We are all startled awake by what sounds like a localized thunderstorm barreling down the halls. Oh god, it has to be Trish’s mom and I don't want to be in the path of that steamroller when it gets here. Trish is already muttering prayers while Reed is too dumbstruck to know what’s going on. Naser disappears in a flash, the door flapping on its hinges in his wake. I shake Anon, who snaps out of his stupor long enough to look at me, hunting for answers.

“We need go…right the fuck now!” I whisper-shout as I get him up on his feet and throw his shoes at him while I slide my boots on and tie them.

He stumbles around, hopping on one foot as he gets one of his shoes on. “What the heck is that sound anyway?” He throws his other shoe on the ground and pulls it over his foot.

I’m already sweating at this point as I finish pulling the last bootlace tight. “It’s Trish’s mom!”

“What’s so bad about that?”

I smack my forehead and groan. “Okay, it’s Trish’s mom. She works her ass off every day and barely has any time off between the two jobs she works so her kids don’t go to Reef City Continuation, and she probably just now had time to come see her eldest daughter who nearly killed herself.”

He shrugs and laughs. “I mean, come on…she has to be concerned for her, right? I doubt it’ll be that bad.”

My eyes narrow as I grab him by the neck of his shirt and pull him down to eye level with me. “Both the jobs she works are in retail, as a manager.”

That immediately sends him into a cold sweat and he gulps and nods to me. I turn back to Trish, offering her my best sympathetic frown. She grimly nods, fully accepting her fate.

“Reed?” Trish says as he gets up and stands by the side of her bed. “You don’t have to stay. Honestly, for your health, it might be better that you get out now.”

Reed shakes his head as he takes her hand in his. “I’m not going anywhere, bro. You’ll need backup and besides, she knows me well enough. I’m sure she wouldn’t throw me out the window without letting me talk first.” He weakly chuckles as his eyes fixate on the door, trembling in their sockets.

“Thank you, Reed.” She squeezes his hand and looks back at me. “Get out of here you two…and thank you for everything. I’ll talk to you after I’m done getting my ass decimated by my mom.”

“Good luck, Trish,” I say as I grab Anon and head out the door. The purple bulldozer has Gavin on the ropes as he does everything he can to calm her down while steam nearly bursts from her nostrils. Good luck, doc, you are trying to slow down a force of nature. We both get outside and I catch sight of Naser sitting on the hood of his car, scrolling through his phone.

He looks over to us and waves over Anon. “Hey bud, want to talk to you for a bit, if you don’t mind.”

Anon nods and slides his hands in his pockets. “Sure, Naser. You mind, Fang?”

I shake my head and smile. “Go ahead, Anon. Find me over there when you are done.” I thumb toward the brick fence overlooking the lake next to the hospital.

“Sure thing.” He gives me a quick kiss on the lips before he wanders over to Naser, who puts an arm around his shoulder as he starts to talk. Whatever my brother has to say to Anon is probably important and not anything I need to get in the way of. Plus, I haven’t had much time to myself, and I could use a little “me time” anyway.

I find a nice place to lean on as pull the pack of smokes out of my pocket, sticking one in my mouth and lighting it up. I take a deep drag, letting the smoke settle in my lungs before blowing it out in little smoke rings. So nice to finally not hack my lungs out, unlike almost every time I’ve done that since…since I fucked up. The cigarette hangs loosely in my fingers as I stare out into the sparkling lake. A few ducks float down the middle and I see a few people sitting on the edge of the shore. A lot of people come here—it’s calming, providing respite next to the hospital where sometimes people might have to lose someone they can’t imagine being without.

I see a velociraptor couple sitting comfortably on a blanket by the shore. A small basket is filled with foodstuffs like they came out for a relaxing picnic, but all around them are scattered tissues with most piled beside the woman. I can tell she’s been crying for a long time, and tears still streak down her face as they sit close. Her violet eyes stare into the crimson eyes of who I assume is her lover. He is resting his orange-scaled forehead against hers, her body covered in aqua blue scales. He doesn’t look healthy. His gaunt frame sticks out from his clothing as he runs his hand across her face. Another stifled sob breaks from her as her head moves to rest on his shoulder. This looks like a moment they both have been dreading—news they never wanted to hear, but a reality they are forced to face.

