It's not fine. I don't know why, but I can just tell the moment I walk into the employee area from the back door, something is off. I don't know what but something just doesn't feel right. Before I put my jacket on the coat rack with the rest, I check my phone again to make sure I'm not late. 9:55. I'm better than late, I'm at least five minutes early. That's one load off my back as I feel my shoulders loosen along with the breath I let escape my beak. "Hey Sam" I jump a bit as I look up from my phone and notice the orange dilophosaurus looking at me with his bright red eyes that could pierce through a bullet proof vest...note to self, don't think about analogies involving bullets. He slicks his bright blonde hair back before putting on those ridiculous pointy sunglasses of his and then speaks again "What's up?" I let out a sigh "Not much Dirk" Heh, Dirk. It's not a terrible name, but not exactly something I can imagine just any parent naming their child. Unless said parent has some bizarre sense of humor that I just don't get, "I'm doing fine" "So you're not fine" He says, his face ever unchanging. Goddammit. "No, I'm fine and trust me," I say as I take off my jacket and hang it on the coat rack "you don't want to hear about the morning I've had" With that he puts his hands ups in the air like this is some sort of old west stick up and I'm the bank robber, "Okay, okay..." me and Dirk have come to this understanding over the two years we've worked together, it's fine to show some concern, but don't push it unless you want it to get ugly, that goes for the both of us. I make my way past him and towards the door leading to the next ten hours of my life for today, fake customer service smile and all, before Dirk speaks again "Oh yeah, Jerry wants to talk to you before you start your shift, he didn't look pissed though" gee, thanks for the heads up that he's not angry, that totally softens the blow. I turn around to face Dirk again and sigh, "Is he in his office?" He nods "Yeah, but like I said, I don't think you're in trouble" he pauses and throws a sly smirk my way "not that you ever get in trouble" I roll my eyes at him as I make my way to the office, leaving him with that and nothing else. As I stand in front of the door to my bosses office, I think about why he wants to see me for a moment. My mind immediately goes right to 'I'm fired aren't I?' and then pedals right back into reality as soon as I remember what Dirk said, so why the fuck does he want to talk with me now, before my shift even? Jerry's not an asshole, that's for sure, but sure doesn't have a spine for someone that's supposed to be the manager of this God forsaken corporate nightmare of a store. Probably because he must've been hand picked by whatever suit that's really in charge of this branch, most likely because he's easy to handle and not because of any real experience...fuck, I'm doing it again, thinking the worst of the poor guy just because he has corporate breathing down his neck ever since the whole 'Tera Incident' is what he said the higher ups called it. ...I take a deep breath and turn the knob to the office door and head in. I'm almost immediately met with the gaze of my human boss, slightly balding hair and all "Oh Samantha!" he says in a way that's not really fake, but I can tell he's on edge about...something, "Please, take a seat" he says as he points to one of the plastic chairs in front of his still surprisingly lavish looking desk. In fact the whole office still catches me off guard, no matter how many times I enter, with how nice it looks. It's not amazing, but it certainly is better than what you'd think for the office of some poor schmuck like Jerry. I take my seat and speak up wanting to get through this as soon as possible, "What is it Jerry? I have to start my shift in five, you know?" He nods his head in a nervous manor, still not used to my tense presence even after four and a half years of working here, "I-I know, it's just" he shuts his mouth closed and grapples his jaw as he looks at his desk, seemingly more interesting than the annoyed ptero in front of him. He keeps staring at his reflection in the desk until he finally speaks up again "I'm just, worried about you Samantha" Wait, what? I shake my head in absolute bewilderment at his words "Are you serious?" "Yes, I am" he says in a more stern tone of voice, all that nervousness gone now that he got what he was thinking out into the air "I want you to take the rest of the week off, I'll come up with something for corporate, shouldn't be to hard since you're barely a blip on their radar" He wants me to take the rest of the week off? Okay, now I am seriously confused, the fuck is going on? "Jerry, I can't do that, you know I can't. I already went over it with you multiple times, this job is one of the only things I've got to keep myself afloat!" He lets out a heavy sigh before replying, "That right there is exactly why I want you to take the week off, you're going to kill yourself with stress if you keep doing this. When was the last time you took time off again?" he asks pointing his pen towards me. I open my beak to verbally tear him a new one, but then close it immediately...now that I think about it, he's right. It's been about two years since I last took time off of