Samantha

 

My alarm’s soft tones fill the room as a new day begins. I need to get ready—can’t let the kids go to school hungry, after all. Ripley quietly snores beside me. He needs his rest; each day for him is another nightmare of paperwork and dealing with the scum of the city. I give him a quick kiss on the cheek, and a gentle smirk curls on his beak as he continues to snore in dreamland. I pull myself free from the covers and get my clothes ready for the day. A comfy dress and some warm socks and slippers. I don’t need shoes, since it’s not like I’m going to be going outside today.

I quietly shut the door as I tiptoe down the hall; don’t need to wake the kids already. Boy, that Naser needs to get his sinuses checked out. His snoring could wake the whole neighborhood if he left that window of his open. I stop as I pass by Fang’s door. The name is still a little new to me—but it’s what she wants and after all she’s been through, I’ll do anything to make it better. I press the side of my head against the door, hearing their soft breathing, and I hear Fang snerk out a snore before sighing. These sounds are what I live for these days. Just the simple sounds of her still being here…still breathing at home with her family, something I came so close to losing.

The thought brings out a quiet sob as a tear slips down my cheek. My little girl, I wish I had known how much you were hurting. I wish I could have done more so you didn’t fall so far. I choke back the rest of my thoughts as my hand lingers on the door, sliding away as I make my way to the bathroom. I can’t change what happened, but I can make sure that I do everything to keep it from happening again. The light flickers on and I purse my lips, staring at the broken bulb. I thought I told Ripley to replace that yesterday? That man forgets so much so quickly. I shake my head with a sigh as I comb and braid my hair. A simple look I sport every day, but it keeps it out of my cooking–no one wants to eat a hair, even if the blonde color might make it look like angel hair pasta.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spot her makeup. I pick up the purple tube and twist it in my fingertips. I never thought she needed it; she has always been beautiful to me, but it brings her such joy to add a bit of color to her face. I’ll never take it away from her; whatever she needs, she will get. I gently place it back on the counter with a soft sound of glass echoing in the silence. The quiet only brings more invasive thoughts to my mind. The thoughts that I might never again hear her songs playing through the house, the sounds of her guitar as she gets ready every morning, even the sound of her sometimes-questionable taste in music. God, how did I screw up so bad?! My hands grip the counter, claws dragging across the granite as a surge of pain passes through my heart. Am I a bad mother? Did I let her down? My little girl….

Tears fall into the sink, quiet sobs tearing through me as the pain of a reality so close to being real cuts deep into my heart. No, Samantha calm down…she’s okay. She’s right down the hall with Anon. She’s safe. You can make up for this, just be there for her whenever she needs you, don’t close your eyes anymore. I softly smile, tears shimmering on my cheeks as I think of that boy. He saved my daughter. Had he not come so quickly, we would have been burying her. Thanks to him, I have my chance to do better. He is never going to go hungry for the rest of his life if I have anything to say about it.

For the first time in what seems like ages, I fully open my eyes to the world around me. The gentle amber color glints in the dim light of the bathroom. I had kept myself in my own world, believing that nothing was wrong. That if all I ever did was keep smiling and closing out everything that might not be perfect, that nothing would ever be wrong with my family. I can’t do that anymore. I need to face everything. My daughter needs me.

I deeply sigh as I dry my tears off with a towel. It was time to get downstairs—any minute now, they are going to wake up. Naser has a track meeting early, so he’s going to need breakfast! I put on my best smile as I pull the wrinkles out of my dress and head downstairs. The morning sun fills the living room, giving it a healthy glow as a new day dawns. I take my apron off the wall as I enter the kitchen, tying it on and popping open the fridge. Hmm…Bacon, eggs, hashbrowns, and some sausage will make for a good breakfast burrito. I doubt he will have time to sit down and eat.

I pull it all out of the fridge and tap the door closed with my heel before turning around to my stovetop. In a blur of practiced movement, I set out pan after pan and crack eggs with a lightning bolt’s pace. The sounds of freshly cooking food always calms my nerves. It’s something I’ve loved doing ever since they were old enough to eat solid food. Cooking and feeding my babies and watching them grow up strong. Naser in particular…that boy would eat the entire fridge if I let him. I chuckle to myself as I flip the bacon over while stirring the eggs at the same time. Flipping the bacon out of the pan, I toss in the sausage in the grease while the hashbrowns cook in a pan in the back. Moments later, I pile all of it into a tortilla and wrap it expertly.