My heart shatters as I turn away, unable to keep looking anymore. Tears break from me as I quietly weep alone. I don’t want to think of what they are going through. The kind of thing I nearly put my whole family through because I was confused, scared…hopeless. My family never even would have had what they at least do…a chance to say goodbye. I wipe away my tears on my arm and then burn up the rest of my cigarette before puffing out a wisp of smoke and grabbing another, swiftly lighting it up. The emotions warring in my body are all across my face as I shakily bring it to my lips, nearly dropping it in the process.

My teary eyes turn back to them. They are just still holding each other. Her tears have stopped flowing and a weary smile hangs on her face. He bears the same smile as he holds her close. They look like they’ve been together a while. They’re at least into their early forties, with the slow evidence of aging dusting his still-vibrant red hair with gray. She looks so tired, like this is something they have dealt with for a long time. But there is joy hidden in the pain on their faces, as if even though things might be ending soon, they never will regret the time they had together. Something I really hope that Anon and I will be able to feel, hopefully way later in our lives.

I’ve long since given up on trying to stop the tears from flowing down my face, the makeup still in tatters from last night ruined even further. Tiny rivers of purple and orange run down my cheeks as I take another draw of my cigarette, burning up a quarter of it. I puff out a large ring of smoke before sighing out the rest in a hazy cloud that hangs by me. All of this has me thinking more and more. Who am I, really? I’ve spent so much of my life since the accident listening to everyone else and trying to be the best of whatever they want me to be.

I take one last shaky drag off the cigarette before I twist it out on the bricks. I don’t really know who I am inside. I know I’m a musician, and I love that about me. It’s been a part of my life ever since I was a kid, and nothing ever will take that from me. But who am I beyond that? I don’t really know. It’s something I need to figure out before I can move forward in my life. I need to find the pieces of me and put myself back together.

I take another cigarette out of the box as I hear footsteps. I turn to see Anon walking up beside me, a pensive look in his eyes. I tap one out of the box for him, which he takes and puts between his lips as I reach up and light it for him. He takes a deep breath, drawing in a good amount of it before exhaling a cloud of smoke as he slides up beside me.

“How’d your talk with Naser go?” I ask as I take a quick draw.

He taps the ash off the end of his before sighing. “He just wanted to talk to me about the two of us.” I glance over as he continues. “Wanted to make sure I knew what I was doing, and that I wouldn’t be lazy now that school was over. You know, take advantage of your dad’s kindness and debt to me or anything.”

I scoff with a light snicker. “The dork. I don’t see you being the kind of person to mooch off anyone. Plus…” I rest my head against his arm. “I’ve seen how hard you work when you really want something. No chance you would let this opportunity go to waste by sitting around on your ass.”

“The prospect does sound nice. I mean, who doesn’t like doing nothing from time to time.” He chuckles and takes another draw. “But no, I’ve never felt this sure about anything in my life. To be honest, I never thought music would be in my future. I told you about the time I tried it out, back before I moved here. I meant it, nothing stuck. I tried every instrument I could get my hands on, and nothing felt right.” He shrugs. “I mean…not until I met you, and you taught me that maybe I could have a future with it.”

A soft smile grows on my lips as I close my eyes. “You just needed the right person to teach you and a reason to want it. It’s not something you just do…it has to sing to your whole being, else you are just wasting time.” I lean away from him as I take a deep drag, burning up almost all of what remains of my smoke, blowing out a smoky heart which makes Anon smirk.

“So, what have you been doing out here? I didn’t want to say anything first, but…” He gestures to the tear streaks and remnants of makeup on my face. “Something been bothering you?”

