Summary: "Why don't you relax a second? Get your bearings. Let's see what the damage is."

 Consciousness came to me slowly. Sensations blooming before coherent thoughts. There were no dreams, just an aimless drift through a void of darkness. Gentle throbs were the first feelings to pierce through. 

 

They were bearable at first, but each pulse grew a little stronger then the one before it. Soon the comforting darkness was no longer a solace.

 

The first shape that came into view was a blurred, spinning form above me. My eyes were heavy, but with each slow blink, they grew lighter, gradually revealing the ceiling fan above me.

 

I’m alive… 

 

My neck strained as I tried to get a look at where I was. I think I was in the living room I caught a glimpse of last night. I could just make out Naser’s form as he snoozed in a nearby recliner, confirming that last night wasn’t a dream.

 

I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t sad. I think.. I think I was just disappointed. In what I couldn’t tell. Not dying? Trying in the first place? Myself in general?

 

There was a glass of water on the coffee table, right next to two white pills. 

 

I greedily grabbed and gulped as best I could. I don’t know what the pills were but if they did something for the mounting pain I would down a bottle.

 

It took far too much effort to lift the glass to my lips, but a few shaky slurps later I had downed the whole glass. My hands trembled as I tried to set it back on the table, tipping it onto its side with a clink. Luckily it was liquid free, but the noise seemed to stir the snoozing ptero in the room. 

 

Naser jerked at the noise, a hand rubbing at his face as he stretched. A few pops sounded as he twisted his back. His eyes settling on me had me suddenly feeling embarrassed. I grabbed at my arm, fingers brushing against bandages I hadn’t noticed yet.

 

“Good, you didn’t slip into a coma.” Naser stood and stretched once more, arms and wings trembling as they brushed the ceiling. “I can still make my lab if I’m quick enough, now let’s go through some professional follow up.” I nodded as he crossed the room and crouched in front of me. “Any intense pain? Headache? Nausea?” 

 

I shook my head with each question.

 

“Blurry vision? Trouble with coherent thoughts? Can you remember what happened?” Two shakes and one nod. I flinched a bit when he suddenly shined a pen light straight into my eye. “Can you speak?” 

 

“…” My throat was painfully sore. My first attempt at speech coming out as a pained wheeze. “ Yes .” 

 

“Good, looks like the only thing we have to worry about now will be infection.” His fingers suddenly dig into my jaw as he forces me to look him straight on. I was startled at how quickly his gaze shifted into rage. “Now for that excuse I told you to cook up. Why the fuck are you with Fang.” He didn’t yell or scream at me, but that cold controlled anger somehow felt worse.

 

“Wasn’t my choice.”

 

“Oh really? It wasn’t? I guess you were just accidentally stalking her at the pizza parlor.”

 

“I wasn’t stalking them !” I tried to pry his hand from my face but barely gave a half hearted tug. He relented with a ‘tsk’.

 

“Oh get off your fucking high horse!” He rolled his eyes. “Suddenly you’re the PC word police.” He scoffed. “ She said you were going there for weeks! If you weren’t stalking her then what were you doing?”

 

“I.. I don’t know..”

 

“You don’t know.” We stared at each other in silence. What did he want me to say.. 

 

A ding sounded making Naser end the impromptu staring contest. He fished his phone out of his front pocket and sighed.

 

“That important?” 

 

“Kind of. Naomi’s wondering wh-” He cut himself off as he looked up at me. “Wait a minute I don’t have to tell you shit.”

 

“You’re still with Naomi?” I couldn’t keep the groan out of my voice as I said the name.

 

“Yeah, I guess I’m the type of guy who doesn’t abandon a relationship when it gets rough.” Ow ok, like I wasn’t already feeling like trash…

 

We sit in uncomfortable silence, neither sure which subject to broach first. Naser fiddled with his phone, presumably texting Naomi, while I scratched at the bandages on my arms and tried not to move my face.

 

“So.” Naser was the first to break. “I want you to listen to me.” He slipped his phone in his pocket and gave me his full attention. “She has had it rough, but she is getting better. And I intend for it to stay that way, you understand?” Not really but I nodded anyway. “Fang’s an adult and can make her own decisions. But if I think for a second that she is regressing because of you!” He jabbed a claw at me. “I’ll finish the job you started.” 

