The two long weeks in the hospital are over and I finally sit on my bed in my room. I look around, taking in the sights of where just weeks before I had tried to take my own life. Mom removed the carpet and cleaned the floor, and the hole in the wall has a little drywall patch sticking over it—the paint not quite matching the rest of the wall—hiding the evidence of that terrible day.

I let out a morose sigh as I finish packing up for the school day. Mom says I can take more time if I need it, but I just want some normalcy after everything that has happened. It’ll be good to see Trish and Reed. They stopped by once, but I was still out of it so it’s not like we caught up or anything. I put on my backpack and snag my pack of smokes and stuff them in my pocket. It has been too fucking long since I’ve had a smoke—those two weeks were a fucking nightmare of shakes, those nicotine patches Anon grabbed being the only thing that kept me sane.

I give my mom a kiss goodbye and start my walk toward school. Anon is going to meet up with me in first period; he had to take care of some business with Spears after taking off the whole two weeks to be with me. I don’t like walking alone, not after everything, but I can’t monopolize his time nor hide away in my room. The real world beckons, and I need to get to work on fixing the disaster that is our band. I can’t let that shitshow be the last time anyone ever hears of VVURM DRAMA.

A few minutes away from school and far out of view of my home, I light up a cigarette and breathe in the soothing chemicals. Ahhh…how I have missed the sweet taste of these cancer sticks. The smoke settles in my lungs as I hold my breath, something I instantly regret as a wracking coughing fit kicks my ass. Shit, guess my lung is still pretty fucked up. I’ll need to take quick puffs if I don’t want to die like an idiot. I savor the rest of it before stamping out the butt on the curb and picking up the pace a little.

Volcano High—not sure who the fuck named our school, but they could have been a little more creative. Also, who names a school after a fucking natural disaster? We already had a meteor try to take us out millions of years ago…we don’t need to add volcanoes to the list. I scan the crowd gathering on the steps, hoping that anyone who was at prom has long since forgotten the disaster of a performance we put on.

I start up the steps and notice that everyone’s eyes are on me. Dread starts to fill me as I warily make my way up the stairs, but their gazes never wither. Their lips curl into cruel smiles, some whispering to each other as they point at me. Fuck…I thought no one would care. They never did last time, so why the hell does it matter so much to them now? My legs are shaking as my eyes shoot from side to side, each face as cruel as the last, not a single friendly gaze to be seen as I almost sprint to the top.

I shove open the doors, hoping for some sanctuary within but I am met with a tide of vicious sneers glaring from down the darkened hall. I’m in a near full panic as I desperately look for an escape. I struggle to open the door behind me but it’s stuck. I have no way out and they won’t stop staring. The laughing starts, the fingers pointing at me as tears blur my vision. Please…stop…I didn’t do anything wrong. I just wanted to play for everyone.

In the back, I can see Trish and Reed. Tears fall from my cheeks as I bash my way through the crowd, the voices only growing louder and crueler the further I push through. I reach out to them, touching Trish’s shoulder and turning her to me. I jump back as her cold eyes freeze my soul. There is no kindness in them, just hate and disdain. Reed glances over his shoulder, disappointment and disgust filling his face as he looks at me.

“What…what’s going on? Why are you guys looking at me like that? Please, what did I do?!” I shout as I panic and grab Trish’s shoulders, glancing between the two, desperately trying to find some comfort in this sea of hate.

Trish scoffs, shoving my hands off her before snarling at me. “The fuck are you even here for? You already ruined everything.”

“What…?” I collapse to the floor, scooting back toward the lockers as she bears down on me.

“It’s all your fault. If you hadn’t fucked up, our band would have succeeded. That show was supposed to be our shining moment!” Her face twists in rage as she grabs me by my shirt, lifting me up. “All you needed to do was play right and we’d be rich! But no, you had to drag us down with you…now we’ll never be anything more than a fucking afterthought.” She throws me against the locker, and I yelp in agony as I slam into it and fall back to the floor.

“Why…? Why are you saying this, Trish? I tried my best! It wasn’t my fault my string broke!” Shaky sobs pour from me as I try to reach out to her before she slaps my hand away and turns her back on me. I look at Reed—he doesn’t say anything, he just keeps staring down at me like I’m garbage.

