My vision flutters back to me as my eyes slowly open and I look around the room I find myself in. It’s not my bedroom; it looks nothing like it, and I am certain neither heaven nor hell would look cream white. I reach up to my beak and feel something attached to it. An oxygen mask? When did one of these get on me? The images begin to sharpen as my vision clears and in the corner I see Anon with his head pressing against the bed. My parents and my brother are just outside the door, talking to what I assume is the doctor as he gestures to a clipboard in his hands.

I limply reach out my hand to Anon’s. He gasps as his head snaps back up. His eyes are bloodshot, tears long-since dried up, the remnants making streaks down his face.

 “Oh my god, Fang…you’re awake!” He takes my hand in his, softly squeezing it with the biggest sigh of relief I’ve ever heard pass his lips.

“Where…where am I, Anon?” I scan the room again before settling my gaze on him.

“You’re in the hospital. You are stable, but you’ve lost a lot of blood. The bullet went straight through one of your lungs and shattered a rib on the way out. You…you almost didn’t make it.” He pulls up closer to me, resting his head on my shoulder.

Tears well up in my eyes and I squeeze his hand as hard as I my strength will allow. “Anon…I’m so fucking sorry. I gave up. I just wanted to die and not hurt anyone anymore, and I nearly threw away everything. Oh god…and that you had to go through that…! I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have done it…I’m so fucking sorry!” My voice is weak and hoarse as I cry out to him, sobs broken by hiccups as he gets as close as he can to me.

“No, Fang, I’m sorry. I should have seen how much you were hurting and how low you had fallen; you struggled so hard to make your dream work and then it collapsed. The signs were all there in how you were acting toward me…and I fucking ignored them all like a selfish dumbass. I could have done so much more for you…and you wouldn’t have done this to yourself….” His fingers trace my cheek as I see my parents walking away from the doctor into the room. My mother bursts into tears as she rushes to my other side, rubbing her beak against my cheek as she sobs.

“Oh, thank god, honey! You’re alright! My sweet baby…” Her arms gently embrace me, her shaky sobs breaking my heart. I press my cheek against hers as we weep together, my father coming up beside Anon and placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Lucy…goddammit, I’m sorry I let this happen to you. I should have locked that gun up…but I also should have done more to be a better father to you. To think…” He chokes up on a sob as he struggles to continue, a tear falling onto my sheets. “To think I could have fucking driven you to suicide because I didn’t care enough, because I kept trying to shove you into a mold…. Lu…Fang, I’m so sorry.”

Fresh tears pour from me as I turn to look at Naser who stands beside my mom. He takes my hand in his, trying to speak but the words catch in his throat. His tears choke out any attempt to talk as he instead caresses my hand in his, staring down into my eyes as his entire body shakes with the emotions pouring out from him.

It was almost more than I could bear to hear them all crying over me. Did I really mean this much to them all? I had been looking everywhere but home for reasons to live, for something to hold onto…and it fucking sucks to know I was so blind. It was around me the whole time, my life I almost gave up.

I quietly push back my sobs as I look around at them all. “I’m sorry…I’m so sorry everyone. I should never have put you all through this. I wish I could take this back…”

They all reach around me, gentle hugs from all around to comfort me as my tears continue to fall, releasing pain held locked away behind walls I had built.

“It’s okay, Fang. I love you, everyone here loves you…we will help you through this,” Anon says as he kisses me on the cheek. My dad doesn’t move an inch; Anon has probably earned his respect for the rest of his life by saving mine.

“We do, honey…and we will work together to get you the help you need and support you every step of the way. Now get some rest…you need time to recover from this, and we’ll be here as soon as we can.” My mom kisses me on the cheek as Naser nods in agreement before they get up and stand beside my dad.

“There will be a therapist coming to see you in the morning.” I grimace as my dad shakes his head with a sigh. “I know…but it’s required by the state that you see one after a suicide attempt. Just be honest with them. Sleep well, Fang. I love you.” One last tear falls from his tired eyes as he turns away and holds my mom close as they walk out the door with Naser following behind.

I look over to Anon, who hasn’t budged an inch. “I’m not leaving you, Fang. Not now, not ever. I’ll be by your side the whole night. I love you.”

A weak smile crosses my beak as I lean closer to him. Kissing him is impossible with this mask over my face, but we get as close as we can. “I love you too, Anon. Thank you…thank you for saving me.”

“I would do it again and again. I’ll be with you for all of this, and everything that comes after.” He scoots his chair up closer to the edge of my bed before resting his head by mine.

“Thank you so much…” My eyes grow heavy, the exhaustion of whatever they had to do to save me taking its toll as I hold his hand in mine. His eyes close and mine follow shortly after. I could have died today…by rights I should have. But thanks to the love of one man, I have another chance to make this right. I only hope that this time I can make something of it.