Summary: Why are you here, Detective? What is your purpose? And I do not ask in a metaphorical, psychological, or philosophical way. No, what I mean is, what are you trying to achieve by doing what you do? Long ago, around five years ago you made a promise, to distance yourself from these people, to reduce your interaction with them to the minimum to do your job. But in the end, you end up breaking this promise. To yourself, to us, to the dark depths beyond the mountain range of reason. And now your action caused HER to appear. The embodiment of everything that is. Do you even hear me? Of course you do not, you never listen, you only act. You are even more eager to listen to the headless one than to me. However, I do not blame you… My plan, our plan… it ground this body and mind to its limit. Maybe it is time for a reevaluation of your being. Maybe it is time to change, for better or worse. However, we did not reach that decision just yet. I will see you soon, Detective, and we will discuss our future. - The voice-of-experience, the wisdom born from blood. Once again I finish my last song on this stage of Pizza Time, the room is silent, and the place is dimly lit. This is the moment where I should thank the audience, but this time it feels different. When I look at the crowd in front of me it feels weird. Welcoming, warm. In the crowd I see people I thought were gone from my life forever. Now they are there, watching me, waiting for me to step off the stage to them. To the right of me, I see Anon and Rando, there is a girl next to him that I don't know. Near the entry I can see Stella just hanging out, watching the show. I didn't even notice when she arrived. The rest of the crowd also feels more friendly, more accepting. It does not take long for me to hear the clapping and the cheering. People actually… enjoy my music. I look to my bandmates, my stalwart companions so to speak and they also feel different. Stepan, who is always meek and silent now smiles and waves to the crowd. Dude, who is almost always in his own world looks at the crowd and acknowledges their existence. It feels unreal, like if I blink everything will disappear. But I do blink, and everything remains the same. Yesterday was not a one-time fluke, no, people actually coming here to see me, to see us! I barely hold back my tears… Right, I must save them for the day of our big success, right now what is in front of us is a small victory on the way to the big one. I grab the microphone in front of me. "Thank you everyone for coming. We hope to see you tomorrow as well. We are the Silver Line and we play here every weekday. Take care and good night!" With these words, I, Stepan and Dude step off the stage and back into the backroom behind the stage. As we go inside, I barely contain my excitement. "Aaaaaaaaaa!!! Have you seen that?! They loved us! I can't believe this is actually happening!" "Ouch, Fang, my ear!" "Oh, sorry Stepan, I just…" "I know that you are happy, Fang, believe me, I share the feeling… but the door is barely closed. Oh damn, I think that shriek earlier gave me tinnitus." Dude laughs. "Well, this gig is becoming really fun actually. I mean, no offense Fang, but until recently these evening shows were getting boring… But to play in front of such a vibrant group of people feels great!" "And soon it will be an even bigger and more vibrant crowd! I can't wait!" Stepan slumped down on the couch, exhausted but still excited… then suddenly his expression became more serious. He looks at me. "So, Fang, mind if I ask you something personal?" "What is it, Stepan? You kinda scare me when you make such a face." "Why? is my face that… Wait, no, no derailment… What I meant to ask is rather important, or at least important to me." He leaned in forward like he was interrogating me. "Do you and that guy, Anon… you know…" The moment I heard that all of my glee and joy evaporated and was replaced by confusion and annoyance. Not that I hate the idea, but as of late too many people confuse me and Anon for a couple. "No, Stepan, we are not a couple. Why do you even ask this?" "I dunno, call it "Trust Issue". I mean, don't get me wrong, I am sure Anon is a good person underneath that air of anonymity, but… I just cannot understand why he is helping us." "Isn't being friends just enough for someone to wish to help?" Dude joins in, stating his reason, only Stepan is not convinced. "Yeah, it is true that friends often help each other, but not when they have to do something outside of their zone of comfort. Would you help me do my job for the Union if I asked you?" "Stepan, this is not the same…" "Perhaps… Sorry, Fang, I am maybe a bit paranoid after I found out that I was set up for murder charges and I still potentially have a chance to end up in a slammer or, worse, the bay… I just don't want for you to be hurt Fang, I don't know, when Anon is around you always seem on edge." Ah, I understand. He does not ask that question because he is weary of Anon. It is because I often act differently around him. Stepan may be a social dumbass, but he is good at noticing small details like changes in someone's behavior. Should I maybe tell him the truth to ease him up? I am not sure, but… "Stepan, your suspicion of others is unhealthy. You are always so… I don't know, materialistic, man. Like you constantly try to rationalize within the confinements of your understanding of reality. Who cares if Anon is Fang's friend or boyfriend… What matters is he wants to help Fang… Helping us is just a bonus." "Uh, perhaps you are right, sorry for acting like a prick." "It's fine, Stepan. I understand that you are just trying to protect me… hell, you act like an older sibling or something, which sometimes can be annoying, but I appreciate it." "Glad to hear. But just so you know… If you and Anon are or will be dating, I will be fine with that." "... thanks, Stepan." Man, this was awkward and annoying… but it is nice that he is ready to accept me and Anon in case if we… Oh for fuck sake, Stepan made it weird. "Anyway, let's pack up, collect our payment for today from the owner. I hope he will give us a bonus for giving him a full house!" "I just hope he will not pay that bonus to us in pizza…" "Hey, Stepan, what is wrong with Pizza?" "... it is greasy, high in fat and carbs… And I think it is overrated." I give out a playful, shocked gasp. "No way! I guess we can't be friends anymore." "... You want to stop being friends with me because I don't like pizza?" "Stepan, this is the reason why you don't have a girlfriend… It was a joke." Suddenly Stepan chuckles. "I know, Fang." Did… did he just bait me? I look at him and notice a… smug smile? I have never seen Stepan