Garden Sat beside myself I feel less than what I felt the other day Growing nothing but weeds so that I can tell myself I made something to begin with Oh how I've tried to grow more than that But the passion I could not find The bloodsuckers talk to me Wasting all my time Acting as if their sins had never been brought forward beforehand In my garden of lies there is no respite Just endless conversations with demons I gave life Ooo that is really good Stella! And it only took me… … … The better part of a day to come up with. Note to self: streamline the creative process. God how did Lucy do any of this shit as quickly as she did? Sure, most of her band's songs were about wanting to have sex with gym teachers or hate crimes, but at least they rhymed. All my poems are… ugh. I don't wanna think about it. I threw the journal I was writing into the corner of my desk and spent the next few minutes spinning around in my chair inside the comfort of my adorable little apartment. Thanks to my parents I was able to find something that wasn't in the middle of a Ghetto, of which I am more than grateful for. I wanted to show… SOMETHING to someone. I wanna make stuff people like, but I have NO idea how to. Ever since I've met back up with Anon, I've had this strange drive to try my hand at this stuff again. It would be REALLY good to give him something to show how much I appreciate him giving me the time of day. It's such a nice change of pace. I've spent that last year here with Lucy and Rosa by my side keeping me company. Both of them were by no means "bad" friends, especially Lucy nowadays, but I sometimes need to spread my proverbial wings. Granted, Anon wasn't a completely new face, but he sure has changed personality wise. I'm grateful for that. Really I'm grateful for everything. Everything is fine but… but… … There always seems to be something… off, about everything. All my life, I was stationary. My parents protected me like I was Faberge, and I think that it made me sorta… neurotic? I guess? I struggled to relate to everyone around me. While everyone else was growing, I sorta… watched. Not really participating in the same experiences. And like… I was bullied for that. People snuffed me out of the crowd. It was hard to make friends. I'm super appreciative of Rosa for taking me under her wing. Showing me gardening, teaching me how to make Menudo, trying to make me read the bible… She tried, that's the point. No one else did. It feels bad… really bad. I sat in my office chair in my room and stared at the mirror for a longer amount of time than I would like to admit. I feel like I missed out on a lot of experiences, and I'm now just considering how much that is hurting me. Secretly, I think that's why I got so into… fuckin' tarot card readings. I wanted to know my future in a way that didn't seem so… doomed to mundanity? Maybe if I did readings to others I wouldn't be seen as a… freak. God damn it, why was everything hitting me all at once? Damn it Stella, don't cry again… you do this every week at least once. I gotta take my mind off shit. I'm surrounded by toys and games and things to watch but sometimes it feels like nothing is working. I can't… call people, right? People don't call each other on the phone anymore. I can't call Lucy and ask her about her day. Mostly because she's still, to this day, emotionally dodgy about everything. I've really been trying with her, but old habits die hard. I can tell she's trying to some extent, but we've gotten so busy as adults that I can only speculate about her and how she's doing most of the time. The party we went to was supposed to open us both up but… well it just didn't. She was so reserved, content with just standing in a corner. I tried to get her to bring her guitar but she refused. Once I finally got the courage to go get a drink… Anon shows up. Kinda threw a wrench into my original plans. I got really excited and told Lucy but she freaked out. Told me to tell him she wasn't here. Oh Raptor Jesus I did way more than I was supposed to. How would she react if I told her we… …I still feel bad for not telling her. But damn… someone was showing me a vested interest in me and I… I couldn't help myself. Sue me. I'm not even sure how she feels about ex boyfriend Anon, ya know? Oh we've talked about the situation, but you don't really KNOW with Lucy. She tells me how much of an inconsiderate asshole he was and how all men are pigs. She has terrible mood swings now. One moment she's normal, one moment she's back in highschool. I say moments but really it's not THAT bad but it's enough to be tiring. I didn't see any amount of pig within Anon to tell the truth. He seemed a lot more soft spoken from the last time I spoke to him. He's definitely changed, at least a little. Something about his voice… did things to my brain. Ughhh. Now I don't even feel like crying. I want Anon around to make me feel less… ick'. Ya know what? I'm gonna actually do a reading for myself for the first time in a while! Why not? Thinking about this one thing has filled me with determination and I HAVE to do something with it. I grabbed my desk and aggressively shuffled. Feels good knowing I still got it. I placed the stack right in the middle of my desk and… hesitation kicked in. Damn. Why now? Normally I'm all for this but… Damn it whatever. First card: Upright Hermit. Uh… I can't tell if this one is a bit too on the nose or what, but it's probably a good sign. Second card: Upright Wheel of Fortune. Cycles… it's always stupid cycles. Like yeah, I get it. Everything is a cycle. Really I like to think this tells me… something but… I can't see it right now. Third and final? … Inverted Lovers… … I did the only thing I could do when staring at oblivion and chucked the rest of the deck at the wall behind me. For fuck sakes universe, are you TRYING to give me a heart attack? Really funny that this is happening right now of all