The next morning comes as my unsteady breaths slowly wake me up, the damage I did to my lung making it unpleasant to take deep breaths as I rest in this somewhat comfortable bed. Every sharp inhale is met with stinging pain, a reminder of just how close I came to dying. I turn my head to see Anon’s sleeping form beside me. I haven’t been treating him well, not since I started planning out my success at prom, the one show I put everything into, ignoring everyone I hurt along the way. Even after all I did to him, and never once really showing I care, he still saved me. I’ll never forget the look on his face when he walked into my room—that pain is something I never want to see again.

I claw at the mask on my face, desperately wanting nothing more than to tear it away and kiss him, but I know I have to leave it on—I’d probably die without it. I just want to show him how thankful I am that he didn’t give up on me; my parents would be burying me right now if not for him. I reach out and caress his cheek with my hand, my claws tracing along his face and gently circling his cheekbone. I will do better this time. I won’t give up and die, not when I’ve got someone like him to lean on.

He stirs under my touch, leaning back and yawning as he shakes the sleep off, turning his tired eyes to gaze into mine. “Hey Sweet Tooth…how are you feeling?” He reaches down and takes my hand in his, holding it tightly.

A wistful smile curls on my beak as I squeeze his hand. “I’m…I’m feeling better than yesterday, that’s for sure.” I try to laugh but end up causing a coughing fit as I fight to sit up, hacking out of the one good lung I’ve got left.

Anon moves closer to hold me up. He supports me as he gently rubs the side of my back that doesn’t have a hole in it. “Oh shit…you okay, Fang?!” That same look creeps up his face and nearly breaks my heart.

I lean against his shoulder, doing my best to calm him. “It’s alright. I suppose for a while, I’m just gonna have to hold back on the laughter. At least until the holes in my lung are gone.”

A sigh of relief pours from him as he visibly calms, the terror fading from his eyes. “Thank goodness…I’ll hold off on the jokes for now then.” He runs his fingers through my hair, resting his chin on top of my head.

“I appreciate that, Anon. I’d hate to survive shooting myself only to laugh myself to death instead.” My gaze falls to my lap. A frown grows on my beak as the shame comes back in full force. “Why did I do this…? To everyone, to you….” I look back up at him, tears in my eyes. “How can anyone ever forgive me for this?”

“There is nothing to forgive.” He pulls me in closer, wrapping his arms carefully under my wings, pressing my cheek against his. “You are hurting, Fang. You had reached your lowest point, feeling you had no control in your life…nothing left to hope for. I saw how much pain you were in at prom; the look in your eyes when I found you in the auditorium…that was the look of someone with no hope, and I fucking made it worse by yelling at you when you lost control.”

I sob quietly into his shoulder as my arms grip his back. “But you weren’t wrong…something is wrong with me. I need fixing, obviously, considering I tried to kill myself! But I can’t do anything right…I couldn’t even do that right and all I needed to do was hold a gun steady—”

“Fang!” He raises his voice, interrupting me and causing me to jump in his arms. “There is nothing wrong with you! You were fine, just no one would ever let you fucking be yourself, everyone trying to overwrite your personality with whatever the hell they wanted you to be. You were…are hurting. You hunted for anything to ease the guilt you feel, the belief you let everyone down all the time, but you didn’t!”

“Yes, I did!” I pull away from him as I cover my eyes with my hands. “I never did right by anyone! I fucking walked all over you, being mean to you, and even when we were out together all I did was focus on anything but you! I screamed at my parents. I shouted down anyone who didn’t mesh with my ideals! I even turned on Naser, who never did anything but help me even though it’s my fucking fault he is crippled!”

Anon pulls my hands away from my eyes, worry on his face. “What do you mean, it’s your fault Naser is crippled?”

I choke back a sob as the memory returns to me. “I…I told him we could fly. He believed me and he jumped off the bluff! He was covered in so much blood…I thought he was dead, that there was no way he could have survived. When they took him to the hospital, I couldn’t even visit him. My parents would always tell me he asked about me…but how could I face him?! I nearly killed him! Even after that, he still tries to help me even though he should fucking hate me!”

He cocks an eyebrow as he tilts his head. “Has he ever said anything about it?”

“No, but—”

“Then why are you destroying yourself over it? If he hasn’t cared enough to ever mention it—and he seems pretty fucking successful to me even with a crippled wing—why should you?”

