I stared at the cracks lining the ceiling, I wonder if they occurred naturally or some past tenant broke something? Lying in my bed I was growing increasingly annoyed with a very peculiar sound ringing in my ears. The sound of absolute silence wasn't one I was too familiar with. No Xrox, no anime, no shitposting... What was a guy to do? Nothing was technically stopping me but I just didn't feel like engaging with my usual vices. What I wanted to do was sing but Alan warned me not to overdo it or I'd ruin my voice rather than strengthen it. I'd normally be able to hang out with Fang but she told me well beforehand that she was going to be busy practicing for her big show the entire month. There goes the end of our smoke dates, Just when they were starting to feel like actual dates in more than just name alone. I let the air build up in my lungs before breathing a heavy sigh. At least all this quiet time gave me room to think, about Fang mostly. It's hard to believe she actually forgave me, That's a hell of a lot farther than I ever expected to get. Yet now that we're friends again the idea of deepening our relationship makes me queasy. If I did that then it would be like I treated that friendship as one step towards a goal, like being her friend wasn't enough.

Wasn't that the whole point of this? To get back together with her? Do things right this time? I turned over on my side, my old bed creaking its complaint at the movement. Maybe I was just scared of starting something like this again? I glanced at the phone lying ominously on the table. All it would take is grabbing it and calling her up, I could ruin our friendship or start our lives together with a single question. My chest started tightening as I stared at it, Okay, I was definitely scared. I slid my phone off the table and tapped the screen, I needed some advice. Before I could navigate to my contacts, Trish's unopened messages caught my eye. Guess it was too much to hope that I could ignore them and they would just go away. My finger hovered over the first one, I told her that I'd check in weeks ago, hell, I told myself I'd open them last week. Am I really that much of a coward? I shut my eyes and forced myself to tap open the message, it's now or never. Opening the message didn't change anything even if it felt momentous, then again I haven't opened my eyes yet. You can do this Anon, how bad could it be?

Trish: I understand.

My heart sunk, that was somehow the worst thing she could have said. Not an apology, not a promise that she wouldn't do it again, not trying to brush off what happened. She just accepted it, and she's been stewing in that for the weeks that I've ignored this message. I let go of the breath I didn't realize I was holding, she's the one who hurt me and yet now I feel like the bad guy. An insidious voice crept up in the back of my mind, one that had been absent for quite some time. It reminded me that this wasn't the first time I burned a bridge, that my friendship with Trish was over, it wouldn't be difficult to move on, I got by just fine by myself didn't I? Besides, If I really cared about Trish then I wouldn't have just been thinking about dating Fang now would I? All I have to do is slide my thumb over to delete everything and this is all over with. The digit had already crawled over to the red button when I paused, staring at the face of the woman who I was about to leave behind. Her hand was doing little to hide the smile on her lips. Trish's snout was scrunched up with poorly restrained laughter, it always wrinkled that way when she found something genuinely funny. I could see a familiar arm around her shoulder despite the cropped image, mine. We took a joint photo for each other's profile picture. I could feel myself grimace when I remembered exactly why she was laughing, I pulled a really goofy face not expecting her to actually use it.

Well she absolutely did, playing chicken with Trish was a great way to lose. It was hard not to wince at the thought of her sending that miserable message to my stupid face, tongue sticking out and eyes crossed. Hard to believe the same girl in this image could be such an absolute snake. I sighed, my thumb sliding away from the glare of the delete button and instead tapped the green one. My heart beat just a little faster in my chest with every ring, was she doing this on purpose? Was Trish staring at her phone the same way I was?

"You've reached Trish! If this is a personal call you know what to do. If you're ready to take control of your life and be the best you, you can be then you'll have to leave a message with my partner!" Trish concluded her cheery message by rattling off my number.

I've... Never heard that before, She called me her partner. Not her assistant, That was the most common one. Not her secretary, it wasn't an ill-fitting title but she usually reserved that for when she was teasing me. Partner... Was that how she actually viewed me? The faint hiss of static brought me back to reality, oh god it was recording a voicemail and I was just sitting here mouth breathing like an ape.

