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I know. I'm sorry, I know it's late. I was hoping I wasn't gonna wake you. I'm hoping

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I can get off this night shift soon. I hate not being here with you at night. I hate thinking

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of you in bed all by yourself. No, that's not what I meant. I know you can be by yourself.

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I just don't like you to be. I miss you. How was your day? I didn't see you much before

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I left. Mm-hmm. Yeah, so you've been in bed for about 16 hours? No, baby, stop it. I'm

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not judging you or anything, I just wondered. Baby, stop. Look at me. Seriously, roll over

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here and look at me. I know you're depressed, and I know that there's nothing you can do

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about it. I know that there's nothing I can do about it. I wish there was, but I know

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there isn't. It's... it's not your fault. It's not my fault. It's not anyone's fault.

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This just happens. Sometimes you're gonna have days when you can't get out of bed, and

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sometimes you're gonna have weeks when you can't get out of bed, and sometimes you're

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gonna have months. I've been there for them, remember? I know how it works. I know. I know

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that it makes you feel worthless. I know that it makes you feel like a failure. I know that

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it makes you feel somehow like you're not a man, or not as masculine, or I don't know,

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something to do with your masculinity or being a guy. I know that weighs on you. And I don't

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have the answers. I'm not... I'm not that smart. I wish I did. I wish more than anything

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that I could just tell you how to fix it. But I do know that having depression and dealing

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with the symptoms of depression, like not being able to get out of bed all day, doesn't

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make you weak, doesn't make you a failure, doesn't make you less of a man. It just makes

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you human. I know you're trying, baby. You don't have to tell me that. I see it every

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day. I see you trying. I see you struggling. I see you trying to roll that boulder up the

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hill. I don't think you're lazy. It's not that you're not trying. It's that sometimes

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trying isn't enough. Sometimes there just isn't... there isn't a way to fix it. There

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isn't a way to overcome it. And I know it's really hard to accept, but sometimes there

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just isn't gonna be a fix. Sometimes there's just gonna be days like this, and you're just

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gonna have to lean on me. You're gonna have to lean on the people around you. You're just

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gonna have to let us help you. I know. I know that's really scary, or hard to deal with.

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You're always taking care of the people around you. You're always taking care of me, and

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I can see how that would be really difficult to turn around and let the people who you've

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been taking care of know that you need to be taken care of, too. You're a really strong

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person, and it can be really hard to admit that you need help. But even if it's just

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to me, I need you to know that it's okay to be vulnerable. It's okay to cry. It's okay

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to be angry. It's okay to be frustrated, or sad, or to not know how you're feeling. That's

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completely valid, too. It's okay to tell me that you need space, or that you need less

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space. That you need cuddles. If you need me to help you, remember to take your meds,

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or remind you to make doctor's appointments, or just go for a walk with you. I can do any

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of that. I love you. I do. I love you. And I'm always gonna love you, and I'm always

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gonna want to be here for you. I know you think that sometimes you're a burden, and

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I understand that line of thinking, but it's not right. It's not correct. You're never

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a burden. Helping you, showing you that I care, and that I love you, is really important

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to me. If you shut me out, or tried to take this all on by yourself, I would feel really

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left out. I would feel really helpless. So it's just as important for me as it is for

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you. Okay? So tell me what I can do for you. Right now. Like, in this moment. Can I make

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you some food? We could watch a movie. We could play a game. I could leave you alone.

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What else? You could go sit in the tub, and I could wash your hair. Massage? Yeah. Of

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course I can do that. I love giving you massages. Here, roll over. Yeah, right next to me. Come

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on. Right here. Mm-hmm. Face down. There you go. I'm just gonna rub my hand over your skin.

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Step up and down your back. There you go. I can feel you relaxing already. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

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Does that feel good? Good. I'm just rubbing my palm over your skin, nice and soft. Using

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my fingertips. My nails. Really gently. I don't want to leave marks. And back to my

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palm. When your skin is all nice and warmed up, I'll just start rubbing like this. Still

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gently. Yeah, I know. I know I can go harder, but I don't want to. I just want this to be

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nice and relaxing. It's not a deep tissue massage. I don't even know what that is. I

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just want to relax you. Mm-hmm. Just get your back nice and loose. Yeah, your shoulders

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are really tense. They always are. That's where you keep all your stress. Mm-hmm. Tip

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your head forward a little bit for me so I can get to your neck. There you go. Maybe

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next time I can use some massage oils. No, not those kind of massage oils. I mean, maybe,

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I guess, but. How's that feeling? Yeah, you're loosening up quite a bit. Good. Anywhere else?

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You sound so sleepy. No, I'll just keep rubbing. You can drift off if you want. Mm-hmm. I'll

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be right here. I'll probably fall asleep soon, too. You're welcome. I love you, too.