Title: When Your Heart is Broken... A Thousand Times
Status: Complete
Characters: Anon, Nasera, Ripley
Rating: SFW
Classification: One-Shot
Author: PumpkinBrain
Summary: After being shot in the leg, Anon wakes up in the hospital. His bunkmate, Nasera, his one true friend; is in bad shape. She’s bandaged up and she’s hurting all over. But not all pain is physical.

“Nasera?! Nasera! Where are you!” I yelled, sprinting through the bloody halls of Volcano High. I breathed heavily as I sprinted, looking, searching desperately. Various bodies were found strewn about—left to sit and rot, mangled and bent in ways that the body isn’t naturally supposed to bend. What really did it for me, when I had to really look away… was when I saw the brain matter on the wall.

 

But fuck. I held in my vomit as I continued to run. I was looking for someone. One person, someone so incredibly important to me—my one friend at this school, Nasera Aaron. I hoped and somewhat knew she would be okay, but.. I didn’t know. Why did I know? Because believe it or not, it was her sister that was the one thought to be doing the shooting. That’s what that… Trish? I think was her name? Had said outside, at least. But… I was still fearful. I still had to run inside. I still had to… I still had to look. I mean, she… she wouldn’t have shot her own sister. I was being ridiculous. Right? Right?? She couldn’t have shot her own flesh and blood. Sh-She wouldn’t have.

 

But all it took was one last scan of the bodies laying about, and I… I found what I was looking for.

 

I felt myself weaken as I stared on. Her favorite jacket was covered in blood, and she looked like she had been dragged. Either that or she.. she crawled. She was lying on her back, now, and I could see all the shots. Three in her chest, one in the left lung area and one in the ribs. The other was near her heart. Fuck. “Oh my God, no, fuck.” I muttered. “Nasera—“ I whimpered, falling to my knees beside her. “What—why would she—“ I coughed, feeling my eyes well with tears. Why? Why did she…? Why would Fang do this? “How could…!” I cried out. I choked back a sob as I continued to stare at her lifeless body.

 

Feeling completely hopeless, I slowly reached my hand out. I didn’t know what my end goal was. I didn’t know where I was reaching, or for what reason. But… maybe I was just checking. Checking to see if she was real. If this… if this was really happening. Like one would pinch themselves. I had to check. This couldn’t be… real. So I… I touched her.

 

And she moved.

 

Ever-so-slightly, she moved—but she moved. She fucking moved. “Nasera!” I yelled out, suddenly realizing. I leaned down and put my head on her chest, completely ignoring the feeling of her large breasts. They weren’t fucking important right now. I could be a goddamn coomer at a later time. What was important was… what I heard.

 

…

 

b-dump…

 

…

 

b-dump…

 

It was weak, but her heart was beating. She was also breathing, too. It was labored, but… she was breathing. She… she was still alive. She could be saved. She could live—she could survive this! But wait. How were the paramedics going to get there in time? They’re not going to run in when the shooter is still milling about. Not even the cops ran in there. I was somehow able to get past, but whether that was from stupidity or something else, I didn’t know. But as soon as I realized this tidbit of knowledge, I felt somewhat hopeless. What could I do? How… how could I save Nasera? No option seemed to work.

 

Unless.

 

…I reached my arms under Nasera’s body, my plan finally being realized. It was so obvious. Why wasn’t this my first instinct. Nasera groaned when I made contact, but that was good. Groaning meant she was breathing, and still somewhat conscious. Using what little muscle I had, I slowly stood, holding the ptero girl in my arms bridal-style. It was straining on me, so I adjusted her slightly to make it more comfortable. But then I began to walk. I tried to move as fast as I could, but I definitely wasn’t going to run anywhere. She was a muscle-bound girl, and had a lot of mass to her. But I’d never say that to her face. She wasn’t fat, haha. Just… super incredibly strong.

