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Hey, you went to bed so late last night, so I don't expect you to reply to this message

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right away, but I am going to say this now.

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This is probably the worst voicemail you'd ever get in the morning.

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I've already warned you about this when I sent that message, but I know that no matter

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how much I say not to listen to it first thing in the morning, you're just going to go ahead

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and listen to it anyways, and no, I'm not going to let you deny that either.

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You told me yourself that you'd always check if I had left any messages for you when you

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wake up.

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You said I'd always place a smile on your face whenever I do that, but I don't think

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you'd expect this message this time.

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You're used to all my sappy and cheesy good morning texts, but this time it's something

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different, something more serious, something that we should be talking about sooner rather

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than later.

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So hear me out.

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I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I know what you're thinking, but I think

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that it's a good thing because I finally come to realize certain things, but I'm scared.

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I'm scared that the feelings are getting too real.

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I'm scared that we are getting too real.

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I'm not saying that it's a bad thing.

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Real is good.

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Real means that there's potential for something great, but it also means vulnerability.

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Real means getting hurt eventually in some way or another.

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That is what I'm scared of.

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We haven't been talking for long, well, maybe a couple of months at least.

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It's actually so weird how comfortable I immediately felt with you.

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You're so easy to talk to.

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I didn't feel so pressured continuing the conversation with you because it just flowed

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so naturally.

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And even when we're bombarded with silence or if the conversation just stopped suddenly,

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it's not awkward at all.

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Silence with you is nice.

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I love how we can just be spending time together and there's no pressure to speak.

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I guess that's also the reason why I confess so quickly to you too.

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And yes, I do admit I went a little bit too fast.

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A little bit is an understatement to be honest.

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I don't know if you'll even believe me, but I surprised myself too.

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I didn't expect myself to suddenly just confess, but being with you on call that day, I guess

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I just didn't want to hide it any longer.

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The timing of it all shocked you too, didn't it?

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I mean, I didn't mean to scare you off by going so fast, but when you told me that you

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also may be feeling the same way, I couldn't help but feel happy.

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I mean, you didn't really give me a straight answer, but when you said that, it gave me

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hope even if it's just a little.

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We agreed we wouldn't do anything about it.

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We agreed that we wouldn't rush it, that we'll let things slowly evolve.

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And I know I said I'd give you time.

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I still do mean that.

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You know I'm a person of my word.

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We don't really even need to talk about it until you're ready or until you're comfortable

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enough to talk about it again.

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This should be the least of your worries.

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I don't want to stress you out or get you all worried about such a stupid thing, but

53
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I can't help but think that we're missing out on something great, you know?

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We could be amazing together.

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I know we get all flirty all the time and it sounds so fucking cheesy, but it really

56
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did feel like we clicked the first time we talked.

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And it sounds really childish saying that, but you're just genuinely fun to talk to.

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And whenever I don't get to talk to you, it just feels empty.

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It's as if I've been missing something that should have been there all along.

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You have this great ability to care about people and you're so selfless that even when

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you're feeling shitty and you're having a bad day, you'd rather comfort someone else.

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You'd rather talk to them about it and make them feel better rather than address your

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own feelings.

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I mean, for fuck's sake, that's what you did with me.

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I'm certain on the day I opened up to you about not feeling well, you were having a

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really shitty day too.

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And yet there you were, ready to comfort and reassure me.

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You cracked these stupid jokes and you made me laugh because your internet connection

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kept cutting off.

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You kept saying that you didn't do much, but you did more than enough.

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You made me forget why I was even having a bad day in the first place.

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Being in your presence, spending time with you, even if it's just a five minute call

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or a three hour long conversation, I loved every single moment of it.

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You flashed that handsome smile and you chuckle ever so lightly and I'm just gone.

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You have such an effect on me and I don't even think you know that.

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No, you probably do.

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You're cheeky that way.

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I know I always tend to message first and I can't help but think that I'm bothering

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you.

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You always tell me that I'm not and if ever I was, you'd say so right away.

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I've just never met anyone like you and it sucks because I get so possessive when I don't

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even have the right to do that.

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Is it too selfish of me to say that I don't like you being close to someone else?

