Six Months Ago June 11th, 2020 I look up at the gray sky, clouds shrouding the sun as if the fog is covering the town in an ominous aura. And yet, despite its dark and dreary vibes, it feels almost peaceful… Until my eyes meet the ground, and I’m reminded of the pure chaos around me, the wave of emotions hitting me like a truck as I recall the events that unfolded before my eyes. A typical day of school just like any other, trying to get through the week after those assholes laughed at our performance at prom. Those bastards don’t understand, they never did… However, a couple of minutes into class and I realized something was very wrong when I got that text from Fang… "♫Control over my life you denied, and now death approaches from the sky. Why'd it be me you had to vilify? Goodbye Volcano High.♫" They sent it to Reed too, and both of us were trying to figure out what to make of it. He brushed it off as Fang suggested lyrics for a new song, but I knew something was up. Especially since I haven’t seen them in two days… Or the last time I did see them was when they went into the auditorium alone with the skinnie… Something was very wrong. Before I was able to give it more thought, our class was interrupted with a message from the school’s speakers. “Code Red, Code Red. There is an active shooter in the building, all staff and students please leave through the nearest exit point. If evacuation is not possible, please barricade yourself in the nearest classroom.” The first sentence sent the entire class into a frenzy, I could only sit there paralyzed with fear as students began running out of the room screaming in terror, the life or death situation completely sobering Reed as he tried snapped me out of my stupor. But as students started to flee the class, everything was a blur. Rushing into the hallways as students started to scream for their lives, their cries followed by the muffled sound of gunshots. The sirens blair outside began to join the choir of terror as police and ambulance vehicles began to arrive at the school. What the fuck is going on? When we waited outside, police officers arrived and began assessing the scene while the present faculty tried to gather their students, herding us all like petrified sheep. Among the crying and murmurs, there were two sentences I overheard that made my heart sink. “It was that ptero chick that played at prom! She fucking killed the class president!” “I heard she shot her brother too!” Why the fuck is this happening?! This has to be a dream, Fang would never do something like this! They’re not that type of person. These people have to have them mistaken for somebody else!! Despair grips my heart as I struggle to navigate the hordes of students huddled together on the school’s campus, murmuring against themselves as they cry out in terror. “Oh my god… OH MY GOD!!” “She shot him, he’s…. He’s…” And then that ape had the fucking gall to show up, AFTER WHAT HE CAUSED. “I WAS RIGHT ABOUT YOU THE WHOLE TIME!! I WAS RIGHT ABOUT YOU!! YOU!!” Fang would’ve never done something like this if it weren’t for him, he made them think this was the only option, I just know it! As the crowd begins to grow more chaotic, I find myself struggling to gather my bearings as I realize I’m separated from my friend. I have to find Reed… Where is he?! “STELLA!!! STELLA, WHERE ARE YOU?!” The familiarity of the voice grabs my attention as I turn to see its source. A short androgynous purple-colored raptor dressed in a pair of overalls, their eyes darting across the crowd in fear. “STELLA!! STELLA!!!!” The Raptor’s voice borders on screaming as their glasses begin to fog from the tears rolling down their face and the humidity in the cloudy air. Is that… Sage? Before I can react further, the school’s head of gardening wraps her arms around the terror-struck raptor, catching her by surprise. “NGGHH LET ME GO!!” Sage’s cries out, her voice bordering on screaming as Rosa holds her in place. “STELLA IS STILL IN THERE! WE HAVE TO GET HER OUT!!” “SAGE! LISTEN TO ME, CHICA!” Rosa shouts as she turns Sage around and faces her, both her hands on her shoulders. “It is going to be okay! I am sure she is somewhere here in the crowd, let us ask the Policia and see if they can help us find her, okay?” The ankylo’s attempts to soothe her do nothing to quell Sage’s frenzied state, Rosa seems to take note of it as she embraces her friend in a strong hug, but as the Raptor’s face is buried in her arms, a new expression appears across Rosa’s face as tears begin to roll down her eyes, staining her orange face with black as her mascara falls apart. Pure fear. Why am I watching this? I need to find Reed... No, I need to find Fang! There has to be some massive misunderstanding, Fang would never shoot up the school! Even if the whole school turned against them! I scan the crowd searching for a familiar face, my eyes frantically darting across the hordes of dinos in front of me, only to see a few acquaintances. WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY?! As I try to navigate, I’m finding it increasingly difficult to breathe, my lungs struggling to draw in air. As the students begin to disperse, I push against the crowd like a fish trying to swim upstream, as if I’m fighting for my legs to take each step. Please…. I need to get to Fang… I… love them… …Way more than that fucking ape ever could… “OH MY GOD! LOOK OUT!” CRACK What the hell was that?! I quickly shoot up from the crowd, coming to my senses as I hear a rather gruesome noise. “Oh my god… OH MY GOD!” “EVERYBODY STAY BACK!! MOVE AWAY FROM THE BODY!” What… Body? “Officer Michaels to dispatch, target is down, area is secure.” No… No no no no… Please no. NO NO NO!!! I push my way through the crowd, earning confused looks from my peers as I violently shove them away. “OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY!!!” I shriek and continue to push through. Eventually, the outside world becomes more clear as the amount of people in front of me becomes fewer and fewer, and there I’m able to spot it. A sight that will never leave my mind no matter how hard I try. Fang. The strongest person I’ve ever met. We’ve always had each other’s back through thick and thin. The most talented musician I’ve ever met in my life. The one I’ve had the biggest crush on since freshman year. Now laying on their side facing me, their body completely broken beyond repair. Dark splotches begin to quickly form on their otherwise pale skin, several bald spots are visible on their wings, their wings utterly mangled from the fall, along with their left leg bending inward in a way that no leg is meant to bend, the sight of which making me sick to my stomach. T-their… Oh my God Blood continues to flow from their orifices—eyes, mouth, nostrils. Fang must’ve fallen on their head as their snow white hair now has a growing streak of dark red to it. Raptor Jesus… Their brains are exposed too… I’m gonna be sick… I bend over and wretch onto the ground, my stomach and throat surging with pain as I leave behind a puddle of vomit.. This isn’t real… This has to be a bad dream! There’s no way that could happen to Fang! Not like this! No matter how hard I try to convince myself otherwise, the truth lies plainly before me. F-Fang is dead…. This can’t be real… THIS CAN’T BE FUCKING REAL!!! “NOOOOOO!!! FANG!!!!” I attempt to run towards them before one of the police officers guiding students away from the body stops me in place. “Ma’am, please step back. We need everyone to disperse from-” “GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!!” I yell at the fascist ankylosaurus pig who tries to keep me away. “THEY WERE MY… my friend…” My everything… I fall to the ground, the hard pavement sends a sharp pain on my knees, but I’m too filled with despair to even react to it. The fury in my face quickly eroded into sorrow as tears began to burst from my eyes like a flood. “I- I’m sorry, Ma’am…” The officer’s tone turns from authoritative to sympathetic. “I can’t let you pass the crime scene, but take all the time you need.” Me and Fang… We were gonna change the world together, we were gonna finally make it big with the band. Get away from all of the pain, the worries, and all the shitty people that plagued our lives for so long. We… I…. Fuck… I want to look away, every instinct in my body is telling me not to look at this horrific sight, but my eyes never leave Fang’s brutally mangled body as if I’m paralyzed. The more reality begins to sink in. The louder and more sorrowful my wails begin to grow, completely drowning out the murmuring, screaming, and sirens of the outside world. Please… Whatever god is out there, please… Let this all be a bad dream, let me wake up in my own bed at home with my family. Please… Let me see Fang again when I make it to school.. “PLEAAAAASEEEE!!!!!” I look to the sky, searching for an answer as my desperate cries painfully strain my vocal cords. I notice the officer’s sorrowful look in his eyes, feeling sympathy for my situation, yet uncertain how to handle it, he goes to move his hand on my shoulder but hovers with uncertainty. “I’m sorry… I-” Before he can finish, a small beep emits from his walkie-talkie. “All units be advised, our officers have been able to locate two students in the area. One of them is critical condition. Clear the school’s entrance to make room for medical personnel ASAP.” His hovering hand quickly moves to retrieve the handset as he raises it to his mouth. “This