smiling like that. Did… was he always capable of jokes like that? "I can be full of surprises, Fang. Now let's go, your "boyfriend" awaits." Ohohoho! I guess Stepan can be an asshole when he wants to be! Alrighty then, next time I will make fun of you to hell and back next time!.. Outside all of that competitive, mischievous atmosphere I can hear Dude laughing in content. For the first time in a while, our band feels more than just that, a band. No, it feels closer than that. It feels like I am surrounded by genuine, real friends. And it feels good. … When we went outside, Anon, Rando and Stella were waiting for us. Alongside them is a strange woman that I saw beside them in the crowd. At first, I thought that maybe it was someone new that Anon picked up, he had a knack for it as of late, however, she was standing near Rando. I guess these two know each other. As we approach the group, Anon notices us and waves his hand at us. I nodded and went closer to him. "Another good performance, isn't it, Fang?" "Tell me about it! Man, it feels good to finally make some progress!" "Yeah, I noticed it. I hope no one else saw that stupid grin of yours when you finished the last song." Anon gives the biggest dumb smile possible. I lightly punch him on his shoulder. "Ouch." "Oh come on, I didn't even put any power in that punch." "Oh come on, you are a dino. Your "No power" is pretty much "overpowered" for us, skinnies." "Yeah, yeah, more excuses from our softie dweeb." While we performed our tongue-in-cheek, I almost forgot that Stella and Rando were also here… alongside someone new. They approach me. "You must be Fang. Hi, my name is Dawn Morgan, you know my friend, Rando." "Right… a man who interrogated my friend and serves as my da- I mean, he serves as a cop." "Would you be surprised if I tell you this is how he usually makes friends?" She looks and sounds… Nice. Totally opposite of her friend. Where Rando is creepy, unstable and uncanny, this person, Dawn, appears to be his complete counterweight. And yet, something about her appears to be… forced. Like this is not the way she should act, but she does for some reason. I wonder if this "her" is an act. "Oh, come on, Fang, no need to be so inquisitive. If you continue to look at me like that, you may accidentally burn a hole through me." I ease up in order to not appear threatening. "Sorry about that, have to be on guard all the time in places like this. Besides you are friends with a person who punched my friend in the face." "Damn, he did that? To a dino? Usually, he aims for the stomach." She chuckles, as if she remembers something fondly, like a moment from the past. "Fang, I have to say, that performance back there was very lively. You are pretty good." "Thanks?" "No, I mean it. I used to help a lot of bands in the past, it was kinda my passion, and I saw all manner of talent. Yours is as obvious as it can get. You will find your audience in no time." This praise is strange. Like I know I should just accept it, but I feel like she is about to say "but". "But you still have ways to go. Not just as a musician, but as a performer as well." "Performer? "Yes, every concert is 60% music and about 40% performance. You can be the next DInO and be a musical genius, but if you can't SHOW it to the public, they won't care." What does that mean? I mean, I present myself well! I mean, yeah, I still look like shit, but I try to appear better. "I will not tell you what you should change about your looks or what you shouldn't… however, it is clear that the "you" you present is not exactly you." Oh god, now I understand why she is friends with that Detective guy, she speaks so weirdly that it messes with my head. The fuck she means by that. "Well, for example, your wings." … did she just read my mind? Or is she the same as the detective guy? "When you live alongside as hard to read as Rando you will pick up a trick or two. Anyway, can I look at your wings?" You can't, you creepy lady! What is wrong with her? Suddenly her friend steps in. "Being overly friendly there, Dawn. Need I remind you that this is not one of your clients at the hotel?" How the fuck Rando is being a voice of reason here? Dawn backs away from me after the detective reminds her that we are pretty much strangers. "S-sorry, Fang. I guess being out for the first time in months really made me excited." … Why do I feel sad for her? In a weird way, she reminds me of Anon. A bit awkward, but generally a nice person. Maybe I was correct before and that "nice and friendly" act is just that, an act… But it is not malicious (unlike some other person's), more like, I dunno, defensive? "It's… Fine, just don't do that again." "Sorry, but I cannot help but feel worried looking at you, is everything alright?" "Yes, well mostly." "Good, if you are able to say that without hesitation then that means you are doing a lot better than I originally thought. I don't want to see such a pretty young girl suffer." God, I feel now like a jerk for thinking that she was creepy. A bit invasive, sure, but she appears to be earnest in her actions. "Anyway, my friend told me that you are planning to have a bigger concert soon, and he begged me to help you." Rando stepped back in shock, as he placed one of his hands on his chest and gasped. "I did not beg!" "He went down on his knees, tears in his eyes, and prayed to me for help… And how could I say no to such a pitiful person." After hearing that, all Rando did was just chuckle while shaking his head. He takes out a cigarette out of his pocket, lights it and steps away. "You two appear to be on good terms." "Honestly I wish it was the case… It is difficult between us." While she is being vague, even someone as dense as Anon would notice an uneasy expression she made while saying it. Frustration, mixed with longing. I don't know what happened between these two, and I would be lying if I said that I care, but I can tell that SOMETHING did happen. Suddenly, Dawn clapped her hands into a tight grip. "Alright, enough about that! Let's talk about you! While I cannot do it full-time, I can help you with setting up the stage!" Suddenly, Stepan stepped in. "One, we did not say yes to you. Two, what can you even offer us? Sorry if I appear to be rude, I just want to know." "Ah, there is nothing wrong about asking questions. Well, first of all, I have some connections that will help us with merchandising." "Merchandising?" This word makes me remember some unpleasant memories involving a certain other purple individual. "Yes! Fang, you may not know this, but you already gaining some traction here on Skin Row." "What do you mean?" "Fang, people talk about you… and Rando recently told me that you also were