"Fuck." I mumbled, ending the call as fast as my fingers would allow.

That's going to be awkward, figures the one time Trish doesn't answer her phone is the one time we really needed to talk. I stared at my home screen for a short while, deliberating on what to do. Wait, it's Saturday afternoon! No wonder Trish didn't answer, she's in the middle of her workout! How could I forget? She leaves her phone at home so she can focus on the frankly masochistic amount of reps she puts herself through. I stared at the screen a while longer, It would take a few hours before she finishes and I could already feel my confidence slipping. Dredging up my reserves of bravery I tapped out the number for the gym we shared.

"You've reached Pangea Fitness! Our new triassicycles are guaranteed to help you lose weight and tone up!" The incredibly peppy voice of the receptionist rattled through my skull. Whatever they pay her, it isn't enough.

"You can cut the crap, Sarah. It's Anon." I grumble, she's a good person but Raptor Jesus on his cross of rock this woman is only bearable in small doses.

"Oh! Anon!?" Sarah seemed positively delighted to hear from me, then again, she always sounded like that. "Haven't seen you in a while! I hope you're not calling to cancel your membership???"

No shit, I've been avoiding Trish. Speaking of...

"Can you put Trish on the phone? I need to speak with her."

"Trish?" Sarah started, her carefully crafted customer service tone cracking just a fraction. "Trish isn't here! I figured you two were doing something today. Oh! Does that mean you're free!? You know, I get off in an hour! Maybe we could-"

"Thanks anyway, Sarah." I sigh as I end the call, I really hope I didn't cause this.

If she wasn't at the gym then I don't know why she wouldn't answer her phone. Maybe she just didn't want to talk to me? Honestly, Who would blame her for that? I'm a stupid fucking idiot that ghosted her instead of talking things out like an actual friend. I sunk back in the bed, losing myself in its plush depths. It felt like there was a weight on my chest sapping what little energy I had, back to staring at the walls then. Thirty-seven hair thin lines split the ceiling, if I squinted they looked a bit like a flower. Was this really how I used to spend my days? I fumbled around trying to find where I left my phone, I'd rather stare at an imageboard than the fucking wall even if they were equally interesting. I may not have the energy to make other people upset online but someone else will. After a minute of pawing around the blanket I finally found my prize beneath the pillow, I swear these things actively hide once you're not paying attention. Picking up the phone I-

BZZT

Fuck! Jerking my hand in surprise resulted in it tumbling to the floor. God damnit! My annoyance quickly drained when I realized there was only one person that would be calling me right now, Trish. The buzzing of the phone continued twice more while I stared at it, frozen. My earlier confidence was long gone, you couldn't have called sooner!? The phone buzzed once more, not much longer before it's off to voicemail and this situation is fucked enough already. Just grab it, like ripping a band-aid off, right? One last buzz before I've ignored her for the second time. Lashing out I scoop the phone off the floor and put it to my ear, no time to think!

"Yes!?" I answer frantically.

"Uhm, Anon?" a soft and distinctly not Trish voice replied.

"...Stella?" I was unable to keep the incredulousness from my voice. "Uh, Sorry. I was sort of expecting someone else."

"Oh, you're not busy are you?"

I paused, staring blankly at the same walls I'd been looking at for the better part of a few hours.

"Nope, why?"

"Oh wonderful! Today is a big day for me and I could really use some extra hands!" I could actually hear her clapping over the phone. How the hell was she holding it?

"Do you have me on speaker or something?" I asked, it didn't really sound like it.

"Something like that, Can you hold for a moment?"

I opened my mouth to respond but I could already hear Stella fiddling with something, guess that was a rhetorical question. Once she finished setting down whatever device she was talking to me through I could barely hear a muffled conversation.

"-cky... aid yes!... -non? ... not ye-... -lown suit?"

That last word better not be what I think it is. It wasn't too long before I could hear Stella fumbling again.

