Y'know, most people are a pretty insignificant part of each other's lives, unless they're family or friends of course. Some poor schmuck's probably getting his head packed with metal by some loan shark on the other side of the street and it'll only take you about a week before you forget about the whole thing. Maybe even a few days if you live somewhere like this place. Most people here could probably care less than that, and it's no different for me, either. Fang and I... Fang and I are... We are- FOR FUCK'S SAKE, Anon. Can't you find ANY other time to go about your bullshit? ... If it wasn't obvious before that I never learn from my mistakes, then it should be now, considering what I just did again. "...Fuck." Fang mutters out with her head turned to me. Her hand on the wall curls into a fist as she leans into it. "Hey, Buddy." Suddenly, a firm hand lands on my shoulder and forcibly turns me around to meet my vision with the Raptor guy's. He digs his claws further in. Obviously, he's pissed. "What did you do to her?" "Look, I didn't-" The pull on my jacket becomes stronger as he tugs his arm upwards. "I don't know who you are, and they haven't been telling me anything about you, but don't stop stalking them everyday I'm gonna fucking rip you a new one." 'Them?' Oh right, 'Them.' I take a deep breath. "I'm not stalking her- them, This is just the path I take to work." I didn't do anything to her. I could've done something. I could've saved her. Could've probably also saved myself. Shit's all in the past but I can't move on. Yada yada yada. I can go on and on. "I... I just fucked up long ago and... let me just talk to th- her- them once." "Seeing you looking through the window everyday tells a different story." Oh, they knew. "I wasn't trying to- " The Raptor raises his fist towards me which I am quick to grab. The situation quickly devolves into a tussle with us grabbing and trying to throw punches at each other. For the first time I was glad for what roughening-up I received from the Navy. "Jamie! Stop it!" The Spinosaur tries to break the fight, but is unsuccessful. "This guy's gotta go- ARGH-" "STOP. Stop it. I'll talk to him." Fang speaks up, making us to stop the fight. The Raptor's grip on my collar loosens slightly. "But-" "I SAID I'll talk to him." The Raptor sighs. "Fang-" "Don't you fucking get it!? I don't need you to fix things for me. The band's over and we're through. Don't just crawl your way back into this because you feel sorry for me. Just... Just fuck off from my life." Tears started to mar her face. A moment of silence followed after what she'd said. Fang seemed to have caught the harshness of her words once her anger died down. Her expression now replaced with guilt and confusion. The Raptor lets go of my collar, and I let go of his arm. Leftover aggression still kept me staring at his face and my heart racing. The Raptor stares down Fang with a defeated expression, which is in turn reciprocated by a nervous stare from her. "I'm sorr-" "Let's go, Kath." The Spinosaurus looks back at us with sad eyes one last time before joining the Raptor in picking up the band equipment. They leave with quick steps, and soon blend in with rest of the scenery. What was left of the equipment was a mic stand and a lonely guitar. Or bass. I don't know which. I turn my head to look at Fang. She was still standing there looking straight ahead the sidewalk. Her face still tear struck and disheveled. I turn my head towards the remaining equipment. Needless to say, I didn't have the courage to talk or make eye contact her either after what just happened. Somewhere in the back of my head, I knew that someday they would stop trying. They'd realize that they will go nowhere and that this will never be anything more than a pipe dream. But at the same time, I betted at the slim chance that they would be successful and get the audience that they deserve. Looks like that's no longer happening. What I didn't realize that my presence would be a catalyst to losing her friendship with her former band mates. Maybe if I wasn't here, she would still have been able to be at good terms with them. That's just who you are Anon. You can't help it. A loser who can't figure out how to kill himself. ... I turn to see her staring off into the distance, sitting against the wall. She still has the dead expression on her face. ... I pick up the guitar and the stand for her and place it on her side. I sit down beside the equipment and start staring at the street. ... My mind feels numb. I don't know what to do anymore. ... It'll be like this for fifty more years, eh? If I'm unlucky enough. Hopefully it'll be much sooner. ... Where will she end up now? God forbid if she tries to... "Why do you care so much?" ... Her voice, monotonous as it was, hinted heavily on sadness. Goddamn mumbling. For a while, I just stared in disbelief at her. Her expression remained unchanged and was still fixated on the street. "I... I just..." Continuing this conversation was going to prove to be a hard task. Before I could make recollection of any thoughts, Fang starts to reach for her pocket. She pulls out a cigarette and a lighter after some light wrestling. She lights it, takes a long draw, and lets it out. ... "I'm not getting back together with you." ... Didn't come here looking for that. "What did you come here for then?" "I told you. I work as a cashier in a supermart nearby and this is the path I take to-" "Okay, alright, I get it." She says dismissively. ...That's not entirely true. I sigh. Look, I... ...I don't know. I haven't managed to move paths this point of the conversation no matter the countless times I've discussed this with myself. I don't know why I even want to "save" her. No matter how many logical justifications I give to myself