 

That didn’t matter to me at that moment, though. I was on a mission to get her to the paramedics outside, and I would sooner end my life before I let her die. The process of walking was surprisingly hard, but the adrenaline helped a little bit. The adrenaline could never help the sights, though. All of those dead kids. It—it really messed with me. It ended up making me knees weak again, but I was able to self-correct before I fell and got us hurt.

 

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, I was able to walk backwards through the doors of the high school, pushing them open with my ass. I turned around as I walked out, and I took notice of the huge crowd that had grown outside the school. Many more people had shown up, wanting to get a look at what was going on. I guess I couldn’t blame them, but… jeez. Can’t give us a little space? Ugh.

 

As I showed up, they all started to clamor around and freak out. I stopped paying attention to them, though. I had a bigger fish to fry. Most notably: the set of stairs in front of me. Psyching myself up, I whispered my own mantras. Repeats of ‘c’mon’ ‘you got this’ and ‘for Nasera’ were what gave me the balls to take the first step. When I did… so far so good. One foor in front of the other. I had done it so many times. I had moved heavy boxes up stairs. This was nothing. I even got somewhere near… halfway down the set of stairs before the… I think the actual worst possible thing happened.

 

“LET GO OF MY SIISTEEEERRRR!!!!!”

 

A shot rang out, and I felt something tear through my leg. I immediately lost my balance, and was on a total crash course for instantaneous death and humiliation. Death not being far off, actually, because there are a lot of arteries in your legs that can cause you to bleed out if you’re hit in the wrong spot. Wait, why am I being a nerd, I’m falling. And… I have a bleeding, nearly-dead girl in my arms.

 

SHIT!

 

I quickly used what little strength and control I had to turn around before I lost my balance completely. It would hurt a hell of a lot more, and I might smack my head against the concrete, but at least Nasera would end up okay. I hoped. I just needed to hold on tight. I couldn’t let her go flying out of my arms—now wasn’t the time to let anybody down. I had already done so by not being here this morning, because like an idiot, I forgot to set my alarm… and it cost me dearly. A dumb mistake had cost me.

 

But no more.

 

“I’m going to save you!” I yelled, right before I hit the ground.

 

I was correct in my original assumption. I did end up smacking my head into the concrete.

 

(((())))

 

When I awoke, it was in a different area than I remembered being in. My head was pounding, I was dehydrated, my arms felt sore, and my leg hurt like a motherfucker. Various bad things all at once. All in all, it felt like my usual ‘fourteen-hour God of War play session while listening to Green Day the entire time’ routine, but… different. For one, I wasn’t asleep on my floor. I was… in a hospital bed. Which was concerning. There was an IV hooked up to me, and looking around the room—yeah. Hospital bed.

 

Though, I also took notice of the fact that I was bunking with someone else. Someone… dark-skinned. And pretty. And… familiar.

 

“N-Nasera?” I croaked, everything suddenly coming back to me. The shooting, the blood, the brains, the bodies, me carrying Nasera, getting shot; all of it. It all hit me at once, like a goddamn freight train, which made sense given how I felt—physically—at that moment. But all I could do was think about the shooting, I didn’t care about my injuries. I was just… confused. Maybe even a little scared. It… it actually happened. People died, and… I got shot.

 

…but so did Nasera.

 

Shit. Nasera. Was she okay? I couldn’t have removed her from the building and gotten shot for nothing, right? I got her to the paramedics. They saved her. No way she was dead. She couldn’t be dead. Wanting to confirm, though, I looked back over at her sleeping form. She was bandaged pretty heavily and seemed to be breathing through a tube. All in all… it was a depressing sight. I nearly wanted to look away, but morbid curiosity me staring. And actual curiosity, because, off to the side, there was an interesting sight: a very imposing man holding her hand. My first instinct was ‘oh shit her boyfriend’, before I realized that he was… well, he was WAY too old to be Nasera’s boyfriend. That was… that was probably her dad. Or maybe her brother? But she’d never mentioned a brother… so, probably dad. Yeah.

