Summary: You may think that bravery comes in the form of absolute absence of fear… And in a way, it is, only this form is bordering on the territory of madness, because only an insane fool would fear nothing… Reality is, bravery comes from cowardice… Only those who know how truly horrifying this world is, how utterly scary failure is, how unfairly terrifying misfortune can fall… Only those will know true bravery, for the brave people are not the ones who charge into the battle and die… but those who survive and persevere. Forget about all the notions of honor, trust and duty, those things won't matter if you lie on the ground in the pull of your own viscera… Instead remember this: there is nothing wrong with being a slimy snake or a rat… these creatures are survivors, they know when to bite and when to flee… Learn from that, do not run yourself directly into the knife… Do not break this body just to prove a point, you will need it to flee when the time asks for it. Promise me, you won't die, you will survive, and we will persevere… - Quiet Whisper, the one who sees enemies in every shadow. This encounter of the past is, by far, the weirdest. I mean finding Fang, Reed and then Stella was weird as it is, considering the situation, but principal Spears? This is not someone I expected or hoped to see ever in my life. Towering over me he mostly remained unchanged, albeit he does look a bit more stressed than usual. He sports a black judoshi with a red belt… Wait, isn't the red belt considered to be the highest rank in judo? I mean, I know he is strong, I saw him lift Trish up in the air with one hand… But I never really expected him to be this level of expert in martial arts. "Anon, it is quite impolite to stare at others without saying a word." "Ah? Oh, sorry, Principal Spears, I didn't mean to. I am just surprised to see you." "Surprise is mutual, and please, just Spears. I am no longer your principal." His expression is stone cold as usual, it is hard to say if he is glad to see me, or if he is mad… probably indifferent. "Right, I will stick to Mister Spears then…" Spears who, despite never changing his expression, somehow started to exhume aggression… Yup, he is mad seeing me. "I hope you are not doing anything… troubling, young man." "Eh, no mister Spears, trying to be as clean as one possibly can!" Despite not being my principal anymore, this man still has me in his authoritarian fist. In front of him even someone as strong-willed as Trish or batshit insane as Rando appears to be so small in comparison. "Spears, do not scare my potential student, please." Thankfully, Shuyaku stood up for me, which made me feel a bit more assured… Thank you, old man. "Apologies, Master Shuyaku, it is just that this man used to be my student… A troublesome one as well." "Oh really? How troublesome?" A sly smile appears on Shuyaku's face. Why does he ask this? I thought he already knew me from Spears tales… unless. "He was a self-centered, anti-social, disrespectful little shit who was barely keeping up with the class. Honestly, I always thought that he would end up as an awful adult once he is out of my care, I won't sugarcoat this." Well, good to know that I am on the caveman's shitlist. I guess I should never appear anywhere near Volcano High from now on… not like I was planning to. "He also has shit taste in the fine art of anime." … ALRIGHT, THAT ONE WAS UNCALLED FOR! "Hohoho, it is rare to see you like this, Spears. I am glad that you reunited with your most favorite student." Favorite? The way Spears talks about me I expect him to suplex me at any moment! Spears was also not amused by such a statement. "What is he doing here, Shuyaku? I would not have taken Anon for a person interested in fighting. He could barely stand up for himself back when he used to be my student." "Ah, are you so blinded by your perception of the past that you cannot see the present? Look at this young man again, clear your mind of any biases and previous knowledge." Spears looked at me, his expression was stern and I expected him to charge at me at any moment. How the fuck a single person could make my fight or flight response to work overtime so much? "Hmmm, he did change and became a bit bigger since the school days. He actually looks like he could stand up for himself in a fight. Anon, what were you up to after you flunked your classes?" "Uh, military, sir. I mean, the Navy." "Ah, I see, so you flunked your classes, but at least you decided to do something with your life. But why are you here, in Volcadera Bluffs?" "I live here, sir. Lived here for over a month." "A month, that is a long time. So, you are attending evening school I'd imagine. Going for that high school diploma?" "Not at the moment, sir, but I do plan it." "Good, glad to see that you are not a lost cause. But you have a long way to go before you can call yourself a proper member of society." "T-thank you, sir." "It is not a compliment, but an observation. Don't fuck up." "Yes, sir!" Fuck, this man has an aura of such authority, I feel like I am back on the boat! Spears should have picked some other field than education, with a talent like that he would make a perfect military commander… or the new dictator of the USA. "See, Spears, you may be a good principal, but you still lack basic trust in others." "It is not as much lack of trust, but much more that I have seen people like him who turned out so much worse. You have seen people on the streets here, right? You know how many of them I recognize from their past days as students at my school?" "Haha, this is true. But Anon here is not like that. Sure he is, as youth would say, down in the gutter, but I see a good potential in him." "... yeah, I understand what you mean." Spears appear to be… different. Sure he maybe did not change visually, but he looks… tired. "Mister Spears, can I ask, how is school doing these days?" "Hm? Not as good as I wish it was. I swear, with every year new batches of parents and children getting more and more entitled. Between them, the PTA and incompetent teachers, this work is becoming too much for me." "Wow, is it that bad?" "Maybe even worse. Don't know how much more I can take… I thought about changing venues for a while, but I still have not decided where to go next." Wow, Spears retiring from his position as principal? This is not something I would have expected from him, honestly, I was expecting him to die in the principal office from old age. "So, Anon, you decided to join the martial arts courses?" "I have not decided yet, but I am interested. You know, want to figure out what I am good at." Spears raised his eyebrows… Was he surprised by these words? "Anon, I think I understand what Shuyaku meant by seeing the potential within you. And his understanding is very different from mine. Where I hoped you would turn out to be a proper adult, he hopes to see you finding your niche. It is good to see you trying, but you should not procrastinate with getting a diploma. Many good places won't even consider taking you to work without it. Finding what you are