 

I fully believed him.

 

Naser started for the door, hesitating as his hand touched the knob before sighing.

 

“That being said..” I caught his eye as he glanced back. “I would be pretty pissed if all my work went to waste.. I’ll be by again in the afternoon to change your bandages.”

 

“Thank you Naser.” 

 

“Don’t thank me.” He shook his head. “Thank Fang. If I had found you on that beach I would’ve fucking left you there.” He was through the door and gone before I noticed.

 

I let my head fall back into the cushion, returning to mindlessly staring at the slowly spinning ceiling fan. I vaguely wondered where my sweater went.

 

What.. do I do now? I hadn’t really planned on dealing with any of this. I don’t think I had the balls to try again, didn’t know if I wanted to either. My mind was spinning along with the fan as I tried to piece together the jumbled mess of feeling and thought.

 

With nothing better to do I simply stared at the roof and let my self pity wash over me. Oh woe is me, the saddest man alive. I didn’t get to wallow as long as I would have liked though.

 

A knock on the door had my eyes creeping back open. What, did Naser forget his wallet or something?

 

“Yo Fang! I’m coming in, is everything good?” That… isn’t Naser.

 

I propped myself up on my elbows to get a better look at the door. 

 

It was… the drummer? I think? He was in a brown jacket and pants covered in white paint stains. But it definitely was him.

 

“Oh shit…” his head was turned off towards the kitchen. “Fang-” his shout cut short as he took notice of me with a slight jump. “… hello?”

 

I gave a slight wave. 

 

“Is the.. blood yours?” He jabbed a clawed thumb towards the probable mess I must have made.

 

“Yeah.” I nodded.

 

“Oh thank god!” The stranger hunched over with a sigh of relief. His eyes suddenly whipped back to me. “Er I mean, it’s bad it’s yours! Not saying it’s good you got hurt! Just thought Fang might have.. um.” He let out a flustered sigh this time. “Sorry. You alright dude? What happened?”

 

“Well..” here’s the question I didn’t prepare for. Guess I’ll just be vaguely truthful? “I got shot.” 

 

“You we’re fucking shot!” I pressed a finger over my lips with a ‘ssshhhh’. “Sorry, just… Raptor Jesus you don’t hear that everyday. Fang here?”

 

“Long night. Probably still sleeping.” At least that’s what I assumed, I haven’t exactly mustered the strength to leave the couch to test.

 

“She alright?” He stepped closer into the livingroom, his eyes never leaving the bandage side of my face.

 

There’s that ‘she’ again… I shrugged it off and simply nodded.

 

“Whew, I just lost 10 years off my life when I followed that blood trail here.” He crosses the final distance and stuck a hand out to me. “Sorry names Jacob. Me and my girlfriend are Fang’s bandmates.” 

 

“Anon..” I weakly shook the appendage as his eyes widened slightly.

 

“Wait, I think I know you.” Apparently fucking everyone does… “well I’ve heard of you. Fang got piss drunk one time and started ranting about how if she ever saw ‘Anon’ again she-” His eyes suddenly widened. “Oh damn.. did.” He leaned in a little closer than I would have liked. “Did Fang shoot you?” He whispered,a flicker of worry instantly taking over his expression.

 

“What? no!” I quickly tried to clear any misunderstanding. “It was… just some stupid asshole…” my voice cracked as I raised it, making me shudder with a few wimpy coughs. Can we please get off this fucking subject?

 

Thankfully Jacob seemed to back off a bit, his expression shifting from nervous to concerned. Oh great, another member of the pity party.

 

“Are you ok? Like really ok, cuz it doesn’t look like you went to the hospital and you’re looking kind of pale.” 

 

“I don’t get out much.” I mumbled out as a poor excuse. “Didn’t need the hospital bill kicking me out on the streets either.” Again another piss poor excuse, but one I think he believed.

 

“Want me to.. I don’t know, get you something to eat? I’m actually on lunch break now. You want my sandwich?”

 

“No, don’t worry about it.” 

