The dreams of the night faded with the daylight, but those of today would linger long enough for her to use them tonight. She reached out for her vibrator, testing it. At twenty four this had still been her only lover, taking her virginity two years ago. She caressed it, and then returned it back onto the bedside table. Better buy some new batteries, she thought, just in case. He rose, later then usual, his early morning erection causing the sheet to 'tent' at his groin. He reached for it, lovingly, and began to stroke. He stopped, it's Wednesday, he thought, can't do that on a Wednesday, not until tonight when he returned after seeing her. He looked across the room at the stack of books on the table, books he had never read, books he never intended to read. It didn't matter what their titles were, or who wrote them. They lay where he put them from one week to the next, unopened. She showered and dressed; her usual attire. Not for her the bright gaudy colours; tan, ochre, earthy tints were her refuge. Something someone would buy thirty years ago, for a librarian. Clothes that would allow her to pass unnoticed through the crowds; clothes that helped her preserve her anonymity. No one saw Mary, no eyebrows were raised at her passing by, no one glanced in her direction thinking her attractive or worth a second look. It was just how she liked it. Even at the university people barely knew her name, she was just the dowdy girl from room six, who was never seen with a guy. Some thought she was gay, but they never saw her with a girl either. Not that it bothered her; she liked her own company, that is, until he entered the library. It took her a while to realise why she was attracted to him, then it came to her, he was just like her, anonymous. She left her small apartment and wandered slowly down the street towards the coffee shop. She could make her own, but it tasted so much better here. Having selected her favourite blend, she sat at a pavement table, her usual place. It was here that she would fantasize, except today was Wednesday. On other days she would watch as the men went by, mentally undressing them, her mind sometimes giving them grotesquely long penises swinging like pendulums between their legs, on others tiny ones like those of a pre-pubescent schoolboy. But today her fantasies were to be reserved, untainted, for him. She finished her coffee and continued towards the library and in through the swing doors. After signing in she positioned herself in the sci-fi section, pretending to work, and waited. He showered and dressed. Crisp white shirt, tan trousers, and tweed jacket. He selected a tie, brown to complement the rest of his attire. Not for him the open collar, casual look. He straightened his tie, carefully, and buttoned up his jacket. He felt that those who wandered around with their jackets loose looked half dressed, as if they had just thrown their clothes on. He looked into the mirror, smart as usual. Leaving his apartment he walked towards the library. As always he looked straight ahead, never glancing left or right. He never wanted to 'catch' anyone's eye, or elicit any 'good morning' or 'hi', as he walked, not that he thought that they would. No one noticed him; he was just the guy from 27B, his name unknown by most, if not all. No one saw him with a girl, some thought he might be gay, but no one saw him with a guy either. He didn't care what anyone thought, only her. He entered the library and saw her, replacing books in the sci-fi section. Selecting a book, any book, he settled down into a straight back chair and watched, peering over the top of the book, ducking down behind it if he thought she might turn and spot him. She saw him enter and bent down, replacing books she had just removed back into the same position. She glanced at him, he seemed engrossed in his book, she couldn't see the title, not that it mattered. Her mind drifted to the fantasy world she adored, he was waiting for her there. She concentrated, making the images almost real, her day dream began. He moves toward her, the library empty, and strokes her hair, his hands soft and gentle. She takes one and presses it against her cheek, turning her head slightly she kisses it before drawing it down and allowing his finger to enter her mouth. She sucks on it, erotically, his finger caressing her tongue. He removes his hand and cups her face bending down to her, his lips meeting hers, gently at first, then more urgently. They kiss, his tongue snaking into her mouth, playing 'catch' with hers. His hands move to her shoulders, easing away her jacket, allowing it to drop to the floor at her feet. He caresses her breasts, cupping them, feeling the nipples erect under his fingers through the thin fabric. He begins to unbutton her shirt, concentrating on each one, easing it through the hole, exposing more and more of her to his eyes. Her shirt opens for him, he slides it from her; she stands, coyly before him, her bra still covering her modesty. He reaches behind her, unclasping and removing it. Her hands at her