good at is good, but you should think about yourself overall as well." "Understood, sir." "Good. Oh, and drop the military act, it does not suit you." Well, even if Spears stops being a principal, I can still see him as a good role model and advisor. I always suspected him to be wiser than he looked, but this moment right here completely proved that to me. "Anyway, sorry for taking the time out of your class, master Shuyaku." "Oh, don't you worry, there is a routine that my students follow when I am not there to teach them, and seeing both you and Spears talking about your past is good. It will help you to reflect upon yourself… Anyway, you can go there, near the wall, and observe today's lesson from there. I hope it will pique your interest." Following Shuyaku's instructions, I went to the far side of the room in order to not interfere with others' training and began to observe it quietly. Shuyaku returned to observing his students performing throws and rolls, while Spears returned to the sparring ring, training with more experienced students. What an excellent throw! Spears throws every one of his opponents so effortlessly… I wonder if someone like me can be this good… Hm, this judo thing, does look interesting. *** It was still a couple of hours before today's performance. I was going down the streets of Skin Row pretty much just to clear my mind. Yesterday I did something bold, which now I am not sure was a very wise move. I mean, not even a week has passed since Anon and I reunited as friends and I am already trying to get back into a relationship with him. It was just his gift to me, it was so sudden, that it kinda made me emotional. Seeing him berating himself like that did not help that situation. I was just extremely overwhelmed at that point that, maybe, for a moment I lost my mind. Damn… Still, I hold that spare key to Anon's house tightly inside my pocket. I know it is silly, but feeling it in my hand makes me smile. God, I hope other people do not see me doing this goofy expression. Anon trusts me, he trusts me enough to let me have such a gift. This is the best… calm down, Fang, calm down, this is just a key. Nothing too crazy, I mean it is not a ring or a necklace. Just a key. Damn, stop smiling, Fang. Being so lost in my own thoughts, I didn't even notice how I was approached by two strangers. "Hey there, babe! How's your day!" Ugh, not now… Two idiots in front of me are both dinos covered in tattoos. And yes, they are attempting to hit on me. And by looking at how they act and talk, I can firmly conclude that these two are high as balls. One of them appears to be a parasaurolophus with gray scales, and the other is Grogosaurus with green scales. Both of them are shaved. They wear some fucked up clothes that make them look like homeless people. Damn, I have no time for that shit. "Sorry, I have no time for this." As I began to walk away, the one that was closest to me, the Grogosaurus, grabbed my arm. "Oh, come on, don't be like that. I can see you are interested. Tell you what, how about you spend some time with us! What about 30 minutes for 50 bucks?" What… "Get off me, you fucking pervert." "Hey, I am asking nicely!" For fuck sake, why now, when I have such a good mood? As I was about to reach into my pocket to take out a knife, someone approached us from the side. "Hey, how about you let the girl go? I mean, don't you think you two are punching way above your league?" This voice… I turn to the owner of that voice. Behind me stood a human with a shaved head and five o'clock shadow beard, wearing a silver nylon jacket. Is this Rando? "Oi, what the fuck man, can't we see we a bit busy here, you fucking skinnie?" "Oh, trust me, you would wish you never said that." Suddenly, the dino who was holding my arm let me go. As he concentrated all of his attention on the detective, I was safely pushed aside by Rando, away from these two creeps. "Hey, I don't like your attitude, you fucking ape. We are the Jurassic Sunrise, we run these streets! You're just some evolutionary reject who only exists because we allow you to!" "All I see are two low-life degenerates who have an entire Mexican cartel flowing in their blood. And if you don't back away, I will make sure that doctors won't know where to put you two, into the ER or morgue." The other dino pervert stepped forward, backing up his friend. "Oh look what we have here! A monkey that does not know what situation he is in! Listen here, you evolutionary mistake, we are the fucking dinos, our ancestors roamed the world while yours were hanging on the trees, picking fleas from their fur! You are nothing! And once WE are done with you, nobody will recognize your body!" "Yeah, Trevor! Ya know, I thought about asking that ptero-chick for a quickie, but right now I feel more like hunting the monkeys!" One of them takes out a knife out of his pocket and points directly at Rando. "You two are making a terrible mistaaake." Rando said that with a hint of melodic mockery. I mean, I know he is a cop, but does he not care that he may end up getting stabbed? "Oi, skinnie-" "Listen here, you leather-headed retard..." Suddenly, it is like Rando's entire personality has shifted somewhere else. That calm, almost playful attitude from before is all but gone, replaced instead with what I can describe as "murderous intent". "Don't interrupt me you fucking ski-" "Here we go again, like a broken fucking record you repeating the same word. "Skinnie that, skinnie this". Listen here, you future crude oil deposit, only two people in this world are allowed to call me that and, as far as I am aware, you are not one of them. So shut your mouth, before I rip your head off and shove it down your buddy's throat…" … Even I was terrified by the way he said that, and it was not even directed at me. He was not shouting, he did not show his anger, no, he stated a FACT. It is not just a cheap threat, he actually sounds like he is about to follow through with his words. "Wha- Who the fuck you think you are?" Suddenly, a borderline sadistic smile appears on Rando's face… Wha-what is he planning? He spread out his arms, as if he were… greeting someone? "Rafas!" "Rafas? Now that is a stupid name." "No, I am Rando. He is Rafas." Suddenly, the guy with a knife jolted and started to shake violently, as if he was possessed. Then he fell on the ground, where he was convulsing with irregular intervals. I raise my eyes and see that, behind the person that fell, stood a strange dino in a brown trench coat, underneath which he wore a yellow worker vest… In his right hand, he holds a small plastic box. "Never understood why the congress wants to remove this from our arsenal, using this is so much fun!" On top of the small box, I could see two small metallic spikes that occasionally produced an arch of lighting between them… This person was holding a taser. "Wah… What the fuck?" The other prick of the dino tried to react, but before he could turn to the guy with a taser, he was grabbed by Rando. Holding him by the collar, Rando brought the face of that fucker closer