Summary: "Where does he get off calling a demolition op a priority one-"

 Fang was gone. Naser too. For the first time in two days I was officially alone. Naser was off at some class, while Fang had left for the pizzeria. Leaving me alone with the tv.

 

The gun in my hand was heavier than it had ever been before. I slid the cylinder open. 5 shots, well 4 since one was just the brass.

 

I waited around an hour after Fang left before I made my way to the kitchen. My mobility was making a comeback this morning so I was able to hop up and grab it, though I nearly passed out when I got down. 

 

I don’t know why I did.

 

Maybe it was to prove something to myself. To just… see how it felt in my hands again. 

 

I felt something I couldn’t begin to identify, finding it hard to look away from it. This was the gun that I tried to kill myself with.

 

It was like we were connected.

 

I emptied the cylinder onto the table, then closed it. The hammer kicked back and fired forward with a click that seemed to echo in my ears. I pulled the trigger again. Click. Again. Click. Click, click, click. 

 

Useless. Click.

Dumb. Click.

Pathetic! Click click click!

Piece! CLICK!

OF! CLICK!

SHIT! WHAM!

 

The revolver bounced off the floor, coming dangerously close to hitting the tv as it slammed off the stand.

 

My hands trembled in front of me as I clenched my fists tight. 

 

The anger was a welcome feeling as it chewed through me, replacing the empty, cold void with fiery rage. I was fucking pissed!

 

At what I couldn’t tell you, I don’t think I really cared. 

 

My fist slammed into the table, scattering the bullets to the floor as it shook. The pain that lanced up my hand was worth it, tearing through the numbness that had become my life. I was a fucking tempest of rage and frustration, each impact harder then the one before as I struck the table again. I raised my fist a final time, intent on smashing the offending furniture to pieces… and hesitated.

 

This.. this isn’t mine to break. 

 

My eyes found the tv, the stands edge was chipped right in the center.

 

What am I doing? Shame washed over me like a wave, instantly smothering the fire. 

 

Here I am throwing a tantrum like a fucking child! Breaking someone else’s toys because I’m upset at something I don’t understand! 

 

I bit the back of my right hand as my left gripped at my face. Using the pain to stabilize myself as I breathed. Tears stung my eyes as I rapidly blinked them away.

 

My phone vibrates, making me jump.

 

A new message scrolled across the screen. 

 

It.. it was Fang.

 

Fang: hey, we're setting up right now. How you doing? 

 

I gently let go of my hand, leaving sharp indentations on the back as I gasped for air. Fresh blood dripped from my newly busted knuckle.

 

My hands were shaky as I tightened my grip on the device. 

 

Anon: Fine. Just chilling watching tv.

 

I focused on slowing my breathing down. Instead focusing on the message.

 

Anon: Good luck tonight.

 

Fang: If you're sure. Don’t get too bored without me :)

 

I stared at the little smiley face until a small grin found itself to my lips. I took one last deep breath and held it, letting the last of my emotions suffocate within it. 

 

No more crying.

 

I picked up the bullets and the gun. Loaded it, and stuck it back on top of the cabinets. I kept the empty brass and put it in my pocket. Grabbed a napkin and wiped up the new drops of blood and cleaned my knuckle. Took a second to check on the stand, the dent wasn’t bad but it was definitely noticeable. I wouldn’t lie if it was brought up but I probably wouldn’t be saying exactly what I threw. I didn’t take long to finish my impromptu cleanup.

 

I wanted to do something, anything to distract myself. I wanted out of this room. I might be somewhat mobile again but I sure as shit wasn’t about to be strolling to a nearby park. Leaving me trapped in here…

 

I flipped through the channels, leaving it on something I couldn’t remember, but at least I had some background noise to drown out the silence. 

 

Simply standing any longer was making my head spin. I was plopped back down in my spot on the couch, once again nearly bed ridden. I don’t know how long this shit would last, I was so fucking sick of it and it has only been like 2 days.