is Officer Michaels, on my way.” Without another word or glance my way, he quickly begins walking toward the school’s entrance. Critical condition? Who could that… No… Please don’t be Reed… Energy returns to my body as I begin to run toward the school entrance, moving and shoving past the remaining stragglers as I ignore the cries of my peers and the officers trying to maintain order. “H-hey, watch it!” “Ma’am! You need to slow down and stay with the rest of your class.” “Trish! Trish over here!” I ignore all of the voices directed my way, solely focused on finding out who they’re wheeling out of the school… I can’t lose another friend today! Eventually I stop in place and I spot the team of swat officers carrying a stretcher containing… Anon… Fang’s body flashes across my mind as I look at him It’s all his fault… Broken beyond all repair, forced into a corner by the rest of the world. IT’S ALL HIS FUCKING FAULT!!! Rage begins to swell through my body as I begin to charge toward the stretcher in a frenzy. THEY’RE DEAD BECAUSE OF HIM! HE KILLED FANG!! “ANOOOOOOOONNNNN!!!!” Before I can take another step, a pair of pink muscular arms is wrapped around my torso as I’m violently stopped in place. “TRISH, NO! LEAVE HIM!” Reed?! I turn toward him to confirm my suspicions as he’s restraining me in place, the look on his face being uncharacteristically serious and afraid. I should be happy, I should be crying tears of relief that my only friend left wasn’t the one being wheeled out of the school, but no. Right now, all I see is red. “RGGHHH LET ME GO!! HE RUINED EVERYTHING!” I scream at Reed as he holds me back, his face slightly flinches from my rage. “HE TURNED THEM AGAINST EVERYONE, SEPARATED THEM FROM THEIR FRIENDS AND FAMILY!!!” My aggression and hatred should be more than enough to deter him, he flinched so he should be scared, friend or not. But I only see sadness from him. “Trish…” A tear begins to fall down the raptor’s cheek as his voice breaks slightly. “I’m sorry…” Why… Why isn’t he pushing me away? So many emotions race through my heart all at once. Anger, sadness, confusion, grief, despair. It’s… all too much. The sensation overwhelms me to the point where my legs turn to jelly as the tears in my eyes return, washing away the searing hot rage. “I got you, bro… I got you…” Reed catches me in time allowing me to gently lower to the ground. I crumple to the ground as Reed takes hold of me, hugging me tightly as I uncontrollably sob. “I… Loved them… I loved them…” “I-I know… me too bro, me too… It’s g-gonna be okay…” Reed murmurs as if he’s on the verge of tears himself. A couple of minutes pass as Reed and I continue to sit on the ground as we mourn the loss of our best friend. The crowds of students begin to disperse, the ambulance leaves the scene taking Anon with them… I also notice a group of swat officers carrying a lime-green Stegosaurus girl from the building as she screams and protests. However, I’m too overwhelmed to look for long… Reed continues to hold me in his arms from behind, and I begin to hear the faint sound of sniffling as I feel something wet drip on my shoulder. Fang… I’m so sorry… I wish I could’ve helped you… You didn’t deserve to feel this hated and alone, I- I wish I could’ve been the one to be there for you… July 3rd, 2020. About three weeks have passed since the shooting… Fang and Naser’s funeral are finally happening today. Three weeks… Three weeks that I thought would’ve been able to mentally prepare myself to finally say goodbye to my best friend and make peace, giving myself a sense of closure as I ‘look towards the future.’ But who am I bullshitting? It doesn’t feel like there’s a future anymore without them. I could only spend those weeks mourning Fang… Laying in my bed for hours at a time thinking about how I’ll never be able to see them again, hear their voice, feel their touch… I haven’t felt this shitty since Dad abandoned us… When we arrived, I thought I’d be strong enough and be ready to finally say goodbye, but… now that it’s finally happening? I don’t know if I can do it. Reed and I finally arrived at the graveyard as gray clouds loomed over the sky as a heavy downpour of rain descended to earth, as if it’s God's way of weeping for the lives of his children that were tragically cut short. …Or if there even is a god to begin with. When Reed and I arrived at the tombstones, we saw a few familiar faces accompanying the priest and his assistant… Principal Spears, I haven’t seen him since the shooting, he looks like he hasn’t slept in days… There wasn’t even a graduation ceremony, they just sent our diplomas in the mail… Can’t imagine many students would feel comfortable going back to school after it was shot up. Fang’s parents are of course here, as well as Moe who was like a surrogate uncle to them. Reed and the rest of the crowd gathered in front of the graves begin to converse among one another, their words ranging from the typical ‘I’m so sorry for your loss’ to ‘How are you holding up?’ and perhaps my favorite, ‘they’re in a better place now.’ Their disingenuous words fill me with anger, anger that’s been slowly but surely building up over time. A part of me is angry that their parents waited so long to finally bury their own children, I wanted to give them both a piece of my mind, to yell at their lazy mom and their donut-eating pig of a father for making Fang feel so alone and hated in a time they needed it most. But when I finally saw them before my eyes, I saw how empty and broken they truly were. Their mother struggled to stay composed before frantically wailing in her husband’s arms as he looked at the tombstone with a mixture of disbelief and despair, contrasting the indifferent uncaring parents that I thought them to be. And now I’m angry at myself, for being that much of a piece of shit… Even if they didn’t help Fang, they were still their child, as was Naser. I can’t even begin to imagine how they feel. I stare at the tombstone below, reading the words engraved across the stone. HERE LIES LUCY * 2001 † 2020 HEAVEN RESTORES YOU IN LIGHT They buried Fang under their fucking deadname, everyone treated them like nothing but garbage when they were alive. Is it too much to ask that show at least a little bit of respect for them in death? “Your attention everyone, the sermon is about to start momentarily.” All of our heads turn towards the priest as he opens up the bible in his hand as he begins to read whatever verse or scripture printed across the page. As if any of that is going to make us feel better or bring peace to the dead, it’s nothing but a bunch of bullshit written thousands of years ago by people who wanted to use it as an excuse to control others… The whole ordeal lasts about 20 minutes, but the priest’s words paired with the sound of hard rain hitting the grass become white noise as I become increasingly overwhelmed by my own emotions. I should be sad right now. I should be crying, screaming for this to just be a nightmare, but all I feel is anger right now. I’m so fucking angry… at everything… Angry at myself for blaming their parents for Fang’s death instead of the bald monkey that’s truly responsible for everything that’s happened. Angry at Spears for not doing anything about the assholes at our school who constantly laughed at us and treated us like garbage whenever we performed. And… I’m angry at the world… My life has been falling apart bit by bit every since that day… Since my ‘father’ abandoned our family less than two years after Tana was born, deciding that six kids was ALL too much for him and fucked off out of our lives… And since then it’s just been one thing after another! The bullying! The heartbreak! The drama! All of it, and all of that pain… just building up to this right here. And then the anger fades into sadness, as reality begins to set as my eyes fixate on the tombstone before my eyes. Fang is dead… Underneath that stone lies their broken and ruined body, they’re gone… Forever… And I have to live with that for the rest of my life… Eventually… The sermon comes to an end as the priest finishes off with a prayer. “Our Father, who art in heaven, Hallowed be thy Name. Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth, As it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, As we forgive them that trespass against us.” The adults in the crowd repeated after the priest with soft voices as Reed listened intently. I don’t really know how this one goes, the last time I was at a funeral was when I was like seven. The priest’s words become paired with the weeping of the Ptero matriarch who falls to the ground as she cries out for her children buried in the earth. “N-no… No no no… M-my sweet little Lucy…my precious Naser…” She reaches for the ground with a shaky voice as her husband joins her, holding her in his massive arms as she grieves. “And lead us not into temptation, But deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, The power, and the glory, For now and forever, Amen.” The priest finishes as he’s followed with a collective ‘amen’ from Moe, Reed, and I. Now… It’s truly over… Fang is truly gone… I begin to feel the air grow thinner as I step away from the group, navigating through the rows of tombstones until I make it to the parking lot. I walk towards the SUV that Reed’s parents let us borrow, a silver Triyota RAV 4. I need to get away from here, I lean against the car, the metallic exterior leaves a cool wet feeling at the back of my dress, but it doesn’t faze me one bit. I look up at the gray dreary sky, the tiny droplets fall on my face as I try to calm myself right now. But I don’t think this is something you can just ‘relax’ from… I can’t fucking do this anymore. “Hey, how’re you holding up?” A familiar voice calls out. I turn my head left to see Reed sheepishly walking toward me, his suit completely drenched from the rain. Thank Raptor Jesus we brought towels. “How do you think, Reed?” A slightly apprehensive look appears before Reed’s face as he takes a step back. Shit.. I didn’t mean to sound that aggressive to him. “Ah… Sorry, It’s just… I…” I struggle to form the words as the emotion on Reed’s face fades from worry to sympathy. “Nah.. S’all good bro, I get it…” He expresses his understanding as he takes a few steps forward, closing the distance between us until he leans against the car beside me, joining me as we blankly stare into the distance in silence, gazing upon the rows of cars and grassy hills sitting underneath the rain. “The whole time, I kept on thinking. When is Fang going to show up? Is she right around the corner or-” “It’s they, Reed. Not she.” “My bad…” The Raptor corrects himself, his tone genuinely apologetic rather than the typical nonchalance whenever he makes a mistake… He let out a sigh before reaching into his coat pocket, pulling out a thermos, Reed’s signature keepsake. But right here, at a funeral? “Is that… Reed, what are you?...” I struggle to force out the question as he lifts the thermos up to his snout and begins to take a long sip of his contents. His eyes closed as he embraced its intoxicating release.”Reed…” After a few seconds, he pulls away, letting out a small gasp for air. “Sorry bro, just needed something to take the edge off. Get rid of all the bad juju, you feel me?” But carfe at a funeral? I… guess you handle it however you can… My eyes fall to the ground as the overwhelming feeling inside me becomes harder to bear. “I… can’t believe they’re gone…” I hold back a sniffle as I feel the touch of a hand on my left shoulder. “I w-wanted to help them, however I could. Let them know that they were safe and that we all cared about them, I didn’t want Fang to ever feel as alone as I did…” Reed’s hand begins to gently pat my shoulder as a quiet ‘I’m sorry’ escapes his lips, trying to console me however he can. “I just wish I told them…” “Tell them what?” A slight hint of curiosity emerges from Reed’s voice as his hand lays still on my shoulder. I turn my head to face him, trying with every ounce of energy I have to prevent myself from bursting into tears. “That I loved them, not just as a friend but… more than that.” The look on Reed’s face starts with confusion as it drastically changes into surprise as his eyes widen. “Oh,wait… Really?” The raptor asks with genuine surprise. “I uh… didn’t even know you swung that way.” I should be annoyed at that comment, not just because I don’t particularly enjoy trying to explain my sexuality to men but also because we’re at a fucking funeral. A funeral for the person I had a crush on, but all of the grief inside me eclipses any typical feeling I would normally have in a situation like this. “Yeah… I didn’t really either until about 9th grade, when I started to develop feelings for Fang.” The gears in Reed’s head visibly turn as he tries to determine the best response, contrasting his typical carfe-induced poker face. “Why didn’t you tell them about it?” “I was… scared.” I choke out as my eyes fall to the ground once more. “I was scared that they wouldn’t feel the same way, or that I would ruin our friendship and the band if I did tell them.” I didn’t even know if Fang liked girls or not, there were so many things that could’ve gone wrong… But so many things that could’ve gone right too, and I hate myself for being such a pussy about it. The somber Raptor nods as his hand continues to pat my shoulder. “And… right when I found the strength to finally tell Fang how I felt about them, that worthless skinnie comes in out of nowhere and fucking ruined everything!” The tone of my voice transformed from heartbroken to angry at the mere mention of Anon. “Trish…” “If he had just stayed in that little shithole of a town, things could’ve been better! Our band could’ve made it! All those people would still be alive…” My voice falls silent as I’m now on the verge of tears. “F-fang would still be alive…” As I curse Anon, he feels strangely disconnected from my words as they leave my lips, I feel like the anger is less directed at him, but rather at myself. Reed can only just look at me and take pity, his eyes full of sorrow for seeing his friend in pain. It wastes no time and pulls me into a strong embrace, and then the tears begin to flow from my eyes, the raptor’s chest preventing them from joining the droplets on the ground. “I-I’m sorry… I’m sorry…” My voice muffled by his chest. “I… deserve to be alone, I’m a t-terrible… horrible person!” “You’re not a bad person, Trish. It’s going to be okay” Reed softly tries to offer words of comfort as his arms wrap around me, his tail coiling around my back as his feathers brush against my leg. “There’s no way you could’ve known that this was gonna happen, and you’re not alone, not ever… We still have each other, right?” It feels like an eternity has passed as we hold each other in the rain, the two of us grieving the loss of our best friend who left this earth far too early. He… He’s right, in my heart I know he is… But even as I pour my heart out as we hug in the rain, I’ve never felt more alone in my life…And I don’t know what I am gonna do… August 18, 2020 It's a particularly warm evening out tonight, there’s not a cloud in the night sky. The temperature is just right, it’s not too hot or too cold, and there’s no humidity at all. I should be happy to be able to experience such a night, call up whatever friends I have left and go out drinking by the beach, the picture-perfect way to celebrate graduating High School. But inside I’m here stuck at home looking after these feral monsters called ‘my siblings.’ I find myself sitting miserably on the couch, trying to devote my focus solely on the TV screen facing me in an attempt to separate myself from the world around me. Ignoring the dolls, NARF guns, action figures scattered across the floor as messy paper plates rest on the table. I try to block out the sound of them yelling and arguing amongst each other. Right now, the show that’s playing is some douchey reality show with some whiney privileged dino girls. Wait, didn’t one of them marry Kanyesauraus? I don’t know how my mom can like this garbage. But honestly, I’ll take what I can get, anything to get away from these gremlins. “Chloe! You know you can’t eat wonder bread, that’s so high in carbs, you’re gonna get faaaaaaat!” “GIMMIE THE IPAD, RILEY! TRISH SAID I COULD HAVE A TURN THIRTY MINUTES AFTER YOU!” “FUCK YOU BITCH ASS TRIGGA! WHY DON’T YOU TEXT THEM GAY ASS BOYS FROM YO’ SCHOOL?!” “I don’t care Kim! Sometimes I need to do what’s right for ME! Not you! Not An-” “OKAY TREVOR I’M COUNTING NOW! 1…..2….3…” “HAHAHAHAHAHA, GOOD LUCK TRYING TO FIND ME!” My attempts to distract myself fail as the rambunctious sounds of my siblings drown out the TV speakers, their screaming reverberates throughout the house’s walls. Do these little bastards ever shut the fuck up? It’s a miracle we’ve lived here all these years and never gotten a noise complaint. I'm on my last nerve with these kids… They’ve eaten up and stolen almost all of my free time ever since Dad abandoned us for some 25-year-old skinnie bitch… Leaving my mother to fend for herself and raise six kids all by herself in the hood. But when I got to high school, I became the designated caretaker while my mother worked until the sun rose. “ANY OF YOU GUYS SEEN MY PHONE? I CAN HEAR IT RINGINING BUT I DON-” “AIN’T NOBODY CARES ABOUT THAT SHIT BITCH TRIGGA, YOU CAN RING DEEZ- Why does it always have to me?! WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO PICK UP THE PIECES? Thanks to these fuckers, I’ve flunked so many tests because I couldn’t study. So many jam sessions I had to skip, so many times I had to bail on my friends because of them. Why should I give away my life because my Daddy couldn’t keep it in his pants for some fucking human slut?! That day, I truly learned how useless and heartless men truly were…Not just Dad, but Spears, Fang’s dad. Wouldn’t be surprised if Trevor and Riley end up being trash when they grow up, especially Riley. And then of course that fucking monkey that killed Fang… Anon… His sudden appearance in my thoughts, my powerlessness over all the bad shit that’s happened, and the deafening noises of my deranged siblings. causes me to boil with anger… If mom could just get off her ass and hire a babysitter, then MAYBE I could’ve gotten somewhere! Maybe I could’ve gone to college, maybe I could have practiced more with VVURM DRAMA so we could become the perfect band… …Maybe I would’ve been able to spend more time with Fang, instead of letting Anon fuck with their head. I thought things would be okay again, I was so excited when they called me saying they wanted to get the band back together after that shit with the projector. If I had truly known how bad things really were… The storm of thoughts anguishes me to no end. …Maybe I should’ve di- CRASH!! “FUCK!” I instinctively blurt out My head snaps toward the sound of whatever just broke and there I’m able to