work and the last time was..."When I went to visit my kids at the graveyard..." it falls silent into that familiar awkwardness from this morning, the only sound being the tic-toc of the clock li- ...Like in my dream... I didn't want to think of that day at graveyard again, not ever. It was three years after it all happened and about two and half after me and Ri- him divorced. I went there again with Moe, to see them again, just to tell them I've been doing fine...just fine. About halfway through, I apparently fainted on the spot, at least that's what Moe told me when I woke up in the hospital. I had been out for two whole days and Moe stayed there to make sure I came back. I never really thanked him for staying by my side, but he just waved it off saying 'Hey, tha's what family do for each other'. That man who shall not be named on the other hand...I didn't even hear a peep from him and neither did Moe...fucking asshole. "Samantha? Are you listening?" I wake from my thoughts to see I'm still in Jerry's office and he's looking right at me with concern in his eyes despite his stern facade. I shake off the momentary rage and look back his direction "...What was it you said?" He sighs, this time exhausted, no doubt from me nearly having an episode in his office "I said that maybe you should take today off too" As much as I'd hate to admit it...he's right, I am in not in a good enough mental state right now to deal with customer service shenanigans right now, I think I'd actually punch someone in the face and go on a murderous rampage instead of just imagining it this time around...though I don't think I'd literally explode after said rampage like I do in my daydreams, "Yeah, okay, you're right, I'll just head home then" He smiles, this time it's a genuine one that comes up after a heavy sigh of relief, no doubt one he's wanted to get out since I came into his office "I'll see you next Sunday then Samantha, take care" Despite how much coward he can be sometimes, Jerry really is a sweetheart at his core. I give him weak smile, the graveyard revisit still fresh in the back of my mind "You too" and with that, exit the office, feeling a little relieved myself. As I make my way to my jacket, Dirk speaks again "You're welcome" I look back at him, he has that dumb smirk on his face again, but not because what he said was a sarcastic remark. I can tell he genuinely means this time as that smirk slowly turns into a warm smile. I can't help but smile back as I realize what he most likely talked to Jerry about me. I'm a bit mad he talked about me behind my back, but my happiness that someone else, even a dick like Dirk, was looking out for me out weighs the anger I feel enough to ignore our rule for today. I turn back to the coat rack and put on my jacket heading out the door having nothing else to take care of today...except shopping, shit. The other employees in Junes would be livid if they saw me walk in the front just to get groceries while still in my work uniform, so I guess I'll have head to the Rock-Mart further down the street. As I realize this, I take out my pack of Capy cigarettes and...there's only three left, not including the half smoked one I reach for. I sigh, guess I'm adding cigarettes to my ever growing mental shopping list along with ibuprofen. I put the half smoked cigarette to my snout and grab my, formally his, Zippo lighter and flick it open, flicking the ignition until the small orange flame appears, bring it to the burnt end of the cigarettes hanging out of my beak, take a deep drag as I put the lighter away and exhale through my nostrils, watching the smoke go straight towards the sky as I walk towards the Rock-Mart that won't get me weird looks for shopping in uniform. --- As I push my cart through to the line ahead I triple check everything again making extra sure I didn't forget ibuprofen, don't know if I'd want to touch alcohol again if I don't have that to subside hangovers. Yeah, looks like I'm good there and everything else from milk, can never have enough milk. Eggs and bacon, always a good choice for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Body wash, shampoo and conditioner in one huge half gallon bottle with the, uh...whatever that squirty thing at the top is called, just in case Barney the Retarded Raptor actually did use up all of the container I had in the shower. Among those items are other hygiene products I was low on and a few other food items, mainly some snacks and thirty pack case of beer, boy it won't be easy lugging that around, but I have my ways. Though the two items I try my best not to hang on for too long sit in the baby seat of the cart...a ten pound package of dino nuggets and a big bottle of Sweet Baby Rays... I damn near cry every time my eyes even so much as graze across the items' general direction. Heh, God I must look pathetic, I can't even get Lucy's favorite snack without tearing up a little...I should stop checking everything, I know I got what I need, except cigarettes, which are behind the checkout counter with cashier, or as Junes likes to put it 'Sales Associate'. "Excuse me, miss, I'm ready to help you" says the soft feminine voice up front behind the counter. I look up and find that the other ptero in front of me has long since left with her groceries