It’s surreal as I wake up after one of the most restful nights of sleep I’ve had in years. I almost forgot where we are as I look around my old room, the shock wearing off as reality settles back in. I really am back home, aren’t I? Well not permanently…I can’t just move back in. We still have an apartment. During the night we ended up having to strip down to our skivvies as the heating in my old home wasn’t crap and we were sweltering. Thankfully no one came to check up on us—that would have been awkward as fuck. Anon is still out cold snoring away with his face buried in my wing as I struggle to free it. After I loosen it up a bit, he rolls over onto the pillow leaving a drool stain on my feathers…eww.

I wipe it off with a tissue as I get out of bed, picking my discarded clothes up off the ground and putting them back on. It’s not like I planned a change of clothes; I didn’t even know we’d be staying. Out of all the scenarios that had played out in my head, the best was a nice reunion with the family and a trip home…I didn’t expect to be welcomed back like I had never left. I run my hand across the empty place that once held the guitar I brought to Skin Row with me. The other two were still on the wall, as if I had been here just yesterday. It feels like I am back in high school, my last year I spent here before the night on the beach having been one of the best.

The memories replay in my head as I look around. The day I brought Anon over, having asked him for help studying, not that we ever really did any. If I am being honest with myself, I was just tired of being alone in here and I was still working out how I really felt about him back then. That question got answered quickly when after playing a song for him that I’d never played for anyone else, he mumbled those words that still stuck with me: ”All that matters is her.” Those words bring me such comfort every time I think about them. It’s one of the few reasons I was willing to give him another chance. That was a thought in his head—nothing he would have said out loud when he hadn’t even told me he liked me yet—but it was so pure. Something that no one else had ever done. No one has ever showed such a love for what I do…or for me.

I silently watch him as he sleeps, a smile slowly growing on my lips while a single tear streaks down my cheek. There was so much he did during that last semester when we had first met. Standing up for me in front of Trish to make her let me play my guitar, listening to me on the roof and comforting me when he didn’t have to, and getting me to really start standing on my own two feet instead of looking to everyone else for meaning. I really wish things hadn’t gone the way they did at the end; I want those years we could have had back. But I know all I can do now is cherish the time we have, every last bit.

I look away from him as I go through my old belongings. An old notebook where I used to write my songs and poetry. Boy, a lot of this stuff is angsty as fuck but still, it’s a part of me. I trace the lyrics and notes on the walls with my claw—so many songs left unsung. My old posters still cover the walls of bands I rarely pay much attention to these days. Records and CD cases are stacked about the floor and on the shelves of my bed; I only ever brought a couple with me. My keyboard piano sits in the corner, every key still pristine and dusted. My old non-binary flag is still affixed above my bed, a reminder of the person I no longer am. I grab a chair and take it down, folding it gently and placing it on my dresser. I don’t need to destroy it…it’s part of my history even if it just isn’t me anymore. A piece created by someone else that I took as part of me, recklessly trusting a friend to know me better than I knew myself.

I sigh as I turn to face the window and notice some old pictures I had taken hanging underneath it. I kneel down to look at them and growl, frowning at what I see. Several photos are of me and Trish hanging out. God, I let her rule my life for too fucking long. Always going along with her plans, believing she knew the best for me, trusting her with even my own goddamn dreams. If Anon hadn’t come along and showed me how much of a bitch she was, I don’t want to fucking think about where I would have ended up. I rip the photo off the string and am a moment from tearing it to pieces when I suddenly stop, the edge only barely beginning to tear. Why can’t I just do it? She nearly ruined my life with her damn ideas.

That is when a flurry of emotions rocks my heart. She fucked up, that’s undeniable. Trish had been too fucking focused on making money instead of making good music and she did some horrible shit to Anon, but she was also someone who still cared for me after Naser’s accident. As I fell apart and broke—the guilt of believing it was all my fault he got hurt nearly killed me—she was there. She never left my side as I shattered to pieces, and yeah as we got older, she slowly turned into some controlling bitch but I can’t forget that without her, I’d probably have killed myself over the grief.