spot to my right, the remains of the ceramic vase that once laid on the dining table. “Trevor! What the heck?!” “I didn’t mean to! I swear!” These… fucking… kids… The two of them slowly approach me, taking notice of me quivering with rage, their hands behind their back with a look of extreme remorse on their face. “I’m sorry, sis! I didn’t mean to break it! I promise!” Tana is the first to speak up, her apology bordering on mewling. I can feel myself surging with anger as my teeth begin to grit and my fist begins to tremble uncontrollably.. “Y-yeah! We promise to clean it as-” SLAP! My little brother’s apology is cut off with a furious slap as he falls to the ground, the rage inside me evaporates into horror as I realize what I’ve just done. Tana stepped back while shaking with fear. Trevor’s face contorts as he bursts into tears, clutching his cheek with one hand while leaning on his elbow with his other, and then I’m hit with a wave of guilt as I notice my hand hovering above him. I… I did this. I slapped him… My little brother… “Y-you… Y-ou…” The terrified Triceratops looks up at me with teary eyes, the words struggling to leave his mouth before he continues wailing in pain. “H-HELP!!” Tana cries out while running towards the hallway “CHONDRA! RILEY! PLEASE HELP!” I should follow Tana and explain the mess to my siblings, and try to make things right. I should at the very least try to help my little brother up, get him a nice cool cloth and some ice, and tell him how sorry I am for what I did. But my body is imprisoned from shock, I’m completely paralyzed as if my feet are merged with the ground and my arms chained up, leaving me immobilized. All the crying and screaming starts to sound like white noise as I am overwhelmed with feelings of remorse and hate. What the fuck is wrong with you? What kind of animal fucking hits an eleven-year-old kid? YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO LOOK AFTER HIM AND KEEP HIM SAFE! YOU’RE HIS BIG SISTER!! As I shudder with horror at my own actions, I’m pulled away from my own thoughts by the cacophony of multiple footsteps emerging from the hallway, I turn to see Chondra, Riley, and Tali emerging with Tana. The two older siblings stare angrily at me while Tali holds the youngest one close. “You hit Trevor?! Trish, what the hell?! He’s half your size!” “The fuck is wrong wit’chu?! You wanna be startin’ fights?! Then start one with me, bitch!” The eldest brother yells before approaching me with a fire in his eyes. I’m too frozen in shock to prepare myself or move out of the way as he clenches his fist and winds it back. SMACK! “Aggh!” I fall to my knees as Riley’s first violently collides against my stomach, filling me with an intense wave of pain as my internal organs feel crushed, threatening to expel my dinner from my body. “Get the fuck out! Don’t ever come back here bitch ass trigga!” Wait… Never come back? My eyes leave the ground as I’m met with the sight of my siblings, standing still as they simply gaze in my direction. The expression on their faces hurt me worse than Riley’s punch ever could. My oldest brother is looking at me from above, staring at me venomously as he’s barely able to contain his rage. Chondra leaves Trevor on the ground to try and help him, staring at me with horror as Trevor buries his face in her chest and wails in pain. Tali holds Tana close as they both share a mutual look of betrayal as they stare into my soul, deeply upset that their eldest sister would lash out so violently against them over a simple mistake. Fear. Hate. Sadness. It fills me with dread to see just how much I truly hurt them, not just Trevor, but all of them. What the hell have I done? “I…I’m…” I rise from the ground as tears begin to well from my eyes. “I’m so…. fucking sorry, I don’t-” “We don’t wanna hear it…” Chondra cuts me off, her voice dripping with vitriol. “Get the fuck out of our house now!” “B-but!-” I try to plead, but am swiftly interrupted by Riley, still shielding me from his siblings. “NOW! GET THE FUCK OUT NOW, BITCH!” The dam finally breaks as tears begin to well from my eyes, overwhelmed by the consequences of my own actions. “Sniff O-okay… I’ll go…” I weakly choke out, before turning away from my family as I walk to the door. I grab my phone off the couch and my wallet off of the table, if there’s anything I need to take with me, it’s that. I should go to my room and get some extra clothes, a toothbrush, my anti-depressants, my bass… But I can’t bring myself to stay in this place any longer than I need to, my siblings deserve better than that. My eyes spot the red boots that are resting by the door, standing out from the crowd due to its size, I slip them on my feet not even bothering to tie them. As I place my right hand on the doorknob, I find myself freezing up before I’m able to turn it all the way. I don’t see it, but I can practically feel their eyes piercing me, waiting for their violent monster of a sister to finally leave them… “I-I’m sorry everyone…” I attempted to call out to them amidst my crying, but could only muster up enough strength to mutter what I wanted to tell them. “I.. I love you…” With the exception of Trevor’s continuing wailing and the sound playing from the TV, my final words are met with complete silence. You all deserve so much better. My hand twists the knob as I open the door in front of me, touching my scales with the feeling of the warm summer air. I step through the door frame and close the door behind me, I don’t have the strength to look them in the eye one last time. I give the door handle a tug until I hear the loud sound of a mechanical click, and I’m finally separated from the inside, away from my sibling’s sight. I make it all the way to the street before an intense cacophony of feelings start to bubble within me, freezing me in place once again as the air begins to feel thin as my attempts to keep my tears from growing more intense begin to fail. I fall to my knees as I begin to despair. I was supposed to look after them, after Dad left and Mom working all the time, I was all they had left! Once VVURM Drama finally made it big, I would’ve been able to fix everything for them! Mom wouldn’t have to work nights to make sure we have a roof over our heads! We wouldn’t have to worry about not being able to pay our bills on time! We could afford tutors for Tana and Trevor, enough money to give Tali piano lessons! We would never have to want for anything! …And I fucked it all up… Because I’m nothing more than a stupid… angry… violent… USELESS TRIGGER!!! I FUCKED EVERYTHING UP! “FUUUCCCCKKK!!!!” I scream until there’s no more air left in my lungs, and then my eyes turned towards the silver sedan parked in the middle of the street. And all I see is red, completely blinding me with rage. Without giving a second thought, adrenaline shoots through my body as my right hand curls up into a fist, clenching it tightly I violently shoot it towards the car’s passenger door. SLAM Fuck… My hand explodes with pain, and I know that punching a goddamn car is gonna hurt like hell. But the inferno inside me burns away any sense of self-preservation, and I continue to give in to my primal anger and punch the side door. SLAM FUCK! SLAM YOU! SLAM PIECE! SLAM Of shit… Eventually, the anger is extinguished leaving me with a hollow feeling, leaving me with only sadness. But I don’t even have any energy left to cry, I just feel… empty. My eyes fall to the ground, taking notice of the gashes on my right hand, blood beginning to drip from my knuckles. However, it doesn’t phase me one bit, I’m more surprised the car’s alarm didn’t go off. I look up at the vehicle to see a rather large dent in the passenger door, with a small amount of blood splattered across the car’s silver coating. Look at you, so fucking pathetic… Trish Freeman, 18-year-old high school graduate. Head of a failed band, shitty abusive sister, and an even more useless friend… Taking your anger out on a car because you’re actions finally caught up with you, what a fucking joke… I stay there on the pavement for a good minute, my thoughts completely shrouded in fog before I’m able to think more clearly. I rise from the ground and look at my surroundings. I got to find somewhere to stay at least, being out here too long after dark wouldn’t be the best idea. Especially if whoever owns this car sees me after what I just did to it. However, as I begin to think more clearly, a lightbulb goes off in my head as I know exactly who to call. I reach my hand into my lower pocket an- FUCK! R-ight… Probably not the best idea to use that hand right now Carefully taking my injured hand out of my right pocket, I instead move my left hand across my waist and pull out my phone. A tight rubber band rests across the middle of the shattered screen, pretty much the only thing keeping my phone in one piece along with some superglue. I open the homescreen, pressing down on the phone app and tapping on my most recent contact. I lift the device up to my ear holes as the phone begins to ring. RING…… RING…… RING…… Hopefully, he picks up… I’ve actually been a little bit worried about him lately, he seems to have been- “Yooooooooo Trish, whasup?” A dopey yet relaxed masculine voice greets me through the phone’s speaker, filling me with relief. “Reed- Hey... It’s good to hear from you, I just…” I pause as a sense of shame washes over me. “I… really fucked up, and I was wondering if I would be able to stay at your place