and baby... I look to the source of the voice, a green stegosaurus with even greener hair patiently smiling at me, "Ah, sorry" I say as wheel the cart up to the conveyor belt start placing items on the rubber surface. While doing this I notice the customer service facade on the stego's face fades slowly as she examines me with a puzzled look on her face, like she's seen me somewhere before...have we met before? Because if so I sure as hell don't recognize her. "I'm sorry if this sounds rude miss, but" she says as I finish putting the last of the groceries on the conveyor belt and she starts scanning my items, occasionally cutting her gaze away from me, "do I know you from somewhere?" I scoff a bit her question, I'm sure I don't know her, "Well, I don't know many stegosaurs, so I'd say no, you don't know me" It seems my sarcasm flies over her head as she sinks it a little, looking dejected, "Oh...okay miss" she brings her head back up to read the name tag on my Air Force jacket, since my work name tag is covered up, "...Malkovich" I'm kinda taken aback, even though I know that's the only tag she sees. Nobody has called me by my maiden name for a long, long time...it feels weird, "That's my maiden name" I awkwardly say, "Though to be honest, I'm surprised you pronounced it correctly, most people see how it's spelled and over complicate things pretty quickly" She giggles a bit, it's clear that lightened the mood a bit. She continues as keeps scanning and I start putting bagged groceries back in my cart, "So who are you wed to?" Should she really be having this casual a conversation with me?...nah I'm sure it's fine, what's the harm in telling her a bit about me, not like I'll see her again after this. "I've actually been divorced for four years now, but I kept the married name" "Oh, sorry to hear that" she says, a curious look on her face taking hold, "what's your married name if you don't mind me asking?" ...That's not something you hear everyday. Though I suppose it won't hurt, every person I know uses that name, it's on my name tag for work for Christs sake...but I can't shake this feeling that something bad will happen the moment I say it...fuck it. "It's Aaron, Ms. Aaron" As I say that, she completely stops, like all motor function in her brain ceased to work as she took in those simple words. Her face looked like she had just seen a ghost, as she blankly stares at the final item in her right hand and the scan gun in her left. She slowly moves her head up my direction and her eyes, as blue as the ocean on Pismo Beach, meet mine and in them I see...pure terror. I can tell there's a primal instinct deep inside her, telling her bolt out of the store right now, that if she doesn't, this is the end for her and her world. "Uh..." I don't know what to say. I look at her name tag "...Miss Stella, right?" She doesn't react, only choosing to keep staring at me as she drops both the can of soup and the scan gun on the counter...what the fuck is going on? Is she having a panic attack? My question is answered immediately as she slowly starts hyperventilating and backing away me in the corner muttering incoherently. She slides down as the hyperventilating gets worse and she cradles her head from the side with hands, rocking back and forth still muttering. Then suddenly a voice from the check out center behind Stella comes up as a black and white triceratops quickly makes his way towards her "Stella, is everyth-" he stops as he assesses the situation and looks to Stella and then to me and then back to Stella, "...Oh shit, not again, I thought this stuff was over and done with" he says, clearly having dealt with a similar episode before. He snaps to me now looking furious, "What did you do?" My eyes widen as I realize the severity of the situation "Nothing! I was just having small talk with her while she was checking me out and then this happened!" The triceratops sighs before speaking again, this time calling out a name "Hey Jill!" I look behind to see where he's looking and see a short, petite human woman, with jet black hair up in pigtails and a look on her face that screams 'bored out of my mind' as she lazily leans on a mop handle. Her eyes dart past me and lock on to the triceratops. She looks annoyed and then in an instant her eyes widen and she stands straight up, power walking over to where we are with a worried look on her face. Not even couple of seconds later and she's right where we are "Oh shit, Devin what happened?" Devin nods my direction "I dunno, something to do with her" Jill glares daggers at me like she just saw me kick a puppy, "I'm gonna finish checkin' her out, you take Stella to the employee area, alright?" I turn back to Devin waiting for Jill to do as he asked and then I look to Jill, whose looking at me not with anger, but curiosity, wondering what about an apparent stranger would set off the the crumbling stego on the floor. She then turns her gaze to Stella and walks over towards her, crouching down to the stego's level in a motherly like fashion, "Hey Stella" she says as she puts her hand on Stella's shoulder and...Stella's head instantly snaps her direction, face stained with tears, still hyperventilating, but it is evening out a bit now that her co-worker is here. "Lets get you cleaned up and