 

I wasn’t sure what to even do with myself anymore. I thought about texting Fang, but I didn’t want to bother her. Naser had given me his number ‘for emergencies only, Anon.’ And I don’t think having a panic attack from going stir crazy qualifies. Plus I wouldn’t know what we would even talk about. My contact list was pathetically small but I did find an option that made me hesitate. 

 

I don’t know why, it’s not like I really expected much, but an instinctual part of me was reaching out.

 

Anon: hey mom. I’m back in volcaldera. Long story but it would be nice to hear from you and dad.

 

I don’t know why I sent it… God I’m such a baby. Crying out for my parents to fix my problems. It’s not like I would ever have the balls to tell her what happened. But still I stared at my screen.

 

Read

 

3 dots popped up, before disappearing.





It was a few depressing hours before Fang returned with Naser in tow. I tried to look unphased as I looked up from the tv, doing my best to not look like a dog that had been left alone for 30 minutes. 

 

“Yo, we're back.” Fang called out as she stepped past my couch, slugging her bass off into the corner.

 

“How'd it go?”

 

Fang shrugged

 

“bout the same as always. Still got a long way to go before Calderafest that's for sure .'' The last part was whispered but I managed to catch it. Her head shook. “Making a little more scratch each week though.”

 

“That's always good…” Money is always a good thing to have more of.

 

Naser squatted down in front of me, slapping the cushion for me to lie down. I huffed but did as he wanted, shuffling a bit to get a little more comfortable.

 

“Fang, can you bring me some fresh bandages?” She gave a grunt before doing as he asked. “Thank you.” His hands gripped the side of my head as he quickly went to work taking off the old ones.

 

“Alright… looking much better today.” He mumbled out as he was stripping away the layers. “No excess blood.. No discoloration.. swelling still there but that’s normal.”  Naser ran through a checklist I was quickly becoming familiar with. I let him do his work as I focused on not flinching too much. 

 

I let my mind drift, trying to distance myself from the pain and memories that it held. I couldn’t settle on a relevant cohesive thought pattern as every sting tore me away from it, instead jumping from thought to thought. 

 

What was on tv? What did I watch before? What are Naser’s classes like? How much did they cost? 

 

I let my mind ping pong around aimlessly as Naser applied the new bandages.

 

Did Naomi still suck? What are Stella and Rosa up to? How was Fang’s performance? What’s Calderafest?

 

I winced at a particularly painful pat as Naser stuck the new bandages down.

 

“And that’s about it I think, not gonna bother rebandaging your arms, the claw marks weren’t that deep so they should be good as long as you don’t pick at them.” He mumbled out again. “You know most people just volunteer to let us stick veins, but this might actually be helping me with class.”

 

“Glad to be of service.” I growled out between clenched teeth.

 

“Oh don’t be like that, big bad veteran can’t take a bit of pain?” 

 

I’m not sure why but that made me pause. I think it’s the first time someone called me a veteran… It sounded like a lie to my ears. Veterans are the soldiers who would die to protect their country and family, who would sacrifice themselves for the greater good. That isn’t who I was, I was a coward who ran, I was selfish, I didn’t feel like a veteran. I don’t think I’ve ever used the veteran card for discounts despite the fact I was dirt poor. 

 

Naser coughed into his hand, alerting me to the fact I had just been staring at him in silence awkwardly. 

 

“You alright?”

 

I shook my head. 

 

“I’m fine.”

 

“This is a serious question because if you’re having difficulty concentrating or spacing out mid conversation, it could be a sign that something is wrong.” Naser had flipped into his ‘doctor mode’ as his eyes sharpened. “That bullet may have missed but its force still travels. Your brain 100% got rattled, only question is how bad. So if this is a problem I need to know.” 

 

“It hasn’t happened before, I was just thinking about something.” I did my best to assure him. I was telling the truth… I think. He picked up his phone, a hand gripping the left side of my face as he pried my eye open.