Seems I am right on time as I hear the tired yawn of Naser come from the stairs.

“Morning dear!” I call out to him as I see him fully dressed with his backpack on come stumbling into the kitchen. Poor boy runs himself ragged trying to keep up with his schedule. I really wish he’d take a break once in a while, but he seems so determined to be perfect…he asks too much of himself.

He yawns again as he rubs his eyes. “Hey Mom, good morning!” His nose goes into overdrive as he sniffs the air and he stares at the burrito with a small tendril of drool hanging off his lip. “Oh my god, Mom, that smells amazing!”

I cover my beak as I snicker before holding out the plate to him. “It’s all yours, dear. Figured you’d be in a rush so I wanted to make you something you could eat quick.”

He quickly takes it off the plate and takes a large bite, a look of bliss spreading across his beak. “Nothing in this world beats your cooking, Mom. Thank you so much! Yeah, I gotta help the team get ready for our last competition.” He takes another bite, contemplating something as he chews away before swallowing. “It’s going to be weird, you know? I’ve spent so much time with all these activities and now school’s almost over. I mean, I’ll be heading to medical school but it’s still going to be weird not having five alarms set a day.”

“You are welcome and thank you for the compliment, Naser.” The thought that he’ll soon be leaving the nest brings me as much joy as it does sadness. It’ll be so quiet here without him, without both of them, eventually. “You know you don’t have to rush into things if you don’t want to. Not like Ripley and I would kick you out straight out of high school.”

He chuckles as he takes another bite. “Yeah, I know. Just figured I better get moving quick. Those scholarships wait for no one, and I don’t want to miss out on my chance. Plus, if I make doctor money, you guys won’t have to worry about a thing in your golden years. Least I can do after all you’ve done for me.”

“Oh honey.” I hug him gently as he rests his empty hand on my back. “Don’t worry about us. Your father isn’t retiring anytime soon, and I’m sure his pension will pay for all we need. Plenty of places we will be able to travel to when he finally does. Live your own life for yourself, dear. No matter what, you’ll always have a home to come back to.”

He hugs me back as a happy smile spreads across his beak. “Thanks, Mom. I’ll miss everyone while I’m gone. Going to be hard to get used to eating stuff that isn’t made by you. Nothing is ever going to match it.”

“Sweet talker.” I pull away from him and pat him on the back. “Though, you’d better get going. You don’t want to be late.”

He checks his phone before practically inhaling the rest of his food. “Oh crap, you’re right! I’ll see you when I get home, Mom.” He gives me a kiss on the cheek and waves before rushing out the door. I shake my head with a chuckle as I walk over and lock the door. As I feel the lock click between my fingers, the thoughts strike again. Such a simple thing—my fingers resting on the lock as I twist it between locked and unlocked over and over. If I had locked the door when I left that morning, Anon wouldn’t have been able to get in. And she’d…she’d….

I fall to my knees as I cover my mouth, stifling the sobs, desperately trying not to wake anyone. So many little things done differently that day could have made it end so much worse. They say that time heals, but each time I think about it, it hurts just the same. I was so blind—I ignored all the signs, thinking it was just another phase. I almost killed my own daughter with my ignorance. My beak hangs open as the pain runs its course, tears quietly dripping to the floor. A moment passes before the tide calms and I grab a rag from my apron and dry my tears, mopping up the small puddle on the floor. Hold it together, Samantha. Hold it together for them.

I steel myself as I get up off the floor, dusting off my apron and sniffling back the tears. I need to be strong; she needs me. I can hear the shower turn on and I chuckle. I can bet they are in there together again, always believing it is the safest place for their good times. I mean. it is a decent enough choice…not that Ripley is ever going to check on them. But if they are up, I need to get to work. They have been working so hard getting ready for that show of theirs. I’m so proud of her—she’s pushing forward through all the pain. The least I can do is be there for her.

I quickly clean off the pans, except the bacon one, since I still need that grease. I take another set of bacon and sausage out of the fridge alongside a half dozen eggs. A quick egg scramble will give them all the energy they will need for the morning. I pile the bacon and sausage together in the pan, quickly browning and crisping them up before cracking the eggs and pouring them into the mix. The grease adds a welcome flavor all its own, no seasoning needed from me. I can hear careful footsteps heading down the stairs, those heavy boots of hers giving her away.

