Summary: Things of what could've been and things of what can happen now. All that matters in the end and of the present, is how we deal with them.

 Naomi’s House (Living Room)

 

Naser

 

I cling back to reality, a smack on the cheek would do that to ya. It had been a few minutes since Tommy left already and I was just here thinking to myself once more. How everything was just happening, me going along for the ride and who knows what. Another smack to the cheek, this woman I swear. Lemme internalize my thoughts damnit.

 

“Naser! You know you can talk to me.” Naomi chastised but knowing her she was worried to death. Even though I’m alright? I know there’s something wrong with her but the moment I think it was bad, it gets worse the more I discover what her life had been like for the past 20 years or so.

 

“I know I know, it’s just nothing for you to worry about.”

 

I dab up Naomi’s knee scrape, cleaning it away as it slightly scabbed up last night. It’s pretty convenient that there’s the necessary equipment and all that but- Jeez how many meds does this guy have? I may be a doctor and I have a few pills back at my house but not an entire pharmacy full of them. 

 

“Even if it’s worth worrying over or not, it’s still important to me.” Naomi said.

 

I shake my head, exasperated when this woman isn’t a succubus at best and honestly? Quite unbearable, no wonder why I tried to break up with her all those years ago. Suddenly she perks her head towards a direction, looking worried before staring back at me.

 

“Did you hear that?”

 

“...hear what?”

 

She sighs, looking defeated.

 

Not sure if it’s the minor blood loss or what but she’s not exactly all there at the moment. But then again, considering the pills I saw earlier, maybe she’s always been like this. She winces slightly at the disinfectant I put while I prepare the bandage. Both of us had put the blood,makeup and whatever fluids that were in the bedsheet into the laundry. My phone charging in the other room as I borrowed her charger.

 

When we’re not in the heat of the affair, it’s usually tense. Quietly so where we just don’t know what to do, or even know what to think of eachother. She’s my highschool fling, the girl who manipulated Lucy all those years ago, this insatiable succubus that I can’t get enough of, she’s everything good and bad in between just…just being her. I gotta shake this off, I try to break the silence.

 

“...So Naomi, things have been pretty hectic BUT I am going to move into the neighborhood soon. Mom’s been handling the paperwork for the housing and Dad’s been helping out with moving my furniture out.” She looks a bit better after I spoke to her.

 

“Still a family man after all these years huh?” She smiles slightly, a teasing note on her voice.

 

“Hey c'mon, couldn’t have done it without you. At least the housing and job part, I got sick of the fucking city honestly. Lots of homeless bums like in Skin Row, morons not knowing how to drive, shit ass gen-alphas doing dumb shit like that.”

 

I finish wrapping up the bandage, she takes a stand and limps a bit. She sighs in relief and stress at the same time, both at the pain being alleviated and the glaring issue at hand respectively.

 

“God, how am I going to tell Ganon about…this?”

 

“About your leg right?”

 

“Oh no it’s about us actually, how we’re going to tell Ganon that I’m a piece of shit wife- OFCOURSEITSABOUTTHELEGNASER!” She snaps at me.

 

“Alright alright! Shit!” I raise my hands in surrender. Annoyed at her because she was the one that got hurt if I remembered correctly, god last night was so fuzzy.

 

“So when does he come home?”

 

“At least every night, if he has to stay up late for hospital duty then he has to stay at the hotel.”

 

“Ah…what about your kids?”

 

“Melissa stays over with Amber nowadays, Tommy stays here though.”

 

“Oh I see…does it ever get lonely for you? When they’re y’know…gone?” 

 

Naomi stays silent after that, oh shit maybe I hit it too close to home. She doesn’t talk after that as I start getting worried. Naomi takes a look outside the window, her tone getting low and serious.

 

“Naser.” She whispered lightly, a sadness to her voice.

 

“Yeah?” I give a genuinely confused reaction before she walks closer to me, taking my hands and lightly touching them. She contemplates on what to say.

 

“It’s…it’s complicated Naser, Of course I like them being in the house, especially when they were younger. Like a happy little family.”

 

A fleeting smile on her face, a distant stare into something that won’t be there anymore. It fades into a frown.

 

“But even though I’m like… this. I’m aware enough that we aren’t. I just…don’t want them to go through another moment of me, another possibility of a deadbeat father, another possibility of my panic attacks. Tommy might be okay but when he’ll get a girlfriend or a boyfriend, then that’s when I’m going to be truly alone. And I want to be alone with you, you’re perfect Naser…please stay with me. I’m too far gone into this now, I can’t-” 

 

A phone rings, interrupting her as she looks forlorn once more.

