Summary: The Hierophant - only in dreams we see what it means reach out our hands hold onto hers GAY!GAY!GAY! DISNEYGAY! admit it. That night, I paid them a visit. Sleepy Heads snuggled in beds. Each one with little troubles they’d dragged into the night. The human? He’s slowly shattering. The brother and sister? Their nerves on a hair trigger. The father wonders where he’s gone wrong, and the mother clings to hope. The oracle lives in fear and suspense. The musicians want their muse – they want to whet their passion just one last time. And the faithful girl? A broken heart; it’s quite sad, considering her strength. “Did you talk to any of them”? Just the lovers. But I did try to give some comfort to the pious one. She’ll be ready to finish her mission by morning. “Why the lovers”? How could I not talk to them? They ought to find a way out. I know it’s beneath me, but I care for them. Their love reminds me of the nerves. They would burn out so tragically were it not for us. Was it not you who wished to watch over them? “Indeed it was, but I’m doubtful you needed to convene with them, especially with little Planchette at the human’s ear”. We both know Planchette is but an innocent. He does not know how to help them – he simply wants to see through the human’s eyes. We all felt that way about one soul at some point or another. If Planchette leads the human astray, the pterosaur will compensate”. “I do hope that’s the case”. I believe it is. “I can hear you two”. Did you not want to sit through the human’s somnobulations? I was sure this one would get a kick out of you. “Not after you spoiled it all, Cobson”. It is a message for you just as it is the human’s. I expected you to be a little more faithful to the boy, seeing as you want to be his ‘inner-empire’ or what have you. I suppose this means that your little protest is coming to an end, then. What say you, Plaisance? “It’ll never be over for him, once the human escapes, they’ll be one-in-the-same”. You’d be so cruel, Planchette? To curse him with such cognisance? To rip him away from his lover at the happy-end? Those two deserve to be exalted as one, and you see fit to bring the boy down to our level. “Are we not beyond them, Cobson”? We are but peons in the resplendent glory of their love. Their story is one whose divinity is much more awesome than any that we may claim to have. Your meddling is a disgrace – an obsessive fantasy born of a naive longing. “We’ll see about that. Cobson, Plaisance, I have a human man to tend to. You know what they say about human men”. I sit on a rickety chair. I’m cold and alone, all around me is a heavy miasma. Though I feel weightless, the chair digs into me uncomfortably, bruising my ass. I dig into my pockets to check my phone, but I don’t have arms, and I don’t have legs to be able to have pant-pockets. All I have is the feeling of sore cheeks. Some darkness rolls away before me as though it were fog, and I see four men. They’re all me, but each of them carries a story I’ll never know. Men in my life. Spirits outside of my own. I know that I’m dreaming, but I have no control. If only I listened to /rex/ about possessions. Air whistles and blows around my head, soon I begin to make out a whisper being carried in the air, “I wanted to show you something important. Each of these humans is a dream from another life – none of them are really you, Anon. However, they could have been”. I don’t get it. What makes them different? What separates them from me? The air is still around me; the men talk to each other imperceptibly, taking no notice of my presence. Then, the whisper returns, “All of them had a duty to love, one that has transformed wildly within you”. The chair is pulled out from under me; darkness gives way to racing colors at my descent. It’s warmer now. It feels like I’m being hugged; I’m blanketed by her soft wings, but I don’t see anything except warm colors. Far above, I see the four men looking down at me. One of them, wearing a corduroy blazer, speaks to the others – I can hear him perfectly, “It looks like he’s on his own”. Another peers down at me, dressed in black and blue, “He’s better off, anyway”. Two others look down, one is pale and thin, he says not a word, but he looks at me with cathartic relief – this man was me, or, he was my brother. The other is tall, his face is gruff and unreadable, but his words are directed right at me, “It’s gonna be a bit of a wild ride, kid, but you really are better off. Tell Lucy I said hi”. Before I can say anything, I feel something returning to my mind, an extra-sense coming back to me. “Wake up, Anon. You’ve had enough to think about tonight”. The Alarm jolts me awake. At least, that’s what it felt like. In reality I’ve woken up even earlier than I had yesterday. What’s even happening anymore? At least I don’t have to keep going to the garden… Fuck… “You need to clear your head, Anon; you just had a bad dream. We’ve got a long day ahead”. That didn’t feel like a bad dream – that felt important. Were those guys really me? “Who’s to say? It’s not important, let’s focus on the here-and-now. Get your head in the game, Anon. We’ve got some time on our hands so let’s get ready”. I’m on the stage, I’m live, I’m a musical animal. All my emotions, all my thoughts, I feel them melting into the discordant flow. It’s raw and powerful, but there is no crowd to appreciate it, just a sea of black sludge. In the distance I see them walking away, dusting