 

“Look here, don’t look away.” He held his phone in front before turning its flashlight on, instantly blinding me. “Miosis slow.. Incomplete as well… No wait, shit! Humans are slower due to shape and poor night vision! I’m so fucked!” Naser let me go as he dug his claws into his own head.

 

“Wait am I fucked or not!” 

 

“What?” He looked confused for a second. “Oh, no you’re fine, or as fine as can be considering, but I’m screwed!” 

 

“What the fuck are you talking about?!” I was starting to freak out with him, my heart starting to hammer.

 

“My practical!” His what? “My professor switched it up with a human and I’ve been skimping out on that study.” He groaned. “Should have fricken known, haven’t had a human all year of course it was coming.” 

 

“Raptor Jesus man!” I sighed as I let my head plop back onto the cushion. “I thought it was something important!”

 

“This is important!” He barked back. “Not that I would expect a dropout to understand!” Ok, dick Naser was back.

 

“Hey!” Our attention snapped to Fang. Her lips were pulled back in a half snarl as she growled out. “I have neighbors! And I’m sure they’re getting tired of the constant yelling coming from here! Now both of you shut it.” 

 

We wisely followed her orders and shut up. It was an awkward silence as Fang left us to go do whatever she was doing. Naser was chewing on his claws, brow wrinkled in stress.

 

“Hey.” His eyes flicked to me. “A practical is like an in person thing right?” He nodded. “Well I mean…” I gestured to myself.

 

“Wait, are you volunteering yourself as a study aid?”

 

“Why not? Er I mean, like how invasive will it be?” I suddenly had a vision of Naser snapping on a glove and telling me to bend over.

 

“Hmm..” He scratched at his chin. “It wouldn’t be bad. Maybe underwear on a table?”

 

“Alright, that wouldn’t be too horrible.” We were both dudes here.

 

“Ok… yeah, alright!” He stood and stuck his hand out to me.

 

I hesitated. Did he.. want a handshake? He pulled his hand back right as I reached out. Did this bitch just ‘too slow!’ me?

 

“Erm uh.” He reached again right as I pulled back. Come on man, what are we doing here? “Fist bump?” 

 

I laughed, a short chuckle that rocked me a bit before it ended in a dry cough. Something about how awkward he looked just tickled me, it felt good to laugh at something so dumb. I bumped knuckles with him, wincing a bit at the spike of pain. 

 

“Well… I'm gonna skedaddle.” Naser says a bit awkwardly. “I'll swing by tomorrow with my stuff while Fangs at her gig. Last bit of advice, don't move around too much while you're out. If you get light headed or dizzy, sit. Don't need you busting your head open because you're stubborn.” 

 

“Where would I be going?” 

 

“Oh yeah we were talking about it on the way back.”

 

“Gonna swing by your place and pick up any shit you need.” A voice called from the kitchen.

 

Anything I needed? Hell I don’t think there was much stuff there I really needed.

 

“You know a change of clothes, toothbrush, etc.” Naser added.

 

Holy shit he’s right.

 

I sniffed myself cautiously. Yup B with a capital O. I must have gone nose blind to it. Here I was stinking up her couch.

 

“Got it, I must smell horrendous.” 

 

“Well I wasn’t going to point it out but…” he didn’t finish the thought. “Alright I’m going to bounce. I will see you tomorrow Anon.” He stopped at the door. “Oh, and don’t take a bath tonight.”

 

“Huh?” I thought I was stinking up the room?

 

“You can’t bathe by yourself. Not yet. If you absolutely have to, Fang must be in the room with you.” His eyes flicked towards his sister. “Which I assume neither of you would like very much.”

 

“I think I can manage alright.” Jeez man I wasn’t crippled. 

 

“Everyone says that. But you get in that hot water and pass out, you’re done. I’ve been watching you closely, I don’t think you quite realize how close you were to bleeding out.” He shook his head. “Not tonight. Tomorrow when I get here you can bathe. Best you can do tonight is put on a clean pair of underwear, alright?” 