 

“I’ll take this. Go sit right there and please stay.” She pushes me out of the room and points at a frilly chair.

 

I swipe her hand away, taking what she said into thought and consideration. I scrunch up my nose at her talk, god this fucking woman might get me killed someday. I do see where she’s going through but…damn this is not what I signed up for. 

 

I grab my phone, 100%, Alright good. I see text messages pop in as I scroll through them, ah there’s the fucking guestlist Anon sent me. There’s another one from my dad, ah right the moving. I open it to see what’s up.

 

“Got the truck ready, meet me at our house Naser.”

 

This was sent around the morning…shit. I noticed missed calls from him today too…shit! Raptor fucking CUNT Jesus why’d I forget? Guess I’m going to have to meet up with him later, hooray.

 

I hear Naomi’s prim and proper voice come in. Her change in attitude was quite jarring but maybe it's her acting.

 

“Ah Ganon! How wonderful to see you honey! Oh by the way? I had an accident while…jogging. Oh don’t worry! The medicine cabinet really helped out a lot. The party from last night? Yeah I met Naser, no no we’re friends. It’s all good…”

 

I’ve been with Naomi enough for a month now to notice subtle details I haven’t before. The voice is full of emotion yet dead at the same time, the house so colorful yet so lifeless and family pictures so homely…yet so distant. I take a look around the pictures, framed immaculately like those in the 1960s.

 

The timeline is all around the place, I have to look around the place to get an accurate reading. The earliest ones I could find were her during college with a baby Melissa and Tommy in her arms. Lucy was the one who took the photo if I remembered correctly, they were on their juniors and were soon to be college seniors. Must’ve been rough dealing with twins while exams were happening, I remember mom taking care of them while I was also in junior year, a glimpse during our scheduled video calls.

 

I know Naomi was a spectre of the past, but it didn’t stop me from seeing her once in a while. A random faceboop picture here, a random mention from a friend there. She was a ghost, haunting me in the recesses of my mind whether I think about it or not. So why…have I never talked to her again? Even as friends or even being there for her when she had her shitty ex-husbands, fuck me what the hell is wrong with me? It’s really hitting me how fucked my situation is, and how fucked I really am for bringing this to myself and everyone around me. It’s going to be like a ticking time bomb once someone finds out, someone already knows, it’s only a matter of time until someone spills the beans and I’m condemned by my family. Left altogether for being a fucking disgrace.

 

A knock on the door gets me out of my thoughts, I open it to see Naomi staring right back at me.

 

“Ganon is going to come home soon, I have to fix things soon. So you should leave.” Her saying the last part stung her, hesitant about the notion.

 

“Alright, I’m going to be out of town anyway. Bring back my things before eventually moving into the neighborhood.”

 

She nods, she sighs before grabbing me and planting a kiss on my lips. This one wasn’t as forceful as our last sessions, but more so one that feels reminiscent of what we had. But I don’t feel it…and neither does she and she knows it, there’s only the present moment and there’s a chance of a spark. But it feels really light, my shoulders slump and lightly caress her cheek before I head out the door. 

 

We stare at eachother one last time before I take my things and leave, she says one last thing as I turn around. Maybe a bit hopeful like her, maybe clinging onto something one last time.

 

“Wait wait, Naser please, can you please…” She calls out for me, her arm reaching out. 

 

She pauses. I don’t think she planned this one out, I don’t think she plans often anymore, just going along for the ride with our little immoral resparked fling.

 

“N-nevermind. You can just go.” She stops herself, the arm retreats.

 

I leave in a huff, god this woman is…whatever at this point, bipolar, lonely, longing for something we don’t have anymore. Guess the same could be said for me but I’m not that bad…am I?

 

I leave the house now, I should do a little bit of grocery shopping to replace my backup bag on the way, he’s already mad so I don’t care about making him wait more. My own charger isn’t cutting it anymore with Naomi’s fancy one.

 

I take one last look at the mansion, her forlorn look at me before slowly retreating back. She’ll be fine…right? Yeah she’ll be fine. 

 

Rosa’s House

 

Amber

 

“Goodbye kids! Cuídense mucho ¿vale?” Auntie Rosa spoke up.

 

“Yes moms.” Hector happily said.

 

Hector wears a plain blue polo shirt, denim jeans, leathered shoes and the wide Rexican hat thingy on his back. He’s shorter than Amelia, around Uncle Ramon’s height.

 

“Si Mama.” Amelia groaned. 

 

One stern but scary look at Rosa was enough to get Amelia to correct her tone.

 

“Si- Si mama!” Amelia spoke in a nicer way.