side, she stands Venus like, bare from the waist up; his eyes feast on her. He bends and taking each nipple into his mouth in turn, he suckles her. She groans, her head tilts back, eyes closed, her nipples tingle as he sucks, drawing them into his mouth. Her hands touch his shoulder before pushing him downward. He unzips her, the dress falls to the ground, her panties follow. His gaze falls on her bush, rich and luxurious. He moves down further, breathing in her scent. His tongue laps at her outer lips, her legs widen, to give him access to her. Her clit screams for his attention. He obliges, sucking her pearl gently, his tongue playing around its rim. Knees buckling, she sinks in front of him; he stands, his groin level with her head, his hardness obvious. Reaching inside, she finds him ready, she draws him out. The end of his penis is wet with his juices; she licks at him, tasting his salty fluid on her tongue. Pushing forward he enters her mouth, the smooth head sliding over her lips, touching her teeth, then further. Her tongue curls around it, caressing it, and she feels it move downward towards her throat. She has all of him inside her mouth, she sucks, cheeks hollowing. She hears him groan, she would smile, if she could. He moves out slightly, then back in, making love to her mouth. She loves it, but she wants him, elsewhere. Removing him from her mouth, she rests back onto the cold, hard floor, barely noticing the discomfort. Watching him unbuckle his trousers, she licks her lips in anticipation. He kneels between her legs, his lance in his hand, ready to impale her. She feels him lean forward, the head of his manhood at her opening; she holds her breath as he enters her. She gasps as her sex opens for him, her lips moulding themselves arround him as he slides in, welcoming him. He begins to move, swinging his hips, each inward thrust sending him deeper into her. She's full of him now, their bodies joined at the groin. She feels at one with him. He covers her, his breath hot on her neck, panting as he moves faster into her. His breathing stops for a few seconds, then he utters a guttural sound, almost animal like, she feels him flooding her, his seed filling her 'love channel'. Her tingling starts, beginning at the place they are joined, then spreading like waves through her body. The pleasure point in her brain feels as if it is about to explode. Then... "Excuse me, didn't you hear me?" a woman stood alongside her, frustration evident, "I've been asking you about the latest Joan Collins book for five minutes," she exaggerated, "You've ignored me." "I'm sorry, madam," she replies, "I didn't hear." He saw her talking, animatedly, to a woman, his mind drifted as he watched. He blinked, he was still in the library, but things had changed; his fantasy took on form, solidified. She stands before him, clad in a crisp white shirt; his shirt; unbuttoned, braless. He looks down her body, tight, very tight jeans; the material moulding itself into her groin. He can see her cunt lips pushing into the fabric. He reaches for her, she steps back, teasing him. She moves her shirt to the side exposing her full breasts, caressing them, the nipples erecting before his eyes. She points to him, then downward, her hand dipping below her waistband. He can see her hand outlined in the denim; he sees her fingers moving, entering her. He moves towards her a second time, she doesn't move. His hands move to her breasts, his head follows. He sucks on her; his hands moving lower to loosen her jeans. Buckle undone, zipper down, the jeans stay in position, too tight to fall on their own. He pulls the denim down, over her arse, unpeeling her, releasing her. He looks down, sees her red thong, barely covering her snatch. Bending he completes his task, she is almost naked for him, only the thong remains. He can smell her arousal; he licks her through the thin red fabric, pushing it into her until her lips surround it. His hands move to the thin straps, he pulls, hard; they give way with a crack. She stands, naked before him, shaven, her cunt lips glistening with her juices. He licks the length of them, his tongue coated with her lubrication. His tongue seeks out her clit, he sucks on it. Two fingers enter her; easily. He finger fucks her as he sucks; she groans pulling his head tighter into her groin, grinding her pussy against him. He rises, his face wet with her juices, she dries him with her tongue, then goes to her knees in front of him. She draws him out, erect, struggling to release his cock from its confinement. It appears in front of her, precum glistening on the end. She looks up at him, smiles, then feeds his cock deep into her mouth, inch by inch disappearing inside, until her chin rests against his balls. Moving slowly, she fellates him. He holds her head, gently, as his hips swing, fucking her mouth. His cum fills his balls, demanding release. He withdraws pushing her gently, prone onto the hard floor. He kneels between her legs, his cock at her cunt, then pushes forward entering her warm chasm. She