mentioned on the radio." "Excuse me, I was what?" "Oh yeah, you probably did not know that young people today do not listen to the radio. According to Rando, you were mentioned on one of the shows earlier today! Congratulations on that!" I feel a hint of panic inside my heart. Oh my god, we were mentioned on the radio! I mean, it isn't much, considering how many people listen to the radio, but if we were mentioned there, then… I quickly unlock my phone and access the internet. I need to check it myself. First, I type the name of my band in the search bar… There are already some search recommendations followed by "Silver Line Skin Row" and "Silver Line Pizza Time". I type whatever and find a few forums and social media posts mentioning our yesterday's and today's performance. One of the posts has a few hundred "likes" and dozens of reposts! I checked the comments… Big mistake. Not that people say that my music is shit or something, but people talk about me and the others in a very… sensensual manner. However, underneath the usual filth of the internet, I find genuine comments praising my music. Few critics here as well, calling my performance bland. All of that signals that, yes, I am getting traction. I just don't know if I am ready for that yet. "Sheesh, this one has over 150 reposts. I… don't know how to feel about it." I did not notice how Stepan, standing behind me, was looking at my phone's screen. Dude followed his example. "Well, some of these commentaries… Certainly of a lesser taste." "Guys… Are we ready for something like that?" Stepan un-surly replied. "I… I don't know. But hey, it's only, like, a few hundred people! Nothing in the sea of the internet, right?" I can sense the pressure growing. Damn, why do I have second thoughts now? "Relax you three. Most of these are just random people liking everything they see, that or bots. I mean, have you seen your audience today? Tiny compared to what you see online." I guess Dawn has a point. These could be pretty much some random people online who did not even see our show, and the reposts done by people who just liked the clips… Yes, right, this should be fine then, right? "You know what I do when I feel stressed? I think of either loved ones or my work. Maybe the same thought process will help you relax, so let's talk about the job at hand. You have a team to help you with a concert, right?" Right, I need to concentrate on my work, this ought to help. "We… have some people on standby, ready to help us." "Great, and who are they?" "Well, we have Anon helping us with a crew, so far he has done a pretty decent job. Stepan here knows the instruments, so the equipment status is on him. We also have a new guy, Reed, who will do electrical stuff." "... I can do that." "Stepan, I am sorry, but the last time you did anything electrical, you accidentally short-circuited the entire line in the block." "... point taken." "And Stella, that's that girl over there, will help us with the advertisement. She told us that the owner of the "Primus" store chain is a family friend of sorts, so it won't be an issue to use their locations." "And then you have Rando, who is helping with a venue location and, if you will say yes, me." "... can you really get us the merchandise?" "Stepan, stop doing that, being so inquisitive makes you look outright paranoid. But he has a point. Doesn't that shit take, like, weeks to make? And if we get a slot at that place Rando promised, we will only have one month to prepare." "Fang, don't you worry. While yes, it will be hard to make stuff like albums and singles in that amount of time, after all hiring a studio for recording can be a bitch, stuff like t-shirts, pins, all that stuff is fairly easy to make if you know the right people. And I know the right people. I can do that in a week tops." She sounded completely different to her usual self. It's almost as if she is excited about helping us, boasting about her abilities. "Aren't you way ahead of yourself?" "Sorry, it just feels so exciting doing this again. As I said, I had a lot of experience planning events like that back when I was your age. When times used to be more…" She looks in the direction where Rando and Anon are talking about something. Dawn's expression changes for a moment. She looks… sad, almost mourning. "... Simple." She whispers and sighs. Then she turns to me. "Anyway, if you need help with that, I am at your service. I won't even demand payment until after the concert… I mean, I do need to pay for the expenses while making the merch." "I don't think we have…" "Trust me, if you play on the big stage with the same enthusiasm as you played today, you will be able to make money in one evening. And, if successful, you will have no problems finding new venues yourself!" She has a point there. If we manage to land at least one good show with the traction we have now, we will be able to snowball our success. The only thing is, we can't fuck up that concert! I guess… "Stepan, will you agree with me if I say that Dawn can be useful to us? In the long run?" "... I mean I have no confidence that it is the right decision, but she does appear to be competent. Whatever you choose I will be on your side." "Thanks, Stepan. Dude?" "I am fine with whatever, as long as we get that shit done, baby!" "Alright, then it is decided. Dawn…" "Yes." "Will you help us with a concert?" For some reason for a second, I expect rejection, even though this gal was so eager to help us. "Of course, I will! Just give me a concept design for your band's logo, color pallet and composition." "...What?" "You do have ideas on how your band will be recognized? If not, it is fine, but you need to come up with your identity quickly. That guy, Anon, appears to be knowledgeable about that stuff, he strikes me as one… and you also need to have a certain fashion. This I cannot help you with, I am mostly the planner, not the fashionista." Fashion? I mean, I guess I can understand it. I cannot go to my first concert in… these clothes. Damn, I look like a discount goth right now. I mean, I have very basic knowledge about dressing up and makeup, but I dunno… maybe? One name appears in my memories, the one that was trying to give my previous band an identity of its own… only that identity was serving only her needs… No, I will not involve Trish in all of this. I am barely willing to forgive her after… after all of this. Honestly, a part of me doesn't want to see her ever again, but something within me tells me that I am going to regret that decision. I will meet Trish next week, but I will not ask her for help. "... I see what I can do about it." "Good. Good to hear you've got everything handled on your part. Tomorrow