 

Meanwhile Amelia had her tank top and jeans, basic sneakers and her jacket worn around the waist because of the hot as shit weather. Wow she’s gotten buffer since the last time I saw her.

 

Both of them have subtle flower patterns/embroideries on their outfits. It’s pretty interesting how this was tradition for their clothes and family.

 

Auntie Rosa was satisfied with her disciplinary measure as Uncle Ramon stepped out of the house, holding two ankylosaurus babies in each arm. Aww!

 

“¡Oh Ramón! Déjame hacerme cargo, ¡has hecho más que suficiente! Isabella! Come help your father please.”

 

“Each one a blessing.” He gave a tired smile to both the babies and Auntie Rosa. Man I never thought they would stop, now they’ve got 12 kids. He looks like an exhausted possum too. “ That’s too many baby. ” like Dad once said.

 

“Muy bien, lo saqué de aquí.” I see Isabella from the window and they notice us. “Oh, hi Amber! Hi everyone!” 

 

She gives a happy wave, she’s pretty preppy like Cynthia said. Though I can’t tell if that was her being a channie or being genuine, god this is why we’re making her touch grass. I wave back as we hang back at the car. The Rexican twins approach us with…a lot of bags? Is that a fucking crate?

 

“I don’t think there’s enough space for your stuff.” Tommy interjected.

 

“Oh that’s fine homes, we’re bringing our own car!” 

 

“Woah, you guys have your own car?” Tommy awed.

 

“Yeah man! Look!” Hector approached their pretty large garage to reveal a full on RV.

 

“Fixed this baby up in my spare time.” Amelia nudged Tommy’s shoulder as his jaw dropped.

 

She snickered as she pushed it with all her might, which is to say not much because she’s strong as fuck. All of our stuff could fit in there if we chose to.

 

“...what exactly are you bringing?” I butt in.

 

“Barbeque bro!”

 

“...that’s a large ass barbeque.” I don’t remember this being part of the plan.

 

“It’s gonna be a good one!” He smiled with confidence.

 

I shrug and return back to the group as the twins load their own stuff inside the van, Sera’s helping out too. I see Cynthia and Tommy hangout while Melissa is back in the car. I swear, who wears a sweater in this weather? …Wait, I wear jackets. Maybe I’m built different. Alright, might as well help them load some stuff in.

 

I join Hector on carrying some stuff with him, we barely hangout anymore because of our hobbies/jobs. But considering the fact that they suggested the camping idea, I decided “fuck it” and do it on my birthday, atleast until I heard my Dad’s plans for my birthday and I didn’t exactly felt like doing a big party. 

 

“So whatchu up to lately Amber?” He starts off.

 

“Oh you know, stuff.” I pause for a moment to collect my thoughts. “Looking forward to senior high, trying out storyboarding and doing my best in this sapphic thing.” I list each of the things with my fingers as we load things in the truck.

 

“Wow, I’m still really surprised about the girlfriend thing.”

 

“Me too! I was afraid it might not work out between us but so far we’re going strong and healthy. All about understanding, that’s all.”  

 

He nods as I bring back the question to him. “What about you?”

 

“Me? Working as a part time veterinarian assistant, learning more cooking, shit like that.” He bends his legs, easily carrying the crate I saw earlier.

 

“Ah neat! You like your job?” I stare in awe while continuing the conversation. Him already putting it in while speaking.

 

“Yeah! The puppies and larvae are pretty adorable, especially Mrs. Trish’s pet. He’s a goofy little guy, a goober if you would. There’s also this one I met!” 

 

He quickly pulls out his phone, a few cracks here and there on the screen. I see an adorable little Juramaia, grumpy about his cone. I couldn’t help but fawn over him as he swiped the photos from left to right, showcasing more pictures of the dog-sized rodent until it led to a generic photo of a sunset he took. 

 

“Aww! Man, I wonder why my parents never bought a pet.” I say in a thoughtful tone. We never had any time at home when I was younger, maybe I could ask mom? She did love those weird seahorse things so maybe I can convince her?

 

“Pets are responsibilities, like relationships, ourselves and family. They’re not exactly something to fix your problems or bring you permanent happiness. They’re things to take care of, and sometimes, they take care of you too in return.” He said in his sagely voice that he inherited. 

 

“Huh, that’s pretty thoughtful of you.” I take a mental note of what he said.

 

With said mental note, I realized something about Uncle Naser’s situation. He’s treating the affair like a pet, just something to make himself happy but he’s not taking care of her or himself at all. Eventually Auntie Naomi is going to blow up considering how she’s been for the past few months, let alone years before joining the neighborhood. God I hope this trip will take care of this stress, ugh I’m going to have to deal with a shitload once I come back.