to his and looked directly into his eyes. "So where were we? Ah, right, something about tearing your head off, how could I forget something so crucial." "Hey, HEY! Fuck off! Who the fuck you think you are?" "Here we are, playing the same fucking tune, over and over again… Oi, Rafas, how about you tell them?" "Me? What there is to tell. We are technically nobody. Just some small, unimportant, unknown group known as SKIN ROW SHUFFLE!" That dude, Rafas, emphasized the last three words with extreme cockiness and aggression. "Who the fuck is Skin Row Shu-... Oh, fuck…" The expression of the prick dino suddenly changed. Any notion of anger and hatred is gone, replaced by a submissive fear. "H-hey, listen, I did not mean what I said, alright, I… I did not know you were the pi- I mean the cops! I-i just assumed that…" "Hey, Rafas?" "Yeah?" "This guy had such an unfortunate fall, didn’t he?" "Oh yeah, badly, right on his face." "What are you two talking abo-" Before the bastard could continue, Rando kneed him into his stomach, making him bend and fall on his knees. After which the Detective took a couple of steps back. This was followed by a sudden dash forward and… Rando kicked the guy square into his face. And it was not just a simple kick, no, it was done in a ramming movement, as if Rando tried to bust open a door. The dino flew backwards and, with a loud thud, collided with the ground. "Man, what a tragedy, isn't it?" "... you broke my nose, you skinnie bastard, you broke my nose…" The dino on the ground tried to slowly help himself up… however, I think he set off the detective yet again. "Hey, Rafas." "Yeah?" "Down the staircase?" "Down the staircase." Almost as if it was some sort of confirmation, Rando approached the still-on-the-ground dino and pushed them back down with his foot. After which he proceeded to put his knee on the dino's chest, preventing him from escaping. "W-what are you doing? Stop!" "Too late for that, pal." After that, what I saw was… horrific. Rando proceeded to throw a flurry of punches, all directed straight at the dino's face. One, two, three. Each punch felt like a gunshot, as the dino's face became more and more deformed. First, scales were torn off, followed by revealed fleshy bits slowly swelling with bruises. And then the said bruises burst into a bloody mess, as the skin was torn, revealing meaty insides. After that I turned away, still hearing the sound of Rando whaling on the poor bastard… until the sounds of beating finally stopped. I noticed that not a single soul even tried to help the poor guy from being whaled on, but I got used to seeing people on these streets ignoring the perils of others, as long as it meant not getting into trouble themselves... I turned back to see a dino whose face was swollen, with missing teeth wheezing and apologizing with every breath. Rando turned to his fellow officer, who proceeded to nod. "It was a long staircase" He said. After that Rando stood up, finally letting the poor guy breathe properly… I felt conflicted. Sure the guy was an asshole and threatened me, but seeing him reduced to this… I couldn't feel mad at him, only pity. "Man, that felt great. Always nice to beat up some trash folk that nobody would miss if they disappear." "Tell me about it… I beat him up only because he called me a skinnie." "Yeah, what a rude fellow, and pointing his knife at the honest police officer? What a travesty of individuals, these two. Should I cuff them?" "Please do, Rafas, and call someone to pick these two up." The other officer was preparing to run off to make a call, I presume, but as they were about to pass me, they looked at me. "Hm? You look familiar." This officer proceeded to stare at me to an uncomfortable degree. I look away from him, trying to make my distance… but then he backs away. "Ah, now I remember, this morning my boss was berating me for catching a shut eye… When I tried to evade Grim Rips' evil stair, I saw the picture there, the family one, and I saw a young ptero-girl with amber-colored eyes! You look exactly like her!" No, this is not happening! I was already discovered by one of the dad's goons! I could not handle another. "I think you are mistaken. I am-" "So it is you! Ha! Meeting my boss's daughter, what indeed a strange encounter! Wait… did you not go missing, like, three years ago?" No, no, no. Not again! Please for the love of everything good and holy, not another one! "Oi, Rafas!" "Huh?" Suddenly, this strange man was called off by Rando. "You forgot about Mister Red Face and his fellow comrade, convulsing Joe." "A moment, they are not going anywhere… Can you imagine it, Rando, we found his daughter and if we inform him about her, we would definitely receive a raise!" "Eh, how about no." "No? Dude, we have a gold mine right here… not in that way, miss." Huh? "Rafas, no you should not tell Rips about her. First, he would abandon all and come down rushing here… leaving all of his work to us." Would my dad really come here if he knew I was here… of course he would, what am I thinking about? "But, Rando…" "Second, your wife complained a couple of months ago that all of her house's wiring went missing. Should I tell her where to?" Suddenly, Rando's partner changes his expression of absolute fear, with the hint of betrayal. "Low blow, Rando, and to blackmail me like that?" "I do not blackmail you, all I am saying is that sometimes it is better to keep a secret in order to avoid getting other people hurt." "THIS IS BLACKMAIL, YOU DRUNK SHIT!" "Oi, watch it… I am sober right now." The other guy, Rafas, sighs deeply, as he facepalms. His frustration is short-lived, however, and then he returns to his usual dorky, yet somewhat uncomfortable self. "Alright, Rando, I know you are a weirdo who talks to himself and constantly pulls some kind of bullshit out of nowhere while solving cases, I know you are anything but a liar. I don't know the reason why you would hide Rips's daughter away from him, but I guess there is a good reason… I just hope the two of you are not dating." Oh god no- "Rafas, I swear to god, I will end you!" "Relax, relax. I know your heart is already taken by someone else even though you refuse to admit it." Is he talking about that gal, Dawn? Wait, what does he mean by "Refuse to admit it"? They looked like a couple the last time I saw them! Unless… "Alright, I won't tell Rips anything… And if you want to keep little miss princess away from the hands of good ol' evil blimp, you better move out of here, before the patrol arrives to pick these two losers up." "Are you sure you will be able to handle it?" "Pff, like taking candy from an orphan. You have nothing to worry about. And yes, I will tell them that the guy just had an… unfortunate accident. Rando gives out a creepy cackle, capable of chilling one's blood to a frozen still, and then nods to his partner. He then turns to me. "It is better if we move, Miss Fang." I don't want to go anywhere near this man, but at the same time, I recognize that he wants to help me. Sigh. "Alright, let's go this way, there should be no people