I will make a few calls to prepare merch production. You need to make a logo soon if possible, I don't want to inconvenience my contacts." "Of course." Now how the logo of our band should look like? Perhaps I can discuss this with Anon, Stepan and Dude next Saturday and there we will come up with a concept design. That sounds like a plan. And I need to remember that we have a meeting scheduled on Thursday regarding the venue. Alright, that week is planned out and we have a few free days, what should we do then? "You look like you are having a deep thought." Anon interrupted my train of thought. And my god, does he look exhausted. "Had fun talking with Rando?" "Honestly, the guy is weird. I don't know how it happened, but for some reason, he started to tell stories about the most disturbing cases he participated in… I feel like barricading my door tonight." Dawn noticed what Anon had said and turned to him. "Shit, did he tell you the "Five Piece Meal" case?" "Yeah… I will never look at gas station food the same way ever again." "Really? Why is that Anon?" "Trust me, you don't wanna know. Miss Dawn, don't tell her." Well, shit, now I am even more curious. "Ah, come on you lot, it is not that bad. I mean, I did not even explain how the victim had died, only where the body was found!" Rando approached us silently. Behind him I can see Stella being physically sick, fighting an urge to vomit. Okaaay, maybe I don't want to hear about that case. "Rando, you should not traumatize people like that with your criminal case law trivia." "Ah, come on, it wasn't that bad. I haven't even told them about the "Den of the Undying" case. That one is a doozy. I often retell that case to kids so that they would know how bad drug addiction can get." "Rando, no… Please don't remind me of that one. You know how much I was scared when I visited you in the hospital and saw your arm?" "Well, I got off easy compared to Officer Growly, may god rest his soul." The fuck is wrong with this city… And what was that last line? It felt different from the way Rando sounded a moment ago. It almost sounded remorseful. Never knew someone as deranged as him could feel sorry for others… But then again, I only judge him basing my opinion on my own interaction with him. He probably can be a good guy, I mean, he does help us with a stage. I think I am not the only one that noticed that change. Dawn, upon hearing about "Growly" sighed and started to rub her eyes in annoyance and sadness. What is it about? "Rando, you should stop doing that, you know. Remembering only bad things takes a toll on you." "Nah, I am fine. I mean, it is not like Growly and I were friends but… He was my partner for a few months." "Rando, please…" "Fine, fine. I won't talk about it again. Besides, it is not like these people care about my life stories… Just so you know, keep away from suspicious people, okay?" Kinda ironic, coming from the most suspicious person in this circle, nevertheless I nod. Thankfully, by this point, Stella seemed to recover and was actively having a conversation with Anon. Considering these two it is probably some shit about anime or something. These two would make a great couple. … Damn, I made myself sad. Fang, snap out of it! One, he is a free man and is free to choose to be with anyone he wants. Two, you know that he loves you… for now. But what about next month? Or later? One day he will stop having these feelings for me and move on and… "Fang, are you alright, you seem… stressed?" I was saved from those thoughts by Stepan. He looked concerned, despite having the most deadpan expression ever. "I am fine, just lost in the thoughts." He looks at Anon and Stella. What is he thinking about, his expression is weird, he looks mechanical as if he is scanning these two. Then he nods and turns to me. "Fang. Can I be rude with you for a moment?" "Huh?" "This little thing with you is stupid. The "I will do it when X" or "If I succeed, I will do X" and that sort of shite. If you want to go for it, you must do it now or as soon as possible. Fang, don't put a ridiculous goal in front of yourself. Because while chasing that goal you may lose sight of what you want…" He sighs for a moment as if he is lamenting something from his past. "Or what you want will become unattainable. So stop pussyfooting around the issues and address them as soon as possible." Why is he telling me this… wait, he doesn't think? "Stepan, listen, it is-" "Yes, it is a part of my business, Fang, don't try to cut me off. Haa, it is ultimately your decision, I cannot force you to choose your path, but I don't want you to have battles that you don't need. Fang, please, think about it, I don't want to see you getting hurt." "Why are you all of the sudden so concerned?" "Why not? You are my friend." This feels… strange. I know Stepan always worries about me, but I often thought it was his obligation. Like he is concerned only because he feels himself to be responsible. But now, for the first time, it feels like he is genuinely reaching out to me. "Besides, ever since he entered… or should I say, re-entered your life you have been doing better. You look more alive, more happy. I fear what would happen if he suddenly disappears again, what will be of you?" … Stepan really cares about me, in a way that makes me feel appreciated. Back in the past, I had friendships, obviously, but in retrospect, they were incomplete, like it was there but there were holes in it. Maybe it is because we were stupid kids and could not properly empathize with each other. I don't really know. But I know for sure that Stepan considered me to be more than just a band member. He sees me as a friend… "Alright, Stepan, I will think about it. And thank you." "No problem. We need to watch each other's backs and, when push comes to shove, help each other." "That I can agree with." Dude watched us with a smile. Even though he was absent from this conversation, I can sense that he cares just as much as Stepand. Maybe he is just unable to show it, but… It feels good to have these two beside me. "I just don't want to mess that one up." "Even if you do, if you don't act you will regret it." "I know, thanks." Alright, Fang, these two will definitely have your back till the end of times. As I finish this thought, Anon approaches me. "Hey, Fang, how about we bounce before it is too late? Don't want to have the similar experience we had the other day." "Ohh, you don't want me to visit you?" "Fang, you know what I mean. Besides…" Anon stumbles over his own words… He puts his hand inside his pocket and pulls something out and hides it in his fist. "Listen, I have something to give you. I feel embarrassed to give it to you while others