"Weird question but how would you feel about-"

"I am NOT wearing a clown suit, Stella."

"Oh come on! You'd get to wear a wig!" She persisted.

"Did you just make fun of me for being bald?"

"...No?"

I sighed, Raptor Jesus preserve me.

"What do you even need me to do? Why does it involve a clown suit?"

"It'd be easier to explain in person. You're still coming, right?" That hopeful note in Stella's voice made it impossible to refuse her.

"Yeah, I guess so." Though I was starting to regret it as soon as the word left my mouth. "Where even are you?"

"It's really close actually. Renting is so cheap where you live! Let me just find the address."

Anything you leave in skin row is going to end up stolen, broken or vandalized and that extends to more than just your possessions. What on earth was Stella renting? After a few moments of rustling papers Stella gave me the location, I was fairly certain I ran further in my morning jogs. Like hell I was going to run there today though, I felt like shit. Ending my call with Stella left me feeling a little guilty, I was too short with her, Stella of all people didn't deserve it. Maybe I'd apologize if she didn't try putting the clown suit on me again. Sliding out of the bed for the first time today I stretched my aching muscles and headed to the dresser. The usual suspects greeted me, black sweater and beanie or my work clothes. It was getting way too hot for that sweater and frankly just wearing it reminded me of worse times so work clothes it is. Ironic considering I hadn't gone to 'work' in quite a while. I really needed to get some new apparel but my budget had gotten restrictive now that I was back to living off my pension. Let's just stick to one thing at a time, today I was helping Stella with... Something.

That something didn't get any clearer when I stepped out of the cab at what was presumably my stop. To make matters worse, the C-man actually made me pay for this trip. Guess my luck had to run out eventually. I'd wonder if he just dropped me off at an abandoned warehouse were it not for a small collection of cars parked outside, one of which was Rosa's. Looks like this was the place after all though it still didn't answer my question as to what exactly Stella was doing here. Only one way to find out so with a wave goodbye to my ever present chauffeur I stepped through the doors.

What in the god damn? Dead center in the warehouse, surrounded by over a dozen people buzzing about and lit up from multiple angles by stage lights was a house. Or at least, a rough approximation of one seeing as it was cut in half with absent walls so that it was totally open on one side. A man wearing all black, including a ski mask doing its best to obscure his rather large muzzle, was pushing a rack of clothing towards another small construction. He barely paid me any mind if he could even see me behind all those ridiculous costumes, A pink dress, overalls, were those cat ears? The questions only started building and it didn't look like anyone was too keen on giving me an answer, I don't even see Stella! Glancing back and forth between people far too busy to ask revealed there was at least one person I DID recognize. Thermos in hand while operating a fairly monstrous looking battle station was Reed, he was set up not too far from the house in the center talking with yet another masked individual. You know what? I won't question my good luck.

"Yo, Reed! What's going on!?" I yell, the impromptu construction doing little to prevent my voice from carrying in this huge space.

I was grateful that my shout didn't attract any attention amongst all the busy people, I was not so grateful that Reed somehow didn't hear me. Walking further into the cavernous room and towards a certain raptor I noticed a few more oddities. Namely, the wide array of unopened furniture boxes stacked up and at least three cameras positioned around the house. It was starting to feel like I walked onto a movie set, there was absolutely no way Stella was making a movie, right? Reed continued being oblivious to my presence as I walked up behind him, still absorbed by some interface on his computer.

"Reed." I stated, trying and failing to get his attention.

This close to him I could see the reason why, the cord of an earbud connected him to the computer he was currently typing away on. I rolled my eyes, figures that Reed is one of those people incapable of listening to music at normal volumes. Considering Rosa's habits I was starting to wonder if these meteor dodgers were simply built different. I briefly considered pulling one of his earbuds out, only briefly, Opting instead to grasp his shoulder and shake it gently, not that I needed to bother as Reed whipped around as soon as I touched him.

"Anon! You made it!" He greeted me with a smile, a finger gun already out of its holster.