 

“Nah it’s no problem. I can just grab something quick on my way back.” He was out the door and back before I could stop him again, a bundle dropped onto the table in front of me.

 

“…Thanks.”

 

“No problem.” He stood awkwardly in the center of the room, not taking a seat. “Sooo…” Oh great, are we really about to sit here and have small talk? “You like, in some deep shit I should be worried about Fang getting mixed up in? Because…” Jacob trailed off, a claw picking at his jacket.

 

“No.” I shook my head, feeling a bolt of pain lance up my face.

 

“Dude, be honest here. Look I don't care if you're mixed up in some illegal crap, everyones got their own issues, but one thing Fang doesn't need right now is to deal with some bs.” His arms crossed over his chest as he gave me a look.

 

“It's nothing illegal, I promise.” Whatever my word was worth to him.

 

“You got shot in the face and didn't go to the hospital. You can see why I'm skeptical.” Yeah he had a point.

 

“That guy’s… not going to be an issue anymore.”

 

Jacobs eyes widened, his hand raising to grip at his head as.

 

“ Oh fuck Fang! What have you gotten into!” His voice was a low hiss. “Alright, alright… Ok, Anon was it?” Eyes suddenly back on me, I nodded quickly. “Look, the less I know the better. Fang’s my friend ok, I trust her to do the smart thing. Ima head out, go back to work, and we'll say I was never here.”

 

I paused, unsure if it was worth correcting whatever assumptions he might be making. Honestly, fewer questions seemed like the wiser option. Before I could finish my internal debate Jacob slapped his hands to his knees and pretended to knock dust from his claws.

 

“Tell Fang not to worry about practice today, get her head on straight. We'll still need her for our usual gig tomorrow though. Got bills to pay and all that.”

 

I nodded. Really was just happy to get back to my wallowing in peace.

 

“Oh uh..” he stopped at the door. “I’m gonna crack the window on Fang’s car… It's pretty bad. She left the keys in it last night so I’ll place them in the gas cap. Don’t want her getting jacked…” and he was gone.

 

He seemed like a good guy. I’m glad Fang has friends like him.

 

“Is he gone?” I very nearly shit my pants as Fang's voice rang in my ear.

 

My head tilted back until the upside down picture of Fang leaning out of a hallway I couldn’t see before.

 

“…Yeah.” 

 

“Good. I know why he was fucking here! Bet Naser messaged him to keep an eye on me!” They growled out, a scowl etched into their face.

 

“…for?..” I didn’t know if I was allowed to question. Didn’t feel like I had the right to.

 

“Because!.. because.” Their scowl broke as they crossed the room and plopped down in Naser’s recliner. “Because I can’t be trusted.” Claws covered their face as a sigh slipped out. “But I’m not a child! They shouldn’t have to watch me 24-7!”

 

“Jacob seemed like a good guy.” I was putting pieces together on Fang’s situation, but I hadn’t narrowed it down completely yet. 

 

“He is.. he’s a better friend than I probably deserve.” Golden eyes peaked out from the claws. “Look Anon, I know you probably have questions. But can we not do this now? A lot of shit has happened these last 2 years and I don’t feel like dredging it up.” 

 

“You don’t owe me anything.” They had no reason to ever talk to me again, yet here we were.

 

“Fuckin damn right I don’t owe you shit.” Fang snarked. They scratched awkwardly at the scraggly patches of feather on their elbow, suddenly flinching and jerking their claws away as if burned. “Soooo. Navy huh?” My lighter was waved in the air as they slipped it out of their pocket.

 

“Thought we weren't ‘dredging’ anything?”

 

“I don't owe you, but you sure as shit owe me, I'll dredge up anything of yours that I please.” Fair enough. I wasn't in any position to counter. “So is that why you… uh, you know.” Two fingers pressed to their head in the shape of a gun. 

 

“What?” I shook my head. “No.”

 

“You sure? Naser said it's not that uncommon for people to come back and just…” Fang didn't finish the thought.

 

“Yeah. Don't get me wrong it sucked and all, but not THAT bad.” I almost chuckled. Navy life at least kept my mind busy.

 

“Then why are you back?” They leaned forward, elbows on their knees. “You’ve been back a while now, don’t think they just let you walk away.”