 

“Right, well that’s about it! Time to head back to my job.” Amelia clapped her hands out of mock dust, about to run off until Hector grabbed her arm.

 

“Upupup! Mama said you have to come with us.” It’s surprising that he could hold her back despite her strength displayed from earlier.

 

“Ugh! But I don’t need a break! I need to work!”

 

“Amelia you’ve been working hard enough, work can be done another day!”

 

“I know I know but eugh! I’m not sure how to relax. I like working for the familia, what else am I supposed to do?”

 

“Get a hobby?” Hector both deadpanned and gave advice.

 

Amelia only stared back at him, scrunching up her snout as she crossed her arms.

 

“Mom told me to look out for you too, so if you’re gone…ella se va a enojar mucho.”

 

Her eyebrows slant back in sympathy, her eyes looking at the ground in contemplation before straightening her back with a huff.

 

“...Fine.”

 

“Nice! Trust me sis, you’ll be glad I took you on this trip! Plus you really like my cooking anyway.” 

 

“...Te odio.”

 

“You know you could just help me during school so you get some extra cash, already got hired for something and would like the extra muscle.” Sera spoke up to Amelia.

 

“Wait what?” The ankylosaur raised her eyebrows in surprise.

 

“Yeah! Something about robotics which I’m the most qualified for and also because conveniently I’m the nearest person to bother!” Sera beamed with pride at her own skills.

 

“Goddamn, really?” 

 

Sera nodded, Amelia gave a big smile of sincerity at that. The Rexican gave a hearty laugh and smacked Sera on her back, almost knocking the wind out of her.

 

“Ah! Thank you so much!”

 

“Oof! You’re welcome-” Sera wheezed out.

 

“Okay so, I was gonna ask if you guys wanted to ride with us, but we’re kinda packed so…you might as well bring your own car. It’s ready right?”

 

“Yeah! He even bothered to get an extra gas can and whatever else.”

 

“Alrighty, well we’re gonna start it up, there’s room for one more if any of you wants to bother with that.” Amelia interjected.

 

“I’ll take it!” Sera announced.

 

“I’ll tell the others we’re ready.” I point my thumbs back at Tommy’s car, they nod as the twins get inside.

 

“Hey wait.” Sera quickly sprinted towards my direction.

 

She gives me a walkie talkie that has a sticky base, a modified version she made during her free time. 

 

“So we can communicate, we’d be like one of those trucking fat guys that honk and eat at diners!”

 

“Mmm diner food.” I stuck my tongue out as my stomach grumbled.

 

“I thought we were gonna eat barbecue?”

 

“We are! I just ate a fuck ton of nuggets and I still want more not gonna lie.” I place my hand on my hip.

 

“Riiiight, I’m surprised you ain’t gettin fat off of those.” She snarked.

 

“I’m surprised your tits aren’t getting any fatter either.” I snarked back.

 

She seems surprised by that, only to lightly punch me on my shoulder. She heads back to the twins, now I’m wondering how she’s going to sit in all that space?

 

Cynthia and Tommy are still outside of the car, I point to Melissa before Tommy nods and continues his conversation with Cynthia.

 

I open the backdoor to meet up with Melissa, her looking back at me as she’s snuggled in a pile of plushies that we both bought, her focusing on her kalimba. It’s pretty sweet when she does some music stuff, I get to see and hear it more and more as time goes on. She smiles as she scooches over.

 

“Hm?” She attentively asks.

 

“Yeah we’re gonna actually leave now. What were you tuning earlier?”

 

“Oh nothing, just something that came up in my mind.”

 

“Lemme hear it again!” I encouraged, she blushed before complying.

 

She took a deep breath before placing it on her lap, slowly playing a melody of something I recognized. It’s one of the songs from My Tiny Poner! Holy shit she bothered to watch it, even though the show is really cheesy and bad at times. But still, wow…She finishes with a hesitant but patient look on her face.

 

“Holy fuck babe that’s hot.” I half-jokingly said. 

 

“E-rmEXCUSE ME?!” She stammers. 

 

I laugh out loud, she lightly smacks my crest before my lungs die down from the excessive guffaw I pulled out.

 

“I mean it, I mean it! Like, in a way that makes more sense, it’s pretty good! You got the melody down, I’m just really surprised you actually watched it.”

 

“I actually did watch it when I was younger, I don’t remember much from it aside from some of the songs. I did try to rewatch it and…dang is it cheesy as heck.”

 

“I know right?” She giggles at my agreement. 