“You’re my best friends…please! Don’t leave me like this!” I desperately grasp at Reed’s leg and he kicks me off as they both shake their heads and walk away. The cruel laughter grows out of control as a sea of vicious leers peer down at me.

“Anon?! Anon!? Where are you, Anon?! Help me!!!” I look everywhere but I can’t see him. All I see are the bitter faces of the other students. Tears nearly blind me as I run out of the building and back home, bashing through my bedroom door and locking it. Why did I ever think I could go back? My life was over, I knew it. I pull open the drawer on my nightstand and the revolver calls out to me, offering me a way to end the misery.

“I’m sorry, Anon…I tried. I thought I could start over. Forgive me…” I grab the gun and place it against my temple. All I hear is a click as my vision goes black.

 

********

 

I surge upright on the bed in a panic, screaming into the night. Anon jumps up and grabs me by the shoulders, trying to get my attention but the pure terror is still burning through my mind.

“I’m sorry! I’m s-sorry! I didn’t mean to f-fuck up! I-I didn’t mean to ruin everything f-for everyone! I just wanted to do something real for once!” My whole body shakes as wracking sobs pour from me. Anon is hopelessly trying to shake me out of it as I keep crying.

“It…it wasn’t my fault! I tried…I tried…please…stop…” My wings twitch and spread out behind me and my eyes screw shut as my emotions run wild in me. My claws dig into the sides of the bed, putting small holes into the sheets, my whole body rebelling against the fear filling my mind.

“Fang!!!”

I can barely hear him shout as I open my eyes, turning to look at him as my blood runs cold.

“It wasn’t my fault…it wasn’t my fault…it wasn’t my fault…” My voice comes out as a haunting mantra, staring emptily into his eyes, my beak hanging open slightly as my gaze pierces through him, looking a thousand miles into the distance. “It wasn’t my fault…”

“Fang! Snap out of it!” He shakes me by the shoulder, reality slowly beginning to return as I shake my head, blinking my eyes. The terror recedes as my focus settles on him.

“A-anon? It’s really you, r-right? This isn’t a dream…I’m n-not dead, right?!” My lips tremble, tears streaking down my face as I grasp at his shirt.

He pulls me close, pressing my cheek against his chest. “I’m here. It’s okay, Fang. You were having a nightmare…everything’s fine.”

A quivering sigh flows from me as I clench the back of his shirt in my hands, quieting the storm in my mind. He holds me gently, rubbing the space between my wings as he sways me in his arms, whispering to me, “It’s okay…it’s over. You’re alright.”

The tsunami in my head finally ends as my grip on his shirt loosens, my hands settling on his waist. I take in a deep trembling breath and wispily exhale. “Raptor Jesus, that was fucked up…it felt so fucking real.”

He cradles me in his arms, resting his chin on my head. “What was it? I’ve never seen that look in your eyes. It didn’t even look like you were in there anymore.”

“Fucking had a nightmare that I went back to school and everyone was mocking me…so many stares burning into me. Even Reed and Trish wanted nothing to do with me, saying it was all my fault everything went wrong…”

He gently pushes me back and peers into my eyes. “That wasn’t your fucking fault, and you know it. Not like you had any control over that string breaking, and you still fucking tried.”

“I know, but still…I could have done something. Maybe if I had tried harder, we wou—”

He shakes me by the shoulder, snapping me out of my downward spiral before I can even begin. “You did your fucking best! There was nothing you could have done after that string broke, and you had been practicing so hard. It was a shitty circumstance and nothing else that ruined that night for you.”

My body tilts and I fall back into his embrace. “Just fucking sucks…all that work for fucking nothing.”

“Not nothing.” I raise up my beak up to him. “I mean, you guys still got so fucking good during all that shit. The prom show might have been ruined but it’s not like you guys can’t do something else.”

“Like what?” I stare up at him, searching his eyes for answers.

He puts a finger under his chin as he thinks. “Graduation!” He points to the ceiling and I jump a little at his sudden outburst. “You guys could play at graduation. That’d fucking do it. Show all those bastards how good you fucking are when fate isn’t being a total prick. It’s only a month away, but we can talk to Spears about it. No way this can go wrong and then everyone will see how fucking good you are.”

“But…but my lung, Anon…” A tear slips down my cheek. “Even if Spears agrees, how am I going to sing with it still fucked up? Not like it’s gonna fully heal by then.”