His tone turned curious once he caught sight of me. "Bro, I thought you didn't want to be the clown?"

"The hell are you talking about?" I asked, eyebrow raising unbidden.

Reed took a few seconds to quell his snickers before grabbing the hem of my vest. "You look like a cop from the '50s, man. I didn't say anything at the party but you actually wear this stuff all the time?"

"It makes me look professional!" I retorted, swatting his hand so I could straighten my vest out.

"Uh-huh" Reed didn't sound very convinced. "Who told you that, your mom?"

Trish did actually, considering what she said during the night we shared that's probably something best not dwelled on.

"You mind telling me what's going on?" I sighed, hoping we could move past my attire.

Reed stepped back and gestured toward the computer screen, letting me take a closer look at it. There were a multitude of windows displayed, most of which were the camera angles of the house but one caught my eye. In a hot pink window was what looked like the menu of a videogame, there were various clothing options available to choose from and to the left was a recording of Stella herself. The little Stella milled about in the frame until her shirt was suddenly swapped with a purple one adorned with pink stars.

"Ch-Chotto a minute..." The on-screen Stella stammered, looking down at her garish attire before resuming an idle pose.

My eye was naturally drawn to some rapidly scrolling text in the bottom corner, nearly too fast to read at all. It finally dawned on me what was going on here, This whole thing was for a stream!? I glanced away from the computer and back at clothes racks, sure enough, I could see the same damn shirt that was shown on screen.

"Pretty cool, right?" Reed chimed in, following my line of sight.

"Honestly? Yeah." I couldn't help but agree, this is a hell of a lot more innovative than playing video games in front of a camera. If she did stuff like this then her exorbitant viewer count was starting to make sense.

"So, uh, what are you doing here? Stella just sort of called me over and I'm not even sure what she needed help with." I said, watching people in black clothing adjust some lights. "Looks like you guys got everything covered."

"Stella lucked out when she hired me." Reed replied, hooking a thumb towards his chest before he looked back to the screen and started tapping on the keyboard. "Not only did I set up her viewer integration system but all that stuff I did for VVURM DRAMA meant I could help out with her stage too."

My ears pricked at that word, "Hired? We're getting paid for this?"

"Well, I am." Reed shrugged, sounding amused. He didn't even bother to turn around. "You should go talk to Stella, we're going live in twenty minutes."

Twenty minutes? That's barely any time at all and another look around the set didn't reveal any lime colored weebs.

"Is she even here?" I asked over the thunder of Reed's furious typing.

"Definitely, man." Reed finally finished whatever he was doing and pointed towards the only other building in the warehouse. "That's the dressing room, she's getting ready right now. Oh! And fetch the Neko headband for her, she's gonna need it."

As I walked towards the clothing rack I considered how easily I could have gone my whole life without hearing Reed utter the word 'Neko'. I'm just not that fortunate it seems, at least the cursed artifact was easy to procure and conveniently located right outside Stella's dressing room. Rapping my knuckles against the door resulted in Stella's muffled voice asking who it was. Even through the door she sounded a bit nervous, could hardly blame her with the big show about to start.

"It's Anon, Reed said I should talk to you?" I called out just loud enough to be heard. I was still a bit self conscious about my voice carrying in this huge space.

"Oh thank goodness, come in!" Stella replied cheerily, that was quite the heel turn.

I opened the door to the trailer and was immediately hit with a gust of chilled air. Stella had four separate fans of varying sizes set up all around the interior, I know it was close to summer but was this really necessary? I didn't get much chance to look at anything else as I was suddenly wrapped up in a pink and green hug. I patted her back plate.. things awkwardly while Stella did her best Rosa impression on my spine.

"Nice to see you too, Stella." I said, my words only seemed to make her hug me tighter. "Can you let me go now?"

"Sorry!" Stella squeaked, retreating back to her chair.