are around… so, can we go?" What does he have in that fist? A present of sorts? Pfft, right, like what, a ring?.. That was an unfortunate stray thought that made me feel awkward. "Alright, let's go, just let me say goodbyes to Stepan and Dude." After exchanging goodbyes with everyone, me and Anon went our way. After we covered a few blocks he turned to me. The streets are empty, most people already hiding inside their homes. The road in front of us is illuminated by street lamps and lights inside houses. It feels like it will start snowing at any moment. Anon looked around one more time, then he sighed. "So, Fang, here is the thing. I know this will seem dumb and you can reject it if you want and…" He awkwardly tries to navigate through the maze of explanations and excuses… Then he opens his fist and shows his palm to me. On top of it, I see a pair of small keys. Is this… "Anon, are these..?" "Yeah, these are the copies to my apartment." "But why?" "Honestly? Lotsa reasons. One, and the main one, my house is closer than yours, so if you are ever out late or something happens, just run to my house… and well…" Anon scratched the back of his head, closing his eyes for a moment, in what seemed like a desperate attempt to organize his thoughts. I can hear him mumble "I don't want her to worry". "Anon, just spit it out as it is." "... Alright. You are probably aware that I don't have many people to rely on. I mean there are your bandmates, which I barely know, there is Reed who is pretty much a stranger to me at this point… And I won't even mention Rando… I dunno how to explain this…" Anon tries and fails several times to say what's on his mind and I could do nothing but sit there and watch him. I wanted to reach out to him, but what can I say? To help him in whatever way I could… so I just grabbed his hands and gently held them in mine. This gesture surprised Anon, as for the moment he just looked at me, motionless, speechless. Then he looked down, his eyes filled with shame and sorrow. "I… I hate it, this feeling. That there is nobody waiting for me. That I am not needed here or anywhere. You know the first thing I did when I returned here, to Volcadera Bluff? I called my parents, and you know what? Nathing, nada. They did not even pick up. At first, I thought that it was fine, fewer people to worry about, but… The more I spent time in that apartment the more frustrating everything became…" His hands tremble in mine, I know that he was in a lot of pain, but how much exactly is there? I squeezed my hands tighter as if I was trying to prevent Anon from escaping my grasp… but gently enough not to hurt him. "You know what I thought the day before… before that Friday night? Why did I decide to do that? At first, I thought because I wanted to escape. I wanted to run away from everything, my bad decisions, my own self… from you. But there was something else. There was anger." He tried to pull his hands away… I did not let him. I need to know, I need him to tell him, how otherwise I will be able to help him. "I thought that… If I am gone, at least someone will definitely miss me. I thought that if I am gone they would feel bad. How selfish is that? Wanting to off myself as the last "fuck you" to everyone! What kind of bastard does this?" He finally managed to pull himself from my grasp. I tried to once again take his hands into mine, but he would let me. "Listen, I am… I am sorry, forget everything I said. I'll… Just concentrate on your concert, Fang. You don't have to worry about me, I've got it." "... No you don't" "Fang, I will be-" "You are not fine, Anon, you are not! And I am not saying that you are crazy, or that you are awful. You are not fine… This is not the first time you have a moment like this. Remember the Saturday? I hoped it was only a one-time occurrence, after all, you just had something awful almost happen to yourself, but right now this happens again…" "Fang, I… I am sorry, I don't know what got over me." "Anon, I know how you feel, and I think I finally get it. Anon, you are not alone, I am here for you. Not because I pity you, or because I feel bad for you, but because… because I care for you." I reach out to him again to hold his hands… this time he lets me. I gently open his right fist to reveal the key and then I take it. "This key is the proof that you have someone to rely on, someone in this town who cares for you. You are not alone, alright? I am here for you." Anon looks at me with disbelief. Was he really expecting me to reject it? To abandon him once more? Does he not trust me? No, it isn't the case here… He is like me, he believes he does not deserve this moment, he does not deserve this happiness. He experiences the same longings and pains as I do. "Alright, Fang… what did I do to deserve someone as kind as you are?" "The same thing you did before, the same thing you always do, Anon. Being your usual, dorky, kind self. The self you try to hide with endless sarcasm, humor and cynicism. But I know who you are." So stop pussyfooting around the issues and address it as soon as possible "You are the same boy I fell in love with three years ago… The same one, whose heart I broke and who broke my heart. We did hurt each other, but… even now I cannot help but still hold on to those feelings from three years ago. And seeing that you did not change, that you are still Anon I loved… I want to protect it. And keep to myself…" I guess there is no way back now. "Anon… I… I know you haven't been back for long. But in that short amount of time you've been here you did so much for me. The band, Reed, and now Trish. Without you I was lost, I stopped believing in myself and… I was not expecting anything anymore except just floating downstream until the end. I… I do not want to feel like that ever again, I want to have a dream again, I want to have tomorrow to look up to and… I want to be with you." Anon looked at me, his expression was sad yet again… He gently pulls his hands away. No, please no, don't say what I think you will say! Please. "Fang, you deserve so much better than me." Please no, when you are so close. "No, Anon, please don't say that." I cannot handle it now, why did I think it was a good idea? He will now reject me, push me away and… "Fang, thank you for telling me this, I really appreciate these… these feelings. But I don't think I am ready." "Anon…" "Fang… The concert, could you wait until it? I… I want to find who I am first. Like you I have been lost for all these years, wanting nothing but to be left alone. And I hated being alone. Before moving forward I want to be sure that I have something to move forward to. Because of that, I can't be with you at this moment, because I fear