Summary: All parties must come to an end. Then you awake into reality with a headache that can rival any earthquake. Sometimes, those parties can be very wild at times. Very. Wild. [PRE-NOTES] I don't apologize. [/PRE-NOTES] —January 8th 2026— I stirred awake, noticing my body was on the floor; and my legs were suspended on the couch. Jesus, how much did I drink? I picked myself up and- “Agh!” I suddenly crashed back down; my head was wracked in pain. I don't think I had a hangover this bad in… Well, a while. The cold wood panel floor had eased the pounding headache I had. Status check… I am Anon Y Mous. I live with my newlywed wife, Lucy (As of yesterday.) And we had one hell of a wedding party. I vaguely remember Ripley being crowd-surfed (Surprisingly.) Monarch getting onto the balcony and hanging off of it. And Naomi… er… I can't seem to remember what happened to her. After a few minutes, I carefully scanned the room. It was a mess. The bodies of unconscious family members, guests, and friends are strewn about in various positions. There were multiple solo cups and bottles of champagne, beer, and liquor lying on the floor and resting on tables. And someone TP’d the inside of the house. I found the strength within me to slowly get off my ass. As I stood up, I could see the true extent of the party. Samantha was under the table, Ripley was above said table, Monarch was in a corner, huddled into the fetal position, and Naomi was halfway inside the trash can… well, that explains what happened to her. I decided to freshen up before preparing Anon's special hangover cure for the after-partiers. I meandered my way to my bedroom’s bathroom, attempting not to eat shit by stepping on a bottle. The headache in question was not making this easy. As I made my way, I saw Tracy (Hot dog vendor.) Slouched next to the wall. After a minute of careful walking, I managed to get into the bedroom. Someone was on the bed under the covers. Probably Lucy, but I thought she was in the living room last I saw her. Well, she does have an Iron liver when it comes to the hard stuff anyways; she probably wanted to crash on the bed. I entered the adjoined bathroom. I ensured no one was in it before I undressed and took a nice, cold shower. I didn't spend too much time on it because I knew that very soon, the others will be awake. I got out, dried myself, and put my clothes back on. I made my way to the sink to brush my teeth and remove the morning breath that permeated it. As I brush my teeth, I think back to the party. I was drinking a lot of the hard stuff; Naser and Reed walked off somewhere, Lucy was passed out on the TV stand, while the TV itself was carried away by Trish. I swear Trish better not have stolen that flat screen. Wait… Lucy was passed out on the TV stand. Then who the fuck is in our bed!? I heard a commotion come from the bedroom. I peered around the corner and… Oh… My … God … <<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>> I had awoken with a dull pain in my head. The bed I found myself in was cool and soft, which helped with the raging hangover drilling into my skull. I felt a little sore as I twisted myself into a different position in the bed. I remember following Reed… somewhere? Fucking hell, the hangover is making it difficult to think. Sweet Raptor Jesus, what was in those drinks? “I dunno man… But those were some baller drinks.” I heard someone moan in the bed… with me… On the bed? I turned my head to look at the other occupant. I saw a pink and white muzzle peer from under the sheet. Reed? What the fuck is he doing on the bed with me? He revealed his head from the sheet, his hair was frazzled, and his face had a few strands of… icing? But it was all over his face, in his hair, especially under his chin. Oh… OH NO! I jumped out of the bed, and I realized where I exactly was. I was in Anon & Lucy's room. Me and Reed were on their bed. I felt the cold air hit my body, confirming my suspicion. I was nude; is this a dream!? Reed cozied up in the bed a bit before saying anything else. “Hey, brochaco… why are you naked?” Then it hit me; Reed and I walked in here and started talking about life. I got upset about… something? And Reed hugged me. Something about that hug triggered a part of my drunk brain that pertained to Naomi. And I… Oh god, I kissed Reed, then It started getting heated. Then Reed pulled away and said, “Want me to suck you off to make you feel better?” Then it went beyond that. I felt sick to my core that I practice sodomy with Reed, with