there." "Not a bad idea… for an amateur. Follow me, little one." Little one? Alright, I am letting this one go, after what I have witnessed here it is better not to piss off this man. I suppress my anger and follow Rando. And soon we were not only away from those two future convicts, but also a small walk away from Pizza Time. "It is amazing, I did not know you could move like that through this town." "Ancient detective's technique. I call it the Rando's Path. Very catchy, isn't it?" "... Really now? Rando's Path? Are all humans these dorky, or just you and Anon?" "What? I think it sounds cool." This man, for some reason even after witnessing him doing all of that borderline evil shit, I cannot help but think there is more to him than meets the eye. I mean, he is violent, unpredictable, slightly psychotic… but at the same time he looks and acts like, I dunno, like he has a reason to be this strange. Perhaps he is just sick in the head. Or maybe he is hurting… I would know that. "So, Rando, we have some time. How about we talk?" We walk behind the pizzeria, where the staff door is located, which I use to quickly access the backstage area. I lean against the wall, take out one of my cigarettes and light it. "Talk? With you? Don't tell me you actually consider-" "Rando, I don't care if you are my dad's goon or that you are a detective, if you finish that sentence, I will boot your face." "Sorry, sorry… I guess Rafas's sense of humor is contagious." He followed my example, also leaned against the wall and took out a cigarette from a strange, small wooden box with few carvings on it. I never saw someone using something like that to store cigs… Anyway, what to talk about, I guess I start with the most obvious. "By the way, Rafas? Is that his real name?" "Nah, his real name is Rafael Franz Elysian… Don't call him by that name, only his wife is allowed to call him "Rafael". Old story, has something to do with daddy issues." "... Elysian?" "Don't ask, his wife's family name. Some rich folk from up north." "Well, it is not the strangest last name, really. I mean, I know one named Mous. Or Erson." I look at him, grinning. "Man, I never get any rest with that last name, don't I?" "Nope, not with the first name and last name like that. What did your parents think of while naming you this way?" "Dunno, never met them. Grew up in an orphanage and the streets." Shit, Fang, you've done it now. "... Sorry." "Eh, don't swell it. Can't be sad about losing something I never truly had." He says that, but I can see the intensity in his movement, as he takes a long drag, burning almost a quarter of his cig in one go. "Damn, man, slow down there. Pace it out a bit." He exhales a thick cloud of smoke, without coughing even once. Almost as if his lungs are made of steel. After he frees his lungs from tobacco smog he looks at me for a moment, before laughing. "What's so funny?" "Nothing, you just remind me of your dad." My dad, huh… you know, I never once wondered how he was doing before Anon came back. But now, I feel awful whenever I think about my family, almost like I was the one who betrayed them… Because I did. "What is the history between my dad and you, anyway?" "Huh? Well, that is a long story, but to make it shorter… He is the reason why I am standing here, talking to you, smoking this overpriced cigarette, wearing these clothes and being a detective. He is a man who saved my life." "Really? Because, honestly, the dad I know is a selfish control freak who does nothing but berate you for the smallest of, what he considered, transgressions. The only things he cared about were his career, beer, sports and golf." "Hehehe, that does sound like him… but, you know, he wasn't like that always. I remember the times when he used to smile a lot more, cracking crappy one-liners… and hated golf." "What, really?" "Yes, he was more of a… action guy. Took several hunting tours around the world, hunting large game. Remember how proud he was showing and telling me the photos about his trip to Africa… Although, now that I think about it, these hunting tours probably were illegal." "I mean, I knew he was a hunter, but he has not hunted in years." "Well, once you get older, your body becomes slower, you gain more and more responsibilities… I mean, look at Rips. Lovely wife, two kids, bills for the house, position to uphold. Not like he has time for stuff he likes anymore… And I guess this is where golf came in. He invited me once, but honestly? I couldn't get into it. Still like bowling trips from time to time though." The way he speaks about Dad, almost lovingly, as he talks about his family member whom he cherishes dearly. "And what is he to you?" "Well, ain't you putting me into a tight spot… I guess he is like an older brother I wish I had when growing up. Reliable, helpful, beats the shit out of you if you mess up. And a good friend." "Why did I never see him that way… For me, he always was distant, almost as if never saw me as his daughter. He was angry, controlling, and inconsiderate. When I ran away from home I felt… relieved that he was no longer a part of my life." I hold my cigarette between my fingers, looking at the burning end. Right, this is why I ran away. I hated it there, it always felt like a prison. It was cold there, I felt unwanted… and after Anon was gone and Naser was about to move out, I guess I just had no reason to stick around there. Even though I live in borderline poverty, I never regretted that idea, at least until recently. Even if my life is painful, if it is hard, at least there is somewhere I need… even if it was some shitty pizzeria in the middle of nowhere. "I guess I understand your reasoning… Rips can be annoyingly difficult." "Heh, you don't even know." "Well, I would not say that. Ripley is… well, you know how he is. The duty man, the one that desires stability and certainty over everything else. And, I guess, his work did consume him at one point. You know, somewhere around when I received my badge when I became an officer of the law, Ripley changed a lot. Once a kind and proud man became… distant. Constantly frowning, trying to do everything by the book, so to speak. It is like he just stopped caring about how everyone sees him… or perhaps he cared way too much." Rando inhales another puff of smoke inside his lungs. Now half of his cigarette is gone. "He constantly screamed at his subordinates, put impossible expectations on us, put us through hell, and I would be lying if I said I have not thought about… giving up and quitting. But then there were times when he was his old, jolly self. See this?" He shows me a strange metallic lighter with initials on it. "Gave me as a present during one of my birthdays. Had it ordered and everything. Seeing this, I knew he cared, because if he didn't, he would have wasted no breath on this crap. Think about it, there were probably times like that for you as well." I think about it for a bit and then it comes… my room, almost everything in it: my clothes, my guitars, everything really. Even though he did not like it, he would