I lean out the doorway with a smile. “Food is almost ready, you two. Get comfy at the table and I’ll bring it out to you in just a second.”

“Okay, Mom!” Fang calls out to me and I hear them quickly getting into their chairs. I scoop the scramble onto two plates and bring it out to them, watching their eyes follow the plates as I set them on the table. I take a seat at the front of the table and they both look at me. I nod and they smile and ravenously tear into their meal. I carefully watch Fang, a somber smile creeping up on my snout. How I would have missed seeing her every day, even when she would be so mad at her dad. That beautiful face of hers forever lost from my eyes, that sweet voice never calling out to me ever again. It takes all I have to force down the pain. I don’t want her to see me that way.

She catches me looking at her and raises an eyebrow. “Everything okay, Mom? I’ll admit, I don’t think I’ve ever seen your eyes open that wide in…well, forever.”

I nod to her with a wan smile. “Yes, of course, dear. Just admiring you is all…helps if I don’t squint all the time. You’ve grown into such a wonderful young lady. I’m proud of you.”

She blushes as she looks down at her plate, slowly chewing away at her last bite before smiling at me. “Thank you, Mom…but come on, don’t embarrass me in front of Anon.”

I chuckle as I shake my head. “Sorry dear, I get to embarrass you whenever I want, that’s my job.” She groans with a smirk and continues to chip away at her meal. Anon pokes away at it as he attempts to fit every bite in his admittedly smaller stomach. “I’m not going to be offended if you can’t finish it all, Anon. I always make more than you can probably handle. All I care is that you don’t leave the table hungry.”

He takes one last bite before setting his fork on the plate, patting his full stomach. “Yeah, I can’t fit anymore in there. Your cooking is something else, Mrs. Aaron.”

I wag a finger at him while giving him a piercing but loving look. “Oh no you don’t. You’ve been here long enough, and I can see how you two look at each other. At this point, you may as well call me ‘Mom’ because I don’t see it going any other way for you two.”

Their faces both flush as they stare at each other before trying to look anywhere else but at me or themselves. “Moooooooom, come on…” Fang whines as she covers her eyes with her hands.

I giggle to myself as I sigh. “I’m sorry, dear. I can’t help myself.” I watch as Fang reaches over and shovels the remainder of Anon’s food into her mouth before taking the plates off the table. I get up to stop her and she places a hand on my shoulder.

“It’s okay, Mom. You do plenty around here, I don’t mind taking care of our dishes before we go. Relax a little, for me?” Her soft smile sends a welcome burst of joy into my heart as I nod.

“Thank you, honey. I appreciate it.” She disappears into the kitchen and the faucet kicks on as she scrubs away at the pile in the sink. It’s just me and Anon at the table, and he tries to look as proper as possible in front of the matriarch of the Aaron family. That boy worries too much. I’m not nearly as tough to please as Ripley, not that that’s a problem anymore. Ripley talks about Anon all the time; he owes him a debt he can’t repay. A debt neither of us ever can.

“Anon.” He gives me his full attention with a touch of worry and I continue, “Thank you.”

“For what, Mrs.—” I glare at him. “Err…uh…Mom?”

I reach out and take his hands in mine as a gentle smile curls on my beak. “For saving her…for saving my daughter and keeping her with her family. You’ll always have a home here, Anon. I can never repay you for what you’ve done, but I’ll spend every day trying.”

He smiles back with a shake of his head. “You don’t owe me a thing. All I want is the best life for her. I’d do it all again without a second thought.”

“She’s lucky to have you…”

He looks toward the kitchen, his eyes lingering on her wings just barely in view. “No, I’m lucky that she’s still here. I’d be nothing without her, and I’m never going to let something like that happen to her ever again.” His eyes fall upon mine, burning with purpose. “I promise you that, Mom.”

“Thank you, dear…” A tear streaks down my cheek as I let his hands go. It’s not long before the sink turns off and Fang comes around the corner.

“All done! You ready to go, Anon?” She finishes drying off her hands and tosses the towel back into the kitchen with it landing on the counter.

He nods and gets up from his seat, giving me a quick hug before returning to her side. “Yeah, let’s get going. Another day to go, and only a handful left after this!”

Fang smiles at him, almost heading out the door before stopping and coming back to give me a hug and a kiss. “Love you, Mom. See you when we get home.”