 

I nodded. I wasn’t at liberty to deny him, especially with him sticking his neck out for me.

 

“Good. Alright I’m out.” And he was gone.

 

Fang entered from the kitchen and nodded towards the door.

 

“Might as well follow his lead.” 

 

I nodded and stood shakenly to my feet, ok maybe it was too early to be climbing on chairs…

 

We trudged/limped to her car just in time to see Naser pull out and leave. I didn’t get a good look at his car, some kind of small 4 door red thing.

 

I popped the passenger door and was almost drowned in the fruity scent of cleaner and febreeze. Jesus it was like she just dumped a bottle in the back and called it good.

 

We were on the road quickly as Fang cranked up the radio. I suppose she didn’t feel like talking, not that I did either I guess. We listened to some boomer rock and rode. 

 

It didn’t take us long to hit familiar territory, only took a few directions before she figured out where I was leading us. Turns out Fang didn’t live that far away from me. We pulled in and hopped out, in a handicap parking space I noticed. A bit embarrassingly I puttered out at the first flight, having to take a breather before hitting the second. Fang helped me make the third, arm wrapped around my waist.

 

Home sweet home. The air, stale with memories, clung to every corner. Dust particles floated about lazily in the dim light, casting shadows on the worn out furniture. The floorboard creaked beneath my weight, a ghostly reminder of the past that amplified the emptiness of the space. This place wasn't a home, just a place I happened to live at.

 

I sure as shit didn’t miss this place. No tv, crappy pc, a kitchen that was only a microwave… 

 

Fang glanced around the room, taking it in before sitting on my bed and flopping back on it with a small smile on her face.

 

“Can’t believe you still live in this shit hole!” She laughed, spreading her wings out as she lounged. “Kind of takes you back huh.” Her tone was soft, but she quickly cut me off before I could say anything. “Alright grab your shit and let’s roll. I could kill for some food right about now.”

 

I grabbed a trash bag to work as an impromptu suitcase and went to the bathroom first. I actually took the time to give myself a quick brush before storing my toothpaste and brush. Ever since I started thinking about it my mouth felt dirty and gross. 

 

Next was the closet. Navy themed garments found themselves in the bag one after the other. One sweater, two pairs of pants, two pairs of underwear and socks, and finally… a green jacket.

 

I don’t know why I grabbed it, hell it barely fit anymore after the Navy. It found itself in the bag.

 

One last thing caught my eye. Sitting in the corner was an old enemy. The cane stared mockingly back at me, as if taunting me for returning. I had gotten it after my accident. I fucking hated this thing, but it had its uses. I closed the closet with it hooked under my arm.

 

“Woah easy there gramps. Don’t need you breaking another hip.” Fang snarked from my bed. She was now completely sprawled out, wings, legs, and arms taking up 100% of my bed space.

 

“Comfy there?” 

 

“Sure am.” She picked at her claws. “I've been going all day, I needed this.” 

 

I let her rest as I picked over the rest of the room. I didn't really find much, but I did grab a few drinks I had in the fridge as well as dump out the expired milk. Which apparently expired before I.. uh, went to the beach. A few empty cabinets later and I was pretty sure I had everything to my name in the bag. Well almost everything.

 

My pc sat on the desk, the only thing in the room that didn't have some dust built up. Well that wasn't completely true. I ran a hand over the top of the monitor, clearing away the thin film of dust. I kind of wished I could take it with me, but I couldn't make an excuse for it.

 

“Need a minute alone there?” I turned back towards Fang. She was on her back, snout over her eyes as she tilted her head back to look at me. I couldn't help but think she looked really aerodynamic… 

 

“Just saying goodbye. Also lamenting the reminder that I burned the shit out of some bridges and will have to ghost a lot of people when I get back online.”

 

She chuckled.

 

“How bad?”