never raise an objection about my choice of stuff. I used to think that he did not care, but… "And I guess recently, he had a wake-up call, Miss Fang." "Huh?" "When you disappeared and Naser moved out… He had a revelation of sorts. Well, that, and years worth of depression, but you know what I mean. I believe he finally understood what he had become, and he realized that whatever he was doing was pushing people away from him. His family, his friends… Even though he does not show it, he holds these things dear. He loves Samantha, he cares for his friends… And he definitely loves you." "Even if he did, he has a very strange way of showing it." "Ohoho, don't get me wrong, he is a massive jerk, and you have all the right to stay mad at him. All I am saying is, this is who he is. Deep down, beneath all that grime, grimness and pent-up assholery, there is genuinely a good heart. Trust me on that." … I never thought about it this way. I wanted to believe that he hated me because of what happened to Naser because, honestly, being hated is miles better than being ignored. And I never once thought my dad truly loved me. But, thinking about it now, seeing what this world is like myself, I also tried to distance myself from the things that made me who I am. I tried to bury my love for Anon, I tried not to get attached to my band, I refused to even consider reuniting with my old friends, and now, when it is so near, I want it, I want to love and care and… "Heh, maybe me and my dad are not so different in that regard." "As I said, you remind me of him so much. Same kind of attitude towards the world. Both are a bit jerkish." "Watch it." "Hahaha, sorry, sorry…" I pretended to be angry, but maybe this guy provided me with the perspective I really needed. I always looked at Dad one way, completely refusing to accept that there was a possibility of him being different. I was so bitter about everything, that I just could not believe that it could be better. I guess I should thank Rando for that, however… "Just a question. Does my dad allow what happened back there?" "Hm? Turning some prick's face into a modern art piece? Usually not, but hey, it's the Skin Row Shuffle way, not his." "What is even a Skin Row Shuffle?" "Ohohoho, what are we? I guess you can tell that we are a special police task force… specializing in fucking the shit up. When the police's motto is "Protect and Serve", for us, a select few, it is "fight fire with fire"." "And my dad just allows it?" "I guess he realized the futility of trying to restrain us. Besides, we are necessary. Look at this place, the beautiful streets filled with messed up shit that would give any lesser mind a nightmare! And for a messed up place like this, you need messed up people to guard it." "And none of you have any… issues doing stuff like that?" "That? That was nothing. You should have seen what Bert did one time a couple of years ago when he poisoned a guy with medical alcohol." "... Why would he do that?" "Honestly, I believe it happened simply because he did not want to dirt his hands that day. Poured some peddler sod few grams of it into his drink, and the guy went down harder than a sack of bricks. He did not die, but the headache next morning probably made him wish he did." "God. To think psychopaths like you carry guns and badges… does not make me feel secure at all. What about that guy, Rafas, you said he is married. Does his wife just… tolerate it?" "His wife is ten times scarier than Rafas is. I once saw her spin-kick a guy larger than her and made him fly backwards at least a few feet. Besides, she realized that you can make a Skin Row man move out of this forsaken land, but you can't remove Skin Row from his soul. The soul of Skin Row we call it." "Soul of Skin Row?" "One of the most disgusting things ever. Men and women who care for nothing but themselves. Rats, snakes, scum. That is what we are. And this place? Is our prison. It holds us in its grasp even when we manage to escape it. You are lucky, you don't have that type of soul… Anon though." "What about Anon?" "Well, let's just say, he has the foundations right… but he has a hope beyond just escaping this place, but also escaping his past. Something I never seemed to believe would happen to me." What he said about Anon… Yes, Anon is somewhat like that. He used to be selfish, cynical, constantly trying to shut his heart from everyone… But he opened it to me, and I shuttered it all because… "Maybe I belong in this place after all." "You? Please, Fang, you do not. You and that kid, Anon, deserve so much more. You two are young and stupid, you have all the chances to live a better life and I know you two will… It is people like me who belong here." "People like you?" "Failures, losers, nobodies. I accepted that I cannot escape, that I do not deserve better. But you two do. And trust me, I will make that break for the two of you possible. Just promise you will move out to some nicer area. I hear suburbs can be nice, as long as you do not take a house way too deep into it." "What do you mean you do not deserve better? I mean, I know very little about you, and I would be lying if I hadn't thought you were an asshole when we first met… But I also would be lying if I said I cannot see genuine good in you. I mean, despite getting nothing from that, you help me, you help Anon… you even probably help my dad. You do so much good." "And I do a lot of bad things. And yes, miss you know very little about me. I did have a few chances to do better, and to have a good life. But I threw it all away, because as I said I do not deserve it. My fate is to live and die by these streets, preferably doing the right thing. Let people like you enjoy life. People like me can only… see through it." With that, Rando finishes his cigarette and drops its butt on the ground. The air was so cold, he did not even bother to step on it, and let the cold winds do his job… and then he looked somewhere deep into the alley. He passed me by and started to go deeper. "Oi, where are you…" He turned and put a finger to his lips, then he pointed the same finger to… somewhere. Looking in that direction, I saw two suspicious people deep into the alleyway going around the corner. Are they seriously peddling some shit right behind my working place? Rando whispered something to me along the lines of "I'll be back" and then proceeded to follow the suspicious figures, leaving me behind. Huh, I guess even now the duty calls… I better finish my cigarette as well and head inside. Stepan and Dude will be here any moment, I better prepare myself before- "Excuse me, miss?" A female soft voice breaks me out of my thoughts and I turn to its source. An older hybrid dino with pale scales stood in front of me… wait, isn't that Dawn? "Uh, hello, Dawn?" "Haha, sorry to interrupt your smoke break." "Ah, it is nothing, I am almost done anyway." "Good… can I rest here with you?" Huh, this is weird… "I guess I have no reason to deny this request." "Good, thanks." She leans on the wall beside me. I expect her to follow my example and take a