“Because…” I gulp back the knot in my throat. “Because it’s my fault. All I’ve done is hurt everyone around me. I deserve every bad thing that has happened to me and more…”

His stern gaze burns into my eyes. “No, you fucking don’t. You don’t deserve anything that you’ve been through. We’ve all made mistakes and we’re all sorry for them, but that doesn’t mean you deserve to fucking suffer for anything you’ve done. You deserve to be happy, Fang. All we can do now is move forward and put this behind us.”

“How…? How do I move forward from this?” I stare pleadingly into his eyes, desperate for answers.

“We get you the help you need. It’s going to be a while before you are out of the hospital, and I don’t know if you would even want to go to school right away after you get out.”

My pupils shrink to pinpricks as the thoughts of what I almost considered doing push into my mind. I shake my head as my body quivers in his arms. “No…no, I can’t go back there…not now. Maybe not ever.”

“Why, Fang? What is so bad that it would make you not even want to go back?” he gently asks, putting his hands on my shoulders.

“Please, don’t ask me to explain…I don’t want to think about it anymore. Let’s think of anything else but school please.” I don’t want anyone to ever know how close I came to being a monster.

He sighs but relents. “Alright I won’t pry. But you still will probably need some therapy after this…not that I think you are crazy, but you are clearly hurting and while I know I can help a lot, I’m not a professional.”

I grimace, looking away from him. “I don’t know, Anon. I really don’t want someone picking away at my brain, trying to change me.”

“They won’t try to change you,” he reassures me, pulling me closer to him. “They will just be there to listen, to help you figure it all out and organize your thoughts. If you don’t think it’s helping then I’ll do everything I can for you instead, but I want you to at least try, okay?”

I slowly nod, sighing as my shoulders slump down. “Okay…I’ll try, for you.”

He shakes his head, cupping my cheek in his hand. “Don’t do it just for me. Do it for yourself more than anything. You are worth it.”

A weak smile forms on my beak as I nuzzle into his hand. “Thank you, Anon. For everything.”

“You don’t need to thank me. I’m happy to do it! I’m going to be the best boyfriend you’ve ever had.”

A tear rolls down my cheek as I hold back a sob. “You already are. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Shortly after that, the therapist knocks. Anon unfortunately has to leave, as the hospital requires that the first session be a private session. I have a hard time letting his hand go before he goes, looking back at me as I do everything not to panic. I need him here, dammit. I sigh as the therapist sits across from me. At first, I try to keep quiet, listening to their questions but not wanting to say anything myself. Eventually I start to give in, the weight of everything that has been crushing me pouring out to this stranger.

I tell her about how miserable I’ve been. How my life felt like such a waste of time, how I never knew who or what I was. The guilt of my brother’s accident eating away at me as I desperately adopted personas to try to heal my pain. She nods as she listens, a comforting presence offering me an ear as I spill out all my problems. The advice she offers is…actually good. She tells me that who I am is for me to decide, and no one else. It sticks with me, just like when Anon called me his girlfriend as he tried to save me. I thought it’d piss me off, but…I don’t know anymore.

She also tells me I should talk to my brother. To open my heart up to him rather than letting the pain fester for as long as it has. Perhaps she is right…I miss him so much, and I hate being so mean to him, trying so hard to get him to hate me for what I did. After a little while longer she leaves, and I sit there in quiet thought. I need to heal…and I can’t do that unless I face it all, bit by bit. A moment later, Anon rejoins me and sits beside me on the bed. I lean against him, saying nothing at first as he rests his head on mine.

What the therapist said hits me again—of what Anon did, the thing he said to the emergency line…what he called me. I…I need to be honest, and I need answers. “Anon…?” He perks up. “When you called them…why did you call me your girlfriend?”

“Because, uh…” he stumbles over his words, embarrassment spreading across his cheeks. “I…I dunno. I was freaking out and I just said the first thing that came to my mind. I’m sorry, I know you aren’t a girl and I respect that, even if I sucked at showing it.”

A soft chuckle passes my lips as I pull him close. “It’s okay, dweeb…I’m not mad at you for it or anything. I just…I dunno. When you called me that, it felt good. I have been pushing this persona so hard that I think I nearly lost myself in the process. I can’t explain it but it just…it felt right and even while I was bleeding on the floor, it made my heart flutter. So, Anon…” He looks at me with a mix of confusion and trepidation. “I…I wouldn’t mind if you called me that again.”