 

She pauses before giving me a kiss, preparing another song with a smile.

 

“I haven’t played the game yet but…here’s another one.” She slowly grows more confident as she prepares another tune.

 

It starts off strange, in a nice sense. Then it rises up in action, this feels pretty intense for a kalimba song. I recognize it slowly before finally, it’s fucking Red Sun from MGR. This girl I swear to god, I’m going to fucking marry them.

 

“YOU- YOU FREAKING BITCH HAHA! You like metal!?” It was my turn to smack her crest, hugging her afterwards.

 

“Yeah! What? Just because I dress like this doesn’t mean I can’t like it?” She says sarcastically.

 

We both laugh it off until we snuggle each other in the pile, it’s quite cozy in here honestly. I think about the game for a moment, man it’s been a while since I’ve played it. But then again, I do have a large backlog. I feel a bit guilty piling up these games so I might as well finish one of them, starting with Uncle Naser’s gift. 

 

“Hey uhh…wanna try out MGR with me?” I offer.

 

“Really? I’m not exactly good at games though.” She puts on an innocent tone, obvious for both of us that she’s lying. With her fingertips pressing against each other, looking at me with half lidded eyes. 

 

“Oh fuck off you kicked my ass in Brash Shmoes. I’ve seen what you can do.” She giggles at that. She then nods as confirmation, it was enough for me as we sighed in relaxation around the stuffie pile.

 

We notice Tommy and Cynthia enter, the car revving up as Cynthia takes shotgun with her feet up the board. Tommy lowering it down while Cynthia squints at him menacingly, it doesn’t have any effect. She crosses her arms with a “hmph!” and Tommy switches on the radio before looking back at us two.

 

“Who’s ready?” He has a noticeable smirk, nice to see him smile.

 

“Yep!” We both say.

 

“Alright, time to freaking go.” 

 

And we’re off! This is pretty exciting, I wonder how this’ll go. Camping, setting up barbeques, sleeping in the woods. This feels exciting! I feel Melissa lay her head on my shoulder as we both watch things go by, a little while later, we’re outta town. Goodbye Volcadera Bluffs, see you tomorrow.

 

Neverending Nightmares

 

Naomi

 

Alone again. In this very nice mansion Ganon has delightfully provided, it’s everything I ever wanted. Everything I dreamt of having once I had a family to take care of. And yet, it feels like a prison, one of my own making.

 

Funny how he’s back again, funny how I managed to meet up with him so soon too. I never expected him to be real either, maybe a figment of my psyche acting up once again. Until it was too late, he really was there. I wanted to do everything with him, I wanted to do everything to him. And yet all of that faded away once we kissed, gradually becoming something more sensual, ecstasy taking over us before we made immoral love. I didn’t know if he even had a partner, I just wanted him at that moment. I know what I did was wrong, but so does he. It’s comforting in a way, being silly partners in crime. Oh the things I’d do to hold his hands again, to be in my embrace like those years ago.

 

But I sigh, my husband is Ganon Legend, My daughter never even bothered to tell me that she was…interested in the other gender. And Tommy…oh my sweet little Tommy, I tried my best to raise you both but I’m not sure if I did well enough, my own children far away from me…and I’m replacing the sheet from our failed session last night. Oh Ganon…you’re so sweet to me, why am I like this to you? For the first time, I have a kind loving husband with no ulterior motives. None that I could sense anyway, god where did it all go wrong…

 

There was once a time where I was able to move on from him, where I took Lucy’s advice and found myself a new man. I felt happy too, sure it stung that we weren’t together anymore but suffice to say I did the responsible thing here. I genuinely put in the effort of moving on, if he broke up with me then why wouldn’t I have too? 

 

I lay on the newly made bed, taking in a deep breath before exhaling. Where’s my phone…

 

I open up Faceboop, scrolling through the memories I’ve made. My recent job as a secretary at the hospital, to me marrying Ganon 5 years ago, from Lucy teaching Melissa how to play piano 10 years ago, to late Arnold buying Melissa’s first glasses 15 years ago, to here. This point from 20 years ago, me holding Melissa and Tommy in my arms, with a college degree in hand. 

 

It was still hard to believe I had kids during college, I never planned that part. 

 

I didn’t want to alarm him, that the stained sheets, the blood, my makeup…being reminiscent of a bad memory…

 

My mind runs, an uncomfortable sensation washes over me as I close my eyes.