cigarette out of her pocket and light it… but she never does. Strange, she does look like a person who'd smoke. "Want some?" I reach out to her with a pack of cigarettes. "No, thank you, I had quit it." "Ah, okay, sorry." "Nah, it is alright, really." This is awkward, I don't know how to interact with this person. I mean, we have known each other for less than a day, how am I supposed to talk to her? Suddenly she sighs and turns to me. "Hey, Fang, can I ask you something?" "What is it?" "What do you think about Rando?" *** Observing others practicing judo, I quickly pick up that there is more to that type of sport than meets the eye. For a person with no knowledge, this looks like the simplest type of martial arts ever. Just grab and throw your opponent on the floor, repeat X amount of time before the judge decides that enough is enough. But it is anything but simple. On the Shuyaku side, I saw him lecturing his students, explaining to them how to properly move and stand while standing in the ring. Listening to him I figured out that every throw, every move has its own name, technique, set up and other aspects that made them unique for every situation possible. The way they trained reminded me of the sparring matches back in the Navy, however, while in the Navy they taught us how to end the fight as quickly as possible, Shuyaku here trains his students for the inevitability of prolonged fights. I mean, they are not soldiers who are taught how to kill, mostly all of them are just young people who follow their passion and interest. However, I still heard Shuyaku giving a few pieces of advice on how to use some moves outside of the ring in case of self-defense. Makes sense, after all some people learn martial arts exactly for that reason. On Spears' side, however, everything was more ruthless and merciless. Being one of the best students here he probably acts as a subsidiary for the teacher inside the ring. Don't know how good Shuyaku is with judo, but Spears is pretty good, almost on the professional level I would say. Despite his size, he moves fast. Sometimes my eyes barely can keep up with some of his attacks. Fascinating, I always knew that someone like Spears is strong as shit, but I would have never suspected him to be able to move with such elegance and grace. When he was not sparring with other students, he let others spar in his stead, as he was observing them from the side. There were many different students. Some big, some small, only a few humans, mostly just dinos. And each and every one of them has different levels of experience. There were newbies like me, who barely could keep up with the rest of the class, and there were veterans only a few ranks below Spears, and of course everyone in between. And yet I notice that they don't usually pay attention to their ranks and spar independently from that. I later understood why. New ones are put against more experienced students, they get their shit kicked in, and they stand up and either try again or leave the ring. Then two students of mostly the same level fight each other, with newbies being able to observe the fight from the side, taking mental notes on where they made mistakes, how many of them could have been avoided, etc. Then the newbies trained amongst each other, trying to improve their movement. And then the cycle repeats itself. This is the cycle of failure, learning and improvement. In order for the newbies to understand their limitations, they must stand up to the opponents ranked above them, trying to fight them and, most of the time, fail. With failure comes experience, which then can be transformed into knowledge. However, a few of the students stubbornly tried to defeat their betters again and again and refused to back down… while I respect their spirit, this is not the way to learn. You can't just mindlessly rush into things, repeating the same mistakes again and again, expecting to become better simply because of some rule that you made up in your head… Oh… "I see you had some kind of realization about yourself, isn't it, young man?" My thoughts were interrupted by Master Shuyaku. For someone his age, he is surprisingly quick… and quiet. "You observe these students with great intensity. I wonder, did you learn anything by just looking at them?" "Well, obviously, I did not learn how to judo." "Of course not, after all, you need to practice it yourself to fully understand even the basics, however… I did not mean judo, my young student." "Huh?" "Like, for example, let's observe the next match." Shuyaku and I turned to the sparring ring, where a young triceratops dino fought against an older ankylosaur. The battle started with the younger one rushing forward and trying to grab his opponent by the collar and, at first, it seemed like he was having an advantage… before the older one completely turned the tables and threw the younger one over his shoulder and onto the floor, finishing the fight… At first, I did not notice anything strange, it seemed like a normal outcome of the experience. However, once I remembered their two previous fights… this was the older's first victory I'd seen today. It comes to me… "The younger one, the triceratops, saw the older one losing until now. In his head, he probably believed that the older one was an incompetent fighter, after all, he saw nothing but his defeats… But he failed to consider that, until now, the ankylosaur was fighting opponents obviously more experienced and stronger than him. While others saw failure, they seemingly forgot that the ankylosaur is a brown belt. Now, my knowledge of judo may be surface level one, but the brown belt is leagues above the orange one, is that correct?" "Indeed you are correct about that." "Right, so, he saw the brown belt losing until now to black belts and thought that he had an advantage. They grew overconfident, failing to understand that their opponent is still more experienced than them and actually knows his shit… If Triceratops acknowledged and respected his opponent, maybe he could have stood a chance, but because in his head he thought that he was smarter and better, he failed to take the upper hand." Suddenly, I have a flashback to the day of the concert at Dino-Moe pizzeria. Fang, Reed and Trish were preparing the stage, I was helping them with small stuff, like carrying shit. And then I tripped over some cables. After I stood up, I began to believe that they may maybe a hazard, so I called Trish and asked her opinion. She screams at me and tells me that Reed is responsible for that mess. She told me that he had been doing it for years. I do not listen to her, because I cannot believe that Reed is a capable man, so when she leaves I try to fix cables… which later results in a blackout that ends up almost ruining the show. If I respected and trusted Reed, then I would have not messed up the show. "Damn, just remembered something rather embarrassing." "I assume, observing others made you remember something about yourself?" "When I was younger, I made a judgment call based on my assumption of others. That resulted