 

He didn’t seem to have heard me, which I guess I could be thankful for. The guy was ‘effing scary—I did not need him knowing that the first thing I whispered when I awoke from being shot and hitting my head was his daughter’s name. I didn’t want him to think there was something between us when there… wasn’t. I wasn’t going to lie and pretend that I wouldn’t like something to be between us, but I.. fuck, I don’t know. She’s pretty and I’m a loser. It would never work out. What can I say.

 

The man grunted, and I shut myself up. I didn’t need to give myself away by muttering. “I’ll be back, Nasera.” Her dad whispered. His voice was just as intimidating, yet… broken. “Please. Stay strong.” He sighed, and squeezed her hand in what looked like an iron grip. Afterward, he turned around and left the room. He didn’t seem to have noticed me—period.

 

But now, the room felt… strikingly empty. Even if Nasera was in here, she wasn’t… she wasn’t conscious. They probably had her in a medically-induced coma so they could operate on her. Or something. I don’t know. I’m not a doctor. Though, I did know she’d wake up eventually. Her heart rate monitor was beeping normally, which… I was thankful for. I really did save her.

 

I felt the weight be removed from my shoulders at that. Augh. That was probably the most relieved I’d ever felt in my entire life. She was okay. She would be okay. She was strong—of course she was. Haha..

 

Though, as I was saying—she’d wake up eventually. Just… probably not for a little while longer. At least, that was my guess. Hell, knowing my luck, she might wake up within the next few minutes, and I’d be left alone with a pretty woman whose life I had saved; in which case awkward funny romantic moments would ensue. Just like my Japanese animays. Argh.

 

…Speaking of anime, I… was bored as fuck. I couldn’t just sit there and sleep all day—I already felt wide awake. I had to DO something. I had to TOUCH things. I had to TYPE things. I had to GASLIGHT PEOPLE on the INTERNET.

 

I had to shitpost.

 

…But here is where our problem lied. They took my phone from me. Where did they put it, I didn’t know, I couldn’t tell you. But their current behavior was actively barring me from messing with people. My favorite Latvian Country Music forum was as dry as the soyhara desert—and you’re telling me I can’t moisten it up a little bit? Can’t get it a little wet? Well, no, because they took my fuckin’ phone! Ugh. I hate hospitals. I always feel like they’re out to—

 

Grooooan…

 

Oh fuck. Ohhh shit. Was that her? That couldn’t have been her. Was I muttering? Did I wake her up? I might’ve. Fuck. Of course I woke her up. God, I’m such a retard. Well, no. Okay. Hold on. Maybe she didn’t wake up. She hasn’t done anything other than groan. That.. that could—

 

“ A-Anon…”

 

FUCK! I woke her up. Nice going, Anon. She needs rest, and here you are, waking her up. You really are a dick.

 

She just coughed. “Anon..”

 

…I guess it was cool that the first thing she whispered when she woke up was my name. Didn’t make up for what I did, but… it was kinda like what I did. That’s cool. But wait again. I whispered her name when I woke up because I was worried about her—I was afraid for her safety, as I should have been. It only made sense, given my last thought before I got knocked out was… wanting to make sure Nasera ended up alright. It made sense. It was logical. But now… where’s the logic for her whispering my name? Was she… concerned for me as well? Or just aware of what I did? Did she… was she conscious when I was saving her? Was she aware of what was going on? I wouldn’t presume she would be completely out of it, but when you get shot that many times, I’m sure some weird kind of shock kicks in. Not to mention how much blood she lost.

 

…eugh. I felt my body shiver. That really all… that all happened, didn’t it? Nasera’s sister—proven by what she yelled before I fell off the stairs—had shot up the school. She killed… she killed several people, and until her dying breath, didn’t seem to regret it. She was even still hateful, and was actively barring me from saving her sister’s life. But she… fuck, man, she killed them! Completely innocent people that I don’t know if she had ever even spoken to. She even killed… she even tried to kill her sister. The one person that ever truly cared about her, and she tried to snuff her life out. It made me sick, and not just metaphorically. I felt myself getting nauseous at the memories. The blood..