then we'll talk to Gwen about letting you go home early, okay?" Jill says in a calm and patient tone. Stella nods as her breathing finally starts to even out a bit more. As her and Jill get up, Stella looks at me again and Jill freezes on the spot, not sure what will happen next and to be quite frank, I'm not sure what's gonna happen next either. As if Raptor Jesus himself answered both Jill and I's prayers, Stella speaks up her voice hoarse from her freak out, "...I'm sorry, Mrs-I mean, Ms. Aaron" I'm shocked, why is she apologizing? If anyone should be apologizing it should be me, I clearly be me "Stella, you don't have apologize for anything, hell I should be apologizing. I clearly set something off when I said-" I pause for a moment, a faint memory racing from the back of my mind and right to the front...a memory from not long after what happened at Volcano High and after his department finished an investigation on what exactly happened... --- ...201M2020, Four Days After The Shooting I'm completely silent in the waiting area of the police department, trying my best not to cry again because what's happened. I still can't believe my Lucy would do something like this, let alone to my Naser, her own baby brother...I keep closing my eyes and opening them again, hoping to God that this is all just a terrible nightmare and I'll wake up to see my two beautiful children again, smiling and laughing together, enjoying each other's company as I enjoy their's. Oh God, I can't, I just can't. I let out soft sobs, trying my best not to disturb the others in the waiting area, though there's only two people there other than me. It's two green stegosaurs, a man in a suit that must cost a fortune and beside him cradled in his arms, a women, sobbing, wearing a beige sleeveless turtleneck and cover the lower half of her body, a thin black dress skirt, only revealing her ankles. They're saying something to each other in, what I assume is French, maybe trying to keep each other calm? Before I can think about whatever it is they're saying further, a voice calls out from the entrance into department proper, "Mr. and Mrs. Baudelaire?" their eyes shoot towards the voice and I follow, seeing a an anklyosaur officer moving to the side of the door way to reveal a green stego in baggy shirt that cuts off up top and exposes her collar bones and some jean shorts with the bottom part of the shirt tucked into them. Her face is what sticks out the most to me, it looks like she hasn't slept for the past two days, she has tear stains running from her eyes to the bottom of her jaw. She's so young, but she looks like she's been through hell and back. It's enough to tell me she was the lone witness Ripley mentioned and the two stegos across from me must be her parents. The three stegos come together in an embrace, clearly spent and ready to leave. Just as they're about to go, the receptionist speaks up and catches all of our attention, "Mrs. Aaron, I just got a text from the commissioner, he'll see you now" if Ripley was finished he could've just texted me but...whatever, I get up and take a brief look back at the stego family, the father and daughter staring in slight disbelief soon replaced with sadness, knowing I must be going through the worst of it considering it was my child that did this. The mother though...has a look of pure contempt, burning a hole through my head with the glare alone. The daughter seems to notice this and grabs her mother's wrist, looking at her with pleading eyes that say 'please, let's just go home'. The mother's face softens as she looks to her daughter and sighs "Of course Stella" she gives Stella a peck on the forehead and turns her back towards me, walking out the door before her family. The father turns his head my way with a heavy sigh, "My apol-" he stops midway through his apology as his eyes meet mine. It's almost like he knows something will change in his life forever if he apologizes to me, the women who birthed, in his and especially his wife's eyes, the monster that traumatized his little girl...I can't say I blame him though, he has every right to feel that way about me. And yet I don't get that feeling from him, deep in his eyes I see...an understanding, if a faint one. That tells me he's holding back his apology for the fear of potentially losing his family right in this moment "...Come Stella" The father turns towards the door, but Stella, the daughter, stays and her gaze meets mine. It's unlike either of her parents' stares, there is neither hatred or fear, just...empathy. Empathy for the way her mother had looked at me and for how her father feared me. Stella breaks the silence, "Mrs. Aaron, I-" she pauses like her father did, but unlike him, regains her composure and continues, "I know you must feel somewhat responsible for what happened to me, the ones who died including...Naser and Naomi..." At the mention of my son's name I feel the tears in my eyes returning as look towards the ground to avert her eyes, so she doesn't see me for the mess I've become. "...Hold on" she reaches...somewhere and pulls out a deck of cards and shuffles them with ease, like she's done this a million times before. After a moment, she finishes shuffling and holds out the cards to me, spread like a poker hand, but face down, "Pick