in me messing things up for others." "Ah, I see, yes, situations like these are common for young men such as yourself… Well, what did you learn?" "Huh?" "You see, Anon, martial arts is not just about improving your body, but also cultivating a healthy, disciplined and balanced mind. To not improve yourself just physically, but also mentally. For example, look at your situation. You can't just remain sad about your failures, just like in a fight, feeling sorry for yourself won't do you any good. So, if you think about it, strong and hard, what do you think the lesson is here?" What lesson did I learn from that day? Well, perhaps I am a bad judge of character. That I am the one who makes myself believe that everyone around me is dumb and stupid. That I need to trust others just a bit, or at least show them the same respect I expect from them in return. The only thing I can do is… "I guess the lesson here is to be more open-minded to others, put the same trust in them I expect in return. I cannot just randomly assume that someone deserves or does not deserve my trust based on my assumptions alone… but I guess I also should be aware of others and act according to the situation." After all, if I noticed signs about Trish sooner, maybe I could have avoided the whole fiasco with the presentation. "Interesting… Let us watch another fight, shall we?" Yet again we turned to the ring, where a new pair of students were preparing for the spar. Two of them are young, one is a raptor, and the other is a human. A bit of an unfair match, but I've seen people like Spears humbling dinos with ease. And I am not the only one who thinks that this matchup is unfair, as the dino starts to mock his human opponent. And that is some vicious mockery. I can hear the insults, belittling, even slurs… However, the human remains unfazed. And then the battle starts. It is a flurry of different grabs, dodges and reversals. And throughout it all, the dino opponent continues to mock his opponent. In his place, I would have totally lost it… And that is exactly what happens, as one of the insults regarding the human's parents enraged him. I thought that was the raptor's plan, to make it so his human opponent was mad. Mad people make mistakes, I know that too much. But the raptor did not take into consideration that an enraged opponent does not only become reckless but also daring, emboldened and fearless. I could see the raptor becoming more and more uncertain with his movements, unsure what attack would follow next, and then, in the next moment, he was grabbed and thrown against the ground with such force that I could hear the floor cracking underneath him… For some reason, an unknown sense of duty was fired up in me and I was ready to push myself off the floor and run towards the ring to see whenever the raptor guy was fine… but before I could stand up, Shuyaku stopped me and shook his head slowly. "Watch." I don't know what he is thinking, this is his student we are talking about, don't he worry about his condition? But my worries are short-lived, as I see the raptor guy slowly lifting his upper body, supporting himself with his left elbow, he rubs his head with his free hand and mumbles something to himself… I assume more insults, but this time not towards his opponent, but himself. The human, on the other hand, stood and watched as his opponent was struggling to stand up. He still shakes with anger, but once he realizes that he has won, he sighs and relaxes his fists. Instead of gloating or simply stepping off the ring, like I would have done… he walked up to the dino on the floor and reached his hand to him, trying to help him. At first Dino, in his stubbornness refused to accept the helping hand, but the human did not give up and still reached out to his opponent. Dino, hesitantly, accepted the help. Once he is off the ground and on his feet, his hand does not separate itself from his opponent. No, once a grasp between the helping hand and hand in need has turned into a firm handshake. It was not one of friendship, forgiveness or even rivalry… No, it felt more like… Acceptance. It seems these two have some kind of history, and it is not a pleasant one. Don't know, maybe once they had a falling out and today's fight between them was its culmination… and that fight helped them also see their own flaws within themselves. And they accepted those flaws. But more than that, they seemed to acknowledge that this animosity between them should not exist… I just witnessed two bitter enemies finally burying their hatchet of hatred, deciding to move forward, past their own convictions and stubbornness. And all without a single word. This reminds me of something I wanted… no, what I needed to do. "So, what have you witnessed, young one?" "I guess, what I saw is two enemies clashing in the battleground, trying to prove something to themselves, but one of them was so deep into their own animosity, that they made a mistake of hurting someone who truly despised them. With that mistake, they ensured their own defeat. And even with all that hatred, all that distrust, the one who had all the right to hold on to his hatred has let it go in an attempt to bury a hatchet. He did not forgive the person who had hurt him, but he was willing to give them a chance to prove to him that they could be better… Reminds me of my past." This battle was a culmination of animosity between two people. I had a moment like that all the way back in school, the worst day of my life. The day of the presentation. I still remember it and what pain I felt that day. Humiliation, betrayal and, worse of all, fear. Fear that because of my stupid past, someone like Fang would have abandoned me. That presentation was the culmination of someone's animosity… Trish. I knew for a while that Trish hated my guts, I knew that I was doing something that made her hate me, even if it did not make sense to me, or if it was not my intention. But my presence did interfere with Trish's ideal life, so I kind of understand her… It is just how I reacted to the whole fiasco. I chose to walk away from her, to make distance and hope to forget that she was here. But that was not enough, I also wanted to push Fang away as well. Not only because I wanted to get back at Trish, but because I wanted Fang to choose me. And she did, and that was… No, it was not a bad decision. The bad decision was to hold on to that hatred and make it decide for me what to do. I did not need to forgive Trish. Only to start over, not as friends or enemies, but as acquaintances, and then build something new. That would have been a more mature way to solve that bloody mess… But I was never known for mature decisions. "I see that you are deep in your own thoughts, young one." "What? Ah, right, sorry." "It is quite alright. It is good that witnessing these matches made you not only understand the idea of tactical advantage but also helped you to get a better look at yourself. Martial Arts are… all about that. I know movies made them look amazing and action-packed, but in reality, knowing how to fight