 

“Y-Yeah, it did, Anon…” A voice muttered weakly. My head snapped up, and I turned to face Nasera again. Shit. I forgot she woke up.

 

“N-Nasera!” I yelled. When I saw her wince, I remembered that she had just woke up. “Shit, sorry.” I apologized. Dumbass. You don’t yell at a person who’s waking up..

 

“It’s alright.” She muttered weakly. Aw. Fuck. That… that tone doesn’t work on her. I don’t like to hear her sad and weak. It’s not right..

 

But I can’t just leave her hanging here. “How are…” I thought about what to say. Truthfully, I didn’t expect this. “How are you feeling? Are—are you okay?” I asked.

 

“I…” she sighed, all the tubing making it impossible for her to move and express herself. “I feel like a million bucks.” She croaked.

 

“…Well, if you’re well enough to crack jokes, I’m sure it can’t be that bad.” I chuckled, trying to bring up the mood a bit.

 

“Yeah, yeah. You know me. A couple g-gunshots won’t keep me down.” She smiled, but it was strained. Especially when she said gunshots.

 

“Good, Nasera.” I smiled. “I’m.. I’m glad you ended up alive.” I muttered, and began to trail off into dangerous territory. But I had already gotten back into my own head—I didn’t stop to consider how she would feel about me discussing it, I just… I just did it. “I… when I saw you there, I… I was terrified. I thought you were already gone. When I—when I heard your heartbeat, I remember feeling absolutely elated. You would be alright, but, not if you didn’t get to a hospital. And… and fast. I… I knew I couldn’t leave you there.” I clenched my fists, staring at them as I did. “I would’ve lived with that guilt forever.”

 

At first, Nasera didn’t say anything. But hey, I couldn’t expect her to. She was the one that actually got shot in a place that could’ve caused death. She was the one lying on the ground for twenty minutes bleeding out. She was the one who… she was the one who had to deal with the fact that her sister tried to kill her. She was the one with real trauma, and I can’t expect her to instantly start belting out trauma stories.

 

However, she did end up talking. “…thank you, Anon.” She whispered. Her voice was broken, and looking into her eyes, I saw how glossy they were. Oh, fuck. Nasera never cries… “I… I’ve only known you for a few months, but, I got hurt and… you were there. I nearly died and you… you saved my life.” She sniffled, yet no tears fell. “It’s because of you that I get to go on. I don’t know what came over F—Lucy, but… I can’t say anything other than thank you.” She smiled.

 

I blushed. I didn’t expect that out of her. “It’s… it’s alright, Nasera. I just did what anybody would do.”

 

“But that’s not true!” She exclaimed, straining against her equipment. “Don’t undermine yourself like that, Anon. What have we talked about?”

 

I racked my brain for a few moments, not having expected a question. Got it. “Confidence?”

 

“Y-Yes, confidence.” She nodded. “Sorry, it’s very hard to breathe. I think she punctured a lung.” She laughed a very hoarse laugh. “A-Anyway, yes. Confidence, Anon. You…” She trailed off, probably trying to consider her words. “Anon, in that school, you were a hero.”

 

“I wasn’t a hero.” I muttered, the images of Captain America saying ‘Reddit assemble’ flashing through my mind. I didn’t like those soy superheroes, but I definitely couldn’t compare myself to them. What I did was nearly nothing in comparison. They’ve all fought Gods, taken down titans, blown up planets—I just carried a girl. I wasn’t a hero.

 

“…but you were.” Nasera said softly. I turned to face her once again, and she had a little bit of pink dusting her cheeks. “At least, you were… you were my hero.” She looked down at her bed, her expression going dark as her blush increased.

 

I didn’t know what to say to that. That was super adorable, for one, but two… did she really think that about me? Did she consider me her hero? I guess I can understand why, but… WHY? Me? Anon Mous? Loser extraordinaire? I could never be a fucking hero. At most, I’ll save a life for a selfish reason. Maybe that’s why I saved Nasera. I just wanted to see her boobs, or something. That’s not out of the question for me.

