I find myself completely wide awake as my brain begins to fully recognize the man standing in front of me right now. How the fuck did Moe even find me? I haven’t seen him for half a year! “Moe got in the way, as usual…” Trish’s words during her attempt on my life the other day ring back to me. Moe simply stares at me with a serious look on his face, completely contrasting his signature toothy grin. The tyrannosaurus takes a puff of his cigarette with his stubby arms, quickly followed by a slow exhale. “Yeh look like shit…” “Tell me something I don’t know.” I fire back with a deadpan tone, trying to hide how I’m on the verge of voiding my bowels. He lets out a grunt as he raises the tobacco-fueled stick to his snout once more. “Why are you here?” My question causes him to let out a sigh, the stern look on his face slightly dissipates as it’s replaced with a slightly concerned look, remorseful even. “I… need t’ come clean about something, y’ deserve the truth.” I already have a feeling about what he’s about to say. It’s obvious as hell. “You sent Trish after me, didn’t you?” A subtle degree of surprise creeps across Moe’s face toward my question. “How did ya-” “She told me something about how you ‘got in the way’, when she tried to kill my friend and I.” I interject, not sure how to describe Stella and I at the moment. However, my attempts of bravado does little to phase the middle-aged tyrannosaurus. “You’re welcome, by the way…” Moe fires back with a flair of sarcasm as he sports an unamused look toward my ‘tough front.’ “So why are you even here? Gonna finish the job?” “Don’ get uppity with me punk, I still gotta few words t’ say.” He scoffs before the look on his face softens with a degree of melancholy. “Like I was sayings, you’se deserve the truth…” What more could he possibly mean by ‘the truth?’ It might be best to hear him out, consider what he’s apparently capable of and the sudden 180 in his demeanour shows that if he wanted to kill me, I’d already be dead. “I was the ones who sent Trish after you’se, because ol’ Rip didn’t give me much choice…” Rip? Does he mean… “Yeah… Lucy’s dad, he wanted ya dead after everything that happened… And for a second, I almost considered followin’ through…” Moe stared me down with conflicted emotions, both anger and sympathy. “Since little Lucy turned th’ whole school into own her personal shootin’ range, I guess my advice about being supportive didn’ get through to you’se huh?” His words pierce my heart like the same bullet Fang shot me with. Time and time again, I remind myself of how badly I failed Fang, how I failed everyone, it surprisingly hurts to hear those same words come from another’s voice, a REAL voice. “I know… I failed her, it’s all my fault…” My head lowers to the ground as my very being is filled with shame. “Don’ give yourself so much credit kid, i’m not don’ yet.” He still has more to say? Confused by his state, I raise my head to the scornful look on his face replaced with a slight degree of sympathy. “Like I said, LUCY was the one who shot up Volcano High. And like I also said back then, Ya can’t be tryna do every’ting for her.” He looks towards the ground with sadness, mirroring my own actions. “And she chose t’ kill her own brotha and do’se kids, but there’s one thing I did know from the first time I saw you’se two together.” The fear and sadness that enveloped me moments ago now replaced with confusion as I’m genuinely curious as to where he’s going with this. “Which is?” The taciturn expression in my voice now replaced with genuine curiosity. The middle-aged dino dons a mask of stoicism as he raises the cigarette to his lips once more as he takes a puff, steeling himself for the words he’s about to say next “I can tell there was something betweens you two, somethin’ truly special. From the way little Lucy spoke about youse, how she lept into your arms when you told her the good news, she liked you Anon… And I’m gonna take a safe bet and say you liked her a lot too…” Moe begins to move his free hand toward me. Ohshitfuck. My mind begins to prepare all possibilities, is he gonna try to claw me? No his hand is moving too slow, is he holding a gun that I didn’t see? No- However, my erractic train of thought comes to a stop when I feel his scaly palm place itself upon my shoulder, what is he doing? “And taken all that in mind, I’m guessin’ you’se seen your fair share of hell yourself…” His words ring in my mind as I still try to decipher his intent and why he of all people is showing me sympathy. He was a surrogate uncle to Fang and Naser, he’s best friends with their father, hell he even sent the purple menace to put me in the ground for fuck sakes! Why is he trying to look at me with anything other than hate? “Because it was pretty clear that you cared about her! Even if you’se was a shitty boyfriend, and nobody walks away from somethin’ as horrible as what you went through that day without any scars.” Moe replants his hand on my shoulder as he looks at me in the eyes. “Look i’m not gonna pretend you’se completely innocent but you’re not responsible for it all.” I want to think that if I was better, I could have stopped Fang, and everyone would still be alive, but at the same time… Fang hurt so many people that day. Her brother, Naomi, Stella, Sage, Rosa, hell even Trish. Fang may have been suffering, but she put that suffering onto others. “I… I don’t know what to think anymore…” I try to speak but the weariness in my body makes it difficult to push the air out of my lungs. “I just wanted F- Lucy to be happy, I didn’t mean for things to go the way they did.” Moe nods in response as his lips tighten. “Yea… I figured as much, and I kept that in mind when Rip wanted a hit put out on you’se, so I just sent Lucy’s trigger friend to teach you a lesson, and maybe Rip would get off mah back.” The hesitation in his voice tells me that the outcome of his choice wasn’t the one he was hoping for. “And now?” “And now he wants me to do it for reals dis time…” My heart sinks with fear as the words leave his mouth. “But I don’t want it to come to dat…” I feel the weight fade away from my shoulders as relief washes over my body like the gentles waves on a beach right after a storm. “But I am gonna need you’se to come with me.” What. “What?” I blurt out. “Don’t worry, you’ll be safe with me… You and I just needs to take care of a lil something…” Moe drops the cigarette on the ground, the embers illuminating before the tyrannosaurus stomps on it, extinguishing it’s flame. The racing feeling in my heart returns as all the possibilities flood my mind, does he mean talk with Fang’s dad face to face? All I can picture is his murderous stare as he grips his 9-iron in anticipation. He already wanted me dead the second I met him, I can’t imagine he’ll be any friendlier now that I’ve ‘killed his children.’ “Do I have a choice?...” My voice squeaks out. “Not really. But like I said, you’ll be okay.” I hope he’s right…. “Okay… we’re almost here.” The tyrannosaurus's words pulling me out of my inner thoughts. Raptor Jesus, how many times in the past three weeks alone have I been this easily distracted? Not that I had much to focus on anyway, especially right now when I’m trying to keep it all together. …Well, about well as I can keep it together considering a man I’ve met only a handful of times shows up at my doorstep and demands I come with him in his pizza themed sedan and drive to god knows where, with almost no elaboration. The very idea of that is enough for my heart to beat like a drum The motorized engine of the car continues to hum as Moe continues to drive us through the dusk-lit streets of Little Trodon. The muffled roaring of his car engine does little to silence the thoughts racing through my head. Where the hell is he even taking me? Why is he being this secretive? Why doesn’t he just kill me and get it over with? The barrage of paranoid thoughts bouncing through my head making my hallucinations seem more sane by the moment… I can’t take this anymore… “Moe, where are we even going?” I ask, my voice quieter than I intended due to my current state of fear. “You’ll see we get’s there…” He continues to gaze out the window, barely acknowledging my presence. “You said that earlier, what the hell is this even about? If you were gonna kill me or kick my ass, why waste all this time? Why not just get it over-” “...Would ya just shut the fuck up, kid?” Moe cuts me off as he turns away from the window to face me with an annoyed look on his face. “I already told’ ya I’m not gonna hurt ya. Hell I wouldn’t even be taking you’se out here if I was worried.” He reiterates, although his last sentence causing some new fears to emerge in my mind. “What do you mean ‘if you were worried?’ You said I deserve the truth right?” Moe lets out a sigh of defeat as his own words are used against him. “Yeah… I did says that, okay sonny… You win…” “We gonna pay an old friend a visit, get dis all sorted out…” Fuck… Is he bringing me to Trish? “No dumbass, I’m not… She’s in jail after assaulting you and dat Stego broad.” The annoyance returns to his face for a brief moment before it’s overshadowed by somberness. “Nah… But it is someone else who hates ya guts.” I instantly know who he’s talking about, and my brain starts to go into panic mode, both from the leftover stress from dealing with Stella’s parents who I couldn’t stop seeing as Fang’s dad, and now I’m about to meet the nightmare himself. “Moe, he’s gonna kill me.” Just my fucking luck… I’m dead, Moe’s essentially driving me to my own grave, I’m screwed. Before my brain can devolve into complete chaos any further, I feel the small touch of a hand on my right shoulder. “Look at me kid. Breathe…” He instructs as he lightly squeezes my shoulder. “You are not gonna die, we’re just gonna go have a lil’ talk with him, and get this all sorted out capiche?” The look he’s giving me this time around isn’t one of annoyance or disdain, but rather reassurance. But why though? Why would a man who I’ve only met once or twice give two shits about my safety? Let alone give my ass the benefit of the doubt considering what happened to his ‘niece and nephew’? “When we get in there, just let me do the talking okay kid?” ‘’ Eventually, I begin to regain control over my breathing, and I reply by nodding my head. To which he does the same. “Okay… Atta boy…” He reassures me while patting me on the shoulder with his comically small hand. As his hand return’s the steering wheel car comes to a complete stop, and the mechanical sounds fall silent... Without another word, the two of us open our car doors, the cold air of the night meets my skin. Repeating the same routine, I exit the car while positioning my crutches towards the dusk-lit pavement and essentially push myself out of the car while keeping my balance with my non-broken leg. I’m getting the hang of this. I can hear the rather impatient sigh of Moe as he brushes past me and approaches the half shut car down, he places a hand on the car door’s handle while staring at me with a rather annoyed look. Click SLAM …I knew how to do that “Okie Dokie, showtime…” He sighs as we turns towards the darkened city street and I earnestly follow pursuit. “‘Member Punk, just let me do the talking, and you’ll be safe, okay?” Moe addresses me as he faces me on the sidewalk, the faulty street lights barely illuminating the two of us “Got it.” I reply, trying to mask my fear as best as I can. Without another word, Moe went on ahead as I proceed to hobble after him like a scared puppy. Passing by various closed stores, vacant buildings, and restaurants still open to accommodate all the drunk students in town. I have no idea where the hell we even are, but I’m gonna assume we’re somewhere in Little Trodon, while this part of town isn’t a glorified septic tank like Skin Row, it doesn’t look like the type of place you’d wanna be walking around at night alone. I guess it’s a good thing I’ve got Moe here. I’m still so confused… How the hell did he manage to find me? Why did he get Trish specifically to come after me? Why was he being so secretive before we even got here? Just what the fuck kind of business does Moe get into? I can feel my heart beating like a jackrabbit as my list of questions begins to grow and grow. Moe comes to a stop as we turn towards a rather-dinged-up building. I try to hobble faster to see what exactly we’re walking into. I begin to make out various details such as the windows being covered by blinds, covering up the establishment’s gently lit interior, the flashing neon light sitting above the building’s entrance, The Lone Ranger And of course, there’s a fucking crosshair hidden inside the O. This is exactly the type of bar Fang’s dad would be at. Moe walks towards the entrance and holds the door open but stops me in place “You ready, kid?” He asks as he shuffles towards me, a small degree of concern on his face. Yeah, I’m ready to get turned into a human-sized golf ball, no worries at all! “Not really…” I answer bluntly as my eyes point towards the ground. “But it’s like you said, I don’t have a choice.” Moe lets out a sigh, as if he’s struggling to find the words as he tries to maintain his ‘tough guy’ persona. “Yeah… Let’s get dis ova with…” I nod and the two of us enter the building as a degree of warmth hits my body, replacing the cold breeze of the outside world. My eyes move around the bar, scanning the bar and its surroundings. Dimly-lit lightbulbs illuminated the bar, dazzling across the furniture and shining upon the various sports and hunting memorabilia that decorated the restaurant, paired with the typical boomer pop music from the 80’s played through the speakers across the walls. In literally any other situation, I would dare say I would even feel cozy here. The establishment looks to be around the same size as Dino Moe’s albeit a little smaller, however the restaurant was pretty much a ghost town aside from our group that just entered the building, and the two dinos sitting at the bar. Why the fuck is it so hard to breathe in here? Before I can react, Moe approaches the red Aquilops man serving drinks behind the bar, they exchange a few words as Moe reaches into his jacket pocket and hands an white envelope towards him, the bartender looks at him with surprise for a brief moment. I can make out Moe motioning his head towards the kitchen while staring at the bartender, which he promptly complies. Must be New Yorker for “You can fuck off and get outta here now.” I begin to waddle towards the bar and as Moe turns to me as we look towards our quarry. The only remaining person is the imposing pterodactyl man sitting sullenly at the bar, ignoring us all as we approach him A man I’m all too familiar with. His presence causing a new wave of emotions to ravage my heart. Fear Sympathy And Remorse. I move ever so slightly to get a better view of him., taking extreme caution of every inch I make. My legs feel as if they’re restrained by an invisible force as if my body is doing everything in its power to keep me from moving too far away from the door. A bitter yet irritated expression is painted across his face as his eyes are pointed towards the half-empty glass of golden-brown liquid he’s holding in his hands, as four empty cups of similar size are scattered in front of him in disarray. “The fuck are you doing here, boy?” His irritated demeanour fades into a barely constrained rage as my presence is made known to him. His baleful presence causes me to shrink on the spot, as I try to wrack my brain to come up with a response, but my Tyrannasauraus companion takes a step forward before I’m able to react. “We’re jus’ here t’ talk Rip, and hopefully see if we can-” “I thought I told you to put this cretin in the ground…” How far can I make it to the door in time? Is he armed? Surely he can’t aim that straight after downing enough booze to knock out an elephant. “I know ya did Rip, but just let’s work this out, yeah?” Moe motions towards me, trying to pacify the dour Pterodactyl. “There’s nothing to work out, Moe…” He growls as his venomousl gaze pierces my soul, making my lungs feel smaller and smaller as I struggle to breathe. “Our deal was simple, bury this little worm like I told you to, and I’ll continue to look away from what really goes on after hours at your restaurant. ” What… What did he mean by that? I’m too concentrated on not losing my balance as the walls feel like they’re closing in on me as I feel like I’m beginning to lose all feeling of my body, and why… why can’t I breathe? “Guess I couldn’t count on you to do even that, the ONE thing that I am telling- no, ORDERING you to do…” Fuck... I’m getting out of here! Instincts take the wheel as I turn towards the front door but before I can take another step. I feel the firm yet small grip on my shoulder. “Hey, no said you’se can go yet, Punk!” Moe looked into my eyes with a stern yet reassuring look. “Trust in ol’ Moe here, capiche?” Amidst the sound of my thoughts racing and unatrually rapid heartbeat, Moe’s words ring clear as crystal to me as I can only reply with a nod, as it feels like the only motion my body can make right now. “Good kid…” Moe let’s go of my shoulder, then proceeding to pat it. “The fuck are you all ‘buddy buddy’ for now, Moe? He killed my children…” Ripley stares towards his ‘friend’ with malice smeared across his face. “This worthless monkey took everything from me!” His eyes dart back and forth between Moe and I as I can stand in silence, however I find myself unable to speak not because of terror but rather… sympathy. Behind that venomous gaze, past the vitriol and hate, lies nothing but deep sorrow. The fear washes away from me as I begin to see the man before me now, not the terrifying six-foot-five killing machine that’s hellbent on mounting my head as a trophy for his wall. But rather a bereaved father, destroyed by the loss of his children, never to see them again. Never to see his children handed their diplomas Never to see Naser go to Medical School. Never to see Fang move out into his first apartment. Never will he be able to walk his daughter down the aisle… …Or feel the tender warmth of his grandchild. Only the bitter and cold damage left by wounds, wounds that could’ve been avoided. “I-...I’m sorry…” I choke out. I feel Ripley’s eyes pierce me, his hate burning like a volcano as I struggle to form my thoughts into words. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen, there’s not a day that passes where I’m not reminded by the horrible mistakes I’ve made. “F- Lucy and Naser, deserved far better.” My voice trembling as I begin to dig up the grief and regret I’ve felt to the surface. A-and there’s nothing I can say to tell you how sorry I am… Lucy… I lo-” “You think your apology means jackshit?