times. I stared at the three cards in front of me for… longer than I needed to. I guess it was a bit better than staring at my own reflection. I couldn't even cry at that point. My fate was sealed. The only thing I could do was defy fate. Hello, my name is Anon. My father was a humble rice merchant who spent a good portion of his life selling rice. That's probably the most interesting factoid of my life apart from the fact I'm watching anime with a green stegosaurus alone in her apartment right now. Thank fuck I don't have work tomorrow. After a small trek we arrived at her apartment complex in a nice little corner of town. It's pretty small, but still significantly bigger as it has THREE rooms unlike my shantytown of a mud-hut. And all the figures and miscellaneous anime SHIT in here, all neatly on shelves and stuff. Crazy, it's like she doesn't wanna live like a caveman… Caveman… me Caveanon… God my brain is fuckin' stupid WHY am I thinking about this. Having any sort of conversation with her made me happy, and this time around it felt a bit endless, in a good way. Now we were watching this new FOTM show she was going to watch. Normally I'd throw an autism fit about even briefly seeing any sort of boring normie trash, but being surrounded by all of the merchandise she's collected over the years made me realize just how deep the passion goes. I felt the energy, so I agreed to anything she could throw at me. We took refuge on a little futon and spent the next hour or so nuzzling each other while paying very little attention to the actual show. Stella is the type of person who nuzzles to show affection I've learned, and her snoot was perfect for such a task. Her hair was soft too, I love how she hasn't cut it. It must be a bitch to maintain, but it fits her real nice. My arm was wrapped firmly around her shoulder. In return, her tail was wrapped around my leg. It wasn't squeezing too hard, but I did feel her grip tighten up whenever any sort of melodrama was happening in the episode we were watching. She wasn't wearing the shoulderless shirt today but I did indeed spot her strap again so… ya know. "Isn't this so good Anon?" She asked as soon as the credits hit, obviously expecting me to be just as enthralled as she was. "It wasn't bad at all actually. I like it enough." She squealed at the notion, kissing my neck a few times out of sheer joy. I wasn't too sensitive there but FFFFUCK it felt fantastic. With my free hand locked with her as the next episode screen on the TV glowed at us having a semi intimate moment. We kept like this for a bit till she grabbed my jacket and pulled me in for another attempt at tonsil hockey. I gladly accepted. It took a few more minutes for us to separate, but damn it's so much fun to kiss her. Her scales are actually really nice to the touch. I don't have much experience with anyone else but the cool texture is a lot of fun to feel, as weird as that sounds. Stella seemed to really like a squishy man flesh back, considering how badly she wants to kiss me and… rub my thigh like she's doing right now. She seems to be getting really excited, and that made me just a bit nervous. My heart rate continues to hasten as her hand pulls away and motions me to take off my top layer of clothes. "I-is it okay if I take your shirt off?" She asked, shaky and shy. I give her a chuckle and do as she asks. I'm a pretty lanky guy. I haven't really gained any weight since school ended, but I haven't lost any either. I think I look pretty average all things considered. Apparently Stella disagreed because she took a singular look at my naked chest and pounced, continuing her nuzzle and kissing routine, alllll over the rest of my midsection. Once again, she's straddling me. Hovering over my laying body and kinda sorta going to town. "God, you are beautiful." I heard her say under her breath. I blushed like the virgin I was. I don't even think Fang ever called me that… ouch. The way Stella was seemingly just enjoying the fact of feeling her face over my body felt really nice. My hands where a little hesitant on doing anything for a bit, but I did settle on once again wrapping my arms around her body and holding her close. She cooed at the idea, slowing her roll down a bit to nestle on top of me. "Well you are pretty cute. I think I'll keep you." I said, like a tard'. "R-really?" She popped her head back up at the inquiry. I smiled at her, petting her hair in the process Her happy noises started turning into… moaning I think. So that's slightly interesting. I also felt her hips sorta… digging into mine in a sort of rhythmic motion. Holy shit I uh… wasn't expecting… VRTTTTTTTTT~ …uh. My phone's notification ringer just went off. Time to igno- VRTTTTTTTTT~ it's uh still in my pocket so it's kinda uncomfortable but whatever. There's more important matters right now- VRTTTTTTTTT~ Ah for fuck sake bro who is texting me at 12am. "Uh, we could take a break if you need to." She said candidly. Fuckinnnnnn' whatever. She got off me for the time being while I checked my phone. What the fuck could it possibly be. Fang: Heya dork :V how ya been? Oh fuck me sideways. Fang: I remembered to unblock ur number and just wanted to tell u Really? Right now? Fang: I think ur asleep so you should text me when u awake :VV Yeah I'm a-fuckin-sleep right now. I'm in dream world Lucy. I haven't even deleted your contact info because I'm a fucking dreamer. I pretend to reply to the text messages while Stella's takes… off her top. Oh… she's not playing around is she. I put my phone on do-not-disturb. I really do not want to be disturbed right now. [POST-NOTES] Kind of a short chapter this time, please understand. Again I would like to thank Buff Puff. And I definitely wanna thank my new artist for this wonderful sketch of Goth Stella that can be found here: https://twitter.com/LaMikuLeche/status/1674678859210407937 Give this woman a follow. More to come.