 

“I don’t think that’s why you did it, Anon.” She giggled.

 

“Fuck. Why do I keep…” I trailed off, finishing the thought in my head. Muttering. Why do I keep muttering?

 

Though, I guess it was helping me? She was blushing way more than she was before. That’s usually a pretty good sign. Though, before I could continue to act out my autistic thoughts, she began to speak once again. “I don’t mind it, Anon. I think the muttering is kind of… cute.”

 

Now I was the one blushing. What the fuck? She called me cute? Defcon 3 brah. Sound the goddamn alarms. Spill the spaghetti. All of the adjectives used to describe completely negative game—that’s what I had. I couldn’t pull this. I would fumble the bag so hard.

 

Or, uh… I would mess up speaking to her. To explain that prior rant to anyone who’s not Generation Z.

 

“Er, uh… thanks, Nasera.” I ended up muttering, my blush increasing with every word. Yeah. Bag fumbled. Who just says thank you?

 

She giggled. “Of course, Anon.”

 

After she said that, she gave a smile. But it looked oddly… strained? I didn’t know how to describe it, but I figured I wouldn’t comment on it. She was probably in a whole shitload of pain. It didn’t look like a physically-pained smile, but… I don’t think it was illogical in the situation we were in.

 

Though, after that awkward interaction, we settled into somewhat of a nice silence. I honestly really liked talking to Nasera. She was smart, but she could also be pretty cool. Funny, too. She was like a bro but.. a woman. The tomboy gee eff would be real. Well, no. If I ever had the balls to ask her out, I would have a tomboy gee eff, but honestly what can I say. I’m quite the loser, and she would never go for me. So why even bother?

 

After a few more moments of silence, a doctor entered the room, and began to panic about how we were both ‘finally awake’. He called a nurse into the room and then quickly shut the curtain leading from my side to Nasera’s side. I guess I didn’t blame them, but damn. I would’ve liked to keep company with Nasera. She was nice, and she made me feel good about myself. But I guess I couldn’t expect them to breach contract for a skinnie like me.

 

After a few moments, my own nurse came through, and gave me a barrage of questions about a bunch of random bull. I didn’t really care about any of them, and answered with mainly one-word answers. Though I noticed quickly how… discouraged she felt about asking the questions. She probably really did want to know these things. Damn it, why do I always… I shook my head. After that, I began to be a little more detailed in my answers. I wasn’t the only person in the world, after all. Or whatever it was that Spears had said.

 

After the nurse got my answers, she left me alone again, and all I could do was listen in as the doctor’s asked Nasera even more questions. I’m sure she was as annoyed as I was, haha. We were like that, you know? We actually had quite a bit in common if you looked past the surface. We both hated dumb questions, we both liked running (at least, that’s something I learned after I started hanging out with her), we both like French fries…

 

Honestly, Nasera was pretty damn cool.

 

(((())))

 

…Around a week later, they told me I was fit to go, but not without ‘this’, and then presented me with a cane. Yeah. Like an old man cane. Honestly, not sure how I felt about it. It made me feel… old. For lack of a better word. Yet it also made me feel cool, in a way. I felt like either some wise old guy, or one of those cool old guys who has a sword in his cane. You know the kind, the kind where they can pop the half off and stab motherfuckers with it. Those are dope.

 

“Wouldn’t that be sick, Nasera?” I asked, swinging my cane around like a katana. I was leaning on the sink counter so I didn’t really need to use it at that moment. Yet after that last sentence, I began to say one of the dumbest that’s ever left my mouth. “I can be one of those ninjas. You know, from the anim-“ I stopped. Shit. I’m an idiot. Fuck. I almost just revealed my powerlevel. That was close…

 

Nasera just snickered. “Anon, I don’t care if you watch anime.” Uh oh. Fuck. Shit. I didn’t save anything. I completely revealed myself. “Everyone has their interests.” Shit she’s still talking— “I’m not going to lie and say I haven’t watched anime, either. I’m mostly into being more… uh, active? But Re:Zero was pretty good…” She trailed off, seemingly considering the animes she’s seen. Probably not a lot, but still.

