It’s been three years since Anon and I got married. I take a deep drag on my cigarette as I puff out smoke rings just outside Trish’s salon, standing around in my leather jacket and jeans. Her schooling went incredibly well, and her aunt helped her set up a shop when she graduated. Trish has been the best friend I could ask for these years. We’ve been helping each other out with our trauma, healing together better than we would have alone.

I’ve been going to her salon ever since she opened it, keeping my hair as I like it and adding a couple of piercings to my other eyebrow. She’s been trying to expand her services to all sorts of things like horn drilling and something I’ve been taking advantage of—tattooing. I take a look at the many tattoos covering my arms and a few across my neck. There are a bunch hidden by my jacket that are across my chest. Each one is more than just an image, it’s a representation of all I’ve been through, a mark of victory against every battle I’ve won. I love them and so does Anon. Says it makes me look like some badass biker chick, like I’d ever be caught dead on one of those.

Life has been good for me. Not perfect, but good. I still go to therapy these days. It keeps me stable—the memories of the hell I went through are ones I don’t think are ever going to fully fade. But how I respond to those memories has become manageable, and it’s all I can ask for. I still can’t stand the sight of blood. Anytime Anon gets a cut, I have to fight any urge to freak out…or worse, if I cut myself on accident. It sucks, but it’s just a scar I must live with. Though there is one time where it doesn’t seem to bother me at all…any time my precious Amber gets a scrape, I’m there in an instant to help her.

I finish off my smoke and I stamp it out. I gave up smoking while I was pregnant with Amber, since I didn’t want to risk her getting sick or anything. I tried to give it up for good but…I just couldn’t. Those stupid patches only helped keep me stable. I need this, a vice I’ve got to live with because without it, I’d lose my mind. It sucks to be dependent on it, but we all have our weaknesses. I gently rub the pendant Anon gave me. I wear it almost every day; something about it brings me peace that few things can.

I tap the glass on the window and Amber looks up at me with her beautiful smile. Trish lets her go and she comes out the door to me.

“Hey!” I hold my arms out for her and she jumps into them. “How’s my beautiful gem doing? Did you have fun with Auntie Trish?”

“Mmhmm! I love Auntie Trish!” Amber exclaims as she peppers my snout with tiny kisses. I smile as I retaliate, burying her in little pecks as she giggles and gently slaps at my snout. I love her so much. She’s only two years old but she’s already been the brightest light in my life. I want to be the best mother I can be to her. To give her all the love and to support her, my wonderful Amber.

“Stop Mommy!” She giggles, still pretending she’s bothered as I finally stop and kiss her on the forehead.

“Alright, alright,” I say as I chuckle at her, tapping the tip of her beak with my finger. I turn to the window and wave to Trish, who waves back before heading to see a customer. “Come on, honey, gotta get to the restaurant to see Daddy! He’s going to take care of you while Mommy meets with her friends.”

“Okay!” She excitedly squeaks as I set her on the ground and hold her hand. I’ve been running a therapy group for a couple of years for people who have been victims of severe bullying or who have contemplated suicide…or tried it. It’s been nice to help others deal with the same things I have. As much as it helps them, it helps me just the same. To hear their stories and know that so many of us are out there looking for help, and I’m happy to provide it.

A text pops up on my phone and I check it. It’s Naomi. She got out of the mental hospital last year and has been trying to undo all she did. At first, I didn’t want to speak to her at all. Obviously I have so many reasons not to, but…Anon talked me into it. If he was willing to listen, I was too. She apologizes so often, always trying to make it up to us. A moment of weakness that nearly ruined so many lives. She’s going to college herself these days. Her record is clean since her plea deal cleared that when she accepted going to the hospital. I type out a quick response to her and slide my phone into my pocket. We’ve all got our demons. I can’t hate her forever for hers.

“Who was that, Mommy?” Amber looks up at me as she pokes my pocket.

“Just an old friend, Amber. Nothing to worry about,” I say as I squeeze her hand gently. She seems pleased with that and continues to skip across the sidewalk as we make our way to Dino Moe’s. Anon is the manager now. Uncle Moe gave him the job when he started setting up more restaurants across the nation. The money is nice, and it’s going to pay for a good education for Amber. It also frees up all my time to take care of her and play my shows. Not that I’m rich or anything, nor even planning to go any further with it. I just like playing for the locals and they give me their love back with each show, a packed house wherever me, Anon, and Reed play.

Reed has been doing well. Even set up a medicinal carfe place in town. He never fully gave it up and the stuff he makes has been doing wonders for the medical community here. Never thought his crazy plan would ever work, but…here we are. He and Trish got married a year back. Seeing them so happy together was wonderful, minus Anon tripping down the stairs mid best man speech and catapulting an entire case of beer through a window. That sucked to pay for but…still funny as hell, the dweeb.

Sometimes I play music in the park alongside the other musicians. Especially with Sasha. She and I have grown close, playing duets whenever we are there together. She’ll never know how talking to her set me on the path I ended up going down, but I’m still grateful for it today.

We round the corner and head inside Dino Moe’s. Still packed as ever, even near the end of the day. We see Anon in the corner and he waves us over with a wide smile.

“Hey! How are the two most important ladies in my life doing today?” I smirk with a hint of a blush as I walk Amber over to him.

“Doing just fine, dweeb.” I kiss him on the cheek as I lift Amber into his arms. She giggles as she rubs her snout against his cheek. “Take good care of her, okay? And no feeding her pizza…she still needs real food, not grease.”

“Fiiiine. I’ll behave, mostly.” He grins mischievously. The fucking dweeb.

I lean up to him and kiss him on the cheek. “Going to see the group now. I love you.”

He kisses me back. “Okay, I’ll see you after. I love you too.”

I smile at him as I head to the extra backroom we had built to make space for my meetings and also my music stuff, since I hang out here when he’s at work. There are chairs set up in a circle and everyone looks up at me as I walk through the door.

“Sorry I’m a little late, everyone.” I hang my bag up on a hook before I take a seat with them. “Had to pick up Amber first.”

“It’s okay,” one of them calls out. “Good to see you.”

“Good to see you, too. Hello everyone…I see a few fresh faces! My name is Fang and I’m the leader of this support group.” I cross my legs as I look out at them all. “Happy to see you all here again after another long week. I know things are hard. That life hasn’t been kind to us. That each day seems like such a struggle just to get out of bed in the morning. But we have to keep going forward.”

The tired looks in their eyes almost hide their smiles as they all look at me. I sigh as I lean forward. “Trust me…I’ve been at the lowest point in my life same as you. But through it all, I can assure you, you will make it. We all will together.” I think of Amber as a smile creeps up my face. “Life…is worth living. No matter what. Hold onto hope, and you’ll see brighter days. I promise.”