…” His tone falls disturbingly quiet as he lowers his head for a brief moment, before rising once more, the venom in his eyes returned tenfold. “My wife and kids are dead because of you…” …One word, His wife too? No… “I buried my children… My own children! Before they even had a chance to truly live their lives!” The anger in his voice faltered as the grief in his words intensify. “I…Held Sam in my arms, as she…” The mournful Ptero can’t bring seem to bring himself to utter that final word, as if he’s trying his hardest to forget a horrible nightmare. “All because of you…” He utters with contempt as his body began to quiver with rage, like a beast eager for slaughter. I feel my muscles tense up as they completely refuse to move, like i’m being chased in a bad dream but I can’t move fast enough. “Well ‘enough” Moe gruffly replies as he takes another step forwards, finding himself in between his long-time friend and I. “Anon fucked up! Ders no denyin’ dat! But look at da kid Rip, does he REALLY look like he’s living his best life after what happened?” Moe points towards my leg and raises both his hands to emphasize the sorry state I’m in. He begins drawing attention to my ragged features, bloodshot and baggy eyes, and the overall fear and sadness painted across my face. Why is he taking the side of a no one like me instead of his best friend? “And from what Lil’ Lucy told me, what with those screamin’ matches you’se two had and what not, it don’t look like you was the supportive type neither!” “You better watch your fucking mouth… I have a good reason for wanting him dead! ” “Your dumbass reason is why her best friend is spending the week in a jail cell!” Moe begins to raise his voice towards Ripley out of frustration. “Lucy needed someone to support her and make her feel like she wasn’t alone! To say dat’s entirely on Anon here is pure bullshit and you know it!” Moe raises a finger towards the vitriolic Pterodactyl, Ripley’s anger now transitions away from me and over to his ‘best friend’. “Anon clearly failed in that areas, but so did you, so did her bestie, her zonked out raptor buddy. Hell, Naser was de only who trieds to make amends with her sister-” “You don’t know a damn thing, you’re not a father…” Ripley gazing down at his glass, his body language completely still as Moe continues to reprimand him. “And clearly you ain’t ever much of one either!” …Oh fuck… I feel my heart drop as I begin to take note of the Grizzled pterodactyl’s hands begin to tremble with pure unbridled fury. “...Say that again.” Moe remains unfazed by the murderous aura radiating from Ripley, he raises his finger towards the Pterodactyl. “Don’t point da finger at Anon without pointing one right back at yerself!” “YOU FUCKED UP AS A FATHER RIP!” Moe… What the fuck? His head turns slightly towards Moe and as I remain paralyzed with fear, Ripley’s face is painted with a flurry of emotions. The first one is defeat, his hands loosen slightly as his eyes close, almost as if he’s contemplating his words and taking them to heart. However, it’s quickly replaced by a new emotion as his grip tightens, trembling as the anger inside of him roaring like an inferno, enraged by the painful reminder that his best friend just smacked him across the face with. Before I can react further and step out of the way, Ripley’s hand quickly snatches the half empty glass and smashes it against the ground, narrowly missing Moe’s foot. “I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU!!” I almost fall backwards on the bar stool as my fight or flight response kicks in favour of the latter. It happens in a blur, the enraged Pterodactyl’s featherless wings flare from his back as he rise from his chair to strike his friend across the face. Moe curses as he leaps back with surprise, not unlike my own reaction. However, Ripley’s claw never meets his target.. Ripley just barely misses his head as loses his balance and falls to the ground with the stool, hitting his head on the ground. “Fuck!” I blurt out. The two of us quickly turn our attention to the incapacitated Ripley, now laying on the ground on his side with no sign of getting up. I try to observe any subtle movements from his chest to see if he’s still breathing but amidst the concerned mumbling of Moe, the shitty music blaring on the speakers, and the yelling from the bartender who just emerged from the back, I can’t make out shit! “Dad? DAD! What’s wrong?!” A familiar masculine voice cries out in fear. Naser? Fuck not now! I frantically look around the bar, searching for the revenant of my former friend, my eyes spy nothing but the figures in front of me, bickering like children. “No no no no! Please dad, not like this!” A new voice calls out from behind me,. Recognizing that painfully familiar voice, I shoot around nearly falling over and ending up like Ripley. But in front of me isn’t the broken ashen-feathered pterodactyl crying out for her father, full of the anguish and regret she’ll never be able to confess to her father. The only thing my eyes meet is the line of stools in front of me. My ears begin to ring as the arguments between Moe and the bartender, the amplified tones blasting from the radio, and now the two shadows of my former friends crying out for their father begin to overlap. The sensation completely overwhelmed me as the sounds all around make it harder to breathe, as if their words are being drawn from my own breath. “I’m sorry dad… I’m so sorry! I tried to push you away so many times, I should have been a better daug-” “HEY! I TOLD YOU ASSHOLES IF ANYONE GOT HURT THIS TIME, I’D BE CALLING THE PO-” “Please!! WAKE UP, DAD!! YOU’RE ALL WE HAVE LEFT!! PLEASE DON’T LEAVE US ALONE!! MOM’S GONE, AND NOW YOU’RE FUCKING LEAVING US TOO? PLEASE WAKE UP!” The walls feel like they’re closing around me…. “YOU’SE SHUT THE FUCK UP, ME AND THE KID ARE LEAVING NOW, C’MON ANON LET’S GO! ….and I’m sinking into the ground with no chance to escape no matter how hard I swim. “ANON?! GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!” I feel myself return to the world around me as my shoulders are violently shaken by the frustrated tyrannosaurus. “I… Ha…. He’s dea.” “Breathe ma boy… You’re okay…” Moe points with his snout towards his motionless on the ground. “And he’s okay too, dumb bastard jus’ knocked himself out cold… He’s always been a clumsy drunk.” As some semblance of stability returns to me, I begin to see the subtle movements in his chest moving up and down… Oh thank god… Thank fucking god… I should feel relieved right? Feel the stress completely leave my body as I come to the realization that I’m not in danger, nor am I responsible for another person dying. I should be calm now? And yet.. I feel even worse… But before I can open my mouth with any more questions, Moe interrupts as he glances towards the cantankerous barkeep giving him an ear(hole) full. “Save dat thought sonny, we gotta bounce, NOW!” Moe speaks to me in a serious voice before letting go of my shoulders as he begins to move closer towards the exit. Not wanting to get left behind, I adjust my crutches and ready myself to follow Him Before I begin walking, I take one last look at Fang’s dad, laying on the floor after trying to attack Moe and I. Even if he’s out cold, I should be scared, his presence when Fang was alive was enough to make me piss my pants, but now? I can only feel remorse. For what happened, how things went with Fang, and how her actions destroyed the lives of so many people around her. A part of me wants to stay and wait for him to wake up, but I get the feeling, he’s not gonna be too eager to hear me speak unless I’m begging for my life. “NOW ANON!” Fuck that’s right! I scramble myself together and begin hobbling myself away from the scene and towards the front door. The mechanical sounds of my crutches tapping frantically as I try to get out of here before he leaves me behind. As much as I want to try to make things right, I don’t think I’ll be able to and walk out alive… About twelve minutes have passed since we left the bar, the world around me feels almost… Non-existent. The gruff conversation between Moe and one of his men over the phone, paired with the howling sound of the van moving against the wind feels more like white noise, My mind paying no attention to any sound other than the words that repeat in my head from Fang’s father. “My wife and kids are dead because of you…” “I buried my children, my own children!, before they had a chance to truly live their lives!” His daughter, his son, and now his wife… All gone because of me? The more and more I wrap my head around the words he spoke to me, the more I begin to wish that Fang aimed for my heart that day. Why am I still here? Why does someone as shitty as me get to keep on going when others more deserving of a kinder fate never got that chance? Both Stella and Rosa showed me kindness despite it all, but why?! I destroyed Fang’s family, made Reed scramble his brains with all those fucking drugs, and made Stella afraid to leave her house without someone else. I have brought nothing but suffering into this world! “It’s not all on you’se y’know…” Moe seemingly replies to the thoughts in my head like a telepath. “Did I… Mumble that out loud?” I inquire, shooting the tyrannosaurus a confused look. Moe shrugs and lets out a sigh. “Nah, but I see’s dat guilt written all yer face, you’ve look like a ghost the entire time we’ve got in da car.” I let out a sigh of my own in response, I guess I didn’t really try to hide how I was feeling, not that it would’ve made a difference since I’m pretty sure he’d be able to read my emotions like