welcomes him inside, her hands move to his arse, pulling him deeper. He begins to fuck her, long deep strokes. His balls feel as if they're about to burst with the pressure of his cum. He can hold off no longer, ejaculate pours from him, high into her. She stiffens under him, her eyes close, she shudders violently, her climax overwhelms her. He smiles down at her; he has given her the ultimate pleasure. "I'm sorry," a voice dragged him back into the real world, his fantasy fading, slightly. His book had been knocked from his grasp and was lying on the floor at his feet. He saw the matronly old librarian look down, distain on her face. He followed her gaze to his groin, a dark patch staining the front of his pants. He grabbed his book, covering his embarrassment. Standing, he moved to the checkout, another book destined, unread, for the table held in front of him. He saw her, still in the sci-fi section. Why would she not look at him, he thought, if only for a second, but she never would. She was too far above him to notice a storekeeper like him. He would have to rely on his fantasies and the odd glance he dared send in her direction. At least he had Wednesdays with her, if only in his day dreams, and tonight, yes...he would enjoy her again, tonight. She saw him leave the library. If only he would notice her, just a single word to break the ice, just 'hi' would do. But who would notice the girl who returns the books back to the shelves in the library, not him. He could have his choice of girls, if he wished, he would never want her. At least she had her fantasy, for tonight. Then he would warm her bed, hold her, make love to her, do anything he wanted with her. She dragged her mind back again to reality. Must get some new batteries, she thought, just in case. SIX MONTHS LATER Mary reached out her hand, silencing the alarm clock, welcoming the intrusion, her dreams bland and uninteresting, her fantasy world barely worth remaining in. She sat up in bed, realising that it was Wednesday, not that it mattered anymore. She looked at the table next to the bed; only the clock occupied it now, the vibrator consigned to the drawer, climaxes eluding her without his weekly visits. Mary had achieved her career goal, but at what cost? He rose, earlier than usual. Looking down, the sheet still 'tented' at his groin with his early morning erection, but only the need to urinate responsible. No erotic dreams of her to tempt him to dally with it; he hadn't had one for months, since the day she left. It was Wednesday; he decided that this was the last day that he would continue his task. He looked across the room at the table, bare now, no books occupied it. She showered and dressed. Her usual attire, perhaps a little smarter with her increased wages, but still conservative, some would say dowdy. She left her apartment and walked slowly down the street and towards the library. No coffee shop to pass, no smells to entice her inside, she would make her own when she got to work. People nodded as she passed them, they knew her now, the librarian was expected to be part of the community. She unlocked the doors and entered, switching on the lights, bathing the books in harsh flouresance. Moving to her office, she filled the kettle, ready for her first coffee of the day, and sat, wondering what he was doing. Was he rising about now, heading for the library? A tear formed and was wiped away. God, how she missed him, she thought, but at least she had her books. A small rural library of her own had been her reward for her years of work. Truth to tell, she only got the job because no one else wanted it. Another girl replaced the returned books onto the shelves, no longer the mundane day to day work for Mary. He showered and dressed; crisp white shirt, tan trousers, and tweed jacket. He selected a tie and discarded it, a little more casual now that he thought he wouldn't be seeing her. He picked it up again, folded it and put it into his pocket. Maybe today he would find her; it had to be today or never. He spread a map onto the table; it was covered in small crosses, each one representing a library he had visited, searching for her. He realised that there were none left in the county, so where else to go? His only option was to go back to the last, and only, place he had seen her; the local library. He left his apartment and walked purposefully down the street, passed her favourite coffee shop, although he didn't know it. He entered the sci-fi section bringing the memories of her into sharp focus; a tear forming that was wiped swiftly away. Selecting a book, any book, he sat and waited, for what, he didn't know. Perhaps he was just bathing in her memory for one last time. Two assistants walked by, one her replacement, talking, his ears pricked up, the mention of one of the more obscure rural libraries attracting his attention. He'd already visited it but perhaps this was the lead he was looking for, his last chance. Leaving the library he headed for his rental car, silently praying for success. It was nearly time to