There are moments which make you realize how life-altering words can be, but the same can be said of silence as well. Empathy plays a big role in all of this. And I don’t mean the kind of shallow “you’re gonna make it”, “I still believe in you” sorta stuff. Did I ever bother to consider what the people around me really felt and why they acted as such?

At first I couldn't believe how lucky I was: I started out as a misanthropic loser who was too embarrassed to stand up for himself or his own hobbies, I pretty much had no identity at all besides my birthname, "Anon". My parents never knew what to do with me, it’s not like they actually cared.

“These people on the internet aren’t your friends, why don’t you go outside?” Did they really think anyone would still want to hang out with me after what happened at my old school? I wanted to leave it all behind me, to be away from people who could possibly hurt whatever dignity I still had left. Suddenly I had my very own girlfriend who actually accepted and shared her hobbies and interests with me. I finally felt like I was worth something in this world.

All that mattered was her, who cared what others thought of me? But things weren't always perfect, I kind of felt like a third wheel at times whenever she hung out with her bandmates or took me to social gatherings I'd rather avoid. But I still endured all of it because I truly loved her. Too often was I afraid of saying something she might dislike, or of having an opinion she wouldn't share. So I stayed silent most of the time and simply agreed with her plans.

That moment when she locked me out of the music room during prom-night really hurt me. I only wanted to help and support her but she simply asked me to leave. I wish I would have been in there to convince Fang not to go along with Trish's retarded plan to play with two basses. Just imagine how different things would have gone... but I can't blame Trish entirely for what happened. Nor can I curse Naomi for setting me up with someone with mental scars which I can't even begin to grasp. It were my own shortcomings which really sealed it all.

Like, who in their right mind would play videogames all day after your girlfriend experienced the worst night of her life? Why was I acting like such a coward? What kind of boyfriend does that? I was reverting to the same loser I used to be just six months ago. Was I maybe too scared of having my head turned into a makeshift rubix-cube by the patriarch of the Aran family? That’s what I at least wanted to believe. If only I could have worked up the courage to visit her, maybe then I would have noticed what she had secretly snuck out of her home.

My final chance was just the night before, when she brought that bag with her. Usually she carries a backpack but this was completely different. At first I thought she had managed to recover from that terrible night at school, she was more affectionate than ever. In retrospect I should have connected the dots, those were the actions of someone who was ready to leave this world. This was her parting gift to me.

I'm staring into her tearfilled face right now, the one person I ever was able to love. We’re on the roof of the school building, there’s no way but down from here. There's a bullet in my left leg but it could be a lot worse. Our peers weren't as fortunate as me, their corpses are still splattered across the corridor.

I can't believe she actually shot her own brother, too. I guess he got in the way when Fang wanted to punish Naomi. The glassy stare he gave me while bleeding out on the floor will probably haunt me for the rest of my life. My resolve to be with her is still stronger than whatever pain my neurons can dish out, at this point I'm basically crawling. From the corner of my eye I spot the revolver she held just a moment ago, she must have thrown it away out of shock. Or maybe she ran out of bullets.

"Anon...!? Why are you here!? S-Stay back! Don't come any closer!" Fang's words echo in my head along with the sound of my blood pulsing through my ears. Despite being the one with a bullet wound she still manages to look more distressed than me. Strangely she looks more beautiful than ever. All I want is to feel her soft wings around me, one final hug.

"I never wanted to hurt you... Please, you need to go back!" Funny, I wanted to say the exact same thing. I urge her to stay with me but she keeps moving back, edging closer to that hole in the fence. I'm surprised Mr. Spears never hired someone to repair the damage on the roof. No matter how much I plead, she still doesn't listen. Why can't I get through to her? Then she suddenly smiles... this is ALL wrong. I may be a self-diagnosed autist but even I can tell that something's off about this. Oh my god, is she really going to say goodbye? Please, PLEASE don't do it.