 

Me, well, I was sitting there with my mouth open like I was some kind of sped fish. Only after a few seconds did I remember that it was customary to respond to someone who had spoken to you. The problem with that, though, is my autism.

 

“Will you marry me?” I asked.

 

…

 

Yeah. That’s what I said. Those are the words that I spoke to this woman. This completely innocent soul—and I had exposed her to my spaghetti.

 

Nasera blinked, but then choked. “Uh, jeez—I mean,” She coughed, her face turning bright red. “That’s a little fast, don’t you think?” She teased, despite her face looking like a tomato. “We should at least start dating first…”

 

What could it mean.

 

“I—that’s.” I said, and practically shut down. Forget spaghetti. Forget autism. I just didn’t know how to talk anymore. “That’s. Yup.”

 

She just laughed. “Gahahaha!! Oh, Anon! You should see your face right now!” She kept laughing. “Oh, I—!” She stopped suddenly. She had been laughing, but then she just keeled over and started to hold her ribs. “Agh—! God!” She wheezed out.

 

“Oh, shit!” I exclaimed, and removed myself from the counter. I hobbled over to her bedside as she kept holding her ribs. “Are you alright, Nasera?” I asked calmly. I had learned not to yell in her ears. Apparently, having a gun go off several times near you without proper ear protection can damage your hearing for a little bit. But that doesn’t really matter right now, does it.

 

“I-Y-Yeah,” She stuttered out, and groaned. “Laughing just… really hurt for some reason. I thought I was healing…” She grumbled, and looked angry. As if she were mad at her body.

 

“Well, I mean… you got shot, Nasera.” I explained, giving a shrug.

 

“Well, yeah, but so did you!” She pointed at my leg. “And yet… you’re completely fine. You’ve never even complained about it.”

 

“Well, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.” I whispered, and sat down in the cuck chair. “It hurts like a motherfucker. I’m practically living off painkillers, haha.” I laughed, once again trying to lighten the mood.

 

“Then… how come you never say anything?” She looked at me, her eyes glossy.

 

“Wait. What?” I asked out-loud. Huh? Was she… what? “Did I say something? Are you—“

 

“No, I’m not fucking crying, Anon.” She growled, and wiped at her eyes. Yeah. Sure... “I’m just. It’s. Dusty.” She spoke through her teeth. She was trying to get me to back off, but I wouldn’t have it.

 

“No it’s not,” I muttered, and shook my head. “Nasera, are you okay?” I asked.

 

…I didn’t realize what that question would do.

 

“Yes, Anon, I’m fine.” She smiled, and then laughed. “Everything’s great. Fantastic. Everything hurts, my sister is dead, my only friend has to leave me behind, my dad thinks I’m WEAK—!” She yelled, and slammed her fist into the wall. What the actual fuck?? “EVERYTHING’S PEACHY!”

 

“Nasera!” I exclaimed, jumping slightly at her punch. “Calm down!”

 

“Calm down? I’m calm. I’m CALM!” She yelled. She was breathing heavily now, yet her tears hadn’t spilled. “I’m always calm. I’m always fine. I’m not weak. I can’t be weak.”

 

…what?

 

“…Nasera.” I whispered.

 

I… I didn’t know what had gotten into her. Moments ago, we were smiling. We were happy. We were fine. We were friends. This… this came out of nowhere. The sudden emotion all at once was honestly overwhelming. How can I fix this? I needed to figure that out first. Going off what she said, she was upset about a few things. Right. Her father thinking she’s weak, her sister being dead, and… me leaving.  I had told her this morning that ((they)) said I had to go, but she… took it well. She just smiled and said ‘alright, but make sure to visit me!’. She didn’t… show anything like this. She didn’t even seem upset about me leaving.

 

But… but maybe that’s just what she wanted me to see.