close; she wandered through the library, her library, making sure no one was left inside before locking up. The staff had left for the day. She heard them making plans for the evening, boyfriends the usual subject. She envied them their personal lives; to have someone to care about you was something she dreamt about. If only he had spoken to her, life would have been perfect but it was not to be. Why, she thought, he would speak to her she didn't know, she was, after all, only the girl who replaced the returned books onto the shelves, a nobody. She heard someone enter the library, a latecomer. She didn't mind, after all, she had nothing to go to her new apartment for, no one to meet, no one to greet her as she entered, or give her a 'welcome home' kiss. She walked around the end of the sci-fi section, then stood, amazed. In front of her was a young man; crisp white shirt, tan trousers and tweed jacket, buttoned up, a brown tie to complement the rest of his attire. He entered the small town and parked near to the library. After deciding that this was definitely his last attempt to find her, he locked the car and walked towards the small stone building. Putting the keys into his pocket his fingers felt the rolled up tie, he hesitated. If she was there, would he like her to see him collar undone, half dressed? He put his tie on and buttoned up his jacket, presentable again. Reciting a final silent prayer he climbed the stairs and entered the library. Only the front desk was lit, obviously closing time. He turned to leave; a notice above a group of bookcases attracted his attention, the sci-fi section. Could this be more than just an indication of the books below, he thought? He turned, hearing footsteps behind him. He stood, eyes wide open, as she walked towards him, he as stunned as she appeared to be to see him. Their eyes locked together, neither spoke for few moments, then both simultaneously. "I've missed you," she said, "But what are you doing here?" "I've been searching for you everywhere, this was my last chance." "You never noticed me, I didn't know you cared," she added. "I thought you wouldn't want me, I was too scared to speak to you, so I just watched." "Me too," she said, moving towards him, still unsure. Then he raised his arms to her and she melted into his embrace. Her head rested on his shoulder; complete at last. "I used to fantasize about you," he whispered, confiding his intimate secret. "Me too," she confessed, embarrassed. "No, I mean really fantasized." She raised her head and looked into his eyes, a blush spreading over her face. "You mean you...thinking about me?" he said. She didn't reply, but blushed even more. "You've no idea what I did, after I left the library," he admitted, barely able to look at her. "I think I do, now," she smiled, coyly; "We were both probably doing it, at the same time." "How stupid we were, we could have been doing it, together," he whispered. "If we were together we wouldn't be doing that, we'd be doing something else," she answered, her confidence growing by the second. "It's not too late, is it?" "It's never too late," she said, her hands running down his back, caressing his arse cheeks. "We can't...not here, can we?" he said, hoping that he hadn't misinterpreted her actions. "Why not, it's my library," she answered. They broke off their embrace and she led him towards her office at the rear of the building. What am I doing, she thought, we shouldn't be doing this, especially not here. Yes we should, she mentally answered herself, we should have done it six months ago. I'm going to fuck his brains out! God, did I just think that!? The conversation continuing in her head. Must stop myself...no, mustn't ever stop. They entered her small office and she turned towards him. He bent down to her, their lips meeting, gently brushing each other. Her tongue darted out, flicking at him, his mouth opened, her tongue entered, playing with his. All eyes closed, their tongues entwined. Mary could feel any reserve left melting away; she wanted him, filling her. She backed away slightly and reached up, removing his tie. Unrequited Love? "You sure you really want this?" she said. He shook his head, "Not if you don't want me too," he answered. Her hand extended out over the waste paper basket, dropping the tie inside, amongst the rubbish. She removed his jacket, raising her eyebrows, questioningly. "Not the jacket, please, not the jacket," he laughed. "Ok," she laughed with him, "But tomorrow it's a new wardrobe, for both of us." He hugged her close again, this time his hands drifted down her back pulling her groin tight against his. She ground herself against him for a while then backed away and began unbuttoning his crisp white shirt, before discarding it, dropping it to the floor. He looked, it didn't matter, none of these things mattered anymore. She unbuckled his pants and drew the zipper down; she could feel him already hard for her. "Undress for me," he whispered. She smiled and began undressing, her conservative clothes ending up on a pile next to