off their hats and ridding themselves of me once and for all – except for Naser. Our eyes meet from what seems like miles away, then he looks away and walks off with Mom and Dad. I turn behind me to see the band. On the drums is me, but my body is broken and bleeding. On the synths is me, but I’m shaved bald and burnt out. On the bass is me, but I’m more confident, more beautiful – more grown-up. By the curtain is me, but I’m bashful and avoidant; I’m wearing a red ribbon and a sundress. I’m on guitar, of course. The bass smiles, “It’s about time you saw us”. “Why are you me”? The bass laughs, “We’re really not. You’re in a league of your own”. The drums scoff, “She just got a bit lucky, everyone will probably just betray her later ”. The bass puffs out her chest, “Don’t you listen to her! She never learned from her mistakes”. “Mistakes”? The synths turn and look at her sympathetically, “I can’t blame her; that situation was a ticking-time-bomb”. The ribbon walks up to me and stops just in front of me; she puts her hand on my cheek and runs her fingers through my hair. She then gives me a somber smile before hugging me tight, “Don’t let them scare you, we’re here to help you out, okay? You have a long journey ahead of you, and we just want to get you all set”. “All set for what”? The bass pipes up, “For your whole life, dork”. What’s happening? This is a dream, right? Why does it feel so real? The ribbon loosens her embrace and begins, “You’re at a big crossroads, you need to step up, find some direction, and start to better yourself, because Anon needs you”. “Anon… Needs me ”? The synths interrupt, “You’ve got to be Anon’s top-guy”. The bass giggles, “Yeah, you do. You need to get ready for that responsibility. I know it doesn’t seem like it sometimes, but he needs help to find himself just as much as you do”. “I don’t know what to do…” The synths gesture a bit with her hands in thought before speaking, “You need to do what feels right, and you need to be what feels right to you without someone convincing you of it – you get me? For example: Do you feel like a girl”? “I…” “I thought I didn’t either, but it took years of being bitter and alone to realize that I didn’t even care that much. I just wanted to feel like I was sure about this part of myself that I couldn’t understand”. The synths are right. Each person on the stage, they’ve been looking into my soul; they’re picking me apart and forcing me to stare into the shattered mirror of my mind. I’m a fucking girl… The ribbon starts trying to comfort me, “Oh it’s okay, it’s okay. We all went through it, it won’t matter when you’re awake, you’ll go on like normal – you’ll be a girl. You’ll be a lot of things, but what matters is that it feels right. You’ll be able to walk with your head held high, you can do what I couldn’t”. The drums groan, “It won’t matter if her life isn’t even hers”. The bass snaps toward the drums, “That’s what we’re getting at! Christ”. No, it’s not that they’re looking into me. They’re looking back at me, trying to right all of their wrongs. “You’re trying to change me too, right? Pulling this scared-straight bullshit”? They all go quiet for a moment, then the synths break the silence, “Truth is, you’re already going to be happier than all of us, most likely. You’re still young and in-love, and you’re just that much sharper than I was at your age. You just need to get yourself in order. Fucking schizo”. She looks into my eyes and in them I see the cold gray gaze of heartbreak and regret – the blues. The ribbon straightens her posture and plants a firm hand on my shoulder, “Yes, that’s right. You’re a smart girl. You’re strong too, but you need to believe that”. The bass walks closer towards me and grins, “Cliche, right? Just ‘believe in yourself’ and it’ll work out? Well, I hate to say it, but the Little Raptor That Could had a point. That smug prick”. The drums speak, calm and still, “But there’s more to it. You need to be aligned with yourself. You have to understand your position in everything. I think that’s why we’re here. You can’t really believe in yourself if you don’t have much of a self to believe in”. “Will I ever see you again”? The bass stares at me and responds blankly, “No. Ideally you’ll forget you’d even seen us once you have your shit together. But, you get what we’re trying to say, yeah”? “I think so”. The rest of the band begin to file out behind the curtains, the Ribbon hugs me one last time before following suit. The bass is the last one remaining, she stands there, smiling softly as she eyes me up and down, “Wow, I can’t believe I used to dress like that. Who knows, though; where you’re going, you might really end up like some sort of rockstar”. “This is a dream, isn’t it”? “Yep. Pretty cool one too. Good distraction – I need to go back to potty-training a tot when I wake up”. “I… Have kids”? “That’s for you to decide. We both know that there’s a little sweetheart hiding under all that mascara”. “With Anon”? “Who else”? “I… I won’t let you down”. “I know you won’t. I’ve got to get going, okay? Good luck out there, not that you’ll need it”. With that, the bass walks out behind the curtains, leaving me alone. I turn and sit at the edge of the stage. All around me, the darkness that had previously dominated my surroundings has been replaced with pale light; far ahead of me I see a sunrise. The black sludge around the stage is now an expanse of calm waters. I’m floating at sea.