Stella reclined into it with a sigh, The folds of her frumpy dress scrunching up as she did. Poor Stella was adorned with the most garish pink dress I could imagine, copious with white frills and ribbons. Her dressing table had piles of discarded shirts, skirts and novelty glasses nearly obscuring the mirror adorning it entirely. At the center of this laundry landslide was Stella herself, somehow managing to look dressed up and unkempt simultaneously. Black eyeliner framed her blue eyes and nicely contrasted the overwhelming pink of her dress and hair but her eyes were held just a bit too wide, her dress was voluminous and heavily decorated but worn just a tad askew. I'd seen a few sides of Stella so far, both the drowsy girl from the coffee shop and the anime character on her yousnoot but this wasn't either. Right now Stella seemed strung out, frayed even.

"You doing alright?" I asked, unsure if it was some kind of fauxpas to be this direct.

"Not really," Stella answered with a plaintive smile.

I let the silence hang in the air between us. I really wasn't prepared for this kind of conversation.

"It's just all of this!" Stella swept her arms wide, sending a pile of clothes to the floor. "This is HUGE! When did this become my life!?"

"This is pretty crazy, yeah." I chuckled, hoping to defuse some of Stella's tension.

Stella sighed with exasperation, "do you have any idea how expensive all this was?"

Well let's see, she rented an entire god damned warehouse, constructed a replica of a house, has three or four wardrobes worth of gag outfits and an entire crew of people on her payroll and multiple sets of various furniture in addition to her little trailer here.

"Very?" I said hesitantly, I suddenly feel like such a dickhead coming here to ask for money.

"Very." Stella agreed, turning around to look at herself in the mirror. "There's just so much going on. So much money, so much pressure, so much work. I don't even remember the last time I saw an anime and thought 'Oh, that looks fun!' instead of 'Oh, my subscribers will love that!'"

Stella paused, her expression slowly growing more miserable as she stared at herself in the mirror.

"Can I tell you a secret?" She finally asked, eyes meeting mine through the reflection in the mirror.

"I think you already are." The words left my lips before my brain could catch up.

I'm glad she laughed because I was really struggling to take this all in, was everyone I know harboring stuff like this? At least that accidental joke put a little smile on her face.

"I don't think I ever really grew up. I didn't get a real job, I didn't learn any responsibilities, I just sit at my computer, make dumb videos and people send me money."

Oh poor baby! What a hard life this girl has, people send her money for sitting at the computer! That same voice as before swirled in my skull and I nearly indulged in that familiar, comforting vitriol. God I'm a mess, nothing like a few years of isolation to numb you to the concept of friendship. How did I manage to end up with any at all? I must have been lost in my thoughts longer than I should have because Stella continued without me.

"Doing this isn't fun anymore, Anon." Stella finally said, looking down at herself rather than her dour expression in the mirror. "And I feel guilty about that because it's my job, it feels childish to want my job to be fun. Especially when so many people love what I do and want more. There's never enough for them, Anon. It's always more, more, more."

I walked up behind her, resting a hand on her shoulder in a way that I hoped was comforting. She didn't look up at me but she didn't brush my hand away either. I looked into the mirror and realized something surprising. We were more similar than I ever realized, my dress shirt was half untucked and in desperate need of ironing. One of the buttons in my vest was tucked into the wrong hole and the bags under my eyes were more apparent than ever, was I really losing that much sleep? The two of us were dressed to the nines and yet no matter how much we covered it up, we couldn't conceal just how run down we were. I shook my head, I've already gotten lost in my own head once.

"Are you sure you don't have some pre-show jitters? You seemed so excited over the phone and now you want to quit right before the big event?"

Stella huffed, crossing her arms. "I didn't say I wanted to quit. Yet."

"So what was all that about then?" I asked, squeezing her shoulder gently.

"Venting I guess, maybe I really am just nervous." Stella wheeled her chair around to look up at me in person. "Do you miss the old days too? Back when we were in school?"

"More than you'd think." I was surprised at how easily the truth slipped out of me, maybe it was this new connection I was suddenly feeling with her or maybe I got caught up in the moment of this big confession.

Stella grinned at my confession, "I miss meeting new people every semester, I miss doing tarot for them, I miss working in a garden with Rosa. Now I'm all fat."