three, but one at a time." I look at her quizzically with a cocked eyebrow and she simply nods with an unfaltering look on her face, still holding the cards my direction. Seeing no harm, I pull one from the deck, "Now turn it over" she says softly. I start to- "from the side, without flipping" ...I turn it over from the side, without flipping it and...what the hell? It's a tower on a dark night, that's on fire and has people jumping out of it, falling head first towards some jagged rocks at the base of the tower...I'm scared. Stella sees this as she shakes her head with wide eyes, " Oh no no no! Don't worry Mrs. Aaron Upright Tower is good!" ...the fuck? "What about this is 'good'?" I ask, the worry in my voice incredibly obvious. Stella notices this and reassures me further, "I mean, it's a sign of sudden adversity and hard times, which while a bad thing, it being upright means those times will come to pass and it will eventually get better!" she holds an awkward smile trying to stay positive for my sake, like she knew what she said wasn't really helping much. "Uh, let's draw that second card, um, i-if you want to continue that is" she says more nervous than before. It's clear whatever this is, it's for her sake as much as it is for mine. Now knowing this I draw a second card, turn it over and...well now this one is less tragic and more, silly? It's a man hanging upside down from a tree, on one leg, with a brilliant shining light behind his head, a light I assume is the sun? I show the card to Stella and she looks it and then back to the first card I drew, looking like she's deep in thought, "Well?" I ask, a bit impatiently. She thinks for a bit more, before finally speaking up, "Upright Hanged Man, along with Upright Tower, means you will be able move through your adversities, but at the cost of a sacrifice of sorts" "...Uh, s-sacrifice?" I say, practically pale as ghost now. Again Stella gets nervous and answers me, "Oh no! It's not that type of sacrifice, it means you'll have to forgo something for the betterment of yourself!" ...Huh, that doesn't sound too bad actually. But forgo something for the betterment of myself? What exactly could that mean anyways, I've already lost so much now, what else could I possibly lose before I get better? I shake it off my mind for now, I should finish this, for Stella's sake, she clearly needs this...at least that's what my own motherly instincts tell me. "I'll pull the last one, okay?" She looks at me, somewhat surprised, but nods diligently, holding the spread deck out towards me one last time, "Go ahead Mrs. Aaron" I pull out the last card, turn it over and...Wait, what? It's upside down, but I didn't flip it while turning it over, just like she said. Even then, I can still make out what's on the card itself. It shows a man and woman hand in hand walking towards...me I guess? I'm confused now to be honest, but Stella should know what this means, I think. I line the last card up with the others and present the three cards to her "What does all of this mean?" I ask, with a puzzling look on my face, no doubt. Stella looks over the three cards and...she gasps, dropping the rest of the cards on the floor, her eyes open wide with shock and her hands over her beak. After a bit, she quickly swipes the cards out of my hands and picks up the rest in a flash and runs out the front door without saying a word to me. It's strange, I swear I could see tears in eyes when she picked the cards up off the floor...oh well, I'm sure her parents will know what to do about it, I shouldn't be playing doting mother with other kids anyways, it's rude and...I don't deserve it... --- ...I walk out the of the store with groceries in hand and 30 pack of booze under my free arm, ready to make the long trek back after Devin finished checking me out, though he clearly didn't want me sticking around long after what happened with Stella...I can't believe that was that girl I saw at the police department so long ago, I wanted to say something else to her, anything, but I just couldn't bring myself to face her again...after all it's my fault she's like this, it's all because of what my Lucy did that Stella and a lot of other people really, are in absolute shambles..."Why? Why did she do it? I've asked myself that question a thousand times before ever since she was put in the ground and I still don't have any fucking answers! Please God, give me something, anything! A sign of where to look for some fucking closure to this shit that's haunted me for five years!" ...As my voice echos from my yelling in the middle of the parking lot, there's nothing but silence...and then a voice. "...Ms. Aaron?" I snap my head in the voices direction, tears in my eyes...it's Stella, slowly moving out from behind a car her eyes look sad, but she's no longer a mess like she was back inside. She looks much better now...good, depressed mess doesn't suit someone her age. "I'm fine, don't worry about me, I was just heading home" I say as I turn around wanting to leave as soon as possible. "Don't you have a car?" I open my beak to say yes, but shut it quickly, realizing that Moe keeping Naser's car until I'm 'ready' for it doesn't really count. I sigh, defeated "No" Stella brightens up a little when I say that, "I can give you a ride