for a little bit?” “Yeahhhh, of course, homie!” The raptor warmly slurs his words. “Me cassie, es…. Whatever the rest of the saying is. You’re always welcome here, amigo.” I can’t help but let out a small chuckle, he’s such a dummy. “Thanks Reed. This… really means a lot to me right now…” I smile as I can feel myself begin to worry less. “Are your parents home right now? I just need to know if you want me to come around the back or-” “Ohhhh…. About that, my parents kicked me out…” Wait… What? “They kicked you out? What do you mean?” I ask, now concerned that I’m not the only one who's homeless. “They uhh… found out about all the Carfe, and uhhh… Found me passed out in the kitchen.” Reed’s voice falls somber. “Guess they were mad about all the fun I was having, or… maybe they were mad about all the snacks missing, I dunno…” Fuck… This isn’t good, I was worried something was up with him… Seeing all the carfe he was doing and how it got worse after Fang died, I should’ve seen this coming… “Are you… staying anywhere right now?” I use the most polite way I know to ask if he’s homeless. “Oh pfft… Yeah, of course man! My uncle owns an apartment in Little Tru that he’s letting me use, he’s almost never in town anyway.” The Raptor’s confirmation puts me at ease. “I’ll text you the address, just let me know when you get here and I’ll buzz you in okay?” “Perfect… Thank you so much!” I sigh, overwhelmed with relief. “Anytime buddy, see ya soon! Peeeeeaaa-” Reed answers with a goofy tone before his voice is cut off with a beep, guess he pressed the end call button too early. I take a deep breath as the fog in my head begins to clear… Thank god, I’m glad he’s okay.. At least I think he is. I knock myself out of my stupor as I begin to walk along the sidewalk towards Little Trodon. Thankfully, it’s only about a 15-minute walk from here, and once Reed sends me the address, I can find out where to go from there… As I continue my march to my new refuge, I still find myself haunted over what just happened… and what I just did… I struck my own brother… And they all hate me… “Get the fuck out! Don’t ever come back here bitch ass trigga!” Riley’s words echo in my mind along with the horrified look of my siblings. They have every right to hate me… I hate me too… September 25, 2020. ‘Why does my life just turn out to be one mess after another?’ I ask myself as I take a deep breath, riding in the back of a taxi, trying to take my mind off the shit show that happened today. I mean, a job is a job at the end of the day, but that? …It’s taking everything I’ve got to keep myself from getting sick, and I don’t want the driver to charge me extra for puking all over his seats. When Moe gave me that security detail job at the warehouse a couple of weeks ago, I just assumed I would be outside the building making sure no one breaks in, or at least making sure their product stays where it’s supposed to. I had my suspicions about whether or not his business was just about Pizza, I always did kind of get that feeling from Fang that there was more to it. And I’m also guessing they told Moe about how I chased down and beat up those assholes who laughed at us in January, otherwise he wouldn't have let me in on his little secret. So I would’ve thought he would’ve only had me beat up assholes who fuck with our business not… …Not watching his men force feed a Human an entire bottle of carfe… I thought it’d be satisfying to watch some skinnie get what he deserves, but… The twitching he made… How blood and foam poured from his mouth like… a bottle of soap with a little bit of water in it or.. That sickening gurgling noise he made… I can’t help but feel my stomach churn the more I think about it. I don’t know how the hell Reed can even bring himself to use that garbage, I’ll never be able to look at one of his thermoses the same way, I’m already worried enough about him as it is. He just… sits there at home all day, doing god knows what while he guzzles that shit. Every time I come home and see him it… feels like more and more of him isn’t there anymore, and it’s really fucking with my head to see that. I take a deep breath as I try to relax my mind. Easy, Trish… What’s done is done, you’re not gonna get anywhere worrying about what went wrong today. …Or yesterday. …Or the past couple of weeks… Fuck this… I try to distract myself by watching the busy streets of Little Trodon flash by my window, greeting me with the sight of various dinos and skinnies enjoying their Friday night. Walking out of bars and restaurants, or just simply enjoying a stroll alongside the night-lit streets. I grit my teeth in envy seeing everyone get to go about their lives carefree, not knowing any worry, pain, or any such hardship… I wish that could’ve been me… I can imagine it now… The band and I went out for a night of fun on the town, sitting outside as we drank, enjoying each other’s company, discussing plans for the future, and celebrating our band’s success. My marketing skills, Reed’s ingenuity, and Fang’s natural talent with a guitar, could've all led us to great heights… Fang… The mere mention of them in my thoughts causes my heart to ache…It’s been about three months since you left us, but there hasn’t been a day that’s gone by where you aren’t in my mind. I begin to feel the emergence of a tear escaping from my eye as I remind myself of what I’ve lost. I miss you…Everything’s been a fucking disaster since then… My family wants nothing to do with me, and they’re right to feel that way… It’s been about a month since I left home after… what happened... A couple of days after it all went down, I remember Mom calling me on the phone, she told me that Child Protective Services took the kids away. Apparently, they tried to order a pizza and Trevor was the one to answer the door. The delivery driver noticed the bruise on his face and how none of them seemed to have an adult looking after them all. That fucking bastard called the police and… they sent them away. Don’t even know if they put them in foster care or just sent them to one of my aunts or uncles without telling anyone, but they’re gone… The screaming my mother gave me over the phone when she told me what happened, I’ll never be able to get it out of my head… “IT’S YOUR FAULT! IT’S ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT!! YOU THINK JUST CAUSE YO SAD THAT YOUR LITTLE GIRLFRIEND SHOT UP THE SCHOOL AND KILLED HERSELF, YOU CAN JUST TAKE IT ON YOUR LITTLE BROTHERS AND SISTERS?! FUCK YOU!! WORTHLESS ASS TRIGGA!!” I… deserve her hate, I deserve all of their hate for the shit I caused them… It… “Alrighty, we’re here!” The sly driver’s voice snaps me out of my stupor. I gaze around my surroundings and see our apartment building out the right side window, a fairly tall yet well-maintained complex. I'm surprised Reed’s uncle is able to have a room in a place like that just laying around. “Alrighty, that’ll be $22.50!” The middle-aged raptor turns to me with a suave smile, which comes across as creepy more than anything. I grab the wallet from my left pocket and pull out a twenty dollar bill and a five and hand it to him. “Here’s $25, keep the change.” I barely acknowledge him, just trying to get out of here as quickly as I can. His lips close as he nods his head politely “Heheh, thank you kindly! Hope you have a good evening now, miss!” He says as I open the passenger door in front of me and step outside the car. Once my feet touch the ground, I close the door behind and- SKRRRRRBBRBBRBRBRRRRRRRRRRR Not… even a femtosecond later, he’s already out of my sight, leaving behind nothing but the scent of burnt rubber. How the fuck is that guy a taxi driver? Let alone have a driver’s license? Ehh… It’s not really important right now, l just wanna go home and pass the fuck out right now. I walk towards the building, passing through the entrance, being greeted by the sight of the rows of mailboxes on the left and elevators on the right, elevators that are constantly under repair… I don’t feel like waiting so I continue walking down the hallway before taking a right and pass through the door containing a flight of stairs. Thankfully our apartment is only on the third floor, so it’s not too arduous of a task to climb. Exiting the stairwell, I pass through the doors and enter the corridor filled with rows and rows of doors, surrounded by the yellowish-white paint on the walls from its age. I turn right and take a couple of steps before finally arriving at my destination Apartment 3-D. Home sweet home… My left-hand reaches into my pocket and pulls out a keychain containing a set of keys, one for my locker at Dino Moes, another for the mailbox, and finally one for the apartment. I easily figure out which key is the right one since I’ve marked them by color. I insert the yellow colored key and give it a turn to the right, the mechanical clicking of the locks fills the air as I push the door open, filling me with a sense of relief that I’m finally home at last. “Reed? You here?” I call out as I step through the door and close the doors behind me, making sure to turn the lock above the knob as well as putting the chain lock in. The last thing I want is a fucking break in. I bend down to take off both of my boots, using what little strength I have in my exhausted state to pry them off. However, the silence that fills the air as I notice that Reed’s shoes seem to be missing from it’s usual spot, causing me to pause for a moment. Is… Reed here? “Uhhh… Reed?” I