 

…See, Nasera had always been strong. She had always been the one with the level-headed mind and the good grades and the friends and the future. She was the one who was always doing fine. But… look at her. Here she was, lying in a hospital bed, reduced to a completely broken mess. She hadn’t cried yet but I could swear it was coming. She didn’t look good. And… I can’t blame her. She’s had so many expectations put on her, so many people thinking and hoping and expecting that she’s strong, but now she’s… she’s been reduced to this. She’d been reduced to someone that can’t even laugh without immense pain, and it was done by someone who she thought—someone who she thought loved her.

 

She was holding this in—she was holding this emotion in… for all that time. For… for every interaction we’ve had in this hospital, there was always something underneath. I noticed that. There was always something hiding. Something hidden away in her depths. giggity. But—fuck, no. No jokes. This… this was it. This was her emotional explosion. And it… it just…

 

“Why aren’t you saying anything?” Nasera asked. She was getting angry. “I just fucking—I poured my heart out to you, and you’re…” She sniffled. “Just like everyone else, you’re ignoring me…”

 

“I—“ I started, trying to think about what I should say. “I’m… I’m not ignoring you.”

 

“Then SAY SOMETHING!” She screamed, and nearly hit the wall again.

 

…I couldn’t say anything. There was nothing I could’ve said to make the situation better. I had an idea, sure, but it was a bit of a leap.

 

“Anon.” She choked. It was nearly a growl. She sounded like she was going to kill me.

 

Okay, fuck it.

 

I leaned forward, and I wrapped my arms around her.

 

“A-Anon, what are you…”

 

“Sh.” I whispered. “It’s alright, Nasera. Let it go.”

 

…and then, nearly instantly, my shirt began to feel wet. A few seconds more and I heard soft crying. She began to tremble as she leaned into me, beginning to bawl heavily. It was working. She was letting herself go. She was… she was letting her guard down. More-so than she already had. This… this is what she needed. This is what we needed. This is what our relationship needed: honesty. So often, she had to be strong for people. So often, she needed to remain tough. She’d been in here for a week and I had never seen her… I had never seen her cry. Not even one tear. Not even when her father told her her sister had died. She had just nodded and hugged him when he told her that.

 

She… she had held this in for so long.

 

“I… I just...” She choked out, her voice broken. No more thoughts. I needed to pay attention to Nasera now. “I miss her so much already, Anon. I know she… I know she did this to me, but I still love her so much…” She cried. Oh, shit. “For so long, I spent—I spent so much time trying to protect her. I spent so much time trying to make sure she was okay. But I… I failed , Anon.” She gripped me tighter. “Lucy is dead, and it’s because of me.”

 

She had wanted me to say something before, but I let her talk. Normally, that would… that would be a good thing. To just let the person vent. But I don’t think that’s what she wants. She’s a straight-forward girl, after all. I… I think she just needs someone to talk to.

 

“It’s not your fault, Nasera.” I whispered, and began to rub her back. It was the tried and true, but it seemed to work somewhat. She had leaned into me more. It was probably hurting her, but she didn’t seem to mind. “It was never your fault. It was nobody’s fault. F-Lucy… was. Special. I don’t know her enough to make any kind of assumption, but… if someone’s first instinct is to shoot—“ Nasera winced, and I stopped. She was vulnerable. I couldn’t just speak casually about the shooting. It… what she went through? It wasn’t like what I went through. It was nothing like it. I had to be wary. “But if… what she did was her first instinct, then she needed way more help than you possibly could’ve given her.” I muttered, and pulled Nasera away. I wanted to look her in the eyes. When I did, I noticed how… frazzled she looked. She really hadn’t been taking this well. I need to really knock it out of the park, here. “Nasera, it wasn’t you. It wasn’t your dad. It wasn’t your mom. It wasn’t the school. It was… it was just fate. She was going through a lot, and she thought her only option was to… hurt others. That’s not something any normal girl can stop.” I chuckled softly. “You’re not a normal girl, of course, but… you’re putting stuff on your shoulders when you shouldn’t be. You’re putting the lives of six other people on your back.. but you don’t have to.”