and I got the okay from my boss to take the rest of the day off so don't worry about that, uh, episode I had in the store, I'm better now." What? She's better? Just like that? Is she on anti-depressants or some shit? And why does she want to help me? I'm the reason she had her 'episode' in the first place...I let out another defeated sigh "Alright, alright, where's your car?" She looks giddy as a schoolgirl now as she turns back around to the light pink mini cooper, the same one she was hiding behind and stands in a proud pose with her hand on her hip and her other extended towards the the pink little demon. "...Uh-huh, I see." Stella puts a pout on her face like I just told her to put the candy back were she got it, "Why does everyone react that way? I worked super hard to get it!" "Oh, uh, I didn't mean it like that, it's just, uh" I take a moment to form my words "very loud?" Stella let's out chortle, that turns into a laugh, "I'm just teasing you Ms. Aaron, don't worry about it" I roll my eyes, unamused, but a faint smile creeps onto my face when I see her still laughing, holding her sides...that's good, a girl her age should laugh, not cry. After a few minutes of laughing, Stella gets a hold of herself and unlocks the driver side door to her car, before she heads in she pops her head over the roof and asks where I live. I give her the address and she brightens up again. "Oh, you live in Sunset Vistas in Little Troodon?" "Yes, is there a problem?" Stella shakes her head "No have an apartment in Lil' Troo too!" she says excitedly. She sits in the driver side and leans over to unlock the passenger side door for me, allowing me to seat myself in the Barbiemobile. I toss my groceries in the back seat, being extra careful with were I put the case of beer. After everything's situated and we have our seat belts on, Stella adjust the mirrors, backs out of her parking space and we're on our way out and on to the street. It's quiet most of the way, I thought with Stella's cheerful introduction to her little baby of a vehicle, she'd be more talkative, but instead it was just some small talk here and there. It reminded we really didn't have much to talk about to each other and we were basically strangers to each other, never really having some meaningful moment together. Unless you count that time at the police department, but, that ended in disaster...I think? Now that I think about it, I never fully understood why she ran away after I pulled that final card. What on earth did all of those cards together mean? I rattle my brain around trying to remember what Stella said about them exactly, but just then, she breaks the silence. "I meant what I said" I turn my head to her confused, as she stays laser focused on the road ahead, "About what? The car? I said I didn't mean i-" She cuts me off before I can finish, "I mean when I apologized back in Rock-Mart" Oh God, this again, "Look I told you don't have to apologize fo-" "I'm sorry for running out during the tarot reading, I mean" the ta-what-now? She glances my way seeing my confusion and clarifies as she turns her attention back to the road "When I presented those cards to you in the police department and you pulled those three of them and I told you what they meant, remember?" So that's what that was. I heard more about tarot in recent years from one of my co-workers, but me and Dirk just, kinda ignored the kid. Damn, now I feel like an asshole. "What about it? Was whatever that last card meant really that important?" As I say this, Stella damn near swerves the car off the road as she violently swings into a parking complex and stops the car in the nearest spot. As I'm about to complain, her head snaps towards me and...there's tears running down her face as pushes out her words "YES! OF COURSE IT FUCKING WAS! IT WAS ABOUT YOU AND FANG'S DAD!" after blurting that out, her eyes widen and she covers her beak with her hands. "What?!? How the fuck do you know that's what that was about?!?! I didn't even mention Ri-" I cover my own beak, as I almost utter his name. Stella is surprised at this, taking mental note of how I stopped myself from uttering his name as tears run down her face, "Oh my God" she says covering her beak again as she starts sobbing "It h-hurt that much w-when you-" she's cut herself of with a hitched breath as her sobbing gets worse...please, don't cry, big girls don't cry Lu- ...Oh God, no please not now... --- Stella's sobbing stops as I look over and...she's not there, not anymore. I look around and see I'm no longer in her pink car, instead I'm at a park and right next to me is...Lucy... The little ptero tugs at my dress, that I am now in as well "Mommy, are you okay?" she asks innocently not knowing the hell I've experienced up until now. I beam a smile her way as a tear runs down my face "Yes sweetie, mommy's okay" I say as I crouch down to her level and embrace her. I can't believe it, my Lucy, my little pirate princess is back in my arms and she's alive and well. I hold her tighter. I'm never letting her go again. She's staying with me, in my arms for- "OW MOMMY THAT HURTS!" I snap out of my trance and push myself out of my hug with Lucy and see her crying as she kneels down on the ground holding her ribs. I reach out to her, but she twists away "NO! GO