I look over at the couple again. They are lying down on their blanket, softly sleeping under the shade of the tree. I sigh as I take his hand in mine. “I’ve just been thinking about stuff. My life…where I was headed before you showed up. How I’ve spent so much time letting everyone else pull the strings. I’ve been a puppet in everyone else’s show, and I’ve haven’t really done anything for myself in ages. It’s been a long time since I’ve thought about it…who am I, really?”

Anon shrugs. “I mean, you’re Fang. The rock and roll maestro who stole my heart and showed me a whole new world of music.”

I blush a little and give him a peck on the cheek. “Dweeb. I mean, yeah, that’s part of me…but everything else? I don’t know…” I lean over the short brick wall, staring out into the blue sky. “I haven’t really found any of it out myself. Most of this was made up by Trish. The whole punk rocker aesthetic and bad attitude ’n’ shit.” I finish off my smoke, flicking it to the ground and Anon stomps it out. “I need to know so much more about me before I’m ready to really live my life…for me and for anyone else.”

Anon takes my hand in his as he turns my face to him, and there’s a tinge of fear in the way he’s looking at me. “That doesn’t mean you are going to…like break up with me or anything…right?”

I want to laugh but seeing how serious he is, I shove that aside and hug him. “Of course not, dweeb. You are the one thing in my life that I am certain I want to be a part of it.” The tension in his muscles melts away immediately and he puts his arms around me. “I’d never leave you behind…I just can’t promise that I’ll still one hundred percent be the same Fang you may have fallen in love with. I need to know how to love myself—to trust myself—so I can show the same to you.”

His grip tightens around my back as he presses me against him. I can feel a few warm tears drip on my shoulder as he sighs. “Sorry, Fang. Just had me worried there for a second. Thought you were going on some self-discovery trip and I’d have to hope you’d come back one day.”

I gently draw circles on his back with my clawtip. “I’m going on that kind of trip, Anon.” He winces and I feel him shake. “Don’t be scared…you’ll be right there with me.”

He pulls away, a weary but at the same time jubilant smile spreading across his face. “Really? You mean that?”

“Of course I do, dweeb.” I smile back at him, kissing him on the lips before leaning away from him and looking into his eyes. “There’s no place I want to be than by your side. I just hope you still want me there when I’m done figuring myself out. It’s not going to be easy…and I can’t promise that I will be the most pleasant to be around while I’m doing all this…but I promise you, completely, that I will never leave you.”

His sigh rolls out of him, carrying all the weight and fear away as he presses me against him again. “Then I promise you the same thing. I’ll be with you for all of this. Honestly, it’s a little exciting. I can’t wait to see what you find out about yourself. You are already amazing, I can only imagine what else you might do when you are doing it for yourself.”

I nuzzle my cheek against his, unfortunately spreading a bit of my tear-slicked makeup on him but he doesn’t seem to notice. I edge away and something clicks in my mind as I dab my fingers across the makeup smeared across my face. He gives me a quizzical look as I shush him and swipe a bit with my fingers, giving him a gleaming orange and purple mix under his eyes.

I smile as I examine my work. It makes his normally invisible features pop and his eyes glimmer in the sunlight. “Hey Anon…” He looks at me, still confused out of his gourd. “You might actually want to try makeup yourself sometime. It…kinda looks good on you.”

He scoffs as he takes his phone out of his pocket and turns on the camera. His doubt slowly turns to dorky pride as he keeps doing a bunch of facial expressions, each as ridiculous as the last, while he snaps a few photos. He nods with a smirk as he shows me the pictures. “You might be onto something there, Fang.”

He needs to work on his posing but it’s bringing out something in him I never saw before, the strength of his facial features illuminated by the color. “No duh, dweeb, I’m fucking smart.” I smirk as I poke him in the cheek. “Don’t worry, I can easily teach you how do to that kind of stuff on your own. You better buy your own kit, though. That shit is expensive, and we are going to be living off crappy wages.”