I find myself crawling back, like moth to flame. Am I so desperate to get back with my ex? Is it out of guilt? ...No. I don't think its either of those. Something that would have broken the mundanity of my life. Something that would tell me that holding on for the past 23 years was worth it. I just don't know. Fuck. ... "I'm tired. Are you tired?" Tired of life? "... Yeah?" She takes another long draw from her cigarette. ... A minute later, she speaks. "All my life I've chased this dream of being someone, to do something worthwhile in my life, and look where it's taken me. Everything's fucked now." ... There's nothing I can say that will comfort her. "...Yeah, life's been pretty hard on me too. Years of scraping paint off ships and then resigned to a shitty apartment till I die..." ... She makes no response. "I get checks from the navy, I've got a job and... that's all I have. I don't make much from either... I... I don't know. It feels like a chore to just be alive nowadays. I just want to fix things... somehow. I want things to be better again." ... "Oh, so you want to 'fix' me to make things better for yourself? How would that make things better? Huh?" She flicks the half spent cigarette onto the street. Heat permeated through her voice. Oh, I used that word again. "No, no, I'm not talking about you. Life just hasn't been good for a long time. I don't-" "Guess what asshole, it's not going to fucking happen. Everything's gone to shit." I just sigh and shake my head. "...I don't want to fight you." "Why did you have to do that?" What? "Fang, I told you I-" "I thought I was just seeing things when I spotted you on the table in the restaurant... Then you just had to go out of your fucking way to open up those memories again." ... She dips her head down into her knees. " 'All that matters is her.' " Suddenly, my mind jumps back to a recollection of a better time. A rare moment when I was at her home and in her room, and she was teaching me how to play the guitar... ...Uh... Oh... Oh God. "You know how happy I was when I heard that?" I'm so sorry Fang. I'm sorry. "Those were happy times for me too, you know? The dates that we had, the places that we went together. It... It was the happiest I'd been in years- It's the happiest I ever remember being, Anon. Why did you have to ruin it?" ... "I didn't mean to-" "Just... shut up." ... Silence befalls us once more. I... ... I know it's none of my business, but... I have to ask her. "...How did you end up in Skin Row?" For a while Fang doesn't reply, seemingly ignoring me. Eventually, she lets out a deep sigh. "...I dropped out of college and... Dad and I had a fight and he kicked me out. I haven't seen them since like last year." College, huh. That brought back some memories of self loathing over what could've been, had I decided to stick with school for just a few more weeks. "Yeah, you're a real fucking retard." "..." "Who the fuck drops out of school over a fucking breakup?" "...I-" "And what's with the whole 'uuurgh Fang I'm sorry, Fang I want to help you uuurgh' shtick!? It's been like four fucking years since I've seen you. Why couldn't have you done this back then?" I put my palms up to my face and breathe in. "I just wanted to -" "I KNOW." ... "There's nothing left for me, Anon. I ruined my own life and it took me this fucking long to realize it. I don't know why you're even bothering with me." ... There's the million dollar question again. Still haven't figured it out after asking myself that countless times. All I know is that I don't... I don't want to... ... "...alone." She tilts her head up slightly. "I don't want to be alone. ...Seeing you in the restaurant there, it made me start thinking about life again after a long time of locking those thoughts away somewhere in my mind. Thinking about what I could've done differently to not end up like how I am now. ...I really, really thought you would be successful if I wasn't there to hold you back. That's why I never came back to you." She frowns. "Successful in what? Becoming some punk rock star?" "...Kind of. Having a good life or something like that, I don't know. You had your family, Trish, Reed and everyone else and I felt that you'd be just fine that way and... if I was there I'd just ruin things for you." "... Trish..." ... "Something happened with her?" "...No." ... I decide to not pry further and continue on. "...That night, it started eating away at me. I couldn't go on without addressing the fact I saw you, and that I... saw you like that. I just had to ask what went wrong with you, and with me, so I set off to talk to you the next day. You weren't there that afternoon so I start walking back and what do you know, you just live a few blocks away from my apartment..." I don't like thinking about that day at all. ... She turns her head away again. "...I tried hard, really hard to put everything behind. I took on this job just to keep myself from thinking about reality. I wasn't able to turn a blind eye to my future anymore. Thinking about the mistakes I made in life and dreading what little my lonely future has in store for me puts a... throbbing pain in my chest... ...Knowing that I would die alone without ever being useful to anyone, not having any purpose in life, just a cliff in front of me that I'll fall down eventually..." My body bleeds out. Bit by bit, I exert every single emotion that I've felt since a time long gone. "...Seeing you waste away while I just watch from afar... even today, I just couldn't leave you alone. I'm sorry Fang. I know I'm saying the same things over again and again, but... I Just... I'm..." I desperately try to suppress the tears threatening to swell up in my eyes. "Would you give me a second chance?" ... There it is again. The undeserved plea for help. Should