She punctuated her last word by pressing a finger against her stomach, alright, maybe that dress was less poofy and Stella plumper than I thought.

Seems like Stella got everything out of her though, the lime-pink stegosaur was looking at me expectantly now.

"Look, I don't really know anything about all those issues of yours." I scratched the back of my head to stall for time, gathering confidence for what I'm about to say. God damnit Trish, I wouldn't have ever suggested this if not for you. "But if your job isn't fun have you tried doing it with friends?

Stella cocked her head, "you mean like a collab?"

"No, no.. I mean, sure if that works but I meant, y'know, with us. Like Rosa or... Me." I all but groan out that last word. I can't believe I'm doing this.

Stella hummed, looking me up and down before a lightbulb lit up in her head "You recognized my shirt! Back at dino-moe's!"

I was already cringing internally, "Yep. I guess I did."

"This could actually work!" The Excitement in Stella's voice was almost worth the embarassment that was sure to come.

As I watched the despondent girl perk up with ideas, possibilities and fresh passion lighting up her features I decided that, actually, it was worth it. Oh hell, let's go the extra mile.

"You know, if you wanted to lose some weight I could probably help. I picked up some stuff from Trish." I said, trying to play it cool. I couldn't let her know that I really missed having a jogging buddy.

"Anon, this all sounds so wonderful!" Stella's smile had only grown, belying the frantic energy beneath.

I recognize that look, despite myself I throw my arms wide and Stella launches herself between them. Good lord this woman has a hell of a tackle, If I wasn't prepared she'd have easily knocked me flat on my ass.

"Thank you so much! Thank you!" Stella half shouted half mumbled into my shoulder, if I thought she squeezed me tight before then Rosa eat your heart out because Stella was giving her a run for her money as far as amateur chiropractics were concerned.

All things considered, this was pretty nice. I think Stella needed a good long hug after all of that and she was pretty soft as far as meteor dodgers were concerned. Very different from Trish, that's for sure. Am I really that much of a loser that I'm thinking this much about a hug? Thankfully before I could answer myself the tinny voice of Reed sounded out.

"Yo, Stella. Where are you!? We're going live any minute!"

The voice came from Stella herself, or more specifically a little earpiece with a microphone Stella flipped out of her hair to her snout.

"Coming!" Stella responded frantically, her eyes wide with the panic that she might miss her big debut. She nearly slipped out of the hug and flew out the door but I caught her by the wrist. She looked about ready to yell at me when she turned back but I slipped the long forgotten Neko ears over her head, completing the frankly hideous ensemble. Stella blinked, a hand reaching up to touch the ears and realization dawning on her. She forgot her hurry in that brief moment, giving me a thankful smile but in that moment she remembered something important.

"Oh my gosh! Anon, we have to find you a-"

"I'll be the clown." I interrupted her, Raptor Jesus have mercy upon me for what I must do.

Stella was clearly torn between hugging me and rushing off to the set, she settled for giving me the widest smile yet.

"That's great! Go talk to a stagehand, the ones in black, they'll get you set up!" Were her last words before she darted off, shouting and waving over to Reed.

It was hard not to smile a little myself, None of Stella's excitement after our talk felt anything but genuine. At least for today she wouldn't have to put on her persona. Stagehand, huh? I could see a few of them going to and fro but only one was seated on a crate looking at their phone. They seemed the least busy so I headed over to that one. It's a bit goofy that Stella had them wearing masks considering they did little to hide some of their anatomy. The woman on her phone had horns clearly poking through the fabric, You'd think they would have cozies or something for those. They seemed pretty focused on her phone so I shouted out

"Yo! Stella said I needed to talk to you!"

The stagehand looked up, two amethyst orbs met mine and I paused mid-footstep. Surely not, Her truck wasn't outside how could she be here? We stared at each other for a few breathless moments, the silence itself ramping up my suspicions of who this was.

"Fuck." Came my own tinny recording from the speakers on her phone.