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Is it so unreasonable for me to say that whenever I see you getting close to someone, I suddenly

85
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feel sad?

86
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I guess I just don't want to share you with anyone else.

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I know it sounds so unfair because we're not even together.

88
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I hate feeling like this.

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I shouldn't be feeling like this, but I get jealous with those people, especially the

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ones that get to be with you right now.

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For fuck's sake, I get jealous whenever you even talk to someone.

92
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I know I shouldn't be and it's so stupid to even be jealous over someone who I know

93
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won't even make a move on you.

94
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It's stupid to even be jealous, but can you blame me?

95
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All I wanted from the beginning was you.

96
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All I want is you.

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You're the reason I'm so excited to get up in the morning.

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You're the last thought that comes to mind when I fall asleep, but what if you're just

99
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playing with me?

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What if everything we've done, every single conversation, what if all of that was just

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an act?

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What if you're talking to someone else and I'm just another side piece that you talk

103
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to when you're bored?

104
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I know you've reassured me enough that there's no one else, but I just can't help it, you

105
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know?

106
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I can't help but think that you're going to meet someone else who's way more compatible,

107
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perhaps even someone closer to you.

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They won't have to deal with this stupid distance and the difficulty of having different time

109
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zones.

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What if they're better than me?

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What do I do then?

112
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I can't stop you.

113
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I don't want to stop you.

114
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You're not mine to claim and not mine to protect.

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Not mine to even call mine.

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Fuck.

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I don't even know if that made any sense.

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It's so stupid, but who the fuck am I to call you mine when there's no us to begin with?

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I value your happiness way more than mine.

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If you're happy being with them, who am I to tell you not to be with them?

121
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You deserve every good thing that this world has to offer.

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I can't, and I won't, take that away from you, but I can't help but think I can be

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that for you.

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I can be the best.

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I can be the best thing that's ever happened to you.

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I'm sorry if that sounded so conceited or if it looks like I'm so full of myself.

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I want to give you all the time you need to let you think, but I don't want to lose you

128
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either.

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Those memes that we send each other late at night, those gifs of people cuddling, those

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posts we send each other about relationships, and even if we joke and cringe about it.

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I want that.

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I want that with you.

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I'm willing to make it work.

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I'm not saying it's not going to hurt because it'll hurt.

135
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I'm not going to promise that every day will be a happy one.

136
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Because I know some days it won't.

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Sometimes we'll both go to sleep feeling really lonely and the other might not even

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know it.

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We'll spend sleepless nights wondering why we even bothered to do this.

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It's not going to be easy.

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But if we're willing to make it work, then it should turn out alright, right?

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This distance between us is an absolute pain in the ass, but I'm done playing games.

143
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I want a future with you.

144
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I want to wake up one day and not hold my feelings back.

145
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I want to be able to tell everybody how I feel about you.

146
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I don't want to hide anything.

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And although what we have right now is amazing as it is, and I love talking to you every

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single moment of every single day, I want more.

149
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I want to go on dates.

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I know that sounds so stupid because we can't even meet each other right now given the circumstances.

151
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But I can't wait until the day I get to meet you properly.

152
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I can't wait to make all of those stupid, sappy gifts come to life.

153
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I want to see that handsome smile in real life and I want to hear those subtle chuckles

154
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for myself.

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I want to see you get flustered and I want to know what makes you tick.

156
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I want to wrap my arms around your neck, even though I have to get on my tippy toes.

157
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I want to be there when you're feeling down and comfort you when you feel sad, just as

158
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you do with me.

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I want to feel your skin against mine.

160
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I want to kiss your lips again and again and again.

161
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But until then, I guess I would have to settle with seeing you through a screen and hear

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you through a phone.

163
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Our greatest enemies right now would have to be the internet connection and that stupid

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app we met each other in.

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So let's not beat around the bush any longer, shall we?

166
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We've been going in circles all this time when we both know we're going to end up in

167
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the same place anyway.

168
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I'd hate to think of you as someone that could have been but never pursued because I was

169
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too scared to make a move about it.

170
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I don't want to think of you and regret the things that I should have done.

171
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I don't want to leave it all as an almost a maybe.

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I want an us.

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So I guess all I wanted to say all along is that I'm already yours, but this time will

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you be mine?