with precise discipline is more about building yourself, rather than learning how to hurt others. To become a master of any discipline, you first of all need to become a master of your own self. Both of your body and your mind. Even observing a fight can lead us to revelations about others and ourselves… You know why martial arts piqued your interest?" "Why?" "Because, despite what you made yourself believe, your mind desires growth. It wants to broaden its horizons, but it also wants to look inside that primordial darkness of your own self. To witness your past misdeeds, your demons and overcome them. It is like an immune system, only for thoughts." "So you say I want to learn martial arts to change myself?" "Not change, but to discover what you really are. And I mean not what type of person you are, but what your heart and soul truly desire." What do I truly desire? Well, there are many things. I want to be together with Fang again, that one is obvious. I want to be someone who does not waste his life sitting on his ass. I want to, maybe, get back at my parents for ignoring me all my life… But what do I mean when I say that I want it? Do I really want it because I want it? Or because I need it… damn, self-reflection should not be so hard. Before I dive deep even further into my own mind, Shuyaku reaches out to me and gives me a few sheets of paper with martial arts class schedules. "There are other disciplines my school teaches, if you do not find your joy in judo, there are others… I heard Ziganof is always ecstatic about new students. And since Donnelly joined the other month, we now also provide boxing lessons. I recommend you to visit them all at least once and decide for yourself." "But how would I know that this is what I need?" "Your heart will know. Believe me, you will know when you see it." With those words, Shuyaku left me to my thoughts and went back to his students. I look at the sheet. There are many classes for the small school like this. There is obviously Judo, then there is classic Wrestling, Boxing… Jeet Kune Do? The hell is that? It is being taught by Mister Bars? Obviously, Chinese and Japanese traditional martial arts are being taught by Shuyaku, although it is such a broad spectre… but then again, I just don't think Shuyaku wants to call it "Kung Fu" classes, because that would give a wrong impression. There are several more, but I don't think I will be able to visit them all, since some of them are only active when I work… Well, I will observe the ones that I can visit. Alright, that is a plan for next week. For now… I look at my phone and notice that it will soon be time for Pizza Time's performance. Not wanting to be late, I excused myself and exited the dojo(?) room… but I was stopped by Spears, who caught me in the corridor. "Uhhh, can I help you?" He looks at me, his eyes staring with such intensity as if they are about to burn a hole straight through my cranium… Then, he puts his hand on my shoulder. "I can see that you did something extremely stupid in the past, and I don't mean the "dropping out of the school" stuff." "I mean, I did a lot of stupid things, kinda my MO at this point." "Not what I mean. Something so stupid and dumb, you believe it is the reason your life is in shambles. You know, I did not lie back there." "Huh?" "The first time I met you back in school, I already thought that you may be a lost cause. Half a year is a very short time to change, after all. And I did not want you to enter your adult life as a cynical, selfish young man. I failed, however, despite my best intentions, to provide you with a proper path. And whatever happened to you recently, shows that failure upfront." What does he mean by that? That I look like a loser? I mean, I do have heavy eyebags, pale skin, tired look, and even though I changed my usual clothes from dark to good old green, I guess it does look a bit untidy. "Allow me to rephrase it, it is not how you look, it is how being near you feels. Anon, you reek of regret and self-loathing." "Do I really? I mean, I don't say that I am much better than a week ago, but…" "Anon, this is serious. Stop hiding your true self behind the wall of jokes and funny remarks." I immediately shut up. "Anon, I can see that you have experienced pain that many should not experience. And I can see that your past mistakes still eat you up at your core. What I want to say is, if you ever need someone to hear you out, or if you need advice, you can always ask me. Not as your formal principal, but as your friend." "Really? I thought you'd hate me for skipping out on school." "I won't lie and say that it is not the case… but only careless children hold on to pointless grudges. While I am getting tired of working as a principal, I still want to help people such as yourself. So, if you ever need help, I am always available after classes. I know a good place not too far from here where I can hear you out… that, or give you recommendations for what GOOD anime to watch." "Ha, good to see that this part did not change about you, Mister Spears." "What can I say, a man of culture remains a man of culture, no matter how old he gets." Spears let my shoulder go, allowing me to finally leave… I believe I need to tell him something. "Ah, mister Spears, I believe you'd like to hear this." "Hm?" "... Lucy Aaron is doing alright. She is struggling and life is hard on her, but she is slowly breaking through. One day, she will make the greatest comeback ever." Spears raised his eyebrow. "Why did you tell me this?" "Don't know, it felt like the right thing to say to you." At first, Spears almost looked surprised, but soon his face expressed his inner joy, as a smile started creeping by. "Heh, you are good, Anon. Doing a lot better than expected. I almost want to say I am proud of you." "Then why don't you?" "It will take more than one sincere act like this to convince me that you are a proper adult man. Until then, all I can say is… I respect your attempt at doing better." "Heh, I will take that as a compliment." I look at the clock again. Damn, if I don't hurry it up, I will be late for Fang's performance. "Alright, mister Spears, it has been nice seeing you again after all these years. I hope we will meet again, but now I must go or I will be late." "Go off then, hurry up. I won't hold you for any much longer." I nod and begin my advancement towards the staircase, I carefully descend to the first floor and go outside. For some reason… I feel like I gained a new perspective. Like it feels a bit clearer about what I should do. But at the same time, there is excitement in the unknown. You know, maybe meeting Spears was exactly what I needed after all this time, knowing that some things did not change, yet also changed but for somewhat better. I guess now I should concentrate on myself… Next week I need to meet Trish to finally close one of the chapters of my old life and move forward. Whenever Trish accepts my hand, it does not matter. What matters is - it feels like I can do anything. And I hope nothing will trample over this feeling.