I have said "to be your friend" too? ... Doesn't matter. It's too late anyway. Someday, hopefully, I'll find a reason to live despite everything. It's not going to happen today, or tomorrow. Maybe it won't happen at all, but I'll hold on. It's okay. I look into the distance. By now, the dim streetlights were only barely brighter than the remaining sunlight. A few vehicles were parked along the street, along with a cop car. ...I need an excuse for the boss for today. ... My ears finally pick up on the muffled sobs coming from the one next to me, along with infrequent sharp breaths. ... She kept crying for a while, and I could no longer restrain my tears as she did. The crying eventually reaches a halt. She finally raises her head and looks straight at me with her bloodshot eyes. Her black eyeliner was almost completely gone. All that remained of it were the faint smears on her clothes and hands. "Anon... I... I haven't been a good daughter. I haven't been a good sister. I just threw everyone under the bus thinking that I'll be able to handle it all by myself but I didn't... I just used the shitty people around me as an excuse to be a shitty person and... look where I am now. I wish I could take it all back but it's... it's too late to fix anything... I'm... just a nobody Anon." ... Fang... We continue letting out our emotions in silence. I nudge myself closer to her as a gesture of comfort. It's sickening that I don't have anything to say to her. ... She speaks out first. "You know who I am, Anon. Do you still want to have anything to do with me?" What? "I... what... no, no, what are you talking about?" "I'm a failure, Anon." "So am I. I'm no better than you." "That's not... God dammit." "...We're... not doing well right now, I know. I've done things in my life that I would beat myself over any day and I just want to stop fucking things up over and over. If you want to never see me again, that's fine I won't try to approach you anymore, but..." I sigh, being completely exhausted. "I'm still the same shitty person who you saw back in high school. The same one who pushed you around like a tool drag me into places you didn't like. I... I don't deserve all of this. Would you still accept me?" You asking me? ... Oh. What came next was something I hadn't seen in years: A chuckle. One directed at me, and with no malice. "God, Anon. You haven't changed at all." "Sometimes I wish I did, you know." Fang's voice seemed to have regained some of its mirth. A much welcome surprise. "Sure, I had a few gripes with you and... alcohol didn't help, but I liked you for who you are, Fang." Suddenly, I feel a hand on my upright knee. It meets mine, and I hold it down tightly. She comes closer with eyes that looked stoic, yet with a hint of yearning. Soon, I find myself in an embrace with her. It grew tighter by the second. ... Being shown affection after so long is taking its toll on me. "I don't know if we'll ever go back to the way we were, Anon, but... thank you." "I've done nothing worth thanking me over." "No, Anon, I don't know what I'd have done to myself today if we didn't have this conversation." Suddenly, my mind jumps back to... ... No. Let's not think about it. "Anon?" "No, nothing." We continue our embrace for just a little longer. ... "Do you forgive me, Fang?" "It's water under the bridge, Anon. We were just dumb highschoolers who became... really dumb adults." She lets out a snort. "I still need to know." "... ...Yes." "...Thanks." ... Slowly, we walk down the path back to our homes. It took a bit of hesitation on her part, but she agreed to take the band equipment with her. "What will you do now?" "Look for a job. Still need to pay rent after all." "...What about your music?" She lets out a deep sigh. "...I'm giving up. Gigging barely covered my rent earlier and... I'm just tired of everything." "I'd hate to see you give up on it like this." "...It's never brought any good to me, Anon." "..." Eventually, it was time to go about our separate ways to our apartments. It was getting pretty late in the night. Reconnecting with her made these few hours fly by very fast. "Think we can hang out sometime? How about this Sunday?" Oh, almost forgot. "...As friends, of course." Fang looks away for a second, and then looks back at me. "Sure. Have to start looking for a job first, though." "...So, uh... you've got your phone?" We exchange our phone numbers. Had to stay in touch, after all. Finally, we wave each other goodbye, but something pops in my mind just as we are about to leave. "...Fang?" She turns towards me. "Thanks for letting me talk to you." Her lips curl into a warm smile. "...You too." ... For the first time in months, I returned home without that dull pain in my chest. As I get down on my bed, the broken fan comes up in my field of vision once more, to my misfortune. ... I'm stronger than this. Both of us have had regrets in life, but things might finally start changing for the better from today for the both of us. We'll be able to move past them. Together. I'll keep hoping. [POST-NOTES] Hey, long time no see. I finally sat down and finished the chapter after much deliberation over how to move the story forward. I'm still not happy with it, to be honest, but I'd rather have this finished then stay perpetually in my mind. The content, tone and prose are still sore points for me and I don't think it'll improve until I decide to actually sit down and read literature that's not a forum post of some sort. Still haven't gotten around to it since the last chapter. On the bright side, this is probably the first time I've written 12,000 words of anything. The next chapter will likely be the last, and I'll put up one (small) extra chapter if I feel like it. -- (2023/05/08): Grammatical and sentence structure fixes.