his. Soon she was down to her bra and briefs. She stood back, "Is this what you imagined, fantasized about?" she asked. He blushed. "It wasn't, was it?" He looked at her functional underwear and shook his head. "Tell me," she implored. "I imagined red, red lace and a thong," he said, embarrassed. "Tomorrow we'll buy them," she replied. He reached out and unclasped her bra; it fell onto the rising pile of clothes. "Oh God, these are," he gasped, gazing at her full breasts in front of him, reality better than his imagination could ever be. He bent his head to suckle on her, but she stopped him. Her hand moved to her hips and drew her briefs down, standing naked before him. "And this?" she said, smiling again at him. He coloured even more. "Whatever you want," she said, "Tell me." "I imagined you... shaven," he muttered, as if he didn't want her to hear. "I have a razor at the apartment and some foam," she said. He gulped, "You want me to shave you, there?" he stammered. "Would you like too?" she asked. "Fuck, yes," he replied, surprised by his coarse language, "Oh, I'm sorry, I got carried away, forgive me." "There's nothing to forgive, we're new people now, I want you to say what you think, what you feel." "But the language...I'm sorry." he whispered, terrified that he would loose her over a single word. She hugged him close, whispering into his ear, "I want you to fuck me. There, is that better for you?" she said, he nodded, the final barrier broken between them. He took a deep breath, "Suck my cock, please," he said, barely believing his own words. She sank to her knees in front of him and pulled his boxers to the floor. No fantasy now, inches from her face the real thing, his hard cock, leaking precum already. She licked the end, then pulled her head away to look up at him. A strand of precum stretched from the eye to her lower lip. He groaned as she moved her head back, his cock sliding over her lips and deep into her mouth. She bobbed up and down on him, taking him deeper each time. She stopped, as in her fantasy, she wanted him, elsewhere. She rested back onto the hard floor, no discomfort only anticipation. He moved his head between her legs, her bush thick and matted with her juices. Tonight she would be bare for him, he would see every fold of her crinkly lips, but for now he parted her, his tongue playing around her clit. He sucked on her, the hard nub erecting into his mouth. She grasped his shoulders, pulling him up her body. "There's time for that later," she said, "When I'm smooth for you. Fuck me now, please, just fuck me." His cock found its mark and slid inside, effortlessly. She silently thanked her vibrator for paving the way for him. He began to swing his hips, each thrust pushing deeper into her, both fantasies now a reality. His balls were full, after weeks of abstinence, almost painfully so. He clenched his teeth, willing his climax away, she noticed. "Fill me," she said. His cock exploded, shooting cum high into her, like a volcano erupting. Load after load shot from him, flooding her, his balls emptying themselves of their stored ejaculate. He slumped against her. "Was that good?" she asked, already knowing the answer. She hadn't climaxed, her turn was for later, with his on his tongue against her bare pussy. "It was f...," he stopped, still unsure of himself. "It was fuckin' fantastic, I think you were about to say, wasn't it?" she said, smiling at him. "You were fuckin' unbelievable," he replied, the old polite language finally discarded. "Let's dress," she said, "My apartments close, and I think that we have a fantasy to fulfil, don't you?" He smiled, his cock returning to its hardness. "Not here," she said, noticing his erection, "You can wait, can't you?" "I've waited this long," he replied, a vision of her bare cunt filling his mind. They walked out of the library and down the steps. She stopped and turned to him, "My name's Mary," she said, a little belatedly. "I know," he answered, pointing at the newly erected name plate outside the door, 'Mary Johnston, Librarian'. She tilted her head quizzically at him, a silent question. "Mine's Robert," he said. She thought for a few seconds, "I'll call you Bobby, my Bobby," she replied. He'd always been Robert, from the day he could remember, but now he was Bobby, Robert lost forever, hopefully. They continued on towards her apartment, his hand across her shoulders, hers around his waist. An old man nodded and smiled as they passed him, one who spent most of his afternoons in her library. He looked back at the couple, nice to see she has someone, he thought, the rumours that she was gay weren't true, not that it mattered, as long as she has someone to care for her. They passed the local hardware store; she glanced at the window, a display of batteries taking prominent position. He saw her looking, "Do you need any?" he asked. "No, I don't think so," she said, the memories of her nights of solitary masturbation that were already fading were soon to be banished, forever. Like it or loath it? Please rate it, with comments.