“R-Really, Fang? You mean it?”

My lips curl into a grin as I nod to him. “Mmhmm.”

A smile grows on his face as he rests his forehead against mine. “Then I will. You are my girlfriend, the best thing that has ever happened to a dweeb like me who never deserved you in the first place. You have the most beautiful soul I’ve ever seen, and I can’t wait to spend so much more time with you.”

The butterflies swirl in my chest listening to him speak. Girlfriend. I thought for so long that the image Trish made up for me was who I was. For every piece I built up using her idea, more of me was lost to the void. I was forcing myself to accept it, the cracks forming more every day. Today, I let it go. I’m Fang, the musician, the ptero woman with a broken heart but with a future I will build myself—no one else telling me who I am.

I look up into Anon’s eyes. They are full of hope, tears of joy clinging to the edges. I can’t wait any longer, I need to do this. “Anon…help me get this mask off for a second.”

“Are you sure? I don’t know if that’s safe, Fang. I don’t want you to—”

“Shut up dweeb and take it off. We can put it right back on after…just please, take it off.”

He reaches behind my head, grabbing the straps holding it to the back of my head, gently lifting them over my hair and crest as it frees my beak from its grasp. I waste no time as I press his lips to mine, kissing him as deeply as I can manage with how weak I am right now. I never thought I’d get to do this again; I thought I was going to die on that floor looking at his scared face. Now I get to taste his lips once more, and I can’t wait to do it again and again.

As we part from the kiss, he quickly pulls the mask back over my face and secures it to the back of my head. I fall back weakly into my pillow as I catch my breath, a few coughs escaping as I recover from my admittedly stupid move.

Anon leans over me, fear looming before I place my hand on his chest. “I’m okay, Anon. I know that was dumb, but I needed to do it…I wasn’t going to last more than a week without doing that.”

“Phew…” He wipes the sweat from his brow. “Not that I’m going to ever complain about getting a kiss from you, but that one did make me freak out a bit.”

I smirk at him. “If you ever complain about kisses, you’d be an idiot. Don’t worry about me, I think I’ve learned just how much I can take after yesterday.”

“I’ll admit, you are one tough bitch.”

I reach up to swat him before stopping just short. “Watch it, this tough bitch may have a new hole to breathe through, but I bet I can still knock you the fuck out.”

He laughs as he takes my hand, interlocking his fingers with mine. “I don’t doubt it for a second, Fang.” He thinks for a moment. “Do you still want me calling you Fang?”

“Of course, that’s still my name even if I decide not to keep the non-binary stuff. It just feels right, ya know? Like that’s always been my name, just never found it yet.”

“I get you. Fang it is then. Hold up a second.”

My eyes follow him as he rummages around in a duffle bag by his chair. He tosses out a few snack foods before pulling out a deck of Uno cards that he flips in his hand before turning back to me.

“You feeling up to some card games? I figure you’d be bored as fuck here with nothing to do and I’m too poor to afford any mobile game consoles.”

The dweeb thinks of everything. I smile and nod. “Sounds fun to me, Anon. Though if you drop a Plus-4 on me, I will fucking end you in this hospital.”

“Duly noted, my beautiful ptero gee eff.” He fans the cards between his fingers as he shuffles.

A blush dusts across my face as he calls me it again. Each time he does it, it feels even more right. For once in my life, I’m making the right decision for me. I catch a smirk on his face as he sees my flushed face and I flip him off. We play a few games of Uno to pass the morning hours, me decidedly kicking his butt for more than half of them. Of course, that’s probably because he is too afraid to drop a Plus-4 for fear of his life, but that doesn’t matter.

“Uno!” I attempt to shout, but it only sounds like an angry whisper as I slap down my next-to-last card.

His eyebrows raise as he looks through his cards, hunting for a way out of his predicament before sighing and putting down a four. I slap down my wildcard and a smug grin crosses my beak.

“Dammit.” He drops his cards on the sheets. “Best out of thirteen?”

My grin stays as I open my mouth to speak but the sounds of footsteps stop me before I can start. I turn my head and take in the welcome sight of my dad and mom. The cards don’t stand a chance as my mom rushes to my side, assaulting my cheek with kisses.