He shakes his head. “We’ll get you a good microphone. Something that will pick up your voice easily and a handful of high-end speakers. I know Reed will help with that, what with his technical know-how. We can easily get you a good setup so you don’t have to strain so hard, and we’ll only do a couple songs. Not like Spears will let us do a full fucking set at graduation, anyway. He’ll be wanting to get everyone home.”

“Fucking hell, Anon…” A soft smile curls up on my beak. “That’s actually…that’s a really good fucking idea! Where the hell did you come up with that?”

“Been thinking about it since the first night here. You told me you wanted people to see the real you, and where else would there be a better place for it than at graduation? They got a stage pre-setup and everything.” He puffs out his chest with pride. “See? I’m smart sometimes! I just have to think a lot harder than most.”

“Dweeb…” I lean up and kiss him on the lips. “Still…that’s a good fucking plan. We’ll just have to let Trish and Reed know when we get back. Thank fuck I’m almost out of here…”

Anon nods as he strokes the back of my hair. “No fucking kidding. A week and a half of this place and I already never want to end up in a hospital ever again. Not that I don’t think I won’t end up in one someday myself…I do have a habit of eating bollards.”

I jab him in the side with my elbow with a giggle. “Yeah, can you not do that ever again? It wasn’t fun watching your entire body flop around on concrete stairs. I really thought you died.”

“Did I actually kick myself in the back off the head when I fell down?”

I nod. “You did. It would have been impressive had you meant to do it on purpose. I fucking mean it, though, Anon…I thought you died. You should have seen all the ways your body bent.”

A tear tries to fall but he gently flicks it away. “Hey…I’m okay, Fang. Clearly, I must be indestructible considering I think I fell down thirty steps and walked away from it.”

I glare up at him. “I carried your ass home; you didn’t fucking walk.”

“True!” He grins. “But I did survive. Plus, it worked out real well for me in the end.”

I tilt my head to the side. “How so?”

“Well…” He blushes. “I got to spend the night with you, and you also told me you liked me that day so…I wouldn’t change anything about that day. I’d fall down those stairs again and again if I needed to in order to keep you.”

My face turns red as I bury my face into his shirt. “Yeah…okay, you are right…that was worth it. Though, please…if we are going to have other life-changing events, can you do them without trying to break your fucking neck?”

“No promises, but I’ll give it my best shot. Gravity is my nemesis and I have yet to win a fight with it.”

I sigh as I scoot closer onto his lap. “Well, I don’t think I’m going back to bed any time soon.” I look up at him. “Anything you wanna do?”

He thinks for a moment, rubbing his chin. “What time is it anyway?” He flips out his phone. “Five thirty in the morning. Well, that’s early enough anyway. You up for a walk?”

“A walk? How?”

He points over to my oxygen tank and the wheel cart it’s attached to. “They said you should do a little of that now that the worst is over. Plus, some fresh air would do you some good.”

“Uh Anon…you got any clothes in that duffle of yours?”

His eyebrow pops up and he tilts his head to the side, a look of confusion on his face. “Why do you ask?”

“Because of this, you dweeb.” I turn around, showing him my clearly visible butt and tail hanging out the back of the hospital gown. I spin back around to see his face redden. “Yeah, now you see. I’m not going to walk around with my ass hanging out for everyone to see.”

After recovering from his mental emergency, he holds up a finger and jumps off the bed. He rummages around in his bag. He pulls out a pair of shorts and one of his dress shirts and hands them to me. “Here ya go, Fang. Not the best clothing but it’s definitely better than streaking through the halls. Also explains why you had me sleep on top of the covers.”

“Duh. I didn’t want Dad to come in and beat the crap out of you.” I take the clothes from him, swiftly covering myself and smiling. “Much better! Don’t need to go showing off your girlfriend in that way, now do we?”

“Nope!” He holds out his hands and helps me to my feet, only letting go after I prove I can stand on my own. He helps me wheel out the cart, taking my other hand in his as we walk down the halls. Most of the morning staff are still getting ready as we make our way to the rest area in the back. There is a small section that is a mesh-covered walkway that is still technically in the hospital so no one will give us trouble for using it.

I take in the sights as the fresh air hits my lungs. The tingling crisp air feels like heaven compared to the sterile crap I’ve been forced to deal with for so long. He leads me to the handrail as I steady myself, peering out into the distance, the soft glow of the sun only just barely peeking up out over the hills of the still sleepy bluffs. The morning breeze feels wonderful as it brushes through my wings and drifts over my scales, the warmth of life filling me.