 

Those days from long ago…

 

It was hard dating someone during college, nobody stuck with me. There weren’t many guys that were interesting to me, that was until I met this Parasaur. I don’t want to remember his name, but he was really sweet to me. He liked being alone with me which I respected enough, I should’ve seen the signs…

 

I finally had someone for two weeks, someone that I really wanted to put my time in and be good for them. That was…until it happened. 

 

Frat Party

 

18 years ago

 

Sniff…

 

I feel blood seep down there, I clutch my stomach and face as I cough violently. Makeup trickled down my black eye, I wailed in agony. I couldn’t see anything in the dark, I heard a window opening. I could feel them leaving me, not before saying something.

 

“Guess you were good for something huh…” 

 

There was so much hate in that voice, someone I thought I loved doing this to me…

 

I sobbed, my body hurts, my heart aches. Loud music echoed throughout the house, loud enough to cover noises, but it was deafening to my ears. I felt myself fading, how hard was I hit in the head? I continued sobbing loudly, pleading for help. It had been a while, I felt like I was going to die. I heard someone banging on the door before it finally opened, the light almost blinding me before I saw a familiar face.

 

Lucy…

 

“NAOMI?! SPEAK TO ME! GOD FUCKING DAMNIT SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE!” 

 

I saw her silhouette grab a blanket, covering my body up. Another one entered the room.

 

Mia…

 

I felt her carry me, the lights in the house were hazy. People were around me, watching me with their phones out. I felt my sister punch one of them out of the way.

 

“POST ANY OF THAT SHIT ONLINE AND I’M GOING TO RIP OFF YOUR FUCKING NECK, DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?!” 

 

They nod as they immediately retreat in fear, we wait on the porch before the sirens arrive. I felt myself being strapped into the cold leather, the paramedics doing their best to stabilize my condition. My Lucy and Mia came with me during the ride.

 

“You’re gonna be okay…you’re gonna be okay…” Lucy said, she held my hand at the ambulance. 

 

“I swear, I’m going to find out who did this to you. I may be a dick to you, but nobody deserves this. We’re gonna get you justice sis, I promise you that.” It was rare seeing Mia cry.

 

Did I do something wrong? Was this punishment from some divine being? Did I…not love him right? Whatever did I do…I thought I did things right this time…Why…

 

Back to the Present

 

I opened my eyes, breathing felt difficult and ragged. I was in the same position as he left me that night, oh no…

 

Breathe in…breathe out. 5 seconds of inhaling, 4 seconds of holding it in, 7 seconds of exhaling- wait was it the other way around? Oh muffins, I should check that pamphlet Lucy shared with me.

 

I open one of my personal drawers, full of mementos of me and Lucy. Both at college and nowadays, it's still hard to believe we’re friends. Even after everything I did to her, for Naser, for myself…People do deserve second chances, but do I?

 

There’s the pamphlet, one that was given to me during my many sessions after the incident. I opened it. “Breathe in for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 7 seconds, and exhale for 8 seconds.” I did exactly just that, I felt myself getting calmer. I don’t know if it’s the exercise itself or the pamphlet, but I’m just glad to not go through another panic attack. 

 

This was given to me by my old therapist…Dr.Rudot, I know I can always contact him again. But I don’t want them to worry, I'm fine. I should be fine, help can be later. There’s always the present moment right? 

 

I remember him speaking to me. A psychoanalysis of what I’ve done a week after I was raped, I didn’t even know I was pregnant at the time either. 

 

“Ms. Naomi, here’s what I’ve gathered so far. I think the reason why you push others away is so they don’t have to go through what you’re going through, either experiencing traumatic events or your paranoia. It’s not healthy to do this, I suggest you keep them close to you. Trust your friends. It’s not going to be easy ofcourse, but given time, you’ll get there.”

 

Trust them…I did, I really tried. And I did! But, I did it again. I kept doing this unhealthy habit of mine, even now. Even to my kids and Ganon. I don’t want them to go through another loveless marriage, another deadbeat husband, this is good for them. 

 

But I know this is wrong, I should be open to them. But can you be open if you have an affair? Something you’ve caused in the first place? The moment I finally gathered the strength to be a mother, is the moment where I realized I’m nothing less but a whore. A good for nothing bitch. Naser would understand, I need him. I need him here, just to talk. We used to talk, so why can’t we do it again?

 

The walls of the house feel so confining, the silence so deafening. God…please come back. Please…I’m sorry.

 

Gas Station

 

Tommy

 

It had been a couple of hours since we’ve been on the road, the time passing by with conversations and such. It’s pretty fun going on a camping trip for the first time, not sure how it’ll be for me but I hope it’s gonna be a good time for everyone. Especially Melissa, who was pretty upset for the past few days when she’s with mom. It feels like she’s hiding something but I’m not sure what.