“Oh honey, you are looking so much better!” She stops peppering my face to pinch my cheeks. “Your beautiful healthy blue glow is back in your face. You had me so worried.”

“Stooooop Mom…” A wispy chuckle escapes me as I bat at her hand. “I’m feeling a lot better. I still have to wear this damn thing, though, for however long it is…” I tug at the mask and she gently slaps my hand away from it.

“You’ll wear it for however long they say until you are healed.” Her admonishing tone fades almost immediately as she holds my hand in both of hers. “I’m sorry, I’m just…I’m so happy that you are still here, honey. When Anon called us and let us know what happened, I just…” Her beak trembles as she fights back the tears.

Wrapping my arms around her, I pull her close to me, nuzzling my cheek against hers. “It’s okay, Mom…I’m gonna be alright. I just need some time to heal, both physically and emotionally. Your…your little girl isn’t going anywhere.”

There is shock across my dad’s face as my mom leans back to look me in the eyes. “Little girl? But honey…I thought you were…?”

I shake my head, staring down at my lap. “I realized I’m not non-binary, Mom, I just thought I was. I’m sorry I hurt you guys so much pushing for that when it wasn’t even who I am, but…can you keep calling me Fang? I really like hearing it from you two.”

“Of course, honey. If Fang is what you want to be called, then that’s what we’ll call you, right dear?”

My dad slides up beside her with a nod of his head. “Of course, Fang. Whatever you need from us, you will get.” He looks over at Anon. “Been behaving yourself, Son?”

Anon shrugs. “Not much in the way of misbehaving I could do in the middle of a hospital is there, sir?”

My dad ponders for a moment before nodding again. “True. Still, I owe you a debt I can’t repay for saving my daughter, Anon. Don’t hesitate to ask us if you need any help after school…you are a part of the family now.”

I see the joy in Anon’s eyes as my dad says those words. I don’t know much about Anon’s family but from that look alone, I can tell that he has been wanting something like this for a long time.

“Thank you, sir. You don’t owe me a thing.” He reaches over and takes my hand in his. “I would do anything to help Fang, I promise you that.”

“Good, ’cause I suspect she is going to need you more than ever.” He pats Anon on the shoulder, nearly knocking Anon out of his chair as he recovers his composure.

“Hey Dad?” He looks over to me. “How long do I have to be here? I haven’t really had any time to ask anyone.”

He sighs as he takes a seat beside Anon. “You’ll be here for a couple of weeks. That hole in your lung is big with how close you took the shot. We are just lucky those bullets were jacketed and the exit wound didn’t explode out or…or there would have been nothing Anon could have done to save you.” The pain in his eyes lets me know he’s been running every scenario in his head since he left last night.

It’s a sobering thought, to believe that I hung from a knife’s edge yesterday. It makes me even more grateful that fate gave me a chance to make up for this. I sigh as I lean back into my pillow. “Weeks? Goddammit…I don’t know if I can handle being laid up for weeks, Dad…”

He waves it off before pulling some things out of the bag he brought with him. He places my lyric book on the edge of my bed, my headphones, and my old mp3 player. “I’ll bring you more things every day. You’ll be stuck here for a while, but I’ll do what I can to make it feel like home until then.”

My mom claps her hands together as she turns around to rummage through a bag of her own. “And I brought some home cooking! I cleared it with the doctors…they say it’s fine for you to eat normally.” She pulls out a small container containing a steaming portion of lasagna and placing it on my lap. “Enjoy, honey! Oh, and of course…” She pulls out a second one and hands it over to my dad, who gives it to Anon. “Plenty for you, too, Anon.”

Anon and I look back and forth at each other before tearing into the delicacy before us, a little more difficult for me since I have to pull the mask up to get the fork in my mouth. The thought that I won’t be living off hospital food brings no end of joy to me. The poor little lasagna doesn’t last long as we practically inhale the food. My mom smiles as she takes both containers back from us before popping the tops on and stuffing them in her bag.

I pat my stomach with a content smile on my beak. “Oh my god, that was delicious. Thank you so much, Mom. I really didn’t want to live off gelatin and flat soda.”

She turns to smile at me before rummaging through her bag some more, pulling out two bags full of snacks, handing one to me and the other to Anon. “You are welcome, dear. I made these up for you two as well. They should keep you fed until we come back with dinner later. All I want you to worry about is getting better!” She pokes me in the forehead before holding her hands in her lap.