an open book. What was the point of all of this anyways? Why did he bring me out her only for Ripley to knock himself out cold without any sense of closure? It’s as good as a time as any to ask, I guess. “You never did answer my question from earlier, why did you want to have us talk with Fang’s dad?” Moe lets a sigh as a grim expression forms across his face. “I… like I said earlier, there’s no doubt in m’ mind that you’ve been hurtin’ since the shootin’.” Moe glances my way, trying to avoid taking his eyes off the road for too long. “And that day? It tore their parents apart…” My head turns towards the windshield, mirroring Moe’s gaze as we drive through the night. "You saw what happened to Rip’ dere in the bar, you how he had a little more to drink than he should’ve, yeah? Well… That’s about an average evening for him deez days…” To suffer that much pain and loss… Knowing how you’ll never be able to hold the ones you love in your arms for the rest of your life… How Ripley’s sole comfort could only be found at the bottom of a bottle… A feeling I know all too well… Considering all the nights I’ve stayed awake from adderall and how much cough syrup I’ve drunk to dull the knife that’s been twisting my gut for the past five months… My attention is drawn again towards Moe who clears his throat. “And Sam… Her heart couldn’ take it no more, she uhh…” I know what he’s going to say, I know how it’s going to end. Yet, I still steel myself for the tragic words he’s about to utter. “A month after it all happened… Rip… He found her on the bathroom floor, bleedin’ from her wrists…” Moe struggles to explain, I take notice of the singular tear that’s falling down his cheek. I can imagine how many people Fang hurt that day, not just the people she killed, but the people she left behind… The families of the victims, the survivors… Her own parents… But to directly hear how actions affected her own parents, and how it destroyed them? It’s a sobering feeling in the most painful way possible. “ But Rip, wanted someone or somethin’ to put the blame on, and so one day he told have you clipped or else ol’ Moe here would be put in cuffs.” Moe explained, the Tyrannosaurus’s voice seemingly conflicted. “And I almost considered it too, because I wanted justice for my lil’ Lucy and Naser… But, I remembered how much you cared for Lucy too, and seeing how close you two’s were, you must have been going through a hell of your own…” Our car takes a right turn around a corner revealing my apartment building, I didn’t even realize we’ve already made it to Skin Row. Despite Moe’s car slowing down as he prepares to park, I know our conversation isn’t gonna end here “I have been… And I deserved every second of it.” I lower my head, staring at my trembling hands resting on my dirt stained jeans. Moe lets out a sigh in response for display of self pity. “At th’ end of da day, everyone’s fightin’ their own battles…” Moe shifts the gears into park, turning towards me. “But the sad truth is, not everyone wins those doze battles…” All I can think of after he says that is Fang’s mother, and how much suffering and grief she had to go through after losing her children. …How she took her own life in an attempt to escape her nightmare, only to create a new one for her husband, and how Ripley tries to escape that nightmare from drinking himself to death. Or how Reed fucking scrambled his brains to the point where there’s nothing left. …How I almost lost myself to apathy as I locked myself away from the rest of the world, content to rot away until my apartment became my grave. I try to muster up the strength to say something, my throat feeling like it’s closing in an attempt to get me to shut up. “I-It’s all my fault…” “Anon…” “I fucked up… so bad, if I was able to ANYTHING other than this… shitty, and pathetic shell of a man, maybe Fang wouldn’t have…” My voice cracking as tears begin to form in my eyes. “Maybe Fang could’ve made things right with her family, maybe Reed wouldn’t have destroyed his mind, maybe Stella wouldn’t be scared enough to leave her house alone, maybe-” “You ain’t the only person in da world, Anon…” His sentence stopped me in my rant of self pity, the very sentence that my Principal told me on the night of Fang’s first concert. “Sometimes… It takes two to tango.” “What do you mean?” I ask, slightly confused by his analogy. Moe sighs as he slightly shifts his body towards me. “Well, yeah I’ll be blunt, you messed up… Maybe you are right and things coulda been different if you’d been a betta boyfriend.” Moe shooting me a serious yet sympathetic look. “Howeva’, you didn’ force her to do anything, Lucy chose to kill her classmates.” Moe’s gaze breaks away as his facial expression becomes more dejected. “And destroy da lives of so many people…” Thinking of all of the people I’ve talked to and reconnected with in the past three weeks alone, I know deep down in my heart he’s right. But still, I can’t bring myself to hate Fang or blame her for what she did. “I… I guess so… “ I sigh with defeat, the older tyrannosaurus seemingly seeing through my inner conflict. “I know sonny… It’s a fucked situation where nobody wins…” “Yeah…” I utter as I feel like that’s the only word I can muster, my body and soul completely devoid of energy. We stay there for a minute in the car in silence, the only sound being the howling wind from the outside world. Eventually our lamentations come to an end when Moe wearily clears his throat. “Well… I should probably let ya go now, you look like ya haven’t slept in days.” Moe pressing one of the buttons to right side, causing my door to make a clicking noise. “Again I’m.. I’m sorry this didn’t go quite da way I was hoping.” I open the door to right, before I get out I make sure to reach for my crutches from the gap between my seat and the back, pulling them through and saving me the effort of opening any extra door while hopping on one foot like a dumbass. “It’s okay… I’m just glad you didn’t try to kill me.” I shrug as I try to appear sarcastic. “Yeah.. You don’ gotta worry about dat no more, Moe here’s gonna try an’ take care of things with Rip.” His display of empathy and care surprising me. “And you don’t gotta worry bout Trish finding you’s neither, I neva told her where ya live..” That's… relieving at least. “Well… Be seeing you, Anon.” He waves me off. “Thanks, Moe.” I nod to him as I shuffle myself out of his sedan, but before I shut the car’s door, he calls out one last time. “Anon. Be good, yeah?” Be good. I’m not sure what to make of it, but those words imbed themselves in my mind. I silently nod to Moe while closing the car door, nearly slamming it to make sure I don’t make the same mistake earlier. Without another word, the car’s engine begins to hum as Moe pulls away from the side of the street as he drives off into the night. Wasting no more time, I hobble myself towards the front door of my apartment complex, completely ready to pass out, let’s try to get to my bed first before that happens. …And hope to god no one else shows up at my fucking door tonight. Well… I hope this is the right spot, it’s cold as balls out here. About two days have passed since everything that went down… After Moe dropped me off, I don’t remember anything other than plugging in my phone and passing right out in my bed. Most nights where I sleep, it always ends with the most fucked up dreams that I didn’t even know my mind could imagine, as some sort of way of self punishment. But that… I don’t even remember dreaming… I haven’t had a dreamless sleep since I was a little kid, and I usually remember most of my dreams the next morning. However, that wasn’t the only surprise I woke up to that day. When I checked my phone, I saw that I had one missed call and a new text message from Rosa. (ROSA) Tuesday 7:00 AM (Missed Call) (ROSA) Tuesday 7:05 AM Hola Anon, if you have time this week, would you be willing to meet up with me? Por favor, It’s important. A part of me was both surprised and nervous when I saw this. I still remember Rosa’s angry tirade towards me after we left Stella’s house to drop her off, and I’m wondering if she’s trying to find a way to continue that in person. But there’s more, the way she wrote the message didn’t seem to have any ill-intent or seem disingenuous, I never knew Rosa to be the type of person to hold a grudge… Maybe she really does want to talk? Knowing she was in class, I called her at around lunchtime to get a better idea of what she’s trying to plan. She seemed rather cordial on the phone, but not in the same vein Naomi was, that disgusting display of sweetness that made you sick to your stomach. But l don’t want to speculate too much. We set up to meet at the Volcadera Memorial Park after she gets off school on Wednesday. I don’t want to fight with Rosa, yeah she may be a bit overbearing at times, but she’s undoubtedly one of the sweetest, most kind and considerate people I’ve met in my life. She’s way too good of a friend for someone like me As my own way of a peace offering, I picked us up some drinks from Dunkin Dinos on the way, hoping to show her that I just want to make things right. I was expecting this to be a lot harder to carry considering my crutches but somehow I managed. I was to find a rather clean-looking wooden bench, this must have been freshly installed too. Placing the coffee down first, I carefully lower myself down on the seat without putting too much pressure on my broken leg, this has gotten a lot easier to manage. Now I can rest my legs for a brief moment before Rosa gets here. However, my mind races over all of the possible outcomes of what could happen. ‘What if it’s a trap?’ ‘What if she only pretended to sound polite on the phone so you’d be more willing to meet up?’ ‘She’s gonna abandon you like they always do.’ What am I even gonna say to her? How can I even clear things up with her and make her forgive me? Before my brain can get any more scattered, a familiar voice interrupts my thoughts. “Hola, Anon.” I hear Rosa’s voice gently call out to me. I turn to the sound of my greeter and see Rosa approaching me dressed in a rather warm-looking winter coat, the floral print on it very reminiscent of her typical floral dress. Seeing her coat is making me feel like a dumbass for not wearing something warmer, I didn’t even know it was 50 degrees until I got outside my building. I use my crutches to prop myself off the ground so I can stand up to greet her. However, with each step she makes toward me, I find myself surprised at the emotions painted across her face as she gets closer. Guilt. Remorse. Shame. Sympathy. …This has to be a trick right? Why would she feel that way about me, considering how she looked like she was ready to kick my ass a week ago. I clear my throat preparing myself for this encounter. “Hey Rosa… I just wanted to say I’m-” POOMPF My attempt at an apology is interrupted, as I realize Rosa’s arms wrapped around my chest, embracing me in a… hug? I’m sorry, what? “No... Lo siento Anon, fue mi culpa…” Rosa’s voice muffled as buries her head into my coat. “I am so… so sorry for the way I acted...” My crutches limiting me from returning her gesture, I lower my left crutch to the ground while balancing on my good leg, allowing me to hug her back. “It’s okay Rosa, I’m not mad at you at all.” Patting her back as I offer her words of consolation, trying to mask my own surprise in the process. She’s not mad at me, but she’s even apologizing? I was so prepared for her to give me a bunch of shit or even go as far as to cut me out of her life, I never would have expected to see this as her reaction when we met up. I can see how upset she is right now just from seeing her like this. When she and Stella saved me that day on the street, she was nervous but kept her cool, or when she scolded me for smoking in her backyard. Comparing that to when she completely lost her cool at me in spanish for going out with Stella without telling her. Even now as I can practically feel her about to break into tears. Okay Anon, let’s try and do this… empathy thing. “Hey… Let’s sit down and talk about it, okay?” I softly suggest to her as I break away from the hug. “I brought you a drink from Dunkin Dinos, you like Chamomile Tea right?” A blush forms across Rosa’s face as she takes notice of the two beverages place on the bench. “Aww An-on, you didn’t have to do that for me! That’s very sweet of you, chico.” “Hey you gave me a place to stay, a pair of crutches, AND you took Stella and I out to dinner.” I shrug while trying to poorly hide a smile of my own. “Getting you a drink is the least I could do.” Rosa lets out a soft chuckle “Eso es cierto. You got me there.” The two of us pick up our drink, and take a seat on the bench, this white cup of coffee being practically my only source of warmth on this frozen hell of an afternoon. I raise the cup up to my lips, pouring the drink down my- FUCK! HOT! HOT! HOT! Fuck! I got this like 10 minutes ago, why the hell does Dunkin Dinos make their drinks boiling hot? No wondering they’re fucking losing customers to Stonebucks with each passing day. Rosa takes notice of my misfortune as she lets out a chuckle of amusement. “Hahaha, are you okay there?” “Yeah, I’m good… Just dunkin trying to kill me as usual…” My tongue being burnt by the coffee making it difficult to speak. Rosa chuckles once more as she lets out a relaxed sigh, her somber demeanour seemingly returning. “It’s good to see you again, Anon… It means a lot that you came…” The ankylosaur faces my direction, while her eyes stay pointed at the ground. “Of course, that’s what friends are for right?” I nod with a smile, my hands grasping my cup. “So, what did you want to talk about?” Rosa lets out a deep sigh in response to my question, as if she’s mentally preparing herself for what she’s about to say. “Sí… Where do I begin?” The ankylosaur’s shoulder dropped as she felt conflicted on what to say next. “I first just wanted to say… I am sorry, I am sorry for the way I spoke to you on that night where we drove Stella home, it was cruel and completely unfair to you.” Rosa looks up to me with sympathetic eyes, the remorse on her face made painfully obvious, making it apparent that she’s been stressing out about our meeting as much as I have. Maybe even more than me. “It’s okay Rosa, It’s all water on the bridge.” I smile in an attempt to reassure her, the smile fades on her face as she lets out another sigh. “And I am sorry I've been far too… controlando, to you two… I never meant to make Stella feel like she’s weak, to make either of you feel that way… I just wanted to make sure you two were safe.” Her eyes break away from me again, as I’m able to see the conflict from within her. “Para ser sinceros, Stella’s parents never asked me to watch over her. I asked them...” She asked them? I’ll admit, I’m a little bit confused since they never bothered to correct her when she admitted to watching us. “I do not know either, but I am grateful they allowed me to, ever since…” Rosa answers my mumbling as she hesitates on uttering the rest of her sentence, the distress becoming far more apparent. The orange dino gazing off into the distance as she lets out a deep sigh. “Esa perra satánica malvada.” She grits her teeth as she refers to Fang with vitriol. “She took away so much from us all that day… Not just the people she murdered but the lives she destroyed, the people she’s broken.” Her hands begin to tremble as she held her cup. “An-on…” Rosa looks towards me with shame and fear in her eyes. “I stayed an extra year because I am terrified of something like that happening again, I have to be there.” A sense of surprise appears on my face at her revelation. “What? Why?” “Estoy asustado… If I don’t do anything, I am terrified about what could happen to those I love!” The ankylosaur spoke as despair and sorrow weighed heavily on her heart.“I don’t want to let anyone else die, Ya no.” Why was she blaming herself as if she’s responsible for the shooting? She was on decent enough terms with Fang, and I didn’t see her in the crowd laughing at Fang on stage when she was forced to play the bass at prom. Unless?.... I come to the realization that she’s referring to another incident, thinking back to those two words. “Anyone else?” I ask her in a concerned manner. “Do you mean Sage?” “Sí, but not quite…” The sadness on Rosa’s face grew more apparent as a result of my question. “Sage’s passing… Was not the first time I have lost someone that close to me…” Four Years Ago August 7th, 2016 Gazing at the pure blue sky as I lay on the warm summer grass, my mind only fixates on one thing. Dios mio… I still can’t believe it! High School is just one more month away! The next time I’m in class, it’ll be at Volcano High, a whole new place surrounded by tons of new people, new friends, and new memories to be made. It always seemed so far away, even towards the end of the school year when I graduated! But to think that it’s finally happening after years of preparing myself, I still find it hard to believe. A part of me is filled with a sense of excitement, but there is also another part of me that is nervous about what lies in front of me. Will I be able to handle myself? Will the work be too hard? What if I don’t know anyone? Mis hermano already told me all of the horror stories. ‘The school is run by a big and scary skinnie who can crush concrete with his bare hands!’ or ‘The cafeteria’s food put someone in the hospital for a week!’ “Don’t listen to him mija, Volcano High is a wonderful school filled with many incredible opportunities!” I recall mi padre consoling me before his expression turns playful. “Tu hermano está siendo un idiota.” The roses in our garden never turned as red as Esteban’s face did that night! My father told me about how incredible the school’s garden was, how all of the flowers were so beautiful. Mi papa has been encouraging me to sign up for the gardening club when I do start my semester, but I still do not know if I would be any good at that, or if I would be good at anything the school has to offer. “Remember Rosa, these next four years may be some of the best moments of your entire life. But it is up to you to make that happen, I know you can do it!” His words echo in my head. How am I supposed to do that? How am I going to make friends with so many new people or figure out what club I want to join? Going by mi papito’s suggestion of joining the Gardening club, I believe that may be the safest bet. He promised he would teach me everything that there is to know about gardening, he even picked up a new herbology book for me at Barnes and Boulder. Which reminds me, he said I would be allowed to start reading it when he got home! Mama is out shopping for school supplies with Valeria, and Esteban is visitng a friend’s house, leaving me alone with mi papa at home, since I am pretty sure he just got back home not too long ago. Lifting myself off the ground, I