 

“Well..” I scratched the back of my head in thought. It was a pretty hazy rage, but I know there was a lot of slurs and fuck you’s thrown around. “Let's just be glad that they don’t actually know who I am.”

 

Her boots clicked against the floor as she swung her legs off the bed.

 

“If you really need it we can always grab it later.” Arms and legs trembled as she stretched, wings shuddering behind her as they flexed out. “But for now I think you got what you need. Let’s roll, I’m starving.” She hopped up and was out the door.

 

I followed much slower, between the cane and the bag of junk in my other hand. I hate to say it but the stick helped immensely as I made it to the stairwell where Fang had stopped to wait on me. She quickly noticed my predicament and snatched the bag from me. It took a bit of hobbling but thanks to my previous experience and the cane I was able to make it down without as much trouble.

 

I nearly collapsed into the passenger seat, sweat dripping from my brow as I leaned back, gasping for breath. Holy shit it felt like I was in the worst shape of my life!

 

“You alright?” Fang clicked her seatbelt in place as she eyed me.

 

“Fine… just.. let me.. catch my breath.” 

 

“Anywhere you want to eat?” 

 

I shook my head. I had zero motivation for food right now. Felt like I would vomit up anything I tried to push down. 

 

I let Fang decide as I did my best to not blow chunks in her floorboards again. Fuck! Go easy on the turns! 

 

I found myself wavering deliriously. The street lamps were blurring together in streaks of light that seared my brain. I tried to focus somewhere else but ended up just closing my eyes after Fang caught me staring at her. Nasers words drifted through my head. Maybe I wasn't as recovered as I thought I was… Those stairs took every bit of energy I seemed to have left, not surprising since this is the most I've moved since the incident.

 

I was out when Fang pulled into a drive through, coming to in time to suck on a sweet tea she got me. I slurped it down as quickly as I could before sputtering into a coughing fit as I choked.

 

“Easy there!” My tea was placed into the cup holder as I tried to regain control of my lungs. “You fuck up my car anymore and your skinnie ass will be walking home!”

 

“ Sorry.. ” My voice was low and watery as I tried to stifle the fit. Holy shit was I ready to be back at 100%. It wasn’t easy but by the time we made it back I was mostly in control of my own breathing again.

 

Fang grabbed my bag of junk and let me carry the fast food in. We were apparently going to be dining on chicken nuggets tonight. A feast fit for a king as far as I was concerned. 

 

The tv was quickly becoming my new best friend. It didn’t really matter what we watched. Just the fact that there was sound in the room to cut through the loud silence was a breath of fresh air. 

 

I collapsed on my spot on the couch, completely spent on energy. I would be out like a rock the second I finished eating no doubt. Sorry clean underwear, I’ll get to you tomorrow I promise.

 

Fang plopped down on the couch next to me, kicking her feet up onto the table (next to my food btw). I froze a bit at the close proximity, but chose to not make a big deal out of it as I started eating. 

 

“Today was a good day.” A voice softly whispered beside me.

 

“It was.” Well not at first but this was nice.

 

Fang's eyes were unfocused as she stared listlessly at the tv. 

 

I flinched when something brushed my back. One of her wings stretched out and laid across my shoulder.

 

I stiffened at the touch, a flash of emotion I couldn't place sparked through me. 

 

What the fuck? An old alarm beeped in my head. I didn’t get much time to register what was happening as Fang's eyes shot wide and she jumped to her feet.

 

“Fang?” My nerves returned but for a different reason once I saw her face.

 

Her eyes were wild again, darting around the room. She turned on her heel and fled the room without a word, stumbling as her foot caught the leg of the table, sending our drinks to the floor. Leaving me confused and alone. 

 

I sat there for a minute as I tried to figure out what happened. Did I do something wrong? I could hear a sink turn on somewhere. 

 

My mind was racing. What happened? We had touched before with no issues, hell she had an arm around my waist not an hour ago. Something was wrong with her reaction. She looked surprised… and scared. Like she wasn’t expecting it either. Should I do something?