She looks over to Anon who is busy stuffing the snacks into his bag. “Do you need to take a shower or anything, dear? You’ve been here all night and I know Ripley wouldn’t mind taking you to our home to freshen up.”

My dad nods, glancing at Anon. “It’d be no trouble at all. Do you need to, Son?”

“No!” I try to cry out loudly through my mask, causing a massive coughing fit before I calm down and turn away, embarrassed. “I…I mean…I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled. But please, don’t leave me right now, Anon.”

“It’s okay, Fang. I won’t go anywhere; a couple of days without a shower isn’t going to kill me. It might be a good thing you are wearing that mask, though, if that’s the case.”

My parents share a worried look before turning their attention to me. “Sweetie…are you okay?” my mom asks as she puts a hand on my thigh.

“I’m…I’m okay, Mom, I just really need him here right now. I’m sorry, I know you want to help him out, but I don’t want him to go…not for another day, at least.” I squeeze her hand, trying to hide any fear in my voice.

“It’s okay dear. If Anon doesn’t mind, neither do we.” She gently squeezes my hand in return.

After my mild freakout, we calmly sit around talking for a few hours, figuring out what to do when I get discharged. The plan is to ease me back into classes and catch up on any missed work. Naser told the school he’ll bring me all of my homework so I won’t fall behind, and Anon promises to help me with any of the assignments. I still don’t know what made me panic when I thought of him leaving my side, but I really hope it’s not something more to deal with. I have enough problems to clear out as it is.

They went home but came back one more time before nightfall to bring us dinner. My dad is warming up to Anon in ways I never would have guessed, talking about college with him and any help he might need to succeed, and I can tell my dad feels like he owes him the world. Plus, I also think he believes that Anon and I won’t be separating so he wants to make sure I’m provided for. He’s probably right—I really don’t want to be without Anon, and if it wasn’t for him there would be no future for me to plan.

After a bit more chatting they leave us alone again, the last light of the sun passing behind the bluffs as night falls. Anon is busy checking his phone; my dad also brought mine along so I’d have something to browse through during the long nights. I look out the window, watching the moon illuminate the bluffs, slowly beginning to sniffle as memories start to flood into my brain.

My sniffles start to grow to sobs as my hands crawl up my face and cover my eyes. Anon swiftly comes to my side, embracing me as I shake.

“What’s wrong, Fang?”

I gulp back a sob as another takes its place, clawing at his shirt as I struggle against the tide. “I-I-I just…I don’t know what I’m going to do even if I go back. N-nobody is going to care about my band, and I can’t fix that disaster of a night. I j-just want people to see me! I want people to hear my music and love it. I-I…I need them to, A-Anon….”

My tears flow freely as he holds me, his own falling on my hair as he grips me tight. “We can fix it, together. No matter what, I promise you that people will see what you are truly capable of and they’ll love you. They haven’t seen you at your best. I did, on that roof and when we played in your room.” He places a finger under the tip of the mask, turning my face up to his. “You are the most beautiful person I’ve ever known, Fang, both inside and out. We will show them all how wrong they were to judge you. They will always remember the day they see the beauty of that soul of yours.”

Tears of joy replace the sorrow as I grip him tight, a smile on my beak. “Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'll never be able to repay you for what you’ve done, Anon.”

“You’ll never have to. I’ll always be here, cheering you on and being by your side every step of the way. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

I know they probably will be upset with me in the morning but right now, I don’t fucking care. I scoot over to make room for Anon as I pat the bed. He climbs up beside me, the mask making it a little more awkward to find a comfortable position to sleep next to each other, but we make it work. He rests between my wings, arms wrapping around my back, and he rests his head just behind mine. We share the small bed together as my hands sit on his.

“Good night, Fang.”

“Good night, Anon.”

I don’t fall asleep right away, instead listening to him gently snore behind me, his rhythmic heartbeat against my back bringing me comfort. I never thought much of my life. It always seemed to be just one mistake leading to another, but thanks to him, I feel like I’ve got a real chance at this again. Not many people can say they have someone they love who saved their life in both a metaphorical and literal way, but it seems I am lucky enough to be one of them. I squeeze his hands one more time before allowing sleep to take me, a smile on my face as I look forward to building a new dream with him by my side.