“Hey, as long as you help me pick it out, I’m cool with it. I’m finding out all sorts of new stuff about myself here.” He flips his phone into his pocket and I pull out another smoke, letting it hang in my mouth as I lean down to light it. He sighs and looks at me as I dangle it from my lip with a cocked eyebrow. “You sure you should be smoking so many of those?”

I scowl as I flick him on the forehead, lighting it up and taking a deep drag, puffing out the smoke into little daggers as I scoff at him. “Anon, I’m going to be clear about something right now and I apologize if this comes out rough.” He nods and prepares himself as I hold the smoke between my fingers. “I’m never going to stop doing this. I been smoking since I was about thirteen and I don’t see me stopping anytime soon. It helps me deal with all the shit I’ve gone through and honestly, somedays it’s the only thing keeping me from jumping off a cliff.”

He stands silently as I turn to face him, twisting the cigarette between my fingers. “Don’t ever ask me to stop this again, okay?” He nods quietly and he almost looks like he got spanked. I sigh. “I’m sorry if that was harsh, but I have to be honest. I don’t really want anyone telling me what to do anymore.” I bend over against the brick fence, propping myself up by my elbow as I take another drag. “I’ve spent too long being what people expect. I need to choose my own path, even if some of those habits aren’t the safest.”

“I get you, Fang. I’m sorry. Just worried about your health, is all.” He scoots up beside me and leans out, staring at the lake.

“I know you mean well…and maybe someday I won’t need them anymore. But for right now, they are my vice and I accept what they will do to me.” I pull in a deep inhalation, the smoke settling in my lungs as the fresh nicotine calms the emotional war I’m still dealing with before I puff it out in circles. “I’m not perfect…I’m never going to be. All I want is to be me. Whomever she is when I find her. Who knows?” I shrug. “Maybe Fang is the real me but I won’t know until I try, you know?”

He nods as he puts an arm around my waist. “I do…trust me, I do. I never thought I’d be here, dating the pterodactyl woman of my dreams when all I thought I needed was my vidya and my phone. You helped show me that there is a lot more to life than living all alone.” He smiles at me. “I’m a better person because of you. I wouldn’t be a good boyfriend if I didn’t stand with you through all this, too.”

A gentle smile forms on my beak as I lean against his shoulder. “Sweet talker. It’s going to be scary…but it’s going to be a lot of fun too. We’ll make it, together.”

“Right.” He holds me close as we stare off into the distance. I look over at the couple again. They look so peaceful in their sleep, as if none of their problems matter anymore. It’s like they aren’t dealing with the worst moments of their lives, they are just enjoying each other’s company for however long it lasts. My hand finds Anon’s as our fingers intertwine. There is one constant in my life I can count on, and it’s right here beside me.

A few silent moments together pass before Naser comes up beside us. “I’m not interrupting anything, am I?” he asks as he takes a step back before I shake my head at him.

“You’re fine, Naser. Good timing, actually. We just finished up.” I sniffle as I wipe my face. It’s a hopeless mess but then Naser takes off his jacket, which hides another jacket, and hands it to me to wipe my face with. You’d think he’d get less of those fuck-ugly jackets, but he’s always had his weird fashion sense. I wipe my face off and ball it up, handing it back to him. “Thanks, Naser.”

“Not a problem, sis.” He joins us on the wall, watching the clouds go by as he sighs. “I wonder how they are doing in there.” He tilts his head toward the hospital. “Really hope she isn’t laying into Trish too hard. We all make stupid mistakes sometimes…oops! Sorry…” He instantly realizes his own mistake and I wave it off.

“It’s fine, Naser, I know what I did was stupid…” I sigh as my head droops low.

“It wasn’t stupid, Fang,” Anon pipes up and I shoot him a look.

“I shot myself, Anon. It doesn’t get much dumber than that.” I roll my eyes but he gently grabs my beak and turns me back to him.

“You were in pain. You felt you had nowhere to go but down. You weren’t dumb…you were hopeless. So many people end up where you were and feel like there is nothing left to do but to leave this world behind.” Tears form in the corner of my eyes as his smile wavers. “Never feel like you were stupid. You just needed help…that’s what we are here for.”