call out once more, only to be met with no answer. Maybe he’s got his headphones in? He has to be here, it’s not like he has a job or anything. I decide to keep my boots on, not caring if I get the floors dirty. I need to do some cleaning sometime this week anyways. Making my way through the beige-coloured corridor, I take a left into the living room, and what I see causes my heart to stop for a brief moment. Between the couch and the TV centre, I find shards of glass scattered on the ground as the remnants of our table lies on its side in front of me. And a couple of feet from that lies Reed, sitting on the floor against the sliding door to the balcony, completely unconscious. Fuck… No no NO NO!!! I quickly close the distance between us, filling the air with the sound of crunching glass, making me glad I didn’t take off my boots. I carefully look on the ground next to him to see if there’s any broken glass before I kneel down, but then I notice the flask on the ground, lying inches away from his open right hand… No… Please tell me he didn’t OD. “REED! Reed Wake up!” I kneel on the ground as I grab his shoulder with my hand, shaking him to try to wake him. “C’mon Reed get up!” “H-wuh? Huh?” I jump back a bit slightly, caught off guard by Reed jolting awake rather suddenly. However, the raptor grits his teeth as he clutches his left leg, the palm of his hand meeting the red stain on his jeans. “Duuuuuudddeee… How many legos did I put in the tub again?” ….What? Is… still high? “...Reed?” I ask him with a mixture of concern and confusion. He turns his head toward me as a dopey grin grows across his face, warmly looking at me with friendly yet bloodshot eyes.. “Oh hey, Sage! How’s it hanging, man? It’s been a hot minute!” Not again… How much carfe did you take? “Reed, it’s me Trish… Sage killed herself two months ago, remember?” My voice calms down slightly as I correct the intoxicated raptor on the ground... “Ahhhhh, my bad…. Randy...?” He guesses again as he tilts his head with confusion like a dog, slurring his words in the process. “No Reed, It’s Trish…” I corrected him. A part of me is slightly annoyed because of my lack of patience for his dumbass antics right now, but another part of me is genuinely scared and worried for my friend here. “Aahhhhhhh crap….” He sighs as his arms flail to the side “Uhhhhhh… Is it…” “I’m gonna get you some water, okay? Help freshen you up.” I gently pat his back and pick up the flask before rising off the ground... He tries to show his thanks by doing his signature ‘finger guns’, only his right to go limp while the ‘gun’ resembles a poor attempt of flipping someone off. I turn to walk towards the kitchen, carefully stepping to the side to avoid stepping on broken glass or tripping on the table frame, just one thing at a time. “So, Reed. What happened over there with the table, are you okay?” My voice calls out to him as I find myself in the kitchen now, placing the thermos on the countertop while grabbing a plain white coffee mug from the cupboards. I fill the cup with some water on the coldest setting from the sink before setting it down. “Wellll…. Y’know, I tried to give the ol legs a stretch, maybe try walking to Canada!” He explains clumsily yet earnestly. “...But I guess gravity put me on house arrest or something like that.” …Let me guess, he tried to get up from the couch while watching TV and tripped on the table? I turn my head to see how he’s doing, sitting on the ground struggling to keep his balance, inches away from the broken glass. But despite his bleeding and general mental state, he does seem to be in good spirits, so at least there’s that. He’s high, Trish… Of course he’s in a good mood, what the fuck is wrong with you? Still.. I am worried about those cuts on his leg. I pick up the mug and begin to walk away from the kitchen to rejoin my friend. “That sucks. Is your leg okay? I think I saw blood on your pants?” I gently ask, eliciting a confused look from Reed. “Huh? Oh nah, it’s all good Anon! It’s just a little bit of hot sauce.” One word causes me to stop in place, one word causes the worry I had for turning to Reed to melt into anger, no… Rage even. “What… the fuck did you say?” I grit my teeth as I quiver with hate, water trickling onto the wooden floor to join the broken glass as I’m unable to contain my composure. “Uhhh…. Hot sauce? Man I swear I think my legs are filled with-” CRASH His incoherent answer is cut off by the harsh sound of ceramic smashing against wood as I throw down the cup onto the ground, enraged that my only friend left would dare compare me to the monster that killed our best friend. “Don’t you EVER!” I raise my finger towards him as my footsteps grow faster. “FUCKING CALL ME BY THAT NAME AGAIN, DO YOU HEAR ME?!” I grab him by the collar as I force him up from the ground, he looks down at me with a dopey form of confusion rather than fear that his friend might beat the shit out of him. And believe me, right now she just might. “Whaaaaat?! I didn’t call you any names!” “WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU EVER COMPARE TO THAT BALD SKINNIE LOSER BIGOT!" I scream in his face as my voice begins to crack “THE SAME BASTARD WHO GOT OUR FRIEND KILLED JUST SO HE COULD GET IN THEIR PANTS?!” “Heyyyy now, I’m not skinny.. I hit the gym you know? I can do two-hundred-thousand-and-four-hundred-and-sixty-eight jumping jacks in one set!” I can feel the pigment in my skin turning from purple to red the more I’m hit in the face with his idiocy. “Do you think this is a fucking joke right now?! Y-” But before I can continue to lash out for calling me the name of the person who’s haunted my thoughts and left my life in shambles, the expression on Reed’s face becomes more noticeable to me. Or rather... The lack of an expression… As if there’s nothing left… Even as I’m holding him by the collar, after smashing a mug after he fell down and cut his leg, the ‘dopey’ expression on his face and his bloodshot eyes only seems to be a carfe-induced mask to hide something that was lost long ago. The grim realization overwhelms me as I release his collar from my grip, he falls against the wall but catches himself clumsily, clearly unfazed. “W-why…” I choke out as I try to suppress my sniffling. “Hmm?” “Why do you keep using that garbage again and again? Don’t you know what that shit will do to you?!” I cry out with frustration, tears falling from my eyes as I lose all composure. “You can’t keep doing it to yourself! “Pffftt… Whyyyy not, Naomi? It’s just a little piiick MEEE up is all, just like coffee or-” “NO! IT’S NOT, YOU FUCKING IDIOT!” My emotions get the better of me as I raise my voice. “If you keep on guzzling Carfe like water, YOU ARE GOING TO DIE!” I find myself standing inches from Reed, panting as I try to refill my lungs with air, my desperate cries do nothing to break through the raptor’s stone-faced expression. A couple of seconds pass as silence grips the air, until Reed is the first one to break the stalemate. “...So?” ‘So?’ ‘So!’ “...That’s all you have to say? Just ‘so?’” I’m met with complete and utter disbelief. As Reed stands before me swaying around with bloodshot eyes trying to stand in place, I’m doing everything I can to pull myself together. You lost Fang… You lost your family, you let them all down! …You can’t lose Reed too… “P-please…” I crumple against the wall, overwhelmed to the point where gravity is working against me. “Please stop. I can’t bury any more friends…” I whisper with a shaky breath as my eyes fall to the ground. “I can’t…” I hear the shuffling of clothes and shoes against wood as I turn to see Reed now sitting on the ground inches away from me. It isn’t until he’s closer that I begin to notice a small trail of liquid begin to form from his eyes amid his hazy demeanour. “W-why?” “I’m… empty without it…” Reed… Turning away from Reed, I bury my face in my arms as I begin to cry my heart out, the river of tears now turning into a flood. I can’t do anything right… I couldn’t stop my best friend from taking their own life, or myself for being a colossal fucking cunt to everyone around me… Fang, Reed, even my own family! I can’t do everything right… It feels like I’m drowning, everything does. That I’m stuck at the bottom of a lake and I can’t swim to the surface no matter how hard I try… And not only can I not help myself, but I have to make it worse for everyone around me! Reed doesn’t deserve any of this… but I do… To drown alone… … “Fang… Do you have a minute?” “Hey Trish, sure what’s up?” “There’s been something I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while now, promise you won’t judge me or anything like that okay?” “Uhh… Okay? It’s nothing bad is it?” “No nononononono of course not! It’s just… I… don’t wanna mess anything up between us and I’m a… shit I’m nervous..” “Easy Trish… It’s okay, you big dork… I’m not gonna hold it against you, unless you plan on telling me that you’re secretly a fed or anything like that.” “No it’s!