Anon looks over at me, not saying much as I simply take it all in. I’ve got a plan—a plan I didn’t think that would have come from Anon, but I’m not complaining. It’s something I can see us doing now that I’ve got my second chance at life. I throw him a sideways glance as I smile.

“Why are you staring at me, dweeb? You’ve done nothing but that since we got here.”

His lips curve into a gentle smile as his face softens. “I can’t help it, Fang. That soft glow surrounding you right now is making you look gorgeous. Not that you don’t look spectacular all the time, but damn if the light isn’t hitting you perfectly right now.”

“Fucking dweeb…” A blush spreads across my face as I pull him closer with my wing. “Still…that earns you some points.”

“Enough to make up for me being stupid and saving up for a game instead of us going on a date?”

“Not even fucking close.” He slumps and I elbow him in the side with a playful laugh. “But it’s a good start. Speaking of dates…you definitely owe me one when we get out of here.”

He rubs his side with a chuckle. “Yeah, I do. Where would you like to go?”

I rest my head on his shoulder with a sigh. “Anywhere would be better than here. Maybe we could go back to the museum? Have a little fun there instead of me using you as a fucking notepad with legs.”

“It would be nice to take in the exhibits without having to jot down a billion words.” He smirks as I bash my head into his shoulder. “It’s a date then.”

“It is.” I put an arm around his waist as I take another deep breath, savoring the floral scents of the bushes just outside the fence. “Come on. My legs are getting tired…I probably shouldn’t be up this long.”

“Sure Fang, let’s go.” He takes my hand in his as we make our way back to my bed, gently lifting me back up and pulling the covers over me. The fresh air did me some good, though, and being outside the room certainly helped with how fucking claustrophobic I have been feeling. I look down at my guitar. I haven’t had the energy yet to play it but if we are going to play at graduation, I need to get some practice in.

“Hey Anon, can you hand me my guitar and those strings?” I gesture toward the little packet by the side of the case.

“Yeah, one sec.” He throws the packet on the bed before taking out the guitar and handing it to me. A few moments later I expertly restring the guitar, testing the new string and tuning them all.

“Fuck me, what I wouldn’t have done to have had some spares on prom night! Ah well, no point worrying about what could have been…got some work to do for the future now.” I smile at him as he sits down beside me, looking nearly as eager as I am to get started again.

“Good thing we have this room to ourselves; wouldn’t want to piss off anyone who might still be sleeping.”

I shrug as I pluck away at a couple of strings as I finish tuning them. “Feh, if they bitched, I’d still keep it up. I can’t let anything hold me back now.”

“And I’ll be your one-man cheering section while we’re here.”

A blissful smile graces my beak as I turn to kiss him before beginning to play, trying to at least keep the volume a little low. I don’t need the nurses yelling at me for making too much noise…again. I play for hours as Anon simply sits there watching me with stars in his eyes. About halfway through the day, my mom pops in again, smiling as she listens to me play for a little bit before handing us some pork chops and garlic mashed potatoes. It is the only break I take for the day as I enjoy her delicious cooking. This hospital crap would have sucked so much more if not for her. I’ll have to make it up to her someday.

As the hours slowly dwindle into night, Anon finally stops me as my fingers are starting to get red and raw. He carefully takes the guitar from my hands before putting it back in its case and lying back down next to me.

“See Fang? You’re going to do amazing. This next show won’t be a disaster, I promise.”

“No, it definitely fucking won’t. I’m not letting that happen twice. Never leaving home without a pack of strings ever again.” I sigh as I pull him closer to me. “But I’m tired, Anon. Need my rest if we are going to go through with this. You’ll help me, right?”

“Of course. No way in hell I won’t be there for all of it. It was my plan, after all.” He has a smug grin on his face as I jab him in the ribs.

“Don’t be getting all cocky now. Now come here…I want cuddles and I want them now.”

“You got it.”

He scoots up closer to me as I put an arm around his shoulder. My head sinks into the pillow as fatigue settles in. My last coherent thought is that with Anon’s plan, I know I can show everyone how good I really am. No string disaster is going to stand in my way this time. Only moments later, I’m out like a light.