 

“Then Hector said; “Damn Senorita- You fart with that ass?!”” Amelia chuckled midway through the punchline, mimicking the way Hector speaks to a tee.

 

Everyone laughed at that, I chuckled lightly. I could sense Hector waving his arms at her, batting her while also maintaining his vision on the road.

 

“Ah c’mon Amelia! I was drunk!” He both reasoned and whined.

 

“Yeah but you’re funnier when you’re drunk.” She snided.

 

The laughing subsided afterwards, grins still plastered on our faces before Hector announced something.

 

“Ay man let's stop here, gotta leak.” 

 

I see the RV slow down and go into a gas station, I follow as we park. We all get outside and stretch, I myself straighten out my back with a maneuver that Dad taught me. I noticed Cynthia trying it out before she noticed me looking at her, immediately retreating to the female restroom. I shrug before I follow Hector, we do our business, clean up and leave. Simple as.

 

We lean against our cars. He takes a quick vape, me putting my hands into my jacket pockets as there’s a lull between us bros. I don’t know this dude, it feels weird finally having a guy friend and yet I don’t exactly have anything to relate to him.

 

“Hey Tommy.” He speaks up. “Don’t be so nervous man, it’s just gonna be a day or so.” He takes a look at his watch, I look at mine out of impulse. 7pm.

 

“It’s uhm…not about that?” I rubbed my crest, feeling the scars that were once there.

 

“Well, what is it?” He walked closer to me, leaning against my car this time.

 

“Erm…” Damnit, how do I say this to him?  

 

That I’m not exactly man material or whatever the fuck they call it? That I was raised to be this perfect guy that’s meant to be a paragon of something or someone? I’ve always had this hunch that Mom was raising me to be someone that I’m not, I’m not this…athletic guy who’s extroverted. As much as she pushes me into that path, it’s just…not me.

 

“Ah I see what your trouble is!” My train of thought gets railroaded.

 

“You do-?!” I yelp out, fuck I didn’t mean to do that. “You do?” I correct myself.

 

“Yeah!” He takes another huff and puff. “You’ve been having troubles with a girl huh?”

 

I just look at him in a dumbfounded expression. That’s…not exactly what I’m going through but…eh fuck it I’ll take this change in the conversation.

 

“...Sure.” I hesitantly say, he didn’t seem to notice though.

 

“Anyone you know in particular?” I glanced at the ground, there was this one girl… “Oh trust me bro, won’t leak a secret out.” He added.

 

“Thanks.” I stated, I’m still not sure if I should say this to him. Maybe I should? Maybe a little hint.

 

“Yeah, she’s uhm…” I hesitate, last chance for me to back out. He circles his hand for me to follow through on it. I inhale before I speak. “She’s this pretty rude gal, who says the most gross and offensive shit there is. I’m not sure I like her whole…shtick. This channie thing she does, it’s pretty edgy. But she looks cute, and I could feel there’s this sense where she’s y’know…faking it? Like she can do better than this.”

 

“Oh you mean Cynthia?” He bluntly named.

 

What.

 

“You just described her man. Can’t be hard to find anyone else in town that’s like her, unless you mean someone else back in your old town.” 

 

“Nono, it’s her. I’m just…fuck- I’m sorry. I’m bad at this.” I cup my hands onto my face, dragging my fingers across it before looking back at him.

 

“It’s cool man, take it easy. I’m here.” He pats my shoulder with a thumbs up afterwards.

 

Man, Hector’s a bro. It’s unbelievable how patient this guy is. A few seconds pass before I start again.

 

“I like her, but I’m not sure if I should.”

 

He takes one last inhale of the vape before exhaling, pocketing it and facing his whole body towards me. 

 

“Well look at it this way, it’s perfectly okay to reject her. It’ll be her problem to deal with your decision. BUT, there’s also the red pill, if you’re wanting to stick with her then try your best to support her along the way. I know about her situation with her parents, while it isn’t bad it’s clear that it’s unhealthy. If you do decide on the red pill choice, remember that you can stop at any time you’d like with her. Otherwise go ham.”

 

I take his words into consideration, he glances at his watch again. He takes a few steps backwards before talking to me.

 

“Gotta check my phone real quick, see if it’s charged.”

 

“Yeah sure man.” 

 

He gives a quick fist bump before walking to the RV. Alone with myself again, damn those girls take a while to piss. I take my mind back to Cynthia’s conversation a few hours ago. We were outside the car to give Melissa some space and also so Cynthia didn’t do her whole…thing. God this girl is an enigma.