- (sigh) This is more difficult than I thought it would be.” “Relax! I’m just messing with you… Tell me, what’s on your mind?” “Okay… I’m just gonna come out with it and say it.” “Okay.” “Fang… I like you, like A LOT.” “Aww thank you, Trish. I like you too…” “No, I mean like… more than a friend… I want to be with you..” “I know what you said, Dork. And I feel the same way.” “Y-you do?” “Of course! I mean how could I not? You’re one of the best friends I’ve ever had, when everyone else either gave up on me or wrote me off as a lost cause. You were there to pick me up when I was beaten down…” “Of course, Fang! I didn’t want you to have to go through that kind of pain alone, not like I did.” “And that means more to me than you know. And not to mention you’re kind, loyal, thoughtful, and pretty cute if I’m being completely honest” “Y-you? Ah… Fang, you have no idea how much I needed to hear that, you don’t know how happy that makes me. I was so worried that you wouldn’t feel the same, or that you’d think I’m weird for even having a crush on you, I mean we’re best friends and were both gir-” “Shhh… Don’t worry so much…” “O-okay… I won’t.” “Now, let's see if there's something I can do to ease your nerves… Close your eyes.” “Okay… W-wait, why?” “Just do it!” “Okay…” I can feel them inching closer to me as their breath hits my skin, sending tingles down my spine. “I’m right here, Trish… And I’m not going anywhere.” “I-I love you, Fang.” “...I love you too.” I await their lips to meet mine, enveloping us in an embrace of bliss and security, but that moment never comes. As I’m instead greeted with the sound of my morning alarm. DING DING DING DING DING …Sigh… I’m coming, I’m coming… In pitch darkness, before I’m able to open my eyes, my hand reaches from under the blankets onto the bedside table, a glass texture touches my fingertips as the obnoxious ringing comes to an end. I’ve pretty much memorized where the ‘end alarm’ button is at this point. Good way to start a morning… Of course, my fucking dreams have to mess with me like that. I open my eyes, blinding me as my eyes readjust to the presence of light as I begin to scan my surroundings and remember that rather than waking up in my own bed in my own apartment. I’ve woken up in a room that’s not my own. I shot up for a brief second, confused for a second before I realized why I’m here. Taking a look to the left side of the bed, lies a grey-skinned Ptero boy around my age with blue hair, fast asleep without a care in the world. Right… We fucked last night. I gave this Grumble app a try thinking it might be a good way to meet some people and have some fun, even better since the men don’t get to message first. And I matched with Leon a couple of days ago, he’s not like the other douchebags. Well.. he was hotter than the other guys on that app. We met up last night, got a bite and went back to his place. And… Well, I mean it was a fun distraction and everything. I definitely needed it after the shit that’s been going on for me lately, but when we spent that time together… I could only think of Fang. …Maybe that’s why I agreed to meet up with him, because all I could think of was Fang and the time we could’ve spent together… The more I look at him and the more I think about Fang, the more bitter I become… I should probably get out of here, it’s not like I have any reason to be here right now. I’ve got better things to do than watch this fucker sleep all morning. Speaking of which, he’s a pretty heavy sleeper if my alarm didn’t even wake him up. Before I get up, I gaze around the medium-sized room lined with blue paint, dressers laid to the left of the room while a computer setup light to the right side of the bed. Of course he’s a gamer, that explains why he was so good with his fin- Jesus Christ Trish, Calm down. Stepping out of the bed as quietly as I can, I pick up my clothes on the ground and my phone on the nightstand, and carry them out of the room as quietly as possible. As I step into the living room of the apartment, the abundance of light greatly contrasts his dark bedroom, how fucking late did I sleep in? It doesn’t matter, I place the clothes on the ground and begin putting them back on, the last thing I need right now is him asking me to stay for breakfast… I managed to get myself dressed pretty quickly, surprised that his apartment was as empty as it is, and I’m pretty sure he has roommates too, but they’re probably away or something. Walking to the door and slipping on my boots, I begin to open the door as quietly as possible. Hyperfocusing on control over my muscles as I try to gently turn the lever and pull the door towards me. …C’mon… SCHK There we go. Stepping through the door frame as I enter the hallway, I simply let the door close on its own without trying to stop it from making noise. I don’t really give a shit if I wake him up now that I’m out of them. I begin to make my way towards the elevator, I decide to pull out my phone to take a look at the time, it doesn’t exactly look like I woke up at the crack of dawn. October 25th, 2020 11:32 AM You Have One Missed Call from Moe 5 Minutes Ago I let out a sigh as my eyes locked on the name that tried to call my phone. Can’t you just leave me the fuck alone? It’s a Sunday, should you be at church or something? Still, the geezer is the reason why Reed and I aren’t homeless right now, so I probably should call him back. My legs carry me down the hallway further away from Leon’s apartment until I’m standing in front of the elevator. I open the Call app on my phone and dial Moe’s number, raising it up to the side of my head as I send out the call. RING RING RING RING A couple of seconds pass as the phone continues to ring, the digitized melody being the only sound present in this deaf hallway. It’s almost eerie how quiet it is, like something straight out of a- “Mornin’ Trish! How’se youse doin’ today?” I’m interrupted by Moe’s deep boisterous voice before I’m able to continue my line of thought. “Hey Moe, I saw you tried to call me a few minutes ago. Is everything okay?” I give a taciturn response to him. He lets out a sigh. “Yeah… But I do have a job for you’se, but I’m gonna need you’se to listen closely, yeah?” What the hell is he being so cryptic for? “Uhmm… Okay.. You’re not gonna have me watch someone get the ‘bottle service’ this time, are you?” I discreetly mention the grizzly events that transpired last month, don’t want to get in any trouble because of any feds or cops listening in. “No.. no no.. Of course not, dat neva shoulda happened t’ begin with, and I’m sorry you’se had to see dat.” That shit hasn’t left my mind that day… The noises he made, the twitching he did, how he begged for his life not wanting to die the way he did… I thought I would’ve become desensitized to something like that after Fang… But no… It’s just another goddamn event to haunt my mind. “It’s fine, What’s the job?” I ask, trying to move on from that subject. “Okay… So I’m gonna need you’se to find someone fer me and teach dem a ‘lil lesson..” The tone in Moe’s voice grows more serious. However, there’s a tinge of regret about it. “Whatever you do tho, DO NOT ICE ‘EM, GOT IT?” …Why the hell would I kill someone? If he knows how I reacted watching someone get force fed Carfe, why the hell does he think- …Wait a minute, unless…. “Who is it you’re asking me to meet?” I reply, my voice becoming more aggressive as I start to get an inkling of why he doesn’t want me to kill them. “You ‘member Lucy’s boyfriend, dat Anon kid? Gonna need you to talk to ‘im.” A thousand emotions hit me like a train at once from the name uttered through the speaker, my heart beating like a jackrabbit at the painful reminder of the man who took everything away from me, all the pain and suffering he caused. And now I have a chance to give that monster what he deserves… “Where is he?” I growl, barely able to contain my anger. “He’s somewhere in da West Lofts apartment over in Skin Row, but for dis job, you’re gonna need to do it outside da joint so he can’t run nowherez” “...How do I get him outside?” “My connections ova at dis pharmacy in Skin Row tell me dat Anon frequently goes dere to pick up his meds, has some kinda arrangement with one of my guys.” He calmly explains, my ever-growing anger makes it difficult for me to concentrate on his instructions. “Yer best bet would be to wait fer him either when leaves da store or before he enters, stop by da restaurant sometime soon so I can explain it in betta detail.” “...I’m on my way…” I feel my free hand clench with fury as I finally have a chance to make Anon pay. “And Trish!” He adds, the seriousness returning to his voice. “No. Icing. Capiche?” What? Why the fuck does he want him alive? This is Anon we’re talking about, Fang and Naser are dead because of him! They were were like family to him, he should want that fucker in the ground for what he did! I take a deep breath, audible to the point where Moe can probably sense my displeasure. Still, he’s giving me the chance to take this bastard down. “Fine… I’m on my way” I curtly reply. “Okay, see you soon, Trish.” He replies before the phone is cut off with audible beep. I put the phone in my pocket and pressed the elevator button, the button lighting up with a circular red light as my finger leaves it. As I wait for the door to open, I’m left quivering in anger and anticipation. I’ll play by that old fossil’s rules and see what else he needs to talk about before I go after the skinnie, whether or not I actually listen to them is another story. I’m coming for you, Skinnie… December 16th, 2020 “It’s your lucky day, you’re getting out. But knowing your kind, we’ll probably be seeing you again soon.” The officer’s racist remark replays in my head, along with various other thoughts that race through my head like a rat in a maze. They put me away for a month in that craphole of a jail, and I only just got out an hour ago… As I find myself waiting