a man . Reed exposed more of himself from the sheet, sitting up and exposing his bare torso. “Yo, Naser bro… You good?” Reed questioned me yet again. “Fuck no, I'm not fucking good,” I whispered-yelled to Reed. He realized what I meant when he wiped a string of spunk from his face. The clueless expression on his face became mild bewilderment. “Bro, did I owe you money or something?” Money… Money!? “No, you fucking homo. We did the deed drunk off our asses last night. Owe you money!? Are you telling me you did this before?” Reed looked at me, “Uhhhhh… Yea??” I pinched the bridge of my beak; okay, I don't think anyone is awake yet. Lucky for us, there is a bathroom we could wash off in. Wash the evidence off, and don't mention it to anyone. Simple is, simple as, “Okay… Reed, you get in the shower before me and wash off. I will…” I stopped when I noticed Reed’s face become pale. “Uh… Reed?” I followed his gaze to the bathroom adjoining the bedroom. A bald head peered from the corner and into the bedroom. It was Anon; he had a toothbrush in his foam-covered mouth. He looked like he was in shock with his widened eyes and slack-jawed mouth; eventually, his toothbrush fell from his open mouth. <<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>> I stood still; Reed and Naser noticed me. I couldn't move; then, in a single bound, Naser closed the distance between me and the bed. He gripped the collar of my shirt. I began to panic. “NO WAITWAITWAIT! Naser, It's me. Anon, I’m not Naomi!” Naser looked disgusted as he immediately let go of me, “What! Anon, get your head out of the blender!” I was relieved that Naser wasn't affected by a sudden burst of interspecies homo-lust. Then Naser looked me dead in the eyes. “Anon, I swear to Raptor Jesus and above. If you tell anyone about this incident, I will personally–” I immediately interjected, “I swear I won't tell a soul… But, why my bed of all places!?” Naser scowled; I took the message and shut up. Naser looked distraught as he scratched the back of his head. “Oh god, If Lucy finds out… If Dad finds out. Oh man…” “Ayy, it's all good man. It's not like Anon’s gonna snitch, right?” Reed spoke from the comfort of my violated bed. Naser looked at me pleadingly. “Well… as long as you don't use my bed as your personal sodomy spot again, sure.” Naser seemed relieved, while Reed just smiled and pointed finger guns at me. I rinsed the toothpaste foam from my mouth and turned to Naser. “Just make sure you guys clean yourselves up, especially you, Naser.” He looked back at me, “...Why?” I was honestly shocked that he did not know what I was referring to. Nasers confusion then turned to despair as he put a hand behind his back and wiped the incriminating evidence that was splattered there. Naser sat there looking at his seed-covered hand. “Okay… I'm going to make some omelets; while the both of you wash up. Please wash thoroughly.” I told them; Naser just nods slowly and shakily. Reed, on the other hand, gives me a thumbs up. I finally exit the sodomy chamber, which was my bedroom, and into the kitchen area. I didn't take Naser for a fudge stuffer, but I guess alcohol is one hell of a drug. At least I think alcohol was involved, well at least it's laundry day. Just don't tell Lucy. I grabbed a pan and a carton of eggs, some veggies, and spices. I looked over the eggs in the carton; one of the eggs was smaller than the others. Well, I can't fret over every egg, I guess. —four omelets later— I finished the fourth omelet and put it with the rest. Eventually, Naser and Reed left the bedroom a minute apart from each other. The rest of the guests are still out cold. Well, except for one, Lucy stumbled into the kitchen looking miserable from the hangover. She leaned onto me softly as I prepared the fifth omelet. “Mmmm… Aeg.” I heard her groan. I point to the remaining two prepared omelets. She took the two (Must be one bad hangover to her standards) and sat beside a rather guilty-looking Reed. She must’ve not noticed as she began to chow down on the two plates of my hangover cure. It won't be long until all the other guests stir to lucidity. The trio ate their omelets, Reed and Naser ate quietly often avoiding eye contact. Lucy on the other hand sounded like she was eating the best meal in her life. While I'm here with no omelet of my own, well, billions must cook. Two more plates of eggy goodness were made. I noticed Lucy was looking at Reed weirdly; then she traced her finger behind his head. She pulled her finger back which revealed… a rouge strand of spunk. “Reed? What is this?” She asked; Reed looked surprised as she examines the white sticky strand wrapped around her finger. Naser looked as if he was caught red-handed, even though he was not the one being interrogated. I can see the two brain cells in Reed's skull overloading, trying to find an answer that isn’t, ‘I sucked off your brother on your bed and blew his back out.’ Reed opened his mouth, ready to speak. “Its… Cinnabon icing…” Oh shit. I ordered Cinnabon for the wedding, I think we still have a few boxes. What a save! “Oh… okay.” Lucy said as she observed the “ Icing. ” I sighed quietly. I faced the sink with a paper towel. “Okay, sweet tooth. Let me wet you a paper towel–” * POP * What was that? I turned around. Naser was quickly turning multiple shades of green. Reed looked like he saw the rape of Nanking and lived to tell the tale. Lucy looked like she tasted something unpleasant… Her finger… It was clean. . . “Bleh… The icing must be stale.” The realization hit me harder than the bollard did nearly six years ago. Fang ate the… She ate Nasers… Oh god, I feel dizzy. I gripped the edge of the sink. Calm down; it's okay… what the fuck? NO, IT’S NOT OKAY! I angrily turned to Reed; he looked like he was giving the kitchen table the thousand-yard stare. Lucy, on the other hand, focused on Naser as he scrambled to the bathroom, presumably to vomit. Reed noticed my glare as he tensed up. I had every right to suplex that pink sodemite into the pavement outside. Instead, I calmed down and angrily mouthed at him, “ YOU. OWE. ME! ” Reed nodded shakily. Lucy turned her attention back to me. “You think Naser would’ve held it in.” I quickly attempted to look normal as I faced my wife. “Yea… you think,” I said with a forced smile. Lucy turned her attention to Reed. “Your almost as bad as Sage is with Cinnabon icing.” She said with a giggle. Reed nodded, still looking traumatized. Naser eventually came back after two fake-outs with the bile in his stomach. He still looked green, but it was not as bad as before. A few minutes later, another guest wakes up. Monarch stumbles to the table, clearly suffering from a hangover. Without asking, he grabbed a plate and sat in a corner. “I have to say you kids know how to party.” He said while wincing at the headache attempting to give him cerebral hemorrhaging. As Monarch picked away at the omelet. He kept glancing between Reed and Naser. “So… you two crashed in the bedroom?” Naser choked on the coffee made for himself, and Reed blushed (Homo.) Lucy looked at Monarch with intrigue. I doubt Monarch knew about Reed giving a ‘ back massage’ to Naser, but he did pique Lucy's interest. This might be it for the secrecy. “Naser and Reed went into the bedroom?” Lucy asked. I decided not to say anything unless I’m addressed. “Anon… Did you see Reed and Naser in the bedroom?” Well, shit, bullshit mode engaged. “Uh… yea, I did; Reed somehow got into the closet while Naser was on the bed.” Lucy giggled at that. “Say… If I didn't know any better, I would’ve thought you guys had drunk sex in there.” Lucy innocently and jokingly spoke. I don't know if that was supposed to provoke a response from Naser or Reed, but it did. Naser froze in place while Reed blushed even more (I hoped he said no homo when they did it.) Unfortunately, Lucy noticed. “What? It's just a joke–” Lucy realized why they reacted. It's because they did do it. Lucy expressed shock as her eyes widened and her beak hinged open. Monarch did the same and decided to walk away from the pending conversation. “You guys fucked in our bedroom?!?” Reed tried to hide his face while Naser tried to explain to his sister. “We… uh– we…” Naser looked defeated as he had to face the truth at hand. “...We banged, okay? But we were drunker than Dinoleses Grant last night.” Lucy still looked bewildered; she then snapped her head to me. Oh… I’m in danger. “Anon… you knew about this?” I considered my options; I could lie to Lucy… no, that's a bad idea. Well, honesty is the best policy. “Yes… they even did it on the bed.” Lucy looked back at Naser. “On our bed!?” Naser sheepishly shrugged, “As I said… Drunk.” Lucy looked back at the cup of her coffee; before grinning smugly. “Top or bottom?” Naser looked at Lucy, confused. “What's that su– Lucy! ” I gave Lucy an answer. “Well, from what I saw. Naser liked being submissive.” Naser glared back at me; his face was getting redder by the minute. “Anon, I swear to god–” Then Lucy interjected Naser, “Oh! I didn't know you liked it in the bussy.” Nasers face became redder than a cherry. I had to restrain my laughter. Naser sighed as he looked defeated. Reed looked less guilty. Lucy looked like she was still bewildered by the whole thing. “Anon, why did you not tell me what they did on our bed?” Lucy asked. “Well… I promised them not to tell a soul about their debauchery.” Lucy lightly punched my arm. “Still… on our bed? Augh…” I share the sentiment, but no matter what, she must not know about the false icing she ate. “...Know about what?” …FUCKING MUMBLING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. “Well, Lucy y… It's nothing!” Naser realized what happened and began to make his way out, but Lucy stopped him. “Naser! Where do you think you're going? What are guys you hiding from me.” I think we can still get through this. All I have— “It wasn't icing…” Reed admitted. Lucy looked confused; then her mind made the connection. Her face twisted into revelation, then slowly into realization. I’ve never seen such a look of utter despair in my life. It's so fucking over. I motioned to the duo to leave; they did while Lucy was still catatonic. As the two left swiftly through the front door, Lucy glanced at me and spoke. “You knew… Didn't you?” Her face twisted into a suppressed rage as her wings began to flare, and her fists were tightening. “Well, I didn't expect you to eat Nasers–” Before I could finish the sentence. She got off her chair and began marching to me. “Whoa, wait! No one forced you to eat it.” Lucy was less than 2 feet away from me. “Well, you could’ve at least tried to stop me.” she rebuked. “I had my back turned, hell I was going to give you a wet paper towel to wipe it off on. Who would eat “Stale Icing,” wiped off your friend's head?” I protested. Lucy gawked at me; she was clearly unhappy, given the situation. She walked to the front door and left. I was left alone in the kitchen. After a few minutes, the groans and moans of people afflicted with hangovers started. Well, I better get back to cooking… Did I fuck up?... <<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>> A couple of hours passed, and all the guests had left. I was alone doing a clean-up detail in the house. Toilet paper was removed, trash was picked up and taken out, and bottles of unopened booze were returned. Ripley asked about Lucy; I told him she went for a walk. It was 9 AM when this whole thing started. Now it's 5 PM, and I'm starting to get worried. I tried to call and text Lucy, but she didn't return the calls, and I was left on read. I managed to put the spunk-covered sheets into the washing machine. At least we will have fresh sheets for tonight. First day into our marriage, and it already became strained. I should’ve at least attempted to stop her. Or at least spill the beans about the one-night stand. I heard the front door open; Lucy walked into the living room. She seemed exhausted for today. “So… still mad at me?” I asked. Lucy turned her head to me. “Not as much as this morning, no.” I got up from the couch, “Look, Lucy… I’m sorry; I should’ve made some attempt to warn you about the… incident.” Lucy smiled warmly. “It’s okay, Anon.” She said as she offered a hug. I embraced her as Lucy’s arms and wings enveloped me. Maybe today isnt so bad after all. “But… you are going to be sleeping on the bed alone for tonight.” She said. What did she mean by… “Oh Really?! Your gonna let your husband sleep on the poopy-gay-butt-sex bed!?!” Lucy let out an amused cackle as she let go of me. “Well? I’m not sleeping in it.” I accepted my fate; Lucy looked into my eyes as she grabbed my head. “I love you…” She kissed my forehead before going to the nearest shower. I’ve always loved her eyes… —3 hours later— Lucy was already passed out on the couch from whence I woke from less than 12 hours ago. The sheets were not dry yet, so I used the felt blanket we had stashed in the closet. At least the pillows are clean. I assembled the ramshackle bedding and tucked myself in. Today had been very interesting; Naser and Reed apologized to Lucy while she was away. As far as I know, no one told Ripley or Samantha about what transpired. I made double-sure Monarch wasn’t going to say anything. I still have no idea why Reed and Naser banged on the bed. Other than the fact they were drunk off their rocker. Lucy is still coping with the fact she ate Nasers “ Icing. ” Well, I need a well-deserved rest. I flipped the pillow around while I was snuggled in and landed my head on t– * squelch * … Fuck.