I sigh softly, clipping the photo back to the string and letting it fall from my grasp. I wish things could have been different, Trish. I wish your true colors hadn’t come through in the end and that we could have stayed best friends. I don’t know if I ever want to see you again…but I’ll at least thank you for the good you did before you tried to take over my life and make me something I wasn’t. Thank you, Trish. I hope you are still out there, rolling in that money you always so desperately wanted to make.

I push up off the floor and turn around. Anon is sitting up and looking at me, a concerned look in his eyes.

I wipe away a tear before looking back at him. “What is it, Anon? Why are you staring at me like that?”

“Just wondering if you were okay is all. I saw you holding that photo of Trish. It looked like you were going through some heavy shit.”

I sit down beside him on the bed, pulling him in close to me. “I’m fine. It’s just hard to look at photos of her after what she did to you and to me. They’re old memories of good times back before she tried to manipulate me into hating you.”

He rubs the back of his head with a sigh. “I did a pretty damn good job doing that on my own. All she would have had to do was wait a few months and I would have dug the grave she was trying to shove me into.”

I rest my head against his shoulder, pressing my cheek to his. “I mean…yeah, there is that.” He winces. “But none of that matters. You apologized, I apologized, we put it behind us. She never would have stopped until we never saw each other again. She just wanted me all to herself.”

“Do you know that for sure, Fang?”

The question catches me off guard. He has a dozen reasons to hate her, just like me, so why would he bother questioning it now? “Yeah…oh fuck, I don’t know. I know she shoved all that shit down my throat to try to make me marketable, adjusting how I dressed and my entire personality, getting me to believe that was the only way I was going to be happy.” I clench my teeth hard, all of it rushing back at once. “And because of that, I spent so much time ruining my reputation, getting everyone in school to hate me, and nearly destroying my relationship with my family. I don’t really care how much she gave a shit…she fucked my life up, Anon!”

He caresses my back, trying to comfort me as I struggle against the memories pouring into my mind. “Fang…” I look over to him, tears welling up and trying to burst free. “You are you. Regardless of whatever went down between you two, the shit that she may have pulled, it doesn’t matter. What matters is you found yourself in the end and yeah, she fucked up a lot on the road, but I know somewhere in that stone heart of hers she cared about you. She wouldn’t have tried so hard to get rid of me if she didn’t.”

I bury my face into his chest, softly weeping in his arms. “I wish things had been different between us. I wish she hadn’t done what she did. I want so badly for her to have been what I thought she was…my best friend.”

“I know, Fang. I know…” He wraps his arms around my back, gently rocking me from side to side as I deal with the pain I had locked up inside. The time on the roof…the time here in my bedroom…and again now, each time just being there for me, never judging, only caring. We stay like this for a few minutes, my body shaking with every sorrowful sob that passes through me. I never dealt with the pain of losing my best friend. It was a wound left open that I can now heal, another fragment of my past laid to rest.

Another moment passes before I lean away from Anon, using the sheet to dry my tears, a smile of relief on my face as I compose myself. “Fucking hell, Anon. I guess I’ll never need a real therapist with you around.”

He smiles back, taking my hand in his. “Anytime, Fang. I’m here for you whenever you need me.”

“I know…” I lean over and kiss him on the cheek. “And I am grateful for it.” I sigh, taking another look around my room. Damn, I have missed my home. I gently tug at Anon’s hand as I get up. “Come on, we shouldn’t sit here all day. It’s Christmas. Mom will be expecting us downstairs to hang out and…I really need to have a good holiday with them again.”

Anon pulls himself up from the bed, grabbing his sweater and pants from the floor before pulling them on. “Sure, let’s get down there. I can bet she’s already got some breakfast going and I can’t wait to sink my teeth into whatever she’s made.”

I shake my head at him with an amused chuckle. “Don’t get too used to eating like a king. It’s not like we can just keep coming here, eating her out of house and home. We’ve got our own place and our own food to eat.”

He licks his lips at the thought of yet more delicious home cooking before looking over to me. “We are gonna take some leftovers home though, right?”

“Of fucking course we are. We will eat like royalty for weeks with how much she’s gonna send us home with. Now get up and go take a shower. We don’t have clean clothes, but we don’t need to start reeking either.”