 

“I got knocked down a flight of stairs and broke my ass.” Technically I slipped but I’ll hold onto that. “I’m on disability comp.” 

 

“Well lucky you then.” 

 

Silence took the room as we stared at each other awkwardly. My frayed nerves held my tongue, making my stomach turn and shift in unease. I couldn’t bear the silence any longer without hurling on the carpet.

 

“How long have you known I was back?” My voice was quiet and cowardly. 

 

“I don’t know. Few weeks I guess.” So almost the whole time.. “I really pieced it together like the 3rd time you came.” A small smile graced their face. “I almost smashed my bass across the back of your head.”

 

“Why didn’t you?” I would have deserved it.

 

“Don’t know, maybe I’m more mature, maybe basses are expensive. Had you come a few weeks earlier I would have spread your teeth across the parlor. I was… in a bad headspace” Clearly part of the thing Fang didn’t want to get into so I let the comment breeze through.

 

“Why.” I paused to swallow the built up saliva. “Didn't you say anything?” 

 

“Why didn't you?” There was another pause in the conversation. When it became evident that I had no good answer Fang continued. “You left without saying a word! Ran with your little monkey tail between your legs. ‘Well obviously he doesn't care. He's moved on with his life so I should too.’ But you kept coming back, each time leaving without saying a thing.” A glare passed through their face, wiping any levity from the room. “Dr. Seymour said I should ‘confront the past’ and deal with my issues head on instead of letting them fester. But I was feeling a bit childish sue me! I just wanted to make you squirm until you nutted up and talked to me!”

 

The glare morphed into a snarl, teeth flashing as they growled. Their eyes were pin pricks of aggression and anger. 

 

“But you fucking didn’t!” Fang was on their feet in a heart beat. A boot smashing into the table in front of me hard enough to send it flipping, scattering miscellaneous objects (and my sandwich) across the room.

 

“Am I that fucking scary! How the fuck do you think it feels to know you would rather eat a bullet then talk to me!” Fang’s claws reached for their elbows, damaged wings flaring out behind them, before twitching to a halt and jerking away with a frustrated scream. 

 

“I’m a coward.” My voice was barely a whisper as I tried to keep it from choking. I stared at the ceiling above me, too much of a coward to even look at Fang anymore. “I’ve always been a coward. I’ve been running from my problems since the beginning.” My hand covered my face to help hide the shame I felt. “I ran from my old school, I ran from Naser and Naomi, I ran from the Navy the first chance I got, I tried to run from you!” I clenched my fist harder, sending a searing pain up the right side of my face. “But I couldn’t run. For the first time in my life I was stuck. AND IT FUCKING SUCKED!” I let my own frustration join in. “Everything sucked! And there was nowhere else to run to! I couldn’t run from you! I couldn’t approach you!” My voice gave out in a coughing fit that had my vision swimming with tears by the time it was done. “I.. I was stuck against a wall with no way out. I couldn’t run from you. I didn’t deserve to talk to you… I just.. didn’t want to feel stuck anymore. If this was what my life was going to be, I just had to run away one last time.” My steam puttered out leaving me breathing heavily and utterly exhausted. 

 

I kept my eyes trained on the ceiling through the cracks in my fingers. Fang’s panting had stopped during my pathetic rant about my shitty life.

 

“Well…you can’t run this time.” No I couldn’t. I was back against that wall, this time with the last exit closed. I guess it was time for present Anon to deal with stuff…

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Yeah you said that last night.”

 

“I’m sorry for everything I said that night.” I couldn’t run from this conversation anymore; it was going to happen. I was getting sick of putting it off.

 

“Don’t..” they hesitated and cleared their throat. “Don’t apologize.” 

 

“I need-”

 

“Shut up.” I did. “Now listen, because I know what you’re about to rant about.” Fang took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. “Look none of that was your fault.”

 

“Bullsh-”

 

“Shut it!” I flinched a little, but wisely shut my mouth. “I knew how you felt about the whole pronoun thing. Fuck, I knew the entire time! But I never wanted to bring it up because I was scared of what you would say! I shoved it into the back of my mind and chose to ignore it and it blew up in my face!” Their eyes locked onto mine again, wildly flicking about. Their breathing sped up the longer the rant continued. “ You got drunk and your lips got loose, look, I said I wasn’t getting into this shit! Can we just ignore it for now!” 