begin to make my way towards the backyard’s sliding door, a cool sensation hitting my scales as I step inside the air conditioned kitchen, the local reggaeton station playing through the speakers on the counter. Can I really be as good as mi papa? He managed to turn Volcadera Bluff’s botanical conservatories, into one of the most prestigious and beautiful gardens in the state, whereas I only know a handful of flowers. I begin to recite all the flowers I know in my head as I begin to walk towards his office. Tulipanes. Orquídeas Margaritas Girasoles And of course, Rosa. The flower Papa named me after. He’s been so passionate about Floriology as long as I can remember, alway creating such beautiful pieces of art through his gardens, breathing life into the earth. And yet, despite how busy he may be, he always makes time for our familia. A smile appears on my face as I begin to reflect upon what an amazing man my father is, however confusion grows on my face as I noticed the door to papa’s office closed. Curioso… He didn’t seem to planning any new projects when I got home, maybe a last minute request. “Papá, ¿puedo entrar?” My knuckles gently collide against the wooden door, attempting to get his attention. A couple of seconds pass. Silence… That is strange, I know he’s in there, but he always calls out whether I can come in or not. Perhaps he did not hear me? My hand knocks against the door again, a little louder. “¡Papá! ¿Está todo bien?” I wait a couple of seconds, only to be once again greeted with the white noise of the house’s air conditioning and the distant noise of the music playing in the kitchen. He should be in his office. I could have sworn that he went in there as soon as he got home? Perhaps he could be in the garage or the basement? I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if I just took the book, he did get it for me after all. My hand touches the door, the cold feeling of the metal knob mirroring the chills running down my spine. I am confused as to why I feel this way, I am certain I have nothing to worry about. Gently pushing open the door, I am are greeted with the sight of various shelves, awards, and photos of our familia. But I feel my heart completely drop as my eyes spot the bearded figure on the chair sitting next to the desk, clutching his chest with a pained expression Papa? No… No no no, no no! Papa! I rush towards my father’s side, nearly breaking the door off the hinges in the process as he begins to hyperventilate, his breathing becoming slower and heavier. His eyes are pointed at the wall in front of her, completely ignoring the sight of his daughter. What the hell is wrong with him?! He’s going to be okay, he’s going to be okay… ¡¿Papá?! ¡Papá, estoy aquí!” I take hold of his hand, giving it a tight squeeze. “¿Qué está pasando?” …My cries fall upon deaf ears as he continues to place his hand on his heart as his breathing becomes more ragged and pained, then a crippling sensation of fear washes over my body as realization sets in. Is he having a heart attack? No no no, come on Papa! Please say something! My panicking comes to an abrupt pause as I feel the presence of a trembling hand on my shoulder. “...Rosa….” My head shoots towards mi papa, finally acknowledging his daughter in front of her. My eyes widen as my own breathing becomes heavier and heavier. It’s going to be okay Papa! We’re gonna get you help, Mamá y mis hermanos are coming home soon! “Mi preciosa Rosa…” He struggles to speak as a weak smile forms on his lips “Te…” “Te amo…” And before I can react further, mi papa begins to shake and spasm as the smile on his face falls into a vacant expression, his eyes widening to a disturbing degree. It takes a couple of seconds for my mind to process what’s happening in front of me, my feet feel like they’re chained to the ground as I’m paralyzed with pure terror. “PAPA!!” I scream as he falls out of his desk chair onto the floor. No no no please… PLEASE! I begin to look around the room, searching for anything that can help me. My eyes spotting nothing but office supplies, books, and the cell phone on the count- The cellphone! I shoot toward the bookshelf where the cell phone is resting on, however I lose my footing and trip in the process. THUD ¡Mierda! No no no, come on, come on! My heart is beating like a Conejo, I’m struggling to keep my balance. ¡Puta estúpida! Keep it together, your papito’s life depends on it! I quickly reach out to grab the phone, scooping it up, my fingers hastily attempting to turn on the screen, barely noticing the photo of our familia on the screen. My hands are trembling with terror as I try to frantically press the emergency call button on the home screen, taking about five presses before I’m able to successfully dial 911. ¡Basta Rosa! If you don’t come down, papa is going to die! I lift the phone up to my earhole and hear the phone ring as it dials the number. With the phone in my hand, I rush toward the floor to mi padre as he begins to convulse uncontrollably on the floor, placing my free arm under his head. Don’t worry Papa! ¡No voy a ninguna parte! Come on! PICK UP! PICK UP! My breathing becomes more panicked as it feels like an eternity as I listen to the dull tones emitting from the phone’s speaker until finally it abruptly gets cut off by the sudden words of a masculine voice. “911, what’s your emergency?” “Please help me! I think mi papa is having a heart attack! Please, I need an ambulance!” I cry out, barely able to hold back the tears leaking from my eyes. “Okay, are you with your papa now?” “¡Sí! He fell to the floor and he’s shaking and his eyes are rolling back to the back of his head, and I don’t know what to do-” I scramble over my words before the phone operator cuts me off. “It’s going to be okay, can you please tell me your name and your address?” I let out a sniff as I take a deep breath before answering his question. “R-Rosa Castillo, I live at 12 Evergreen Avenue on the outskirts of Volcadera Bluffs!” “Okay Rosa, we’re sending over an ambulance and they will be arriving at your house within ten minutes.” Ten minutes?! HE DOESN’T HAVE THAT LONG! “What I am going to need you to do is stay with your father and try to make sure he-” “HE DOESN’T HAVE TEN MINUTES, HE’S DYING IN MY ARMS AS WE SPEAK!!” “Rosa, our services are working as fast as we can right now and-” “¡VENGA AQUÍ, JODER! ¡¡AHORA MISMO!!” I desperately scream through the handset. “Rosa? Listen to me, I’m gonna need you to take a deep breath okay?” The operator speaks to me in a sickeningly calm that sounds downright condescending. “We have an ambulance on route to your house as we speak, what I am going to need you to do is-” I throw the phone before I am able to hear his last words, only to- …No… O-only to realize mi padre has stopped shaking in my arms, laying motionlessly in my arms as his lifeless eyes stare at the ceiling. No… NO NO NO NO!!!! ¡Malditos inútiles! I’m not going to let him die! I try to think, using all of my brain power to figure out a way to save him, until lightbulb goes off in my head. CPR! That’s right! Mi mama taught me about it last april! Carefully lowering his head to the ground, I place both my hands over where his heart would be, and I begin to press as hard as I can in a rhythmic beat. THUD THUD THUD THUD Come on, Papa! Stay with me! I’m right here! THUD THUD THUD THUD Please let this work! ¡Por favor, que esto funcione! I repeat the process for at least five minutes, separating myself from the rest of the world, focused solely on keeping my papa alive right now! My attempts of trying to restart his heart are met only with his continuous blank stare. Despair begins to set in my mind as my eyes become heavier and heavier. “Quédate conmigo aquí, por favor…” My tears falling from his eyes as I cry out “¡No me dejes solo!” The lack of expression on his face remains the same despite my best efforts to keep him alive. I repeat the process for another five minutes until despair begins to set in and I’m met with an overwhelmingly grim realization. He’s not breathing, he’s not moving, he’s… He’s gone… … He’s gone! My FATHER IS DEAD! No… No no no, this can’t be real… Mi papa can’t die, he can’t die! The floodgates finally break as I completely break down sobbing as I cradle mi padre’s now lifeless body. The ambulance said they would be here by now! They lied! They let papa die! “¡AYÚDAME!” I scream out, hoping anyone is able to hear my cries “¡POR FAVOR! ¡QUE ALGUIEN ME AYUDE!” My desperate pleas are met with deafening silence, I look down to see his body. He’s dead… He didn’t even get to say goodbye to mama… Esteban, or Valeria… He’ll never see me leave to go on my first day of High School, or my last… He never got to teach me how to garden as well as he does… I’ll never again feel his embrace after having a bad day… …Or hear his silly jokes at the dinner table.. …Or spend time with him and mi familia for Navidad. … I’ll never see him again… For the rest of my life… He’s… truly gone… The harsh realization of the loss in front of me hits me like a train, and I can do nothing but wail and scream as I mourn my Papa. …It’s my fault. …I could have saved him. “And the ambulance… they showed up twenty minutes after he stopped breathing. Veinte minutos demasiado tarde…” Jesus… I can feel my heart breaking apart after listening to Rosa’s painful story. To lose a parent at that age… Especially when you’re that close to them, I can’t even imagine how much that could fuck up a person. However, before I am able to reflect further, I began to recall the shrine I saw at Rosa’s house that had the framed picture with that epitaph. “Se ha ido, pero nunca se ha olvidado.” And of course, there was that plaque hidden in the closet with the name Sebastián Castillo. It must have been an award for one of the gardens he’s worked on. I begin to feel angry at myself. Why did I not see it earlier? Why was I such a selfish douchebag to the point where was more concerned about raiding their medicine cabinet for pills than anything else? Rosa took a deep sigh as she lowered her head in sorrow, staring blankly at the steam emanating from the cup between her hands. “I tried to save him Anon, I did everything I could but still… It wasn’t enough.” Rosa looks up to me, the repressed grief and despair she felt that day rising to the surface once more. “I… wasn’t enough…” Those last words really resonate with me on a spiritual level, it’s the only mantra I’ve ever really known… Always treated like an outsider, a loser, a cretin. And I deserved it… But Rosa? She is one of the last people who should be feeling that way, not someone who gives so much of themselves to help others. “Rosa…” I place a hand on her should, thinking carefully about my next words. “That’s not true at all, you can’t blame yourself for what happened, there was nothing else you could’ve done.” Rosa looks away, as her face grimaces and shuts her eyes. “No, I-If I faster and checked on him earlier, called la amblanza before his heart attack happened, m-maybe he could have lived.” She laments with closed eyes as they begin to leak down her cheeks, slightly staining her makeup. “You don’t know that… You were only a-” I try to console her before being cut off by him. “No!” She raises her voice, slightly taking me off guard. “It is all my fault.” Rosa places her cup down as she crosses her arms as the sadness across her face is amplified. “If I was quicker… M-maybe they could have placed a stent in his heart, o-or revive him with desfibrilador.” Rosa pacing in front of me as reveals the guilt she’s harbouring. “If Papa went into the city with Valeria instead, then perhaps the ambulance would have been able to reach him faster!” Wait a minute… Rosa’s confession of the guilt and self-loathing caused by the death of her father, and how she blames herself for not being to save him causes a realization to make its way into my head. Rosa has more in common with me than I initially thought. While I can never say that I know the exact pain she’s going through since I never lost a parent, I began to hate myself and blame myself with each passing day since Fang went on her rampage. How I blame myself for sleeping in before she left… How I blame myself for not stopping her from killing Naomi, Naser, and all those people. … How I wasn’t able to save her… How I constantly wish I was better… A better person, a better boyfriend. I wish I was able to make her feel happy and appreciated, rather than just a hassle, or how I could’ve supported her better through the shit she had to go through, instead of giving her some terrible nihilistic bullshit in lieu of advice. I constantly wish for a second chance to correct the mistakes I made, to take back every shitty little thing I said, and used that time I wasted to play vidya instead of spending it with the only people who ever gave a rat’s ass about me…But I know there’s nothing I can do to change what I’ve done. Despite all of that, when I first reunited with Stella and Rosa and I told them of my mistakes, they didn’t blame me, treat me like a villain, or even abandon me like the rest. “I told you! None of this is your fault An-on! Fang was a monstruo. She always has been! You couldn't have stopped her. Nobody could." "You're not alone An-on, No más." "Why? Why would you say that about yourself?" "Please, stop… I don't want to hear another bad thing about yourself come out of your mouth. The world would be a darker place without you… " Both of their attempts of consoling me repeat in my head as it all becomes more clear to me. I’ve been so blinded by my own pain to the point where I couldn’t see those around me who have been suffering just as much, if not even more than me. Neither Stella nor Rosa haven’t been trying to ease my guilt and remorse because it’s ‘what friends are supposed to do.’ But because they know what it’s like to feel directly responsible when the people they love get hurt. Rosa stops pacing in front of the bench, her back facing me as she stares blankly into the distance, periodically sniffling as she’s lost in the storm of her own emotions. I can’t sit here any longer. “Rosa…” I gently call to her as I set my coffee aside and use one of my crutches to pull myself off the ground. “I promise you, none of this is your fault at all.. Sometimes bad shit just happens, and you can’t always be able to fix it” I see Rosa’s head turn towards me slightly, catching a glance of the fresh tears flowing from her eyes. “B-but what else am I supposed to do?” Desperation gripping at Rosa’s soul as her voice begins to crack. “I wasn’t able to save mi papa, mis amigos, or Sage. I cannot sit by and let anyone else suffer anymore…” Rosa shifts her body towards me, adjusting her posture in an attempt of maintaining a strong presence. However, the sadness in her eyes and the subtle degree of weariness in her body show another presence. The presence of someone who has kept themselves strong for far too long. “That’s why I stayed at Volcano High for a 5th year… And why I lashed out at you for not letting me know that you were hanging out with Stella alone.” The forlorn Ankylosaur takes a step toward me. “If there is a chance that I can save the people I care about from getting hurt again, then I need to act!” My heart aches at her words, Rosa of all people shouldn’t have to feel this way. No one who so fervently goes out of their way to help others, especially those that aren’t deserving of such kindness, I take another step towards her. “I cannot take any more of this! If anything were to happen to mi familia, or you and Stella I-” Rosa’s confession is cut short as my free arm wraps around her shoulder, wordlessly pulling her into a tight hug. Rosa’s body goes still as she’s caught off guard by my sudden act of consolation until the emotions inside her begin to rise inside her as I feel her quivering in my arms. “I am so… so sorry, for everything you’ve had to endure…” Inspired by her previous words of comfort, I try to return the favour. “No one who is as kind and as thoughtful as you deserves to go through something as horrible as that, or be forced under that amount of pressure” Rosa continues to shake in my arms as I hear her begin to resume her sniffling, “You have EVERY right to feel the way you do, especially after dealing with that much pain and loss from such a young age. But I promise you Rosa, you don’t have to go through this alone.” I shut my eyes as I begin to feel my own sorrow rising. “You’re not alone Rosa, not anymore…” I echo the same words she told me at her house… A few seconds pass and the dam finally breaks as Rosa returns my gesture, tightening her arms around my torso as she begins to violently sob into my jacket. Finally, she lets down her guard and take what feels like the weight of the world off her shoulders, as she profusely apologizes in muffled Spanish in my arms. “I don’t know what to do anymore Anon…” She pulls her head away from my chest to face me with puffy and anguished eyes. “I am so… fucking terrified.” “I know… I know…” We stay there for a couple of minutes as she continues to cry into my arms, unloading what must have been possible years of repressed trauma and grief onto my shirt. Her bouts of tears are interrupted with hushed apologies, as I try to offer small but brief words of solace. Eventually, it comes to an end when Rosa pulls away from our embrace and clears her throat. “Mierda… I have never told anyone just how terrified I truly am, I’ve always tried to stay strong for the people who need someone to turn to…” “You don’t have to stay so strong all the time, you’re only hum-” I fumble over my words as I take recognition of my poor choice of idioms. “I mean, you’re only… dino?” A smile forms on Rosa’s tear-stained face as she lets out a chuckle at my idiocy. “Hehehehehe, Sí. I suppose you are right.” I let out a chuckle of my own as I sit back down, not sure how much longer I can balance on just one crutch. Rosa takes a seat next to me on the bench, using caution to avoid knocking over her tea. “Gracias An-on… This really means a lot to me…” I offer a comforting smile as we make eye contact on the bench. “Of course Rosa, I mean hey I’m just glad to hear that you’re not mad at me still.” I shrug in an attempt to sound playfully sarcastic. Rosa chuckles in response “I was never mad at you at all, just… I was going through a lot that day. “I know the feeling, believe me…” For the next hour, we sat on that bench as the two of us began to catch up, and see what’s been happening with each other after a week. It turns out, the new principal at Volcano High approached Rosa with an offer to lead an event that showcase’s the school’s garden, joy and enthusiasm returned to her voice at the possibility of being able to do something so ‘large scale’ with her passion, I smiled knowing that despite all the rough shit that’s happened for both of us lately, Rosa at least was able to find some solace this week. And I basically brought her up to speed with everything that’s happened since then, such as my encounter with Moe where I essentially learned that Ripley was playing the world’s most violent game of telephone by ordering Moe to order Trish to kill me. The recalled events shocking Rosa, both in terms of who was responsible for my assault and how Moe was sympathetic to me despite having every reason not to. However, this topic was far easier to discuss than what else happened that day. I explain to Rosa how I went to check up on Stella a couple of days after what went down at the mall, and how Stella opened up to me about some of the traumatic things she had to endure throughout her earlier years and losing Sage, and of course how… …Stella and I kissed after we both confessed our feelings to each other. Despite Rosa’s remorse and the amount of vulnerability, I saw from her today, I was expecting to express her disapproval at the events that transpired, to say that I should be ‘showing Raptor Jesus more respect,’ or even whip out the dreaded chancla. But to my surprise, Rosa reacted with absolute joy. “Awwwwwww!! ¡Esto es muy dulce!” Rosa leans over and pulls me into a crushingly tight bear hug. I guess I don’t mind my spine being broken too. “I still don’t know 100% what’s going on with us but… I really like her Rosa, and I wanna spend more time with her.” “That is really nice to hear An-on, I think you two would be very sweet together!” Rosa continued to smile with joy at my response as she pulls away. “And between you and I.” Oh? This could be good… “I’m not sure if you ever knew this, but Stella has…. Well, she has had a crush on you for the longest time, so I am really happy to hear that for her, for both of you.” I can feel all heat in my body redirect towards my cheeks as I begin to blush with shock. “U-uh… Well, I… uh…” I completely sperg out... On a side note, I should probably be careful when using that word from now on. Rosa lets out a sigh as she breaks eye contact with me, her eyes glued to the pavement to our right. “Before we reunited with you at the Farmacia, Stella was…” She pauses, trying to figure out how to respectfully shed light on her friend’s past. “Very much how she was like before she and I became friends.” “Because of what she had to go through, and all the people who gave her shit for liking anime right?” I inquire causing a slight degree of surprise to appear on Rosa’s face. “S-sí… I still remember the first time we met, she was sitting in the hallway, crying her eyes out because her classmates laughed at the presentation she was doing…” The ankylo’s fist tightened at the recollection of her classmates being so cruel. “And while I cannot say that I struggled as much as her, I saw someone who was lost, perhaps as lost as I felt since losing mi padre.” A slight smile begins to form on Rosa’s lips, indicating the outcome is a positive one. “But after that, we have been together through thick and thin. I do not care if she enjoys the black arts or if she enjoys those animes a little too much, I am able to see past that and recognize who Stella really is.” Rosa speaking about her friend with such passion and love brings a smile to her own face, even if I never had that kind of friendship in the past, I’m happy to know that she didn’t have to go through everything I did. “A kind sweet and talented chica, who is not afraid to be her true self and do what she believes is right, no matter what.” The ankylosaur expresses her deep admiration that rivals the bond that siblings would possess. “And since then, I’ve seen her blossom into the Stella that you met when you first came to Volcano High.” Her hands reach for her cup as she takes another sip of her tea. “And with you around, An-on… I can see Stella breaking out of her shell all over again.” Her words caused my body to feel suddenly lighter, a strange feeling of butterflies in my stomach, why the hell do my cheeks feel so hot right now? I was really able to help her that much. Me? “Por supuesto, give yourself a little more credit, eh?” Rosa chuckles at my mumbling as she playfully jabs my shoulder. …Which hurt a little more than I thought it would. “Hey! I already have a broken leg, I don’t need my arm broken now too.” I cheekily fire back as I rub the damaged area. Eventually, her laughter subsides with a sigh, her happy expression now replaced with one of melancholy. “I hope Stella will not be too mad at me for… Keeping those types of secrets from her.” Lowering her head with uncertainty. “She won’t be, I can guarantee that completely,” I reassure her with confidence. “When I was there, she buried the hatchet with her parents, and I’m sure she’ll do the same with you too. I’m sure she knows you were never trying to hurt her.” “Sí, I suppose you are correct…” We stay there in comfortable silence for a minute, taking in the beautiful scenery of the park. Families and couples alike, all enjoying the park's natural landscape as the cool autumn wind carries an array of brown leaves to the ground. Despite the park’s serenity and how I was able to make amends with Rosa, I still feel a tremendous amount of guilt over… Well, everything. Especially after learning what happened to Fang’s parents, the amount of pain that both of them went through, what no parent should ever have to experience… My heart breaks to remember how devastating it must have been for Ripley to watch his wife die in his arms after his wife couldn’t live with her grief anymore. He has every right for wanting me dead, he’s already lost so much already, no man should have to through that amount of horror. I can’t change what I’ve done, no matter what I do, those actions will probably haunt me for the rest of my life. But I refuse to let my past mistakes dictate my present actions… I will never be able to atone for my sins, but if I have the chance to try and make things better for those who are still in my life, then I’ll be damned if I let history repeat itself. I see that now, and I swear I will do better… Eventually, our silence comes to an end when Rosa is the first to speak up. “I think it is time we should head home An-on, did you want me to drive you back to Skin Row?” Rosa rises from the bench and offers me a hand. “Yeah, that would be awesome, thanks!” I enthusiastically accept her generous offer as she lifts me up from the bench. I take notice of my coffee cup, still warm and sitting on the bench. What kind of hellfire does Dunkin use for their kettles? Still, considering how shit my coffee is back home, I don’t wanna leave it behind. “Está bien, I can grab that for you An-on!” Rosa chirps as she goes to pick up my cup, now holding one in each hand. “Thanks, Rosa!” I’m really glad I don’t have to worry about dropping my coffee or my crutches. “Of course, I’m still amazed you were able to bring both of those drinks over here on your own.” I stifle back my laughter, of course, I mumbled that. “Alright, let’s go! My car is parked not too far from here.” “Sounds good!” Rosa begins walking the path and I earnestly follow pursuit, she’s generous enough to hold my coffee for me and move at a brisk pace so I don’t have to worry about falling behind. As I hobble along the pavement, I take notice of a lone figure standing at the edge of a pond. Fang… Staring blankly into the water as the phantom dangles a cigarette from her right hand, her body language full of dejection. I’m struck with a sense of guilt and sorrow when my eyes meet her presence, how I failed her. However, it also fills me with a sense of determination. I WILL be better, I refuse to hurt anyone else the same way I hurt you… [POST-NOTES] Kept you waiting huh? Thank you all for reading the newest chapter of Bad Apple! I apologize for keeping you guys waiting so long, I've been struggling a bit with my mental health the past couple of months so I wanted to give myself a breather and take a short break before resuming the story. (the glory of working full time while also running a YouTube Channel) Starting with this chapter, I will do everything in my power to try to structure the release of chapters more frequently. (Possibly working on YouTube content one week and Bad Apple the next week, and rinse and repeat) I hope you all enjoy it, and I can't wait to show you what I got next. Author Notes: - This is the first chapter in Bad Apple where Stella doesn't make any appearance! After heavily focusing on her and her relationship with Anon the last three chapters, I thought it important to give the spotlight to some of the other characters in the story. - This chapter was originally titled "Nothing but My Hate" but I decided to retitle it last minute as the new title fits the overall emotions this chapter is trying to convey. However, the original title will be used for a future chapter ;) - This chapter was chapter is probably the most tragic chapter for me to write (yet), I admit I got emotional when writing the flashback scene with Rosa. - I want to offer a special thank you to the anon in the thread who drew the Bad Apple fan art featuring Stella and Anon together, I especially love how accurately it portrays the scene it's adapting (Stella's even holding the exact same cards she drew in Chapter 6!) So I want to deeply thank whoever drew that, it really warmed my heart! Thank you guys again! Be sure to follow my (new) twitter for more updates about Bad Apple and other possible Snoot related content! My handle is @ItsUmbruhh