 

A few hours ago

 

“Dang those guys are taking a while to pack up their things.” I muttered.

 

“Yep.” She looked nervous for some reason, I didn’t see her being nervous before so why now?

 

I pull out one of Auntie Mia’s grip squeezers, she makes exercise more fun than Mom did.

 

“Oh hey isn’t that one of those stress exercise thingies?” Cynthia points to my squeeze grip.

 

“No? I mean I do sometimes when I am, my aunt had this and gave it to me. Just fun to squeeze.”

 

“Gimme!” Cynthia almost grabbed it out of my grip before I raised my hand.

 

“Hey! Magic word.” I pointed a finger at her.

 

“Eugh! Just gimme it you tard!” She waved it away as she tried to jump for it. Unfortunately she’s not very tall, jeez you’re skinny too. Somehow Sera is just as short as her.

 

“Hey! Bad!” I chastise her.

 

Cynthia growls but she looks like a tantrumed puppy in this scenario. She crosses her arms and has a moment for contemplation before returning back to me.

 

“Hnngg… les choses que je fais par amour … Fine, please?”

 

“And?”

 

“And what?” She raised her shoulders in immediate reaction, the tone being both annoyance and genuine asking.

 

“That one time in chat?” I remind her.

 

“Oh c’mon you’re not even a fa- uh gay person!”

 

“I know, but it still isn’t right.” 

 

“Ugh!” Cynthia looked like she was about to argue further but stopped herself. She takes a deep breath like Amber taught her to and chooses a different approach. “...I’m sorry.”

 

She grumbles it out but it seemed enough for me as I gave her the squeezer. Cynthia quickly swipes it like a gremlin and tries to squeeze it, only to fail dramatically as the thing didn’t even budge. 

 

“WHAT?!” Cynthia balked at the device in hand.

 

“Oh there’s settings on it.” I held the squeezer in her hand and twisted a knob above one of the handles. For a second I noticed her blushing, I didn’t know why until I realized why. My hands touching hers, I blush too but continue with the twisting either way.

 

Cynthia gave it another squeeze, still struggling despite it being on the lightest tension setting. But she did manage one squeeze before her hand became sore. Before she gave it back to me, I swear I could hear her say something.

 

“...thank you.”

 

“No problem.” I held the squeezer in my hand, her warmth was left on it.

 

She held her sore hand, I grabbed her attention by doing a hand opening and closing motion. It seemed to help out, I then heard her speak up. Also something I’ve noticed, she’s been taking initiative if only for a bit. But for what? It’s something that intrigues me either way.

 

“So…any hobbies you do? Like sports or something?” She shrugged at the second part.

 

“Well, I do track. And uhh…play video games?” I slowly realize I don’t do anything else other than practice running and play video games when I don’t have to do track. There’s also that one time I tried anime but it was pretty barebones.

 

“Ah, isn’t that running?” She does one of those anime poses where she leans her head on her hands.

 

“Yeah running, what about you?” I pocket my squeezer.

 

“Uhh…”

 

“You don’t exercise do you.”

 

“OF COURSE I DO! It’s uhm…passive exercise.”

 

I raise my eyebrows, judging her and she slowly gives up after that weird ass statement. I don’t exactly wanna bully her though, so I try to alleviate the situation.

“I mean, that’s alright and all but if you want, can I help?” She perks up at that, not expecting it at all. “Like if you wanna jog with me and Amber then I’m game.”

 

“Uhh…leave out Amber and we’re good.”

 

“What’s wrong with Amber?”

“Uhh nothing! I mean a few things but I just wanna do things with as few people as possible.” She seemed to project.

 

“Hmm. Alright then, also don’t bad mouth people that’s rude.” 

 

She looked like she was about to continue in a mischievous way but resisted the urge, that’s nice. I notice Amber pointing to Melissa before I nod for confirmation, returning my focus back to Cynthia.

 

“I usually do it in the morning by the way, so I’ll wake you up in the morning if you wanna join up for that.” 

 

“Aww c’mon what? …Fine.” She scrunched her nose. Honestly the more she does that, the more it looks cute.

 

Back to the present

 

“Hey Tommy? We’re gonna go now, the park is close enough now.”

 

“Ah neat, I’ll let them know.”

 

Yknow, it’s possible to be able to fix her? Maybe, just support her along the way. Yeah, if she was willing to put in the effort to apologize. Why not? Maybe this might be a mistake but screw it. What do I have to lose? Time to get a girlfriend for the first time. 

[NOTES]
I am getting my ass kicked by college and sickness, sorry for the BIG late upload but I think I'll have chapter 4 before the end of the month sorry guys