if I am with you I will fall back on my old bad habits. I want us to be happy, Fang. That is why I am saying no, but this no is only until the concert." "But… but what if you decide that you no longer love me? What if you find someone else? What if you-" "Fang, I will say it only once and dare you not to make fun of me for that, but… I never stopped loving you since the day I fucked up. I tried to bury this feeling deep down, but it always resurfaced. Do not worry, Fang, I will never stop loving you. And I promise that in a month's time, I will confess to you myself!" This sounds… acceptable. It is not what I desire, but I get his point. Besides, we have only just now reunited, and I cannot blame him for having doubts. It is just that… I was waiting for something like this and I lost my cool. It felt like if I did not say that to him everything would have been lost, but now I feel… at ease! I know there is a chance. A goal, a real one. And I will reach it. "Alright, Anon, I believe you. I am still taking the key, alright?" "Of course. You are always welcome at my apartment… I probably need to clean up there more frequently now though." I laughed at that sentence. Good to see he still has this side to him, I feared that he was forcing it but… "Anon, you better not mess it up! I will make sure that this concert will be the best there ever was, and you should make sure to find your path until that day! Got it!" "But of course! I wouldn't have proposed it if I was not fully committed to the idea!" "Alright, then. One month! One month and you better confess properly this time. Not mumbling it out… be it sober or drunk." "Wait… what?" I smiled at him and passed him by. He chases me, his face is red as a ripe tomato. "What do you mean by that? Fang! What the hell do you mean by that?" I laugh, as I pick up the pace. Even though I was technically rejected, I am happy. There is a future to look forward to. And I couldn't ask for more *** You are walking down the street alongside your companion, Dawn. Just now you had your first- First date in ages, darling! Even if it was mostly business you have spent some time with her, I am so proud of you! However, do not let your hopes up, Sire, remember what you promised to us, to yourself. You sigh, unsure about how to proceed. Should you help Dawn to get back to her hotel, or should you two just hang out a bit more? There is Disco Ball Street nearby, a perfect place for a couple of your age. Or maybe you should go to the park? It is cold tonight, no homeless person would be stupid enough to be on the streets. Maybe- "Um, Rando, are you alright?" You are interrupted by Dawn's question. Only now you notice that your legs stopped moving and you have entered a borderline catatonic state. She holds your shoulder, like she is ensuring you won't disappear. You shake yourself awake. "Sorry, Dawn, just lost in my thoughts." "Again? I mean, I know you used to do that a lot back in the day, but… now it felt different, it felt worse." WHAT DOES SHE MEAN? THIS BODY FEELS GREAT! NO TRACE OF ALCOHOL, OR ADRENALINE. THE ONLY THING FLOATING THROUGH YOUR BLOODSTREAM IS NICOTINE. It is not your body she worries about… "Dawn, everything is fine, I got this." "Are you sure?" "Yes! After all, I did promise you to-" [No, not now, don't remind yourself about that day. You are not ready, not just yet.] Dawn looks down and lets go of your shoulder. Her eyes look anywhere but at you, she is avoiding seeing you right now. GOOD JOB, DUMBASS. Darling, it is your job as a man and her friend to let her know that she is not at fault for anything here! It is your own idiocy that caused this tension. "Rando, can you do me a favor?" "Hm? What is that?" "Before going home can we go somewhere else first?" Finally, as if she conquered her deepest fears, she looks right into your eyes. The deep purple spotlights illuminate your very soul, how could you say no? "I… Alright." "Thank you, I promise you, this is important." Her voice is trembling, it is filled with sadness. She nodes, signaling you to follow her. You both go at a slow pace, almost shoulder to shoulder. The walk is long, it takes maybe an hour to reach your destination… Suddenly, you realize that the buildings around you look familiar. Some of them you have not seen in years. Here is an old hobby shop, completely abandoned by the world. There is an old family restaurant, which has wooden planks covering its windows. And there is an old police station booth that has not been used since, probably, the 80s. This place is… Good one. No crime happens here, there is nothing to steal, no tourists to rob, no homeless to harass. Local houses are husks, populated with the poorest members of the community. You walk down the street with a group of teens, one of them plays with a switchblade. The other looks around sporadically as if waiting for someone to pop out. This is not a full group, a lot of people are missing, or rather they are somewhere else… Far away, at the end of the street, there stands a simple rectangular building, with smooth brick walls, and almost no windows. Above the insulated puffy entry door, there is a neon sign. It is the name of the place… "Purgatory Hall". This place is… Not far away from you if you look forward you see a rectangular building with smooth brick walls and only a few windows. Above the entry door, which long ago lost all of its color, only small strips of pain can be seen, there is a degraded neon sign with several parts missing. The second word has been completely removed, with only the letter H staying behind, tilting heavily, threatening to fall down at any moment. The first word was mostly untouched, but time took its toll on it. The sign reads "Purgatory H". For a moment you stop… Dawn turns to you. "Recognize this place?" "Of course I do… Why are we here?" "I wanted to take a trip down memory lane. I haven't been here in years, let's go." Dawn began to walk forward, you followed her suit. It does not take long before you stand in front of the building. On closer inspection, it can be easily verified that the building is no longer used. The windows are broken and thick, musty smoke of dust flies in and out, following the whims of the wind. The bricks are slowly being chipped away by cold air, rain and age. The door that holds the secrets of the inside is covered in cracks, it looks like with enough pressure it can be taken off the hinges. This place… is… "Purgatory Hall. I remember." "... Rando?" "Of course, how could I forget? And why I was not here in all these years. This place looks dreadful. What happened?" "The owner got sick one day and got hospitalized. Apparently, he had some problems with his heart that