 

I almost growled at myself. 

 

You fucking coward! I thought you were done running? Of course I’m going to do something! 

 

I hobbled to my feet, not bothering with the cane. I had enough walls to lean on if I absolutely needed it. I followed the sound of water to the bathroom. The door was ajar and I hesitated to go in.

 

“- was a good day. Why? I was fine… what the fuck is wrong with me. ” her voice sounded strained and muffled. “ It was a good day. A good day. Please let it end as a good day! ” A muffled scream came from the door as I chose to finally push it open.

 

I found her on the floor, back against the tub. Her eyes were wide and erratic as she huffed through her nose. Her teeth were buried in the back of her arm, thin trails of blood dripping from the shallow wound. Her other hand hovered in front of her face, a single crumpled feather in her grasp.

 

“Fang…” She jumped, teeth unclamping from her arm as her eyes focused on me. “Are you alright?” What a completely dumbass fucking question Anon! 

 

“I’m good..” she whispered. Her voice was shaky and low. “I’m good. I was having a good day.. Nothing should be wrong!” Her wings encased her head, shielding her from the world.

 

I took a step closer and almost rolled my ankle on a bottle on the floor, the simple misstep sending me crashing down to a knee. I looked for the damn culprit and found a mess of cleaning solution bottles and tubes across the floor, all in front of an open cabinet under the sink.

 

“I used to keep a stash there..” Fang's voice was a hoarse whisper, an eye peeking through the blanket of disheveled feathers. “For emergencies is what I would tell myself… I didn’t even realize I was looking for it.” Her form shook harder as she spoke, voice breaking into a whine at the end as she gasped for air.

 

“What can I do?” There has to be something! I felt so fucking useless.

 

Fang was quiet, the only noise was her rapid breathing muffled through her wings.

 

“Fang please tell me there’s something I can do.” My voice cracked as emotions swelled in my throat. 

 

It was quiet again, but finally a whisper broke the silence. 

 

“… Naser… ” 

 

I had my phone out and ringing as fast as I could. I set it on the floor in front of her on speaker.

 

“… … …” The ringing thundered in my ears before thankfully it clicked. “Anon you better have a good frickin excuse for calling me this late.”

 

“Naser..” Her voice broke again as she spoke, her shakes grew a tad gentler at his voice. 

 

“Fang?” He suddenly sounded much more awake.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Hey, hey now none of that. You can call me anytime you want, remember?” His voice shifted in a soft tone I had never heard before. “How bad is it?”

 

Fang sniffed hard, and cleared her throat.

 

“Not bad..” if this was 'not bad' I don’t think I could stand to see her ‘bad’.

 

“Need me to come over?”

 

“NO!” She shrieked, her wings coiling in tighter on herself. 

 

“Okay okay, you’re going to be alright.” His voice didn’t even change pitch at her shout. “We’ve been through this before and it always passes, doesn’t it?” 

 

“… Yes… ” 

 

“And it’ll pass again. Just listen to my voice. Want to hear what I did in class today?” 

 

“No.” Fang let out a water chuckle that ended it a hiccup.

 

“Well I’m going to tell you about it anyways, so you remember how that one dude in o chem is like, super into birds right?”

 

I finished crossing the gap in the room and let myself gently plop down next Fang as we listened to Naser prattle on about college. 

 

Fang’s transformation was slow, but thankfully the shudders began to grow weaker.

 

Her hand reached out in front of me as her wings gently dropped enough for her eyes to peek over at me, red and smudged with makeup.

 

I hesitated for a second before gently grasping it with my own. Her grip was tight and shaky but I only felt comfort radiate from the contact.

 

My energy reserves crashed as my eyes grew heavy. Today was clearly too much for my abused body as it decided that I was finally checking out. 

 

I nodded off right there on the floor, listening to Naser rant about some bird guy. Dreaming about the warmth in my left hand. 

[NOTES]
sorry its slow going, the usual excuses about life, work, and sickness