AWAY! I HATE YOU!" The words pierce my heart and instantly I feel awful. Oh my God, what- What have I done? I look at hands and notice the blood on my talons. No. No! NO! THIS ISN'T HAPPENING! I close my eyes and put my hands to the side of my head, trying to block out whatever sound that isn't there. I do this for God knows how long before I find myself...on the rooftop of a school maybe? Why am I here? I've never been to a place like this before, not even when I was in school. The more I look around, it looks like death, gray fog covering the whole area, to the point where I can barely see were I'm going. It doesn't matter though, because I only need to take a few steps to see some shapes. A large rectangular concrete structure to my right, with a door, no doubt how you get up here. And to my left the suicide fence, I assume, it's chain link with barbed wire at the top to further deter students from jumping off...like it matters though as there's huge hole in the side and right in the middle...is a silhouette I wish wasn't there, looking off the side in an absent minded manor, like there's nothing left for her in this life...It's Lucy. I slowly start making my way towards her, as I do, I see glint of metal in her hand...no, no, please don't do this to me...before I can take another step, the door on the concrete structure opens slowly. I turn my head to the direction of the noise and...it's Naser...no, please Naser go away, let mommy handle this... Naser takes a few cautious steps of his own towards Lucy, like I'm not even here, "Fang, you there?" he says as he inches closer to his goal. He's closer to me and I can see the fear on his face as he slowly makes his towards Lucy "Fang, we can talk about this, about why you did this and the-" *BANG* I closed my eyes the moment I heard the gunshot, but I have to see what happened. I must. I slowly open my and look in horror as I see Naser on the ground, a bullet hole in his leg, with blood gushing out of it...I think also see some bone...Oh God... Lucy walks up to Naser, whose still writhing in pain over new hole in his leg. Lucy stops over his body and crouches down to meet with his eyes, now filled with a mix of fear and betrayal. "...please stop" "Oh, look at that, the star athlete can't handle a little lead poisoning" Lucy taunts, ignoring my soft plea. "Lucy, please, I-" She whips her head towards me in anger, cutting me off instantly "IT'S FANG! FANG! WHY THE FUCK DO YOU AND DAD NEVER LISTEN TO ME?!?" she turns her attention back to Naser, still coming to terms with what Lucy just did to him, "It's always about this fucking little cripple, because at least in your eyes he's not as fucked in the head as me" she turns back to me "Am I right?" I shift my eyes rapidly between both of my children, not sure how to respond "Lu- Fang, I don-" "AM I RIGHT?" I don't say anything, I can only bring myself to nod my head in response, as tears run down my face hoping this enough for her to stop this madness and just let me help her however I can. She scoffs at my response shaking her head in momentary silence, before speaking again "...of fucking course" she puts the revolver's barrel against Naser's head, as she does this, Naser locks his eyes with mine, silently pleading with me to do something, anything, get his sister to stop... ...I can't move, I'm frozen with fear, my eyes only growing wet the more I take in this situation. I can't do anything but try pleading with my Lucy again, "Fang, p-please, I'm so, so sorry t-that your f-father and I haven't p-payed you any attention" I say with a shaky voice, I begin sobbing as I continue, Lucy only silently listening still holding the gun to Naser's head "and I-*hic* know that yo-you feel unloved b-b-because *hic* of that. B-but when I s-say this" I pause for a moment to catch my breath between my sobs "I turely d-do love you, both you and Naser, from the bottom of my heart" Lucy is now looking my direction, her face unchanged from her angry grimace, "so please, please let me help you! I don't know what you're going through to do...all of this, but I can't help you if you don't talk to me!" Lucy's face changes to one of curiosity, at the very least intrigued by what I have to say now. I fall to my knees as I continue, my hands over my poor heart, wanting to escape from my chest "So, please, put the gun down and talk to me, so I can find out what help you need to get through this!" Lucy now has a contemplative face as she looks from me back to Naser, who seems to have calmed down somewhat due to my choice of words, even with the steel barrel still pressed against his head...did... did I get through to her? Is she going to stop this and talk to me abou- *BANG* ...No. No. NO THIS ISN'T HAPPENING! ...It just did, right before your eyes. ...NO THIS IS JUST DREAM! A TERRIBLE DREAM! ...But it feels so real, doesn't it? ...NO! NONE OF THIS IS REAL! MY LUCY WOULD NEVER DO THAT! ...But she did. And you let it happen. It's all your fault, for being such a terrible mother... --- ...What the hell is happening? All I wanted to do was give Ms. Aaron a ride home and apologize for cutting our reading five years ago so short and when I brought up what the cards meant, she cut herself off before saying the name of her former husband. And now...now