 

“But I—“

 

“But nothing.” I interrupted, shaking my head softly. She didn’t say anything else, so I decided to keep hamming things up. I wiped a tear away from her eye. “It hurts me to see you like this, Nasera. I know you say that people expect you to be strong… but you really are. You’ve gone this long without showing any kind of emotion, and when you do that… it bottles up. I’m not sure where I’m going with this,” She snorted. “But… just know that it’s not weak to show emotions sometimes. If anything, it makes you stronger.”

 

She stayed silent for a few moments, looking down at the bed. And then she sighed. “I just… I don’t know what to feel, Anon.”

 

“That’s okay.” I smiled. “We have a lot of time to figure it out.”

 

“We?” She asked. For a moment, I thought she would laugh in my face. I thought she would spit at the idea of me even caring for her. But when she sniffled again, I noticed that she was… desperate. She wanted me to say yes.

 

So I did. “We. If…” I began to think again. I had been doing that so much, but relying on instinct here seemed like such a bad idea. “If… if you ever want to talk more about this, I’m here. I don’t want you to go through this alone. I would never want you to be hurting without anyone by your side. You… you don’t deserve that.” I smiled at her, and wiped her tears again. I even ran a hand through her hair for good measure.

 

At that, she smiled a teary smile, and then wiped her own eyes. “Haha.” She laughed a sad laugh. “First you save my life, and then you save my heart. I don’t know how you do it, Anon.”

 

“It’s just that spear-chucking charm.” I laughed. She laughed as well.

 

But then, she leaned back into me. She was softer this time, and she was no longer making my shirt wet. I can’t tell you how happy that made me. Not because of the shirt, of course. I didn’t care if it got wet. It was a shirt. I was… I was more happy about the crying slowing down. It was for a reason, though… because I began to notice that she was getting… heavier. No offense to her. But she was putting her weight into me.

 

“Nasera?” I asked. No response. “Nasera.”

 

I even tried shaking her. Nothing. But there was a reason, haha. Get this. After a few more moments of silence…

 

…she began to lightly snore.

 

I found myself chuckling. I guess I couldn’t blame her. That whole… thing, probably took a lot out of her. I know it would’ve taken a lot out of me. But anyway, I began to remove her from myself. Or at least… I tried. She was holding me surprisingly tight for someone who was—supposedly—asleep. Even using all my strength, she wouldn’t let go.

 

“Nasera, I have to go.” I whispered.

 

…

 

I sighed. Alright. Guess I would stay here for the night. Surely there’s a rule for that, right? ‘Trapped in bed, let person stay for comfort of patient’. There had to be medical exceptions. And though the cuck chair was uncomfortable, I would be fine with using one of these exceptions. If it was for her.

 

But then she began to tug. “Wait, Nasera—“ After that, I practically yelped as she pulled hard enough to make me fall onto the bed. She quickly pulled me all the way up, and I was left dazed and confused. I had ended up in her bed with her, and she had cuddled up next to me. She had her head in my neck as I lied there awkwardly.

 

…I began to blush pretty hard. I was in bed with a girl. I was in bed with a girl! This was like, Defcon 38494. What the fuck. What the fuck do I do? Do I cuddle her back? Do I go to sleep? Do I turn on the tv??

 

As I was internally panicking, Nasera nuzzled my neck, and… I felt myself calm down slightly after that. It honestly wasn’t that bad. I just hoped her dad wouldn’t walk in on us. Haha. But gosh. I felt tired too. I could… really go for a nap. I didn’t do any crying, but thinking so hard and caring so often had truly taken a lot out of me. So, nap was my option.

 

…though, as I began to drift off, Nasera muttered one more thing.

 

“…thank you for saving me.”

 

“My hero.” 

[POST-NOTES]
    Thanks for reading. Done with Tracy and Nasera; can now go back to more freeform stuff. Been considering Stella, though.

    Hope you guys enjoyed. I had fun writing this one. Big love zucini