He jumps up off the bed before turning back in confusion. “Uh…where is your bathroom here anyway?”

I sigh, rolling my eyes and grabbing him by the hand. “Been here several times before we even started dating, dweeb.”

“I haven’t been here in four years!”

“No excuses!” I drag him down the hall and push open the door, leading him inside the spacious bathroom. It still is amazing as it was when I was growing up, with smooth ceramic counters, a large, tiled shower with several showerheads, and a toilet you don’t have to jiggle after flushing to get it to shut up. I point to the shower while heading over to the mirror to check my dress for any wrinkles. He stands in place, looking around the room nervously before glancing back at me.

Rolling my eyes again, I point to the shower. “Get in there, dweeb. I’ve seen you naked before; this is nothing new.”

“Yeah, but your da—”

“Isn’t going to have any idea if you stop sitting there, stammering, and get showering instead. Now move it.”

With that he shrugs, flinging his clothes on the counter and kicking on the water. “Holy crap, it’s actually warm instead of freezing! I don’t want to leave this place ever.”

“Give it time, Anon. With the money the band is gonna start making, we can easily get us a place in the better apartments around Volcaldera.”

“Can’t wait.”

I examine myself in the mirror, twisting around as I check for errant strings. Thankfully, nothing had gotten tangled or torn after I had tossed it aside in the night. As I hear the shower running, a devious thought runs through my brain. It’s the perfect opportunity to yet again demolish the dweeb and perhaps give him a little payback for that damned figurine of his. Not that he won’t probably enjoy it somewhere in his brain, but I know this’ll fucking wreck him. The nervous dweeb won’t be able to handle something like this.

I slowly take the dress off before hanging it up on a hook by the door, stealthily getting rid of the rest of my clothes, not making a sound to alert him to my plan. First step, success…second step, well, no way this won’t work. He is too busy washing up to notice as I slide the shower door open and close it behind me, a sly grin on my face. Time to spring the trap.

I silently walk across the tile before sliding a wing across his arm, causing him to fucking jump out of his skin. He desperately tries to keep hold of the soap he’s holding, but it slides out of his hands each time he gets a grip before he finally drops it entirely and it clatters to the floor. His face is perfect—the right mix of shock and surprise that I had hoped for as I bend down to pick the soap up off the tile floor.

“You dropped something, dweeb.”

He is still in shock as he takes the soap from my outstretched hand, not saying a word as I move under the water and grab my old shampoo from the rack. I coyly raise an eyebrow at him as he stands frozen.

“What is it, dork? There are plenty of showerheads here…pick one and get clean.” I return to washing my hair, stretching my wings and probably giving him a view that would have killed lesser men. I can hear him trying to stumble out sentences, none of them making it past the first few words before failing him completely. I smirk as my plan works like a fucking charm.

I decide that perhaps now might be a good time for a death blow. I turn around to face him, unabashedly granting him a full-frontal view that I swear must have stopped his heart dead as he breaks even more, no longer capable of speech. I place a hand on my hip, slinking his direction with him nearly catatonic at this point. I should stop before he has a heart attack, but where would be the fun in that? As I reach him, I put a hand on his shoulder with a smile.

“You’ve seen me naked, Anon. Hell, more than seen it. Now come on, get over there and get clean.”

 I take his hand in mine and guide him over to the other showerhead, turning him to face the water before grabbing soap of my own, setting it on the holder for later. I hear him attempting to shower while still standing like a statue, only moving enough to be considered alive. I stand under the rainfall showerhead, throwing some conditioner in my hair, the whole time making sure I am in full view of him. I show no mercy, he deserves none.

Then comes the soap, oh the soap. I know this will possibly make him require an ambulance and while I know this is as much a gift as a punishment, it doesn’t stop me one bit. I glance at him sideways, an eye locking with his as I see his jaw drop, shaking his head, pleading for mercy. I gently glide the soap across my scales, sparing no part of me as I take my time, all the while keeping eye contact. I get to my legs, bending low to reach all the way to my toes, and I can see his brain turning to mush in real time.