the passenger side of my car has a 40-something-year-old teal ptero cradled in the fetal position, muttering some incoherent mess of words and...and pulling the feathers out of her wings, leaving a bloody mess in the passenger side of my car. She's preening. I noticed Ms. Aaron's wings looked a lot less healthy when I first saw her, but I didn't mention it because I thought it'd be rude. Plus, so many people in the line at the Rock-Mart were already staring at her, judgmentally and she already looked like she going through so much at the moment, I didn't want her to feel bad because of me...but I guess that happened regardless. I din't think this was her, but deep down I must've known and I confirmed my suspicions when she uttered her still kept marriage name, afterwards, I just broke down on the spot. I haven't done that for over a year now, I guess Anon was right, what happened at the police department back then really was eating away at me...wait. Anon! Of course! He said Fang preened sometimes, maybe he can help me fix this somehow. I quickly pull out my phone and go into my contacts and tap the very first on labeled 'My lovely fiance', signified by a picture of me and Anon from three years prior, eating cotten candy at the pier, smiling like a couple of goofballs with said cotten candy stuck in our teeth...I love that photo, that's the day Anon said he wanted go steady with me...wait stop, now's not the time to go down memeory lane, I have to help Ms. Aaron, it's the least I can do after all the pain I caused. I tap the green phone icon on the bottom right of the screen and put the phone to my ear hole...c'mon Anon pick up, it's an emer- "Hey, Stella, what's up? I heard you where given the rest of the day off. Did something happen?" I look over to Ms. Aaron, still preening. Oh God, what am I doing, I shouldn't be calling my fiance', I should be calling a fucking ambulance! Ugh! Stella you fucking sperg, how could yo- "Stella? You there?" Anon's question snaps me out of my self deprecating rage. "Y-yes, I'm here" I say with a shaky voice "Anon, I'm in a...situation and I don't know who else to call about it" I can hear the creaking of a chair, signifying that he's now on full alert mode after hearing my words "Are you okay? What do you mean situation?" "I'm okay, don't worry about me" I hear a sigh of relief over the line "but it-" I stop myself, wondering if I should tell him about the teal ptero beside me slowly trying kill herself. How would we react? He hasn't seen her in five years and I imagine it's the same for Ms. Aaron. If she came too how would she react to seeing her dead daughter's ex? She'd probably be pissed and claw his eyes out or...I look back at Ms. Aaron and...she's looking at me on the phone, her pupils dialated to the point they're barely visible. How long has she been looking at me? She darts her eyes around looking at her surroundings like a new born who just opened it's eyes for the first time and is taking the world for the very first time. Her eyes stop dead in their tracks as notices the blood around the passenger side. Her eyes are now filled with absolute horror at the mess she's made. She moves her hand towards the seat belt buckle to undo it. I quickly swap my phone to the ear hole on the left side of my head and grab her hand, holding it softly. She looks up to me with scared eyes and return her gaze, shaking my head, hoping she'll stay...God I have to help her, she desperately needs it. "Uh, Stella?" Anon asks in a confused tone of voice. Ms. Aaron shakes her rapidly pleading me not to say a thing. That confirms she's been out of episode long enough to here me say Anon's name at least once, though her reaction is a lot more...afraid than I thought it would be. I tighten my grip on her hand little and give her a weak yet reassuring smile to let her know it'll be okay. Her expression of fear softens a little and her pupils widen a bit, as she nods. "Anon, It's Ms. Aaron, Fang's Mom" I look at her again, now she has her other hand over mine, "...she was preening" [NOTES] Hey, here's Chapter 2 of Broken Heart of Gold! I don't really have much to add here except that I'm happy to see the interest people have in were I'm taking my first fanfic ever and it's really inspiring, it means a lot to me. This chapter sure has some depressing moments though, but I promise, Chapter 3 won't be nearly as bad, in fact, if all goes as planned, it'll be lighter in tone than the first two. I really wanted to push myself to make this chapter longer than the first. I felt somewhat unsatisfied with how short it ended up being, even though it was mainly to establish some things, I felt I could've done better and I hope this chapter is better in some ways for all of you. Stella seems to have moved on from the trauma she got from the shooting and so does Anon evidently since they're together, they're even engaged! I'm honestly taking a few cues from how Stella is in Bad Apple, but I do have my own ideas for what I'll do with her, same goes for Anon. For now, just think of their relationship in this fic as similar to Bad Apple, but minus Trish trying to kill them after the shooting, no angry trigger bothering those two love birds in this fic. Thanks again so much for reading, I'll see you all next chapter!