"Anon, I truly… truly love you with all of my heart. Please… try to live on for me." She almost chokes on her final words, the tears are overwhelming her. I use my final bit of strength to cry for her but she simply closes her eyes and steps through the hole in the fence. I'm beyond exhausted but I still scream my lungs out as Fang disappears from my life. As my world turns dark the only thing I hear are the sirens of the police and ambulance vehicles parked outside.

 

 

I close my eyes as I take my final step. Maybe because I’m too ashamed of looking him into the eyes after what I did, or because I’m actually pretty fucking scared of what is yet to come. But what other choice do I have? Is there even a place in this world for a murderer… like me?

I can’t believe how shortsighted I was, allowing myself to be judged and ridiculed by people who didn’t matter while my few true friends and family watched helplessly as I fell into despair. I now feel the wind brushing up against me, I’m quicky falling and my survival instinct inevitably kicks in. My wings are pathetically flapping, I guess this is how Naser felt when he jumped off that cliff as a kid. Poor baby bro, he really didn’t deserve any of this. Suddenly I feel something under me but it’s far too soft to be the floor.

“Thank god… we arrived just in time! Look, someone actually jumped off the roof!” I open my eyes just to realize that I actually jumped into a safety net of sorts. The emergency services must have arrived a lot earlier than expected. “Hey, can you tell us if the shooter is still in there? Did they follow you upstairs?” God, I feel like the biggest asshole on the face of this planet right now. I can’t even muster a response, this must be a cruel joke by fate itself. WHY AM I STILL ALIVE? Don’t these people know what I did…?

Oh god, I think they just realized who jumped into their net. One of the students behind the safety line, a blue nerdy stego from Naser’s class, suddenly points at me and shouts something about me being the one who shoot up the school. The expressions of these kind, concerned people shifts into one of shock and visible contempt. The net which just saved my life has now become my prison.

To say I’m ashamed would be a severe understatement, this is far worse than any botched concert at school. Only this time they aren’t laughing, it’s quite the opposite. One of the government workers turns to the stego from earlier and asks him if he’s absolutely certain. A second student, a short raptor boy with pink feathers and glasses, steps up and confirms his claim. Suddenly I hear my name being shouted, Trish is looking at me with a mixed expression of sadness and disbelief.

“Please, Fang! You need to tell them what they did to you! It’s not your fault!” I know she means well but I can’t hide from the truth any longer, this atrocity was of my own doing. I’m still too shocked and embarrassed to say a thing, all I can do is silently cry as I observe what’s happening.

They clearly see that I’m unarmed but they still act cautiously, the net is slowly lowered to the ground as an aged brown triceratops police offer walks up to me. His expression is stern as he tells me my rights. Another cop, a dark t-rex, walks up and whispers something to him.

“Listen, I believe this is the daughter of the commissioner. We must be absolutely certain of what happened in there before we throw around accusations. Treat her well, she’s a suspect and potential witness for now.” I slowly rise from the floor, my head kept low, carefully approaching the triceratops officer and turning around, drawing in my wings as I offer myself up to be handcuffed. I have no intention of resisting, all I want is to disappear from this place. Meanwhile Trish is shouting at the cops, trying to deter them from taking me away.

Shortly after I’m being examined by a medic for any injuries, he asks me a couple of questions which I simply respond to with a shake of my head. Meanwhile various students who were being interviewed by the emergency workers keep their distance from me while staring at me with contempt. I suddenly remember what I did to Anon and urge them to check the roof for an injured bald human. God, please be alright. I couldn’t bear losing him, too.

They're telling me that they already have people looking for survivors upstairs. I pray he didn't bleed out. I can't shake the memory of his bloodied and partially mangled leg as he forces it across the surface of the school roof just be close to me… I'm so, so sorry. They finally lead me to the car which will probably take me to Volcadera Bluffs’ police station. Wait, isn’t that dad's station? Oh god… dad.