Now for the final moment, the coup de grace to end the joyful misery he is in. I look at him, down at my stomach and chest, and back at him again with the largest mischievous grin I can muster as he shakes his head. My hand holding the soap skims across the scales on my stomach, leaving behind a slick trail of suds. With one last sultry look at my prey, the man who has already probably lost a pint of blood through his nose, I slide the bar right down the middle of my chest, letting my tongue hang from my mouth. It is all he can take as his eyes roll back into his head and he crumples to the floor.

I have to hold in my laughter, not wanting to draw the attention of anyone in the house as I walk up to him and help him back to his feet. Steadying him in the stream of water, I finish cleaning up and rinsing the conditioner out of my hair before tapping him on the shoulder as he cautiously looks back at me.

“Remember, I could have done so much worse without any benefit to you…so, if you are going to embarrass me in front of my family again, that next time won’t be so…revealing.” He gulps, nodding his head as I kiss him on the cheek before snagging a towel off the rack and drying off. I hang a towel and his clothes over the glass door and leave him alone to recover from the bomb that just got dropped on him.

A short moment later he comes out of the shower, fully dry and clothed but still with a blush that could give a tomato a run for its money. I am already dressed, just finishing up reapplying makeup and combing my hair. He stands beside me in the mirror, straightening out his Christmas sweater, not breathing a word.

“Do that again and it’ll be chili powder in your underwear. You’ve been warned.”

A soft yip let me know the point has been made. “Yes Fang, please, have mercy next time. I think I almost died.”

I turn around to face him, grabbing his face in my hands before licking his cheek, turning his legs into jelly. “Mercy? No Anon…never any mercy. Now, let’s get downstairs and keep this between us. Dad would kill you and there would be nothing I could do to stop it.”

“I’ll take it to my grave.”

“Good boy.”

We make our way downstairs to an empty living room. I can hear the guys outside and my mom puttering around in the kitchen. A few gifts have been placed under the tree, and I think one even has my name on it…though how in the world would they have gotten me anything? Everything is closed today, and they only knew I was coming a day ago. I guess they could have gone shopping yesterday morning, but…. I shrug as we take a seat on the couch. My mom comes out of the kitchen with a couple mugs of hot chocolate, handing them to us before sitting down.

She smiles at us both, Anon taking a sip from his mug as she speaks. “Good to see you two awake! Did you sleep well?”

I hold the cup close to my chest, savoring the warmth before taking a sip, nodding to her. “Mmhmm! I can’t remember the last time I slept so well, not to mention with heating that actually works.”

“Glad to hear it, Lucy. You two are welcome here any time you like, just let me know so I know to get food ready for you both.”

“Thanks, Mom, I appreciate it. I’ve missed being home.”

“And we have missed having you here. Now, I have something for you.”

She reaches down, grabbing a gift with my name on it before placing it on my lap. “I got this for you before you left. I never did get a chance to give it to you…and now I can. So please, open it.”

“Shouldn’t we wait until everyone comes in?”

“No. I’ve been holding onto this for…for a while. Just in case you came home.”

I set the mug down on the table, taking the box in my hands and pulling the ribbon off, gently tearing into the wrapping paper under it. It is a small rectangular box, the name of a local jeweler emblazoned across the lid. I pop the lid off and inside is a beautiful white gold pendant with a lustrous bright red ruby held in its setting. I gasp as I take in the beauty of it; the light seems to bend around the stone as I hold it up. The chain is twisted like filigree rope while the setting looks like flames surrounding the stone.

My mom gets up and stands in front of me, taking the pendant from my hands and clasping it around my neck before retaking her seat. I hold the stone in my hand, running my fingers across the polished surface. I never could have afforded something like this…it is the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen.

I am still admiring it as I look over to her. “Mom, it’s wonderful. Thank you so much.”

“You are welcome, Lucy. I had picked it up when you were feeling down. I wanted something as beautiful as you to show you how bright you shine even in the dark. Now you have something to match that brilliant fire inside you that I always knew was there. I only wish I could have seen it sooner.”

I get off the couch and rush to her side, not wanting her to feel bad for anything I did to myself, and I wipe a tear from her eyes. “Don’t you ever blame yourself, Mom. I made the choice to leave. You respected it and let me choose my own road and, in the end, it led me back to you. I love you, Mom. Thank you so much, for everything.”