“He’s right, you know,” Naser quips as Anon lets me go and I turn to Naser. “Never feel dumb for being in pain. It’s only bad when you don’t come to the ones you love for help. We’re always here for you. You know for sure Anon and I are going nowhere.”

“I know.” I smile at them both. “I’ll always have you two by my side through all this bullshit we call life.”

“Too right,” Anon says as he appears between us and pulls us both into a hug. “Ain’t nothing in this world that’ll ever stop us. Except maybe a meteor. Wait…that couldn’t even stop you guys. Never mind, we’re good.”

Naser groans as I facepalm. “You fucking dweeb…” I mutter and Anon only chuckles in response.

A few moments later, a visibly pale Reed comes stumbling out of the hospital. Holy shit, she didn’t kill him. He spots us and silently walks up beside us, staring at nothing in particular.

“Reed? You okay?” Anon asks as Reed blankly gazes into the distance.

A few seconds later, he nods. “I’m all good, bro.” He barely squeaks out. “Might be dead later, but for now, still breathing. I think.” He breathes on his hands and gives us a thumbs up.

“How is Trish?” I ask as the catatonic Reed slowly recovers from whatever purple nightmare he just escaped.

“She’s good too, bro. That’s the scary thing…the quiet fury. Her mom was so fucking pissed but also so fucking scared. She glared me right out of the room and then all I heard was the two of them sobbing.” He shrugs as he pulls a blunt out of his pocket and I give him a light. He takes a deep breath and visibly soothes. “Ahh, fuck yeah, that’s the shit right there, bro.” He sighs with relief before taking another hit. “But I think we are good, dudes. Doc says Trish is well enough to go home today and her mom already dealt with the fuckin’ paperwork shit.”

“Well, that’s some good fucking news for once,” I say as I push off the wall, stretching out my tired wings. “Her and I have some catching up to do…and other things.”

“Oh?” Anon perks up. “Like what?”

I smile to myself as I chuckle. “You’ll see when it’s done, Anon. Until then, just use that imagination of yours. Wait…scratch that, don’t.” I turn to look at him but it’s already too late as his lip curls and I groan.

A minute later, I see Trish and her mom come out the front door. They both look a mess as her mom gives her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. A few words are spoken that I can’t make out and Trish and her mom smile at each other before her mom heads to the car. She’s probably already late to work, and she has too much to do and can’t miss work if her kids want any hope of staying out of the shit school. Trish sighs as she watches her mom pull out of the parking lot, waving to her as she disappears around the bend. Trish spots us and walks over with a tired but happy smile.

“Hey guys,” she says as she squeezes between me and Anon. “Looks like I’m free to go. Got prescribed therapy—however the fuck that even works—but other than that, I’m free.”

“It’s not that bad,” I say as I put an arm around her shoulder. “Plus, I got an idea for some girl-time therapy of our own if you are feeling up to it tomorrow, Trish.”

“Oh?” Her smile grows as she looks at me. “What did you have in mind?”

I run my hand through my hair as I think of the possibilities, and I can see Trish starting to pick up what I’m thinking. “How about a nice salon trip, just the two of us? We can bury our problems under some nice pampering, and I have a few ideas for a new look.”

Her smile only gets wider as she jumps and squeals. “Oh, hell yeah! I’ve never been able to get you to go to the salon with me! Oh, there is so much we can do…” She’s already babbling a mile a minute as she talks about all the ways to change both our looks. There is one thing she knows better than any of us and that is fashion, horns, and claws. I smile as she motors away, growing more excited by the second. My wallet might regret this tomorrow, but there is no time like the present to find myself.

I look over at Anon, who is not remotely able to keep up with what she’s saying while Reed chuckles as he siphons the life from his blunt before flicking it into the lake. Naser rolls his eyes at Reed’s littering, but Reed only shrugs in return. We all walk to the car as Trish continues to talk my head off about the things we can do. She’s even talking about piercings we could pull off. You know what…that might not actually be such a bad idea.