alone in the elevator of my apartment. Still… It feels so surreal to be on the outside despite only being in there a month… It felt like an eternity, crammed in with a bunch of junkies and rejects in such a small building, it was hell… I thought I’d be used to all the yelling and the fighting but… Fuck... And I thought Reef City was bad too. As I try to distance my mind from the fun memories I made in jail, So many thoughts begin to race through my mind right now. Why did they let me out that early? Did Reed manage to get back home safely? Do we even still have a home to begin with? Since I was the one paying the bills. And of course… Where is that Skinnie fuck? And why were Stella and Rosa covering for him of all people? They stopped me when I found him and fucked up his leg, plus Rosa snitched on me at the mall when I had him cornered too. Not to mention how that Stego retard punched me right in the face, I didn’t think she had it in her. I feel a phantom pain arise on my cheek. “I SAID LEAVE US ALONE YOU FUCKING TRIGGER CUNT!!” Stella’s words make me rise with fury just thinking about it. Who the fuck are you to call me that? You’re nothing but a loser and a sperg. And from the looks of it you’re now a human’s whore. DING The Elevator doors open in front of me, greeting me with the sight of my complex’s hallway, time to see if I’m homeless or not. I took a step out of the elevator and saw my apartment about 4 doors down, but each step I took felt heavy. As if my body was trying to tell me something bad is about to happen, I try to ignore it and push through… It’s not really like my fucked up mess of a life could get any worse. Finally, I find myself standing in front of Apartment 3 - D. Well, moment of truth. I take out the keys from my pocket and insert it into the key slot and give it a good twist, the locks begin clicking out of place. Looks like my keys still work. I push open the door and feel a huge weight lifted from my shoulders as I- Wait no… What the fuck?! Instead of being greeted with the sight of our minimalistic apartment, I’m met with the sight of trash littering the living room to the point where I can see it from where I’m standing, and I’ve BARELY stepped in. “REED?! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!” I yell out, a part of me furious that now I’ve got to be the one to clean up after this pig’s mess. Empty chip bags, cookie wrappers, soda and beer bottles. Jesus, most of the men back in my neighbourhood kept their houses cleaner than this. “REED?!” “Whua? Oh hey Tiish, check out our swimming pool, s’got all the flavours of the rainbow and….” And now another part of me is relieved, knowing that Reed is still here. When he came with me to the mall, I just told him that I had to go take care of something… And I left him there, alone and confused… He deserved better… I walk into the living room, the smell of rotting food and stale snacks becoming increasingly hard to tolerate. I see the hordes of trash swarming the floors of our flat like it’s Europe during the black plague. And there I see Reed sitting on the couch, green hoodie and shorts on, turning his head away from the TV. “Ayyy bro, waaana play some Rock Ring with me?” The raptor smiles clumsily as his bloodshot eyes point back toward the screen. “Reed… We don’t even have an Xrox anymore, you sold it for Carfe, remember? Secondly, the TV’s not even on.” I calmly tell him while pointing at our television set I’m still wondering how the hell he managed to find his way home. Maybe Moe drove him home? “Anyways, how are you holding up?” I approach Reed, sitting on the arm of the couch as it’s one of the few places not littered with trash. “Wellllllll y’know, I’ve been mixing it up with my Carfeyy here and there, trying new formulas and- oh!” The dazed Raptor stops himself mid-sentence after an inner realization. “You member Principal Tsuki from Volcano Reef? Somebody dropped off a box for you I think.” Am I having a stroke? What the fuck is he even saying? …No… Trish, don’t be a cunt to your only friend left, save your hate for the people in life who actually deserve it. “A box? Where is it?” “Over on the diving board!” He says while pointing towards the sealed cardboard box that stood on the dining table. Looks to be in one piece, so I assume he didn’t use it to do a cannonball into the garbage ridden floors. I get up from the armrest to walk towards the table, eliciting a slurred ‘adios amigo’ as I got up. When I got to the table, the first thing I noticed is that it’s a small-sized cardboard parcel, but the only thing written on it is ‘Trish’ assuming whoever dropped it off personally. I spot a butter knife laying on the table, using it to cut off the tape away from the box, feeling small pieces of metal roll around inside. As I lift up the sides I see a white sheet of paper covering the bottom of the box, but the words are so brief I don’t need to lift it up to see it. ‘You’re welcome… I got you out, I’ve paid your month’s rent, and I’ve given you this. You’ve got everything you need, now finish the job and get rid of that vermin permanently. DO NOT make me regret doing this, or you’ll wish you’d still be rotting away in that jail cell. Ripley’ Ripley? Fang’s dad? What the fuck does he want with me? ‘Finish the job,’ and just what is this ‘thing’ he’s given me? I reach into the box and lift the piece of paper from my eyes and instantly recognize the shape that appears before me and I can feel my heart stop for a brief moment. What. The. Actual. Hell. Inside the cardboard box lies a well-worn six-cylinder revolver pistol, the light reflecting upon the brown wooden grip and the 4 bullets that freely rolled around the box. Is… Is this the same gun Fang shot up the school with? How the fuck did their dad manage to get it? ...He probably used his connection as commissioner to swipe it from evidence, I assume that’s also how he got me out. So many emotions run through my head seeing this bloodstained relic in front of me. Fear, grief, anger. But the strongest that roams free is the latter. Knowing that Anon is still alive, trying to run away from the crimes he did… Or how that Racist Stego retard or the raptor-jesus loving fascist are still out and about… That’s why there's four bullets. One for Anon. One for Stella. One for Rosa. I’m still curious as to what the fourth one is, maybe it’s a backup? Still, he should’ve just given me all six rounds… Can’t expect too much from a donut-loving pig like him. Still… I might have an idea of who to use the last bullet… I reach into the box and grip the Revolver, the feel of the revolver cools my hands as the skin touches the wood and metal design. Except I don’t lift it up, or open the chamber, not that I know how to do any of these things, but all I can do is stand here frozen, gazing at my chance to finally get justice for Fang. You’ll be able to rest easy now soon, I promise you that Fang Anon will die… [POST-NOTES] Before we begin I wanted to give a special thank you to Castellano for helping me with editing/suggestions/and feedback for this chapter, it was a huge help and I greatly appreciate it! Aaaaaaand we're finally in the final act of Bad Apple (aka the 'Death' arc)! Thank you all so much for being so patient with me once again, I'm so excited to be sharing more Bad Apple with you guys and especially now that we're at the final act of the story! The next two chapters will really bring a lot of what everything's been building up to since I first started this story almost two years ago, and I can't wait for you guys to see what I've got! Author Notes: - One of the reasons why I was so excited to show people this chapter was because Trish finally gets more characterization. Since Trish is one of the main characters in Bad Apple who's character hasn't really been fully shown. The thing I wanted to go for was showing how grief has the potential to bring out the absolute worst in people. Like Trish was never the greatest person to begin with, but it's not without reason. With her father abandoning her family for a human woman (explaining her dislike for men and humans), being forced to give up a part of her life after being shoved into a role of responsibility by her mother, and then watching the only person she ever loved get taken from her (From when Anon arrived to Fang's death). I hope that this makes Trish seem more sympathetic as a villain in this story or at least understandable, in the sense that she's vile and over the edge, but on the inside, she's very broken by the loss and pain she's had to endure. In a way she's a bit of a dark reflection to Anon. - Fun fact, the third scene of this chapter was alluded to as early as Chapter 3. Where Trish mentioned her family had every right to hate her, especially when she was thinking back to Riley saying "Get the fuck out! Don’t ever come back here bitch ass trigga!” - Reed finally returns in Bad Apple since he's appearance in Chapter 4. Or rather... What's left of him (i'm sorry) - Now that the demo of Wani is out, I thought about making a few shitpost related videos on YouTube (perhaps some of Snoot Game too) Once again, thank you guys so much! you guys are the absolute best and it means the world to see the! Be sure to follow my twitter for more updates about Bad Apple and other possible Snoot-related content! My handle is @ItsUmbruhh, and I also update my YouTube Channel (Umbruhh) as well create snoot related videos, see you guys next time!