She smiles as she takes me in her arms. “I love you too, Lucy, and you are very welcome. Keep it safe…I don’t want someone stealing it from you down there.”

“Don’t worry, Mom. I’ll keep it at home until we get out of there. I’ll freaking cut someone before I let them take this.” I hold the stone in my palm—the ruby is perfectly shaped, the facets giving off a brilliant crimson glow in the light.

“Good! Alright, now let’s get some food in you two. The guys are outside messing with Naser’s car so be a dear and gather them for me, would you?”

“Sure, Mom!” I stuff the necklace down my turtleneck before heading to the garage, yelling at the two to come inside as they slide out from under the car, wipe off their faces, and change their shirts. By the time we get back inside, Mom has already set the table. Eggs and bacon are piled as high as you can see with toast and homemade donuts on the side. One saying of grace later, we take to the delicious feast before us with more calm respect than the night before.

It is nice to have breakfast on Christmas morning again with my family. It is like I never left, and not a one of them mentions anything about my tattoos which shocks me. I had expected to get shit from Dad for them and maybe a comment from my mom, but neither of them seems to care. They are just happy I am home again, treating me like I belonged without a hint of judgment. They accepted me for all my faults and mistakes, and it fills my heart with a warmth I have missed so very much.

The whole morning is wonderful, with everyone spending time in the yard making snowmen. Anon and Naser start a snowball fight, causing us all to build forts as we laugh and pelt each other, Naser catching one straight to the beak knocking him on his ass. My dad makes what can only be considered a snow boulder before smacking Anon with it, burying him in the snow. Well, at least he’s not trying to kill him at the moment.

Eventually we go back in, opening gifts of all kinds and enjoying some sparkling cider. We play board games in the living room, Anon losing at Scrabble horribly with him trying to make up bullshit words the whole time. We move on to a few games of Uno that nearly end in Anon’s murder when he drops a draw four on my dad. Naser and I end up getting in a pillow fight when he mentions the figurine again, me being triumphant as Naser surrenders to my superior skill.

The night goes on, all of us bonding together as family again. Naser shows me the same brotherly love he had in the days before I left, never leaving my side with the happiest smile I’ve ever seen on his beak. His eyes shine with such a pure joy; he has his sister back home and our family is whole. My mom keeps popping in and out of the kitchen, dropping off snacks and drinks, never letting us be without something to munch on. Over the course of the night, my dad warms up to Anon and no longer gives him glares from his armchair, instead asking if he wants to play golf sometime. Anon tries to figure out if my dad actually wants to play or is looking for an excuse to off him in some corner before he finally accepts the offer.

Eventually I wander off by myself, standing by the window in the front of the house, watching the snow continue to fall from the sky. As I look at the flakes flurrying about in the wind, Naser comes over and stands by my side.

He puts an arm around my back as I lean against his shoulder. “It’s so good to have you home, Fang. When you walked out that door…I thought it was over. That you were gone from our lives, and I’d never see you again. Sure, we talk all the time but it’s not the same as seeing you right here next to me.”

“It’s good to be home, Naser. I still regret leaving. It didn’t do me any good…it nearly killed me, even. I could never have hoped for such a warm welcome home from everyone…especially with how I look, tattoos and all.”

He looks down at me, a smirk on his beak as he chuckles. “You think we’d care about something like that? Fang, we missed you, we love you. We’re just happy you came home. You could have come back covered in sores in tattered clothes and we would have taken you in without a second thought. You’re family. You always will be.”

I wrap an arm around him as I pull him closer, hugging him tight. “Thank you…thank you so much. I don’t deserve you guys.”

He hugs me back. “Yes, you do. Never doubt that you deserve to be loved, especially by us. Now come on, let’s go join the family. Can’t let them enjoy all the snacks.”

I sniffle back a tear with a nod. “Alright. Anon better not touch the chicken wings if he knows what’s good for him.”

“He’s with you, he definitely knows what’s good for him.”

“S-shut up, Naser.”

“Never, sis…never.”