 

I nodded my head. I wasn’t about to ignore an easy out. Yet that stupid voice in the back of my head was letting me know that this wasn’t over…

 

“Just… don’t apologize for not lying to me. That was a conversation we needed to have months before prom.” Fang flipped the table back onto its feet, glancing over it a second inspecting for damage. “And before you ask, it’s she now.”

 

That’s what it was. I’d guessed as much from Naser and Jacob but didn’t want to believe it. Did everything happen over nothing?

 

No, doesn’t matter what they believe now. What matters is what they believed at the time.

 

I was still an insensitive asshole, and when they- she was ready for it, I would be apologizing properly. I had nowhere to run, time to face my problems. Though easier said than done.

 

Uncomfortable silence filled the room, the only sound was Fang’s breathing. I wanted to say something, to break this depressive atmosphere, but the only words I had left I felt would stray too far into ‘dredging’ territory.

 

A sandwich plopped down on the table as Fang cleaned, suddenly looking much more appetizing than it had a few minutes ago. And it would keep my mouth busy. Win win.

 

I wasn’t sure what it was exactly but there was meat and cheese, that’s all I needed. It was nearly gone before I knew it.

 

“Oh.” Fang’s voice broke me from the food induced fixation. “You got uh.. little something there.” They- She (are you fucking kidding me I finally got used to that) pointed a claw at my face. 

 

I gingerly felt around my right cheek until I felt something wet. When I pulled my finger back it was tinged red. 

 

Fang went to the kitchen and back, returning with a paper towel which I used to wipe at the streak of blood that seeped out of my bandages.

 

“It doesn’t look like you jacked anything up, think it’s just irritated from all the movement.” 

 

Probably from my episode.

 

“How bad is it?” I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer, but it wasn't like ignoring it would make it go away. My face wasn’t exactly remarkable as it was, been told more than once that it was ‘so plain and forgettable that most people forget that you even have one’.

 

“Could've been worse.” Well fuck that’s not a good answer. “It didn’t hit your eye at least. Tore a line straight up your cheek and skipped right over it before tearing through the top of your eyebrow. Naser said to not fuck with you cheek too much. He stitched it up pretty good but it was almost through to your mouth.” The- FUCK- She shivered a bit, rolling her shoulders. “Fuck Anon, I could see your bone!” 

 

Yup that sounds really bad. Naser must've had his work cut out for him. 

 

Naser was always cool. Always a good brother. And with whatever Fang has going on, it sounds like Naser’s been right there beside her. I owe him more than what my life is worth.

 

“Well what do you want to do now?” I sure as shit didn’t have anywhere to be or anything to do.

 

“Well I WANT to sit here, order some food, and relax watching tv.” Fang lifted the remote from the floor and tossed it to me, bouncing it off my chest on the ground again. “But what I’m going to do is try and clean my car out before that stuff sits any longer.”

 

“I’ll help.” I strained to pick myself up. I even got into a sitting position before nearly passing out as blood rushed away from my head. 

 

“Yeah no.” A hint of a smile crossed her lips. “You’re going to lay there and focus on not dying alright?” 

 

“I'll try.” I was suddenly reminded that I almost died yesterday from the swirl of nausea and dizziness. “Keys in the gas cap. Jacob put them there.”  I honestly felt terrible for making her clean my mess, but I literally don't think I have a say in it if I can't even leave the couch. 

 

“Hey before I go..” Fang trailed off as she turned away from me. “Just.. Look, I'm not saying we're about to forget everything and pretend it never happened. But, I don't dislike you enough to ever want to see you like that again.” Her arms crossed and she gripped both biceps. “So if you think you were somehow doing me a favor just… Please promise me you won't ever do something like that again Anon. Whatever problems we have or how bad you think it might be, it will get better if you work for it.” Her head turned towards me, revealing her shimmering golden eyes. “Promise me Anon.”

 

“...I promise.” 

[POST-NOTES]
And another chapter down. Dialog in this one was holding me up D: