January 15th, 2021. Why? One word is all I could ask myself. One simple word flashing through my head on repeat for the past couple of days. Just why did any of it have to happen?! She didn’t deserve to go out like that. The image of what happened last week will never leave my mind. The sight of her life just ending like that before me, watching her talk to me one second, only to become a bloody husk the next. It’s like I’m living in the same hell all over again, walking into Volcano High to see all the bodies that lay on the floor. Seeing Naomi’s brains splattered all over her classroom as her boyfriend bled to death across the hall. Watching Fang take her own life in front of me. But this time… I saw it happen. I saw her die. The constant nightmares I’ve had since I entered that hospital were filled with people dying before my eyes in the shooting. But they all pale in comparison to what I saw a week ago. The image of what was left of her… Just… no matter how hard I try, I can’t escape this endless cycle of suffering... As I look across the room, I see all the people who fill the visitation area at the Funeral home. The crowd consists primarily of dinosaurs, all garbed in black suits and dresses, standing before me as they wait to enter the building before the ceremony begins. They must be her family. Their voices carry a deep sorrow as they converse with one another, talking about the deceased. “She was so young! Why did it have to end this way?” “I regret not taking the time to spend more time with her while she was still alive. That’s a shame I’ll take to my grave.” Amidst the chattering, I can hear the faint sound of a lady wailing coming from the center of the room. I adjust my view to see her crying on the ground as a man and a woman attempt to comfort her. “M-My b-baby… MY BABY!!!” she cries out before breaking into tears. Seeing this twists the knife in my heart and fills me with guilt. I can’t do this… I have to get out of here... I turn around towards the exit, moving past the crowds of people as politely as I can. I just need to get the fuck away from this now. This is your fault, Anon! You’re the reason she’s dead! She’s gonna be lying on the earth as her body feeds the maggots, withering away into nothing, all because of you! She could’ve done so much with her life, and you took it all away from her! Are you happy?! SHE’S FUCKING GONE! My inner voice torments me as I leave the building. It isn’t long before I’m standing at the entrance to the parking lot. This looks like as good a place as any to… …To reach into my left pocket and pull out a pack of cigarettes… I forgot I even had them on me. They were hiding with the rest of the stuff that I hadn’t even really unpacked. I did manage to quit but I… …I really need them right now... I open the lid to see one cigarette left as my trusty green Vic lighter rests against the lone cancer stick. I reach in to grab it but am disappointed as I realize that the lighter crushed my last cigarette. God fucking damn it! Can’t I just have this one thing? Is that too much to ask?! Before my frustration can grow, a voice calls out to me and pulls my attention. “Anon?” One Week Ago... “It does… He needs to die for what he did!” Tears fall from my eyes as I aim the revolver right at Anon’s little whore. Why am I hesitating so much?! I HAVE THEM RIGHT WHERE I WANT THEM! I CAN FINALLY FUCKING BURY THIS MONKEY ONCE AND FOR ALL! I have two bullets left, one for each of them. Moe made me waste the third one, so I’ll have to settle with just these two. I should’ve aimed for his head, he’s been nothing but a coward and a pain in my ass for the longest time. And then he has the gall to fucking warn Anon and Stella, the same guy who KILLED Fang! But I can’t focus on that right now, not even if I tried. Before I’m able to act further, Stella takes a step toward me as she pleads to me with those terrified eyes. “Please Trish… This isn’t what Fang would’ve wanted…” I have them right where I want them, huddled against the school doors in terror as I hold them at gunpoint. I can’t help but feel overwhelmed as my body starts to shake and my eyes close. The hate and rage I feel for these two is burning me alive, and the only way to put out the flames is by extinguishing theirs once and for all! And then Fang can… The image of Fang’s body after they fell from the school’s roof flashed before my eyes to the point of blinding me in reality. It fills me with a deep sorrow, the same sorrow I felt when I saw their mangled corpse… But she is right about one thing. It won’t bring Fang back. They’ll never come right around the corner to explain that they faked their death to escape the ridicule. I’ll never be able to hear their voice again or see their smile and beautiful amber eyes. I’ll never be able to tell them how much I loved them and how all I’ve ever wanted was to be with them. “I-I know…” I choke out with what little composure I have left. Fang is gone… Forever… They’re not hiding or far away… They’re rotting in the ground, nothing more than food for maggots… I could’ve saved them…. I would’ve been able to help Fang if it weren’t for Anon… It’s his fault… IT’S ALL HIS FAULT!!!! I begin to tremble and huff with rage at the reminder of Anon’s actions. Does he think he deserves a fresh start?! What, because he’s sad about what he’s done?! How now he’s manipulated another person to be his whore? Does he truly believe that absolves him of his sins?! No… NO!!!!!!! ““AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHH!!!!” My eyes flood with red as I’m consumed with hate as I get ready to put a bullet through Stella’s heart. NOW YOU’LL KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO LOSE EVERYTHING, YOU FUCKING BASTARD! BANG It takes me a second to realize that the skinnie intervened at the last second, pushing her to the side as my bullet narrowly misses her heart and pierces her left shoulder instead. “NOOOOO!!!!!!!!” Anon cries out in terror as he cradles the Stego as she begins to bleed. FUCK! THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO KILL HER! I wasted another fucking bullet for nothing! I quiver with hate as I keep my gun pointed at Anon, now tending to a wounded Stella. “NNNGGGGH! Ahh…ah-An…” She weakly chokes out before- Wait… Did her eyes just close? Is she dead? Maybe she could’ve just passed out. But regardless, I feel no sense of satisfaction. Stella’s supposed death does nothing to quell the inferno inside of me. My skin still feels boiling hot as the air grows thinner, making it more difficult to breathe. But I have to stay focused. It doesn’t matter whether she died or not. I only have one bullet left, and I can end him right now I keep the gun pointed at his head, ready to paint the ground with his brains as he cradles his slut. But yet… …I can’t bring myself to do it. Is this guilt? Why would I feel remorse for something like this? This is what I’ve wanted for so long, to see them dead! To have Anon watch everything around him fall apart! So why am I hesitating right now?! Amidst the thoughts and emotions that swirl around my head like a violent storm, I do remember this may be what I’ve wanted. But it’s not what I’ve truly longed for… Fang. To be able to see them again. To be free of this living hell where the image of their mangled body flashes through my head every time I think of their name. To know that they’re gone forever and the person who killed them is still here. Between the duality of the rage and grief inside of me, the latter emerges stronger as I remember all of the pain I’ve endured since their loss all at once. There’s nothing else for me here in this life but suffering. Anon saw to that. But now? I come to realize a better use for my last bullet. A chance to end all of my pain… …And to finally be with Fang again. All the sounds of the outside world vanish as I finally agree with my decision. The sound of Rosa’s calling and Anon’s screaming serves as nothing more than white noise, as if my soul is already leaving my body as I prepare to leave this world behind. A part of me is scared for what’s after, or if there even is something after. Still, I can’t turn back now, even if I wanted to. I cock the hammer of my revolver before lifting it toward my head, raising the barrel against my chin, the sensation of hot metal burns my scales, but it doesn’t bother me one bit. There’s nothing left for me here. I have no friends, no family, no life. But now? I’m free… One swift motion and my connection to this world will be forever severed... I’m coming, Fang… I’m coming… My finger pulls the trigger with one swift mot— “PLEASE! GET HELP!” I scream out to Rosa before I spot the look of terror on her face and- click “T-trish… w-whaddya doin?!” Oh no… My head turns back to my assailant, and I can feel my heart drop with shock as I process the image before me. The burning rage painted across her face is now paired with fear and sorrow as she aims the gun not at Stella or me or Rosa, or even Moe. But herself… Wait! NO!!!!! BANG The loud crack splits the air, the sound deafens me briefly, and I’m kneeling on the ground trembling with terror, but it isn’t the gunshot that fills me with horror. I-I… I just watched a life end before my very eyes… Trish’s legs turn to jelly as she falls onto her knees as she.. Oh god… A-as she… Pieces of her torn brain spill from her shattered skull as blood begins to flow from the two newly formed holes on her head, lying lifelessly on the ground as her purple face is stained red. Her one remaining eye points toward the school’s entrance as her body twitches. Her arms and legs spasm as if she’s still alive. I’ve seen stuff like this both online and in my nightmares, but to see that horror become a reality right in front of me? To watch Moe get part of his arm blown off… Watching my girlfriend lying unconscious in my arms as I tried to stop the bleeding from her shoulder… and now watching Trish take her own life before my own eyes… A shrill wail pulls my attention away from Trish’s body as I see Rosa screaming at the sight of Trish. A look of pure terror in her eyes as she’s forced to relive the same nightmare that led her to stay an extra year. The same nightmare we all suffered from. “F-FUCK!” I turn back to see Moe still clutching his bloody arm, staring at the corpse in front of him with a mixture of frustration and sorrow. “God damn it… Why T-trish? Why did ya’ have to do ‘dis?” Tears roll down the Tyrannasauraus’s cheeks as his voice begins to crack. No… This can’t be real... I thought I wouldn’t have to see this ever again. Maybe it’s all a bad dream, just- please! Let none of this be real! Stella… I look down to see her still in my arms. The pained expression she had right before she passed out remains on her face, the wet feeling still touching my hand as the blood-red stain continued to dye her white t-shirt. We need to get Moe and her to a hospital! I can’t lose her… I CAN’T LOSE HER! “¡AYÚDANOS!” Rosa cried out with desperation as she quivers with horror at the sight in front of her. “¡QUE ALGUIEN NOS AYUDE, POR FAVOR!” The terror-struck ankylo falls to her knees as she starts muttering to herself in Spanish, completely paralyzed with fear as she’s forced to live the same hell we all dealt with half a year ago. “Help!” I cry out, joining Rosa’s call. “Please, somebody help us!” Amidst the haze, a familiar voice barely grabs my attention as the fear and adrenaline continue to cloud my mind. “No… TRISH! NOOO!!” My head snaps back to the sight of- Fang kneeling in front of Trish, her friend’s blood staining her black jeans. “No… Please, not like this!” She mournfully cries out as she places her hands on her friend’s body. “We were supposed to make it big together! The music, the band, EVERYTHING!” Not now… PLEASE NOT NOW! The look on ‘Fang’s’ face mirrors my distress as she gazes toward Stella and me, noticing the unconscious Stego in my arms. “DON’T JUST STAND THERE ANON! PLEASE!!” Fang screams out as desperation grips her voice before turning back to Trish with a worried look in her eyes. “No… No- Look at me, Trish, it’s gonna be okay! It’s all so overwhelming. I’m filled with fear Sorrow. Guilt. Despair. I can’t take it… It’s all too much. Fang’s brief denial of her friend’s demise comes to an end as reality seems to set back in as her eyes linger on the body of her deceased friend. The image sears its way into the ghost’s mind as her lips quiver. “P-please… Please wake up, Trish. Don’t leave me…” Tears begin to roll down her cheek once more, her eyes growing puffier by the second. “First Naser, then Mom, and now you’re gonna leave me too?!” You’re not real… You’re not real… You’re not real… I repeat the mantra in my head as I try to block out the revenant’s wailing. “No…” Fang’s voice grew quieter before her body began to shake violently with grief. “NOOOOOOO!!!!!!” Was it truly all my fault? Am I really responsible for this much pain and suffering? The pterodactyl’s screaming devolves into painful cries, and I tune it out as I look down to see Stella in my arms. Laying there helplessly as her fate lies entirely in my hands. I’m not letting Stella die, I’m not losing anyone else! Please… I can’t live without you… “Anon?” Shit! I shove the pack of death sticks hastily into my coat pocket as I turn around to face the gentle voice that pulls me out of my stupor. I’m greeted by none other than Stella, her colorful green hair styled into her signature hair buns as her left arm rests inside a white sling, contrasting her black funeral dress. She’s waiting for my response as her eyes light up with concern. She hasn’t stopped worrying about me since the day we left the hospital, as if I’m the one who needs worrying about. “Is everything okay, baby?” “Y-yeah, sorry about that…” I sigh with dejection as I try to mask my distress for discomfort. “The crowds are just stressing me out a bit, is all..” Stella reaches out with her free arm and gently holds my hand. “Are you gonna be okay? Is there any way I can help?” Her sapphire-like eyes light up with concern, seemingly unconvinced that I am ‘fine.’ I have to stay strong for her… “No, not right now, sadly…” I answer, much to her dismay. “Although I was going to ask, are you sure you’re okay with coming here?” I look at her sling. Thank god the doctors were able to get the bullet out of her shoulder so quickly. And thank god that Karen principal managed to help us get the paramedics to us so quickly. I was wrong about her. But then another thought occurs to me, one that horrifies me. What if I’d been too slow? What if I wasn’t able to push her away? What if… the bullet hit her heart…? “Hey. Hey, Anon…?” A warm hand caresses my face as I’m brought back into reality. “I’m right here, baby, and I’m alive because of you.” She must’ve heard me mumbling… Goddamn it, Anon. You already know just how scarred Fang almost killing her left Stella. The least you can do is to try and not fuck it up and fill her head with paranoia! A sweet smile forms on her lips as her thumb strokes my cheek. “You saved me…” A part of me feels safe from her reassurance that everything’s gonna be okay. But another part of me is terrified that as long as I’m around, she’s just going to keep getting hurt like this. “But to answer your question, I’m not sure.” A somber look appears across the green stego’s face as she lets go of my hand, looking down with anxious contemplation. “I’m… a bit scared, I guess.” “About the funeral?” I ask as my nerves begin to ease. “Yeah…” she answered sheepishly. “The last time I went to a funeral was when Sage…” Stella closes her eyes as she takes a deep breath in a quick attempt to calm herself. “It was a dark day for me, s-seeing her like…” Stella opened her eyes as a tear rolled down her cheek. “And it’s like I’m at her funeral all over again.” Shit… And here I go bringing her to a funeral while reminding her of her dead friend. Some fucking boyfriend you are, Anon. I take hold of her hand in an attempt to comfort her. “Are you sure you still wanna be here? If it’s too much, we can-” “No, No. I’ll be okay.” She smiled as she let out a sniffle. “Besides, I wanted to come too and pay my respects to her…” Even after everything she’s done to me. The constant antagonizing, her attempts to sabotage my relationship with Fang, trying to kill Stella and me… I still can’t bring myself to hate her. I just can't… “I never really got to know her as much as I should’ve back at Volcano High. Never seeing her as anyone beyond the girl who tried to make my life a living hell.” I say before letting out a saddened sigh. “But for everything she was, she did care about Fang. Probably more than she cared about herself. After the shooting, I can imagine just how hard it must’ve been for her.” Stella nods in response to my words as she expresses sympathy. “She truly was dealt a cruel fate. And even after everything, I’m trying not to see her as some angry, vengeful bully.” She turns her head towards the Funeral home. “But, rather, as a broken soul who was corrupted by grief and lost her heart to darkness...” Her voice carries a cadence of sadness. Stella truly is too good for this world. Yeah, she may have punched her in the face and called her a ‘trigger’ after Trish called her the ‘R word,’ but even at the school last week, Stella tried to apologize for what she said as if she was in the wrong, and she tried to convince Trish to stand down. She didn’t view her as an enemy but as someone who was lost. Like Fang… Fang had her guard against the whole world for far too long, trying so hard to follow her dreams of being a musician, only to have her dreams stomped on by everyone around her, myself included. The world beat her while she was down like an abused dog, and eventually, it got too much for her to the point where she felt like she had to bite back… Which must have been how Trish felt. In her eyes, I was the monster that took everything from her: her dreams, hopes, future, friends, and of course, Fang. In a way, Trish had been right. She was just following in Fang’s footsteps… “So, would you be okay if we went inside now?” She gently asked me, her voice bordering on whispering. “Yeah, I’m okay, Starlight… Let’s go inside.” As inappropriate as it may be, a subtle blush forms across Stella’s from my choice of words. When I was with her in the hospital, I spitballed cute pet names once she woke up. It was the only thing that kept me from completely breaking down. And I came up with ‘starlight’ since Stella’s name means… Well, it does seem fairly basic looking back on it but seeing her smile that much from it was completely worth it, especially when we both needed some cheering up. Without another word, Stella and I approach the funeral building, silenced by the melancholy in the air. Stella and I both know the kind of person Trish was and what she tried to do to us, but we can’t help but feel stunned and horrified at what happened. Even after everything she’s done, no one deserves to die that young. As we’re entering, I notice Stella fidgeting with the cloth on her dress as she looks down with discomfort on her face. I’m already nervous enough as it is, I don’t want her to have to feel that too. I gently stop her hands in place as I interlock my fingers with her own. “It’ll be okay… I promise.” I whisper to her as she looks up at me, the anxiety easing within her as a slight smile forms on her face, a look of gratitude and love. However, my nerves worsen as we walk towards the room where the service is being held. Walking past all the empty rooms with freshly cleaned tables, chairs, and benches. The sight of it reminds me of just how much death has followed its way into the building. The idea of that fucks with my head. You must stay strong for Stella, Anon… You owe her that much. Nearing the end of the corridor, we can spot the room where the visitation is when both of our eyes notice a large framed picture. It must be Trish’s. I slightly stray away from Stella as I approach the photo. My suspicions are confirmed as a wave of guilt courses through me. I read the sign that says- Patricia Grace Freeman “Trish” Born July 16th 2001 - Died January 8th 2021 May the lord deliver you from suffering. In the photograph, she’s standing in front of the garden at Volcano High, looking at the camera with a joyous smile. Behind her sparkle-kissed black dress lays a bed of flowers, the floral rainbow contrasting the color of her dress as she looks… so happy in the photo. She looks nothing like the angry, hostile girl who verbally berated me throughout the year. “I… think we should head inside.” I turn to Stella and see her looking at me with concern.” I can do this… I can do this… I head inside with Stella, trying to forget what I just saw. The image of her epitaph and the life she could have had seared its way into my mind as a way to haunt me of the consequences of my actions. Amidst the crowd of people that head to the other side of the room, where I presume her mother is, I notice two familiar figures sitting down on two of the benches. The age gap between the two of them is noticeable. Sitting to the right of the bench is a certain pink-haired Raptor, Reed. He’s wearing a black t-shirt and dark jeans partially obscured by the metallic brace attached to his left thigh, dully gazing across the room as a pair of crutches rest beside him. When I was staying in the hospital with Stella, we learned that Reed was also being treated in the next room over. When I asked, the doctors told me Trish accidentally shot him in their apartment, and one of the neighbors called after hearing the gunshot. But they wouldn’t let me in to speak to him because he was under anesthesia. Thankfully, they let me leave him my extra pair of crutches. It’s not like I would be needing them anymore. I'm still trying to figure out how he told them exactly what happened, especially since the last time I saw him, he didn’t exactly seem to know what planet he was on. To Reed’s right sits an older Tyrannasauraus male with a grim expression. Unlike his companion, he’s wearing a well-maintained black suit with a blue tie. However, the first feature that my eyes catch is his right sleeve being rolled up all the way to his triceps to cover the fleshy stub that hid away. The damage done to Moe’s right arm was so severe that they had to amputate it below the elbow. The more I think about it, the more I picture that sight of Moe screaming in pain as the bullet tore apart his arm. “Anon…” His words carry an aura of stoicism as his eyes point in our direction. “An’… Stella, right?” I can feel Stella tightly taking hold of my hand as her body tenses up, frozen in shock by the absence of Moe’s right arm. I remember how horrified she was when I told her, but she never saw what it looked like in person, until now. Although, now that I think about it, her memory of the shooting does seem to be more hazy than I would’ve thought. “Y-yeah, I uh… Sorry…” Stella scrambles over her words as her azure eyes don’t seem to leave Moe’s stump. The tired Tyrannosaurus looks at his stump before looking back at her. “Eh, don’ worry about it. It’s not like I’ve made much effort hiding it.” “H-have you found out where it’s hiding? It has to be around here somewhere, man.” All our eyes focused on Reed, who joined the conversation. He spoke with a dull tone as he looked like he was on the verge of falling asleep. Moe looks at him with pity before taking a deep sigh. “Yeah, kid. It probably is. Anyway…” He grunts as he begins to rise from the bench. “I’ma get goin’ soon, but before I do, can I have a word wit’ you alone, Anon?” A part of the leftover fear from our previous meetings and his association with two people who wanted me dead does scare me for a brief moment, but now that one of them is… well gone… there’s no doubt he wants to talk about the latter. “Uh, okay, sure.” I nod at Moe before turning to Stella. “Hey baby, are you okay with staying with Reed for a sec?” The stego snaps herself into reality as she nods to my words. “Y-yeah, of course. I’ll be right here.” I gently clasp her right hand with both hands and give her a reassuring look. “I promise I won’t be long.” Despite my assurance, the anxiety painted across Stella’s face remains. “Okay, I-I love you.” “I love you too.” We kiss each other on the lips briefly before she goes to sit down on the bench with Reed. Moe and I walk towards the room's exit into the hallway. The remaining people still here are talking to Trish’s family, an older couple talking to her mother while a group of children sits down with her siblings. I can still hear the words Trish’s youngest sister uttered to me when I went to talk to them. “Why did my sister want you dead?” There wasn’t any anger in her words, only sorrow and confusion. But it still haunts me all the same. I still can’t even imagine what they all must be going through. My heart truly breaks for them. Once we pass through the doors into the quietness of the hallway, I turn to Moe, who looks at me expectantly. “So… Is everything okay?” Moe looks away as he scoffs at my reply. “What was yer first fuckin’ clue, punk?” This doesn’t sound good… “S-sorry, I didn’t mean to-” I tried to defuse the situation before he cut me off again. “Nah, it’s okay.” The annoyance in his voice turns into remorse as he stares at the ground. “But no, Anon. I’m… I’m not okay.” The brief hostility in presence is extinguished as only sadness remains, making me think it’s not just from losing an arm; there’s more to it. “I’m sorry…” is all I can force out as I work my brain at max capacity to figure out what to say to him. “Nah… You don’t gotta be sorry for nothin’, you did what you could…” He lets out a sigh as he looks up at me. “Anyway, I thought I’d share some news wit’ ya before I bounce.” “What kind of news? I ask, equally curious and worried. “You and yer girl, you’re gonna be okay.” I… What? Could you be any more cryptic? I’m really not in the right headspace for- “When I woke up dat hospital, one of my boys on the inside tol’ me that put Ripley in cuffs.” Moe emphasizes the seriousness in his voice by choosing not to refer to his friend by his nickname. “He was the one that gave Trish dat gun, and… Well, y’know the rest.” Did he hold onto the gun? This revelation doesn’t surprise me in the slightest. After all, how the hell would someone like Trish be able to get her hands on Fang’s gun? It only makes sense that she would’ve got it from Ripley. Only he would have that way of stealing a murder weapon. But where I should feel surprise, I feel only anger. Ripley kept the gun that fucking killed his own son?! The same gun that his daughter murdered several people with before taking her own life? And instead of the balls to face me himself, he made his daughter's best friend do his dirty work for him?! TRISH THREW HER FUCKING LIFE AWAY, AND RIPLEY GAVE HER THE KEY! FUCKING COWARD! “I know kid… I know…” Moe picks up on my growing anger but does little to snuff out the flames. “He won’t come afta’ you and Stella again. Trust me.” “How do you know for certain?!” I huff despite my efforts to stay calm. “Wasn’t he police commissioner or something? All he needs to do is pull some strings an-” “Anon…” Before I can finish my train of thought, Moe interrupts me as his eyes meet the ground again. “One of mah boys was there when they nabbed him. Rip didn’t even argue, fight back, or nothin’. He just… did nothin.” I feel a twinge of guilt form when I notice the tear forcing its way out of his eyelid. “He said that Rip… had the look of a man dat were no longa’ truly alive… Just a shell.” “Just a shell?” I ask as my nerves begin to calm. “Yeah…” Moe grimly nods. “And I was even able t’ visit him in his cell the otha’ day.” Moe closed his eyes for a brief moment, almost as if he’s trying to block out the vision of his friend’s state. “He’s still breathin’, but he’s gone…” Sorrow is painted across his face once his eyes open. “He’s gone…” I… I’m conflicted on how to feel about this. So many emotions course through me as the image of Ripley swirls in my mind. Fear of the terrifying man would see nothing more than to see my head on a spike, anger of the man whose actions caused a girl to throw her life away and almost take away one of the few good things I have left. But also sorrow, sorrow for what Ripley has endured. Despite everything that’s happened, I know that even with all of the shit he made Fang feel, and how he made her feel ostracized and alone, he still loved her. Fang was his daughter, after all. And then, one by one, he started to lose every good thing he had going for him. His children… His wife… His happiness… And it’s easy to point the finger at me, especially because this only happened after I entered the picture. Hell, I blame myself still, but… I just don’t know how to view all of it. “But… Ya don’ have to worry bout anyone comin’ afta you’se or Stella, ya have my word.” Moe’s exhausted voice interrupts my thoughts as he tries to keep himself composed. Ripley was like a brother to him, after all. I can’t imagine any of this is easy for him, either. “T-thank you, Moe.” I gently reply to him, uncertain how to respond to his despondance. Moe nods with a grunt before looking back towards the entrance to the visitation room. “I’ve already seen too many kids die, and I was hopin’ I’d never have to go to any of their funerals.” His grim words feel like a punch to the gut. I don’t even know how anyone is supposed to respond to something like that, yet it makes my heart ache all the same. “I jus’ wish… She woulda been able to turn things around.” Moe’s voice softens as he fixates on the picture of Trish. “Let go o’ that hate she’d been holdin’ onto. And jus’ see how much people actually cared ‘bout her.” I can’t begin to imagine how horrific it must have been for her mother to get a visit from the police to inform her that her eldest daughter was dead. “My heart breaks for her family, they must be in shambles right now.” Moe grunts in agreement. “With outta doubt. Not sure if you know da whole story of what went on with Trish an’ her family afta’ the shootin’.” Moe looks back at me with sorrow in his eyes. “It… wasn’t a happy story..” I give Moe my full attention, and he fills me in on what had happened with Trish over the past few months. What her situation was like with her family, how she worked for him, as much as he knew. Raptor Jesus… I’m conflicted about how to feel about it all… On one hand, what the fuck was she thinking, punching her own brother in the face like that and then running away? On the other hand, it must have been horrible to know that your family was taken away from you because of a mistake you made and never to be able to see them again either… “She may’ve had her faults, Anon. But deep down, she’s been hurtin’ real bad.” I don’t doubt it for one second. I wish things could’ve been different for her. If I wasn’t here, she… Fang would… The tyrannosaurus sighs. “Anyway, I… don’ got much else t’ say.” He glances toward the exit before facing me once more. “But please… Just be good, yeah?” Before I can properly respond, Moe’s already walking towards the door without another word. His posture gives him the depressed aura of a man who’s been crushed by the world, painting a clear picture of what he’s feeling as he leaves the funeral home. “I will, Moe!” I call out to him. He doesn’t turn around or stop, but I can see his head nod in response to my words, acknowledging my response. I should get back to Stella and Reed now. As I walk back to the room of Trish’s visitation, what Moe said to me before leaving lingers in my mind. Be good… I remember him saying those exact words the night he dropped me off. I still don’t know what exactly he saw in me that compelled him to defend me from Trish and Ripley. As far as I’m concerned, I’m the guy who got his niece and nephew killed, I’m the loser Human who has done nothing to show for the eighteen years that he’s been alive. What does he even see in me? Still… I know full well how much of a shitty person I was or worried that I still am. But as long as I’m breathing and in control of my life, I wanna do everything I can to improve. But sometimes… I don’t even know if it’s possible. Even after everything, Trish might still be alive if not for me. As I re-enter the room, I do my best to clear the self-hatred swirling around in my head as Stella and Reed enter my field of view. The two are conversing with one another as they rest on the bench. The lime Stego had a look of worry on her face as Reed seemed to lose himself further and further in his own world, struggling to keep his balance as a dull smile was plastered across his face… “Sorry about that, Moe just had to clear something up,” I announce my presence to the two on the bench. “O-oh, was everything okay with him?” she asks, her concern now directed towards me. No, Stella. Moe is very much not okay. Still, what I want to say differs from what comes out of my mouth. “Yeah, it’s all good, don’t worry at all. He just needed someone to talk to.” I answer half-truthfully, doing everything I can to keep the guilt from leaking into my voice. I fucking hate how much I’ve lied to her lately, even if it is for her sake. It’s hard to tell if there’s more Stella wants to ask me as her concern is taken away by the befuddled raptor next to her. I remember telling her and Rosa basically what happened to Reed after the shooting, at least from what I gathered from when we bumped into each other at the mall. But I don’t think they realized just how bad it was… “So uhh… are you two doing okay?” My question grabs Stella’s attention as she turns my way and rises from the bench. “Y-yeah, everything’s…” The discomfort in her voice becomes more obvious as she struggles to answer. “Everything’s okay.” She smiled as she walked towards me, but it was a facade I could see through, the same one I’ve been doing to her lately. I give her a worried look as a wordless way of asking her what was wrong, and the smiles fades into sadness as she closes the gap between us. “I… I didn’t realize it was that bad…” She whispers to me with a shaky breath. Fearing that she may begin to cry, I take hold of her free hand and gently pull her closer to me. “Hey, hey, it’s okay, baby. It’s okay…” “I-it just-I…H-he doesn’t…” Her voice becomes increasingly choked up as her blue eyes sparkle, signalling the dam is about to break. It pains me to see Stella like this, I haven’t seen her devastated in a while. “I-I’m sorry, Anon. I just need to be alone right now…” “Is-” I attempt to ask her before she begins walking out of the reception area, but not before I can hear a sniffle escape as her back faces me. I’m so sorry, Stella… As she passes through the door frame and leaves my vision, my first instinct is to go after her and comfort her, even if she says she wants to be alone. But she needs some space right now. I can’t imagine it’s easy for her to process what happened to Reed and to have to hold in that heartbreak in an attempt to be there for him. I still remember the devastation I felt when I saw him outside the mall. Still, talking to Reed while Stella’s not here might also be good. If there’s one thing he needs right now, it’s a buddy. Amidst that haze in his mind, Reed must be heartbroken that both of his best friends killed themselves. “Hey, Reed…” I approach the Raptor as he lazily swings his head in my direction. “You holding up okay man?” Reed gives an exaggerated shrug as a sigh escapes his lips. “I meeeeeeeeeaaaaaan… still a little sore after tumblin’ in the bathtub, but it iiiis what it iiiis, y’know?” The raptor flicks his hand toward the brace on his left leg. “But those skis you gave me been comin’ in pretty handy, amigo.” Despite the lack of coherence in his words, I know what he’s trying to say. Even though how his leg was feeling wasn’t exactly what I was asking about. “But not too painful or anything like that?” I ask further, knowing full well how much it fucking sucks to be shot in the leg. With the same gun, no less… “Yeahhhhh, I'm goood!” He lazily gave a thumbs up with his right hand, eliciting a slight smile from me. “Thanks again, Anon!” A part of me is shocked that he called me by the correct name this time, remembering how he was calling me by a different name every sentence. Maybe he’s less high right now than he was then? I can’t imagine the doctors would let him bring carfe into the hospitals with him, especially with all the painkillers and anesthesia they must’ve used on him. Still, I try not to give it too much thought. “Hey, what are friends for after all?” His hands fall limp as the goofy smile on his face becomes more reflective and somber despite his lips still being curled upward. “Friend…" His breath had hints of shuddering, blinking a few times as he gulped with discomfort. Wait… What is he- “I-I miss my friends…” His voice cracks slightly as his smile falls into a frown, and tears begin to well from his eyes as the realization of his friend’s death begins to dawn on him. Suddenly, the weight of the loss he’d suffered breaks through the intoxicated barrier that had trapped him from reality for so long. “I know Reed…” I take a seat next to him and pat his back. “I miss them too.” Similarly, with Trish, I don’t know what Reed’s personal life was before what happened, but my heart breaks for him all the same. He’s always been a bro, even when Fang and Trish didn’t want me around. Fuck, he was the first real friend I made when I first transferred to Volcano High… and I treated him like an annoyance… “Why… did things have to happen like this?” He turns to me, the pleading looking his eyes begins to outshine the inebriation. “I’m sorry…” My eyes become heavier as I try to offer the little comfort I can. “I don’t know, Reed… Sometimes these things just happen, and you can’t always stop it, no matter how hard you try.” I don’t know if what I’m saying to Reed is true or a lie. I mean, it’s definitely right. A lot of times, when you’re hit with something really bad, you can’t always avoid it. But another part of me still has moments where there’s so much I could’ve done to improve. Maybe I could’ve stopped Fang or talked Trish down, but I can’t always know. But I still feel doubt, like even if I can’t always know what’ll happen, it still hurts to know that maybe I could’ve done something better. The storm of thoughts makes it feel like a tug-of-war battle inside me between my guilt and my acceptance. “But none of this your fault.” I try to replace the sadness on my face with assurance. “Not for one second.” Reed’s eyes slowly lower to the ground, and the trail of tears from his eyes continues to fall as he grieves over the death of his best friend. I’m sorry, man… We sit there in silence for a couple of minutes before I’m hit with a realization. Stella’s still not back, and I’m getting a little worried… We should probably leave anyway. We’ve done everything possible and offered our condolences to Trish’s family. Not that it’ll ever heal the pain they’ve been dealt. I’m reminded of that grim fact as I look across the room and see the matriarch of the Freeman family sobbing into a table as her children surround her while mirroring her sorrow. We should probably give them some space to grieve. They’ve been through enough. I get up from the bench, helping Reed up on his feet as we enter the hallway. I walk slowly to make sure he can keep up with those crutches. I know how difficult it can be to follow someone and not fall behind when using one of those fucking things. As we move through the corridor, Reed asks me a question that could be deciphered as a request for a ride back to his apartment. Thankfully, both Stella and I were dropped off by Rosa, but I’m sure she would be more than willing to help him get home. Rosa… Thankfully, she was unharmed, but… I’m very worried about her. Even if they weren’t physical, she suffered some horrible wounds that day. The automatic glass doors open before Reed and I are greeted with the view of the orange-kissed evening sky shining over the rows of cars in the parking lot. I can spot Stella as she leans against the cemented pillar a couple of feet away from me. The look in her eyes seems calmer than before despite the black lines that have left streaks down her eyes, but her sadness remains visible. “Stella!” I call out to her, her eyes light up as she sees me approaching “Are you holding up okay?” “Y-yeah…” The Stego pushed herself away from the pillar and began walking toward me. “I’m alright.” After closing the distance between us, we embrace, our heads resting against each other, filling my body with Stella’s warmth. We stay in our embrace for a good moment until Stella decides to pull away, making eye contact with me with a hint of guilt. “I just…” Stella softly whispers to me before looking past me. “I knew it was bad, but I had no idea just how much Reed was really suffering…” The sadness in her gentle voice hurts my soul, yet her sympathy and kindness for others touch me on the same level. She’s too pure to have to go through this. Too good to be stuck with someone like me. “I know, Stella, I know…” I coo as I pull her in tight and wrap my arms around her stomach, I can feel it move in my hands as she takes deep breaths to calm herself. “And there’s Moe’s arm, all those people, her family, how sad they—” The Stego’s lips begin to quiver before she can finish that sentence, the last subject being particularly upsetting. “I… It was too much. I’m sorry.” I move my right hand away from her waist and bring it up to gently caress her cheek. “It’s okay, Starlight. You don’t have to apologize for anything.” The distress on her face begins to fade as I try to comfort my beloved. “I know you said funerals are still really hard for you to deal with. You have every right to feel the way you do.” All of those things building up for her, especially seeing Moe and Reed’s terrible states as well as Trish’s family grieving over her loss… I can only imagine how gut-wrenching that is for her, considering it may very well be something she also saw at Sage’s funeral. I almost open my mouth to say something like, ‘I’m here if you want to talk about it,’ but knowing how hard she’s been trying to get me to spill everything, I realize I’d only sound like nothing more than a hypocrite. Even when I feel like there’s nothing else I can do, I don’t want to know just how far I’ve fallen, how fucked my mind has been with everything happening. She deserves to be spared my pain. “It’s gonna be okay, Starlight, I promise.” A sad smile forms across her lips. I don’t know whether it’s from my reassurance or how I just used her pet name just now, but she seems a little better. “Thank you, Anon.” The stego’s voice sweetly whispered to me. “I love you…” “I love you too…” We stay in each other’s embrace for a few moments before I bring Reed over, asking Stella if he could get a ride back to his place from Rosa. She agreed and shared my belief that Rosa would be willing to drive him. We both know the kind of person Rosa is. And not long after, we see a worn silver SUV pull into the parking lot. Speak of the devil. …I should never let her hear me use that phrase when referring to her. Rosa seems to spot us rather quickly as her car begins to head in our direction, slowing down as it prepares to line against the side of the building’s entrance. As she approaches us, a wave of sadness washes over me as the driver’s window rolls down, and I’m reminded of how Rosa’s been handling all of this lately. She carries a look of exhaustion across her face as bags rest under her eyes, her luscious flowing brunette hair now disheveled and uncombed, and a simple yet weathered orange hoodie replacing her signature black floral dress. The passion and energy she often carries is nowhere to be found. It pains me to see Rosa hurt like this. She looks like she hasn’t had a good night’s sleep in days. “Hola… Are you two ready to go home?” Rosa’s voice carries a depressed inflection as she asks Stella and me. “Yeah, we are. Thanks, Rosa.” I address her before nodding towards our Raptor companion. “Although I just wanted to—” “Did you need a ride home, Reed?” I… Well, nevermind then. Reed lazily flashes Rosa a thumbs up as his arm rests on his crutch. “Hell yeah, Amigo, that’d be dope!” The return of positivity in Reed’s voice does nothing to brighten the despondent Ankylo’s mood, only replying to him with a subtle nod. “Thanks, Rosa, we really appreciate it!” Stella chimes in gently, taking notice of her friend’s dull mood. “No hay problema.…” I’m sorry Rosa, you don’t deserve to go through this. “Hmm…” She dryly grunts towards my not-so-inner thoughts as she looks my way. Let’s just go home, I just want this day to be over… Two Months Later... “None of this matters…” That’s what I’ve been trying to tell myself. None of it matters at all. The hallucinations, the constant nightmares, all the guilt, and fear… it doesn’t matter in the end… All that matters is making sure Stella is safe and happy… Even if that means keeping my feelings locked away. You’ve already been through your fair share of suffering and fuck ups. Now isn’t the time to be wallowing away in self-pity like a fucking loser. Reed has been stuck in rehab for the past two months after Rosa drove him home after the funeral and truly found out about his Carfe addiction. Or better yet, how Rosa had to go to the fucking Psych Ward not long after because everything happening caused her to have a fucking breakdown?! Christ, Anon, get over yourself! So what if you have nightmares that force you to relive that same horrific day constantly? So what if Trish ended up killing Rosa and Stella right before your eyes, taunting you as you’re powerless to save them… Just like you were with Fang. Or when the script is flipped when it’s you who has the gun, and you want nothing more than to throw it away as far as you can, putting an end to its bloodstained legacy. …But all you can do is watch as your body goes against your every desire, the girl begging for mercy as your lips form into a sick smile even when all you want is to scream for it to stop, your finger acting of its own accord as it tugs on the trigger of the pistol and paints the steps of Volcano High with Trish’s brains. That particular dream is arguably the worse one of the two, making me feel like a puppet whose strings are pulled by my own fucked up imagination. Despite how many days have passed, there hasn’t been a day that’s gone by where what happened that day hasn’t weighed on my head. Trish may have tried to kill Stella and me. After all, she wanted nothing more than to see me dead. I tried to stand against her, remembering the type of person she was. A part of me is constantly asking why the hell I care about Trish offing herself. She almost killed Stella and took away one of the only good things left in my clusterfuck of a life! But another part of me remembers that, in the end, Trish was still a person too. “At th’ end of da day, everyone’s fightin’ their own battles…” Moe’s words ring in my head as fresh as the night he first uttered them to me. “But the sad truth is, not everyone wins those doze battles…” I don’t know what Trish’s life was underneath the surface. I didn’t even bother trying to see it before it all went down, but now I just can’t help but imagine that she must have been dealing with her own type of hell, maybe even before the shooting even happened. What caused her to be so angry at the world or to treat me with hostility and resentment from the moment she met me? I know she was in love with Fang first, but… was there more to it than that? You can never truly understand what’s going through another person’s head or how much pain they might be going through behind closed doors, but I can’t help but drive myself crazy just by trying to understand Trish’s struggles. The constant stream of self-hatred, fear, and obsessing over questions I’ll never be able to find the answers to make it hard for me to see what’s in front of me, both figuratively and literally. In front of me stands a large monitor with Grugdobe Audition displayed across the screen. The screen’s brightness, paired with the basement's darkness, nearly blinds me. Various files are scattered across the timeline, the audio collection reaching about two minutes and twenty seconds. The sight reminded me of what I was supposed to be doing before I was lost in my thoughts. This has been happening way too much. About a month ago, I asked Monty if I could use his audio setup when he wasn’t using it. I was almost certain he’d say no since his livelihood depends a great deal on it, and he wasn’t about to let some mentally ill loser fuck around with his equipment, but I was wrong. Not only did he permit me, but he even ENCOURAGED it too. I guess he remembered me saying that I wanted to get back into sound work. “Wait, what about the settings? The controls on your interface look pretty complex. Are you sure you’re okay with me screwing around with that?” “Don’t worry about it, my boy! I’ve been doing this since you were still in diapers. I think I remember my settings after all these years!” The last conversation I had with him playing in my mind. “Besides, I have them written down, just in case!” Even if I’ve been doing all this work for him, I still don’t see what he sees in me when it comes to him trusting me with his equipment. I don’t intend to mess up his stuff. He’s been kind to me, and I don’t wanna betray his trust. Still, it feels like, at the same time, I am… …Because I didn’t tell him exactly why I’ve been wanting to experiment with sound design programs, especially since I’m trying to recreate the song written by the woman who almost murdered his daughter. Fang’s aria, the essence of her soul, is encapsulated within her guitar's melody. It’s been in my head since I heard it in that dream a few nights before the Botanical showcase back at my old high school. Amid all the fucked up nightmares that cloud my subconscious, the tenderness of that moment spent with Fang under the moonlight shined through. Even if what Fang did was monstrous and history will vilify her as one, there was still so much good to her. She deserves to have a part of her legacy preserved, the legacy of who she truly was. But why… I’m right at the end of finishing this, but why can’t I fucking do it?! I’ve spent nights just staring at the screen, watching the minutes on the clock pass as the hurricane of shitty thoughts swirl around in my mind to the point where it detaches me from reality. I’m at the cusp of finishing this, yet I can’t pull myself together… “Are you sure you didn’t mess around with the cables this time? Seems to be a habit with you.” The phantom’s voice pulls me back to the present, filling me with a barrage of feelings before I try to compose myself. “No, Fang. I didn’t this time…” I grumbled at her remark, my eyes still pointing toward the desk. “S-sorry… Probably wasn’t the best thing to open with.” Swiveling the desk chair, I turn around to see none other than Fang standing before me, a slight hint of remorse apparent on her face from the ill-time joke she cracked. The ptero ghost sighs, the look on her face softening. “Listen, Dweeb. I’m just gonna say it bluntly. I’m worried about you.” “You don’t need to be, Fang,” I reply, my voice dripping with exhaustion. “No one’s coming after us anymore. We’re safe…” “That’s not why I’m worried…” “Then why else are you worried?” I fire back, growing more annoyed. “Trish is dead, your dad’s in prison for trying to get Stella and I killed. Who else do I need to worry about?” The hostility from my response causes Fang to grow a bit apprehensive, taking a step back as her face cringes slightly. Fuck… What is wrong with me? I shouldn’t have talked to her like that, even if she's just a memory. “We’re worried about you! More specifically, how you’ve been treating yourself!” A new voice grabs my attention as my eyes dart toward the bottom of the stairs to see Naser standing there with a concerned look in his eyes, contrasting his earlier sadistic personality and his later depressed state. I’m slightly taken aback, but I don’t have time for this. “I have to get this done. Do you not understand that?” I emphasize to ‘Naser’ as my voice becomes more annoyed. “Besides, I’m treating myself just fine, I’m sti—” “Anon, please… I think we all know that’s bullshit.” A gentle yet sickeningly sweet voice speaks from behind me. “When’s the last time you’ve had a good night’s sleep?” I turn around to see none other than Naomi sitting in the chair next to Fang as she leans against the desk, she’s sharing the sympathetic aura that Fang has as she looks up at me, and it seems genuine too… But why would she, though? Even if she is just a hallucination, Naomi would never swear in the presence of others. I barely believe that she said ‘fuck’ during the night of prom when she chewed me out in the kitchen at Fang’s house. Still, I haven’t seen Naomi recently as much as I have Fang and Naser. It feels weird to see her with any emotion other than that plastic people-pleasing facade when she was alive or the pure sadism she’s haunted me with as a ghost. “You don’t have to push yourself so hard…” She leans forward as her lips bend into a frown. “You’ve been through much these past couple of months.” “So what?” I snap before letting out a bitter sigh. “Many people out there have been through far worse than I have.” I turn away from the two sitting by the desk as I face the stairway, once again being greeted with the sight of Fang’s brother watching me with sadness. “Besides… It’s not like I don’t deserve it.” Silence hangs in the air after the words leave my mouth. I blankly stare at the apparition as my exhaustion grows more obvious. It is as if a mixture of self-hatred and obsession is wearing me down, the former feeling like an anchor tied to me as I try to work towards the latter. “Besides, I DO have to do this.” I direct my words towards Fang as I turn around and look her in the eye. “But why?” The Ptero phantom asks sadly. “To atone for what I did to you, and…” I struggle to continue my train of thought as emotion overwhelms me. “To keep your memory alive.” To my slight surprise, my answer causes Fang’s amber eyes to light up. “That song you played for me on the rooftop? It never left my mind.” I explain to her as she listens with curiosity. “You put in so much of yourself into it and… It shouldn’t have to die with you.” “Anon…” Fang whispers as she begins to walk toward me. “You don’t have to torture yourself like this to make that happen…” Maybe… But maybe I want to torture myself. As she stands inches away from me, she reaches out to take hold of my hand, but I never feel the touch of her palm touching me, I only see it hover over my hand. “There’s so much good inside you, Anon. You’re kind, thoughtful, noble, and so strong.” A sad smile forms on her lips. “I just wish you would see yourself the way we all see you.” I should feel a sense of peace, knowing that they don’t hate me. But if they’re right from before? What if they’re all dead because of me? If I had never come to Volcaldera, Fang, Naser, and Naomi would still be alive. Stella and Rosa wouldn’t have been as emotionally scarred as they were. Maybe Reed wouldn’t have destroyed his mind with drugs. …Maybe Trish wouldn’t have killed herself and tried to kill Stella… “I’m sorry everyone...” I weakly choke out, My eyes growing heavier as I begin to feel tears well up inside me. I need to get away from them, I can’t do this right now… I turn away from Fang, struggling to keep myself composed as I’m on the verge of breaking down. Without another word, I make it towards the stairways, Naser stepping out of the way to let me pass, but not before I catch a glimpse of the sympathetic sadness in his eyes, the same feeling Stella’s shown me the past three months. Walking up the stairs, I hear no voice, no call for me to stay down and talk about my feelings, just the sound of the floorboard creaking against my feet. I feel like I’ve been falling apart. I thought maybe things could get better for me, but who the fuck am I kidding? This is everything I deserve… I am a piece of shit. I’ve done nothing but bring suffering to the lives of those around me. They would be far better off if I weren’t here. As I emerge from the basement, I’m met with the complete darkness of the Baudelaire household. The only lights emerge from the entrance behind me, paired with the night sky shining through the windows by the front door. I’ve lost all sense of time, I don’t even know how late or how early it is. Not that it matters. Just need to step away for a second and take my mind off things. Maybe some coffee might help. I’ve drunk so much caffeine over the past year to the point I’ve developed some form of immunity towards it, but Coffee is still one of the things that brings me a sense of comfort from this fucked up mess of a situation. And it also doesn’t hurt that I can’t get enough of Stella and her family's coffee. Their Espresso machine might as well be from a five-star cafe compared to the boiled dirt I lived on back in my old place. I retrieve the cell phone in my right pocket and turn on the flashlight function as I walk toward the kitchen as quietly and carefully as possible, not wanting to trip over a shoe or one of Ghibli’s toys. I’m just glad I’m not a cripple anymore. Otherwise, trying to navigate this in the dark would be a fucking nightmare. My mission of making the long and arduous journey from the basement turns out to be a success as I enter the kitchen, my eyes locked on the coffee machine resting on the counter by the fridge. Just what I need right now… Walking over to the Espresso machine, I reach for the box that says ‘Dunkin Dino’s Extra Bold.’ I take out a pod and place it in the slot above. I still can’t get over how cool it is to make coffee just by putting a pod into a coffee maker like a coin for a vending machine. As mundane as it sounds, the only other coffee makers I’ve had experience with in the past was one of those shitty old ones with the pot that my former parents used, as well as Instant Coffee. But this? This is a gift from the heavens. I press the button on the top to power the machine before walking towards the cabinet to my left to grab a mug. But before I make it all the way, I stop in my tracks at the sound of rhythmic pattering against the hardwood floor. I turn towards the sound to be greeted with the sight of Ghibli emerging from the door, looking at me inquisitively with soulful eyes and perked-up ears. “Hey girl, hope I didn’t wake you.” A smile forms on my lips as I kneel to the ground to meet the fluffy canine. “How are you doing?” The calm Samoyed continues her stride towards me until her head nudges against my chest, her own unique way of hugging people. God, she’s just so fucking cute. I start stroking the dog’s soft white fur as I feel her weight pushing against me, scratching her back, and rubbing her ears. I hope this is a good enough apology for waking her up. Eventually, she breaks away as she steps back to look at me, her dark brown eyes piercing my soul as she scans my face. She seems almost… worried. “Woooooooo…” She somberly vocalizes before walking toward the hallway. I continue to sit on the ground for a brief moment, confused about the encounter. …What? Ehh.. Never mind, dogs will be dogs. Not worth paying much mind to it. I lift myself off the floor, grab a blue ceramic mug from the cabinet, and place it under the coffee machine as I press the ‘brew’ button. Finally… Sweet… Invigorating… Caffeine. Amid the hot wet sound of coffee falling into the mug, I kept an ear out for other noises in the house, hoping that Ghibli wasn’t the only one I woke up. And especially hoping I didn’t wake Stella up. The last thing I need right now is to make her worry about me even more. She’s already seen hell, and I don’t want to drag her back down with me… While she hasn’t called me out like she did at the school before Trish almost killed us, I can tell she’s been looking at me differently. She wasn’t conscious when Trish decided to smear the steps with her brains, but she was still pretty shaken up about it, but not as much as I imagined it would’ve. She was heartbroken to hear how it affected Rosa and terrified that she’d end up like Sage… and she knows how much it’s been fucking with me, all of it… My parents tossing me away… Getting evicted… All the death… I don’t know much more of this I can take, and I’m fucking terrified of the possibility of it getting far worse, and Stella knows it too. But I need to stay strong for her, I can’t let her see underneath the surface. “Of course, you can’t! Just hide away from your problems like you always do.” I’m struck with a brief moment of shock the second I hear that voice, but then… The shock fades into remorse. The vitriolic venom dripping from her voice, the aggressive tone. I was wondering when she would show up to haunt me. I look behind me and see none other than Trish leaning against the counter by the door, leering at me. She looks exactly like she did when she was alive. Yellow hoodie, track pants, and red boots. Same curly purple hair and purple scales. But yet… There’s something different about her. Of course, there’s something different about her. You’re fucking hallucinating again, Anon. “Some fucking boyfriend you are.” The triceratops spits out with disdain. “You really think you’re helping Stella by keeping her in the dark like this? Pfft, give me a break…” Her words anger a part of me. Fuck you, Trish. You’re the last person who should be lecturing me over ‘helping’ others, especially with how you ‘helped’ Fang with her struggles. And yet… A part of me agrees with her words… I shouldn’t be pushing Stella away. I should be honest with her about how I’m feeling and how much it’s all been messing with my head. These feelings of constant remorse and self-hatred are eating me from the inside out, making it feel like everything’s closing in on me. “Do you have a better idea?” My simple response to Trish is both genuine and sarcastic. “Enlighten me, please. I’m all ears.” Trish huffs as she pushes herself off the counter. “I’m not gonna tell you the answer you already know. You’re stupid, but you’re not that stupid.” That’s… probably the only compliment I’ve ever heard from Trish. Real or hallucination. “You know what you have to do, Skinnie.” She says curtly but with less aggression. I know… Deep down, I know. But still, what if it goes wrong? “I know…” I look to the ground as I sigh with defeat and uncertainty. “But I don’t know if I can.” “Do you wanna lose Stella too?” Those words sting, especially when it’s coming from the mouth of the girl who nearly killed her. A couple of seconds of silence go by before I look up from the ground to her as the look on her face is now less hostile than before. She obviously doesn’t look friendly, but she seems more somber now. “Of course I don’t. That’s why I’m trying to stay strong for her,” I answer with a faux sense of determination. A scoff escapes from the apparition’s mouth as Trish pinches the bridge of her snout in annoyance. “You think lying to her is ‘you being strong?’ You’re a dumbass if you think that’s gonna help her in any way.” I know this isn’t the real Trish. Otherwise, her words would’ve done nothing more than piss me off. But still, there’s truth to what she’s saying. I know I’m not doing Stella justice by holding it all in, but I don’t know what else to do. It’s a miracle she even stayed with me as long as I did after learning I became an Adderall-addicted insomniac loser living on borrowed money as he spends all day imagining ghosts. I’m terrified if I just rock that boat even further, it’ll sink… “And it’ll sink if you continue this bullshit!” Trish raises her voice as she steps toward me, reminding me that my thoughts aren’t exactly private. “WHAT AM I-” I catch myself as I remember I have to keep my voice down. “What else am I supposed to do? I have to keep it in for her.” “Give me a break!” Trish scornfully dismisses my words. “You’re not doing it to help her! You’re doing this to help yourself!” … I stand there in stunned silence, the passage of time feeling like an entirety. A million thoughts course through my head, each conflicting with one another. Go to hell. You, of all people, have no fucking right to be saying that to me! You’re right, I’m just a coward… You mean like how you tried to use ‘helping Fang’ as an excuse to justify your need to be in control of everything?! Am I this fucked? Am I just doomed to let things fall apart again and again? The torrents of thoughts feel like they’re sapping every ounce of energy and mental fortitude I have left, and I only have enough energy to say one thing. “...I know…” She’s right… I know she’s right. The antagonism on her face fades away as a subtle degree of surprise appears. “I don’t exactly know why I feel like I need to hide what I’m going through from Stella…” I sigh as I turn away briefly, staring blankly at the cabinets before me as I become lost in thought. “I think maybe I’m scared. I’m still not used to the prospect of having someone care about me as much as she does…” I turn back to see ‘Trish’ listening to me intently as the surprise on her face is glued there. “I still don’t know how anyone could love me, especially after everything that’s happened.” The heavy feeling in my eyes returns as I try to prevent the damn from breaking. “Mom and Dad barely loved me, and even then, that was only conditional.” My voice carries a hint of bitterness as I mention my former parents, still a sore subject for me. “Despite everything I was, Fang still loved me. She went out of her way to ensure I survived that day.” I take a deep breath in an attempt to compose myself. “And I am terrified that if I fuck up the same way I did with Fang, I’ll lose Stella too…” The revenant takes my words with consideration for a brief moment before sternly yet sympathetically looking at me. “You can’t keep running away from your problems like this, Anon. The more you push people away, the more they’ll get hurt.” Her head falls to the ground as a shameful expression appears on her face. “You don’t wanna be like me…” Be like you? Wait, what do you- “You saw how bad I made things with everyone.” Remorse grips the Triceratops’s voice like a vice. “Please… don’t make the same mistakes I did…” I still don’t know too well what Trish’s life was like for the most part. I never got to know the girl underneath the surface, never knowing if there was more to her besides that angry, hateful brute who wanted me dead. But there was, without a doubt, more to her. As misguided as she was, she truly loved Fang. And underneath all of her flaws, she was capable of great things. I don’t know how awful the cards she was dealt in her life were, and it saddens me further knowing that in her short nineteen years of life, she had to go through such a harrowing end. Her words manage to reach me, But still… That lingering yet unbreakable fear of losing Stella remains, the girl I love more than life itself. The storm begins to brew once more as all the negative possibilities assault my mind like my own fear is trying to brainwash me into silence. “I… don’t know what to do.” I close my eyes as I’m filled with guilt. “I’m sorry…” I turn away from her as I go to get my coffee from the espresso machine, my palms gripping the now lukewarm cup as I move toward the hallway entrance. Trish has a look of disappointment on her face. “You can’t keep doing this,” she somberly whispers. I know… But I just don’t see any other way. It’s finally done… After many restless nights of working away trying to recreate Fang’s ballad, I’ve finally finished it. Having enough caffeine in my veins to kill a squirrel certainly helped. It was about seven in the morning when I finished rendering it. Desperate not to lose my work, I made multiple backups of the song, one for my USB thumbstick and two others for two different cloud services. I am not losing Fang’s real epithet. I still don’t know exactly what I will do with the song. I haven’t given it much thought other than simply finishing it. I guess I could show Monty what I’ve come up with. I’d imagine that he’d like to see what the guy whose been using his equipment for a month made, but I still don’t know if it’s a good idea. ‘Hey, Monty! You know that song that I’ve been working on? Oh yeah, it’s done now! What’s it about? Oh, I remade my dead ex-girlfriend’s song! Yeah, the one who pointed a gun at Stella’s face!’ I can’t exactly see that conversation going well with him. I also don’t know if I will upload it to RythmnCloud where I used to upload the other songs I’ve made. It’s not truly my song, and to take credit for it would feel wrong… But to know that I managed to get this song done, period. Regardless of anything else, it brings a sense of relief to my troubled mind. This is another step forward for my endless mission to atone for how I made Fang feel and to honor her memory in a way that’s true to who she was… Or rather, who she truly wanted to be… And while her hopes and dreams may have died with her, tainted by the blood she spilled before leaving this world, I hope that this part of Fang can live on, free from those sins. I don’t know if it’ll give me a sense of closure. I don’t know if anything will, if I’m being honest. But at the very least, I can show that I wanted to honor her memory. Now that I’ve got nothing to distract myself with, I can’t help but find myself glued to the desk as the more depressing feelings inside me aren’t as overshadowed anymore. While a part of me feels glad that I’ve been able to see the task through to the end, the self-hatred and sadness that’s plagued me for the past few months still lurk beneath. How I’ve been handling things with Stella has particularly troubled me, especially after Trish visited me in the kitchen. “You can’t keep running away from your problems like this, Anon. The more you push people away, the more they’ll get hurt.” Her words echo in my head. They are so painfully accurate, but still… I don’t want Stella to see me like this. “Ah-non? Are you still down here, my boy?” A gentle yet masculine voice calls from upstairs. Is Monty awake already? On a Saturday? Shit, I guess I am gonna have to show him after all. The sound of footsteps fills the air as I turn away from the desk to see Monty descending the stairs, approaching me with a curious yet tired look in his eyes. “Mon Dieu, your eyes!” The Stego’s eyes light up with worry as he looks closer at me. “Did you stay up the entire night working on your project?” It kind of hurts to see right now, so I wouldn’t be surprised if my eyes had massive bags under them or were bloodshot to hell. “Yeah…” I weakly answer. “But on the bright side, I finally managed to finish it.” The worry on his face fades into intrigue, curious to hear about the update on my progress. “Oui? That’s incredible, Anon!” He beams with excitement as a smile forms on his lips. “May I see it?” Shit. I knew he was gonna ask to see it. I mean… It is his studio I’m using, after all, so he would it’s only fair that he gets to see what I made. Don’t exactly want him thinking I’m using his equipment to make sound effects for a tentacle porn game or whatever. “Anon?” Stop dozing off, you dumbass. “Uh.. Y-yeah, yeah, of course!” I snap myself back into reality as I nod my head. “Sorry, just tired, is all.” “Bien entendu… I should imagine so! You stayed up the whole night!” I load up the file on the desktop and get up from the desk and move aside as Monty takes a seat in the desk chair in front of the row of Monitors, making sure that the desktop’s audio is playing from his speakers, that we can be both figure out if I did good or if I suck. He moves his hand to press the keyboard’s spacebar, and the song begins to play. A slow yet soft rhythm fades in, beginning the melody with a gentle cadence before it builds up, morphing into something more powerful. Ten seconds into the song, Monty already starts to nod approvingly. I’ve been trying to get a grip on music and sound for so long. I don’t really remember how to play the guitar, and from what I did play, it was very minuscule. But I did my best to replicate the sounds using the knowledge I got from those sound creation programs and the memories I’ve had of that song, both from dreams and reality. After I left Fang’s house that evening, I got more invested in playing around with it. And even after stopping for a while, my work with Monty has inspired me to pick it up again. I feel this way, I’m able to atone to Fang... As the song progresses and the melody grows with a mixture of melancholy and harmony, I see the emotions on Monty’s face slowly change from simply being intrigued to being emotionally compelled. He places a hand over his mouth as his eyes widen behind his glasses, completely engrossed in the song as it reaches a crescendo, transforming it into that of a weighted rock piece. The instrumentals may be completely artificial, but I still did everything possible to ensure the emotion was still present. It is a beautiful piece of dissonant serenity. Fang’s instrumental aria had the essence of who she truly was. Not who she became in the end. Your work and passions don’t have to die with you, Fang… As the song concludes, I hear Monty quietly mumbling in amazement. Wait… Does he actually like it? As the icon of the media player program pops onto the screen, symbolizing that the song is over, Monty sits there in silence, taking a couple of seconds as he begins to process everything, wracking his brain over what to say next. Please don’t ask me where I came up with the song- “Anon, This was… Incroyable.” Monty’s voice interrupts my thoughts as he stares at the monitor. “I sensed you had hidden talent, but this is something else!” The stego turned to me with a proud smile on his face. “And you managed to make all of this all on Audition too?” “Not exactly. I made the instrumentals on GarageBand and ported them over to Audition to mix them more effectively.” I calmly smile as I rub my neck. “Still, you did a wonderful job, my boy!” Monty’s voice beamed with approval. “If you don’t mind me asking though…” Oh shit. “How did you come up with the idea for the song?” Fuuuuuuuuuuccccckkkkkk… I knew this was coming. His question causes my heart to beat faster as he awaits my answer. Honesty is the best policy, but is it really a smart idea to tell him? Maybe I don’t have to give him the exact specifics. “It was actually a song a friend of mine from Volcano High made.” I try to mask my growing nervousness by offering a somewhat vague explanation. “But… unfortunately, they died in the shooting… and I wanted to memorialize their work as best as I could…” The stego looks at me with sympathy, knowing full well that it’s hard to talk about the loss of a friend. “Ah, Je suis désolée… It was one of the song made by eh… Fang, oui?” What. Oh fuck. How does he kno- “No, no no no, do not worry, Anon!” His eyes widen as he waves his hands out in front of me. “I am not upset with you. Not at all!” He must have seen me begin to freak out, but still. How the hell did he know? Did Stella- “Oui, Oui. Stella told me that you and Fang used to be together before it all happened.” Monty nods with understanding in his eyes. Of course, I’m a dumbass not realizing that. It does make sense Stella would tell her parents more about the boy she was seeing. She is pretty close with them, after all. I’m still not used to the concept of ‘having a good relationship with your parents.’ But still, Monty doesn’t seem pissed off with me. Why though? “How long have you known?” I ask him, looking at him with confusion. “I’ve known since the night I dropped you home back at your old apartment. Stella told me that you and Fang used to be together.” Monty removes his glasses and holds them in his right hand. “But please, I do not hold it against you for what she did.” I interject for more clarification on Monty’s thoughts. “But you’re okay with me trying to recreate a song she originally made? Despite everything she did?” My question elicits a sigh from the lime Stegosauraus. “It is… complicated.” I wait a moment as I watch him try to gather his thoughts, the mixture of conflict and introspection telling me he has a bit to say. “When I heard about what happened at Volcano High. Hearing about all those children who lost their lives. How my daughter was almost murdered… I was horrified.” Monty explained as a somber look grew across his face, his voice growing emotional as he was forced to relive a painful memory. “Every parent’s worst fear is losing their child, and… that fear almost became a reality that day.” A nightmare that should never have come true for any parent… The very same nightmare that Ripley and his wife found themselves in. “And I was… angry. Angry at the girl who killed all of those children. ‘What kind of monster would do what she did?’ I asked myself that for a while.” The stego looks down at the floor, his voice growing softer. “Angel and I were both rattled about what happened and what it did to our daughter… But I know it is unhealthy to hold on to that kind of anger…” Monty sighed as his gaze met mine, a defeated look on his face. “But now, I can only feel sad… What drove her to do such a thing? What kind of cruelty did she have to endure before redirecting it onto others?” All the jeers. The ostracization. The torment and manipulation. Fang’s horrible night at prom. I’d say Monty hit the nail on the head there. I’m… surprised to see that type of response from Monty. It would be easy to hate Fang for shooting up the school, and as much as it pains me to admit it, he would be right to do so. But even after everything… “I’...” I attempt to force the words out of my mouth, only to trip over all the possible things I could say. “She- uh… I-” “But… I trust you, Anon. I really do.” A slight smile appears across his lips. “You are a good man, and if you can see that there was good in Fang before it all happened, I trust you.” “However…” The smile fades away on his face as he becomes more serious. “It is good that you are trying to preserve the good part of her legacy, but you must also let it go.” He rises from the chair as he places a hand on my shoulder. “If you don’t move on, it will only make things harder with you and Stella.” “I-I know…” A wave of shame fills my body as Monty’s words sink in. I must do this for Fang and keep that part of her alive. But I hate myself for not just moving on and focusing on the present. Stella deserves better than that. I— “But regardless of that, you have done an incredible job, Anon.” A warm smile returned to Monty’s face, briefly pulling me away from the turmoil I began to feel. “This reminded me, I wanted to ask you something.” “Yes?” I answer calmly, his question piquing my interest. “Have you still considered going to university or college in the future? I remember you said you were open to the idea in the future.” That’s a good… question. I didn’t even consider college a possibility again once Stella brought it up during one of our dates. It also got me thinking about the possibility of going to school again. And as stressful as trying to put together that song from pure memory, I enjoyed creating, playing around, and experimenting with different sounds to create something new. Is this what it means to be a musician? Because I’m sure as shit that I’m talentless when it comes to playing any actual instruments. Not counting Rock Band. “I have been thinking about it a little bit, yeah.” “Oh c’est manufique! There’s a wide array of wonder schools that offer Sound Production, such as Volcadera Polytechnical Institute or perhaps the University of Pangea!” As Monty begins to fill me in about the schools that offer programs for what I’d want to study, a new feeling begins to settle in. Doubt. Although it would be good to go back, I’m still wondering if I can handle such a thing, considering… everything that’s happened thus far. “I mean… I’m still trying to figure everything out in terms of what exactly I want to do.” I answer truthfully, watching his smile fade away a little bit. “But I-” “Papa! Anon et toi êtes occupés en ce moment?” Monty and I turn our heads toward the staircase, where Stella’s voice called out, cutting me off. “Just the person I wanted to go to see next.” Monty looks at me with a smirk before turning back. “Pas maintenant, Stella! S'il vous plaît, descendez!” Monty calls back to his daughter in his native tongue. His words follow the rhythm of footsteps as Stella enters the basement, still in her pajamas as a tired look is still glued across her face. Between the two of us, Stella’s eyes meet mine first. “Hey, Anon… Did you sleep okay?” She asked me with a smile, with a hint of worry in her voice. “I… didn’t go to sleep…” I answer truthfully as Stella’s face grows concerned. “I was up all night working on the song.” Her tired face lits up with surprise and concern as I reveal my self-induced sleep deprivation. She readied her voice to speak, but a glance at her father reminded her to tone down the emotion in her words. “A-again? …Are you okay?” “Y-yeah, I’m okay. I finally managed to finish it, and your dad seems to like it a lot too.” “Oh… That’s good to hear.” Despite her praise, her voice still sounds quite somber. Implying that she’s more worried than she is impressed. The look of dejection and concern in her eyes leaves me feeling guilty. “How about you? Did you sleep okay?” I ask her in an attempt to take the focus off myself. “Y-yeah… Yeah, I did.” Her voice borders on whispering, still clearly bothered by my lack of sleep. “I stayed up a little late working on a new art piece, though...” Shit, was she awake when I had that argument with myself in the kitchen? No, she must’ve been in her room. As my thoughts race about Stella, the worried look in her eyes still lingers. Please don’t worry about me, Starlight. It will all be okay… “So!” Monty clears his throat, grabbing the attention of Stella and I. As I look in his direction, I am able to briefly catch the sympathetic look on his face before it’s hidden away, his silent way of reminding me of what he told me. “If you don’t move on, it will only make things harder with you and Stella.” I just gotta finish making things right with her, and then I can finally put this behind me. “Now that you’re both here, let us talk about some potential options for school!” One Day Later... Not much further, I’m almost there after about walking for half an hour underneath the dark gray sky. I would’ve thought that all the walks with Ghibli would make me used to this shit, not to mention how I used to get to school. I shift away from my thoughts away from my aching legs as my mind wanders back to yesterday, remembering the conversation I had with Monty. Monty has been looking around at universities and colleges offering programs that interest Stella and me. Her father suggested her original option of applying to the University of Pangea for their Art and Animation programs. Thankfully, the same school also has one of the better sound production design programs. If Stella and I can land there, that would be awesome. Stella, I can definitely see getting in there easily, especially considering how damn talented of an artist she is, along with the whole Asperger's card up her sleeve. …Which I feel like a massive douchebag for even thinking about… What I still don’t know is how I’M going to get into any of these schools. My grades in senior year were complete ass, and pretty much none of the schools I applied to accepted me, so I don’t know what kind of black magic Monty has planned to get me in. But I hope whatever he can do works. Some part of me is still dumbfounded that Monty is going so far out of his way to help someone like me. I’m not his son, and I certainly don’t deserve the kindness he’s shown me. Especially with how much I’ve been making his daughter worry about me lately. But it’s okay… I promise it’ll be over soon, Starlight… The view of the cemetery becomes clearer, seeing the rows of tombstones across the grassy fields. The dark sky shines grimly on the world below, yet there’s no rain. At least not yet. It took me thirty minutes to get here on foot, and I’ll be kinda pissed if I have to walk another thirty minutes back home in the pouring rain. In the end, it doesn’t matter. This has been long overdue. No amount of rain will stop me. I shift the duffel bag on my back to move to my side as I prepare to enter the cemetery. My footsteps grow heavy as I pass through the gates, I haven’t been here since their funeral, and I’m filled with grief and shame as my eyes reacquaint myself with the surroundings. I feel like I sully their peace by simpling being here, but I’m hoping what I’ve been trying to do can serve as some sort of penance for Fang. Scanning the graveyard, the search isn’t long as I find the three tombstones resting alone in the middle. It makes sense that they buried their mother next to her children. It’s only right. However, in the middle tombstone, an object surrounded by wilted flowers catches my eye in a strange way. Walking closer to the grave, I can make out what it is until I finally stand beside it... A red Stratocaster Bass Guitar? My eyes linger on the instrument below me, surprised to see it here, of all places. Isn’t that the same one that Trish used when they played together? What the hell is it even doing here, maybe it was her way of paying respects to her? As I try to wrap my brain around all the possible reasons that Trish’s guitar is suddenly resting in front of Fang’s grave, I notice a piece of paper wedged in between the strings. Did she leave a note? I kneel to pick up the note, feeling the worn-out guitar as I grab the piece of paper and unfold it as I look at the words written. “Dear Fang. Each passing day becomes more bleak and life grows more miserable without you. I am so sorry for all the pain you’ve been forced to deal with, and I hate myself for not being able to help you when you needed it most. I blame Anon for so much, but there’s a big part of me that blames myself for what happened. I should’ve listened to what you had to say more often and considered what you truly desired, not what I wanted you to desire. I hate myself for not realizing how you brought joy to my life until you were gone. Now life feels empty and joyless. I am so fucking sorry. I can’t change what I’ve done. I can’t change the person I am. But if there’s one thing that can’t ever change, it’s how much I love you. And I promise that we’ll be able to see each other again soon. Trish” Fuck… My hands tremble as I struggle to hold Trish’s final note to Fang in my fingers, trying to keep my composure as a grim revelation becomes more apparent to me... I knew how much Trish loved Fang, only to have her ripped away by a monster in her eyes, and far too soon… How she’s been in constant suffering since that day, her family situation, watching Reed wither away, forcing herself into doing those horrible jobs for Moe. Not to mention all the pain and loneliness she must’ve felt during that time, and that’s only the stuff I do know about. I know what she’s done to Stella and Fang, and it angers me even thinking about it. But I can’t help but feel sorrow for Trish. The hell she had to endure is not that different from mine. However, she pushed everyone away until she was all alone. …What I almost did, and what I’m worried I’m doing now with everyone. But I have to, it’s the only way. I return the note within the guitar’s strings, not wishing to desecrate Trish’s final gift to Fang. “Anon?” A soft voice calls out from behind me. A brief wave of surprise courses through me before it’s eclipsed with shame, I didn’t want to have her see me do this. I turn around to see Stella standing twenty feet away from me with the same worried look glued since she got released from the hospital. “How did you find me? And how did you know I was going to be here?” Stella looks to the ground uncomfortably, struggling to look me in the eyes. “Y-you left open Gruugle maps on my dad’s computer, and I figured you would be here when I saw you weren’t home.” I’m taken aback by the reveal of my blunder, trying to figure out how to explain this to her or if I can even get out of it. It’s already a miracle that Monty doesn’t hate my guts for making a song born from his daughter’s would-be murderer, but now you have to push your luck even further. And now here you are, caught red-handed at your ex’s tombstone because some part of you still misses her… But I have to finish this, I owe her that much. She begins to walk gently toward me. “Anon… Are you okay?” There are so many ways I could answer that question, but not one of them involves me saying I am okay and actually meaning it. No… I am the farthest thing from okay right now. “Y-yeah, I’m okay. There was just something I had to take care of here.” “No, you’re not. Please, you don’t have to keep hiding yourself away!” The stego closes her eyes and stops around five feet away from me, her breath shaking as she sighs. “I need to be honest with you, Anon. I’ve been really worried about you for a while now.” Stella, you don’t need to be worried about me. I’ll be okay… “With everything that’s been happening to us over the past few months, your parents, Trish, Reed.” She lists a few examples before she pauses. “Rosa…” Seeing what Rosa’s been going through has been especially hard on us. She stayed strong for us, even after everything life threw at her. She deserves much better. But that’s why I have to stay strong for Stella, I can’t let her see me suffer like everyone else has. “It’s been really hard, and I know it’s hard for you too.” Stella closes the gap between us, grasping my hand uncharacteristically tightly. “But you keep saying that ‘you’re fine,’ but I know you’re not!” I know… But I’m scared if you see how I really am, you’ll only end up hating me for it. All I can do is sadly smile at Stella, using every amount of energy I have to maintain my facade. “I’m fine, Stella. Really…” “No, you’re not, Anon!” Her grip around my hands tightens as the look on her face becomes more upset. “You can’t keep bottling everything! It’s hurting you!” Her voice breaks as she looks at me with pleading eyes. The sight of the tears glistening in her sapphire blue eyes fills me with pain. The sensation feels like a dagger through my heart. But it would only make things worse if I let slip what was truly happening... …Right? Am I really doing the right thing here? As doubt emerges from within, Stella desperately waits for my response, only to be silent. “P-please… please say something.” I’m sorry. “I can’t…” My mouth feels dry as I struggle to answer. But why can’t I? I’m trying to be her rock and stay strong for her, but she wants me to let her in. And yet, I can’t bring myself to let my guard down. Tears continue to roll down the green Stego’s cheek as her voice quivers. “But why?” I begin to feel tears of my own welling inside me. I close my eyes to force them down, and it becomes more difficult to look into Stella’s heartbroken eyes. “I j-just want to help you! Y-you were there for me during the hardest time of my life!” She looks away as she continues to weep, her tears falling onto my hands. “You made me feel like I mattered! That I was worthy of love!” My emotions inside become harder and harder to contain as Stella’s sorrow begins to crack the dam, threatening to break down the wall I’ve made to protect her. …Or to protect myself. But why am I trying to protect myself from her? I feel her right hand break away from our embrace. “And now you’re hurting too! I can see it in your eyes, no matter how hard you try to convince everyone around you that you’re okay…” I open my eyes when I feel her gently caress my cheek. “I know you aren’t, and you won’t even let me be there for you.” I’m scared… But why am I scared? She wants to be there for me, yet I can’t find the strength to be vulnerable around her. Am I scared of falling back into the same person I was before I met her at that drugstore? Am I scared of her seeing the man I used to be? “I l-love you, Anon. More than anything…” As the words leave her mouth, I find myself frozen in place, unable to do anything but see the pain in Stella’s eyes. I… I… I’m hurting her… By continuing this facade. Trish was right… “The more you push people away, the more they’ll get hurt.” Before I can say anything else, Stella’s hands break away as she moves closer and wraps her arms around me, embracing me in the tightest hug she’s ever given me. And just like that, the wall I’ve built to hide away comes crashing down. And it all comes flooding out… Tears begin to flow from my eyes as my body begins to shudder uncontrollably, unable to brace myself for what comes next. “I’m sorry… I’-I’m so fucking sorry!” I wrap my arms around her as I begin to sob into her shoulder violently. Stella begins to cry with me as we hold each other tightly. The feeling of months of emotional and mental repression is equal parts relieving and excruciating. God, why…. WHY?!!!! WHY AM I SO FUCKING BROKEN?! WHY DO I RUIN EVERYTHING I TOUCH?! WHY DID ANY OF THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN?! I begin to relieve every painful memory I’ve experienced within the past year. The Volcano High massacre and the suffering it left on those around me. All the nightmares and ghosts that haunted my every living moment. All of it… In between my wailing, I repeatedly choke out ‘I’m sorry’ to Stella like a broken record, yet she continues to hold onto me despite it all. “Y-you don’t have anything to be sorry about, Anon. Not ever…” Her quivering voice brushes against my ear. “I love you so much, baby… And I don’t want you ever to have to suffer in silence!” But I’ve hurt her so much… “I d-don’t want you ever to feel as alone as I did. Not now and not ever…” She chokes out before sobbing again. Stella… We stay there for five minutes crying in each other’s arms. The despair and grief that resurfaced after trying to put on a brave face for so long begins to wash away, with it a strange sense of clarity and relief. I feel like I’m at the lowest point in my life since I was discharged from the hospital back in June. And yet, the fear of what’s to come next is gone. Even when I’m this broken, Stella’s still here with me, and it hasn’t changed anything. She only wants to help me. …Stella truly loves me. “I-I… I love you so much, Starlight.” My lips ever so slightly curve upwards as I begin to feel comfortable. “And I love you… My Moonlight…” Moonlight? I move back a bit to see Stella looking at me musingly, black streaks coming down her eyes as a smile lies across her lips. “Moonlight, huh?” I quizzically look at her, my voice still scratchy despite the tears subsiding. “Yeah! What do you think? I thought it would be a good counterpart to ‘Starlight.’” Moonlight… Hold on a second. Trying to erase any further discomfort, I flash her a sarcastic look. “Is it because of my shiny bald head?” The smile on Stella’s face evaporates as it erupts into remorse. “Nonononono!! That’s not what I meant at all! I just thought it was a cute name because, you know, you call me Starlight and everything, and I thought it would be a good opposite since we-” Before she can explain further, I lean in and plant my lips on the tip of her snout, closing my eyes as we lock lips. A few seconds pass before I break away. Her worry is gone as I look at her with a sweet and reassuring smile. “I love it… Moonlight is a great pet name.” “Awww, you really think so?” A blush forms on her green cheeks as she mirrors my smile. “I do.” We stand there for a good minute, lost in each other’s eyes before a lightbulb goes off in her head, and she looks past me at the ground below. “So, did you come here to pay your respects to Fang?” She asks me gently before I reply with a quiet ‘yes.’ I turn around to join her, her eyes fixated on the Red Bass before darting towards the tombstone that held Fang’s Epitaph. HERE LIES LUCY * 2001 † 2020 HEAVEN RESTORES YOU IN LIGHT I expect her to look at Fang’s tomb with fear, her mind flashing back to the moment she was staring at the end of a revolver, shaking over her near-death experience. But to my surprise, she carries a sad expression on her face. “A part of me still doesn’t know how to feel about everything. …” Stella turns to face me with uncertainty. “I know what she did, and I’m still dealing with the grief that day caused.” She looks down to the ground with a contemplative look. “But I know she was struggling with her own demons too, and it saddens me to imagine what kind of pain she must have gone through to drive her cause so much suffering.” I look away with shame, preparing to give her my honest answer. “She didn’t deserve any of the hell she had to endure. But still, there’s no possible justification that could excuse her actions… But…” I try to finish my train of thought, only for it to derail as I figure out the best way to phrase it. But before I can, I feel Stella reach for my hand as she takes wind of my turmoil. “It’s okay, Anon. I know how important she was to you...” She was, but I can’t keep clinging on to the past. I close my eyes as I squeeze Stella’s hand. “She was, but I need to move on,” I murmured. “I need closure.” I open my eyes to Stella, giving me an understanding look as she nods, no doubt familiar with the feeling of losing someone as close as I was with Fang. “Of course. Finding that sense of closure is important.” Stella lights up in agreement as I mumbled out my thoughts. “I’m still trying to find that with Sage. I let out a mild chuckle at my blunder. No matter how hard I try, I’ll never be able to stop mumbling. Ready to do what I came here for, I reached into my duffel bag, catching Stella’s interest as I pulled out an object that put a puzzling look on her face. But it’s an object that’s held a great sentimental value for me since Fang’s death. I hold the little roomba in my hands, the drawn-on angry eyes on his face now faded, and the battery back on top of him withered. “What’s that?” She asks with a mixture of curiosity and confusion. “RAYmba… I got him from a market in Little Trodon a while back.” I answer truthfully, no longer feeling the need to hide it away. “It was a little reminder of what things were like before.” I refer to my time with Fang. “But now it’s time for me to let go.” My voice carries a cadence of Sombreness as Stella looks at me with concern. “Are you sure? It seems really important to you.” “I am sure. It’s time.” I gently nod to her before facing Fang’s tombstone. I kneel in front of the grave, gently placing my old friend against the obelisk, leaning against Trish’s bass guitar as a fitting tribute to the dead. “Goodbye, RAYmba. I’ll miss you, little buddy…” I rise from the ground, my shoulders feeling slightly lighter now that the weight has been lifted. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to fully move on from what happened, but I can at least try. Stella moves closer to me as she wraps her arms around my stomach, filling me with a sense of security and comfort in a moment I thought I would have to endure alone. “Thank you, Starlight…” “Of course, Moonlight. I will always be here for you.” “I love you…” “And I love you too.” “Come on, let’s go.” Eventually, we break apart and walk towards the grave’s exit. A great deal of relief washing over me as we leave the cemetery. Everything just seems so much clearer now. Maybe it’s finally getting closure or being able to open up to Stella and let it out, but I feel… serene almost. I stop for a brief moment to take one last look at Fang’s grave, I’m hit with a brief wave of shock as I notice the group of people standing before the row of Tombstones. Naser. Naomi. Trish. Samantha. And Fang… All of them are looking at me with an approving look. Almost as if that’s their way of wordlessly applauding me for finally finding the strength to move on. Or at least try to. A sad smile forms on my face as I find a sense of absolution from them. Goodbye, everyone… Thank you. Goodbye, Fang. I hope you’re able to find peace… I return to face the exit and join Stella as we leave the graveyard, readying ourselves to embrace the present. Ready to move on and see what tomorrow brings us both… Five Years Later... June 4th. Year 201M2026 Volcadera Bluffs Weather conditions; warm as tits. The sky? A beautiful shade of blue with a hint of orange shines down upon the seaside roads as the melodic humming of the car fills the silent air, greeting me with the sight of passing cars and the rocky terrains of the mountains as they watch over the blue sea across the road. We’ve been driving for about three hours, and yet I’m not even tired. I’ve only really known how to drive for three years now, and I’m still amazed that I somehow managed not to wind up in an accident. Since Monty taught Stella and me during the Christmas break a few years back, it’s become almost second nature to me. I guess it’s like what they say about riding a bike too. Stella’s gotten a lot better since. In the beginning, it was pretty stressful for her. I still remember the panic attacks she had. But since then, she’s really come a long way. She’s come a long way in a lot of areas. Since we started university about four years ago, a lot has changed. Stella’s fully returned to the extroverted, bubbly girl I first met her back in senior year of high school, probably even more so than before. I guess the new change of environment helped, along with being in a program she was passionate about. Her art skills have only improved, and she’s become a natural in her craft. She got one of the highest grades in class from that Lost Kitten video she did with Touhou characters. She deserves it all and more. But can I really say the same about me? I’m even surprised I could get into the same university as her. I’ll never be able to thank Monty enough for the connections he had to help me get in. They all REALLY liked the recreation of Fang’s song. School went well for me. I caught onto it all pretty quickly and learned a lot. Even then, I was filled with a sense of doubt and worry, just like I was in high school. I was able to push past it, but it still lurked in the back of my head. Am I good enough? Have I really changed? “Of course you have!!” Oh, for fuck’s sake. “And yes, you are!” Annoyance begins to grow across my face as I realize that I ONCE AGAIN mumbled something that wasn’t supposed to be mumbled. I’m never gonna get a handle on this, am I? I briefly turn my head toward the passenger seat to see Stella stifling a giggle. A shade of red glows across her lime-green face, smiling as she looks my way. No matter how much time passes, she is still as beautiful as the day I first met her. Same beautiful eyes. Same sweet smile. Same soft, luscious green hair. I remember when she used to wear them in hair buns, but I gotta say, she really pulls off the side braid for her hair REALLY well. …Even if it is the same hairstyle dead anime mo- “The road, Anon!” Right! Fuck! I dart my eyes back to the windshield and hear Stella begin to giggle as I can, my face growing red with embarrassment. “S-sorry, starlight! Just got a little distracted…” I bumble over my own words, followed by nervous chuckling. “Oh? Am I really that distracting?” A smug cadence envelopes the stego’s voice. “Huh, my moonlight?” She just had to throw in my pet name in there. “...Maaayyyybeee…” Her laughter resumes as I quickly glance back at her to see the amusement on her face. She’s definitely enjoying this, that’s for sure. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t enjoying this either. She always knows how to soothe my anxiety with her playful demeanour, even if I don’t want her to know that I’m a little bit anxious right now. I don’t want her to think it’s bad. Far from it actually… But we’ll worry about that later tonight after hanging out with some old friends. The last twenty minutes of the car ride are relatively peaceful. I can keep my eyes on the road this time as Stella and I fill in the silence with small talk about what’s been happening and what shows we’ve been watching together. “I still can’t believe PreCure has twenty-three different shows now. I thought only Pokemon would be crazy enough to do something like that.” “Right?! And all of them do an incredible job with every single one!!” ‘Every single one?’ I’m not sure if I’d go as far as to say that, but it always puts a smile on my face to see how giddy she gets when I agree to watch with her. I still remember how excited I was that she wanted to watch Saturnia with me, so I can imagine being able to share that is a big deal for her. I know it certainly was for me. “I can’t wait to see what else they come up with! OH! What if they let us add in some references when we get back to work?! OH, THAT WOULD BE SO COOL!” The giddy Stego lights up with excitement, referring to the possibilities of plagiarism. I mean... It would be a cool thing to add to the show, but I don’t know exactly how much creative input Stella has regarding the decision-making. We only got brought onto the team about a year ago. Still… I’m just thrilled both of us can work on something as cool as The W- “They’re here!” She pulls me away from my thoughts as she points towards the SUV near the beach’s entrance as we pull into the parking lot! I can’t help but grin myself. It’s been a while since we’ve seen them, so I’m looking forward to catching up! I'm also slightly nervous, but that’s about something else. I pull into the parking spot adjacent to the SUV and put it into park, pulling the keys out of the ignition as I turn to my stego gee eff with a smile. “Ready, Starlight?” “Ready!” Unable to contain our eagerness any longer, we unbuckle our seatbelts—almost in a synchronized motion—before exiting the car. Before I move out of the car door, I move my hand towards my left pocket, feeling the object inside. Okay. Glad I didn’t forget that. Lifting myself out of the vehicle, I see both car doors from the front seat of the SUV open up, revealing two very good friends. From the driver’s side emerges an orange-colored ankylosaurus in a classy yet casual black and red dress that nearly reached her ankles, as a red rose was placed on her long, flowing autumn hair. A fitting accessory for her namesake. From the passenger side reveals a Pink Raptor wearing a simple plaid button-up shirt and a pair of jeans. The expression on his face is warm, albeit shy. “Rosa! Reed! It’s so good to you two again!” Stella calls out joyfully before running toward the two people who just emerged from the SUV. “Hola Stella, It’s good to see you too!” The ankylosaur embraces her stegosaur friend in a warm hug as a smile grows across her face. “I missed you so much, chica!” “Same! It’s been too long!” Stella giggles, her voice slightly muffled as they wrap their arms around each other. “Hey bro, how’ve you been?” My attention is pulled away from the two by Reed’s voice, I turn to see him approaching me as he waves his hand. “Hey Reed, I’ve been doing pretty good! Just been busy with work and everything, you know how it is!” I smile as Reed and I greet each other with a friendly handshake. “Haha yeah. I feel that.” Reed lets out an approving chuckle. “You two are still working on that kid’s show, right?” “Yup! We’ll tell you and Rosa more about it when we get everything set up!” “Sound good to me, bro!” Reed smiles before breaking apart from me, a mischievous smile forming on his lips. Wait… Why is he- POOMPF Raptor Jesus… My ribs… Amid the constricting pain in my chest, I turn to my left to see Rosa embracing me in another one of her famous Castillo bear hugs, her head barely reaching my chest. It’s still crazy how much taller I’ve grown over the past few years. “Anon!! It’s good to see you too! How have you been?! Is work going well for you and Stella?!” “Y-yeah, it is…” I barely manage to choke out as Rosa squeezes the life out of me. Before I can reciprocate and hug her back, she loosens her grip on me, allowing me to catch my breath. Rosa notices my lack of breath and chuckles embarrassingly. “Oh! Hehehehe, lo siento! I got a little carried away there!” “Heh, it’s all good, no harm, no foul.” I chuckle with her as a slight pain flares up in my chest. ‘No harm’ probably wasn’t the best choice of words here. “Pffft! How come you never hug me like that?” Reed interjects with a sarcastic look on his face. Rosa lets go as she pretends to be offended. “¿De qué estás hablando? Don’t I always give you the biggest hugs!” Rosa holds her arms toward Reed. The two dinos embrace each other in a hug, but as Rosa’s back is turned to me, I see the growing look of pain on Reed’s face as he struggles to endure the back-breaking squeeze. “O-okay, I get it!” Reed’s pained words cause Rosa to burst out in laughter. The two pull away, and I’m able to see the playful yet sadistic look on her face. “Awww, what’s wrong? Does mi novio not enjoy my hugs anymore?” “Of course not, mi novia!” Reed says in a sultry voice before placing a peck on Rosa’s lips. Stella was right. They really are a cute couple. Both of them snap away as they look at us with embarrassment as if they suddenly remembered that they’re not in private. “O-oh uh, sorry about that!” Reed is the first one to speak, “I uhh…” “We uh… Hope we were not being too inappropriate with you two!” Stella is the first to respond as a giggle escapes her lips. “Hey, Anon and I are the last two people you should apologize to about kissing in public!” Wait a minute… “Hey, I’m not that bad with-” I attempt to interject before Stella flashes me a sli grin as if she’s conjuring images into my mind. I suddenly remember all of the examples. One time in front of her parents during one of our visits back home. In the hallway back in Uni, not knowing all the students that were walking by. At work, where- Yeah, I should probably just shut up… The smug Stego bursts into laughter, sensing my silence as defeat. You win this round, Stella… “Anyway, let us get everything ready! We have been eager to catch up with you two!” Rosa breaks the silence, grabbing Stella and I’s attention. “Of course, lead the way!” I reply with a smile. Following her cue, Stella and I follow Rosa and Reed back to their car. Rosa retrieves a key from her pocket and presses down on a button remote attached, causing the back door of the SUV to open automatically. Pfft… Showoff. Rosa retrieves the cooler from the back of the car before the four of us make our way down to the entrance of the beach, eager to get- Wait a second. “Hey Rosa, did you-” Before I can finish my question, Rosa flicks her eyes toward her car, holding the remote in her hands as she can close the door from all over here. Jeez, you don’t need to rub it in. Rosa laughs at my disbelief before we continue our trek towards the beach. Making our way through the path of trees, we’re greeted with the evening sky shining its orange brilliance on the world below. Trying my best not to get too distracted by my first time even going to the beach in Volcaldera Bluffs, I follow the three as we move towards one of the tables on the beach. Rosa places the cooler on the tabletop, waving us to come over and choose our drinks. Let’s see… Stoka Cola, Light beer, water, and strawberry-flavored coolers. I know exactly who Rosa got the last ones in mind for. My suspicions turn true when I see my Stego companion as she eagerly reaches for a cooler, wasting no second in claiming her prize. “Thank you, Rosa!! You always know how to make my night!” Rosa smiles as she reaches in and grabs the same beverage as her friend. “Anytime, chica! ¿Para qué sirven los amigos?” The two girls notice me eyeing the container and step to the side to allow me to get a drink. Hmmm… Since Stella already went for the cooler, I guess I have to be the responsible adult and just stick with water. Lord knows how much of a lightweight Stella is. Still… If she does get drunk, I hope it doesn’t mess things up when I… Let’s just worry about that later. After reaching and grabbing a bottle of water, I move to the side to see Reed choose a drink. However, he seems conflicted as his hand hovers over the cooler, almost in discomfort. It takes me a second to realize that choosing a beverage for himself is no easy task, especially when many of the choices involve alcohol. Its effects are not unlike the drug he lost his mind to not that long ago. The discomfort fades as he settles on an ice-cold can of Stoka Cola. I can’t imagine it’s easy, especially worried as something as mundane as a beer could send you into a downward spiral, especially after years of climbing out of the darkness that carfe caused him. Just thinking about it makes me sad. Let’s see if we can improve the mood. As we all sit down, I make eye contact with Rosa. “So! How are things going in the garden? It’s the Volcaldera Botanical Conservatory, right?” I inquire as her face lights up with enthusiasm. “Si! Everything is going wonderfully! The bed of Lillacs and Middlemist Red Camellias are blossoming beautifully!” The ankylo smiles proudly over her work. “Also, the garden’s name change became finalized, so it is no longer called the ‘Volcaldera Botanical Conservatory!’” “Oh really, what’s it called now?” Stella looked at her friend with peaked curiosity. “It is now called the Sebastián Castillo Memorial Garden!” “Awww, that’s awesome, Rosa! I’m so happy for you!” Stella erupts with joy over her friend's words. “I bet your dad would be so proud of you and what you’re doing! The Ankylosaur grows shades of red across her orange face, chuckling bashfully at Stella’s praise. “Gracias, amiga… That means more to me than you know.” That’s sweet to hear. I’m really glad that Rosa got to continue working in her father’s footsteps and continue the legacy he left behind. I remember she told me some of the work he’s done, and I bet if he could see her now, he’d be crying tears of joy at the woman she’s become. As time passes, we tell each other what’s been going on with our lives since we last spoke. Stella and I tell Rosa about the show we’ve participated in the production of since we left school. “So it’s called ‘The Wyvern Lord!’ It’s set in a medieval fantasy world, kind of like you would see in one of those L&L games people talk about! It’s about three kids that go on an epic journey to return a Dragon egg to the Wyvern Queen!” Stella drills on with an infectious schoolgirl glee. “It’s so cool! Anon is working on the sound design team, and I’m helping with the concept designs! They love the work I’ve been doing, and they even said they’re gonna include some of the sketches I’ve made as something for each episode’s credits!” “Even the ones that are not so subtle references to anime.” My sarcastic comment causes Rosa and Reed to chuckle with amusement as I feel a light jab hit my side as Stella shoots me a pouty face. “Hey, I liked them! What are you jabbing me for?” “You don’t have to say it like that , jerk.” Stella’s faux face of disappointment has me questioning whether it is faux. “Stella, you know I’m just kidding, right?” My face grows more worried as I begin to fear I’ve genuinely upset her. Stella’s face does a complete 180 as she playfully sticks a tongue out at me as her body loosens. “I know! Hehehehehehe!” The stego giggles at my expense, Rosa and Reed joining in. I swear this girl’s gonna be the death of me. Stella and I begin to tell our friends what exactly we’ve been doing with our work. How Stella’s job usually consists of helping her team come up with the designs of certain characters as well as consulting the animators on how to adapt them properly. I still see the influence from all those past astrology and anime-related art pieces she worked on when it comes to these designs, and it’s really paid off too. Meanwhile, I got the more boring job between the two of us. Like Stella, I’m working on a team. My primary responsibility is audio mixing and ensuring everything meshes together well and sounds right. I’m also in charge of cleaning up bits and pieces wherever needed. It can be a bit tedious sometimes, but I have a lot of fun with what I do. Looking towards my girlfriend, I feel butterflies flutter in my stomach as my cheeks become warmer. And I’m so lucky to work on this job with her… “How about you, Reed? School going okay?” Stella asks Reed, pulling me out of my daydreaming. Reed’s eyes light up as her question catches him off guard. He rubs his neck as he looks away with a hint of shyness. “Oh, uh yeah! Just uh… I just finished my second year last week and should have my degree in four more semesters.” “Good stuff, man!” I nod in approval. “You’re taking electrical engineering at the community college in town, right?” “Yeah, that’s right. It’s honestly been going pretty well!.” He lowers his hand as a calm smile appears across his lips. Rosa reaches for Reed’s hand as she clears her throat to speak. “Mi novio tells me he’s at the top of class right now! And with any luck, his professors say he could graduate on the dean’s honor list!” “Heheheh, well… Let’s not jinx it.” Reed modestly shrugs despite the positive mood he’s in. “Don’t sell yourself short, Reed. I’m sure you're doing an amazing job!” Stella tries to encourage the shy raptor. “After everything you’ve been through, you’ve come a long way, man.” I join in Stella’s attempts at raising Reed’s spirits.”You deserve all the praise and then some.” Rosa places her other hand on Reed’s chest as she grabs his attention. “They are right, mi amor. You have been working very hard to improve, not just with your studies, but everything. Remember what Pastor Moe told you?” Pastor Moe? Wait… Like Fang and Naser’s uncle Moe? “The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it.” Reed echoes his words as our encouragement seems to sink into him. “I had no idea Moe became a Pastor. When did that happen?” I ask as carefully as I can to avoid spoiling the moment. “Not long after… Well, you know.” Reed references the event that all of us know too well. “Moe retired and sold off his restaurant.” I’m assuming he left behind his ‘connections’ as well? “Since then, he’s been working pretty closely with the church in town, helping bring the community together and provide support for at-risk youth and that sort of thing,” Reed explains to us as Stella and I listen intently. “Rosa and I see him whenever we go for the sermon every Sunday. I also try to visit the support sessions he often holds whenever possible.” Now that I think about it, Moe was the type of person who would be into that. He did strike me as the religious type, and I remember he saw the good in me when others could only shun me. And he did seem to feel responsible for Trish’s downward spiral and deeply regretted it. “That’s good to hear, I hope things are going well with Moe.” “Yeah, man, they seem to be. I can tell him you said hi too.” “Yeah, that would be nice!” Maybe while we’re still here in Volcaldera, I’ll try to visit him during one of the services. I’m still not religious, but seeing how he’s doing would be nice. Reed continues to tell us more about what’s been happening with him. How Moe has also been trying to help him make connections and find work once he’s graduated, as well as helping him reconnect with his parents. Things apparently soured between them and Reed with the Carfe habit, but they seem to be mending from what Reed tells me about it. And while things do seem far better as he’s been able to turn his life around for the better, he doesn’t seem as outgoing as he used to be. He’s no longer the goofy, laid-back stoner I recognized, the one who hung around Fang and Trish without a care in the world. He seems a lot more shy… depressed, even. I can’t blame him for one second, though. Losing two of your best friends will leave you with the kind of wounds that no amount of therapy or rehab could ever fix. But there also seems to be a sense of serenity to him now. Maybe he’s found that because of what he has with Rosa, like how Stella and I were able to pull each other out of the darkest moments of our lives. Still, Rosa and Reed seem truly happy together, and I wish them all the best… “OH! I just remembered something!” Stella nearly shoots up from her seat in excitement. “Did I ever tell you two about when Anon found out we were internet penpals long before we ever met??” And just like that, my face goes white as a ghost. “Wait, what?!” “¡¿Qué?!” Oh god, not this story…. The time Stella and I spent with Reed and Rosa over the next little while filled us with bliss that washed away the stress that had built up before we got our vacation. We laughed, joked, reminisced. We are so engrossed with each other’s company that we don’t even realize the darkness that crept onto the beach as the moon shines over the ocean with its lunar radiance. I can’t help but feel… happy. Spending this evening catching up with old friends has made me feel content in a way that the old me would’ve never been able even to fathom. I was so prepared to endure this world alone after losing everything. Hell, I was still even prepared when I first came to this town, not knowing anyone or anything. But still, I never thought I would be able to experience this. I still don’t know if I could ever deserve such a thing. Eventually, the fun ends when Reed’s eyes light up as he sees what the time says on his phone. “Crap, we should probably head out before it gets too late.” The raptor addresses us with an apologetic look on his face. “Rosa is meeting with her crew early tomorrow, so we should start wrapping things up.” “No worries at all. I hope it goes well, Rosa!” Stella smiles as she rises from the bench, moving over to hug her friend. “Gracias, Stella! I’m sure it will. Just… Just gotta go and…” The ankylosaur struggles to find the words as she wobbles on the bench, showing telltale signs of inebriation. And I thought Stella was the one who couldn’t handle her booze. Still, I guess it’s good that Reed doesn’t drink. Stella giggles as she helps her friend up, clearly amused by Rosa being tipsy. “I know what you mean. Probably a good time to get some sleep, right?” “Sí... eso es—” Rosa sports a dopey grin as she pulls her friend into a hug. “Probablemente... no debería haber bebido tanto…” Thanks to my smooth brain and limited knowledge of Spanish, I don’t know what she’s saying. Reed chuckles as he sees the cogs turn in my brain, trying to decipher her words. “It’s a good thing she brought me to be her designated driver.” Reed reaches for Rosa’s hand with his right hand, moving the now empty cooler to the other. “Anyways, it was awesome getting to see you two again. Hope we can do it again sometime!” “Yeah, we’d love that!” I nod with a smile. “I had a great time, you two! Let us know when you get home, okay?” “O-of course, Stelllllla!” Rosa slurs her friend’s name as she begins to walk away with Reed in tow. “Aidios Chiiiiiccccaaaa… Chaooo An-ooon!.” “Alrighty, baby. Let’s get you home.” Reed struggles to contain his laughter as he and his girlfriend walk toward their car. “Stellllah ellah hola! Singing es chii-” The drunken ankylo begins to sing to herself before it descends into a mumble. “Uggggghhhh… I hate that song…” I turn to see Stella mumble to herself in annoyance. “What, why? It’s literally a song about you!” “Hey, if there were an annoying song about your name, you wouldn’t like it either.” Ananananon Es- It takes me one second to imagine a version of that song with my name on it to get her point. Stella’s able to sense that as she bursts into laughter. “Told you!” “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Laugh it up.” As I roll my eyes at her, she playfully pulls me into a hug, and her laughter dies down with a sigh of contentment. I hold her in my arms for a few seconds in comfortable silence, her head leaning against my chest as she listens to my heartbeat. I hope my shirt can muffle the sound, because I don’t want her to know how fast it’s beating right now. Just enjoy the moment, Anon. You’re having a wonderful time with your girlfriend tonight, catching up with your old friends, and holding Stella as you rest on the beach under the stars. There’s no need to be nervous! “I’m having a great time, Moonlight…” She coos with a warmth and tenderness in her voice. “Me too, Starlight… And it’s even better that I spent it all with you.” She giggles as she moves her head away from my chest, allowing me to see the blush that grows across her face. “I love you, Anon…” “I love you too, Stella…” I lower my head down as I plant my lips on her snoot, the two of us brushing our lips against each other as tingles begin to shoot down my spine. I can’t think of a more picture-point moment. …Well, maybe I know one way to make it even better. As our lips part, we gaze into each other’s eyes with pure bliss. Warmth, safety, joy, love. It’s all I feel when I see her. Eventually, it takes me a moment to realize I’ve been staring at her without a word for about five seconds. But… I should stop stalling and just get to it. Now’s as good of a time as any. “Stella… I’ve wanted to tell you something for a while now…” The Stegosauraus’s eyes light up with curiosity as my voice pulls her out of her blissful state. “Mm? What’s up, Anon?” The same alarms I once felt as a teenager begin to blare inside me after being dormant for so long. What if I’m doing this wrong? What if she takes it the wrong way? What if you’ve been in a coma since Fang put a bullet in your leg all those years ago, and everything you’ve been seeing since then is just one long dream? Stella’s look begins to grow worried as the seconds pass without anything. She knows me well enough to know when something is difficult for me to say. No. Bury that fear. You can do this! And even if this is a dream, I never want to wake up from it. “Before we go back to your parents and turn in for the night, there’s just been something I’ve been wanting to say.” I gently tell her as we break apart, allowing me breathing room as I steel myself for what’s to come. “Growing up, I didn’t really know what it meant to let someone in truly. I put up this guard to protect myself for so many years, perfectly willing to spend my life alone, not knowing how sad and hollow it would make me feel.” Maintaining a confident posture and eye contact takes every fiber of my being, but I’m still struggling. “And when I first met you, I treated you horribly, all because I was insecure and jealous that you could be yourself, something that I was deathly afraid of doing.” A supportive smile appears across her face as she moves closer. “It’s okay, baby. I know you weren’t in a good place. And believe me, I know how it feels to be afraid of what others make of you.” Her hands take hold of mine, her scales providing warmth amidst the calm wind. “But all of that has changed now. You make me feel like the most special girl in the world. You’ve given me so much happiness that I never even knew was possible!” Whatever alarms have been going off have now been silenced by her words. God, she knows just how to melt my heart. “And breaking from that apathetic shell I once was and seeing you for who you are is one of the best decisions I could’ve ever made. Every day you make me wanna be a better man.” My eyes begin to well up with tears as I can’t contain my joy for Stella. “I love you so much, Stella. It’s unreal. And I don’t think there’s anyone else I’d wanna spend my life with than you.” I see a twinkle shine in her irises as she knows where I’m going with this. Well… Here goes nothing. I let go of her and take a few steps back, watching her slowly assemble the pieces as I retrieve a small square-shaped leather box from my left pocket. I’m impressed I managed to keep it hidden for this long. “Stella Baudelaire…” Wasting no step further, I get down on one knee, holding the case out in front of me as I open it up, watching shock completely overtake her face as her eyes stare at the sapphire-encrusted ring before her. “Will you marry me?” My proposal hangs in the air as she stands there frozen, shaking as she processes everything. Then, a new emotion overtakes her shock. Pure. Unadulterated. Jubilation. “Mon Dieu…” Stella mutters to herself in French before a massive grin emerges. “YES! YES! YES! YES! OH MY GOD, ANON! YES, I’LL MARRY YOU!!!” I can’t believe it… She said yes… SHE SAID YES! Tears of joy flow from her eyes as I rise from the ground. My hand shakes as I reach to retrieve the ring from the case and place it on the ring finger of her right hand. “Oh my god, Anon! ANON, YOU’VE MADE ME THE HAPPIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD!” She tackles me with enough strength to knock the case out of my hand, falling to the sand as she tightly wraps her arms around my torso, her tail coiling around my leg. “I was worried I was gonna mess it! That I was gonna fumble over my own words or say it too soon, or that you might not liked the ring-” “Are you kidding me?! I LOVE IT!” Stella cries out as she extends her hand, showing off the new ring on her finger, the sky-blue gem in the center shining with the moonlight. “Really? Oh, that makes me so happy to hear, baby!” Relief washes over me as I admire the ring with her. “I couldn’t afford a diamond ring, but I wanted to get you a beautiful ring nonetheless!” “And it’s a Sapphire gem too! It’s so pretty!” It's a gem to match your pure blue eyes. The blush on her face grows even redder as she lets out an ‘Awwwwww.’ … “I mumbled that, didn’t I?” Stella giggles as she nuzzles me. “Yes, yes you did!” she places her free hand on the side of my head, grasping it lovingly as she looks at me with overwhelming love. “Now come here!” I follow Stella’s lead as we lean into each other, locking our lips in a tender kiss, filling me with a warmth that washes away every negative thing that’s ever happened to me, the sensation making me wish this moment could never end. None of it matters, nothing at all… Just her… As our lips part ways, her eyes opened with pure adoration. She wraps her free arm around my chest and holds me tightly under the moon. “I love you, Anon… More than life itself.” “And I love you too, Stella…” She plants her head into my chest once more, the tender smile on her face still glued on as she begins to rock back and forth in my arms, matching the rhythm of the ocean as the waves wash against the shore. I hold her as close as possible, not wanting to let her go. If someone told me years ago that I would find myself in this moment, let alone finding love, I would’ve laughed in their face. I was so prepared to stand alone against the world, accepting that life would throw all sorts of pain and horrors my way. The harassment… The nightmares… The hallucinations… All of it. Even to this day, I still doubt if I’ve ever truly healed from the wounds I suffered that one fateful day. I don’t even know if I’ll ever truly heal from them. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that no matter how much bullshit life throws your way, there’s always a way to bounce back. And just because you get knocked down after trying so hard to move past it doesn’t mean you can’t get back up and do it again. Rosa, Reed, Stella, and me? We all know this. There’s always a chance to find light in the darkest of times. And there may be challenging times ahead for both of us. Nothing in life is ever easy. But we won’t face it alone. We’ll face it together. “Even if the stars point towards a grim fate, we’ll face it together.” I lower my head to see Stella look at me with the sweetest smile. I love you so much, Stella… “We’ll face it together…” [NOTES] With the fall of the final curtain, Bad Apple now comes to an end. And I wanted to thank you all so much for sticking with me this long! It has been an absolute pleasure to be able to write you this story, as it has been for me. When I first set out on this journey two years ago, I never expected to get this far and I never would’ve thought people would like it so much, it has really warmed my heart to see what everyone else has had to say about Bad Apple. Before I go any further, I just wanted to give a very special shoutout to my fellow writer and good friend Rangto! He provided suggestions, critique, as well as editing and cleaned up the chapter. And it really means a lot to have your help, especially since it was your stories that inspired me to get back into fanfic writing! Don’t worry, though, even though Bad Apple is over. I still have more plans to write, including some more Snoot Fics (probably not any series xD), maybe FFXIV fics, and I have plans to write a full-on original Novel at some point too! (Mix of Dark Fantasy, Mythology, and Sci-Fi) So be sure to follow my Twitter (fuck you Elon I’m not calling it x) for more updates And for my followers on YouTube, expect to see more frequent videos being uploaded to YouTube now that Bad Apple is complete! Additionally, one of the reasons why this Author Notes section is shorter than my previous ones is because I wanted to have something big for it to celebrate the conclusion. And so I would like to announce that I will be having a Q&A for Bad Apple soon! Have any questions about the story that you wanna ask? The characters? As well as other Snoot related plans? Well, nows your chance! I will also be talking about some of the behind the scenes that happened over the two years I’ve been writing Bad Apple! And I wanted to include of credits here for everyone whos helped and/or inspired me me on this along the way!: - Rangto - Pshy - SupriseVisitor - Kaiser _ Skogsraon _ The Anon who drew the Bad Apple fan art of Anon and Stella (with the exact same tarot cards she drew too!) - SomeStuff - Castellano - Pasta and (YOU) And I wanted to say I might have a Snoot related thing to announce during the Q&A, so you’re gonna wanna check this out! Anyways, thank you all so much for reading and I want you all to remember. No matter what life throws your way and even when you feel like it’s all hopeless. Never stop fighting and always try to find the light in the darkest of times! Until next time! Umbruhh