“I love you too, dear. Take care!” We wave to each other, and they quickly disappear out the door. I hear the door softly lock and all of my resistance goes with it. I stare at her empty chair, my gaze lingering before I turn and look at the seat on the couch she always takes when she gets home. I struggle to get to my feet, the emotions beginning to swirl beyond my control as I reach the pictures on the wall. I pull the photo of her in her pirate costume off the wall and it trembles in my shaky hands. I almost lost so much. It would have been all my fault. I would have let her down and our family would never have been whole again.

With the picture frame in hand, I shakily make my way up to her bedroom. I open the door and my memories flash back all at once. The blood…there was so much blood. My eyes darken in horror as I can see it again: the splash against the wall from the bullet passing through, the stains on the sheets, the tiny specks spread everywhere, the pool on the carpet. My baby…oh god, why did it have to happen? I collapse to my knees, the picture frame nearly falling from my fingers as all the pain rushes back. I almost lost my little girl!

My sobs are loud and out of control. The fear of never seeing her again, of having to bury her when she’s so young, how I never would be able to put her belongings away, all crushing me. My eyes dart across the room—all her instruments, all her posters, her lyrics. She could have died in here.

“My baby girl, I’m so sorry!” I cry out as my tears overtake me, my hands pressing the picture into my chest as sobs heave from me. The door opens wide and I hear the heavy footsteps of Ripley as he enters the room. I turn to look at him, tears overflowing as he falls to the floor beside me and takes me in his arms.

“Our little girl, Ripley! She almost died! It’s all my fault…I should have tried harder! How could I let this happen to her!?” I cry as I pound my fists feebly into his chest, all the ache and pain of a life nearly lost pouring out of me as he cradles me.

“It’s okay, honey…let it out. She’s still here…we can make it up to her. We both let it go too far, not paying enough attention to her pain. All we can do now is do better.” He strokes my hair as wracking sobs pour from me, my arms tightly wrapped around his back. All the agony of a reality that was almost my life ripping my heart from me. Another sob pushes out as he puts a finger under my snout, lifting my eyes to his.

“Samantha, we will get through this. We made mistakes, but we’ve got another chance. We’ll never let this happen to her again. We’ll be the parents we should have been and support her. Don’t worry about what could have been…think about how much better we can be now.”

The sobs quiet, sniffles replacing the sheer agony I felt moments before as I weakly smile with a nod. “You’re right.” I wipe away my tears on his shirt. “She’s still here. I’ll do everything I can for her. I have a lot to make up for.”

“We both do.” He sighs heavily before looking at me with a smile. “Your eyes are beautiful, Samantha…I’ve missed seeing them.”

A soft blush grows on my snout as I nuzzle my cheek into his. “I can’t keep pretending like nothing is wrong. I can’t close my eyes to the world anymore. I need to make this home as good as it is in my dreams.” He helps me to my feet and I look out across her room once again. “We’ll take care of her. We’ll show her that she can count on us to be there for her. She’ll never feel all alone ever again.”

“You’re absolutely right, honey. Let’s go downstairs. I think some warm coffee and watching TV with you would be really nice right now. I’m going to call off work for the day—they can deal without me.”

A warm smile covers my snout as I wrap my arm around his. “Okay, dear. Come on then, I’ll get a pot made up for us.”

He kisses me on the cheek and shakes his head. “No, you sit down and get comfy. I’ll take care of it this time.”

I chuckle and nod my head. I know better than to try to stop him when he’s determined. We come down the stairs and I take a seat on the couch, gently rubbing my hands across where she sits. We’ll make it up to you, Fang. A little more every day, I promise. It doesn’t take long before he comes out with two steaming cups of coffee, mine having a little swirl of whip cream on top and he settles in beside me, forgoing his normal seat in his armchair. I take a sip of my coffee, the warm flavor settling my frayed nerves as I rest my head against his shoulder.

 There is so much we did wrong, so much we ignored. It’ll never happen again. I cuddle up against him as we chat about the small things in life, the tiny things so often taken for granted. The kind of things that I’m so glad I still get to talk about. Planning out her college so she can get there without having to pay for it. I dread the moment I know is coming. The two of them are going to move in together. It’s going to be so quiet here, but at least they will come home sometimes. I’m so glad I get to say that: they can come home. Fang is still here…and I will never stop being grateful for it.