were slowly getting worse. To the point, he could no longer run this place. A pity, really, he was a good man." "... was?" "He passed away two years ago. Funny thing, it was not the heart that got to him. He got electrocuted trying to fix the wiring of his house. You know how stubborn he was about doing everything his way. This stubbornness proved to be his undoing in the end." You remember the owner. The strange, stubborn fellow with a strange sense of fashion. His face barely remains in your memories, and his name is almost completely erased. Come to think of it, you never referred to him by his name… While you are trying to remember trivial stuff, Dawn approaches the door and tries to push it forward. With a screech that can only be described as dreadful, the door opens revealing the dusty hall, leading into the big room with a big, glass floor. You can see catwalks up in the ceiling with projectors hanging from above. Dawn steps inside and turns to you, reaching her hand out to you. You take it and follow her inside. It is pitch dark in here, you cannot see anything in front of you. Then suddenly you hear a click and some lights come back to life. You notice that it was Dawn in front of you who did that magic trick, by flicking a killswitch near the entry upward. "This place still has power?" "There are a lot of places like that in Skin Row, the places that are so old that they pretty much became a part of the electric grid, and removing them from it would require months of reconstruction and money. So people just… forget…" In your station buildings like that are called Keystone Blocks. There are very few of them in the main town, but Skin Row? You can find them around every corner. * This one seems to be a part of the old initiative number 1975/11. During this initiative, the city's council and Mayor decided to provide a proper electrical grid to the masses of Skin Row. Back then that job was clunky and borderline primitive. Not because of a lack of knowledge, but because of a lack of resources. Volcadera Bluff was never a rich city, and Skin Row almost always was kind of a side city that was growing alongside it. A younger brother town. And like every younger brother, this one got the second player controller of the electrical grid. Even with the switch flipped, the insides of the building were barely illuminated. Most lamps and lightbulbs inside were either too old in order to be used, broken or stolen. The only light that remained was the ones embedded into the bar counter, way above in the catwalks and on the… stage. Yes, there is a small wooden stage that stands above the ground floor. It is empty, nothing remains there, but it feels like there should be something there. "This place has seen better days, even though not by a lot." A sad smile appears on Dawn's face. She approaches the bar counter. There are only three stools remaining. The others are missing, there are supposed to be at least seven. Dawn runs her fingers across the surface of the counter, leaving behind a trail in the dust. "A long time there was no one here. Too long…" "Dawn? Are you…" Of course, she is not alright, Sire. Let me help you understand: she just re-encountered you, a troublesome alcoholic with borderline schizophrenic psychosis, who made every day of her life with you a living hell. And also the one whom she still lo- cares… cares about. Then the said you invited her to a date like it used to be and then… [What the theater kid tries to tell you is that she is going through a lot. Maybe even more than you at this moment. This is the reason why I begged you not to intertwine with her! Because you always lose yourself in these situations!] YOU CAN FEEL YOUR FIST CLENCH. GOOD THING YOU ARE A HUMAN, IF YOU HAD CLAWS YOU'D PROBABLY DIG THEM DEEP UNDER YOUR SKIN RIGHT NOW. Your eyes are directed at the floor in front of you. It is dusty. A part of the dance floor can be seen in your direct line of vision. It is covered in cracks and- "Rando?" The sound of low beats can be heard inside your chest, people talk and laugh. She stands beside us as you introduce her to- "Rando? Are you okay?" This moment is unique, it can never be repeated… It remains only in your memories. THE COLLAR OF YOUR JACKET BECOMES TIGHTER, YOUR BREATH IS ERRATIC. "Rando! Look at me!" Suddenly, the world re-emerges from the darkness. In front of you are a pair of purple eyes, like gems, looking into your soul. You can see the tears gathering in their corners. A pair of two hands gently grasp your head. "Dawn? Wha-" "Rando… sit down." She releases her grasp, allowing you to move. Just like a willing slave of her will, you sit down on one of the stools in front of the bar counter. Only now you notice that your hands are shaking. "Sorry, Dawn. Damn, this is all a fucking mess." "No, no it is not. This was just another episode, it… it will pass, like always." She takes another stoll and places it in front of you. She sits on and positions herself the way she can look directly into your eyes. She takes one of your hands and places it between her own. "Rando, I am sorry." "A-about what? You haven't done a-" "About what I said five years ago. About what I called you, about what I told you… all of it was wrong, I know it was. But I still said it and I couldn't forgive myself for it." "Dawn, this is all in the past, it does not matter." "I can clearly see that it does to you… I noticed something while we were walking, but… Rando, are you limping?" Limping? When were we limping? We walk normally. CORRECTION, WE WALK AS NORMALLY AS WE CAN. THERE IS A PAIN IN OUR RIGHT HIP. THE PAIN IS GONE, BUT THE MUSCLE AND THE BONE IN THAT AREA IS STILL DAMAGED. WHENEVER YOU WALK, YOUR RIGHT LEG DOES NOT GO ALL THE WAY FORWARD. It was out of nowhere… you were checking the report about domestic abuse… you open the unlocked door… then you hear the shot. It did not hit you. Instead, you hear a scream behind you. The officer in the blue falls to the ground, holding his stomach. He is young Lophorhothon, maybe 21 years old, a freshly picked patrol member. He is lying on the floor, gasping, crying. You turn forward and see a dino, shifting side to side, holding a handgun, trying to point it at you. He mumbles something, but you can't hear him. Instead, you hear something else. You hear the officer's gasps, as his life slowly comes to an end. Then, there was darkness. When your mind finally returns to you, you feel pain. You lie on the floor, your right hand holding your side. Something warm is pouring out. You try to lift yourself, but you manage only to move your torso up. You look forward and see the body. The man, who just a moment ago pointed his gun at you was lying on the ground. You can see three wounds decorating. Small holes, surrounded by smoldering flesh and fabric. Behind him, a woman dino, screaming and crying. You fall back and try to look backwards. The officer, the young one, is not moving. You feel… ANGER, FRUSTRATION, HATRED, REGRET, YOU BEG THE HEAVENS, DESPITE NEVER BELIEVING IN HIGHER POWERS, THAT THIS ONE MUST LIVE. But thy prayers remain unanswered. His cries, his gasps, his desperate attempt to cling on to life… this is how they must have felt. Chief, another tick on your record. Going from 7 to 8. … murderer. And for absolutely nothing… Suddenly, the world returns, and you can see that Dawn all this time was sitting in front of you, holding your hand. Her eyes never looked away once during god knows how many untold minutes you spend there, inside your head. It felt like even an eternity could have passed and she would never leave your side. But… She does not need to know, cupcake, trust me. She would not handle another story like that about your close demise. "... Rando? You back?" "Yeah, sorry, just… It is fine. And limping? Just another injury of war on crime!" You give her a signature smile, unbothered by the horrors of the world. But Dawn does not buy it. "If you don't want to tell me, that is fine, I understand after… the last time I reacted to your work injury you wouldn't want to share, but please, do not bear that pain alone. If you ever feel like it is too much, you should know that I am here." You cannot say a word. You just lower your head and give her a solemn nod. She sighs and lets your hand go. "Damn it, I did it again. I brought you here, hoping that it would reawaken some good memories of the past, but instead, I made you remember something horrible" Dawn's voice is filled with loathing and shame. None of it is directed at you. "It is fine, Dawn, I will admit, as of late only horrible memories are coming back to me, but there are also good ones… For example!" You stand up from your stool and go into the middle of the dance floor. Dawn looks at you with an expression of curiosity. "I was standing here! Al and Theo were standing all the way there!" You pointed at the corner of the room, near the stage. "And you were on stage, helping some new band with their instruments! Everything was going smoothly, and then suddenly a couple of very drunk tyrannosaurus entered the club! Well, I should say forced their way in. And then they started to make grand threats, demanding "protection money". I approach one of them and demand to leave "my territory". One of them sucker punches me right in the eye, I fall on the ground like a sack of bricks, and then, just a second later I hear a crash! One of the drunkards was screaming as shards were sticking out of his face. I heard someone running and there were you, kneeing him straight into the stomach. The other was so shocked that he tripped on his own tail and fell down! Al and Theo took them away for a "nice talk" and you were helping me to lift myself off the ground!" You walk toward Dawn. "Remember what you told me back then?" "Yeah, I said "Dumb idiot, why did you do that? You are a human, you are as soft as one gets! If you go up against a dino, strike first"... And you said…" "Will take a note, I also will carry an empty bottle around just in case." Dawn let out a gentle laugh. "You were silly back then, way too overconfident about everything." "And you were rebellious and confrontational. I mean, you threatened those two assholes that you would rip out their teeth with a plier if they ever approached this place again." "What, they punched you, a small threat is nothing… Strange that you picked that memory." "Well, it was the first one I thought of… Because what came after is something important to me." The day when you decided to be decisive, to finally let her know that… "Yeah, you surprised me back then when you… Hahaha, and you did it while I was fixing up your eye." "I just thought it was the right moment." "Rando, normal people usually confess during a date or something like that." "When did I claim to be normal?" "True that… So, are we going? Don't want someone to notice that the lights here are on." "Yeah, I guess it is time. Let's blow this joint." You help Dawn off the stool and side by side you leave this place behind, maybe to never return. You can always wish to return back to those times, but this wish is impossible to fulfill. It is good to let it go, and lock it away in the vault of your mind. Last time you look at the interior of the club, before turning off the killswitch. … You and Dawn are outside, it is freezing, but it feels fresh. The cold air bites your skin, but that pain feels nice. You feel a lot better now, maybe coming here was a good idea. But now you have one question. "Dawn, why did you not inherit this place instead? The owner loved you like his daughter, if you asked, he'd probably give this place to you." "I had that thought but…" She was still working here when two of you were a thing, darling. Why do you think she left this place? "... Dawn, you shouldn't have given up because of me." "What? No, it was not a-" "Dawn, I know the reason you stopped working here. I am sorry. I guess it is one of my talents, to make it difficult for you." "Rando, stop." Her voice became stern, lacking any sadness or humor… it's the same voice she used to… "Sorry, Rando, I shouldn't be angry. Just know this, it was not your fault I stopped working here. I just… couldn't. Call me a coward, but I was afraid of going forward alone. Plus my parents got sick and someone had to take care of the hotel soooo…" She is lying, Sire. But not to you, to herself. [Let it go] "Alright, Dawn, I get it… Let's move forward then?" Dawn looks at you, her expression is unsure, and then like you, she lets it go. "Yeah, let's go home… you're going to your apartment, right?" "Well, after I get you to your place? Yes." "And you don't want me there?" "It is cramped, and I do not think it is a good idea. Maybe… the other time." Dawn looks at you, searching for any seed of lie within your words, but finds none. "Alright, let us move. Let's leave this place behind, being here for too long can also bring back bad memories." "You're right. Let's kick the dust." Both of you are behind to walk forward, through the dark night of the cold Skin Row night. It is filled with beauty and struggle, a perfect depiction of this world. You are not smiling, and your body still demands a fix-up, but you don't want to disappoint Dawn. One more day without a drink, one more day. It is driving you nuts, but… that's okay. For as long as she is near you, it feels like you can overcome this mess. Or not, cupcake, it remains to be seen.